October 22, 2025 • 69 mins
A caller’s dream about his balls going up into his asshole leads to a conversation about his divorce, a caller shares their gripes working in the vet industry, and a final caller misses the trauma of his marching band experience.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello, what's man? How you doing?
Speaker 2 (00:02):
I'm doing good. How are you doing? What's your name?
Speaker 1 (00:05):
I'm all right, I'm I'm Casey. I. Uh. I had
a dream the other night and it was it kind
of shook me, you know, mm hmm.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
Do you want do you want to talk about it?
What was the dream?
Speaker 1 (00:17):
Yeah? So I had this dream that like I was
just like hanging out right and I sat down wrong
and my balls like went up my butthole and like
that doesn't sound so bad, but I was like freaking out.
So I called the doctor and he uh. Like, I
went to the doctor and he's like, this is stupid.
(00:39):
Just fart him out right, So so I tried to
fart him out and uh and I woke up and
like I was like, legit, freaking out because like I
thought my balls would share a up my butthole, but
they weren't. That happened a couple of days ago. But uh,
but now every time I wake up, I got to check,
(01:01):
you know, my underneath the bits.
Speaker 2 (01:04):
Yeah, it's like when you have a dream that you're
falling and you wake up in the middle of your Yeah,
your body react. Your body doesn't know the difference. Yeah,
your body really did believe that your balls went up
into your into your butthole, and you've been checking every night.
When did you have the dream? You had it three
nights ago?
Speaker 1 (01:22):
Yeah, like three nights ago. Like it Like I'm not
like like having legit existential crises, but like it's just
like a little check, you know, right when I wake up?
Speaker 2 (01:31):
Mmm? Have you ever what like if you were to
gape your asshole and then push your balls up into it?
How far deep do you think you could uh get?
Speaker 1 (01:45):
So? Mm? Because I'm a bigger boy, right, Like I'd
have to like I have to like spread eagle in
a warm room to get to max stretch and then
like really try to uh try to get down there.
I don't, like, I don't think it would work. Like
this isn't like a logical fear, right, it is like
(02:08):
like an irrational one, right, it does like theoretically it
might be fun, but I don't think I'm gonna try
it out.
Speaker 2 (02:16):
You think it might be fun? Have you ever had
anything in your ass?
Speaker 1 (02:21):
I mean every once in a while, yeah, you know
sometimes you sometimes you get to tickle to go around
the back door. But like you think the shinter would
like you know, on unpleasant squeeziness, on the on the
delicate bits.
Speaker 2 (02:41):
What's your life like outside of this.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
Pretty unhappy? Like I'm I'm you know, suffering under capitalism,
as we all do, but like, yeah, you know, I'm
kind of going through it.
Speaker 2 (03:00):
Do you think any of your general life unhappiness was
manifested in this dream about your balls going into your asshole?
Speaker 1 (03:10):
Maybe? I don't know, Like I'm I'm in a like
my my my wife and I are separating and it
had nothing to do with the you know, the dream,
but like I don't, like, I don't see a connection.
But that's you know, subconscious that that's right. It's kind
(03:31):
of the point of a subconscious.
Speaker 2 (03:33):
Yeah, yeah, it's tricky. It's like we don't understand it,
but I do. I do think dreams tell us something
about something, you know, they do tell us about like
our subconscious fears. And I'm wondering if anything in your
conscious life is like metaphor you know, like you could
uh make an allegory of some kind that like your
(03:54):
balls represents uh an interruption perhaps and your assholes represents
your life.
Speaker 1 (04:06):
And it wasn't like I'm about to do something that
that's going to cause you know a lot of this
sorry distress, and it's trying to be like, hey man,
don't put your balls up your butthole? Yes?
Speaker 2 (04:22):
Yeah, oh wait, I like that. I like that. Wait, okay,
hold on, this is this is this is actually an
important distinction of what you just said. In this dream,
do you does your do your balls accidentally go into
your asshole? Or do you push them in there?
Speaker 1 (04:38):
No? I sat down long and it was an unintentional
un like, this was not an intentional thing. This was
like a oh fuck, I wait, why did that just happen?
Speaker 2 (04:49):
M So you weren't being careful doing something that you
do all the time.
Speaker 1 (05:02):
Yeah, and then drastic on unpleasant consequences happened.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
Is that Could that be analogous to anything that you
going like going on in your life?
Speaker 1 (05:17):
Maybe like I've I've been toasting for a couple of years,
Like I'm doing good in my job and I'm doing
good in like other areas, but I haven't really been
pushing growth. So maybe that's.
Speaker 2 (05:31):
I mean, that's it interesting. What does growth look like
to you?
Speaker 1 (05:42):
I don't know, Like I'm not one of those people
that think you should always be trying to find something better,
but like maybe I'm stuck in a rut like nine
to five grind, you know, and uh and and I
(06:03):
think that I can I can start re evaluating some
things and and maybe look at like, Okay, well, what
have I been gotten? What have I been getting complacent with?
What am I What am I ignoring and saying I'll
do it later, I'll do it later. That I'm you know,
(06:23):
put my balls up my butt hole with that one?
Speaker 2 (06:25):
Mm hmm, Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. Do
you have an example of something like that that you
feel like you're putting your balls up your butt hole with?
Speaker 1 (06:41):
Like I don't really talk to my family all that much,
like not that the you know, get anything bad or
like we've got bad blood. Like I just don't reach out,
Like I don't reach out with friends. I don't reach
out with you know, anything. I just kind of coast
and take what happens to me.
Speaker 2 (06:58):
Who do you want to reach out to?
Speaker 1 (07:06):
I don't even know, Like most of the people I
know suck. Like maybe that's part of the problem.
Speaker 2 (07:10):
You're getting separated, right, Yeah, how long have you How
long were you guys together?
Speaker 1 (07:17):
Like twenty years?
Speaker 2 (07:18):
Broy, Holy fucking shit, really, really, really.
Speaker 1 (07:22):
Yeah, yeah, and it was it was like I was,
I was putting up a lot of I was putting
up with a lot of bullshit that I really shouldn't have,
Like I got twenty years, Yeah, I was. I was
the I got no self esteem because I kind of
suck as a person guy in high school, Like, I
(07:45):
was going through a lot of a lot of problems,
and I I that parlayed into hey, someone generally nice
and attractive is showing the attention and telling me that they,
you know, enjoying my presence. So I'll put up with
pretty much anything. And and now I'm I'm kind of
(08:05):
sick of that.
Speaker 2 (08:06):
M Yeah, oh my god. Yeah, okay, I have a
lot of questions for you. This is interesting. Yeah, I
want to talk about this. So, yeah, what you're describing
makes total fucking sense. When did you just when? Like, okay,
how old were you when you guys got together? It
(08:28):
was like high school college, seventeen.
Speaker 1 (08:31):
I was seventeen. This was long distance relationship, like over AOL.
Because I'm i am back an old man and now
I'm like thirty seven, and I'm like, wow, this uh
just sucks.
Speaker 2 (08:49):
What is this?
Speaker 1 (08:51):
Putting up with? This? Just like general, like I'll, i'll,
I will put forth emotional energy and I will put
forth like effort to make sure things go well, and
it is just not reciprocated.
Speaker 2 (09:06):
How long when did you first notice that?
Speaker 1 (09:10):
About the third week of the relationship?
Speaker 2 (09:14):
Really? Yeah, seriously, when you were seventeen?
Speaker 1 (09:20):
Yeah. Well, like, just because there's a bunch of really
bad shit in it doesn't mean I deserve better, is
what I was thinking.
Speaker 2 (09:27):
And yeah, I saw it a whole lot. I have
a lot of questions for you, but I'm gonna interject.
I saw a TikTok that said something like the only
straight relationships that work are one where a man is
(09:49):
obsessed with a woman that's a little mean to him.
Speaker 1 (09:54):
And I mean, go.
Speaker 3 (09:56):
Ahead, yeah, Like, okay, here here's.
Speaker 1 (10:00):
The thing, Like I am. I am one of the straits.
I apologize to to any queers in the community, one
of y'all. Uh but uh like, I think that what
(10:20):
people think about when they think of like a dysfunctional
straight relationship is often uh like like exaggerated to an extent.
Like I think that a lot of the people that
are talking about how their their husband is like kind
of one of their extra kids, like they like, okay,
(10:42):
has he been checked for like neurodivergence? Like could that
be in? It? True? If they're complaining about how their
their wife is you know, Naggie awful, you know typical,
Oh my ball and chain, Like okay, well is she
going through something right now? Like you know, like if
it was it was a non straight relationship, we would
(11:02):
be digging into why. But because of the straight relationship,
the straights aren't.
Speaker 2 (11:06):
Okay ooh you know, okay, I I see what, I
see what you mean because I see what you mean.
Because yeah, in a straight relationship, there's a there's more
like labels of like well you know that's happening because
men are like this or women are like this.
Speaker 1 (11:24):
Yeah, and that that definitely feeds into toxics like gender stereotypes. Yeah,
because like we've done, we have gone to relationship therapy
a couple of times, and like one of my therapists,
the therapists was like, oh, well, clearly you're acting like
this because you're a dude. I'm like the fuck, Like,
(11:46):
what what are you talking about? She expect from her,
but she would expect me to just be like, oh
the guy tm mm hmm.
Speaker 2 (11:57):
Well I think Here's the thing, is I I I
I think I think I probably think I think about
gender roles in the same way that I think about, like, uh,
a lot of things in life, which is like, you know,
I kind of explore like there's the yin and yang
of it, which is like I think it's like you
have your you have your head in the sand. If
(12:18):
you're gonna say that there is no generally observed differences
between men and women, you know what I mean, Like
that you gotta that's pretty obvious.
Speaker 1 (12:29):
I attribute that to societal influence and prescribed like like
what we internalize as what we should as X, y
Z do or.
Speaker 2 (12:41):
Be totally and I And that's the that's to me,
that's like the Okay, so we have I'm gonna go
on a tangent real quick. I want I'm gonna go, Okay,
we're gonna go on this philosophy tangent and then remind
me that we need to get back to your life
because I have lots of questions for you. But I
believe that human beings are this weird thing that we possess, uh,
(13:03):
like animalistic biology. And I think that there's a lot
of traditional gender roles that are present in that animalistic biology.
But then we also have this like bright human part
of us that's like conscious and kind of evolves beyond that,
and our brains are are the the wrestling of those
(13:24):
two forces. And so I do I think that a
lot of gender roles are like just like innately within
us and within our biology, but like I don't know,
so is like you know, murder and like other things
(13:45):
and we and and the to to say that society
is that a lot of gender roles are like conditioning
of society. I think is us using our human our
higher human brain to look at it and be like, hey,
you know, it doesn't have to be like this. We're humans.
We can create and build an the world as we want.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
I hard disagree. I think it is actually the opposite.
I think that I think that biology and nature and
all of that stuff like, bro, it's just chaos. Like
cells don't know what the fuck is going on. Chromosomes
have no idea what society is, you know, they have
(14:32):
no fucking clue. But our monkey brains go all pattern recognition, right,
and they try to find patterns that ain't there, and
then they ascribe that to whatever it seems like we're finding,
you know what I mean? So like people are people
like me? You everybody have both x y and xx chromosomes,
(14:57):
but it's like literally it's a spect So like my
chromosomes are mostly x Y, so I'm male presenting, but
there's a bunch of estrogen in me, you know, like
it's still there. Yeah, So like genders aren't real, you know,
like it's it's just a pattern that we're seeing that
(15:20):
really ain't there.
Speaker 2 (15:22):
Hm hmmm.
Speaker 1 (15:27):
And like people are people, So like if I happen
to be born at chick, like, I'd probably have a
lot more habits that aligned to traditional femininity, but I wasn't.
So I don't.
Speaker 2 (15:42):
But isn't it? But I guess, uh, aren't you if
you're like born a man or you're born a woman,
aren't don't you like innately? And then I mean obviously
like uh everyone's uh, I don't really know. I think
a lot about what it is that makes people the
way that they are, And it's of course some combination
(16:03):
of like who their parents are and like what's like
in their like literal DNA and then silent conditioning, but
like within your little DNA, if you're born a man,
or you're born a woman, is like I don't know,
I don't, I don't.
Speaker 1 (16:19):
Actually, yeah, like have a lot of Yeah, like chemical
processes have a lot of influence on like what you're
going to tend more towards, right exactly. Like propaganda isn't
just a thing that's intentional, you know, Like propaganda is
a thing that like happens to everybody all the time.
