December 13, 2021 • 37 mins
This week’s theme: “Fear.” Two sickly co-workers fall in love, a ghost-hunting podcast goes off the rails, and a working mom’s family pleads with her to take a break.
Special Guest Contributor Nicole Aimée Schreiber is a writer, actress and comedian. You may have seen her on “Lights Out With David Spade,” “Jeff Ross Presents Roast Battle,” and Oxygen’s “Funny Girls.” She also co-hosts a podcast called “Two Filthy Nerds,” available at: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/two-filthy-nerds/id1486026821
More at: www.nicoleaimee.com
IG: @nicoleaimee
Twitter: @nicoleaimee
Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.com
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Portions of This American Laugh with Aristotle Atari and Andy Harris.
The improvised documentary podcast are brought to you by listeners
like yourself, are esteemed sponsors, and the all powerful, all
knowing Random Sentence Generator, which inspires the stories you're about
to hear. Yes, whenever you hear this sound, the next
sentence you hear is a random sentence provided by our
(00:21):
revered omnipotent Random Sentence Generator. Or more This American Laugh.
Listened to more episodes of This American Laugh. I guess,
and now your first random sentence. He ended up burning
his fingers poking someone else's fire. Have it that he had?
(00:44):
You just wunk up someone's fire and look at it,
even though it wasn't his. It's almost like an analogy
to him poking his nose in someone's business. Oh wow,
it's bright, it's warm. Would you mind terribly? First of all,
who are you? This is our fire? What are you
doing here? I'm sorry? This is my husband, he is
he is just I think he forgot his medication. I'm
(01:06):
just having a little bit of trouble starting and starting
a fire here by myself on the beach like normal.
And then the sky kimes into this by my fire. Honey, honey,
you need to stop bothering people out. We're roughing it.
I don't really have a whole lot of experience. We
are not roughing it. Okay. We have a streamline and
airline streamline what are they called? What the silver tank?
(01:28):
We have set an airstream. We have an airstream stream
We rented this off Airbnb for six thousand dollars a night. Yes,
we're not roughing it, honey. Well you know I am
all I got is all I have is this fire.
You want to burn my fire, and you got a
stream over there? What's that about? Buddy? Look, look, look,
(01:49):
I mean you just don't we this situation. Okay, this
is all on you right now. You're the one who
cast your lady buddy. What look, buddy, looks like you
could use a nice and change shower. Both. Would you
like a hot meal? Let's start us off there a
hot meal for five bucks? About to make a hot meal.
He's the one who is the fire. I was, Yeah,
(02:10):
it was your hot meal. I'll do it for five bucks.
Let me get this straight. You're trying to get a
hot meal and money. Pick one, Pick one, hot meal.
You don't get both. What do we look like? A
bank of food and money? Bank? Food bank? Or restaurant?
About a bank or a restaurant? Do we look like
either of those things? Do we look like a bank?
Or saying I'm fat? He said I was fat? Honey?
(02:31):
Are you calling my wife? You guys are too complicated.
I'm going back to my fire man. No, wait, wait, wait, wait,
please please. You're not going to tweet about this, are
you bugs? What do we look like a food? Don't
tweet bank? Tweeting bank? What do you think? Just keep
(02:52):
your mouth shut? Right? Yea, look, look dude, I'm doing
Karen and Ken give me five bucks each. I'll keep
my mouth shut and all s in your bags too.
Just tweet read. By the way, those are not sandwiches.
Those are slava roll ups from Gilson's All Right, big difference.
(03:13):
He's pretending to tweet. He doesn't even have a phone
out of his hand. He's just clicking. Yeah, that's that's
playing cone and it's five jeep and cool. Motherfucker? Is
that what you think to do with an actual phone?
Are you going? Are you? Are you pantomiming what you're
going to do? What do you want me to not
tweet that you too are just harassing me because you're
taking your privilege and you're just like fronting in my face.
(03:33):
You don't have a camera or anything right now, do
you do? Everything's got cameras. I got three of them.
You're a canned camera dude. Yeah, that show is canceled. Yeah,
come on, well you gotta accept something. I say. You
denying every Now we're all right. I'm excited about this
revival of Candid Camera. Her excited. I could be more excited.
(03:56):
You know what I think is really important is that
can you have one of the ps pick up some
zero deck because okay you can you're stuffed up the
dip stuffed Hey hey, Glen word, Yeah, Glen word, Yes,
could you do me a favor? This production meeting has
already set it off on the wrong foot. We're both
so can the Santa at a Woods are just say
(04:17):
you're pretty hard? I'll get any any est means for
you guys? Is that good? I suppose? So? Do you
want a nasalash? Do you happen to having a little
If he's going to go, we should get a nasal
Oh yeah? Could you do as a solid yes, could
you write it down? That's a pine cone. Write it
down an actual based basi. You could use your you
pull your nutes on your phone out and you don't
(04:38):
want me to do it on the pine cone. Now,
please do not do it on the pine don't do
it on the could have been clear. Do not write
it on the You don't need to use a pensapp.
It's just on your phone. You type it nasal s
A L, A lot of letters N and s al
by chance, just turn the key noise off? Yeah, you
(05:04):
know what? How I don't know if he's typing the
right number of you can turn letters? Can you turn
it back on? But make it a little make it
like a medium volume between that's what it was before.
That's a little lower. Could it's pretty good nasal leavage
zero tech, but make sure it's name brand. Um. They
(05:25):
missed a one very very very very key ingredient in
the generic which one I don't know which one, but
I know that there's one missing. Why would it be generic? Then?
I don't know that? Sometimes that's why subtle. So that's
why the as subtle as the shape of THEO. And
(05:45):
that's when they realized and they've been together so long
as co workers, they never realized that they just had
that for each other. They started making up. He got
to be Okay, it's really hard to bake out with
you what I could early breathe, uh, Jennifer, Yes, Jennifer,
(06:07):
Eric will Jennifer. Yes. We've out each other for six weeks,
six and it has been the most magical six weeks
of my life. It Will you go out with me sometime? Yes,
but not for the next two weeks. I'm currently on
a round of antibiotics for my stebo. I have a
small antistal back. She'll overgrowth, um, so it's really hard
for me to eat anything to keep it in. But
(06:28):
as soon as I'm done with that, okay, Well that's
like a two weeks for the two week course of
auti biotics. But then I have to get up. Probiotics
will give you another week for my stomach to get
back to normal, because I don't want to be on
a date with you and then like my stomach starts
hurting by their ailments, their allergies. Ibs. Did I mention
that I'm Jewish the first moment that we met each other.
You've mentioned that before, You've told me what your name was.
I was like, look I am. Despite exactly they were
(06:51):
both at allergies IBS j E w S, they still
managed to find love together. That's their story. We felt
love in a quite hopeless place. When was the first
time you realize that you were in love with him?
I just had somebody ailments in common. When did you
realize that you just naturally sounded this way? And no
matter how many in hisstor means you took, this is
(07:11):
always go bet the tone immediately. It's interesting when you
are a person who is afflicted with ailments. There is
a comfort you have when you realize the person you're
with is in the same boat. But truly, we both
can't be in boats because of you. Guys both have
(07:34):
algae algae and and as salt. Yeah, just salt, the
salted water, the salt, specifically a land salt. Where uberfied
with the mountains when the mountains have salt, We're okay
allergic to oak. You're talking about oak salt. Sometimes the
hall of a boat can be it's even that's a
(07:54):
heavy wood. You know what it's it's been cured and treated.
It is word is wood cured. I don't know, but
you know, Pelay, you what isn't cured one of us?
But we just so you know, we are responsible adults
who will not be having children together. And surely half
there they had their first baby. This is our sun, Sebastian.
Please do not touch him, Please do not look at him.
