March 26, 2024 • 32 mins
"Knowing that I can kill, knowing that I can seduce anyone. knowing that my target was literally kissing my feet. In that moment, I felt so strong and so powerful."
Show Credits:
- Produced by Tenderfoot TV in association with iHeart Podcasts
- Host/Writer: Neil Strauss
- Guest: Aliia Roza
- Executive Producers: Neil Strauss, Donald Albright and Payne Lindsey
- Lead Producer and Editor: Tristen Bankston
- Additional Editing: Miles Clark and Christian Brown
- Supervising Producer: Tracy Kaplan
- Consultants: Nooshin Valizadeh, Chelsey Goodan and Jaime Albright
- Cover Art Design: Byron McCoy
- Original Music: Makeup and Vanity Set, with additional music by Ben Fleisch
- Mixed and Mastered: Dayton Cole
- Theme song: Killer Shangri-lah by Pshycotic Beats featuring Pati Amor
- Special thanks to: Oren Rosenbaum and the team at UTA, Beck Media and Marketing, Oren Segal, Rebecca Jensen, Rose Baruc, The Nord Group, Meredith Stedman, and Alex Vespestad
For free, confidential, 24/7 support for survivors of sexual assault, as well as information and resources, visit rainn.org, or call 1-800-656-4673.
For more podcasts like To Die For, search Tenderfoot TV on your favorite podcast app, or visit us at tenderfoot.tv.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
All eight episodes of The Die For are available now
to bench absolutely free, but for ad free listening and
exclusive bonuses, subscribe to tendorfoot Plus at tenderfoot plus dot
com or on Apple podcasts.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
Warning, the following episode contains explicit language and sexual themes.
Speaker 3 (00:23):
Listener discretion is advised.
Speaker 4 (00:28):
Somewhere, Guinia elav It's a yes.
Speaker 5 (00:37):
The voice you hear is that of Aliah Rose's father.
We've asked him to tell us about Alah in his
own words.
Speaker 6 (00:46):
So she's like saying, from very early childhood, I always
trained her mentally training and physical training.
Speaker 5 (00:53):
She was like, this is a Liah, translating her father's
words with some editorial comments still double up the.
Speaker 6 (01:01):
Always like every day we would like speak about patriotes
and like what is it to be a real patriot?
Speaker 2 (01:06):
Yea.
Speaker 6 (01:09):
And then he's not saying I pushed her to like enrol.
He's like, and I'm so proud that she followed my
steps and she became like a military.
Speaker 5 (01:20):
To this day, however, Leah has never told her father
that she wasn't just trained at the academy to fight
the country's enemies, but to sleep with them.
Speaker 6 (01:32):
This training, he says, really he does not know about
the missions. So all these trainings were so good for
her life because she's strolled the world and now she's
successful and entrepreneur, and so I'm very proud of her.
Speaker 5 (01:44):
Disapproval means everything to a Leah even today. So the
biggest risk she feels she's taking with this podcast is
not upsetting Putin or even the US government. It's upsetting
her father.
Speaker 6 (01:59):
If they would find out about this reduction program, it
would probably kill.
Speaker 2 (02:06):
Him to kill you.
Speaker 6 (02:12):
I'm really sorry.
Speaker 2 (02:15):
I had to do it that I could on my.
Speaker 3 (02:21):
You did away found out, and my god.
Speaker 2 (02:28):
I got to you.
Speaker 3 (02:34):
I had to kill you.
Speaker 6 (02:39):
Say so much.
Speaker 5 (03:00):
Episode eight, Chapter seventeen, Graduation. By the time Eliah's training
at the military academy near its end, the colonel was
fully protecting her, not just from the other predatory men there,
but from almost everything.
Speaker 6 (03:23):
I stopped doing this hard work, standing all night and
protecting our academy. I wouldn't go to the kitchen anymore
and pill thousand potatoes and cook for everybody and wash
all these huge fans. But the most important that nobody
were picking on me from like male students. They looked
(03:47):
at me, but in another way, so like, okay, so
she's protected. I can't touch her. And even that guy
who took advantage of me in the beginning of the education,
he couldn't even look at me because he knew if
I would complain to the cornel about what he did
with me before, he would be just fired straight.
Speaker 3 (04:09):
But I didn't. I don't know why.
Speaker 6 (04:12):
Everybody in the academy by that time already knew that
I had relationship with Cornell and I was his protegian,
and everybody knew that major voice fired because of me
as well, so nobody could like mess with me.
Speaker 5 (04:33):
That spring, Leah completed her examinations. As she prepared in
her dorm room for graduation, she noticed that she was
no longer the same person who her father had dropped
off of the academy the year before.
Speaker 6 (04:47):
We had to wear this official uniform for parade, so
I got dressed. I remember I had a really nice
jacket with golden buttons and scart. Cornell brought me High
Hills beautiful boots. So I put an egg cup, I
(05:12):
put makeup on with the red lipstick, and I looked
at the mirror, but it was another woman. It's a
big change from the girl who just entered this building.
I became a woman in just one year. I looked
at the mirror and I saw my dad in the
(05:36):
mirror telling me, I'm so proud of you.
Speaker 3 (05:42):
I went downstairs.
