May 21, 2024 • 44 mins
Daniel sits down with fellow Florida Man and NBA insider Chandler Parsons to discuss everything from hot wives to gambling and lawsuits.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
What about playing when you're back in Houston playing with
an old ball hog?
Speaker 2 (00:04):
Was that fun? James Harden? I love playing with James Huh,
he was great. I got nothing about it. Yeah, I
just wanted to call the.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
Ball Pasha pshah.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
Tosh show show.
Speaker 1 (00:23):
Hello everyone, it's me Daniel Tosh. Where are my dogs at? Guys,
you wouldn't know it just by looking at me. But
I'm less than twenty four hours away from having my
first colonoscoby, and I'm going to give you all the
(00:48):
information once I go through the procedure. But let me
tell you what I've learned so far. A colonoscoby is
one of the few, you know, cancer screening things that's preventative. Nowadays,
you can just like poop in an envelope and mail
it to them, but that doesn't do what this does.
(01:08):
If you actually go in and get the full colon osby,
they will see is it polyps? Yes, and they will
remove them on the spot, which can turn in too
bad stuff down the road. I'm forty eight years old
and my doctor said, I think it's time for you
to do this. It used to be forty. But they're like,
if you don't have any history colon cancer in your family,
(01:31):
you probably can wait a little bit longer. And then
I asked my mom. I was like, she's like, well,
you know, your grandma died of colon cancer. And I'm like, Mom,
you should have told me that. And she's like, well,
she was ninety nine, and she's like she had to
die from something, so it makes so, yeah, colon cancer
is what got her. So I'm going tomorrow, and you know,
(01:51):
fingers crossed. Things are good now. Today. As you know
or may not know, I'm fasting. I can only drink
clear your liquids, so yeah, and then I have to
take some laxatives and some other stuff. That's that's gonna
be that I'm gonna mix with the drinks and it's
gonna be awful. And I'm just gonna flush out my
colon until two am, when I need to be pooping
(02:17):
pure clean water that you can drink. That's what I'm told.
By two am, you should be able to drink from
my sphincter. Anyway, yesterday was the last day that I
was able to eat.
Speaker 2 (02:32):
So where do you think I went for my final meal?
Like a good Italian meal, A good.
Speaker 1 (02:39):
Italian that oh, that would have been my second choice.
I went to a Dodger game. Yeah, just fueled up
on everything. Nothing cleans out my colon, like seven plus
innings at Chavez Ravine.
Speaker 2 (02:55):
But today today it's Chandler Parsonds. Chandler Parsons.
Speaker 1 (03:05):
So I do research for our guests before we come on,
and I'm I was researching him. And if you research
Chandler Parsons, you know a former NBA player, uh got
into a bad car accident. You'll find out all about it.
But anyway, the questions on there, like the first thing
come like where did he play college? Where did he
play in the NBA? Then the third thing, why did
(03:26):
Chandler lose his job? And I'm like, what what is
this about? Oh he quit on Christmas so that he
could be home with Monica, And I'm like, oh, Google
just switches to Chandler from friends, and I'm like, these
questions don't help me at all. I'm actually normally when
people are on this show, I have one goal. I
(03:48):
want people at home to know why I find them interesting,
because usually they're they're they're they're pretty funny people, they're
they're good at what they do.
Speaker 2 (03:59):
And I just and I'm fascinating.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
But today, today I'm going to take probably a different
approach because this is someone that I don't want to
come across in a positive way because my wife finds
him very attractive, and I know there's nothing I could
do about it. Like if he's like, you know what,
I want your wife, I'd be like, oh shit, I
(04:24):
guess she's yours.
Speaker 2 (04:25):
Now I don't because she.
Speaker 1 (04:26):
Already likes you, and there's nothing I can do to
him physically, you know, Chandler, Like, he's so much bigger
than you realize. You think, oh, you were just a
six six guy in the NBA, but then you're like,
oh you were six eight, and then you touch him
and you're like, oh you're You're pretty solid. It's not good.
Hopefully he's not interested. He's happily married with children, so
(04:49):
he probably has no interest in my wife. But what
if he's like, you know what, I'm just gonna do
it because I can, and he takes my wife from me.
Speaker 2 (04:58):
Enjoy Pasha.
Speaker 1 (05:05):
Today in the studio, we have a tall, handsome, rich, athletic,
absolute stud of a man with a twelve inch long
who has banged hundreds of women. We also have my
guest former NBA player and TV commentator Chandler Parks.
Speaker 2 (05:21):
I take that that was better than I expected. Well done.
Let me tell you something about that intro.
Speaker 1 (05:27):
Last night, I'm writing down what I'm going to say,
and I call my wife over and I say hey,
which is funnier implying that I've banged hundreds of women
or that I have a smoking hot wife, And she
goes banging hundreds of women?
Speaker 2 (05:42):
Wow? And then she walked away married the right You
married the right one, Chandler. Do you believe in ghosts? Now? Okay?
I do? To you me? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (05:51):
Oh yes, big into ghosts, love shows about ghosts.
Speaker 2 (05:58):
Really no if I can do any of that stuff.
Speaker 3 (06:01):
You're from Florida, born and raised in Orlando, Florida. Are
Orlando but not I'm from I say Orlando. I was
born in winter Park. That also sounds fast it is.
I grew up in Castlebury, which is a real white trash.
Speaker 1 (06:15):
I'm from Titusville, so whoa yeah, yeah, see, I grew
up in Castlebury.
Speaker 2 (06:19):
I went to Lake Howe High School.
Speaker 3 (06:20):
It's like the not nice part of winter Park, the
Seminole County, not Orange. Your parents still together, Yeah, they're
still in Florida. They're still in Florida where they moved
to Winter Springs.
Speaker 2 (06:30):
I got them up out of the hood when I
got my big deal, So you paid for it.
Speaker 1 (06:35):
Yeah, I got my parents out of Titusville, send them
down to merrit Island beautiful.
Speaker 2 (06:38):
Uh huh. Do you go back a lot?
Speaker 3 (06:40):
No, we actually did a think we have two kids now, huh,
and we would alternate Christmases and now I have a
daughter that's two and a half in the sum of
six months, and last year was the first year we
were like hey, like it was like a serious conversation,
like I don't know how to like We're going to
do Christmas here in La from now and like when
they're like, oh, this year, and I was.
Speaker 2 (06:56):
Like no, like forever now.
Speaker 3 (06:58):
So now like besides like literally like a wedding or
a funeral, I won't go back then.
Speaker 1 (07:02):
Isn't it nice to be from Florida and hit it
big and then never go back.
Speaker 2 (07:10):
Yeah, that shop sailed. I'm out of there.
Speaker 1 (07:13):
I have to go back constantly, mainly because I use
it as a tax shelter.
Speaker 2 (07:17):
Yeah, how about you. I used to do that. So
when I played.
Speaker 3 (07:21):
When I played, I claim because I bought my parents
a house and I claimed residency there. A couple of
loopholes had the cellphone bill sent there, so I used
to always do that. And then I lived in California,
like my third year in the NBA California to get
their money, and my last year and my big deal,
they made me pay taxes in California, and it was that's.
Speaker 2 (07:40):
A that's a big hit. Yeah, that was devastating. What's
your actual height? For real?
Speaker 3 (07:44):
So all NBA players sly, I'm probably six eight and
a half. But then come combine, come tube, socks, ankles taped.
I was measured at six ' ten, which is kind
of bullshit.
Speaker 2 (07:55):
I'm six four. What would I be listed at in
the year six four?
Speaker 3 (07:59):
You would definitely be like a six seven shooting guard.
Speaker 2 (08:01):
Oh yeah, I can't shoot, though.
Speaker 3 (08:03):
If you're white in the NBA, you gotta be able
to shoot. That's all we got it. That's all we got.
Speaker 1 (08:08):
I could jump, really, I could always jump, even back
in like high school, like two solid jumps, Like all right,
that's it for the day.
Speaker 2 (08:15):
It would fit today's load management. That's all you gotta do.
Speaker 1 (08:17):
We do that here on this podcast. Some interviews I'm hysterical.
Some interviews load management. Yeah, fucking take your day. You
went to the University of Florida. Now you went there
the year after they had won back to back national
champions and then you brought the program.
Speaker 3 (08:35):
Screeching halt NIT Tournament.
Speaker 1 (08:39):
Yeah, congratulations, Square Garden Bright Lights. I've never watched one
minute of an NIT Tournament game, have.
Speaker 2 (08:47):
You, Eddy, Yeah, you do watch them, it's on.
Speaker 1 (08:51):
I can't watch it. Every time it's on. I'm like, oh,
oh shit, this isn't the tournament.
Speaker 3 (08:57):
It's not dope, especially going from me, especially going from
back to back.
Speaker 2 (09:01):
We also had the number one recruiting class.
Speaker 3 (09:03):
So like we're in high school and I'm watching Billy
d and Joe keeping these guys and they're on top
of the world. We go in there with all these
high expectations thinking we could just do what they did.
Speaker 2 (09:11):
And we we sucked. We weren't good.
Speaker 3 (09:14):
Billy literally kicked us out of the practice facility. There
was a time where he wouldn't let us wear anything
with a Gator logo on it. So I would practice
and like we was like at a high school gym,
like beu Holtz High School in Gainesville. We would literally
practice there because he wouldn't let us practice in the facility.
He wouldn't let us wear gator like warm ups and
jumpsuits around campus.
Speaker 2 (09:33):
Seem that might have affected your psyche. It was. Yeah,
it was took a toll, but it was, dude, it was.
It was a rough time.
Speaker 1 (09:39):
You were there during Tim Tebow. How much overlap three years?
Do you ever attend any Tim Tebow prayer circles while
you were there?
Speaker 2 (09:45):
No, didn't do that.
Speaker 1 (09:46):
What about a hate speech event from Riley Cooper?
Speaker 2 (09:48):
Definitely? Was there real real mixed bag on that football team?
How about that?
Speaker 3 (09:52):
And by the the whole swamp King's documentary like it was,
it was pretty good, but they left out like ninety
percent of the juicy, like the juicy shit on.
Speaker 1 (10:00):
Imagine, how many chicks do you think Tim Tebow banged
while claiming to be a virgin at Florida?
Speaker 2 (10:06):
You know what, banged zero And that's apparently the truth.
Now the other stuff lost interest. I think you got
six blowjobs?
Speaker 1 (10:16):
Okay, Well, speaking of blowjobs, my wife overlapped with you
at Florida. Oh boy, she was on Riker Hall and
there was there was a girl apparently famous for just
dole in those bjs and just down the hall from her,
And she said, oh, weekly, I mean I don't. I
(10:36):
don't want to drop names like Joe Kim Novah's there
every week, sometimes twice a week, depending on if they're stressful.
She would just say it was just nonsense. Now she
won't tell me your name.
Speaker 2 (10:45):
Hold on, let me let me just see if she'll answer.
Speaker 1 (10:48):
She said, she I can't tell your name, you'll say
it on ear. And she's like a super Christian.
Speaker 2 (10:52):
Now are you calling your wife? Yeah, we'll see if
she'll answer.
Speaker 1 (10:56):
Oh gosh, you know you do when they don't answer
you FaceTime call because that ring is different.
Speaker 2 (11:08):
Maybe it's a service thing. No, it just rings to
it rings louder even when it's silent.
Speaker 3 (11:14):
See, I think it's an emergency and we're just trying
to figure out who sucked everyone's dick.
Speaker 2 (11:18):
Florida.
Speaker 3 (11:21):
I think something is majorly Wrott, like who is the
jack that blue joking?
Speaker 2 (11:24):
Nine? Three? What time is that?
Speaker 1 (11:26):
I'll try I'll try it, I'll get back, we'll circle back.
We will definitely circle back to that. Were you a
maniac in college.
Speaker 3 (11:33):
Complete maniac, I probably would have been a higher draft
pick after my junior year. But I just loved college
and I went back for my senior year and I
just I loved it too, Like I love Florida. I
loved going to other you know, sports events.
Speaker 2 (11:47):
Were you a fan of Urban Meyer? Loved Urban Meyer?
Still talk to him to this day. I like him too.
He's great.
Speaker 1 (11:52):
I did a show when he was coaching at Ohio State. Yeah,
he comes to the show, ask if he can meet me,
comes backstage. It's weird to see an older man and
I don't know how old he is, but have an
older than him entourage. Yeah, like these weird booster dudes
just all hanging out with him.
Speaker 2 (12:12):
And he couldn't have been sweeter to me.
