Iyanla Vanzant Speaks On Dealing With Abusive Relationships And Reflecting On Her Journey + More
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Speaker 1 (00:03):
What's up. It's where you put Angela Yee. I'm Angela Yee,
and Jasmine Brand is here with me. Yes, and we
have the amazing Ayanavans here with us, and listen, listen.
I know that season two of your podcast is starting
and the first topic is about self worth. Yes, and
we were kind of just talking about that now, you know.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
Talking about as a public person, when people make up
that you're rich and that you can come work for
them for free and do what they want you to
do for free, and first of all, they don't. I
have lots of things to do with my money. I
have ten grandchildren, yes, grandchildren. And I'm old, not old,
(00:44):
not old. Yes, I'm old. I'm older okay in age,
I just got older.
Speaker 1 (00:50):
You're little, okay.
Speaker 3 (00:52):
How do you decide? How do you decide? You know
when to say yes when to say no? When something
is asked of you for free, for free.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
Well, if it's a topic or an issue that really
matters to me, it can't cost me, meaning you got
to get me there, you got to feed me, you
got to provide me transportation. It can't cost me, but
I won't charge you. The other thing is, if it's
a subject matter that really matters to me. So okay,
if it's a thing, a subject matter that really matters
(01:20):
to me. Also, if it's something near to my heart,
I'll do it. And if it's gonna promote something I
care about.
Speaker 1 (01:30):
Okay, right, you have the podcast, so you might say, Okay,
this is a good time for me to do it.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
I'll do the Jimmy Kimmel Show tonight for free because
I can promote my podcast, right, and I'll show today.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
Thank you so much. You know. But somebody told me
one time they were reading a book and they said,
if something you should try this, if something somebody I
should do something, you don't automatically think yes, then say no.
And she was like, just try to do that for
a few months because I feel like I been just
kind of all over the place. I just got my
(02:03):
real estate license, okay, so I'm like, okay, I want
to focus on this, but I also have my coffee company,
and I have the coffee shop. I'm expanding that business.
There's a lot going on, and sometimes that doesn't bring
in money. So there's a lot of things I end
up doing just because I want to promote other things. Well,
there's a balance, but that's your choice. Right.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
The thing that I learned is it doesn't honor me
to give away my time. It doesn't honor me, right
unless i'm supporting you know, if you're a nonprofit, you're
doing something that I care about, and me being there
is going to bring you in people and that matters
to me, then I'll do that. But it doesn't honor
me for you to sell tickets with my name on it. Right,
(02:43):
call people forward, and I don't make any money. Time
is money, now, you're right about that.
Speaker 4 (02:48):
So Angela, sometimes you got to say it does not
honor me.
Speaker 1 (02:51):
And know she thinks that I say yes to too
many things that I shouldn't do. Now I want to
ask you this because you said this new season is
going to be focused on men. Yes, right when it
comes to relationships. I did a podcast last night shout
out to mathof of my expert opinion and that guy
it was me and it was all guys on this
podcast and just hearing people's conversations about relationships, and the
(03:12):
men in the room were saying that sometimes they don't
feel safe expressing themselves around women being able to be
vulnerable because there's an expectation that you're supposed to have
certain things. Even that list of restaurants they talked about
that that women said that they won't go to on
a first date.
Speaker 2 (03:31):
I know, I love the Cheesecake Factor, I love those
little corn things, and I like Applebee's and the movies
because I think the movies was on there, and I said.
Speaker 1 (03:40):
That's kind of a go together. Remember it used to
be like you go to the movies and then you
get like a coupon for Apple Bride. And they also
said because I said, I wouldn't have a problem using
a coupon on a date, but they said guys should
not ever first talk bad about it.
Speaker 4 (03:53):
I think they were talking about first day, so.
Speaker 5 (03:56):
I'd be a little leary of a coupon on a
first date.
Speaker 1 (04:02):
Age discounts already.
Speaker 3 (04:05):
But Angela's question, I know this is this season is
going to talk about me. What do you think is
the biggest issue you find between men and women in relationships?
What's one of the bigger ones you keep hearing about.
Speaker 2 (04:18):
Well, I don't know if it's between men and women.
None of us, men or women, we haven't been trained.
We don't have the skills and the tools required to
really sustain and maintain relationships in the way the world
is today, so many things have changed. But the other
thing is men are just not emotionally solid. They're not
(04:42):
They haven't done the work. A lot of them were
raised by mothers who were not emotionally solid.
Speaker 5 (04:48):
Sorry moms, I raised the son too.
Speaker 2 (04:51):
A lot of them will been traumatized and never taught
how to process it, and so they're not safe. And
you know, women today are a lot more aggressive in
our approach to life in general, right, And and we've
done more work than them, So we have some things
that are solid that they don't and and and they've
(05:14):
got to catch up.
Speaker 1 (05:15):
Now what do you mean by we're more aggressive women today?
And why do you think that is?
Speaker 2 (05:19):
Well?
Speaker 5 (05:21):
Oh, Lord help me.
Speaker 2 (05:29):
We we have become what I call men in skirts.
We are so aggressive, so demanding, so unaware. Really we
think we got it going on, but women really aren't
aware of their power because our power as women is silent.
If you really know what you're doing, you can work
(05:50):
a room.
Speaker 1 (05:52):
Yeah you think I've been told I'm BOSSI Yeah. In
relationships we are.
Speaker 2 (06:00):
We are because I think we've been left alone and
up to our own devices for too long. I find
women to be mean as hell. I'm sorry, really, Oh
my gosh, am I music?
Speaker 1 (06:14):
Oh yes, adjusmin?
Speaker 4 (06:15):
Are you mean a little bit?
Speaker 2 (06:17):
Yeah?
Speaker 5 (06:17):
You might.
Speaker 3 (06:17):
Yeah, I'm more straight. I mean, I'm more you're more passive.
You'll be mean on the inside and not say and
I'll say hey or but.
Speaker 2 (06:27):
See, I'm an outful woman, so I'm I'm straightforward too.
I'm in your face and on your work. But I'm
not mean.
Speaker 4 (06:34):
Okay, do you are you aggressive?
Speaker 5 (06:36):
No, I'm assertive aggressive.
Speaker 4 (06:39):
What's the difference?
Speaker 2 (06:40):
Well, first of all, your intention okay, an assertiveness it's
about dominion and accomplishing a particular thing, and aggressive it's
about control and getting what you're going forward.
Speaker 5 (06:51):
And there's a difference.
Speaker 2 (06:52):
One comes from the head, one comes from the heart,
A searching comes from the heart. Aggression comes from the head.
And it's ego and and women today. I find certain
generations of women today are extremely aggressive, unkind, unloving and
mean as hell.
Speaker 1 (07:10):
God see, I'm very much an EmPATH. I think, yes,
because sometimes there'll be things that I'm thinking, but I
always give people an excuse. I'll be like, well maybe
they have X, Y and Z going on, or maybe
they didn't mean it that way.
Speaker 2 (07:23):
Why is that an excuse as opposed to a broader
perspective than somebody's self centered ego?
Speaker 5 (07:28):
Demand? Why is that an excuse?
Speaker 1 (07:31):
I mean, yeah, I'm very I always about that. I'm
an EmPATH though, because you have to, like I will
a lot of times, try to understand somebody else's point
of view and look at it that way. Now, I
want to before we get too deep into that, I
do want to bring up one topic you had on
your page, which is about women proposing to men. I know,
(07:54):
so I want to talk about it now that you
know we so aggressive?
Speaker 2 (07:58):
Yeah, A personally, if I were in the marrying realm today,
I wouldn't have a problem asking if he wanted to
do that. Okay, you know, I don't know what the
rules are today because all the rules have changed.
Speaker 4 (08:15):
I don't know if there are any rules.
Speaker 1 (08:17):
I know.
Speaker 5 (08:17):
I feel like that's true.
Speaker 2 (08:18):
No rules, no structure, no boundaries, And I think that's
what's getting us in trouble. But I just asked the question,
should she ask? Because here's why I've heard from too
many women who've waited five, seven, ten years. And then
he goes off with kafada and has six kids, and
she's sitting there with the dress and the box and
he don't ask them.
Speaker 1 (08:38):
You know, can you see yourself asking no for somebody's.
Speaker 3 (08:43):
Head, because I just I would feel like I'm I
would feel like I am into him more than he
is into me.
Speaker 5 (08:52):
What if he just has poor communication skills?
Speaker 3 (08:55):
If he has poor communication skills. I feel like we
have a conversation, like I want to get married. What
are you thinking about?
Speaker 4 (08:59):
That's what I'm saying, is that I don't think it's
anything wrong with that.
Speaker 3 (09:01):
I would say that you propose to me? No, not that,
but like I want to get married? Do you want
to get married? Like?
Speaker 4 (09:06):
What is what? What do you think that you thought I.
Speaker 5 (09:10):
Was talking about? Get down on one?
Speaker 1 (09:12):
You just up the conversation.
Speaker 5 (09:14):
No, just bringing up to talk.
Speaker 4 (09:17):
But I don't I'm not okay with proposing.
Speaker 1 (09:19):
I always feel like if you're sleeping with somebody, you
can pretty much have a conversation about anything, Like I
should be able to ask you anything or talk about
the future, because sleeping with somebody could mean a future together,
whether or not it's intentional or not.
Speaker 5 (09:33):
That's true. True.
Speaker 2 (09:34):
Well, here's what I'm saying. Here's the problem that I'm having.
And again I'm an elder, so I have a different perspective.
I think we're sleeping with these men much too soon.
I think we're sleeping with the wrong man, and then
we get upset when they don't honor and respect us.
But you know, for me, she who has the madam rules?
So I got the mad.
Speaker 4 (09:55):
Is thettle, that's the mathter.
Speaker 5 (09:57):
What do you call them?
Speaker 4 (10:00):
I probably don't want to say it in front of you.
Speaker 1 (10:03):
No, I got everything.
Speaker 4 (10:05):
I'm fine. I would like to ask a question about
the matter now, I call it the madam.
