Willie & Aikisha Colon Get Real: Miscarriages, Family Secrets & Life Lessons

Willie & Aikisha Colon Get Real: Miscarriages, Family Secrets & Life Lessons

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:04):
What's up its way up with Angela. Ye, and this
is going to be a good conversation today. Man, we
got some legends here. Willie Colone is here from the Bronx. Yes,
born and raised Bronx. Okay, Yes, And Akisha Holly.

Speaker 2 (00:20):
Colone is here too.

Speaker 1 (00:21):
Thank you guys for joining me today, for having us
and I have to say I read this entire book,
could not put it down. Love how y'all both gave
you a very honest and transparent sides of the story,
talking about this whole journey from you know, just wanting
to have a family, wanting to have children. Faith and
Fertility is the name of the book, and we're going

(00:42):
to get into all of that. But first we were
just having a conversation off the air, and this is
a conversation I just had up here with Coach Jesse.
We were talking about menopause and perimenopause.

Speaker 3 (00:55):
Yes, I told you I wrote this Faith and Fertility.
Now I'm going from fertility to flag because that's the
next relay.

Speaker 4 (01:03):
Yes, I'm telling you it has been a journey. Now,
this was a journey.

Speaker 3 (01:08):
But where I am now with toddlers, I'm forty eight
years old. I had my daughter had my son at
forty two, my daughter at forty three. I got to
forty four, I started feeling like myself. I'm like, okay,
I'm getting my body back, I'm getting my mind back.

Speaker 4 (01:22):
Into forty four.

Speaker 3 (01:23):
Going into forty five, I was like, wait a minute,
am I I'm getting I feel hot.

Speaker 4 (01:27):
Sometimes I'm like, babe, are you hot? Are you feeling this?

Speaker 3 (01:29):
We're at night. He wants to get a little close.
I'm like, ugh, I couldn't. Yeah, and I mind you,
I have babies on the breast, but my mind was
getting foggy. Everybody's like, oh, well, you know you have
pregnancy brain and then the maybe postpartum. But I knew
something was not right with me.

Speaker 2 (01:46):
And listen, you've been through so much.

Speaker 4 (01:48):
Girl, listen. But God is good.

Speaker 1 (01:50):
Yeah, God is so God is so good, so good.
We are going to talk about that today for sure.
But I just think it is an important conversation.

Speaker 5 (01:58):
You know.

Speaker 1 (01:58):
Else I had up here recently Malocksmi and she was
also talking about what she was going through with her
end demo and demetriosis. Yes, and she was saying how
she was married and she just did not feel like
she didn't feel sexual and sometimes the person can the
person you could take that away, but women's bodies are
so complicated, so much going on, and it's not easy

(02:21):
for other parties.

Speaker 3 (02:21):
And it's like, you know, he's I will give him
credit in the first in the beginning, he did not understand,
and we were going back and forth, and I had
to tell him. I'm like, babe, you know how sexually
attracted we have been to each other. You know how
we used to get down and what we do. So
if I'm telling you, you know, because I had to
let him know, it had nothing to do with him,

(02:42):
and they don't understand that.

Speaker 4 (02:43):
I really did not feel myself.

Speaker 3 (02:46):
I felt fat, I was feeling hot, I was having
heart palpitations, my body was aching and hurting, and I
couldn't I couldn't help him.

Speaker 4 (02:54):
I couldn't make him understand.

Speaker 5 (02:55):
Well, I think I think for a lot of fellas
like myself, we kind of have a mind over matter
uh process where we try to say, hey, man, just
get through it. But when it's time for sexy time,
you got to be into it, you got to be committed.
And looking at my wife at times, she would be like,
all right, I guess, and that doesn't make us feel sexy,
it doesn't make it, it doesn't make us feel wanted.
So I've all the times she's back, come on with,

(03:19):
come on, get it over with the come on seriously.
And so it came down to a lot of me
having some type of like attitude and me like, why
even bother if this is how we're going to be.
And I didn't grow up. My mom didn't talk about
men and pause. My sisters didn't talk My sister didn't
talk about minty pause. Women in my family never talked
about mini paulse. So I didn't have any data on

(03:40):
what it is. And so my wife is my first experience.
And when you're a guy who like you know, you're
used to getting what you want in that avenue when
you want it, and it's kind of denied and it
is denied, and then you know, we have kids, so
kids are the first party, and so you start feeling
like am I get pushed out the house?

Speaker 6 (03:56):
I'm already get pushed out my own bed.

Speaker 1 (03:58):
And men can be jealous of their kids sometimes and
feel crazy.

Speaker 5 (04:01):
About it without a doubt. And I witnessed that on
a daily basis. Me and my wife. One of our
arguments is that she won't kick our kids out the
bed like they My son and my daughter can sleep
like perfectly angels in the night, and somehow two o'clock
in the morning they're in my bed. I got to
put in my back, like they have this beautiful house, everything,
and they.

Speaker 6 (04:21):
Literally be sleeping on top of me. I'm like, wife,
this is your job, kick them out of the bed.

Speaker 4 (04:25):
I have well in my defense, and you've read this book.

Speaker 3 (04:27):
And what a lot of people don't talk about after
we went through all of this is the PTSD that
we go through after we finally get what we've been
praying for, which are our children.

Speaker 4 (04:37):
And so I have a lot.

Speaker 3 (04:38):
I'm dealing with it in therapy, and you know here
in life is I don't sleep well and I'm not
comfortable if they're not with me right because I had
so much loss.

Speaker 2 (04:51):
You had eight and nice carriage.

Speaker 1 (04:52):
You had eight miscarriages for people that are listening, eight miscarriages,
and went through so much with your body to even
get pregnant each time. And I'm gonna tell you when
I was reading this book, every time I was like, Okay,
this is it, you know, and then you like had
the lower back pain. And then that's when you knew
and even like on the right before you were getting married,
you was going to be My guys, I can't even

(05:15):
imagine like what that must have felt like. But and
I don't want to give away everything that happens in
the book, but to start at the beginning with this
whole relationship and how it even started, A lot of
women might have given up early on because at first,
you guys didn't have a defined relationship.

Speaker 4 (05:32):
No, we were not married.

Speaker 1 (05:34):
We even boyfriend and girlfriend early on, it wasn't even that.

Speaker 4 (05:38):
Yeah, because you know I met him.

Speaker 3 (05:40):
I met Willie fresh off a Super Bowl chow and
he was out of he was in that listen, honey,
he was in those streets. And you know, I was
living in Atlanta at the time, and he was in
Pittsburgh and we met twenty eleven in the club.

Speaker 2 (05:54):
And you guys are still Stealers fans, right, Oh?

Speaker 4 (05:56):
Yes, I am a Jets.

Speaker 3 (05:59):
Fan because I became like his girlfriend and going into wife.
You know, when he was with the Jets, So I
have more Jets wife, Jets wives friends and I sort
of bonded with them. But he had some of his
best friends or Steelers, and so I'm very cool and
one of our friends there, my kids, godparents, so you know,
but I considered myself more.

Speaker 2 (06:20):
Of it for people too.

Speaker 4 (06:21):
Yeah, it's hard. Look, it's not that many of us.

Speaker 3 (06:25):
I was a lot of us out there, but we're
all struggling.

Speaker 4 (06:31):
But so back to this.

Speaker 3 (06:32):
So I met him in Atlanta. He was still in
Pittsburgh at the time. I was in Atlanta and we
were in the club Child. We read Compound. For y'all
familiar with Atlanta out there.

Speaker 2 (06:38):
I've been to Compound. Yeah, it's a good time, you know. Yeahound.

Speaker 3 (06:45):
So we were, we met, we you know, started dating
for a little bit.

Speaker 2 (06:51):
It fat like you initiated it too.

Speaker 4 (06:53):
No, not intentionally.

Speaker 1 (06:54):
Let me tell you initiated it intentionally.

Speaker 6 (06:59):
Got right hold that.

Speaker 4 (07:04):
Look, I saw him. I'm sitting here. I turned around.
I see this guy with locks. Ye had dreads at
the dread.

Speaker 3 (07:09):
Locks and I, you know, I had a few to
drink and I turned around and see his hair. So
I was like, oh, realized I was about to touch
this man's hair. And I said, wait a minute. Well,
when I stick my hand out, he pulls it back
in and starts flirting. Girl, all up in my face
talking about your.

