Backpacks, Aquariuses & Other Red Flags (w/ Janelle James) RE-RELEASE

Carolina and Devin will return soon, but in the meantime enjoy this classic episode with the amazing Abbott Elementary break out star Janelle James!

This week, Carolina and Devin are joined by comedian/writer/icon Janelle James (Black Monday, Central Park) to discuss red flags - the ones we ignore and the ones we present to others. We cover men scamming us with therapy terms, the dreaded notes app, old school flirting, introducing significant others to friends and more. Janelle gives such amazing red flag advice to the listeners of her podcast "You in Danger Gurl," that we made her answer one of our listeners’ questions about how to move out of the thirst trap friend zone. Plus, Carolina and Devin discuss re-entering the dating pool and men telling them they look tired.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Oh, hello, and welcome to True Romance. This is Carolina Barlow.
This is Devin Leary. Devin, tell me about the item

(00:24):
in your lap. By the way, this is not a
sponsored post. This is This isn't a sponsored post. And
I haven't even tried this product yet, but the story
goes like this. I was on Snapchat, so I used
to use Snapchat all the time. It was a big snaphead,
as they say, But now I don't use it because

(00:44):
it's gone out of trend for people, our age, for
gen z. From what I understand, it's still a thing.
But I still use Snapchat exclusively to interact with my
two best friends from college Annie us and who I
also have a group text with, but for some reason,
we also have a snapchat chat where we send pictures.

(01:07):
And then my friend aunto who sends me impressions on
a Snapchat, and so Tori sends us a selfie and
my friend Annie chat, is that a blanket or a
hoodie that you're wearing? Or what is that that you're wearing?
And Tori says it's both okay, meaning both a blanket

(01:31):
and a hoodie. So obviously my interest is piqued. My
interest is honestly blazing at this point. I love to
be cozy, so fucking mutch. I love to have a blanket.
I will live under a blanket forever in some capacity.
I can't watch TV without a blanket. And it's really

(01:52):
progressed in Quarantine. Like in the beginning of Quarantine, I
was like, oh, I guess I'll start like working from
the couch, Like that's kind of weird, but I'm working
from the couch whatever, and I'm like, oh, I'm a
couch potato. I'm working from the couch. Now a year later,
I have a full bedspread on the couch that I
work from, and I have like eight pillows. Some are

(02:14):
couch pillows, some are bed pillows that I've taken to
the couch. And so I invested in this and this
is the comfy. So it's basically a giant It's basically
like a blanket with sleeves and a hood. It's also
cheetah print. It's cheetah print, and it's got a little

(02:35):
pocket where you can put stuff. Is So basically this
is my work uniform, I think for the next who
knows how long. And by the way, no, I don't
have a normal like a job, as people say refer
to it. So work uniform is a generous term. But
this is what I'll wear to my computer every day.
It looks like something that people dress up their sleepy babies.

(03:01):
That's what I want. I want to be cocooned like
a baby. But also there was a phase when I
went to work when I was really depressed many years ago,
and I was like going, I was trying new antidepressants
and I literally wore like, thinking back, it's insane the
extent to which the clothes I wore to work were pajamas.

(03:23):
Like I cannot believe that I attended work in actual
pajamas and like would just brush my teeth and not
brush my hair and go to work. It was shocking.
I remember once going to work. I had been up
late the night before, and I just think it's so
funny that, like men don't know how to men will
tell you you look bad in such a specific way

(03:46):
without even thinking like, oh, she looks like shit. Like
I remember going to work once and looking at me
being like, oh, are you sick? And I was like what, no, hey,
you look sick. And I hadn't won makeup that day,
and I was not ted. Are you sick? Is so offensive.
It's the I thought you're gonna say, are you tired,

(04:08):
because that's the usual thing, like oh my god, you
look tired, and it's like, okay, literally go fuck yourself.
There's no who looks tired Jared Leto and he's a
red carpet celebrity. How is that fair? I can't believe
there are still men saying are you tired? It's so crazy.
It's crazy, or you look really tired. I remember this

(04:30):
one guy who like completely fucked up my mom's car,
and it was just like a terrible human being to
me in general. Whenever I told people everything he did,
I would also add that once we were at a
party together and when I was leaving, he's a Carolina,
you look really tired and out of all the things
like literally like destroying my mom's car, like owing me money,

(04:50):
blah blah. When I got to that part of the store,
people be like, oh, I hate him, and I was like, yeah,
it's just a marker of a bad pute person. It's
so bad. I just just don't ever comment on anything. Like literally,
if a woman has something on her face, just leave
it for another woman to tell her, because a male
telling you that is like so scary and ambrasive. I

(05:13):
don't know why. It's like, just don't tell me that.
I would rather have like a giant piece of cake
stuck to my cheek and have Carolina tell me then, man,
I'd be like, Devin, there's a piece of cake growing
out of your cheek. How are you doing, Carol? Our

(05:34):
friend Hannah told me something that changed my life forever,
which was never comment on the way a woman looks.
But yeah, I still tell my friends when they look amazing.
But as someone who recovered from eating disorder, I understand
the delicacy of telling a girl she looks good if
she lost weight, because that's sometimes a very bad thing.

(05:56):
Telling the girl she looks good and you're sick. Someone
telling you you look good can distort your perception entirely.
So I'm telling them you that you're worried about you
can seem like a compliment and feed your disorder. This
sounds really dark, but basically it just got me to thinking, like,
how much dialogue period, not even good, bad or negative
or toxic or whatever, just how much dialogue goes around

(06:18):
what women look like in general. And I feel like
something's Sometimes I've rejected wanting to look anyway, and I've
just put my hair up and not put makeup on
because I just hate the dialogue. I hate trying. I
just hate it. I just hate it. I hate thinking
about how I look all the time, and I think
the most masculine part of me, or the part of
me that likes to relax into masculinity, sometimes the part

(06:38):
of that just doesn't care, Like I don't want to
think about how I fucking look right now. I just
want to get on with my day. I know that
on the flip side of that, I've had about a
year of that, and I really almost coming up on
one year. And another thing is is that I'm getting
really excited about potentially a vaccine in the nearish future

(07:04):
twenty one, hopefully getting a vaccine. If you're listening to this,
hopefully you'll be getting a vaccine too. It's very exciting,
this medical breakthrough. I want to be excited about that.
And I haven't let myself get excited about socializing or
dating in the future because I just never saw it
being like healthy. And now I'm actually getting excited about,

(07:28):
like the thought of putting tights on putting lipstick on,
putting eye makeup on, putting contacts in. I haven't put
contacts in a year, because who cares. I'll just wear glasses,
doing my hair and going out to a party. That
might not be that fun, but getting ready is the
fun part because it's full of hope and what ifs,
and well I meet and I guess this is the

(07:50):
first time where I've gotten kind of excited about dating, period.
And I'm saying that for people who don't feel that
way right now. I never thought I would feel that
way again. Hold on to that excitement as long as
you can, because you know that they will try to
stamp it out. The hipster men of Los Angeles will
try to stamp that as much as they can. Okay,

(08:12):
So I have a couple of things to say about
this one. We need this because I don't have the
option to date right now since I'm currently in a
relationship or whatever, so exactly. But I'm saying we need
your date stories because I remember when I was dating,

