August 16, 2021 • 29 mins
This week’s theme: “Friendship.” A trashy neighbor wreaks havoc, a mother insists on a mushroom-free diet, and a judge has a unique approach to settling disputes.
Special Guest Contributor Phillip Wilburn has been seen and heard on “Jimmy Kimmel Live,” “The Late Late Show with James Corden”, “Conan” and “Dragonball Z.” He does several weekly audio shows on Clubhouse in The Comedy Lounge Club and can be found impersonating former-President Trump and current-President Biden on Cameo.
Twitter: @phillipwilburn
IG: @phillipwilburn
Clubhouse: @phillipwilburn
Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.com
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Portions of This Is Americans Live, The improvised documentary podcast,
are brought to you by listeners like yourself, are esteemed sponsors,
and the all powerful, all knowing Random Sentence Generator, which
inspires the stories you're about to hear. Yes, whenever you
hear this sound, the next sentence you hear is a
random sentence provided by our revered, omnipotent random sentence Generator.
(00:23):
For more This is Americans Live. Listened to more episodes
of This is Americans Live. I guess and now your
first random sentence. He picked up the trash in his
spare time to dump in his neighbor's yard. It had
been collecting in the back of his home for quite
(00:44):
some time, and it was coming to ed. Yeah. Part
of the reason why I've been doing this so long
is um I was ordering the newspaper, a hard copy.
People usually don't don't do those anymore. But they started
disappearing one by one, and uh, I decided, Hey, why
not make a little trash disappear over his fence? Did
you ever think about maybe just taking it to the
(01:06):
dumpster like that trash yard. I did take it to
the dumpster at first, but then I I that didn't
really prove my point, and so I started consuming more
items and creating more trash to bring to his his yard.
I felt like I had one side of his story,
so I decided to go talk to the neighbor to
see what his side of it was. We clean our
back yard all the time, but there's no way it's
(01:30):
a never ending pile of trash. I don't understand what
is exactly going on, but my wife is so mad
at me. She says, I'll never clean up, but I'm
cleaning up constantly. What are you doing downstairs? I'm cleaning
up trash. You're not, I am. I was out just
this morning. I cleaned all day long. So what did
he say? Did he say that that? He said that
(01:52):
he was always cleaning the trash that you were leaving
in in his yard actually belonged to you. He would
say that a lot of the stuffhouds are now her
his name on it wasn't an er yard. I went
through all of my tax documents and but those in
the in in the backyard that there shouldn't be any
reason why he should see my name. But if he
sees it, then then maybe it's the other Terence downing.
(02:14):
It felt like there was no compromise, so I figured
maybe it was a better idea to get them together,
maybe with the mediator. Why don't the tour? You tell
me what exactly is the issue you're having with each other? Well,
I have found trash in my yard with his name
on it. What did you do wrong? Just cleaning? Why
(02:36):
did he put the trash in there? You must have
done something wrong, because no one would do something so
so vile. I don't know. We have game nuts, but
he's not invited, but it's only a certain circle of people.
Why didn't you invite him to your game night? Yeah?
Why didn't you invite me? I got this? Why didn't
you invite him to your game night? Well, well, wife
is very particular and all the people that are at
(02:58):
the game not are in her were a church group. Okay,
so the car is still running. Why is he here?
This mediation about the trash and got to the bottom
of the trash, and I don't like you hanging out
with him. They're doing it well, honey, honey, listen, listen, listen.
We're just trying to He brought in a mediator and
(03:19):
we're trying to work out this whole trash thing. I
felt like maybe he was trying to throw a more
than just his trash. It was more than just his
extra newspapers. It was letters from family, bills, some photos.
This is our marriage license? What I throw this root
in his? Yea, I just found a marriage license. What's happening?
(03:41):
Why don't we get down to what this is really
all about? I would love to figure out turns. What
have I done to you to make this happen? I
didn't look. He didn't really have any answer for the situation.
He just didn't know why he was throwing trash in
his neighbor's backyard, then rifling from the trash. I found though.
It was the both of them, younger, full of life.
(04:02):
We're never gonna grow up. We're gonna be best friends forever. Terry,
We're definitely gonna be best friends forever. There's no doubt
about it. I know that in my heart we're gonna
be the best as the friends forever. All right. The
big wheel is part of the what's he doing here?
We're friends? What? What's what's wrong? Why are you friends
with him? This is this is American's life. I'm your host.
(04:31):
Sorry with producer Andy and our special guest contributor for
this episode is Philip Wilburn. There's a week's theme friendship.
Sometimes a friend can become a enemy. Sometimes a friend
of me can become a full blown enemy. But somewhere
in between and the gray, there's a friendship. Stay with us.
(04:57):
Act one. She had convinced her kids that any mushroom
found on the ground would kill them if they touched it.
But she talked about the mushrooms that she ate that
she go in the backyard. Our kids wanted to know.
One day, one of her kids actually grabbed them in
the mushrooms put in his mouth. Now, Larry, put that down,
Gulp it down. No, no, don't put that down. Okay,
(05:21):
what if I told you about all of the mushrooms. Well,
you said that all of them could hurt me, but
all of them can hurt you. Okay, but actually these
these are new. Let me tell you a little something
I learned from my mother. Okay, it is that all
mushrooms are poisons, especially the ones that mommy keeps in
her bowl. I just is pretty good, though, did you
(05:45):
eat one of my bedrooms? Let's get let me get
points in control on the line. Control yes, how can
I help you, ma'am? My song just to ate a mushroom? Well,
what kind of mushroom? Put the poison as mushrooms? Just
a regular mushroom? He doesn't know that there are not
why's that mushrooms? Of trying to be a good parent
(06:05):
and tell kids, but all mushrooms are poisonous. Could you
just please hit an ambulance over here, puppet stomach, and
then you'll learn a less I understand what you're what
you say, but in order for me to properly dispatch
the ambulance, I'm going to you to know exactly what
kind of mushroom is. Ambulance showed up the stereo pumping
kids tummy, but he just started giggling. But now you
(06:29):
take this seriously. You're supposed to be learning a lesson. Well,
we're trying to clear your your stomach of any poisonous much.