Speaker 1 (12:14):
I told my wife that she went there when he
won his back to back and he was all talking
about everything. And then she goes, oh, he used to
take plot or cycling or something from your wife. Taught
a class in games, the workout class. He calls miss
you know all these stupid Southern coaches call their wives
Miss Cowarley or whatever, and Miss Shelley calls, gets her
(12:35):
on speaker him here, she took your class.
Speaker 2 (12:37):
I'm like, this guy could have been nicer. Yes, oh
what a good guy he was.
Speaker 3 (12:41):
And they were on top of the world, right, and
he was winning the championships. So every year he would
do this thing where he took one athlete from each
sport mm hmmm and did.
Speaker 2 (12:48):
Because of t boat like a retreat and like his
lake house. Uh huh.
Speaker 3 (12:52):
Every year he would pick me from the basketball team
and like I didn't know him yet, but like we
hadn't hung out. Now we like hang out in the
golf course and like a whole nother different dynamic. But
he would take us to his lake houst and I
think they do like an hour of like you know,
Bible study, but then for the other you know, twenty
three hours we were just hanging playing games, right, like
getting you know, so yeah, through the Bible study, but yeah, basically,
(13:14):
And he would always do that and he always like
showed him people love and so I had always been
close with him and now retiring and he's a big
golf from a big golf WU just played the tournament
in Orlando like six months ago, and he's he's awesome.
Speaker 2 (13:27):
He's always been cool as fun.
Speaker 3 (13:28):
What was that tournament he just won the justin Timberlake
eight am classic.
Speaker 2 (13:31):
That was in Vegas.
Speaker 1 (13:32):
Did you ask him about about uh playing the guitar
while Brittany was having a miscarriacter?
Speaker 3 (13:38):
Yeah, yeah, I brought it up. Yeah, that was next
to the first thing. I. Oh, you played golf at all?
Or No, I grew up playing golf. I don't play.
Speaker 2 (13:49):
We got to get you out there. No, I don't
like you. It's too much time. That's why it's awesome.
From everything.
Speaker 1 (13:54):
No, I'd rather be home. Yeah, I'm like one of
these people.
Speaker 2 (13:56):
You're a better father than I. You know what? Gun
my head? I bet I am. But here's the thing.
Speaker 1 (14:05):
I probably do what you're supposed to do in a
marriage fifty percent of the work. But I feel like
at fifty percent, there should be a statue in my honor.
Oh for sure, because I'm like I'm always just like,
look at.
Speaker 2 (14:20):
What I've done.
Speaker 3 (14:21):
Oh I do ten and there is a statue, there
is this.
Speaker 2 (14:25):
Yeah you got Yeah, you're not doing it right?
Speaker 1 (14:27):
All right, So you got married. I'll talk about wives
for a second. Yeah, who has a hotter wife? You
or Al Horford?
Speaker 3 (14:33):
Ooh, I think my wife is a total babe.
Speaker 2 (14:36):
Sure. Al Horford's wife is also a total babe, and
I guess it's a preference, all right.
Speaker 1 (14:42):
I want people to start looking up Al Horford's way.
You're not gonna You're not gonna stop there.
Speaker 2 (14:50):
Your wife is a twin.
Speaker 3 (14:52):
Yeah, so yeah, she's got an identical twin.
Speaker 1 (14:55):
I may have told this story once before, but doesn't
matter if I have. In Titusville, when I was on
Squire's Drive, I lived across the street from a kid.
He was younger than me, and his mom and dad
seemed happy enough. His mom dies, and this is like
when I'm a kid, but I was old enough to
remember this. I was probably twelve or thirteen. She was
(15:17):
a twin. Six months later, he remarries with her sister. Yeah,
and like the kids, the kids were much younger than
me at the time, probably between like five and eight
or nine.
Speaker 2 (15:30):
And it was almost like just life just went on,
just kept it moving. I mean, that was weird. My daughter,
uh huh, she knows the difference in mom. It's good.
Speaker 3 (15:41):
But yeah, I think if there was a situation where
we need to buy a little switch arooo, I think
I don't think they'd miss a beat.
Speaker 2 (15:46):
There's some DNA thing where she's more my daughter's mom
than my.
Speaker 3 (15:50):
Brother is my daughter's dad because of the whole twin thing.
Speaker 1 (15:53):
Does your wife does she like get on you about?
Speaker 2 (15:57):
Never? She's she's the coolest ses.
Speaker 3 (15:59):
I swear That's why I initially like fell in love
with she was she was never like a jealous type.
Speaker 2 (16:03):
Never.
Speaker 3 (16:03):
When I first met her, I was reckless, I was despicable.
She knew everything about me. I was like, first go
I'd never had to lie to It was like it was,
I don't know, it's felt good to be honest. And
finally like it was so it was like kind of
like an open thing. Like the first couple of months,
I would go out, I would not call her. I
call her next day, I tell her what happened. She'd
make fun of me, she'd call me gross, and then
I'd like, you know, I would just.
Speaker 2 (16:23):
Started off like that super friends casual.
Speaker 3 (16:26):
And then it got to that point where I could
see it was like affecting her, And it got to
the point where like I was like I could see
I'm hurting her, and I was, you know, getting real
feelings for her. And then it's got some point where
I just didn't want to do that anymore and wanted
to be committed to her.
Speaker 2 (16:38):
Speaking, which I could call my wife again. So she
not called back.
Speaker 1 (16:42):
Oh she's called back twice. Let me see she'll pick
up this time.
Speaker 2 (16:55):
How much that watch cost? Fuck? What do you think
she's doing? Sleeping with Pierre? God? Damn Pierre? How How
rock solid is your prenups? That's long? You know, it's crazy?
Speaker 3 (17:19):
Her her family, they have a huge trash company in
California called Harrison Trash Taley Harrison. So they kind of
brought the prenup to me. I was like, Oh, this
is fucking beautiful. So her inheritance separate my contracts, separate
everything we do since we're married.
Speaker 1 (17:36):
Do people have to pass away for her to get
her bag? Or is this like tricking that there's a
couple of bite the dust here? But do you get
along with your in laws?
Speaker 4 (17:46):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (17:47):
They're they're great.
Speaker 3 (17:48):
They're you know, big sports fans, love like the Dodgers,
love Dad, loves like cars and basket like.
Speaker 2 (17:53):
He's super easy to get along with. Does your size
intimidate them? Yeah a little bit. I told your wife
five eight, she's tall too.
Speaker 3 (18:00):
Yeah, our kids are gonna be monsters or they might
not be.
Speaker 2 (18:04):
No, but see a kid and they'll be like, how
is your daughter? Like four? And I'm like, she's one,
Like it's almost weird, it's uncomfortable. Oh man, But there weren't.
Speaker 3 (18:11):
They were like nine nine pounds, like twenty three inches,
Like they weren't like crazy.
Speaker 2 (18:16):
I have a brother, Chase. He was like twelve pound baby.
He was insane. How tall is your brother? So I
have three. I'm the tallest. They're like six four, sixty five,
and sixty seven. They're all big.
Speaker 1 (18:24):
If you guys went in a fight against the the
what is it the Djokitch brothers, Well there's.
Speaker 2 (18:30):
Only two, well three of them three? You think you
could take them with the four?
Speaker 3 (18:33):
I got one brother, Chris. He's a little he's he's
a slippery fella.
Speaker 2 (18:37):
I think.
Speaker 1 (18:38):
Team sports. I've never gotten into playing them. I've always
enjoyed watching them. You seem like a well educated person.
How many times can you listen to a coach and
give two shits what they're saying?
Speaker 2 (18:53):
It's tough.
Speaker 1 (18:54):
I mean, how many speeches can you how many adjustments
can be made before you're like, I get it.
Speaker 2 (19:00):
We need to score more points. Yeah, Like that's what's tough,
especially now in the NBA too, it.
Speaker 3 (19:04):
Coaches they get fired all the time, and it's like
they're not the fucking ones missing the shots. They're not
the ones getting blown by on defense. We know what
we're supposed to do. I think coaches now, especially in
the NBA, it's all it's all managing egos, it's all
substitutions and rotations.
Speaker 2 (19:17):
It's I think it's the worst shot.
Speaker 3 (19:19):
I would never I'd much rather this side of it,
where media and I can talk shit about them doing
what they're doing wrong.
Speaker 1 (19:25):
Okay, you were the thirty eighth pick of the twenty
eleven NBA draft of the Houston Rockets. Did you know
that your points per game average ranks you twelfth from
that class at twelve point seven, assist rank eleventh at
two point seven, rebounds thirteenth at four point five, you
are number nine, and the plus minus at one point one.
I only bring it up to remind Houston they got
a first round or in the second round. Yeah, and
(19:47):
also to show how much I love analytics.
Speaker 2 (19:49):
Yeah. I love that. Sounds like I should have been
a much higher pick.
Speaker 1 (19:52):
What about playing when you're back in Houston playing with
old ball Hog?
Speaker 2 (19:56):
Was that fun? James Harden playing with James. Huh, he
was great.
Speaker 1 (20:01):
I got nothing about it. Yeah, I just wanted to
call the ball is Michael Jordan Anthony Edward's father?
Speaker 2 (20:11):
I see this. There was rumors that Jimmy Butler was
sucking his son a couple of years ago. Nah, I
don't think so.
Speaker 1 (20:16):
You made more than Michael Jordan in the NBA. Do
you ever bring that up to people?
Speaker 2 (20:20):
Nah, but that's awesome. I didn't. I didn't off the
court though.
Speaker 1 (20:24):
Do you feel that playing in the NBA is appropriating
black culture?
Speaker 2 (20:27):
Yeah? You know, I will talk.
Speaker 3 (20:29):
About It's funny because the whole race thing. Obviously, I'm
a minority in the NBA. And you'll even see it
where they'll be like I would dunk in a game
and the announcer would be like, holy shit, like deceptively
athletic from Parsons, And then like Kevin Durant would do
the same thing and they'd be like, wow, look at
the length on him, and I'm like, the fuck, I
just did the same thing.
Speaker 2 (20:47):
Why am I deceptive? You're deceptive? Yeah? That just comes
with it. But now there's so many Europeans, Yeah that
doesn't count. Do you count?
Speaker 3 (20:54):
Like like when people talking about White, and I'm like, I
can't claim like, we can't claim Dirk.
Speaker 2 (20:57):
We don't get yo, get you, we get like JJ
Reddick right, like he's.
Speaker 1 (21:01):
Ours the real Honkys. Yeah, you played for Mark Cuban.
Did you ever try to get on a shark tank
and pitch him any ideas?
Speaker 3 (21:09):
You know what during COVID I was going to now
after my career, I was going to go and be
like the celeb one, you know, like they think a
fifth one over And it never happened because of COVID ever.
Speaker 2 (21:17):
But he's every investment I've ever done.
Speaker 3 (21:19):
Since I've stopped playing for him, I shoot him an
email and within twenty minutes he'll respond, ask these questions.
Speaker 2 (21:25):
He's fantastic when it comes to that shit. He really is.
He's been a nice.
Speaker 3 (21:29):
N ninety percent of time. When he says I'll pass
tough market or whatever, I'll pass. And if I've invested
in fifteen things, fourteen of them, fifteen of them, he said,
good idea, do it.
Speaker 2 (21:40):
He's he's great when it comes to that. Would you
consider yourself were you injury prone or no? I was
never hurt my entire life.
Speaker 3 (21:47):
My third year in the NBA fell chip cartilage of
my knee, and from then it was just fucking chaos.
I had seven surgeries in nine years, like but it
was all stem from that one microfracture surgery, which not
many people came back from the beginning. But once that happened,
I was never the same.
Speaker 1 (22:04):
If it happened today, is the surgery already that much
better now?
Speaker 3 (22:07):
It is Like Patrick Beverley, he had the same surgery
like three or four years ago, He's still playing. Basically,
there's a huge there's a hole I have, like a
hole my knee, and they try and fill it and
drill in it and put a bunch and it just
it doesn't it doesn't work. Like I'm thirty five. I
need ney replacement already. Double Are you going to do that?
They say you got to wake because I guess if
you can't get too Because like so, if I need
(22:27):
another one in thirty years, if I somehow make it
thirty more years.
Speaker 2 (22:30):
Huh, you don't plan to make it for thirty more years.
It's a long time. I'm on a slippery slope.
Speaker 1 (22:35):
By the way, in Memphis, while you were in Memphis,
did you did you worry that like every time you
ate barbecue that somebody's gonna shit in your food.
Speaker 2 (22:42):
Or get shot. That's correct. Memphis is a fun down. No,
it's it's the best. The place sucks.