(08:34):
just always thinking like I couldn't wait to get to
work the next day to like tell my friends the
weird date story that I had, or like I don't
know it's just like such a fun thing to talk about,
even though most of the time when I was telling
the stories, it ended with me like crying and being like, man,
I'm never gonna meet anyone, and it's like I'm just

(08:55):
fucking sick of it. But I know, I look back
and I'm like, that was so fun, Like these hysterical
date stories. I mean, like, hmm, I'm not remembering them
like that, but I didn't at the time. I didn't
see what was funny. Now I do. Okay, So that's
my first point, and my second point is do tights
hurt your stomach? Because they always hurt my stomach. Tights

(09:17):
have fucked me up so much. First of all, I'm
a big spanks girl. I'm I'm very impressed by the
creator of spanks. She did something that we all we
just didn't have the foresight to think, Oh, that feeling
that I like, where like my stomach feels flat because
forces of gravity and spandex are forcing it my organs
back up into my chest. No, that is a business idea,

(09:42):
and it hurts. Yeah, it feels like shit also messes
up with your digestion. But I'm also I'm what we
call an extra tire weight carrier, meaning that where I
gain weight and lose weight is in the spare tire
around my middle midsection, which I'm totally fine with when
my st mick la my belly. But I spanks to

(10:04):
help me in terms of like contouring a dress like
the Kardashians contour the face. That's what spanks have done
for me, given me a whole new body and face transplant.
I at times used to wear two sets of spanks,
one on top of the other, and that'll really make
your gastro intestinal issues flare up for like a week. Yeah.

(10:28):
I literally have Warren tights and been like, am I sick?
Like I feel like like someone asked you because he
looks tired, Like am I sick? I have literally left
a wedding to go back to my room, taken off tights,
and come back to the wedding to like relax. And

(10:48):
the feeling of letting your stomach out and your stomach
is something I think it's because you have like more
gas because basically, and I just recently read about this
while I was wearing tight jeans and wondering why you
get bloated after wearing tight jeans. So you're you can't
like digest stuff of your pants are really tight. You
can't think it properly. You can't like like basically, let's

(11:09):
think about it this way. Air goes down, You're supposed
to release it through your butthole, but since it can't
go down past your belly button because of these type
spanks or pants, it just goes brute and goes up,
so your stomach blows up with air. And that's true romance.
That's you know what I want to get on this
pod and talk about. And so I do have date stories.

(11:31):
I have more stories about gas or intestinal but wait,
so how are you feeling about like readiness to date.
I am feeling ready, ready, ready, I feel and I'm
I'm feeling like ready to like go through like a
slut phase again, Like you know those couple of phases

(11:52):
you go through, and like some of them are negative,
like everyone's had growing pains in that argue, but some
of them are really positive when you've like, you know,
the summer before college, I was like hooking up with
random guys. I was having so much fun. I wasn't
I think the sled phase is fun when you have
no interest in dating, Like having a serious relationship, yeah,

(12:15):
and you're like, your aim is to go out and
have fun, it's not to meet someone. And it's a
blurry line like those. You can kind of think that
you're gonna go out for fun and then you end
up realizing afterwards that you really want to meet someone,
or you could be dating someone realizing that you just
made an accidental detour on what should have just been
a sled phace. I think about men so much when

(12:37):
I'm in a relationship. I think about my partner so much,
and I think I want the fun of dating without
the headspace aspect to it. Some of the top three
best things about like being newly single after a long
term relationship is one, as I've said before, not having

(13:00):
to confer with someone about dinner and just ordering whatever
the fuck you want for dinner, eating whatever the fuck
you want, and not having to be like, so, what
do you think we should do? You think we should
order in? Do you think we should cook? What do
you feel like? What do you feel like? What do
you feel like? I don't know? What about you? Up
to you? You decide you don't have to do that too.
You don't have to confer with anyone on plans, such

(13:20):
as when I moved to LA for a job, I
wasn't like, okay, but I have to talk to like
this so and so about this. My literal only like
concern about that was that I was like, wait, I
have like crushes. I remember saying to someone like I
have crushes in New York, and like I don't know
if I'll have crushes in LA, and like I really
want to pursue these crushes in New York, but I'm
not going to give up a job opportunity for crushes,

(13:42):
right right, Like what do you think? And my therapist
was like, I think you need help and I can't
even give it to you. No, And then three is
like leaving or staying is totally up to you. So
like when you go out, like I remember being like,
oh yeah, like I can stay out as late as
I want or go home as late as I want.

(14:02):
I don't have to like tell someone what I'm going
to get home. You're not sharing your time with anyone. Yeah.
Some of my best hookups have been with guys that
I knew that I would never like, like as a
boyfriend or anything, but we would have so much fun
because there was no pressure on it. And there was
also no pressure on how do I say this, like

(14:23):
our interests aligning at all. So I wasn't when he
was talking. I wasn't trying to be like, oh my god,
totally like I do this. I was just like this,
I am a tourist in your life and you and
mine my friend, Like we do not need to be
aligned in any way except sexually. And I saw his
picture at the Capitol recently. He okay, so I don't

(14:48):
know if I'll keep this in the pod. No. It's
this guy who met in high school. He was like
ninety pounds to my like one fifty when we met,
Like he was just this skinny, little like punk kid,
and we would I knew him for years. We see
each other party, I think, be like kissed a couple
of times, and then one night we hooked up and
it was incredible, Like I it was unbelievable and to

(15:12):
the point where both of us were like, wow, that
was awesome, and we just stayed in touch because it
was like I and he was this kid who we
called him Medal because he was a raver. By the way,
if I was at a rave, I would walk in
scream and walk out. There is no way I blog

(15:33):
in that crowd whatsoever. But he was this really nice kid.
Next time I see him, he has like he's like bulky,
and he's like covered in tattoos. Used to have a few.
Now he's like covery. He's like a chess piece and stuff.
He looks amazing. He looks so hot that I'm like breathless,
like wait, who are you? And so every time we
see each other it becomes the longest relationship I had
ever had. We saw each other on and off for

(15:55):
three years. We knew we were never going to date,
but we just had so much fun together. And every
time I saw him he got progressively like musclier like
he was to the point where this like old like
raver ninety pound like druggie kid slowly became a professional bodybuilder. No,

(16:17):
and it went from like tattoos on like arms, chest,
hands to like neck head face. So I did not
see him like two through the end there. But um,
you could call what we did dating, I guess, But

(16:37):
my point is like all that was really fun. It
was like good memories. We didn't have any bad times
because we weren't committed at all, and I was never
like you, guys, I'm worried, like he wants to get
another tattoo this time on the like I was just
like you, I oh over analyzing nothing. My time is
my time. And when you're with something like that, you

(16:59):
can make boundaries are really clear, meaning like I'm not
going to pick up he's calling right now, but I
don't want to hang out tonight, and vice versa. So
it is all to say that, Like I guess I
thought as I was getting older, I'm gonna be I
was gonna say I'm gonna be in my thirties. I'm
actively in my thirties. As a thirty year old, I
thought like those days were over. But if sex in

(17:19):
the City has taught me anything, I don't think it has.
But it's shown me that you can have these like
phases and then I'm not like supposed to be married
or supposed to be like a mother with children and
anything that, like, I can still have fun dating, which
it's empowering. And it also you know, as someone who's
in the ENGL disorder, my old mental place used to

