January 31, 2022 • 41 mins
This week’s theme: “Fidelity.” A man learns some harsh truths about his wife, a zoo makes some changes and a scofflaw tries to start a new life.
Special Guest Contributor Erik Griffin is a stand-up comedian, writer and actor. You’ve seen him on “Workaholics,” “I’m Dying Up Here,” “Bob’s Burgers,” “Arrested Development” and many, many other places.
More at: http://www.erikgriffin.com/
IG: @erikgriffin
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Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Portions of This American Laugh with Aristotle Attari and Andy Harris.
The improvised documentary podcast are brought to you by listeners
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(00:21):
revered omnipotent Random Sentence Generator. Or more This American Laugh.
Listened to more episodes of This American Laugh, I guess
and now your first random sentence. He went back to
the video to see what had been recorded and was
shocked at what he saw. It was a surveillance camera
(00:46):
that had been trained at the front of his house
a long time. And what he found out is why
this packages are always disappearing. What oh? What? Oh? No, nothing?
Oh you're dropping something off for me? I am You're
dropping off a package for me? I am? Yeah. Do
you want to sign this or not? Sure? I don't mind.
(01:07):
If I do, I'm gonna sign it right now. That's
the only package you have for me. You didn't try
to deliver one earlier. Get to the point I looked
at the footage. Oh yeah, would you find Mark? I
saw that you tried to deliver a package. You shook
it a little bit. Yeah, and and then you realize,
oh these might this might be something that I might like,
and you took it right back to your truck. No,
I shook it and I heard that some jingling noise.
(01:28):
I thought maybe it was broken, so I took it
back really doing your favorite? Mark? Oh really you did?
Oh well, thank you so much for the favorite. Signed
for that right now. Thank you. I've been running this
route for over ten years. You think I'm in the
businesses stealing off my own route? Makes me wonder what
else of mine you might have thought was broken and
(01:49):
you want to take to the truck to investigate. Hey, guys,
um neighbor, Um, guys, got to be a little loud
over here. Sorry, sorry, but it's I know you're trying
to sleep. Look, I know what this is about. You've
been listening to what I've been saying for the last
forty five seconds, So you do. He's happier with me, Mark,
(02:09):
What the funk are you talking about? Don't leave. He's
the guy from the video that's begging your wife. Whoa whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, Sam,
you don't recognize him. That's what I was talking about
the video of him taking my packages back. And oh,
of course there's are another videos. Mark, there's another Why
would you, Steve? What did you say? Well, at the
(02:29):
neighborhood Watch meeting, you know how we like, you know,
we upload all the videos to the server and then
we look at him at the Neighborhood Watch meeting. Just
make sure that the thing is safe. I got some
packages delivered. You guys keep no, no, no, you better
get back here. Yeah, yeah, well there was one day
I couldn't make it the meeting. You were at the meeting.
(02:49):
Weren't at the meet? If I would have seen a
video driver having hitters course with my wife, I don't remember.
It was I remember very specifically. You weren't at the meeting,
and you were you were coming to the meeting, and
we changed the video because you came in the room. Yes,
I'm so sorry, but what had happened? Uh, the the
guy had come up and it looked like some role
(03:12):
play or something because your wife came out. Meeting was
six days ago. You're just now telling me this, wh
what is that? Why everybody is giving me the side.
I kind of just I know we're looking away when
I I don't want to get an your business. Can
you sign I forgot to get you to sign this.
Can you just sign it please? I just drove back up.
Sign it flowers word flowers for my wife. Come on, man,
(03:33):
and I've been fucking your wife. I thought you knew that.
I thought that's why you were angry at me. Yes,
it was in the surveillance cameras. You didn't be angry.
Be angry. That's why she's with me, man, because you
have no emotions anymore. Mark, This is what we were
talking about at the meeting. You're so pliable. Well, it's
just betrayal on top of betrayal on top of betrayal. Here.
First of all, you're having sex with my wife. I
had sex with your wife and you all knew about
(03:55):
it and nobody said anything thought on camera. How many
other people have seen this video? Well, the whole neighborhood,
the whole neighborhood. Yes, passport protected because we didn't want
you to see it. I want to see this. Everybody
shouldn't see this video, but mostly everybody, so not everybody. Yeah,
I think Sam was out of town. Oh no, no,
I actually emailed saying, what episode than everybody? Look, maybe
(04:16):
do you know what, Let's use this as a as
a time for you to like reinvigorate your life and
maybe you know why am I the one who has
to make adjustments? Obviously you're not giving it until her
properly if the if the delivery guy is delivering better
than you, I mean, no pun intended, I shouldn't laugh.
I need to gather myself. Is obviously that much. You
(04:37):
need to get some therapy. Figure out why he wasn't
giving it to his wife, but he was supposed to
give it to a like the neighbor had mentioned. And
that's about it. I mean I kind of came to
find out that my wife had been sleeping with the
delivery driver and my neighbor had seen it. Make you
feel angry? I mean I'm not showing it. I'm not
showing my anger to my job. It's gonna ask you
(05:01):
at me, you know, well, I mean skill would attend
like tend being like the most amount of anger that
I should be showing. An maybe this is and how
does that make you know that I'm having to ask
you usum super confused. What do you see what I'm saying?
He doesn't have any emotions, he doesn't feel anything, he
doesn't say anything. This is why I have to fuck
(05:24):
everyone else. The trash guy, they Amazon delivery guy, I
am the Mailman's his brother Jesus, and that you feel
pretty cheesed five real cheese cheese who says that I
would like you to do something slap me, do something,
show some emotions make me feel like I did something wrong?
You know what you wanted it? I hear it ass.
(05:46):
Oh yeah, finally I kind of like that too. And
you did it on her, but which is not bad? Yeah,
it's pretty good. And how does that make I should
feel kind of turned on? Yeah? Yeah? Did you like that?
Second one? Okay, we're gonna work on it. We're gonna
work on it. Okay, how about a third one? Yeah? Okay,
(06:08):
you're good. Yeah, but I'm here familiar. You know what this.
I appreciate the effort that you're making. So he decided
to do for a slap in instead. It is sexual
estate and um, if you could fix city? The provens
oh yes, do you do you like this? Do you
like this? Do you like it? Is this nice? Yes,
do you like it? Down? There's a few of those?
(06:29):
Do you like? Want more of this? Is this as
good as the delivery guy? Is it as good as
the delivery guy called me? The delivery guy call me
to tell you I'm need to deliver guy. I can't.
I can't do it. I know I can't. Why oh?
I keep thinking about as you the delivery guy, my brother,
the mail man. Who are the other ones? The teacher,
the teacher, the gardner, gardner, the gardner, a landscaper, neighbor's
(06:50):
pool boy, the neighbor's pool boy. He came very clear
that the fantasy that she wanted to live out was
the one that didn't involve him. Is really what it was?
Your good father? Thank you, your dad. Can I go play? Yeah? Yeah,
yes yeah sure? But who you business? Who business? Who
(07:13):
I need to go play with? Listen to your father?
I will smack you good. I'm not really going to
smack him. That's the problem. Now, this is why he
doesn't have good greed. Okay, this is what the teachers
call about him all the time. You know what, Come in,
come in here with him. It's Danny the delivery guy's son.
Goddamn it. That's what I wanted to play with. I
don't want to tell you because everybody and neighbor knows
(07:33):
that he plowed mom. You know you'll stop it right there,
It's true, you stop it. It's a new error around here.
Already slapped her mother, and now I'm going to give
you a good slapping too, and give me. Yeah, come
come get me. Yeah, I got yourself fast, right, all right,
just getting careful with your sciaticus place. Just please come
(07:54):
to me, Please come over here so I can slap him.
Please please, like your father, slap you say to my
never head divinity again and inspect him anybody in his family,
that his son, and his wife and even his therapist.
So you the only thing he could. He went to
the focus group. Okay, girl, Hi, my name is Mark.
(08:14):
Hi Mark, I'm here for the Mark amorry for the
focus group. Um, it's more of a support group. Yeah,
it's a support group. Oh but we focus on focus
on support. Yeah, we focus on supporting each other. Right. Um,
while there's my first time here. AT's focus on the
support group. You get coffee. We've got coffee, don't you
know what? I tried to stay away from coffee. It
makes me a little tense here, you man? Yeah, calm
(08:38):
so is this sharing portion? Yeah? Yeah? Tell us why
you're here? Are you? My wife had sex with the
delivery guy? Wow? Yeah? Man, that's rough. That's rough. Ye
been there. And the pool man, the neighbor's pool man. Wow.
And my brother and my mailman wait hold on wait
fifth wait? Oh my no god, no, yeah, I got
(09:04):
a gardening business. I'm the mailman or pool stuff to women.
But you're both getting slaps. You're all getting big slaps.
You first? Is that how to hit your wife? No good?
And did you did you honestly think that we were
gonna be like you're gonna get slaps and just we're
gonna wait, yeah, like we're about to take you outside.