Speaker 3 (10:11):
Okay, in your mind, I know there's not a blanket answer.
What how you know? What's the appropriate time frame to
give away the madam?
Speaker 2 (10:20):
Like giving I'm going to invite you to worship in
her temple. This is church, No, this is this is
sacred life, sacred living.
Speaker 5 (10:33):
Right to the matter.
Speaker 4 (10:34):
What's the appropriate I say.
Speaker 2 (10:36):
Between ninety one and twenty days, So that's speak of
four months, because you're going to see the true colors,
you're going to identify something, You're going to spend time
together now. And the other thing is, even as an elder,
I'm not opposed to a playdate I'm opposed to you
just want to, you know, have a little experience for
(10:57):
a moment and send that person packing.
Speaker 5 (11:00):
I'm not posted to that either relationship.
Speaker 2 (11:03):
You're saying, yes, I do, because that's how a lot
of us are getting snapped up and beat up in
two months and they see if you wasn't giving them
the madam and he wasn't serious, he wouldn't be around.
Speaker 1 (11:18):
What are your thoughts about how things have changed with
online dating.
Speaker 5 (11:22):
I am shocked at harfive.
Speaker 1 (11:26):
That could be a lot of great conversations to get
to know somebody before you have to meet in person.
Speaker 5 (11:32):
Well, it's not so much see me like you. I'm
an EmPATH. I gotta feel you. I gotta feel you, and.
Speaker 2 (11:40):
We can do we used to do it on the phone.
So but with the bad behavior on social media and
the tricks and scams and shanigations.
Speaker 5 (11:51):
That people.
Speaker 2 (11:53):
That people have developed, it's too easy now to con
and and and craft and I don't like it.
Speaker 1 (12:02):
That happens in real life too. You could meet somebody
and what.
Speaker 4 (12:07):
If you wait ninety days?
Speaker 5 (12:08):
Okay, that's right, all four months?
Speaker 1 (12:10):
Because you know, I will say, it is a busy
time for a lot of people and people. I feel
like just because back in the day, we used to
have to go outside meet people in person. You couldn't
see each other unless you saw each other in person.
It wasn't FaceTime, it wasn't all of those things. A
lot of times were in the house and not socializing
the way we could. Uh So, I feel like a
(12:31):
lot of times people are when they'll ask, when they'll
ask you, how come I can't find somebody I really
want a date. I'm trying to get back out there
and date. I had a woman call me the other
day and I would love to get your advice on this.
She said she was in an abusive relationship for eight
years and she's finally ready to go back outside, but
it's really hard for her to trust.
Speaker 2 (12:48):
Anybody and hard. Don't go stay on because you haven't
done your work. You've been out for eight years, but
you haven't done your work because trusted doesn't your Your
capacity and ability to trust has nothing to do with
the other person. It has to do with what's going
on inside of you. Trust is internal. Faith is external. Okay,
(13:09):
at first, you got to have trust. Trust in faith
without works. Faith is external. Trust is internal, So let
us don't date when you're know how to get in
touch with.
Speaker 5 (13:21):
You know what?
Speaker 1 (13:21):
I did get her information because Detroit. I'm actually sending
her to go do hot yoga. Okay, I did tell
her I said she should do something. Yeah, yes, my
girl me and that she's a black woman that owns
a hot yoga place in Detroit.
Speaker 5 (13:34):
Hey, I mean no.
Speaker 1 (13:35):
And so I told her, I was like, you do
need to maybe love yourself first before you even attempt
to if you're not feeling like you're you're you want
to go out and date, but it doesn't feel like
you're ready.
Speaker 5 (13:45):
Well.
Speaker 1 (13:45):
Also, also I feel like, what does she want to
date for for what? But I guess she was in
this relationship for eight years. It's been two years since
she's gone on a date, and so she wants to
kind of get back out there because there is something
also for somebody having that power over you where they've
kind I never want somebody to feel like they had
the power over me that now I can't move forward.
Speaker 5 (14:05):
Well, I would never give anybody.
Speaker 2 (14:07):
I spent nine years in an abusive marriage right here
in New York City with a man that was six
foot four, two hundred and sixty pounds and he didn't
take anything from me that I didn't give him. So
when I finally hurt me bad enough to get out
of that relationship. And it takes time for everybody. I'm
not saying it has to be in two years, three years,
(14:29):
four years. Everybody has to go through the process, but
everybody has to do their work.
Speaker 3 (14:33):
How long did it take you to move forward after
that being in that kind of relationship.
Speaker 2 (14:38):
Get into another relationship, probably about three.
Speaker 1 (14:44):
Years, three years.
Speaker 2 (14:46):
And then when I got into the new relationship, I
was clear about who I was, what was acceptable, what
wasn't acceptable, and what I wanted to experience. So many
of us go into relationships trying to find out what
the other person is going to give us with no
clarity about what it is that we want.
Speaker 4 (15:06):
So we need to know what we want first absolutely.
Speaker 5 (15:09):
What do you want to feel like? What do you
want to do? What do you want to how do
you want to be?
Speaker 2 (15:13):
You can't just go in a relationship to see what's
going to show up, and then when it shows up,
you say you don't want it.
Speaker 1 (15:19):
And part of that is only what you don't want
to And I think that's important when a lot of
experiences that we go through. While sometimes it can be
not the best experiences, it's also good to know I'll
never do this again.
Speaker 5 (15:31):
Oh this doesn't work for me. It's just that simple.
Speaker 2 (15:34):
I ain't mad at you. I'm not mad at you,
or you're crazy. This just don't work for me.
Speaker 1 (15:39):
But now you did also sit down with Jada pink
its math.
Speaker 5 (15:43):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (15:44):
Why do you think that people are so mad at her?
Speaker 2 (15:46):
Because they people like drama. They're all into her story.
Speaker 5 (15:50):
You know.
Speaker 2 (15:51):
The people who are maddest at her are the people
who have done or have experienced the very thing she
wrote about, and they haven't done their work to heal it. Okay,
they've either done it or experienced it. Otherwise, why are
you invested in her story?
Speaker 5 (16:09):
Why are you?
Speaker 2 (16:11):
She wrote a beautiful book and every chapter presented a
page of the process she used for healing and the process.
Speaker 5 (16:21):
You could use. And what they worried about is when
she moved out. What the hell she didn't write the book?
Speaker 2 (16:28):
The story was the demonstration of what propelled her healing process.
People are into the story and totally blew the healing.
Speaker 4 (16:38):
Broc Well, I like it's juicy, so I like the
juicy parts.
Speaker 5 (16:41):
I'm like the Juicy part two. But I'm not going
to denounce her because of her story.
Speaker 1 (16:49):
And it's like people don't believe things because then she'll
discuss you know, Tupac, And these are things that other
people have said too. It's not just her, Like, you know, people.
Speaker 2 (16:57):
See me today and cannot believe that I, young Levan
sand was in the marriage with somebody that whipped my behind.
Every day people will look at it, but don't tell
me it didn't happen because A I don't talk about
it every day, and b you look at me today
and you can't imagine that.
Speaker 5 (17:14):
Now, that's right, that girl from Brooklyn, Yes I did.
Speaker 1 (17:19):
People are always that quick to say if that was me,
I would have asked me, I don't.
Speaker 4 (17:22):
Know what you would do.
Speaker 5 (17:23):
Yeah, so I think you know, it could be you.
It could be you. I welcome your courage.
Speaker 2 (17:31):
Do you know the courage it took for her to
sit down and acknowledge that stuff?
Speaker 5 (17:37):
Number one.
Speaker 2 (17:38):
Acknowledge it is just the first step. But then to
put it out there, because there's some stuff even in
all my wonderfulness today, I don't want to acknowledge about me.
Speaker 1 (17:48):
How was process?
Speaker 3 (17:49):
How was the you had that conversation with her. Was
there anything surprising that you discovered while having that conversation?
Speaker 2 (17:56):
But I didn't talk about the story at all. I
talked to about the healing. I never her story.
Speaker 5 (18:03):
How well am I going to criticize her story? That
doesn't even make sense to me.
Speaker 2 (18:09):
When you wrote this book about healing, Now she comes
to me and asked me about her story, then we
could deal with it. But and that's the meanness. You
tell me that what is going on out there with her.
Speaker 1 (18:23):
Is not mean, No, it is.
Speaker 5 (18:24):
I think it's very it's violent.
Speaker 2 (18:27):
It's violent, and most of it is coming towards from women.
Speaker 1 (18:32):
That's interesting. And I also feel like when men tell
their story is a different reaction always, you know, because
Will Smith has told different stories in the past, I
don't feel like people came at him the same way
that they're coming at her. That's true, I agree. Now
I want to ask you this as we're talking about
men in relationships on this new season of your podcast
here at iHeart, one of the big topics is always
(18:56):
about infidelity, right, and you've discussed this too on your
page Healing from Infidelity. But a lot of times men
don't equate infidelity with whether or not they love the
person who they're with, right, all right, So is it
possible to say I love this person, I'm in love
with this person, yet still be cheating.
Speaker 2 (19:14):
It is, and it's really a matter of integrity, number one.
The man's integrity is this a man who's going to
honor his word, honor his commitments. For me is not
so much the cheating, the act, the physical act of
being intimate with someone else. What scares me is the
fact that you lie, and that you can look me
(19:35):
in my face and lie.
Speaker 5 (19:36):
Now, that scares me. Okay, I don't like.
Speaker 2 (19:39):
That part of it, because you can take your little
weenie and watch it all.
Speaker 5 (19:44):
Plus some boxide on that sucking poxide.
Speaker 1 (19:47):
Don't do that.
Speaker 4 (19:49):
I never heard that.
Speaker 6 (19:51):
Well cleans up infections, I know, but yeah, I know
some poxide.
Speaker 1 (19:56):
You might gotta go get some penicillin.
Speaker 2 (20:00):
But the fact that you could look me in my
eye and lie to me I'll make up some story
is a betrayal of my heart. You're not being care
filled with my heart, and that, to me is dangerous.