(16:40):
Every time anybody says anything, you are going to be
influenced by that, whether you intentionally reject it and say no,
fuck that guy, he's a Nazi, or if you're like, oh, yeah,
that dude. You know that dude really knows where his
towels at, and you accept that, like it's it's constantly happening,
(17:01):
and especially when we're children, you know, like you you
are told this is the way things are. You have
no reason to like refute it because like you're your
eight you know, you want to go play legos and shit.
(17:21):
So if we raised a new group of children with
like bonkers' gender roles, they're just gonna do it. And
then they're gonna argue that it's biology. M you know
what I mean, You've got a bunch of testosterone testosterone
(17:43):
amps up what do you call it? Adrenaline? It makes
you act slightly more aggressive. So things are gonna stay
true generally. But then what we ascribed to that, to
that is like hard propagandized.
Speaker 2 (18:00):
I I think, hold on, I want to make sure this.
I'm we're gonna end this philosophy talk in one second.
I want to get it back through your life. But
I think it would make it would make sense to
me that Yeah, yeah, gender roles and things like that
are like as are our you know, as are like
(18:24):
everything about the way that we do and things and
think about things and see things are some combination of
propaganda or societal conditioning and our DNA, so you know,
like all like yeah, like all things. I'm like, like
I am about a lot of things. I'm going to
(18:45):
be annoyingly agnostic about this one. But okay, okay, okay, okay.
Speaker 1 (18:51):
Tradition.
Speaker 2 (18:52):
Yeah, so when you were seventeen three, see you were like,
I don't like the way this woman is treating me.
I don't like how I know it.
Speaker 1 (19:07):
It was more like, oh okay, that's the thing that's happening.
Speaker 2 (19:10):
Uh uh yeah, yes, yeah, yeah, okay. So yeah, so
you have low self esteem. You're like, you know, a
lady like you're at you're seventeen years old, You're like,
oh my god, a lady that I am attracted to
likes me. This is incredible, This is amazing. I I
(19:31):
I will do everything in my fucking power and I
will put up with anything to keep this going. And
so if she does something that like crosses a boundary
or you're like, I don't know about that, you're like, yeah,
that's all, yeah, will Yeah, yeah that's all.
Speaker 1 (19:51):
I'll talk about it. Yeah oh well nope, never again
by yep.
Speaker 2 (19:57):
Yeah, oh yeah, I know. I know what you're talking about.
I get I get you, I get you, I get you.
I've I've never heard of a situation where that lasted
for twenty whole years though, Yeah, I.
Speaker 1 (20:19):
Like, I really hate this word, but like I think
I was pre groomed into accepting like pretty much anything,
because like my parents, like my parents really only talked
to me when they had to. Yeah, So it was like,
hey man, like you're getting bullied at school, like, oh well,
(20:41):
do you like talk to the teacher about it? Not
like hey man, let's get you. Let's figure out why
that's happening. And get you, you know, some counseling or
therapy and work on those issues, not like oh, hey man,
I'm gonna help you, and and like, oh, it's obvious
you've got like eight thousand personality problems that you know.
Even we are like, hey man, what what the fuck
(21:03):
you got going on here? Yeah, nope, we're just gonna
we're gonna hang out. Is nobody dead or pregnant? Everything's fine? Yep.
So like I had no basis on yeah, like what
I could expect out of other people.
Speaker 2 (21:19):
Yes, you're already you're already uh yeah, to use your word,
you're already, like we can call it predisposed to this
notion or actually I guess you're. Yeah, you're predisposed to
a notion of what your relationships.
Speaker 1 (21:35):
That's better, that's a better way.
Speaker 2 (21:38):
You're predisposed to a notion of what relationships are like
because of your parents and because of like you know,
societal whatever. And so now when someone comes along and
shows you the fucking gives you a crumb, you're like,
I'm taking this crume. I'm taking this crumb to the bank.
I'm gonna hold on to this crumb for twenty a year.
Speaker 1 (22:01):
Yeah, Yeah, and like yeah, and so like that, there's
there's definitely you know, good times and times that it's
like oh wow, yeah, they're they're like really helping me.
They're like really, you know, okay, good, we're making progress.
This is good, this is getting better, this is getting better,
and then it every goddamn time just goes immediately back
(22:21):
to still fuck yourself.
Speaker 2 (22:25):
M hmm. You know, I've been thinking a lot about
whether or not people can like change. I think they can.
I don't know if everyone can, but I think they
believe they can. It's weird, it's another it's another one
of my like things I'm agnostic about. I haven't lived
(22:48):
enough life to decide this, or maybe I have, and
maybe this is more of a perspective thing, But it's like,
to what to what degree do do you sit with
someone and work on a thing versus X versus? Yeah,
(23:09):
you got You're never gonna fucking it's always gonna be
like I.
Speaker 1 (23:14):
See it the same way people see addiction, where it's
like if if the other person does not have an
internal motivation to make this change, changing for external motivation
can only happen for so long before you're like, dude,
(23:36):
I didn't. I don't even want to do this. I'm
just not gonna yeah.
Speaker 2 (23:39):
I know you mean yeah now that what? What was it?
After years?
Speaker 1 (23:58):
It was just eventually feeling better and better and being like,
oh wait, no, I can I can hold my shit together.
I can you know, do better and I can you know,
I I am proving to myself that I can be
a technically functioning adult, Like I should probably get some
(24:20):
recognition for that, and I should probably get some effort
coming back my way. And it didn't happen. And then
that just for like six years, and I'm like, okay,
well you know what, Yeah, this ain't happening, like I'll
I'll still no now we're now we're we're still living
(24:43):
together for now. But like like I hate it, but
like I'm still willing to try, like I do not
have expectations, but like you know, oh.
Speaker 2 (24:55):
You're still You're stillilling to try. You're you're still willing
to try to work it out with this girl.
Speaker 1 (25:00):
Yeah, because it's probably almost definitely not gonna happen. But
like what why It is a complicated thing of like
I it makes me feel bad, the idea of like
I'm done because I don't want people done with me,
(25:23):
so I will not do it to someone else, and
that's probably a bad thing for me.
Speaker 2 (25:32):
Okay, you don't want people being like I'm done.
Speaker 1 (25:36):
Just being like, well, you suck. I'm done. I'm like,
beat it, you suck.
Speaker 2 (25:41):
Oh my god, I'm about to throw a insane therapy
reframing on this. You want to explore something, Yeah, let's
do it. Okay. What if? Okay, you don't want people
saying to you, I'm giving up on you, right, and
(26:03):
so that's why you don't want to give up on
someone else.
Speaker 1 (26:06):
Yeah, but what.
Speaker 2 (26:09):
If you are your best friend in the planet, maybe
even you're only true friend in the world, not you specifically,
but just every reason. And what if by continuing over
(26:35):
and over again to let yourself get back into this,
you are giving up on yourself, which you would never
want someone to do to you. But you're doing it
to yourself and you're your best friend.
Speaker 1 (26:54):
I have not yet internalized that message, Like I feel
like I'm coming up around to.
Speaker 2 (27:00):
It, but you get what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (27:02):
Yeah, absolutely, Like you gotta value yourself and I really don't,
like I think I'm cool and all that, but like,
you know, whatever, I wouldn't be friends with me. I'm
kind of annoying. Yeah, like I'm cool, but like sometimes
i'm a lot so yeah, like I'm I'm I'm I'm
(27:25):
getting there.
Speaker 2 (27:28):
Yeah it's hard.
Speaker 1 (27:32):
Yeah, so oh it's five o'clock. I gotta complain in
the D and D.
Speaker 2 (27:38):
Okay, cool? Well is there anything else you want to say?
That people the computer before we go?
Speaker 1 (27:43):
All your teeth have different birthdays? All right? By later?
Speaker 2 (27:46):
Man, that was interesting. I have I have more thoughts
on that, or do I? Or maybe I shared them all.
I was thinking about that last night. I was thinking
about the idea of like myself as my own best
friend or like you're the only real I'm trying to
(28:09):
think more about that shit about how I am my
own best friend and and if I talked and I
and I think about the way I talk to myself
or view myself, and yeah, sometimes you uh you can
(28:36):
really like talk to yourself or think of yourself as
uh worse off in such a way that like if
a part if your best friend said that to you
or thought that of you, you wouldn't want to be friends
with that person. They'd be a fucking asshole.
Speaker 3 (28:56):
You know.
Speaker 2 (28:57):
It's hard. It's hard to have. It's hard to have
self esteem, and they really it does have to come
from again, you know, as I agnostically, you know hold
it comes from a little bit of within and a
little bit of something outside of yourself. I don't know
(29:18):
if one can truly, I mean, someone can. I know,
I only I only have my own life experience. I
don't think I can fully feel self esteem with that
a little, you know, external validation. I don't think I
could do the whole thing on internal validation. But I
can't do the whole thing on external validation either, So
(29:41):
you need a little bit of both. I hope that
guys all right, man, he's better to go back into
that relationship. I hope that guy will be all right. Okay,
let's stick another call. Hello, Hi, what's your name?
Speaker 4 (30:03):
I'm Savannah. How are you doing?
Speaker 2 (30:07):
I'm doing good, mainly because I drank a coffee before this,
so I feel. Yeah, it's a cycle, but whatever, you know.
Sometimes I feel like I can't exist, and the other
times I'm like, wait, I actually I think I can.
And there's a lot of physical factors involved with that. Anyway,
(30:29):
I'm sorry, I don't want to keep talking about myself.
What's up with you, Savannah? What's going on in your life?
Speaker 4 (30:35):
Hey, so I am currently changing jobs. I got a
great opportunity at a very well paying job, and I'm
really nervous about it.
Speaker 2 (30:51):
What is the opportunity.
Speaker 4 (30:54):
It'll be the it's like an emergency animal hospital. I've
only ever worked in like general practice animal hospitals, so
like vaccines, ear infections, stuff like that. But yeah, I
got the opportunity to be a vet tech at an
(31:14):
emergency hospital. And I don't think I'm smart enough, but
I got the job.
Speaker 1 (31:23):
Sweet.
Speaker 2 (31:24):
Okay, it's another self esteem thing. Why don't you think
you're smart enough?
Speaker 4 (31:35):
Well, I didn't go to college, of course. I'm twenty seven.
By the way, I lost my last job because kind
of in the realm that I wasn't picking up on
things as easy as other people. But I have a
(32:00):
lot of confidence. I'm very excited to start this. I
like more emergency cases. Anyways, sounds kind of bad, but
I like I like not like sick animals, but like
I enjoy helping and seeing it.
Speaker 1 (32:18):
Kind of.
Speaker 2 (32:20):
Sure, Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. Wait, so
why do you have to be smart? Can't you just
want to help animals.
Speaker 4 (32:27):
So that's actually the thing in that medicine. I have
had two jobs that have told me that asked me
if they're like, are you just in it for the animals?
And that medicine isn't very well paying. So my response
(32:47):
every time is like, yeah, absolutely, I'm here for the animals.
And apparently that's the wrong answer.
Speaker 2 (32:53):
What is the right answer.
Speaker 4 (32:58):
For my From what I I can understand, the correct
answer would be personal growth to make the company more money.
Speaker 2 (33:13):
That's fucking crazy.
Speaker 4 (33:15):
Yeah, I don't like that. I'm gonna get paid fifteen
dollars an hour?
Speaker 2 (33:23):
So what's the Like? Is the veterinary health industry similar
to the human American health industry?
Speaker 4 (33:37):
Yeah, it's it's pretty similar. We of course have like
a human medical world. I feel like you don't have
to pay for things like right away, I don't know
about you, my medical debt can just sit there, don't
really care. But in veterinary medicine, of course we have
(33:57):
to take the payment during this service. So yeah, it's
it's pretty similar. It's like, I'm a the equivalent of
being a pediatrician, because these people care a lot about
(34:21):
their animals and they're.
Speaker 2 (34:23):
Very mean to us, they're a mean to you.
Speaker 4 (34:28):
Yeah, I mean people are mean at any job. Really,
can I kind of change the subject really fast?
Speaker 2 (34:37):
Yeah, of course.
Speaker 4 (34:40):
I wanted to tell you a story. I've also been
trying to call for about two months. I have been
really excited and now I'm kind of nervous.
Speaker 2 (34:48):
We have not no cool cool, no, go ahead and
go ahead.
Speaker 4 (34:55):
Yeah. So this is kind of just a silly story.
So I grew up with a very liberal, very liberal family.