And I gotta tell you I'm a new but there's
(09:25):
a slap thing. You're a lot of things not good man.
This is probably why people get sucking. My wife, Cindy
is one of a guind Yeah, she sure is. Yeah,
you know the little things she does with I think
I stole your jacket. Is that the one that jacket
that's a cool jacket mark on it. I thought you
thought it was like a designer like Mark Jacob this bit.
(09:46):
I thought your name was also Mark. That couldn't get
respect his home, to put a group and even his therapist,
so he decided to go out in his own like
this a searcher wonder trying to get respect. Country screws me, sir,
I don't have changed. It's just so cold, and I'm
just so hungry, and I have no jacket. Anything you
(10:07):
can spare here, here's here's the dollar. Thank you so much,
thank you. You know what. Wait, it's a holiday season.
Here's a hundred whoa Yeah? Can I tell you a story?
I'm sorry, I'm very grateful, but you look familiar. We're
seeing you on TV or video. Where are you from? Oh?
Ship that dude on my shoes? Wait? Hold up, yeah,
(10:31):
hey man, I don't got no change. You look like
that dude from that show it. Oh my god, yeah,
oh my god. I thought that. I thought that what
I recognized him? Funny videos international? Yes, why I host
the show and there's funny videos from Yeah, I know,
I know the show. Oh my god. I just I
thought I recognized you from surveillance video from my house.
(10:53):
I thought that maybe you had been having sex with
my wife. Absolutely, that's my belt this is this American
laugh you know sorry with producer Andy In. Our special
guest contributor for this episode is Eric Griffin and a
show will be using our trustees sense generator. If you
(11:16):
bring you a story in free improvised acts speaks theme, fidelity, times, hard, stick,
but the one that you love when you would see
them every day. Sometimes you need a little bit of spice.
Sometimes you need a little bit of excitement. Sometimes their
fidelity turns into infidelity. Stay with us, Act one. They're
(11:44):
excited to see their first laugh. It's been regular attendees
have the local zoo for over a year now, an
you're portunately zoo had opened up. It was focused mainly
on exotic rainforest creatures. They were big Fancis lots. So
it is. Yeah, that's it. I thought it was never
(12:06):
gonna get here. Guys three ft from the cage please sorry, sorry,
We're just really are you really excited about it? So
I'm just doing my job, all right. I just need
you to refeat even coming to the zoo for a
long time. I've never seen you before before, are you? Yes?
I am new name Texas Philip. Is that true? Yes,
that's what it says. Nice to meet you, Philip, but
(12:28):
we're trying to enjoy these slots. We've been waiting for
a really long time, so I'm sorry if we get
a little over there. Let's me get kind of close
to him. But you would too if you win this
long fort slot. Yes, and there is a thing about
open cans of alcohol and this portion of the zoo.
I don't know what you guys, I know, no kidding,
these are these are pretty much the rules that have
(12:50):
been here for a long time. Well, first of all,
we're celebrating seeing sloth final ways, so nothing better than
a couple of beers to celebrate sloth A couple huh?
All right, So if I opened the backpack, I'm not
gonna find more than a couple of beers, sir. I
don't know you got a want for that, Philip. Guys,
I'm just I just I need you to tone it down,
(13:10):
It's all I'm saying. All Right, you know you're supposed
to buy the beers. You're not supposed to bring your
own alcohol in. I'm pretty sure we don't serve white
claw here at the zoo, which is kind of ironic.
You guys should have if you're gonna serve any kind
of alcohol would be like a white claw at the zoo.
Very funny, very funny, big failure in your marketing department,
do you think, Philip. I'm not in the marketing department,
(13:31):
so they don't come to me for the marketing. I'm
just here to make sure you stay behind the red line.
What if we take a step right here? Back? One step?
Is that good enough for you, Phillip, Since you own
the zoo and you're the president of the zoo. I'm
not the president of the zoo, sir, just here trying
to do my job and keep everybody safe. Thank you
(13:51):
for stepping back. That's all I need from You're welcome.
Wouldn't want to upset the man who donated millions of
dollars to open this zoo? Yes, I of course, Okay, sorry, yeah,
I donated millions of dollars weird zoo. I didn't. I'm
just I'm just going along with how many white claws
(14:13):
have you had? Sir? That not only was brand new
to the zoo, but it was brand new to the
patrons the two and question and complained and to the
pens of and his manager's office and explain his actions.
They had open cans that we don't even sell. I
don't care. They've been coming here for years. One was
(14:33):
practically born year. I'm not surprised the way he was
an animal. I'm sorry, sir. Yeah, you know, a funny pun.
But for Grist's sakes, we gotta keep these guys coming.
What's so funny? I just he said the white clowe
he told us about the guy said white clawe. You
should have white clawed at the zoo. Was pretty funny.
I think it's a brilliant idea. Well to the kind
(14:56):
of puns that we've come to expect from this this
duo and come to the zoo for years. When you
were dreaming him good, I was thinking about the pun. Well,
it's funny. If I may make a suggestion, if I may, Philip,
I didn't know they were v I P zoo people,
but maybe give them a wrist bands or something and
we have like a v I P. Section. I just
(15:17):
they were over the red line. They were acting rowdy,
obviously had open cans that which it was an idea
we had a long time ago where we give people
v I P cards because they pay little lecture. Yeah,
can they cross the line? Yeah? Can they play with
the animals. Yeah, is it safe. I don't know really
and honestly, but we do without that money, the zoo
(15:40):
goes goes away. I guess we don't want that. You
don't behavior in the case that you do want the
zoo to go away. Look, Philip, I want you to
read the rules and follow them for the v i
P S, which is you let them play with the
animals that they want the v I P. So we'll
get the wristbands if you want. This is what they
can do. They can play with the animals, with the animals,
(16:00):
taunt the animals if they want to. It's actually under
the same subsection of playing with the poke the animals,
anger the animals. Okay, Philip, let me actually have a
quick conversation with with my co manager here. Haunt the animal,
yeah why not? Why not the layer? But what layer
layer of taunting? Look, the v I P lets them
(16:20):
cross the line up and having them taunt the animals.
I feel like you just fucking making things up. Now.
Can you please stick with in the reality of the
situation rather than just creating some problems here? All right?
So they don't get daunt the animals, get the pokem sure,
but taunting it's another thing. And also you're being repetitious.
It's repetitied about that. Poking and taunting it's the same thing. Okay,
men verbally taunt them. But I'm off in like five minutes.
(16:46):
Is there anything else that you listen tomorrow when you
come back v I P s. Will they'll make sure
we'll have the leopard pattern like, we'll figure it out. Wristbands, Yes,
and then you'll know who's who. You let them do
whatever the funk they want. All right, it's your zoo,
you know what. It's all all of ours. Well I
don't really financially, it's both of ours. But sure, when
the lawsuits come in, I really don't want to be
a part of You haven't been indemnified yet. You should
(17:10):
reach your employee and book. Look over when that you signed. Yeah,
when the notary came and came my fingerprint print. Yeah,
I had to do all that. You do You just
glossed over there? Did gloss over there? There's something sort
of like, am I responsible for something that I didn't realize?
The job slash co op? What congrats? I don't think
(17:31):
that people should be poking the animals two thirds of
the vote that should be allowed to pope, not to
say that you are third. There's a lot of people
who work here, so but we have the big portion.
You have a tiny one. That's it. Does everyone else
spell this um? See it tomorrow, Philip, I hope it
goes well. The next day, Philip came back to work.
The fest dated about his meeting with managers, and he
(17:53):
encountered two movie I p s. This time he had
a different attitude. Who can't to poke and run and hunts? Right?
Leopard leopard print. Leopard print was yesterday's wristbands for poking.
(18:16):
Today's is sort of tiger print. You're gonna have to
go back to Ancierge and get the tiger prints. But
since you only have leopard prints, there's gonna be no
poking or prodding the animals. But you can step across
the red line. But that's about it. You guys been
complained the management. Management piled up the meeting. Philip, I
(18:38):
see what you're getting now. You're creating some boundaries for
them that don't even exist. You guys said with the wristbands,
you came up with a whole thing. It was leopard,
tiger Puma. You had the different days, so we don't
have people have to pay for him every time. It
was a money making thing. And when you guys came
up with this, we are on the cusp of having
(18:59):
our fun ding pulled. Paul. You know what that means, Philip.
It means no jobs, no zoo and the animals. We
gotta let them go, and we don't want to have
to do that. You want me to release a lion
into the neighborhood. There's an elementary school over there and
it traded Jones. No, I guess I wouldn't want that.
What do you want me to do? What I was
going to suggest is maybe not to separate the the
(19:19):
wrist bands by tire and different. It's like, hello, this
zoo is closed, all right, let's let the lions out everybody. Yeah,
you know, release list. This be a lesson to you, Philip.