(08:15):
Please do not breathe on him. Please do not think
about him. By what are we getting his bubble? What
are we getting his bubble? Bubble? Sun? Please? What? Sun?
Put your helmet back on, but I want to put
your other helmet on. Put your helmet over your helmet,
your feet? Where are your mittens? Why doesn't he have
his mittens? Eric? What did you do with his mitten?
I wore his mittens? Why were you wearing his mitten?
(08:38):
Because it was warm outside and I wanted to protect
by hands from the UV rays of the sun. Really
good play there. This is Darwinism at its worst, survival
of the weakest. The weakest has emerged. And uh, well,
he's gonna be fine because we both have buddy dood
buddy where we can't touch it. Thought to the die
(08:58):
that they use, and you have dull idea? How corrosive
the die is? Un money is quite corrosive. You guys
just playing into use credit cards and a predominantly crypto
We're actually moving to El Salvador because they are the
currency in El Salvadors moving completely over to the crypto system. Yes,
did you know that they're creating a bit clan city
(09:21):
president of Yeah, we were so excited. We are constantly
hanging on every drop of news that comes out of
El Salvador. Yes, you feel like a lot of your
actions that you take as a couple and to be
predominantly motivated by fear. I don't think realism realist your
fear of touching money, Your fear is a very real
(09:43):
not of fear. I think that's not of fear. Fear
is fear is a false evidence appearing real, and this
is very much real evidence. I don't handle money because
of the die. You don't handle credit cards because I
get blisters on my fingers from running my fingers against
the back. That extras whenever he is around too many
(10:05):
magnetic strips, he gets these um boils. Yes, Jennifer, you're
making eye contact again. You know how that hurts my redness?
Oh sorry, er, don't look at me American laugh. I
means already with Pouter Andy. A specially guests contributor for
(10:29):
this episode is Nicole Amy Schreiber. Our show, we'll be
using our HST Sense generator to bring you a story
in three improvised acts. We sp here is something that
we called fate nor minds or is it an actual
angeble things that we're afraid of? And then it's hard
to decide. It was this act one, after exploring the
(10:55):
abandoned building, he started believing ghosts. It was something that
you the obviously partake in the belief of ghosts, but
after all the evidence he collected being this abandoned building,
he decided he was a ghost leaver and welcome back
to ghost Finders. I'm dex, I'm and I'm a ghost alight, alright,
(11:22):
you're glad. So first thing we're gonna do is what's wrong? Nothing?
I just like, I can't believe we're doing ghosts. No, no, listen,
class project is she's not going to do this. I'm
out of you're gonna do it, I'm doing it. It's fine,
I'll do it, but like, I'm just this whole ghost thing.
It's just why did I bring my sister? I don't
know so annoying. It's gonna be my question to you,
(11:43):
but sorry, if I'm the voice of reason, the voice
of annoying. Oh the gates, sick bar gate, listen, focus,
Welcome back to ghost Geters. Is that what I said?
It was? Cloud ghost Geters, ghost getters? Off those guys. Yeah,
we've only done this three times, and you've changed the
name of it every single time. Go scatters, but we
(12:07):
can't do that. I no, no, no, I sucked it up.
All right, So al right here we go. Here, we are,
welcome back. We're the ghost grabbing we are right now.
You're sexually assaulting ghost ship. Want your sister, dude, you
want to You said you guys wanted to have a
female voice, felt like it would make it more And
(12:29):
then I said I wanted one. I said I wanted
Lindsay Tisdale, not you. Listen. Oh, I'm sorry, you guys
aren't cool enough with your ghost podcast to have Lindsay Tisdale.
All you can get is just Janine. I'm going to
delete all this, by the way, good okay, delete her
from existence because more here, you and I both know
I don't have the capabilities to actually delete a person
(12:50):
from existence in this podcast. I know it's worry sister,
castically dumbass. All right, listen, you have to be about
the ghosts. Let's get back to where we you to
be when it was about the ghosts. Here we go
check one too and take it from the top. All right,
welcome back, we are grabbing ship. Sorry okay, sorry, yea
(13:13):
e everyone, welcome back. We are the hey get out
of here ghost people and we are here. You know,
book your house and we are gonna fun ghosts. I'm
so scared me too. Yeah, I'm sorry scared. I'm not
(13:35):
buying it. Are you scared? I'm so scared. Well you
should be because I have been in this house before
and there were several ghosts in here, and we're gonna
take a look around. What are you looking at me
like incredulously for? Because it's my sister. She's an asshole.
That's worry. Alright, alright, pause. I am willing to be
(13:56):
on a ghost podcast. If you show being proof of
a ghost, how about you just die in and become
a ghost and that's it. Okay. Obviously I'm not going
to sarcastically, you're not going to have any parents because
they're going to kill themselves because I'm their favorite kid,
and they can't live on this earth without you think that,
(14:16):
you think you're the favorite kid. You tell me you're
your allowance in two seconds, I'll say at the same time,
so you get more money? Ready? One? Two? Fifty dollars?
What Steve? What you know? We actually have audio of
the two of you negotiating your allowance with your parents
(14:38):
when you were children. Dad, Why exactly should I because
at some point in time I can come forward and
just make up a story about how you touched me
in inappropriate ways. So I'd say fifty dollars a month
sounds pretty good from both you, and then another fifty
from mom. Um. Wow, Um, I think it's reasonable. We should. Yeah, Steve,
(15:00):
a real bad news for you, bullets man, you're so dramatic.
This is kind of the reason why I'm not giving
you a fifty bucks raising fifty bucks ten bucks? How
about that? That's the opposite direction, that's not higher. So
do I get it or not? Do I want? Do
you get ten bucks? Find you get ten bucks? Y'all suckers? Dude, Yeah,
we're suckers. All right. I'm gonna go hang out with
(15:22):
my Buddy's got a ghost podcast and we're gonna do
piece out stupid what's it called? And we're figuring out
bit all right, now that we got that straightened out, Hey,
did you notice that when we walked into this house
the door was closed? And now it's so bit soen
do you think it was a ghost? I think it
was me. Your sister opened door and just leave it open.
(15:44):
Now you don't want her here. I've been I've been
harping on that too, and since we got here, now
you're just like what I am here for the evidence
that ghosts exists, because you know what, contrary to what
you might think, I respect your friend talks and I
want to know if ghost actually exist. You, on the
other hand, you fucking loser. Why don't you just shut
(16:04):
up and let the adults figure this out? Adults? You're
younger than me, stupid. Like I said, the adults. I
remember when you bargain for your allowance. Yeah, you're the
one who thought ten dollars was more than fifty. So
why don't you if you take all? Right, So, I
appreciate you bringing in your podcast demo, and fortunately we're
(16:27):
going to have to pass on your project for a
myriad of reasons. First, just you and your sister arguing
the entire time. You call us in just to tell us, No,
this could have been a phone call. Yeah, we prefer
to let people down in person, face to face. I'll
tell you what, how about you take the show that
we have it? Have give? Do we want to record
(16:50):
that we did the demo? Start over? What about it?
Start over place? Well, part the whole thing that you
just tried to say. I said, take the demo that
we sent guys, and do whatever you want. You know,
I have to be honest. I typically can't stand anything
my brother says, but I kind of agree with him
on this one. Yeah, I'm in tenth grade. I'm in seven.
Shut up, Phil. He already said no. So what's it
(17:13):
going to take for you to say yes? I'd say
nothing short of what if it just so happens a
few years from now I come forward and tell people
that you've tried to molest me. I would not like that. Well,
then great, otherwise you're I get ten bucks a week,
I get fifty. Okay, well, here's your fifty dollars and
here's your Also, can you edit all of decks out
(17:35):
of it? Yeah, he's a real bummer. He just like
drags the whole thing behind. I really think the fighting
might be the key to success. What do you think,
guys Eving listening the whole time? What do you mean
that I'm the one dragging down this pacase? Isn't my idea?