Speaker 6 (05:43):
We lined up in front of our teacher, and each
of us had to come to him, take an oath
and salute him, and we would have to tell him
I swear and as to serve my country. And we
(06:04):
all did like a marsh and it was beautiful. I
had pride that I did it. I survived somehow. Now
I can go home and I can be proud of myself,
and hopefully my dad will be proud of myself too.
(06:27):
Knowing that I can kill, knowing that I can seduce anyone,
knowing that my target at Cornell, he was like literally
like kissing my feet that moment. I felt so strong
and so powerful, so clever.
Speaker 5 (06:46):
But Leah's excitement about beating the system was only temporary,
because graduation meant that she was now trapped in an
even bigger system, a life sentence in the Russian military.
Speaker 6 (07:00):
So I didn't feel free. I felt even more involved.
I was official part of the system.
Speaker 5 (07:13):
One thing that made us easier is that the colonel's
reach extended beyond the academy, and he promised to protect
Eleia in her career and then the assignments that would follow.
As a le recalls, he told her.
Speaker 6 (07:24):
I'm here for you to help you, and i will
protect you so you don't need to go to all
these risky missions. You will have a good office in
the department, and everybody will respect you, and you will
have your high rank very soon. So he was giving
me all these promises, and he was in love. And
(07:52):
Cornell asked me to call him daddy. That powerful man
could have sex with any female students, could organize orgies
with other students. See how it's changing. So he wanted
me to call him daddy. So I called him Daddy.
Speaker 5 (08:16):
We will unpack this power dynamic more later in this episode.
In the meantime, to ensure that everything went well in
a Leah's new position at the Investigation Department of the
Bureau of Internal Affairs, the colonel showed up and spoke
to her commander there.
Speaker 6 (08:32):
He came to the department. Everybody saluted him because he
had much higher rank, and he spoke with my commander.
I don't know what they were talking in that room.
But after that meeting, everybody were speaking with me with
the highest respect, and I had my separate room from everyone,
(08:58):
and I had just a good mellow days. I had
to answer some calls and like write some documents, and
that's it. Nobody could tell me anything. Some of us
the easiest and relaxing till something happened.
Speaker 5 (09:19):
That's something happened in late July when Aleah left the
office one evening.
Speaker 6 (09:27):
So I go home and I come in to my
house where my parents and my younger sister are, and
I mean, Neil, it's so hard to talk about it.
Speaker 3 (09:43):
Fuck. I opened the door and I.
Speaker 6 (09:48):
See my mom being very angry at me, and I
don't understand. She doesn't tell me why my dad was
not at home that moment. And my mom she started
to like basically beat me, and she was screaming, you
(10:09):
are such an embarrassment. You're not my daughter anymore. How
could you do this? And I was like thinking, like
what exactly that she mean? She said, I get out
from here. I just took my cell phone with me
and I couldn't take anything else and I left. I
(10:34):
didn't know where to go, and I couldn't come back.
Speaker 5 (10:41):
Eliah soon discovered that the major, the seduction teacher who'd
been dating the colonel, had taken her revenge.
Speaker 6 (10:49):
And it was painful to realize that that woman called
to my dad and told him that like behaving like
a whore. I'm dating a coronel and I am an
embarrassment and I failed my mission.
Speaker 5 (11:14):
Everything Leah had done up to this point, joining the military,
working to be a hero and defend her country, had
been done to please her father, to earn his approval,
and now she just lost it, possibly forever. And even worse,
Aliah had only one place to turn.
Speaker 6 (11:34):
I didn't know where to go and what to do.
I didn't have money. I was just on the street.
I called my only one friend I had. I said, listen, like,
I don't know where to go, and she said, you
should call to your cornel. He has to take care
about you. This is all because of him. So I
(11:54):
called him and I was crying. I said, find out
about our relationship and they kick me out. So I
don't have anywhere to go, and he said, like, stay there,
I'm coming to get you. So he came quite quick.
(12:17):
He got a hotel for me for like a few weeks,
and then he said, like, I will look for your apartments.
Don't worry. He gave me some money and I stayed
in that hotel. My dad never called me. At some point,
(12:43):
I felt really grateful for the Corner for what he's done.
That he came and he helped me and he protected me,
and I explained him the situation, and he said, you know,
I don't.
Speaker 3 (12:55):
Blame your dad. It's okay.
Speaker 6 (12:58):
He needs some time to digestice it will be fine.
But I didn't feel fine. I felt betrayed. I felt lonely,
and then at the same time, I thought, maybe it's
better like it is. My father would never understand or
(13:18):
would never forgive himself for what I've experienced already, so
I didn't want him to blame himself about it. I
just stayed silenced, alone, scared. It's almost like it was
(13:42):
beneficial for the Coronel that my parents rejected me, because
in this situation he could have his power on me,
on my life and the whole dependence. And who knows,
maybe he asked the major to call my parents.
Speaker 3 (14:03):
I don't know.
Speaker 5 (14:25):
Chapter eighteen, The KGB Resort.
Speaker 2 (14:39):
I look at her as this super badass woman, but
at the same time it is this child. I see
this little Aliyah that is still seeking this acceptance in
this love from her father.
Speaker 5 (14:59):
This is Emily Mark, a trauma healer who is one
of several counselors that Aliah has been working with. Aliyah
has given her permission to speak openly and help provide
some context to this difficult moment in her life.