This is my fault. If you look at this document
that you signed and left us saliva sample and with
(19:41):
thumb print and an index fingerprint, you will see that
you agreed that if you look at page four, article six.
If I look at this, I really probably should have
read that. Yes, see it says I think this was
about my dental benefits. I acknowledge that I am responsible
if the animals get let go from the zoo, what's
near the school and the trade of Joe's that I
(20:03):
am fully responsible any legal liabilities, I'm going to need
to talk to a lawyer. You need a lawyer. We
have our house counsel at the zoo that can help.
You don't want to trust I can't go with your
house counsel. And you already like hoodwinked me and to
sign of some nonsense about how I'm responsible. I just
(20:24):
worked concessions in security, which doesn't even make any sense.
Do you need a lawyer? No, I need a lawyer.
I am a lawyer. What happened? All right? They coerced
me into signing. They told me this was about benefits.
Make sure for my safety. Jack, you're doing a great job, Gretson,
Thank you. What why do we at court all of
a sudden, Am this is our house counsel, That's what
(20:45):
I'm saying. That great for us? I know, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
you know what. I know what's going on here. I'm
gonna get my own counsel if you want to referral Gretson,
what are you doing. What are you thinking you're gonna respond? Person?
Here's here's the card. Okay, I call them right now,
all of them right now, a lot of numbers. This
(21:07):
is the Philippines. I'm calling law offices of Gregory Schmigel
in Retzenburger. How can I help you today? I need
some help. I work at the zoo. I'm just in concessions.
They make me do security at the same time. It's
really ridiculous. But anyways, there's this document they sort of
coerced me into signing. It really doesn't feel like it's
(21:27):
legal that I'm responsible that they let lions loose in
the neighborhood. Please tell me that you are not speaking
about the North Park Zoo and Biobotanical Garden. I am.
You know, there's a school right down the street there
and they just they they were they were going to
the funding was pulled, which doesn't even make any sense
to me, and they're releasing the animals into the neighborhood. Okay,
(21:50):
the two guys that run it are a bunch of
idiot If you think that I am willing to support
my legal license on the line and grow up again
and to Gretson in their House counsel, you are sadly mistaken.
I would never take them on in a quarter lot.
What He's still good. It just happens that he did
(22:11):
have a place at place was having a bugs and
he ended up in cut with Gritson waiting Lateish gentleman
message from next case on the doctor Phillip Voices, the
North Park Zoo and Bible Panical Garden of all Parties
present President. Thank you you asked Mr Gretson. How can
(22:32):
I help your counsel? The defendant is guilty. I just
want to whoa. I'm sorry that that is a compelling argument.
You have just made Gription once again home run with
what fun for the North Park. I don't want to
hear not even here, want to hear another word? You
(22:55):
know all Gritson ra once a again you did it?
Thank you, Thank you. I'm outraged. Can my lawyer get here?
How about that? My lawyer didn't even say anything? Yes,
you're sorry, I'm I did Gregson show Yeah sort of counsel.
I'd like to dress my case and I'd like to
(23:17):
press the court or a decision or two for a
MS travelret whatever you want. And I have to sing
you very well. Dressed today, ash par the usual, thank you,
j what about me? Soundly along? We got a handsome alert.
I'm Grigson, Thank youlous, and I paid you five dollars
for this. Yeah, jail and what he did. His destiny
(23:39):
was to be in jail, and that's where he was
locked up with you guys with their own jail as
what you for? What are you in for? It was
the zoo thing? Thank you? Stay away from this ringing guys.
You begin animal. Please tell me you did not cross
(24:03):
of the people that this guy is the baddest. Yeah,
you're beast. Didn't do anything. They just would Yeah, I know,
I'm really innocent. Her hood everybody's in. It's funny every time.
(24:24):
Did you touch the animals? No, I didn't touch any animals.
Did you poke them? No? I didn't poke the animal
get taunt them. They wanted to do that. I was
supposed to be making people not do that. And then
then I'm printed something and the next thing, you know,
I mean court with this dweep who everybody was enamored by.
Did you get to meet you talking about gret Oh?
My god, you get to me in was this what
(24:46):
this guy? My god? Who is this guy, he's something else.
What was he like in real life? Was he tallade?
He's real tall. He's like Batman with that the ears
and all the other stuff. And he put for you.
There wasn't aura. There was something special, but he would
have He's a bulldog, bulldog, prosecuting bulldog, gold dog. He's
(25:09):
a bulldog bulldog. He's a bulldog. Moonlight is a prosecutor
and a corporate attorney for the zoo. It was a tough. Yeah,
it was an inside job. Inside. It was inside. I
was well roaded, don't you know, we all inside? Yeah?
(25:29):
What it greets and smell like. I don't know what
he smelled like he was across the was he well
dressed room? It wasn't off the rack. I'll say that
because when I went up against him, when my lawyer,
he cowered because he was felt he was so well dressed. Yeah,
it was bad. What time is It's time for us
to move on to the interview. But what time is it? Physically?
(25:50):
What time is there right now? Are you asking me
your ship in time? Oh? Wait, oh ship? Oh? You
got the time? It was? I was checking the time?
Why all right? That's why you haven't seen as they
killed by her name. Yes, that's right. Coming up at
(26:10):
to the first a word from our esteemed sponsors. Stay
with us, back to the interview these guys, Eric Griffin, Hello, Eric, Hello,
(26:31):
it is what it is good teller code. Really, So
tell us about your from I'm originally from Los Angeles.
Nice with your high school. I went to a private
Catholic school. Nice. That's that's not very thing. And you're
a comedian, comedian, nice podcaster. That's a little bit about that.
When when you get started, Um, I don't know. I
(26:53):
think I officially got started in about two thousand and three. Nice,
it would happen, and I had some big things happen.
You can, uh office show, Yeah, like worcoholics. Yeah, it
was an workaholic. That was fun. How long you've been
listening to show? Um? How long have I been here
since the beginning? Right? You've been listening since the very
(27:15):
first episode? Oh? Yeah, very nice, but yeah it's very
sensitive the show for a lot of years. So it
tell us, Uh, so we'll got it's a great show. Yeah,
it's a good show. He played a kick named Montez, Yes,
I did. And then tell us a little bit about that. Trajectory,
(27:35):
and but yeah, I talked to us. I'm trying to
figure you that. I don't, you know, I wanted to
be a comic and then you when you want to
be a comic, you're you know, you also get into
the acting game, and uh, you know, I I enjoyed both.
So I've done a bunch of things, you know, and
some movies, TV shows, and it was your was your
favorite thing, some podcasts, favorite thing you ever done? Um,
(27:57):
favorite thing I've ever done. I don't know. I guess
it's got to be working hol because it was my
first big break. So that was just like a fun thing.
And those guys were so new and they didn't really
know what they were doing, so they did it their
own way, and you didn't know that until you went
on other sets. Then you saw like, oh, well they
those guys, they paid their own path. So um, and
(28:19):
this show, oh yeah, this this is top seventy five
for sure. I'm trying to get the answer from the Sorry,
YEA top seventy five for sure is this podcast. I
guess working with Adam Sandler was pretty cool and I
think he's just like a movie making savant. He knew
(28:39):
everything on the set, you know what I mean, like
just lighting everything, like you just knew where things were
supposed to be. How you know, what lines you were
supposed to say, when were you supposed to stand? You know.
He was doing a walk and talk with me, and
then the camera guy was in the wrong spot and
they you know, and he said, I don't think I'm
supposed to be here, and the guy was like, yes,
you are, and then he figured it out. I was like, oh,
you know what, You're right? You know, you just knew
(29:00):
everything about making movies. And do you feel like you
learned from him? Yeah? Yeah, I learned some things, like
like he's the kind of guy that after every scene
he wants to look at it so you can see
make some adjustments. And I enjoyed doing that because then
you look at yourself and you go, oh, I didn't
know I was walking like that, or what am I
doing with my hands? You know? So you just like,
you know, day back, you have to playback. Yeah, but
(29:21):
I don't know. Do I mean to have something in
the archives for that? Yeah? I was just asking you that,
you know, do you have any questions? I don't you
want to go to the archives or something like that.
It's okay. I just don't want to do it a
Sandlar impression and get us that what it sound like?
Any O? You guys have to do that, you know
(29:41):
in the interview that so you know also on twitch, Yeah,
I do a lot of twitching. The pandemic hit and
I needed to do something. I started doing that and
it worked out. Kind of dude, head that happened? Do
you always know? You know? I just started playing it
because he just became any good really fast. I didn't
It wasn't really asked. I wouldn't say I'm really good.
I just have my own technique. And then I think
(30:03):
people like watching me because I talk shit and to
find your technique, like what is it you do? It's different.
I have like a methodical way of like I had
these like rules you know that I try to follow
when I'm playing, like about the movement, about making sure
the equipment is in the right order, like make sure
I'm plated, make sure I'm my guns are reloaded. You
know what I mean. If you hear something, you gotta go,
(30:24):
you know, I gotta go get and you gotta stay moving.