(17:41):
be in like okay, so now I have to get
like really really really thin and like fit and all
this stuff, and like that's no longer my goal. Like
when I work out, I only work out like thirty
minutes a day at the most, like a few times
a week kind of. But it's more to like just
feel in my body and not like disassociated from it.
And because like it's for anyone who's having self esteem issues,

(18:03):
like yoga like literally improves as you could probably attest
you right now, Devin, your body image. Like there's scientific
studies that you feel sexier after do yoga. So I'm
more doing it to get back into my body rather
than for some kind of like approval writings. Because again,
like dating for myself rather than for some outward approval

(18:23):
just gives me more license to I also just came
from doing a yoga class, so that's why I'm so
pumped about this. Okay, So since you brought up scientific
studies that prove something makes you feel sexier, I'm actually
working on a scientific study on whether the comfy makes
you feel sexier. And I am going to find that
out when I put it on later. But I feel

(18:46):
like it will because it's like listen you maybe yes,
it covers up every inch of your body and it
looks like a giant fleece sack. At the same time,
that is exciting, It's like, what's under there. And also
I want to say that another thing that proves that
you don't have to do anything by a certain time
in life is that Teresa Judici Real Househoes in New

(19:06):
Jersey competed in a bodybuilding competition after having four kids
and after having one husband go to prison, and then
after going to prison herself and then having her husband deported.
She went through so many life phases before she was
a bodybuilder, and I think that's amazing. And also watching

(19:27):
True Life I'm a bodybuilder. When I was like ten
years old in Connecticut was one of the first experiences
I had where I was like, Oh, the world is
really weird, Like the world is fucked up. Like I
have this town, and I live in this town, and
I go to school, and that's pretty much what I
know about the world besides the sims and my dolls.
And here I see that there's this whole world out

(19:50):
there were people grown men shave their butts and they
spray to them themselves. And I was like, you know what,
I don't know about this place that we call home Earth,
But we'll see. On that note, I cannot wait for
you to hear our True Romance guest today. She is
one of the funniest comics out there, I truly believe.

(20:11):
Please stay tuned. Also, can I just say that my
mom when we were recording this interview with our guest too, truly,
I was like, could not even believe she said yes
to be on our pod. But my mom said that
she could hear you could hear me laughing, like all
throughout the house. Okay, So now a creature was stirring

(20:33):
all through the house, not even a mouse. Well, actually
there was a creature stirring and it was me laughing
at this interview. So I can't wait for you guys
to hear it. And peace be with you. We'll be
right back. Oh and we're back with True Romance. So

(21:00):
True Romance listeners, we have a very exciting guest today
and you're welcome ahead of time. Our guest is a
comedian who you may know from the comedy Lineup on Netflix,
Black Monday, on Showtime, Showtime People, It's a Big Deal,
Central Park on Apple TV Plus, which she also writes for,
and Late Night with Seth Myers. She has toured with

(21:22):
Chris Rock and Amy Schumer, and she was named one
of the fifty most Funny People in Brooklyn and her
comedy album Black and Mild is available on all major
streaming networks. Please Welcome, James. When people read my bio
on I'm like, oh shit, you like a cigarette. It's
a really good bio. It needs to be updated because

(21:45):
it's more shit on there too, But that's a yeah.
That makes me feel good. In Quarantine, I did some
stuff in the before times. Oh it's a great, it's
a very It hits all the hits, all the spots,
premious table streaming. Right, I'm out spotifying everywhere. How are

(22:06):
you doing, Janelle? You know I'm inside inside, Yeah, I uh.
I moved recently just to have a new wall to
look at, and so that's cool. I'm wondering what I'm
gonna do after I finished decorating this place. I'm like
trying to decorate it. I wanted to be lived in,

(22:28):
but also it's given me a project, you know what
I mean. I'm trying to order online because I was like,
what am I gonna do when I'm done? Like it's over,
you know what I mean, I'm gonna move again. I guess,
but uh yeah, I'm all right as well as can be.
Thanks for having me, Yeah, thank you so much for
joining Chanelle. I was creeping through your Instagram last night,

(22:53):
and you do this thing called hashtag short story time. Yeah,
you do like little pieces of writing, and one of them,
I swear to God like lowered my blood pressure. And
I can I read it to you because it's just
like so beautiful. So it's like a pre pandemic poem,
like if you want to just relax and remember how

(23:15):
good things used to be, Janelle writes, I pulled my
low rise jeans lower and the sides of my thong
higher as my two old for me boyfriend pulls up
over in his champagne colored Honda Accord. I look back
at my friend like, that's right, bitch. As I slide
into the car, Country Grammar blairs from the radio and

(23:35):
he turns it down before handing me a backwood rolled blunt.
What's up? He asks us to take a hit, and
as the smoke slowly rolls from my lips, I say,
Nick Cannon is beefing with Eminem. That's how good life
used to be. That was news. That was news now
now I remember that. I totally forgot that I wrote that,

(23:57):
but I think that was like maybe two years go.
Nick Cannon was beefing with Eminem, and it totally took
me back to the nineties, Like I was just like, wow,
this is like a blast for the past that they're
they're beefing again in twenty I guess twenty nineteen. And
so I remember from being in New York and at

(24:18):
two thousand and eleven and one of like my like
hype up songs on the subway was listening to the Warning,
which was Eminem Reveng, which was so good that I
was like, oh man, I saw Eminem and Bonaru in
twenty eighteen, not the I was so hype like I

(24:38):
went in like whatever this is gonna be and he
came out and I almost lost my ship. So yeah,
it's uh no, no shame. Yeah, it is so obsessed
with her though, Like I love Eminem, but he is
so obsessed with Mariah, like he has held on to
this piece he is, which I can't blame him for.

(24:59):
I mean, I'm up, that's who isn't obsessed with Mariah
I know. And a great little Lamb is one of
the few divas that's allowed to be a diva. Like
whatever crazy shit I hear about her, I'm like, whatever,
that's Mariah, doesn't matter. She can sing like a dolphin,
she can talk to dolphins. Yeah, she can have a
pet dolphin. I'm like, she's Mariah, of course. Like and

(25:21):
I know she's like she's literally ninety minutes late to
every concert and all nobody care, Like, Okay, that's that's
what she does, you know exactly. That's what I'm saying.
That's the kind of power power exactly, And that's why
he's obsessed. Yeah, you know, and Diet is here brown
to go in and hide and because she dumped him,

(25:45):
who doesn't want to AXT talking about you ten years later,
Jesus Christ, I know, yeah, I always imagine that they're
still like saying she's the one that got away or something.
And well he had a this song and actually I
just heard this. I mean, I don't know what time is.
This might have been three years ago, but I'm saying
everything is recently now. It was like two days ago,

(26:05):
it might have been, you know, but I went on
YouTube and he does have like a really brutal this
song against her that I had never heard and it's like, oh,
you're really in your feelings. He's like giving out details
and stuff. It's like, dude, yeah, you were in love,
like just saying that stamp. Yeah. The fact that you

(26:26):
even remember all this stuff and I'm still talking about it,
like this is not a good look. You're not hurting her.
You look nuts, you know what I mean? So you're
not okay? Yeah, power Like we said, I have to say, Janelle,
your podcast You Endangered Girl, is an incredible discovery. It's

(26:48):
so amazing. You talk to a lot of listeners are
I mean, we get listener questions too, but listeners and
you say it on the pod want to tell you everything.
I was like, I don't know what it is. It
really people are writing in being like okay. So sometimes
it's like a two parter. You're like, okay, this is

(27:08):
the first part and then right you thought I was done.
So it was you. You do a lot on red
flags in your pod, and I thought the red flags
were gonna be stuff like he's a picky eater or
he's rude to waiters. No, but it was straight up
like he's addicted to granny porn and works at nursing homes.