Speaker 4 (07:24):
Pretty eyes and all this stuff.

Speaker 3 (07:27):
Yeah, we started talking, realized we were in the brother
Sister fraternity and sorority, and uh, it went on from there.

Speaker 4 (07:36):
He was inviting me back to his room that night.

Speaker 2 (07:40):
I said, no, thank you.

Speaker 5 (07:41):
You know what I hate about the story because she
makes it seem like I was thirsty, and then I
was thirsty.

Speaker 6 (07:49):
First of all, I was talking to the bottle girl.
She was talking to DJ No, that's.

Speaker 3 (07:53):
What she doesn't That's what.

Speaker 6 (07:55):
I'm talking about. There was more, there's more to the story.
I was like, you was the DJ.

Speaker 4 (08:00):
No, I was not. We were friends and flirting, so let's.

Speaker 2 (08:03):
Pot and you were talking to the bottle situation.

Speaker 3 (08:07):
Yeah, and she was waiting on their VP table next
hours and hours too.

Speaker 6 (08:11):
Right, And so by the end of the night, you know,
she crawled. She came.

Speaker 5 (08:15):
That crawled, she came. She came down the stairs. And
first of all, I didn't recognize how short she was.
And I was like, man, who cut you off at
the knees?

Speaker 6 (08:23):
Was the rest of you? Because she looked tall while
she was sitting in the booth.

Speaker 5 (08:26):
And when we got outside, so I'm like, man, really,
you know hit it with the number two.

Speaker 6 (08:30):
He would you like to go for breakfast? We can
do it back in my room, and she was just like.

Speaker 3 (08:36):
I was like, listen, I'm going to our Thomas. If
you want to meet us over there.

Speaker 4 (08:39):
You can. He's like, oh, well, I'm at the W
and you know they have great breaks. Yeah, I've been
to the W before.

Speaker 3 (08:47):
I'm at their breakfast, but it's okay, three a m.

Speaker 4 (08:52):
And there's nothing open.

Speaker 3 (08:53):
Like my grandmother, you say after twelve o'clock legs, Yeah, yes,
and I didn't want waffle house and.

Speaker 6 (08:59):
How you really said it?

Speaker 4 (09:00):
Though, wait a minute, this is I don't know.

Speaker 6 (09:03):
We were Angela. She keep it a buck you know
how to get.

Speaker 3 (09:05):
Them, cause he just kept saying no, you know, I
have a mother and a sister and something.

Speaker 4 (09:10):
I was like, I'm.

Speaker 2 (09:11):
Gonna know that she's not saying that.

Speaker 4 (09:13):
Girl.

Speaker 3 (09:13):
Listen, they don't have nothing to do with my okay,
and so period, and that's what I said, and I said,
so I will meet, let's meet tomorrow. But he was
really nice about it after believe I have a mother and.

Speaker 6 (09:27):
This like I'm not like the rest of these heathers
out here.

Speaker 2 (09:31):
Mother and thiss in be a heathen.

Speaker 6 (09:33):
That's what she was saying. That's exactly exactly what she
was saying.

Speaker 3 (09:36):
So I was telling him because he kept saying, no,
I just want to do breakfast. And I said, listen,
I'm not going to play with you. It's three o'clock.
By the time I get to your room, it's gonna
be three thirty am. If I know that, I'm not
fucking let me just say that, I don't come to
a man's hotel room, even though you can.

Speaker 4 (09:51):
Go to a man's hotel room a three thirty and.

Speaker 2 (09:52):
Because like, if something happens, it's your fault. Why were
you there? And that's something women have to think.

Speaker 4 (09:57):
And that's why he said. In his defense, he was
saying like, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 6 (10:00):
I have a sister.

Speaker 3 (10:02):
I would never And I said, well, listen, and that's fine,
but your mom and your sister ain't got nothing to
do with my Yeah, and so I'm gonna see you.

Speaker 4 (10:09):
I will see you tomorrow.

Speaker 3 (10:10):
And it worked, and I asked her, listen, and you
say this, I said, if I would have come to
your hotel room that night, would we be sitting here
twelve years?

Speaker 2 (10:18):
So you we're used to that exactly.

Speaker 5 (10:20):
Yeah, I mean I was. I mean that's what my guys,
that's what we did.

Speaker 6 (10:25):
Scoop and score.

Speaker 2 (10:26):
So school, that's what we did and scored.

Speaker 6 (10:30):
So old football, you know what I'm talking about.

Speaker 2 (10:33):
Scoop and score on and off the field.

Speaker 4 (10:35):
And I already mind you, I'm five and a half
years older than you, know.

Speaker 2 (10:38):
What, so I look so interesting.

Speaker 1 (10:40):
Is also both of your family backgrounds and the role
that played in how you dealt with relationships, right, just
even like for you really thinking about what you went
through with your father and your mother and not wanting
to hurt a woman the way that your father hurt
your mom.

Speaker 6 (10:58):
Yeah, I mean my father was a calm, flux man.

Speaker 5 (11:00):
He's from Puerto Rico, and you know, I try, I'm
I'm I'm forty two now, so I have a different
perspective than when I was actually going through it with him.
You know, a lot of his makeup was how men
were built during that ever, coming from a home where
you know, my father's mentality, as long as you got
a roof over your head, food on the table, when
the lights is on, what is there to complain about?

(11:21):
But the different side, the other aspect of that is
how he was treating my mother, and he had another
family outside of my home, and so I would go
to bed at night watching me my mother suffered lupis,
and my mom was a sickly woman.

Speaker 6 (11:34):
You know.

Speaker 5 (11:34):
My mother would go to bed at night crying at
the edge of the bed, where's her husband? And I
would be have to step up from the solar, you know,
and be like, hey, mom, we're gonna be all right.
And then he would drag his you know, tail back
in there and not having an excuse not to say
anything about it, It's just what it was, and we
had to accepted. And I watched my mom not only
battle raising young black boys in the projects of the
South Bronx, but dealing with the illness like lupis, on

(11:57):
top of dealing with a man who wasn't committed to
the marriage, and on top of really feeling like she
wasn't enough for him, that's why he's stepping out. And
so I grew up in that atmosphere, and it really
kind of shaped.

Speaker 6 (12:10):
How I viewed women, how I viewed relationships.

Speaker 5 (12:13):
I modeled myself after what I saw, and that's how
my dad handled his relationship.

Speaker 6 (12:17):
You know.

Speaker 5 (12:17):
My job was like as long as I'm making the money,
as long as I'm protecting the house. Whatever I do
outside these doors is my business, not the homes. And
it affected all of us, and so it took a
lot of growth, a lot of praying, and a lot
of reshaping who I am internally.

Speaker 6 (12:32):
And I think you know so much of what you
believe in is who you are. Your beliefs kind of
shape you.

Speaker 5 (12:38):
And I had to change my beliefs on how to
handle a woman, how to be a man, and what
marriage looked like. I didn't come from a healthy marriage.
I came from a marriage that solely survived because it
was depending on the survival of me and my brother.

Speaker 6 (12:49):
Instead of love.

Speaker 1 (12:50):
Were you ever able to have a conversation with your
dad about any because I know he and even in
the book you talk about how he had this other
family and you were told to keep like the newest
baby a secret like don't tell your mother. I imagine
being told by your dad to hide something like that
from your mom, but also knowing I don't want to
have to tell her that because that's going to hurt
her so much.

Speaker 5 (13:08):
It was tough, I think for me when I so
it was a situation where I was there was my
half sister was in the home in the other home,
excuse me, and I was forced to take her to
the prom. And on our way to the prom, it
was her eighth grade prom, to be exact, my dad
dropped it on me. He was like, man, you're going
to walk into this home and your baby brother's going

(13:29):
to be there. And I was like baby brother, Like
I know who my brothers are, and he was like, yeah,
we have another one. And then during that process, as
I'm walking into the home, I can see as visually
as I'm talking about it, you know, it was like
a bass in that dark room, moonshining in and there
was this baby boy sitting there. And my dad is like, hey,
we're not going to tell your mother about this. And

(13:50):
I'm already dealing with all the issues that I have
about their relationship. And I was forced to hold that.
But it also made me. It didn't just make me
like resent my father. It also made me hurt, like
I was hurting, you know what i mean. I'm just like,
we clearly see this woman hurting. Like everybody's aware of
my mother's sickness and what she's going through and how
she's battling every day, like what else, Like what has

(14:12):
she done for her to deserve this? And I grew
a deep resentment towarism, but at the same time as
my father, so I was tied to him being my
father and all.

