April 20, 2023 • 27 mins
Devin is lost without Carolina for the week - especially in the wake of the trauma that was Netflix’s attempt at a live reunion. The only thing harder to watch than the season 4 reunion was… Chelsea and Kwame’s wedding. Devin dives into all of the most inspirational and most cringeworthy moments of the finale and reunion of Love is Blind and begs Netflix to PLEASE reconsider the Lacheys.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Ahed I want hello, true romance listeners. This is Devin
Leary and I'm here alone today. Carolina could actually not
(00:25):
be with us tonight, and I know you'd like an
answer for why that is. I know uncertainty is uncomfortable.
I'm a human being. I get uncomfortable when things don't
happen the way they're supposed to do as well, that's
why the Love is blind quote unquote live reunion for
(00:46):
season four on Sunday night was so deeply upsetting for
a human being like me, For a human being who
has a life, who has a schedule, who has plans,
a pretty porous outer shell when it comes to being
affected by things. You know, I think regimen control, certainty,
these things, these things help us, and when they falter,
(01:10):
so do we. I can imagine most of our listenership
was also thrown off on Sunday nights sitting again. It's like,
you know, we all have things going on. We all
also wanted to watch the new episode of Succession. We
all had to make a choice. One's live, according to Netflix,
and one is not. So what are we gonna do?
(01:32):
We're gonna choose to focus on the live event and
oh oh, my god, my cat is playing with a
loud toy under the bed, so I can't get to him.
So regardless we all waited for the Love I will
just focus on my own journey. I waited for The
Love Is Blind reunion for about forty five minutes, and
then I said, listen, I'm not gonna give up all
(01:54):
my pleasures in life because one of the biggest, most
successful business, Netflix can't get their shit together. So I
moved on to other TV programs, and then this morning
I kept going to Netflix. This is Monday morning, speaking
on a Monday. I kept going to Netflix to check
(02:15):
and watch the reunion not live, and I couldn't click
on It's like I could see the window, but I
couldn't click on it. And it was so weird. By
the way, all the cast members who I follow on Instagram,
they're all posting like, oh, sorry about the delay, but
just like hold on a little bit longer. At one point,
Chelsea was like, I'm hearing that the reunion will be
available at the lunch hour. I'm like, what's the lunch hour?
(02:39):
You know, this is a post pandemic world. People are
working remote, people have interminute fasting schedules, I personally, for me,
I never know when I'm gonna et lunch. I don't
know what the lunch hour is. Is it three pm?
Is it eleven am? And so finally, when Brett, the
most steadfast Gentleman on Season four posted that now the
reunion's available, I rushed myself over to that Netflix homepage
(03:03):
brought me to season one. I'm like, why am I
seeing Barnett? Why is Amber here? And then I had
to go scroll on over to seat I'm like, why
is this so hard? And then as soon as the
reunion starts, it's like it's so shoddy, It's I'm just like, wait, Netflix,
You've been in the game for a long time. I
remember when I used to order your little red envelopes.
(03:23):
I remember when I ordered a DVD of The Deer
Hunter in high school, not really knowing what it was,
only to traumatize myself and then stick it right back
in that little red envelope send it back to Netflix.
So you've been around. How is your quality? Solo? In
this live reunion, it's like live television is not a
new medium. And at one point someone in the control
(03:44):
room is like crinkling chips and they can hear it
on the mic or something. People are talking shit in
the back of the set and their mics are hot,
and the jokes are all over the place, and I
mean a lot of that's because of vanessaa Shay. This
needs to be an executive decision, and I I promise
this is not just because I'm a Jessica Simpson girl.
But Vanessa Che is not equipped for running a reunion.
(04:08):
She's just not. Howie Mandel could run a better reunion
than vanessla Che. That being said, let's take it a
quick beat back and let's talk about the weddings. We
were left on a cliffhanger the previous week with Chelsea
and Kwame. I think everyone felt the way someone at
(04:29):
a child's first birthday party that I was at over
the weekend felt, which was, there's no way Kwame's going
to say yes to Chelsea. Well again, uncertainty is a
part of the human condition. We think we know things
we often don't. Kwame said yes. I honestly was terrified.
My mom has been trying to convince me that Chelsea
(04:51):
is a psychopath, and honestly, out of some sort of
adolescent repressed rebellion feeling, I've been like arguing with her,
but this wedding moment was kind of a confirmation for me.
I do think Chelsea is more unwell than I thought.
After they get married, she's like repeatedly grabbing Kwame's face saying,
we're married to forever. You're my husband. We're married forever,
(05:14):
you are my husband. She's like, baby, you are my
husband and starts like maniacally laughing, And it appears in
my notes I wrote I'm scary. I think I meant
I'm scared, or maybe I caught a glimpse in the mirror.
I don't know what was happening, but that was upsetting.
Kwame looked so uncomfortable. He looked like me most of
(05:38):
the time. Honestly, I'm like, what's an example of me
being awkward and uncomfortable in a social situation. He just
looked like he might have made the worst mistake in
his life. So then I kind of assumed, like, Okay,
we're going to get to the reunion and they're no
longer going to be together. I've also seen a lot
of stuff on TikTok about his sister being an actress
and him being out at clubs in Seattle. But of course,
(06:01):
spoiler alert, everyone who gets married in the wedding episode
is still married in the reunion. So then after Chelsea
and Kwame, we have Paul and Micah, which I guess
was surprising. I just want to say, like, in an
age of confusion and misinformation, we need to get the
fact out there that Paul is not smart, no matter
what he says, no matter what Thesaurus words he uses.
(06:22):
I know he wants to convince the world that he's
an intellectual. I find that extremely difficult to believe. I
can't even begin I have a very active imagination, you know,
like that's why I can't sleep at night, But I
can't even begin to paint in my mind a picture
of having a deep conversation with Paul. I don't think
he understands like the intricacy of the human experience. Now
(06:47):
look at me using Thesaurus where it's intricacy and human experience.
