Two Ts Presents: Two Jersey Js: Bucket or F**ck It List

The Jersey Js discuss their childhood bucket list dreams.
Jackie shares a secret about becoming a mom that you’ll only hear here.And, Jen tells a story about One Direction that will make you jealous!  
Plus, what makes Jen and Jackie nervous about the upcoming season of RHONJ?

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hi guys, Hi guys, it's Jackie and Jen Fessler. I
always say Jen Fessler, well, because there's also another gen. Well,
not this room and not on this post, on this podcast.

Speaker 2 (00:11):
But I think you're used to being in our I
guess work family with another gen.

Speaker 1 (00:15):
So fair enough, whatever you are, Jen Fesler on that baby.

Speaker 2 (00:18):
Yeah, and we are two Jersey Jays. We have a
really really great shophy you today. I'm so excited.

Speaker 1 (00:23):
But but but first, before that, we can't just ignore
the large not even a pink elephant? Is it a
black elephant?

Speaker 2 (00:30):
And I don't know it's pink elephant in the room
a thing. I think. I don't think that's a thing.
I think it's just the elephant in the room. What
don't think it's a pink elephant.

Speaker 1 (00:38):
Anyway, I've talked about the trailer.

Speaker 2 (00:40):
Yeah, the trailer. Can I tell you something. This is
my sixth year, my sixth trailer drop.

Speaker 1 (00:47):
I thought it was more than that. Are you sure now?

Speaker 2 (00:48):
Yeah, this is my sixth year and I still get
a pit in my stomach.

Speaker 1 (00:53):
I think you're the only one because I was besides me,
I was like really nervous about it and I felt
like no nobody else was.

Speaker 2 (01:00):
No, I don't think I'm the only one.

Speaker 1 (01:02):
There's no way because we see it.

Speaker 2 (01:04):
When everyone else sees it. They don't send us the
trailer first. You know why they don't send us the
trailer first, I think is because in years past it's leaked,
like there's there's no way to get this trailer and
keep it all to yourself, right, you know, so it's leaked,
and so I think to avoid that, they don't send
it to anybody anymore. So we see it when the
world sees it. So if something is you know, if

(01:27):
they put in a part about like something that you
can consider really embarrassing, it's over.

Speaker 1 (01:31):
Oh yeah, I actually watched it. I wouldn't watch it.
I wanted Jeff to watch it, and well, Rachel, my daughter,
watched it. And then, like you know, a couple of
our PR people or whatever, I was like, I have
to just know what I'm going to be staring at.
I think that the nerves for me, so I was
trying to figure it out. I guess I was. Maybe
I was more nervous last year, but because it was
my first season. But it's this thing where you know,

(01:54):
after the last season, my response at least, I felt
like the response that I got was is mainly positive.
Of course, nobody's ever gonna you're never gonna get everybody
liking you. There's always gonna be haters. But basically I
got a lot of love. I got a lot of like,
you know, nice sort of like Gen you're funny, Gen
You're you know, a breath of fresh air like this

(02:14):
really nice feedback. Again, not all good feedback, but I
when you're in that place where you're coming from, Okay, Wow,
I did good for me, and I fight this. I'm
just waiting for the fall. So I'm nervous that I'm gonna,
you know, not just the trailer, but watch the season,
and nobody's gonna like me.

Speaker 2 (02:33):
I think that's natural, but I don't think that's true.
I think you're me. It's not just funny, and.

Speaker 1 (02:39):
I don't know, maybe not maybe the season I won't
be well liked, but like that's this is just a
whole separate issue. But watching it, I think that's why
I'm nervous. It's like I want everybody to like me,
and like, regardless, yeah, not everybody's going to and maybe
people want this season I have to like, but if
you are in a good place with yourself.

Speaker 2 (02:57):
Yeah, but you're also in a pretty good place with everybody.

Speaker 1 (03:00):
Like I know, it's not even just that though, because
you can be in a good place with Cass and
still you're.

Speaker 2 (03:05):
Yeah, that's true. Did you like the trailer.

Speaker 1 (03:08):
I thought it was funny. I thought it was light,
but it was also like I think, I thought it
dropped those little like tidbits very well in those little
little spoilers and teasers. Yeah, Like if I was a
y yar, i'd want to be excited for this.

Speaker 2 (03:22):
Yeah, which also gives me like anxiety because now I
like want people to see how everything happens, because now
people are you know, oh, Jackie, you know is doing
things too. First of all, let me clear up something
the whole Jackie is doing, you know, switching teams to
save her job. Okay, I am very very clear on

(03:44):
the fact that I am a friend, Like I am
not like delusional, like I know what my job is.
I'm a friend, and I am fully okay with that.
Like took a little bit, but I am fully okay
with it. I like it. Like it's not to say
like that I wouldn't be open to other things, but
like I like it, and I know I don't need

(04:05):
to jump teams and you know, jump through hoops and
you know, set myself on fire to save my job.
Like I can just be like a good supporting actor,
like I'm good, you know, Like I don't think that
I have to go crazy to save my job. So
nothing that I do is based on, oh god, I

(04:27):
have to be the best friend in the whole world
in order to save my job. And I actually don't
think it really works like that. I don't think if I,
like have a really big part of the season that
next season, like I would be a housewife. I think actually,
if I'm a fantastic friend, it's even you know, more
reason for them to say, Okay, great, say a friend. Yeah.
You know.

Speaker 1 (04:45):
I saw Marisol say on the reunion maybe it was
last night, No, no, she's being interviewed anyway, and they
were asking her like, do you are you okay? Maybe
it's even Hammer and Teddy Like yeah, I think it
was Teddy, how do you feel about being a friend?
Do you want to be, you know, a house wife?
What do they hold a mahido? Yeah or whatever? So
She's like, well, I mean I'd like to be paid

(05:06):
like a housewife, but like it sounds like she was
absolutely yeah.

Speaker 2 (05:10):
But I think that people don't want to believe that
because like I think that there's this like this misconception
of like how could you not want it all? Like
how could you not want all the fame and all
the spotlight and all the money?

Speaker 1 (05:24):
You like, those sometimes forget this is we're getting off
on a tank. But like, don't you feel like as
a friend you forget like factor out money or anything else,
but like you kind of do get it all in
a different way, Like and I know you have spoken
to me specifically about like opening up your home and
your family to cameras, you know, and now the difference

(05:47):
you know, not having to do that and still being
able to be involved is you know, like a gift
it is, and.

Speaker 2 (05:55):
You know it's also I mean, there's great stuff on
both sides. If it happens again for me, like I'm
sure my family would be open to it, But it's
much easier for me now to film the show, to
give it everything that I have, and to not have
to say to my family, hey, cancel all your plans.
You have to be home to film the scene, or

(06:16):
to say to Evan, you don't have to come to
this today, do you want to come? And sometimes he
really wants to come. But when he doesn't want to come,
or when he has work, like I don't have to
make him skip anything, he doesn't have to be involved.
And for me, that works for me right now, right now,
that works for me. But speaking of husbands being involved,
I am strongly of the opinion that I know Jersey

(06:39):
husbands have a bigger role than in other franchises, but
don't I don't love seeing husbands so heavily involved in
the drama. I don't like when husbands fight with wives.

