Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Truth Hounds, a production of I Heart Radio.
I'm Anna and I've been unemployed for about a year now,
so I really have nothing going on. And I'm Kyle.
In middle school, I received the award most Enthusiastic to Learn,
So that makes me pretty special. And that is what
(00:21):
makes us the perfect investigative duo. We are two friends
who love each other very much, but what we love
even more is getting to the bottom of mysteries, all mysteries.
Sure that small mysteries, specifically, Trust me, No mystery is
too small. No, no, no, Why don't you trust me
when I tell you we are ready to sniff around.
(00:44):
We are the truth Hounds. M h. Hello Kyle. Hey, Hi, Yeah, sorry,
I'm I'm just on the other line with my auntie
in Hawaii. Who you know, she's on Hawaii time. Oh
(01:05):
wow wait, so are you busy right now? Well? Yeah,
I'm I'm on the other line with my auntie who
was in Hawaii. Oh I'm sorry, it's just um, we
do need to talk. I'll be right there. Hi. Hi,
(01:31):
thank you so much for meeting me here. Of course
it was it was a long drive, but I'm really
happy to be here. I'm so happy you're I mean,
it's really beautiful. It's so beautiful, and today it actually
looks a little different. Yeah, there's a bit of a
haze over exactly. It's almost like an eerie like what's
going on here? It's beautiful? Oh you know. Actually I
(01:56):
was thinking, um, remember the other day when I came
over to your house. Yeah, and we're just making dinner.
I honestly don't even really know what we did, if
I'm being honest, because I had so much fun that
like the details seem hazy. Yeah, it almost feels like
(02:19):
in that period of time, well, I just don't even
know what happened in that period time because when I
looked at my watch, it was earlier, and then when
I looked at my clock again, it was like six hours.
I got six hours, Like that's what I'm saying, But
I was like, what happened in between? I guess what
(02:40):
you're asking And kind of what I'm wondering as well
is why does time fly by when you're having fun? Yeah? Why?
M hm huh? Episode five? Why does time fly when
you're having fun? So we came up with a plan.
(03:07):
If time flies by when you're having fun, would it
drag on when you're not. We wanted to feel the
wrath of time. We had to find something boring, I
mean really boring. In fact, it had to be so
boring that time would do the opposite of fly by,
It would instead drag on. Like an item you purchased
(03:29):
on Etsy from an international seller located somewhere exotic like Bulgaria.
Late one night you hit ad to cart. Three months later,
you get a weird package of a bunch of plastic
bags taped together with industrial scotch tape. You look inside
and you say to yourself, what is this? A vase
with an ear on it? Who ordered this? When I
(03:54):
try to think of the most boring place in the world,
only one place comes to mind, the return line at Costco.
Have you guys seen this thing? It's outrageous. Did you
know you can return anything at Costco? Once my friend
got a surprisingly cheap, fiddly fig tree at Costco, and
in the span of two weeks, every leaf individually fell off,
(04:18):
leaving a sort of desiccated hut sk whare once a
lush vision of life used to be. She went to
the Costco returns line, clocked in about an hour of
weight time, But then she got a full refund, no
questions asked. But I was there at Costco that day,
and let me tell you, the weight of their return
(04:40):
line was agonizing, but ultimately it was worth it. She
got all of her money back. Oh I'm sorry you
guys didn't see this plant. It literally looked like it's
spent a semester abroad at Chernobyl. So I thought, what
if there was no reward for waiting in that line?
What if we we're just waiting there for nothing? That
(05:03):
does sound bad, Anna, So we decided to go. We
grabbed our recording equipment, got into my Prius and went
to the Costco return line. Boredom, Here we come. Okay,
So there we are in line. There's the hard It
feels like they've put the line in a very difficult
(05:25):
place because it's actually where people are coming out with
all of their coming out with their good good but
they also might be going to get a hot thought.