But I just think he is a phony in that way.
I think he touched Micah's friend's ass at his own wedding.
I think that that's wrong. And Micah may be a bitch,
but at least she's interesting and I actually kind of
love her and I love her mom, and she didn't
(07:09):
really seem I don't think she was as much of
a victim as she makes herself out to be. I
don't think she was like set on Paul. I don't
think she thought Paul was like her Brent. But I
think she was kind of excited to have the role
of being broken up with, especially because she probably started
picking up on the villain narrative she was getting. Maybe
(07:30):
she realized she looked bad by flirting with Kwame, who
was engaged to someone else, and then she wanted to
turn it around and say, oh, I was left at
the altar, when in reality, you didn't even say yes.
So I don't know. And we all know when your
best friend grabs your face after midnight in a for
some reason brightly lit bar and says I want the
(07:53):
best for you, but this isn't it. We all know
that's going to be hard to surpass. So Paul leaves Micah.
The thing that he did, the crime he committed was
after leaving her adulter, he said he didn't think she
would be a nurturing mother. That's where you lose me.
Yet again, Paul, no matter how fake, I think Micah's
(08:14):
overreaction was I don't think she shed a real tier
at the wedding or at the reunion. I know a
real tier. I've been watching Real Housewives since the early
two thousands. I don't think a real tear was shed.
But I also think that he's fucked up for saying
she wouldn't be a nurturing mother. Just say anything else.
And by the way, it's like that's the thing. It's like,
these people are too young. You have to have decades
(08:35):
of like having to reject people or be rejected to learn, like,
don't even say anything specific about them, just say like,
I'm not ready. I'm not ready. I thought I was ready.
I signed up to be married, and I'm not. Tiffany
and Brett's wedding I sobbed. If you didn't sob check
in with your local doctor's office. We all live in
(08:56):
villages with just one doctor's office, right, Well, just you know,
clip clop on down on your horse drawn carriage and
ask that local medicine man. No, I mean, like I
just if you weren't affected by this love story, this
love story transcended love is blind like love is blind,
did not deserve the love story of Tiffany and Brett.
They happen to be two fully formed individuals in their
(09:18):
thirty mid thirties. They've lived lives, They've been through shit.
They know what they want, they know what they deserve.
They found each other, they deserve each other. They're both
incredible people. They're funny, they're happy, they're they're whole, they're complete.
They inspire me, and I just don't think that Netflix
necessarily even deserved them. But I loved watching them. I
(09:41):
was sad to not be able to watch them anymore. Oh,
although I guess Netflix always does those after the alter
extra episodes counting Down, Countdown starts now. Hashtag countdown starts now, guys,
am I right? You know it's a little awkward to
be just speaking into a void with no no one
else responding and just my cat like playing with the
(10:03):
random bits of trash around my apartment. Kind of makes
me feel a little bit insane and kind of assuming
if my neighbors can hear me, they think I am
a little bit insane. That's okay. I loved when after
(10:25):
the wedding, Tiffany, by the way, looked stunning. I felt
like Brett's pants not being like good enough, Like, honestly,
I agree with him. The suit didn't look that good
and it was like kind of inexcusable. And it's another
symptom of Netflix, like where has Netflix been? Like why
is there not a better production design and quality behind
this stuff? Why was Brett's suit not perfect? That being said,
(10:46):
it was like a little bit intense. It's like, Brett,
no one's really gonna remember the seam of the pants.
They're gonna remember that you married someone you had just
met after talking to them in something called pods like
a couple of weeks and then fell in love quote
unquote sight unseen on a reality show with a guy
(11:06):
who used to be in ninety eight degrees, Like these
are the things people are gonna remember. Not necessarily your hemline.
But he had to go get his pants fixed and
that was like a drama that they teased because he
says this should not happen. The whole season they've been teasing,
like Brett says this should not happen, and then you're like,
oh my god, or who had Tiffany gonna break up?
The truth is no, they get married. It's stunning, it's beautiful. Afterwards,
(11:28):
she looks so happy, and she just says, I'm at peace,
and that's what I want on my wedding day. I
want to be at peace. I want to not care
that I'm sitting in a dirty, old pickup truck which
she was, with mud all over me in my white
wedding dress. I want to be so at peace with
the man next to me that I'm like, yeah, don't
give a fuck that there's mud on the wedding dress.
Let's dance, Let's have us a time. And she said
(11:52):
as statement that I think all heterosexual women need to
aspire to, which is, there is nothing that scares me
about this man. That's how she feels about her husband.
And I don't know if I know anyone I can
think of the slightest few examples of women who can
say there is nothing that scares them about their husbands.
If you can safely say there's nothing that scares you
(12:14):
about your husband, please come forward in the comments the DMS,
because I think that's so rare with a straight man,
to have nothing that scares you. Not their bathroom trash
can not their soap scum stained shower, not the age
of their loofah, not the women's names in their contact lists,
(12:37):
not their likes on Instagram, not their taste in music,
not the amount of times they want to talk about
the Beatles. Can listen when a band retires? Can we
retire them? Can we not have to talk about who
is which Beetle? Men? Please? Please? Just anything. There's been
(13:01):
so much since the Beatles. There's been tsunamis since the Beatles.
There's been natural disasters, there's been social upheavals, there's been
scanned of all since the Beatles. Just anything. We don't
need to know who's George. And so if there's nothing
that scares you about this man, I say go forward
(13:22):
with whomever that may be. And I think that should
apply in not just romances, but also business relationships. Maybe
at the grocery store, getting an uber on the apps.