(27:31):
Is that a red flag? I was like, I mean,
we're gonna really expand where you are, I guess. But also,
you know, red flags are it's not only right away.
Some of these things you're discovered when you're already in it,
you know what, I mean, to give them some credit,
it's not like people are opening up their conversation, you know,

(27:53):
first day conversation like hey, I mean the granny porn
like these are I feel like that letter in particular,
she was kind of snoopid. Yeah, and thank god, yeah,
thank god exactly. Anyway, yeah, oh my god, no, I

(28:14):
was thinking also listening to your podcast the past few years,
I feel like maybe maybe this is just me because
I've only been in serious relationships for the past few years.
But I feel like red flags are coming out in
a new way since Trump became president, because every single

(28:35):
day there was like a different type of racism, xenophobia, discrimination,
like anything in the news, and so I feel like
dating white men at that time, you just heard so
many opinions that, like I was at any time, it's
all opinions all the time. Jesus, I didn't ask you

(28:58):
what you thought about anything. But anyway, yeah, I was
going on dates during like the Kavanaugh hearing, and it
was like two seconds finding out that someone is a
rape apologist anyway, finding out someone was vanaugh finding out
that Brett was Actually they take everything so personally because

(29:19):
they know they've done fucked up shit, you know what
I mean, Like just so adamantly defending a stranger. You're
just like, what is wrong with you? What is Yeah?
Why are you so fucking passionate about it? Exactly? So
hit dogs holler as they say yeah No. One guy
was like defending Brett Kavanaugh, and he was like, I, um,
I have so many friends in college that like this

(29:40):
could have happened to like they could have been Brett. Right,
that's the problem, dude, that's terrifying. Your friends have probably
murdered people, and where are the bodies, Like, I don't
have any friends. He'll have a daughter and he'll say,
now that I have a daughter, I realized that I've
raped whatever the fuck they say, man, yeah we're having

(30:04):
a girl. And as a result, I realized that when
I mean our people just hit me anyway. I didn't
mean to take it there so quick. No, it's it's
a thing, man, I mean dating men at any time
of any color is always a Yeah, it's always a trip.

(30:26):
It's fascinating, and it's also like it's a turn off
to date men. Does that make sense yet? It? Man,
My friends talk about how we wish we were lesbians
all the time, and I know that's no cakewalk. I
have lesbian friends who you know, you got to deal
with that shit too. But just to switch it up,
I wish I could just you know, yeah, new problems. Maybe,

(30:47):
I don't know, but because you get just tired of
the ship. Well, it's sort of like when you're stressed
out about something, you're like, I don't want to go
to my boyfriend, Like I just need to talk to
a girl about this, Like the worst thing is to
talk to a guy about about this. Yeah. Even my friend,
my best friend from college, Annis always says men are
stumb which is stupid plus dumb, like both stupid and dumb.

(31:11):
I'm guessing I'm stumb on some things too, ingrain misogyny sometimes.
Oh no, I mean like I don't know anything. This
whole game stock the stock market market things. It's like
stock market scandal that's going on right now. I'm like,
I don't knowing anything that's not knowing about the stock market,
which which is how it was set up to be.

(31:31):
It was set up for people like us. It's just
like not knowing how to do your taxes. It could
be so simple, but they don't want us to know,
so that's why. And it's boring as fuck. I don't
blame anybody for not wanting to know that shit. It's
like when people tell you to listen, They're like, okay, okay,
so concentrate, and I'm like, you lot already, and then
as soon as they start talking and then your bearer

(31:52):
bonds like, please kill yourself, get out of my face.
I'll just stay boor forever. I guess what are some
red flags that you both have chosen to look past
at times? Oh? I mean I've talked about this in
my pockets, like mean people, mean guys where you're just
like not necessarily mean to me, but just outwardly mean.

(32:17):
Or I remember I day this dying. He uh came
visit me in New York and one of the things
I love about New York is, I mean, it's it's
more corporatized now, but when I first moved there, it
was the place where you could be yourself, like people
who you're from a small town and you're gay or
a lesbian, or you dress weird or a club kid,
or that you moved to New York. You do whatever

(32:39):
you want. Nobody gives a fuck. And so he would
come and visit me in and we'd be walking around
and he'd be talking about everyone's outfits, like what is
he because he's from a place where everyone dresses the same,
you know what I mean? Right? What is he? And
I was just like, dude, why do you care? You know?
So that was just like and then and that's a
red flag because then once they stop doing the act,

(33:02):
because if someone is mean that everyone else, it's coming
for you eventually, it's what you know what I mean. Yes,
they're gonna be nice to you because they want to
get with you and everything, but once it turns to you,
then now they're overly critical of everything you do and
you know, and so not only yeah, that was a
not only a bad match, but just a bad look
on his part that he cared so much first about

(33:23):
outworld of the parents and just having to speak on
it all the time. I'm like, who made you the
mayor of what people are doing? Like I am very
much a live and let live. I love that that
people aren't when they're nonconformists. And yeah, the fact that
he I'm like, what should everyone be wearing? That would
please you? Guy who has the same shoes that everyone

(33:44):
else has? You know what I mean? Like what do
you the Project Runaway guy or whatever? It was just
like you aren't he was fashionable, But I'm like, you're
fashionable in the regular way. You have Jordan's and a
shot and a shirt and you know what I mean,
Like they're creativity going into it or anything. Yeah, get

(34:04):
out of here. So I mean, man, but that's the
one I think of right now. Yeah, we talk a
lot about like the guy who's mean about his exes too,
or the person who's being other exes Like I haven't
running of that in a while. But yeah, it's always
like starts subtle and then you're like, wait, all of

(34:26):
them can be terrible. But well, what I say now
is I think they know now, you know, because of
podcasts or just listening, they know now not to do that.
And I wish I always see women saying that like men.
I mean, that's what the internet now is is people
telling everybody else what to do. But they're saying, men
don't talk about your exes. It just shows that and

(34:48):
I'm like, stop telling them, let them do that kind
of person. They are exactly that. And then the whole
therapy scam now where everybody's saying they go to therapy,
I'll need to see your receipt, or they go to
therapy and they think they're fixed, you know what I mean,
And now they're above you because they went to therapy,

(35:09):
but they're still a fucking asshole. I'm like, you're not. Yeah,
you know. So they have the language now which is unthae,
but no fucking behavior. I'm like, you know what gas
lighting means, but you're still doing I'm still doing it.
If anything, you're better at it now because you're doing
a workaround some kind of therapy. Good. Yeah, it's funny

(35:30):
because I used to and I think this is just
like my bar being raised too. But I used to
like really put so much stock because I know what
that is, and like guys showing up, like I'd be
like show up for me, like show up to things
for me, et cetera, et cetera. And it's only now
like my new red flag is when someone like doesn't
show up, like not emotionally, but like for instance, when

