March 16, 2022 • 42 mins
What’s the secret to getting unstuck and moving forward? This week, Eve and Aditi discuss the importance of taking small steps to reach your BIG, hairy, audacious, authentic goals. They are joined by VP of Fitness Programming and Head Instructor at Peloton, Robin Arzón, who shares her process for moving the needle toward the person you want to be and celebrating the small victories along the way. To learn more about Robin, visit www.robinarzon.com.
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome to Time Out. I'm Eve Rodsky, author of the
New York Times bestseller fair Play and Find Your Unicorn Space,
activists on the gender division of labor, attorney and family mediator.
And I'm Doctor add In the Rukar, a physician and
medical correspondent with an expertise in the science of stress, resilience,
mental health, and burnout. We're here to peel back to
(00:24):
layers around why it's so easy for society to guard
men's time as if it's diamonds, and to treat women's
time as if it's infinite like sands. And whether you
are partnered with or without children, or in a career
where you want more boundaries, this is the place for
you for all family structures. We're here to take a
time out to learn, get inspired, and most importantly, reclaim
(00:49):
our time. Hi d hi E. I get to be
on your time zone today as we're recording, so it
just feels fun to be in the same time zone.
I love it. You feel even closer than you usually feel. Well.
I wanted to tell you a little bit about my
(01:13):
journey to understanding goals, because goals, I think you know,
sometimes we just set them out for ourselves, maybe based
on other people's expectations. And I don't know if I
always really thought about why I set goals, or if
I even knew what those goals are. I definitely didn't
have a vision board in my third grade bedroom. I
(01:34):
had like teen Bop posters up there. But what's interesting
about Find Your Unicorn Space was that in so many
of my interviews with creative people, the word goals came up,
and so I felt like it would be a disservice
not to address them in a chapter in the book.
Goal setting became very important to people living a creative life.
(01:57):
That's I think the difference between unicorn space and a
hobby not only the infrequency that a hobby connotes, but
a unicorn space has goals and a lot of people
level up. As my son said to me when I
was talking to him about goal setting, he said, yeah,
dumb mom, because whether it's life or video games, no
one wants to die on level one. So if we
(02:23):
don't want to die on level one, I think we
do have to set some goals. But how do we
know they're the right goals? And so I wrote that
down in a moleskin. How do I know that this
is the right goal for me, or how does somebody
know it's the right goal? And I started to ask questions,
and two things came up that felt totally contradictory to me.
But you'll probably tell me from a brain science perspective
(02:45):
why they're actually complimentary and not contradictory. But in the
beginning it felt contradictory, which was so many people half
said to me that they followed some version of a big, hairy,
audacious goal. I want to put people on the moon.
That's why it's often called a moon shot, even though
(03:06):
I really hate I don't really like that word. It
sounds I don't know, it sounds porn like porn to
me or something. And then often i'd also hear the opposite,
which is, well, the way I got to where I
am is I took extremely small steps. And so how
did I reconcile those two? Well, then I realized, okay,
(03:26):
what was happening. It seemed was that there were people
who had big, hairy, audacious goals that came from Jim Collins.
That's his sort of framework. I'd like to add in another,
a big hairy, audacious, authentic goals, And so they would
have these big goals, like Sandy Zimmerman. She said, I
(03:47):
want to be on American Ninja Warrior. I'm a pe
teacher in the Midwest. I have no experience with parkour.
I know I'm physically fit, but I want to be
on that show. I see people on that show, I
want to to what they're doing. So that's a big, hairy,
audacious goal. And then at the same time, I would
hear well to get there, I also had to just
(04:08):
swing on the salmon ladder for seven weeks in a row.
I couldn't even move my arms up to the next wrong.
I just swung there until I got the courage to
move up to the next wrong. And so I think
(04:29):
what I finally realized was that you can have a big, hairy, audacious,
authentic goal, and a lot of people actually were doing
it in the present tense, which I found interesting. So
instead of saying I want to be on American Ninja Warrior,
my interviewees were saying things to me like I am
cast for American Ninja Warrior, or I'm going on American
(04:52):
Ninja Warrior. They started to say their goals in the
present tense, which I found really interesting to me. And
also concur it with some books out there, like Professor
Benjamin Hardy, who talks about your future self. And then
I would also hear my next step on my journey
is the smallest, teenious thing, like buying a better pair
(05:13):
of sneakers. But I also knew from goal setting that
small steps matter. I had read many different frameworks for
goal setting. One of my favorite was the smart goal framework,
which is that goals have to be specific, measurable, achievable, relevant,
and time based. And so how do you reconcile or
(05:34):
do you think one is more important than the other,
or do you think you need big, hairy, audacious, authentic
goals and the understanding that the very very small steps
of goal setting also need to be there as well.
It's interesting because we need both. And you can think
of that big, hairy, audacious, authentic goal like your north star,
(05:57):
what's going to guide you forward? What's that in tension
that you're setting for yourself. It's incredibly value based. And
that's why that second A for authentic right. It's your driver,
it's what gets you up in the morning, it's your why.
And when we have that north star to guide us,
it gives our life meaning and purpose and helps us
(06:19):
through the drudgery. The drudgery is part two, which is
the small step goals. They're not sexy, they're not glamorous,
but you need to do step by step, and you
need both because you need that vision and dream to
keep you going when things get difficult, but you need
(06:40):
a plan to get there. The other thing that I
think is fascinating is even though we begin with the
end in mind, like the example that you gave about
the park Core Championship, we may begin with the end
in mind because it's incredibly motive aiding and it's a
(07:00):
driving force. But often even those small steps, just incorporating
a little bit of that into our daily life might
be enough two fuel us and make us feel a
sense of fulfillment, help us feel satiated. So that north
star or that big hairy goal is a driver, a marker,
(07:24):
and a way for you to be guided forward. It
might not eventually be your destination, and that's okay. The
fact is that you're on the journey and that first
step and second step and third step of the journey
is what matters. And I think that's so important because
people get so hung up on that big hairy, audacious,
authentic goal because they want to set something that's within
(07:47):
limits and the second guess what that goal should be
and is it too small or it's too big. But
the bigger the better. It has more force and more
power to drive you. The reason I want to bring
that up is because I don't want people to feel
blindsided if they don't meet that goal, because often what
happens is when you start that journey right, like, that
(08:08):
first step is the most difficult. We know that with
Newtonian physics it takes more energy to get something in motion,
but when something is motion, it takes less energy to
keep it in motion. So we have to take that
first step and get our bodies in motion, and that
often is enough to feel that sense of fulfillment. I
(08:28):
think that's so important because that goes back to what
Ben said about not die on level one, whether it's
in again, where it's in the Game of Life or
or actual life. Because it doesn't necessarily mean that your
level A thousand was the one you thought it was
(08:49):
going to be, as you said a d D. That
can change. But having that north star and continuing to
play it doesn't mean it will be easy, but it
does mean that leveling up is a good thing. It's
a good thing to have a plan because it feels hard,
and it feels strange to think you're going to be
(09:09):
the one doing it. Because sometimes, like you said, with
Newtonian physics, it's easier for me to stay at risk
and let the person next door do it, let them
be the president of United States. But when it's you
and you start realizing, wow, I can do this. There's
this book, The Great Work of Your Life, and it
talks about how we can find that sense of meaning
(09:30):
and purpose, how we can find that north star. What's
interesting is that many people are just adjacent to their
big dream or big vision. It's not a one eight
turn that we have to make. Often it's like a
five or ten degree turn or pivot or tilt. So,
for example, in the case of Sandy's Immerman, she wanted
(09:51):
to be a parkour star. She was already a pe
teacher and physically fit, so she was already embodied a
lot of the traits that she would need to then
meet her big, harry audacious, authentic goal. So in many ways,
when we have that aha moment, that idea or inspiration,
(10:13):
the spark to really do something big. We already have
all of the raw materials within us to make it happen.
