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August 23, 2021 26 mins

This week’s theme: “Destiny.” A City Council tries to deal with an abundance of masks, an elderly woman’s unique way of saving time, and a man hides his eyes to hide the truth.  

Special Guest Contributor Parvesh Cheena is an actor, writer and longtime improviser. You may have seen him on NBC’s “Outsourced,” ABC’s “The Goldbergs,” “Mythic Quest,” and currently stars as “Zulius” on Netflix’s “Centaurworld.” 

Twitter: @parvesh 

IG:   @parvey 

Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.com

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Episode Transcript

Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Portions of This is Americans Live, The improvised documentary podcast,
are brought to you by listeners like yourself, are esteemed
sponsors and the all powerful, all knowing Random Sentence Generator,
which inspires the stories you're about to hear. Yes, whenever
you hear this sound, the next sentence you hear is
a random sentence provided by our revered, omnipotent random Sentence Generator.

(00:23):
For more This is Americans Live. Listened to more episodes
of This is Americans Live. I guess and now your
first random sentence. She wondered what his Ah, God, get it,
here we go find it. I'm trying to find it.
She wondered what his eyes were saying beneath his mirrored sunglasses.

(00:50):
She had been with him for over a week, spending
night day over twenty four hours, yet she hadn't seen
his eyes, and she wondered what they looked like. Yeah,
I'm having a great time. Love it here, and there's
nowhere i'd rather be than right here with you. The
reason why you won't I'd rather not say so. Can
you put that fork? That fork down, just let set

(01:11):
it on your no reason. In particular, he's very skittish
every time she'd raise a hand eat flinch that if
he was scared some kind of verbal abuse from relationships past.
Have you, hey, have you read this? Have you read this?
This book? Actually, I haven't read books for the last
five years and more of a magazine and a website browser.

(01:33):
But I hear that books are still popular even though
Oprah doesn't do her book club anymore. I've heard that
she might be bringing it back though. Oh is that marijuana?
What are you in there? Hey? Could you? Could you?
Could you not let not point at me when you're
I'm just asking it's legal, right, I mean just saying,
does Oprah? Does Oprah like the marijuana? No, it's the
only thing that keeps me calm. Oh, wonderful. Yeah, there's

(01:56):
no reason in particular. It's one of those B C
D s right yeah, wait, DCB something Now that's trademark.
But I was just wondering because, like Oprah, I hasn't
tried the cannabis. Because if Oprah does it, then everyone's
going to be doing it. Became the chronic problem. Every

(02:17):
date he'd go on, the women would ask him why
he was hiding his eyes. One woman though it might
be because he was an abusive was in an abusive party,
was in an abusive relationship. Another thought maybe he was
just a marijuana smoker. Billy, it's okay, you can take
the glasses off with me. I can't. Okay, Oh my god,

(02:39):
put him back on back. I tried to tell you.
I tried to tell tell you. I tried to tell
my ex. I tried to tell my X before that.
I tried to tell my friends. I tried to tell
my Okay, I already paid for the check. Clear, You've
told everybody. He was well eyed. That's what he had
been hiding for so long. He had gone through a

(02:59):
whole collection and of sunglasses, some that covered the periphery,
some that where aviators didn't matter. At some point in
some time, they would discover that when I would look
to the right and when I would look to the left.
So I sat down, I talked to him, So, how
long have you been hiding the fact that you are
while ied? My entire life? I've borne this way so

(03:22):
I thought I could hide it forever. But I guess
all it took was one person, one time, asking me
to take off my glasses, and I did it. Do
you have a herd time? As a kid, plainning sunglasses
that fit your head? Yeah, So what I would do
is I would steal sunglasses and then chopped them in
half and then glued them to the side of Excuse me,
how to get it out? God? Bless you? I know

(03:50):
this is this is Americans Live. I'm your host, Sorry,
with producer Andy. Our special guest contributor for this episode
is his China. In our show, we'll be using our
trustee Sense and Rader to bring you a story in
three improvised acts. This week's theme destiny. Do you start
out doing what you want? Or do you end up
finding out that maybe either's something else in your life
that you're meant to do. Stay with us at one.