You know, this should be a base thing. It's like,
what's a deal breaker? Nothing scares me about him? But
yet we take it for granted. We think, oh, it's
(13:43):
a little scary. Okay, it's a little weird, it's a
little murdery, but you know, but we're in our thirties
and you know, men cap their at dating app ages
at twenty nine a lot of the time. So if
he has a samurai sword in his profile, then is
that really a deal breaker? It should be oh that
being said perfect segue Zach. Zach has a samurai sword
(14:06):
which I saw in a TikTok that he made to
account for the fact that he stole the lyrics to
the song he made up for Arena, that song he's
sang in the Pods. I don't know why anyone would
come forward and be like, those were actually my lyrics,
Like I would be like, ooh, if he wants to
pretend those are his, a god speed to you. But yeah,
(14:27):
Zach is odd. I think Zach and Bliss are honestly
two people who really needed a person. They're both from
dysfunctional families. I mean, as are we all, but they
both really seemed to need like a teammate in their lives,
for those uncomfortable dinners, for those lonely moments, for that
grief recovery all that, and so I think they found
(14:47):
each other and they really need each other. And I
think they're both very easy going and open minded people,
so I think they actually really work together. And I
think Bliss is truly obviously like the catch of the duo,
and I really felt for her, Like when she's being
walked down the aisle, it's like the mom and the dad.
You can just clearly see the difference between them. The
(15:09):
mom is saying like, I'm not gonna cry. I'm not
gonna cry in like a cute emotional way. And the
dad says, I got a tear in my eye. Oh wait,
no I don't. He's like, I'm emotional about your wedding.
Psych couldn't care less. And then the mom is clearly
trying to like distract Bliss from all the fucked up, annoying, weird,
misogynist stuff. The dad is saying. She keeps being like,
do you have your flowers? Are you okay? Are you okay?
(15:30):
It's kind of like a trauma cycle unfolding repeating itself
right before our eyes, and Bliss is like, I'm unfazed.
I have my teammate. Now we're gonna dance. We hope
each other dance, and we are gonna dance. They walk
to each other. It is actually kind of beautiful, and
then they do dance to that song. And I did
cry that too, guys, I was crying a lot. I mean,
all these weddings seemed cold and wet, and uncomfortable. And
(15:54):
I was cold and wet and uncomfortable watching because I
was crying so much. So onto the reunion, the reunion again,
I know I touched on it. Vanessa keeps talking about
(16:16):
wanting to be an antie to The First Love Is
Blind Baby. Can you imagine, like someone on another shows
like this isn't normal? I think we have to we
have to acknowledge Vanessa's behavior as a host is not normal.
It's not professional. Hosting has been done by so many
for so long, dating back to Regis Philbin, Brian Dnkleman
(16:39):
or Dunkleman or whatever, Brian Seacrest, Heidi Klum like, there's
legends in the hosting world, and Vanessa could take notes,
and yet she doesn't. And yet she talks about being
the anti to The First Love Is Blind Baby over
and over again. She talks about her ovaries burning, She
does weird bits. She did like a weird bit with
Tiffany and Brett where she's like, well, we have like
(17:00):
footage of you guys fucking and they're like, I mean
not like that, but they're like wait what and then
they show it's just like the clip where Tiffany fell
asleep that we've all seen ten million times on Twitter
and Instagram and TikTok, and then like Tiffany and Bread
have to pretend to laugh. They're like, oh, it was
that like. And the thing is she's always talking over Nick,
and I'm like, I hate Nick because I read Jessica
(17:22):
Simpson's memoir, but I would rather hear from Nick at
this point. I would rather I mean, despite what I
said last week on the pod, I would rather Nick's
weird dad jokes where he's like, oh, yeah, my wife
makes me sleep on the couch every once in a while,
you know what I mean, fellas, or when he's like
every father wants their little girl. It's like that's creepy
as fuck. But at least I can like I know
(17:45):
that level of creepy, I know that level of weird.
But when Vanessa speaks, she's always talking over him, and
it's just like, I'm like, this is a level of
weird that I like don't even know what to do with.
She's like making faces she thinks are funny, and it's
like I can't. I can't with that at all. So yeah, Also,
Chelsea and Kwame tough to see them still together Honestly,
(18:06):
I just don't think either of them seems happy. They
talk about having a Calvin Klein date where they both
wore Calvin Client underwear. It's like, that's just the worst
type of couple. That being said, for two people to
both think that that's like cool and interesting to share
that you had a date where you both wore Calvin
Klin underwear and you called it your Calvin Clin date.
Maybe that is two people who found each other in
(18:28):
a world where no one else is like them, and
maybe methinks cupid, I shall not play, because maybe there's
forces at work here, like I'm like applying my own
opinions on these people. It's like, personally, I would not
go to a date where the premise was let's both
wear Calvin Klein underwear and just talk, but we'll call
it the Calvin Client date. I would be frightened, and
(18:51):
I would maybe alert the neighborhood on my criminal app
that this person exists that wants to do that. But
for these two, that's fun, that's cute. I guess okay.
They say that they're still waiting a year later for
their Calvin Klein boudoir photo shoot that they did that's alarming.
Is the photographer dead? Have they passed? Why has it
(19:13):
taken a year for a few photos in underwear? But
alas again, I think Brent and Tiffany perfect, Zach and
Bliss are actually pretty cute. Arena when Arena came out,
let's say this, Okay, I think because I've seen so
much Bravo, so much TLC, so much Lifetime Network, like
I've seen so much reality, to me, Arena was not
(19:35):
like the worst villain of all time. Even when they
played back that montage of like Arena and Micah like
being mean, It's like, yes, they were kind of mean girls.