Speaker 3 (22:49):
Oh. I was the most money I ever made, and
it was the most miserable I ever was for How
long were you there?
Speaker 2 (22:54):
Three years? Three years in Memphis? Like the whole city
smells like barbecue sauce. It's fucking danger. There's nothing to
do at night.
Speaker 1 (23:02):
I would talk about you drive down to Tunica, Yeah,
to the casino.
Speaker 2 (23:06):
Yeah, dude. I would drive to Nashville. I skipped. I
go straight to Nashville. Nashville is nice, yeah, but it
was not for me.
Speaker 1 (23:13):
People always, you know, the normal people in the world
feel no sympathy for you. But I think that travel.
I can't even wrap my head around what you guys do.
The travel is not bad.
Speaker 2 (23:24):
It's because you're young.
Speaker 1 (23:25):
But when do you think about think about Popovich doing
that travel?
Speaker 3 (23:28):
Yeah, but you're I mean you're tired. But like you're
flying private, you're staying at private car private? What kind
of private seven forty seven? Big private play?
Speaker 2 (23:37):
Can you can?
Speaker 3 (23:38):
Everybody have their own bed like a lay flat, and
then there's like poker tables and stuff, and then you
check into the hotel.
Speaker 2 (23:44):
No, you go and your key, they give you your key.
Speaker 1 (23:46):
Course, I know, I know, but you but you have
to go. And you're doing it at night right.
Speaker 3 (23:50):
Usually like yeah, after a game, if it's a back
to back, it sucks. You're getting in at one two
am and you're playing at seven pm the next night.
Speaker 2 (23:57):
You're tired.
Speaker 3 (23:58):
But again, at the end of the day, you sleep
and they're you're not paying for anything. There's trainers and
messuses and everything there.
Speaker 2 (24:04):
You're talking to the people here and make on their side.
I'm not.
Speaker 1 (24:07):
I'm like, Nope, wouldn't do it. I mean, Mett, I
love playing basketball. Uh do I want to play twice
a week?
Speaker 2 (24:15):
Fuck no. But that's the worst part.
Speaker 3 (24:18):
Now that I'm retired and now when I travel and
find my family, I'm like, damn, this isn't free.
Speaker 2 (24:21):
I gotta pay for this ship. I gotta And that's
that sucks. Yeah, that's why you mess up.
Speaker 1 (24:25):
See, Like as a comic, I get to still be like, oh,
guess what we're going to do a show here? Yeah,
and it's like, now I'm going to offset this whole expense. Yeah, Atlanta,
You're there how long before the accident happened three months
by the way, Who was the driver and I didn't
I didn't.
Speaker 2 (24:41):
Catch his name. It was a man, it was It was.
Speaker 3 (24:43):
Basically this fifty six show guy I lived at home. Third,
d U I third? Do you complete junkie?
Speaker 2 (24:48):
Well, I mean usually after three if you figure things out.
How's he doing? I think he's in the slammer?
Speaker 4 (24:55):
Is he?
Speaker 2 (24:55):
I mean? Fuck, he should be, Well, of course he
should be. Yeah, you don't know. I haven't checked in
of them.
Speaker 1 (25:00):
You've never you've never had like the like I'm gonna
sit down with him and forgive this now.
Speaker 3 (25:03):
We I had like this whole lawsuit thing, and there
was this whole thing where I basically had to choose
whether I was going to play or make a lot
of money from the insurance company.
Speaker 2 (25:11):
And so I went to this whole thing. He had insurance,
He had no fucking insurance. Well what insurance companies? You suit?
My own your own insurance? You suit them? Yeah? Are
you still with them as a company? You are? Yeah?
I mean they have billions of art. I didn't get
that much for the Yeah, they kept me around. You
you signed with this is this is fascinating to me.
Speaker 1 (25:28):
Uh, your lawyers were Morgan and Morgan. They're Florida guys
and they even went to UF.
Speaker 3 (25:34):
And the father, John Morgan, went to high school with
my parents.
Speaker 2 (25:37):
Okay, I went to Park High School. I didn't know
they were anything.
Speaker 1 (25:40):
I just thought they were ambulance chasers when I was
a kid growing up, because I'd see their commercials and I.
Speaker 3 (25:44):
Think that's what they started as. And they do all
the corny commercials for the people. But now they're just
now they're now, they're here, now, they're everywhere, right, and
they're like worth multiple billions.
Speaker 2 (25:55):
It's crazy. That's my first call, all right.
Speaker 3 (26:00):
And speaking of ambulance chasers, then, I actually during my case,
I literally did a commercial for them, which is pathetic.
I had like I was, so they took me golfing
first in Orlando. I get wasted. My hair was like
blonde from Cojella and I did a commercial for Morgan Morgan.
I need you to look it up. Uhh, to cut
my like to save money on my fees. So I
(26:20):
now was like a mascot from Morgan and Morgan.
Speaker 1 (26:23):
Now you can't tell us the amount, but who made
you more? Morgan Morgan or Memphis.
Speaker 3 (26:30):
Memphis because it was for three, it was it was
all right, Yeah.
Speaker 2 (26:34):
Well I didn't I didn't know what kind of number
they were thrown around.
Speaker 1 (26:36):
I mean, like I'm sure Morgan and Morgan were saying
this guy was going to be the next you know,
Michael Jordan had he just had a few more years.
Speaker 2 (26:43):
In the league. Yeah you could.
Speaker 1 (26:44):
Yeah, how long was your actual physical recovery.
Speaker 2 (26:48):
From the accident? Six months to like a year?
Speaker 3 (26:51):
But like it's scared when you're fucking when you're deal
with the brain, Like I would literally like that'd be
scenarios where I would like forget shit and I would
like say the wrong thing. I would stutter and I'm like,
like that that actually has happened, that wasn't happening before.
Speaker 2 (27:02):
Are you fully recovered? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (27:04):
I think So what car were you driving? It's tacky
to say Rolls Royce.
Speaker 2 (27:10):
Are they good in accidents? I mean things a god
damn cruise ship. Yeah, I mean that's I guess that's
the good thing.
Speaker 3 (27:16):
Yeah, they cut the ambulance said that if I was
in a smaller car or something like, I would.
Speaker 2 (27:20):
Have been So you're telling me that buying a Rolls Royce.
Speaker 1 (27:22):
Safe saved your life, dude, life saver. Ah, that's that's
that should be your sponsor.
Speaker 2 (27:29):
Right instead of Morgan? For the people, I mean, how
many more years did you really have three tops?
Speaker 1 (27:36):
Because my knees, my knees are your knees were your
knees aren't because of the accident.
Speaker 2 (27:40):
No, I've been They didn't bring Morgan, and Morgan didn't
bring that up. Defense did it was a strong defense.
We screaming.
Speaker 3 (27:49):
By the way, it's very humbling. You're just sitting in
this like fucking meeting, and this one your lawyers are
telling basically like your brain is fried. The other one's saying,
how you suck at basketball?
Speaker 2 (27:59):
You're done? Anyway? Like what the fuck did I do?
I get hit by a drug try? Or why have
I just getting shit on here left and right?
Speaker 1 (28:04):
Okay, So now in a healthy space, are you one
of these people like I wouldn't I wouldn't have it
any other way?
Speaker 2 (28:11):
Or would you rather that not have happened?
Speaker 3 (28:13):
No, I wish I would not have happened because I
was healthy and I was planning on playing. I was
about to be a free agent because my contract was
up to so I was Gonna. I was thirty one
years old, so I'd know I'd rather be playing back.
Speaker 1 (28:23):
Okay, so you didn't make enough money to be like, no,
it's worth it to go out there.
Speaker 2 (28:26):
No, I did, but I was still rather not go
through that. I know I will see.
Speaker 1 (28:30):
Like you know, my contract over at Comedy Central was
potentially terminated wrongfully with like five years left on it
when the pandemic happened, And now looking back on the situation,
I wouldn't have it any other way. Yeah, I would
much rather get paid and not work.
Speaker 3 (28:49):
Yeah, That's what I did for three years of Memphis,
which is why I'm like ben Laden in that town.
Speaker 2 (28:54):
I can't go back there.
Speaker 1 (28:55):
Right, But you're saying that you you would rather play
basketball than get hay to not pay play basketball.
Speaker 3 (29:01):
I end up doing fucking commercials for them instead of
playing back.
Speaker 1 (29:04):
But that's because you had a head injury, as because
I should be able to sue them a little bit.
Speaker 3 (29:07):
They should they played me. They'so an advantage they could.
It's an advantage of a concussed kid.
Speaker 1 (29:12):
How many times are you wearing a pair of shoes
in the NBA?
Speaker 2 (29:17):
Are they brand new? No? Not branded? They're always broken in.
Speaker 3 (29:20):
You change your shoes like once a week. Once a week, Yeah,
you always you kind of give them in and out.
You want to have a little wear and tear on them.
But then once they kind of give a little bit,
you'd switch them out.
Speaker 2 (29:28):
What if you're on the bench, What if you don't play,
you still think there's got a lot they got a
lot more life.
Speaker 3 (29:32):
Then okay, yeah, but you're still practicing with them, you're
still shoot around. Then if you're not playing, that means
you're actually practicing. I'm working harder than the guys that
are actually playing. So it's it's you still got to
change them out.
Speaker 2 (29:41):
Who was your shoe sponsor?
Speaker 3 (29:43):
I was all over, I was Nike, and then I
was a Didas, Then I went Chinese?
Speaker 2 (29:46):
Are you still Chinese? No? No? Do you have a
shoe sponsor? Still?
Speaker 4 (29:50):
No?
Speaker 2 (29:51):
You ever?
Speaker 1 (29:51):
Have you ever old sneakers from from like the eighties
ninth they're so heavy, they're awful.
Speaker 2 (29:57):
I can't imagine when do.
Speaker 3 (29:58):
You watch these cats playing like Chuck Taylor's and stuff.
Speaker 2 (30:01):
At least those were lights, even.
Speaker 3 (30:02):
Like the Jordan's Like I can't play in like Jordan
elevens or like that. They're saying they're so chunky, and.
Speaker 2 (30:07):
You are you have a stupid shoe collection. I do.
Speaker 3 (30:09):
I have a lot of shoes, but like I just
I don't wear them like I don't wear them like
all the high top Jordan like ones and fours and elevens.
Speaker 2 (30:15):
I love those back in the day. I'm not gonna
like wear them out. I'm not into I mean, I
have a ton of shoes, but yeah, big, what do
you like? You're like dunks? What you're like like Nike dunks?
What do you got? What are you dealing with? I
wear fendy. Oh you bougie bitch? What are you making?
Huh off?
Speaker 4 (30:35):
This?
Speaker 2 (30:37):
You still doing any modeling? No?
Speaker 1 (30:41):
I remember driving down losiena guy. I would be going
to the comedy clubs at night to work out my material,
and I saw you your sexiness up up on Los Sienaga.
I think you're dry humping a motorcycle with a hot chicks.
And I was just like, I was like, fuck this guy,
damn it, he's got it.
Speaker 2 (30:58):
All Buffalo jeans. That was that. Then you got hit
by a car.
Speaker 3 (31:01):
No, that was We did like a shoot in like
Key West, and it's like there was this like Brazilian
model girl and it was I remember it was like legitimate,
like softboard, and they heard it during the Super Bowl.
Thank god, this jeans are tight.
Speaker 1 (31:14):
Uh, Now, you were probably I would say, I mean,
this is this is biased.
Speaker 2 (31:19):
I get you were probably the sexiest person.
Speaker 1 (31:21):
In the NBA when you played you Did you agree
with that or no Ah?
Speaker 2 (31:27):
Yeah, I mean I think you were up there. I
think I did pretty well. You're a good looking fella. Thanks.
Speaker 1 (31:32):
Now, who do you think currently is the sexiest man
in the NBA?
Speaker 3 (31:36):
M Currently, there's the new young kid on the thunder SGA.
People love he's got like the skims deal.
Speaker 2 (31:42):
No, it's Kelly Ubra. Kelly Oubra's got great eyes. God
damn it is beautiful. He's always light skin.
Speaker 1 (31:47):
Every time they do a close up on him, I'm like, oh,
get the camera off, Get the camera off.
Speaker 2 (31:51):
I'm gonna get a boner. He's definitely not ugly.
Speaker 1 (31:54):
I gotta give you a gift. Everybody comes on the tug,
it's a gift.
Speaker 2 (31:56):
I love that. We'll do a jersey swap. I tell
you what to do. Oh no, I just oh, I
got hey. I love that. The UCF the you can't finish. Yeah,
I graduated black. Can you sign it? Yeah, I'm gonna
(32:17):
sign this for Where are you supposed to sign a jersey?