I'd say they're very very left leaning. And when I
was younger, of course my parents like smoked weed, and
(35:15):
of course he didn't want me to know that they
used to smoke cigarettes and everything like that, so I
was kind of like, I just kind of assumed it
was a cigarette. But my dad told me this great
lie that I used now on my stepdaughter, and I
(35:37):
think lying the children is okay for this reason. So
whenever my dad got off work, he told me that
he had to do paperwork, and again he worked on
the farm. So whenever I was younger and he'd come
in like weed, I have so ated it with working
(36:01):
really hard. And whenever I was in high school, I
remember smelling it like on somebody and I was like,
did you just get back from the gym? Like, you know, sorry,
I'm a little nervous right now. No, but yeah, So
(36:27):
I associated the smell of weed with like sweat, and
that was kind of like a little silly thing you
can tell children that I genuinely believed until I was.
Speaker 2 (36:38):
Like eighteen, Oh, that when your dad smoked weed, he
was just sweaty.
Speaker 4 (36:46):
Yeah, yeah, and he looked tired.
Speaker 2 (36:50):
You know, do you smoke weed?
Speaker 4 (36:54):
I do. Yeah, It's it's very I do it like
before I go to bed. I'm not like a very
social smoker by any means.
Speaker 2 (37:13):
So sorry, I'm only I'm only transitioning back because I'm
thinking about the questions that I.
Speaker 1 (37:19):
Have for you.
Speaker 2 (37:21):
So you've got this job. You've got this job at
this place. The way there's the job. You got the
job at the place that wants you to say that
you're in it for the money.
Speaker 4 (37:33):
I'm not sure. I haven't gotten to that point yet.
I start Monday at it, And I mean every animal
hospital kind of leans towards life. Who you want people
that are passionate about animals, but then you kind of
get into it and they're more worried about making money.
(37:55):
Then which I can understand because it's a business setting.
Like for example, one time, there was this dog that
came in and I just I love the dog, I
love the owner. And I sat there for about ten
minutes in the room with them, and I'm just on
the ground putting the dog, asking her questions, you know,
(38:16):
like are they eating and drinking normally? No vomiting, diarrhea.
And I got in trouble for that. I got called
up to the office and said that I need to
focus more on the client than the animal. And in
my eyes, I wasn't doing anything wrong. But I guess
(38:37):
in like management world, they're kind of just like, don't
focus on the animals.
Speaker 2 (38:46):
Focus on the on the on the customer, Yeah.
Speaker 4 (38:50):
And try to get them to do as many vaccines,
as many tests as we can do.
Speaker 2 (38:56):
Oh shit, they're turning you into like a fucking car
mechanic of dogs.
Speaker 4 (39:01):
Yeah, I feel like a salesman and like I and like,
of course I'm pro Like you know, if you come
in with your pet, you know, and you're like they're
they're vomiting and diarrhea, and you're like, okay, well we
should run some tests. You know, if you say no,
it's kind of like, well, then we're just treating sympematically.
Speaker 3 (39:22):
You know.
Speaker 4 (39:23):
So I understand the need for some of that, but
like sometimes, like we just got my old job. We
just got Brebecco, which is a flea and tick injection
that lasts for twelve months. It is seven hundred dollars,
and I everyone there is being forced to try and
(39:47):
push that compared to a flea pill that's thirty dollars
a month. It's always made me really uncomfortable because I'm
here for themimals, I'm not.
Speaker 3 (40:02):
I don't.
Speaker 4 (40:02):
If I wanted to work with humans, I would go
work with humans. But I don't really like humans. I
like animals.
Speaker 2 (40:11):
I don't. Uh. I don't think you need to have
a like an inferiority complex about the job. And you
can let you're here for the fucking animals, you know,
I don't. I don't see why you say you're not, uh,
you're not you're not smart enough. I mean that's what
in that? In that? What the in that? What the
industry needs is people give a shit about animals.
Speaker 4 (40:34):
Yeah. I think it's like, you know how some people
are like books smart and some people are like quote
unquote like street smart. Yeah, I think they expect me
to be more instead of empathetic and caring and kind
of like I don't know, I'm a woman, like a
(40:57):
motherly figure. They instead of how having that emotional intelligence,
they want you to have more of a like business intelligence,
if that makes any sense. And I just don't feel comfortable,
like yeah, I don't feel control selling things to people
that they don't want. I do agree with, like the
(41:20):
rabies vaccine, but like you know, if you're if your
dog doesn't bored, why they need a flu vaccine. I
haven't gone a flu vaccine need ten years. I probably should.
But yeah, and at my so at my new job
that I start, it costs a lot of money, you know,
(41:42):
Like this is like it looks like an emergency room
has like the little doors in the little driveway that
you pull in if there's like a true emergency and
they rush out and get the animal. And with that
comes a lot of money. So I'm gonna have to
(42:03):
be the person that looks an owner in the face
and goes okay while you're total with fifteen thousand dollars.
And I hate being that person. I because I don't
know if you have any animals. Do you have any animals?
Speaker 2 (42:21):
No, I don't.
Speaker 4 (42:23):
Okay, yeah, yeah, I don't know. I've been in that situation.
Speaker 1 (42:29):
Okay.
Speaker 4 (42:30):
One good Like one thing is so one time these
like two sixteen year olds found a dog on the
side of the road, right, and so they do the
right thing and they bring them to the nearest animal
hospital and they say, hey, I've found this dog, and
(42:57):
I've gone, oh my goodness, let's check for a microch
And I'm sitting there, you know, giving the dog tree,
you know, looking up the microchip, trying to see if
we can find the owner. And pretty much if you
can't find the owner, some places just recommend like them
being euthanized and or turning them back loose on the streets.
(43:21):
And I really hate that about that medicine. It doesn't
and I don't want to scare an you want it
that's listening or anything. But with my experience, they don't
really care about the animals. They care more about money.
Speaker 3 (43:39):
Which.
Speaker 4 (43:43):
It's valid, but it's also not so I guess I'm
kind of nervous to start a new job that costs
way more money.
Speaker 2 (43:56):
You said the job costs way more money, Like, uh, oh,
that you're providing a service that costs way more money
than what you were previously doing.
Speaker 4 (44:04):
Yeah, okay, Yeah, So, like the normal visit at my
last job was around three hundred dollars, the average visit
at my new job, I can assume as being a
client there at one point being about a thousand of
two thousand. And it's just hard.
Speaker 3 (44:28):
It's hard to.
Speaker 4 (44:31):
Have compassion for animals and also have to take care
of the money.
Speaker 3 (44:39):
Side of it.
Speaker 2 (44:41):
Mm hmm, mm hmm.
Speaker 4 (44:47):
It's just conflicting.
Speaker 2 (44:52):
I think that you're in a good position to compassionate
to animals, which is what you want to do.
Speaker 3 (45:06):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (45:06):
So I guess if I were you, and I was
in this job, and I was wondering if I was
smart enough, I would just I guess, if what you're
aligned on is is, you know, be compassionate to animals,
I would just be like, Okay, well, how do I
move in the direction of that?
Speaker 1 (45:30):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (45:30):
I really wish I could just work out of rescue
or something, but I am a single woman that lives alone,
so I sadly can't take anything less than like twenty
dollars an hour, so that it feels like even my
(45:52):
dream job isn't an option because of money I live.
I mean, can I say what day I live in?
Speaker 1 (46:07):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (46:07):
Sure, I live in South Carolina, So it's kind of
it's not a very expensive place to live, but it
it doesn't offer a lot of opportunity for growth unless
you're like one good Southern boy.
Speaker 2 (46:31):
No, mm hmm yeah, yeah, yeah, that's tough.
Speaker 4 (46:43):
Yeah, and I think, sorry, I'm kind of switching around
on topics, but I think I'm just in a very
transitional point in my life, so I'm kind of questioning
like my job and everything right now. Well, I got
(47:03):
out of a very long relationship a few months ago,
so I moved in by myself to my own little
apartment and then starting a job that I feel like
is way bigger than I am. She's given me a
lot of anxiety.
Speaker 2 (47:30):
What's your name again?
Speaker 4 (47:32):
I'm Savannah, Savannah.
Speaker 2 (47:36):
I'm sorry, if I sorry, go with me for a second, Savannah.
I'm sorry if I If I don't have anything entirely
productive to say in response to any of these things,
it is okay.
Speaker 4 (47:51):
I'm just very excited to talk to you. It's been
a it's been an interesting year, and I've been I've
been trying to like talk to you for about two months.
I'm excited that I'm like already here and I understand
how it's kind of a niche situation, was a very
(48:12):
niche job. But yeah, how I guess something maybe I
could get advice on maybe is how how have you
and the past dealt with a transitional period of your life.
Speaker 2 (48:32):
I'm gonna look within myself. I'm gonna take a moment
and I'm gonna look within myself to give you the
most honest answer to that question that I feel comfortable sharing.
So I'm gonna take a moment to do that. What
how do I normally deal with a transitional period in
my life?
Speaker 1 (48:49):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (48:51):
Mmm, I'm trying to think of last time I had
strong transitional periods. M.
Speaker 1 (49:07):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (49:07):
I usually deal with it by a lot of overthinking,
a lot of comingup with plans of things I'm going
to do. I'll come up with like twelve ideas of
things I'm going to do in my head, and then
I'll do one of them. That's how That's how I've been,
(49:29):
That's how I've been able to ever do anything with
my life. Is I'll come up with I'll say I'm
going to do like ten things and I'll actually do
one of them sometimes.
Speaker 4 (49:41):
Yeah, and doing one of them is already such a
big step.
Speaker 2 (49:48):
Weird.
Speaker 4 (49:49):
Yeah, it's just a weird place we put in. That's
also my first time like living alone and doing all
of those on my own, so I think that kind
of adds to my anxiety on switching jobs and everything
like that. This is the first time my life I've
ever really had to deal with something like this. But
(50:11):
I will say overall, I'm very happy I did get
a really good job that'll makes me a lot of money.
Leaving my partner was a hard decision, but it was
a very smart one. And I'm just trying to figure
out how to cope because I feel like sometimes I
(50:33):
instead of coping, I just I either a overthink or
I just throw all my problems underneath a rug and
I try not think about it. And I think right
now I'm overthinking.
Speaker 2 (50:57):
Savannah. Is there anything else you want to say to
the people of the computer before we go?
Speaker 4 (51:06):
No, thank you so much for having me. I hope
to talk to you later whenever I'm not as nervous.
But it's great talking to you. I hope you have
a great day and Also, I plan on being you
for Halloween.
Speaker 2 (51:21):
You're gonna be You're burying the lead, Savannah. Are you're
gonna be me for Halloween?
Speaker 4 (51:27):
Yeah? I found you're like kind of your little costume.
Speaker 2 (51:32):
I think anyone, anyone can do it. It's sixty dollars
on Amazon. Actually I think it's up. It's like one
hundred or some shit.
Speaker 4 (51:39):
Now yeah, it's like I think I got it at
eighty dollars. I'm waiting for it to drive and then
I'm gonna corse paint my face green. I thought about
walking around with a microphone. Huh, Like, is there anything
you want to tell the people of the internet before
you go?
Speaker 2 (51:58):
That's cool?
Speaker 1 (51:58):
You know? Yeah, yeah, that's cool.
Speaker 4 (52:02):
Fuck yeah hell yah, well, I hope you have a
wonderful day.
Speaker 2 (52:06):
Thank you if you if you if you do do that,
if you do do that, tag me in uh, if
you make like Instagram pictures or some ship, tag.
Speaker 4 (52:13):
Me in that, yeah perfect, I will heck yeah, well,
thank you. Thanks GK. You're amazing.
Speaker 2 (52:22):
Thank you, Savannah. Have the rest of the day, you too,
Bye bye bye those Savannah. Yeah, I mean again, Yeah,
I was trying to I was really trying to reach
into my uh brain, and and give an honest answer
to that question, like how do I deal with change?
Speaker 1 (52:45):
Not?
Speaker 2 (52:46):
Well, I don't know if I don't know if we're
I don't know if humans are wired to deal with change. Well,
I mean some of us are. Some of us are
really fucking good at it, but I think most of
us are prone to overthinking. Hello, who what's up?
Speaker 1 (53:02):
Wait?
Speaker 3 (53:02):
Is this is this the podcast?
Speaker 1 (53:04):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (53:04):
Yeah, what's your name?
Speaker 3 (53:06):
Oh shit, I didn't think i'd actually dude, I'm Kevin.