I don't know, I've seen meaner. I've probably done meaner
then laughing at someone who's crying. I don't. I probably
shouldn't say that me. I laugh at people who are
crying all the time. No, I mean, I do think
(19:55):
it was mean, and I think they were being like shitty, bitchy,
kind of stupid mean girls. But I'm just saying, like,
did it deserve like a whole moment on the couch
where it's like something's wrong with you and you have
mental illness and you need to look inward. It's like
I don't know. It's just I've seen real damage done
on some other reality shows, and I felt like Arena apologized,
(20:16):
Micah apologized. They both tried to be accountable. They both
talked about wanting to look inward. I don't know. I
don't really believe either of their tales about like Arena
saying like I was actually having a panic attack and
I was covering my face. But who knows. I don't
know what goes on behind closed doors. I just think
that I agree most with Bliss, who's like, who even
cares about this anymore? Like we're happy and it doesn't
(20:38):
need to be this whole thing, where like Vanessa's. That's
another thing Vanessa like gets in on, like trying to
confront these people, where she's like there it is, Oh,
there it is, And I'm like, wait, you can't even
back that up. Like sometimes Andy will get like confrontational,
but that's because he has the facts to back up
what he's talking about. He's like, wait a second, that's
not true. I was there at the production. My producer
(20:59):
said this, blah blah bla. Vanessa can't even explain why
the reunion didn't air on time, like she doesn't know shit.
At one point, she goes, you guys didn't know for
sure if you're going to marry each other. Oh, okay
on a reality show where the point is to get
married at first sight, and say I do at the altar. Okay.
I'm like, let's not act like the premise of this
show is reasonable. It's absolutely absurd, and you've found people
(21:25):
season after season who are so desperate because of our
culture's obsession with marriage, to just get married to someone
they don't even know. But let's not act like, Okay,
you were questioning if you wanted to be with him,
like red Flag. It's like, that's what the whole show
is about. Vanessa, Like, I don't know what you're talking about.
By the way, in that moment, I felt like Vanessa
was actually like trying to like come at Arena and
(21:46):
she like made Arena look good that could never happen,
Like no one has ever looked better than Andy Cohen.
Andy Cohen always places himself on a higher plane, and
Vanessa's like not really able to do that. So last
in this recap, and yes, this is going to be
a shorter episode. Listen, my whole schedule got thrown up
in the air. By Netflix executives. Step forward and show yourselves.
(22:11):
Netflix executives. I don't know who you are, but please
speak on why my schedule is messed up, speak on
why my episode is short. I am not going to
take any personal accountability until Netflix does. And that's how
I live my life. I don't take accountability till Netflix does.
That's one of the tenants of my lifestyle. And so
the final thing, well, there's two final things in this reunion.
(22:34):
One is that they do these like they're like, Okay,
we're gonna show you an exclusive inside look at what
the couple's married lives are really like. Now, okay, I'm
thinking something like after the altar, I'm thinking we're getting
some inside look that we never could have gotten otherwise.
It's filmed by themselves on fucking iPhone cameras with poor
(22:57):
sound and poor image quality. It's like that, they say,
it's like cameos that the cast made and sent to
Vanessa last minute, right before the reunion, and all their
apartments look fake and stage. Also, why don't any of
these people live in Seattle? It was supposed to be
the Seattle season. I love Seattle. People know this, and
I was excited to see Seattle people and Seattle homes
(23:19):
and Seattle neighborhoods. Meanwhile, they're living in Arizona, Scottsdale, they're
living in I mean, Portland makes more sense, but I
just don't understand. Part of the fun is going to
different cities, I thought, and seeing people who live there.
But anyway, so they're doing the home tours. Everyone's apartment
looks fake, but of course Kwame and Chelsea's apartment was
(23:41):
the most agreedious and disturbing. Tiffy and Brett's is super cute.
But then it like does an awkward abrupt you know.
It wasn't even like cameos. It was like a bad
like happy birthday montage, Like when one of your friends
is like, oh, everyone send in a video for Sarah's
thirtieth birthday and then we're gonna crop it or chop
it all together an iMovie and surprise her and it's
(24:03):
just like all these awkward, like jump cuts. That's what
this was like. But it's done by Netflix. It's done
by the same home that produces Squid Game. You know,
the Crown. You're telling me, the Crown people gave me
this jump cut eyemovie montage of people filming inside their apartments,
(24:23):
it's just upsetting. But Chelsea and Kwame's apartment looked like
they literally put the furniture in that day to film it,
and they throw two random pink chairs in the corner
at Chelsea's like, this is my corner where I do
my thing, and it's two pink chairs with a table.
Couldn't be more depressing. Also, I'm like, they have nothing
on the walls, That's what I'm saying. I'm like, I
don't think this is their real home. There's nothing on
(24:45):
the walls. They're like, oh, that's the couch. They did
some weird thing where they're like, that's the couch that
Kwame sleeps on, and then he tried to explain it.
He's like, oh, yeah, I like to sleep on the
couch once a week because when I was single, I
used to accidentally fall in asleep on the couch all
the time. There's a lot of things I do. When
I'm saying that, I hope I won't have to continue
when I'm in a relationship and for some reason, Kwame
(25:09):
wants to still sleep on the couch. I don't know.
I think I would probably still want to sleep on
the couch if someone was grabbing my face staring into
my eyes and saying, you're my husband, I'm your wife,
I'm your wife, and you're my husband. So it's kind
of understandable. But anyway, I'll just say this. Listen, if
you're watching Love is Blind, you have to be watching
Married at First Sight. They're the ones who originally did
(25:30):
the thing. They also ended with this reunion with where
like they have a cast member from a former season
ask a question. They chose Bartess. Really, that's who you
think we want to hear a question from. Again, It's like,
be in touch with the audience, know what we want.
No one wants to see Bartiss, no offense. We want
to hear questions from people we love and care about,
or maybe people from season one, some classics. You know,
(25:52):
I don't love and care about Amber and Barnett, but
they sure are entertaining. I'd love to see them up there. Bartiss,
I'm just like, that's the last person I would ever
want to hear a question from. But he's like who
and he asked Vanessa's question. He's like, who's gonna have
the first Love Is Blind? Baby? Like what? But Married
at First Site did that first, they have their reunions
where forward cast members ask questions. They have a real community.
(26:15):
I'm just saying, if you're watching Love Is Blind, be
a true fan of arranged marriage reality shows and also
watched Married at First Sight. That's all I have to
say for you guys tonight, quick update, Love is proven
not to be blind again. In my opinion, yes, I
believe in Brent and Tiffany's love. I also think they're
both conventionally attractive and could have just met in real life.