I mean, do you have it? What color is the marker? Well,
it's going to be black most like silver, ID go black?
Go here? Uh huh, I'll sign that. I'm gonna put
my shirt back on. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (32:28):
I just I took my shirt off because I wanted
to say jersey swap. Yeah, this is this is uh
what is this?
Speaker 4 (32:33):
No?
Speaker 1 (32:33):
This I don't I didn't open it. Let me tell
you something about what this gift is. My friend who
went She's gonna be furious that I'm giving this away.
Speaker 2 (32:41):
Are you regifting me? Yeah? That's all I do.
Speaker 1 (32:44):
So my friend sends this to my kid and I'm like, oh,
we already have this. She told me what it was
before it came. And then she goes, we'll just send
it back to customer service and that's what my wife
is going to do, and I'm like, I'm not doing that.
That's fucking too much work. Yeah, so I'm just gonna
give it all right. I got a nice Yeah, so
(33:06):
you know what it is. I think unless it's not that,
there could be something else in there. It's just it's
a I think it's supposed to just be like a
little thing for a girl.
Speaker 2 (33:15):
You're how old your girl? Whatever?
Speaker 1 (33:17):
She might not it's probably some of her baby dolls.
It was probably she's a doctor now though she.
Speaker 2 (33:25):
Went to UF. Really a lot of UF. Oh, it's
all my family. It's a it's like a little stroller
for her babies or something. Oh yeah, old basket stroller.
Yeah yeah, but it's got the thing that goes over.
You'll like it. Oh, it's nice, but we already have
it something. Thank you. Now you come home today, you
give her a gift and she's like, what did you? Wow?
Speaker 1 (33:46):
Thanks, She's gonna love it. Put it on the floor. Yeah,
let's talk, Fandel. Are you a gambler.
Speaker 2 (33:53):
I am a big gambler.
Speaker 1 (33:54):
I'm a huge gambler, but not huge steaks. I like
to gamble on everything, but I don't I don't put
huge wagers down. You spend real money.
Speaker 2 (34:03):
Yeah. Why, I just I love it. It's like it's
my it's my why Yeah.
Speaker 1 (34:08):
But if you if the problem is once you bring
the numbers up, you have to keep them up.
Speaker 2 (34:12):
I know. And it's you're not over time, you're going
to lose. Yeah, I don't.
Speaker 1 (34:16):
I can easily if I bet a thousand dollars. I'm
just I'm I'm terrified of the loss.
Speaker 3 (34:21):
Do you watch it and sweat it out or yes,
oh see, I'll put I'll put a lot more than that,
and I will even know it.
Speaker 2 (34:27):
I will. I want to know that. It's a sickness.
You know. My favorite bet in the NBA is the
first of fifteen. You liked that, but I love it.
Speaker 3 (34:33):
I have see I'm not. I don't like this parlays.
I don't like those kinds. I don't even like prop bets.
I like, I like a teaser for like an NFL.
Speaker 1 (34:40):
NBA bets are stupid because who can cover twelve points?
Speaker 2 (34:43):
It's so hard to bet NBA.
Speaker 1 (34:44):
I am still furious at Klay Thompson for what he
did in Memphis. Is maybe two years ago. I had it.
It was a five game parlay. Golden State was my
final one they had to cover, and he gets fouled
with no time left on the clock, and all he
has to do is hit one to cover.
Speaker 2 (35:04):
He missed both.
Speaker 1 (35:05):
It's and I was like, well, Clayn, dude, it's it's hard.
I'm not saying that I wished horrible things that day,
but what fuck yeah I was.
Speaker 2 (35:14):
I couldn't am that.
Speaker 3 (35:15):
What's funny is when you're playing too, like I I
never you don't know that. When you're playing, it's not
like Clay Thompson has any clue of this. Then you
watch these bad beats and it's fun. It's crazy, man.
Speaker 1 (35:24):
Like my favorite NFL bet is over under two people
throwing a pass in a game like a.
Speaker 2 (35:33):
Like a backup or something like a right backup or
later that into a throw. I love it.
Speaker 3 (35:37):
Yeah, gosh, you go, you go deep, you go, you
get weird on the bets.
Speaker 2 (35:42):
You don't just do a good old fashioned spread or
money life.
Speaker 1 (35:45):
I do all those you do. Yeah, I do everything,
but I don't like I do small wagers. I have
been coin talk.
Speaker 2 (35:50):
You do you bet? And how long? The National Anthemist, No,
that's not a real bet. It used to be. How
about this about the streaker? Did you see this in Superable? Huh?
Speaker 3 (35:58):
The fucking guy bet like three hundred grand that there'd
be a streaker during the Super Bowl, and then he
streaked and paid five k they got to get out, and.
Speaker 2 (36:06):
Then he ended up netting crazy money.
Speaker 1 (36:08):
Na, I call bullshit on that whole story. You do
a show on a fan duel hosted by Michelle Beatle.
Speaker 2 (36:17):
Yeah, I love her too. She's fantastic, she's really funny.
Did she get canned by laugh?
Speaker 3 (36:23):
I think it's one of those things you can't fire
me because I quit.
Speaker 2 (36:26):
Uh huh, you know what I mean. But she's good,
she's awesome.
Speaker 3 (36:28):
She is she is hilarious, she knows her ship, she's vulgar,
she's one of the boys.
Speaker 2 (36:33):
She's San Antonio. Isn't she die hard? Oh yeah? And
now all of a sudden, the Knicks fan during the playoffs.
Speaker 1 (36:39):
Eddie here is just cares so much about the Spurs.
I don't understand it. Like he's a grown man.
Speaker 2 (36:46):
I'm a grown man. I'm gonna I shouldn't even say that,
But like his his dog is named Duncan. Oh really, he.
Speaker 1 (36:52):
Has a personalized license plate that says Duncan really Duncan. Well,
you don't tell people your exact license platecking idiots, that's
your social But I'm like, at what level like these
these men that are older than the people that they idolize.
Speaker 3 (37:09):
It's so yeah, Like, like my buddy's a huge Packers
fan like like he'll it'll piss him off when they lose,
like he's losing sleep, Like he'll like, I love the Gators,
but like if they if they lose, like I'm not thrilled,
but it's like.
Speaker 2 (37:21):
It's not changing my fucking day. Uh huh.
Speaker 3 (37:23):
I know grown ask men that like, are not going
to work the next day.
Speaker 2 (37:27):
I'm a die hard heat fan.
Speaker 1 (37:29):
Really, yeah, everything, Miami, I care about everything.
Speaker 2 (37:32):
You love the big direct you, you love the whole
when Lebron went there, Yeah, yeah, oh oh, we're gonna
win a bunch of great I love the decision, right,
it's time, the pressure.
Speaker 1 (37:43):
Sure, I'm all. I'm all for the theater, the theater.
Why not I don't and none of that bothers me. Yeah,
but I'm always about the team. And as soon as
you leave, I fucking hate you immediately.
Speaker 2 (37:52):
That's fair.
Speaker 1 (37:53):
But I'll tell you something that's embarrassing about how I
can watch a game. I like to find out if
they want or lost before I watch, and then oh really,
and then if.
Speaker 2 (38:04):
I know, yeah, well I don't t vo because it's
still a thing.
Speaker 1 (38:08):
No, but but if I if I know they won,
I get very excited. And I can watch it if
they lost.
Speaker 2 (38:16):
If you know they lost, you just to go back
and watch it. What was your team? Grown up? Did
you orlanda magic? You cared about them? Oh, Shack and Penpenny.
That was good.
Speaker 3 (38:23):
What's funny is I used to fucking love Grant Hill
and he comes to Orlando and this fucking guy was
always hurt and I remember hating him, And then fast
forward my career. I go, I sign on, I'm always hurt,
and I'm like, why do these people hate me?
Speaker 2 (38:35):
And I'm like, oh, that's right.
Speaker 1 (38:36):
Because I once saw Grant Hill checking out of the
hotel in uh in South Beach, and I couldn't believe
how long he was complaining about his bill.
Speaker 2 (38:45):
I get like an extra tidy on his bill. I
was just sitting there, going, why is he whining about this?
Like just walk away? Do you check out a hotel?
I don't either.
Speaker 1 (38:53):
I saw I saw Grant Hill yelling at somebody, so
I was like, I'm gonna listen.
Speaker 2 (38:57):
We probably should because our bill is probably a little No.
I got Pete takes care of that boy pe. I
need a Pete. Oh you don't. You don't have a Pete. No,
you got to get a peat or pump probably pan double. Yeah.
Have you been back to Gainesville? Yeah, so I went
back this past year.
Speaker 3 (39:11):
I actually got inducted into the Hall of Fame. Thanks
for having those and your fucking thirty eight questions and
not that.
Speaker 2 (39:19):
Hall of fame like Hall of Fame or University of yea,
let's dive into that.
Speaker 1 (39:24):
No, congratulations, thanks man, But yeah, I went back this
last year. I go like I tried to go on,
here's what I think of. If you're there for a
football game, great, If you're not, it's a little depressing.
Oh yeah, you're like, oh no, it's not as cute
as I remember Namesville being.
Speaker 3 (39:38):
Well, now you go back and I'm old and I'm
just creepy if I'm at the ball.
Speaker 2 (39:41):
It's just it's not it's not the same it was
my last attempt. I want to know who this girl was.
We need a new job. Can I write down the
name that I think it is? Yep, No, it's not.
Well she.
Speaker 3 (40:01):
Oh God tell me there's two of them this whole time.
Speaker 2 (40:08):
Getting double Oh man, that Chandler.
Speaker 1 (40:13):
Thank you for being on the show. All the best
and uh, I'll see you around.
Speaker 2 (40:17):
Yeah, thanks to appreciate it, Pasha. Well, Carl, that backfired miserably.
Speaker 1 (40:29):
Now I want to have sex with Chandler Parsons too,
Chandler Parsons, that's just fun to do. A lot of
people are turned off by the NBA because, uh, the
players complain about fouls too much. After every single play
they're they're they're turning to the ref to complain. I
(40:50):
have a solution for this that I think everybody would enjoy.
When you complain about a foul, the ref immediately stops
the game and then they go check to see if
if you were right, and if you're wrong, the next
time out, they bring out one of your family members
(41:11):
or whoever you have watching the game in attendance. They
bring them out during the little uh halftime where they
you know, sometimes they'll have like a lady spinning plates
or doing some entertainment. Now the entertainment is we bring
out one of your your your friends or your family
members and we cut a finger off. That's gonna be
(41:31):
entertaining to watch. Sure if you're you're gonna want to
go to the games, I go, oh yeah, I hear
they sometimes cut family members' fingers off, and then it's
gonna stop people from complaining. They're gonna be like, oh shit,
I better get this right because my mom's only got
two fingers.
Speaker 2 (41:45):
Left season ticket.
Speaker 1 (41:47):
This my this is my uh, this is my fix.
I want to plug my stand up dates. But I
also want to say something. When shows are sold out,
don't go. People always just buy tickets. Second in hand,
i've heard people say, oh, you know, I spent three
hundred dollars for a ticket, and it was just okay,
fuck you, my comedy's not worth three hundred dollars. Okay,
(42:12):
you'll you buy them right when they come out. Oh
the tickets are fifty nine dollars or something. I can
give you an amazing night for fifty nine dollars three
hundred dollars. No, that's not that's not the lane I'm in.
That's your fault. There's a formula for my comedy. That's why.
That's why this works. Right now, listening to Carl and
(42:33):
I is entertaining. Why because you've spent zero dollars. If
this was three hundred dollars, you'd be like, you fucking
better make that dog dance or something. All right, So anyway,
buy tickets to the ones that aren't sold out like
I'm sure Louisville's got tons left Indianapolis. There's a second
(42:56):
show there, So come see me in Vegas. You get
it all right, don't forget the goat. Every Thursday a
new episode drops boyswurpink dot com. Nothing cuter than seeing
a toddler in pink, I've always said, Speaking of toddlers,
another one of my son's riveting bedtime stories, We'll see
(43:18):
you next week, went upon a.
Speaker 4 (43:20):
Time and a lamp in a two little tottlet chip
twenty And they know't how the drum, but only sin.
They didn't know how but the fwim. So one day
they they got they put their babies, they went outside.
(43:41):
They don't under the tred and they won't have a swim.
And then the two d and it was so signed.