(35:55):
I'm meeting someone's parents, I'm like, hi, how are you question?
Question question, Or when I'm meeting someone friends, I'm like, oh,
my god, son. Yeah if a guy doesn't do that
to like my friends, my family, my god, that's happened
to me. Yeah, I've had someone And I told him beforehand, like, hey,
this girl that you're meeting, we've been friends so long,
exactly like me, and we're doing a thing and I'm

(36:15):
so excited. I haven't seen her in a while. And
he got there and was solely silent, like a serial killer.
And I was like, what are you doing? And this
is a guy who was like known for being charming,
but he went into this like petulant, no paying attention
to me, and he don't know. But that was the
end of us. You know. It took me like two
more months to cut it, but I was just like
and you know, and once I cut it sheet, you know,

(36:37):
she being my friend, she didn't say anything, but once
I let him, she was like that was weird. Like
I had the same thought, like why would he why
was he acting like that? It was so weird. No,
it's so true and it's so funny. But Devin and
I talked about this, when your friend can see it,
like you cannot not see it, you know, like when
you start doing like the apologizing for the person, like

(36:58):
she was actually working this morning, and like I didn't
even apologize it, but I was just like, this dude
always fucking talks. He never shuts up. I don't know
what's going on. And he's just like, oh god, that's
what he did. He started doing this notes app. Oh
my god, this was such a psycho but oh no,
he opened the notes app and he was like jokingly
taking notes, like Janelle was mean to me at ten
thirty five, This is doing like and it like showed

(37:21):
it to me after, like you were meaning to me
when your friend was there or some shit. And I
was like, if you don't get I'm gonna be really
fucking mean to you if you don't get that shit
out of my face. But but it was just weird though.
He was such a weird though don't ever date a
quarious as you guys, but anyway, just so, just the
weirdest motherfuckers on earth. They really uh in inhabit their

(37:44):
uh horoscopes or whatever. I never believe that, like horoscopes
and all that stuff. Before this person, I'm like, you're
so weird. I'm about to read about you. How about that,
I mean chips or whatever I need to know. So
it's like astrology memes on Instagram now, I like look

(38:05):
at them just for specific people. I'm like, oh, they
say about Leo's. Yeah, I know I always dated capricorns.
I don't really know what that means. But Devin, what
are some red flags that you've had on dates? I mean,
it's funny because, like I in the past, whenever I've
heard people talk about red flags like this is weird.

(38:28):
But I remember I was I was like reading Whitney
Cumming's book for some reason, and she was like, these
are the things that are deal breakers for me. And
I was like, oh, okay, my boyfriend has every single
one of these things. Like I've always been like when
people talk about red flags, I'm like, m I don't know.
That's pretty much everyone I've ever dated. Um. But when

(38:48):
I was dating in New York, there was like this,
these two guys right in a row. One I guess
he had an apartment, but he always was carrying like
an overnight bag and he would be like, Oh, I'm
staying at my friend's house tonight. I'm actually house sitting tonight,
and you know, yeah, he was like, I I do
have a place, but it's actually like really far away

(39:10):
and it's like it's really small, so I just like
don't go there that much. And I was like, okay,
so I don't think you have a home, which is fine,
but like just and he was. But the thing was
like he had like really nice clothes and a podcast
but didn't have a home. Doesn't mean which I mean,
no judgment there, but he was like all about his

(39:33):
podcast and he man's played podcasting to me. Like at
one point I was like, oh, I've always kind of
wanted to do that, and he was like, okay, so
like here's what you do. You are funny and like
I think you're could actually work on a podcast. But
and I was like, you're a fucking forty and I
don't know where your home is. He was forty, Yeah,
he was forty, I know. And then so then the

(39:55):
next guy I dated was like, why you did start
to have a backpack anymore or less? You're in college, professor,
like back like ants or something Jesus Christ. Yes, and
that means he's never had any serious relationships because a
real girlfriend would have bought him, would have upgraded his
bad situation already. He hadn't had a serious relationship since college,

(40:16):
she said, and he was like another one. Yeah, why
that's a red flag. Why didn't I listen to that?
I don't know, but whatever, because women are program I
think that we won't need a man around. We're just
all giving around, giving them all chances for whatever reason,
they're not really bringing anything to our lives. And that's
why as soon as you get money in up in
your own career, you're just like, I'm taking a break.
Like every time. I feel like before that, you're in

(40:40):
negotiations all the time. You're like, okay, I think I
can deal with that, and we want you to listen,
you know. Yeah, but anyway, that's why. Yeah, you're like,
who is the least reprehensible to have a kid with?
That's really all? Who is has the least amount of
things I have to explain to my parents? M No,

(41:02):
But then I don't know I need to, I guess. So.
I mean time I was like, I only have like
a tiny room with like a full bed. So I
was like, I don't really have room for like both
of the great he was like that. He literally was
like that, um no. But then the next guy did
it was like starting a startup okay, Like he was

(41:23):
like all the all the round, yes, And I was
like okay. And then he was like, so I don't
really have a place right now, like I'm staying at
this like family home and upstate New York. But and
I was like, why the fuck is this keep happening
to me? Like I can't deal with the thing that
I think that women do the men don't do. You're homeless,
you're in between things. Not to shame almost people there.

(41:45):
Things happen, but you take yourself off the day to market.
They're still out here, yes, have the respect, you know.
I'm like, you know what, I need to get my
shit together. I'm not really going to be on hand
or whatever the funk right now, Like let me get
they are out here, just straight up. Like I'm like,
like the confis is crazy. The second one ghosted me,
and I was like, okay, Like this is when you

(42:08):
write him a short thank you letter. Don't you're welcome
for the hospitality? No, but it was with both of them.
It wasn't that they were homeless, it was that they
they clearly had enough money to like be doing these
stupid pastimes like starting a protein bar startup and doing
a podcast. So I was like, if you can be

(42:30):
doing that, like, couldn't you just get a job that's
normal and pay your bill? Like I don't. Yeah, but
starting a startup is different than having a startup. You
can say anything. I can be starting a startup right now.
I don't know what that means. That means, yeah, I
had an idea this morning. Yeah, so now you're starting
to start up exactly. He has nothing. So that was
a good time. But one of my friends was like, Devin,

(42:51):
this is like a really bad pattern that's starting. Like
to ask ask people first off, like do you have
where you reside at night? And also what you what
do you look? What is going on in your life
that you're attracting losers? I always feel like I attracted,
I'm doing bad poorly and in life self esteem whatever.
And then they just roll up like I don't open it.

(43:13):
They know they can sell it exactly, they smell it.
And that's when as a woman, you take yourself off
the market. Let me raise myself up. So did I
attract people on my level? You know? Yeah, I'm curious
Janelle with like your status as like a successful comedian

(43:33):
and comedy writer and go on, how has that affected
your dating life? Because I'm assuming that you might date
people in comedy once in a while. And we talk
a lot of comedians about that, like what is that gross?