(26:37):
But all I'll say is tune in next week and
my good old friend Carolina will be back. I true
(27:04):
said so romantic, love me, baby, don't leave me, haggen,
I wan't true
Ahed I want hello, true romance listeners. This is Devin
Leary and I'm here alone today. Carolina could actually not
(00:25):
be with us tonight, and I know you'd like an
answer for why that is. I know uncertainty is uncomfortable.
I'm a human being. I get uncomfortable when things don't
happen the way they're supposed to do as well, that's
why the Love is blind quote unquote live reunion for
(00:46):
season four on Sunday night was so deeply upsetting for
a human being like me, For a human being who
has a life, who has a schedule, who has plans,
a pretty porous outer shell when it comes to being
affected by things. You know, I think regimen control, certainty,
these things, these things help us, and when they falter,
(01:10):
so do we. I can imagine most of our listenership
was also thrown off on Sunday nights sitting again. It's like,
you know, we all have things going on. We all
also wanted to watch the new episode of Succession. We
all had to make a choice. One's live, according to Netflix,
and one is not. So what are we gonna do?
(01:32):
We're gonna choose to focus on the live event and
oh oh, my god, my cat is playing with a
loud toy under the bed, so I can't get to him.
So regardless we all waited for the Love I will
just focus on my own journey. I waited for The
Love Is Blind reunion for about forty five minutes, and
then I said, listen, I'm not gonna give up all
(01:54):
my pleasures in life because one of the biggest, most
successful business, Netflix can't get their shit together. So I
moved on to other TV programs, and then this morning
I kept going to Netflix. This is Monday morning, speaking
on a Monday. I kept going to Netflix to check
(02:15):
and watch the reunion not live, and I couldn't click
on It's like I could see the window, but I
couldn't click on it. And it was so weird. By
the way, all the cast members who I follow on Instagram,
they're all posting like, oh, sorry about the delay, but
just like hold on a little bit longer. At one point,
Chelsea was like, I'm hearing that the reunion will be
available at the lunch hour. I'm like, what's the lunch hour?
(02:39):
You know, this is a post pandemic world. People are
working remote, people have interminute fasting schedules, I personally, for me,
I never know when I'm gonna et lunch. I don't
know what the lunch hour is. Is it three pm?
Is it eleven am? And so finally, when Brett, the
most steadfast Gentleman on Season four posted that now the
reunion's available, I rushed myself over to that Netflix homepage
(03:03):
brought me to season one. I'm like, why am I
seeing Barnett? Why is Amber here? And then I had
to go scroll on over to seat I'm like, why
is this so hard? And then as soon as the
reunion starts, it's like it's so shoddy, It's I'm just like, wait, Netflix,
You've been in the game for a long time. I
remember when I used to order your little red envelopes.
(03:23):
I remember when I ordered a DVD of The Deer
Hunter in high school, not really knowing what it was,
only to traumatize myself and then stick it right back
in that little red envelope send it back to Netflix.
So you've been around. How is your quality? Solo? In
this live reunion, it's like live television is not a
new medium. And at one point someone in the control
(03:44):
room is like crinkling chips and they can hear it
on the mic or something. People are talking shit in
the back of the set and their mics are hot,
and the jokes are all over the place, and I
mean a lot of that's because of vanessaa Shay. This
needs to be an executive decision, and I I promise
this is not just because I'm a Jessica Simpson girl.
But Vanessa Che is not equipped for running a reunion.
(04:08):
She's just not. Howie Mandel could run a better reunion
than vanessla Che. That being said, let's take it a
quick beat back and let's talk about the weddings. We
were left on a cliffhanger the previous week with Chelsea
and Kwame. I think everyone felt the way someone at
(04:29):
a child's first birthday party that I was at over
the weekend felt, which was, there's no way Kwame's going
to say yes to Chelsea. Well again, uncertainty is a
part of the human condition. We think we know things
we often don't. Kwame said yes. I honestly was terrified.
My mom has been trying to convince me that Chelsea
(04:51):
is a psychopath, and honestly, out of some sort of
adolescent repressed rebellion feeling, I've been like arguing with her,
but this wedding moment was kind of a confirmation for me.
I do think Chelsea is more unwell than I thought.
After they get married, she's like repeatedly grabbing Kwame's face saying,
we're married to forever. You're my husband. We're married forever,
(05:14):
you are my husband. She's like, baby, you are my
husband and starts like maniacally laughing, And it appears in
my notes I wrote I'm scary. I think I meant
I'm scared, or maybe I caught a glimpse in the mirror.
I don't know what was happening, but that was upsetting.
Kwame looked so uncomfortable. He looked like me most of
(05:38):
the time. Honestly, I'm like, what's an example of me
being awkward and uncomfortable in a social situation. He just
looked like he might have made the worst mistake in
his life. So then I kind of assumed, like, Okay,
we're going to get to the reunion and they're no
longer going to be together. I've also seen a lot
of stuff on TikTok about his sister being an actress
and him being out at clubs in Seattle. But of course,
(06:01):
spoiler alert, everyone who gets married in the wedding episode
is still married in the reunion. So then after Chelsea
and Kwame, we have Paul and Micah, which I guess
was surprising. I just want to say, like, in an
age of confusion and misinformation, we need to get the
fact out there that Paul is not smart, no matter
what he says, no matter what Thesaurus words he uses.
(06:22):
I know he wants to convince the world that he's
an intellectual. I find that extremely difficult to believe. I
can't even begin I have a very active imagination, you know,
like that's why I can't sleep at night, But I
can't even begin to paint in my mind a picture
of having a deep conversation with Paul. I don't think
he understands like the intricacy of the human experience. Now
(06:47):
look at me using Thesaurus where it's intricacy and human experience.
But I just think he is a phony in that way.
I think he touched Micah's friend's ass at his own wedding.