It's like these certain techniques, and so I get a
lot of solo victories, and so the kids watch me
and they're just like, oh man, the old man can play.
You know that? Yeah? We actually okay, yeah, I'm trying
to I'm just saying, no, we we have. We actually
have that in the archives. What we have? We have
(30:47):
we have. I'm just because he's doing daddy anything. No
I did. I'm just trying to think of what you like.
I have a story about myself. Then you guys have
it in the archives. Yeah, is that what happens? Do
it happens to take out man? No way, stop stop.
We actually have the first time you ever got on
(31:08):
Twitch during the at the beginning of the pandemic and
the archives. Did you know that? Do you know we
have that in the archives? We do. Let's hear that.
Hell man, what are you doing playing video games? There's
no dog Kong here? Yeah? Did you have anything going
on in your life and it's games? You know, it's
(31:28):
weird because I don't remember when I was on Twitch
people talking to me, talking to you? Now you know?
Is an archive? Your troll faces? Shut your crazy old man,
don't remove people. Go where's your mom's Okay? I bet
your mom's are fat? Okay, my mom. She has a
(31:51):
clanchulor Problem's not's not her fault. And my mom just
doesn't like exercising and she likes eating a lot of food.
So why am I not surprised? Touts here for you, dude?
Y sorry, sorry gallants, the milk is so expensive. No,
look that we're back during the World War two? Old man, God,
have you seen my mom? Something like? Why how do
(32:13):
you know what my mom looks? Just from your voice
and like how you're talking, it sounds like someone unhealthy
raised you. So so you your back hurt? Old man?
Is your back hurt? Yeah? From carrying your mom around?
Damn y. Yeah, it was a tense and exchange. It
(32:35):
was your first exchange into which I'm glad we went
to the archives to get it. It's yeah, so that
the kids love that about me that I just snap
at though. You know you have like you have nicknames
for like the people you're fans on the thing. So
my fans nickname this is real is pos pieces of Ship.
That's what I called them. So they called themselves the
(32:56):
POS gang, your fans and pieces up and yet yeah,
on the twitch and then I used to how often
you went twitch? I go on every day. It all varies.
Did you just tell your cameras and have special things there?
But no, I have my singing mike. You know. So
when every time I get a victory like so that
(33:17):
the fans send me O. God, I want saying this
because I just know what's gonna happen. My fans send
me music. And then when I get a victory, I
will do like do like a freestyle. You know. We
actually actually have one of those freestyle from and they
(33:39):
And just to clarify, they send you a song. Yeah,
they send me music like just like their own beat today.
Yeah yeah, okay, they have their own, but we actually
have that. Yeah, it actually happened. It's a good one.
I hope he sings a song for us. Okay, here
(34:00):
we go. I'm playing Call of Duty. I'm just doing
my duty. Slamities, booties. I don't know. I feels like
Rudy Shooty shooty. Look at with the Call of Duty
that was Eric ming gaming. Nobody is complaining everybody Shaman,
(34:26):
I don't like Damon Way also a comic. And then
that's what happens when you have white boxers. Yeah, yeah,
it's not great. It's a really great I did notice
they rhymed a lot of words of a duty. Yeah,
it's called the duty. That's pretty good duty. Yeah. Yeah,
(34:50):
my favorite football game is Rudy. So what are you
currently working on now? Um? I just you know, traveling,
doing a lot of stand up and you know, auditioning.
When I can, you know, place to jobs to do
stand up? I don't really have a favorite place. I think.
I think all the places are the cities are all
pretty much the same. People are all the same. Once
(35:11):
you get inside the building, it's just a collective group
of different people from all walks of life, just collectively
sitting there laughing. It's actually a pretty magical thing. It's nice.
Is it like at one city? If you had a choice, Yeah,
I don't know. I would say San Diego is great, yea,
which I will be at. I don't know when this
(35:32):
is coming out, so maybe the next three weeks from
four weeks you missed me, I was in city. I
was in Lahoya three weeks ago. Uh er Griffin, thank
you so much, thank you, and congratulations to you man,
and you know those guys. Maybe I'm not all my successes. Yeah,
(35:53):
I can't talk about after coming up at the first
a word from our sponsors who make this high quality
program possible. Stay with us. At three, he decided to
(36:24):
fake his disappearance to avoid jail. Yeah, overdo tax bills,
Fucking tickets not paid. There's a lot of people who
wanted a piece of him, though, he decided to fake
his own disappearance. Where's my suitcase? Where's my suitcase? Where's
my suitcase? Get it? Find it here? Thank you, thank you?
Thank you? All right? I need I need two weeks
(36:44):
worth of close Come on, help help you here, because
here you go. Here's two Thank you. Where my brown shoes?
They're in there? That they're in there already? This is it.
I'm gonna miss you. What are you doing? The disappearing thing?
We always talked about it. I didn't know you were
being serious about it. Should there is happening now I'm
really doing it, guys. I got other rides. I gotta
pick up people, got to pick up. Are you getting
(37:06):
in this car? Not? Just one second? I just okay,
So it's Kevin here. I'm gonna say no, I haven't
seen Kevin practice with me. Okay, excuse me. I'm looking
for Kevin. I haven't seen Kevin. You haven't. I haven't
even seen Kevin. Guys, is there something that I should
know is good? Just keep just keep them, just keep
it running, just keep it und We're going to be
(37:27):
right with it. Just one going on total you wait,
the more money make anyway? Yeah, this is all totally fine,
but you didn't and I'm gonna need a five star
rating though. I'm just whatever is going on here? I
don't care. You got also like like one of those
good comments about me and my service? Yes, and how
great you were? Yeah? Back to one. Hey, excuse me,
(37:50):
I've seen Kevin is there? I'm looking for Kevin. I'm sorry.
You don't know where Kevin is. You don't know where
it's got it? All right? Don't even trust you to
do this? Or should I ask the uber guy to
do it? Do what uber guy? Let's practices? Okay, I'm
authorities your him. Okay, excuse me, I'm looking for Kevin
(38:11):
who see five stars? Great stars? You couldn't do that,
all right, dude, dude, Okay, thank you, Okay, see you later. Bro.
No no no, no no no, back to one. No.
I don't want to keep doing this over again. Leaving right? Well,
should I not have on the app. It feels like
there's a paper trail because your pictures. If you're leaving, leave,
Cindy's coming over soon. Alright, fine, alright, let's you're Kevin.
(38:33):
I don't even know you're here. Gone, Okay, okay, thank you.
You think he's got a handled? Should I be worried?
He should be really worried. That guy seemed very shifty.
He's for sure going to rat on you. Bro. Whoa
HI with the authorities looking for Kevin n You know
(38:57):
what Kevin? We're talking about, sir, Kevin? This one Kevin?
And you know what, Kevin, We're talking Kevin Masterson. Have
you seen him? Well? I know five Kevin masters. You
know five Kevin Masterson? Yeah? Five. They all have different
middle name. Oh yeah, what are their middle names? Name? One? Yeah,
Kevin Michael McAllister Kevin McAllister master sin. First of all,
(39:18):
what did I say? You said? Micallister? Like home alone?
I just watched that movies all days, though? Did you
which one? It's my favorite one? Right? That's that's a
pretty good one. That's the good one. They intended to
actually kill him in that one, to shoot him with
a gun in that one. Yeah, and one they would
by today right now you can't have in a kids movie.
They take him to the pocket gun. I got this
(39:41):
lady coming over. Her name is Cindy, and it's I
only get some time with her because she's married. You
guys want to ask me questions or no? Married? So
you're in you you like doing? I have an affair
with her yet sort of like Cindy. They he doesn't finish,
she does. Dangay, isn't that the one E been with?
Like the mailman? You know Cindy. I know Sydney's such
(40:08):
a piece of guys, like missing a screw or sod.
So when Cindy gonna get here, what do you say?
The three of us will take you anyway you've seen? Kevin?
What's that was easy? I don't know Kevin. Kevin, you
(40:30):
just said he went that way. I didn't know what
Kevin you're talking about. You don't I know Kevin Michael.
You know where they are, sir? What's the last name?
Bestest I know? Kevin Bacon Masterson. Kevin Bacon Masterson works
out at the donut shop. Babe, who's having sex with Cindy?
And that's your connection? Kevin Bacon Maths three Degrees of
(40:52):
Kevin Bacon masters in that time, Andy and especial gainst
contributor Eric Griffin, I mean host, and this is This
American Laugh with their solitary and Andy Harris joining his next.
This American Laugh with Aristotle Attari and Andy Harris can
be found wherever you get your podcasts. Be sure to subscribe,
rate and review. You can also find us on Instagram
(41:12):
at This American Laugh and on Twitter at American Laugh
with three h oh And by the way, we're taking
a brief hiatus, but don't worry. We will be back
with new episodes and I don't know a couple of months.