We arrived at the Costco return line around two in
the afternoon. Two in the afternoon the most boring time
of day. The promise and urgency of the morning is
long gone, but the sweet relief of sleep seems as
(05:48):
far away as a bachelor's degree in a new career
of your choosing. It was hot, but we were both
wearing about three layers each. That's the thing about being
in the business in l A. You gotta be flexible
and ready for anything. One minute, it's I'm not doing
anything right now, yoga on the beach. The next minute
it's hey, it's urgent. The president of lions Gate is
(06:11):
about to leave this cocktail party. Can you make it
across town in five and look really good? That's why
I love this crazy business. Anyway, it was hot, and
so were we. There she was the familiar exterior of
Costco bustling. Wait, actually, hang on a minute. I mean
(06:35):
usually it was bustling, but today there wasn't even a line.
The thing that's always really agonizing about the Costco return
line is that it spills out into the front of
the store exactly by the line to get hot dogs
or pizza. In fact, the two lines become so big
they merge. So not only are you bored in the
(06:56):
Costco return line, but you're constantly being asked if this
is the line to get hot dogs or get pizza?
Bored yet bothered? Those were the two distinct flavors of
this cocktail of waiting, but not today. That was what
was so weird. We got in line and prepared ourselves
to be bored. I opened my arms as if to say,
(07:20):
that's handsome, devil board. Don't suffocate me in your door
and brace Kyle. I really do love this. But the
Cuscar return line is moving really quickly for some reason today.
Why don't we let a couple of people go ahead
of us? Do you want to go in front of us?
(07:41):
You're yeah, we're taking our time. For taking our time,
we're waiting for something that. Oh yeah, you guys can
go before us. Yeah, you can go before Okay, So
we let a few people cut in front of us
to buy ourselves sometime. Kyle, En cour plete, I loved
what you were doing. By the way, where did you
(08:03):
learn that? Oh? Um, well, I've been taking this acting class. Boredom. Boredom,
boredom got three very nights. I see in my very
night me as coaxing me And wait, Kyle, I'm so
sorry to interrupt you again. But back at the Costco
(08:25):
return line, something happened. Uh, let's take a listen. Oh Mama, Mia,
did you hear that keep that Mama Mia, my little girl,
A little girl I think, saw a pigeon and love
oh Mama Mia. I'm so sorry, guys, But in case
(08:47):
you didn't hear it, can we roll that tape again? Yeah,
that was a baby that saw a pigeon and then said,
oh Mama Mia. I mean to hear the words oh
Mamma Mia directed at a pedestrian pigeon. Was honestly a
personal dream come true. I didn't even think about the
(09:10):
baby part. Look, I'll put it simply, if you were
to knock on the door of my dreams and take
a look inside, this is exactly what you would see. Well,
and also Kevin Costner's there. Okay, the Costco returns line
was not working. I mean the line was moving at
Olympian speed. Everyone was in a good mood, and to
(09:33):
Anna's credit, there really was a baby saying, oh mamma Mia.
I'm sorry, but this was not boring enough. Time really
was flying by Kyle not missing a single beat, came
up with a boring alternative. Okay, I have an idea,
but let's go over there, and they're there at the wall.
(09:55):
She was going to stare at the wall of Costco
while I looked on. This would be boring for sure.
Maybe then we would be able to understand why time
drags on when you're bored and time flies by when
you're having fun. We walked over to the wall. Oh all,
(10:22):
or let me paint a picture for you. The wall
was three shades of boring, specifically gray, brown, and beige.
Kyle marched right up to it and hunkered down. I'm
talking three inches between her face and the wall, and
(10:42):
she just stared on, like in a trance. I know
this sounds a bit funky, so I'll let you in
on my thought process. You know, when you're a kid
and you get put into a time out, those minutes
feel like a lifetime when your mom makes you stand
in a corner. Each minute that goes by is an
unridden bike, an un choreographed dance, an undated diary entry
(11:07):
about planning to kiss Bobby right before the recess bell,
even though realistically Bobby doesn't know you exist, no matter
how many hairstyles you try and how many pillowcases you
scream into. Bobby, please notice me, Please back to me
(11:27):
staring at the wall. Okay, you gotta tell me from
me outside. You're a little. You're a little behind me.
What does this look like? Um? You look a little
Can I be honest? You look a little dufter demento.
(11:49):
I can't quite put my finger on the exact problem,
but the only way I could describe Kyle in this
moment is dr demento. She was standing at a weird angle.
Her face was mere inches away from the wall, so
close that it almost looked like the wall was also
wearing her glasses and her hands. Well, they were doing
(12:14):
a thing that I can only describe to you as interesting.