I think that that's wrong. And Micah may be a bitch,
but at least she's interesting and I actually kind of
love her and I love her mom, and she didn't
(07:09):
really seem I don't think she was as much of
a victim as she makes herself out to be. I
don't think she was like set on Paul. I don't
think she thought Paul was like her Brent. But I
think she was kind of excited to have the role
of being broken up with, especially because she probably started
picking up on the villain narrative she was getting. Maybe
(07:30):
she realized she looked bad by flirting with Kwame, who
was engaged to someone else, and then she wanted to
turn it around and say, oh, I was left at
the altar, when in reality, you didn't even say yes.
So I don't know. And we all know when your
best friend grabs your face after midnight in a for
some reason brightly lit bar and says I want the
(07:53):
best for you, but this isn't it. We all know
that's going to be hard to surpass. So Paul leaves Micah.
The thing that he did, the crime he committed was
after leaving her adulter, he said he didn't think she
would be a nurturing mother. That's where you lose me.
Yet again, Paul, no matter how fake, I think Micah's
(08:14):
overreaction was I don't think she shed a real tier
at the wedding or at the reunion. I know a
real tier. I've been watching Real Housewives since the early
two thousands. I don't think a real tear was shed.
But I also think that he's fucked up for saying
she wouldn't be a nurturing mother. Just say anything else.
And by the way, it's like that's the thing. It's like,
these people are too young. You have to have decades
(08:35):
of like having to reject people or be rejected to learn, like,
don't even say anything specific about them, just say like,
I'm not ready. I'm not ready. I thought I was ready.
I signed up to be married, and I'm not. Tiffany
and Brett's wedding I sobbed. If you didn't sob check
in with your local doctor's office. We all live in
(08:56):
villages with just one doctor's office, right, Well, just you know,
clip clop on down on your horse drawn carriage and
ask that local medicine man. No, I mean, like I
just if you weren't affected by this love story, this
love story transcended love is blind like love is blind,
did not deserve the love story of Tiffany and Brett.
They happen to be two fully formed individuals in their
(09:18):
thirty mid thirties. They've lived lives, They've been through shit.
They know what they want, they know what they deserve.
They found each other, they deserve each other. They're both
incredible people. They're funny, they're happy, they're they're whole, they're complete.
They inspire me, and I just don't think that Netflix
necessarily even deserved them. But I loved watching them. I
(09:41):
was sad to not be able to watch them anymore. Oh,
although I guess Netflix always does those after the alter
extra episodes counting Down, Countdown starts now. Hashtag countdown starts now, guys,
am I right? You know it's a little awkward to
be just speaking into a void with no no one
else responding and just my cat like playing with the
(10:03):
random bits of trash around my apartment. Kind of makes
me feel a little bit insane and kind of assuming
if my neighbors can hear me, they think I am
a little bit insane. That's okay. I loved when after
(10:25):
the wedding, Tiffany, by the way, looked stunning. I felt
like Brett's pants not being like good enough, Like, honestly,
I agree with him. The suit didn't look that good
and it was like kind of inexcusable. And it's another
symptom of Netflix, like where has Netflix been? Like why
is there not a better production design and quality behind
this stuff? Why was Brett's suit not perfect? That being said,
(10:46):
it was like a little bit intense. It's like, Brett,
no one's really gonna remember the seam of the pants.
They're gonna remember that you married someone you had just
met after talking to them in something called pods like
a couple of weeks and then fell in love quote
unquote sight unseen on a reality show with a guy
(11:06):
who used to be in ninety eight degrees, Like these
are the things people are gonna remember. Not necessarily your hemline.
But he had to go get his pants fixed and
that was like a drama that they teased because he
says this should not happen. The whole season they've been teasing,
like Brett says this should not happen, and then you're like,
oh my god, or who had Tiffany gonna break up?
The truth is no, they get married. It's stunning, it's beautiful. Afterwards,
(11:28):
she looks so happy, and she just says, I'm at peace,
and that's what I want on my wedding day. I
want to be at peace. I want to not care
that I'm sitting in a dirty, old pickup truck which
she was, with mud all over me in my white
wedding dress. I want to be so at peace with
the man next to me that I'm like, yeah, don't
give a fuck that there's mud on the wedding dress.
Let's dance, Let's have us a time. And she said
(11:52):
as statement that I think all heterosexual women need to
aspire to, which is, there is nothing that scares me
about this man. That's how she feels about her husband.
And I don't know if I know anyone I can
think of the slightest few examples of women who can
say there is nothing that scares them about their husbands.
If you can safely say there's nothing that scares you
(12:14):
about your husband, please come forward in the comments the DMS,
because I think that's so rare with a straight man,
to have nothing that scares you. Not their bathroom trash
can not their soap scum stained shower, not the age
of their loofah, not the women's names in their contact lists,
(12:37):
not their likes on Instagram, not their taste in music,
not the amount of times they want to talk about
the Beatles. Can listen when a band retires? Can we
retire them? Can we not have to talk about who
is which Beetle? Men? Please? Please? Just anything. There's been
(13:01):
so much since the Beatles. There's been tsunamis since the Beatles.
There's been natural disasters, there's been social upheavals, there's been
scanned of all since the Beatles. Just anything. We don't
need to know who's George. And so if there's nothing
that scares you about this man, I say go forward
(13:22):
with whomever that may be. And I think that should
apply in not just romances, but also business relationships. Maybe
at the grocery store, getting an uber on the apps.