That's the part about cheating that really makes me crazy.
(20:21):
The lack of integrity, the betrayal of my heart and uh,
forget the broken commitment of broken agreement. That that's how
do you live with yourself? How does the person? Because
you know, the exciting thing that I've discovered, this is
really exciting for me.
Speaker 5 (20:40):
A women cheat too, they be out.
Speaker 2 (20:44):
You have?
Speaker 1 (20:45):
I have?
Speaker 5 (20:46):
And did you lie about it too?
Speaker 1 (20:48):
Yeah?
Speaker 5 (20:49):
Oh my god, I am.
Speaker 1 (20:53):
You've cheated before.
Speaker 5 (20:54):
I forgot.
Speaker 1 (20:57):
Because the way she just looked at me, looked at
me like she never cheated. I forgot that did I
didn't forget.
Speaker 5 (21:08):
I didn't forget. But I didn't lie.
Speaker 1 (21:10):
Okay, I cheated and told the truth.
Speaker 5 (21:12):
I did.
Speaker 2 (21:14):
You said where you've been I slept with my man?
Speaker 1 (21:20):
Yeah? I did not lie, I did Angela?
Speaker 4 (21:23):
Have you cheated before?
Speaker 1 (21:26):
Well no, I did not, And I mean I cheated,
but I will say this when I cheat, it it's
because the relationship is already over. I just.
Speaker 4 (21:35):
Well they don't know.
Speaker 1 (21:36):
I didn't end it yet, but they don't. Yeah, they
don't know I cut him cheated.
Speaker 4 (21:40):
They didn't get the memory.
Speaker 1 (21:42):
And after that, I knew I was going to break up.
And sometimes it takes me a minute to do that,
Like you'll be with somebody still and women will check
out way before I have found email.
Speaker 2 (21:52):
Yeah, we just don't pay attention the man they've checked
out and and they they but busy doing whatever we're doing.
Speaker 5 (22:03):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (22:03):
But so the whole cheating thing for me is the
breach of trust, the betrayal of trust. It's the lack
of integrity for the person, and it's the dishonesty.
Speaker 5 (22:15):
Those are the pieces about it.
Speaker 1 (22:16):
How do you heal from that?
Speaker 2 (22:17):
Though?
Speaker 1 (22:18):
What are some things that you would tell people? Maybe
they are working on getting things back on track, but
there's a lot of triggers that can happen. There's a
lot of where you're going, a lot of questions that
are asked, like a hundred times over and over again,
a lot of explaining that has to be done, you know,
and sometimes you have to put that work in and
you just have to accept that if you've cheated. But
(22:38):
then sometimes guys feel like, ah, I can't do this anymore.
This is what this is going to be like, Well, you.
Speaker 2 (22:44):
Know what, even it takes a moment to get over it.
But if you're gonna stay, stay, if you're gonna stay, stay,
and if you're not gonna stay, then go. And this
thing about if he's gonna stay. You can't beat him
up all the time.
Speaker 5 (23:00):
You just can't.
Speaker 2 (23:02):
A human mind, you just can't take that. Yeah, And
if he's not going to stay or you don't want
to stay with it, let him go.
Speaker 1 (23:09):
But you can't do a little bit of it like
you can't see.
Speaker 2 (23:14):
There's two things I don't do things cheating and don't
mess with my money. I'm sorry, don't mess with my money.
Don't take it out my purse, don't be suspicion around
with by ATM card, don't ask me for stocks or
box and nothing.
Speaker 5 (23:30):
Cheating and I don't I don't do that.
Speaker 1 (23:32):
Have you ever been scammed?
Speaker 5 (23:34):
No?
Speaker 1 (23:34):
Never, Okay, I was just asking that because I did
this documentary and my friend got scammed by a guy
who she was dating. And he's still give him the
madam too early.
Speaker 4 (23:44):
Well she didn't wait days, of course.
Speaker 2 (23:46):
Not.
Speaker 1 (23:47):
No, he's stole her car.
Speaker 2 (23:50):
Scammer, he got it. She got scammed in the first
forty five to sixty days.
Speaker 1 (23:54):
Yeah, and you know, well they actually have broken up,
but he just never returned her car. And it turned
out he was a serial Why did he have his car?
Why did he have her? Called jazz I don't know
why why she was going out of town. She was
getting work done on her house in Atlanta and the
garage was inaccessible, so he was like, Okay, if you want,
you can leave your car here.
Speaker 5 (24:13):
And how long have they been together?
Speaker 6 (24:15):
Jazz because she's empathetic, but how long have they been together?
Speaker 1 (24:23):
Truthfully? When she left the car there, they had already
broken up, but they were still friends, and so it
was just no they was he was a scammer. What Yeah,
he is a scam look like sneaky yeah right there,
because you know, I mean in relationships, sometimes guys will
ask you to do certain things like.
Speaker 2 (24:44):
No no no no no no no no no no
no no see and this is what happened the old world.
Speaker 5 (24:50):
No no, no no Old world, no.
Speaker 2 (24:52):
No no, I'm gonna let you be a man. You got
a three piece set. I want you to work it.
Speaker 4 (24:57):
Okay, what a three mis soon?
Speaker 5 (25:00):
And the person yes, the three.
Speaker 6 (25:04):
Oh my gosh, you young people are so fresh and
you don't know nothing. I don't know you had him.
Speaker 3 (25:12):
I didn't know I had I know now and I
know the freaking means right, I can continue.
Speaker 4 (25:18):
I've never heard them.
Speaker 5 (25:19):
Yet, you've never heard there?
Speaker 4 (25:21):
Okay, okay, anyways, so many a man?
Speaker 5 (25:24):
Okay, yeah, but you know we want to be the boss.
Speaker 2 (25:27):
And we're out here and we're doing all of these
credit right, bumping up into the credit Do you know?
Speaker 5 (25:34):
I don't.
Speaker 2 (25:35):
I'm not putting my name on nothing, and you can't
put your name on none of mine. Now, if we're
going to do something together, okay, I'll meet you fifty
fifty okay, but now we do no.
Speaker 1 (25:44):
Now, what do you think about if a woman is
dating a man and say they've been together for three
years and she needs she's starting a business and she
comes to him and she's like, look, I have this business,
and I know you have X, Y and Z. You've
always said to me, if you ever do anything, I
want to invest and that she asks him and he
says no. Right should that be a concern to a
(26:05):
woman that the person that she's been with has asked
for this investment that he has but he just tells
her no, I don't want to do it.
Speaker 5 (26:12):
What would should she be concerned?
Speaker 1 (26:15):
She should be gone, wow, because you can tell the
other person no, right if.
Speaker 2 (26:21):
You can, But I would want to know. And me
because I'm a lawyer. This is not about you doing
it for me. Let's make an agreement. Let's make an arrangement.
Let's put this on paper. And I have a very
specific request. I wanted you to invest five grand, ten grand,
whatever it is. But he does have the right to
(26:41):
say no. But approach it as a business situation with
someone that you're close and intimate with, and not as
because we're intimate, you need to be in my business.
Speaker 5 (26:53):
Right, that's not going to work out.
Speaker 1 (26:55):
All right. Now, another thing that's been a huge issue.
I feel like as we're getting older in dating, co parenting.
All right, the holidays are coming up, yes, and co
parenting has been a huge issue where sometimes it could
be the parents don't get along with each other, and
then that means the child ends up being collateral damage.
Speaker 5 (27:13):
Yeah, collateral damage.
Speaker 2 (27:14):
And the thing is, as co parents, the only thing
that is of concern to you is the child. But
what happens is because there's so there's no closure or
completion in the relationship, those issues get blended up together.
So it's the ex girlfriend, you know, striking again revenge
(27:34):
against the boyfriend, and the kids.
Speaker 5 (27:37):
Are messed up in the middle.
Speaker 2 (27:39):
So you gotta don't. You're not dealing with your ex.
You're dealing with your son's father, and you want him
to behave as a good father towards your son. You're
not dealing with your ex. You're dealing with your daughter's
mother and you want her. Is she a good mother?
Is she.
Speaker 5 (27:57):
Holding up the best of the child?
Speaker 1 (28:01):
Not your ex?
Speaker 5 (28:03):
And people they don't, They don't make those distinctions.
Speaker 3 (28:07):
I have a co parenting question, yes, and we've asked
this other guests too. So I'm a I have a
two year old and me and her dad are not together.
When is the okay time to you know, if we're
dating someone else else, So in a relationship, when is
appropriate time to introduce them to the child.
Speaker 5 (28:25):
To the person? You know, it really all depends on
the nature of the relationship.
Speaker 2 (28:32):
But if you've been with someone I would say at
least a year and you're you're seeing this going to continue,
I say, then you need to introduce them to the
child in a public way. You all go out together,
and then you eat together, and then maybe they come over,
but they leave. You know, you have to inch this
thing in because God forbid it doesn't God, you want
(28:52):
this to be more of a social thing than a
committed thing.
Speaker 5 (28:55):
The other thing is here, man, I don't know if
you've done this.
Speaker 4 (28:59):
My child's never met anybody.
Speaker 2 (29:00):
Okay, okay, but when you are co parent or when
you are parents, you have an outside uh, the child
has an outside parent, and you are in serious relationship
with somebody, and you can see moving forward, you need
to introduce your partner to the child's parent.
Speaker 5 (29:18):
And I know people don't.
Speaker 1 (29:20):
Like that's a tough thing, but you do need to
do that because, particularly if.
Speaker 2 (29:23):
You've got daughters and you're bringing a man into your life,
got to introduce that man to your daughter's father because
it has to be a place where those two men
meet and the father needs to feel comfortable.
Speaker 5 (29:39):
With your with your man around his daughters.
Speaker 1 (29:41):
Yeah, and he should not be alone with your daughter.
Speaker 4 (29:44):
I don't like that at all, Like I don't.
Speaker 5 (29:46):
I don't.
Speaker 4 (29:47):
I don't like the idea at all, like alone.