There's no amount of money that you could pay me
to say that what she was doing looked boring. Provocative, definitely,
but boring no way. And I'm not the only person
who noticed Kyle's behavior. Are there anyone looking at me?
(12:38):
Not anymore? Not anymore? This wasn't working. The Costco return
line was not boring. Kyle staring at the Costco wall
was definitely not boring. We walked back to her prius
to recalibrate. Here's the problem. It just was too It
(12:59):
was too much. It was just too fun. It was
really funny because the way you looked was on I mean, unacceptable.
So we need something that basically private gets our blood
not boiling. Our blood should be cold. We should be cold.
Maybe our blood's cold, we're cold. There's no stimulus, there's
(13:22):
no visual stimulus. It sounds like what we need to
do is go be in a black box. Um, just
sit there. My friend John has a standing salauna. Yeah, okay,
that sounds good. Even though it was my friend John
and his sauna and technically completely my idea, Kyle, not
(13:44):
missing a single beat, was the one to suggest that
we go sit in my friend john sauna. So we
headed straight there. I know things are getting really good,
but we have to take a break for some ads.
And the ad break is over, says on the sign
(14:07):
outside shove its happens. Yeah, I think just like a
play on words. Okay, we're not turning on the sauna.
Maybe we can pay it this way. Yeah, taste the dark. Okay?
Are you okay? Yeah? Are you okay? Yeah? We settled
(14:33):
into the sauna, but then something happened. Do you smell that?
I do smell that. What is that? I don't it's
it's the wood. Yeah, it smells like cedar or something.
Oh yeah, like sap. Okay, So this was immediately a
dead end. It smelled so good in there. Like nature,
(14:58):
it instantly transported us to the beautiful forests of Sequoia
or the rolling tulip hills of Holland. Remember back in
the car, we decided to come here because of the
lack of visual stimulus. But guess what, we didn't think
about our sense of smell. I don't know if this
(15:19):
is scientifically right, but smell has the innate ability to
tap into our imagination and activate the part of the
brain that is responsible for stimulus. Again, I think I
made that up, but it sounds right, and that is
what's important. We left my friend John Sanna and went
back to Kyle's previous We decided to take it easy,
(15:43):
go back to Kyle's house and chill. Honestly, today was
surprisingly fun. We both needed siesta's those are naps in Spain.
On the way back to my house, we got to
really talking. It occurred to us that we actually didn't
know what really bored us. We just hadn't thought about it.
(16:05):
You know what's really boring other people, specifically when they
talk about stuff that doesn't interest us bingo. So all
we needed to do was find someone who wasn't us
and get them talking about something we didn't care about.
(16:26):
So we ran over to Instagram and put out a
call to action. We said, we are looking for someone
who can either bore us by talking about something or
is just a self proclaimed boring person. Do you have
something that you could talk about for hours without coming
up for air. Do you have the ability to drain
the people around you? We would like to talk to
(16:50):
you urgently. We encourage them to reach out. Kyle made
another really cool graphic. She was getting really good at
photoshop on it. A bunch of little self satisfied businessmen
are cornering a woman after having just man's playing something
to her. Well, we don't know the content of the
(17:13):
man's playing. What we see clearly is that this was
so boring that the woman they're confronting is actually asleep. Moreover,
she's so badly wants to slumber that she's using a
book as a pillow. This was actually very layered. In fact,
it was so good it was no longer a simple
(17:33):
post on Instagram. It was a piece of art. We
got quite a few responses. Actually, one woman volunteered to
bore us with info about her garment fitness watch. She
even said she would sweeten the deal by talking about
her sleep heart rate tracker. A guy said he would
talk to us about two bamps, and two different people
(17:56):
ended up nominating the same guy as a boring person
of entryst But ultimately there was one guy who stood out.
I can't exactly explain what it was about him, but
it was not unlike falling in love at first sight,
when you know, you know, we gave him a call. Hello,
(18:21):
Hi is this Brady? Hi? This is Anna and Kyle. Hey. Hey,
so you wrote in and you said that you could
talk to us at length about why you think the
Blair Witch Project is good? Is that correct? Yeah, that's right,
that's right, Bingo. The Blair Witch Project. It was the
(18:46):
perfect boring topic. I mean, one it was a movie
about other people, and two we didn't care about this movie.