Speaker 4 (15:10):
The father is like the GPS that is the portal
to the world of men. So when we have an
abusive of disconnected emotionally father, there is an impact in
the way we see other men, in the way we
(15:32):
even going to choose and we are going to connect
with men.
Speaker 3 (15:36):
Now.
Speaker 5 (15:37):
Add to this, Emily explains a situation where Leah is
literally trapped in the same environment with her abuser, with
no authority figure to trust and nowhere else to turn
for protection. And the situation gets much more complex.
Speaker 2 (15:51):
When you look at the Stockholm syndrome or even trauma bonding.
There is an emotional tie that can develop between the
victim and the abuser. There is this cycle of kindness
and mistreatment in the relationship. And for her when the
parents just put her out and she has absolutely nowhere
(16:14):
to go, there is nothing that she knows then going
to the person that is a superior at work, and
there is an emotional connection with that person even though
he's an abuser.
Speaker 5 (16:33):
I asked Emily about the parallels between Leah's father, who's
an abusive, high ranking, powerful military officer, and the colonel
who is also an abusive, high ranking, powerful military officer
who wants Aleah to call him daddy.
Speaker 2 (16:47):
When you look at Aliah, specifically her story and what
happened with her father, there is why we call the
repetition confusion when there is this need to repeat the
same painful pattern that you learn at a very young age.
Because when someone experienced complex drama, when a child basic
(17:09):
need is not met, it creates what we call the
maladaptive patterns of behavior in relationship. And especially that her
colonel was asking her to call her daddy, then it's
even clearer why she would even run to him when
she needed help.
Speaker 5 (17:31):
It's important to clarify that none of this is a
Leah's fault in any way. The responsibility lands clearly on
the colonel and her father. The point is to explain
why a Leah may have had actions and feelings that
don't seem logical to those of us who haven't had
her experience. Abuse is much more complicated to heal from
(17:52):
when the perpetrator repeats a childhood pattern we had with
the father we loved. Sometimes she's talking about the colonel
like we said, with tenderness and other times like fuck
can he abuse me?
Speaker 2 (18:01):
Yes, I would say, when she's really having this conversation consciously,
like she's understanding no, no, he did wrong by me.
But there is the unconscious part. And if you look
at Aliyah, there is a lot of dissociation. So when
she is in that place, that's where she talks about
(18:24):
him with tenderness because there was a dysfunctional but an
emotional attachment to that person. To be called daddy by her,
it just perpetuate something that was very familiar to her.
Speaker 5 (18:43):
She sort of has this just been abused by authority
figures in a sense, whether it's her father's authority figure,
the colonel's an authority figure, even just the whole military
Russia serve the Fatherland as an authority figure.
Speaker 2 (19:01):
There is so much more that she needs to unpack,
and she's genuine this is what I feel.
Speaker 3 (19:08):
I believe she's.
Speaker 2 (19:08):
Going to be happy and she can hear absolutely one
hundred and fifty percent, and she's in her journey. So
if you can remind her, just like you are still
doing therapy, it's an ongoing journey. There are so many
layers to look at the fact that you created that
space where she felt safe. And when we create that
(19:30):
space where people can just unpack and they feel safe
to whatever needs to come, they are held, magic happens.
And that's what you started doing with her.
Speaker 5 (19:48):
With this perspective in mind, we return now to Aliyah
living in an apartment paid for by the colonel, working
at a desk job given to her by the colonel,
and now as dependent on his protection as he is
on her affection.
Speaker 6 (20:03):
Everything was really easy, and I loved my job that time,
and I just did like my very mellow, boring desk
work till something happened. Cornell invited me to spend with
him a few days. He called to my commander of
(20:26):
my department and basically he asked him to give me
some days off, and he invited me to this beautiful
resort five star. I've never been anywhere like that. My
dad would never take us somewhere like that. And actually
that was a resort which was built for KGB high
(20:52):
ranked officers with spar and a lake with little boats.
It was a beautiful sunny day and he took me
to the boat and it was really romantic. We had
like conversation and I love and I just enjoyed the day.
(21:19):
So that day he said to me, Daddy prepared for
you a surprise, and I thought, oh, it's probably like
some jewelry pieces. And I was right in a sense.
So when we came back after the boat ride, there
(21:43):
was a beautiful filled with flowers and there was no
one there. He went on his knees and he opened
a little box in his hand, and I saw a
ring with a huge diamond, and he said, will you
marry me?
Speaker 5 (22:20):
The danger of seduction is that sometimes it works all
too well. And while the colonel proposing to Aliah may
seem like another victory, the fact is that obsession is dangerous,
especially when it's a person like the colonel who's becoming
obsessed with you.
Speaker 3 (22:38):
I would like, literally like no.
Speaker 6 (22:41):
Was it, Like oh my god, what shall I tell him?
And I think he read my eyes because even though
I tried to hide my emotions, my real emotions, I
still couldn't find the right words to answer, and he
(23:01):
was standing there as an idiot. The only one word
I said, but what about your wife? When I started
to go into that direction and said like what about
your kids? I mean, can we wait a little bit longer?
And I saw that he changed like straight, and he
(23:26):
asked me, what like, you reject my offer?