It's just a matter of aligning those maybe refining and
honing certain skills. You know. One of my favorite expressions
by I Believe, a Japanese empress who was profiled in
(10:33):
Vogue magazine. Believe it or not. She talked about how
she had many different lives before she became empress, and
she just said a very simple statement, nothing in life
is ever wasted. That resonated with me so deeply because
that was the message I needed to hear at the time,
and for all of our listeners. You may be on
(10:54):
a certain path, you may want to go somewhere else,
but nothing in your life has been wasted. Every opportunity, struggle, strength,
and achievement that you've already had can be fuel and
fire for your next journey. We're so excited to talk
about all of these topics with today's guests. Robin ar Zone.
(11:17):
Robin is the New York Times best selling author of
Shut Up and Run and Strong Mama. She's also the
vice president of fitness Programming and head instructor at Peloton.
Robin started her career actually as a lawyer. She's also
a recovering lawyer, and she discovered her passion for athletics
and so much more. Robin is a consummate goal setter.
(11:40):
She's our inspiration today for setting goals, meeting goals, and
surpassing goals. We cannot wait for her to share her
story with all of you. We're so excited for our guests,
(12:05):
Robin Arzon to be joining us. Robin does the VP
of fitness Programming and head instructor at Peloton. She's also
a New York Times best selling author. Hi Robin, hi
dd hi Eve, thank you for having me today. So
we have lots of different goals setting questions, So I
think maybe we'll just start with tell us, what do
you think about goal setting? Do you think of them
(12:26):
as your big hair, audacious goals? Do you think of
them as small steps? I love goals. I mean I
I see goals as as mini finish lines. As someone
who didn't work out as a kid, the fact that
I live in a in a sports analogy is absurd
to me, Like that's absurd. But I absolutely adore goals.
(12:47):
I believe that we can have self generated momentum. And
there are lots of tools that get us unstuck and
out of inertia. For me, movement is not only health practice,
but it is a creative practice. I actually believe that
I paint and sweat and so my goals. I get
(13:09):
just as excited about the granular goals as I do
about the big ones. And I pretty much live in hyperbole.
Like in my head it's like you are the baddest
be on the planet. Like I am constantly digging myself up.
But I also am in love with the process. And
I think this is where people get a little bit
miss aligned with the spirit of goal setting when they
(13:30):
don't fall in love with the process and the boring
stuff and the things that don't feel exciting, that don't
feel you know that will be applauded on social media
or get that serotonin response when we get the accolade.
So there are many finish lines for me, and whether
it's something iterative like putting a little bit of heavier
(13:52):
weight on the barbell, whether it's major, you know, betting
on myself and submitting a book proposal or something like that, Well,
can we start back from the beginning. So one of
the biggest goals that people would see from the outside,
is that you had a complete and total I'm not complete.
I mean, you're you're using your legal skills every day.
But you had a very big pivot, And can you
(14:14):
just tell us a little bit about that time in
your life, because I'm assuming that some of the things
were probably scary and hard and boring, but also very
exciting as you start building a new this new life,
you're now inspiring us all to live. We stand a
lawyer pivot, don't we eat? Yeah? Reformed lawyers over here. Yeah,
(14:38):
I do use my law degree every day, so I
don't regret a moment of any of it. Yeah. I
practiced for almost eight years as a corporate lated getter
in New York City, and I was in the grind.
I was in the hustle eighty hours a week, and
I actually didn't hate it. My story arc is not hated.
My life created a better one. It was I thought
my life was just okay. Realized that the lazy mediocrity
(15:00):
or not the standard by which I do anything. So
how could I be spending the majority of my life
doing that? Then the pivot. But the pivot was a
slow burn. It was a two year process, and I
set a calendar appointment for ten minutes a day because
we're the first person to tell ourselves that we don't
have the time. And I love love your philosophy of
(15:21):
that time is diamonds because it's a non renewable resource
that we're never going to get back. But at that time,
I was telling myself, girl, you don't have time to
figure out a new life, like you're just trying to
get these billables, like you're just trying to pay your
rent like it was. You know, the corporate hustle can
be can be is very real, and the stories we
tell ourselves within that paradigm feel like we're never going
to escape, Like it really is a super big, like
(15:42):
Rapunzel moment. So I started telling myself a different story,
but the storytelling was very small, and it was in
ten minute bite sized chunks, and I set account of
recurring calendar appointment Monday through Friday, and it was block
time that my EA just didn't even know what I
was doing. But eventually I told folks that I was meditating,
(16:03):
which some days may have been kind of true, but
I was like, what, that's the thing that they can't
they won't touch because they don't know anything about so
I was like, that's my meditation. So anyway, that was
the way for it for me to that was Unicorn
time that I carved out Unicorn space. I didn't call
it that, of course, because we hadn't met yet. But
in the beginning, it was like I set set a
(16:23):
timer and just write pen to paper like something, well,
how do you want to feel in your new life?
Like who can you contact? Like what can you google? Like?
It was really simplistic. There wasn't a manual. I just
allowed myself, you know what ultimately became hours of time
cumulatively to dream and then I put those dreams into plans.
(16:45):
So you probably were an incredible corporate litigator and now
you are at this, you know, larger than life, peloton
ambassador and a wife and a mom and even hates
the word balance and it always makes me laugh because
she eats that word and I use it pretty often
in my daily life right work life balance and professional
(17:09):
personal balance. I would love to know what you think
of that word, because when I look at you, you
have mastered that thing. Um. I will have to remember
this conversation on the many, many moments when I do
not feel like I'm good at anything. Um, I agree.
I bristle at the word balance. I instead believe that
(17:30):
I have priorities, and I'm either in alignment with those
priorities or I'm not. I have a very short list
of things actually that you listen family, business, priorities, friendships,
and that's kind of like everything else just falls. So
I don't believe in balance, but I I live, like
unapologetically in alignment with my priorities. And sometimes my priorities shift,
(17:55):
and I choose my primary identity in any given moment.
Sometimes I'm an executive, sometimes I'm an entrepreneur. Of course,
on the back like I'm always a mom, I'm always
a wife. I don't relinquish those parts of myself, but
I give myself freedom to say this is just going
to be put here for the next hour, ninety minutes,
two days, whatever, and I'm going to allow this other
(18:18):
part of my identity to be the tip of the spear.
And that has given me so much freedom to then
use a work back approach. It's like, Okay, if these
are my values, then how do I feel my dates?
And I center my values and how I feel my days,
and so yes, I feel fulfilled. I do feel like
(18:40):
I have appropriate balance by my own definition of success,
but it does require enough critical thinking for folks who
use that in their own lives. The blueprint only works
if you listen to yourself long enough to know what
what the priorities are, and then continue to listen to
yourself to know if you are in alignment or not.
And when I'm not in alignment, that's when I get
(19:02):
that sticky feeling in my gut and I start to resent,
if I start to resent appointments, if I start to
resent these things that I used to love and uh something,
something's gotten askew what I love about that? Yes, I
was gonna say it's balance is not a terrible word
in it of itself, but I think the problem is
so many people think of it as an input. And
what Robin taught me is that it's an output, the
(19:25):
same way that happiness is an output, the same way
that jealousy is an output. That when you're doing something
those feelings you pay attention to them, or again when
you do other things, like when you're in alignment with
your priorities, balance does follow or a version of being
able to feel really good in your decision making follows
because you've set in motion the way you make decisions
(19:49):
through your values based lens, which is something that I've
always really admired about you, Robin. And also I think
that the beauty of you using a values based lens
to how you live your life is that it doesn't
hurt your life. So many people think, well, you know what,
if I really think about my own values, maybe they're
not what society wants from me. But look at what
(20:09):
society is giving you back. I mean, they see your authenticity,
they see you living by your values, and then people
want to follow your lead, which I think is really beautiful.
So let's talk a little bit about those small steps.
One of my favorite small steps that you took was
cold calling the CEO or the owner of Peloton, way
(20:31):
back when before people knew it was a household name.
So can you tell us a little bit about that
space in your life? How did you have the courage
to do that? What made you even think about this
particular company, Like I always think about that when I'm
going to do something hard. I'm like, well, if Robin
can call called Peloton, like I can talk to my
editor about a third book. So you always you give
(20:51):
me a lot of inspiration. Oh wow, well thanks, thank
you for that. And yes, third book, we're here for it.