You know, this should be a base thing. It's like,
what's a deal breaker? Nothing scares me about him? But
yet we take it for granted. We think, oh, it's
(13:43):
a little scary. Okay, it's a little weird, it's a
little murdery, but you know, but we're in our thirties
and you know, men cap their at dating app ages
at twenty nine a lot of the time. So if
he has a samurai sword in his profile, then is
that really a deal breaker? It should be oh that
being said perfect segue Zach. Zach has a samurai sword
(14:06):
which I saw in a TikTok that he made to
account for the fact that he stole the lyrics to
the song he made up for Arena, that song he's
sang in the Pods. I don't know why anyone would
come forward and be like, those were actually my lyrics,
Like I would be like, ooh, if he wants to
pretend those are his, a god speed to you. But yeah,
(14:27):
Zach is odd. I think Zach and Bliss are honestly
two people who really needed a person. They're both from
dysfunctional families. I mean, as are we all, but they
both really seemed to need like a teammate in their lives,
for those uncomfortable dinners, for those lonely moments, for that
grief recovery all that, and so I think they found
(14:47):
each other and they really need each other. And I
think they're both very easy going and open minded people,
so I think they actually really work together. And I
think Bliss is truly obviously like the catch of the duo,
and I really felt for her, Like when she's being
walked down the aisle, it's like the mom and the dad.
You can just clearly see the difference between them. The
(15:09):
mom is saying like, I'm not gonna cry. I'm not
gonna cry in like a cute emotional way. And the
dad says, I got a tear in my eye. Oh wait,
no I don't. He's like, I'm emotional about your wedding.
Psych couldn't care less. And then the mom is clearly
trying to like distract Bliss from all the fucked up, annoying, weird,
misogynist stuff. The dad is saying. She keeps being like,
do you have your flowers? Are you okay? Are you okay?
(15:30):
It's kind of like a trauma cycle unfolding repeating itself
right before our eyes, and Bliss is like, I'm unfazed.
I have my teammate. Now we're gonna dance. We hope
each other dance, and we are gonna dance. They walk
to each other. It is actually kind of beautiful, and
then they do dance to that song. And I did
cry that too, guys, I was crying a lot. I mean,
all these weddings seemed cold and wet, and uncomfortable. And
(15:54):
I was cold and wet and uncomfortable watching because I
was crying so much. So onto the reunion, the reunion again,
I know I touched on it. Vanessa keeps talking about
(16:16):
wanting to be an antie to The First Love Is
Blind Baby. Can you imagine, like someone on another shows
like this isn't normal? I think we have to we
have to acknowledge Vanessa's behavior as a host is not normal.
It's not professional. Hosting has been done by so many
for so long, dating back to Regis Philbin, Brian Dnkleman
(16:39):
or Dunkleman or whatever, Brian Seacrest, Heidi Klum like, there's
legends in the hosting world, and Vanessa could take notes,
and yet she doesn't. And yet she talks about being
the anti to The First Love Is Blind Baby over
and over again. She talks about her ovaries burning, She
does weird bits. She did like a weird bit with
Tiffany and Brett where she's like, well, we have like
(17:00):
footage of you guys fucking and they're like, I mean
not like that, but they're like wait what and then
they show it's just like the clip where Tiffany fell
asleep that we've all seen ten million times on Twitter
and Instagram and TikTok, and then like Tiffany and Bread
have to pretend to laugh. They're like, oh, it was
that like. And the thing is she's always talking over Nick,
and I'm like, I hate Nick because I read Jessica
(17:22):
Simpson's memoir, but I would rather hear from Nick at
this point. I would rather I mean, despite what I
said last week on the pod, I would rather Nick's
weird dad jokes where he's like, oh, yeah, my wife
makes me sleep on the couch every once in a while,
you know what I mean, fellas, or when he's like
every father wants their little girl. It's like that's creepy
as fuck. But at least I can like I know
(17:45):
that level of creepy, I know that level of weird.
But when Vanessa speaks, she's always talking over him, and
it's just like, I'm like, this is a level of
weird that I like don't even know what to do with.
She's like making faces she thinks are funny, and it's
like I can't. I can't with that at all. So yeah, Also,
Chelsea and Kwame tough to see them still together Honestly,
(18:06):
I just don't think either of them seems happy. They
talk about having a Calvin Klein date where they both
wore Calvin Client underwear. It's like, that's just the worst
type of couple. That being said, for two people to
both think that that's like cool and interesting to share
that you had a date where you both wore Calvin
Klin underwear and you called it your Calvin Clin date.
Maybe that is two people who found each other in
(18:28):
a world where no one else is like them, and
maybe methinks cupid, I shall not play, because maybe there's
forces at work here, like I'm like applying my own
opinions on these people. It's like, personally, I would not
go to a date where the premise was let's both
wear Calvin Klein underwear and just talk, but we'll call
it the Calvin Client date. I would be frightened, and
(18:51):
I would maybe alert the neighborhood on my criminal app
that this person exists that wants to do that. But
for these two, that's fun, that's cute. I guess okay.
They say that they're still waiting a year later for
their Calvin Klein boudoir photo shoot that they did that's alarming.
Is the photographer dead? Have they passed? Why has it
(19:13):
taken a year for a few photos in underwear? But
alas again, I think Brent and Tiffany perfect, Zach and
Bliss are actually pretty cute. Arena when Arena came out,
let's say this, Okay, I think because I've seen so
much Bravo, so much TLC, so much Lifetime Network, like
I've seen so much reality, to me, Arena was not
(19:35):
like the worst villain of all time. Even when they
played back that montage of like Arena and Micah like
being mean, It's like, yes, they were kind of mean girls.
I don't know, I've seen meaner. I've probably done meaner
then laughing at someone who's crying. I don't. I probably
shouldn't say that me. I laugh at people who are
crying all the time. No, I mean, I do think
(19:55):
it was mean, and I think they were being like shitty, bitchy,
kind of stupid mean girls. But I'm just saying, like,
did it deserve like a whole moment on the couch
where it's like something's wrong with you and you have
mental illness and you need to look inward. It's like
I don't know. It's just I've seen real damage done
on some other reality shows, and I felt like Arena apologized,
(20:16):
Micah apologized. They both tried to be accountable. They both
talked about wanting to look inward. I don't know. I
don't really believe either of their tales about like Arena
saying like I was actually having a panic attack and
I was covering my face. But who knows. I don't
know what goes on behind closed doors. I just think
that I agree most with Bliss, who's like, who even
cares about this anymore? Like we're happy and it doesn't
(20:38):
need to be this whole thing, where like Vanessa's. That's
another thing Vanessa like gets in on, like trying to
confront these people, where she's like there it is, Oh,
there it is, And I'm like, wait, you can't even
back that up. Like sometimes Andy will get like confrontational,
but that's because he has the facts to back up
what he's talking about. He's like, wait a second, that's
not true. I was there at the production. My producer
(20:59):
said this, blah blah bla. Vanessa can't even explain why
the reunion didn't air on time, like she doesn't know shit.