In the meantime, make sure you recommend This American Laugh
to your friends, your enemies, strangers. I don't care. Just
tell somebody, everybody. Anybody do it. Okay, bye, We'll miss you. Bye.
Portions of This American Laugh with Aristotle Attari and Andy Harris.
The improvised documentary podcast are brought to you by listeners
like yourself, are esteemed sponsors, and the all powerful, all
knowing Random Sentence Generator, which inspires the stories you're about
to hear. Yes, whenever you hear this sound, the next
sentence you hear is a random sentence provided by our
(00:21):
revered omnipotent Random Sentence Generator. Or more This American Laugh.
Listened to more episodes of This American Laugh, I guess
and now your first random sentence. He went back to
the video to see what had been recorded and was
shocked at what he saw. It was a surveillance camera
(00:46):
that had been trained at the front of his house
a long time. And what he found out is why
this packages are always disappearing. What oh? What? Oh? No, nothing?
Oh you're dropping something off for me? I am You're
dropping off a package for me? I am? Yeah. Do
you want to sign this or not? Sure? I don't mind.
(01:07):
If I do, I'm gonna sign it right now. That's
the only package you have for me. You didn't try
to deliver one earlier. Get to the point I looked
at the footage. Oh yeah, would you find Mark? I
saw that you tried to deliver a package. You shook
it a little bit. Yeah, and and then you realize,
oh these might this might be something that I might like,
and you took it right back to your truck. No,
I shook it and I heard that some jingling noise.
(01:28):
I thought maybe it was broken, so I took it
back really doing your favorite? Mark? Oh really you did?
Oh well, thank you so much for the favorite. Signed
for that right now. Thank you. I've been running this
route for over ten years. You think I'm in the
businesses stealing off my own route? Makes me wonder what
else of mine you might have thought was broken and
(01:49):
you want to take to the truck to investigate. Hey, guys,
um neighbor, Um, guys, got to be a little loud
over here. Sorry, sorry, but it's I know you're trying
to sleep. Look, I know what this is about. You've
been listening to what I've been saying for the last
forty five seconds, So you do. He's happier with me, Mark,
(02:09):
What the funk are you talking about? Don't leave. He's
the guy from the video that's begging your wife. Whoa whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, Sam,
you don't recognize him. That's what I was talking about
the video of him taking my packages back. And oh,
of course there's are another videos. Mark, there's another Why
would you, Steve? What did you say? Well, at the
(02:29):
neighborhood Watch meeting, you know how we like, you know,
we upload all the videos to the server and then
we look at him at the Neighborhood Watch meeting. Just
make sure that the thing is safe. I got some
packages delivered. You guys keep no, no, no, you better
get back here. Yeah, yeah, well there was one day
I couldn't make it the meeting. You were at the meeting.
(02:49):
Weren't at the meet? If I would have seen a
video driver having hitters course with my wife, I don't remember.
It was I remember very specifically. You weren't at the meeting,
and you were you were coming to the meeting, and
we changed the video because you came in the room. Yes,
I'm so sorry, but what had happened? Uh, the the
guy had come up and it looked like some role
(03:12):
play or something because your wife came out. Meeting was
six days ago. You're just now telling me this, wh
what is that? Why everybody is giving me the side.
I kind of just I know we're looking away when
I I don't want to get an your business. Can
you sign I forgot to get you to sign this.
Can you just sign it please? I just drove back up.
Sign it flowers word flowers for my wife. Come on, man,
(03:33):
and I've been fucking your wife. I thought you knew that.
I thought that's why you were angry at me. Yes,
it was in the surveillance cameras. You didn't be angry.
Be angry. That's why she's with me, man, because you
have no emotions anymore. Mark, This is what we were
talking about at the meeting. You're so pliable. Well, it's
just betrayal on top of betrayal on top of betrayal. Here.
First of all, you're having sex with my wife. I
had sex with your wife and you all knew about
(03:55):
it and nobody said anything thought on camera. How many
other people have seen this video? Well, the whole neighborhood,
the whole neighborhood. Yes, passport protected because we didn't want
you to see it. I want to see this. Everybody
shouldn't see this video, but mostly everybody, so not everybody. Yeah,
I think Sam was out of town. Oh no, no,
I actually emailed saying, what episode than everybody? Look, maybe
(04:16):
do you know what, Let's use this as a as
a time for you to like reinvigorate your life and
maybe you know why am I the one who has
to make adjustments? Obviously you're not giving it until her
properly if the if the delivery guy is delivering better
than you, I mean, no pun intended, I shouldn't laugh.
I need to gather myself. Is obviously that much. You
(04:37):
need to get some therapy. Figure out why he wasn't
giving it to his wife, but he was supposed to
give it to a like the neighbor had mentioned. And
that's about it. I mean I kind of came to
find out that my wife had been sleeping with the
delivery driver and my neighbor had seen it. Make you
feel angry? I mean I'm not showing it. I'm not
showing my anger to my job. It's gonna ask you
(05:01):
at me, you know, well, I mean skill would attend
like tend being like the most amount of anger that
I should be showing. An maybe this is and how
does that make you know that I'm having to ask
you usum super confused. What do you see what I'm saying?
He doesn't have any emotions, he doesn't feel anything, he
doesn't say anything. This is why I have to fuck
(05:24):
everyone else. The trash guy, they Amazon delivery guy, I
am the Mailman's his brother Jesus, and that you feel
pretty cheesed five real cheese cheese who says that I
would like you to do something slap me, do something,
show some emotions make me feel like I did something wrong?
You know what you wanted it? I hear it ass.
(05:46):
Oh yeah, finally I kind of like that too. And
you did it on her, but which is not bad? Yeah,
it's pretty good. And how does that make I should
feel kind of turned on? Yeah? Yeah? Did you like that?
Second one? Okay, we're gonna work on it. We're gonna
work on it. Okay, how about a third one? Yeah? Okay,
(06:08):
you're good. Yeah, but I'm here familiar. You know what this.
I appreciate the effort that you're making. So he decided
to do for a slap in instead. It is sexual
estate and um, if you could fix city? The provens
oh yes, do you do you like this? Do you
like this? Do you like it? Is this nice? Yes,
do you like it? Down? There's a few of those?
(06:29):
Do you like? Want more of this? Is this as
good as the delivery guy? Is it as good as
the delivery guy called me? The delivery guy call me
to tell you I'm need to deliver guy. I can't.
I can't do it. I know I can't. Why oh?
I keep thinking about as you the delivery guy, my brother,
the mail man. Who are the other ones? The teacher,
the teacher, the gardner, gardner, the gardner, a landscaper, neighbor's
(06:50):
pool boy, the neighbor's pool boy. He came very clear
that the fantasy that she wanted to live out was
the one that didn't involve him. Is really what it was?
Your good father? Thank you, your dad. Can I go play? Yeah? Yeah,
yes yeah sure? But who you business? Who business? Who
(07:13):
I need to go play with? Listen to your father?
I will smack you good. I'm not really going to
smack him. That's the problem. Now, this is why he
doesn't have good greed. Okay, this is what the teachers
call about him all the time. You know what, Come in,
come in here with him. It's Danny the delivery guy's son.
Goddamn it. That's what I wanted to play with. I
don't want to tell you because everybody and neighbor knows
(07:33):
that he plowed mom. You know you'll stop it right there,
It's true, you stop it. It's a new error around here.
Already slapped her mother, and now I'm going to give
you a good slapping too, and give me. Yeah, come
come get me. Yeah, I got yourself fast, right, all right,
just getting careful with your sciaticus place. Just please come
(07:54):
to me, Please come over here so I can slap him.
Please please, like your father, slap you say to my
never head divinity again and inspect him anybody in his family,
that his son, and his wife and even his therapist.
So you the only thing he could. He went to
the focus group. Okay, girl, Hi, my name is Mark.
(08:14):
Hi Mark, I'm here for the Mark amorry for the
focus group. Um, it's more of a support group. Yeah,
it's a support group. Oh but we focus on focus
on support. Yeah, we focus on supporting each other. Right. Um,
while there's my first time here. AT's focus on the
support group. You get coffee. We've got coffee, don't you
know what? I tried to stay away from coffee. It
makes me a little tense here, you man? Yeah, calm
(08:38):
so is this sharing portion? Yeah? Yeah? Tell us why
you're here? Are you? My wife had sex with the
delivery guy? Wow? Yeah? Man, that's rough. That's rough. Ye
been there. And the pool man, the neighbor's pool man. Wow.
And my brother and my mailman wait hold on wait
fifth wait? Oh my no god, no, yeah, I got
(09:04):
a gardening business. I'm the mailman or pool stuff to women.
But you're both getting slaps. You're all getting big slaps.
You first? Is that how to hit your wife? No good?
And did you did you honestly think that we were
gonna be like you're gonna get slaps and just we're
gonna wait, yeah, like we're about to take you outside.
And I gotta tell you I'm a new but there's
(09:25):
a slap thing. You're a lot of things not good man.
