Adore Your Life feat. Vanity Ware

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to We Talk Back Podcast, the production of iHeartRadio
and the Black Effect Network Talk.

Speaker 2 (00:08):
So we're just two unapologetically black women with an opinion
who talks.

Speaker 3 (00:16):
What's up y'all?

Speaker 1 (00:17):
Thank you for tending in for a new episode that
we talked back at your girl AJ holiday.

Speaker 4 (00:21):
What's up?

Speaker 2 (00:21):
Ten Damn y'all is big tan band. I love y'all
so so so very much and I missed y'all. Thank
you all for coming back. How was your weekend? AJ?
What weekend? Okay?

Speaker 1 (00:35):
Because I literally had a day and a half to
myself yesterday. I'm last week Okay, that's all I had.
Excuse me, A half a day, not a day and
a half because we were working. What do you mean
you wasn't working this past weekend because I was.

Speaker 2 (00:50):
Yeah, that was one day.

Speaker 1 (00:53):
Yeah, but the weekend is only consisted of two days, right,
So I worked Saturday and half a Sunday.

Speaker 3 (01:00):
So yeah, I had half a day off last week.

Speaker 2 (01:04):
I guess I work every weekend, so it don't feel
no different for me.

Speaker 1 (01:08):
Shit, bitch, I been needing a day to decompress, a
full day to decompressed. I didn't get it, So yeah,
I did get rolled by a hag Sunday night and
my fucking air condition went out.

Speaker 2 (01:22):
That was very weird.

Speaker 1 (01:23):
Oh yeah, I said some mean shit about somebody before
I went to sleep, So I'm like, damn they Mama
probably can't even fucked with me.

Speaker 2 (01:33):
I had an interesting dream last night as well. I
think I'm really healing. Like I had a dream that
my current self was going back to my childhood self,
and like during moments that I remember of like some
type of trauma, I was telling my childhood self that

(01:55):
I was never going to leave her and that she
is okay. And I remember literally picking my childhood self
up and hugging her hmm. In different situations like I
was in the window looking like waiting on my daddy,
and I came and got myself out of the window
and I was like, come here, I got you. I'm
never Ain't that crazy? Yes?

Speaker 1 (02:18):
And that makes me want to cry a little bit
because that is the one thing I can remember about
my fucking daddy is leaving me yep, and waiting for
him at the window, looking at him.

Speaker 2 (02:27):
Leave, wait, waiting for him to come.

Speaker 1 (02:30):
Oh, I'm watching my daddy pull off when he said
I can go with him.

Speaker 2 (02:38):
So I think that was. I was like, am I
healing myself subconsciously? Am I sleep?

Speaker 3 (02:43):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (02:44):
I mean that's when we do our most work for real,
you know what I'm saying. Like, really, that's when you're awake.
This life right here. It's like a little simulation sometimes
when I'm driving out of highway and like the sky
looks like super clear and super beautiful, I really be
feeling like I'm in a droom show. I'm just riding
and and somebody's like somewhere controlling the button manipulating me.

(03:07):
For real, I'm just like present but not present, you
know what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 (03:12):
So, yeah, you ever driven home and then got home
and like I don't remember none of.

Speaker 1 (03:16):
The ride all the time, bitch driving a fucking Charlotte
on Saturday.

Speaker 3 (03:21):
I don't know how I got there, but I just appeared.

Speaker 1 (03:25):
It had me down on the phone all type of
shit mixed up and just I don't know, Thank you God.

Speaker 2 (03:32):
Thank you God. That's what i'd be like, because I
don't know how I made it here. I don't remember
playing attention to a lick of that ride. Thank you God.
That's all you can say.

Speaker 1 (03:41):
Man, you gets you where you're going as safely even
when your ass ain't paying no attention.

Speaker 3 (03:46):
Chib me and my weekend was a bunch of Oh.
I did go out Sunday.

Speaker 2 (03:51):
I did go out to eat and stuff with my
my nieces in town.

Speaker 3 (03:54):
That's always nice, Aaron. I love Lendy so much.

Speaker 1 (04:00):
He's very She's a She's a scorpio though, so she
not always No bit will strike your eyes, okay, but
for the most part, my nieces and nephew are some
good people.

Speaker 2 (04:12):
Amen to that. Let's get in the sins.

Speaker 3 (04:15):
You got going on a child.

Speaker 2 (04:17):
The fertility rate in the US dropped to an all
time low in twenty twenty four, were less than one
point six kids per woman, new federal data shows. It
says the decline might be driven by women delaying or
foregoing childbirth due to economic concerns, later marriages, and inadequate
support like parental leave and affordable childcare. Historically, the rate

(04:40):
was around three point five. In the nineteen sixties, they
was busting the wide open and having and then peaked
at replacement level two point one in two thousand and
seven and now aligns with Western europe countries. European countries,
so despite an increasing one percent increase in total births
I used to client for most age groups with adjustments.

(05:02):
Attribute it to updated since his population estimates estimates incorporating immigration.
So yeah, bites is not having babies like they used to.
Not in America anyway, Why you skip that last part?
Oh you wanted me to go into that. Yeah, go
into that. It's very important and Troup administration has promoted

(05:23):
measures like expanded ivfxs and baby bonuses to boost rates,
but experts like Leslie Root and Karen Does all argue
there's no cause for alarms you and it is a
fertility delay amid ongoing population growth and criticize the policies
that's symbolic rather than addressing core needs.

Speaker 1 (05:42):
Okay, So as somebody who will probably have to do
in vuture, like no doctor has said I can't conceive naturally,
but I have one tube, right, so the safest way
probably for me to conceive would be via en vitro.

Speaker 3 (05:58):
My old job. The deductible least be one hundred dollars.

Speaker 2 (06:01):
That's it.

Speaker 1 (06:02):
There are more women having fertility issues than waiting to
have a baby, I believe, and I think there's a
lot of changes that happened in the last decade in America.
That's probably causing more women not to be able to conceive,
because how many women do you know having problems getting pregnant?

Speaker 2 (06:21):
Uh, honestly, not that many. I don't know. I don't
know know many that many people that are trying to
get pregnant right now. My peers have had their motherfucking kids.

Speaker 3 (06:33):
I still had a couple homegirls and no kids, you
know what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 (06:37):
Most of the ones that don't have kids either lying
about not wanting them or don't want them. You know.

Speaker 1 (06:44):
Yeah, a couple a couple of my friends like don't
want kids, but for the most part, like they might
be delaying, you know, because of course you want to
get your husband first.

Speaker 3 (06:53):
But I mean you started some years start passing by,
like what we're doing.

Speaker 1 (06:57):
So I do have a couple of friends who froz
their eggs, so they that's really not fertility issues. Actually,
one she had she was like peri menopausal, so she
froze her eggs, but she ended up conceiving, Okay, naturally,
no problem. So I think there's a lot of there's
a lot more things that's contributing to the decline in

(07:19):
the birth rate. So now they want to pay people,
like in China and shit like that. They be trying
to pay people now to have babies, when all before
they were like putting a like a caught off many
how many how many kids a family could have. So
maybe they're about to start doing that in America. If
y'all ever traveled through Middle America, like just driven like

(07:41):
from the east to the west coast.

Speaker 4 (07:43):
It's a lot.

Speaker 1 (07:43):
Like most people only live on the outside of the country.

Speaker 3 (07:47):
We are not overpopulated.

Speaker 1 (07:49):
It's like concentrated areas, right, the major cities that are
overcrowded with a bunch of people.

Speaker 3 (07:56):
Like we're all living in one area, right.

Speaker 1 (07:58):
But if you want to get some land and build
some shit in Montana somewhere, you can have a.

Speaker 2 (08:02):
Whole and you can count to yourself. Yeah, a whole lot. Yeah.
So some black families like on ig like Brian laying
out there and putting big gas homes on it.

Speaker 1 (08:14):
Yeah, I want to do that, you know, because I
do not aspire to you know how people be like,
oh my kids, my kids go to a white school.
We live in an all white neighborhood. I don't have black neighbors.
That is not what I aspired to have. Okay, yes,
I would love to live in a neighborhood with a
bunch of black people, affluent flant families with money and.

Speaker 2 (08:32):
Me being someone who went to school and was in
classes with only white students. It is not good. Yeah,
it's not a flex no shape to white people like
they're cool or whatever. But we don't have nobody that
look like you in class. You get alienated. So yeah,
y'all know, I believe in social engineering. Okay.

Speaker 1 (08:53):
I feel like everything is always like trying to like
everything is always Everything in life is marketing, right, this
was marketing. We got ads running through it. TV is marketing.
You get like what fifteen minutes of TV and how
many minutes of commercials? So when everybody starts doing something,
I'm going right when everybody else is going left.

Speaker 2 (09:15):
That fucking t app that just.

Speaker 1 (09:16):
Came out that when viral that all the podcasts are
talking about is just all on social media, just all
of a sudden, Like, who don't.

Speaker 3 (09:24):
Y'all to talk about this?

Speaker 1 (09:25):
See, people got to be conscious of like are you
doing this because you want to? So now we're talking
about on the back end. Now this is the bad
part of this app. So apparently the t app was
recently hacked after going viral exposing seventy two thousand, seventy
two thousand user photos. So the t app designed to
help women spot red flag men and catch cheaters hasn't hacked.

(09:50):
After going viral this week, the app announced it had
discovered unauthorized access to archive data system, and a statement
on social media Friday, the data system held an estimated
seventy two thousand.

Speaker 2 (10:03):
Why am I.

Speaker 1 (10:04):
Adding the number with user Seventy two thousand users submitted images,
including thirteen thousand image images of selfie, some of which
included photo IDs submitted during account verification. In addition, fifty
nine thousand images publicly viewable in the app from posts, comments,

(10:24):
and direct messages from other two years excuse me, from
over two years we're also accessed.

Speaker 3 (10:30):
So this app ain't even that old. But anyway, major marketing, I.

Speaker 2 (10:34):
Know my selfie of them you signed up for this app. Well,
I didn't make it that far. I just did this
selfie portion, uh huh, And that was as far as
I got. So here's the thing. I saw this ugly
They was like, nobody will see this selfie. That's what
they said in that shit like looking like this, This

(10:55):
is not a cute selfie.

Speaker 3 (10:57):
Now you're selfie about to be on an ai acount.