Speaker 2 (53:10):
It's up, Kevin, Kevin, Kevin Kevin.
Speaker 3 (53:16):
Oh my god, dude, I've been listening. I'm not even
kidding since I was in high school, dude, Like since
I was sixteen before COVID.
Speaker 1 (53:24):
Man.
Speaker 2 (53:25):
Wow, no shit, that's so cool man. I'm uh yeah,
it's It's so cool that people are still here that
have been here for a long time. I'm glad this
is this is This is nice, man, This is this
feels like a fucking nice little corner. I'm I'm man,
still hanging out here.
Speaker 3 (53:43):
Yeah, dude, I'm twenty two now. I'm like, dude, your
your show has gotten me out of like some like
rough patches.
Speaker 1 (53:53):
So cool.
Speaker 3 (53:55):
Wow, dude, this is so cool.
Speaker 2 (53:57):
Thanks man.
Speaker 1 (53:58):
How are you doing?
Speaker 3 (53:59):
How you doing?
Speaker 1 (54:00):
I'm happy to.
Speaker 2 (54:01):
How am I doing well? Uh? I don't know. I'm
thinking about what you said just now and I'm trying
to take it in and I appreciate it. I am
a little flustered. I feel very I feel very present
(54:22):
right now with like doing the show. Oh yeah, you
know it's Uh, I've been thinking, you know, I've been
thinking a lot about life, as I as I always
tend to do. But I I'd like to be doing
more experiencing life and less thinking about it. But it's
(54:45):
so paradoxical. You know, you think too much and then
you start to want to escape your own consciousness. Sorry,
I'm doing okay, I'm doing good. How are you doing?
How are you doing? Kevin? What's going on with you?
Speaker 1 (54:57):
Kevin?
Speaker 3 (54:59):
Ye know, I do like I've been kind of all
over the place, Like this week. Yeah, I've been like
really good. I've been like motivated, but also I'm like ruminating.
I'm like, I don't know, I'm ruminating on the fact
(55:20):
that like I feel kind of like isolated sometimes, but
then like I'm hanging out with people and it's fun.
I don't know, I'm all over the place. I actually
I texted you at the beginning of your stream because
I actually want to talk to you about This is
(55:40):
gonna sound weird, but I think a lot of my
problems are related to marching bands.
Speaker 2 (55:51):
Marching bands, yeah is this?
Speaker 1 (55:55):
Let me explain.
Speaker 3 (55:56):
So I'm a grad student and and my undergrad I
joined a marching band and I was in that for
four years, and like, oh, man, I feel like cringey
saying this because like there's always such like a negative
connotation for like doing this kind of stuff. But like, man,
(56:21):
if I didn't do that in my undergrad I don't
think I would have like connected with people as well
as I did. Like I always listen and you're like, oh,
you got to put yourself in these places to like
hang out with people with similar interests. I'm like, yeah,
well I did that and it was simultaneously like one
(56:48):
of the coolest experiences. And also like.
Speaker 1 (56:54):
He gave me, like trauma.
Speaker 2 (56:58):
How did I give you trauma?
Speaker 3 (57:02):
I guess I don't know, Like there there's some there's
some like weird, not weird.
Speaker 1 (57:12):
I guess there was these like.
Speaker 3 (57:19):
I guess harassment or like constant like yelling, like it
felt so much like a boot camp, and like I
was constantly like getting screamed at on like a daily basis,
(57:39):
and like there's a certain level of solidarity that like
we faced because it kind of happened to all of
us in the band.
Speaker 1 (57:49):
But it was also like.
Speaker 2 (57:53):
I don't know, h Like, have you ever seen that
movie Whiplash?
Speaker 1 (58:02):
Dude?
Speaker 3 (58:03):
Yeah, it is exactly like that.
Speaker 2 (58:04):
I'm not it was exact.
Speaker 3 (58:07):
It's exactly like like.
Speaker 2 (58:10):
You got whiplash, dude.
Speaker 3 (58:12):
I'm not even kidding. Like it was rough, and like
it's affected me to such a subconscious level, Like I
have fucking nightmares about it. It's insane, like out of
all the things, Like it's just so ingrained that I
(58:35):
get nightmares about it. Some people that like I hang
out with and my girlfriend told me this too. They're like,
oh my god, what what is going on with you?
You're like like I fallen asleep and I'm not even kidding.
(58:57):
I'm like playing my drums in my week like having
these like night terrors.
Speaker 2 (59:03):
But was it ultimately a good experience for you? I
mean you're twenty two, right, so you're out of college now.
Speaker 1 (59:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (59:09):
Yeah, Like yeah, I met some of like the coolest
people like I got invited to like gatherings. You know,
I lived with these people. I'm going to live with
one of my friends that I met there when we
get our own apartment.
Speaker 1 (59:28):
Uh.
Speaker 3 (59:30):
You know, I've met people from fucking Hawaii, Iowa, you know,
Wyoming that all came to this this band. I met
people from Korea and like China that like came and
played instruments with us, And there's this like they it
(59:50):
connected us with a bunch of alumni too. So it's like,
I know, I know a bunch of people and they're off.
It's so cool. I loved it. I think think the
friends that I made there are like hmm, such a
solid group of people, you know, mm hmm. But I
don't know, I don't know. It's it's weird seeing like
(01:00:16):
such like a positive thing turn like really not great.
Over like over the four years that I was in
that group, I was like, man, I just kind of stucks.
Like I've already made my friends. I already like I
enjoyed playing my instrument, but like, I don't know, I
(01:00:39):
kind of became a stet to even like show up
to like practices and stuff.
Speaker 2 (01:00:48):
So what are you doing? What are you doing. Now
do you graduate?
Speaker 3 (01:00:52):
Yeah, I graduated, and I'm going to grad school to
be a school counselor Oh cool, like like a guidance counsel.
Speaker 1 (01:01:00):
Cool.
Speaker 2 (01:01:01):
Do you still play in instruments?
Speaker 3 (01:01:04):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (01:01:04):
I try to.
Speaker 3 (01:01:07):
The school I'm at doesn't have like the same music groups,
and I want to like form my own band because
I really like playing music, but like, I don't know,
I haven't practiced in so long. I'm kind of not
It's like I'm rusty, you know, mm hm hm hmmm, yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:01:36):
Mm hmm.
Speaker 2 (01:01:42):
It sounds like you're doing a cool thing with your life.
Speaker 3 (01:01:44):
Man, Yeah, I think so, But like, I don't know,
my new school doesn't have like the same kind of
like sting for me to connect with people.
Speaker 2 (01:02:00):
So you wish there was more trauma bonding that you
could do at the SEC.
Speaker 3 (01:02:08):
Not even trauma bonding. I think what it was is that,
like we had these rehearsals, you know, three four days
a week, sometimes five, so I'd be seeing these people
majority of the week. Now I've found like a couple
of cool things to do here. Like I'm a part
of a like a tabletop board game club. Cool, but
(01:02:32):
like they only meet once a week and you know,
like I don't know if like I can go to
all those meetings all the times because like sometimes they're
during my classes. So it's just like I feel like
I was spoiled for so long, you know, like being
(01:02:56):
it forced into this friend experience that now that I'm
outside of that, I like, I don't know, I feel
like I'm not as lucky anymore.
Speaker 1 (01:03:12):
You're not as.
Speaker 3 (01:03:13):
Lucky, yeah, or like I'm not like as forced into
hanging out with people.
Speaker 2 (01:03:22):
Well, well, yeah, that's that's a that's what happens when
you kind of get older. But I mean there's infinite
there's yeah, yeah, I mean there's ways that you can
u put intension behind your life so that you're around
more people.
Speaker 1 (01:03:39):
That's true.
Speaker 2 (01:03:40):
Oh yeah, there's always, always, always ways that you can
do that.
Speaker 3 (01:03:45):
I'm still like close to that old school, like like
it's literally only like a forty or fifteen minute drive,
So that's cool. So I actually go back and I
visit my old friends that are still there, but like
they're a lot younger than me now, so it's like
(01:04:07):
it feels weird, like I don't like vibe with them
as well. And then like I like the people in
my classes. It's this very small program, you know, like
there's literally only thirteen of us in the entire like
class sighs. So like I chat with them, but I don't.
(01:04:31):
I don't have a lot of the same interest as them.
I don't think like they're they're really into like drinking
and partying and like going out to bars and what's
what what?
Speaker 2 (01:04:42):
What's What's it? What's city? Do you live in?
Speaker 1 (01:04:44):
Kevin? So?
Speaker 3 (01:04:45):
Actually I live on Long Island, Dude, I'm not far
from you. Yeah, you like, I'm literally like twenty minutes
from Queen's right now.
Speaker 2 (01:04:55):
Okay, listen, Kevin, I'm gonna I'm gonna just I'm gonna
just throw this at you before we go, just to like,
I mean you you know, man, listen, you listen to
the fucking podcast. You know everything I'm gonna say, I'll say,
I'll say it to you specifically if you're having issues
finding people that you can really connect with, which everyone does,
(01:05:19):
you know. I I I've had that issue and and
and found creative ways to solve it many times in
my life. And you gotta you gotta put some intention
behind it. You know, you can't walk, you can't waft
around in the grad school program, being like, I don't
really know if I connect with any of these people.
You gotta keep going. You have a lot of you
(01:05:42):
have a lot of interest. You're gonna be a guidance
counselor you like music. I'm sure you have fifty other
things that you like or might like if you tried them.
So you know, I don't, Yeah, Kevin, I don't. I
don't have much to say to you that. I'm sure
you haven't already heard me repeat you know one hundred times.
But you should try to seek outside of your Yeah,
(01:06:05):
of course, you don't have uh situations where you're forced
to be around people. That's what As you get older,
you get forced to do less and less things. You
have to make your own decisions more and more and
be more intentional about your life. So yeah, I would
(01:06:25):
say that you just figure out what kind of spaces
you want to be in and go be in them.
You're in Long Island, You're twenty minutes from Queens. You're
you live very close to New York City. Yeah, you're
like an hour train ride away. I don't know if
you I know you called maybe just to talk or
(01:06:45):
I don't know if you wanted advice or kind of
what the deal was. But uh, you know you already
know what to do, man, Yeah, yeah, yeah, no good
I I I just you're you're already you already know
what to do. So you know, just get out there, man,
Just get out up there and get out there. And
then if you and then if you're lucky, you will
find a bald man to throw chairs at you, because
(01:07:06):
I know that's what you want, deeply.
Speaker 3 (01:07:08):
Dude, honestly, like that would be such a motivation that
I think that would trigger some some de seated fing anger.
Speaker 2 (01:07:20):
Go hire, go hire a dominatrix. Go hire, hire hire
a dominant, Hire a dominatrix to watch whiplash and then
just do it at you, dude.
Speaker 3 (01:07:31):
Every time, like yeah, fucking slapping me when I'm trying
to play.
Speaker 2 (01:07:39):
Kevin, is there anything else you want to say to
the people of the computer before we go?
Speaker 1 (01:07:43):
Uh?
Speaker 3 (01:07:44):
I think that you should totally.
Speaker 1 (01:07:52):
I don't know, hick ship play drums.
Speaker 3 (01:07:55):
It's a very cool anger management strategy. So if you
don't know how, you should learn and you can literally
use anything.
Speaker 1 (01:08:04):
So it's pretty cool.
Speaker 2 (01:08:06):
Thanks for calling, Kevin.
Speaker 1 (01:08:08):
Thank you, have a great day, Have a.
Speaker 2 (01:08:10):
Good rest of your night, man.
Speaker 3 (01:08:12):
Thanks.
Speaker 2 (01:08:18):
That was Kevin. Kevin's a nice boy. Yeah, I used
to think. I used to think I wanted to play
the drums because I would tap my pen on my
desk a lot and in kind of trying to be uh,
trying to be rhythmic, you know. That's all I had
(01:08:45):
to say. That was the Therapy Echo podcast. That was
today's podcast. I think that was a good podcast. We
talked to who was the first guy. Oh, we talked
to the guy who puts his balls in his ass.
I really liked that one. We talked to the veterinary
veterinary technician. We talked to Kevin the drummer.
Speaker 1 (01:09:09):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (01:09:10):
I don't think I have anything to say that I
haven't already said over the course of the podcast. So
I'm gonna leave you guys alone. I don't have anything
to I don't Yeah, I don't have anything else to say.
I don't need anything else to say. The sentence that's
coming out of my mouth will be the last sentence
(01:09:32):
that I say on this episode goes on the line
taking your phone calls every night, neverc goes to and
teaching you aloud to the memory of life is not
really an expert
Hello, what's man? How you doing?