Speaker 1 (06:53):
I don believe this is all you baby, go right right.

Speaker 2 (06:55):
I'm just saying, like, when Evan was very heavily involved
in the drama, which he did not want any part of,
he never fought with anybody on camera. He never yelled anybody.
He's never fought with anyone. It's just not his style.
He never yelled at anybody. He never you know. And
when it was time to resolve that drauma, he was

(07:16):
such a gentleman. He was very open to it and
he just wanted things to go back to common. You know,
when I'm saying like I don't love seeing husbands like
really put themselves right in the center. This is a
show for your wife.

Speaker 1 (07:33):
Well, j Listen Jersey has traditionally been known right as
like this, we are the family franchise. Yeah, of course
it's everybody's involved, and of course you know Joe Gorga
has made such an impact.

Speaker 2 (07:44):
Yes, and he's maybe a little dire, but he also
he doesn't like I don't know, maybe maybe Joe Gorga
is different, but like the other husbands, I don't really
feel like like they are definitely present. And that's great
and I love the husbands on this show them, but
I don't like seeing a husband actively like go after

(08:05):
a wife. But that's just me.

Speaker 1 (08:06):
We don't worry about Jeff Fessler. I don't think he's
he loves, he loves all of this, which everybody like,
no one can really understand or believe. Jeff's so I'm
so a nice crazy housewife person. But you're never gonna
have to worry about him fighting with anyone.

Speaker 2 (08:19):
Yeah, but I thought the trailer was great. I am
eager for people to see how everything comes about, because
there's no part of it that's about me, like trying
to save my job, like, I'm sure my job is fine.
I just you know, like it does happen very organically
and hasn't this hit but historically been on the show
for so long, don't people always look at like want

(08:40):
to know your motive and it's not maybe what your
actual motive is, like are and people you tell me, oh,
there's so many theories, but you know, so I watch it.
I actually had to pull over because I was driving
when it when it dropped, and uh, I said to Aiden,
I was taking it into a doctor's appointment. I said,
do you mind if I pull over and watch this
because the anticipation was just killing me. And after I

(09:01):
watched it the first time and I was like, Okay,
I'm totally fine with the way I'm portrayed in the trailer.
Then I watched it a second time to see how
I look physically in the trailer, and I'm gorgeous. I'm like,
my face is all hot and red. I'm like, I'm
going to be friends with whoever I want, and I'm like,
my face is all red and like, of course you pick.

Speaker 1 (09:17):
Yourself course, but I have to well, I'm being completely
honest and not humble at all. I actually thought to myself, well,
you do look better than.

Speaker 2 (09:25):
Last year myself. Certainly they spend enough money to make
that happen. By walking filter, I think you look so
I get carried away now.

Speaker 1 (09:35):
But that definitely was one of the things that I
was like, Okay, well, if anything, I don't know how
this is all going to go down, but I think
I look better.

Speaker 2 (09:41):
You looks good, fantastic. Anyway, it's going to be a great,
great season. I'm excited. Me to our topic for today, guys,
is you say it?

Speaker 1 (09:56):
Well, okay, so I'll say it, but I want to
say kind of why.

Speaker 2 (10:00):
We picked today our topic.

Speaker 1 (10:02):
We're going to entitle this one bucket or fuck it,
meaning like bucket list items maybe that we had when
we were younger. What are our bucket list items now?
Things that we thought we had to do in our
lifetime that we look at now and we think, oh
my god. I can't believe I even thought that was important.
But the idea came to us. I was watching Naiad.
I don't know if you guys have see Niad, but
it's this I want to say. It's on Netflix. Anette

(10:24):
Benning and Jodie Foster, this movie about this woman Diana
Niad who swam from from Cuba to maybe like Key West,
and so it's this amazing story. She tried and tried
and by the time she was sixty she actually got
it done. But it was like talk about like a
bucket list. Like she was like, I just want to

(10:45):
do something in my lifetime that no one else has done.
And I'm watching this and this woman is so driven
by that, and I'm thinking, first of all, that is
the worst bucket list item that I could even ever imagine.
I can't imagine wanting to do anything less than swim.

Speaker 2 (11:00):
But I don't get that at all.

Speaker 1 (11:01):
And as a matter of fact, like I've got a
friend who recently we were talking about this and I
was asking her about her bucketless things, and she's like,
I did a half marathon. I thought that was the
dumbest bucketless thing. I cannot believe I would have wasted
my time on that kind of misery. It's like, and
now today I would have never been interested. Okay, so
that is our topic.

Speaker 2 (11:19):
So yes, I just want to bring up one more
thing before we start. Yes, since we are a podcast
about middle aged women, there's this new Anne Hathaway movie
have you heard of this? No, okay. It's called The
Idea of You, and it's about a woman in her
forties who takes her daughter to Coachella and the the

(11:41):
uh lead of a boy band falls in love with her, with.

Speaker 1 (11:45):
The with the mother, with the mother who's Anne Hathaway.

Speaker 2 (11:47):
Yes, I'm region synopsis. Hold on, I'm so into the real.
Selene must step into chaperone her teenage daughter's trip to
Coachella after her ex bales at the last minute. She
has a chance encounter with Hayes Campbell, and there's an instant,
undeniable spark as they began a whirlwind romance. It isn't

(12:07):
long before hayes superstar status poses unavoidable challenges to their relationship.
So he's in his twenties and she's in her forties,
and it's a story. It's supposed to be a story
about a woman approach, a woman in her forties reclaiming
her sexuality and rediscovering herself just at the point that
society traditionally writes women off as desirable and viable.

Speaker 1 (12:27):
Oh okay, seriously, I mean we're gonna have to do
I think that we should do some movie and like
a deep dive.

Speaker 2 (12:35):
I'll just say that, like that sounds. Of course, I
love my husband, but if they're like in an alternate universe,
if we ever got.

Speaker 1 (12:41):
Divorced but every woman feels like that, I don't think
that I.

Speaker 2 (12:44):
Would ever feel that fully secure in that kind of relationship.
I think I'd always feel like that person was looking
for was seeing what else is out there?

Speaker 1 (13:00):
Well, I right, but I just think like the idea
of it to me, what occurred to me is simply
that like how validating in some weird way, And I mean,
how validation at this age? But like there have some
rock star on stage and a boy band. Now now
it's actually sounding gross, but like, let's they say a
boy band, Well.

Speaker 2 (13:17):
They think that it's based on Harry Styles and Olivia Wilde.

Speaker 1 (13:20):
Okay, so now I have to tell this go ahead.

Speaker 2 (13:22):
I'm sorry, do it.

Speaker 1 (13:24):
So we took so my sister and I took my
daughter and my niece to one direction. So we're going
back twelve years or something. And this is like when
they had first come out, and like the little girls
were like in hysterics, and we paid for like a
VIP meeting and so first you went into this like
little auditorium with all the people that had paid for
this shit, and they did like a Q and A

(13:45):
so just like embarrass my kids whatever. I like, raised
my hand, I stood up and I don't remember what
I said. But then the guys started saying like stuff
like my mother don't look like that, like something that
was it was the best day of my life.