Speaker 1 (11:00):
Right, Okay, so yeah, the app got hacked, so now
it's a whole hot mess.

Speaker 4 (11:06):
Right.

Speaker 1 (11:07):
But then I also saw this other Instagram user. She
put a post up and she was saying, y'all bitches, y'all.

Speaker 2 (11:13):
Women better be glad that men.

Speaker 1 (11:15):
Now.

Speaker 3 (11:15):
I don't believe that men aren't chatty patties.

Speaker 1 (11:17):
I actually believe men probably talk shit about women even
more like you know, amongst themselves, amongst their peers. But
imagine if men were to have an app talking about
who all they don't smash? What red flags you got,
what your bathroom look like, what that microwave look like? Right,

(11:38):
putting your picture up for other men to comment and
add on to your body count essentially like y'all bitches
would commit suicide.

Speaker 2 (11:47):
The app would fail.

Speaker 5 (11:48):
No, y'all would kill y'allselves. If people really know.

Speaker 1 (11:54):
I always used to say, man, if my dog or
my cat could talk bitch, okay, that is what this
would be.

Speaker 2 (12:02):
Equivalent.

Speaker 1 (12:02):
Toss should be like, she's holped me out. I saw
that god Belly used to be like bitch at me,
like pitch, what the fuck is my water? But yeah,
y'all were really like I feel like a lot of people,
a lot of women would literally die. I don't think
we can handle the ship we'd be putting men through.

(12:23):
We already can't handle like criticism, and we can't handle
the truth a lot.

Speaker 2 (12:29):
That's why I've never go on that park to balloon shit.
I would never go on those like that.

Speaker 1 (12:35):
Me neither me neither that shit is. I don't know,
it's just I got some other things about that. Have
you watched it on Netflix yet?

Speaker 2 (12:43):
I hadn't.

Speaker 1 (12:44):
I tried it, Yeah, because it's different right on Netflix,
That's what I heard. Yeah, Yeah, I don't think women
can deal with rejection.

Speaker 2 (12:53):
Well you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (12:54):
We're not used to getting rejected at least a man
want to at least have sex with you, a nigga,
turn your pussy down, like, oh my god.

Speaker 3 (13:00):
The world is about the end, right, And that's.

Speaker 2 (13:03):
Because we're not typically the ones who are doing the approaching,
you know, mm hmm. That's why we don't have to
be rejected as much. We don't do it publicly.

Speaker 1 (13:12):
Bitch is definitely be hopping them in's inboxes because some
of my friends be showing me the messages of women
that you know be in the inbox, and I definitely.

Speaker 2 (13:23):
Be sneaking to meek coffee. Are you married? Do you
like coffee?

Speaker 1 (13:29):
And the same way like you might never respond to
a guy and he can like stays in your DM.
Women be doing that same shit.

Speaker 2 (13:36):
Right and if they don't say nothing back, I'll be like, Okay,
well he's gay.

Speaker 1 (13:40):
So next obviously, so y'all better stop partaking in that bullshit.

Speaker 2 (13:48):
Man.

Speaker 1 (13:48):
If y'all don't want these men to come up with
some shit on us, man, because listen, lord, listen, here's
the thing.

Speaker 2 (13:54):
What could they really I think about that, And I'm like,
what could they really say.

Speaker 1 (13:59):
If one hundred two hundred three hundred men posts they
smash because some women out here got that type of
body that kind of BodyCount, Some women got that type
of body body count, and they on this app like,
men ain't shit, not the same. You ain't shit just
because you got a high body count. That's not what
I'm saying. But I mean, like, you know, you leave it.

(14:20):
It is open for judgment.

Speaker 2 (14:21):
Okay. The niggas that come on like if they could
just tap and say I hit two, it's gonna be
niggas who lie in. I definitely got bodies I.

Speaker 1 (14:31):
Never got right, like who who? Yeah, So I don't know, y'all,
Bett be careful, be careful. We all exposing these guys
man karma.

Speaker 2 (14:42):
Yeah, but sometimes these niggas be need exposing. Sometimes I'm like,
I'm not talking about like guys who are just out
here they and and having their way, you know, which
is mad. I'm talking about like real life predators.

Speaker 1 (15:00):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (15:00):
But then you know, I said this one thing I
saw home. I seen this one thing where this nigga
was going on a date with a girl. She picked
him up from his apartment complex, and he said, can
we run by McDonald's and get my mom and brothers
some food real quid before we go. So they went
to McDonald's and ordered the food, and then he was like,
oh shit, I looked at the wilder in the house.

(15:21):
So she paid for it right. He took her back
to the apartment to drop it off, and he never
came back downstairs and blocked their phone number. Apparently he
was getting his baby mama and son food from the
McDonald's and used her they was broke. Damn. Niggas be predators.

Speaker 1 (15:40):
Women do that too. Women be predators. Women are apex predators. Okay,
let's be clear, and we want to get your ass
up out of here.

Speaker 2 (15:49):
We're gonna do whatever we gotta do too. Yeah, so
we not gonna act.

Speaker 1 (15:53):
Like women don't be using men for food, Like women
literally have niggas name programmed in their phone as a
restaurant Applebee's whatever, Apple, that's nasty Bees. Yeah, so we're
not gonna act like women don't do that type of
scammy ship. And guess and guess what's not happening. A
man is not putting them on the app about it.

Speaker 2 (16:14):
They just move on.

Speaker 1 (16:15):
They might not ever say your name, they may talk
about the story, but they not exposing you in the
way that women be exposing men.

Speaker 3 (16:22):
I just don't think it's cool.

Speaker 1 (16:23):
And then the predatorial thing, like I understand that, right,
But then I also don't believe every woman that's involved
in a me too movement because you see what's happening now,
like women lie, We act like women don't lie. Women
are not always on honest, no, no, because she's still
just a person, you know. Yeah, And let's not like

(16:44):
we don't have lion deceitful ass female friends. Like we
know the type of shit some of our friends be doing.
Why try not associate myself if somebody super like Yeah,
because when is my it is my turn coming out?

Speaker 2 (17:01):
Yeah? So all right, so it says here Lakers DeAndre eighton,
I think that's how you said. Accused of stranded ig
model in Turks and k COO's after she refused to
sleep with him. So this girl came to Turks and
k Co's, uh, and when she wouldn't give them nine,
she got left and she was stranded there.

Speaker 3 (17:24):
How are you stranded? Did you not have any money?

Speaker 2 (17:27):
Did you not listen to flute out one oh one? Girlfriend?
You need to go back to season one. Baby girl,
we taught you what to do when getting flewed out,
because you're never stranded. If you got money and exactly
got no money, you should not go nowhere. Your mama
should have taught you that. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (17:43):
I wonder if this is the person in the image,
because you know, sometimes they just be putting people. I mean,
why they give her name his name but not hers? Right,
I don't be I don't always be like going with
the illustration so because I know they'll use rand the
mask people.

Speaker 2 (18:00):
Well, I don't seen a couple of different illustrations that
look like the same female.

Speaker 1 (18:06):
Okay, well, I mean you ain't never stranded or maybe
just she just it's just maybe semantics. I don't know,
but yeah, you ain't never stranded. If you got money,
like I would enjoy my vacation, I'll go get me
a resort and be chilling. Yeah, and you fuck running
meet somebody you actually like, because I don't.

Speaker 3 (18:22):
I really don't feel.

Speaker 1 (18:23):
Like women fly out with no intention intention on having sex.
Something happens and it turns the pussy off, right, and
now you're not getting nothing because I'm not back.

Speaker 2 (18:33):
To But that don't mean you're gonna get it just
because you bought a plane ticket, right, it's the vibe envibent.
I'm not gonna have sex with you, period exactly, and
I wouldn't give Yeah, yeah, don't be going flying out nowhere.

Speaker 1 (18:49):
First of all, if you don't want to smash, I
feel like you should stay Yeah.

Speaker 2 (18:52):
If you know that you come in and you leaving
your pussy at home, you should stay home too, Yes,
because what are you doing? Because you you gotta know
that that's childish flying you out because he wants y'all probably.

Speaker 3 (19:04):
Don't talk about smashing everything else.

Speaker 1 (19:06):
Like girl, if I do that ship, bitch, it's on
the fucking pop as soon as I see your ass.

Speaker 2 (19:11):
Okay, what are we doing?

Speaker 1 (19:13):
No, I al I need to eat first, But antake
a shadow like, bitch, you didn't even get to wash
it this nigga, Like what's some niggas like that?

Speaker 2 (19:26):
But I know I've seen some stories.

Speaker 1 (19:29):
But yeah, stay your ass at the house or have
some fucking money alway, any options.

Speaker 2 (19:36):
Always even if you bring your coachine, you know you're
gonna pop it open and that's your currency. Still have
some money, bitch, like you should never go nowhere talking
about I'm stranded. I don't see this too many times.

Speaker 3 (19:50):
And that's whack of a man.

Speaker 1 (19:52):
I've went, I've been food out right, and then you
know the guy is like, you know, we don't He
was after we don't have sex, right, I mean, if
we didn't have sex, it would have been okay. But
I mean that's in retrospect at that point. You seeing
that shit after the fact. But I'm not going to
place in not smashing. I'm just not if I'm not

(20:15):
comfortable with you not yes again you could say some
shit do some shit in it.

Speaker 2 (20:19):
And like in my twenties, I went to La to
see this guy I knew very well. We went to
this we went to church together, like we grew up
in the same church. You know. So I've known this
man my entire childhood in life, and I was playing
ball overseas he was now in La. He asked me
to come to La. We were having a good time,

(20:40):
was talking about, you know, our childhood, the church family,
who was doing what, and then like we went to
a nice dinner and then that night he was trying to,
you know, take it to the next level sexually, but
he did not want to use a condom and I
was like, no, I'm not with that, like I'm ever

(21:01):
believer of using protection. And he did. He got mad
and said he ain't want to do it if he
had THEO.

Speaker 1 (21:09):
No, that's that's absolutely happened to me before from a friend,
like somebody I have been in school with from middle
school on up. Absolutely, And he said what I said,
don't know, fucking you wrong. He was like, I know,
let me phrase it properly. He said, I know what,

(21:30):
I know what the what the bitches be doing that
I fuck with or some shit like that? What you
fucking somebody else? What makes you think they're not fucking
somebody else? You think you got my control over Debo?