Speaker 3 (23:30):
You reject my offer?
Speaker 6 (23:34):
And I was like, oh my god, what do I do?
And said, listen, daddy, I love you so much. And
I was still trying to convince him that he should
stay with his wife because she's an amazing woman. I mean,
I didn't even know her, but I just didn't want
(23:57):
to tell him, what the hell are you fin like?
Speaker 1 (24:01):
Dude?
Speaker 6 (24:01):
You're like thirty years older than me. You fucked me
in the beginning, you abuse me. Now you want to
propose me fuck you like c literally like that. But
I couldn't because I had to obey. He was my
daddy and I still needed his protection. He tried not
(24:22):
to show his disappointment, but I could feel that he
was really disappointed, and he didn't even want to have
sex with me that day.
Speaker 3 (24:34):
I just tried to.
Speaker 6 (24:34):
Pretend that nothing happened, that we still have some time.
But I didn't take the ring.
Speaker 5 (24:42):
After this short, uncomfortable vacation, Aliyah returned to work at
the Bureau of Internal Affairs.
Speaker 3 (24:49):
I came back to my department.
Speaker 6 (24:51):
Everything was as normal, but I felt attention between Cornell
and me. I tried to be more polite, more you know, Daddy,
I miss you messages, and then he called me out
of blue like just like that. He said, listen, I
(25:15):
have a great, amazing news for you. Come and meet me,
and I will introduce you to my friend, to my partner,
and it will change your life. Well it really did
change my life, but in the worst case scenario.
Speaker 5 (25:40):
Left with little choice and fearing the worst, Aliyah accepted
the invitation.
Speaker 6 (25:46):
He met me and we had a dinner. It looked
normal in the beginning, but it wasn't. It took me
many years to understand what really happened. That night, I
came to the restaurant where Cornell was waiting for me
with his friend, whom he introduced as lieutenant general. And
(26:13):
of course it's a very high rank. That lieutenant general
looked gross, like super ugly. I think he was in
his mid sixties, and he looked overweight. He had huge belly.
(26:36):
He also had such a strong smell, which made me
just disgusted. He walked with the limb. He had this
very angry, very nasty eyes. I thought, wait, something is
(26:57):
going on, because they boss behave like funny. They both
like laughing. It looked like they were a little bit drunk,
and there is like some deal happened between them. Suddenly
(27:17):
my cornel said, well, I'm so thrilled to announce that
this is your next commander. And he did like this
pose and I felt like, this is your next daddy.
And I said, but I work in my department with
(27:40):
it so and so commander, Oh, forget about it. He said,
this is your new commander, so now you have to
obey him and listen to him and do everything what
he says. And for me, I felt like this is
the drap. I just couldn't sleep with this gross man.
(28:00):
I learned so many things. I learned how to trick
my brain, but it was almost importable. I know, he
was so ugly and disgusting. I just couldn't even portrait
myself being next to him. And I couldn't believe that
my coronel, who was in love could possibly pass me
(28:24):
to these growth leton in general, so That was my
first introduction, which basically fucked up my whole future.
Speaker 3 (28:38):
Life.
Speaker 5 (28:43):
The colonel had withdrawn his protection and this meant that
not only would Leah have to leave her desk job
and survive a more powerful predator, but that she'd be
given the most dangerous missions that the Russian Secret Service
had to offer.
Speaker 6 (28:58):
And I understood that now I'm definitely fucked. This is
really bad.
Speaker 5 (29:05):
The Colonel's goal is not really to succeed in these missions,
but for her to fail.
Speaker 6 (29:12):
The next step. What he did literally could kill me.
He planned the strategy of my murder.
Speaker 5 (29:33):
I asked Aleiah if she's upset at her father for
sending her into this world where she injured not just
every kind of abuse in trauma imaginable, but the horrors
that would come next. We ever, upset your father for
putting on this path that went to all this.
Speaker 6 (29:50):
I didn't have that feeling because I was strained from
sixty years old. I knew that I have to work there.
I knew that my body, my life, my soul, everything
my brain belongs to the country.
Speaker 5 (30:18):
To die for will return. On June fourth, as a
Leah prepares to share the rest of her story, Her
missions and the Trail of Bodies Left Behind.
Speaker 3 (30:27):
I pressed the trigger and it was the silence.
Speaker 6 (30:35):
I didn't cry, I didn't feel anything.
Speaker 5 (30:39):
Who is Alia Rosa? Find Out to Die For? Volume two,
coming June fourth. To Die For is a production of
(31:02):
Tenderfoot TV in association with iHeart Podcasts. The show is
hosted and written by me Neil Strauss, with additional writing
assistants by Tristan Bankston. Executive producers are myself, Donald Albright,
and Payne Lindsay. For iHeart Podcasts, executive producers are Matt
Frederick and Alex Williams. Lead producer and editor is Tristan Bankston.
(31:26):
Additional editing by Miles Clark and Christian Brown. Supervising producer
Tracy Kaplan. Consultants include Nushin, Valiza Day, Chelsea Gooden, and
Jamie Albright. Translation by Cassinia Savina, The Gulag Archipelago read
by Alex Salem and artwork by Byron McCoy. Original music
(31:48):
by Makeup and Vanity Set with additional music by Ben Fleisch,
mixed and mastered by Dayton Cole. Our theme song is
Killer Shangwi Law by Psychotic Beats featuring Pattiamore. Special thanks
to Orn Rosenbaub and the team at UTA Bech Media
and Marketing, Orn Siegel, Becky Jensen, the Nord Group, merdis
(32:09):
Stedman and Alex Vespustaed. If you or a loved one
are a survivor of sexual assault, visit rain dot org.