Can you please just put your hands above your head? Hey, okay,
and this is just we We don't typically don't do
stomach pumps on the field like this, but apparently this
is an emergency situation. Thank you take it seriously. I
(06:50):
think it's just so hard when it tickles the inside
of the toils film. What kind of rushrooms are these? Man? Okay,
these were my mushrooms that I was going to have
for dinner tonight. But I to my children if they
are all poisonous, so what I want to do save
the mushrooms? Fees are just edible mushrooms and not getting
other kind of mushrooms. Is that we're trying to tell
me from'am. No, No, all mushrooms are poison but these
(07:12):
are sort of edible animals, if you know what I mean.
Special Victims Unit decided to show up some ones that
specifically catered towards kids who are delving into their parents drugs.
All right, what's the problem here, Well, I've told my
son that the mushrooms are poisonous, and that's the first
thing you don't tell your kids is that whatever it
(07:33):
is that you don't want them to have as poisonous
because they're clearly gonna have it. I know that it
definitely has backfired on me, but I was trying to
be a good mother, and I also love mushrooms. I
tell my kids. I think, to give you an example
at my house, I say that's bad baby powder. Don't
touch that. Baby powder. Don't put that baby powder in
near your nose. That's the bad kind. And guess what
they do they do the baby powder. They touch my
(07:55):
baby powder. This is a great baby powder. Rubbit on
your teeth and I've seen him do that. What the
hell is going on? Yeah, I think it's not mine.
He brought it. He brought any better. I just say
something about power. Yeah, yeah, this is this is a
primo baby powder. Let me try these baby powder. So
(08:19):
how much you want for this baby powder? I will
trade you to pokemon and a kilo of lego. This
baby powder is a really good baby powder. Don't give
me wrong about this. But what if I say that
I have maybe baby better, baby better better by powder?
What mean white better baby powder? And I want you
to take my baby powder too, maybe another part of
(08:40):
the playground. Well, who's going to transport it? You are
going to transport for me? I don't know if I'm
up to baby powder muling. I think maybe you don't
have choice. Yeah, yeah, so you'd like to get fresh
and that has had some chicken like the freshen up. Yeah?
Why did you take a look at what's in the
(09:02):
wagon there? That is that ottle baby powder? Here's a
driven snow baby. I gotta get it. Answer that. Let
me see here, this beaty power has been cut power.
The purity might be a little compromised, but not the
purity is very much compromised. This is not the better
powder that you were given when you come to me first. Yeah,
(09:23):
I mean I cut it with with what with my
dad's cocaine, But it's still nine pure baby powder cocaine
in it. I want to talk to your friend, your partner.
You come with partner, come here. I want to show
you what's going to happen to you when I find
out for sure that this betty powder is not the
pure baby power sent from the your first time you
(09:44):
get over there, getting gone? Why am I here? What's happening?
Tone around for me, sir? Oh no, okay, look at
this diaper. Don't look away, look at this diaper. Okayna listen, listen, Okay,
(10:04):
no more cocaine, No more cocaine, only pre baby powder
from now on. I'm so sorry. If you cut my
baby butter with cocaine one more time, I'm gonna take
your bottom and I'm on a thorny Brian, I'm doing
promise him. I know I saw it coming up back
(10:30):
to the first the word from our esteemed sponsors. Stay
with us at to interview, and now let's get to
know our special guest contreeter for this week, Philip wilburn So, Philip,
(10:52):
tell us a little about yourself. Um, my name is
Philip Wilburne. I'm I'm from Texas Originally I'm a comedian
and I do a lot of impressions and do a
lot of sketch comedy and uh yeah, I've watched a
lot of videos in the past, and um, you have,
hands down some of the best impressions side I've seen. Um,
(11:15):
can we hear one of them? Let's hear some you
know what, I'm doing A lot of President Trump a
little bit pretty good. I got a lot of them.
And then in the old days, they used to do
a lot of bal and thick, but there's not a
lot of goal for that anymore. It's pretty good. How
do you get into impressions? You know, when I was
a little kid, I started doing, uh impressions right away.
(11:35):
The first two sadly weird impressions I did were so cliche.
One was my dad. I would just do whatever I
was watching on TV. And the two that I remember.
My dad always watched Western so we did a lot
of John Wayne and then also Uncle Arthur from Bewitched,
And what a dynamic duo those would be. You know,
it's just so weird. You know we actually have some
of that in the archives all our kids. Is that
(11:57):
for five o'clock? I want everybody to sit down in
front of the two of you, and I don't want
anybody to talk because I'm gonna watch my Westerns. But Dad,
can we talk about like what I did at school?
I don't want to hear any words out of either
one of you. Goddamn alright, you love Philip way more
than me, that's true, But now it's not the time
to unpack that. Well, Dad, why don't we watch a
little of your favorite show, maybe True Grid, or maybe
(12:21):
the Son's at Katie Elder is so good, it's so good.
Can you watch Adam twelve? Can we watch? I thought
I seem to recall asking you not to speak even here, Adam,
my brother, Adam, You're just total losers. You just sitting
over there doing anothering on. You just keep sucking on.
Find it while the oldest giveakes the spotlight. Here, give
(12:43):
it doom. Good love you, Daddy. I love you too.
He just gets away with everything. Dad. My show is
coming on, My show is coming on. I love this character, Dad,
It's so funny. It's such a funny character. Oh, samanth
I love it. I love it so much, honey. Um.
(13:05):
I went to my purse just now and I'm missing
I'm missing thirty bucks, missing thirty Such a penny pure
I saw, I saw Philip got what was you who
took your money? It was Philip, Daddy, look at my
new ball glove. I love it. I love it, and
(13:26):
I like how for my thirty dollars again? Great, it's
great that put tuned two together. He stole it from
mom's purse. Man, why don't you just shut up, you Philip,
be a deer and ask your brother to walk up
there and turn down the tabby? Hey, Adam, why didn't
you turn down the TV with the knob because we
don't have a remote control. When did you discover that
(13:49):
you wanted to do this in front of other people? Like?