Were you the whole time I was over in the
corner behind the planet. You were hiding the whole time
(17:57):
behind the plant? No? Well, I mean you're not even
that fin I had the ambient sound of the room
for a different podcast, and working on a podcast that
requires ambiance sound. Yeah, it's called room Getters where we
get the audio rob My Stacks, you operate on fear Bro.
You want to know what Fairman's face everything? He always
(18:18):
regularly Yeah, guys, tomb bucks Richard dummy, I've been listening
to the entire tap. Okay, sure you know it's fifty
bucks richer me? No, me, It's just I don't understand
how you can't keep up with us? Can I have it?
Could you maybe sip quieter? Sorry? Oh yes, I mean
(18:40):
how parts sure you that there is just I mean
you were on the at least six hundred decibels. Had
I had to get sipping fully from my podcast called
Sippy Time Gets Sippy Time. So what I had to
move on without you guys. Podcast became very popular and
end all the way big money players. All right, take one,
(19:02):
Take two. It's for my new podcast that's started. It's
called Ladies Barb starring Deck. Coming up back to the
first the word from our esteemed sponsors, stay with us.
(19:43):
Back to interview. I guess today is nicoll Ammi Shriber. Hello, Nicole, Hey,
thank you for coming. How long you've been listening to
the show. A good period of time? Like what's that period? Like?
Six months? Yeah? Years, six years? I'd say, like maybe
four months. And tell me this about yourself. You live
in Los Angeles, study from here? You're not from here.
(20:05):
I live in l A. But I'm originally from Detroit, Michigan. Nice.
What do you do? I M a stand up comedian? Yes,
I um, you're very funny. Thank you. I do acting
as well, nice, mainly commercial acting. I guess I just
have a face for selling things. I right, occasionally I
produced to Andy also as a face. Who would you say?
(20:25):
Is faces you won't hurt my feelings? Um? Is a
face for sleeping. He is a sleepy face relaxes people. Yeah,
you know, you know what your face is. It's like
ambient thank you. You know, prior to me starting the
show without Andy, I sounded very different. And then he
(20:46):
showed up and he gave you just kind of sound.
We actually have in our archives. We have um that
episode of the show when I came on the producer Andy,
This is Ari, Ari, this is Andy? What's going on?
And what was happening? Hey, I'm really happy to be here.
Um I this is a lovely studio. It's really it's
really decked out. You're right, yea so tired? You know
(21:09):
you're you got one of those Uh do you need
to get say you have a really sleepy face. Yes,
is very sleepy. With some coffee or something. We can
red bull? Do you want a Red Bull? Are you? Yeah?
Your energy really dropped off the cliff. All right, whatever,
I'm fine, And I think they just do this. I'm
so sorry for doing this to Ari. Yeah, it was
(21:32):
like episode It's nine. It's crazy. I mean, so you're
basically saying that his sleepy face created show. Constantly give
you your sleepy boys pretty much created the show in
the dynamic. Do you think my voice is going to
get sleep here. It might change between now and the
end of the interview. You might be a different person.
That's crazy. Sorry, not crazy. It happened so that it
(21:55):
happens to that tell me a little bit more about like,
what are your hobbies. I recently started painting during COVID. Nice,
what are you painting these days? Honestly, it's a big
mess on the canvas. Really, I'm it's almost like somebody
just it's exactly like that as I ejaculate acrylic paint
onto the canvas. I really try to channel pretty much
(22:18):
every man I've ever dated. There's all kinds of ways
of getting it onto the canvas. There's just, you know,
the ejaculatory way. There's the drippy way where you just
you know, just have to Jackson pollocket onto the canvas
and and then sometimes you know, the paint has a
ring of plastic around and you have to pull the
plastic back and then just shmear it on the canvas.
(22:42):
I feel like there's an energy for something, but it
might be wrong. In which one do you prefer about
of those? An explosion because it makes you feel like
you did a good job. It's definitely it's a more
visceral response. And it's a more visceral relation to the canvas.
You know, it really is in every thing I mean
is you can use it as an analogy. The canvas
(23:04):
is life, and the paint is you and the way
you are applied to the canvas out there. I'm just listening.
He's talking about painting and a very soothing the idea
that it's an analogous to just life. I was gonna
say blowing loads, but that too. Yes, what else? What
else are you into? I have a dog, Yes, he
(23:27):
is a rescue. I found him on the street. Dog.
You have a dog I have. Some people say I
probably stole him off the street, but do dogs belong
to the street. I don't know. It's true. I found
a dog in the street, not your current dog. I've
seen pictures of your current dog, now my current dog.
Did you rescue your current dog from a reader? Yes,
and I never I don't regret it. I've rescued many
many dogs in my life. I rescued Andy. He's not
(23:50):
a dog, but I rescued him from it was. Is
that why you guys both wear T shirts? Let's say
who rescued who? Right at home? Whom Yeah, but yeah,
I rescued him from It was like a radio DJ rescue.
Actually have that in our archives. Yeah, you'm rescuing me alright,
coming up next, coming on counting crows, coming up with
(24:12):
the only way to get him, like ghet, the ticket
him to come over is maybe like I got some
that was loose travel was run around wrap the copy
in meat. Sir, do you have anything I could I
can voice? Please? I'm so voicing things? What talent country
(24:34):
toyotas how the President's day say everything must go push
pull drying used color into town and country to thank you? Sir?
Are you looking for radio? Follow you around? That's a
really sweet story. The logic doesn't make sense because I
suked up, but it over. Why why I messed up?
(24:56):
Because technically logically, when I first met you didn't sound
like this. Who cares cares about that? You know? But
you know it's not a Christopher or Nolan movie, It's
a podcast. I'm hungry right now because we talked about
that loose meat. I have a face that makes people hungry, too,
sleepy and sleepy and hungry, turning it long. If you
(25:16):
could have anything you wanted to eat? Right now would
you have what's what's on your mind? Can we play
death row meal? Yeah, it's play death row meal. This
is my favorite game to play. Do you guys want
to go first or do you want me to go first?
You go? Okay, goath throw meal. Yeah. Appetizer barata with
beats and a glazed balsamic finegrat be fancy. Okay, that's
(25:40):
my app Yeah, multiple courses. Yes. By the way, if
you move to motherfucker, you'd never get this kind of treatment,
but just in this fantasy, so go for it. And
then probably a mac and cheese but broiled with crispies
on top. And this is the second appetizer, so I
get a salad. You get a salad, an appetizer, and
(26:01):
an entree. You already picked one appetizer. Oh the bright
is the salad. Cheese. Well, there's some lettuce, but there's
a rugal with its rugle and beats, really milking at
hoping that the governor calls yes, and she's eating like
he's never going to cheese. By the way, the mac
and cheese is like a five or six cheese mac
and cheese. Really, God no, I would never pollut it
(26:23):
with Meatskay, alright, strange cheese and then entree um like
a super super rich um. Spaghettian bowling is tupasta dishes
and one meal and a tirami sou cheesecake. You do it,
Tagian fan. Yeah, it's your first of all. I would
never put myself in a position in death row. Shame
(26:46):
on both of you. Let's say you moved relaxed andy
with that face, you'd get off with the judge sleep. Yeah,
but it is leap um. They're never any possible from
Olive Garden. Just sit there on a throw forever. Just
it's death row with diarrhea. Yeah, that's that's how you
got out of dying. Surely, exactly, never enough I would
(27:11):
do that, yet, Can I revise mine? If you still
never impossible? The death throw loophole? You know you need
buffet be Brazilian baby? Yeah, alright, what else are you yawning?