That's RAI n N dot org or call one eight
hundred sixty five six four six seventy three for free
confidential twenty four to seven support. While you're waiting for
volume two of To Die For, search Tenderfoot TV on
(32:31):
her favorite podcast app or visit us at tenderfoot dot
tv to hear similar podcasts. Thanks for listening,
All eight episodes of The Die For are available now
to bench absolutely free, but for ad free listening and
exclusive bonuses, subscribe to tendorfoot Plus at tenderfoot plus dot
com or on Apple podcasts.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
Warning, the following episode contains explicit language and sexual themes.
Speaker 3 (00:23):
Listener discretion is advised.
Speaker 4 (00:28):
Somewhere, Guinia elav It's a yes.
Speaker 5 (00:37):
The voice you hear is that of Aliah Rose's father.
We've asked him to tell us about Alah in his
own words.
Speaker 6 (00:46):
So she's like saying, from very early childhood, I always
trained her mentally training and physical training.
Speaker 5 (00:53):
She was like, this is a Liah, translating her father's
words with some editorial comments still double up the.
Speaker 6 (01:01):
Always like every day we would like speak about patriotes
and like what is it to be a real patriot?
Speaker 2 (01:06):
Yea.
Speaker 6 (01:09):
And then he's not saying I pushed her to like enrol.
He's like, and I'm so proud that she followed my
steps and she became like a military.
Speaker 5 (01:20):
To this day, however, Leah has never told her father
that she wasn't just trained at the academy to fight
the country's enemies, but to sleep with them.
Speaker 6 (01:32):
This training, he says, really he does not know about
the missions. So all these trainings were so good for
her life because she's strolled the world and now she's
successful and entrepreneur, and so I'm very proud of her.
Speaker 5 (01:44):
Disapproval means everything to a Leah even today. So the
biggest risk she feels she's taking with this podcast is
not upsetting Putin or even the US government. It's upsetting
her father.
Speaker 6 (01:59):
If they would find out about this reduction program, it
would probably kill.
Speaker 2 (02:06):
Him to kill you.
Speaker 6 (02:12):
I'm really sorry.
Speaker 2 (02:15):
I had to do it that I could on my.
Speaker 3 (02:21):
You did away found out, and my god.
Speaker 2 (02:28):
I got to you.
Speaker 3 (02:34):
I had to kill you.
Speaker 6 (02:39):
Say so much.
Speaker 5 (03:00):
Episode eight, Chapter seventeen, Graduation. By the time Eliah's training
at the military academy near its end, the colonel was
fully protecting her, not just from the other predatory men there,
but from almost everything.
Speaker 6 (03:23):
I stopped doing this hard work, standing all night and
protecting our academy. I wouldn't go to the kitchen anymore
and pill thousand potatoes and cook for everybody and wash
all these huge fans. But the most important that nobody
were picking on me from like male students. They looked
(03:47):
at me, but in another way, so like, okay, so
she's protected. I can't touch her. And even that guy
who took advantage of me in the beginning of the education,
he couldn't even look at me because he knew if
I would complain to the cornel about what he did
with me before, he would be just fired straight.
Speaker 3 (04:09):
But I didn't. I don't know why.
Speaker 6 (04:12):
Everybody in the academy by that time already knew that
I had relationship with Cornell and I was his protegian,
and everybody knew that major voice fired because of me
as well, so nobody could like mess with me.
Speaker 5 (04:33):
That spring, Leah completed her examinations. As she prepared in
her dorm room for graduation, she noticed that she was
no longer the same person who her father had dropped
off of the academy the year before.
Speaker 6 (04:47):
We had to wear this official uniform for parade, so
I got dressed. I remember I had a really nice
jacket with golden buttons and scart. Cornell brought me High
Hills beautiful boots. So I put an egg cup, I
(05:12):
put makeup on with the red lipstick, and I looked
at the mirror, but it was another woman. It's a
big change from the girl who just entered this building.
I became a woman in just one year. I looked
at the mirror and I saw my dad in the
(05:36):
mirror telling me, I'm so proud of you.
Speaker 3 (05:42):
I went downstairs.
Speaker 6 (05:43):
We lined up in front of our teacher, and each
of us had to come to him, take an oath
and salute him, and we would have to tell him
I swear and as to serve my country. And we
(06:04):
all did like a marsh and it was beautiful. I
had pride that I did it. I survived somehow. Now
I can go home and I can be proud of myself,
and hopefully my dad will be proud of myself too.
(06:27):
Knowing that I can kill, knowing that I can seduce anyone,
knowing that my target at Cornell, he was like literally
like kissing my feet that moment. I felt so strong
and so powerful, so clever.
Speaker 5 (06:46):
But Leah's excitement about beating the system was only temporary,
because graduation meant that she was now trapped in an
even bigger system, a life sentence in the Russian military.
Speaker 6 (07:00):
So I didn't feel free. I felt even more involved.