So I started with a vision board. I had already
left my law firm and I was working on my book.
I was coaching runners, and I thought, gosh, what is
my next step? Like there's so many checks coming in.
I don't know what is my next step. And I've
(21:12):
never gone wrong when I bet on myself. And the
vision board had a quadrant that was about business and
business partnerships, and that's not the one thing I had
really contemplated. I understood business as like these business folks
are my clients. And I thought, oh wait, I have
to smash all the paradigms, like I am here on
this earth to smash the paradigms. And so I thought,
(21:35):
what if there's a new construct of ways that I
can partner being myself and I am the brand, partnering
with the brand. I truly influenci Our marketing was like
just bubbling up at this time. So for me then
it was a very revolutionary concept, like I'm the product.
And then I read a blurb about Polatan in Fast Company.
(21:56):
I read the then CEO John Foley co found and
it crystallized for me. Not because I was super techy
and I knew all this stuff about tech. It was
because I had put on my vision board that I
wanted to work for a modern, disruptive company that is
going to storytell on a global scale. In my mind,
(22:16):
it was going to be a media company or something.
I didn't realize that this was gonna be the synergy
that I was in fact looking for, and so I
sent a cold email to the info at that I
found on Google. There were only like twenty employees at
the time of the company, and literally I emailed on
a Monday. I had a audition on a Wednesday, and
(22:37):
I had a contract the following week. Use this word
to describe yourself, unapologetic, and I can't think of a
better word to describe you as a person. How can
we get there? How can we get that? Robin arzan
juju uh, Little by little amounts to a lot right
(22:59):
using your voice even when it shakes, It's wearing the
thing that makes you feel good. It's I mean that
this is a big one, but it's like knowing you're
worth and adding tax. It's asking for the raise, it's
creating a boundary around your time. It's taking the long
way home because you feel like it's it's those little
moments when we when we feel like we're flexing, when
(23:19):
we feel like we're being bold, But really that's just
developing that will power muscle. It's developing that confidence muscle.
And I also do believe that a lot of my
confidence stems from the physical embodiment of living in this skin.
And I'm competitive with myself, right, and that confidence is
a side effect of my hustle. And now I'm in
(23:41):
a different chapter where I also recognize that slowing down
is a strength. You know, postpartum, I had to slow
down and I had to discover new parts of my
identity and new parts of my self worth. And that's
been really refreshing and beautiful. And so now sometimes my
internal flex is, you know, thing the equivalent of my
(24:01):
body weight over my head, you know, on a barbell.
And then sometimes the subtle flex is like I'm gonna
sitting here and do absolutely nothing. And I don't have
this claimant to any of y'all. And so I guess
the advice, you know, is think about the small moments
where you feel like you're betting on yourself. I actually
envision like Robin, Robin looking back and be like, yes, girl,
(24:26):
that was the whisper that you needed to turn into
a roar. And so it's like, how can we carve
out those little moments where we can actually listen to
ourselves and we can champion ourselves in those small ways. So,
whether it's scheduling the workout, whether it's taking the time
fifteen minutes to make the painting, to Google to pick
out colors, pick out the paint, do the ten minute
thing where you're betting on yourself, and then we get
(24:49):
used to betting on ourselves. And you know, I would say,
especially for caregivers out there, we have to model this behavior.
We have to Nobody who is living, you know in
our ecosystems should have to wait sixty years to realize
a dream. It's like, we have the ability to do
that now. So let's start practicing on ourselves and modeling
it not only for the little ones, but the adults
(25:10):
in our lives too. Like, you never know who is
going to be inspired by your story. You could be
someone's survival guide one day, strong mama, So let's talk
about that as a survival guide. It's a really beautiful book.
It's a a new children's book that you just put
out into the world that is a survival guide and
that it's an ability to connect with the next generation.
(25:34):
And I want you to tell people about what inspired
you to write a children's book in addition to all
the other things you're doing. Amazing things you're doing. But
I will say I went through my library of children's
books and I was trying to find other children's books
that actually focused on the caregiver, the parent, as opposed
(25:54):
to centering the child as the be all end all,
and there really aren't very any and so that's what
I love so much. It doesn't say strong child and
I'm going to help you be that. It's a strong mama,
And that's intentional. So can you talk a little bit
about this survival guide for the next generation? Yeah, so
strong mama. Really, the genesis of it was it was
(26:15):
a conversation I was having with myself and it was, gosh, like,
how do you remember the strength of this moment when
you are creating life? And I really I thought, you know,
baby Athena and my belly was my workout partner and
we were doing these things together, and I thought, how
are you going to teach them about these critical self
(26:37):
care moments? That movement is medicine and self care isn't selfish?
What teachable things like? How are you going to teach
this value? Of course, by example? But then I envisioned
myself sitting next to my kid and being like, this
is why mommy went out a two hour run over
the weekend, because I must take care of myself in
order to take care of you. And the beauty of
(27:01):
having the caregiver be the center of that story is
that I think it enables all of us to have
these conversations about these concepts with kids, so then they
can realize when they should also be utilizing the same
tool kit of movement as medicine, and self care is
something that should be really revered and respected. Well, then
(27:23):
if we can move on to this idea of practical
steps for people who are just getting started, who are
just now realizing they can't do this anymore, that burnout
has reached an all time high for them, They can't
live this way anymore. What would you say is a
good place to start? I guess it's like a four
(27:46):
pronged approach, A movement practice is crucial, Like I think
a movement practice physically metabolizes, you know, not I don't
mean calories, I mean like emotions, like you know, there's
just stress and stuff and gunk and news feeds. We
have to be able to move. So in any way
that you can move, it feels good to move. Develop
a movement practice, even if it's ten minutes a day.
(28:06):
And then that goes to the second piece of my
four product approach, which is that I have a monster
mirror moment, Like I have like a moment where I
looked myself in my eyes in the mirror and I
bang on my chest and I just talked to myself.
And at first it was really weird, but I developed
this as preparing for race day, and I realized that
in the race corrals I would get so nervous because
(28:27):
you know, there's just a phrenetic energy, you know, I
needed like a positive trigger and for that that like
banging on my chest, like I still do that for
almost every Palton class. Actually, um so I would say
a self talk moment, whether that's more contemplative and you
consider that more of a meditation moment, but I actually
think like looking yourself in the iyron mirror is powerful
as hell. So this let's dial into our self talk
(28:49):
and maybe develop some positive triggers around that conversation, because
it's the most important conversation we're gonna have. I guess
in the last two are pretty straightforward. It's owning your
note to protect your yes. It's actually practicing the full sentence.
That is an oh no without explanation, without apology. That's it.
(29:11):
It's a no no. And we're just going to make
ways and they're just gonna have to learn how to
swim like I just cannot. It's so no. And then
the fourth is an interesting I guess compliments. That is
I really try to put a gratitude lens on a
lot of what I do. I asked myself often, what
is it that you used to wish for prey, for hustle,
(29:34):
for vision board four that you have right now that
might even annoy you? You know, I'm sitting in my
beautiful home and then something on the sink breaks and
I'm like, and it's like, you gotta you gotta dishwasher, honey,
Like you live in New York, got you better comment
all the way down, you know, So there's I try
to put that gratitude lens. Often we are onto the
next thing, We're onto the next finish line, we're onto
(29:55):
the next victory. And when this whole thing is about
goal setting, rights like goals are incredible, we have to
take time to sell the tiny victories. And I do
try to have that gratitude moment. Sometimes it's in a
journal I love journaling, but oftentimes it is just like
that check, like you need to check yourself because somebody
would take your problems and call them blessings right now.
But what it's so important about what you're saying, because
(30:16):
I do think that the idea of goal setting is
so forward thinking, possibly right, that I don't want people
to lose sight of the fact that we're not saying
you always have to be moving forward, you always have
to have something new, You always have to necessarily be
productive in the same way that maybe a capitalist patriarchy
would think of you as productive. But I do think
(30:38):
it's really interesting that part of goal setting, even in
your framework about where to start, is looking back at
things that you have accomplished. And I can can you
talk a little bit about that, What do you look
back on and you say, I can't believe I did that.