This is probably why people get sucking. My wife, Cindy
is one of a guind Yeah, she sure is. Yeah,
you know the little things she does with I think
I stole your jacket. Is that the one that jacket
that's a cool jacket mark on it. I thought you
thought it was like a designer like Mark Jacob this bit.
(09:46):
I thought your name was also Mark. That couldn't get
respect his home, to put a group and even his therapist,
so he decided to go out in his own like
this a searcher wonder trying to get respect. Country screws me, sir,
I don't have changed. It's just so cold, and I'm
just so hungry, and I have no jacket. Anything you
(10:07):
can spare here, here's here's the dollar. Thank you so much,
thank you. You know what. Wait, it's a holiday season.
Here's a hundred whoa Yeah? Can I tell you a story?
I'm sorry, I'm very grateful, but you look familiar. We're
seeing you on TV or video. Where are you from? Oh?
Ship that dude on my shoes? Wait? Hold up, yeah,
(10:31):
hey man, I don't got no change. You look like
that dude from that show it. Oh my god, yeah,
oh my god. I thought that. I thought that what
I recognized him? Funny videos international? Yes, why I host
the show and there's funny videos from Yeah, I know,
I know the show. Oh my god. I just I
thought I recognized you from surveillance video from my house.
(10:53):
I thought that maybe you had been having sex with
my wife. Absolutely, that's my belt this is this American
laugh you know sorry with producer Andy In. Our special
guest contributor for this episode is Eric Griffin and a
show will be using our trustees sense generator. If you
(11:16):
bring you a story in free improvised acts speaks theme, fidelity, times, hard, stick,
but the one that you love when you would see
them every day. Sometimes you need a little bit of spice.
Sometimes you need a little bit of excitement. Sometimes their
fidelity turns into infidelity. Stay with us, Act one. They're
(11:44):
excited to see their first laugh. It's been regular attendees
have the local zoo for over a year now, an
you're portunately zoo had opened up. It was focused mainly
on exotic rainforest creatures. They were big Fancis lots. So
it is. Yeah, that's it. I thought it was never
(12:06):
gonna get here. Guys three ft from the cage please sorry, sorry,
We're just really are you really excited about it? So
I'm just doing my job, all right. I just need
you to refeat even coming to the zoo for a
long time. I've never seen you before before, are you? Yes?
I am new name Texas Philip. Is that true? Yes,
that's what it says. Nice to meet you, Philip, but
(12:28):
we're trying to enjoy these slots. We've been waiting for
a really long time, so I'm sorry if we get
a little over there. Let's me get kind of close
to him. But you would too if you win this
long fort slot. Yes, and there is a thing about
open cans of alcohol and this portion of the zoo.
I don't know what you guys, I know, no kidding,
these are these are pretty much the rules that have
(12:50):
been here for a long time. Well, first of all,
we're celebrating seeing sloth final ways, so nothing better than
a couple of beers to celebrate sloth A couple huh?
All right, So if I opened the backpack, I'm not
gonna find more than a couple of beers, sir. I
don't know you got a want for that, Philip. Guys,
I'm just I just I need you to tone it down,
(13:10):
It's all I'm saying. All Right, you know you're supposed
to buy the beers. You're not supposed to bring your
own alcohol in. I'm pretty sure we don't serve white
claw here at the zoo, which is kind of ironic.
You guys should have if you're gonna serve any kind
of alcohol would be like a white claw at the zoo.
Very funny, very funny, big failure in your marketing department,
do you think, Philip. I'm not in the marketing department,
(13:31):
so they don't come to me for the marketing. I'm
just here to make sure you stay behind the red line.
What if we take a step right here? Back? One step?
Is that good enough for you, Phillip, Since you own
the zoo and you're the president of the zoo. I'm
not the president of the zoo, sir, just here trying
to do my job and keep everybody safe. Thank you
(13:51):
for stepping back. That's all I need from You're welcome.
Wouldn't want to upset the man who donated millions of
dollars to open this zoo? Yes, I of course, Okay, sorry, yeah,
I donated millions of dollars weird zoo. I didn't. I'm
just I'm just going along with how many white claws
(14:13):
have you had? Sir? That not only was brand new
to the zoo, but it was brand new to the
patrons the two and question and complained and to the
pens of and his manager's office and explain his actions.
They had open cans that we don't even sell. I
don't care. They've been coming here for years. One was
(14:33):
practically born year. I'm not surprised the way he was
an animal. I'm sorry, sir. Yeah, you know, a funny pun.
But for Grist's sakes, we gotta keep these guys coming.
What's so funny? I just he said the white clowe
he told us about the guy said white clawe. You
should have white clawed at the zoo. Was pretty funny.
I think it's a brilliant idea. Well to the kind
(14:56):
of puns that we've come to expect from this this
duo and come to the zoo for years. When you
were dreaming him good, I was thinking about the pun. Well,
it's funny. If I may make a suggestion, if I may, Philip,
I didn't know they were v I P zoo people,
but maybe give them a wrist bands or something and
we have like a v I P. Section. I just
(15:17):
they were over the red line. They were acting rowdy,
obviously had open cans that which it was an idea
we had a long time ago where we give people
v I P cards because they pay little lecture. Yeah,
can they cross the line? Yeah? Can they play with
the animals. Yeah, is it safe. I don't know really
and honestly, but we do without that money, the zoo
(15:40):
goes goes away. I guess we don't want that. You
don't behavior in the case that you do want the
zoo to go away. Look, Philip, I want you to
read the rules and follow them for the v i
P S, which is you let them play with the
animals that they want the v I P. So we'll
get the wristbands if you want. This is what they
can do. They can play with the animals, with the animals,
(16:00):
taunt the animals if they want to. It's actually under
the same subsection of playing with the poke the animals,
anger the animals. Okay, Philip, let me actually have a
quick conversation with with my co manager here. Haunt the animal,
yeah why not? Why not the layer? But what layer
layer of taunting? Look, the v I P lets them
(16:20):
cross the line up and having them taunt the animals.
I feel like you just fucking making things up. Now.
Can you please stick with in the reality of the
situation rather than just creating some problems here? All right?
So they don't get daunt the animals, get the pokem sure,
but taunting it's another thing. And also you're being repetitious.
It's repetitied about that. Poking and taunting it's the same thing. Okay,
men verbally taunt them. But I'm off in like five minutes.
(16:46):
Is there anything else that you listen tomorrow when you
come back v I P s. Will they'll make sure
we'll have the leopard pattern like, we'll figure it out. Wristbands, Yes,
and then you'll know who's who. You let them do
whatever the funk they want. All right, it's your zoo,
you know what. It's all all of ours. Well I
don't really financially, it's both of ours. But sure, when
the lawsuits come in, I really don't want to be
a part of You haven't been indemnified yet. You should
(17:10):
reach your employee and book. Look over when that you signed. Yeah,
when the notary came and came my fingerprint print. Yeah,
I had to do all that. You do You just
glossed over there? Did gloss over there? There's something sort
of like, am I responsible for something that I didn't realize?
The job slash co op? What congrats? I don't think
(17:31):
that people should be poking the animals two thirds of
the vote that should be allowed to pope, not to
say that you are third. There's a lot of people
who work here, so but we have the big portion.
You have a tiny one. That's it. Does everyone else
spell this um? See it tomorrow, Philip, I hope it
goes well. The next day, Philip came back to work.
The fest dated about his meeting with managers, and he
(17:53):
encountered two movie I p s. This time he had
a different attitude. Who can't to poke and run and hunts? Right?
Leopard leopard print. Leopard print was yesterday's wristbands for poking.
(18:16):
Today's is sort of tiger print. You're gonna have to
go back to Ancierge and get the tiger prints. But
since you only have leopard prints, there's gonna be no
poking or prodding the animals. But you can step across
the red line. But that's about it. You guys been
complained the management. Management piled up the meeting. Philip, I
(18:38):
see what you're getting now. You're creating some boundaries for
them that don't even exist. You guys said with the wristbands,
you came up with a whole thing. It was leopard,
tiger Puma. You had the different days, so we don't
have people have to pay for him every time. It
was a money making thing. And when you guys came
up with this, we are on the cusp of having
(18:59):
our fun ding pulled. Paul. You know what that means, Philip.
It means no jobs, no zoo and the animals. We
gotta let them go, and we don't want to have
to do that. You want me to release a lion
into the neighborhood. There's an elementary school over there and
it traded Jones. No, I guess I wouldn't want that.
What do you want me to do? What I was
going to suggest is maybe not to separate the the
(19:19):
wrist bands by tire and different. It's like, hello, this
zoo is closed, all right, let's let the lions out everybody. Yeah,
you know, release list. This be a lesson to you, Philip.
This is my fault. If you look at this document
that you signed and left us saliva sample and with
(19:41):
thumb print and an index fingerprint, you will see that
you agreed that if you look at page four, article six.