(04:22):
As she walked along the street and looked in the gutter,
she realized face masks had become the new cigarette but
littering the streets up and down. It was as if
people had given up one vice for another, but with
the hopes that one would be beneficial but in reality
ended up being terrible for the environment. All the city

(04:43):
council meeting is incession. Now. We went forty five minutes
over yesterday because of all the outcry about man, what
are you gonna do about this, vice mank hounsel members,
It's just why are we having so many meetings in
a way? Got a scheduling issue? Yeah right, I can't
even water my home in farm because I got masks

(05:05):
cogging up the trains. You'll have to dispose of the
masks properly after you wear them. I'm not even using them.
These are all face masks coming from the city sewage
coming to our town, clogging up our water system, not
allowing us to farm for christ saying well, yes, I
am the Kankakee City Council member, joe Ann Giles. Yes,

(05:29):
you can call me miss Giles, And yeah, I've grown
up in Kankakee, Illinois all my life. And and I
know it's not Chicago, and I know it's not East St. Louis,
but you know, we're here. We're happy here in Kankakee,
and we got farms, and we got school cools. I
know we had schools. Come on, I'm getting to it.
This is kind of whar The last meeting went forty

(05:50):
five minutes long. By the way, Well, we just have
a lot of time here in Kankakee. Ever since the
prison closed, you know, private prisons apparently is not very
popular right now, but you know, private is what you
like because it was competition, and who doesn't like competition?
With the prison we got to get to the nuts
and bowl. All right, all right, buster bulls, stop, I'm

(06:11):
trying to talk. I'm trying to just my time, I
made a motion. You're more than trying to talk. You
are talking. Okay, thank you? Well, you know all right,
So anyway, if Joanna Giles can come in Skiles and
we actually end up having about four to five meetings
for the city council a week. It's been madness here
and mainly we don't have anything to do, so it's

(06:33):
just everyone from the town comes to the city council meeting. Well,
the reason why we're having to have so many meetings
per week is because they're being filled with this sort
of drivels. We kind of talked about this last time.
It was obvious that miss Giles was representative of the
Pretty Lady Company, the company responsible for making all the
base masks that we're being thrown away and ending up

(06:55):
in the cities adjacent to the big city. Well, we
started out just like everyone at the beginning of the
pandemic quarantine I mean we were just We're just sitting
knitting and stitching and taking old fabric scraps, usually a
lot of orange left over from the prison, and so
we just were we decided to be pretty Lady Mass.
You know, we call him plms for sure, and we

(07:16):
just started giving them to everyone in the town. And
then everyone in the town had one, so we made
sure that everyone in the town got a second one.
And then apparently we had a surplus because everyone had
their masks. And then I'm boring you, boring you, I
have a motion. Oh my god. Well it's a pretty
Lady Mass just took off, and you might say that

(07:37):
we were a little too popular. We were too popular
because all of a sudden, I'm getting complaints and saying
that the litter in this town and the clogging of
the stewers, adding the clogging of the farms. I don't
know how you clog a farm, but apparently the farms
are clocked because of my pretty Lady masks. He was
obvious that she was filibuster, trying not to face the
fact that the company decided not to take the evolutionary

(07:59):
step and make their masks by a degreeable. They're very popular.
They work. They made people look younger, but they didn't
make them in a way that was suitable for the
safety of the environment. Well, no one told me that
the polyester whatever that plastic blending clothing is that makes
it nice and stretched. She makes you look really young,
looking across your face and your body, because everyone knew

(08:21):
that those prisoners were very tight. I learned that phrase
from my daughter. She said, when her body is looking good,
she says, it's tight. Mom. And I'm like, all right,
all right, you're in eighth grade. Did you ever think
that maybe it was your responsibility as a as a
business owner to the kind of maybe to make the

(08:41):
masks a little bit more. Listen, I'm an independent small
businesswoman now. I lost my job at the prison two
with everybody else, you know, I'm no longer a security guard.
So I'm just trying to be enterprised and young woman
of forty and I just saw your trajectory. Yeah, alright,
go ahead follow it. So you worked at the prison, Listen,
I still have a motion on the floor, just so

(09:02):
everybody knows, all know I'm having an interview. Please continue, sir,
Did the two of you want to take this out? No,
you don't know, We'll do it right in here in
front of every one of the KG in case City Council.
It's me, Miss Giles. Guess all allowed? All right? Continue?
It was beyond me as to why I decided to
have an interview with miss Gyles in the middle of
the meeting. Well, because I'm here every night. Let's be honest,