Oh that's part of my favorite So I call it
creating a mental movie reel. You know how like movies
(30:59):
have sizzle reels, Right, It'll be like thirty seconds of
like the most amazing clips of the next superhero movie.
And I thought when I was preparing for my first
ultra marathon, I thought, oh, but like I'm living all that,
Like I'm like living that, So why should we create
our own superhero movie reels? And it could be the
small like the small moments where you flex, the small
(31:21):
moments where you bet on yourself, whether it is like
an actual workout, or whether it's you know, speaking up
in the meeting, whether it's not apologizing for taking a
day off, whether it's asking your partner, collaborator, whoever it is,
to be like, yeah, you can take this one today
and asking for what you need. The world needs us
to tell our stories. We need us to tell our stories.
(31:43):
And I think in looking bath, you realize that you've
survived all of it, You survived a hundred percent of
your worst days and despite it all, you're still here.
But now you have that story to tell, Like what
was it all worth? If you can't now tell yourself
the story that you are the hero in it. Take
it with you, so you know, A practical application of
that is picking three, four or five of those winds
(32:05):
and actually creating a visualization practice around it, like I
have a visualization of practice around my training winds leading
up to race day, and then I also have some
as it relates to business, some as it relates to
personal relationships. Just to conjure and remind myself of that
I am already listen, I'm already funding the script. I'm
already living it, Like I might as well write something
that I'm going to watch so good. I'm like it
(32:28):
would be in my real to me when I hear
you with all of these tips and tricks and these
daily strategies, there is so much good science behind every
single thing that you are doing for yourself, suggesting to others,
and in my mind, you have cracked the code for
living a more authentic life, a life that's really centered
(32:51):
on longevity. Right for people who are earlier on in
their journey to really having a life of impact that
they want. What can people do early on in when
they get those whispers like you say, how can they
chase that to make it into our roar so that
they can act and live their truest, most authentic self.
(33:13):
One of my most profound and most recent mantras was
postpartum consistency over intensity, because I am so apt to
go hard and intense and like I will be there forever,
I will be in the in the dark, just like grinding,
but that that that's not always certainly not the spirit
(33:35):
of what we're trying to build, right, Like, that's not
the energy that we need to put into every single thing.
And I certainly couldn't do it physically, you know, I
obviously couldn't do that postpartum. So consistency over intensity became
a really important, profound mantra for me. And I would
say that that is really applicable to the beginning of
any journey and what small iterative steps I'm talking like
(33:59):
be the person and who did five minutes a day
like that actually chemically changes, not only like you want
a cellular level, but then you start telling the story
to yourself that I am the person that does this
every every day. I am this person, right and and
(34:22):
I hide it behind pretending it's meditation in my office.
But it doesn't matter but but that, but consistency over intensity,
because especially because we we do see a lot of
other people's highlight reels, we do see a lot of
sizzle reels, and we're under this impression that we need
to go all in and it's hard in the pain
and it's throwing the books off the desk and quitting
(34:43):
the job. It's not that sweeping aim for something that
you can do consistently. That is moving the needle slightly
closer to the person you want to be and how
you want to feel when you get there. So funny
you just said that because I just I screenshot this
woman who said this morning, I'm just showing you this
thing because it just reminded me of that. She said, Hi, Eve,
(35:04):
I want to share how meaningful Unicorn Space has been
for me. I have a two year old and a
four month old. My husband is a basketball coach, and
I've been doing most of the parenting and housekeeping. I
was going through one of the worst oppressive episodes I've had.
I started to listen to Unicorn Space and I discovered
a heel's dance class. I didn't even know what that was. Actually,
I have a bone spur and like a Bunyan. So
I couldn't do that from dance, but I'm assuming that's
(35:27):
dancing in heels. It's become a unicorn space, and I
love how empowered and film I feel there. I don't
think I would have ever considered going. So, I mean,
that's not that transformative, but it sounds like it changed
her whole life. Right, she just signed up for one
heel's dance class. Right, you may just be on a
ride with you and that starts to change things, but
(35:49):
it's not the heels dance class. So I was wondering, like, what, like,
what do you see the people that you coach or
that are in your audience, Like those types of people
who say I did this, I signed up for the
Hills dance class and it's changed my life. What is that?
What are Is it confidence that they get? Is it introspection?
(36:10):
What do you think is happening to them in that
process on a cellular level, or what do you see? Yeah,
I mean obviously there's like the physiological chemical stuff that
happens with movement, But the corrupx of it for me
is we put ourselves in a scenario where we can
answer the question why not meet whether it's it's a
(36:32):
curiosity of what like, can I lift my leg a
little higher in this dance move? Can I master this step?
Can I pick up this weight? Can I run this distance?
Can I meet a friend on the leader board? You know,
it's not always based on the metrics and the and
all the data points. Sometimes it's based on the feeling
in the community and the who am I in this?
And it is that constant questioning of identity. But we
(36:52):
have all these little opportunities through movement that really are rituals.
I mean, this is an age old practice where we
are anchoring ourselves a community and meaning and answering the
question why not me? So it's like, why not me
to sign up for the heels dance class? Why not
me to go to the triathlon training? Put in a
ten minute core class on peloton? You are a different
person on the other side, and the deep, deep knowing,
(37:15):
like the soul that chose your body, knows that you
did something to create self generated momentum and that is
life changing. Why not me? Thank you? You are about
to go teach, so we were you. We're gonna let
you go, but you're the best. Hi, it's me Eve,
(37:48):
I wrote find your Unicorn Space as a permission slip
for you to reconnect and discover that thing that makes
you come alive without the guilt, without the excuses. Especially
in our all too busy world, making time for ourselves
is essential work. It improves our health, our relationships, and
it just might be the antidote to burnout. Join me
(38:09):
on a journey to find your unicorn space. Visit unicorn
space dot com for today's time out. We're going to
walk you through a four step method for goal setting. One,
you're going to set your big hairy, audacious authentic goal.
(38:32):
Write one down. We don't care what it is, whether
you think you will ever achieve it, just the first
one you can think of. Write it down. That step one,
write down a big hairy, audacious authentic goal. Step two
is gut checking to make sure that it's actually authentic.
(38:57):
How do we do that well? When you have a
big harry dacious authentic goal, that means the goal aligns
with your value system. So please visit page of Find
your uniform Space, or go to www dot fair play
life dot com where you can find a list of values.
Circle your top three values. Look at your big hairy audacious,
(39:20):
authentic goal and make sure that it's an alignment with
those values. So, for me, when I decided to devote
myself two women's economic security for the rest of my life,
I went and understood that that goal did align very
(39:41):
deeply with the values that I hold community, fairness, and justice.
Step three, You're going to start where you are and
a dity will tell you what that means. Now that
you've identified your big, hairy, acious, authentic goal and double
(40:02):
check to make sure that it's authentic and in line
with your values. Then take a life inventory. What raw
materials do you already have to get there, what life
experiences have you had, what resources do you have to
put into it? And then the last step, what small
(40:23):
incremental change can you make to bring your big, hairy, audacious,
authentic goal to life. And so we want to think
of that small bite size nugget as your smart goal, specific, measurable, achievable, relevant,
and time based. For Robin, it was small in time,
(40:48):
ten minute increments that she would put in her calendar
so she could figure out how she could fulfill her
dreams and her audacious, authentic goal. And we know all
of this can feel overwhelming, scary, difficult, and so next
week is about facing your fears. If this exercise feels
(41:12):
scary to you or uncomfortable, maybe table it and come
back to it after you listen to the next episode.
Thank you for listening to Time Out, a production of
I Heart Podcasts and Hello Sunshine. I'm Ev Rodsky, author
of the New York Times bestseller of fair Play and
(41:34):
Find your Unicorn Space. Follow me on social media at
Ev Rodsky and learn more about our work at fair
Play Life. And I'm Dr Add Narucar, a Harvard physician
with a specialty and stress resilience, burnout, and mental health.
Follow me on social media at Dr add Narucar and
find out more about my work at doctor d D
(41:55):
dot com. That's d R A D I t I
dot com. Our Hello suns Shine team is Amanda farrand
Aaron Stover and Jennifer Yonker. Our I Heart Media team
is Ali Perry, Jennifer Bassett, and Jessica Kranchich. We hope
you all love taking a much needed time out with
us today. Listen and subscribe to Time Out on the
(42:17):
I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get
your favorite shows.