It's my face, it's his face. Thank you, Nicole, Amy
(27:33):
Schreiber for joining us. Thanks for having me coming up
at three the first A word from our sponsors who
make this high quality program possible. Stay with us at
(27:57):
three to work to j abs, to make ends meet
at least that was the reason for not having time
to join her family and Thanksgiving. Oh she did was
work one job after the other. Even though the family
was in stepped for cash, she kept taking her time
and using it to acquire more jobs. I really can't
(28:18):
believe she's not here now, sweetie, give your mother a break.
He works hard to put food on our table. You know,
dad's out of work. You're retired. You're not out of work.
You have money. Okay, and thank you so much, and
then that's that. That will be it. Okay. Is there
anything else I can do for you? Okay? Okay, p bye, listen.
I can't do this at home customer service job. If
(28:39):
you guys are talking, what where do you expect us
to do? Shall we? You expect us to just leave
the house for eight hours? Do my job? Mom, you
can't just come to the Thanksgiving dinner table. Dad and
I have been cooking all day and he was paying
for that food you're cooking, honey, Dad, he has money.
We turned our bedroom into a home office. You can
(28:59):
work in the home office. I sleep on the foldout.
So what does that have to do with anything? Mom?
You don't want to be part of You don't I'm
working a job to make money and to pay for
the food that you guys are cooking. And you're telling
me that the what but you're kind of what did
you say earlier? It again? I will say it because
(29:20):
I was also listening to her. We have money. We
have money showing the day I'll look around. The house
is in his name. Two years ago you decided you
wanted to work all the time. And it's so apparent
that you're really just trying to escape from being part
of this family. It's not true. I'm trying to survive.
I sat down with you family meeting and I said, Shelley,
(29:44):
you don't have to do this. I am retiring. We
have more than enough money to make ends meet. You
do not have to do this. How did you hear
I have to do this to make ends? Meat? What
I just said? Let me ask you this, Carl, Are
you working now? And I do not just as Are
(30:05):
you working now? I'm not? Were you working before? Am
I working now? Yeah? I think that's logic. I mean
someone's got to work in this house. That is an
expression you hold please customer sport and she doesn't be
part of high Yeah, why are we even what's your account, Charlie. Okay,
(30:27):
it's buffering. Let me just give you a credit for
the month she's with my mom at this Thank you
so much, part of this family. Thank you for calling
LUE customer service. If you need anything else, let me know.
Did she just roll over into another call? There's a
survey at the very end of the call, and it's
just go ahead. Okay, Thank you so much. Also, you're
going to put five dollars in the swear job for
calling of flipping fun earlier? Did you say something? Was
(30:47):
there something you wanted to say inherent? I just think
it's so rude that you're doing this to us. Don't
you see that you're hurting me and me I spent
my entire life working hard so you would not have
to do this. What do you want me to do?
You want me just be at the house and not
do anything. I think that that was evident immediately. That
was like the first thing that we said, do nothing
(31:09):
with my time, Shelley, take your head. Daughter. You can
be my mom, and i'm your husband. You can be
my wife, Kelly. If I don't work that I'm gonna die.
I don't know if that's true. I have to work.
I have to do something with my hands. Listen, I
know exactly what you're going through. I remember when I
was about to retire, and I thought to myself, what's
my purpose? My purpose? That's what I said. I was thinking.
(31:31):
You know, that's what I'm saying, go for it. I'm saying,
what's my purpose? Purpose? What I said to myself, what's
my purpose? What's my purpose? Your purpose is to be
a fourteen year old go to school, get good grades,
go out on dates with that Ryan with that nice nose. God, no,
(31:52):
it's fixed by the way. It's nice city population him.
You know, Ryan, the one who likes Why do you
have to talk like your on TikTok? You just changed?
Do you understand why I want to disappear into my
work because I don't even know who you are anymore? Dad,
I can't even believe I'm siding with mom on this,
But like you really do try way too hard to
(32:14):
be TikTok. And you got so excited about Ryan's notes
while you too just flip the switch? U are you
just slip bose? Wife? Right? Wife? Okay? All right? Do
you have more followers than I do? On TikTok? Yeah,
I carried away and Shelley. How many followers do you
have on turk Talk. I'm too busy with my job. Yeah,
(32:40):
I worked really hard, so that's my job. That doesn't
about me about my seventeen TikTok followers? And what's this
about about? We haven't too many jobs? Yes, okay, job
being too many? Fine, I'll quit my jobs today about that?
Will you will you? I will quit my jobs. Dave
makes my family happy. I'm gonna call my boss right
now on allaylog. Hello, Moss. Yeah, it's me, It's it's yeah, Shelly,
(33:10):
and I quit. Click Shelly. You just said that into
a pine cone. I did not you already even talking
into a phone just now. Well, some pine cones actually
work as phones. Carl doesn't know that because it doesn't
have a job. Really, I really thought this was gonna
be a fun Thanksgiving dinner. Fine, you me to quit? Me?
Quit my job? Yes? Really? Yes? Which jobs? Name them all?
(33:31):
I'll quit obviously. Customer service for you who didn't say yo?
Who Hulu? And you who? Yes? Yes, that's the chocolate
drink and hullo and Hulu service for Hulu. It's not
even on the phone with this is what I'm talking
about for you. We don't even have Hulu at the house.
I'm not into the content. Well, we did have it
for a while, but then it I couldn't get it
to work, and I couldn't. I couldn't customers using Uncle
(33:55):
Jerry's Hulu. What other jobs did you want me to quit? Yo? Who? Cho? Cho?
Can't give up too? Why not? Because I can't, Carl,
I can't give up Cho Chu. Please, you don't grab
up Cho. This marriage is over. Do you know what
benefits like it from Cho? Cho? Choo Chu is done?
I'll quit Choo Choo? Are you happy? I can't? Boo
boo quick boo boo blee. I don't even believe you
(34:17):
intend to really quit Chu Chu Chu Chu and Boo
boo are gone. I think you're doing a really hard
time believing that mom works for a place called Chu
Chu and Boo boo. It sounds like made up jobs
at this point. It's not I joined Choochi and I
quit foopoo? What are you quit? Foo boo boopoo? Not
Foo boo probo didn't hire you. I try to get
(34:38):
a job at Foo boo for so long after I
quit your bow. Did you tell them of your years
working at the British Nights Factory? Didn't care? Did you
tell them that I pushed Caverci? Yes, tell him that
I personally know. Okay, it didn't matter. That didn't care.
Did you ever work at Stoosima Hellaire? And nobody talks
(35:01):
about Stusie anymore? Get with the Time's girl. Watch what
about Benetton Bandy, Hannah, ben Ben and Jerry Listen. Let's
just have a family Thanksgiving. This is kind of getting bananas?
Isn't think you work at a place called bananas? Were
you passed the bananas place? They're here's all the bananas
you want. I made them earlier, please before they get
(35:24):
cold made. Yes, I did. I think the Lord above
our good Lord and say, Jesus God Christish, what are
you talking about? Correction? Were Jewish? And then I retired
from you retired from Judaism, from my job as a
cantor at the synagogue. Is so now you're referencing Jesus Christ.
(35:46):
Our lorders were not Jews for Jesus. Yeah, it's clear
that six pcent of us are not juice for Jesus.
It's two thirds. Literally, have known you I'm sorry. I
was just having a hard time concent training because once,
let's smell all those bananas head mine hostrils. That's all
I can think about. This nice giving dinner. I would
like to bar the way, give thanks to the Lord above,
(36:07):
Jesus Christ, our Lord, and the story of your my Messiah. SMA,
yes right, don't Uhi meets memos right new memos R.
(36:27):
I'm dying. I can't stay mad at you. Jody as
a produce and especially Gainst contributor Nicolay Shaiber and This
is American Laugh with There's not a tie in any airs.