Speaker 2 (13:58):
No, I'm not kidding. Wouldn't even brought it up. I
want to say, like they said something like or Harry,
your mother looked like that or something like that.

Speaker 1 (14:06):
I was like, I can die now.

Speaker 2 (14:08):
I can die now. And Rachel and Day based on you.

Speaker 1 (14:13):
Holy shit, people are always stealing shit.

Speaker 2 (14:16):
Maybe I don't know if our audience remembers this. Remember
when Craigslist had miss connections?

Speaker 1 (14:21):
No, I don't even you don't remember that.

Speaker 2 (14:23):
Oh my god. It was the craziest thing Craigslist. This
is a million years ago. It had this thing called
miss connections and it was like, I saw you on
the subway. You looked at me. I thought of it yesterday.
You know why. I was driving home from New York
City and I was getting on the West Side Highway
and fucking Conan O'Brien was standing having a conversation with
somebody right by the exit and I almost served my
fucking car off the road looking at him, and we

(14:46):
locked eyes. I swear to god, we locked eyes, and
I was like, God, if that fucking miss Connections column
was still around, I would have been checking that ship.
I mean, not to start a romance and Coda and O'Brien,
but like, just for the ad that says, were you
the crazy blonde bitch you almost run me over when
you were getting on the west side.

Speaker 1 (15:03):
It was why that's I wonder why that's not here anymore?
Let's bring it, bring back misconnections. People start from that. Anyway,
we have to see that movie and we have to
do a deep dive maybe for another episode. Love it.

Speaker 2 (15:16):
But okay, so bucket list, So I think that where
you should start by talking about the things we wanted
when we were younger.

Speaker 1 (15:23):
Yeah right, not just bucketless things, but things that you
were just like, because bucklets is a weird thing. Means
before I die, I want to do this, Yeah, maybe,
but maybe sort of more encompass. Encompass, like what we
really wanted to do or what we wanted to have, Yeah,
what we wanted to do and have now you know, yeah,
the things that.

Speaker 2 (15:40):
We really thought would fulfill us. Right, well, I think
do you remember? You know, we're a few years apart.
But when I was a kid in elementary school, the
biggest thing was making these little orgami. I forget what
they were called, but like you would stick your fingers
in them and like go like God, or open them.
I could still make it open and you would you
would write down the things that you wanted. It was

(16:01):
also a game called mash and like you would write
out the things that you like wanted, and it was
like who you wanted to marry, what you wanted to
do for a living, what kind of car you wanted
to drive, where you wanted to live. And I was
very very sure of what I wanted for my future.
I wanted to live in Beverly Hills. I wanted to
drive a limousine. I wanted to want to be the

(16:21):
driver or the passenger. I just thought a limousine was
the most glamorous car. You wanted to be the driver.
I just wanted it to be my fucking car.

Speaker 1 (16:28):
Okay, I just wanted to park. Because you still feel
that way, I'm sure there are plenty of opportunities for
you to drive a limousine.

Speaker 2 (16:35):
Let's see if I lose my friend, if I wasn't
a good enough friend. No, I just wanted to I
just wanted a limousine. Okay, I just thought it was
a glamouse. You know. I wanted to marry this kid,
Doug in my class, who is not on social media,
so I can't even stop him. And I just like,

(16:57):
I really wanted to live in a mansion, have three
kids married. That's all I wanted out of life.

Speaker 1 (17:04):
Wow, I mean I want to say that I had
so what age was that?

Speaker 2 (17:07):
No, that was as a kid. That's not really what
I wanted as a young adult.

Speaker 1 (17:10):
Yeah, but as a kid, I'm going to say that
that that about sums it up. I wanted to be
on a soap opera. To me, so the world of
like all my children in general hospital was the only
place in which anybody should live, and.

Speaker 2 (17:23):
It wasn't even necessarily.

Speaker 1 (17:24):
And I went to perming our high school, and I
went to acting school after. But I was never a
good actress, so there was that. But I just craved
that being on stage right, which ironically, all these years later,
I get a little bit of that. But anyway, but
so and get married and have babies, and I feel so.
I don't know why I feel guilty saying that, because

(17:44):
that's not an anti feminist thing to say. It's just
for me. What it was. I just wanted, you know,
my family life was not traditional and it was there
were a lot of moving pieces, and I really just
dreamt of having a very stable, secure family, one home,

(18:05):
not a lot of moving around, having babies and being
the star of all my children.

Speaker 2 (18:10):
Yeah right, I mean the stable family home. I definitely
understand given your upbringing, right, Yeah, yeah, I definitely wanted
a lot of children, and I wanted to get married.
I didn't when I was dating, I didn't really care
who I dated, like in terms of race, religion, ethnicity.

(18:32):
I dated across the board. I just I was I love.
I mean, if you read my book, you know I
was like boy crazy. But I probably why I ended
up falling in love with like a Jewish finance guy
from Westchester, which you know, worked out for my mother wonderfully,
but I and he's the best, and it worked out
for me really great as well. But I was really open.

Speaker 1 (18:59):
My one requirement back in the day when I was
dating after college was that somebody just had to be tall.
That's the only thing I cared about is Jeff tall.
He's five six, okay, so literally, like people would be
fixing me up, I wasn't. I really didn't have anything
else except I just because I always felt like such
a big girl and I wanted just to have someone

(19:19):
bigger than me. And I mean, look how we plan
and god laughs, but I mean I dated. Oh my god,
the list is long in terms of all of that
different guys from all different backgrounds. I just was so
until I met Jeff, so needy of a man's attention,

(19:39):
and like I didn't really have a lot of requirements,
just like just want to kiss me? Yeah, sad, but.

Speaker 2 (19:45):
No, not sad. I mean, but what would did you
have any like goals in your mind of things you
wanted to accomplish before you were a certain age.

Speaker 1 (19:54):
You know, not before I was a certain age. But
I think I would dream of of being an actress
and being famous. And again, I don't think that was
about the craft. I think that was about the attention
and just sort of like I always loved in elementary
and middle school, like I was always in plays. I

(20:15):
was always getting these these you know, really big parts.
And then high school. I went to forming arts high
school and not so much like there was actual real
competition there. And then I went to an act After
I graduated tech from UT, I went to the American
Academy of Dramatic Arts. I got another degree in acting,
but I just wasn't very good at it. But so

(20:36):
when you say bucket list, that's something that was always like,
I want to be famous. There were other things certainly
that I've wanted, but I would say that in terms
of a career, that was probably the running thing I
never And I also was never that big of like
a career person.

Speaker 2 (20:52):
Well yeah, but you have a successful shoe line, right,
That's what I'm going to say.

Speaker 1 (20:56):
Yeah, So I was not ever sort of like that
focused on career. I wanted to make money. I wanted
to be independent, and however that was going to happen.
So I had a whole host of different jobs in
my twenties that I hated, and then when I had
the kids, I worked part time as a fashion recruiter.