Speaker 6 (14:22):
Lawyerty towards each other.

Speaker 5 (14:23):
But it was it was very complex, and I dealt
with it like I guess any other teenage boy, you
kind of just hold it because you don't want to
upset your dad.

Speaker 6 (14:30):
But at the same time, you hurt for your.

Speaker 1 (14:31):
Mom and your situation. Nikisha, I mean your mother. You
actually were adopted by your aunts. Yeah, yeah, okay, so.

Speaker 4 (14:41):
Excuse me there.

Speaker 3 (14:42):
Biologically, my mom had six children and we had different fathers,
and so my father's family found out about me when
I was around seven years old. Between seven and eight
years old, a neighbor in the apartments that we were
living in in Mississippi called my grandmother.

Speaker 1 (15:00):
I told my grandmother, because you know, people talk and
gossip about things, it was only a matter of time
before it was going to get.

Speaker 3 (15:04):
Back, and it had been like circulating around the community.
My dad's family, they were very well known in Jackson, Mississippi,
in the state of Mississippi. My grandfather was an educator
of music, so were his sons, my dad and his brothers,
and then my aunt, their youngest sister. Their only sister
was a physician, first black antestesiologist in the state of Mississippi,

(15:25):
first black woman, and first woman. So they were sort
of like this accomplished family. Everybody in the community knew
them because they were either taught by them or went
to school with him. And so my mom, she was
from the I don't like to say the other side
of tracks, but she was from another side and met

(15:45):
my dad and she already had, you know, my siblings
before me, and they hooked up and here I come along.
But my father was married at the time, and so
my mom and my father kept that from his family. Wow,
but people like you said, they were talking about it.
My grandfather said that he had heard it over the years,
but they didn't have any facts. Well, this neighbor ended

(16:07):
up presenting me to them, and they asked my father
was it true. And I remember my grandmother saying that
my dad, he was so stunned that they knew, and
that he walked out of the door backwards, and she said,
because he wouldn't he wouldn't lie to them, he wouldn't
say it out of his mouth, and so she said that.
My grandfather looked at it at her and said it's true.

(16:29):
And so they called him back and said, listen, if
you have a child over there, and he said, well,
I only have one. And then he said well, and
I guess my dad was, you know, in the defense.
He his whole world was about to be turned upside down,
and he said, well, you know, I got to make sure.
I think they say she mine. And my grandfather said, well,

(16:49):
what does she call you? And he said, she calls
me dad, And he said she's sure, and she's ours,
and we want to meet her. And so I remember
the day going to meet my grand parents and my
aunt because my grandparents had just moved in with my aunt.
My aunt did not have any children. She was in
her late thirties and she was past being able to
have children, so she had moved my grandparents in with

(17:12):
her because they were getting older and starting to age.
So anyway, my dad took me over to their home
and it to me at that time it was like
the biggest house I had ever seen in my life.

Speaker 4 (17:21):
I lived, you know, I lived in the projects, yeah,
and very modest. My sister.

Speaker 3 (17:25):
I mean, my mom did what she had to do
to make sure we had and my sisters did too.
But my oldest sister's seventeen years older than I am,
so you know, they've been adults my whole life. Anyway,
But I came in and I remember my grandfather crying
when he walked in the door to see me, and
he looked at me and he said, she's a holly
because at the time my last name was Smith.

Speaker 4 (17:44):
I was like Keisha let Tay Smith.

Speaker 3 (17:46):
And so we went through the process and I started
going to spend time with them, and then it was
presented to them that they wanted me to, you know,
be a part of the family, and my aunt was
going to adopt me. And at the time I had
a lot of resentment with my against my mother.

Speaker 1 (18:02):
I was gonna ask you, yeah, because I'm sure you
felt like, well don't you that's what you were Yeah.

Speaker 3 (18:08):
Going through what I've been through, and as a mother
today of two amazing children, I would never ever, I
don't care what the possibility, what it is, I would
never give them to anyone right even now, even though
I understand, I thank God every day my mom did
what she did. I understand her more today than I've

(18:29):
ever understood her in my life. But at eight years old,
I felt like she had given me away.

Speaker 4 (18:37):
I felt abandoned. And I've learned all of these words
through theory.

Speaker 1 (18:41):
And she thought she was doing what was best for
your livelihood.

Speaker 3 (18:45):
Yes, for my life, because over the years I had
three sisters who dealt with drug crack addiction and one
with alcohol. I've lost two sisters and I have to rehabilitated.
But you know, I don't know if my mother could
foresee all of that, but I think I know now
she felt love.

Speaker 4 (19:04):
I'm gonna save one.

Speaker 3 (19:05):
Yeah, I'm gonna do what I can for one. So anyway,
I moved with them, and my life drastically like changed.
I went from one of the poorest schools in the
state of Mississippi to a private Catholic school. I was
one of those kind of rags to richest story. I
went from us having no car to.

Speaker 4 (19:28):
It was kind.

Speaker 3 (19:30):
And you know, my grandmother was a retired nurse, and
my grandfather, like I said, was a retired educator, and
my mother, my aunt mom was a doctor, is a doctor,
and I just it was just a different life for me.

Speaker 1 (19:42):
It was how did his wife accept you?

Speaker 4 (19:45):
You know what, I don't know.

Speaker 3 (19:49):
I think she accepted the situation. But I remember years
later my grandmother telling me because my mom used to say,
you know, she can go over there, but she's not
to stay like my by a loot. Come mom, you
know this side. We were about that life over there.
My sisters and mom like they didn't play and so.

Speaker 4 (20:06):
Today. But anyways, she so.

Speaker 3 (20:10):
But my grandmother was hesitant too, and she ended up
telling me years before, after before she passed that she
told her. She said, listen, that's they called my dad Bubba.
She said, that's Bubba's child, and y'all can y'all can
deal with that, but he will take care of me
the rest of my life or the rest of his life.

Speaker 4 (20:26):
She ended up passing before my dad. My dad just turned.

Speaker 2 (20:29):
Ninety one last Wow, God bless them.

Speaker 3 (20:33):
Yeah and so, and to add insult to her injury,
biologically I'm his only child.

Speaker 1 (20:42):
Oh really, okay, wait a second, explain that. Yes, Oh
my gosh, Okay, y'all got a.

Speaker 2 (20:51):
Lot going on.

Speaker 6 (20:52):
So that's why we wrote a book.

Speaker 1 (20:54):
But I've been thinking about all of these things that
you bring into a union.

Speaker 2 (20:58):
That's your own backstory, right.

Speaker 3 (21:01):
And that had to play into where we were because
so my biological mom died when I was thirty six
years old. I had just moved here, and he and I,
like I said, we've met in Atlanta. We dated a
little while and then we stopped talking because Willy was
for the streets child and I'm just saying, had you
know people, And I was ready. I was ready to,

(21:21):
you know, be married because I realized that things that
I was going in my twenties and thirties, I was
changing the trajectory of what I always wanted, which was
ultimately a family, a husband, wife, and some children.

Speaker 4 (21:31):
So when I got to that point and I met him,
it was.

Speaker 3 (21:33):
Crazy because I had been praying, like God, the next
man I meet, I wanted to be my husband. The
next man I meet, I wanted to be my husband.
And I was dating this joker child in Atlanta that
I knew I shouldn't be with. I was just like,
it was, oh, yeah, I knew that at that ripe
age of thirty three at the time, I wasn't wasn't
it he wasn't it?

Speaker 2 (21:52):
Yah?

Speaker 4 (21:52):
And so I ended up beeting, Willie.

Speaker 2 (21:54):
What are you trying to say here?

Speaker 6 (21:56):
What am I trying to say? Yeah? Because you like, well,
well no, because I think my wife tries to say
it like I was just some whore.

Speaker 2 (22:05):
That her mother come on.

Speaker 4 (22:08):
Read read the book and I thought it was so.

Speaker 1 (22:12):
I thought it was so interesting that you even wrote
honestly about this part.

Speaker 4 (22:16):
Can I tell you this? I found that out when
you read the book when we got our manuscript, and I.