This was exactly what we were looking for. Back to
the call. Okay, So it's one of those movies that
I think was really part of the cultural consciousness because
(19:08):
of almost it's like it's virality and me mobility. I'll
tell you what this was boring, you know, from from
even like before you know, the social media and stuff
he went on, and it's the ultimate example of why
found footage could work and on, because if you see
the Blairwich Project today and on and you watch it,
(19:31):
it really feels like you could have found this footage.
Like that's the whole point of the movie, isn't you know?
It's the sun setting on them. Oh and hey, Kyle,
(19:52):
don't forget. And on. We were really getting our money's right.
Desperate we started to look at the time just to
ground ourselves and something real, something tangible. This guy had
talked about the Blair Witch Project for about seven minutes
(20:12):
straight and thirty seconds. Kyle, don't forget those thirty seconds.
This was not boredom. It was violence. Afraid he would
actually never stop talking about the Blair Witch Project. I
thought on my feet and started setting off multiple alarms
on my phone. And when the video is being recorded,
(20:32):
because they don't they've lost up their sound gear, and
they feel extremely natural. They feel like they are sort
of friends who don't really know each other enough. And
you know, I think that the alarms didn't seem to work.
It actually just seemed to make him talk louder. And
(20:53):
what happens. We were no longer on the phone with Brad.
We were in hell's the best person. We had no
(21:29):
choice but to interrupt him. Um. Sorry, sorry, we set
a few alarms. I don't know if you heard them,
but the time is up. You went over maybe like
you buy a couple of a couple of minutes. Um,
but uh but that's that's uh, that's a lot to learn.
And yeah, thank you, thank you, and it's a very um,
(21:52):
it's definitely a cool perspective. Yeah, I can't even um,
I can't even pinpoint my favorite thing that was said.
And half a nice day. Yeah, you're welcome, have it going, Okay,
time out. We need to talk to you, the listener.
From the beginning, we have said to you that we
(22:13):
will do anything to get to the truth, but at
a certain point, we have to consider our own safety
and mental health, which, by the way, is so stigmatized
in this country. That phone call with that guy talking
about that movie being the Blair Witch Project was honestly abuse.
(22:38):
And I don't say that lately. In fact, I say
that heavily. No person should have to suffer in silence
while some man talks about the Blair Witch Project passionately.
No person, I don't care who you are. Ultimately, our
investigation had led us to something too boring. We completely
(23:03):
lost touch with ourselves in the process. Um, but I
guess to look on the bright side, Maybe this just
meant we were too good at our jobs. Thanks, Annah,
but I'm just not quite there yet, I understand. So
(23:23):
we regrouped again. We had stood in a line, stared
at a wall, sat an a sauna, let a guy
talk to us, and these experiences were either too exciting
or well too boring. We still hadn't found the exact
flavor of boring that we had been looking for. We
(23:43):
looked at the facts. So this thing, it needed to
be something that didn't have too much stimulus. But on
the other hand, it needed to be something that we
could still engage in and not experience violence, something boring
but acting. So we thought, why not instead find a
(24:05):
boring task, something that had a clear start and a
clear finish. We didn't want to feel paralyzed or stuck,
just a reminder we are real, breathing human beings. We thought,
what kinds of boring things are other people putting off doing?
I mean, just between the two of us we had
(24:27):
a task list of at least fifty things. There was
only one thing for us to do. We ran over
to Instagram and put out another call to action. We said,
do you have a task that you're dreading doing something
(24:47):
you've been putting off because it's just so damn tedious
and annoying. An example would be building ikea furniture or
reselling something on eBay if possible. We added, it's a
task that requires multiple steps. We then asked could we
(25:08):
do it for you, and then told them to contact
us if they were in the l A area. Then
for safety reasons, we added, Let's be honest, it's got
to be safe. We're not going to scale a wall
for you to propose to your girlfriend. But Mozeltok, we
wanted to end on a positive note, so we said
(25:31):
the pleasure would be all ours. At this point, you
already know what I'm about to say. Kyle made yet
another amazing graphic. This experience was like getting to be
a fly on the wall in Paris, where Picasso first worked.