(21:18):
Didn't really enjoy that either. I never enjoyed anything until
I started my own business, which is for anyone who cares,
I have a high heel shoe line shop f Major
dot com and it's for women who after a certain
age can't walk in heels. And I just wanted to
create like a really sexy heel for women that wanted

(21:39):
to still wear them but that was still comfortable because
I can't walk in heels anymore, and I had bunions
and whatever a million disgusting things that go along with
aging in your feet. But anyway, so I have this business,
this shoe business, and I was really passionate about it,
just I don't know what the It wasn't a bucket
list thing though, right. More like I started it, I

(22:01):
felt great about it. I started doing it, I really
started liking what I was doing, as opposed to jobs
where I was there not because the job was actually
feeding my soul, but because it was feeding my pocket.

Speaker 2 (22:12):
Right yeah, yeah, yeah. So I would say the biggest
thing in my as a young adult, the number one
thing that I wanted the most and I thought would
make me so happy. Aside from being thin, which was
another a whole nother story that's a different episode. I

(22:32):
really wanted a daughter, and I thought, if I have
a daughter, my life will be complete. And I won't
need anything else in the whole world.

Speaker 1 (22:40):
Wow.

Speaker 2 (22:41):
Now, I had two boys first, and it's not something
I really ever talk about. I did write an article
about it once for Good Housekeeping, But I and if
you know me and my relationship with my to my
first set of twins, I am absolutely at the time,
I gonna be really honest. I had something called gender disappointment,

(23:02):
and I it was like severe and I loved my
boys so much, but I had and I make no
secret of the fact that I have struggled with mental
illness over the years.

Speaker 1 (23:11):
Welcome, come to the right place.

Speaker 2 (23:14):
Nice to meet Jim. And I had just this like
unending anxiety that my boys were never going to love
me the way that they would love their father. Really, yes,
I was consumed by it.

Speaker 1 (23:30):
And it wasn't about you loving them, It was about
loving you.

Speaker 2 (23:33):
No, no, no, I love them so much.

Speaker 1 (23:35):
I know you didn't.

Speaker 2 (23:36):
I always went scared that they were never going to
be you know, society tells you that you have a daughter,
she'll be your best friend for life, right, so I
was like, I need that best friend for life. I
also struggled with like insecurity, and you know, I'm a
very different person now. But I was consumed by the

(23:56):
thought that if I don't have a daughter, I'm going
to be really missed something.

Speaker 1 (24:00):
Wow, yeah, I know one other person like that, Jack
and I don't even not a friend. But this woman
that I that I knew who had had like twins,
she ended up having a daughter. But I remember her
talking to mebout I didn't even know her that well,
and she was just she couldn't get past you.

Speaker 2 (24:13):
I just had boys.

Speaker 1 (24:14):
I wanted a girl. I just.

Speaker 2 (24:16):
And then you think, so like when I had the
two boys. I cannot tell you how many times people
ask me, are you going to try for a girl?
And so I just had this idea in my head
that I couldn't get rid of, where I was just
consumed by it. So anyway, I needed IVF anyway because
I destroyed my body with anorexia. So I went back.
So I had my boys first with one round of IVF,

(24:38):
and then when I went back to have a third
because I did want to try for that girl, my
next two rounds of IVF at the same clinic, I
didn't even make it to transfer my So you the
way that it works is like so you grow the
eggs with medication, they take the eggs out of you,
they fertilize it with your husband's sperm, and then you

(24:58):
see how many embryos are left.

Speaker 1 (25:00):
That's a different day.

Speaker 2 (25:02):
Yeah, you see how many embryos are left at the
end of either three days or five days anyway, and
then the good ones, if you have some strong ones,
they'll put either one or two inside you and they'll
freeze the rest or if you want to freeze the rest. Right.
So I had nothing. I couldn't go to transfer on
my second and third rounds. It was devastating. It was horrible.

(25:23):
I had very low e quality, so the because of
the interrexia. Yes, I just really destroyed myself. And my
doctor suggested that I stop. And once he said that,
my mind was like I just went nuts because I
was like, oh God, I'm not going to get my girl.
So I was looking for a new doctor closer to

(25:45):
my home in New Jersey. And I'm going to tell
you a story that I've never told anyone. I don't
even think my parents know, only really me and Evan.

Speaker 1 (25:52):
I know this now sixty how many how many of you?

Speaker 2 (25:55):
Okay? Because I mean so, I started doing some research
on how I can have a girl. And I found
this thing that is no longer available in the United States.
It's available overseas, but it was called MicroSort. It's still around,
but it's just not in the US anymore. But it
was in the US then it was in clinical trials

(26:16):
for a very very long time. So I felt okay that, like,
it wasn't something that was going to make my kids
sick or what. But it was this technology and there
was a doctor right near me who participated in it.
And what it does, it's this sorting process where your
husband has to go to Virginia and then they spin

(26:37):
it or something. No, they don't spin it. Spinning is
like a little bit of a myth. But they they
use this like fluorescent technology that highlights the male sperm
versus the female like sperm, right, and they separate it
and then but it's not a guarantee, so you a

(27:00):
percentage on what your sort is, okay, and then they
fertilize your egg with whatever sort that is. So like
if you were trying for a girl, if you want
a girl, they'll take all the girl sperm and they'll
and they'll fertilize with that. But it's not a guarantee
they don't get like thousands of dollars. Was this, you

(27:20):
don't even want to go show accepted. You get to
get accepted to the process and everything. It took a
long time, and they but it's not one hundred percent.

Speaker 1 (27:31):
Sort, okay, right.

Speaker 2 (27:32):
So our first round of that, which was my fourth
round of IBS, oh my god, I got an eighty
five percent sort, so, which meant that eighty five percent
of the sperm that they were using was girlsperm. Right,
So I got pregnant for like a week, there was
a thing on the screen my my tests showed that

(27:53):
I was pregnant, and then it was gone. I don't
know that that's called a miscarriage because it was so early,
but it was gone after like a week, and I
was devastated. And then my fifth round of IVF I
got an eighty five I got a ninety percent sort.
And at the end of that, I had one good
embryo and one bad embryo, and they were like, we're

(28:15):
just gonna put them both in because nothing ever takes anyway.
And I ended up having a boy and a girl,
Oh my god, which is wild. But I worried for
a long time that first of all, they have to
mail back the sperm from I said to Evan, I
was like, if this is baby, he doesn't look like
you're gonna hear really fucking upset. Wait was Evan?

Speaker 1 (28:38):
How did Evan handle it?

Speaker 2 (28:39):
He was so Evan was not He knew that I
really wanted this. He also, it's really hard to fight
my Yeah, my mentor determined he he did it because
he loves me and because, I mean, there was no
like real downside for him except having to go to
Virginia twice. But I think he was a little bit

(29:01):
nervous because no one we knew had ever done anything
like this, you know, and still to this day sometimes
like if my kids will do something cooky, I'm like, God,
I wonder if that like fluorescent technology did something, you know,
I mean, you I worry. But it's still around. It's
just that in the US the FDA wouldn't clear it,

(29:21):
which means it had to stay as a clinical trial,
which is really really expensive. So it's all over the world,
it's just you can't talk about in America. So I
did end up having my ground.

Speaker 1 (29:31):
So Alexa was your bucket.