Welcome to Time Out. I'm Eve Rodsky, author of the
New York Times bestseller fair Play and Find Your Unicorn Space,
activists on the gender division of labor, attorney and family mediator.
And I'm Doctor add In the Rukar, a physician and
medical correspondent with an expertise in the science of stress, resilience,
mental health, and burnout. We're here to peel back to
(00:24):
layers around why it's so easy for society to guard
men's time as if it's diamonds, and to treat women's
time as if it's infinite like sands. And whether you
are partnered with or without children, or in a career
where you want more boundaries, this is the place for
you for all family structures. We're here to take a
time out to learn, get inspired, and most importantly, reclaim
(00:49):
our time. Hi d hi E. I get to be
on your time zone today as we're recording, so it
just feels fun to be in the same time zone.
I love it. You feel even closer than you usually feel. Well.
I wanted to tell you a little bit about my
(01:13):
journey to understanding goals, because goals, I think you know,
sometimes we just set them out for ourselves, maybe based
on other people's expectations. And I don't know if I
always really thought about why I set goals, or if
I even knew what those goals are. I definitely didn't
have a vision board in my third grade bedroom. I
(01:34):
had like teen Bop posters up there. But what's interesting
about Find Your Unicorn Space was that in so many
of my interviews with creative people, the word goals came up,
and so I felt like it would be a disservice
not to address them in a chapter in the book.
Goal setting became very important to people living a creative life.
(01:57):
That's I think the difference between unicorn space and a
hobby not only the infrequency that a hobby connotes, but
a unicorn space has goals and a lot of people
level up. As my son said to me when I
was talking to him about goal setting, he said, yeah,
dumb mom, because whether it's life or video games, no
one wants to die on level one. So if we
(02:23):
don't want to die on level one, I think we
do have to set some goals. But how do we
know they're the right goals? And so I wrote that
down in a moleskin. How do I know that this
is the right goal for me, or how does somebody
know it's the right goal? And I started to ask questions,
and two things came up that felt totally contradictory to me.
But you'll probably tell me from a brain science perspective
(02:45):
why they're actually complimentary and not contradictory. But in the
beginning it felt contradictory, which was so many people half
said to me that they followed some version of a big, hairy,
audacious goal. I want to put people on the moon.
That's why it's often called a moon shot, even though
(03:06):
I really hate I don't really like that word. It
sounds I don't know, it sounds porn like porn to
me or something. And then often i'd also hear the opposite,
which is, well, the way I got to where I
am is I took extremely small steps. And so how
did I reconcile those two? Well, then I realized, okay,
(03:26):
what was happening. It seemed was that there were people
who had big, hairy, audacious goals that came from Jim Collins.
That's his sort of framework. I'd like to add in another,
a big hairy, audacious, authentic goals, And so they would
have these big goals, like Sandy Zimmerman. She said, I
(03:47):
want to be on American Ninja Warrior. I'm a pe
teacher in the Midwest. I have no experience with parkour.
I know I'm physically fit, but I want to be
on that show. I see people on that show, I
want to to what they're doing. So that's a big, hairy,
audacious goal. And then at the same time, I would
hear well to get there, I also had to just
(04:08):
swing on the salmon ladder for seven weeks in a row.
I couldn't even move my arms up to the next wrong.
I just swung there until I got the courage to
move up to the next wrong. And so I think
(04:29):
what I finally realized was that you can have a big, hairy, audacious,
authentic goal, and a lot of people actually were doing
it in the present tense, which I found interesting. So
instead of saying I want to be on American Ninja Warrior,
my interviewees were saying things to me like I am
cast for American Ninja Warrior, or I'm going on American
(04:52):
Ninja Warrior. They started to say their goals in the
present tense, which I found really interesting to me. And
also concur it with some books out there, like Professor
Benjamin Hardy, who talks about your future self. And then
I would also hear my next step on my journey
is the smallest, teenious thing, like buying a better pair
(05:13):
of sneakers. But I also knew from goal setting that
small steps matter. I had read many different frameworks for
goal setting. One of my favorite was the smart goal framework,
which is that goals have to be specific, measurable, achievable, relevant,
and time based. And so how do you reconcile or
(05:34):
do you think one is more important than the other,
or do you think you need big, hairy, audacious, authentic
goals and the understanding that the very very small steps
of goal setting also need to be there as well.
It's interesting because we need both. And you can think
of that big, hairy, audacious, authentic goal like your north star,
(05:57):
what's going to guide you forward? What's that in tension
that you're setting for yourself. It's incredibly value based. And
that's why that second A for authentic right. It's your driver,
it's what gets you up in the morning, it's your why.
And when we have that north star to guide us,
it gives our life meaning and purpose and helps us
(06:19):
through the drudgery. The drudgery is part two, which is
the small step goals. They're not sexy, they're not glamorous,
but you need to do step by step, and you
need both because you need that vision and dream to
keep you going when things get difficult, but you need
(06:40):
a plan to get there. The other thing that I
think is fascinating is even though we begin with the
end in mind, like the example that you gave about
the park Core Championship, we may begin with the end
in mind because it's incredibly motive aiding and it's a
(07:00):
driving force. But often even those small steps, just incorporating
a little bit of that into our daily life might
be enough two fuel us and make us feel a
sense of fulfillment, help us feel satiated. So that north
star or that big hairy goal is a driver, a marker,
(07:24):
and a way for you to be guided forward. It
might not eventually be your destination, and that's okay. The
fact is that you're on the journey and that first
step and second step and third step of the journey
is what matters. And I think that's so important because
people get so hung up on that big hairy, audacious,
authentic goal because they want to set something that's within
(07:47):
limits and the second guess what that goal should be
and is it too small or it's too big. But
the bigger the better. It has more force and more
power to drive you. The reason I want to bring
that up is because I don't want people to feel
blindsided if they don't meet that goal, because often what
happens is when you start that journey right, like, that
(08:08):
first step is the most difficult. We know that with
Newtonian physics it takes more energy to get something in motion,
but when something is motion, it takes less energy to
keep it in motion. So we have to take that
first step and get our bodies in motion, and that
often is enough to feel that sense of fulfillment. I
(08:28):
think that's so important because that goes back to what
Ben said about not die on level one, whether it's
in again, where it's in the Game of Life or
or actual life. Because it doesn't necessarily mean that your
level A thousand was the one you thought it was
(08:49):
going to be, as you said a d D. That
can change. But having that north star and continuing to
play it doesn't mean it will be easy, but it
does mean that leveling up is a good thing. It's
a good thing to have a plan because it feels hard,
and it feels strange to think you're going to be
(09:09):
the one doing it. Because sometimes, like you said, with
Newtonian physics, it's easier for me to stay at risk
and let the person next door do it, let them
be the president of United States. But when it's you
and you start realizing, wow, I can do this. There's
this book, The Great Work of Your Life, and it
talks about how we can find that sense of meaning
(09:30):
and purpose, how we can find that north star. What's
interesting is that many people are just adjacent to their
big dream or big vision. It's not a one eight
turn that we have to make. Often it's like a
five or ten degree turn or pivot or tilt. So,
for example, in the case of Sandy's Immerman, she wanted
(09:51):
to be a parkour star. She was already a pe
teacher and physically fit, so she was already embodied a
lot of the traits that she would need to then
meet her big, harry audacious, authentic goal. So in many ways,
when we have that aha moment, that idea or inspiration,
(10:13):
the spark to really do something big. We already have
all of the raw materials within us to make it happen.
It's just a matter of aligning those maybe refining and
honing certain skills. You know. One of my favorite expressions
by I Believe, a Japanese empress who was profiled in
(10:33):
Vogue magazine. Believe it or not. She talked about how
she had many different lives before she became empress, and
she just said a very simple statement, nothing in life
is ever wasted. That resonated with me so deeply because
that was the message I needed to hear at the time,
and for all of our listeners. You may be on
(10:54):
a certain path, you may want to go somewhere else,
but nothing in your life has been wasted. Every opportunity, struggle, strength,
and achievement that you've already had can be fuel and
fire for your next journey. We're so excited to talk
about all of these topics with today's guests. Robin ar Zone.