If I look at this, I really probably should have
read that. Yes, see it says I think this was
about my dental benefits. I acknowledge that I am responsible
if the animals get let go from the zoo, what's
near the school and the trade of Joe's that I
(20:03):
am fully responsible any legal liabilities, I'm going to need
to talk to a lawyer. You need a lawyer. We
have our house counsel at the zoo that can help.
You don't want to trust I can't go with your
house counsel. And you already like hoodwinked me and to
sign of some nonsense about how I'm responsible. I just
(20:24):
worked concessions in security, which doesn't even make any sense.
Do you need a lawyer? No, I need a lawyer.
I am a lawyer. What happened? All right? They coerced
me into signing. They told me this was about benefits.
Make sure for my safety. Jack, you're doing a great job, Gretson,
Thank you. What why do we at court all of
a sudden, Am this is our house counsel, That's what
(20:45):
I'm saying. That great for us? I know, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
you know what. I know what's going on here. I'm
gonna get my own counsel if you want to referral Gretson,
what are you doing. What are you thinking you're gonna respond? Person?
Here's here's the card. Okay, I call them right now,
all of them right now, a lot of numbers. This
(21:07):
is the Philippines. I'm calling law offices of Gregory Schmigel
in Retzenburger. How can I help you today? I need
some help. I work at the zoo. I'm just in concessions.
They make me do security at the same time. It's
really ridiculous. But anyways, there's this document they sort of
coerced me into signing. It really doesn't feel like it's
(21:27):
legal that I'm responsible that they let lions loose in
the neighborhood. Please tell me that you are not speaking
about the North Park Zoo and Biobotanical Garden. I am.
You know, there's a school right down the street there
and they just they they were they were going to
the funding was pulled, which doesn't even make any sense
to me, and they're releasing the animals into the neighborhood. Okay,
(21:50):
the two guys that run it are a bunch of
idiot If you think that I am willing to support
my legal license on the line and grow up again
and to Gretson in their House counsel, you are sadly mistaken.
I would never take them on in a quarter lot.
What He's still good. It just happens that he did
(22:11):
have a place at place was having a bugs and
he ended up in cut with Gritson waiting Lateish gentleman
message from next case on the doctor Phillip Voices, the
North Park Zoo and Bible Panical Garden of all Parties
present President. Thank you you asked Mr Gretson. How can
(22:32):
I help your counsel? The defendant is guilty. I just
want to whoa. I'm sorry that that is a compelling argument.
You have just made Gription once again home run with
what fun for the North Park. I don't want to
hear not even here, want to hear another word? You
(22:55):
know all Gritson ra once a again you did it?
Thank you, Thank you. I'm outraged. Can my lawyer get here?
How about that? My lawyer didn't even say anything? Yes,
you're sorry, I'm I did Gregson show Yeah sort of counsel.
I'd like to dress my case and I'd like to
(23:17):
press the court or a decision or two for a
MS travelret whatever you want. And I have to sing
you very well. Dressed today, ash par the usual, thank you,
j what about me? Soundly along? We got a handsome alert.
I'm Grigson, Thank youlous, and I paid you five dollars
for this. Yeah, jail and what he did. His destiny
(23:39):
was to be in jail, and that's where he was
locked up with you guys with their own jail as
what you for? What are you in for? It was
the zoo thing? Thank you? Stay away from this ringing guys.
You begin animal. Please tell me you did not cross
(24:03):
of the people that this guy is the baddest. Yeah,
you're beast. Didn't do anything. They just would Yeah, I know,
I'm really innocent. Her hood everybody's in. It's funny every time.
(24:24):
Did you touch the animals? No, I didn't touch any animals.
Did you poke them? No? I didn't poke the animal
get taunt them. They wanted to do that. I was
supposed to be making people not do that. And then
then I'm printed something and the next thing, you know,
I mean court with this dweep who everybody was enamored by.
Did you get to meet you talking about gret Oh?
My god, you get to me in was this what
(24:46):
this guy? My god? Who is this guy, he's something else.
What was he like in real life? Was he tallade?
He's real tall. He's like Batman with that the ears
and all the other stuff. And he put for you.
There wasn't aura. There was something special, but he would
have He's a bulldog, bulldog, prosecuting bulldog, gold dog. He's
(25:09):
a bulldog bulldog. He's a bulldog. Moonlight is a prosecutor
and a corporate attorney for the zoo. It was a tough. Yeah,
it was an inside job. Inside. It was inside. I
was well roaded, don't you know, we all inside? Yeah?
(25:29):
What it greets and smell like. I don't know what
he smelled like he was across the was he well
dressed room? It wasn't off the rack. I'll say that
because when I went up against him, when my lawyer,
he cowered because he was felt he was so well dressed. Yeah,
it was bad. What time is It's time for us
to move on to the interview. But what time is it? Physically?
(25:50):
What time is there right now? Are you asking me
your ship in time? Oh? Wait, oh ship? Oh? You
got the time? It was? I was checking the time?
Why all right? That's why you haven't seen as they
killed by her name. Yes, that's right. Coming up at
(26:10):
to the first a word from our esteemed sponsors. Stay
with us, back to the interview these guys, Eric Griffin, Hello, Eric, Hello,
(26:31):
it is what it is good teller code. Really, So
tell us about your from I'm originally from Los Angeles.
Nice with your high school. I went to a private
Catholic school. Nice. That's that's not very thing. And you're
a comedian, comedian, nice podcaster. That's a little bit about that.
When when you get started, Um, I don't know. I
(26:53):
think I officially got started in about two thousand and three. Nice,
it would happen, and I had some big things happen.
You can, uh office show, Yeah, like worcoholics. Yeah, it
was an workaholic. That was fun. How long you've been
listening to show? Um? How long have I been here
since the beginning? Right? You've been listening since the very
(27:15):
first episode? Oh? Yeah, very nice, but yeah it's very
sensitive the show for a lot of years. So it
tell us, Uh, so we'll got it's a great show. Yeah,
it's a good show. He played a kick named Montez, Yes,
I did. And then tell us a little bit about that. Trajectory,
(27:35):
and but yeah, I talked to us. I'm trying to
figure you that. I don't, you know, I wanted to
be a comic and then you when you want to
be a comic, you're you know, you also get into
the acting game, and uh, you know, I I enjoyed both.
So I've done a bunch of things, you know, and
some movies, TV shows, and it was your was your
favorite thing, some podcasts, favorite thing you ever done? Um,
(27:57):
favorite thing I've ever done. I don't know. I guess
it's got to be working hol because it was my
first big break. So that was just like a fun thing.
And those guys were so new and they didn't really
know what they were doing, so they did it their
own way, and you didn't know that until you went
on other sets. Then you saw like, oh, well they
those guys, they paid their own path. So um, and
(28:19):
this show, oh yeah, this this is top seventy five
for sure. I'm trying to get the answer from the Sorry,
YEA top seventy five for sure is this podcast. I
guess working with Adam Sandler was pretty cool and I
think he's just like a movie making savant. He knew
(28:39):
everything on the set, you know what I mean, like
just lighting everything, like you just knew where things were
supposed to be. How you know, what lines you were
supposed to say, when were you supposed to stand? You know.
He was doing a walk and talk with me, and
then the camera guy was in the wrong spot and
they you know, and he said, I don't think I'm
supposed to be here, and the guy was like, yes,
you are, and then he figured it out. I was like, oh,
you know what, You're right? You know, you just knew
(29:00):
everything about making movies. And do you feel like you
learned from him? Yeah? Yeah, I learned some things, like
like he's the kind of guy that after every scene
he wants to look at it so you can see
make some adjustments. And I enjoyed doing that because then
you look at yourself and you go, oh, I didn't
know I was walking like that, or what am I
doing with my hands? You know? So you just like,
you know, day back, you have to playback. Yeah, but
(29:21):
I don't know. Do I mean to have something in
the archives for that? Yeah? I was just asking you that,
you know, do you have any questions? I don't you
want to go to the archives or something like that.
It's okay. I just don't want to do it a
Sandlar impression and get us that what it sound like?
Any O? You guys have to do that, you know
(29:41):
in the interview that so you know also on twitch, Yeah,
I do a lot of twitching. The pandemic hit and
I needed to do something. I started doing that and
it worked out. Kind of dude, head that happened? Do
you always know? You know? I just started playing it
because he just became any good really fast. I didn't
It wasn't really asked. I wouldn't say I'm really good.
I just have my own technique. And then I think
(30:03):
people like watching me because I talk shit and to
find your technique, like what is it you do? It's different.
I have like a methodical way of like I had
these like rules you know that I try to follow
when I'm playing, like about the movement, about making sure
the equipment is in the right order, like make sure
I'm plated, make sure I'm my guns are reloaded. You
know what I mean. If you hear something, you gotta go,
(30:24):
you know, I gotta go get and you gotta stay moving.
It's like these certain techniques, and so I get a
lot of solo victories, and so the kids watch me
and they're just like, oh man, the old man can play.