Next day, This American Laugh with Aristotle Attari and Andy
Harris can be found wherever you get your podcasts. Be
(36:48):
sure to subscribe, rate and review. You can also find
us on Instagram at This American Laugh and on Twitter
at American Laugh with three h That's American Laugh with
three Aches.
Portions of This American Laugh with Aristotle Atari and Andy Harris.
The improvised documentary podcast are brought to you by listeners
like yourself, are esteemed sponsors, and the all powerful, all
knowing Random Sentence Generator, which inspires the stories you're about
to hear. Yes, whenever you hear this sound, the next
sentence you hear is a random sentence provided by our
(00:21):
revered omnipotent Random Sentence Generator. Or more This American Laugh.
Listened to more episodes of This American Laugh. I guess,
and now your first random sentence. He ended up burning
his fingers poking someone else's fire. Have it that he had?
(00:44):
You just wunk up someone's fire and look at it,
even though it wasn't his. It's almost like an analogy
to him poking his nose in someone's business. Oh wow,
it's bright, it's warm. Would you mind terribly? First of all,
who are you? This is our fire? What are you
doing here? I'm sorry? This is my husband, he is
he is just I think he forgot his medication. I'm
(01:06):
just having a little bit of trouble starting and starting
a fire here by myself on the beach like normal.
And then the sky kimes into this by my fire. Honey, honey,
you need to stop bothering people out. We're roughing it.
I don't really have a whole lot of experience. We
are not roughing it. Okay. We have a streamline and
airline streamline what are they called? What the silver tank?
(01:28):
We have set an airstream. We have an airstream stream
We rented this off Airbnb for six thousand dollars a night. Yes,
we're not roughing it, honey. Well you know I am
all I got is all I have is this fire.
You want to burn my fire, and you got a
stream over there? What's that about? Buddy? Look, look, look,
(01:49):
I mean you just don't we this situation. Okay, this
is all on you right now. You're the one who
cast your lady buddy. What look, buddy, looks like you
could use a nice and change shower. Both. Would you
like a hot meal? Let's start us off there a
hot meal for five bucks? About to make a hot meal.
He's the one who is the fire. I was, Yeah,
(02:10):
it was your hot meal. I'll do it for five bucks.
Let me get this straight. You're trying to get a
hot meal and money. Pick one, Pick one, hot meal.
You don't get both. What do we look like? A
bank of food and money? Bank? Food bank? Or restaurant?
About a bank or a restaurant? Do we look like
either of those things? Do we look like a bank?
Or saying I'm fat? He said I was fat? Honey?
(02:31):
Are you calling my wife? You guys are too complicated.
I'm going back to my fire man. No, wait, wait, wait, wait,
please please. You're not going to tweet about this, are
you bugs? What do we look like a food? Don't
tweet bank? Tweeting bank? What do you think? Just keep
(02:52):
your mouth shut? Right? Yea, look, look dude, I'm doing
Karen and Ken give me five bucks each. I'll keep
my mouth shut and all s in your bags too.
Just tweet read. By the way, those are not sandwiches.
Those are slava roll ups from Gilson's All Right, big difference.
(03:13):
He's pretending to tweet. He doesn't even have a phone
out of his hand. He's just clicking. Yeah, that's that's
playing cone and it's five jeep and cool. Motherfucker? Is
that what you think to do with an actual phone?
Are you going? Are you? Are you pantomiming what you're
going to do? What do you want me to not
tweet that you too are just harassing me because you're
taking your privilege and you're just like fronting in my face.
(03:33):
You don't have a camera or anything right now, do
you do? Everything's got cameras. I got three of them.
You're a canned camera dude. Yeah, that show is canceled. Yeah,
come on, well you gotta accept something. I say. You
denying every Now we're all right. I'm excited about this
revival of Candid Camera. Her excited. I could be more excited.
(03:56):
You know what I think is really important is that
can you have one of the ps pick up some
zero deck because okay you can you're stuffed up the
dip stuffed Hey hey, Glen word, Yeah, Glen word, Yes,
could you do me a favor? This production meeting has
already set it off on the wrong foot. We're both
so can the Santa at a Woods are just say
(04:17):
you're pretty hard? I'll get any any est means for
you guys? Is that good? I suppose? So? Do you
want a nasalash? Do you happen to having a little
If he's going to go, we should get a nasal
Oh yeah? Could you do as a solid yes, could
you write it down? That's a pine cone. Write it
down an actual based basi. You could use your you
pull your nutes on your phone out and you don't
(04:38):
want me to do it on the pine cone. Now,
please do not do it on the pine don't do
it on the could have been clear. Do not write
it on the You don't need to use a pensapp.
It's just on your phone. You type it nasal s
A L, A lot of letters N and s al
by chance, just turn the key noise off? Yeah, you
(05:04):
know what? How I don't know if he's typing the
right number of you can turn letters? Can you turn
it back on? But make it a little make it
like a medium volume between that's what it was before.
That's a little lower. Could it's pretty good nasal leavage
zero tech, but make sure it's name brand. Um. They
(05:25):
missed a one very very very very key ingredient in
the generic which one I don't know which one, but
I know that there's one missing. Why would it be generic? Then?
I don't know that? Sometimes that's why subtle. So that's
why the as subtle as the shape of THEO. And
(05:45):
that's when they realized and they've been together so long
as co workers, they never realized that they just had
that for each other. They started making up. He got
to be Okay, it's really hard to bake out with
you what I could early breathe, uh, Jennifer, Yes, Jennifer,
(06:07):
Eric will Jennifer. Yes. We've out each other for six weeks,
six and it has been the most magical six weeks
of my life. It Will you go out with me sometime? Yes,
but not for the next two weeks. I'm currently on
a round of antibiotics for my stebo. I have a
small antistal back. She'll overgrowth, um, so it's really hard
for me to eat anything to keep it in. But
(06:28):
as soon as I'm done with that, okay, Well that's
like a two weeks for the two week course of
auti biotics. But then I have to get up. Probiotics
will give you another week for my stomach to get
back to normal, because I don't want to be on
a date with you and then like my stomach starts
hurting by their ailments, their allergies. Ibs. Did I mention
that I'm Jewish the first moment that we met each other.
You've mentioned that before, You've told me what your name was.
I was like, look I am. Despite exactly they were
(06:51):
both at allergies IBS j E w S, they still
managed to find love together. That's their story. We felt
love in a quite hopeless place. When was the first
time you realize that you were in love with him?
I just had somebody ailments in common. When did you
realize that you just naturally sounded this way? And no
matter how many in hisstor means you took, this is
(07:11):
always go bet the tone immediately. It's interesting when you
are a person who is afflicted with ailments. There is
a comfort you have when you realize the person you're
with is in the same boat. But truly, we both
can't be in boats because of you. Guys both have
(07:34):
algae algae and and as salt. Yeah, just salt, the
salted water, the salt, specifically a land salt. Where uberfied
with the mountains when the mountains have salt, We're okay
allergic to oak. You're talking about oak salt. Sometimes the
hall of a boat can be it's even that's a
(07:54):
heavy wood. You know what it's it's been cured and treated.
It is word is wood cured. I don't know, but
you know, Pelay, you what isn't cured one of us?
But we just so you know, we are responsible adults
who will not be having children together. And surely half
there they had their first baby. This is our sun, Sebastian.
Please do not touch him, Please do not look at him.
(08:15):
Please do not breathe on him. Please do not think
about him. By what are we getting his bubble? What
are we getting his bubble? Bubble? Sun? Please? What? Sun?
Put your helmet back on, but I want to put
your other helmet on. Put your helmet over your helmet,
your feet? Where are your mittens? Why doesn't he have
his mittens? Eric? What did you do with his mitten?