Speaker 1 (29:49):
But that is tough, man, because sometimes when you break
also breaking up. You know, when you break up with somebody,
you break up with their kids too, and that can
be hard when you I just talk to someone who's
going that she just broke up with her her significant
other and they both have kids, and they had like
kind of a meshed blended situation. And now she's like
got to say goodbye to his son. Why because she
(30:13):
I don't know. I mean, if you guys break up,
is it a good idea? How are you going to
keep in contact with this person's.
Speaker 5 (30:18):
With the child?
Speaker 1 (30:19):
Yeah, with the child?
Speaker 2 (30:20):
I think you should because what that does is that
lays a brick of abandonment.
Speaker 1 (30:25):
See I've heard that if you guys break up, you
shouldn't still keep in contact and you should cut all
ties just because it's confusing. And then what if he
starts dating somebody else and or you're dating someone else
and you're like, why are you still keeping in contact?
Speaker 2 (30:38):
Playdates with the kids and take the kid to the movies,
and this is who you are? Why do we have
to have such limited relationships?
Speaker 5 (30:49):
You don't have to be up in.
Speaker 2 (30:50):
His world or her world with the new person, But
the child go into the park, to the beach on
the playdate, to dinner, to lunch.
Speaker 1 (30:57):
What about standing in contact with their family? Like say,
I break up at somebody and I'm cool with his mom,
his sister, but we broke up. Should I still be
if you have a relationship.
Speaker 2 (31:09):
My ex partner passed away, But even before he passed away,
I had a relationship with his sister that was separate
in the part from my relationship with him. We did
things together, we you know, we had a relationship. So
even now that he's gone, when my daughter passed away,
she cooked for me because I had a friend of
(31:32):
relationship with her that's separate in apart from him. Okay,
if the only relationship you've had with his parents, his sister, whatever,
is the one where y'all were together and y'all break.
Speaker 5 (31:43):
Up, let that go. But if you and his mom.
Speaker 2 (31:45):
Played bridge, or you and his sister hang out, and
you and his dad played cards, then you should find out,
how do you want us to continue this relationship? Ask
the question of the person you had the relationship with.
Speaker 4 (31:58):
Okay, that's fair.
Speaker 5 (32:00):
Go over there when he's over there with his girlfriend
and the two cats.
Speaker 1 (32:04):
Now listen. I know, and this is the last question.
But I know that our spot is about relationships, But
I want to also ask about friendships breaking up because
that can be yes, because that can be painful for
people too.
Speaker 2 (32:15):
It is in the ending of any relationship or the
transition of any relationship, the change in nature in any relationship.
Speaker 5 (32:24):
It is all difficult.
Speaker 2 (32:26):
A relationship is a relationship, you know, so you should
handle it the same way. Do your forgiveness work, get
your lessons. And sometimes, particularly with friendships, you simply evolve
and it doesn't mean the friendship has to end, but
it doesn't mean how you interact will be different. And
(32:48):
if you don't have that conversation, that's what creates the.
Speaker 1 (32:51):
Problem, right, Because sometimes it's other things like betrayal, Yes,
and you feel like the person closest to you has
the biggest ability to betray you more than anybody else.
They do, and that can happen, and do you forgive that?
Like that's a difficult thing? Like is it difficult?
Speaker 5 (33:07):
It's human because.
Speaker 1 (33:09):
How can you trust somebody who was supposed to be
Then it makes you feel like, well, were they ever
really my friend?
Speaker 5 (33:15):
Did they? Why would you do all of that?
Speaker 2 (33:16):
Why didn't you say this is an act of bad
behavior and this is not the kind of behavior that
I want in my life. You hurt me, You hurt me,
you betrayed me, and that's how I feel. And this
is going to change our relationship, it really is. And
then you figure out what that is. But you don't
have to will you ever? Were you ever?
Speaker 5 (33:38):
My friend? You don't have to do all that. Let's
steal with what's present right here, right.
Speaker 4 (33:42):
Now, right you make everything sound so simple.
Speaker 5 (33:46):
It is if we don't do that here, if we
don't if we stay.
Speaker 2 (33:50):
In the moment, right here, right now. So you know
you this is bad behavior.
Speaker 5 (33:56):
I don't. I don't want this behavior in my life.
Speaker 1 (33:59):
We make things more complicated.
Speaker 4 (34:00):
I know I overthink.
Speaker 1 (34:02):
Yeah, yeah, I'm overthinking. Clean would be like you didn't
say bye? Does that mean you don't like me? You're
mad at me?
Speaker 4 (34:09):
First of all, you're exaggerating.
Speaker 5 (34:13):
But do you know that human beings so crazy as hell?
Speaker 4 (34:15):
I'm definitely crazy for sure.
Speaker 5 (34:17):
And yeah, I'm got about eight. I got about shades.
Speaker 4 (34:22):
I was thinking three. But now I.
Speaker 2 (34:25):
Got my Brooklyn crazy. I got my black girl crazy.
I got my old black lady crazy I got I
got my highly professional and accomplished crazy. I got my
lawyer crazy. I got my spiritual crazy. I got you know, I.
Speaker 5 (34:41):
Got a lot.
Speaker 4 (34:43):
Yeah, maybe I have more than I thought.
Speaker 1 (34:44):
Oh yeah, she's like, I'm here to tell you. Are
you enjoying and loving this season? Of your life.
Speaker 5 (34:52):
Yeah, that's not dramatic. I looked at you. It's I
feel good. But I tell you what is so, I
don't even know. I don't know what the word is.
That's the word I got it.
Speaker 2 (35:16):
The depth and level of respect and regard that I
get in the world from the thirty eight years of
consistent work that I've done.
Speaker 5 (35:26):
I mean, I've seen.
Speaker 2 (35:27):
Some of the hard hardest, hardcore foul mouth beasts, but
when they see me Auntie, you know, mister miss Ayanla
or whatever they calling me. But so that is so exciting,
and you'll excite me like I love you. You are hooped,
(35:51):
you know, and how you've evolved. I love watching the youngins.
You all are so inspiring to me.
Speaker 1 (35:58):
Well, listen, you are a definitely legendary. You deserve all
of the accolades that you get because you have moments
that are going to live on forever.
Speaker 5 (36:06):
Yep.
Speaker 1 (36:06):
When things happen in people's lives, it's like remember when
they sat down and that happened, and they bring that
back all the time. But to have made such an
impact and really help people's lives, I think that that's
what we should all be striving to do. It may
not be on the level of what you've done and
what you've been able to do for one thousands of
people firsthand, and then the millions.
Speaker 5 (36:28):
You know from this, that's my goal for next year,
waking in one million. That's right?
Speaker 4 (36:34):
What are what are these everything else?
Speaker 1 (36:37):
What do you call those? Matter?
Speaker 5 (36:41):
Nelly?
Speaker 2 (36:44):
But next year, you know, next year, twenty twenty four,
they're setting it up to make us think it's going
to be so horrible and it's all about the election
in this but next year, personally, twenty twenty four is
about authority, power and money. We like that authority, power,
money within yourself and I want to awaken one million
(37:06):
people to the authority that they have in life, the
power that they are, and the money that they can
create and attract.
Speaker 1 (37:16):
The money next year is my life. I said, money
is power, power, So that's.
Speaker 5 (37:20):
Why I'm committed to I got a T shirt.
Speaker 2 (37:22):
I'm gonna give you one awakening, one million, one mind,
one heart, one life, one spirit at a time. And
I'm grateful. You know you asked me the season of
my life. I don't take a pill for anything.
Speaker 1 (37:33):
That's great.
Speaker 2 (37:34):
I know.
Speaker 1 (37:35):
That's why you got to start worrying about your health
from for me, yes too, honestly, like I had high cholesterol.
I found that out and I was like, let me
fix this, Let me fix that because I don't want
to later on have to be on medication every day.
Speaker 5 (37:47):
Because I got a bad memory.
Speaker 2 (37:49):
So you know, if I need to, if a pill
would save my life.
Speaker 1 (37:54):
But you birth cantrol pills I missed back in the day.
Speaker 6 (37:57):
I doublop and how many things you so.
Speaker 2 (38:04):
Just to be able to to be of sound mind
and body, to be able to, you know, be loved
by so many people, to be able to love on
so many people.
Speaker 5 (38:15):
Uh, and to enjoy it all.
Speaker 2 (38:17):
You know, I have my things, although I need you
youngins to help me understand what is going on with
law and order.
Speaker 5 (38:24):
They moved it.
Speaker 1 (38:26):
I love.
Speaker 6 (38:27):
No, you don't like that it's moved Nowhere is it
Nerve I'm supposed to be on Sundays.
Speaker 5 (38:34):
I use it. I watch it when I iron man.
Speaker 1 (38:37):
You can still put it on.
Speaker 4 (38:38):
Your on demand.
Speaker 5 (38:39):
That's not the fun.
Speaker 4 (38:40):
You know, young people don't iron either. You know, we
don't iron. Every once in a while we'll do a
little We.
Speaker 1 (38:45):
Don't get dressed up for nothing. This is it iron
because you're a little older elder wise woman. Season we
love it. Season you got to Madam, I don't want
to season it, madam? All right, well, thank you so much.
(39:05):
And when can people hear these episodes?
Speaker 2 (39:08):
Every Wednesday we have a new episode on the our spot.
Speaker 5 (39:12):
We've got some.
Speaker 2 (39:12):
Good guests coming up, like like Ace Metaphor, okay, like
Stiffen speaks.
Speaker 5 (39:18):
You know, we did.
Speaker 2 (39:19):
Jada, I've got some other people and we're going to
be doing some other just getting One of the things
I want people to do is really get out of
the ancestral patterns of relationships, right, you know, generational curses
of relationships. So every Wednesday, wherever you listen to podcast,
I'm glad you're here. I'm glad that you're hew. I'm
(39:41):
glad that you're you're stretching learn to say no okay
from Brooklyn.
Speaker 1 (39:46):
You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 5 (39:48):
How we do.
Speaker 1 (39:53):
All right? Well, thank you so much. We appreciate you
for coming through.