Speaker 2 (00:02):
I'm doing good. How are you doing? What's your name?
Speaker 1 (00:05):
I'm all right, I'm I'm Casey. I. Uh. I had
a dream the other night and it was it kind
of shook me, you know, mm hmm.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
Do you want do you want to talk about it?
What was the dream?
Speaker 1 (00:17):
Yeah? So I had this dream that like I was
just like hanging out right and I sat down wrong
and my balls like went up my butthole and like
that doesn't sound so bad, but I was like freaking out.
So I called the doctor and he uh. Like, I
went to the doctor and he's like, this is stupid.
(00:39):
Just fart him out right, So so I tried to
fart him out and uh and I woke up and
like I was like, legit, freaking out because like I
thought my balls would share a up my butthole, but
they weren't. That happened a couple of days ago. But uh,
but now every time I wake up, I got to check,
(01:01):
you know, my underneath the bits.
Speaker 2 (01:04):
Yeah, it's like when you have a dream that you're
falling and you wake up in the middle of your Yeah,
your body react. Your body doesn't know the difference. Yeah,
your body really did believe that your balls went up
into your into your butthole, and you've been checking every night.
When did you have the dream? You had it three
nights ago?
Speaker 1 (01:22):
Yeah, like three nights ago. Like it Like I'm not
like like having legit existential crises, but like it's just
like a little check, you know, right when I wake up?
Speaker 2 (01:31):
Mmm? Have you ever what like if you were to
gape your asshole and then push your balls up into it?
How far deep do you think you could uh get?
Speaker 1 (01:45):
So? Mm? Because I'm a bigger boy, right, Like I'd
have to like I have to like spread eagle in
a warm room to get to max stretch and then
like really try to uh try to get down there.
I don't, like, I don't think it would work. Like
this isn't like a logical fear, right, it is like
(02:08):
like an irrational one, right, it does like theoretically it
might be fun, but I don't think I'm gonna try
it out.
Speaker 2 (02:16):
You think it might be fun? Have you ever had
anything in your ass?
Speaker 1 (02:21):
I mean every once in a while, yeah, you know
sometimes you sometimes you get to tickle to go around
the back door. But like you think the shinter would
like you know, on unpleasant squeeziness, on the on the
delicate bits.
Speaker 2 (02:41):
What's your life like outside of this.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
Pretty unhappy? Like I'm I'm you know, suffering under capitalism,
as we all do, but like, yeah, you know, I'm
kind of going through it.
Speaker 2 (03:00):
Do you think any of your general life unhappiness was
manifested in this dream about your balls going into your asshole?
Speaker 1 (03:10):
Maybe? I don't know, Like I'm I'm in a like
my my my wife and I are separating and it
had nothing to do with the you know, the dream,
but like I don't, like, I don't see a connection.
But that's you know, subconscious that that's right. It's kind
(03:31):
of the point of a subconscious.
Speaker 2 (03:33):
Yeah, yeah, it's tricky. It's like we don't understand it,
but I do. I do think dreams tell us something
about something, you know, they do tell us about like
our subconscious fears. And I'm wondering if anything in your
conscious life is like metaphor you know, like you could
uh make an allegory of some kind that like your
(03:54):
balls represents uh an interruption perhaps and your assholes represents
your life.
Speaker 1 (04:06):
And it wasn't like I'm about to do something that
that's going to cause you know a lot of this
sorry distress, and it's trying to be like, hey man,
don't put your balls up your butthole? Yes?
Speaker 2 (04:22):
Yeah, oh wait, I like that. I like that. Wait, okay,
hold on, this is this is this is actually an
important distinction of what you just said. In this dream,
do you does your do your balls accidentally go into
your asshole? Or do you push them in there?
Speaker 1 (04:38):
No? I sat down long and it was an unintentional
un like, this was not an intentional thing. This was
like a oh fuck, I wait, why did that just happen?
Speaker 2 (04:49):
M So you weren't being careful doing something that you
do all the time.
Speaker 1 (05:02):
Yeah, and then drastic on unpleasant consequences happened.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
Is that Could that be analogous to anything that you
going like going on in your life?
Speaker 1 (05:17):
Maybe like I've I've been toasting for a couple of years,
Like I'm doing good in my job and I'm doing
good in like other areas, but I haven't really been
pushing growth. So maybe that's.
Speaker 2 (05:31):
I mean, that's it interesting. What does growth look like
to you?
Speaker 1 (05:42):
I don't know, Like I'm not one of those people
that think you should always be trying to find something better,
but like maybe I'm stuck in a rut like nine
to five grind, you know, and uh and and I
(06:03):
think that I can I can start re evaluating some
things and and maybe look at like, Okay, well, what
have I been gotten? What have I been getting complacent with?
What am I What am I ignoring and saying I'll
do it later, I'll do it later. That I'm you know,
(06:23):
put my balls up my butt hole with that one?
Speaker 2 (06:25):
Mm hmm, Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. Do
you have an example of something like that that you
feel like you're putting your balls up your butt hole with?
Speaker 1 (06:41):
Like I don't really talk to my family all that much,
like not that the you know, get anything bad or
like we've got bad blood. Like I just don't reach out,
Like I don't reach out with friends. I don't reach
out with you know, anything. I just kind of coast
and take what happens to me.
Speaker 2 (06:58):
Who do you want to reach out to?
Speaker 1 (07:06):
I don't even know, Like most of the people I
know suck. Like maybe that's part of the problem.
Speaker 2 (07:10):
You're getting separated, right, Yeah, how long have you How
long were you guys together?
Speaker 1 (07:17):
Like twenty years?
Speaker 2 (07:18):
Broy, Holy fucking shit, really, really, really.
Speaker 1 (07:22):
Yeah, yeah, and it was it was like I was,
I was putting up a lot of I was putting
up with a lot of bullshit that I really shouldn't have,
Like I got twenty years, Yeah, I was. I was
the I got no self esteem because I kind of
suck as a person guy in high school, Like, I
(07:45):
was going through a lot of a lot of problems,
and I I that parlayed into hey, someone generally nice
and attractive is showing the attention and telling me that they,
you know, enjoying my presence. So I'll put up with
pretty much anything. And and now I'm I'm kind of
(08:05):
sick of that.
Speaker 2 (08:06):
M Yeah, oh my god. Yeah, okay, I have a
lot of questions for you. This is interesting. Yeah, I
want to talk about this. So, yeah, what you're describing
makes total fucking sense. When did you just when? Like, okay,
how old were you when you guys got together? It
(08:28):
was like high school college, seventeen.
Speaker 1 (08:31):
I was seventeen. This was long distance relationship, like over AOL.
Because I'm i am back an old man and now
I'm like thirty seven, and I'm like, wow, this uh
just sucks.
Speaker 2 (08:49):
What is this?
Speaker 1 (08:51):
Putting up with? This? Just like general, like I'll, i'll,
I will put forth emotional energy and I will put
forth like effort to make sure things go well, and
it is just not reciprocated.
Speaker 2 (09:06):
How long when did you first notice that?
Speaker 1 (09:10):
About the third week of the relationship?
Speaker 2 (09:14):
Really? Yeah, seriously, when you were seventeen?
Speaker 1 (09:20):
Yeah. Well, like, just because there's a bunch of really
bad shit in it doesn't mean I deserve better, is
what I was thinking.
Speaker 2 (09:27):
And yeah, I saw it a whole lot. I have
a lot of questions for you, but I'm gonna interject.
I saw a TikTok that said something like the only
straight relationships that work are one where a man is
(09:49):
obsessed with a woman that's a little mean to him.
Speaker 1 (09:54):
And I mean, go.
Speaker 3 (09:56):
Ahead, yeah, Like, okay, here here's.
Speaker 1 (10:00):
The thing, Like I am. I am one of the straits.
I apologize to to any queers in the community, one
of y'all. Uh but uh like, I think that what
(10:20):
people think about when they think of like a dysfunctional
straight relationship is often uh like like exaggerated to an extent.
Like I think that a lot of the people that
are talking about how their their husband is like kind
of one of their extra kids, like they like, okay,
(10:42):
has he been checked for like neurodivergence? Like could that
be in? It? True? If they're complaining about how their
their wife is you know, Naggie awful, you know typical,
Oh my ball and chain, Like okay, well is she
going through something right now? Like you know, like if
it was it was a non straight relationship, we would
(11:02):
be digging into why. But because of the straight relationship,
the straights aren't.
Speaker 2 (11:06):
Okay ooh you know, okay, I I see what, I
see what you mean because I see what you mean.
Because yeah, in a straight relationship, there's a there's more
like labels of like well you know that's happening because
men are like this or women are like this.
Speaker 1 (11:24):
Yeah, and that that definitely feeds into toxics like gender stereotypes. Yeah,
because like we've done, we have gone to relationship therapy
a couple of times, and like one of my therapists,
the therapists was like, oh, well, clearly you're acting like
this because you're a dude. I'm like the fuck, Like,
(11:46):
what what are you talking about? She expect from her,
but she would expect me to just be like, oh
the guy tm mm hmm.
Speaker 2 (11:57):
Well I think Here's the thing, is I I I
I think I think I probably think I think about
gender roles in the same way that I think about, like, uh,
a lot of things in life, which is like, you know,
I kind of explore like there's the yin and yang
of it, which is like I think it's like you
have your you have your head in the sand. If
(12:18):
you're gonna say that there is no generally observed differences
between men and women, you know what I mean, Like
that you gotta that's pretty obvious.
Speaker 1 (12:29):
I attribute that to societal influence and prescribed like like
what we internalize as what we should as X, y
Z do or.
Speaker 2 (12:41):
Be totally and I And that's the that's to me,
that's like the Okay, so we have I'm gonna go
on a tangent real quick. I want I'm gonna go, Okay,
we're gonna go on this philosophy tangent and then remind
me that we need to get back to your life
because I have lots of questions for you. But I
believe that human beings are this weird thing that we possess, uh,
(13:03):
like animalistic biology. And I think that there's a lot
of traditional gender roles that are present in that animalistic biology.
But then we also have this like bright human part
of us that's like conscious and kind of evolves beyond that,
and our brains are are the the wrestling of those
(13:24):
two forces. And so I do I think that a
lot of gender roles are like just like innately within
us and within our biology, but like I don't know,
so is like you know, murder and like other things
(13:45):
and we and and the to to say that society
is that a lot of gender roles are like conditioning
of society. I think is us using our human our
higher human brain to look at it and be like, hey,
you know, it doesn't have to be like this. We're humans.
We can create and build an the world as we want.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
I hard disagree. I think it is actually the opposite.
I think that I think that biology and nature and
all of that stuff like, bro, it's just chaos. Like
cells don't know what the fuck is going on. Chromosomes
have no idea what society is, you know, they have
(14:32):
no fucking clue. But our monkey brains go all pattern recognition, right,
and they try to find patterns that ain't there, and
then they ascribe that to whatever it seems like we're finding,
you know what I mean? So like people are people
like me? You everybody have both x y and xx chromosomes,
(14:57):
but it's like literally it's a spect So like my
chromosomes are mostly x Y, so I'm male presenting, but
there's a bunch of estrogen in me, you know, like
it's still there. Yeah, So like genders aren't real, you know,
like it's it's just a pattern that we're seeing that
(15:20):
really ain't there.
Speaker 2 (15:22):
Hm hmmm.
Speaker 1 (15:27):
And like people are people, So like if I happen
to be born at chick, like, I'd probably have a
lot more habits that aligned to traditional femininity, but I wasn't.
So I don't.
Speaker 2 (15:42):
But isn't it? But I guess, uh, aren't you if
you're like born a man or you're born a woman,
aren't don't you like innately? And then I mean obviously
like uh everyone's uh, I don't really know. I think
a lot about what it is that makes people the
way that they are, And it's of course some combination
(16:03):
of like who their parents are and like what's like
in their like literal DNA and then silent conditioning, but
like within your little DNA, if you're born a man,
or you're born a woman, is like I don't know,
I don't, I don't.
Speaker 1 (16:19):
Actually, yeah, like have a lot of Yeah, like chemical
processes have a lot of influence on like what you're
going to tend more towards, right exactly. Like propaganda isn't
just a thing that's intentional, you know, Like propaganda is
a thing that like happens to everybody all the time.