Would you started to stand up or was it just
I did a lot of improv in Dallas, and I
worked with a guy named Randy Bennett. One of the
founders of the ground Links. He taught kind of the
ground Links program in Texas and pocket Iwich Theater. It
was not Pakistanwich Theater. It was called Upstage Smart Comedy
(14:10):
Smart Cocktails, which was a horrible name, but it was
part of Lone Star Comedy. And then when when did
you decide you wanted to make anything? You know what,
I've always wanted to do it. When I was a
little kid, I broke our television and the frame came off,
and that was my favorite toy and I always wanted
to be on TV and do that kind of stuff.
So i've since since I was a little kid. I
did it. But when I started doing improv, it was
(14:33):
weird because that kind of and sketch comedy really kind
of made it where I was like, Oh, this is
this is really what I want to do, and uh,
I kind of was floundering a lot until my teacher
found out that I did impressions. In the moment he
found out I did impressions, he was like, Oh, this
is right, this is the goal mine. I can do
something with this and so so yeah, that was that
(14:56):
was kind of my forte in and it was a
weird transition and because then started things started blossoming from that.
You know, you'd meet a bunch of improv people and
you would get to do some weird things. A lot
of one of my first professional vo gigs was from
improv because a lot of the improv guys in Dallas
were um directors and cast members on Dragon ball Z.
(15:19):
And so I got a part on Dragon ball Z
because I was in this group of people, and I
got one of the most hated characters of all of
Dragon ball Z, this character called Android nineteen. It was
a fat Android who would try to kill people and
but he had this really weird, squeaky, high pitched voice,
and uh yeah, it was one of the most hated characters.
(15:42):
His name is, his name is. His name is Andrew nineteen,
and he talks like feasts and he says, Hi, wea
to steal Eric h. I guess what we have some
of that in the archives Steel alright, Uh Dragon ball
Z of the character is uh Android by I'm sorry
to think of this to night in my auditioning. First
(16:03):
you go ahead, give me the breakdown first to the character. Um,
he's a a fat character and he's uh, he's not
very well liked so you can try to overcome fat
and not very well liked. I got it. There we go.
He's gonna cook me right away. This guy's and I
don't even know why he's here because it was an
open call. All right, well whatever, there we go. Thank you. Yeah,
(16:26):
all your energy, freaking kid black. I think it's pretty good.
That matches your your breakdown. Yeah, if you ask me. Um, okay,
so let's move on. I'm really that was really great.
I really felt like he was. So then I'll come
back and record that I got the job. No, you
do not have the job. I don't know. I just
(16:47):
said that was okay. Do you want to slay? Yes?
Please you. Yeah. I'm Philip Bulburn with the Campbell Agency Dallas.
Uh And I just want to say I'm excited about
this opportunity. Uh. And I do a lot of voices.
So if you eat other androids like hello, oh oh,
thank the make up dear, you know, good warning Robinson,
(17:07):
you know all those kids. Great, Yeah, that's great. So
I was thinking he's fat, so I want to play
against time, you know. And uh So instead of playing
him like that guy, I was thinking very high like this,
and I could creeping out by people like doing this. Oh, hello,
the chica, I'm will steal all your energy. Oh my,
(17:29):
you're not hiring that guy for sure. I don't even
know why. I'm we are going to build a wall.
This is going to be huge, bigly energy. I'm going
to steal all your energy so bigly, it's going to
be huge, huge energy. I don't know. I just think
that could be a character that people might hate. I'm
really so. I guess when you did characters, do you
(17:52):
find it very difficult to be friends with people who
were not comedians or when you went on dates, like,
did you find it challenging? I you know, I do
think that a funny voice can open up, you know,
a world of updating. But after a while they get
tired of it. So that's that's definitely a definitely, there
(18:15):
are definitely some girls that maybe like the voice. It's
someone work and then someone didn't work right, right, Hey,
let's check the archives. Well come on, come on, I
was I just I just saw her three days ago,
and now she's she's gone. What happened? Tell me what happened?
(18:37):
A car? A car drove by, and she looked at
the car, and then she fell into a mantle. Oh
my god, thins. Manholes are so bad. Just be serious,
help me tell me everything. Everything will be okay. I
have a very particular skill. Lam. Yeah, that's okay. I'm sorry.
(19:05):
I'm sorry. Whoa hey, cover discovery. That's not bad. That's goddaughter.
Everything we can to save people with manhoe covers. It's
very true. It's very true. It's something we're working on.
Say tremendous, tremendous manhole covers. Did they say say I
(19:28):
alone can fix it? I alone could fix the mano problem.
It's good, it's good now. Dude. Hello, I'm sorry I
have to tell you this. But when your friends fell
into the manhole, your other friend, Alice was already in
the manhole, and they landed out of each other contact,
(19:53):
both of your friends died. Yes, at the same time.
You know who can fix that? Tom Cruise, Tom Cruise,
kick show me the same with the money. Show Read
the money, show read the money. Everything's gonna be fine.
Let's have sex with each other. You complete me, and
(20:15):
so does your friend. Now is each other? They complete
each other. They became each other because they hit each
other but their body so um, did you ever have
any um jobs before you landed doing voice work and acting.
And yeah, I one of my weird side gigs is
(20:37):
I um, I can operate a Doppler radar. I have
been a weather producer for many TV stations and I
do that on the side, is I you know, I
do that occasionally. I'm a weather producer. Do they have
a hard time taking you seriously when there's like serious
weather conditions coming because they think maybe you're joking about it? Yeah?
(20:57):
I mean sometimes sometimes there there have been moments when
I've I've been too jokey in a serious situation. You know.
You know, we actually have some of that in the archives.