Speaker 5 (39:56):
Thank you for having me
What's up. It's where you put Angela Yee. I'm Angela Yee,
and Jasmine Brand is here with me. Yes, and we
have the amazing Ayanavans here with us, and listen, listen.
I know that season two of your podcast is starting
and the first topic is about self worth. Yes, and
we were kind of just talking about that now, you know.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
Talking about as a public person, when people make up
that you're rich and that you can come work for
them for free and do what they want you to
do for free, and first of all, they don't. I
have lots of things to do with my money. I
have ten grandchildren, yes, grandchildren. And I'm old, not old,
(00:44):
not old. Yes, I'm old. I'm older okay in age,
I just got older.
Speaker 1 (00:50):
You're little, okay.
Speaker 3 (00:52):
How do you decide? How do you decide? You know
when to say yes when to say no? When something
is asked of you for free, for free.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
Well, if it's a topic or an issue that really
matters to me, it can't cost me, meaning you got
to get me there, you got to feed me, you
got to provide me transportation. It can't cost me, but
I won't charge you. The other thing is, if it's
a subject matter that really matters to me. So okay,
if it's a thing, a subject matter that really matters
(01:20):
to me. Also, if it's something near to my heart,
I'll do it. And if it's gonna promote something I
care about.
Speaker 1 (01:30):
Okay, right, you have the podcast, so you might say, Okay,
this is a good time for me to do it.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
I'll do the Jimmy Kimmel Show tonight for free because
I can promote my podcast, right, and I'll show today.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
Thank you so much. You know. But somebody told me
one time they were reading a book and they said,
if something you should try this, if something somebody I
should do something, you don't automatically think yes, then say no.
And she was like, just try to do that for
a few months because I feel like I been just
kind of all over the place. I just got my
(02:03):
real estate license, okay, so I'm like, okay, I want
to focus on this, but I also have my coffee company,
and I have the coffee shop. I'm expanding that business.
There's a lot going on, and sometimes that doesn't bring
in money. So there's a lot of things I end
up doing just because I want to promote other things. Well,
there's a balance, but that's your choice. Right.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
The thing that I learned is it doesn't honor me
to give away my time. It doesn't honor me, right
unless i'm supporting you know, if you're a nonprofit, you're
doing something that I care about, and me being there
is going to bring you in people and that matters
to me, then I'll do that. But it doesn't honor
me for you to sell tickets with my name on it. Right,
(02:43):
call people forward, and I don't make any money. Time
is money, now, you're right about that.
Speaker 4 (02:48):
So Angela, sometimes you got to say it does not
honor me.
Speaker 1 (02:51):
And know she thinks that I say yes to too
many things that I shouldn't do. Now I want to
ask you this because you said this new season is
going to be focused on men. Yes, right when it
comes to relationships. I did a podcast last night shout
out to mathof of my expert opinion and that guy
it was me and it was all guys on this
podcast and just hearing people's conversations about relationships, and the
(03:12):
men in the room were saying that sometimes they don't
feel safe expressing themselves around women being able to be
vulnerable because there's an expectation that you're supposed to have
certain things. Even that list of restaurants they talked about
that that women said that they won't go to on
a first date.
Speaker 2 (03:31):
I know, I love the Cheesecake Factor, I love those
little corn things, and I like Applebee's and the movies
because I think the movies was on there, and I said.
Speaker 1 (03:40):
That's kind of a go together. Remember it used to
be like you go to the movies and then you
get like a coupon for Apple Bride. And they also
said because I said, I wouldn't have a problem using
a coupon on a date, but they said guys should
not ever first talk bad about it.
Speaker 4 (03:53):
I think they were talking about first day, so.
Speaker 5 (03:56):
I'd be a little leary of a coupon on a
first date.
Speaker 1 (04:02):
Age discounts already.
Speaker 3 (04:05):
But Angela's question, I know this is this season is
going to talk about me. What do you think is
the biggest issue you find between men and women in relationships?
What's one of the bigger ones you keep hearing about.
Speaker 2 (04:18):
Well, I don't know if it's between men and women.
None of us, men or women, we haven't been trained.
We don't have the skills and the tools required to
really sustain and maintain relationships in the way the world
is today, so many things have changed. But the other
thing is men are just not emotionally solid. They're not
(04:42):
They haven't done the work. A lot of them were
raised by mothers who were not emotionally solid.
Speaker 5 (04:48):
Sorry moms, I raised the son too.
Speaker 2 (04:51):
A lot of them will been traumatized and never taught
how to process it, and so they're not safe. And
you know, women today are a lot more aggressive in
our approach to life in general, right, And and we've
done more work than them, So we have some things
that are solid that they don't and and and they've
(05:14):
got to catch up.
Speaker 1 (05:15):
Now what do you mean by we're more aggressive women today?
And why do you think that is?
Speaker 2 (05:19):
Well?
Speaker 5 (05:21):
Oh, Lord help me.
Speaker 2 (05:29):
We we have become what I call men in skirts.
We are so aggressive, so demanding, so unaware. Really we
think we got it going on, but women really aren't
aware of their power because our power as women is silent.
If you really know what you're doing, you can work
(05:50):
a room.
Speaker 1 (05:52):
Yeah you think I've been told I'm BOSSI Yeah. In
relationships we are.
Speaker 2 (06:00):
We are because I think we've been left alone and
up to our own devices for too long. I find
women to be mean as hell. I'm sorry, really, Oh
my gosh, am I music?
Speaker 1 (06:14):
Oh yes, adjusmin?
Speaker 4 (06:15):
Are you mean a little bit?
Speaker 2 (06:17):
Yeah?
Speaker 5 (06:17):
You might.
Speaker 3 (06:17):
Yeah, I'm more straight. I mean, I'm more you're more passive.
You'll be mean on the inside and not say and
I'll say hey or but.
Speaker 2 (06:27):
See, I'm an outful woman, so I'm I'm straightforward too.
I'm in your face and on your work. But I'm
not mean.
Speaker 4 (06:34):
Okay, do you are you aggressive?
Speaker 5 (06:36):
No, I'm assertive aggressive.
Speaker 4 (06:39):
What's the difference?
Speaker 2 (06:40):
Well, first of all, your intention okay, an assertiveness it's
about dominion and accomplishing a particular thing, and aggressive it's
about control and getting what you're going forward.
Speaker 5 (06:51):
And there's a difference.
Speaker 2 (06:52):
One comes from the head, one comes from the heart,
A searching comes from the heart. Aggression comes from the head.
And it's ego and and women today. I find certain
generations of women today are extremely aggressive, unkind, unloving and
mean as hell.
Speaker 1 (07:10):
God see, I'm very much an EmPATH. I think, yes,
because sometimes there'll be things that I'm thinking, but I
always give people an excuse. I'll be like, well maybe
they have X, Y and Z going on, or maybe
they didn't mean it that way.
Speaker 2 (07:23):
Why is that an excuse as opposed to a broader
perspective than somebody's self centered ego?
Speaker 5 (07:28):
Demand? Why is that an excuse?
Speaker 1 (07:31):
I mean, yeah, I'm very I always about that. I'm
an EmPATH though, because you have to, like I will
a lot of times, try to understand somebody else's point
of view and look at it that way. Now, I
want to before we get too deep into that, I
do want to bring up one topic you had on
your page, which is about women proposing to men. I know,
(07:54):
so I want to talk about it now that you
know we so aggressive?
Speaker 2 (07:58):
Yeah, A personally, if I were in the marrying realm today,
I wouldn't have a problem asking if he wanted to
do that. Okay, you know, I don't know what the
rules are today because all the rules have changed.
Speaker 4 (08:15):
I don't know if there are any rules.
Speaker 1 (08:17):
I know.
Speaker 5 (08:17):
I feel like that's true.
Speaker 2 (08:18):
No rules, no structure, no boundaries, And I think that's
what's getting us in trouble. But I just asked the question,
should she ask? Because here's why I've heard from too
many women who've waited five, seven, ten years. And then
he goes off with kafada and has six kids, and
she's sitting there with the dress and the box and
he don't ask them.
Speaker 1 (08:38):
You know, can you see yourself asking no for somebody's.
Speaker 3 (08:43):
Head, because I just I would feel like I'm I
would feel like I am into him more than he
is into me.
Speaker 5 (08:52):
What if he just has poor communication skills?
Speaker 3 (08:55):
If he has poor communication skills. I feel like we
have a conversation, like I want to get married. What
are you thinking about?
Speaker 4 (08:59):
That's what I'm saying, is that I don't think it's
anything wrong with that.
Speaker 3 (09:01):
I would say that you propose to me? No, not that,
but like I want to get married? Do you want
to get married? Like?
Speaker 4 (09:06):
What is what? What do you think that you thought I.
Speaker 5 (09:10):
Was talking about? Get down on one?
Speaker 1 (09:12):
You just up the conversation.
Speaker 5 (09:14):
No, just bringing up to talk.
Speaker 4 (09:17):
But I don't I'm not okay with proposing.
Speaker 1 (09:19):
I always feel like if you're sleeping with somebody, you
can pretty much have a conversation about anything, Like I
should be able to ask you anything or talk about
the future, because sleeping with somebody could mean a future together,
whether or not it's intentional or not.
Speaker 5 (09:33):
That's true. True.
Speaker 2 (09:34):
Well, here's what I'm saying. Here's the problem that I'm having.
And again I'm an elder, so I have a different perspective.
I think we're sleeping with these men much too soon.
I think we're sleeping with the wrong man, and then
we get upset when they don't honor and respect us.
But you know, for me, she who has the madam rules?
So I got the mad.
Speaker 4 (09:55):
Is thettle, that's the mathter.
Speaker 5 (09:57):
What do you call them?
Speaker 4 (10:00):
I probably don't want to say it in front of you.
Speaker 1 (10:03):
No, I got everything.
Speaker 4 (10:05):
I'm fine. I would like to ask a question about
the matter now, I call it the madam.
Speaker 3 (10:11):
Okay, in your mind, I know there's not a blanket answer.