I was official part of the system.
Speaker 5 (07:13):
One thing that made us easier is that the colonel's
reach extended beyond the academy, and he promised to protect
Eleia in her career and then the assignments that would follow.
As a le recalls, he told her.
Speaker 6 (07:24):
I'm here for you to help you, and i will
protect you so you don't need to go to all
these risky missions. You will have a good office in
the department, and everybody will respect you, and you will
have your high rank very soon. So he was giving
me all these promises, and he was in love. And
(07:52):
Cornell asked me to call him daddy. That powerful man
could have sex with any female students, could organize orgies
with other students. See how it's changing. So he wanted
me to call him daddy. So I called him Daddy.
Speaker 5 (08:16):
We will unpack this power dynamic more later in this episode.
In the meantime, to ensure that everything went well in
a Leah's new position at the Investigation Department of the
Bureau of Internal Affairs, the colonel showed up and spoke
to her commander there.
Speaker 6 (08:32):
He came to the department. Everybody saluted him because he
had much higher rank, and he spoke with my commander.
I don't know what they were talking in that room.
But after that meeting, everybody were speaking with me with
the highest respect, and I had my separate room from everyone,
(08:58):
and I had just a good mellow days. I had
to answer some calls and like write some documents, and
that's it. Nobody could tell me anything. Some of us
the easiest and relaxing till something happened.
Speaker 5 (09:19):
That's something happened in late July when Aleah left the
office one evening.
Speaker 6 (09:27):
So I go home and I come in to my
house where my parents and my younger sister are, and
I mean, Neil, it's so hard to talk about it.
Speaker 3 (09:43):
Fuck. I opened the door and I.
Speaker 6 (09:48):
See my mom being very angry at me, and I
don't understand. She doesn't tell me why my dad was
not at home that moment. And my mom she started
to like basically beat me, and she was screaming, you
(10:09):
are such an embarrassment. You're not my daughter anymore. How
could you do this? And I was like thinking, like
what exactly that she mean? She said, I get out
from here. I just took my cell phone with me
and I couldn't take anything else and I left. I
(10:34):
didn't know where to go, and I couldn't come back.
Speaker 5 (10:41):
Eliah soon discovered that the major, the seduction teacher who'd
been dating the colonel, had taken her revenge.
Speaker 6 (10:49):
And it was painful to realize that that woman called
to my dad and told him that like behaving like
a whore. I'm dating a coronel and I am an
embarrassment and I failed my mission.
Speaker 5 (11:14):
Everything Leah had done up to this point, joining the military,
working to be a hero and defend her country, had
been done to please her father, to earn his approval,
and now she just lost it, possibly forever. And even worse,
Aliah had only one place to turn.
Speaker 6 (11:34):
I didn't know where to go and what to do.
I didn't have money. I was just on the street.
I called my only one friend I had. I said, listen, like,
I don't know where to go, and she said, you
should call to your cornel. He has to take care
about you. This is all because of him. So I
(11:54):
called him and I was crying. I said, find out
about our relationship and they kick me out. So I
don't have anywhere to go, and he said, like, stay there,
I'm coming to get you. So he came quite quick.
(12:17):
He got a hotel for me for like a few weeks,
and then he said, like, I will look for your apartments.
Don't worry. He gave me some money and I stayed
in that hotel. My dad never called me. At some point,
(12:43):
I felt really grateful for the Corner for what he's done.
That he came and he helped me and he protected me,
and I explained him the situation, and he said, you know,
I don't.
Speaker 3 (12:55):
Blame your dad. It's okay.
Speaker 6 (12:58):
He needs some time to digestice it will be fine.
But I didn't feel fine. I felt betrayed. I felt lonely,
and then at the same time, I thought, maybe it's
better like it is. My father would never understand or
(13:18):
would never forgive himself for what I've experienced already, so
I didn't want him to blame himself about it. I
just stayed silenced, alone, scared. It's almost like it was
(13:42):
beneficial for the Coronel that my parents rejected me, because
in this situation he could have his power on me,
on my life and the whole dependence. And who knows,
maybe he asked the major to call my parents.
Speaker 3 (14:03):
I don't know.
Speaker 5 (14:25):
Chapter eighteen, The KGB Resort.
Speaker 2 (14:39):
I look at her as this super badass woman, but
at the same time it is this child. I see
this little Aliyah that is still seeking this acceptance in
this love from her father.
Speaker 5 (14:59):
This is Emily Mark, a trauma healer who is one
of several counselors that Aliah has been working with. Aliyah
has given her permission to speak openly and help provide
some context to this difficult moment in her life.
Speaker 4 (15:10):
The father is like the GPS that is the portal
to the world of men. So when we have an
abusive of disconnected emotionally father, there is an impact in
the way we see other men, in the way we
(15:32):
even going to choose and we are going to connect
with men.
Speaker 3 (15:36):
Now.
Speaker 5 (15:37):
Add to this, Emily explains a situation where Leah is
literally trapped in the same environment with her abuser, with
no authority figure to trust and nowhere else to turn
for protection. And the situation gets much more complex.
Speaker 2 (15:51):
When you look at the Stockholm syndrome or even trauma bonding.