All right, tell me about what's going on here, Philip.
I mean, my car just flipped over. The wind just
flipped my car over those maps on the wall. It's
just like Twister. You know the movie Twister where they
had the cows and stuff like that. Damn it, would
(21:18):
you be fucking real? Please, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Yeah,
it looks like there's a tornado warning for Dallas County.
I just can't it's good. Is a tornado warning for
Pallas County? Dn It be serious? Please, this is not
(21:41):
the time. It's not the time tornado warnings County. Who
A yeah, okay, look, I'm just trying to make sure
you know. Come on, no seriously, it says there's hail
the size of golf balls. We want to thank our
(22:08):
special guest contributor, billis Lilleburn coming up at three, but
first the word from our sponsors, who make this high
quality program possible. Stay with us at three. It would
(22:31):
have been a better night if the guy's next to
the other guys weren't in the smash zone, but there
were causing problems and their neighbors had to deal with
the aftermath. Are you splashes? Maybe one more time. I'm
gonna knock him in the hair. We're trying to relax
over here. I get it, dude, I want to relax
(22:52):
all day. This is me relaxing. Man. You shouldn't have
bought your house right next to my house because you
know that I have a kiddie pool and I like
five people on the creaty pool is very easily moved
because it have to be right here in where we
are sitting zone. We're trying to look at our meditation
garden and you are interrupting that. The noise, it's itself
(23:13):
it's a community garden, it's community backyard. You knew that
when you bought the house. It's said it in the
in the thing when you bought on the piece of paper.
Everybody knows that I saw it. The charter says nothing
about your volume level, sir, that's our normalsts peak. And
right here we have a lovely two bedroom. If you
look around, you see the nice verandah right here, that's
(23:34):
really not right. Um. Now, I do want to draw
your attention to page seven on the paper, the paper
that I get the paper. The paper thing is a
community yard area. That's not gonna be a problem. As
long as there's nothing with volume levels, control will be
totally fine. Community sounds good. I think community sounds so
(23:55):
that means that we share it with the neighbor. Yes,
with the neighbor. Now what you mentioned just a second
ago about volume level level. Look the page nine on
the paper thing that I could pay ferns with the
paper description paper. Yeah, neighbor is pretty loud. Can we
put a subset? You want to amend it. I'd like
(24:17):
to amend it with cash. I would give cash to
amend it to me or to to the loud neighbor. Well, obviously,
do you how would you like to amend it? What
would you like? I would just like it to be
not to a four point five foot loud and allowed
me an allowed meter? Can I just can't give me
a second with my husband? Please? Yes? Sure? Yeah, I
(24:37):
just go ahead. You want to step outside or where? Yes?
And stay far away because he sounds so similar to me.
I wanted to make sure he's talking to Thank you
very much, Amanda. What's the problem. I've got her down
to a four point five on the loudness meter. But
you give her the money and she puts on the paper.
I'm sure she wants your money, but how is she
going to convey that message to the neighbor who's loud?
(24:59):
Give her the money and it's on the paper. She
has to abide by the contract or else legally binding
bing bang bong, zip zips up. We got ourselves a suit.
I love you, You're such a sweetheart, but you just
you believe in people too much. I believe in people.
I watched the People's Court all the time, and I
see how legal issues work. And trust me, by amending
(25:23):
this with cash and a contract, it will never ever
be able to be disputed. I'm sorry, are we are
we ready to do? We have the money for the
paper and the amending with the paper in the big
bang bang absolutely money that I'm totally going to use
to tell the as long as now, can we amend
it real quick? Amenda amended, been bangin giving Amanda, We
(25:46):
got it. Here we are in the courtroom today where
a problem with the loudness meter has been brought up.
We bring in our first litigant who says that he
signed a paper that said that he was going to
have a four point five on the loudness meter. Please
welcome James Hobson. I thought we were gonna have a
(26:08):
deal orda order and with us. On the other side
is the neighbor who's too loud and loves his kiddie bull.
Jamis order, sir, This isn't your yard. Are all parties president? Yes, sir,
we are both president and a candid for now? Will
the council police provide any paper thing each with the papers?
(26:32):
When I bought this um, I would Bayle bring me
that paper thing with the papers in the words, I've
put an amendment in the contract for a four point
five on the loudness meter, and there was a cash
prize given to the real estate agent making the deal
on the community property. Our serious here here, if I'm
(26:54):
not mistaken, bring bang bang boo book scamay ba wanged
to wangay banga de bangity on the paper. I know you,
I know you from not just TV. You're that scatcherde
I'm the scat scap scabby white judge. But this is
not the time products so well you're doing here, but
that the order? Now I look closely at the paper
(27:16):
thing or with the paper. The funds were received by
the real estate agent. However, the funds were never delivered.
The guy with the sca know but the only funds
will not received. All the opposing potter, you got no
old case. Get the hell out of my courtroom because
(27:37):
the morning never your hands on the paper. Well, there
you have it. The ruling was for Jamison. Jamison, how
do you feel about the ruling? I love that judge.
He's so freaking cool and I love you. This has
been the scat court scabber out my ba bah bah
bah bah bah joined lug all right, next case on
(28:05):
the doctor here but there he did discovered it down.
Here's these two people robbed the worst by m hmm.
Well this is holly irregular. But I wouldn't be willing
to allow you both to go free if you could
show me some good scanning. I just a tour of
(28:26):
us or you want to that he the inst zebra
in the corner to to to start too. I had
much shooms for breakfast. You're on a ladies and gentlemen
of the Jerry Skippy Pop Skippity Pip. That some of
the worst standing I've ever heard of my life. He's
going to jail for the rest of his life. And
(28:48):
there you haven't. I'm Doug Well and keep watching. Oh
I hate Doug Well, and I'm sorry, I'm girl And
there's no good way to say this, but Tom, you're
being read placed by the ghost of Allan Thick. Come
on in here, al and they amn't digging it up.
But show me that smile, little game. I give me
(29:10):
the only one who's seen this man on your crime best.