What how you know? What's the appropriate time frame to
give away the madam?
Speaker 2 (10:20):
Like giving I'm going to invite you to worship in
her temple. This is church, No, this is this is
sacred life, sacred living.
Speaker 5 (10:33):
Right to the matter.
Speaker 4 (10:34):
What's the appropriate I say.
Speaker 2 (10:36):
Between ninety one and twenty days, So that's speak of
four months, because you're going to see the true colors,
you're going to identify something, You're going to spend time
together now. And the other thing is, even as an elder,
I'm not opposed to a playdate I'm opposed to you
just want to, you know, have a little experience for
(10:57):
a moment and send that person packing.
Speaker 5 (11:00):
I'm not posted to that either relationship.
Speaker 2 (11:03):
You're saying, yes, I do, because that's how a lot
of us are getting snapped up and beat up in
two months and they see if you wasn't giving them
the madam and he wasn't serious, he wouldn't be around.
Speaker 1 (11:18):
What are your thoughts about how things have changed with
online dating.
Speaker 5 (11:22):
I am shocked at harfive.
Speaker 1 (11:26):
That could be a lot of great conversations to get
to know somebody before you have to meet in person.
Speaker 5 (11:32):
Well, it's not so much see me like you. I'm
an EmPATH. I gotta feel you. I gotta feel you, and.
Speaker 2 (11:40):
We can do we used to do it on the phone.
So but with the bad behavior on social media and
the tricks and scams and shanigations.
Speaker 5 (11:51):
That people.
Speaker 2 (11:53):
That people have developed, it's too easy now to con
and and and craft and I don't like it.
Speaker 1 (12:02):
That happens in real life too. You could meet somebody
and what.
Speaker 4 (12:07):
If you wait ninety days?
Speaker 5 (12:08):
Okay, that's right, all four months?
Speaker 1 (12:10):
Because you know, I will say, it is a busy
time for a lot of people and people. I feel
like just because back in the day, we used to
have to go outside meet people in person. You couldn't
see each other unless you saw each other in person.
It wasn't FaceTime, it wasn't all of those things. A
lot of times were in the house and not socializing
the way we could. Uh So, I feel like a
(12:31):
lot of times people are when they'll ask, when they'll
ask you, how come I can't find somebody I really
want a date. I'm trying to get back out there
and date. I had a woman call me the other
day and I would love to get your advice on this.
She said she was in an abusive relationship for eight
years and she's finally ready to go back outside, but
it's really hard for her to trust.
Speaker 2 (12:48):
Anybody and hard. Don't go stay on because you haven't
done your work. You've been out for eight years, but
you haven't done your work because trusted doesn't your Your
capacity and ability to trust has nothing to do with
the other person. It has to do with what's going
on inside of you. Trust is internal. Faith is external. Okay,
(13:09):
at first, you got to have trust. Trust in faith
without works. Faith is external. Trust is internal, So let
us don't date when you're know how to get in
touch with.
Speaker 5 (13:21):
You know what?
Speaker 1 (13:21):
I did get her information because Detroit. I'm actually sending
her to go do hot yoga. Okay, I did tell
her I said she should do something. Yeah, yes, my
girl me and that she's a black woman that owns
a hot yoga place in Detroit.
Speaker 5 (13:34):
Hey, I mean no.
Speaker 1 (13:35):
And so I told her, I was like, you do
need to maybe love yourself first before you even attempt
to if you're not feeling like you're you're you want
to go out and date, but it doesn't feel like
you're ready.
Speaker 5 (13:45):
Well.
Speaker 1 (13:45):
Also, also I feel like, what does she want to
date for for what? But I guess she was in
this relationship for eight years. It's been two years since
she's gone on a date, and so she wants to
kind of get back out there because there is something
also for somebody having that power over you where they've
kind I never want somebody to feel like they had
the power over me that now I can't move forward.
Speaker 5 (14:05):
Well, I would never give anybody.
Speaker 2 (14:07):
I spent nine years in an abusive marriage right here
in New York City with a man that was six
foot four, two hundred and sixty pounds and he didn't
take anything from me that I didn't give him. So
when I finally hurt me bad enough to get out
of that relationship. And it takes time for everybody. I'm
not saying it has to be in two years, three years,
(14:29):
four years. Everybody has to go through the process, but
everybody has to do their work.
Speaker 3 (14:33):
How long did it take you to move forward after
that being in that kind of relationship.
Speaker 2 (14:38):
Get into another relationship, probably about three.
Speaker 1 (14:44):
Years, three years.
Speaker 2 (14:46):
And then when I got into the new relationship, I
was clear about who I was, what was acceptable, what
wasn't acceptable, and what I wanted to experience. So many
of us go into relationships trying to find out what
the other person is going to give us with no
clarity about what it is that we want.
Speaker 4 (15:06):
So we need to know what we want first absolutely.
Speaker 5 (15:09):
What do you want to feel like? What do you
want to do? What do you want to how do
you want to be?
Speaker 2 (15:13):
You can't just go in a relationship to see what's
going to show up, and then when it shows up,
you say you don't want it.
Speaker 1 (15:19):
And part of that is only what you don't want
to And I think that's important when a lot of
experiences that we go through. While sometimes it can be
not the best experiences, it's also good to know I'll
never do this again.
Speaker 5 (15:31):
Oh this doesn't work for me. It's just that simple.
Speaker 2 (15:34):
I ain't mad at you. I'm not mad at you,
or you're crazy. This just don't work for me.
Speaker 1 (15:39):
But now you did also sit down with Jada pink
its math.
Speaker 5 (15:43):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (15:44):
Why do you think that people are so mad at her?
Speaker 2 (15:46):
Because they people like drama. They're all into her story.
Speaker 5 (15:50):
You know.
Speaker 2 (15:51):
The people who are maddest at her are the people
who have done or have experienced the very thing she
wrote about, and they haven't done their work to heal it. Okay,
they've either done it or experienced it. Otherwise, why are
you invested in her story?
Speaker 5 (16:09):
Why are you?
Speaker 2 (16:11):
She wrote a beautiful book and every chapter presented a
page of the process she used for healing and the process.
Speaker 5 (16:21):
You could use. And what they worried about is when
she moved out. What the hell she didn't write the book?
Speaker 2 (16:28):
The story was the demonstration of what propelled her healing process.
People are into the story and totally blew the healing.
Speaker 4 (16:38):
Broc Well, I like it's juicy, so I like the
juicy parts.
Speaker 5 (16:41):
I'm like the Juicy part two. But I'm not going
to denounce her because of her story.
Speaker 1 (16:49):
And it's like people don't believe things because then she'll
discuss you know, Tupac, And these are things that other
people have said too. It's not just her, Like, you know, people.
Speaker 2 (16:57):
See me today and cannot believe that I, young Levan
sand was in the marriage with somebody that whipped my behind.
Every day people will look at it, but don't tell
me it didn't happen because A I don't talk about
it every day, and b you look at me today
and you can't imagine that.
Speaker 5 (17:14):
Now, that's right, that girl from Brooklyn, Yes I did.
Speaker 1 (17:19):
People are always that quick to say if that was me,
I would have asked me, I don't.
Speaker 4 (17:22):
Know what you would do.
Speaker 5 (17:23):
Yeah, so I think you know, it could be you.
It could be you. I welcome your courage.
Speaker 2 (17:31):
Do you know the courage it took for her to
sit down and acknowledge that stuff?
Speaker 5 (17:37):
Number one.
Speaker 2 (17:38):
Acknowledge it is just the first step. But then to
put it out there, because there's some stuff even in
all my wonderfulness today, I don't want to acknowledge about me.
Speaker 1 (17:48):
How was process?
Speaker 3 (17:49):
How was the you had that conversation with her. Was
there anything surprising that you discovered while having that conversation?
Speaker 2 (17:56):
But I didn't talk about the story at all. I
talked to about the healing. I never her story.
Speaker 5 (18:03):
How well am I going to criticize her story? That
doesn't even make sense to me.
Speaker 2 (18:09):
When you wrote this book about healing, Now she comes
to me and asked me about her story, then we
could deal with it. But and that's the meanness. You
tell me that what is going on out there with her.
Speaker 1 (18:23):
Is not mean, No, it is.
Speaker 5 (18:24):
I think it's very it's violent.
Speaker 2 (18:27):
It's violent, and most of it is coming towards from women.
Speaker 1 (18:32):
That's interesting. And I also feel like when men tell
their story is a different reaction always, you know, because
Will Smith has told different stories in the past, I
don't feel like people came at him the same way
that they're coming at her. That's true, I agree. Now
I want to ask you this as we're talking about
men in relationships on this new season of your podcast
here at iHeart, one of the big topics is always
(18:56):
about infidelity, right, and you've discussed this too on your
page Healing from Infidelity. But a lot of times men
don't equate infidelity with whether or not they love the
person who they're with, right, all right, So is it
possible to say I love this person, I'm in love
with this person, yet still be cheating.
Speaker 2 (19:14):
It is, and it's really a matter of integrity, number one.
The man's integrity is this a man who's going to
honor his word, honor his commitments. For me is not
so much the cheating, the act, the physical act of
being intimate with someone else. What scares me is the
fact that you lie, and that you can look me
(19:35):
in my face and lie.
Speaker 5 (19:36):
Now, that scares me. Okay, I don't like.
Speaker 2 (19:39):
That part of it, because you can take your little
weenie and watch it all.
Speaker 5 (19:44):
Plus some boxide on that sucking poxide.
Speaker 1 (19:47):
Don't do that.
Speaker 4 (19:49):
I never heard that.
Speaker 6 (19:51):
Well cleans up infections, I know, but yeah, I know
some poxide.
Speaker 1 (19:56):
You might gotta go get some penicillin.
Speaker 2 (20:00):
But the fact that you could look me in my
eye and lie to me I'll make up some story
is a betrayal of my heart. You're not being care
filled with my heart, and that, to me is dangerous.
That's the part about cheating that really makes me crazy.