(25:51):
Let Me be Your Eyes. A rich lime green tapestry
so bright that it is alarming, sits in the background.
How's it? What seems like hundreds of little vignettes here
the viewers confronted with symbols of boredom and iconic. A
keya shelf begs to be assembled. A pencil is abandoned
(26:11):
in a corner, its body snapped in half. Sheets and
garments spill out of a washing machine and a frenzied chaos.
A man frustratedly grabs at his own hair, cursing the
gods of time for not being more plentiful. A woman
lost sits in a light embrace of her own knees.
(26:32):
So daunting are the tasks that plague her. When I
tell you that this was art, I am only leaving
out about a century of its eventual impact. I'm telling
you Kyle was getting really good at photoshop. If this
(26:52):
investigative business doesn't pan out, let's just say I ain't
worried about her next professional endeavor. Immediately, the calls came
flooding in and now an AD break. The ad break
is over. We listened to the first message. Hi, this
(27:22):
is Sarah. I'm calling her. Um, Kyle, I have a
task that I would love for your you guys to do,
so I don't UM. I have some chickens that I
need sold on curclist. Um. Yeah, I get a call
back if you can help me out. Honestly, no need
to listen to any of the other messages. This woman
needed help selling her damn chickens. Honey, count me in.
(27:46):
Without missing a beat, Kyle set up a call to
speak to the woman about her chicken task. I was
also there, and I kind of strong armed Kyle into
this decision. But anyway, it doesn't matter. So you reach
out to us with a task, could you tell us
a little bit about it? Yeah? I had just some
(28:08):
chickens about eight weeks ago, and um I was always
planning to sell most of them. I don't have enough
room for all of these chickens because I already have
existing adult chickens as well, So um I was wondering
if you guys can help me sell them. We were
a hundred percent in. But wait, Anna, is selling chickens
(28:31):
really going to be boring enough? It sounds kind of exciting, Kyle,
Do you realize what we just went through listening to
that guy talk about the Blair Witch project for seven
minutes and thirty seconds. In comparison to that, anything is exciting,
like taking out a box out of the recycling bin,
(28:52):
breaking it down, and then re putting it into the
same recycling bin to make more space for other stuff.
In comparison, that now seems like a day of disney
Land writing all the rides at California Adventure. Yeah, I
guess you're right. We don't quite understand the full impact
of our trauma yet. Before we could agree on taking
(29:15):
on the task of selling the chickens, we felt it
was important to meet the talent. As they say in
show business. If there wasn't good chemistry between us and
the chickens, there was no way we could take on
the task of selling them. Consent, just do it. Everyone
was in an agreement that meeting beforehand was the right
(29:35):
thing to do. Would we be able to arrange a
time to meet the chickens in person? That would be great.
I would insist that you do this before you decide
whether you take on the task. All right, well, um,
I guess this is Austle Lauvista. Um, thanks so much.
We got a great night's sleep on our temper pedic
(29:57):
mattresses and woke up the next morning refresh but still traumatized.
We set off to meet the chickens. Okay, I think
we're here. Oh, that's it, that's it right there. We
walked up to the house to meet the guys and
gals the chickens. Of course, it was a beautiful day,
(30:20):
not a cloud in the sky, and this was just
a house in glass Old Park in Los Angeles. But
to us it looked like we had just stepped into Tuscany.
I mean, based on pictures. They've both never been yet.
We rounded the corner to some long tiled steps lined
with vines and unruly green grass, swaying as if in
(30:43):
a trance like silhouettes at an East Harlem jazz club.
That is when we saw her, our tipster Sara. Not
that it was about that, but she was gorgeous, sun
kissed complexion, wind tossed hair, big straw hat, obscuring just
enough of her face to make you wonder what's going
(31:04):
on under there. She greeted us, Hi, my name is Sarah.