For producer Andy and especially as contributor Philip Wilburn, I
(29:32):
am Ari and this has been This is Americans Live.
Tune in next time. This Is Americans Live can be
found wherever you get your podcasts, be sure to subscribe, rate,
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at americans Live.
Portions of This Is Americans Live, The improvised documentary podcast,
are brought to you by listeners like yourself, are esteemed sponsors,
and the all powerful, all knowing Random Sentence Generator, which
inspires the stories you're about to hear. Yes, whenever you
hear this sound, the next sentence you hear is a
random sentence provided by our revered, omnipotent random sentence Generator.
(00:23):
For more This is Americans Live. Listened to more episodes
of This is Americans Live. I guess and now your
first random sentence. He picked up the trash in his
spare time to dump in his neighbor's yard. It had
been collecting in the back of his home for quite
(00:44):
some time, and it was coming to ed. Yeah. Part
of the reason why I've been doing this so long
is um I was ordering the newspaper, a hard copy.
People usually don't don't do those anymore. But they started
disappearing one by one, and uh, I decided, Hey, why
not make a little trash disappear over his fence? Did
you ever think about maybe just taking it to the
(01:06):
dumpster like that trash yard. I did take it to
the dumpster at first, but then I I that didn't
really prove my point, and so I started consuming more
items and creating more trash to bring to his his yard.
I felt like I had one side of his story,
so I decided to go talk to the neighbor to
see what his side of it was. We clean our
back yard all the time, but there's no way it's
(01:30):
a never ending pile of trash. I don't understand what
is exactly going on, but my wife is so mad
at me. She says, I'll never clean up, but I'm
cleaning up constantly. What are you doing downstairs? I'm cleaning
up trash. You're not, I am. I was out just
this morning. I cleaned all day long. So what did
he say? Did he say that that? He said that
(01:52):
he was always cleaning the trash that you were leaving
in in his yard actually belonged to you. He would
say that a lot of the stuffhouds are now her
his name on it wasn't an er yard. I went
through all of my tax documents and but those in
the in in the backyard that there shouldn't be any
reason why he should see my name. But if he
sees it, then then maybe it's the other Terence downing.
(02:14):
It felt like there was no compromise, so I figured
maybe it was a better idea to get them together,
maybe with the mediator. Why don't the tour? You tell
me what exactly is the issue you're having with each other? Well,
I have found trash in my yard with his name
on it. What did you do wrong? Just cleaning? Why
(02:36):
did he put the trash in there? You must have
done something wrong, because no one would do something so
so vile. I don't know. We have game nuts, but
he's not invited, but it's only a certain circle of people.
Why didn't you invite him to your game night? Yeah?
Why didn't you invite me? I got this? Why didn't
you invite him to your game night? Well, well, wife
is very particular and all the people that are at
(02:58):
the game not are in her were a church group. Okay,
so the car is still running. Why is he here?
This mediation about the trash and got to the bottom
of the trash, and I don't like you hanging out
with him. They're doing it well, honey, honey, listen, listen, listen.
We're just trying to He brought in a mediator and
(03:19):
we're trying to work out this whole trash thing. I
felt like maybe he was trying to throw a more
than just his trash. It was more than just his
extra newspapers. It was letters from family, bills, some photos.
This is our marriage license? What I throw this root
in his? Yea, I just found a marriage license. What's happening?
(03:41):
Why don't we get down to what this is really
all about? I would love to figure out turns. What
have I done to you to make this happen? I
didn't look. He didn't really have any answer for the situation.
He just didn't know why he was throwing trash in
his neighbor's backyard, then rifling from the trash. I found though.
It was the both of them, younger, full of life.
(04:02):
We're never gonna grow up. We're gonna be best friends forever. Terry,
We're definitely gonna be best friends forever. There's no doubt
about it. I know that in my heart we're gonna
be the best as the friends forever. All right. The
big wheel is part of the what's he doing here?
We're friends? What? What's what's wrong? Why are you friends
with him? This is this is American's life. I'm your host.
(04:31):
Sorry with producer Andy and our special guest contributor for
this episode is Philip Wilburn. There's a week's theme friendship.
Sometimes a friend can become a enemy. Sometimes a friend
of me can become a full blown enemy. But somewhere
in between and the gray, there's a friendship. Stay with us.
(04:57):
Act one. She had convinced her kids that any mushroom
found on the ground would kill them if they touched it.
But she talked about the mushrooms that she ate that
she go in the backyard. Our kids wanted to know.
One day, one of her kids actually grabbed them in
the mushrooms put in his mouth. Now, Larry, put that down,
Gulp it down. No, no, don't put that down. Okay,
(05:21):
what if I told you about all of the mushrooms. Well,
you said that all of them could hurt me, but
all of them can hurt you. Okay, but actually these
these are new. Let me tell you a little something
I learned from my mother. Okay, it is that all
mushrooms are poisons, especially the ones that mommy keeps in
her bowl. I just is pretty good, though, did you
(05:45):
eat one of my bedrooms? Let's get let me get
points in control on the line. Control yes, how can
I help you, ma'am? My song just to ate a mushroom? Well,
what kind of mushroom? Put the poison as mushrooms? Just
a regular mushroom? He doesn't know that there are not
why's that mushrooms? Of trying to be a good parent
(06:05):
and tell kids, but all mushrooms are poisonous. Could you
just please hit an ambulance over here, puppet stomach, and
then you'll learn a less I understand what you're what
you say, but in order for me to properly dispatch
the ambulance, I'm going to you to know exactly what
kind of mushroom is. Ambulance showed up the stereo pumping
kids tummy, but he just started giggling. But now you
(06:29):
take this seriously. You're supposed to be learning a lesson. Well,
we're trying to clear your your stomach of any poisonous much.