Speaker 3 (21:43):
You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 1 (21:45):
Yeah, you think you got my control over these women
that I'm supposed to trust that you know what they're
doing to stow add my Kucie to the sis, bob Stick.

Speaker 2 (21:53):
Absolutely fucking not.

Speaker 3 (21:55):
No men are retarded.

Speaker 2 (21:58):
That's in my twenties. Why he was awesome, Why you
need to use a condom? You got something? Are you retarded? Yes?
You are? I use that word every episode. I gotta stop.
I'm sorry.

Speaker 3 (22:12):
Why that is retardation?

Speaker 2 (22:13):
Because what that don't make no sense? Like that's your logic.
That is scary logic.

Speaker 1 (22:19):
Because if he's using that logic with you, the other
people he's smashing without a condom, he's also then well,
if you got to use a condom, that mean you
got something. I don't got to use no cordom, I
don't got nothing.

Speaker 2 (22:30):
What what? And probably ain't got tested cheating until you do,
but it won't be me. So he was and listening.
He thought like he thought it was a flex to
like all right, got mad, got up the next morning
and left and was gone for a long time. I
know people in LA and I got fuck you money baby.

(22:51):
I was out of there when he pulled up. It
was a g wagon, pulled it up with sitting me
away from there with your scarfrap Ryan next na same.

Speaker 1 (23:09):
That's how you gotta treat her, man, because who you're
playing with, right, it's getting.

Speaker 2 (23:13):
Rough by him. Man.

Speaker 1 (23:13):
Some of these dudes are lame okay, and they just
happen to get some money.

Speaker 2 (23:18):
Mm hmm.

Speaker 1 (23:19):
Right, so they think that, you know, because they have
this money now, everything else is supposed to just come easy.
And then when you don't is and then you're the
ig model with the fat ass. I'm sure he ran like, oh,
I know she going right, especially if she gets fluid
out often she still gets to picka choose so she
want to smash right, but she.

Speaker 2 (23:38):
She definitely can't. First of all, I would have never
I would never told the world this story that anybody
stranded me anywhere.

Speaker 1 (23:48):
Yeah, I would not have. But you know they want
the cloud. Yeah, girls be lame to.

Speaker 2 (23:53):
I keep saying that you want to notice the story
is the salvation army, baby, please help me get hold.

Speaker 1 (24:04):
I'm gonna tell a story, but I ain't telling names,
you know what I'm saying, Like I feel like that's
why I'm never just trying to expose people.

Speaker 2 (24:10):
Man, I ain't never tell nobody I'm stranded nowhere. That's
one of the things that's going down with me. Maybe
my best friend in the sound she.

Speaker 1 (24:20):
Just felt stranded because the person she came here to
be with just left her.

Speaker 2 (24:23):
So that is like maybe it wasn't financially stranded.

Speaker 1 (24:26):
Maybe just yeah, yeah, because like say, for instance, somebody
tell you to get out their car. Of course you
got the uber app right, That is still leaving you
stranded though, yea, even though you can get to where
you're going, Like they left.

Speaker 2 (24:38):
Me for dead, like Mama, yeah, you left me.

Speaker 3 (24:44):
So maybe maybe she had a couple of dollars. I
don't know, but y'all, y'all young girls, do not leave
y'all fucking house with.

Speaker 2 (24:50):
No money ever, any draws and money in your pocket.
You never know what's gonna happen.

Speaker 1 (24:58):
And Mama always told me that even know what's gonna happen,
make sure I don't wear draws in this age.

Speaker 2 (25:03):
So anyway, I.

Speaker 3 (25:05):
Gotta work by that. I wear a by no holy draws.

Speaker 1 (25:11):
But make sure you got some motherfucking money in your
pocket or somebody who got some money who don't mind
those sending who don't mind sending it to you something.

Speaker 2 (25:18):
You gotta have some type of means life.

Speaker 1 (25:22):
Right, all right, y'all, So let's get into this week's episode.
We have a lovely guest when we talked back this week.
Her name is Vanity Where, and she is a super
tech girly and she is going to give us a
little bit little tidbits on you know, black women in tech,

(25:42):
how do you get in tech? What adore your life?
Is also like a little movement she has going as well,
So y'all stay tuned.

Speaker 3 (25:58):
All right, y'all. So y'all know everything is tech and with.

Speaker 1 (26:03):
The rise of AI. Right, So today's guest is essential
if you're in a job market. Why are you smelling
that crazy? We have Vanity Where on we talked back
this week, and she's a certified life and business coach
with over thirteen years of experience in tech and she's
helping people all over the country land high paying tech roles,

(26:25):
secure global contracts and shift their mindset to align with
their purpose. All right, so welcome to adore your life.

Speaker 2 (26:33):
Yes, yes, absolutely, thank you for coming on. I'm excited listen,
and I'm so proud of you.

Speaker 4 (26:42):
Thank you.

Speaker 2 (26:43):
Oh y'all know each other?

Speaker 3 (26:44):
Yeah, oh.

Speaker 2 (26:48):
I'm not since I got to Charlotte.

Speaker 6 (26:50):
So literally a very long time. Oh hey girl become
a mother and yeah literally.

Speaker 2 (26:58):
So let didn't know about tech because y'all her Instagram.
It's all right, So you're so funny on there, like
you make tech funny and I always think of tech
as some born as nerdy shit low key, right, I
mean it is, but but you make it cool and
you make it funny and you make it interesting. And
one of my friends reached out to you. All right,

(27:18):
this is all right, this is kind off topic, but
a little bit about a scrum master.

Speaker 4 (27:23):
What is that?

Speaker 2 (27:24):
Because yeah, that sounds like something filthy? What dad?

Speaker 6 (27:28):
Because the scrum card I see, I see where your
head is going. There, I see where your head is going.
But a scrum master is basically just a person who
is kind of like a business a project manager. They
kind of the person who just make sure the company
is agile.

Speaker 4 (27:46):
They make sure the company can really.

Speaker 6 (27:48):
Flow together and really like accomplish their goals, whatever the
business goals are.

Speaker 2 (27:52):
So there's no filter involved. No, I mean, well you
can tell topic. It's gonna tell abate that.

Speaker 4 (27:58):
Hell all right, I'm not.

Speaker 2 (28:04):
Part yeah the name, like, how did they come up
with that? You know? That's what you refer like? Girl.
But before we get into the conversation, y'all, we gotta
take a little shot, y'all. We have a very new
sponsor for we talk back real, Lee Bray. It is
a black female on tequila brand out of Atlanta, and honestly,

(28:25):
it's really really good, so I want you to try.
The first one we're gonna try is the Peach Margarita,
and it's already mixed and it's really really nice. So
everybody grab your drink and let's take a shot too
on an empty stomach. Listen, Cheers to adoring your life.
Cheers clean, clean, clean clean. Oh you gotta tap it.

(28:49):
That's a good one. Ain't that nice?

Speaker 3 (28:52):
That's real good?

Speaker 4 (28:53):
Myself drinking that for real.

Speaker 2 (28:55):
We're gonna drink this one. I'm gonna finish it. That's
a good one, all right, Ray and Leray, y'all check
them out, all right? So let's talk healing in high places.
All right, So let me see what I got here.
How black women in corporate tech navigate burnout. So let's

(29:16):
talk about burnout and what that looks like, especially for
black women.

Speaker 6 (29:20):
Well for me because I can really only talk for me,
you know, but for me, burnout is just like when
I'm feeling like overstimulated and I really want to crash out,
you know, like I just don't. I don't want to
get to a point where it's like I'm feeling depressed,
but I kind of just feel like, you know, I
just want to go in my room.

Speaker 4 (29:38):
I don't want to be bothered.

Speaker 6 (29:39):
And with having a kid or a daughter, that's just
you can't really burn out exactly.

Speaker 1 (29:44):
It's like they know when you need a break and
they come talking right right.

Speaker 4 (29:49):
Yeah. So I'm like, we can't allow ourself to do that.

Speaker 2 (29:52):
So in the tech world, how would you encourage like
tech girlies to navigate that environment? Like what some ways
that they can navigate burnout?

Speaker 6 (30:02):
So some ways that they can navigate burnout is for me,
it's doing like affirmations first.

Speaker 4 (30:07):
I know people be like information is so cliche, but no.

Speaker 6 (30:10):
It really works because like for me, I'm the only
black person, a black woman, and almost we just hired
a new black man last week. So like I'm the
only black woman in the room, and you kind of
feel like you have to shrink yourself. And so those
affirmations like I should be in this room right, it
needs to be heard. Those are the affirmations that you

(30:31):
kind of want to say to yourself. So you don't
start that shrinking yourself, Like you don't.

Speaker 3 (30:34):
Start overthinks like imposter syndrome and stuff like that.

Speaker 4 (30:37):
Start overthinking like should I get braids?

Speaker 1 (30:39):
Like no, for real, because unfortunately, it is a uniform
in the corporate world, you know what I'm saying. Like
I think it's changing though, because you got the white
boys who come in with sleeves up, whole sleeve tattoos.
So we're in the corporate setting now like our generation
all right, the millennial.

Speaker 2 (30:59):
Linials, not so many boomers exactly.

Speaker 3 (31:03):
That's changing.

Speaker 4 (31:04):
Yeah, it's changing.

Speaker 6 (31:05):
So like I would just say, make sure you're seeing
your affirmations and making sure that you build community. So
that's like therapy, gone outside, getting outside. I don't care
if you got to me and still get outside, you know,
build that community or make that safe place for yourself.
But it's just being at home, dancing, doing your thing.
Just build community and go to therapy. I really and

(31:27):
going to therapy.

Speaker 4 (31:29):
And let's talk about that.

Speaker 3 (31:31):
Yeah, therapy is definitely is important.

Speaker 1 (31:33):
And I just think that I think women Black women
in particular, we do therapy.

Speaker 3 (31:39):
You know what I'm saying. If it's just congregating with
each other and talking through our shit.

Speaker 1 (31:42):
That's right, We at least talk, right, So, yeah, it's
absolutely important in every facet, every sect.

Speaker 2 (31:48):
Of your life.

Speaker 1 (31:50):
What about cold switching, cold switching and tech and corporate, Like,
how do you navigate that and then still stay you know,
authentic to yourself because I've always prided myself on just
it's just easy to be yourself. Yeah, So in any setting,
any job I ever had, as soon as I walk.