(09:24):
there's our fourth meeting this week. People, we're just all
kind of hoping that she wears herself out. And I
produced you pulled me aside and gave me a talking to,
telling me that I should schedule my interviews in opply. Yeah,
why did you schedule this meeting when you knew that
she was going to be at City Council. Well, when
I was there, I thought she was done, and then
she kept talking, and then I thought her conversation was

(09:46):
directed towards me, and then every time I would interject
or but you didn't notice all the other people in
the in the room that obviously something that's a town there,
it's a town of ten people, so and only have
shut up now listen, everybody, I just want you to
know that I'm gonna be making a new line of
masks and this time, I'm gonna be putting a hard
on it, and I don't care if everyone has forty

(10:07):
on my mask. I'm gonna be making more of them. Sorry,
why are you making me listen to all of this footage?
I get it you you you said that you just
kept talking and talking. Why are you making me listen to? Well?
Did listen to this bike? You know? Sometimes people might
think that, Joanna, you're just talking because it's a microphone
and no one else can talk during your time up there,
because we forgot to set time limits, you know, like

(10:27):
a two minute question or one minute statement, and or
a second time speaker doesn't get to talk until everyone
else is talking beforehand. But we don't have that in
our charter yard. I missed my son's birthday party coming
up to the first The word from our esteemed sponsors

(10:48):
stay with us at to the interview, I guess is
part of his China. Hi Ari, how are you today?
I'm well? Thank you? And UM, how long have you

(11:09):
been listening to the show. I've been listening for about
How long have you been on? UM? Quite some time?
Quite sometimes I've been there. It's in the same beginning,
maybe not quite some time, but for some times, let's
be honest, for some time, I've been listening, but not
quite Um. Sometimes I've been hosting the show since the beginning.
So excellent. Yeah, I find it. It's very soothing. Well

(11:31):
are you sound good? Oh? Thank you? You know, i'd
say you look good, but you know, it's a radioIO.
It's a radio podcast joke. I know, I know he
does look good though, Yeah, it look great. So, um,
tell us a little bit about yourself. Tell tell us
about what do you? What have been up to? Suntil
last talk to you? All right? The last time I
saw you was what I run into you at auditions

(11:52):
right now. Um, some people don't know that I also
audition on the side besides being a radio show host,
and I do other things that are very yeah, you know,
before your radio host days, we had appeared on one
of like the network, you know, because like how America
has network corporations. I'm trying to be very bland or
very not specific on what what network, but we we

(12:15):
worked for one of the network diversity showcases back in
the day, and that's when we met and we were
brown people because it was a diversity showcase and we
did the bits and skits. And I think this was
thirteen years ago, two thousand and eight, because we did it.
We did the showcase when Obama was right, when Obama
got you in Chicago. The only thing is, like I remember,

(12:38):
when we're doing the showcase, I told the people in charge, like, Okay,
I'm gonna be gone for maybe like two or three weeks.
I'm gonna work on the Obama campaign. And they're like,
you can't do it. I'm like, okay, bye, I mean, like,
what's the more important? You know? Remember the first one
of the first sketches we pitched and they were saying, no, no,
tell me what was it? It's hard community, Okay, so

(12:58):
we was it good? It was a sketch about casting
directors because it was too close to home home. It
was a commentary and I know, and is that funny?
Like it's interesting we talked about comedy because even like
from O eight oh nine now we comedy has shifted
so much in the last few years. When we talk
about like that diversity showcase, to see the kids after

(13:20):
us who you know probably now and they're like early
mid thirties, let alone. And I'm not saying anything about
the kids in their twenties now they don't have time
for it. There's a comedy of cruelty that just does
not pass anymore, you know. And it's fascinating because like
this comedy is shifting, and that sexual harassment. The last
seminar I had, I did um, I was fortunate to
one of those NBC NBC had that we had our

(13:43):
own pandemic show called Connecting even Online. We had the
thing and what the sexual harassment person said to be
like parva and she wasn't directly saying it to me,
but why you can't even if you are that intersectional
of that community. So I am a gay Indian American
child of immigrants, right, that's my intersectionality here. I used
to think that, Okay, I can't make jokes of other people,

(14:03):
but I surely can make the gay jokes, and I
can make the gate the Indian jokes and the gay
Indian jokes. And she said, yes, maybe, but what if
you insult or what if the other gay Indian chubby kid?
And it blew my mind. Right, Well, I was just
talking about was that too much? I'm like, no, no,
it's it was perfect, you know as far as like