Can you please just put your hands above your head? Hey, okay,
and this is just we We don't typically don't do
stomach pumps on the field like this, but apparently this
is an emergency situation. Thank you take it seriously. I
(06:50):
think it's just so hard when it tickles the inside
of the toils film. What kind of rushrooms are these? Man? Okay,
these were my mushrooms that I was going to have
for dinner tonight. But I to my children if they
are all poisonous, so what I want to do save
the mushrooms? Fees are just edible mushrooms and not getting
other kind of mushrooms. Is that we're trying to tell
me from'am. No, No, all mushrooms are poison but these
(07:12):
are sort of edible animals, if you know what I mean.
Special Victims Unit decided to show up some ones that
specifically catered towards kids who are delving into their parents drugs.
All right, what's the problem here, Well, I've told my
son that the mushrooms are poisonous, and that's the first
thing you don't tell your kids is that whatever it
(07:33):
is that you don't want them to have as poisonous
because they're clearly gonna have it. I know that it
definitely has backfired on me, but I was trying to
be a good mother, and I also love mushrooms. I
tell my kids. I think, to give you an example
at my house, I say that's bad baby powder. Don't
touch that. Baby powder. Don't put that baby powder in
near your nose. That's the bad kind. And guess what
they do they do the baby powder. They touch my
(07:55):
baby powder. This is a great baby powder. Rubbit on
your teeth and I've seen him do that. What the
hell is going on? Yeah, I think it's not mine.
He brought it. He brought any better. I just say
something about power. Yeah, yeah, this is this is a
primo baby powder. Let me try these baby powder. So
(08:19):
how much you want for this baby powder? I will
trade you to pokemon and a kilo of lego. This
baby powder is a really good baby powder. Don't give
me wrong about this. But what if I say that
I have maybe baby better, baby better better by powder?
What mean white better baby powder? And I want you
to take my baby powder too, maybe another part of
(08:40):
the playground. Well, who's going to transport it? You are
going to transport for me? I don't know if I'm
up to baby powder muling. I think maybe you don't
have choice. Yeah, yeah, so you'd like to get fresh
and that has had some chicken like the freshen up. Yeah?
Why did you take a look at what's in the
(09:02):
wagon there? That is that ottle baby powder? Here's a
driven snow baby. I gotta get it. Answer that. Let
me see here, this beaty power has been cut power.
The purity might be a little compromised, but not the
purity is very much compromised. This is not the better
powder that you were given when you come to me first. Yeah,
(09:23):
I mean I cut it with with what with my
dad's cocaine, But it's still nine pure baby powder cocaine
in it. I want to talk to your friend, your partner.
You come with partner, come here. I want to show
you what's going to happen to you when I find
out for sure that this betty powder is not the
pure baby power sent from the your first time you
(09:44):
get over there, getting gone? Why am I here? What's happening?
Tone around for me, sir? Oh no, okay, look at
this diaper. Don't look away, look at this diaper. Okayna listen, listen, Okay,
(10:04):
no more cocaine, No more cocaine, only pre baby powder
from now on. I'm so sorry. If you cut my
baby butter with cocaine one more time, I'm gonna take
your bottom and I'm on a thorny Brian, I'm doing
promise him. I know I saw it coming up back
(10:30):
to the first the word from our esteemed sponsors. Stay
with us at to interview, and now let's get to
know our special guest contreeter for this week, Philip wilburn So, Philip,
(10:52):
tell us a little about yourself. Um, my name is
Philip Wilburne. I'm I'm from Texas Originally I'm a comedian
and I do a lot of impressions and do a
lot of sketch comedy and uh yeah, I've watched a
lot of videos in the past, and um, you have,
hands down some of the best impressions side I've seen. Um,
(11:15):
can we hear one of them? Let's hear some you
know what, I'm doing A lot of President Trump a
little bit pretty good. I got a lot of them.
And then in the old days, they used to do
a lot of bal and thick, but there's not a
lot of goal for that anymore. It's pretty good. How
do you get into impressions? You know, when I was
a little kid, I started doing, uh impressions right away.
(11:35):
The first two sadly weird impressions I did were so cliche.
One was my dad. I would just do whatever I
was watching on TV. And the two that I remember.
My dad always watched Western so we did a lot
of John Wayne and then also Uncle Arthur from Bewitched,
And what a dynamic duo those would be. You know,
it's just so weird. You know we actually have some
of that in the archives all our kids. Is that
(11:57):
for five o'clock? I want everybody to sit down in
front of the two of you, and I don't want
anybody to talk because I'm gonna watch my Westerns. But Dad,
can we talk about like what I did at school?
I don't want to hear any words out of either
one of you. Goddamn alright, you love Philip way more
than me, that's true, But now it's not the time
to unpack that. Well, Dad, why don't we watch a
little of your favorite show, maybe True Grid, or maybe
(12:21):
the Son's at Katie Elder is so good, it's so good.
Can you watch Adam twelve? Can we watch? I thought
I seem to recall asking you not to speak even here, Adam,
my brother, Adam, You're just total losers. You just sitting
over there doing anothering on. You just keep sucking on.
Find it while the oldest giveakes the spotlight. Here, give
(12:43):
it doom. Good love you, Daddy. I love you too.
He just gets away with everything. Dad. My show is
coming on, My show is coming on. I love this character, Dad,
It's so funny. It's such a funny character. Oh, samanth
I love it. I love it so much, honey. Um.
(13:05):
I went to my purse just now and I'm missing
I'm missing thirty bucks, missing thirty Such a penny pure
I saw, I saw Philip got what was you who
took your money? It was Philip, Daddy, look at my
new ball glove. I love it. I love it, and
(13:26):
I like how for my thirty dollars again? Great, it's
great that put tuned two together. He stole it from
mom's purse. Man, why don't you just shut up, you Philip,
be a deer and ask your brother to walk up
there and turn down the tabby? Hey, Adam, why didn't
you turn down the TV with the knob because we
don't have a remote control. When did you discover that
(13:49):
you wanted to do this in front of other people? Like?