Speaker 2 (29:33):
List, she alexis is my bucket list's your bucket list.
But that being said, I worshiped my daughter. I love
her so much. It didn't it didn't end up being
the kind of relationship that in my mind I thought
it would be.

Speaker 1 (29:50):
Carefully because it sounds like in your mind you thought
she was going to be your best friend. Well she,
I mean, I had worship were best friend my daughter. No, No,
I don't think my daughter thinks I'm her best friend.
I think she much rather hang.

Speaker 2 (30:04):
Out with her actual friends than with me I imagined us,
you know, like coordinating outfits, or of like getting our
nails then together. I think I've taken her for two
mantic years in her whole life. She much rather like
use a marker and color her nails black. She enjoys
hanging out with her friends far more than she wants

(30:25):
to be with me. And I'll tell you the honest truth.
My oldest son, my firstborn, and all my kids will
tell you this. I love all my kids the same.
But Hey and I are the like theses. Probably you know,
and if you had told me that, I would never
have believed it. But I find myself gravitating more to

(30:46):
the boy stuff. And maybe because I'm in a place
of privilege right now because I do have the daughter,
so I can you know, I just gravitate more towards
their basketball games and shopping for the boy. I get
such a jolt at a watching them play sports. And
I don't feel any different being with my daughter than
I do with my sons.

Speaker 1 (31:06):
Wow. Well, I definitely didn't have that my so neither
Jeff nor myself. We have zero ability in terms of athletics,
so I can barely walk, much less kick a ball.
Jeff pretends, but he really and we passed those genes
on thankfully because the truth is the thought of having

(31:27):
to go I watched my friends have to go to
game after game after game. Zach is actually here somewhere.
He's probably up there just cursing me out because like
he wanted so badly to be good at sports. He
tried so hard, and now like he looks back at
it and he'll say to me, you know, you guys,
just let me quit everything. Now I don't think we
let it. I remember spending thousands of dollars on the

(31:50):
cross equipment, Like I do know about letting him quit
so easily. But I'm sorry, but the kid just he
just couldn't play, so it was what it was. And Rachel, well,
she just is not in sports. She's like me, she
never was. But like so in terms of spending time
with them, I don't I don't know that I gravitated
both of my kids whatever they had going on at

(32:12):
the time. I don't think I was like, oh my god,
I wish I could go to a soccer game over
whatever girl scouts. But was our point here?

Speaker 2 (32:21):
I mean, I'm just like what you gravitated towards. I
don't gravitate as much to the girls stuff. No, but
like oh this, I was gonna say so.

Speaker 1 (32:28):
But like when the kids were little, Zach was the
easiest baby toddler teenager. Rachel was the most difficult baby
infant toddler teenager. Like I always tell this story that
when they were both inside me, I used to have
to go get non stress tests with Zach, which means
like you don't know if the baby's alive or not,

(32:48):
because he was like so mellow, Like I was like,
nothing's moving, there's no way there's something wrong here. There's
no way that this baby is alive. And with Rachel,
like literally the second that the egg was you know,
the sperm hit the egg. She was kicking me, and
like we always say, like I was like, I couldn't

(33:09):
get up the stairs with her. She was just pissed,
and I to this day it is it's well, actually
it's changed, it has changed.

Speaker 2 (33:16):
Yeah, you guys are super close, and I am super
close with Alexus. I just you know, I think about
it now, and I'm very close with my father. I'm
also very close with my mother. But I don't think
I would want my daughter to devote her life to
being my best friend. I don't think I need her
to live next door to me. If I don't, I
don't need any of that that I thought that I needed.
So that would be my number one thing that I

(33:37):
really thought I needed in order to find happiness throughout
my life. And even though my daughter brings me abundant happiness,
of course, look go back now, I think I would
have had, you know, abundant happiness with boys only you.

Speaker 1 (33:51):
Know, well, yeah, if I think of like bucketless things,
I too had the had I didn't have the girl thing.
I just had the kid thing. But I remember biological
clock really ticking, like in my late twenties, and I
met Jeff when I was twenty nine, and I was
like losing it. Like I'd wake up with dreams, having
had like these dreams of babies, and I would wake

(34:12):
up so sad and just like missing the baby from
the dream. And I remember negotiating with God and saying
listen because I'm also a like a crazy hypochondriac. And
it was way worse when I was younger and not
on medication. But anyway, so I always thought I was dying.
Please God, just let me have babies first. Please just
let me have babies first. Then I had babies, Please God,
let me just get to their weddings. They're gonna need me.

(34:34):
Please let me just make it until then. Then you know,
now I have kids that are I can't ever leave them,
Like there's no negotiating. I can't bear the thought of
ever leaving them, do you know what I mean? On
the line you said, but wanting that so badly, just
wanting the kids. I don't know if that was a
bucketless thing, but that was just inside of me. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (34:50):
I think some people need it and some people don't.
For me, I know, I see childless couples, and I
know there's a lot of people who have no desire
to ever have kids. It's hard for me to understand.
And of course I know that it's you know, it's
just not everybody and everybody's plans, But for me, it's
hard to understand that. I just feel like my kids,

(35:12):
you know, like it's just something I said Jenny McCarthy
or like Bill Maher talking about Carthy as a kid.

Speaker 1 (35:17):
I'm not Jennie McCarthy. Who am I talking about another
really pretty blonde male. Not Jenny McCarthy. What's her name,
Amy Schumer? No, Chelsea him. Yes, So she's always talking
about it, and like Bill mar is always talking about it,
and I'm like, you know, maybe they are onto something

(35:37):
there like she's. But I mean, obviously I would never
go back, but.

Speaker 2 (35:40):
I do think that, Yeah, I think that people can
be other There are bucketless things include children. Yep. Okay,
So I mean I always wanted to be thin, but
that's that's for another time. And that didn't actually pan
out the way I thought it would because it almost
killed me. As we all know if you read my book,
I wanted to write something that and viral. I did

(36:00):
want to be a journalist. I had no My mother
wanted me to go to law school. I went to
law school. I was a corporate lawyer for a while
and then a real estate lawyer. But I always had
the writing bug and I just wanted to write one
thing that would go viral anyway, So I this way
before Housewives, I started writing. When I started writing, I

(36:21):
was working my way up. And then I got I
started getting published in the Huffington Post, and I started
getting published in really good places. And I wrote one
thing that went absolutely like all over the place, and
I can't tell you, for like a week, I couldn't
even sleep. I was just like checking who would read
it and who would comment, and a good way. It

(36:41):
was so good. It was so good. It was just
about being a mom and like the things that you know,
you felt that you felt that like you were you
had been so fulfilled. Oh I was fulfilled. I was.
But then I was like, I want more.

Speaker 1 (36:51):
Yeah, I was just exactly was.

Speaker 2 (36:53):
But I did have that. But there are things that
I still want in life, like little goals, like little
I wouldn't call them bucket lists. I still feel far
from death maybe so it's hard for me to.