I wore his mittens? Why were you wearing his mitten?
(08:38):
Because it was warm outside and I wanted to protect
by hands from the UV rays of the sun. Really
good play there. This is Darwinism at its worst, survival
of the weakest. The weakest has emerged. And uh, well,
he's gonna be fine because we both have buddy dood
buddy where we can't touch it. Thought to the die
(08:58):
that they use, and you have dull idea? How corrosive
the die is? Un money is quite corrosive. You guys
just playing into use credit cards and a predominantly crypto
We're actually moving to El Salvador because they are the
currency in El Salvadors moving completely over to the crypto system. Yes,
did you know that they're creating a bit clan city
(09:21):
president of Yeah, we were so excited. We are constantly
hanging on every drop of news that comes out of
El Salvador. Yes, you feel like a lot of your
actions that you take as a couple and to be
predominantly motivated by fear. I don't think realism realist your
fear of touching money, Your fear is a very real
(09:43):
not of fear. I think that's not of fear. Fear
is fear is a false evidence appearing real, and this
is very much real evidence. I don't handle money because
of the die. You don't handle credit cards because I
get blisters on my fingers from running my fingers against
the back. That extras whenever he is around too many
(10:05):
magnetic strips, he gets these um boils. Yes, Jennifer, you're
making eye contact again. You know how that hurts my redness?
Oh sorry, er, don't look at me American laugh. I
means already with Pouter Andy. A specially guests contributor for
(10:29):
this episode is Nicole Amy Schreiber. Our show, we'll be
using our HST Sense generator to bring you a story
in three improvised acts. We sp here is something that
we called fate nor minds or is it an actual
angeble things that we're afraid of? And then it's hard
to decide. It was this act one, after exploring the
(10:55):
abandoned building, he started believing ghosts. It was something that
you the obviously partake in the belief of ghosts, but
after all the evidence he collected being this abandoned building,
he decided he was a ghost leaver and welcome back
to ghost Finders. I'm dex, I'm and I'm a ghost alight, alright,
(11:22):
you're glad. So first thing we're gonna do is what's wrong? Nothing?
I just like, I can't believe we're doing ghosts. No, no, listen,
class project is she's not going to do this. I'm
out of you're gonna do it, I'm doing it. It's fine,
I'll do it, but like, I'm just this whole ghost thing.
It's just why did I bring my sister? I don't
know so annoying. It's gonna be my question to you,
(11:43):
but sorry, if I'm the voice of reason, the voice
of annoying. Oh the gates, sick bar gate, listen, focus,
Welcome back to ghost Geters. Is that what I said?
It was? Cloud ghost Geters, ghost getters? Off those guys. Yeah,
we've only done this three times, and you've changed the
name of it every single time. Go scatters, but we
(12:07):
can't do that. I no, no, no, I sucked it up.
All right, So al right here we go. Here, we are,
welcome back. We're the ghost grabbing we are right now.
You're sexually assaulting ghost ship. Want your sister, dude, you
want to You said you guys wanted to have a
female voice, felt like it would make it more And
(12:29):
then I said I wanted one. I said I wanted
Lindsay Tisdale, not you. Listen. Oh, I'm sorry, you guys
aren't cool enough with your ghost podcast to have Lindsay Tisdale.
All you can get is just Janine. I'm going to
delete all this, by the way, good okay, delete her
from existence because more here, you and I both know
I don't have the capabilities to actually delete a person
(12:50):
from existence in this podcast. I know it's worry sister,
castically dumbass. All right, listen, you have to be about
the ghosts. Let's get back to where we you to
be when it was about the ghosts. Here we go
check one too and take it from the top. All right,
welcome back, we are grabbing ship. Sorry okay, sorry, yea
(13:13):
e everyone, welcome back. We are the hey get out
of here ghost people and we are here. You know,
book your house and we are gonna fun ghosts. I'm
so scared me too. Yeah, I'm sorry scared. I'm not
(13:35):
buying it. Are you scared? I'm so scared. Well you
should be because I have been in this house before
and there were several ghosts in here, and we're gonna
take a look around. What are you looking at me
like incredulously for? Because it's my sister. She's an asshole.
That's worry. Alright, alright, pause. I am willing to be
(13:56):
on a ghost podcast. If you show being proof of
a ghost, how about you just die in and become
a ghost and that's it. Okay. Obviously I'm not going
to sarcastically, you're not going to have any parents because
they're going to kill themselves because I'm their favorite kid,
and they can't live on this earth without you think that,
(14:16):
you think you're the favorite kid. You tell me you're
your allowance in two seconds, I'll say at the same time,
so you get more money? Ready? One? Two? Fifty dollars?
What Steve? What you know? We actually have audio of
the two of you negotiating your allowance with your parents
(14:38):
when you were children. Dad, Why exactly should I because
at some point in time I can come forward and
just make up a story about how you touched me
in inappropriate ways. So I'd say fifty dollars a month
sounds pretty good from both you, and then another fifty
from mom. Um. Wow, Um, I think it's reasonable. We should. Yeah, Steve,
(15:00):
a real bad news for you, bullets man, you're so dramatic.
This is kind of the reason why I'm not giving
you a fifty bucks raising fifty bucks ten bucks? How
about that? That's the opposite direction, that's not higher. So
do I get it or not? Do I want? Do
you get ten bucks? Find you get ten bucks? Y'all suckers? Dude, Yeah,
we're suckers. All right. I'm gonna go hang out with
(15:22):
my Buddy's got a ghost podcast and we're gonna do
piece out stupid what's it called? And we're figuring out
bit all right, now that we got that straightened out, Hey,
did you notice that when we walked into this house
the door was closed? And now it's so bit soen
do you think it was a ghost? I think it
was me. Your sister opened door and just leave it open.
(15:44):
Now you don't want her here. I've been I've been
harping on that too, and since we got here, now
you're just like what I am here for the evidence
that ghosts exists, because you know what, contrary to what
you might think, I respect your friend talks and I
want to know if ghost actually exist. You, on the
other hand, you fucking loser. Why don't you just shut
(16:04):
up and let the adults figure this out? Adults? You're
younger than me, stupid. Like I said, the adults. I
remember when you bargain for your allowance. Yeah, you're the
one who thought ten dollars was more than fifty. So
why don't you if you take all? Right, So, I
appreciate you bringing in your podcast demo, and fortunately we're
(16:27):
going to have to pass on your project for a
myriad of reasons. First, just you and your sister arguing
the entire time. You call us in just to tell us, No,
this could have been a phone call. Yeah, we prefer
to let people down in person, face to face. I'll
tell you what, how about you take the show that
we have it? Have give? Do we want to record
(16:50):
that we did the demo? Start over? What about it?
Start over place? Well, part the whole thing that you
just tried to say. I said, take the demo that
we sent guys, and do whatever you want. You know,
I have to be honest. I typically can't stand anything
my brother says, but I kind of agree with him
on this one. Yeah, I'm in tenth grade. I'm in seven.
Shut up, Phil. He already said no. So what's it
(17:13):
going to take for you to say yes? I'd say
nothing short of what if it just so happens a
few years from now I come forward and tell people
that you've tried to molest me. I would not like that. Well,
then great, otherwise you're I get ten bucks a week,
I get fifty. Okay, well, here's your fifty dollars and
here's your Also, can you edit all of decks out
(17:35):
of it? Yeah, he's a real bummer. He just like
drags the whole thing behind. I really think the fighting
might be the key to success. What do you think,
guys Eving listening the whole time? What do you mean
that I'm the one dragging down this pacase? Isn't my idea?
Were you the whole time I was over in the
corner behind the planet. You were hiding the whole time
(17:57):
behind the plant? No? Well, I mean you're not even
that fin I had the ambient sound of the room
for a different podcast, and working on a podcast that
requires ambiance sound. Yeah, it's called room Getters where we
get the audio rob My Stacks, you operate on fear Bro.