(20:21):
The lack of integrity, the betrayal of my heart and uh,
forget the broken commitment of broken agreement. That that's how
do you live with yourself? How does the person? Because
you know, the exciting thing that I've discovered, this is
really exciting for me.
Speaker 5 (20:40):
A women cheat too, they be out.
Speaker 2 (20:44):
You have?
Speaker 1 (20:45):
I have?
Speaker 5 (20:46):
And did you lie about it too?
Speaker 1 (20:48):
Yeah?
Speaker 5 (20:49):
Oh my god, I am.
Speaker 1 (20:53):
You've cheated before.
Speaker 5 (20:54):
I forgot.
Speaker 1 (20:57):
Because the way she just looked at me, looked at
me like she never cheated. I forgot that did I
didn't forget.
Speaker 5 (21:08):
I didn't forget. But I didn't lie.
Speaker 1 (21:10):
Okay, I cheated and told the truth.
Speaker 5 (21:12):
I did.
Speaker 2 (21:14):
You said where you've been I slept with my man?
Speaker 1 (21:20):
Yeah? I did not lie, I did Angela?
Speaker 4 (21:23):
Have you cheated before?
Speaker 1 (21:26):
Well no, I did not, And I mean I cheated,
but I will say this when I cheat, it it's
because the relationship is already over. I just.
Speaker 4 (21:35):
Well they don't know.
Speaker 1 (21:36):
I didn't end it yet, but they don't. Yeah, they
don't know I cut him cheated.
Speaker 4 (21:40):
They didn't get the memory.
Speaker 1 (21:42):
And after that, I knew I was going to break up.
And sometimes it takes me a minute to do that,
Like you'll be with somebody still and women will check
out way before I have found email.
Speaker 2 (21:52):
Yeah, we just don't pay attention the man they've checked
out and and they they but busy doing whatever we're doing.
Speaker 5 (22:03):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (22:03):
But so the whole cheating thing for me is the
breach of trust, the betrayal of trust. It's the lack
of integrity for the person, and it's the dishonesty.
Speaker 5 (22:15):
Those are the pieces about it.
Speaker 1 (22:16):
How do you heal from that?
Speaker 2 (22:17):
Though?
Speaker 1 (22:18):
What are some things that you would tell people? Maybe
they are working on getting things back on track, but
there's a lot of triggers that can happen. There's a
lot of where you're going, a lot of questions that
are asked, like a hundred times over and over again,
a lot of explaining that has to be done, you know,
and sometimes you have to put that work in and
you just have to accept that if you've cheated. But
(22:38):
then sometimes guys feel like, ah, I can't do this anymore.
This is what this is going to be like, Well, you.
Speaker 2 (22:44):
Know what, even it takes a moment to get over it.
But if you're gonna stay, stay, if you're gonna stay, stay,
and if you're not gonna stay, then go. And this
thing about if he's gonna stay. You can't beat him
up all the time.
Speaker 5 (23:00):
You just can't.
Speaker 2 (23:02):
A human mind, you just can't take that. Yeah, And
if he's not going to stay or you don't want
to stay with it, let him go.
Speaker 1 (23:09):
But you can't do a little bit of it like
you can't see.
Speaker 2 (23:14):
There's two things I don't do things cheating and don't
mess with my money. I'm sorry, don't mess with my money.
Don't take it out my purse, don't be suspicion around
with by ATM card, don't ask me for stocks or
box and nothing.
Speaker 5 (23:30):
Cheating and I don't I don't do that.
Speaker 1 (23:32):
Have you ever been scammed?
Speaker 5 (23:34):
No?
Speaker 1 (23:34):
Never, Okay, I was just asking that because I did
this documentary and my friend got scammed by a guy
who she was dating. And he's still give him the
madam too early.
Speaker 4 (23:44):
Well she didn't wait days, of course.
Speaker 2 (23:46):
Not.
Speaker 1 (23:47):
No, he's stole her car.
Speaker 2 (23:50):
Scammer, he got it. She got scammed in the first
forty five to sixty days.
Speaker 1 (23:54):
Yeah, and you know, well they actually have broken up,
but he just never returned her car. And it turned
out he was a serial Why did he have his car?
Why did he have her? Called jazz I don't know
why why she was going out of town. She was
getting work done on her house in Atlanta and the
garage was inaccessible, so he was like, Okay, if you want,
you can leave your car here.
Speaker 5 (24:13):
And how long have they been together?
Speaker 6 (24:15):
Jazz because she's empathetic, but how long have they been together?
Speaker 1 (24:23):
Truthfully? When she left the car there, they had already
broken up, but they were still friends, and so it
was just no they was he was a scammer. What Yeah,
he is a scam look like sneaky yeah right there,
because you know, I mean in relationships, sometimes guys will
ask you to do certain things like.
Speaker 2 (24:44):
No no no no no no no no no no
no no see and this is what happened the old world.
Speaker 5 (24:50):
No no, no no Old world, no.
Speaker 2 (24:52):
No no, I'm gonna let you be a man. You got
a three piece set. I want you to work it.
Speaker 4 (24:57):
Okay, what a three mis soon?
Speaker 5 (25:00):
And the person yes, the three.
Speaker 6 (25:04):
Oh my gosh, you young people are so fresh and
you don't know nothing. I don't know you had him.
Speaker 3 (25:12):
I didn't know I had I know now and I
know the freaking means right, I can continue.
Speaker 4 (25:18):
I've never heard them.
Speaker 5 (25:19):
Yet, you've never heard there?
Speaker 4 (25:21):
Okay, okay, anyways, so many a man?
Speaker 5 (25:24):
Okay, yeah, but you know we want to be the boss.
Speaker 2 (25:27):
And we're out here and we're doing all of these
credit right, bumping up into the credit Do you know?
Speaker 5 (25:34):
I don't.
Speaker 2 (25:35):
I'm not putting my name on nothing, and you can't
put your name on none of mine. Now, if we're
going to do something together, okay, I'll meet you fifty
fifty okay, but now we do no.
Speaker 1 (25:44):
Now, what do you think about if a woman is
dating a man and say they've been together for three
years and she needs she's starting a business and she
comes to him and she's like, look, I have this business,
and I know you have X, Y and Z. You've
always said to me, if you ever do anything, I
want to invest and that she asks him and he
says no. Right should that be a concern to a
(26:05):
woman that the person that she's been with has asked
for this investment that he has but he just tells
her no, I don't want to do it.
Speaker 5 (26:12):
What would should she be concerned?
Speaker 1 (26:15):
She should be gone, wow, because you can tell the
other person no, right if.
Speaker 2 (26:21):
You can, But I would want to know. And me
because I'm a lawyer. This is not about you doing
it for me. Let's make an agreement. Let's make an arrangement.
Let's put this on paper. And I have a very
specific request. I wanted you to invest five grand, ten grand,
whatever it is. But he does have the right to
(26:41):
say no. But approach it as a business situation with
someone that you're close and intimate with, and not as
because we're intimate, you need to be in my business.
Speaker 5 (26:53):
Right, that's not going to work out.
Speaker 1 (26:55):
All right. Now, another thing that's been a huge issue.
I feel like as we're getting older in dating, co parenting.
All right, the holidays are coming up, yes, and co
parenting has been a huge issue where sometimes it could
be the parents don't get along with each other, and
then that means the child ends up being collateral damage.
Speaker 5 (27:13):
Yeah, collateral damage.
Speaker 2 (27:14):
And the thing is, as co parents, the only thing
that is of concern to you is the child. But
what happens is because there's so there's no closure or
completion in the relationship, those issues get blended up together.
So it's the ex girlfriend, you know, striking again revenge
(27:34):
against the boyfriend, and the kids.
Speaker 5 (27:37):
Are messed up in the middle.
Speaker 2 (27:39):
So you gotta don't. You're not dealing with your ex.
You're dealing with your son's father, and you want him
to behave as a good father towards your son. You're
not dealing with your ex. You're dealing with your daughter's
mother and you want her. Is she a good mother?
Is she.
Speaker 5 (27:57):
Holding up the best of the child?
Speaker 1 (28:01):
Not your ex?
Speaker 5 (28:03):
And people they don't, They don't make those distinctions.
Speaker 3 (28:07):
I have a co parenting question, yes, and we've asked
this other guests too. So I'm a I have a
two year old and me and her dad are not together.
When is the okay time to you know, if we're
dating someone else else, So in a relationship, when is
appropriate time to introduce them to the child.
Speaker 5 (28:25):
To the person? You know, it really all depends on
the nature of the relationship.
Speaker 2 (28:32):
But if you've been with someone I would say at
least a year and you're you're seeing this going to continue,
I say, then you need to introduce them to the
child in a public way. You all go out together,
and then you eat together, and then maybe they come over,
but they leave. You know, you have to inch this
thing in because God forbid it doesn't God, you want
(28:52):
this to be more of a social thing than a
committed thing.
Speaker 5 (28:55):
The other thing is here, man, I don't know if
you've done this.
Speaker 4 (28:59):
My child's never met anybody.
Speaker 2 (29:00):
Okay, okay, but when you are co parent or when
you are parents, you have an outside uh, the child
has an outside parent, and you are in serious relationship
with somebody, and you can see moving forward, you need
to introduce your partner to the child's parent.
Speaker 5 (29:18):
And I know people don't.
Speaker 1 (29:20):
Like that's a tough thing, but you do need to
do that because, particularly if.
Speaker 2 (29:23):
You've got daughters and you're bringing a man into your life,
got to introduce that man to your daughter's father because
it has to be a place where those two men
meet and the father needs to feel comfortable.
Speaker 5 (29:39):
With your with your man around his daughters.
Speaker 1 (29:41):
Yeah, and he should not be alone with your daughter.
Speaker 4 (29:44):
I don't like that at all, Like I don't.
Speaker 5 (29:46):
I don't.
Speaker 4 (29:47):
I don't like the idea at all, like alone.