Would you started to stand up or was it just
I did a lot of improv in Dallas, and I
worked with a guy named Randy Bennett. One of the
founders of the ground Links. He taught kind of the
ground Links program in Texas and pocket Iwich Theater. It
was not Pakistanwich Theater. It was called Upstage Smart Comedy
(14:10):
Smart Cocktails, which was a horrible name, but it was
part of Lone Star Comedy. And then when when did
you decide you wanted to make anything? You know what,
I've always wanted to do it. When I was a
little kid, I broke our television and the frame came off,
and that was my favorite toy and I always wanted
to be on TV and do that kind of stuff.
So i've since since I was a little kid. I
did it. But when I started doing improv, it was
(14:33):
weird because that kind of and sketch comedy really kind
of made it where I was like, Oh, this is
this is really what I want to do, and uh,
I kind of was floundering a lot until my teacher
found out that I did impressions. In the moment he
found out I did impressions, he was like, Oh, this
is right, this is the goal mine. I can do
something with this and so so yeah, that was that
(14:56):
was kind of my forte in and it was a
weird transition and because then started things started blossoming from that.
You know, you'd meet a bunch of improv people and
you would get to do some weird things. A lot
of one of my first professional vo gigs was from
improv because a lot of the improv guys in Dallas
were um directors and cast members on Dragon ball Z.
(15:19):
And so I got a part on Dragon ball Z
because I was in this group of people, and I
got one of the most hated characters of all of
Dragon ball Z, this character called Android nineteen. It was
a fat Android who would try to kill people and
but he had this really weird, squeaky, high pitched voice,
and uh yeah, it was one of the most hated characters.
(15:42):
His name is, his name is. His name is Andrew nineteen,
and he talks like feasts and he says, Hi, wea
to steal Eric h. I guess what we have some
of that in the archives Steel alright, Uh Dragon ball
Z of the character is uh Android by I'm sorry
to think of this to night in my auditioning. First
(16:03):
you go ahead, give me the breakdown first to the character. Um,
he's a a fat character and he's uh, he's not
very well liked so you can try to overcome fat
and not very well liked. I got it. There we go.
He's gonna cook me right away. This guy's and I
don't even know why he's here because it was an
open call. All right, well whatever, there we go. Thank you. Yeah,
(16:26):
all your energy, freaking kid black. I think it's pretty good.
That matches your your breakdown. Yeah, if you ask me. Um, okay,
so let's move on. I'm really that was really great.
I really felt like he was. So then I'll come
back and record that I got the job. No, you
do not have the job. I don't know. I just
(16:47):
said that was okay. Do you want to slay? Yes?
Please you. Yeah. I'm Philip Bulburn with the Campbell Agency Dallas.
Uh And I just want to say I'm excited about
this opportunity. Uh. And I do a lot of voices.
So if you eat other androids like hello, oh oh,
thank the make up dear, you know, good warning Robinson,
(17:07):
you know all those kids. Great, Yeah, that's great. So
I was thinking he's fat, so I want to play
against time, you know. And uh So instead of playing
him like that guy, I was thinking very high like this,
and I could creeping out by people like doing this. Oh, hello,
the chica, I'm will steal all your energy. Oh my,
(17:29):
you're not hiring that guy for sure. I don't even
know why. I'm we are going to build a wall.
This is going to be huge, bigly energy. I'm going
to steal all your energy so bigly, it's going to
be huge, huge energy. I don't know. I just think
that could be a character that people might hate. I'm
really so. I guess when you did characters, do you
(17:52):
find it very difficult to be friends with people who
were not comedians or when you went on dates, like,
did you find it challenging? I you know, I do
think that a funny voice can open up, you know,
a world of updating. But after a while they get
tired of it. So that's that's definitely a definitely, there
(18:15):
are definitely some girls that maybe like the voice. It's
someone work and then someone didn't work right, right, Hey,
let's check the archives. Well come on, come on, I
was I just I just saw her three days ago,
and now she's she's gone. What happened? Tell me what happened?
(18:37):
A car? A car drove by, and she looked at
the car, and then she fell into a mantle. Oh
my god, thins. Manholes are so bad. Just be serious,
help me tell me everything. Everything will be okay. I
have a very particular skill. Lam. Yeah, that's okay. I'm sorry.
(19:05):
I'm sorry. Whoa hey, cover discovery. That's not bad. That's goddaughter.
Everything we can to save people with manhoe covers. It's
very true. It's very true. It's something we're working on.
Say tremendous, tremendous manhole covers. Did they say say I
(19:28):
alone can fix it? I alone could fix the mano problem.
It's good, it's good now. Dude. Hello, I'm sorry I
have to tell you this. But when your friends fell
into the manhole, your other friend, Alice was already in
the manhole, and they landed out of each other contact,
(19:53):
both of your friends died. Yes, at the same time.
You know who can fix that? Tom Cruise, Tom Cruise,
kick show me the same with the money. Show Read
the money, show read the money. Everything's gonna be fine.
Let's have sex with each other. You complete me, and
(20:15):
so does your friend. Now is each other? They complete
each other. They became each other because they hit each
other but their body so um, did you ever have
any um jobs before you landed doing voice work and acting.
And yeah, I one of my weird side gigs is
(20:37):
I um, I can operate a Doppler radar. I have
been a weather producer for many TV stations and I
do that on the side, is I you know, I
do that occasionally. I'm a weather producer. Do they have
a hard time taking you seriously when there's like serious
weather conditions coming because they think maybe you're joking about it? Yeah?
(20:57):
I mean sometimes sometimes there there have been moments when
I've I've been too jokey in a serious situation. You know.
You know, we actually have some of that in the archives.
All right, tell me about what's going on here, Philip.
I mean, my car just flipped over. The wind just
flipped my car over those maps on the wall. It's
just like Twister. You know the movie Twister where they
had the cows and stuff like that. Damn it, would
(21:18):
you be fucking real? Please, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Yeah,
it looks like there's a tornado warning for Dallas County.