Speaker 3 (32:08):
In the doors, here comes trouble because me and setting.

Speaker 6 (32:12):
Well, I feel like I don't really necessarily believe in
cold sweets. I believe in literally being yourself because you
can only kind of keep that up for certain exhausting
then eventually you're gonna start like breaking through, Like you're
gonna start being your real self. That's like when you're
in a relationship with a man, and he code switched
for the.

Speaker 3 (32:32):
First that representative, that representative was there.

Speaker 4 (32:36):
It is just the same experience in text.

Speaker 6 (32:38):
So I really believe that you should just be yourself,
like going there being yourself. I mean, if you want
to like fancy up the way you talk a little
bit more, you know, sound a little bit more professional,
you can do that, but like, again, how long are
you gonna do that?

Speaker 3 (32:52):
Cause that gets you gonna come out you get frustrated, right.

Speaker 4 (32:57):
Like, yeah, I see a lot of women that do that,
you know, they're like.

Speaker 2 (33:02):
I'm like, it almost comes as second nature after some time,
Like being in these environments, I'd be like, I find
myself saying, you bet you. I don't girl in real life, But.

Speaker 3 (33:16):
Where did that?

Speaker 2 (33:16):
Where did that come from?

Speaker 4 (33:18):
Your grandmama?

Speaker 2 (33:23):
You bet you?

Speaker 4 (33:24):
You bet your grandma?

Speaker 2 (33:28):
We're just trying to stay up. She was half white.

Speaker 4 (33:30):
I'm here, you're not what I'm picking up on? What
you learn? You bet you got it.

Speaker 2 (33:39):
But it's just like you know, like you code switched on.
It's not even on purpose. It's just like growing up.
I just feel like we've had to do it so
much that we just assimilate sometimes but I'm like, because
I'm from Charleston and we extra geechee, and then people
you come to Charleston, you really gonna hear geechee. I

(34:00):
do try to articulate my words more because of the
different settings I'm in, But for the most part, like,
I've never had.

Speaker 3 (34:07):
To just not be me in any setting.

Speaker 1 (34:09):
And if you fuck with me, you with me, you don't, right,
So I think, yeah, I would agree that people.

Speaker 3 (34:14):
Just should try to stay tue to themselves.

Speaker 6 (34:17):
Yeah, because again, you deserve to be in that room,
and you add value.

Speaker 4 (34:21):
Whenever you start to, like as simulate too much, then
you kind of lose your voice in the room.

Speaker 6 (34:26):
They hired you for a reason, but that woman of
color to give a different viewpoint on things.

Speaker 2 (34:31):
Absolutely, But do y'all remember that episode of Insecure, the
black girl. She was played by dang I can't think
of who was played by you. She was like a
summer intern like for the law firm, and they wanted
she was in there, like in the break room like
and yeah, you know what I said, And that was
crazy and Isa, no it wasn't. It was Molly. Molly

(34:54):
was like seeing it, you know, Like so then some
of the partners came to Molly, because Molly is the
black woman, was like, maybe you could, you know, talk
to her fellow negro right and tell her to negro
a little bit right. They didn't say that, but that's
what they were asking her to do. She refused to
do it. You know.

Speaker 1 (35:14):
Yeah, well but I feel like that's a little different
right cause it is. It is a time and place
for everything, like you got and o how to be
your Yeah.

Speaker 6 (35:21):
It's like she because they telling you them people looking
at you like girl like in their way, so like
if you're not reading the room, then you're going to
continue to be doing too much looking crazy.

Speaker 2 (35:31):
Yeah. Yeah, it's just like a slippery slope though, because
you don't know when to be too much yourself and
when to like you bet you.

Speaker 3 (35:38):
You know, I don't never feel like you bet you.

Speaker 6 (35:42):
I could say, like the people you bet you, they
really like they kind of like your lingo. Like literally
I said, I was in the office and I said, no,
did he do. One of my coworkers he was like,
I'm gonna go say that to my son this weekends.

Speaker 4 (35:56):
Like he's a girl. I'm take it up people, and
I'm gonna say no.

Speaker 2 (36:02):
You know. All right, so soft life meets hard tech.
Let's talk about how the soft life movement works or
doesn't work for black women in high pressure tech roles.

Speaker 4 (36:17):
Okay, I feel like it works. Like you're making more money,
all right, so you're.

Speaker 6 (36:22):
Able to really like just show yourself self care like period.
So you're you have the money, so why not do it?

Speaker 4 (36:30):
Get order a cleaner, like get somebody clean outsource like
you know.

Speaker 6 (36:35):
And I feel like it's very important because you really
start to feel like you're doing a lot in the road.
You're really like moving, you're doing your job or whatever,
and it's important that when you come home you know
how to just have that soft life and you allow
yourself to have that soft.

Speaker 4 (36:52):
Like Yeah, that's the part for ye.

Speaker 3 (36:55):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (36:57):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (36:57):
I just saw this post on Instagram and and it
was a podcast and then we're talking about like how
basically talking about like the average income amongst black people
in the major black cities, so like Atlanta, Charlotte, DC
or whatever, and it was like Charlotte sneaky, Charlotte will
sneaky with the money we got all the banks here,
you know what I'm saying. So most black people like

(37:19):
a lot of them are making at least eighty thousand
dollars above t one hundred thousand dollars plus if you
work at Wells Fargo.

Speaker 2 (37:28):
Regions.

Speaker 1 (37:29):
All of those banks, yeah, are here in the area.
So yeah, like the girlies in Charlotte got a lot
of suffre bill Lei's.

Speaker 2 (37:35):
In Charlotte is high too.

Speaker 1 (37:37):
The bill's high everywhere, man, Charleston higher than Charlotte really,
absolutely for sure.

Speaker 4 (37:44):
Rent I say that though, because it's like a tourist city,
so they go.

Speaker 2 (37:48):
In the beach.

Speaker 4 (37:49):
Yeah, yes, yeah, I could see that.

Speaker 2 (37:51):
It's stupid.

Speaker 1 (37:52):
And then a lot of people they moved down with
their tech jobs working from home. They moved from New
York where you're paying like five thousand dollars for a
low ass. Now you can come down here and get
a baby mansion, you know, in Charleston, which is still
it's high for us. So they're now boosting up the
cost of living essentially because now they're catering to a different,
different demographic.

Speaker 2 (38:11):
Of people that's trumping in town. So it's terrible. Yeah,
So I know you help people get into tech, Like, well,
how do you go about doing that? Like what's up?

Speaker 6 (38:19):
Well, really, I feel like a lot of people think
like you have to be a nerd, you have to
be super smart, you have to be super techy, and
that's just really not the case. There's a lot of
roles that are not You don't even have to really
know a lot of tech, you know, you just got
to know how to really talk to people. So like,
for me, I'm a business analyst, Like that's what I do.

Speaker 4 (38:37):
I just talk to.

Speaker 6 (38:37):
People in game requirements. So I feel like the main
thing that you need to know is how can you
tailor your skills, whether you come from like customer service,
whether you come from being on a podcast, Like, how
can you tailor your skills to fit into tech? So
that's kind of what I do. I just kind of
like get your resume and say, let's fix it. That's

(38:58):
tailor your skills to tech. Oh, you were on the phone,
you talked to people. Oh, you analyzed and looked at reports.

Speaker 4 (39:03):
So that you're an analyst.

Speaker 6 (39:05):
They're not trying to pay you analyst money, right, and
you know they're trying to say you still customer service,
but you literally know them systems like the back of
your hand.

Speaker 4 (39:13):
You an analyst. Let's fix those things.

Speaker 6 (39:15):
Let's fix those titles and that's really fixed the resume
to taylor what you already be doing. And so once
you do that, they're like, oh snip, I didn't know
like I could do that. That's really what it's about,
just learning your skills.

Speaker 2 (39:27):
I saw this.

Speaker 1 (39:28):
Little sneaky thing on YouTube one where this guy he
basically took the description from the job and y'all can
try this, try.

Speaker 3 (39:34):
And see if it works.

Speaker 1 (39:35):
He took the description from the job, so now you
know your resume is white sheet, black paper, black letters.
He took the description from the job and he copied
and paste onto his resume, but made it really small
and white so it would be blending in with the
white part of the page. And then that way, because
now what they're using to select candidates for jobs, they're

(39:58):
using AI. Yeah, so there's scared. They're not a hiring
managers not looking at every single resume. They're looking for
the things that the AI is looking for, the things
that match the description of the job. So even if
you're a resume, like you literally got to tell your
resume for whatever position you're looking for, right, whatever position
you're applying for. But he put it like real small,

(40:18):
so in that way.

Speaker 4 (40:19):
Like AI exactly exactly.

Speaker 1 (40:24):
And if you black, make sure you put white.

Speaker 3 (40:26):
Ye, make sure you put white on your resume.

Speaker 4 (40:31):
I mean you know an application that person yes, and.

Speaker 2 (40:36):
Then show it black. Yep, I'll called that.

Speaker 1 (40:37):
Black because they got And so this is why people
be so mad about the Affirmative Action ship right, like
or them taking out the the DEI stuff.

Speaker 4 (40:50):
It is.

Speaker 1 (40:50):
It causes some type of like when you have to
meet a quota as a corporation, like we got to
have a certain amount of black people, a certain amount
of white people, certain amount of women, a certain amount
of you with with uh handicap and all this different things.
What if they already met their quota for a black
woman mm hmm, we already know it's probably the small
in comparison to who's actually being hired. So d I

(41:13):
isn't helping black women really, right? So yeah, if you
a black woman, put waite or don't answer.

Speaker 2 (41:20):
It's not Rachel Dozel on your way to the top.

Speaker 4 (41:23):
I mean you had.

Speaker 2 (41:27):
You have to you play the system, man. So what
is it like dating as a high earning black woman though?

Speaker 6 (41:40):
I mean it's just like any other role, Like no,
whether if you're a nurse or you work at McDonald's.

Speaker 4 (41:46):
These men ain't shit. Was that on a spreadsheet? Was
that on Excel?

Speaker 2 (41:54):
Did you do a B look up for that? Not?

Speaker 4 (41:57):
This is a I talking right. No, Yeah, the man
a't ship. But I just feel like when you have
your own money, like in.