Speaker 3 (22:23):
In his defense, it was no, really, I feel that's
so interesting to me because you didn't have to put
that in there.

Speaker 4 (22:39):
Well, I told you, I'm not. I'm sorry baby.

Speaker 5 (22:41):
No.

Speaker 3 (22:42):
Remember when we were getting ready to write this book,
we would separate in our house. I would go and
write my stuff down and get with our ghosts, right, well,
not ghost writer because we give her credit, but get.

Speaker 2 (22:50):
With her write for an incident on the book, which
I love, Yes, okay.

Speaker 4 (22:53):
And I.

Speaker 3 (22:54):
He would go write his stuff and then he would
meet with her, and I told him he said, so
we're doing this because first I was hesitant about doing.

Speaker 6 (23:01):
It because well we both yeah, yeah.

Speaker 4 (23:03):
I was worried.

Speaker 3 (23:03):
I'm like, are we ready to share this as we do?
And he was the one who said to me, he said, listen,
this is your testimony. This is our testimony, and it's
going to help so many people. So when he got
ready to do that chapter, he said, you want everything,
I said, I want it.

Speaker 4 (23:15):
All, okay, Willie, Well, yeah, I mean, and I did.

Speaker 5 (23:20):
I feel like if if anybody, well, I think a
lot of people are just knowing Akisha and I we
our brand is realness, being authentic, and I think we're
not our best if we're not ourselves.

Speaker 4 (23:32):
And so that was the reason we left.

Speaker 2 (23:34):
I was going to talk about that in a second.

Speaker 5 (23:35):
Yeah, if we were going to do this book, were
gonna have to go there and we have to be
and we don't have to just take what comes with it.

Speaker 6 (23:41):
And I mean, yeah, I was in Houston.

Speaker 5 (23:43):
I was partying with the homies and and I had
a situation going on in the room with another lady.
And I got the call, and my first instinct wasn't
to say, oh, let me cover this up for Akisha.
My first things Tham was like, my first instinct was
I got to get to Akisha. And that was a
different shift than my because it wasn't that I wasn't
I didn't have strong feelings or I wasn't. You know,
I have conviction about it, but I was. I was young,

(24:05):
I was very, very career focused. It was having a.

Speaker 6 (24:10):
Family, being married. All that just didn't seem real.

Speaker 5 (24:14):
Wasn't something I was very not that I was against,
but I just wasn't for it, you know, I was
you know, my father was a product of his trauma.
I'm a product of my father's trauma. So all that
was something I wasn't ready to unpack.

Speaker 1 (24:24):
And in a way, getting that out of your system
is also you know, maybe.

Speaker 6 (24:28):
It's necessary, but I think.

Speaker 2 (24:30):
Maybe it was your journey.

Speaker 5 (24:31):
I think it well, I think that's necessary to whatever
that is, to get out there and meet different women party.
But I also think I was solely committed to being Willie.
I wasn't trying to change Willy. I wanted to play football,
I wanted to make money, and I wanted to meet
whatever woman I wanted to meet and do whatever I
wanted to do.

Speaker 6 (24:48):
I didn't want to bear the responsibility of love.

Speaker 5 (24:51):
I didn't want to bear the responsibility of dealing with
a woman and her issues. I didn't want to bear
the responsibilities of being ahead of a house that I
didn't even call for I didn't want that.

Speaker 6 (25:00):
I wanted to play. I didn't. My mama was good,
my sister was good. I did my job, just like
how my my father's perception was.

Speaker 4 (25:06):
You get what I'm saying.

Speaker 6 (25:08):
So that's that's all I knew.

Speaker 5 (25:09):
All this other stuff, I'm like, the hell with that, Like,
that's that's that's from when I retire.

Speaker 6 (25:13):
So when I got the call from Akesha, my uh well,
you well, my mom called. When I got the call.

Speaker 5 (25:19):
When I got to call from my mama, she's just like,
and you know one thing, you know, brother, and my
my wife is the witnessing.

Speaker 6 (25:27):
Now.

Speaker 5 (25:28):
The conversation a son has with his mother is different
than any other conversation he has with his life because
she says very few words, but the words she.

Speaker 6 (25:35):
Used hit right to the heart.

Speaker 5 (25:37):
And what she said was, hey, man, a Keisha's Mother's
that Keisha's mother has passed.

Speaker 6 (25:42):
What are you going to do? That was it? And
my initial reaction I got to get to Akisha and
so she was like.

Speaker 2 (25:48):
Okay, baby, And you hadn't met her family, right.

Speaker 6 (25:50):
No, I just heard it before that, you know black.

Speaker 4 (25:53):
And I want to just say this too.

Speaker 3 (25:55):
I knew when I got here because getting back to
when we met, so I had just moved to New
York in that September of twenty thirteen. My mom died February,
so I had only been here five months when my
mother passed.

Speaker 4 (26:08):
I knew when I came.

Speaker 3 (26:09):
Here, like a lot of people was just like, oh, well,
you moved there because you know, for Willy and what
he says that too, I knew I wanted to get
out of Atlanta, and because I knew my husband was
not in Atlanta, I had met Willie and I had been.

Speaker 6 (26:20):
Living in Atlanta.

Speaker 3 (26:22):
I had been living in Atlanta about sixty seventeen years.
I went to Clark Atlanta University. I been there forever,
and so when I decided I wanted to leave, I'd
lived in la coming to New York, I had never
lived in this area.

Speaker 4 (26:35):
So I decided on New York. Well, he ends up
leaving the Steelers coming to the Jets.

Speaker 3 (26:39):
So I thought, like, okay, Lord, I said, you know,
I wanted this to be my husband. But I realized
we had not been in the same city at the
same time dating. But I knew, going back to what
he was saying.

Speaker 4 (26:52):
Willy was coming back to New York.

Speaker 3 (26:54):
He had not lived in New York since he had
gotten drafted to the Pittsburgh Steelers in two thousand and six.
When Willie left New York City, he was poor, He
didn't have anything. He was going going to live his dream.
He was coming back to New York City, one of
the best, if not the best city in the world,
as a millionaire, and he I knew that I had

(27:17):
to allow him to enjoy and experience this city without
the stress or the obligation or the hassle of saying,
oh lord, this girl, you know that's here.

Speaker 1 (27:28):
His resentment at some points, and you're a hometown hero
and he's not Like.

Speaker 2 (27:31):
There's a whole lot of.

Speaker 4 (27:35):
Puerto Rican Like yeah, and so.

Speaker 2 (27:38):
New York is not like the place New York City.

Speaker 1 (27:42):
You have the teams here, but you you've heard of
your play out here.

Speaker 5 (27:45):
You know that's the big that's the biggest conversation to
have with folks from downside, Like where do you.

Speaker 4 (27:52):
Like? Where is y'all field? Beca like wait, manue, where
do y'all play a game?

Speaker 3 (27:58):
So I understood that, And you know we're gonna get
back to like in that book when you say I
asked that.

Speaker 4 (28:04):
But going on that day for me, the day I
found I was at his house, at his house.

Speaker 3 (28:10):
You know, with his dog that was becoming our dog.
But we were in a crossroad anyway, and I remember thinking,
if you know, like before my mom passed, like when
he comes back, I know we're about to have a
heavy conversation because I don't even we don't even know
if we're staying. I'm over here, you know, Yeah, he's
doing his thing, I'm doing my thing. I was like,
at the end of the day, after we've tried it,

(28:30):
I've had a lot of problems, but getting the mayor,
I ain't never been one, so yeah, ninety nine.

Speaker 4 (28:38):
But in New York City has what three or four
million people right here, so you know, I'll be fine.

Speaker 3 (28:42):
But that was a conversation I knew we were gonna
have to have. But then this happens, and I was honestly,
I didn't don't. I didn't even tell him about the funeral,
how to get there. I just knew I've lost my
mother and if I can get through this, I was,
I'm not even I'm done, you know, that'll be it.
But he had a click. It was like we both

(29:03):
were having these moments.

Speaker 1 (29:05):
He was like, I got to get this girl out
the house so I can call you know because and
that's a real thing and it fact. Yeah, one thing
I noticed about both of you is that it seems
like whenever it's something that is a that is tragic happens,
it brought you guys closer together.

Speaker 2 (29:22):
And that happened like time and time again, things.