(14:24):
you know, the where we're at with comedy. I know
that my producer Andy tends to offend people with is
very acerbic kind of offensive material he does all of them.
Is that Mike, you to jump in and you have
to defend it. Now. Hey wa wow, what a great,
great crowd here. I ever you ever notice how deep

(14:46):
downward all basically the same and all differences are just superficial.
Usually we break off into scenes, but hey, you want
to talk about certain things. When we talk about certain things,
you're you're, you're, you're, Our guests were not anything. This

(15:06):
is such this is such a great show, by the way,
like thanks, you know you love that format. You haven't
heard it. You haven't seen the finish product. Yets no, no, no,
I picture it under light. Yes, I do think that
if I'm disapervation, I'm not doing a character yet because
we're not doing characters here right all right. I had
a quick quite my thing about the comedy, like I
do want to like think about it, and like I

(15:28):
don't want I don't I don't want to be a
downer bout it. Like there's a positivity here, like when
you talk about stand ups, specifically, the idea of people
complaining that they can't make fun of people is odd
to me. And that concludes the interview portion of the show.
Usually we our interviews have a little bit of humor,
sometimes they break off from the scenes. That was what

(15:50):
we thought we were going to do, but this episode's
destiny is very different. Coming up at three, the first
a word from our sponsors, who make this high quality
program possible. Stay with us. Act three. She thought there

(16:17):
would be sufficient time if she hit her watch. That
was a fantasy that she had run through her head.
If she didn't see the time, maybe time didn't exist,
a childish fantasy, obviously, but time kept going regardless. Well,
I ended up just putting away all my devices, my phone,

(16:38):
my tablet, because what I like to do was always
set my clock five minutes ahead, so I'd always be
on time. But now I heard that international what is it?
The meridian? The Meridian Time International Meridian, International Meridian. I
was like, how do I change my phone? It's just like,

(16:59):
what is the Mr? Tim Apple? Tim Apple? He he
wanted to always have my time on and now I'm
always late. Tell me a little bit more about that.
So you you said you put your iPad in your
iPhone away, Well, my my grandchildren. They just keep giving
me these gifts. And they had given me the pad,
and they had given me the phone, you know by
the apples, and I just was like, oh, this is fun.

(17:22):
I can call you anytime. I don't just have to
be on the porch with the cordless right now. Alright,
Grandma opening it up, Jake. You just spoil your grandma,
don't you, Jake. I look at that. It's um there's
apps on it where you can control the like like appetizers,
like like like what a like some blast. Don't worry, Jorge,

(17:45):
it's my birthday constructed just a little bit. Okay. An
app is is it's short for application? How was school
for you? You you use on your George? Isn't this
rating it's a roll about God? No? No, no, it's
not a roll listening dunk your mom like George. It's George, George, George.

(18:10):
I'm his grandmother. Room where grandparents. Now, go ahead and
remember it's okay, George, drinking cheese, thank you, drinking grading
fruit sugar free sugar. You want me to start the
beginning of what this is that I got you? Now
it looks pretty. I'm just gonna put it over here
for everyone to see. I look it's another gift. Oh

(18:32):
look it's a tea set. I know what to do
with this one. So you would take the ibads and
the iPhones and Apple products and just hide them away,
Well what I tried to use them, and I did
like it. I mean the phone, I mean, it's a phone, right,
I just don't do anything else. But when you what
is this, George, what is it? Screen saver? It's a
screen saver? D yeah. So they always have the clock on.

(18:56):
I mean I look at my phone. I want it,
and it's like it's as twell little five and I'm like, no,
it's twelve o'clock. No, it's twelve of five. And I
look at the iPad I put it over there and
see it's plugged in, and look sometimes their photos of
the family scrolling by, you know, but it always just
has the accurate time. And I have to tell you,
as a woman of a certain age, as a woman
of a certain age, as a woman of a certain age,

(19:20):
I just wanted to control time myself. And and I
don't like this. I don't like living on everyone else's time.
My time. I know my time might be short. I
mean look at George. George, you're okay? Did you have
George is eighty nine years old and we've told him
that he's eighty five. Eighty five sweetheart? Eight? Oh, I

(19:42):
just I just can't. He's going, his mind's going a bit,
and it's just Grandma, why didn't you wake me up?
I'm late for click, I've got you. Bet her go
to class. Your mom's gonna be so mad. It was
obvious that she was using her philosophy with why you
need to clock back five minutes so that she was
never late and always five minutes ahead. She did that
with everything. She told her husband that he was eighty