So one day the old wheosen the ohos, oh whioso
wheos and end when the orio sang, it tepted and
(44:05):
louder and louder and wilder until it got super wilder,
until there's a monster come in the end
What about playing when you're back in Houston playing with
an old ball hog?
Speaker 2 (00:04):
Was that fun? James Harden? I love playing with James Huh,
he was great. I got nothing about it. Yeah, I
just wanted to call the.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
Ball Pasha pshah.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
Tosh show show.
Speaker 1 (00:23):
Hello everyone, it's me Daniel Tosh. Where are my dogs at? Guys,
you wouldn't know it just by looking at me. But
I'm less than twenty four hours away from having my
first colonoscoby, and I'm going to give you all the
(00:48):
information once I go through the procedure. But let me
tell you what I've learned so far. A colonoscoby is
one of the few, you know, cancer screening things that's preventative. Nowadays,
you can just like poop in an envelope and mail
it to them, but that doesn't do what this does.
(01:08):
If you actually go in and get the full colon osby,
they will see is it polyps? Yes, and they will
remove them on the spot, which can turn in too
bad stuff down the road. I'm forty eight years old
and my doctor said, I think it's time for you
to do this. It used to be forty. But they're like,
if you don't have any history colon cancer in your family,
(01:31):
you probably can wait a little bit longer. And then
I asked my mom. I was like, she's like, well,
you know, your grandma died of colon cancer. And I'm like, Mom,
you should have told me that. And she's like, well,
she was ninety nine, and she's like she had to
die from something, so it makes so, yeah, colon cancer
is what got her. So I'm going tomorrow, and you know,
(01:51):
fingers crossed. Things are good now. Today. As you know
or may not know, I'm fasting. I can only drink
clear your liquids, so yeah, and then I have to
take some laxatives and some other stuff. That's that's gonna
be that I'm gonna mix with the drinks and it's
gonna be awful. And I'm just gonna flush out my
colon until two am, when I need to be pooping
(02:17):
pure clean water that you can drink. That's what I'm told.
By two am, you should be able to drink from
my sphincter. Anyway, yesterday was the last day that I
was able to eat.
Speaker 2 (02:32):
So where do you think I went for my final meal?
Like a good Italian meal, A good.
Speaker 1 (02:39):
Italian that oh, that would have been my second choice.
I went to a Dodger game. Yeah, just fueled up
on everything. Nothing cleans out my colon, like seven plus
innings at Chavez Ravine.
Speaker 2 (02:55):
But today today it's Chandler Parsonds. Chandler Parsons.
Speaker 1 (03:05):
So I do research for our guests before we come on,
and I'm I was researching him. And if you research
Chandler Parsons, you know a former NBA player, uh got
into a bad car accident. You'll find out all about it.
But anyway, the questions on there, like the first thing
come like where did he play college? Where did he
play in the NBA? Then the third thing, why did
(03:26):
Chandler lose his job? And I'm like, what what is
this about? Oh he quit on Christmas so that he
could be home with Monica, And I'm like, oh, Google
just switches to Chandler from friends, and I'm like, these
questions don't help me at all. I'm actually normally when
people are on this show, I have one goal. I
(03:48):
want people at home to know why I find them interesting,
because usually they're they're they're they're pretty funny people, they're
they're good at what they do.
Speaker 2 (03:59):
And I just and I'm fascinating.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
But today, today I'm going to take probably a different
approach because this is someone that I don't want to
come across in a positive way because my wife finds
him very attractive, and I know there's nothing I could
do about it. Like if he's like, you know what,
I want your wife, I'd be like, oh shit, I
(04:24):
guess she's yours.
Speaker 2 (04:25):
Now I don't because she.
Speaker 1 (04:26):
Already likes you, and there's nothing I can do to
him physically, you know, Chandler, Like, he's so much bigger
than you realize. You think, oh, you were just a
six six guy in the NBA, but then you're like,
oh you were six eight, and then you touch him
and you're like, oh you're You're pretty solid. It's not good.
Hopefully he's not interested. He's happily married with children, so
(04:49):
he probably has no interest in my wife. But what
if he's like, you know what, I'm just gonna do
it because I can, and he takes my wife from me.
Speaker 2 (04:58):
Enjoy Pasha.
Speaker 1 (05:05):
Today in the studio, we have a tall, handsome, rich, athletic,
absolute stud of a man with a twelve inch long
who has banged hundreds of women. We also have my
guest former NBA player and TV commentator Chandler Parks.
Speaker 2 (05:21):
I take that that was better than I expected. Well done.
Let me tell you something about that intro.
Speaker 1 (05:27):
Last night, I'm writing down what I'm going to say,
and I call my wife over and I say hey,
which is funnier implying that I've banged hundreds of women
or that I have a smoking hot wife, And she
goes banging hundreds of women?
Speaker 2 (05:42):
Wow? And then she walked away married the right You
married the right one, Chandler. Do you believe in ghosts? Now? Okay?
I do? To you me? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (05:51):
Oh yes, big into ghosts, love shows about ghosts.
Speaker 2 (05:58):
Really no if I can do any of that stuff.
Speaker 3 (06:01):
You're from Florida, born and raised in Orlando, Florida. Are
Orlando but not I'm from I say Orlando. I was
born in winter Park. That also sounds fast it is.
I grew up in Castlebury, which is a real white trash.
Speaker 1 (06:15):
I'm from Titusville, so whoa yeah, yeah, see, I grew
up in Castlebury.
Speaker 2 (06:19):
I went to Lake Howe High School.
Speaker 3 (06:20):
It's like the not nice part of winter Park, the
Seminole County, not Orange. Your parents still together, Yeah, they're
still in Florida. They're still in Florida where they moved
to Winter Springs.
Speaker 2 (06:30):
I got them up out of the hood when I
got my big deal, So you paid for it.
Speaker 1 (06:35):
Yeah, I got my parents out of Titusville, send them
down to merrit Island beautiful.
Speaker 2 (06:38):
Uh huh. Do you go back a lot?
Speaker 3 (06:40):
No, we actually did a think we have two kids now, huh,
and we would alternate Christmases and now I have a
daughter that's two and a half in the sum of
six months, and last year was the first year we
were like hey, like it was like a serious conversation,
like I don't know how to like We're going to
do Christmas here in La from now and like when
they're like, oh, this year, and I was.
Speaker 2 (06:56):
Like no, like forever now.
Speaker 3 (06:58):
So now like besides like literally like a wedding or
a funeral, I won't go back then.
Speaker 1 (07:02):
Isn't it nice to be from Florida and hit it
big and then never go back.
Speaker 2 (07:10):
Yeah, that shop sailed. I'm out of there.
Speaker 1 (07:13):
I have to go back constantly, mainly because I use
it as a tax shelter.
Speaker 2 (07:17):
Yeah, how about you. I used to do that. So
when I played.
Speaker 3 (07:21):
When I played, I claim because I bought my parents
a house and I claimed residency there. A couple of
loopholes had the cellphone bill sent there, so I used
to always do that. And then I lived in California,
like my third year in the NBA California to get
their money, and my last year and my big deal,
they made me pay taxes in California, and it was that's.
Speaker 2 (07:40):
A that's a big hit. Yeah, that was devastating. What's
your actual height? For real?
Speaker 3 (07:44):
So all NBA players sly, I'm probably six eight and
a half. But then come combine, come tube, socks, ankles taped.
I was measured at six ' ten, which is kind
of bullshit.
Speaker 2 (07:55):
I'm six four. What would I be listed at in
the year six four?
Speaker 3 (07:59):
You would definitely be like a six seven shooting guard.
Speaker 2 (08:01):
Oh yeah, I can't shoot, though.
Speaker 3 (08:03):
If you're white in the NBA, you gotta be able
to shoot. That's all we got it. That's all we got.
Speaker 1 (08:08):
I could jump, really, I could always jump, even back
in like high school, like two solid jumps, Like all right,
that's it for the day.
Speaker 2 (08:15):
It would fit today's load management. That's all you gotta do.
Speaker 1 (08:17):
We do that here on this podcast. Some interviews I'm hysterical.
Some interviews load management. Yeah, fucking take your day. You
went to the University of Florida. Now you went there
the year after they had won back to back national
champions and then you brought the program.
Speaker 3 (08:35):
Screeching halt NIT Tournament.
Speaker 1 (08:39):
Yeah, congratulations, Square Garden Bright Lights. I've never watched one
minute of an NIT Tournament game, have.
Speaker 2 (08:47):
You, Eddy, Yeah, you do watch them, it's on.
Speaker 1 (08:51):
I can't watch it. Every time it's on. I'm like, oh,
oh shit, this isn't the tournament.
Speaker 3 (08:57):
It's not dope, especially going from me, especially going from
back to back.
Speaker 2 (09:01):
We also had the number one recruiting class.
Speaker 3 (09:03):
So like we're in high school and I'm watching Billy
d and Joe keeping these guys and they're on top
of the world. We go in there with all these
high expectations thinking we could just do what they did.
Speaker 2 (09:11):
And we we sucked. We weren't good.
Speaker 3 (09:14):
Billy literally kicked us out of the practice facility. There
was a time where he wouldn't let us wear anything
with a Gator logo on it. So I would practice
and like we was like at a high school gym,
like beu Holtz High School in Gainesville. We would literally
practice there because he wouldn't let us practice in the facility.
He wouldn't let us wear gator like warm ups and
jumpsuits around campus.
Speaker 2 (09:33):
Seem that might have affected your psyche. It was. Yeah,
it was took a toll, but it was, dude, it was.
It was a rough time.
Speaker 1 (09:39):
You were there during Tim Tebow. How much overlap three years?
Do you ever attend any Tim Tebow prayer circles while
you were there?
Speaker 2 (09:45):
No, didn't do that.
Speaker 1 (09:46):
What about a hate speech event from Riley Cooper?
Speaker 2 (09:48):
Definitely? Was there real real mixed bag on that football team?
How about that?
Speaker 3 (09:52):
And by the the whole swamp King's documentary like it was,
it was pretty good, but they left out like ninety
percent of the juicy, like the juicy shit on.
Speaker 1 (10:00):
Imagine, how many chicks do you think Tim Tebow banged
while claiming to be a virgin at Florida?
Speaker 2 (10:06):
You know what, banged zero And that's apparently the truth.
Now the other stuff lost interest. I think you got
six blowjobs?
Speaker 1 (10:16):
Okay, Well, speaking of blowjobs, my wife overlapped with you
at Florida. Oh boy, she was on Riker Hall and
there was there was a girl apparently famous for just
dole in those bjs and just down the hall from her,
And she said, oh, weekly, I mean I don't. I
(10:36):
don't want to drop names like Joe Kim Novah's there
every week, sometimes twice a week, depending on if they're stressful.
She would just say it was just nonsense. Now she
won't tell me your name.
Speaker 2 (10:45):
Hold on, let me let me just see if she'll answer.
Speaker 1 (10:48):
She said, she I can't tell your name, you'll say
it on ear. And she's like a super Christian.
Speaker 2 (10:52):
Now are you calling your wife? Yeah, we'll see if
she'll answer.
Speaker 1 (10:56):
Oh gosh, you know you do when they don't answer
you FaceTime call because that ring is different.
Speaker 2 (11:08):
Maybe it's a service thing. No, it just rings to
it rings louder even when it's silent.
Speaker 3 (11:14):
See, I think it's an emergency and we're just trying
to figure out who sucked everyone's dick.
Speaker 2 (11:18):
Florida.
Speaker 3 (11:21):
I think something is majorly Wrott, like who is the
jack that blue joking?
Speaker 2 (11:24):
Nine? Three? What time is that?
Speaker 1 (11:26):
I'll try I'll try it, I'll get back, we'll circle back.
We will definitely circle back to that. Were you a
maniac in college.
Speaker 3 (11:33):
Complete maniac, I probably would have been a higher draft
pick after my junior year. But I just loved college
and I went back for my senior year and I
just I loved it too, Like I love Florida. I
loved going to other you know, sports events.
Speaker 2 (11:47):
Were you a fan of Urban Meyer? Loved Urban Meyer?
Still talk to him to this day. I like him too.
He's great.
Speaker 1 (11:52):
I did a show when he was coaching at Ohio State. Yeah,
he comes to the show, ask if he can meet me,
comes backstage. It's weird to see an older man and
I don't know how old he is, but have an
older than him entourage. Yeah, like these weird booster dudes
just all hanging out with him.
Speaker 2 (12:12):
And he couldn't have been sweeter to me.