Speaker 1 (29:24):
That could have ripped people apart or had you like
not aligned is actually what made you guys stronger.

Speaker 4 (29:32):
Well, it was the faith too, because before that, I
remember when we were leading up to.

Speaker 3 (29:36):
Before my mom passed, I would I told God, if
you give him to me, I'll bring him to you,
because I felt like the second time we got together
that he was the one. Even though my faith would
waiver some because the things that was happening and what
he was doing, but I prayed that. I said, God,
if you give him to me, I'm gonna give I'll
bring him to you. And so before games I would

(29:58):
pray with him for I remember he was coming up
with contracts.

Speaker 4 (30:02):
I would pray with him.

Speaker 3 (30:03):
And I just remember right before you went to Houston
and we had we were kind of getting into it
and he's gonna call me before a game. Now we
hadn't talked, and he was like, I just wanted to
know if you you know, you could play with me,
pray with me before this game. If you don't know
that bitch that you was talking, yeah, tell her to
pray for you.

Speaker 4 (30:22):
Like that. But then God would come and say, I
keeps no, I'm telling you it was.

Speaker 3 (30:25):
I would call him back and be like, all right,
come on, let's pray attitude dead father, this.

Speaker 5 (30:32):
Nigga bless his head, and I'm like, okay, I said
keep the baby.

Speaker 6 (30:40):
I gotta get the four quarters.

Speaker 4 (30:41):
Because I was just like God.

Speaker 3 (30:43):
I would literally go in my closet and I would
break down like I know I'm not Joe, Like I like,
you keep bringing this man to me, but he's clearly
not ready for what I'm ready for. But that's when
you know God has a plan and it's bigger than
anything that we could ever see, imagine or whatever.

Speaker 5 (31:01):
And I wasn't faith. I didn't not that I didn't
believe in God, but I didn't. I wasn't immerged or
entrenched into the word or faith like how I am.
Keisha has definitely brought God into my life.

Speaker 6 (31:13):
I knew.

Speaker 5 (31:13):
As we started to pivot and I started to get
serious about us and what we wanted to do, I
had to do a self audit.

Speaker 6 (31:20):
Man. I had to do a self audit about.

Speaker 5 (31:22):
Where I wanted to be, what I wanted to do, because, yeah,
I think for a lot of guys in my position,
being older, you're on the back half of your career,
it may seem like this is the right thing to do,
get married and whatever. But I really ask God, not
for this to be the right thing to do, but
what's right for me, you know, God, what's right for
me to do right now? And I would and I
told Keisha that I would go. So we we practice

(31:45):
on Fridays, usually out the building by two or three.
It's kind of a short day for ball players. I
would literally go from the locker room and go to
a church near my house and sit out of pute
and just pray. I would pray my ass off, like
if I was playing a game, I say God, because
I was. I was at a cross rood. I knew
I loved this girl. I loved my career. I saw
my career closing because I was getting injured, and I

(32:06):
knew I I just didn't have enough in the tank
to kind of get older some of the things I
was dealing with.

Speaker 6 (32:10):
I had a mother who was sick.

Speaker 5 (32:11):
I was just it was just a lot coming at me,
a million miles an hour. And I knew one thing
about I love well I still love about Keisha. She
is the type of person who walks around the mirror
with a mirror. She will show you who you are.
And I knew I needed that in my life. I
couldn't live without that aspect of her in my life.
And because I foundation and relationship wasn't sexual, it was friendship.

(32:34):
She genuinely cared for me when I wasn't my best
for her. She genuinely cared and prayed for me when
I wasn't there for her at times. And I was
obviously with her mother. But there was times when I
was like, man, I need a friend. I just need
somebody to talk to man, and I can call her,
even though she'd be like yeahlaying me yea. And I

(32:55):
went to I went through back and you know this,
young Steed can tell you I went through back to
back irs when the Steelers were at his prime and
so and I was considered the leader of my room, right,
and I was at.

Speaker 6 (33:05):
My lowest, and at my lowest she was.

Speaker 5 (33:08):
There, and so I couldn't see I couldn't live with
on my friend. I couldn't because she she wasn't worried
about the money and everything that came along with being
with me. She was worried about me as a human being.
And I think that's why this book and our faith
and the genesis of who you are doesn't start with
you know, we met at the Hilton, or we met
the rich or whatever, we met with a conversation who

(33:28):
we're seeing? Two people who kept it real from the jump.

Speaker 1 (33:31):
If it does feel like it was fate that brought
you guys together that night at compound.

Speaker 4 (33:37):
I was not planning on going to night. I was
mad at the dude.

Speaker 6 (33:40):
I was with.

Speaker 1 (33:40):
But for now, the fertility aspect of this, right, So
once you knew this was your man, because sometimes also
I think people also think about is he going to
be a good father? A lot of times you think
of that first before we even think about is this
going to be?

Speaker 6 (33:54):
All I had was adult?

Speaker 3 (33:55):
Yeah, I really, But like he said, seeing past all
of the exterior of who everybody else knew was like
the Bronx, Bully and Willie Cologne. I being around him
and watching his work ethic, how he cared for his mother,
how he was with his family, even with his friends.

(34:16):
I mean he had guys living with them and taking
care of them and doing things for people that I mean,
it was something that I just saw past all of
that that I knew he would be a good father
because he was, you know, he was good to me right,
and I just I respected that about him, and I
felt like God brought us back together for a reason

(34:38):
and that was that was the reason.

Speaker 1 (34:40):
So now this when I tell you, I was reading
this and I was like, wow, this is so powerful,
and thank you for sharing this because this had not
been an easy journey for you. You talk about all the
different things that you tried because you really wanted to
have a baby, both of you. I got a lot
of your perspective because this is your body going through
so much. I mean, you literally were doing acupuncture.

Speaker 4 (35:03):
I was doing herbs, I was doing you.

Speaker 1 (35:06):
Had some fan blowing up in your girl. I had
this oxygen.

Speaker 3 (35:09):
We went to this place they they oxygen nature, Oh
your insides or something.

Speaker 4 (35:15):
Child. I started laughing.

Speaker 3 (35:16):
When everything we spent so much money he spent. I
had already gone through because we weren't married at the
time we started. And that was another thing, like telling
this man, hey, I want to have a baby and
I want you to be the father of it, and
he's like, He's like cool, okay.

Speaker 4 (35:31):
Yeah, all right. That day was crazy much in the game, yes,
But and then I dealt with all these insecurities of
I'm older than he is.

Speaker 3 (35:42):
He could have had a baby with anybody, all these
you know, young tenders out here, and now you're having
to pay for me to have a baby for you.

Speaker 4 (35:50):
So I was dealing with what if I can't do this?
Is he going to leave me? We've gone through all
of these things and my old ass can't get it done.

Speaker 1 (35:58):
And I never I think society also because so many
times when you're with somebody, when are you guys gonna have.

Speaker 3 (36:03):
And mind you, I'm on we're in Fota, no, but
we're in the football world where ladies were playing our
pregnancies around the season. So when you're they're playing, everybody's pregnant.
So I'm at every baby shower from between the Jets
and Giants. And then and the spring is when you
want to have the baby because they're gonna be the
crazy I did not know, because you want your husband

(36:25):
there because they'll come in let the baby pop out.

Speaker 1 (36:28):
He's going back to the day. I'm sorry to plan that,
you don't, you know. I mean, you can try with
the ovulating kids to go.

Speaker 3 (36:33):
It's hard to plan it because it's so hard to
actually get pregnant, and people don't understand that there's only
one time a month that you can get pregnant. And
so it was I was doing all the things, and
then I start going like, well, maybe I'm not getting
pregnant because we're not married, and and maybe it's because
of this.

Speaker 4 (36:51):
My level of anxiety began to rise.

Speaker 3 (36:54):
And he had even he told me later, I found
that in the book that his brother had even asked him, like, so,
what are you gonna do Ifisia can't have babies?

Speaker 1 (37:01):
And you said Jude had gone through and she's with
other women being pregnant and abortions, and I feel like
this is.

Speaker 6 (37:07):
To get back I think.

Speaker 5 (37:10):
Was when we can don't understand man, for you know,
for most listen, you've been around US athletes for a
long time.

Speaker 6 (37:17):
We can be.