(20:04):
five when he was actually eighty nine, and so on
and so forth. I just thought that maybe if I
controlled the time, that I could have a little bit
more control of my own time. You see, it always
be a little little time extra in the day. So like,
spend some time with my husband and our children, and
I see him getting older, and I wonder, like, how

(20:25):
do I stop that? And with all these reminders, I
just put them all away. I haven't worn a watch.
I had a very nice Rolex I got it from
the company when I retired. All Right, I'd like to
make a toast, like going to make a toast for
me eighty four years finally retiring, Thank you, Thank you

(20:48):
ever like her this watch, well, thanks to commemorate the
sixty four years you've worked with this company. Your please
please please please be please listen. Yeah I heard it. Listen.

(21:09):
Everyone working at this skateboard company has been the thrill
of my life. I mean I never got on one,
but I just want to let you kids know that,
thank you. And I just want to draw all right,
say something please, I think she might still be good.
Now it's okay, It's okay, Herbert, go ahead, Okay, So

(21:33):
I just want to say that, you know, working for
the skateboard company was like one of my dreams to
do it and growing up, and then you know, I
did it, and then I remember, you know, like when
I would do those alleys and and like kick flips
and I would ask you, said, Martha, how is it
pretty high? You'd say, no, not really, but it was
high in real life, but inspired me to go higher.

(21:56):
We only have the wood Ranch run it out for
another so you can kind of move this along the way.
She scales back things just like tell people stuff, you know,
like when she's that's why she's always on time. So
it helped me too, you know. Sorry, right, that was
very moving. Thanks. What did I say, Dick? What did
I Dick? What did I say? You worked at a

(22:19):
skateboard company? And what did you do there? I was
just in payroll? Is it so funny, producer Anti, No,
it's it's funny. Every company has needs, you know, even
a condom company has payroll. And Martha, I got a
question for you. I'm claiming single zero on my paychecks

(22:44):
and they took a lot out in taxes, which is
not radical. What you gotta say about that? Oh? Look,
I just found that hand up button on the phone,
so waiting hand up. I just do wonder about time
a lot. And I thought that maybe I didn't want
to work at a as a payroll, at a payroll

(23:04):
for all these years, but I did. And I had
two beautiful children and ten wonderful grandchildren and forty four
great grandchildren. You did a lot for the company, you know,
we're working there from from the research that I had done.
You and I saved them taking them out of chapter
eleven by telling them that they were in chapter eleven,
which they would never were and that inspired him to

(23:27):
work harder writing more money. Yeah, I just kept the
budget down. And see the thing is, sometimes when you
don't know the exact numbers right, you just do better
in life or maybe worse. I don't know. Math can
be a problem for some people. You're on. My client
was simply making adjustments to the numbers. I do not

(23:50):
think this constitute Freud. Also, can we please, you're on
a stop with this this come one, this very offensive
character of a Jewish lawyer. For Christ's sake, then we
just have a conversation about comedy. I'd like to move
to closing arguments. Please, I would I con occur with you,

(24:11):
ladies and gentlemen of the Jerry, My client and I
do have order. It's the Kankakee City Council for a reason, everybody,
And I'm sorry, but pretty Lady Masks is not to
blame or the president going out of business. It's not

(24:31):
my fault. And I'd like to make a motion that
I'm going to have four thousand pretty Lady Masks for
all ten of us in this town. It was clear
that she had stepped into the wrong room. What was
going on was a child, but she was a master.
I'm just saying that. Don't blame me. I am it's
my time. Oh gosh is it five minutes? Oh I've

(24:53):
I've gone five minutes over. I just set this thing
five minutes back. My grandma Martha gave me this rolect
when she passed that role as I don't know, dude,
you birt, but you know what. I hate to say this.
I we're going to have to reach schedule second. That motion.
My name is Joanna Giles. You just gotta tell everybody

(25:15):
your name. That's what you say. You say Joanna Giles
from you know, the Kankakee Meadows subdivision of Kankakee Ill
and I listen, I still have a motion on the floors. Girls,

(25:38):
Why are you in the back seat of my car?
I'm trying to leave. I'm sorry that this is one
of those uber lifts. I just get in the cars
when I need to go place. There's a City Who
producer Andy and Especial guests, contributor, Byeina, I'm your host. Sorry,
and this was This His American's Life. Join his next time.

(25:59):
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