(43:53):
I've done that once and that was good enough and
I knew it going in. But sometimes you just gotta
do shit, you know what I mean? You knew, Yeah,
everybody knows, you know, day comedians female and male, You
know what I mean. You just I'm just like, hey,
I gotta do it because that's what kind of personality
I am. But even before comedy and all of that,

(44:14):
I am just a person. I My problem is always
men trying to compete with me, or even though I'm
not trying to compete with them, or thinking oh yeah,
or them thinking that they're competing with me, or let me,
what am I trying to say? Them thinking that I'm
trying to compete with them, which I'm not. I'm not
even thinking that, you know what I mean. If they're
going to this whole defensive mode or you know, I'm

(44:39):
not somebody that does the whole female thing, you know
what I mean. Yeah, yeah, I used to. I remember
when maybe that was about five six years ago, where
I decided I'm not doing that anymore. I really was like,
I'm not giggling it. Men's jokes that hurt my feelings
or aren't right, or I'm not fucking encouraging their bullshit anymore.

(45:02):
And so once you cut that off, you really the
pool really lessons, but it's all good, you know, wasting
your time anymore, you know what I mean. So I
really come across that where people are saying, you know,
these dudes and that's just saying little shit to get
a rise out of you. And I'm like, you're done,
you know, So I don't really, yeah, waste my time anymore,
and or even I mean, I already have kids, I've

(45:24):
had long relationships. I'm a relationship person. Even though it
was a sound like that. When I'm doing a podcast,
I'm like, God, it sounds like I fuck everyone, but
I have I feel the same way because we have
like a love podcast. I'm like, it sounds like I've
had like a bunch. I'm like a lot of my
come from the same person. I've realized. You know, I'm
not even talking about different people. But I have dated

(45:44):
all types. It's what i'd say ages types, like I'm
very much like I don't date not or did not
that I don't, but I just haven't dating the same
type of person. I like like a new experience. That's
what I date for, right right. I think too always
help people get married have kids early is I think

(46:05):
it's the best. If it works out, great, and then
if it don't, now you're released from that right back
to you. So I'm out here. I don't want nothing,
and men don't know how to deal with that. You know, nothing,
You're not waiting for anything or any like pop question,
right yeah, And that freaks them out, you know what
I mean, because they want to be needed or whatever,

(46:26):
right yeah, But then they really don't. They only want
to be needed so they can resent you for needing them,
you know what I mean. It's just such a fuck up,
and they have like they lose their power balance, so
they balance of powers all off because they're expect It's
like how guys who aren't rich are always talking about
gold diggers. It's like truly rich men don't care about that, right,
that's they love it. They love showering a woman with

(46:49):
things you over here three thousand dollars like, yeah, ask motherfucker.
Ain't nobody gold digging you? Fuck up? But then then
and then those are the same people that will meet
someone like me who doesn't really need their thirty thousand
dollars and it freaks them out. Why aren't you trying
to gold at me because you have nothing? But anyway, um,
so that was a long, convoluted no, it's so true.

(47:11):
I was like nodding, nodding, nodding. Yeah. The only thing
it does is, uh, my attitude does is cut out
a lot of bullshit, and I love it, Like I'm
not I identify with you in this sense that I
was just texting with a friend yesterday about how like
I don't have time anymore to make sure a guy
feels good about himself. Does that make sense? Like they

(47:35):
and that's a deal breaker for a lot of guys. Yeah, exactly.
They're like, Okay, they're part having a girlfriend, but a
lot of them that's what they want. They want a
mommy and a cheerleader. And I and here's the thing,
I am that person and I don't mind it right
worthy Yeah, And also like I need just like mine

(47:56):
And I've had problems with my self esteem when I
was younger, were it counted on a guy and what
he said to me, and I needed that a lot.
I don't expect that from a guy anymore, and I
know the place to be. I'm so happy for you,
thank you, But also like a guy shouldn't expect that
for me, Like I'm very much in that belf Like
I can't make you feel good about yourself because you
can't be like that's just not where it comes from.

(48:16):
And they would never admit that that's what they want,
right right, because I mean, we're off. It's so fucked
up because a lot of our ingrained behavior is just
society and shit and it just hasn't caught up with
how things are. But I mean, so for instance, what's
happening now with the pandemic where a lot of people
have lost their jobs and then you get a little
deeper and you find out it's all women. Yeah, I

(48:38):
mean women being tossed back and that and that enables
men to continue to act like they are because now
we need them again, you know what I mean? And
so my whole life's purpose is never to need a
motherfucker every yeah yeah, And I feel like that gets
get you to the true intimacy where you're both there
because you want to be yes. Yeah. Capim is built

(49:02):
on yeah. And it's like that's what's been happening for generations.
And I have I have seen a trajectory in a relationship.
When I was really young, where I started out in
the relationship, I was a PA like production assistant. I
didn't have like I didn't even know what I wanted
to do. I was very like um, just young and

(49:23):
figuring things out. And then as I started to be
like I think I want to be a writer, Like
I think I'm getting into this. I got promoted at work,
I started like getting more confident. Slowly this person was
less and less like attraction to me yeah, and more
and more bothered by me, and like suddenly was like
needing things from me all the time. And I wasn't

(49:43):
smiling enough and I didn't like come home excited enough
to see him. And I was like, well, I'm tired
now because I work really hard and I don't have
time to like come home and prepare like whatever the
fuck you need, but you gave me a chef or
a blue apron. How about exactly about we solved this
very solvable problem right now without you being a fucking

(50:04):
whiney baby. Yes. I always say the more successful I
get in comedy, the less male comedians talk to me.
And it's been lovely. Has no one has quote unquote advice. Yeah,
they're little digs. They're little like, oh you they're they're
really looking for women. Now that's problem. All you're getting
stuff and all of that shit. They're more a rise

(50:27):
the less that shit happens. And it's been amazing. I
love it so that my dust motherfucker is sorry, No,
that is so enraging. I hate that that has like people, Yeah,
people say that, eat my motherfucking dust. It's your time.
Oh my god, it's your time because people are really

(50:47):
looking for female writers and what And I get it
too fold because it's like, oh, people are looking for
women and not looking for black women. The black two
Black women got a show on two networks. It's a deluge.
You're everywhere, you know to Louis. Meanwhile, everywhere I turned
as black people. Have you seen that? There's also like
six new shows about a white stand up comic. It's

(51:11):
not them personally to him, Yeah, until it's them personally,
it's it's it's it's it's. Uh, we're being handed things,
so oh god, fuck them all so raging. Yeah, what
do you guys think are red flags that you present
to people? Oh? Boy? Oh, I am moody as fuck.

(51:34):
Like I am moody. I need my alone time and
people can read that as I don't like them, you know, right,
and so uh and I yeah, and back to the top,
I'm moody. I am very much hot and cold sometimes
where I'm just like all over you, and in the
next minute, I'm like, please disappear, you know what I mean.
There's nothing I want more that to see no faces

(51:57):
right now exactly, like don't ask me him, which is
an awful thing to say somebody that cares about you,
you know what I mean, Like, don't even ask me.
Just go let me be in my mood and then
I'll come chat with you. But right now, while I'm
in my mood, I don't want to talk about it,
you know. So that can be hard because men are fixers.

(52:18):
They're like, what's wrong with you? Let me fix it?
And sometimes you don't want to be fixed, So that's yeah,
I'm definitely a right flag in that way. I feel
like I do this thing that I hate when other
guys do, Like I hate when a guy like likes
when I'm jealous at all, Like I can tell that
he like likes me feeling possessive and jealous, mainly because

(52:38):
I do get jealous really easily. So I hate that
and I don't. I don't like when I was younger
and like drunk all the time, like I loved like
flirting with people in front of partners because I love
like I got high off of it, and I definitely
don't do that anymore. And I think that's like really rude.
But when I can tell a guy gets jealous, like
I still can't help it. I still like that. M yeah, competition.