Speaker 1 (29:49):
But that is tough, man, because sometimes when you break
also breaking up. You know, when you break up with somebody,
you break up with their kids too, and that can
be hard when you I just talk to someone who's
going that she just broke up with her her significant
other and they both have kids, and they had like
kind of a meshed blended situation. And now she's like
got to say goodbye to his son. Why because she
(30:13):
I don't know. I mean, if you guys break up,
is it a good idea? How are you going to
keep in contact with this person's.
Speaker 5 (30:18):
With the child?
Speaker 1 (30:19):
Yeah, with the child?
Speaker 2 (30:20):
I think you should because what that does is that
lays a brick of abandonment.
Speaker 1 (30:25):
See I've heard that if you guys break up, you
shouldn't still keep in contact and you should cut all
ties just because it's confusing. And then what if he
starts dating somebody else and or you're dating someone else
and you're like, why are you still keeping in contact?
Speaker 2 (30:38):
Playdates with the kids and take the kid to the movies,
and this is who you are? Why do we have
to have such limited relationships?
Speaker 5 (30:49):
You don't have to be up in.
Speaker 2 (30:50):
His world or her world with the new person, But
the child go into the park, to the beach on
the playdate, to dinner, to lunch.
Speaker 1 (30:57):
What about standing in contact with their family? Like say,
I break up at somebody and I'm cool with his mom,
his sister, but we broke up. Should I still be
if you have a relationship.
Speaker 2 (31:09):
My ex partner passed away, But even before he passed away,
I had a relationship with his sister that was separate
in the part from my relationship with him. We did
things together, we you know, we had a relationship. So
even now that he's gone, when my daughter passed away,
she cooked for me because I had a friend of
(31:32):
relationship with her that's separate in apart from him. Okay,
if the only relationship you've had with his parents, his sister, whatever,
is the one where y'all were together and y'all break.
Speaker 5 (31:43):
Up, let that go. But if you and his mom.
Speaker 2 (31:45):
Played bridge, or you and his sister hang out, and
you and his dad played cards, then you should find out,
how do you want us to continue this relationship? Ask
the question of the person you had the relationship with.
Speaker 4 (31:58):
Okay, that's fair.
Speaker 5 (32:00):
Go over there when he's over there with his girlfriend
and the two cats.
Speaker 1 (32:04):
Now listen. I know, and this is the last question.
But I know that our spot is about relationships, But
I want to also ask about friendships breaking up because
that can be yes, because that can be painful for
people too.
Speaker 2 (32:15):
It is in the ending of any relationship or the
transition of any relationship, the change in nature in any relationship.
Speaker 5 (32:24):
It is all difficult.
Speaker 2 (32:26):
A relationship is a relationship, you know, so you should
handle it the same way. Do your forgiveness work, get
your lessons. And sometimes, particularly with friendships, you simply evolve
and it doesn't mean the friendship has to end, but
it doesn't mean how you interact will be different. And
(32:48):
if you don't have that conversation, that's what creates the.
Speaker 1 (32:51):
Problem, right, Because sometimes it's other things like betrayal, Yes,
and you feel like the person closest to you has
the biggest ability to betray you more than anybody else.
They do, and that can happen, and do you forgive that?
Like that's a difficult thing? Like is it difficult?
Speaker 5 (33:07):
It's human because.
Speaker 1 (33:09):
How can you trust somebody who was supposed to be
Then it makes you feel like, well, were they ever
really my friend?
Speaker 5 (33:15):
Did they? Why would you do all of that?
Speaker 2 (33:16):
Why didn't you say this is an act of bad
behavior and this is not the kind of behavior that
I want in my life. You hurt me, You hurt me,
you betrayed me, and that's how I feel. And this
is going to change our relationship, it really is. And
then you figure out what that is. But you don't
have to will you ever? Were you ever?
Speaker 5 (33:38):
My friend? You don't have to do all that. Let's
steal with what's present right here, right.
Speaker 4 (33:42):
Now, right you make everything sound so simple.
Speaker 5 (33:46):
It is if we don't do that here, if we
don't if we stay.
Speaker 2 (33:50):
In the moment, right here, right now. So you know
you this is bad behavior.
Speaker 5 (33:56):
I don't. I don't want this behavior in my life.
Speaker 1 (33:59):
We make things more complicated.
Speaker 4 (34:00):
I know I overthink.
Speaker 1 (34:02):
Yeah, yeah, I'm overthinking. Clean would be like you didn't
say bye? Does that mean you don't like me? You're
mad at me?
Speaker 4 (34:09):
First of all, you're exaggerating.
Speaker 5 (34:13):
But do you know that human beings so crazy as hell?
Speaker 4 (34:15):
I'm definitely crazy for sure.
Speaker 5 (34:17):
And yeah, I'm got about eight. I got about shades.
Speaker 4 (34:22):
I was thinking three. But now I.
Speaker 2 (34:25):
Got my Brooklyn crazy. I got my black girl crazy.
I got my old black lady crazy I got I
got my highly professional and accomplished crazy. I got my
lawyer crazy. I got my spiritual crazy. I got you know, I.
Speaker 5 (34:41):
Got a lot.
Speaker 4 (34:43):
Yeah, maybe I have more than I thought.
Speaker 1 (34:44):
Oh yeah, she's like, I'm here to tell you. Are
you enjoying and loving this season? Of your life.
Speaker 5 (34:52):
Yeah, that's not dramatic. I looked at you. It's I
feel good. But I tell you what is so, I
don't even know. I don't know what the word is.
That's the word I got it.
Speaker 2 (35:16):
The depth and level of respect and regard that I
get in the world from the thirty eight years of
consistent work that I've done.
Speaker 5 (35:26):
I mean, I've seen.
Speaker 2 (35:27):
Some of the hard hardest, hardcore foul mouth beasts, but
when they see me Auntie, you know, mister miss Ayanla
or whatever they calling me. But so that is so exciting,
and you'll excite me like I love you. You are hooped,
(35:51):
you know, and how you've evolved. I love watching the youngins.
You all are so inspiring to me.
Speaker 1 (35:58):
Well, listen, you are a definitely legendary. You deserve all
of the accolades that you get because you have moments
that are going to live on forever.
Speaker 5 (36:06):
Yep.
Speaker 1 (36:06):
When things happen in people's lives, it's like remember when
they sat down and that happened, and they bring that
back all the time. But to have made such an
impact and really help people's lives, I think that that's
what we should all be striving to do. It may
not be on the level of what you've done and
what you've been able to do for one thousands of
people firsthand, and then the millions.
Speaker 5 (36:28):
You know from this, that's my goal for next year,
waking in one million. That's right?
Speaker 4 (36:34):
What are what are these everything else?
Speaker 1 (36:37):
What do you call those? Matter?
Speaker 5 (36:41):
Nelly?
Speaker 2 (36:44):
But next year, you know, next year, twenty twenty four,
they're setting it up to make us think it's going
to be so horrible and it's all about the election
in this but next year, personally, twenty twenty four is
about authority, power and money. We like that authority, power,
money within yourself and I want to awaken one million
(37:06):
people to the authority that they have in life, the
power that they are, and the money that they can
create and attract.
Speaker 1 (37:16):
The money next year is my life. I said, money
is power, power, So that's.
Speaker 5 (37:20):
Why I'm committed to I got a T shirt.
Speaker 2 (37:22):
I'm gonna give you one awakening, one million, one mind,
one heart, one life, one spirit at a time. And
I'm grateful. You know you asked me the season of
my life. I don't take a pill for anything.
Speaker 1 (37:33):
That's great.
Speaker 2 (37:34):
I know.
Speaker 1 (37:35):
That's why you got to start worrying about your health
from for me, yes too, honestly, like I had high cholesterol.
I found that out and I was like, let me
fix this, Let me fix that because I don't want
to later on have to be on medication every day.
Speaker 5 (37:47):
Because I got a bad memory.
Speaker 2 (37:49):
So you know, if I need to, if a pill
would save my life.
Speaker 1 (37:54):
But you birth cantrol pills I missed back in the day.
Speaker 6 (37:57):
I doublop and how many things you so.
Speaker 2 (38:04):
Just to be able to to be of sound mind
and body, to be able to, you know, be loved
by so many people, to be able to love on
so many people.
Speaker 5 (38:15):
Uh, and to enjoy it all.
Speaker 2 (38:17):
You know, I have my things, although I need you
youngins to help me understand what is going on with
law and order.
Speaker 5 (38:24):
They moved it.
Speaker 1 (38:26):
I love.
Speaker 6 (38:27):
No, you don't like that it's moved Nowhere is it
Nerve I'm supposed to be on Sundays.
Speaker 5 (38:34):
I use it. I watch it when I iron man.
Speaker 1 (38:37):
You can still put it on.
Speaker 4 (38:38):
Your on demand.
Speaker 5 (38:39):
That's not the fun.
Speaker 4 (38:40):
You know, young people don't iron either. You know, we
don't iron. Every once in a while we'll do a
little We.
Speaker 1 (38:45):
Don't get dressed up for nothing. This is it iron
because you're a little older elder wise woman. Season we
love it. Season you got to Madam, I don't want
to season it, madam? All right, well, thank you so much.
(39:05):
And when can people hear these episodes?
Speaker 2 (39:08):
Every Wednesday we have a new episode on the our spot.
Speaker 5 (39:12):
We've got some.
Speaker 2 (39:12):
Good guests coming up, like like Ace Metaphor, okay, like
Stiffen speaks.
Speaker 5 (39:18):
You know, we did.
Speaker 2 (39:19):
Jada, I've got some other people and we're going to
be doing some other just getting One of the things
I want people to do is really get out of
the ancestral patterns of relationships, right, you know, generational curses
of relationships. So every Wednesday, wherever you listen to podcast,
I'm glad you're here. I'm glad that you're hew. I'm
(39:41):
glad that you're you're stretching learn to say no okay
from Brooklyn.
Speaker 1 (39:46):
You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 5 (39:48):
How we do.
Speaker 1 (39:53):
All right? Well, thank you so much. We appreciate you
for coming through.
Speaker 5 (39:56):
Thank you for having me
Way Up With Angela Yee News
Host
Angela Yee
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