(16:40):
Every time anybody says anything, you are going to be
influenced by that, whether you intentionally reject it and say no,
fuck that guy, he's a Nazi, or if you're like, oh, yeah,
that dude. You know that dude really knows where his
towels at, and you accept that, like it's it's constantly happening,
(17:01):
and especially when we're children, you know, like you you
are told this is the way things are. You have
no reason to like refute it because like you're your
eight you know, you want to go play legos and shit.
(17:21):
So if we raised a new group of children with
like bonkers' gender roles, they're just gonna do it. And
then they're gonna argue that it's biology. M you know
what I mean, You've got a bunch of testosterone testosterone
(17:43):
amps up what do you call it? Adrenaline? It makes
you act slightly more aggressive. So things are gonna stay
true generally. But then what we ascribed to that, to
that is like hard propagandized.
Speaker 2 (18:00):
I I think, hold on, I want to make sure this.
I'm we're gonna end this philosophy talk in one second.
I want to get it back through your life. But
I think it would make it would make sense to
me that Yeah, yeah, gender roles and things like that
are like as are our you know, as are like
(18:24):
everything about the way that we do and things and
think about things and see things are some combination of
propaganda or societal conditioning and our DNA, so you know,
like all like yeah, like all things. I'm like, like
I am about a lot of things. I'm going to
(18:45):
be annoyingly agnostic about this one. But okay, okay, okay, okay.
Speaker 1 (18:51):
Tradition.
Speaker 2 (18:52):
Yeah, so when you were seventeen three, see you were like,
I don't like the way this woman is treating me.
I don't like how I know it.
Speaker 1 (19:07):
It was more like, oh okay, that's the thing that's happening.
Speaker 2 (19:10):
Uh uh yeah, yes, yeah, yeah, okay. So yeah, so
you have low self esteem. You're like, you know, a
lady like you're at you're seventeen years old, You're like,
oh my god, a lady that I am attracted to
likes me. This is incredible, This is amazing. I I
(19:31):
I will do everything in my fucking power and I
will put up with anything to keep this going. And
so if she does something that like crosses a boundary
or you're like, I don't know about that, you're like, yeah,
that's all, yeah, will Yeah, yeah that's all.
Speaker 1 (19:51):
I'll talk about it. Yeah oh well nope, never again
by yep.
Speaker 2 (19:57):
Yeah, oh yeah, I know. I know what you're talking about.
I get I get you, I get you, I get you.
I've I've never heard of a situation where that lasted
for twenty whole years though, Yeah, I.
Speaker 1 (20:19):
Like, I really hate this word, but like I think
I was pre groomed into accepting like pretty much anything,
because like my parents, like my parents really only talked
to me when they had to. Yeah, So it was like,
hey man, like you're getting bullied at school, like, oh well,
(20:41):
do you like talk to the teacher about it? Not
like hey man, let's get you. Let's figure out why
that's happening. And get you, you know, some counseling or
therapy and work on those issues, not like oh, hey man,
I'm gonna help you, and and like, oh, it's obvious
you've got like eight thousand personality problems that you know.
Even we are like, hey man, what what the fuck
(21:03):
you got going on here? Yeah, nope, we're just gonna
we're gonna hang out. Is nobody dead or pregnant? Everything's fine? Yep.
So like I had no basis on yeah, like what
I could expect out of other people.
Speaker 2 (21:19):
Yes, you're already you're already uh yeah, to use your word,
you're already, like we can call it predisposed to this
notion or actually I guess you're. Yeah, you're predisposed to
a notion of what your relationships.
Speaker 1 (21:35):
That's better, that's a better way.
Speaker 2 (21:38):
You're predisposed to a notion of what relationships are like
because of your parents and because of like you know,
societal whatever. And so now when someone comes along and
shows you the fucking gives you a crumb, you're like,
I'm taking this crume. I'm taking this crumb to the bank.
I'm gonna hold on to this crumb for twenty a year.
Speaker 1 (22:01):
Yeah, Yeah, and like yeah, and so like that, there's
there's definitely you know, good times and times that it's
like oh wow, yeah, they're they're like really helping me.
They're like really, you know, okay, good, we're making progress.
This is good, this is getting better, this is getting better,
and then it every goddamn time just goes immediately back
(22:21):
to still fuck yourself.
Speaker 2 (22:25):
M hmm. You know, I've been thinking a lot about
whether or not people can like change. I think they can.
I don't know if everyone can, but I think they
believe they can. It's weird, it's another it's another one
of my like things I'm agnostic about. I haven't lived
(22:48):
enough life to decide this, or maybe I have, and
maybe this is more of a perspective thing, But it's like,
to what to what degree do do you sit with
someone and work on a thing versus X versus? Yeah,
(23:09):
you got You're never gonna fucking it's always gonna be
like I.
Speaker 1 (23:14):
See it the same way people see addiction, where it's
like if if the other person does not have an
internal motivation to make this change, changing for external motivation
can only happen for so long before you're like, dude,
(23:36):
I didn't. I don't even want to do this. I'm
just not gonna yeah.
Speaker 2 (23:39):
I know you mean yeah now that what? What was it?
After years?
Speaker 1 (23:58):
It was just eventually feeling better and better and being like,
oh wait, no, I can I can hold my shit together.
I can you know, do better and I can you know,
I I am proving to myself that I can be
a technically functioning adult, Like I should probably get some
(24:20):
recognition for that, and I should probably get some effort
coming back my way. And it didn't happen. And then
that just for like six years, and I'm like, okay,
well you know what, Yeah, this ain't happening, like I'll
I'll still no now we're now we're we're still living
(24:43):
together for now. But like like I hate it, but
like I'm still willing to try, like I do not
have expectations, but like you know, oh.
Speaker 2 (24:55):
You're still You're stillilling to try. You're you're still willing
to try to work it out with this girl.
Speaker 1 (25:00):
Yeah, because it's probably almost definitely not gonna happen. But
like what why It is a complicated thing of like
I it makes me feel bad, the idea of like
I'm done because I don't want people done with me,
(25:23):
so I will not do it to someone else, and
that's probably a bad thing for me.
Speaker 2 (25:32):
Okay, you don't want people being like I'm done.
Speaker 1 (25:36):
Just being like, well, you suck. I'm done. I'm like,
beat it, you suck.
Speaker 2 (25:41):
Oh my god, I'm about to throw a insane therapy
reframing on this. You want to explore something, Yeah, let's
do it. Okay. What if? Okay, you don't want people
saying to you, I'm giving up on you, right, and
(26:03):
so that's why you don't want to give up on
someone else.
Speaker 1 (26:06):
Yeah, but what.
Speaker 2 (26:09):
If you are your best friend in the planet, maybe
even you're only true friend in the world, not you specifically,
but just every reason. And what if by continuing over
(26:35):
and over again to let yourself get back into this,
you are giving up on yourself, which you would never
want someone to do to you. But you're doing it
to yourself and you're your best friend.
Speaker 1 (26:54):
I have not yet internalized that message, Like I feel
like I'm coming up around to.
Speaker 2 (27:00):
It, but you get what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (27:02):
Yeah, absolutely, Like you gotta value yourself and I really don't,
like I think I'm cool and all that, but like,
you know, whatever, I wouldn't be friends with me. I'm
kind of annoying. Yeah, like I'm cool, but like sometimes
i'm a lot so yeah, like I'm I'm I'm I'm
(27:25):
getting there.
Speaker 2 (27:28):
Yeah it's hard.
Speaker 1 (27:32):
Yeah, so oh it's five o'clock. I gotta complain in
the D and D.
Speaker 2 (27:38):
Okay, cool? Well is there anything else you want to say?
That people the computer before we go?
Speaker 1 (27:43):
All your teeth have different birthdays? All right? By later?
Speaker 2 (27:46):
Man, that was interesting. I have I have more thoughts
on that, or do I? Or maybe I shared them all.
I was thinking about that last night. I was thinking
about the idea of like myself as my own best
friend or like you're the only real I'm trying to
(28:09):
think more about that shit about how I am my
own best friend and and if I talked and I
and I think about the way I talk to myself
or view myself, and yeah, sometimes you uh you can
(28:36):
really like talk to yourself or think of yourself as
uh worse off in such a way that like if
a part if your best friend said that to you
or thought that of you, you wouldn't want to be friends
with that person. They'd be a fucking asshole.
Speaker 3 (28:56):
You know.
Speaker 2 (28:57):
It's hard. It's hard to have. It's hard to have
self esteem, and they really it does have to come
from again, you know, as I agnostically, you know hold
it comes from a little bit of within and a
little bit of something outside of yourself. I don't know
(29:18):
if one can truly, I mean, someone can. I know,
I only I only have my own life experience. I
don't think I can fully feel self esteem with that
a little, you know, external validation. I don't think I
could do the whole thing on internal validation. But I
can't do the whole thing on external validation either, So
(29:41):
you need a little bit of both. I hope that
guys all right, man, he's better to go back into
that relationship. I hope that guy will be all right. Okay,
let's stick another call. Hello, Hi, what's your name?
Speaker 4 (30:03):
I'm Savannah. How are you doing?
Speaker 2 (30:07):
I'm doing good, mainly because I drank a coffee before this,
so I feel. Yeah, it's a cycle, but whatever, you know.
Sometimes I feel like I can't exist, and the other
times I'm like, wait, I actually I think I can.
And there's a lot of physical factors involved with that. Anyway,
(30:29):
I'm sorry, I don't want to keep talking about myself.
What's up with you, Savannah? What's going on in your life?
Speaker 4 (30:35):
Hey, so I am currently changing jobs. I got a
great opportunity at a very well paying job, and I'm
really nervous about it.
Speaker 2 (30:51):
What is the opportunity.
Speaker 4 (30:54):
It'll be the it's like an emergency animal hospital. I've
only ever worked in like general practice animal hospitals, so
like vaccines, ear infections, stuff like that. But yeah, I
got the opportunity to be a vet tech at an
(31:14):
emergency hospital. And I don't think I'm smart enough, but
I got the job.
Speaker 1 (31:23):
Sweet.
Speaker 2 (31:24):
Okay, it's another self esteem thing. Why don't you think
you're smart enough?
Speaker 4 (31:35):
Well, I didn't go to college, of course. I'm twenty seven.
By the way, I lost my last job because kind
of in the realm that I wasn't picking up on
things as easy as other people. But I have a
(32:00):
lot of confidence. I'm very excited to start this. I
like more emergency cases. Anyways, sounds kind of bad, but
I like I like not like sick animals, but like
I enjoy helping and seeing it.
Speaker 1 (32:18):
Kind of.
Speaker 2 (32:20):
Sure, Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. Wait, so
why do you have to be smart? Can't you just
want to help animals.
Speaker 4 (32:27):
So that's actually the thing in that medicine. I have
had two jobs that have told me that asked me
if they're like, are you just in it for the animals?
And that medicine isn't very well paying. So my response
(32:47):
every time is like, yeah, absolutely, I'm here for the animals.
And apparently that's the wrong answer.
Speaker 2 (32:53):
What is the right answer.
Speaker 4 (32:58):
For my From what I I can understand, the correct
answer would be personal growth to make the company more money.
Speaker 2 (33:13):
That's fucking crazy.
Speaker 4 (33:15):
Yeah, I don't like that. I'm gonna get paid fifteen
dollars an hour?
Speaker 2 (33:23):
So what's the Like? Is the veterinary health industry similar
to the human American health industry?
Speaker 4 (33:37):
Yeah, it's it's pretty similar. We of course have like
a human medical world. I feel like you don't have
to pay for things like right away, I don't know
about you, my medical debt can just sit there, don't
really care. But in veterinary medicine, of course we have
(33:57):
to take the payment during this service. So yeah, it's
it's pretty similar. It's like, I'm a the equivalent of
being a pediatrician, because these people care a lot about
(34:21):
their animals and they're.
Speaker 2 (34:23):
Very mean to us, they're a mean to you.
Speaker 4 (34:28):
Yeah, I mean people are mean at any job. Really,
can I kind of change the subject really fast?
Speaker 2 (34:37):
Yeah, of course.
Speaker 4 (34:40):
I wanted to tell you a story. I've also been
trying to call for about two months. I have been
really excited and now I'm kind of nervous.
Speaker 2 (34:48):
We have not no cool cool, no, go ahead and
go ahead.
Speaker 4 (34:55):
Yeah. So this is kind of just a silly story.
So I grew up with a very liberal, very liberal family.