At one point, she goes, you guys didn't know for
sure if you're going to marry each other. Oh, okay
on a reality show where the point is to get
married at first sight, and say I do at the altar. Okay.
I'm like, let's not act like the premise of this
show is reasonable. It's absolutely absurd, and you've found people
(21:25):
season after season who are so desperate because of our
culture's obsession with marriage, to just get married to someone
they don't even know. But let's not act like, Okay,
you were questioning if you wanted to be with him,
like red Flag. It's like, that's what the whole show
is about. Vanessa, Like, I don't know what you're talking about.
By the way, in that moment, I felt like Vanessa
was actually like trying to like come at Arena and
(21:46):
she like made Arena look good that could never happen,
Like no one has ever looked better than Andy Cohen.
Andy Cohen always places himself on a higher plane, and
Vanessa's like not really able to do that. So last
in this recap, and yes, this is going to be
a shorter episode. Listen, my whole schedule got thrown up
in the air. By Netflix executives. Step forward and show yourselves.
(22:11):
Netflix executives. I don't know who you are, but please
speak on why my schedule is messed up, speak on
why my episode is short. I am not going to
take any personal accountability until Netflix does. And that's how
I live my life. I don't take accountability till Netflix does.
That's one of the tenants of my lifestyle. And so
the final thing, well, there's two final things in this reunion.
(22:34):
One is that they do these like they're like, Okay,
we're gonna show you an exclusive inside look at what
the couple's married lives are really like. Now, okay, I'm
thinking something like after the altar, I'm thinking we're getting
some inside look that we never could have gotten otherwise.
It's filmed by themselves on fucking iPhone cameras with poor
(22:57):
sound and poor image quality. It's like that, they say,
it's like cameos that the cast made and sent to
Vanessa last minute, right before the reunion, and all their
apartments look fake and stage. Also, why don't any of
these people live in Seattle? It was supposed to be
the Seattle season. I love Seattle. People know this, and
I was excited to see Seattle people and Seattle homes
(23:19):
and Seattle neighborhoods. Meanwhile, they're living in Arizona, Scottsdale, they're
living in I mean, Portland makes more sense, but I
just don't understand. Part of the fun is going to
different cities, I thought, and seeing people who live there.
But anyway, so they're doing the home tours. Everyone's apartment
looks fake, but of course Kwame and Chelsea's apartment was
(23:41):
the most agreedious and disturbing. Tiffy and Brett's is super cute.
But then it like does an awkward abrupt you know.
It wasn't even like cameos. It was like a bad
like happy birthday montage, Like when one of your friends
is like, oh, everyone send in a video for Sarah's
thirtieth birthday and then we're gonna crop it or chop
it all together an iMovie and surprise her and it's
(24:03):
just like all these awkward, like jump cuts. That's what
this was like. But it's done by Netflix. It's done
by the same home that produces Squid Game. You know,
the Crown. You're telling me, the Crown people gave me
this jump cut eyemovie montage of people filming inside their apartments,
(24:23):
it's just upsetting. But Chelsea and Kwame's apartment looked like
they literally put the furniture in that day to film it,
and they throw two random pink chairs in the corner
at Chelsea's like, this is my corner where I do
my thing, and it's two pink chairs with a table.
Couldn't be more depressing. Also, I'm like, they have nothing
on the walls, That's what I'm saying. I'm like, I
don't think this is their real home. There's nothing on
(24:45):
the walls. They're like, oh, that's the couch. They did
some weird thing where they're like, that's the couch that
Kwame sleeps on, and then he tried to explain it.
He's like, oh, yeah, I like to sleep on the
couch once a week because when I was single, I
used to accidentally fall in asleep on the couch all
the time. There's a lot of things I do. When
I'm saying that, I hope I won't have to continue
when I'm in a relationship and for some reason, Kwame
(25:09):
wants to still sleep on the couch. I don't know.
I think I would probably still want to sleep on
the couch if someone was grabbing my face staring into
my eyes and saying, you're my husband, I'm your wife,
I'm your wife, and you're my husband. So it's kind
of understandable. But anyway, I'll just say this. Listen, if
you're watching Love is Blind, you have to be watching
Married at First Sight. They're the ones who originally did
(25:30):
the thing. They also ended with this reunion with where
like they have a cast member from a former season
ask a question. They chose Bartess. Really, that's who you
think we want to hear a question from. Again, It's like,
be in touch with the audience, know what we want.
No one wants to see Bartiss, no offense. We want
to hear questions from people we love and care about,
or maybe people from season one, some classics. You know,
(25:52):
I don't love and care about Amber and Barnett, but
they sure are entertaining. I'd love to see them up there. Bartiss,
I'm just like, that's the last person I would ever
want to hear a question from. But he's like who
and he asked Vanessa's question. He's like, who's gonna have
the first Love Is Blind? Baby? Like what? But Married
at First Site did that first, they have their reunions
where forward cast members ask questions. They have a real community.
(26:15):
I'm just saying, if you're watching Love Is Blind, be
a true fan of arranged marriage reality shows and also
watched Married at First Sight. That's all I have to
say for you guys tonight, quick update, Love is proven
not to be blind again. In my opinion, yes, I
believe in Brent and Tiffany's love. I also think they're
both conventionally attractive and could have just met in real life.
(26:37):
But all I'll say is tune in next week and
my good old friend Carolina will be back. I true
(27:04):
said so romantic, love me, baby, don't leave me, haggen,
I wan't true
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