(53:03):
I don't know, I'm a big what's sign to you?
I'm a Taurus, Okay, I'm a Libra and I'm oh,
we're flirty, Yes, you are flirty. I don't think I've
ever flirted in front of a partner, but let me
loose by myself. I'm out here, you know what I mean.
And that's definitely one of the things I missed most
about the outside. It's flirting being at the bar, and

(53:26):
I'm and I do like old school flirting like I
am at the bar, shoulder work, giggle work, like I
love all of that ship, which is always a surprised
to people who know that I'm kind of like I
have very male energy in other ways, you know what
I mean, and Betty Boop type person when I'm flirting

(53:48):
love but I love it. I love flirting that keeps
your fucking engine running in your your pussy wet, you know.
Excuse me, I don't know if this is a g
rated podcast. No, it's true. Like I was listening to
your episode of your podcast about Unfaithful because I just
rewatched that movie just for some excitement in the pandemic. Yeah. Actually,

(54:11):
I've been watching like I should be getting some like
endorsements from these goddamn movie places now because everyone says
they're watching these movies because of the podcast. Now, I'm like, yeah,
I figure out how to get some money off of this.
But anyway, I know, No, I was thinking too when
I was listening to your podcast, like that is the
best type of movie to watch in the pandemic because
they're all just like sex and action and like, yeah,

(54:33):
crazy emotions and I'm like in my snuggie on the
couch watching it, like with food on my stomach. But yeah,
like she you were saying on the podcast, like if
you're married for a long time, like it's totally fine
to like go out and flirt with someone and then
come home to your husband. But obviously in the movie
she took it to like exactly, Well, No, I don't

(54:56):
think I said it was okay to flirt with other people.
I said, I think the guests Sydney were saying in
her in their mind, she was having fantasies in her mind,
and the guests was saying, I don't like my partner
to have fantasies. And my whole thing was yeah, not
whether it was it's correct or not. But you can't
control somebody's thoughts. You can't be like, don't ever think

(55:17):
about yeah, it's not and then the assure, and then
the person will lie to you and say, of course
I don't, but you can't. Really, that seems like a
stupid thing to get mad about. It's really what I
was saying, especially if you've been married for fifty freaking
years or whatever, like right, Richard Gear was like weirded
out by it and like yeah, kind of like he
not on the on the portnout side tonight when she

(55:39):
took what I'm gonna call it in bed, like get
out of here. Stop lying. But it's so funny you
were saying you guys were saying about um like the
end of the movie when Richard Gear is like, I
feel kind of guilty, like they've they've driven away from there,
like trying to escape what happened, which is like he
killed her lover. And he's like, I'm like kind of guilty,

(56:00):
and Diane Lane is like it's fine, like we'll just
take it. We'll just do it one day at a time,
and it's okay, it's ok it's not you caused this.
You've ruined our lives. Total wasp move like they wasped,
very like brushing away. It's fine that happened. Yeah, you

(56:22):
already forgive me, Like what does it matter? I don't
know if I told you, But he was a foreigner. Yeah,
you killed a foreigner, Okay, so it doesn't really matter.
An immigrant was exactly exactly I don't know, I don't
know if you noticed, but he was swarthy, Yeah, that
wasn't a tan. You know. Right now I have my

(56:44):
fun and now let's go to the US in the Hamptons,
to the beach house do a summer. That's exactly the vibe.
I don't know if they're still to this day they're
doing a summer. So they're sitting on to rocks on
the cold, cold hands on their laps. Yes, remember that

(57:13):
we still have the snow globe and it's still got
the blood on it. Okay, Jenell, you give such great
advice on your podcast, and we were wondering if you
would offer some advice to our listeners who have written in. Sure. Okay,
we have two listeners writing in about being friends with
a past or potential romantic partner. One writes, I've been

(57:34):
crushing on this guy for about four years. I've always
been the chaser. We've been talking as friends over these years.
He replies to my thirst traps, but about mundane about
mundane thing. Sorry, he replies to my thirst traps, but
about mundane topics, just to create a conversation. Recently, I
unfollowed him and removed him from my followers. Almost instantly,

(57:56):
he requested to follow me again and tries to keep
our friendship quote unquote up, guys, I need your advice.
What are you saying? What I do? I mean? Have
you have you had a conversation with this person? That's
what I'm saying. Yeah, you know what I mean. And
he's like, whoa, we're friends. What's going on? He might
be trying to respect you if you're if you haven't
had a conversation, he might be trying to be disrespectful

(58:18):
of you and your friendship, if you're sending a third trap.
And then he's like, I don't know what's happening. Let
me just hey, what's that painting behind or whatever? Unfortunately
I have to be really direct sometimes sometimes with men
all the time. You got to tell straight up, like no,
with men, you always have to be sure, and then

(58:38):
you have to decide whether the friendship is uh worth
it or you know, to make it weird. It's gonna
be weird. What if you don't want you? That's right? Whatever?
Male friends aren't that great anyway? What are you losing?
Really exactly? Yeah, what do you you know? We romanticize
male friendship, but you don't really go to them with

(59:00):
the real problems. Yeah, that's so true, so true. And
the alternative is now you're in this weird limbo where
you're just like so horning around his friend all the
time and just tell him and then if he doesn't
want to cut him off, I know it's not worth it. Yeah,
but I've had two friendships with men that turned into
like dating and both times when actually one time that

(59:25):
the guy was like, well, our friendship, like we I
wanted to respect our friendship. I was like, the friendship,
isn't that like good to me? Like, I don't really
care about the friendship that much. I'll be fine without it,
Like I don't text you when I have a problem
at night, right, So it's totally fine. Actually, but yeah,
I agree that men don't get it at all. Men
are stumb and you have to be like I like,

(59:47):
you do you want to meet up tonight? Now, I
will say I've been friends with a guy for ten years.
We had pre pandemic conversation about like being together, and
I was very much like, no, I want to stay
friends and so and we're still friends. So it's it's
it worked that way because he is a good friend.
Though it's like he's he's such an anomaly. I'm like dude,

(01:00:09):
you're my male friend. Then I haven't slept with it.
It's actually my friend. Like I don't want to go up.
You know what I mean. It's not we're not gonna
sleep together and everything still be the same. It's gonna
it's gonna fuck up everything. You know what I mean.
You know too much about me first of all, you
know what I mean. Like, it's just this isn't like
dating when you come into a stranger you know everything
about it. This isn't gonna just be some casual thing.