Speaker 1 (37:06):
See, Well, do you know there's that we so our
producer sent us actually an article like it was like
a Yahoo ar yeah twenty three about bucket lists and
like how people over fifty they say that they really
didn't like attain any of those goals or the bucket
list becomes less important. What becomes important is, you know,

(37:26):
spending time with people that you love and and all
of that stuff and Kilimanjaro or running the marathon is
not doesn't feel quite as meaningful, and you're much less
likely as you get older to also check those items
items like that off of a list because now you're
older and you're too tired to travel the world, do
you know what I mean? But but there are little yeah,

(37:48):
I still have a bunch of little ones. They're not
they're not the huge ones. They're not the be you know, uh,
the eric on all my children anymore?

Speaker 2 (37:56):
Well, what are yours? And by the way, you can
you can do that.

Speaker 1 (37:59):
I don't don't want to do that, okay.

Speaker 2 (38:01):
But you know that like ninety nine percent of people's
dreams die in their head, they really do.

Speaker 1 (38:06):
I do love that. That was what Niad was about,
that that Diana and I had had Like she didn't
do it until she was sixty years old.

Speaker 2 (38:13):
So what are yours?

Speaker 1 (38:14):
I have a lot of little ones. And I have
to say it's like I like everyone does, but travels
certainly on the list. And I saw in that article
like one of the maybe it was the number one
bucklest thing was Safari in Africa. Oh really, Yeah, I'm
dying to do that.

Speaker 2 (38:28):
No, I don't like really long flights.

Speaker 1 (38:30):
I mean I'm not concerned about the flight. I just
want to get there and I want to like be
in this place that's such a like it's like mystical. Yeah,
and I have one of my best friends went a
few months ago. It just changed everything. It was like
being in a completely different world.

Speaker 2 (38:48):
Yeah. I think I'm waiting for my kids to be
able to appreciate it.

Speaker 1 (38:51):
She went with her kids. Yeah, so there's that. So
so I would say the like, definitely travel is something.

Speaker 2 (38:55):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (38:55):
And then there's the thing is like I was thinking
maybe I'd want house in a certain place in Florida
or the Ham or whatever. But you know when I
was when Jeff and I had first moved into this house,
this is our third home in this town. I remember
we were bidding on it and I'm like, if we
get this house, I will never have an unhappy day.

Speaker 2 (39:17):
That'll be it. Every day I'll wake up and not that.

Speaker 1 (39:19):
My house is. I don't live in an estate, but
it was for me, it felt so right. I was
I was dying, dying, dying for this house, big shop.
I've had unhappy days. So but like what I thought
was like the end all be all. I mean, it
probably never is, but I so as of now I'm older,
I see like, oh, it'd be so great to have

(39:41):
a house in where's your house, West.

Speaker 2 (39:43):
Hampton, West Hampton.

Speaker 1 (39:44):
Right, But having said that, I'm still going to be there.
My shit's still going to be there, you know, my
issues will still be there. But stuff that I just
I want to do, I mean, it becomes a little smaller.
I want my kids to be good. Like that's the
first thing.

Speaker 2 (39:57):
I mean, your kids being happy is just all that
all of us.

Speaker 1 (39:59):
Yeah, it's just like you know right that that's just innate.
So I want my kids to be good. I want
to laugh.

Speaker 2 (40:04):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (40:05):
I mean I've gone on this crazy adventure with housewives
that I could have never predicted and that I'm so
grateful for. And I would like to have more adventures.
Whether or not it'll be it'll have to do with houses.
But like having that kind of newness and excitement and
excitement love to keep.

Speaker 2 (40:23):
There's nothing better than that feeling of like fear and
excitement and anxiety and like then doing something and it
turning out well or not.

Speaker 1 (40:31):
I mean, listen doesn't always certainly not when we're talking
reality TV. It doesn't always turn out well and it
is always you know. But I have found the last
couple of years, I've fulfilled these different like checked off
little bucket list things that I never thought I would.
That's been sort of cool.

Speaker 2 (40:56):
So can I tell you one that I still have? Yes?

Speaker 1 (40:59):
Please?

Speaker 2 (40:59):
So I played the piano right, and when I was younger,
I was really good. I was good, and I can
play by ear. But when I play by ear, it's
not sophisticated, Like it's just like simple chords with like
my right hand moving around making like the melody and
like that's pretty cool though. So but I know that
I could be good if I took some more lessons
and I like refreshed myself. I know that I could

(41:20):
be good. And I can read music and everything. And
I've always had this dream of just playing one night
with a rock band, just really. I can't sing, but
I can write songs.

Speaker 1 (41:32):
Jackie, we have spoken about this while you were taking
guitar lessons, and then you never you didn't continue. Well,
I was, so, how am I going to start a band?
I got a little busy. But besides that, it's also
really really hard. So and I've tried, not once, not twice,
but three times. And I still have my guitar in
my room and I pick it up and I'll start
again and start lessons because the point is that one

(41:52):
of my bucket list things would be not just to
play one night. I would love to play. I'd love
to like band a band, or like be sitting around
with your friends at night, and like I would just
cut because there's nothing better than when someone plays guitar
or piano.

Speaker 2 (42:04):
Oh my god, I always thinking out. I always think
of Beverly Hills and David Foster used to always get
on the piano and that ever would stand around him.
Evan thinks that's the most awkward thing in the world.
When I used to play songs, be like, it's a
little awkward, Well, because I have no because it's like, well.

Speaker 1 (42:18):
David Foster was like, different, you're talking about a different
thing you are you're talking about You're sitting in a
room and David Foster is playing the piano, but like,
if you're just sitting with friends, I mean, maybe I'm
going back to like days of sleep away camp, or
like somebody just picks up a guitar and all of
a sudden you're singing like James Taylor, I know you.

Speaker 2 (42:34):
Had an edible that guy was like not that cute,
and then he picks up on guitar and you're like, yeah,
I mean that's so universe is saying, get back on that,
because I really that is my bucket list goal is
to play in a rock band, even if it's for
one night. I really wanted to write a book. I
did that. It's been unbelievable and so fulfilling. My other

(42:58):
biggest thing in the world is I want to be
fully recovered. And I am recovered from my eating disorder,
but I definitely still have a lot of disordered eating habits.
So no anorexia anymore, but I still weigh, like overanalyze
and worry, yeah, of course about food weight too much.

(43:18):
So I want all of that gone, which I am
actively working on. I would love to go to Europe
when that's all done, and really be able to like
go to breakfast and get what I want and then
not think about food for a little while and then
go to lunchinella I want. Like That's not how my
life works right now. Of course, so I don't restrict
anymore in an unhealthy way, but I certainly do not

(43:39):
have like a lot of freedom around food the way
that I should. So that is my ultimate bucket list goal,
is to get rid of all of that noise and
to be able to eat really really freely without tons
of anxiety, which I'm getting there, but not there quite yet.