I'd say they're very very left leaning. And when I
was younger, of course my parents like smoked weed, and
(35:15):
of course he didn't want me to know that they
used to smoke cigarettes and everything like that, so I
was kind of like, I just kind of assumed it
was a cigarette. But my dad told me this great
lie that I used now on my stepdaughter, and I
(35:37):
think lying the children is okay for this reason. So
whenever my dad got off work, he told me that
he had to do paperwork, and again he worked on
the farm. So whenever I was younger and he'd come
in like weed, I have so ated it with working
(36:01):
really hard. And whenever I was in high school, I
remember smelling it like on somebody and I was like,
did you just get back from the gym? Like, you know, sorry,
I'm a little nervous right now. No, but yeah, So
(36:27):
I associated the smell of weed with like sweat, and
that was kind of like a little silly thing you
can tell children that I genuinely believed until I was.
Speaker 2 (36:38):
Like eighteen, Oh, that when your dad smoked weed, he
was just sweaty.
Speaker 4 (36:46):
Yeah, yeah, and he looked tired.
Speaker 2 (36:50):
You know, do you smoke weed?
Speaker 4 (36:54):
I do. Yeah, It's it's very I do it like
before I go to bed. I'm not like a very
social smoker by any means.
Speaker 2 (37:13):
So sorry, I'm only I'm only transitioning back because I'm
thinking about the questions that I.
Speaker 1 (37:19):
Have for you.
Speaker 2 (37:21):
So you've got this job. You've got this job at
this place. The way there's the job. You got the
job at the place that wants you to say that
you're in it for the money.
Speaker 4 (37:33):
I'm not sure. I haven't gotten to that point yet.
I start Monday at it, And I mean every animal
hospital kind of leans towards life. Who you want people
that are passionate about animals, but then you kind of
get into it and they're more worried about making money.
(37:55):
Then which I can understand because it's a business setting.
Like for example, one time, there was this dog that
came in and I just I love the dog, I
love the owner. And I sat there for about ten
minutes in the room with them, and I'm just on
the ground putting the dog, asking her questions, you know,
(38:16):
like are they eating and drinking normally? No vomiting, diarrhea.
And I got in trouble for that. I got called
up to the office and said that I need to
focus more on the client than the animal. And in
my eyes, I wasn't doing anything wrong. But I guess
(38:37):
in like management world, they're kind of just like, don't
focus on the animals.
Speaker 2 (38:46):
Focus on the on the on the customer, Yeah.
Speaker 4 (38:50):
And try to get them to do as many vaccines,
as many tests as we can do.
Speaker 2 (38:56):
Oh shit, they're turning you into like a fucking car
mechanic of dogs.
Speaker 4 (39:01):
Yeah, I feel like a salesman and like I and like,
of course I'm pro Like you know, if you come
in with your pet, you know, and you're like they're
they're vomiting and diarrhea, and you're like, okay, well we
should run some tests. You know, if you say no,
it's kind of like, well, then we're just treating sympematically.
Speaker 3 (39:22):
You know.
Speaker 4 (39:23):
So I understand the need for some of that, but
like sometimes, like we just got my old job. We
just got Brebecco, which is a flea and tick injection
that lasts for twelve months. It is seven hundred dollars,
and I everyone there is being forced to try and
(39:47):
push that compared to a flea pill that's thirty dollars
a month. It's always made me really uncomfortable because I'm
here for themimals, I'm not.
Speaker 3 (40:02):
I don't.
Speaker 4 (40:02):
If I wanted to work with humans, I would go
work with humans. But I don't really like humans. I
like animals.
Speaker 2 (40:11):
I don't. Uh. I don't think you need to have
a like an inferiority complex about the job. And you
can let you're here for the fucking animals, you know,
I don't. I don't see why you say you're not, uh,
you're not you're not smart enough. I mean that's what
in that? In that? What the in that? What the
industry needs is people give a shit about animals.
Speaker 4 (40:34):
Yeah. I think it's like, you know how some people
are like books smart and some people are like quote
unquote like street smart. Yeah, I think they expect me
to be more instead of empathetic and caring and kind
of like I don't know, I'm a woman, like a
(40:57):
motherly figure. They instead of how having that emotional intelligence,
they want you to have more of a like business intelligence,
if that makes any sense. And I just don't feel comfortable,
like yeah, I don't feel control selling things to people
that they don't want. I do agree with, like the
(41:20):
rabies vaccine, but like you know, if you're if your
dog doesn't bored, why they need a flu vaccine. I
haven't gone a flu vaccine need ten years. I probably should.
But yeah, and at my so at my new job
that I start, it costs a lot of money, you know,
(41:42):
Like this is like it looks like an emergency room
has like the little doors in the little driveway that
you pull in if there's like a true emergency and
they rush out and get the animal. And with that
comes a lot of money. So I'm gonna have to
(42:03):
be the person that looks an owner in the face
and goes okay while you're total with fifteen thousand dollars.
And I hate being that person. I because I don't
know if you have any animals. Do you have any animals?
Speaker 2 (42:21):
No, I don't.
Speaker 4 (42:23):
Okay, yeah, yeah, I don't know. I've been in that situation.
Speaker 1 (42:29):
Okay.
Speaker 4 (42:30):
One good Like one thing is so one time these
like two sixteen year olds found a dog on the
side of the road, right, and so they do the
right thing and they bring them to the nearest animal
hospital and they say, hey, I've found this dog, and
(42:57):
I've gone, oh my goodness, let's check for a microch
And I'm sitting there, you know, giving the dog tree,
you know, looking up the microchip, trying to see if
we can find the owner. And pretty much if you
can't find the owner, some places just recommend like them
being euthanized and or turning them back loose on the streets.
(43:21):
And I really hate that about that medicine. It doesn't
and I don't want to scare an you want it
that's listening or anything. But with my experience, they don't
really care about the animals. They care more about money.
Speaker 3 (43:39):
Which.
Speaker 4 (43:43):
It's valid, but it's also not so I guess I'm
kind of nervous to start a new job that costs
way more money.
Speaker 2 (43:56):
You said the job costs way more money, Like, uh, oh,
that you're providing a service that costs way more money
than what you were previously doing.
Speaker 4 (44:04):
Yeah, okay, Yeah, So, like the normal visit at my
last job was around three hundred dollars, the average visit
at my new job, I can assume as being a
client there at one point being about a thousand of
two thousand. And it's just hard.
Speaker 3 (44:28):
It's hard to.
Speaker 4 (44:31):
Have compassion for animals and also have to take care
of the money.
Speaker 3 (44:39):
Side of it.
Speaker 2 (44:41):
Mm hmm, mm hmm.
Speaker 4 (44:47):
It's just conflicting.
Speaker 2 (44:52):
I think that you're in a good position to compassionate
to animals, which is what you want to do.
Speaker 3 (45:06):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (45:06):
So I guess if I were you, and I was
in this job, and I was wondering if I was
smart enough, I would just I guess, if what you're
aligned on is is, you know, be compassionate to animals,
I would just be like, Okay, well, how do I
move in the direction of that?
Speaker 1 (45:30):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (45:30):
I really wish I could just work out of rescue
or something, but I am a single woman that lives alone,
so I sadly can't take anything less than like twenty
dollars an hour, so that it feels like even my
(45:52):
dream job isn't an option because of money I live.
I mean, can I say what day I live in?
Speaker 1 (46:07):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (46:07):
Sure, I live in South Carolina, So it's kind of
it's not a very expensive place to live, but it
it doesn't offer a lot of opportunity for growth unless
you're like one good Southern boy.
Speaker 2 (46:31):
No, mm hmm yeah, yeah, yeah, that's tough.
Speaker 4 (46:43):
Yeah, and I think, sorry, I'm kind of switching around
on topics, but I think I'm just in a very
transitional point in my life, so I'm kind of questioning
like my job and everything right now. Well, I got
(47:03):
out of a very long relationship a few months ago,
so I moved in by myself to my own little
apartment and then starting a job that I feel like
is way bigger than I am. She's given me a
lot of anxiety.
Speaker 2 (47:30):
What's your name again?
Speaker 4 (47:32):
I'm Savannah, Savannah.
Speaker 2 (47:36):
I'm sorry, if I sorry, go with me for a second, Savannah.
I'm sorry if I If I don't have anything entirely
productive to say in response to any of these things,
it is okay.
Speaker 4 (47:51):
I'm just very excited to talk to you. It's been
a it's been an interesting year, and I've been I've
been trying to like talk to you for about two months.
I'm excited that I'm like already here and I understand
how it's kind of a niche situation, was a very
(48:12):
niche job. But yeah, how I guess something maybe I
could get advice on maybe is how how have you
and the past dealt with a transitional period of your life.
Speaker 2 (48:32):
I'm gonna look within myself. I'm gonna take a moment
and I'm gonna look within myself to give you the
most honest answer to that question that I feel comfortable sharing.
So I'm gonna take a moment to do that. What
how do I normally deal with a transitional period in
my life?
Speaker 1 (48:49):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (48:51):
Mmm, I'm trying to think of last time I had
strong transitional periods. M.
Speaker 1 (49:07):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (49:07):
I usually deal with it by a lot of overthinking,
a lot of comingup with plans of things I'm going
to do. I'll come up with like twelve ideas of
things I'm going to do in my head, and then
I'll do one of them. That's how That's how I've been,
(49:29):
That's how I've been able to ever do anything with
my life. Is I'll come up with I'll say I'm
going to do like ten things and I'll actually do
one of them sometimes.
Speaker 4 (49:41):
Yeah, and doing one of them is already such a
big step.
Speaker 2 (49:48):
Weird.
Speaker 4 (49:49):
Yeah, it's just a weird place we put in. That's
also my first time like living alone and doing all
of those on my own, so I think that kind
of adds to my anxiety on switching jobs and everything
like that. This is the first time my life I've
ever really had to deal with something like this. But
(50:11):
I will say overall, I'm very happy I did get
a really good job that'll makes me a lot of money.
Leaving my partner was a hard decision, but it was
a very smart one. And I'm just trying to figure
out how to cope because I feel like sometimes I
(50:33):
instead of coping, I just I either a overthink or
I just throw all my problems underneath a rug and
I try not think about it. And I think right
now I'm overthinking.
Speaker 2 (50:57):
Savannah. Is there anything else you want to say to
the people of the computer before we go?
Speaker 4 (51:06):
No, thank you so much for having me. I hope
to talk to you later whenever I'm not as nervous.
But it's great talking to you. I hope you have
a great day and Also, I plan on being you
for Halloween.
Speaker 2 (51:21):
You're gonna be You're burying the lead, Savannah. Are you're
gonna be me for Halloween?
Speaker 4 (51:27):
Yeah? I found you're like kind of your little costume.
Speaker 2 (51:32):
I think anyone, anyone can do it. It's sixty dollars
on Amazon. Actually I think it's up. It's like one
hundred or some shit.
Speaker 4 (51:39):
Now yeah, it's like I think I got it at
eighty dollars. I'm waiting for it to drive and then
I'm gonna corse paint my face green. I thought about
walking around with a microphone. Huh, Like, is there anything
you want to tell the people of the internet before
you go?
Speaker 2 (51:58):
That's cool?
Speaker 1 (51:58):
You know? Yeah, yeah, that's cool.
Speaker 4 (52:02):
Fuck yeah hell yah, well, I hope you have a
wonderful day.
Speaker 2 (52:06):
Thank you if you if you if you do do that,
if you do do that, tag me in uh, if
you make like Instagram pictures or some ship, tag.
Speaker 4 (52:13):
Me in that, yeah perfect, I will heck yeah, well,
thank you. Thanks GK. You're amazing.
Speaker 2 (52:22):
Thank you, Savannah. Have the rest of the day, you too,
Bye bye bye those Savannah. Yeah, I mean again, Yeah,
I was trying to I was really trying to reach
into my uh brain, and and give an honest answer
to that question, like how do I deal with change?
Speaker 1 (52:45):
Not?
Speaker 2 (52:46):
Well, I don't know if I don't know if we're
I don't know if humans are wired to deal with change. Well,
I mean some of us are. Some of us are
really fucking good at it, but I think most of
us are prone to overthinking. Hello, who what's up?
Speaker 1 (53:02):
Wait?
Speaker 3 (53:02):
Is this is this the podcast?
Speaker 1 (53:04):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (53:04):
Yeah, what's your name?
Speaker 3 (53:06):
Oh shit, I didn't think i'd actually dude, I'm Kevin.
Speaker 2 (53:10):
It's up, Kevin, Kevin, Kevin Kevin.