You want to know what Fairman's face everything? He always
(18:18):
regularly Yeah, guys, tomb bucks Richard dummy, I've been listening
to the entire tap. Okay, sure you know it's fifty
bucks richer me? No, me, It's just I don't understand
how you can't keep up with us? Can I have it?
Could you maybe sip quieter? Sorry? Oh yes, I mean
(18:40):
how parts sure you that there is just I mean
you were on the at least six hundred decibels. Had
I had to get sipping fully from my podcast called
Sippy Time Gets Sippy Time. So what I had to
move on without you guys. Podcast became very popular and
end all the way big money players. All right, take one,
(19:02):
Take two. It's for my new podcast that's started. It's
called Ladies Barb starring Deck. Coming up back to the
first the word from our esteemed sponsors, stay with us.
(19:43):
Back to interview. I guess today is nicoll Ammi Shriber. Hello, Nicole, Hey,
thank you for coming. How long you've been listening to
the show. A good period of time? Like what's that period? Like?
Six months? Yeah? Years, six years? I'd say, like maybe
four months. And tell me this about yourself. You live
in Los Angeles, study from here? You're not from here.
(20:05):
I live in l A. But I'm originally from Detroit, Michigan. Nice.
What do you do? I M a stand up comedian? Yes,
I um, you're very funny. Thank you. I do acting
as well, nice, mainly commercial acting. I guess I just
have a face for selling things. I right, occasionally I
produced to Andy also as a face. Who would you say?
(20:25):
Is faces you won't hurt my feelings? Um? Is a
face for sleeping. He is a sleepy face relaxes people. Yeah,
you know, you know what your face is. It's like
ambient thank you. You know, prior to me starting the
show without Andy, I sounded very different. And then he
(20:46):
showed up and he gave you just kind of sound.
We actually have in our archives. We have um that
episode of the show when I came on the producer Andy,
This is Ari, Ari, this is Andy? What's going on?
And what was happening? Hey, I'm really happy to be here.
Um I this is a lovely studio. It's really it's
really decked out. You're right, yea so tired? You know
(21:09):
you're you got one of those Uh do you need
to get say you have a really sleepy face. Yes,
is very sleepy. With some coffee or something. We can
red bull? Do you want a Red Bull? Are you? Yeah?
Your energy really dropped off the cliff. All right, whatever,
I'm fine, And I think they just do this. I'm
so sorry for doing this to Ari. Yeah, it was
(21:32):
like episode It's nine. It's crazy. I mean, so you're
basically saying that his sleepy face created show. Constantly give
you your sleepy boys pretty much created the show in
the dynamic. Do you think my voice is going to
get sleep here. It might change between now and the
end of the interview. You might be a different person.
That's crazy. Sorry, not crazy. It happened so that it
(21:55):
happens to that tell me a little bit more about like,
what are your hobbies. I recently started painting during COVID. Nice,
what are you painting these days? Honestly, it's a big
mess on the canvas. Really, I'm it's almost like somebody
just it's exactly like that as I ejaculate acrylic paint
onto the canvas. I really try to channel pretty much
(22:18):
every man I've ever dated. There's all kinds of ways
of getting it onto the canvas. There's just, you know,
the ejaculatory way. There's the drippy way where you just
you know, just have to Jackson pollocket onto the canvas
and and then sometimes you know, the paint has a
ring of plastic around and you have to pull the
plastic back and then just shmear it on the canvas.
(22:42):
I feel like there's an energy for something, but it
might be wrong. In which one do you prefer about
of those? An explosion because it makes you feel like
you did a good job. It's definitely it's a more
visceral response. And it's a more visceral relation to the canvas.
You know, it really is in every thing I mean
is you can use it as an analogy. The canvas
(23:04):
is life, and the paint is you and the way
you are applied to the canvas out there. I'm just listening.
He's talking about painting and a very soothing the idea
that it's an analogous to just life. I was gonna
say blowing loads, but that too. Yes, what else? What
else are you into? I have a dog, Yes, he
(23:27):
is a rescue. I found him on the street. Dog.
You have a dog I have. Some people say I
probably stole him off the street, but do dogs belong
to the street. I don't know. It's true. I found
a dog in the street, not your current dog. I've
seen pictures of your current dog, now my current dog.
Did you rescue your current dog from a reader? Yes,
and I never I don't regret it. I've rescued many
many dogs in my life. I rescued Andy. He's not
(23:50):
a dog, but I rescued him from it was. Is
that why you guys both wear T shirts? Let's say
who rescued who? Right at home? Whom Yeah, but yeah,
I rescued him from It was like a radio DJ rescue.
Actually have that in our archives. Yeah, you'm rescuing me alright,
coming up next, coming on counting crows, coming up with
(24:12):
the only way to get him, like ghet, the ticket
him to come over is maybe like I got some
that was loose travel was run around wrap the copy
in meat. Sir, do you have anything I could I
can voice? Please? I'm so voicing things? What talent country
(24:34):
toyotas how the President's day say everything must go push
pull drying used color into town and country to thank you? Sir?
Are you looking for radio? Follow you around? That's a
really sweet story. The logic doesn't make sense because I
suked up, but it over. Why why I messed up?
(24:56):
Because technically logically, when I first met you didn't sound
like this. Who cares cares about that? You know? But
you know it's not a Christopher or Nolan movie, It's
a podcast. I'm hungry right now because we talked about
that loose meat. I have a face that makes people hungry, too,
sleepy and sleepy and hungry, turning it long. If you
(25:16):
could have anything you wanted to eat? Right now would
you have what's what's on your mind? Can we play
death row meal? Yeah, it's play death row meal. This
is my favorite game to play. Do you guys want
to go first or do you want me to go first?
You go? Okay, goath throw meal. Yeah. Appetizer barata with
beats and a glazed balsamic finegrat be fancy. Okay, that's
(25:40):
my app Yeah, multiple courses. Yes. By the way, if
you move to motherfucker, you'd never get this kind of treatment,
but just in this fantasy, so go for it. And
then probably a mac and cheese but broiled with crispies
on top. And this is the second appetizer, so I
get a salad. You get a salad, an appetizer, and
(26:01):
an entree. You already picked one appetizer. Oh the bright
is the salad. Cheese. Well, there's some lettuce, but there's
a rugal with its rugle and beats, really milking at
hoping that the governor calls yes, and she's eating like
he's never going to cheese. By the way, the mac
and cheese is like a five or six cheese mac
and cheese. Really, God no, I would never pollut it
(26:23):
with Meatskay, alright, strange cheese and then entree um like
a super super rich um. Spaghettian bowling is tupasta dishes
and one meal and a tirami sou cheesecake. You do it,
Tagian fan. Yeah, it's your first of all. I would
never put myself in a position in death row. Shame
(26:46):
on both of you. Let's say you moved relaxed andy
with that face, you'd get off with the judge sleep. Yeah,
but it is leap um. They're never any possible from
Olive Garden. Just sit there on a throw forever. Just
it's death row with diarrhea. Yeah, that's that's how you
got out of dying. Surely, exactly, never enough I would
(27:11):
do that, yet, Can I revise mine? If you still
never impossible? The death throw loophole? You know you need
buffet be Brazilian baby? Yeah, alright, what else are you yawning?
It's my face, it's his face. Thank you, Nicole, Amy
(27:33):
Schreiber for joining us. Thanks for having me coming up
at three the first A word from our sponsors who
make this high quality program possible. Stay with us at
(27:57):
three to work to j abs, to make ends meet
at least that was the reason for not having time
to join her family and Thanksgiving. Oh she did was
work one job after the other. Even though the family
was in stepped for cash, she kept taking her time
and using it to acquire more jobs. I really can't
(28:18):
believe she's not here now, sweetie, give your mother a break.