There is an emotional tie that can develop between the
victim and the abuser. There is this cycle of kindness
and mistreatment in the relationship. And for her when the
parents just put her out and she has absolutely nowhere
(16:14):
to go, there is nothing that she knows then going
to the person that is a superior at work, and
there is an emotional connection with that person even though
he's an abuser.
Speaker 5 (16:33):
I asked Emily about the parallels between Leah's father, who's
an abusive, high ranking, powerful military officer, and the colonel
who is also an abusive, high ranking, powerful military officer
who wants Aleah to call him daddy.
Speaker 2 (16:47):
When you look at Aliah, specifically her story and what
happened with her father, there is why we call the
repetition confusion when there is this need to repeat the
same painful pattern that you learn at a very young age.
Because when someone experienced complex drama, when a child basic
(17:09):
need is not met, it creates what we call the
maladaptive patterns of behavior in relationship. And especially that her
colonel was asking her to call her daddy, then it's
even clearer why she would even run to him when
she needed help.
Speaker 5 (17:31):
It's important to clarify that none of this is a
Leah's fault in any way. The responsibility lands clearly on
the colonel and her father. The point is to explain
why a Leah may have had actions and feelings that
don't seem logical to those of us who haven't had
her experience. Abuse is much more complicated to heal from
(17:52):
when the perpetrator repeats a childhood pattern we had with
the father we loved. Sometimes she's talking about the colonel
like we said, with tenderness and other times like fuck
can he abuse me?
Speaker 2 (18:01):
Yes, I would say, when she's really having this conversation consciously,
like she's understanding no, no, he did wrong by me.
But there is the unconscious part. And if you look
at Aliyah, there is a lot of dissociation. So when
she is in that place, that's where she talks about
(18:24):
him with tenderness because there was a dysfunctional but an
emotional attachment to that person. To be called daddy by her,
it just perpetuate something that was very familiar to her.
Speaker 5 (18:43):
She sort of has this just been abused by authority
figures in a sense, whether it's her father's authority figure,
the colonel's an authority figure, even just the whole military
Russia serve the Fatherland as an authority figure.
Speaker 2 (19:01):
There is so much more that she needs to unpack,
and she's genuine this is what I feel.
Speaker 3 (19:08):
I believe she's.
Speaker 2 (19:08):
Going to be happy and she can hear absolutely one
hundred and fifty percent, and she's in her journey. So
if you can remind her, just like you are still
doing therapy, it's an ongoing journey. There are so many
layers to look at the fact that you created that
space where she felt safe. And when we create that
(19:30):
space where people can just unpack and they feel safe
to whatever needs to come, they are held, magic happens.
And that's what you started doing with her.
Speaker 5 (19:48):
With this perspective in mind, we return now to Aliyah
living in an apartment paid for by the colonel, working
at a desk job given to her by the colonel,
and now as dependent on his protection as he is
on her affection.
Speaker 6 (20:03):
Everything was really easy, and I loved my job that time,
and I just did like my very mellow, boring desk
work till something happened. Cornell invited me to spend with
him a few days. He called to my commander of
(20:26):
my department and basically he asked him to give me
some days off, and he invited me to this beautiful
resort five star. I've never been anywhere like that. My
dad would never take us somewhere like that. And actually
that was a resort which was built for KGB high
(20:52):
ranked officers with spar and a lake with little boats.
It was a beautiful sunny day and he took me
to the boat and it was really romantic. We had
like conversation and I love and I just enjoyed the day.
(21:19):
So that day he said to me, Daddy prepared for
you a surprise, and I thought, oh, it's probably like
some jewelry pieces. And I was right in a sense.
So when we came back after the boat ride, there
(21:43):
was a beautiful filled with flowers and there was no
one there. He went on his knees and he opened
a little box in his hand, and I saw a
ring with a huge diamond, and he said, will you
marry me?
Speaker 5 (22:20):
The danger of seduction is that sometimes it works all
too well. And while the colonel proposing to Aliah may
seem like another victory, the fact is that obsession is dangerous,
especially when it's a person like the colonel who's becoming
obsessed with you.
Speaker 3 (22:38):
I would like, literally like no.
Speaker 6 (22:41):
Was it, Like oh my god, what shall I tell him?
And I think he read my eyes because even though
I tried to hide my emotions, my real emotions, I
still couldn't find the right words to answer, and he
(23:01):
was standing there as an idiot. The only one word
I said, but what about your wife? When I started
to go into that direction and said like what about
your kids? I mean, can we wait a little bit longer?
And I saw that he changed like straight, and he
(23:26):
asked me, what like, you reject my offer?
Speaker 3 (23:30):
You reject my offer?
Speaker 6 (23:34):
And I was like, oh my god, what do I do?
And said, listen, daddy, I love you so much. And
I was still trying to convince him that he should
stay with his wife because she's an amazing woman. I mean,
I didn't even know her, but I just didn't want
(23:57):
to tell him, what the hell are you fin like?
Speaker 1 (24:01):
Dude?
Speaker 6 (24:01):
You're like thirty years older than me. You fucked me
in the beginning, you abuse me. Now you want to
propose me fuck you like c literally like that. But
I couldn't because I had to obey. He was my
daddy and I still needed his protection. He tried not
(24:22):
to show his disappointment, but I could feel that he
was really disappointed, and he didn't even want to have
sex with me that day.