Speaker 1 (12:14):
I told my wife that she went there when he
won his back to back and he was all talking
about everything. And then she goes, oh, he used to
take plot or cycling or something from your wife. Taught
a class in games, the workout class. He calls miss
you know all these stupid Southern coaches call their wives
Miss Cowarley or whatever, and Miss Shelley calls, gets her
(12:35):
on speaker him here, she took your class.
Speaker 2 (12:37):
I'm like, this guy could have been nicer. Yes, oh
what a good guy he was.
Speaker 3 (12:41):
And they were on top of the world, right, and
he was winning the championships. So every year he would
do this thing where he took one athlete from each
sport mm hmmm and did.
Speaker 2 (12:48):
Because of t boat like a retreat and like his
lake house. Uh huh.
Speaker 3 (12:52):
Every year he would pick me from the basketball team
and like I didn't know him yet, but like we
hadn't hung out. Now we like hang out in the
golf course and like a whole nother different dynamic. But
he would take us to his lake houst and I
think they do like an hour of like you know,
Bible study, but then for the other you know, twenty
three hours we were just hanging playing games, right, like
getting you know, so yeah, through the Bible study, but yeah, basically,
(13:14):
And he would always do that and he always like
showed him people love and so I had always been
close with him and now retiring and he's a big
golf from a big golf WU just played the tournament
in Orlando like six months ago, and he's he's awesome.
Speaker 2 (13:27):
He's always been cool as fun.
Speaker 3 (13:28):
What was that tournament he just won the justin Timberlake
eight am classic.
Speaker 2 (13:31):
That was in Vegas.
Speaker 1 (13:32):
Did you ask him about about uh playing the guitar
while Brittany was having a miscarriacter?
Speaker 3 (13:38):
Yeah, yeah, I brought it up. Yeah, that was next
to the first thing. I. Oh, you played golf at all?
Or No, I grew up playing golf. I don't play.
Speaker 2 (13:49):
We got to get you out there. No, I don't
like you. It's too much time. That's why it's awesome.
From everything.
Speaker 1 (13:54):
No, I'd rather be home. Yeah, I'm like one of
these people.
Speaker 2 (13:56):
You're a better father than I. You know what? Gun
my head? I bet I am. But here's the thing.
Speaker 1 (14:05):
I probably do what you're supposed to do in a
marriage fifty percent of the work. But I feel like
at fifty percent, there should be a statue in my honor.
Oh for sure, because I'm like I'm always just like,
look at.
Speaker 2 (14:20):
What I've done.
Speaker 3 (14:21):
Oh I do ten and there is a statue, there
is this.
Speaker 2 (14:25):
Yeah you got Yeah, you're not doing it right?
Speaker 1 (14:27):
All right, So you got married. I'll talk about wives
for a second. Yeah, who has a hotter wife? You
or Al Horford?
Speaker 3 (14:33):
Ooh, I think my wife is a total babe.
Speaker 2 (14:36):
Sure. Al Horford's wife is also a total babe, and
I guess it's a preference, all right.
Speaker 1 (14:42):
I want people to start looking up Al Horford's way.
You're not gonna You're not gonna stop there.
Speaker 2 (14:50):
Your wife is a twin.
Speaker 3 (14:52):
Yeah, so yeah, she's got an identical twin.
Speaker 1 (14:55):
I may have told this story once before, but doesn't
matter if I have. In Titusville, when I was on
Squire's Drive, I lived across the street from a kid.
He was younger than me, and his mom and dad
seemed happy enough. His mom dies, and this is like
when I'm a kid, but I was old enough to
remember this. I was probably twelve or thirteen. She was
(15:17):
a twin. Six months later, he remarries with her sister. Yeah,
and like the kids, the kids were much younger than
me at the time, probably between like five and eight
or nine.
Speaker 2 (15:30):
And it was almost like just life just went on,
just kept it moving. I mean, that was weird. My daughter,
uh huh, she knows the difference in mom. It's good.
Speaker 3 (15:41):
But yeah, I think if there was a situation where
we need to buy a little switch arooo, I think
I don't think they'd miss a beat.
Speaker 2 (15:46):
There's some DNA thing where she's more my daughter's mom
than my.
Speaker 3 (15:50):
Brother is my daughter's dad because of the whole twin thing.
Speaker 1 (15:53):
Does your wife does she like get on you about?
Speaker 2 (15:57):
Never? She's she's the coolest ses.
Speaker 3 (15:59):
I swear That's why I initially like fell in love
with she was she was never like a jealous type.
Speaker 2 (16:03):
Never.
Speaker 3 (16:03):
When I first met her, I was reckless, I was despicable.
She knew everything about me. I was like, first go
I'd never had to lie to It was like it was,
I don't know, it's felt good to be honest. And
finally like it was so it was like kind of
like an open thing. Like the first couple of months,
I would go out, I would not call her. I
call her next day, I tell her what happened. She'd
make fun of me, she'd call me gross, and then
I'd like, you know, I would just.
Speaker 2 (16:23):
Started off like that super friends casual.
Speaker 3 (16:26):
And then it got to that point where I could
see it was like affecting her, And it got to
the point where like I was like I could see
I'm hurting her, and I was, you know, getting real
feelings for her. And then it's got some point where
I just didn't want to do that anymore and wanted
to be committed to her.
Speaker 2 (16:38):
Speaking, which I could call my wife again. So she
not called back.
Speaker 1 (16:42):
Oh she's called back twice. Let me see she'll pick
up this time.
Speaker 2 (16:55):
How much that watch cost? Fuck? What do you think
she's doing? Sleeping with Pierre? God? Damn Pierre? How How
rock solid is your prenups? That's long? You know, it's crazy?
Speaker 3 (17:19):
Her her family, they have a huge trash company in
California called Harrison Trash Taley Harrison. So they kind of
brought the prenup to me. I was like, Oh, this
is fucking beautiful. So her inheritance separate my contracts, separate
everything we do since we're married.
Speaker 1 (17:36):
Do people have to pass away for her to get
her bag? Or is this like tricking that there's a
couple of bite the dust here? But do you get
along with your in laws?
Speaker 4 (17:46):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (17:47):
They're they're great.
Speaker 3 (17:48):
They're you know, big sports fans, love like the Dodgers,
love Dad, loves like cars and basket like.
Speaker 2 (17:53):
He's super easy to get along with. Does your size
intimidate them? Yeah a little bit. I told your wife
five eight, she's tall too.
Speaker 3 (18:00):
Yeah, our kids are gonna be monsters or they might
not be.
Speaker 2 (18:04):
No, but see a kid and they'll be like, how
is your daughter? Like four? And I'm like, she's one,
Like it's almost weird, it's uncomfortable. Oh man, But there weren't.
Speaker 3 (18:11):
They were like nine nine pounds, like twenty three inches,
Like they weren't like crazy.
Speaker 2 (18:16):
I have a brother, Chase. He was like twelve pound baby.
He was insane. How tall is your brother? So I
have three. I'm the tallest. They're like six four, sixty five,
and sixty seven. They're all big.
Speaker 1 (18:24):
If you guys went in a fight against the the
what is it the Djokitch brothers, Well there's.
Speaker 2 (18:30):
Only two, well three of them three? You think you
could take them with the four?
Speaker 3 (18:33):
I got one brother, Chris. He's a little he's he's
a slippery fella.
Speaker 2 (18:37):
I think.
Speaker 1 (18:38):
Team sports. I've never gotten into playing them. I've always
enjoyed watching them. You seem like a well educated person.
How many times can you listen to a coach and
give two shits what they're saying?
Speaker 2 (18:53):
It's tough.
Speaker 1 (18:54):
I mean, how many speeches can you how many adjustments
can be made before you're like, I get it.
Speaker 2 (19:00):
We need to score more points. Yeah, Like that's what's tough,
especially now in the NBA too, it.
Speaker 3 (19:04):
Coaches they get fired all the time, and it's like
they're not the fucking ones missing the shots. They're not
the ones getting blown by on defense. We know what
we're supposed to do. I think coaches now, especially in
the NBA, it's all it's all managing egos, it's all
substitutions and rotations.
Speaker 2 (19:17):
It's I think it's the worst shot.
Speaker 3 (19:19):
I would never I'd much rather this side of it,
where media and I can talk shit about them doing
what they're doing wrong.
Speaker 1 (19:25):
Okay, you were the thirty eighth pick of the twenty
eleven NBA draft of the Houston Rockets. Did you know
that your points per game average ranks you twelfth from
that class at twelve point seven, assist rank eleventh at
two point seven, rebounds thirteenth at four point five, you
are number nine, and the plus minus at one point one.
I only bring it up to remind Houston they got
a first round or in the second round. Yeah, and
(19:47):
also to show how much I love analytics.
Speaker 2 (19:49):
Yeah. I love that. Sounds like I should have been
a much higher pick.
Speaker 1 (19:52):
What about playing when you're back in Houston playing with
old ball Hog?
Speaker 2 (19:56):
Was that fun? James Harden playing with James. Huh, he
was great.
Speaker 1 (20:01):
I got nothing about it. Yeah, I just wanted to
call the ball is Michael Jordan Anthony Edward's father?
Speaker 2 (20:11):
I see this. There was rumors that Jimmy Butler was
sucking his son a couple of years ago. Nah, I
don't think so.
Speaker 1 (20:16):
You made more than Michael Jordan in the NBA. Do
you ever bring that up to people?
Speaker 2 (20:20):
Nah, but that's awesome. I didn't. I didn't off the
court though.
Speaker 1 (20:24):
Do you feel that playing in the NBA is appropriating
black culture?
Speaker 2 (20:27):
Yeah? You know, I will talk.
Speaker 3 (20:29):
About It's funny because the whole race thing. Obviously, I'm
a minority in the NBA. And you'll even see it
where they'll be like I would dunk in a game
and the announcer would be like, holy shit, like deceptively
athletic from Parsons, And then like Kevin Durant would do
the same thing and they'd be like, wow, look at
the length on him, and I'm like, the fuck, I
just did the same thing.
Speaker 2 (20:47):
Why am I deceptive? You're deceptive? Yeah? That just comes
with it. But now there's so many Europeans, Yeah that
doesn't count. Do you count?
Speaker 3 (20:54):
Like like when people talking about White, and I'm like, I
can't claim like, we can't claim Dirk.
Speaker 2 (20:57):
We don't get yo, get you, we get like JJ
Reddick right, like he's.
Speaker 1 (21:01):
Ours the real Honkys. Yeah, you played for Mark Cuban.
Did you ever try to get on a shark tank
and pitch him any ideas?
Speaker 3 (21:09):
You know what during COVID I was going to now
after my career, I was going to go and be
like the celeb one, you know, like they think a
fifth one over And it never happened because of COVID ever.
Speaker 2 (21:17):
But he's every investment I've ever done.
Speaker 3 (21:19):
Since I've stopped playing for him, I shoot him an
email and within twenty minutes he'll respond, ask these questions.
Speaker 2 (21:25):
He's fantastic when it comes to that shit. He really is.
He's been a nice.
Speaker 3 (21:29):
N ninety percent of time. When he says I'll pass
tough market or whatever, I'll pass. And if I've invested
in fifteen things, fourteen of them, fifteen of them, he said,
good idea, do it.
Speaker 2 (21:40):
He's he's great when it comes to that. Would you
consider yourself were you injury prone or no? I was
never hurt my entire life.
Speaker 3 (21:47):
My third year in the NBA fell chip cartilage of
my knee, and from then it was just fucking chaos.
I had seven surgeries in nine years, like but it
was all stem from that one microfracture surgery, which not
many people came back from the beginning. But once that happened,
I was never the same.
Speaker 1 (22:04):
If it happened today, is the surgery already that much
better now?
Speaker 3 (22:07):
It is Like Patrick Beverley, he had the same surgery
like three or four years ago, He's still playing. Basically,
there's a huge there's a hole I have, like a
hole my knee, and they try and fill it and
drill in it and put a bunch and it just
it doesn't it doesn't work. Like I'm thirty five. I
need ney replacement already. Double Are you going to do that?
They say you got to wake because I guess if
you can't get too Because like so, if I need
(22:27):
another one in thirty years, if I somehow make it
thirty more years.
Speaker 2 (22:30):
Huh, you don't plan to make it for thirty more years.
It's a long time. I'm on a slippery slope.
Speaker 1 (22:35):
By the way, in Memphis, while you were in Memphis,
did you did you worry that like every time you
ate barbecue that somebody's gonna shit in your food.
Speaker 2 (22:42):
Or get shot. That's correct. Memphis is a fun down. No,
it's it's the best. The place sucks.
Speaker 3 (22:49):
Oh. I was the most money I ever made, and
it was the most miserable I ever was for How
long were you there?