Speaker 6 (42:08):
This generation of like Chicken Nigga, get a man, I
can say that, right, you should.

Speaker 2 (42:13):
Say whatever you want watching you.

Speaker 6 (42:16):
I'm just saying when you're in that whole like mina
frame like you, and you're dealing with a woman with money,
you're dealing with a high caliber woman.

Speaker 4 (42:24):
So you have to come correct.

Speaker 6 (42:26):
So as a tech person, you just kind of got
to separate the real men from the fakes.

Speaker 4 (42:32):
And learn to deal with high caliber men. You can't
go for the.

Speaker 6 (42:35):
Drug dealers because that's what you like you, because they're
not gonna understand you, you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 3 (42:42):
So, girl, you ain't telling me shit.

Speaker 4 (42:45):
You got her own for the ones that and that's
what they say.

Speaker 3 (42:48):
I am a drug dealer at heart, thoats.

Speaker 2 (42:49):
You see, that's the problem.

Speaker 4 (42:50):
We be like real life hustler at heart. Girl.

Speaker 5 (42:54):
By people are an aspect of sometimes you know what
I'm saying, until you like.

Speaker 3 (43:02):
Stop selling dope.

Speaker 4 (43:05):
But you just got to go for a high caliber men.
Like at the end of the day, he.

Speaker 2 (43:08):
Is a high caliber man.

Speaker 4 (43:09):
You know.

Speaker 3 (43:10):
I think people be confused in high earning with high value.

Speaker 6 (43:13):
Well both, you know what I'm saying, because they can
have I know, men that have money, but they still name.

Speaker 4 (43:18):
So like, you gotta have both.

Speaker 6 (43:22):
You have to know how to treat me and really
cater to me and love me with consideration if you
can't do that, because when you're dealing with a high
caliber man and you're dealing with like a man that
has money, like they don't care about the money.

Speaker 4 (43:36):
They consider you for anything.

Speaker 2 (43:39):
Yeah, I agree, And doesn't it feel good to be considered?
That's all we want? Man, go ahead, Yes it's toasty. Yes.
So outside of tech also a life coach. So what's
the difference between like life coaching and therapy?

Speaker 4 (43:57):
Yeah? I love that question. That's an amazing question between.

Speaker 6 (44:00):
I feel like therapy focuses mainly on like trauma, like
the things you want gone through in your past, you know,
trying to work through that so you can get out
of your own way. A life coach is that's what
they do. They help you get out of your own way.
So they're like you're a goal person. You go to
and you be like, you know what, I want to
go back to school, but I'm over assimilated. I don't

(44:20):
know the steps. I'm like your cheerleader. I'm like your
person that's gonna be like you're getting.

Speaker 4 (44:25):
We had these we had these goals. Here's week two.

Speaker 6 (44:28):
We said we was gonna be here where you at why?
And then I'm also the person that's like, basically, I'm
also the person that's gonna be like, let's go celebrate
no matter how big or little.

Speaker 4 (44:38):
The win is. So I kind of feel like that's
the difference the the therapists.

Speaker 6 (44:42):
They focus on your past and they can't help you
with your future because your future basically you know, you
know your past basically yes the time, all the times.
But the life coaches and what that helps you in
the present moment.

Speaker 2 (44:58):
Yeah, yeah, because I.

Speaker 1 (45:00):
Think therapy like therapy is cool, right, but they just
give you the tools to kind of try to help
you navigate through the things right. Sometimes good, but they
just keep they just keep bringing bringing up all the
bad things.

Speaker 2 (45:14):
That's what you do every.

Speaker 1 (45:14):
Time they go to therapy, Like therapy like that, like
you just unpacking on somebody.

Speaker 2 (45:18):
Packing old ship and sitting it on the table. That's
what I feel like. I'm just sitting it on the table.
It was down I had to bury and now we
brought it on the table, but we ain't really did
nothing with it. That's my issue with therapy. Sometimes I
feel like we're pulling it all out, but what are
we doing it?

Speaker 3 (45:33):
Do they really want to heal you though? When that's
their job?

Speaker 1 (45:35):
Because if everybody was healed, which healing supposted like supposedly
has a destination, right, So if they actually were to
help you heal whatever the thing is, you wouldn't need them,
just like doctors exactly.

Speaker 3 (45:48):
Dermatologists recommend no.

Speaker 6 (45:50):
One is God, no one can heal you like they
can help you heal, but you have to do the
work deal exactly. So when you're pulling those emotions out,
and that's what the therapist is helping you do, instead
of bearing it and then getting triggered and then wondering
why I'm this far triggered, it's like, let's go ahead
and help you get used to talking about that. So
therefore you're not staying staying in the trigger you know

(46:13):
how to kind of like Okay, I'm triggered, but but
I'm not, you know, instead of like staying there in
spiraling down. I feel like that's why I feel like
therapy is good. And then like the life coaching is
where it comes in and it's like.

Speaker 4 (46:24):
All right, how are we healed?

Speaker 6 (46:26):
Let's let's get some goals. Now, let's accomplish some things.
Now that's gonna make you even feel even more healed.

Speaker 2 (46:32):
So if I come to you and I'm like, hey,
I would like a session, what would be the first
thing we would do? We just sit down and what Well,
if you want.

Speaker 4 (46:40):
The session, the first thing I'm gonna do is say
why what do you? What do you? What are you
trying to accomplish?

Speaker 6 (46:45):
Like, you know, that's that's the first thing, because you
I feel like you always got to know your why things?
So why what is it? What made you feel like
you needed help? What made you feel like you needed
an accountability partner? And we get to that, you know,
and once we get to that, we start going to goals,
trying to figure out what makes you happy?

Speaker 4 (47:03):
What is it?

Speaker 2 (47:04):
You know?

Speaker 6 (47:04):
And if we don't know what that is, then we
need to sit down and unpack that a little bit.

Speaker 2 (47:10):
What makes you happy? That's a hard question.

Speaker 1 (47:12):
I ask people that all the time, Like once you
take away like family and money, like what really makes
you happy? Yeah?

Speaker 2 (47:20):
Dicking food for me.

Speaker 5 (47:24):
Yo, now food food Yeah, But for me, it's took
me a while to get here.

Speaker 6 (47:32):
So I feel like, for me, like love makes me
happy because God is love, and so like long as
I have self love, I'm able to no matter how
many times I get my heart broken, continue to love again.

Speaker 2 (47:44):
Yes, So that's the hard part. Yeah, because like you said,
these niggas I don't like. I don't like saying niggas
ain't shit. I don't like saying that.

Speaker 1 (47:52):
You shouldn't say that for real, because if you ain't
never ran into a nigga that is shit, like kids are,
you might not be shipped, right.

Speaker 2 (48:00):
So that's why the fight saying that. But I just
I have dated quite a few undesirable people in the lifetime.

Speaker 6 (48:08):
I can't say you're right, you shouldn't say that that's
true because I you know, I'm dating someone that is
like really.

Speaker 3 (48:16):
A great rights we just hadn't gotten to the person.

Speaker 4 (48:19):
But I feel like you meet y'all.

Speaker 2 (48:22):
I feel like you.

Speaker 4 (48:24):
Give me who you are.

Speaker 6 (48:26):
You mean who you are, so it feel like that
man ain't shit nine times out of ten.

Speaker 4 (48:30):
It's something in you that.

Speaker 1 (48:33):
I was just telling my homegirl because like my next relationship,
I need to be different, right. We talked about this
a little bit, but I am such a fragnizer, okay,
like like shut.

Speaker 3 (48:45):
Up, no, you know I do, Like.

Speaker 1 (48:50):
I just need to let everybody know, like, hey, I'm
not available. Like I don't be doing that, you know
what I'm saying. I don't really like like I be
allowing niggas to fragnize with me.

Speaker 3 (48:59):
That's a problem because I kind of like it.

Speaker 1 (49:01):
Okay, that's the problem, Like just still chatting up with
people you know you have no business chatting up with
and you don't really even want to fuck with them
no more.

Speaker 2 (49:10):
You just so do you? Just you just like to talk.

Speaker 1 (49:14):
That's the problem. How the fuck do I shut up?
I do like to talk, and sometimes you need to talk.

Speaker 2 (49:20):
To different people so you enjoy a variety when I
don't think there's nothing wrong with that as long as
the conversations aren't.

Speaker 1 (49:29):
But you know, these men can't be your friend, Okay,
they can't be your friend. They waiting on the male friends.
I do have male friends, right who will never you
know or some we probably you know and now we're friends.
Like that didn't didn't work. But for the most part,
even those like they will still smash you. If you
call and say, hey, you want to smash you want

(49:51):
to have sex, they gonna fuck you.

Speaker 3 (49:53):
That's not your friend.

Speaker 2 (49:54):
You see what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (49:55):
That's why men don't want their women with other men.
And I understand because these niggas ain't shit. Yeah, oh
maybe shit, because why are you even fragnizing?

Speaker 3 (50:07):
Okay, see, that's what I'm working on.

Speaker 4 (50:08):
I say, if we say men ain't shit, we have
to own and say is it a.

Speaker 3 (50:12):
Part of me?

Speaker 4 (50:12):
It's a little part.

Speaker 3 (50:13):
No, it's a major part.

Speaker 4 (50:15):
I realize that for sure.

Speaker 2 (50:17):
But the difference is it's male friends that if they
was like, let's have sex, you're gonna say no. But
men aren't gonna say no.

Speaker 3 (50:26):
That's what and that's why you're there.

Speaker 1 (50:28):
You Okay, you consider them your friend, right, but they
really don't consider you their friend because they will smash you.

Speaker 3 (50:37):
That's why.

Speaker 2 (50:38):
No. But that's still like because you're still their friend,
they just can't fuck you.

Speaker 3 (50:42):
A boy.

Speaker 2 (50:49):
All right, So I'm saying, like, you have guy friends
that you if they were like, I want to have
sex with you, you'd be like, absolutely not, we're friends. But
if it was the other way around, they're gonna have
sex with you, which makes them more ain't shit than you.

Speaker 6 (51:03):
I don't have nobody like that. I only have one
guy friend and he likes men.

Speaker 4 (51:08):
Like I don't.

Speaker 2 (51:10):
You don't have no male friends.

Speaker 6 (51:11):
I have no male friends because, like you said, they're
gonna try to.