You know that? Yeah? We actually okay, yeah, I'm trying
to I'm just saying, no, we we have. We actually
have that in the archives. What we have? We have
(30:47):
we have. I'm just because he's doing daddy anything. No
I did. I'm just trying to think of what you like.
I have a story about myself. Then you guys have
it in the archives. Yeah, is that what happens? Do
it happens to take out man? No way, stop stop.
We actually have the first time you ever got on
(31:08):
Twitch during the at the beginning of the pandemic and
the archives. Did you know that? Do you know we
have that in the archives? We do. Let's hear that.
Hell man, what are you doing playing video games? There's
no dog Kong here? Yeah? Did you have anything going
on in your life and it's games? You know, it's
(31:28):
weird because I don't remember when I was on Twitch
people talking to me, talking to you? Now you know?
Is an archive? Your troll faces? Shut your crazy old man,
don't remove people. Go where's your mom's Okay? I bet
your mom's are fat? Okay, my mom. She has a
(31:51):
clanchulor Problem's not's not her fault. And my mom just
doesn't like exercising and she likes eating a lot of food.
So why am I not surprised? Touts here for you, dude?
Y sorry, sorry gallants, the milk is so expensive. No,
look that we're back during the World War two? Old man, God,
have you seen my mom? Something like? Why how do
(32:13):
you know what my mom looks? Just from your voice
and like how you're talking, it sounds like someone unhealthy
raised you. So so you your back hurt? Old man?
Is your back hurt? Yeah? From carrying your mom around?
Damn y. Yeah, it was a tense and exchange. It
(32:35):
was your first exchange into which I'm glad we went
to the archives to get it. It's yeah, so that
the kids love that about me that I just snap
at though. You know you have like you have nicknames
for like the people you're fans on the thing. So
my fans nickname this is real is pos pieces of Ship.
That's what I called them. So they called themselves the
(32:56):
POS gang, your fans and pieces up and yet yeah,
on the twitch and then I used to how often
you went twitch? I go on every day. It all varies.
Did you just tell your cameras and have special things there?
But no, I have my singing mike. You know. So
when every time I get a victory like so that
(33:17):
the fans send me O. God, I want saying this
because I just know what's gonna happen. My fans send
me music. And then when I get a victory, I
will do like do like a freestyle. You know. We
actually actually have one of those freestyle from and they
(33:39):
And just to clarify, they send you a song. Yeah,
they send me music like just like their own beat today.
Yeah yeah, okay, they have their own, but we actually
have that. Yeah, it actually happened. It's a good one.
I hope he sings a song for us. Okay, here
(34:00):
we go. I'm playing Call of Duty. I'm just doing
my duty. Slamities, booties. I don't know. I feels like
Rudy Shooty shooty. Look at with the Call of Duty
that was Eric ming gaming. Nobody is complaining everybody Shaman,
(34:26):
I don't like Damon Way also a comic. And then
that's what happens when you have white boxers. Yeah, yeah,
it's not great. It's a really great I did notice
they rhymed a lot of words of a duty. Yeah,
it's called the duty. That's pretty good duty. Yeah. Yeah,
(34:50):
my favorite football game is Rudy. So what are you
currently working on now? Um? I just you know, traveling,
doing a lot of stand up and you know, auditioning.
When I can, you know, place to jobs to do
stand up? I don't really have a favorite place. I think.
I think all the places are the cities are all
pretty much the same. People are all the same. Once
(35:11):
you get inside the building, it's just a collective group
of different people from all walks of life, just collectively
sitting there laughing. It's actually a pretty magical thing. It's nice.
Is it like at one city? If you had a choice, Yeah,
I don't know. I would say San Diego is great, yea,
which I will be at. I don't know when this
(35:32):
is coming out, so maybe the next three weeks from
four weeks you missed me, I was in city. I
was in Lahoya three weeks ago. Uh er Griffin, thank
you so much, thank you, and congratulations to you man,
and you know those guys. Maybe I'm not all my successes. Yeah,
(35:53):
I can't talk about after coming up at the first
a word from our sponsors who make this high quality
program possible. Stay with us. At three, he decided to
(36:24):
fake his disappearance to avoid jail. Yeah, overdo tax bills,
Fucking tickets not paid. There's a lot of people who
wanted a piece of him, though, he decided to fake
his own disappearance. Where's my suitcase? Where's my suitcase? Where's
my suitcase? Get it? Find it here? Thank you, thank you?
Thank you? All right? I need I need two weeks
(36:44):
worth of close Come on, help help you here, because
here you go. Here's two Thank you. Where my brown shoes?
They're in there? That they're in there already? This is it.
I'm gonna miss you. What are you doing? The disappearing thing?
We always talked about it. I didn't know you were
being serious about it. Should there is happening now I'm
really doing it, guys. I got other rides. I gotta
pick up people, got to pick up. Are you getting
(37:06):
in this car? Not? Just one second? I just okay,
So it's Kevin here. I'm gonna say no, I haven't
seen Kevin practice with me. Okay, excuse me. I'm looking
for Kevin. I haven't seen Kevin. You haven't. I haven't
even seen Kevin. Guys, is there something that I should
know is good? Just keep just keep them, just keep
it running, just keep it und We're going to be
(37:27):
right with it. Just one going on total you wait,
the more money make anyway? Yeah, this is all totally fine,
but you didn't and I'm gonna need a five star
rating though. I'm just whatever is going on here? I
don't care. You got also like like one of those
good comments about me and my service? Yes, and how
great you were? Yeah? Back to one. Hey, excuse me,
(37:50):
I've seen Kevin is there? I'm looking for Kevin. I'm sorry.
You don't know where Kevin is. You don't know where
it's got it? All right? Don't even trust you to
do this? Or should I ask the uber guy to
do it? Do what uber guy? Let's practices? Okay, I'm
authorities your him. Okay, excuse me, I'm looking for Kevin
(38:11):
who see five stars? Great stars? You couldn't do that,
all right, dude, dude, Okay, thank you, Okay, see you later. Bro.
No no no, no no no, back to one. No.
I don't want to keep doing this over again. Leaving right? Well,
should I not have on the app. It feels like
there's a paper trail because your pictures. If you're leaving, leave,
Cindy's coming over soon. Alright, fine, alright, let's you're Kevin.
(38:33):
I don't even know you're here. Gone, Okay, okay, thank you.
You think he's got a handled? Should I be worried?
He should be really worried. That guy seemed very shifty.
He's for sure going to rat on you. Bro. Whoa
HI with the authorities looking for Kevin n You know
(38:57):
what Kevin? We're talking about, sir, Kevin? This one Kevin?
And you know what, Kevin, We're talking Kevin Masterson. Have
you seen him? Well? I know five Kevin masters. You
know five Kevin Masterson? Yeah? Five. They all have different
middle name. Oh yeah, what are their middle names? Name? One? Yeah,
Kevin Michael McAllister Kevin McAllister master sin. First of all,
(39:18):
what did I say? You said? Micallister? Like home alone?
I just watched that movies all days, though? Did you
which one? It's my favorite one? Right? That's that's a
pretty good one. That's the good one. They intended to
actually kill him in that one, to shoot him with
a gun in that one. Yeah, and one they would
by today right now you can't have in a kids movie.
They take him to the pocket gun. I got this
(39:41):
lady coming over. Her name is Cindy, and it's I
only get some time with her because she's married. You
guys want to ask me questions or no? Married? So
you're in you you like doing? I have an affair
with her yet sort of like Cindy. They he doesn't finish,
she does. Dangay, isn't that the one E been with?
Like the mailman? You know Cindy. I know Sydney's such
(40:08):
a piece of guys, like missing a screw or sod.
So when Cindy gonna get here, what do you say?
The three of us will take you anyway you've seen? Kevin?
What's that was easy? I don't know Kevin. Kevin, you
(40:30):
just said he went that way. I didn't know what
Kevin you're talking about. You don't I know Kevin Michael.
You know where they are, sir? What's the last name?
Bestest I know? Kevin Bacon Masterson. Kevin Bacon Masterson works
out at the donut shop. Babe, who's having sex with Cindy?
And that's your connection? Kevin Bacon Maths three Degrees of
(40:52):
Kevin Bacon masters in that time, Andy and especial gainst
contributor Eric Griffin, I mean host, and this is This
American Laugh with their solitary and Andy Harris joining his next.
This American Laugh with Aristotle Attari and Andy Harris can
be found wherever you get your podcasts. Be sure to subscribe,
rate and review. You can also find us on Instagram
(41:12):
at This American Laugh and on Twitter at American Laugh
with three h oh And by the way, we're taking
a brief hiatus, but don't worry. We will be back
with new episodes and I don't know a couple of months.
In the meantime, make sure you recommend This American Laugh
to your friends, your enemies, strangers. I don't care. Just
tell somebody, everybody. Anybody do it. Okay, bye, We'll miss you. Bye.
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