He works hard to put food on our table. You know,
dad's out of work. You're retired. You're not out of work.
You have money. Okay, and thank you so much, and
then that's that. That will be it. Okay. Is there
anything else I can do for you? Okay? Okay, p bye, listen.
I can't do this at home customer service job. If
(28:39):
you guys are talking, what where do you expect us
to do? Shall we? You expect us to just leave
the house for eight hours? Do my job? Mom, you
can't just come to the Thanksgiving dinner table. Dad and
I have been cooking all day and he was paying
for that food you're cooking, honey, Dad, he has money.
We turned our bedroom into a home office. You can
(28:59):
work in the home office. I sleep on the foldout.
So what does that have to do with anything? Mom?
You don't want to be part of You don't I'm
working a job to make money and to pay for
the food that you guys are cooking. And you're telling
me that the what but you're kind of what did
you say earlier? It again? I will say it because
(29:20):
I was also listening to her. We have money. We
have money showing the day I'll look around. The house
is in his name. Two years ago you decided you
wanted to work all the time. And it's so apparent
that you're really just trying to escape from being part
of this family. It's not true. I'm trying to survive.
I sat down with you family meeting and I said, Shelley,
(29:44):
you don't have to do this. I am retiring. We
have more than enough money to make ends meet. You
do not have to do this. How did you hear
I have to do this to make ends? Meat? What
I just said? Let me ask you this, Carl, Are
you working now? And I do not just as Are
(30:05):
you working now? I'm not? Were you working before? Am
I working now? Yeah? I think that's logic. I mean
someone's got to work in this house. That is an
expression you hold please customer sport and she doesn't be
part of high Yeah, why are we even what's your account, Charlie. Okay,
(30:27):
it's buffering. Let me just give you a credit for
the month she's with my mom at this Thank you
so much, part of this family. Thank you for calling
LUE customer service. If you need anything else, let me know.
Did she just roll over into another call? There's a
survey at the very end of the call, and it's
just go ahead. Okay, Thank you so much. Also, you're
going to put five dollars in the swear job for
calling of flipping fun earlier? Did you say something? Was
(30:47):
there something you wanted to say inherent? I just think
it's so rude that you're doing this to us. Don't
you see that you're hurting me and me I spent
my entire life working hard so you would not have
to do this. What do you want me to do?
You want me just be at the house and not
do anything. I think that that was evident immediately. That
was like the first thing that we said, do nothing
(31:09):
with my time, Shelley, take your head. Daughter. You can
be my mom, and i'm your husband. You can be
my wife, Kelly. If I don't work that I'm gonna die.
I don't know if that's true. I have to work.
I have to do something with my hands. Listen, I
know exactly what you're going through. I remember when I
was about to retire, and I thought to myself, what's
my purpose? My purpose? That's what I said. I was thinking.
(31:31):
You know, that's what I'm saying, go for it. I'm saying,
what's my purpose? Purpose? What I said to myself, what's
my purpose? What's my purpose? Your purpose is to be
a fourteen year old go to school, get good grades,
go out on dates with that Ryan with that nice nose. God, no,
(31:52):
it's fixed by the way. It's nice city population him.
You know, Ryan, the one who likes Why do you
have to talk like your on TikTok? You just changed?
Do you understand why I want to disappear into my
work because I don't even know who you are anymore? Dad,
I can't even believe I'm siding with mom on this,
But like you really do try way too hard to
(32:14):
be TikTok. And you got so excited about Ryan's notes
while you too just flip the switch? U are you
just slip bose? Wife? Right? Wife? Okay? All right? Do
you have more followers than I do? On TikTok? Yeah,
I carried away and Shelley. How many followers do you
have on turk Talk. I'm too busy with my job. Yeah,
(32:40):
I worked really hard, so that's my job. That doesn't
about me about my seventeen TikTok followers? And what's this
about about? We haven't too many jobs? Yes, okay, job
being too many? Fine, I'll quit my jobs today about that?
Will you will you? I will quit my jobs. Dave
makes my family happy. I'm gonna call my boss right
now on allaylog. Hello, Moss. Yeah, it's me, It's it's yeah, Shelly,
(33:10):
and I quit. Click Shelly. You just said that into
a pine cone. I did not you already even talking
into a phone just now. Well, some pine cones actually
work as phones. Carl doesn't know that because it doesn't
have a job. Really, I really thought this was gonna
be a fun Thanksgiving dinner. Fine, you me to quit? Me?
Quit my job? Yes? Really? Yes? Which jobs? Name them all?
(33:31):
I'll quit obviously. Customer service for you who didn't say yo?
Who Hulu? And you who? Yes? Yes, that's the chocolate
drink and hullo and Hulu service for Hulu. It's not
even on the phone with this is what I'm talking
about for you. We don't even have Hulu at the house.
I'm not into the content. Well, we did have it
for a while, but then it I couldn't get it
to work, and I couldn't. I couldn't customers using Uncle
(33:55):
Jerry's Hulu. What other jobs did you want me to quit? Yo? Who? Cho? Cho?
Can't give up too? Why not? Because I can't, Carl,
I can't give up Cho Chu. Please, you don't grab
up Cho. This marriage is over. Do you know what
benefits like it from Cho? Cho? Choo Chu is done?
I'll quit Choo Choo? Are you happy? I can't? Boo
boo quick boo boo blee. I don't even believe you
(34:17):
intend to really quit Chu Chu Chu Chu and Boo
boo are gone. I think you're doing a really hard
time believing that mom works for a place called Chu
Chu and Boo boo. It sounds like made up jobs
at this point. It's not I joined Choochi and I
quit foopoo? What are you quit? Foo boo boopoo? Not
Foo boo probo didn't hire you. I try to get
(34:38):
a job at Foo boo for so long after I
quit your bow. Did you tell them of your years
working at the British Nights Factory? Didn't care? Did you
tell them that I pushed Caverci? Yes, tell him that
I personally know. Okay, it didn't matter. That didn't care.
Did you ever work at Stoosima Hellaire? And nobody talks
(35:01):
about Stusie anymore? Get with the Time's girl. Watch what
about Benetton Bandy, Hannah, ben Ben and Jerry Listen. Let's
just have a family Thanksgiving. This is kind of getting bananas?
Isn't think you work at a place called bananas? Were
you passed the bananas place? They're here's all the bananas
you want. I made them earlier, please before they get
(35:24):
cold made. Yes, I did. I think the Lord above
our good Lord and say, Jesus God Christish, what are
you talking about? Correction? Were Jewish? And then I retired
from you retired from Judaism, from my job as a
cantor at the synagogue. Is so now you're referencing Jesus Christ.
(35:46):
Our lorders were not Jews for Jesus. Yeah, it's clear
that six pcent of us are not juice for Jesus.
It's two thirds. Literally, have known you I'm sorry. I
was just having a hard time concent training because once,
let's smell all those bananas head mine hostrils. That's all
I can think about. This nice giving dinner. I would
like to bar the way, give thanks to the Lord above,
(36:07):
Jesus Christ, our Lord, and the story of your my Messiah. SMA,
yes right, don't Uhi meets memos right new memos R.
(36:27):
I'm dying. I can't stay mad at you. Jody as
a produce and especially Gainst contributor Nicolay Shaiber and This
is American Laugh with There's not a tie in any airs.
Next day, This American Laugh with Aristotle Attari and Andy
Harris can be found wherever you get your podcasts. Be
(36:48):
sure to subscribe, rate and review. You can also find
us on Instagram at This American Laugh and on Twitter
at American Laugh with three h That's American Laugh with
three Aches.
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