Speaker 2 (22:54):
Three years? Three years in Memphis? Like the whole city
smells like barbecue sauce. It's fucking danger. There's nothing to
do at night.
Speaker 1 (23:02):
I would talk about you drive down to Tunica, Yeah,
to the casino.
Speaker 2 (23:06):
Yeah, dude. I would drive to Nashville. I skipped. I
go straight to Nashville. Nashville is nice, yeah, but it
was not for me.
Speaker 1 (23:13):
People always, you know, the normal people in the world
feel no sympathy for you. But I think that travel.
I can't even wrap my head around what you guys do.
The travel is not bad.
Speaker 2 (23:24):
It's because you're young.
Speaker 1 (23:25):
But when do you think about think about Popovich doing
that travel?
Speaker 3 (23:28):
Yeah, but you're I mean you're tired. But like you're
flying private, you're staying at private car private? What kind
of private seven forty seven? Big private play?
Speaker 2 (23:37):
Can you can?
Speaker 3 (23:38):
Everybody have their own bed like a lay flat, and
then there's like poker tables and stuff, and then you
check into the hotel.
Speaker 2 (23:44):
No, you go and your key, they give you your key.
Speaker 1 (23:46):
Course, I know, I know, but you but you have
to go. And you're doing it at night right.
Speaker 3 (23:50):
Usually like yeah, after a game, if it's a back
to back, it sucks. You're getting in at one two
am and you're playing at seven pm the next night.
Speaker 2 (23:57):
You're tired.
Speaker 3 (23:58):
But again, at the end of the day, you sleep
and they're you're not paying for anything. There's trainers and
messuses and everything there.
Speaker 2 (24:04):
You're talking to the people here and make on their side.
I'm not.
Speaker 1 (24:07):
I'm like, Nope, wouldn't do it. I mean, Mett, I
love playing basketball. Uh do I want to play twice
a week?
Speaker 2 (24:15):
Fuck no. But that's the worst part.
Speaker 3 (24:18):
Now that I'm retired and now when I travel and
find my family, I'm like, damn, this isn't free.
Speaker 2 (24:21):
I gotta pay for this ship. I gotta And that's
that sucks. Yeah, that's why you mess up.
Speaker 1 (24:25):
See, Like as a comic, I get to still be like, oh,
guess what we're going to do a show here? Yeah,
and it's like, now I'm going to offset this whole expense. Yeah, Atlanta,
You're there how long before the accident happened three months
by the way, Who was the driver and I didn't
I didn't.
Speaker 2 (24:41):
Catch his name. It was a man, it was It was.
Speaker 3 (24:43):
Basically this fifty six show guy I lived at home. Third,
d U I third? Do you complete junkie?
Speaker 2 (24:48):
Well, I mean usually after three if you figure things out.
How's he doing? I think he's in the slammer?
Speaker 4 (24:55):
Is he?
Speaker 2 (24:55):
I mean? Fuck, he should be, Well, of course he
should be. Yeah, you don't know. I haven't checked in
of them.
Speaker 1 (25:00):
You've never you've never had like the like I'm gonna
sit down with him and forgive this now.
Speaker 3 (25:03):
We I had like this whole lawsuit thing, and there
was this whole thing where I basically had to choose
whether I was going to play or make a lot
of money from the insurance company.
Speaker 2 (25:11):
And so I went to this whole thing. He had insurance,
He had no fucking insurance. Well what insurance companies? You suit?
My own your own insurance? You suit them? Yeah? Are
you still with them as a company? You are? Yeah?
I mean they have billions of art. I didn't get
that much for the Yeah, they kept me around. You
you signed with this is this is fascinating to me.
Speaker 1 (25:28):
Uh, your lawyers were Morgan and Morgan. They're Florida guys
and they even went to UF.
Speaker 3 (25:34):
And the father, John Morgan, went to high school with
my parents.
Speaker 2 (25:37):
Okay, I went to Park High School. I didn't know
they were anything.
Speaker 1 (25:40):
I just thought they were ambulance chasers when I was
a kid growing up, because I'd see their commercials and I.
Speaker 3 (25:44):
Think that's what they started as. And they do all
the corny commercials for the people. But now they're just
now they're now, they're here, now, they're everywhere, right, and
they're like worth multiple billions.
Speaker 2 (25:55):
It's crazy. That's my first call, all right.
Speaker 3 (26:00):
And speaking of ambulance chasers, then, I actually during my case,
I literally did a commercial for them, which is pathetic.
I had like I was, so they took me golfing
first in Orlando. I get wasted. My hair was like
blonde from Cojella and I did a commercial for Morgan Morgan.
I need you to look it up. Uhh, to cut
my like to save money on my fees. So I
(26:20):
now was like a mascot from Morgan and Morgan.
Speaker 1 (26:23):
Now you can't tell us the amount, but who made
you more? Morgan Morgan or Memphis.
Speaker 3 (26:30):
Memphis because it was for three, it was it was
all right, Yeah.
Speaker 2 (26:34):
Well I didn't I didn't know what kind of number
they were thrown around.
Speaker 1 (26:36):
I mean, like I'm sure Morgan and Morgan were saying
this guy was going to be the next you know,
Michael Jordan had he just had a few more years.
Speaker 2 (26:43):
In the league. Yeah you could.
Speaker 1 (26:44):
Yeah, how long was your actual physical recovery.
Speaker 2 (26:48):
From the accident? Six months to like a year?
Speaker 3 (26:51):
But like it's scared when you're fucking when you're deal
with the brain, Like I would literally like that'd be
scenarios where I would like forget shit and I would
like say the wrong thing. I would stutter and I'm like,
like that that actually has happened, that wasn't happening before.
Speaker 2 (27:02):
Are you fully recovered? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (27:04):
I think So what car were you driving? It's tacky
to say Rolls Royce.
Speaker 2 (27:10):
Are they good in accidents? I mean things a god
damn cruise ship. Yeah, I mean that's I guess that's
the good thing.
Speaker 3 (27:16):
Yeah, they cut the ambulance said that if I was
in a smaller car or something like, I would.
Speaker 2 (27:20):
Have been So you're telling me that buying a Rolls Royce.
Speaker 1 (27:22):
Safe saved your life, dude, life saver. Ah, that's that's
that should be your sponsor.
Speaker 2 (27:29):
Right instead of Morgan? For the people, I mean, how
many more years did you really have three tops?
Speaker 1 (27:36):
Because my knees, my knees are your knees were your
knees aren't because of the accident.
Speaker 2 (27:40):
No, I've been They didn't bring Morgan, and Morgan didn't
bring that up. Defense did it was a strong defense.
We screaming.
Speaker 3 (27:49):
By the way, it's very humbling. You're just sitting in
this like fucking meeting, and this one your lawyers are
telling basically like your brain is fried. The other one's saying,
how you suck at basketball?
Speaker 2 (27:59):
You're done? Anyway? Like what the fuck did I do?
I get hit by a drug try? Or why have
I just getting shit on here left and right?
Speaker 1 (28:04):
Okay, So now in a healthy space, are you one
of these people like I wouldn't I wouldn't have it
any other way?
Speaker 2 (28:11):
Or would you rather that not have happened?
Speaker 3 (28:13):
No, I wish I would not have happened because I
was healthy and I was planning on playing. I was
about to be a free agent because my contract was
up to so I was Gonna. I was thirty one
years old, so I'd know I'd rather be playing back.
Speaker 1 (28:23):
Okay, so you didn't make enough money to be like, no,
it's worth it to go out there.
Speaker 2 (28:26):
No, I did, but I was still rather not go
through that. I know I will see.
Speaker 1 (28:30):
Like you know, my contract over at Comedy Central was
potentially terminated wrongfully with like five years left on it
when the pandemic happened, And now looking back on the situation,
I wouldn't have it any other way. Yeah, I would
much rather get paid and not work.
Speaker 3 (28:49):
Yeah, That's what I did for three years of Memphis,
which is why I'm like ben Laden in that town.
Speaker 2 (28:54):
I can't go back there.
Speaker 1 (28:55):
Right, But you're saying that you you would rather play
basketball than get hay to not pay play basketball.
Speaker 3 (29:01):
I end up doing fucking commercials for them instead of
playing back.
Speaker 1 (29:04):
But that's because you had a head injury, as because
I should be able to sue them a little bit.
Speaker 3 (29:07):
They should they played me. They'so an advantage they could.
It's an advantage of a concussed kid.
Speaker 1 (29:12):
How many times are you wearing a pair of shoes
in the NBA?
Speaker 2 (29:17):
Are they brand new? No? Not branded? They're always broken in.
Speaker 3 (29:20):
You change your shoes like once a week. Once a week, Yeah,
you always you kind of give them in and out.
You want to have a little wear and tear on them.
But then once they kind of give a little bit,
you'd switch them out.
Speaker 2 (29:28):
What if you're on the bench, What if you don't play,
you still think there's got a lot they got a
lot more life.
Speaker 3 (29:32):
Then okay, yeah, but you're still practicing with them, you're
still shoot around. Then if you're not playing, that means
you're actually practicing. I'm working harder than the guys that
are actually playing. So it's it's you still got to
change them out.
Speaker 2 (29:41):
Who was your shoe sponsor?
Speaker 3 (29:43):
I was all over, I was Nike, and then I
was a Didas, Then I went Chinese?
Speaker 2 (29:46):
Are you still Chinese? No? No? Do you have a
shoe sponsor? Still?
Speaker 4 (29:50):
No?
Speaker 2 (29:51):
You ever?
Speaker 1 (29:51):
Have you ever old sneakers from from like the eighties
ninth they're so heavy, they're awful.
Speaker 2 (29:57):
I can't imagine when do.
Speaker 3 (29:58):
You watch these cats playing like Chuck Taylor's and stuff.
Speaker 2 (30:01):
At least those were lights, even.
Speaker 3 (30:02):
Like the Jordan's Like I can't play in like Jordan
elevens or like that. They're saying they're so chunky, and.
Speaker 2 (30:07):
You are you have a stupid shoe collection. I do.
Speaker 3 (30:09):
I have a lot of shoes, but like I just
I don't wear them like I don't wear them like
all the high top Jordan like ones and fours and elevens.
Speaker 2 (30:15):
I love those back in the day. I'm not gonna
like wear them out. I'm not into I mean, I
have a ton of shoes, but yeah, big, what do
you like? You're like dunks? What you're like like Nike dunks?
What do you got? What are you dealing with? I
wear fendy. Oh you bougie bitch? What are you making?
Huh off?
Speaker 4 (30:35):
This?
Speaker 2 (30:37):
You still doing any modeling? No?
Speaker 1 (30:41):
I remember driving down losiena guy. I would be going
to the comedy clubs at night to work out my material,
and I saw you your sexiness up up on Los Sienaga.
I think you're dry humping a motorcycle with a hot chicks.
And I was just like, I was like, fuck this guy,
damn it, he's got it.
Speaker 2 (30:58):
All Buffalo jeans. That was that. Then you got hit
by a car.
Speaker 3 (31:01):
No, that was We did like a shoot in like
Key West, and it's like there was this like Brazilian
model girl and it was I remember it was like legitimate,
like softboard, and they heard it during the Super Bowl.
Thank god, this jeans are tight.
Speaker 1 (31:14):
Uh, Now, you were probably I would say, I mean,
this is this is biased.
Speaker 2 (31:19):
I get you were probably the sexiest person.
Speaker 1 (31:21):
In the NBA when you played you Did you agree
with that or no Ah?
Speaker 2 (31:27):
Yeah, I mean I think you were up there. I
think I did pretty well. You're a good looking fella. Thanks.
Speaker 1 (31:32):
Now, who do you think currently is the sexiest man
in the NBA?
Speaker 3 (31:36):
M Currently, there's the new young kid on the thunder SGA.
People love he's got like the skims deal.
Speaker 2 (31:42):
No, it's Kelly Ubra. Kelly Oubra's got great eyes. God
damn it is beautiful. He's always light skin.
Speaker 1 (31:47):
Every time they do a close up on him, I'm like, oh,
get the camera off, Get the camera off.
Speaker 2 (31:51):
I'm gonna get a boner. He's definitely not ugly.
Speaker 1 (31:54):
I gotta give you a gift. Everybody comes on the tug,
it's a gift.
Speaker 2 (31:56):
I love that. We'll do a jersey swap. I tell
you what to do. Oh no, I just oh, I
got hey. I love that. The UCF the you can't finish. Yeah,
I graduated black. Can you sign it? Yeah, I'm gonna
(32:17):
sign this for Where are you supposed to sign a jersey?