Speaker 3 (24:34):
I just tried to.
Speaker 6 (24:34):
Pretend that nothing happened, that we still have some time.
But I didn't take the ring.
Speaker 5 (24:42):
After this short, uncomfortable vacation, Aliyah returned to work at
the Bureau of Internal Affairs.
Speaker 3 (24:49):
I came back to my department.
Speaker 6 (24:51):
Everything was as normal, but I felt attention between Cornell
and me. I tried to be more polite, more you know, Daddy,
I miss you messages, and then he called me out
of blue like just like that. He said, listen, I
(25:15):
have a great, amazing news for you. Come and meet me,
and I will introduce you to my friend, to my partner,
and it will change your life. Well it really did
change my life, but in the worst case scenario.
Speaker 5 (25:40):
Left with little choice and fearing the worst, Aliyah accepted
the invitation.
Speaker 6 (25:46):
He met me and we had a dinner. It looked
normal in the beginning, but it wasn't. It took me
many years to understand what really happened. That night, I
came to the restaurant where Cornell was waiting for me
with his friend, whom he introduced as lieutenant general. And
(26:13):
of course it's a very high rank. That lieutenant general
looked gross, like super ugly. I think he was in
his mid sixties, and he looked overweight. He had huge belly.
(26:36):
He also had such a strong smell, which made me
just disgusted. He walked with the limb. He had this
very angry, very nasty eyes. I thought, wait, something is
(26:57):
going on, because they boss behave like funny. They both
like laughing. It looked like they were a little bit drunk,
and there is like some deal happened between them. Suddenly
(27:17):
my cornel said, well, I'm so thrilled to announce that
this is your next commander. And he did like this
pose and I felt like, this is your next daddy.
And I said, but I work in my department with
(27:40):
it so and so commander, Oh, forget about it. He said,
this is your new commander, so now you have to
obey him and listen to him and do everything what
he says. And for me, I felt like this is
the drap. I just couldn't sleep with this gross man.
(28:00):
I learned so many things. I learned how to trick
my brain, but it was almost importable. I know, he
was so ugly and disgusting. I just couldn't even portrait
myself being next to him. And I couldn't believe that
my coronel, who was in love could possibly pass me
(28:24):
to these growth leton in general, so That was my
first introduction, which basically fucked up my whole future.
Speaker 3 (28:38):
Life.
Speaker 5 (28:43):
The colonel had withdrawn his protection and this meant that
not only would Leah have to leave her desk job
and survive a more powerful predator, but that she'd be
given the most dangerous missions that the Russian Secret Service
had to offer.
Speaker 6 (28:58):
And I understood that now I'm definitely fucked. This is
really bad.
Speaker 5 (29:05):
The Colonel's goal is not really to succeed in these missions,
but for her to fail.
Speaker 6 (29:12):
The next step. What he did literally could kill me.
He planned the strategy of my murder.
Speaker 5 (29:33):
I asked Aleiah if she's upset at her father for
sending her into this world where she injured not just
every kind of abuse in trauma imaginable, but the horrors
that would come next. We ever, upset your father for
putting on this path that went to all this.
Speaker 6 (29:50):
I didn't have that feeling because I was strained from
sixty years old. I knew that I have to work there.
I knew that my body, my life, my soul, everything
my brain belongs to the country.
Speaker 5 (30:18):
To die for will return. On June fourth, as a
Leah prepares to share the rest of her story, Her
missions and the Trail of Bodies Left Behind.
Speaker 3 (30:27):
I pressed the trigger and it was the silence.
Speaker 6 (30:35):
I didn't cry, I didn't feel anything.
Speaker 5 (30:39):
Who is Alia Rosa? Find Out to Die For? Volume two,
coming June fourth. To Die For is a production of
(31:02):
Tenderfoot TV in association with iHeart Podcasts. The show is
hosted and written by me Neil Strauss, with additional writing
assistants by Tristan Bankston. Executive producers are myself, Donald Albright,
and Payne Lindsay. For iHeart Podcasts, executive producers are Matt
Frederick and Alex Williams. Lead producer and editor is Tristan Bankston.
(31:26):
Additional editing by Miles Clark and Christian Brown. Supervising producer
Tracy Kaplan. Consultants include Nushin, Valiza Day, Chelsea Gooden, and
Jamie Albright. Translation by Cassinia Savina, The Gulag Archipelago read
by Alex Salem and artwork by Byron McCoy. Original music
(31:48):
by Makeup and Vanity Set with additional music by Ben Fleisch,
mixed and mastered by Dayton Cole. Our theme song is
Killer Shangwi Law by Psychotic Beats featuring Pattiamore. Special thanks
to Orn Rosenbaub and the team at UTA Bech Media
and Marketing, Orn Siegel, Becky Jensen, the Nord Group, merdis
(32:09):
Stedman and Alex Vespustaed. If you or a loved one
are a survivor of sexual assault, visit rain dot org.
That's RAI n N dot org or call one eight
hundred sixty five six four six seventy three for free
confidential twenty four to seven support. While you're waiting for
volume two of To Die For, search Tenderfoot TV on
(32:31):
her favorite podcast app or visit us at tenderfoot dot
tv to hear similar podcasts. Thanks for listening,
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