I called you guys to see if you could help
me with the task of selling my chickens. She began
to explain the task at hand. Okay, so this is
the chicken coop. There are twelve chickens. Four of them
are adults, um Catch, Venus, Jupiter, and Saturn, and the
other ones mostly don't have names because they are only
(31:27):
about six weeks old, and I'm planning to sell most
of them, and I didn't want to get attached, so
only to have names the white one Pubusa and um
the black one in the coop uh senor Pinkueno. I'll
try my best to describe exactly where these guys and
gals the chickens were living. What I mean to say
is what they're coop was like bales of hay surrounded
(31:51):
orange and lemon trees. It was like looking at a
little courtyard in Tuscany, so small if you blink you'll
miss it, but definitely in Tuscany. I mean, I think again,
we haven't been Oh wait, are you thinking about that
movie with Diane Lane Under the Tuscan Sun? Yeah? I
(32:15):
actually have never seen it, but I remember the cover
kind of. Anyways, back to the guys and gals the chickens.
We introduced ourselves to the chickens. You want to hold them,
I'm gonna try. Okay, we're gonna hold them like a
put your thumb and thank you together for so you
(32:37):
just like you just have to make sure you hold
his wings or else he's gonna flap them and try
to try to jump out of your hands. Okay, but
if you hold his waist down, he's so perfect for
my day. He's gonna come Hi, Hi, beautiful. The meat
and greet with the chickens went really well, and we
were loving the environment. I literally could not stop myself
(33:00):
from comparing it to Tuscany, which, as you know, we
are conflating with the DVD cover of Diane Lane's vehicle
under the dusk and sun. But still, this is I mean,
maybe it's because the lush the oranges on. I mean
the fact that you're wearing a big hat. Wearing a
big hat. To me, this is Tuscany. You know, this
(33:22):
Tuscany summertime. I'll be honest with you. It was clear
that this was anything but boring. In fact, even now
I struggled to find any way to describe this other
than lovely. Kyle and I didn't say this to each other.
We didn't have to. This wasn't the task for us.
(33:44):
We'd have to go. We enjoyed the few precious moments
we had left with the chickens, and by that I
mean the guys and gals. Do you think I could
just kind of touch one before I leave? Yeah? Oh
my god, it's very stupid. I don't know. Oh my god,
(34:05):
he's very dirty. You're special guy. He's special guy. It's
hard to explain, but it really was a special day,
and I'll be honest with you. Saying goodbye was really
painful because we knew would be forever well. Awesome, thank you,
(34:25):
thank you. Meet Now. It might sound like we're enjoying
ourselves and are not in pain, but you know what
that is. It's good acting. This was tearing us apart.
We made pretend in front of Sara and her chickens
(34:47):
that there was a chance that we would be back
and take care of her task, but we just knew
there was no way. Previously, um, I think we have
to think. I didn't talk about it, and we'll definitely
get back to you. We went back to my prius
and said everything that needed to be said, even though
(35:08):
it was painful for us to say it. Something to
keep in mind as you listen to this next part
is that we're going to sound happy to you. But again,
we're really good actors and we were just hiding our
pain from each other, the pain of knowing we weren't
going to go sell those chickens, and in fact, there
(35:28):
was a good chance we would never see those guys
and gals again. The chickens, sorry, Papoosa and the other ones,
have a nice life. The pain was so real that
we just said whatever came to our mind. Yeah, it's
just too much fun. I feel like my endorphins have
(35:50):
not been I feel like they're like pouring out of
me because of how much fun I just had. I
don't think it's it. I don't think this is it.
We knew what we had to do next. Kyle drove
me home in complete silence, but as she was pulling
(36:12):
away from my house, I gave her a call. Hello,
Hey Kyle, Yeah, hey, Hi, how's it going. Uh? Did
you forget your wallet? I could still see you in
(36:34):
the real view of my mirror. No, no, no, no,
it's not like that at all. Um. We just we
need to talk. Okay, I'll be right there. Thank you
for meeting me here. Of course I did have to
(36:55):
get my oil changed again. Yeah. Sorry, I know the
drive is long, and probably after what happened, it's just anything,
it's more time to be by yourself and think about
what happened. Well, I mean, it's honestly, the oil change
thing is it's kind of a separate issue. But I
(37:17):
hear you. You know, honestly, it's funny because we're here
and it's kind of a gray day, and so you
see the sky. I don't know, it almost looks it
just looks different. Yeah, I see that. Honestly, I've brought
(37:40):
you here to tell you that I think that this
episode is a two parter. What okay to be continued?
(38:02):
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