I just can't it's good. Is a tornado warning for
Pallas County? Dn It be serious? Please, this is not
(21:41):
the time. It's not the time tornado warnings County. Who
A yeah, okay, look, I'm just trying to make sure
you know. Come on, no seriously, it says there's hail
the size of golf balls. We want to thank our
(22:08):
special guest contributor, billis Lilleburn coming up at three, but
first the word from our sponsors, who make this high
quality program possible. Stay with us at three. It would
(22:31):
have been a better night if the guy's next to
the other guys weren't in the smash zone, but there
were causing problems and their neighbors had to deal with
the aftermath. Are you splashes? Maybe one more time. I'm
gonna knock him in the hair. We're trying to relax
over here. I get it, dude, I want to relax
(22:52):
all day. This is me relaxing. Man. You shouldn't have
bought your house right next to my house because you
know that I have a kiddie pool and I like
five people on the creaty pool is very easily moved
because it have to be right here in where we
are sitting zone. We're trying to look at our meditation
garden and you are interrupting that. The noise, it's itself
(23:13):
it's a community garden, it's community backyard. You knew that
when you bought the house. It's said it in the
in the thing when you bought on the piece of paper.
Everybody knows that I saw it. The charter says nothing
about your volume level, sir, that's our normalsts peak. And
right here we have a lovely two bedroom. If you
look around, you see the nice verandah right here, that's
(23:34):
really not right. Um. Now, I do want to draw
your attention to page seven on the paper, the paper
that I get the paper. The paper thing is a
community yard area. That's not gonna be a problem. As
long as there's nothing with volume levels, control will be
totally fine. Community sounds good. I think community sounds so
(23:55):
that means that we share it with the neighbor. Yes,
with the neighbor. Now what you mentioned just a second
ago about volume level level. Look the page nine on
the paper thing that I could pay ferns with the
paper description paper. Yeah, neighbor is pretty loud. Can we
put a subset? You want to amend it. I'd like
(24:17):
to amend it with cash. I would give cash to
amend it to me or to to the loud neighbor. Well, obviously,
do you how would you like to amend it? What
would you like? I would just like it to be
not to a four point five foot loud and allowed
me an allowed meter? Can I just can't give me
a second with my husband? Please? Yes? Sure? Yeah, I
(24:37):
just go ahead. You want to step outside or where? Yes?
And stay far away because he sounds so similar to me.
I wanted to make sure he's talking to Thank you
very much, Amanda. What's the problem. I've got her down
to a four point five on the loudness meter. But
you give her the money and she puts on the paper.
I'm sure she wants your money, but how is she
going to convey that message to the neighbor who's loud?
(24:59):
Give her the money and it's on the paper. She
has to abide by the contract or else legally binding
bing bang bong, zip zips up. We got ourselves a suit.
I love you, You're such a sweetheart, but you just
you believe in people too much. I believe in people.
I watched the People's Court all the time, and I
see how legal issues work. And trust me, by amending
(25:23):
this with cash and a contract, it will never ever
be able to be disputed. I'm sorry, are we are
we ready to do? We have the money for the
paper and the amending with the paper in the big
bang bang absolutely money that I'm totally going to use
to tell the as long as now, can we amend
it real quick? Amenda amended, been bangin giving Amanda, We
(25:46):
got it. Here we are in the courtroom today where
a problem with the loudness meter has been brought up.
We bring in our first litigant who says that he
signed a paper that said that he was going to
have a four point five on the loudness meter. Please
welcome James Hobson. I thought we were gonna have a
(26:08):
deal orda order and with us. On the other side
is the neighbor who's too loud and loves his kiddie bull.
Jamis order, sir, This isn't your yard. Are all parties president? Yes, sir,
we are both president and a candid for now? Will
the council police provide any paper thing each with the papers?
(26:32):
When I bought this um, I would Bayle bring me
that paper thing with the papers in the words, I've
put an amendment in the contract for a four point
five on the loudness meter, and there was a cash
prize given to the real estate agent making the deal
on the community property. Our serious here here, if I'm
(26:54):
not mistaken, bring bang bang boo book scamay ba wanged
to wangay banga de bangity on the paper. I know you,
I know you from not just TV. You're that scatcherde
I'm the scat scap scabby white judge. But this is
not the time products so well you're doing here, but
that the order? Now I look closely at the paper
(27:16):
thing or with the paper. The funds were received by
the real estate agent. However, the funds were never delivered.
The guy with the sca know but the only funds
will not received. All the opposing potter, you got no
old case. Get the hell out of my courtroom because
(27:37):
the morning never your hands on the paper. Well, there
you have it. The ruling was for Jamison. Jamison, how
do you feel about the ruling? I love that judge.
He's so freaking cool and I love you. This has
been the scat court scabber out my ba bah bah
bah bah bah joined lug all right, next case on
(28:05):
the doctor here but there he did discovered it down.
Here's these two people robbed the worst by m hmm.
Well this is holly irregular. But I wouldn't be willing
to allow you both to go free if you could
show me some good scanning. I just a tour of
(28:26):
us or you want to that he the inst zebra
in the corner to to to start too. I had
much shooms for breakfast. You're on a ladies and gentlemen
of the Jerry Skippy Pop Skippity Pip. That some of
the worst standing I've ever heard of my life. He's
going to jail for the rest of his life. And
(28:48):
there you haven't. I'm Doug Well and keep watching. Oh
I hate Doug Well, and I'm sorry, I'm girl And
there's no good way to say this, but Tom, you're
being read placed by the ghost of Allan Thick. Come
on in here, al and they amn't digging it up.
But show me that smile, little game. I give me
(29:10):
the only one who's seen this man on your crime best.
For producer Andy and especially as contributor Philip Wilburn, I
(29:32):
am Ari and this has been This is Americans Live.
Tune in next time. This Is Americans Live can be
found wherever you get your podcasts, be sure to subscribe, rate,
and review. You can also find this is americans Live
on Instagram at this is americans Live and on Twitter
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