Speaker 1 (43:55):
So interesting because all like stuff that you think that
you want when you're younger, and then you get it
and you're like, wait a second, you know this is great.
But so I also have one of my best friends
who said to me when we were in we had
just had kids, so we're like, I guess early thirties,
and she started a business called alor Mates and it's
for kids with food allergies, and she made really amazing

(44:17):
like jewelry and dog tags. Her kid had and has
a very serious nut allergy. Actually so does my son
and my daughter has. I know, they both have food allergies,
but anyway, so kind of I would sometimes go in
and help her with ideas for the little characters and
the dog. Anyway, she said she was so driven by
wanting to be to like have created this uber successful business,

(44:40):
right and your name and your your pictures on the
cover of Time magazine or whatever. Business. She was so
all about being the CEO. And the business is still
around and it's actually really really amazing. But she said,
you know, I was asking her, what were your bucket
list things then as opposed to what they are now,
And she's like, now, it's not that I don't, you know,

(45:02):
enjoy my business. But the truth is she feels really
passionate about certain causes, one of them right now being Israel.
But she's like, I just want to be an advocate.
I wanted my life to get smaller. And she actually
still has a son who it's like his first year
of high school, so she's a while but she's like,
that's what is motivating her now, causes that she is

(45:24):
passionate about and advocating for them, and she's a big house.
Maybe she always wanted that. It's you she wants to downsize,
you know, like everything changes. She wants to have an easier,
smaller situation and so which I really I kind of
relate to like what I thought I wanted when I
was younger. And by the way, if any of you

(45:44):
out there are under forty and listening, just know like
it changes, it does. It definitely change the better you
get perspective. Well, yeah, you were saying you wanted to
have like freedom around food. I would like to be
I've had years and years and years and years of therapy,
but I would like to And we were talking about
this at the top of this hour, but not be

(46:05):
so affected by oh my god, worried about are they
going to like me? Number one and number two? Always
I have a lot of fear around oh my god,
when is the other shoe going to drop?

Speaker 2 (46:18):
Oh no, I don't really have that so anxiety.

Speaker 1 (46:21):
I mean it's gotten listen, years of therapy and medication
and work on myself. It's definitely a whole different thing
than it used to be. But I do definitely dream
of a time where I am and it's gotten better,
a lot better, but where I'm so sort of like secure,
knowing that I am like living in dignity and not worrying.

(46:42):
It doesn't It doesn't affect me what people say or think. Yeah,
that's definitely a goal.

Speaker 2 (46:47):
Yeah, you know. I also I think one of the
things that's always been really important to me and that
I really wanted as an adult was close female close
female friendships because I struggled with that congratulations, I'm gonna
I was just going to say, like you and I,
how long we've been friends? Only a few years? Like sisters?

Speaker 1 (47:09):
Yeah? Yeah, Well, listen, the thing is the best thing
about the female, about a female friendship is that it's
so different. We can talk about shit that I will
never ever talk to Jeff about, will relate to each
other in a way that I can never ever relate
to him. You and I will be there for each
other in ways that you know, my husband is thankfully

(47:31):
happily there for me always. But different.

Speaker 2 (47:34):
But like the fact that, like if you had told
me when you're, you know, in your mid forties, you're
going to find one of your best friends in the world, Like,
I don't think that I would especially.

Speaker 1 (47:44):
Imagine this in this scenario, right.

Speaker 2 (47:47):
And did you notice we have the same exact I
already did notice that, But no, I mean, I'm really
happy with where I am that I think there's so
much to be said again another episode because whatever.

Speaker 1 (47:58):
But like, the female friendship for me at this age
is everything.

Speaker 2 (48:03):
Everything, yeah, but not not everything.

Speaker 1 (48:06):
But it's a lot.

Speaker 2 (48:07):
But it's a lot. But that being said, on the
flip side of it, the female friendships that I felt
like were toxic and not serving me. In the past
few years, I have definitely moved away from.

Speaker 1 (48:22):
So you see yourself in terms of like a bucket list?
What do you see because you're younger to be Jack,
but like now you're let's say, now you are sixty,
what does that look like? I would like to.

Speaker 2 (48:32):
I mean, obviously that perfect relationship with food I would
like to have.

Speaker 1 (48:37):
But what does it look like? Do you have a
picture of it?

Speaker 2 (48:40):
If my kids are happy and doing things that make
them happy, have gone to a four year college is
important to me, and working in careers that make them happy,
then I would feel like I can go live my life.
I would like to travel with Evan. I would like
to work. I always want to be create content, you

(49:01):
know I I That's why I love this podcast. I
love being on the show.

Speaker 1 (49:06):
I can't say I always would want to work no, no, no,
but I.

Speaker 2 (49:08):
See I love creating content, like putting things out there,
whether it's a book, an article, the show, the podcast.
Like I am always like I wake up and I'm like,
what can I write today? Yeah? I love that, So
I still want to be doing that. I would like
to write a lot more things, and of course play
in a rock band.

Speaker 1 (49:24):
Yeah, and playing around and playing a rock band.

Speaker 2 (49:25):
And that's it.

Speaker 1 (49:26):
I mean, I got a lot of the bucket list things.
I'm not Erica Kaine, but I am like I was
able to with this show. You know, see what it
feels like. Which is funny because that's when I say
that I wanted to be famous as a bucket list thing.
I'm not trying to say that I'm famous. I'm not.
I hate like I make myself sick a little like
because some people that watch the show will recognize me,

(49:47):
I know, but I'm not trying to be like now
that I'm famous. I obviously know that I'm not. That's
not but being recognized sometimes I thought that it was
going to be it would fill me up in a
way that it definitely it's so much fun, but it's
not what I thought like and maybe so many bucket
list things aren't. Like I used to walk behind Margaret
We're friends before and I watched people recognize her and

(50:07):
they would just wig out when they would see her coming,
and I would be like, wow, what would that be?

Speaker 2 (50:11):
Like, Yeah, because the problem is there's always going to
be someone more famous than you.

Speaker 1 (50:15):
Well not, that's not a problem. I don't mean it
like that, right, but like.

Speaker 2 (50:17):
You're always gonna when you get to a certain level,
then you're like okay, now what Well.

Speaker 1 (50:24):
I also just feel like it's not as for whatever reason,
like when people recognize me, it's so flattering and nice,
but I would watch it happen to others and be like, wow,
I want that to happen to me, and it's not. Again,
I'm not saying it's not exciting and flattering and nice,
but there's you know, it's not I guess what it

(50:44):
what I mean.

Speaker 2 (50:45):
Sometimes it's fun, Like I was at Whole Foods. It
is fun, and I went over to the strawberries and
there was a girl looking at the strawberries too, and
we were both like picking up packages and looking to
see if like the whole package was like fine, And
we were both there for like a good like minute
and a half and she said without looking up, and
she was like, I can't find a good package. And
I'm like, I know me neither. And she started to
talk and then she looked at me and oh my god,

(51:06):
Jackie and she drops all the strawberries and like it
was just like it started, like that is so fun
and funny. And then there are times when like you
get somebody at like a checkout counter who like really
wants to deep dive into the show, and.