Speaker 5 (37:17):
Extremely reckless and not understand the responsibility we have to
one day be you know, present ourselves in a healthy
manner to your wife. You know when I when I said, okay,
I'm having a baby with this woman, she will be
you know, you know, the leader, you know, right next
to me and leading my home. We did everything to
try to have this, but we sent them, we set

(37:38):
her from the multiple doctors and they were like, no,
this ain't happening for y'all.

Speaker 6 (37:42):
Like I didn't have.

Speaker 3 (37:44):
The follicles, My varying reserve was deteriorating. I I just
was not producing, which is crazy and maybe now that's
why I'm in meto pause.

Speaker 4 (37:54):
But my body it just was not doing so.

Speaker 6 (37:57):
Everything she yeah, so everything she was going through.

Speaker 5 (38:00):
I felt like God was punishing me for my me,
my lack of responsibility, the things, the decisions I made,
some of the abortions I had. I felt like God
was like, this is this is your punishment.

Speaker 6 (38:11):
And I had to tell her that, like I was like, babe,
I think this is cousin me.

Speaker 4 (38:15):
Wow.

Speaker 5 (38:16):
And and we had to bring that to the altar
and I was like, man, I'm you know, I'm sorry
for the young wild lilly that I was so proud
of and it came to the point because we were
trying so hard to have a child, I was ashamed
of him, right, And so I had to kind of
fight through all that, and I had to fight through
all the heartbreaks and the bad relationships, and I was
kind of it was like all those skeletons that I
had packed away were now sitting around in my.

Speaker 6 (38:36):
Living room, like, no, we ain't going no where, Jack,
but we're here.

Speaker 5 (38:38):
And I had to and I had to get through that,
and I think, you know, it shows when I know,
I know, we talked about it in a book, like
we were trying so hard. Like I was in training camp,
right and my wife drove up to Courtland. This is
when my time with the Jack and she's like, I'm
coming up there.

Speaker 6 (38:56):
And I got a hotel. I got a hotel room
and we need to do this right now. And I'm like,
I got an ice pack here, ice pack here, my
back's hurt and had.

Speaker 4 (39:05):
To sneak out because they cannot leave.

Speaker 6 (39:06):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (39:07):
I couldn't leave the training camp, so I had to
go to one with my security. I was like, listen,
my wife is a popular and so I got to
go married.

Speaker 1 (39:15):
Yeah.

Speaker 6 (39:15):
So I was like, I gotta go, I gotta go
do what I gotta do, and I'll be right back.
And he was just like, well, you know, Willie. You
know if I was like, listen, you just get out
the way. And so you don't want to deal with
her and Angela. So I pull up, I pull up
to the hotel. The room opens up, She's laying there,
legs wide open. Let's go, and I'm like, there's I
don't know one dude that's horny.

Speaker 5 (39:35):
After practice, I was just wanting a cold tub and
a drink and I'm on wrapping myself trying to get
myself together, and she's like, come on on the clock and.

Speaker 4 (39:45):
R and I had to drive back.

Speaker 2 (39:47):
Yeah, a lot of pressure to perform.

Speaker 4 (39:51):
We went through something.

Speaker 5 (39:52):
And when we went through it, man, but we did
it together, and we did it with our faith, and
we did it with one gold of man.

Speaker 6 (39:59):
Were going to have this.

Speaker 1 (40:00):
Did you at any point think that maybe it wouldn't
happen and would you have been okay?

Speaker 2 (40:05):
You would have been okay, though.

Speaker 5 (40:06):
Yeah, because I would have been okay because I knew
genuinely in my heart and the prayer I was doing,
the praying I was doing in that church by myself
and nobody around, with no influence.

Speaker 6 (40:18):
My love for her kept showing up.

Speaker 5 (40:19):
How much I loved her and what she meant to
me outside of the sexual aspect kept showing up.

Speaker 4 (40:25):
But his faith ended. His faith at that time was
stronger than mine.

Speaker 3 (40:29):
He would have to pick me up, you know, because
I was thinking, what is going to happen if this
does not and he kept saying, it's going to happen.
It's going to happen. I'm telling you, and mind you,
I had seen my son. God has shown me my
son like a dream son.

Speaker 2 (40:44):
Because yes, yes, you see, that's my life.

Speaker 1 (40:55):
So thank you, not one but two. By the way,
what I love is that there is a happy end.
So I knew that was coming, Thank goodness. And while
I'm reading it every single time, I'm like, this is
when it worked, well, watch.

Speaker 6 (41:06):
Say this quickly and I know, I know you're gonna
go babe for me.

Speaker 5 (41:09):
When she brought faith into my life and I started
getting in to the word and really leaning on God.
You know, one of the things you can't have faith
and words. You can't have faith and look backwards. You
can't have faith and then say okay, this is what
I want. But if this don't work out, you got
to be all in. So that was the foundation of
what we were building. I said, Babe, yeah, it's not good.
And then also it also runs parallel to what I

(41:30):
was going through in my career. So many times were
being injured and not working. The next guy's getting drafted.

Speaker 6 (41:35):
I'm saying. All I kept saying was like, state, see it.

Speaker 3 (41:37):
Through Willie, and that's what I But I'm telling him
about that, but I couldn't tell myself. I got to
that point where it was just I was so tired
and I was drained.

Speaker 4 (41:46):
I was exhausted.

Speaker 2 (41:47):
I ially, that's so draining.

Speaker 3 (41:50):
Yes, and I mean putting all of these we were
gonna put pictures in the book that from the bruises,
you know, everywhere. I started saying, okay, God, So the
baby that I saw was that a donor egg Because
one one of the doctors sat before us and she
said that, she said, the only way you're gonna be

(42:10):
able to have a baby is if you use a
donut because you do not have.

Speaker 1 (42:13):
People tell you once your eggs, once you get older
and you're not producing the eggs like that, that you
have the only way.

Speaker 2 (42:19):
Certain places won't do IVF. They're only and that's.

Speaker 4 (42:22):
What was happening.

Speaker 3 (42:23):
My levels were one of the places we were at
if they were over twenty two or they wouldn't do them.
And then one was a twenty five. One time we tested,
my level was a fifty six. And so that's why
I love when you see me talk about doctor Stephanie
Thompson in the book, because I met her through another
friend and she was just like, listen, we only need

(42:45):
one yeah, and she was willing to work, and she
she looked like me, and in the sense of it
was another black woman sitting here telling me I'm going
to keep trying as long as you want to keep trying.

Speaker 4 (42:57):
And of that.

Speaker 1 (42:58):
And that's and you needed somebody to I need empathetic,
understand y'all tell you what you couldn't do.

Speaker 4 (43:04):
That's exactly what I needed.

Speaker 3 (43:06):
And even though I tried with her and it was
still unsuccessful, but I think the comfort I told him
when we walked out of her office, I said, listen,
if doctor Stephanie says that it's not possible, I'll believe
her and then I'll look into other options.

Speaker 4 (43:21):
But God had other.

Speaker 3 (43:22):
Plans and I conceived naturally after that two times, two
times with my son.

Speaker 1 (43:28):
And there's a lot of judgment too when women have
children older and they'll be like, oh, why would you
do that?

Speaker 4 (43:39):
Well, if you would have had him earlier, you wouldn't
be going.

Speaker 1 (43:41):
Through I not to say a lot of times people
don't understand the journey because sometimes women do want to
have kids earlier, and it's just you know, fertility is
not an easy But when I.

Speaker 3 (43:51):
Think about I was not fit to be anybody's mind
in my twenties, now you know I mean, and then
when I was in my twenties child he was a
teenage so please don't so no.

Speaker 1 (44:04):
But there is like I've seen people be like, oh,
your kid's gonna be x y and z.

Speaker 5 (44:09):
Oh that's it's just dumb, right because the goal is
to bring a child into this world with every every option,
not a smooth path, but you want to want to
be prepared for that child, not only from your personal standpoint, financially, spiritually,
just so many aspects you can have to prepare for
a child. I think for us, I wanted a child.

(44:29):
I wanted to have it with a Keisha. I didn't
know when like I said, I was so committed to
my career. I just knew I wanted it. I just
didn't wanted it right. I didn't win it in that window.

Speaker 3 (44:39):
And I didn't have the time though, because I was
older than he was, so I knew when I presented
to him that I wanted to have kids, I had
to be prepared that if he said, that's not what
I want to do, I want to wait another four
because remember.