(01:00:30):
And I don't know if I want to have a
serious thing, because they're a serious thing. When it ends,
we're not friends anymore. So that's anyway. The advice is
just that talk to him. I don't think I don't
think she has she's trying to do the thirst trap
capture and that's not oh my god, with pain when
you send your whole titty and they're like, hey, what's

(01:00:51):
that you're using? I sent a nude once and the
guy just emphasized it, like, wow, what does this Why
I wouldn't mail a bag of shit to his house?
Are you serious? Janelle? Thank you so much for your
advice for our listeners and for me and for Carolina,

(01:01:13):
because I got so much out of talking to you.
I gave really good advice that I don't listen to myself,
so I know it's so hard to apply it in
your own can all advise each other, but I know
I always like repeat stuff my therapist says to friends,
and then I'm like, not that I've ever tried it,
but I'm sure it works. Um No, But it was

(01:01:34):
such a pleasure to have you. And do you want
to plug anything? Your podcast? Mostly my podcast, which is
you Endangered Girl, gu are ell. You can hear it
on all the places that you can hear a podcast.
We just got named top comedy podcast for twenty twenty
on Spotify, which is amazing because we just started in

(01:01:55):
October of last year. So it's a lot of work
and as you guys know, to do yoast and I'm
happy and so the only thing that keeps me going
is people listening to it. So yeah, check it out.
It's so good, guys, you have to listen. I love
it and it has gotten me to rewatch movies like
Unfaithful and Fear You as that anyway, come on now, yeah,

(01:02:16):
come on, Janelle, Thank you so much. And we'll be
right back with more True Romance. Thank you, Oh, welcome
back to True Romance. That was Janelle James, truly an

(01:02:40):
icon of comedy. While listening to her, I just thought,
how cool would it be to be this relaxed and
this funny, Like she was just kicked back being literally
one of the funniest people ever I know, just spewing.
This is just your state of being, being as funny
as Janelle James must be. Like you just know, It's

(01:03:01):
like one of those things where if you're meant to
be like an Olympic gymnast, then people can tell when
you're like five years old. Like I wonder if at
five years old everyone was like, you're the funniest person
I've ever met, And here she is. We're truly lucky.
She graced the True Romance pod on the subject of
red flags. Yeah, what was the red flag? What was

(01:03:22):
your run flag when you met me? Interesting that you
went with singular instead of plural, you get one. There
wasn't really a red flag right away. Let's say, at
first I thought you were really nice, really cool. Pretty
quickly this is actually really funny because I feel like
it's nothing like you now that I know you, but

(01:03:42):
pretty quickly you were like talking about this vegan this
book about like veganism, and how like it was like
food ink or something in this book, and you were
like everyone has to read this and like it's so good.
And then like the following week, you were eating bacon
and I was like, so, I don't know about like
the wherewithal here, but um, this is so crazy that
you remember this. The book is called Eating Animals by

(01:04:05):
Jonathan So I was like one of the like million
like hipster girls who read it, being like, oh my god,
this is really bad guys, and then posted on my
Facebook that I was going to be vegan. And then
a week later and my friend Emma Brennan, friend of
the pod, was like, you are so fucking black and white,

(01:04:25):
Like here it goes again, like all or nothing. I
could have just been like, oh, I'm going to be
more mindful about what I eat. Instead I was like,
anyone who eats anything I can do with the animals
is a bad person. I'm good person. And then a
week later it was like, Okay, I'm going to try
to block that book out of my head so I
can go on as a normal. Well it was at

(01:04:45):
a time in our lives where we mostly hung out
in diners in New York City, So I honestly was like,
good luck to you, asking these Greek men who run
this Steiner for the past like fifty years in New
York for a side of like vegan butter or something.
It was also really funny because one of the first
times I hung out with our friend Holly fred at
the pod, all she remembers is that I ordered a

(01:05:06):
huge blade of sausage, like, so yeah, that was um,
that's a red flag. That was a red flag. And
also Jonathan Sap from four went on to have a
bizarre emotional affair with New perform so weird we should
bring those emails on an episode. I will say that

(01:05:27):
for my um red flag for Devon, and it really
comes from my own probably internalized sexism. Was that Devin
truly dressed when I met her like a motivational dancer
at a bar mitzvah, but like in mid like show,
like she was like I had just come from a

(01:05:48):
bar mitzvah. And that's why when I say that, I
mean like I went to a lot of bar mitzvas
as kids, and there were always these dancers who are
like there to start of pump up the party. And
the girls were always like beautiful and they were dressed
like spandex pants, like belly's always showing, like do you
had to do you still have a belly button piercing?
I never had one. Oh okay, it doesn't make sense

(01:06:08):
that I didn't. It doesn't make sense that you didn't.
But you were like belly out always, like tits out always,
and to the scent that when I met Devin, I
thought like we won't be friends, like we're not similar
enough to be friends, but like I know someone who
will be friends with her. And I introduced her to
this like, oh yeah, rich girl. I was like, here

(01:06:28):
is see who your friends should be. And it was
like a girl who had like fake eyelashes like spray tan,
like lived in like this really fancy apartment building and
had like like a huge like like what looked like
a wig, but it was probably just like a bunch
of extensions. And it was just like, hi, and estimate
you to Devon. It's just like that I can't That's
the best description I can give. I was like so

(01:06:52):
attracted to her as a person, and I this is
something I really struggle with, Like, I think Erica Jane
is like truly the most beautiful person I've ever seen,
and like, on this season of Real Housewives of Salt
Lake City, a lot of people are saying it's like
the worst style of the housewives that I'm like, oh,
almost every outfit I would be signing up for almost immediately.

(01:07:16):
So yeah, that's tough. That was. I feel like things
have toned down. That was when I was things have
toned down so much, Devin. I was trying to explain
to my mom why I was so shocked that you
had never seen Aaron Brockovich and I was telling her
that you had the dress that Julia Robbins wears and
pretty woman when she I did, Yeah, I got something
like that. It wasn't like it wasn't a costume and

(01:07:38):
it was never worn ironically, like you wore that like
as a going out outfit. I know, I used to
shop at this place like Mystique boutique on Canal Street
that now I'm like, I guess I just like didn't
take bedbugs into consideration. That that is like where I
frequented and when I was like twenty years I guess
twenty years old. I also frequently would buy like backless dresses,

(01:08:01):
and I would like turn them around and wear them
forward so that they would be like low cut down
to my belly button. That was like a style tip
I had. And so when I was like twenty, I
started like I had like an internship, Like I entered
the professional world. I was fired from being a waitress,
but I entered the professional world of internships, and I
had to like buy all new clothes and I had

(01:08:23):
to sell all my cloth. I was like, I guess
I'll just get rid of it all. It's all like
rave outfits and mystique boutique, like knockoffs of like Kardashian
outfits from like the early season. So I had to
sell it all. And when I took it to Beacon's closet,
they were like, you really think, like the hipster fucking

(01:08:44):
clientele here is going to wear a backless chiffon teal
dress that's has a bodyton skirt and rhinestone buttons. And
I was like, if they're smart, They're like, did you
just got a rehab? Oh? Yeah, you're like Richard Gear
came to town and I'm going shopping. It was not great.

(01:09:09):
I also routinely wore a white Sequence blazer, and I
specifically remember once like my white Sequence blazer like probably
burned like it to ashes because it was so cheap.
It just fell apart one day, and I specifically remember thinking, oh,
I guess I have to get another white Sequence blazer,
as if that's like a staple. I was like, Oh,
my one is done. I guess I'll get the next

(01:09:31):
one that I'll wear for the rest of my life
since this is such a normal thing to wear plastic anyway, Devin,
love you, Carol, Thanks love pass my red five, Thank
you for looking past. Bye, We'll see you next to
my true romance. Bye, true Mansit's so romantic. Love me, baby,

(01:10:11):
don't leave me hanging. I want true ros.