Speaker 1 (51:22):
You're like, I don't. Yeah, no, I my toilet paper, right,
but not even I don't mean not that. I just
thought it would fill me up in a different way,
Like it's not it's not the absolute that I thought
that it would be, you know, for somebody who always
wanted to be on stage or to be famous. Right,
But like now what I want when I look at
my life is just like you, I want my kids.
But even those bucket listened, Like you said college, the

(51:43):
four year college thing. My kids both my daughter's about
to graduate in May, but both kids went to had
they both got a four year degree. Now I'm like
that was so important, right, and like what college they
were going to go to? No, I don't care what
college they want. I'm not saying that's not important. But
now I look at life very differently. There's so many

(52:03):
different and I have some friends whose kids took a
different path that has worked out so beautifully. Yeah, you know,
so like all of that stuff that I thought I
and that's really about them, not me, but that I
thought I wanted for them so desperately. And I'm happy
that they both have graduated from a four year college,
but the importance it felt so much more important to

(52:24):
me than it does now. In actually I think you
live and learn, right, Yeah, No, just thinking about like
what else I wanted in life? And I'm fifty five
years old, and like you would think i'd be actually
really concentrated on that, Like what do I want? Really
sort of like you can't really plan it, I guess,
but put a lot of thought into that bucket list question.

(52:44):
But I want to travel. I want to have my
life be peaceful. I want Yeah, I don't want to
have at some point we're going to give up the
four bedroom colonial and I want to be somewhere easy
in a townhouse and an apartment in a you know,
and just and I guess play with grandkids.

Speaker 2 (53:03):
Very I don't want even want to hear that word.

Speaker 1 (53:05):
Yeah, it's sorry.

Speaker 2 (53:06):
I don't even want to talk about granids.

Speaker 1 (53:09):
It's gonna happen.

Speaker 2 (53:10):
Evan brings it up sometimes and I'm like, get the
fuck out of my face with branchids, like I still
have thirteen year olds, Like, I don't want to.

Speaker 1 (53:17):
Hear any I can't believe you have thirteen year olds.
That is so hideous.

Speaker 2 (53:20):
I'm so sorry, far away from like thirteen.

Speaker 1 (53:23):
Oh my god.

Speaker 2 (53:24):
Well my oldest and your youngest are not that far
apart in age.

Speaker 1 (53:28):
Rachel's twenty one.

Speaker 2 (53:29):
Oh you're right, yeah they are.

Speaker 1 (53:31):
Yeah, I'm not interested in going back, but I am
inted in having the grandkids. And like everyone says having them,
I'm not going to be that grandmother. I'm not raising them.
I'll take them, I'll play with them, I'll give them money,
and i'll send them back.

Speaker 2 (53:41):
See. I still have these thoughts every once in a
while where I'm like, I could still have a baby.
I'm forty seven. I hear that I could still have
a baby.

Speaker 1 (53:49):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (53:49):
I have brought it up to Evan, to be honest
with you, I think I stop bringing it up, Like
a year ago. But I think two main concerns, and
I would have another one because I actually love to
the children. My two main concerns are that, you know,
as you get older, it's riskier.

Speaker 1 (54:06):
Be a geriatic what do they call a geriatric?

Speaker 2 (54:08):
Forget?

Speaker 3 (54:08):
Forget, you're like geriatric? I am like fucking like in
the coffee and walking kiddy. I am like the old
age home pregnancy.

Speaker 2 (54:22):
I worry that it would be healthy, that the child
would be healthy, because you know, as you get older
there's a greater source of But if I could guarantee
that it was healthy, I just think that it wouldn't
be like so much of a sibling, excepting name, because
there'd be such an age difference. I just can't get.

Speaker 1 (54:39):
Past past the pack that this is a bucket Is.

Speaker 2 (54:40):
This called that's the bucket list? I don't need a
fun are you nuts? No? I don't need But are
walking around in their eighties they weren't believing that wasn't
on their bucket list.

Speaker 1 (54:50):
That just that was like something slipped okay, seriously, something
fucking slipped by, and some woman was like, don't worry,
I'm on that pill wink wing.

Speaker 2 (55:02):
Oh yeah, I don't know. So yeah, but grandkids I
just don't want to think about yet.

Speaker 1 (55:09):
I mean, people love them, they say good things. Yeah,
people recommend it. Oh yeah no no, I definitely one day,
but not anytime soon. Not today, No, not today, honey.
I'd like to also. Now we're just rambling, but whatever.
That's why we have a producer jackline. You can cut
in paste. But like, I'd like to just do things
that are like when you say creative, like not work,

(55:30):
like you always want to so you always want to work.

Speaker 2 (55:31):
Well, I always want to do creative things.

Speaker 1 (55:33):
I want to make nice stuff like i'd like to. Lately,
I've been putting this stuff on social media about like
cooking because I'm so bad at it, and so I've
been doing things where I'm cooking whatever shitty thing I'm cooking,
and just it's like fun. It's like it's like performing
a little bit, you know, and like just thinking about
it and thinking, like maybe one night I'll do an
edible and we'll call it edible cooking. Well, come over

(55:56):
and do that and then we'll Because I sock at cooking,
so so do I. Well, the reason I suck at
cooking is because I never wanted to cook. Because I
never wanted to taste of food, right, Yeah, so I
suck at it just because I suck at it and
I was never interested in doing it, and like, but
like making these little videos about it is kind of funny.
I did like a one. I have a one in
bringing watch Chicken. I have to watch that. You don't
have to watch that, but I do. I'm just saying

(56:16):
my point. The bigger point is that like doing fun
stuff like that, you know not yea, I don't have to.
I'm not going to necessarily change the world, but like
being creative like that. Yeah, And I think that being
funny and coming up with things. I do really enjoy that.
Whether or not you know you paste on TikTok.

Speaker 2 (56:34):
I am not on TikTok. I don't even have an account.
I think I made an account once just to check
like my daughter's content, but.

Speaker 1 (56:41):
I don't I've never been on it.

Speaker 2 (56:43):
And I think that I felt like I missed the
boat on doing those kind of things.

Speaker 1 (56:47):
You may have there, maybe taking it down it was
all that controversy. But yeah, but like stuff like that,
but I think is fun. I would also like to
give back. I should probably say that even though that
has not come out, but do something meaningful in this world. Actually, like, yeah, no,
idea something good we have. Of course we've done good
things in this world, but something that has nothing to
do with me.

Speaker 2 (57:08):
But by the way, I tell you something funny follow
up to the TikTok things. So I always had this
regret that I didn't get on TikTok early enough. Right,
So when Threads started, I was like, I'm gonna be
the first motherfucker on Threads. Iain. I was like all
about Threads for like a month, and then I was like,
you know what, Yeah.

Speaker 1 (57:29):
I don't even know what thread is, honey.

Speaker 2 (57:30):
Sometimes on my Instagram, the Facebook version of Twitter, I.

Speaker 1 (57:35):
Don't even know what that means. And I don't want
to know Instagram.

Speaker 2 (57:39):
That's it. I have no other bucket list items. All right, Well,
listen you guys if you want to, I keep saying
at the end of every show, but if you guys
have any ideas there are things you want us to
talk about, it would be so great. I think we
really should watch that movie.

Speaker 1 (57:54):
Okay about it. We're definitely watching them. What do you
mean in ten minutes? Okay, yeah, but no.

Speaker 2 (58:00):
I'm serious. This was so fun it always is fun. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (58:03):
I hope you guys are having fun. We appreciate your
listening a lot.

Speaker 2 (58:07):
All right, We love you guys until next time.

Speaker 1 (58:09):
Bye bye,