I mean, do you have it? What color is the marker? Well,
it's going to be black most like silver, ID go black?
Go here? Uh huh, I'll sign that. I'm gonna put
my shirt back on. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (32:28):
I just I took my shirt off because I wanted
to say jersey swap. Yeah, this is this is uh
what is this?
Speaker 4 (32:33):
No?
Speaker 1 (32:33):
This I don't I didn't open it. Let me tell
you something about what this gift is. My friend who
went She's gonna be furious that I'm giving this away.
Speaker 2 (32:41):
Are you regifting me? Yeah? That's all I do.
Speaker 1 (32:44):
So my friend sends this to my kid and I'm like, oh,
we already have this. She told me what it was
before it came. And then she goes, we'll just send
it back to customer service and that's what my wife
is going to do, and I'm like, I'm not doing that.
That's fucking too much work. Yeah, so I'm just gonna
give it all right. I got a nice Yeah, so
(33:06):
you know what it is. I think unless it's not that,
there could be something else in there. It's just it's
a I think it's supposed to just be like a
little thing for a girl.
Speaker 2 (33:15):
You're how old your girl? Whatever?
Speaker 1 (33:17):
She might not it's probably some of her baby dolls.
It was probably she's a doctor now though she.
Speaker 2 (33:25):
Went to UF. Really a lot of UF. Oh, it's
all my family. It's a it's like a little stroller
for her babies or something. Oh yeah, old basket stroller.
Yeah yeah, but it's got the thing that goes over.
You'll like it. Oh, it's nice, but we already have
it something. Thank you. Now you come home today, you
give her a gift and she's like, what did you? Wow?
Speaker 1 (33:46):
Thanks, She's gonna love it. Put it on the floor. Yeah,
let's talk, Fandel. Are you a gambler.
Speaker 2 (33:53):
I am a big gambler.
Speaker 1 (33:54):
I'm a huge gambler, but not huge steaks. I like
to gamble on everything, but I don't I don't put
huge wagers down. You spend real money.
Speaker 2 (34:03):
Yeah. Why, I just I love it. It's like it's
my it's my why Yeah.
Speaker 1 (34:08):
But if you if the problem is once you bring
the numbers up, you have to keep them up.
Speaker 2 (34:12):
I know. And it's you're not over time, you're going
to lose. Yeah, I don't.
Speaker 1 (34:16):
I can easily if I bet a thousand dollars. I'm
just I'm I'm terrified of the loss.
Speaker 3 (34:21):
Do you watch it and sweat it out or yes,
oh see, I'll put I'll put a lot more than that,
and I will even know it.
Speaker 2 (34:27):
I will. I want to know that. It's a sickness.
You know. My favorite bet in the NBA is the
first of fifteen. You liked that, but I love it.
Speaker 3 (34:33):
I have see I'm not. I don't like this parlays.
I don't like those kinds. I don't even like prop bets.
I like, I like a teaser for like an NFL.
Speaker 1 (34:40):
NBA bets are stupid because who can cover twelve points?
Speaker 2 (34:43):
It's so hard to bet NBA.
Speaker 1 (34:44):
I am still furious at Klay Thompson for what he
did in Memphis. Is maybe two years ago. I had it.
It was a five game parlay. Golden State was my
final one they had to cover, and he gets fouled
with no time left on the clock, and all he
has to do is hit one to cover.
Speaker 2 (35:04):
He missed both.
Speaker 1 (35:05):
It's and I was like, well, Clayn, dude, it's it's hard.
I'm not saying that I wished horrible things that day,
but what fuck yeah I was.
Speaker 2 (35:14):
I couldn't am that.
Speaker 3 (35:15):
What's funny is when you're playing too, like I I
never you don't know that. When you're playing, it's not
like Clay Thompson has any clue of this. Then you
watch these bad beats and it's fun. It's crazy, man.
Speaker 1 (35:24):
Like my favorite NFL bet is over under two people
throwing a pass in a game like a.
Speaker 2 (35:33):
Like a backup or something like a right backup or
later that into a throw. I love it.
Speaker 3 (35:37):
Yeah, gosh, you go, you go deep, you go, you
get weird on the bets.
Speaker 2 (35:42):
You don't just do a good old fashioned spread or
money life.
Speaker 1 (35:45):
I do all those you do. Yeah, I do everything,
but I don't like I do small wagers. I have
been coin talk.
Speaker 2 (35:50):
You do you bet? And how long? The National Anthemist, No,
that's not a real bet. It used to be. How
about this about the streaker? Did you see this in Superable? Huh?
Speaker 3 (35:58):
The fucking guy bet like three hundred grand that there'd
be a streaker during the Super Bowl, and then he
streaked and paid five k they got to get out, and.
Speaker 2 (36:06):
Then he ended up netting crazy money.
Speaker 1 (36:08):
Na, I call bullshit on that whole story. You do
a show on a fan duel hosted by Michelle Beatle.
Speaker 2 (36:17):
Yeah, I love her too. She's fantastic, she's really funny.
Did she get canned by laugh?
Speaker 3 (36:23):
I think it's one of those things you can't fire
me because I quit.
Speaker 2 (36:26):
Uh huh, you know what I mean. But she's good,
she's awesome.
Speaker 3 (36:28):
She is she is hilarious, she knows her ship, she's vulgar,
she's one of the boys.
Speaker 2 (36:33):
She's San Antonio. Isn't she die hard? Oh yeah? And
now all of a sudden, the Knicks fan during the playoffs.
Speaker 1 (36:39):
Eddie here is just cares so much about the Spurs.
I don't understand it. Like he's a grown man.
Speaker 2 (36:46):
I'm a grown man. I'm gonna I shouldn't even say that,
But like his his dog is named Duncan. Oh really, he.
Speaker 1 (36:52):
Has a personalized license plate that says Duncan really Duncan. Well,
you don't tell people your exact license platecking idiots, that's
your social But I'm like, at what level like these
these men that are older than the people that they idolize.
Speaker 3 (37:09):
It's so yeah, Like, like my buddy's a huge Packers
fan like like he'll it'll piss him off when they lose,
like he's losing sleep, Like he'll like, I love the Gators,
but like if they if they lose, like I'm not thrilled,
but it's like.
Speaker 2 (37:21):
It's not changing my fucking day. Uh huh.
Speaker 3 (37:23):
I know grown ask men that like, are not going
to work the next day.
Speaker 2 (37:27):
I'm a die hard heat fan.
Speaker 1 (37:29):
Really, yeah, everything, Miami, I care about everything.
Speaker 2 (37:32):
You love the big direct you, you love the whole
when Lebron went there, Yeah, yeah, oh oh, we're gonna
win a bunch of great I love the decision, right,
it's time, the pressure.
Speaker 1 (37:43):
Sure, I'm all. I'm all for the theater, the theater.
Why not I don't and none of that bothers me. Yeah,
but I'm always about the team. And as soon as
you leave, I fucking hate you immediately.
Speaker 2 (37:52):
That's fair.
Speaker 1 (37:53):
But I'll tell you something that's embarrassing about how I
can watch a game. I like to find out if
they want or lost before I watch, and then oh really,
and then if.
Speaker 2 (38:04):
I know, yeah, well I don't t vo because it's
still a thing.
Speaker 1 (38:08):
No, but but if I if I know they won,
I get very excited. And I can watch it if
they lost.
Speaker 2 (38:16):
If you know they lost, you just to go back
and watch it. What was your team? Grown up? Did
you orlanda magic? You cared about them? Oh, Shack and Penpenny.
That was good.
Speaker 3 (38:23):
What's funny is I used to fucking love Grant Hill
and he comes to Orlando and this fucking guy was
always hurt and I remember hating him, And then fast
forward my career. I go, I sign on, I'm always hurt,
and I'm like, why do these people hate me?
Speaker 2 (38:35):
And I'm like, oh, that's right.
Speaker 1 (38:36):
Because I once saw Grant Hill checking out of the
hotel in uh in South Beach, and I couldn't believe
how long he was complaining about his bill.
Speaker 2 (38:45):
I get like an extra tidy on his bill. I
was just sitting there, going, why is he whining about this?
Like just walk away? Do you check out a hotel?
I don't either.
Speaker 1 (38:53):
I saw I saw Grant Hill yelling at somebody, so
I was like, I'm gonna listen.
Speaker 2 (38:57):
We probably should because our bill is probably a little No.
I got Pete takes care of that boy pe. I
need a Pete. Oh you don't. You don't have a Pete. No,
you got to get a peat or pump probably pan double. Yeah.
Have you been back to Gainesville? Yeah, so I went
back this past year.
Speaker 3 (39:11):
I actually got inducted into the Hall of Fame. Thanks
for having those and your fucking thirty eight questions and
not that.
Speaker 2 (39:19):
Hall of fame like Hall of Fame or University of yea,
let's dive into that.
Speaker 1 (39:24):
No, congratulations, thanks man, But yeah, I went back this
last year. I go like I tried to go on,
here's what I think of. If you're there for a
football game, great, If you're not, it's a little depressing.
Oh yeah, you're like, oh no, it's not as cute
as I remember Namesville being.
Speaker 3 (39:38):
Well, now you go back and I'm old and I'm
just creepy if I'm at the ball.
Speaker 2 (39:41):
It's just it's not it's not the same it was
my last attempt. I want to know who this girl was.
We need a new job. Can I write down the
name that I think it is? Yep, No, it's not.
Well she.
Speaker 3 (40:01):
Oh God tell me there's two of them this whole time.
Speaker 2 (40:08):
Getting double Oh man, that Chandler.
Speaker 1 (40:13):
Thank you for being on the show. All the best
and uh, I'll see you around.
Speaker 2 (40:17):
Yeah, thanks to appreciate it, Pasha. Well, Carl, that backfired miserably.
Speaker 1 (40:29):
Now I want to have sex with Chandler Parsons too,
Chandler Parsons, that's just fun to do. A lot of
people are turned off by the NBA because, uh, the
players complain about fouls too much. After every single play
they're they're they're turning to the ref to complain. I
(40:50):
have a solution for this that I think everybody would enjoy.
When you complain about a foul, the ref immediately stops
the game and then they go check to see if
if you were right, and if you're wrong, the next
time out, they bring out one of your family members
(41:11):
or whoever you have watching the game in attendance. They
bring them out during the little uh halftime where they
you know, sometimes they'll have like a lady spinning plates
or doing some entertainment. Now the entertainment is we bring
out one of your your your friends or your family
members and we cut a finger off. That's gonna be
(41:31):
entertaining to watch. Sure if you're you're gonna want to
go to the games, I go, oh yeah, I hear
they sometimes cut family members' fingers off, and then it's
gonna stop people from complaining. They're gonna be like, oh shit,
I better get this right because my mom's only got
two fingers.
Speaker 2 (41:45):
Left season ticket.
Speaker 1 (41:47):
This my this is my uh, this is my fix.
I want to plug my stand up dates. But I
also want to say something. When shows are sold out,
don't go. People always just buy tickets. Second in hand,
i've heard people say, oh, you know, I spent three
hundred dollars for a ticket, and it was just okay,
fuck you, my comedy's not worth three hundred dollars. Okay,
(42:12):
you'll you buy them right when they come out. Oh
the tickets are fifty nine dollars or something. I can
give you an amazing night for fifty nine dollars three
hundred dollars. No, that's not that's not the lane I'm in.
That's your fault. There's a formula for my comedy. That's why.
That's why this works. Right now, listening to Carl and
(42:33):
I is entertaining. Why because you've spent zero dollars. If
this was three hundred dollars, you'd be like, you fucking
better make that dog dance or something. All right, So anyway,
buy tickets to the ones that aren't sold out like
I'm sure Louisville's got tons left Indianapolis. There's a second
(42:56):
show there, So come see me in Vegas. You get
it all right, don't forget the goat. Every Thursday a
new episode drops boyswurpink dot com. Nothing cuter than seeing
a toddler in pink, I've always said, Speaking of toddlers,
another one of my son's riveting bedtime stories, We'll see
(43:18):
you next week, went upon a.
Speaker 4 (43:20):
Time and a lamp in a two little tottlet chip
twenty And they know't how the drum, but only sin.
They didn't know how but the fwim. So one day
they they got they put their babies, they went outside.
(43:41):
They don't under the tred and they won't have a swim.
And then the two d and it was so signed.
So one day the old wheosen the ohos, oh whioso
wheos and end when the orio sang, it tepted and
(44:05):
louder and louder and wilder until it got super wilder,
until there's a monster come in the end
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