Speaker 4 (44:50):
He was only thirty one. I was thirty six.

Speaker 3 (44:52):
I was about to turn thirty seven, right, so I
didn't have five years to give him.

Speaker 2 (44:57):
And when they do names like oh, this is a
geriatric pregnant.

Speaker 3 (44:59):
Girl, when I was going to get all of my treatment,
and I looked on that little wristband and it had
Jerry Jerryatrick.

Speaker 4 (45:07):
Wait one out of that and like once I had.

Speaker 3 (45:13):
The pregnancy, like I said, the PTSD after that, even
when I found out I was pregnant with my son,
I was. There wasn't an excitement in the beginning because
mind you, I had had seven miscarriages before that, so
I was so worried each time I went to a
doctor's visit. I remember when we were about to announce
my pregnancy. I had called doctor Stephanie. I said, I'm

(45:34):
not going to do it today because I was having
this big party. We do a thing called Colone Classic
every year. It's like our little holiday thing, and so
I wanted to announce there and I was like, I'm
not going to do it. She said, Akeisha, it's fine.
So then she called my high risk specialist and had
her to bring me in so we could see everything, heartbeat, everything,
because I got so nervous and every time we went

(45:56):
to the hospital, I mean to the doctor's office, I
was afraid something was going to happen. Even now, yeah,
even today.

Speaker 2 (46:05):
That's why they keeping at your clock.

Speaker 4 (46:07):
I keep looking at that clock.

Speaker 3 (46:09):
But I want to get across the bridge about it's
that thing.

Speaker 6 (46:13):
It's still with you so well, I just want to
briefly talk about it.

Speaker 5 (46:17):
She talks about her being nervous going to the doctor's office.
For me having to give my sample, that was another
taxing situation because for every man out there that has
to give up their seed, I mean, the process is
not a friendly one because you have to now go
into a room.

Speaker 3 (46:34):
That has a plastic couch, a magazine, a couple of
magazines and videos now and this moan it was worse
about it.

Speaker 6 (46:42):
So you got to get yourself up and ready to go.
And then one time.

Speaker 4 (46:45):
They let me come in there with them.

Speaker 2 (46:46):
They did, Okay, that's nice.

Speaker 4 (46:48):
It really wasn't.

Speaker 6 (46:53):
She's trying to play.

Speaker 4 (46:54):
I'm like, he's like, I gotta go to practice.

Speaker 6 (46:58):
But I was going to say this.

Speaker 5 (46:59):
And when you get into the room, you're looking at
a video or an option the last guy had before you.

Speaker 6 (47:06):
So you're sitting there like, oh, oh no, I don't.
I don't do that.

Speaker 4 (47:09):
He's trying to find and whatever.

Speaker 6 (47:14):
Yeah, I'm looking for the brazilion and all and I
got snow white and yeah. So it's it's it's wild.

Speaker 2 (47:22):
And all that.

Speaker 5 (47:24):
That's importn right, but against aggressive, it's aggress It's a lot.

Speaker 6 (47:28):
But I do I do say this. We've met a
lot of couples in.

Speaker 2 (47:31):
There, not in that room but no.

Speaker 5 (47:34):
But but I told you this, when you're in the
waiting room.

Speaker 6 (47:37):
We have met other couples who have been there for
a long time.

Speaker 5 (47:40):
We met this one Asian couple who addressed it and
I mean they had they had it, you tell they
had it.

Speaker 6 (47:45):
And the one thing they didn't have was a child.

Speaker 5 (47:47):
They had been there for five or six years in
the same clinic, pounding the drum, and they were just
and they were they weren't living in New York. They
were flying in from and so I got to know
the gentleman. I got to know him because he was
ahead of me, so we can I was.

Speaker 6 (48:00):
Standing in the same line. Hey, you up there all
right away.

Speaker 5 (48:05):
So you're going through you're going through all that and
when you see other people go through it, and that's
one thing that you should One of our reasons for
writing this book was we left a lot of couples
in the fight in that room who was still trying,
still fighting Like us. We were the fortunate ones, by
God's grace and mercy, to come out of it on
the other side.

Speaker 6 (48:25):
But we know for a fact there.

Speaker 3 (48:27):
Were some couples in just and like he said, they
had it, But there were couples in there who were
spending their lives.

Speaker 2 (48:33):
Yeahs say, am I gonna pay for this?

Speaker 4 (48:36):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (48:36):
Are going to And I'm like, wait a minute, I
think of what we pay now with our children like you,
they still have to live and eat after this. And
they were people who they were like, this is their
last time, you.

Speaker 5 (48:46):
Know, their last see people like literally losing their house
trying to have.

Speaker 4 (48:50):
It was it was hard.

Speaker 6 (48:51):
It was hard, man.

Speaker 1 (48:52):
Oh my gosh, oh my goodness. Well, I do appreciate y'all.
And it's so interesting that you guys did bell collective
and like you said early, the way you quit was
no that went so viral.

Speaker 3 (49:08):
Well, no, I only did it that way because those
heifers tried to get at the end of the last
season and do a scene saying that they were about
to kick me off the show.

Speaker 2 (49:16):
Contract.

Speaker 4 (49:17):
Yeah, let me let.

Speaker 3 (49:18):
Y'all know, and you don't have the power to kick
me anywhere. So I did it that way because I
knew if I would not have publicly announced or a
way that people could see actually what happened, they would
have spent that story in a kind of way and
said that they were the reason that I wasn't on
the show. But a part of leaving was because of
you know what you read, everything that we've gone through

(49:39):
to build our brand and our family. It wasn't worth
it to be fighting and yelling TV. It just wasn't
worth it on that show. And when I went into.

Speaker 6 (49:49):
It and I'm gonna let you go but we alto
don't play the victim.

Speaker 5 (49:52):
We understood what we said, but we had a goal
and we had a brand were trying to uphold, and
we felt like we straight away from here as a
couple and as a family, we represent a lot more
than only for our family, but for our community, and
there's a standard we just.

Speaker 6 (50:04):
We're not gonna fall down.

Speaker 1 (50:05):
And sometimes when you're a gun, that's when people realize
what you really did bring talk about it and tell it,
you know, because I saw a lot of people that
missed you guys being on there and the level.

Speaker 3 (50:16):
Of well it it went away from what the what
I thought the purpose of the show was, and it
was highlighting these women, Black women in Mississippi, Jackson, Mississippi
business professional women like listen, I don't mind the drama.
I understand reality TV. You can have, you know, a
little drama here and there. You can come from me
all day. I have no problem with that. But when

(50:36):
you come for him right, that's the issue.

Speaker 4 (50:39):
That's a problem.

Speaker 2 (50:40):
You was ready to throw down, baby.

Speaker 6 (50:42):
That was the matter I've ever seen my wife in
my life.

Speaker 5 (50:44):
Well, I did ask when we got home after everything
kind of calmed down and the house you know her
folks is ready to mount up and get going, and
I'm like, hey, now chill out. But I thought I
was like, baby, I ain't never seen you that man.
She was like, because I don't play about.

Speaker 3 (50:58):
You on mine, and you're not gonna it was disrespectful.
You know, we knew part of the storyline was Willi's
from New York. He's a fish out of water down there.
Everybody knows the storyline. They when you realized that there
was real malice and envy, jealous like they really did
not like him, and it was continued like, no, we're not.
My husband's on national television every day. I'm not about

(51:20):
to lose the job that really pays our bills.

Speaker 1 (51:23):
And that's another thing that you have to think about professionally.
And I love the transition that you were able to
make in your career also as being a commentator. That's
huge because a lot of times people do have to
think about what's going to happen. You know, you know
that there's a window of time and so what's next.
And I know that a Keisha was a large part
of you knowing that you should even be pushed in

(51:44):
that direction.

Speaker 6 (51:45):
Yeah, I did not know where to go.

Speaker 5 (51:46):
When I retired Kishu, when I was doing a lot
of stuff here regionally for S and Y TV and
doing different spots on ESPN, she was like, hey, man,
I know you don't.

Speaker 6 (51:55):
Know what to do, but if you give it, if
you give.

Speaker 5 (51:57):
This a shot, give it a shot and let yourself
kind of go, I think you can do You can
be great at this.

Speaker 6 (52:02):
I think it'd be really good. But I was I
was an athlete, I was a ballplayer.