(11:17):
Robin is the New York Times best selling author of
Shut Up and Run and Strong Mama. She's also the
vice president of fitness Programming and head instructor at Peloton.
Robin started her career actually as a lawyer. She's also
a recovering lawyer, and she discovered her passion for athletics
and so much more. Robin is a consummate goal setter.
(11:40):
She's our inspiration today for setting goals, meeting goals, and
surpassing goals. We cannot wait for her to share her
story with all of you. We're so excited for our guests,
(12:05):
Robin Arzon to be joining us. Robin does the VP
of fitness Programming and head instructor at Peloton. She's also
a New York Times best selling author. Hi Robin, hi
dd hi Eve, thank you for having me today. So
we have lots of different goals setting questions, So I
think maybe we'll just start with tell us, what do
you think about goal setting? Do you think of them
(12:26):
as your big hair, audacious goals? Do you think of
them as small steps? I love goals. I mean I
I see goals as as mini finish lines. As someone
who didn't work out as a kid, the fact that
I live in a in a sports analogy is absurd
to me, Like that's absurd. But I absolutely adore goals.
(12:47):
I believe that we can have self generated momentum. And
there are lots of tools that get us unstuck and
out of inertia. For me, movement is not only health practice,
but it is a creative practice. I actually believe that
I paint and sweat and so my goals. I get
(13:09):
just as excited about the granular goals as I do
about the big ones. And I pretty much live in hyperbole.
Like in my head it's like you are the baddest
be on the planet. Like I am constantly digging myself up.
But I also am in love with the process. And
I think this is where people get a little bit
miss aligned with the spirit of goal setting when they
(13:30):
don't fall in love with the process and the boring
stuff and the things that don't feel exciting, that don't
feel you know that will be applauded on social media
or get that serotonin response when we get the accolade.
So there are many finish lines for me, and whether
it's something iterative like putting a little bit of heavier
(13:52):
weight on the barbell, whether it's major, you know, betting
on myself and submitting a book proposal or something like that, Well,
can we start back from the beginning. So one of
the biggest goals that people would see from the outside,
is that you had a complete and total I'm not complete.
I mean, you're you're using your legal skills every day.
But you had a very big pivot, And can you
(14:14):
just tell us a little bit about that time in
your life, because I'm assuming that some of the things
were probably scary and hard and boring, but also very
exciting as you start building a new this new life,
you're now inspiring us all to live. We stand a
lawyer pivot, don't we eat? Yeah? Reformed lawyers over here. Yeah,
(14:38):
I do use my law degree every day, so I
don't regret a moment of any of it. Yeah. I
practiced for almost eight years as a corporate lated getter
in New York City, and I was in the grind.
I was in the hustle eighty hours a week, and
I actually didn't hate it. My story arc is not hated.
My life created a better one. It was I thought
my life was just okay. Realized that the lazy mediocrity
(15:00):
or not the standard by which I do anything. So
how could I be spending the majority of my life
doing that? Then the pivot. But the pivot was a
slow burn. It was a two year process, and I
set a calendar appointment for ten minutes a day because
we're the first person to tell ourselves that we don't
have the time. And I love love your philosophy of
(15:21):
that time is diamonds because it's a non renewable resource
that we're never going to get back. But at that time,
I was telling myself, girl, you don't have time to
figure out a new life, like you're just trying to
get these billables, like you're just trying to pay your
rent like it was. You know, the corporate hustle can
be can be is very real, and the stories we
tell ourselves within that paradigm feel like we're never going
to escape, Like it really is a super big, like
(15:42):
Rapunzel moment. So I started telling myself a different story,
but the storytelling was very small, and it was in
ten minute bite sized chunks, and I set account of
recurring calendar appointment Monday through Friday, and it was block
time that my EA just didn't even know what I
was doing. But eventually I told folks that I was meditating,
(16:03):
which some days may have been kind of true, but
I was like, what, that's the thing that they can't
they won't touch because they don't know anything about so
I was like, that's my meditation. So anyway, that was
the way for it for me to that was Unicorn
time that I carved out Unicorn space. I didn't call
it that, of course, because we hadn't met yet. But
in the beginning, it was like I set set a
(16:23):
timer and just write pen to paper like something, well,
how do you want to feel in your new life?
Like who can you contact? Like what can you google? Like?
It was really simplistic. There wasn't a manual. I just
allowed myself, you know what ultimately became hours of time
cumulatively to dream and then I put those dreams into plans.
(16:45):
So you probably were an incredible corporate litigator and now
you are at this, you know, larger than life, peloton
ambassador and a wife and a mom and even hates
the word balance and it always makes me laugh because
she eats that word and I use it pretty often
in my daily life right work life balance and professional
(17:09):
personal balance. I would love to know what you think
of that word, because when I look at you, you
have mastered that thing. Um. I will have to remember
this conversation on the many, many moments when I do
not feel like I'm good at anything. Um, I agree.
I bristle at the word balance. I instead believe that
(17:30):
I have priorities, and I'm either in alignment with those
priorities or I'm not. I have a very short list
of things actually that you listen family, business, priorities, friendships,
and that's kind of like everything else just falls. So
I don't believe in balance, but I I live, like
unapologetically in alignment with my priorities. And sometimes my priorities shift,
(17:55):
and I choose my primary identity in any given moment.
Sometimes I'm an executive, sometimes I'm an entrepreneur. Of course,
on the back like I'm always a mom, I'm always
a wife. I don't relinquish those parts of myself, but
I give myself freedom to say this is just going
to be put here for the next hour, ninety minutes,
two days, whatever, and I'm going to allow this other
(18:18):
part of my identity to be the tip of the spear.
And that has given me so much freedom to then
use a work back approach. It's like, Okay, if these
are my values, then how do I feel my dates?
And I center my values and how I feel my days,
and so yes, I feel fulfilled. I do feel like
(18:40):
I have appropriate balance by my own definition of success,
but it does require enough critical thinking for folks who
use that in their own lives. The blueprint only works
if you listen to yourself long enough to know what
what the priorities are, and then continue to listen to
yourself to know if you are in alignment or not.
And when I'm not in alignment, that's when I get
(19:02):
that sticky feeling in my gut and I start to resent,
if I start to resent appointments, if I start to
resent these things that I used to love and uh something,
something's gotten askew what I love about that? Yes, I
was gonna say it's balance is not a terrible word
in it of itself, but I think the problem is
so many people think of it as an input. And
what Robin taught me is that it's an output, the
(19:25):
same way that happiness is an output, the same way
that jealousy is an output. That when you're doing something
those feelings you pay attention to them, or again when
you do other things, like when you're in alignment with
your priorities, balance does follow or a version of being
able to feel really good in your decision making follows
because you've set in motion the way you make decisions
(19:49):
through your values based lens, which is something that I've
always really admired about you, Robin. And also I think
that the beauty of you using a values based lens
to how you live your life is that it doesn't
hurt your life. So many people think, well, you know what,
if I really think about my own values, maybe they're
not what society wants from me. But look at what
(20:09):
society is giving you back. I mean, they see your authenticity,
they see you living by your values, and then people
want to follow your lead, which I think is really beautiful.
So let's talk a little bit about those small steps.
One of my favorite small steps that you took was
cold calling the CEO or the owner of Peloton, way
(20:31):
back when before people knew it was a household name.
So can you tell us a little bit about that
space in your life? How did you have the courage
to do that? What made you even think about this
particular company, Like I always think about that when I'm
going to do something hard. I'm like, well, if Robin
can call called Peloton, like I can talk to my
editor about a third book. So you always you give
(20:51):
me a lot of inspiration. Oh wow, well thanks, thank
you for that. And yes, third book, we're here for it.
So I started with a vision board. I had already
left my law firm and I was working on my book.
I was coaching runners, and I thought, gosh, what is
my next step? Like there's so many checks coming in.