Speaker 1 (51:15):
I know the men love you, girl. Nigga hate to
have my conversation. I always talk about what a nigga said, Oh.

Speaker 2 (51:21):
Yeah, my homeboys such and such.

Speaker 6 (51:22):
I don't have no male friends unless you like my cousin,
my brother like family.

Speaker 4 (51:26):
But other than that, like I don't.

Speaker 3 (51:28):
Have Okay, I have to evaluate that.

Speaker 2 (51:29):
I got to get rid of all my male friends.
This is the PSA. Why is you can have friendship
with men without it being inappropriate.

Speaker 6 (51:37):
They start saying I want to fuck them, they cross
the line and you gotta cut their ass off.

Speaker 2 (51:41):
But they might not say that to you every They
may not say it, but you know, MoMA, you start
feeling it, you're crossing the line.

Speaker 6 (51:48):
So if you don't say anything, you just continue to
allow them to say you're right now, mean.

Speaker 2 (51:52):
Enough credit, y'all. Not every man don't want to fuck you,
not right now. I don't want to fuck you like
some men are your friends.

Speaker 4 (52:02):
That is true, but I've never Thomas you shaking your head.

Speaker 2 (52:05):
Niggas always want to fuck every time. Yes, thank you.

Speaker 3 (52:09):
And that's why men don't want their women having men at.

Speaker 2 (52:13):
Because men in my life that are my friends.

Speaker 4 (52:15):
That did y'all start off that way?

Speaker 3 (52:20):
Did I have some friend?

Speaker 4 (52:22):
Some friends they make you.

Speaker 6 (52:23):
Feel at some point like I could fuck them if
I wanted to, if you was to call them and
be like, I want to.

Speaker 3 (52:29):
We gotta test that one day.

Speaker 2 (52:30):
We gotta call our best male. I want to ruin
the friendship by doing that. That's what's gonna happen.

Speaker 4 (52:36):
No happen. The's not gonna put the line down. I'm
not gonna be like all right, they're gonna laugh first.

Speaker 2 (52:42):
But that's because the way men look at sex and
the way we look at sex is different. It is
more casual for them. I think you don't think so.

Speaker 4 (52:50):
That's so they don't value their friendship.

Speaker 1 (52:51):
They just like, oh no, I feel like we think
could be men value their friendships more than they value
like their relationships because usually like when you our guys
friend and then y'all start to start dating and then
shit start going sour, it's the friend in you he misses. Yeah,
you know what I'm saying, Like the related once you
add the titles and all that shit, it just get weird.

Speaker 2 (53:13):
So what you're saying, Tomas, You're saying, y'all, I'm talking
to our videographer. You're saying that I'm giving men too
much credit. Yeah, I mean, I'm.

Speaker 4 (53:21):
Sure there's an exception, but general.

Speaker 2 (53:24):
Time, Damn, that's crazy.

Speaker 4 (53:27):
That's all. I'm got no male friends. This is my
one male friend.

Speaker 1 (53:31):
I'm I'm trying to hit that. Oh no, no, no, no, no, no,
not there. I just want my guy to be my
only Yeah, that's all.

Speaker 2 (53:38):
You want your guy to be your only male friend.
That's not no.

Speaker 1 (53:41):
I mean, so, okay, I have mal Why the fuck
did we get here? But anyway, I have male friends
that I know we would never have sex like this
is really like a family member essentially, right.

Speaker 3 (53:52):
But then I do have men that I know that
I do consider friends that I know what snash me.

Speaker 2 (53:59):
Those are not my friends.

Speaker 1 (54:00):
Really, I consider them my friends, but they wait on
me to let them smash get drunk.

Speaker 3 (54:09):
I'm drunk. They a'nna never get no drunk.

Speaker 4 (54:13):
Look if it works out, well that's why we sweat.
And first of all, take one more girl. I'm down.

Speaker 3 (54:22):
When this fucking wig starts, slide back.

Speaker 2 (54:23):
I know something. Listen, it's okay, it'll be fine. Ask
me your coach. Ladies. Damn, So my friends not my friends.

Speaker 3 (54:32):
They are not your friends.

Speaker 2 (54:33):
Okay.

Speaker 1 (54:36):
The only friend you got we had on we had
on our last episode. Terry's the only one boy you got. Yes,
the only stand up guy you're gonna meet for real,
and I don't know, he might still smash your ass.

Speaker 4 (54:53):
One night. Everybody.

Speaker 2 (54:57):
I don't think that. I think I think.

Speaker 1 (54:59):
There's guy me and Terry, but friends his first grade girl.

Speaker 2 (55:04):
Have integrity and they would be like, no, I don't
want to ruin our friendship.

Speaker 6 (55:08):
Some will and if they do that, I just never
ran into a guy that is like that, unless he's
married or something and he's very com what about you,
you know? But again, like I don't have male friends.
You never did like not like that.

Speaker 2 (55:23):
No, No, talking about Yeah, let's okay, all right, cheers,
cheers to not fucking your male friends. Okay.

Speaker 1 (55:38):
So you know, one of the things that the men
the internet men, the men of the Internet complain about
is the Internet.

Speaker 3 (55:50):
You're a fuck rad pill, it's the Internet.

Speaker 4 (55:52):
Internet, Okay.

Speaker 1 (55:54):
They complain about like women with the degrees, talking about
degrees and how much money they make and all this stuff,
and they like, they don't care about it, right, But
how do how do you help women like separate themselves
from these job titles?

Speaker 2 (56:08):
You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 4 (56:09):
Yeah, well, yeah, again that's.

Speaker 3 (56:13):
Men say that can not really help them. But you
know what I mean, just like life.

Speaker 4 (56:16):
Coach them to it.

Speaker 6 (56:18):
Men say they don't care, but they very much want
to be attached to a bad girl, like a woman
they look good, got hurt, e e, you know, independent,
They very much want to be attached you know what
I'm saying. Like, so you have to recognize that as
a woman that makes money, like, they want to.

Speaker 4 (56:35):
Be attached just like you want to be attached to
a high valued man.

Speaker 6 (56:40):
They want to be attached to a high valued woman
because it makes them look good.

Speaker 4 (56:43):
They have ego to just like you.

Speaker 6 (56:45):
So you have to understand to recognize that and just realize,
like are they borderline trying to like attach yourself to
you and use you because that's what meles men do.

Speaker 3 (56:55):
Now I'm more so talking about like women, not even
talking about men.

Speaker 1 (56:59):
It's like women going out into the world being their
titles and degrees.

Speaker 6 (57:04):
I don't agree with that because I feel like you're
so much more than that, And I like even with tech,
like I cater to people who don't have a degree.

Speaker 4 (57:13):
You can still get in text are really yeah, So
I cater.

Speaker 6 (57:18):
To that, Like, don't get so attached to the your
I mean agree, that's an accomplishment.

Speaker 4 (57:22):
You did your thing right, but don't get so attached
to that that's all you really have to offer, because
you take.

Speaker 6 (57:30):
That away that you're boring, Like what else do you
bring to the table, Like are you funny?

Speaker 4 (57:36):
Can you make me laugh?

Speaker 1 (57:37):
Like you know, girls can be lame too. I don't
think women realize they can be lean. They can just
be lean, Like it's just like all you work and
you just you don't spit on it, like you.

Speaker 6 (57:51):
Just you don't got no you don't got no jazz,
You don't get a little drunk and pass out nothing stick.

Speaker 2 (57:57):
Why so you're thinking that women are becoming successful and
that becomes their identity as you're.

Speaker 1 (58:07):
Saying, yeah, and that's what the men are talking about,
which I can understand. You know, I have met some
extra snooty bitches and I'm like, really, bitch, your foot
look bad, Like you shouldn't even be acting like that.

Speaker 6 (58:19):
But my dad he's always like, brought that cinero me, Like,
regardless of what you are, whether you're a nurse or
whether you're a tech, you're just great at that at nursing, right,
but there's so much more to life than that. You're
just great at tech. But it's so much more like
than that.

Speaker 2 (58:36):
But sometimes people find their validation through their hard work
and their achievements.

Speaker 6 (58:41):
Okay, so what happens when you go to the bottom
and get to the bottom and God ships you of
all that?

Speaker 4 (58:46):
Because that happened to me period.

Speaker 6 (58:48):
I lost my job for seven months and I couldn't
lean on the title.

Speaker 4 (58:51):
So what you're gonna do then?

Speaker 2 (58:53):
Right?

Speaker 4 (58:53):
You got to know who you are outside of that exactly.

Speaker 2 (58:57):
But I can understand how if my if I was doctor,
where that might be like something I don't want.

Speaker 1 (59:04):
I hate talking to doctors. I just can't stand it,
except for one. One of my best friends is a
she's a psychologist. Like that's a little bit different. But like,
y'all don't know everything because this book, like first of all,
this this this this whole medical system is based off
some bullshit, you know what I'm saying. I lean more
towards like herbal medicine and things like that, which a

(59:26):
lot of the pharmaceutical stuff have in it.

Speaker 3 (59:29):
But it's like the doctors think.

Speaker 1 (59:32):
That they know everything and that doesn't necessarily have to
be a medical doctor.

Speaker 2 (59:38):
Just anybody with m D trust a doctor who act
like they didn't know ship.

Speaker 1 (59:43):
Though a lot of them do act like they know
stuff and they don't like they literally googling some ship
just like they don't tell you.

Speaker 2 (59:50):
Would you go to a doctor and they was like,
and they're not confident, would you want that to be
your doctor? Like we go see, I know I was
a little bit.

Speaker 4 (01:00:02):
Talking like that.

Speaker 6 (01:00:04):
That's a difference between being like confident and then just
not being humble, like being asshole, being a bitch, thinking
you're like arrogant. There's a difference between that and so
like you just gotta know how to like, you.

Speaker 2 (01:00:16):
Know, be human.

Speaker 1 (01:00:18):
A lot of doctors I feel are on the spectrum
like they really don't have No, they really don't have
like the social skills, you know what I'm saying, because
the decisions that they have to make, they literally make
life and death decisions a lot of times, like they
and they're playing God, not really necessarily playing God, but
if somebody's time to go, they gotta disconnect themselves from

(01:00:38):
that incident, you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 (01:00:39):
So a lot of them.

Speaker 3 (01:00:40):
Don't have empathy. I feel like they they lose it.