Speaker 3 (53:16):
Oh my god, dude, I've been listening. I'm not even
kidding since I was in high school, dude, Like since
I was sixteen before COVID.
Speaker 1 (53:24):
Man.
Speaker 2 (53:25):
Wow, no shit, that's so cool man. I'm uh yeah,
it's It's so cool that people are still here that
have been here for a long time. I'm glad this
is this is This is nice, man, This is this
feels like a fucking nice little corner. I'm I'm man,
still hanging out here.
Speaker 3 (53:43):
Yeah, dude, I'm twenty two now. I'm like, dude, your
your show has gotten me out of like some like
rough patches.
Speaker 1 (53:53):
So cool.
Speaker 3 (53:55):
Wow, dude, this is so cool.
Speaker 2 (53:57):
Thanks man.
Speaker 1 (53:58):
How are you doing?
Speaker 3 (53:59):
How you doing?
Speaker 1 (54:00):
I'm happy to.
Speaker 2 (54:01):
How am I doing well? Uh? I don't know. I'm
thinking about what you said just now and I'm trying
to take it in and I appreciate it. I am
a little flustered. I feel very I feel very present
(54:22):
right now with like doing the show. Oh yeah, you
know it's Uh, I've been thinking, you know, I've been
thinking a lot about life, as I as I always
tend to do. But I I'd like to be doing
more experiencing life and less thinking about it. But it's
(54:45):
so paradoxical. You know, you think too much and then
you start to want to escape your own consciousness. Sorry,
I'm doing okay, I'm doing good. How are you doing?
How are you doing? Kevin? What's going on with you?
Speaker 1 (54:57):
Kevin?
Speaker 3 (54:59):
Ye know, I do like I've been kind of all
over the place, Like this week. Yeah, I've been like
really good. I've been like motivated, but also I'm like ruminating.
I'm like, I don't know, I'm ruminating on the fact
(55:20):
that like I feel kind of like isolated sometimes, but
then like I'm hanging out with people and it's fun.
I don't know, I'm all over the place. I actually
I texted you at the beginning of your stream because
I actually want to talk to you about This is
(55:40):
gonna sound weird, but I think a lot of my
problems are related to marching bands.
Speaker 2 (55:51):
Marching bands, yeah is this?
Speaker 1 (55:55):
Let me explain.
Speaker 3 (55:56):
So I'm a grad student and and my undergrad I
joined a marching band and I was in that for
four years, and like, oh, man, I feel like cringey
saying this because like there's always such like a negative
connotation for like doing this kind of stuff. But like, man,
(56:21):
if I didn't do that in my undergrad I don't
think I would have like connected with people as well
as I did. Like I always listen and you're like, oh,
you got to put yourself in these places to like
hang out with people with similar interests. I'm like, yeah,
well I did that and it was simultaneously like one
(56:48):
of the coolest experiences. And also like.
Speaker 1 (56:54):
He gave me, like trauma.
Speaker 2 (56:58):
How did I give you trauma?
Speaker 3 (57:02):
I guess I don't know, Like there there's some there's
some like weird, not weird.
Speaker 1 (57:12):
I guess there was these like.
Speaker 3 (57:19):
I guess harassment or like constant like yelling, like it
felt so much like a boot camp, and like I
was constantly like getting screamed at on like a daily basis,
(57:39):
and like there's a certain level of solidarity that like
we faced because it kind of happened to all of
us in the band.
Speaker 1 (57:49):
But it was also like.
Speaker 2 (57:53):
I don't know, h Like, have you ever seen that
movie Whiplash?
Speaker 1 (58:02):
Dude?
Speaker 3 (58:03):
Yeah, it is exactly like that.
Speaker 2 (58:04):
I'm not it was exact.
Speaker 3 (58:07):
It's exactly like like.
Speaker 2 (58:10):
You got whiplash, dude.
Speaker 3 (58:12):
I'm not even kidding. Like it was rough, and like
it's affected me to such a subconscious level, Like I
have fucking nightmares about it. It's insane, like out of
all the things, Like it's just so ingrained that I
(58:35):
get nightmares about it. Some people that like I hang
out with and my girlfriend told me this too. They're like,
oh my god, what what is going on with you?
You're like like I fallen asleep and I'm not even kidding.
(58:57):
I'm like playing my drums in my week like having
these like night terrors.
Speaker 2 (59:03):
But was it ultimately a good experience for you? I
mean you're twenty two, right, so you're out of college now.
Speaker 1 (59:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (59:09):
Yeah, Like yeah, I met some of like the coolest
people like I got invited to like gatherings. You know,
I lived with these people. I'm going to live with
one of my friends that I met there when we
get our own apartment.
Speaker 1 (59:28):
Uh.
Speaker 3 (59:30):
You know, I've met people from fucking Hawaii, Iowa, you know,
Wyoming that all came to this this band. I met
people from Korea and like China that like came and
played instruments with us, And there's this like they it
(59:50):
connected us with a bunch of alumni too. So it's like,
I know, I know a bunch of people and they're off.
It's so cool. I loved it. I think think the
friends that I made there are like hmm, such a
solid group of people, you know, mm hmm. But I
don't know, I don't know. It's it's weird seeing like
(01:00:16):
such like a positive thing turn like really not great.
Over like over the four years that I was in
that group, I was like, man, I just kind of stucks.
Like I've already made my friends. I already like I
enjoyed playing my instrument, but like, I don't know, I
(01:00:39):
kind of became a stet to even like show up
to like practices and stuff.
Speaker 2 (01:00:48):
So what are you doing? What are you doing. Now
do you graduate?
Speaker 3 (01:00:52):
Yeah, I graduated, and I'm going to grad school to
be a school counselor Oh cool, like like a guidance counsel.
Speaker 1 (01:01:00):
Cool.
Speaker 2 (01:01:01):
Do you still play in instruments?
Speaker 3 (01:01:04):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (01:01:04):
I try to.
Speaker 3 (01:01:07):
The school I'm at doesn't have like the same music groups,
and I want to like form my own band because
I really like playing music, but like, I don't know,
I haven't practiced in so long. I'm kind of not
It's like I'm rusty, you know, mm hm hm hmmm, yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:01:36):
Mm hmm.
Speaker 2 (01:01:42):
It sounds like you're doing a cool thing with your life.
Speaker 3 (01:01:44):
Man, Yeah, I think so, But like, I don't know,
my new school doesn't have like the same kind of
like sting for me to connect with people.
Speaker 2 (01:02:00):
So you wish there was more trauma bonding that you
could do at the SEC.
Speaker 3 (01:02:08):
Not even trauma bonding. I think what it was is that,
like we had these rehearsals, you know, three four days
a week, sometimes five, so I'd be seeing these people
majority of the week. Now I've found like a couple
of cool things to do here. Like I'm a part
of a like a tabletop board game club. Cool, but
(01:02:32):
like they only meet once a week and you know,
like I don't know if like I can go to
all those meetings all the times because like sometimes they're
during my classes. So it's just like I feel like
I was spoiled for so long, you know, like being
(01:02:56):
it forced into this friend experience that now that I'm
outside of that, I like, I don't know, I feel
like I'm not as lucky anymore.
Speaker 1 (01:03:12):
You're not as.
Speaker 3 (01:03:13):
Lucky, yeah, or like I'm not like as forced into
hanging out with people.
Speaker 2 (01:03:22):
Well, well, yeah, that's that's a that's what happens when
you kind of get older. But I mean there's infinite
there's yeah, yeah, I mean there's ways that you can
u put intension behind your life so that you're around
more people.
Speaker 1 (01:03:39):
That's true.
Speaker 2 (01:03:40):
Oh yeah, there's always, always, always ways that you can
do that.
Speaker 3 (01:03:45):
I'm still like close to that old school, like like
it's literally only like a forty or fifteen minute drive,
So that's cool. So I actually go back and I
visit my old friends that are still there, but like
they're a lot younger than me now, so it's like
(01:04:07):
it feels weird, like I don't like vibe with them
as well. And then like I like the people in
my classes. It's this very small program, you know, like
there's literally only thirteen of us in the entire like
class sighs. So like I chat with them, but I don't.
(01:04:31):
I don't have a lot of the same interest as them.
I don't think like they're they're really into like drinking
and partying and like going out to bars and what's
what what?
Speaker 2 (01:04:42):
What's What's it? What's city? Do you live in?
Speaker 1 (01:04:44):
Kevin? So?
Speaker 3 (01:04:45):
Actually I live on Long Island, Dude, I'm not far
from you. Yeah, you like, I'm literally like twenty minutes
from Queen's right now.
Speaker 2 (01:04:55):
Okay, listen, Kevin, I'm gonna I'm gonna just I'm gonna
just throw this at you before we go, just to like,
I mean you you know, man, listen, you listen to
the fucking podcast. You know everything I'm gonna say, I'll say,
I'll say it to you specifically if you're having issues
finding people that you can really connect with, which everyone does,
(01:05:19):
you know. I I I've had that issue and and
and found creative ways to solve it many times in
my life. And you gotta you gotta put some intention
behind it. You know, you can't walk, you can't waft
around in the grad school program, being like, I don't
really know if I connect with any of these people.
You gotta keep going. You have a lot of you
(01:05:42):
have a lot of interest. You're gonna be a guidance
counselor you like music. I'm sure you have fifty other
things that you like or might like if you tried them.
So you know, I don't, Yeah, Kevin, I don't. I
don't have much to say to you that. I'm sure
you haven't already heard me repeat you know one hundred times.
But you should try to seek outside of your Yeah,
(01:06:05):
of course, you don't have uh situations where you're forced
to be around people. That's what As you get older,
you get forced to do less and less things. You
have to make your own decisions more and more and
be more intentional about your life. So yeah, I would
(01:06:25):
say that you just figure out what kind of spaces
you want to be in and go be in them.
You're in Long Island, You're twenty minutes from Queens. You're
you live very close to New York City. Yeah, you're
like an hour train ride away. I don't know if
you I know you called maybe just to talk or
(01:06:45):
I don't know if you wanted advice or kind of
what the deal was. But uh, you know you already
know what to do, man, Yeah, yeah, yeah, no good
I I I just you're you're already you already know
what to do. So you know, just get out there, man,
Just get out up there and get out there. And
then if you and then if you're lucky, you will
find a bald man to throw chairs at you, because
(01:07:06):
I know that's what you want, deeply.
Speaker 3 (01:07:08):
Dude, honestly, like that would be such a motivation that
I think that would trigger some some de seated fing anger.
Speaker 2 (01:07:20):
Go hire, go hire a dominatrix. Go hire, hire hire
a dominant, Hire a dominatrix to watch whiplash and then
just do it at you, dude.
Speaker 3 (01:07:31):
Every time, like yeah, fucking slapping me when I'm trying
to play.
Speaker 2 (01:07:39):
Kevin, is there anything else you want to say to
the people of the computer before we go?
Speaker 1 (01:07:43):
Uh?
Speaker 3 (01:07:44):
I think that you should totally.
Speaker 1 (01:07:52):
I don't know, hick ship play drums.
Speaker 3 (01:07:55):
It's a very cool anger management strategy. So if you
don't know how, you should learn and you can literally
use anything.
Speaker 1 (01:08:04):
So it's pretty cool.
Speaker 2 (01:08:06):
Thanks for calling, Kevin.
Speaker 1 (01:08:08):
Thank you, have a great day, Have a.
Speaker 2 (01:08:10):
Good rest of your night, man.
Speaker 3 (01:08:12):
Thanks.
Speaker 2 (01:08:18):
That was Kevin. Kevin's a nice boy. Yeah, I used
to think. I used to think I wanted to play
the drums because I would tap my pen on my
desk a lot and in kind of trying to be uh,
trying to be rhythmic, you know. That's all I had
(01:08:45):
to say. That was the Therapy Echo podcast. That was
today's podcast. I think that was a good podcast. We
talked to who was the first guy. Oh, we talked
to the guy who puts his balls in his ass.
I really liked that one. We talked to the veterinary
veterinary technician. We talked to Kevin the drummer.
Speaker 1 (01:09:09):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (01:09:10):
I don't think I have anything to say that I
haven't already said over the course of the podcast. So
I'm gonna leave you guys alone. I don't have anything
to I don't Yeah, I don't have anything else to say.
I don't need anything else to say. The sentence that's
coming out of my mouth will be the last sentence
(01:09:32):
that I say on this episode goes on the line
taking your phone calls every night, neverc goes to and
teaching you aloud to the memory of life is not
really an expert
Host
Lyle Drescher
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