I don't know what is my next step. And I've
(21:12):
never gone wrong when I bet on myself. And the
vision board had a quadrant that was about business and
business partnerships, and that's not the one thing I had
really contemplated. I understood business as like these business folks
are my clients. And I thought, oh wait, I have
to smash all the paradigms, like I am here on
this earth to smash the paradigms. And so I thought,
(21:35):
what if there's a new construct of ways that I
can partner being myself and I am the brand, partnering
with the brand. I truly influenci Our marketing was like
just bubbling up at this time. So for me then
it was a very revolutionary concept, like I'm the product.
And then I read a blurb about Polatan in Fast Company.
(21:56):
I read the then CEO John Foley co found and
it crystallized for me. Not because I was super techy
and I knew all this stuff about tech. It was
because I had put on my vision board that I
wanted to work for a modern, disruptive company that is
going to storytell on a global scale. In my mind,
(22:16):
it was going to be a media company or something.
I didn't realize that this was gonna be the synergy
that I was in fact looking for, and so I
sent a cold email to the info at that I
found on Google. There were only like twenty employees at
the time of the company, and literally I emailed on
a Monday. I had a audition on a Wednesday, and
(22:37):
I had a contract the following week. Use this word
to describe yourself, unapologetic, and I can't think of a
better word to describe you as a person. How can
we get there? How can we get that? Robin arzan
juju uh, Little by little amounts to a lot right
(22:59):
using your voice even when it shakes, It's wearing the
thing that makes you feel good. It's I mean that
this is a big one, but it's like knowing you're
worth and adding tax. It's asking for the raise, it's
creating a boundary around your time. It's taking the long
way home because you feel like it's it's those little
moments when we when we feel like we're flexing, when
(23:19):
we feel like we're being bold, But really that's just
developing that will power muscle. It's developing that confidence muscle.
And I also do believe that a lot of my
confidence stems from the physical embodiment of living in this skin.
And I'm competitive with myself, right, and that confidence is
a side effect of my hustle. And now I'm in
(23:41):
a different chapter where I also recognize that slowing down
is a strength. You know, postpartum, I had to slow
down and I had to discover new parts of my
identity and new parts of my self worth. And that's
been really refreshing and beautiful. And so now sometimes my
internal flex is, you know, thing the equivalent of my
(24:01):
body weight over my head, you know, on a barbell.
And then sometimes the subtle flex is like I'm gonna
sitting here and do absolutely nothing. And I don't have
this claimant to any of y'all. And so I guess
the advice, you know, is think about the small moments
where you feel like you're betting on yourself. I actually
envision like Robin, Robin looking back and be like, yes, girl,
(24:26):
that was the whisper that you needed to turn into
a roar. And so it's like, how can we carve
out those little moments where we can actually listen to
ourselves and we can champion ourselves in those small ways. So,
whether it's scheduling the workout, whether it's taking the time
fifteen minutes to make the painting, to Google to pick
out colors, pick out the paint, do the ten minute
thing where you're betting on yourself, and then we get
(24:49):
used to betting on ourselves. And you know, I would say,
especially for caregivers out there, we have to model this behavior.
We have to Nobody who is living, you know in
our ecosystems should have to wait sixty years to realize
a dream. It's like, we have the ability to do
that now. So let's start practicing on ourselves and modeling
it not only for the little ones, but the adults
(25:10):
in our lives too. Like, you never know who is
going to be inspired by your story. You could be
someone's survival guide one day, strong mama, So let's talk
about that as a survival guide. It's a really beautiful book.
It's a a new children's book that you just put
out into the world that is a survival guide and
that it's an ability to connect with the next generation.
(25:34):
And I want you to tell people about what inspired
you to write a children's book in addition to all
the other things you're doing. Amazing things you're doing. But
I will say I went through my library of children's
books and I was trying to find other children's books
that actually focused on the caregiver, the parent, as opposed
(25:54):
to centering the child as the be all end all,
and there really aren't very any and so that's what
I love so much. It doesn't say strong child and
I'm going to help you be that. It's a strong mama,
And that's intentional. So can you talk a little bit
about this survival guide for the next generation? Yeah, so
strong mama. Really, the genesis of it was it was
(26:15):
a conversation I was having with myself and it was, gosh, like,
how do you remember the strength of this moment when
you are creating life? And I really I thought, you know,
baby Athena and my belly was my workout partner and
we were doing these things together, and I thought, how
are you going to teach them about these critical self
(26:37):
care moments? That movement is medicine and self care isn't selfish?
What teachable things like? How are you going to teach
this value? Of course, by example? But then I envisioned
myself sitting next to my kid and being like, this
is why mommy went out a two hour run over
the weekend, because I must take care of myself in
order to take care of you. And the beauty of
(27:01):
having the caregiver be the center of that story is
that I think it enables all of us to have
these conversations about these concepts with kids, so then they
can realize when they should also be utilizing the same
tool kit of movement as medicine, and self care is
something that should be really revered and respected. Well, then
(27:23):
if we can move on to this idea of practical
steps for people who are just getting started, who are
just now realizing they can't do this anymore, that burnout
has reached an all time high for them, They can't
live this way anymore. What would you say is a
good place to start? I guess it's like a four
(27:46):
pronged approach, A movement practice is crucial, Like I think
a movement practice physically metabolizes, you know, not I don't
mean calories, I mean like emotions, like you know, there's
just stress and stuff and gunk and news feeds. We
have to be able to move. So in any way
that you can move, it feels good to move. Develop
a movement practice, even if it's ten minutes a day.
(28:06):
And then that goes to the second piece of my
four product approach, which is that I have a monster
mirror moment, Like I have like a moment where I
looked myself in my eyes in the mirror and I
bang on my chest and I just talked to myself.
And at first it was really weird, but I developed
this as preparing for race day, and I realized that
in the race corrals I would get so nervous because
(28:27):
you know, there's just a phrenetic energy, you know, I
needed like a positive trigger and for that that like
banging on my chest, like I still do that for
almost every Palton class. Actually, um so I would say
a self talk moment, whether that's more contemplative and you
consider that more of a meditation moment, but I actually
think like looking yourself in the iyron mirror is powerful
as hell. So this let's dial into our self talk
(28:49):
and maybe develop some positive triggers around that conversation, because
it's the most important conversation we're gonna have. I guess
in the last two are pretty straightforward. It's owning your
note to protect your yes. It's actually practicing the full sentence.
That is an oh no without explanation, without apology. That's it.
(29:11):
It's a no no. And we're just going to make
ways and they're just gonna have to learn how to
swim like I just cannot. It's so no. And then
the fourth is an interesting I guess compliments. That is
I really try to put a gratitude lens on a
lot of what I do. I asked myself often, what
is it that you used to wish for prey, for hustle,
(29:34):
for vision board four that you have right now that
might even annoy you? You know, I'm sitting in my
beautiful home and then something on the sink breaks and
I'm like, and it's like, you gotta you gotta dishwasher, honey,
Like you live in New York, got you better comment
all the way down, you know, So there's I try
to put that gratitude lens. Often we are onto the
next thing, We're onto the next finish line, we're onto
(29:55):
the next victory. And when this whole thing is about
goal setting, rights like goals are incredible, we have to
take time to sell the tiny victories. And I do
try to have that gratitude moment. Sometimes it's in a
journal I love journaling, but oftentimes it is just like
that check, like you need to check yourself because somebody
would take your problems and call them blessings right now.
But what it's so important about what you're saying, because
(30:16):
I do think that the idea of goal setting is
so forward thinking, possibly right, that I don't want people
to lose sight of the fact that we're not saying
you always have to be moving forward, you always have
to have something new, You always have to necessarily be
productive in the same way that maybe a capitalist patriarchy
would think of you as productive. But I do think
(30:38):
it's really interesting that part of goal setting, even in
your framework about where to start, is looking back at
things that you have accomplished. And I can can you
talk a little bit about that, What do you look
back on and you say, I can't believe I did that.
Oh that's part of my favorite So I call it
creating a mental movie reel. You know how like movies
(30:59):
have sizzle reels, Right, It'll be like thirty seconds of
like the most amazing clips of the next superhero movie.