Speaker 1 (01:00:43):
Yeah, I think they're in those positions because they never
had it though.

Speaker 2 (01:00:47):
No, no, no, al right, So listen, my sister used
to work in the medical field, my older sister. When
she joined the military, they had her working in the
hospital and noting find families. The family was their party,
and then she had to talk to them and do something.
I couldn't do it.

Speaker 4 (01:01:03):
I couldn't do that.

Speaker 2 (01:01:03):
And she said, like, for the first year of her
military career, she cried every day.

Speaker 4 (01:01:09):
Yeah, I would have.

Speaker 2 (01:01:10):
She couldn't handle it. It was a lot, you know,
it was emotional every day. And then after the first
year was over, it's just like far for the course,
it's just like the job. It's the job. So it's
like she kind of lost the empathy that she had
because it was just so similar to school shootings. Remember
the first time we had a school shooting and how
we was like, I can't believe this. I can't children.

(01:01:35):
Now we have a school shooting, we'd be like, damn,
that's crazy. It's the same shit. We not even we
lose it after if it keeps happening. It's you know,
it's possible to lose that empathy.

Speaker 4 (01:01:46):
You just got. You just can't have a god complex.

Speaker 6 (01:01:49):
And a lot of them have a god complex, like
cause you kind of feel like you got because you're
saving lives, you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 4 (01:01:54):
But you're not, and that's what you have to work on.

Speaker 1 (01:01:57):
Yeah, because I had one of my MD friends tell
me some people just need to die, that's to be said.

Speaker 2 (01:02:01):
Some people just need to.

Speaker 1 (01:02:02):
Die, like you know, like the families be wanting to
keep them, but really it's time to go.

Speaker 2 (01:02:06):
Yeah, well that's true, because.

Speaker 4 (01:02:07):
We all die.

Speaker 6 (01:02:09):
I can see that because that is true, Like, why
would I just be sitting here keeping this person comfortable?

Speaker 2 (01:02:14):
Did y'all see that?

Speaker 1 (01:02:15):
Story with the in Georgia, them keeping this girl, thirty
one year old nurse who something happened during her pregnancy
and she ended up brain dead and they kept her
pregnant to have this baby. Yes, the family wanted to execute,
like they want to take her off of life support
and then just let her and the baby go on.
But the state of Georgia like, she's just the cane

(01:02:36):
with this baby growing and now I think the baby's
like paralyzed.

Speaker 4 (01:02:39):
It's not, it's just not even why did y'all do this?
So sad? I hate that and they used her as
an experiment and.

Speaker 1 (01:02:44):
I just yes, yes, and to prove of like a
point with the with the abortion stuff, Yo, that's nasty
And that's not even an abortion essentially.

Speaker 2 (01:02:53):
Because she's not even really alive essentially, right, but the baby.

Speaker 1 (01:02:56):
So the whole thing with that is that the life
versus choices, that the baby should have a choice. Essentially,
the baby is now a person itself without the mother exactly.

Speaker 6 (01:03:06):
That's why we et, that's what we're doing exactly.

Speaker 2 (01:03:09):
And that's definitely playing God exactly.

Speaker 4 (01:03:12):
That's what I mean. God complex sad, nasty core work.

Speaker 2 (01:03:17):
Yeah, well listen, if anything happened to me. Look into
the camera, keep.

Speaker 3 (01:03:21):
Me here as long as I'm out of here, deuces.

Speaker 2 (01:03:25):
I'm not back up. I'm gonna come back. I'm gonna
come back next time.

Speaker 1 (01:03:29):
I might come back as me the next time, but
I do not want to be alive and suffering, Absolutely not.
I'm not afraid to die yet. I'm getting the fun
up out of here. I'll see yall niggas next time
because this shit is get Oh, I would.

Speaker 2 (01:03:43):
Be back outside.

Speaker 4 (01:03:44):
Just give us a guy.

Speaker 1 (01:03:52):
So we got social media, we got Instagram, all those
things like how do you reprogram your inner algorithm as
a black woman in tech?

Speaker 3 (01:04:00):
Oh, take a break, get off of social vacation.

Speaker 1 (01:04:03):
You know, they say Americans take the least amount of
vacation and out of everybody in the world.

Speaker 6 (01:04:08):
Take a break and then also learn how like when
you take a break to literally deactivate your social media,
like we are so tied to ours.

Speaker 4 (01:04:15):
I be trying, like we don't even know how to
live in a moment.

Speaker 6 (01:04:18):
We taking a we in the moment, taking a picture
of the moment and not even living the moment.

Speaker 1 (01:04:22):
I can live in the moment. I don't take pictures
like I'm me neither. Like, honestly, me and AJ don't
do it enough.

Speaker 2 (01:04:28):
Like every meeting we had they were like, can y'all
be more active on social media? And we'll be like yeah,
and then we be You're gonna do it this time.
It's just not my couple of teams. So I'm an
older millennial or I'm just not are you? Honestly, I
am thirty older millennial, so I'm just not tied to

(01:04:52):
my I am tied to my phone, but not in
a way where I just want to share every meal
I've had, every moment. If we're out doing something fun,
I'm not the girl taking pictures. I'd be like, send
me those pictures, yeah, when you're done. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:05:04):
The younger girlies, I mean they editing at the table,
at the dinner table, like they editing like all day long,
Like they're actually real time doing this content like real exactly.

Speaker 2 (01:05:16):
But are they living because it looks like you are
you really living? Are you just a walking Truman show?

Speaker 4 (01:05:28):
Well I can't.

Speaker 6 (01:05:30):
Speak for any of them, but it's like a combination
of both. For me, it's like, all right, I'm living
in this moody.

Speaker 4 (01:05:35):
Oh, let me.

Speaker 6 (01:05:35):
Remember to take a picture of this I mean, you
do what I naturally do a little video, a little
one too, and then I could put it together and
it's gonna appear like I'm living you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 4 (01:05:45):
But it is some people today they on the ground
with it. They's getting all the.

Speaker 2 (01:05:50):
The boyfriends know how to do it?

Speaker 4 (01:05:51):
Now, how to do they ain't even dating their boyfriend.

Speaker 5 (01:05:54):
The boyfriend literally just a videographer. What's your wife Instagram? Right,
your videographer?

Speaker 4 (01:06:13):
Those pictures turned out good?

Speaker 1 (01:06:15):
That Like, who the hell is living with dj mvy
to do that ship all day?

Speaker 2 (01:06:19):
No?

Speaker 4 (01:06:19):
Literally? Yeah, literally, that's great.

Speaker 2 (01:06:24):
Sorry, What advice would you give to anybody that's like
either pivoting from another field and wants to get in
tech but isn't like tech savvy? Do it?

Speaker 4 (01:06:35):
Like I said, anything can be tailored to tech.

Speaker 6 (01:06:37):
I know nurses that have hit me like, hey, I'm
going to book a session with you because I'm tired
of standing on my feet for eight hours. And that's
fine because you can get in and be a scrum
master for health care. You could be a business analyst
for healthcare.

Speaker 2 (01:06:50):
Yeah. People.

Speaker 1 (01:06:50):
One of my friends she's like a administrative healthcare.

Speaker 3 (01:06:54):
Yeah, so it's definitely tech.

Speaker 6 (01:06:56):
Yeah, it's definitely tech. So anything everything is tech. If
you use a computer, it's some way some.

Speaker 4 (01:07:01):
Texts there And that's why you cancel me out right
your phone. You don't know what's going on? Hold what setting?

Speaker 2 (01:07:15):
And who the fuck are you saying that to?

Speaker 3 (01:07:17):
Girl?

Speaker 4 (01:07:19):
I ain't never heard no white person say you bet you?
They say they say like unless they just be a face.

Speaker 2 (01:07:25):
To Rodgers that like, can you get back to me
before four? You bet you?

Speaker 4 (01:07:31):
Got you? You know what? I want to use that
on Monday?

Speaker 2 (01:07:34):
Hold on.

Speaker 1 (01:07:34):
When when somebody's sending you something and it says a
S A P. What does that mean to you? Like
when though possible? Like whin though like right now?

Speaker 2 (01:07:44):
It means immediately or whenever you can get it done?
I mean I mean actually the send the acronym name.

Speaker 4 (01:07:49):
Okay, like for me because I'm a procrastinator I used
to be. I'm recovering mm hmm.

Speaker 6 (01:07:54):
I gotta do that ship right now because if I don't,
then I'm gonna be in a procrastinator. And I'm a
the that they a SAP means tomorrow and they really.

Speaker 2 (01:08:02):
Meant right now right, so tell me.

Speaker 1 (01:08:04):
And I tried to explain this to her, because in
the corporate world, if I get an email, if I.

Speaker 3 (01:08:09):
Send somebody some ship and I said I need this
ace app, I need you to do it right now.

Speaker 1 (01:08:14):
So now if I put as soon as possible written out,
it's a little different.

Speaker 2 (01:08:19):
So okay me and her. I send her a message
like I need this ASAPA. I'm busy.

Speaker 1 (01:08:28):
All yeah, I just put that was my tone is
via text? Baby, why are you putting that tone behind?

Speaker 2 (01:08:34):
That's how I heard it.

Speaker 3 (01:08:35):
I said I can't do nothing. I said, I can't
do it. I can't do nothing else asap right now.

Speaker 2 (01:08:41):
No, you said you know I'm working, you know I
got a job or something like that. That's how you
said it. I'm like, I.

Speaker 3 (01:08:46):
Said, you know that, I know you know I'm working.
I can't do this as app.

Speaker 6 (01:08:51):
Yeah, well it was the it was the all caps
for me. That's why you probably felt like she came
into like that, because she probably felt like.

Speaker 4 (01:08:59):
I'll like you yelling like.

Speaker 1 (01:09:03):
So if you send an email in the corporate world
with some all at me and I'm about.

Speaker 2 (01:09:08):
To capitalized by itself when you put it in there,
it just got big and I sent you and then
she was like, I know you know that, I know.

Speaker 3 (01:09:16):
It wasn't That wasn't the first message, ten B.

Speaker 1 (01:09:20):
That wasn't the first message, multiple it was a slew
of messages and then that was the last one. So
now I got all these tasks to do on top
of what I'm currently doing. It has nothing to do
with her.

Speaker 3 (01:09:30):
On this podcast.