Speaker 3 (52:07):
He had this mentality, if your mind is what happens
off the field, then you're not focused on the field. Yes,
And I kept trying to say, I knew physically his
body was breaking down, but he wasn't ready to see
that was what you knew your whole that's all he's
and and so I was trying to like, as women,
we have to push them in a direction without them
knowing we're pushing, and you have to. And so that's

(52:29):
what I began to do, is kind of show him
how great he was at it. And so the NFL
offers a broadcasting boot camp for current and uh former players,
and so I saw.

Speaker 4 (52:41):
That and I went in and I started.

Speaker 3 (52:46):
Listen, you you accepted here and you're gonna be in
Mount Laurel this week.

Speaker 1 (52:51):
Because you know, even thinking about the mentality of now
you go from being celebrated everybody knows you, but then
there's injury and it's like how much longer can we
do this? And I know you even went through some
things just to make sure that you could continue playing
as long as you did. But people have to also
think about, well, now I'm gonna be like at home more.

Speaker 3 (53:13):
Girl, And let me tell you, I'm used to having
my home life and doing my thing.

Speaker 4 (53:17):
And he was like, it's a package at the door.
Don't find you something to do.

Speaker 5 (53:25):
Now.

Speaker 4 (53:25):
He's like, all in my manage today.

Speaker 2 (53:28):
Yes, I'm like, man, I used to be able to just.

Speaker 4 (53:32):
You know and so, but the thing wasn't.

Speaker 3 (53:36):
My But my degree is in mass media arts, radio, TV, film,
and so I have a producer's mind.

Speaker 4 (53:42):
And I've watched him.

Speaker 3 (53:43):
One day we were coming out of one of the
games and he was interviewing with someone and I'm listening
to him talking.

Speaker 2 (53:49):
I said, okay, yeah, I.

Speaker 4 (53:51):
Mean not that I thought it was a dumb jockey
has a degree.

Speaker 2 (53:53):
I went to the hot sart of what you and
he liked about it.

Speaker 3 (53:56):
But yes, but I it was just something in the
way he was in awing and he was charismatic, and
he was, but he was still informative and he was
getting out what had happened and in.

Speaker 4 (54:05):
A creative way.

Speaker 3 (54:06):
That caught my attention because normally I'm like talking to
everybody else and ignoring whatever he's doing. And I just said,
I was like, okay, yeah. And so from that, it's
just I knew that that would be a great segue
for him because one, it keeps him in the.

Speaker 4 (54:18):
Sport, yep.

Speaker 1 (54:20):
But and he has that knowledge that inside and knowledge
that that well, I think it's.

Speaker 5 (54:24):
First of all, I think so I was fortunate enough
when I was interviewing with Fox right off, when I
got out the field and I saw Sean Merriman, who
I considered a friend and I played against Sean, and
Sean had a lot going on.

Speaker 6 (54:34):
Man.

Speaker 5 (54:34):
He was in movies, he was on girlfriends, he was
like different doing different spots, and he was just like, man,
as much as I got on, I remember, he was like,
as much as I have got going on, I still
miss ball. He's like, I'm because he was a football player.
Football players, no football players like I hate to say this.
I know I get it scrutiny. You know, when you
when you love something with that amount of passion and

(54:54):
gritting your heart, you know you're okay with letting it,
leaving it all right on the field and possibly never
leave in the field, because you live in your passion
and your dream, right And I felt like that, like
whatever happened to me on the field, I was comfortable
with because Gole.

Speaker 6 (55:06):
Had given me, had to answered my prayers. Right.

Speaker 5 (55:09):
I was the happiest I ever been leaving Pittsburgh on
the South Side, with the leaves falling, with the with
the steal of love on my chest was there.

Speaker 6 (55:17):
Was so much pride.

Speaker 5 (55:17):
I felt like I was I was serving a bigger purpose.
I was birthed into an organization that believed and family
and pride and history. So I was like, man like,
I really was okay, you know, wearing a black and
gold for the rest of my life and whatever that
came with it. So when that's taken from you, there's
a lot of ball players right now like Keisha and I.
You know, God rest my brother in arms, Nick Mango,

(55:41):
who just passed from the New York Jets.

Speaker 6 (55:43):
You know, we were together at of service. But you
have guys.

Speaker 5 (55:45):
Who when they leave the field, man, there's a legit
grieving process you go through because they your whole identity
is wrapped around football, the team you played for, the
community you serve, and how you.

Speaker 6 (55:57):
Proceed and how you proceed from the outside.

Speaker 5 (55:59):
So the men to aspect of it, Like I said,
I had a lot of opportunities, but I was grieving
with football.

Speaker 6 (56:05):
I was grieving with you know. And now I lost
my mom and my aunt and my uncle a couple
of years later. So the mental aspect was.

Speaker 5 (56:12):
Was a lot, man, But I was fortunate, not just
because I've had my faith that I had my wife,
and I think we what we're doing with this book
and and all these interviews, we're trying to talk about
our faith and how even when doors were closed, God
was really we'll still we're still paving a way opening
doors for So.

Speaker 2 (56:29):
I'm about to go home and pray tonight.

Speaker 6 (56:31):
They may get it out. You get it out and
come back to.

Speaker 4 (56:34):
You right now.

Speaker 1 (56:35):
And you also are the lifestyle colonists for Brown Style magazine,
So congratulations at that.

Speaker 2 (56:40):
I know you're like a month in.

Speaker 4 (56:42):
Yeah, So my second one will be coming out next week.

Speaker 1 (56:44):
Okay, I saw you talking about menopause and that's how
we opened it up before the conversation today. But I
do want to say such a powerful book. Thank you
so much, so much, you know, listen, it was this
was amazing for me to read though, And like you said,
I do think it's important for people because you know,
fertility Listen, like you said, there's going to be people who,

(57:04):
you know, on the other side of it ended up
having to do something different. You know, you talked about
the potential donor egg that you did not have to do.

Speaker 2 (57:12):
I know people who had to do that.

Speaker 1 (57:14):
There's people who have been trying, like you said, you know,
spending their life savings on trying to have kids. And
you know, I just think it's important for people to
not pass judgment when you don't know what someone's going through, right,
you know, with that, so thank you so much for sharing.

Speaker 2 (57:28):
It is a love story, yeah, that is.

Speaker 5 (57:31):
It is a love story. That it is is based
in faith. But I think for a lot of I
think for a lot of couples who are like you know,
I'm tired of his she's tired of mind. We said, well,
we love each other, We're gonna figure it out well
the way and that's what we did.

Speaker 2 (57:45):
So that's why they didn't like you all on Reality TV.

Speaker 4 (57:48):
You take it up with God.

Speaker 2 (57:51):
God know, you know what. The last thing I did
want to say this too.

Speaker 1 (57:57):
It's interesting because you guys went through so much much
right to have your children.

Speaker 2 (58:02):
Do you feel like it was always a.

Speaker 1 (58:04):
Process that now you're able to like finally not be
having to you know, have sex at a certain time,
or do the acupuncture or do this.

Speaker 3 (58:13):
I don't do the acupuncture anymore, but I'm having to
do things for this mentopause that We'll come back and
talk about that later.

Speaker 1 (58:18):
But I was just thinking about the toll that it takes,
like timing wise, because that's like a full time responsibility.

Speaker 3 (58:24):
Now when you have kids, though, we still have to
schedule it time and I have to think like, let
me get to my husband, let me we're day.

Speaker 6 (58:31):
Lovel let me. Yeah, we have our hours from twelve
to two while the kids at school. We don't get
it in and it ain't happening. And that's just the way
it is.

Speaker 5 (58:39):
Because when the kids get home, we gotta feed them,
we got to love them, we gotta.

Speaker 6 (58:43):
Do homework, we gotta get right the next day time
I gotta get up. Yeah, So from twelve to two,
and when our phones we don't pick up our phones,
you know, will ain't not keep your fucking that's what
we twelve to two, that's what we do, all right.

Speaker 5 (58:56):
Let them know right now those are hours to stay
away from them ours.

Speaker 6 (59:01):
We cannot serve you. You're serving each other.

Speaker 1 (59:04):
Thank you so much. Faith and fertility. Make sure y'all
pick it up. I love hearing your story.

Speaker 4 (59:08):
Thank you so much,