And I thought when I was preparing for my first
ultra marathon, I thought, oh, but like I'm living all that,
Like I'm like living that, So why should we create
our own superhero movie reels? And it could be the
small like the small moments where you flex, the small
(31:21):
moments where you bet on yourself, whether it is like
an actual workout, or whether it's you know, speaking up
in the meeting, whether it's not apologizing for taking a
day off, whether it's asking your partner, collaborator, whoever it is,
to be like, yeah, you can take this one today
and asking for what you need. The world needs us
to tell our stories. We need us to tell our stories.
(31:43):
And I think in looking bath, you realize that you've
survived all of it, You survived a hundred percent of
your worst days and despite it all, you're still here.
But now you have that story to tell, Like what
was it all worth? If you can't now tell yourself
the story that you are the hero in it. Take
it with you, so you know, A practical application of
that is picking three, four or five of those winds
(32:05):
and actually creating a visualization practice around it, like I
have a visualization of practice around my training winds leading
up to race day, and then I also have some
as it relates to business, some as it relates to
personal relationships. Just to conjure and remind myself of that
I am already listen, I'm already funding the script. I'm
already living it, Like I might as well write something
that I'm going to watch so good. I'm like it
(32:28):
would be in my real to me when I hear
you with all of these tips and tricks and these
daily strategies, there is so much good science behind every
single thing that you are doing for yourself, suggesting to others,
and in my mind, you have cracked the code for
living a more authentic life, a life that's really centered
(32:51):
on longevity. Right for people who are earlier on in
their journey to really having a life of impact that
they want. What can people do early on in when
they get those whispers like you say, how can they
chase that to make it into our roar so that
they can act and live their truest, most authentic self.
(33:13):
One of my most profound and most recent mantras was
postpartum consistency over intensity, because I am so apt to
go hard and intense and like I will be there forever,
I will be in the in the dark, just like grinding,
but that that that's not always certainly not the spirit
(33:35):
of what we're trying to build, right, Like, that's not
the energy that we need to put into every single thing.
And I certainly couldn't do it physically, you know, I
obviously couldn't do that postpartum. So consistency over intensity became
a really important, profound mantra for me. And I would
say that that is really applicable to the beginning of
any journey and what small iterative steps I'm talking like
(33:59):
be the person and who did five minutes a day
like that actually chemically changes, not only like you want
a cellular level, but then you start telling the story
to yourself that I am the person that does this
every every day. I am this person, right and and
(34:22):
I hide it behind pretending it's meditation in my office.
But it doesn't matter but but that, but consistency over intensity,
because especially because we we do see a lot of
other people's highlight reels, we do see a lot of
sizzle reels, and we're under this impression that we need
to go all in and it's hard in the pain
and it's throwing the books off the desk and quitting
(34:43):
the job. It's not that sweeping aim for something that
you can do consistently. That is moving the needle slightly
closer to the person you want to be and how
you want to feel when you get there. So funny
you just said that because I just I screenshot this
woman who said this morning, I'm just showing you this
thing because it just reminded me of that. She said, Hi, Eve,
(35:04):
I want to share how meaningful Unicorn Space has been
for me. I have a two year old and a
four month old. My husband is a basketball coach, and
I've been doing most of the parenting and housekeeping. I
was going through one of the worst oppressive episodes I've had.
I started to listen to Unicorn Space and I discovered
a heel's dance class. I didn't even know what that was. Actually,
I have a bone spur and like a Bunyan. So
I couldn't do that from dance, but I'm assuming that's
(35:27):
dancing in heels. It's become a unicorn space, and I
love how empowered and film I feel there. I don't
think I would have ever considered going. So, I mean,
that's not that transformative, but it sounds like it changed
her whole life. Right, she just signed up for one
heel's dance class. Right, you may just be on a
ride with you and that starts to change things, but
(35:49):
it's not the heels dance class. So I was wondering, like, what, like,
what do you see the people that you coach or
that are in your audience, Like those types of people
who say I did this, I signed up for the
Hills dance class and it's changed my life. What is that?
What are Is it confidence that they get? Is it introspection?
(36:10):
What do you think is happening to them in that
process on a cellular level, or what do you see? Yeah,
I mean obviously there's like the physiological chemical stuff that
happens with movement, But the corrupx of it for me
is we put ourselves in a scenario where we can
answer the question why not meet whether it's it's a
(36:32):
curiosity of what like, can I lift my leg a
little higher in this dance move? Can I master this step?
Can I pick up this weight? Can I run this distance?
Can I meet a friend on the leader board? You know,
it's not always based on the metrics and the and
all the data points. Sometimes it's based on the feeling
in the community and the who am I in this?
And it is that constant questioning of identity. But we
(36:52):
have all these little opportunities through movement that really are rituals.
I mean, this is an age old practice where we
are anchoring ourselves a community and meaning and answering the
question why not me? So it's like, why not me
to sign up for the heels dance class? Why not
me to go to the triathlon training? Put in a
ten minute core class on peloton? You are a different
person on the other side, and the deep, deep knowing,
(37:15):
like the soul that chose your body, knows that you
did something to create self generated momentum and that is
life changing. Why not me? Thank you? You are about
to go teach, so we were you. We're gonna let
you go, but you're the best. Hi, it's me Eve,
(37:48):
I wrote find your Unicorn Space as a permission slip
for you to reconnect and discover that thing that makes
you come alive without the guilt, without the excuses. Especially
in our all too busy world, making time for ourselves
is essential work. It improves our health, our relationships, and
it just might be the antidote to burnout. Join me
(38:09):
on a journey to find your unicorn space. Visit unicorn
space dot com for today's time out. We're going to
walk you through a four step method for goal setting. One,
you're going to set your big hairy, audacious authentic goal.
(38:32):
Write one down. We don't care what it is, whether
you think you will ever achieve it, just the first
one you can think of. Write it down. That step one,
write down a big hairy, audacious authentic goal. Step two
is gut checking to make sure that it's actually authentic.
(38:57):
How do we do that well? When you have a
big harry dacious authentic goal, that means the goal aligns
with your value system. So please visit page of Find
your uniform Space, or go to www dot fair play
life dot com where you can find a list of values.
Circle your top three values. Look at your big hairy audacious,
(39:20):
authentic goal and make sure that it's an alignment with
those values. So, for me, when I decided to devote
myself two women's economic security for the rest of my life,
I went and understood that that goal did align very
(39:41):
deeply with the values that I hold community, fairness, and justice.
Step three, You're going to start where you are and
a dity will tell you what that means. Now that
you've identified your big, hairy, acious, authentic goal and double
(40:02):
check to make sure that it's authentic and in line
with your values. Then take a life inventory. What raw
materials do you already have to get there, what life
experiences have you had, what resources do you have to
put into it? And then the last step, what small
(40:23):
incremental change can you make to bring your big, hairy, audacious,
authentic goal to life. And so we want to think
of that small bite size nugget as your smart goal, specific, measurable, achievable, relevant,
and time based. For Robin, it was small in time,
(40:48):
ten minute increments that she would put in her calendar
so she could figure out how she could fulfill her
dreams and her audacious, authentic goal. And we know all
of this can feel overwhelming, scary, difficult, and so next
week is about facing your fears. If this exercise feels
(41:12):
scary to you or uncomfortable, maybe table it and come
back to it after you listen to the next episode.
Thank you for listening to Time Out, a production of
I Heart Podcasts and Hello Sunshine. I'm Ev Rodsky, author
of the New York Times bestseller of fair Play and
(41:34):
Find your Unicorn Space. Follow me on social media at
Ev Rodsky and learn more about our work at fair
Play Life. And I'm Dr Add Narucar, a Harvard physician
with a specialty and stress resilience, burnout, and mental health.
Follow me on social media at Dr add Narucar and
find out more about my work at doctor d D
(41:55):
dot com. That's d R A D I t I
dot com. Our Hello suns Shine team is Amanda farrand
Aaron Stover and Jennifer Yonker. Our I Heart Media team
is Ali Perry, Jennifer Bassett, and Jessica Kranchich. We hope
you all love taking a much needed time out with
us today. Listen and subscribe to Time Out on the
(42:17):
I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get
your favorite shows.
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