Speaker 4 (01:09:31):
How did that make you feel? Absolutely? That's why you
said it absolutely.

Speaker 2 (01:09:35):
So I'm supposed to know that this hall call that
we are called instead been talking about this is stuff
that we already had to do instead of texting.

Speaker 6 (01:09:47):
Okay, so maybe you could have just or helped me,
You could have positioned the text a little bit better.

Speaker 1 (01:09:53):
And that's like, hey, do you think you can actually
just needed to be said that you think you can
do that?

Speaker 4 (01:09:58):
We all working?

Speaker 2 (01:09:59):
Why do I need to?

Speaker 4 (01:10:00):
But maybe you just need to say that because.

Speaker 3 (01:10:02):
I wouldn't send you a SAP ever, because I know
you're working.

Speaker 2 (01:10:06):
But what's the difference. I don't see all. I get
what you're saying, but no, like it's just as soon
as you're possible. That means as soon as possible, So
when it's possible, send it.

Speaker 1 (01:10:18):
What I'm trying to get you to see is like
the perspective and the difference and why people read things,
especially via text.

Speaker 3 (01:10:24):
Even when you send an email, I.

Speaker 4 (01:10:26):
Don't really like I don't really like that text, and shit,
I ain't gonna lie. I'm a caller. Yeah, I want
to talk.

Speaker 3 (01:10:30):
I want to talk.

Speaker 6 (01:10:31):
Because like, as being an overthinker, you can overthink yourself
into someone like, oh she got an attitude or and.

Speaker 4 (01:10:39):
That might not even be a tone.

Speaker 6 (01:10:40):
And I fell out with a person because they thought
I had an attitude be a text and I didn't
even think.

Speaker 1 (01:10:48):
And that's why I be saying don't text, because we
be having all like this is a whole nother thing.
We have all type of little wearshit going on via text.
But if we could just talk.

Speaker 2 (01:10:58):
Yeah, but I understand that. But so I get like,
I got a million moving parts. I'm in school, I'm
traveling from place to place, I'm doing here, doing the podcast.
I don't have time to talk to you all the time.
But if I could just send a message, what's the
difference between an email and a text? Texting?

Speaker 1 (01:11:14):
If you got something, if it's real important, if it's
real pertinent, you pick up the phone and said it
cannot be that important. You gotta have plenty time to
sit and text a paragraph. I an't got time to
text a bag.

Speaker 6 (01:11:24):
My thing is I just kind of feel like it's
about the person. Everyone's different. So she's basically telling you
that her her communications staff is to call her.

Speaker 2 (01:11:33):
Yeah, after that, I argued about that. After we argued
about it, Now she wants to call her texting for
five years.

Speaker 1 (01:11:40):
She can find a text from five years ago. Whell
I told her to stop texting me. I know you
can five years ago, I said, Tammy, if it's business,
please call me.

Speaker 2 (01:11:49):
I bet you find find it.

Speaker 4 (01:11:51):
Who girl, you know what?

Speaker 2 (01:11:52):
I google Google the other day. I'm gonna tell you.
After we finished recording.

Speaker 1 (01:11:55):
Anyway, we all wrap it up anyway, So we got
a segment and we talked back cause dumbitch stories or
for the men, it is DESCEMP series. So you have
to give us a time or a moment where you
got played by I mean opposite sex. I assume you're heterosexual.

Speaker 2 (01:12:10):
I don't know. Yes, you know millennials.

Speaker 6 (01:12:12):
I got it's been a time, and it been a
time to be alive. But the most one I feel
when the man he tried to money manipulate me, meaning
like he was trying to use me but like giving
me like he was homeless, a little bit like sad
story like I need I need a move in with you,

(01:12:32):
I need help with this, and we're dating and at
first he came off shown like you know, he was
that man, he had it together. But then the representative
fell off and he showed his true colors and then
he kind of like did like this little sip ass story.

Speaker 1 (01:12:47):
And me being the person, I am like, oh okay,
this could be my husband.

Speaker 3 (01:12:51):
Let me help my husband, Let me help.

Speaker 6 (01:12:53):
Girl a good man, Savannah, let me help my husband.
I did that, and then I realized, this is what
the fuck you do?

Speaker 4 (01:13:03):
You do this to every bitch.

Speaker 1 (01:13:05):
So he's a hobosexulator money You were giving him a
lot of money.

Speaker 6 (01:13:12):
No, I wasn't like giving him a lot of money,
but like when I say a money manipulator, meaning like
I don't know if you ever be one date, but
have you ever went on a date and the guy
orders for you, like and that's fine if you order
for me, right, but it's kind of like you order
for me because you don't want me to get an
expensive drink like you you have a budget and you

(01:13:34):
want me to stay within your budget.

Speaker 2 (01:13:36):
That I don't like people to order for me. That
piss me off real fast.

Speaker 4 (01:13:41):
And so that's what I mean by money manipulation. Because
then when we leave and.

Speaker 6 (01:13:44):
I was like, oh, I wanted to order the drink,
you kind of said, oh yeah, you tell me, Oh
why I had a budget? Why the fuck did you
take me on a date? And if you if you
had a budget, that's fine. Why didn't you say that
from the beginning. While we get there and the waitress
is right there and she's like, oh, what do you
want to order?

Speaker 4 (01:14:01):
Oh, she'll have a Bahama Mama.

Speaker 2 (01:14:03):
She's gonna have that.

Speaker 4 (01:14:04):
That's a lift, nigga. I want to patrol.

Speaker 6 (01:14:10):
I want some can order me a Bahama Mama five dollars.

Speaker 3 (01:14:19):
On a special special So you ain't dat niggas to
use groupons.

Speaker 2 (01:14:23):
I presume, okay, got it.

Speaker 4 (01:14:24):
That's the money manipulation part.

Speaker 2 (01:14:26):
Hmm. I don't know.

Speaker 1 (01:14:29):
I just feel like he stole wants today and he
doesn't really have the money to do so. But you
do need money to be outside, Like outside, it is
expensive soon as you step your foot out there.

Speaker 2 (01:14:38):
One hundred dollars a couple more inches.

Speaker 1 (01:14:40):
Two hundred dollars, Like it's expensive to be outside and today,
either if.

Speaker 2 (01:14:44):
You can't be, if you can't spend money, be creative.

Speaker 6 (01:14:47):
That's what I say, exactly, Like you could have just
been like you could have got you a bottle of
wine and said, hey, let's go to a park, let's
have a picnic.

Speaker 4 (01:14:53):
But you decided to take me to this this lounge.
We ain't here.

Speaker 2 (01:14:58):
You can't spend no money.

Speaker 4 (01:15:00):
Don't you go ask me if I want.

Speaker 6 (01:15:01):
To assume you won't know I want a hookah. I
don't even don't know hookah, but I'll say you I'm glad,
I'm not a man, but just don't even smoke cooker.

Speaker 2 (01:15:12):
Just get hookah because the nigga paid for it.

Speaker 5 (01:15:14):
I like cooker, I like, I don't like hookah, but like.

Speaker 4 (01:15:20):
Most men won't hookah themselves, So.

Speaker 2 (01:15:22):
Like you're nothing hookah?

Speaker 4 (01:15:23):
Daddy?

Speaker 2 (01:15:26):
Is this guy?

Speaker 6 (01:15:28):
I just basically told him he doesn't like he doesn't
have enough money to date me right now and you
have to get your priority straight. And he was like
hell when I gave him the example of us going out,
and I was just like, I kind of feel.

Speaker 4 (01:15:39):
Like you were, you're too afraid.

Speaker 6 (01:15:42):
I'd rather you be standing up with me and be
real and say, look, I'm wanna budget right now, whatever
the case may be, and be more creative. And I
was just like, you don't have that for me right now.
And I'm dating high value men because I'm a high
value woman, and I blocked his ass up today.

Speaker 4 (01:15:57):
It's nothing else for us to talk about.

Speaker 2 (01:15:59):
What else, nig it's gonna be mad about that statement
though all they Yeah, they're gonna be like because I
feel like guys are always they feel like they're only
validated through their pocket.

Speaker 3 (01:16:08):
Well they're not.

Speaker 6 (01:16:09):
Just say though, you could have communicated. That's the part
for me. You did not communicate what You didn't have
to give me your whole life.

Speaker 4 (01:16:18):
Story, what's going on, But you could have.

Speaker 6 (01:16:20):
Literally, I respect a man that says, hey, this is
our budget for the day, like this is where I'm
at with it?

Speaker 4 (01:16:25):
Okay, great?

Speaker 2 (01:16:27):
And if he said we got sixty five dollars, you're
gonna be like.

Speaker 6 (01:16:30):
She It's just you can be creative with sixty five
dollars if it's a creative date.

Speaker 2 (01:16:36):
No, I agree, But I think a lot of men
are laved by ego and they don't want to admit
that they ain't got it, and then then.

Speaker 1 (01:16:43):
They have to get over the ego because that's where
repair comes in. That's where change comes in. Right, put
your ego to the side and fix your fucking life.

Speaker 2 (01:16:50):
It's not like having to look at your woman in
the face and be.

Speaker 4 (01:16:53):
Like look, but then you get the girl.

Speaker 2 (01:16:55):
They will never hold on baby looking me. You gotta
get these bahama mamas. I'm gonna get you too, okay,
two for five.

Speaker 4 (01:17:02):
If you would have set the tone, been like okay.
But if you ain't set this tone, you.

Speaker 2 (01:17:08):
Know you lead.

Speaker 4 (01:17:10):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:17:10):
I didn't been out with a guy before, and I
just saw how he looked at the receipt and I
just put money on the table and then just don't.

Speaker 3 (01:17:17):
Talk to them.

Speaker 4 (01:17:17):
Yeah, because that's just yeah, Like.

Speaker 1 (01:17:19):
Nigga, you just pay for this whole thing and get
up out of here because I don't need.

Speaker 2 (01:17:23):
No man fretting over the bill.

Speaker 1 (01:17:26):
I do too, but don't you gotta get listen. Women
come with the money. They come with the money.

Speaker 3 (01:17:31):
It's just true.

Speaker 1 (01:17:33):
And then you you'll then have access to the woman
you actually want because a lot of times these guys
be settling for who they got because that's where their
pocket's at. Right, then she don't expect much exactly right,
But then they want women who have who have expectations
to come down here so they can still have access
to that puss. No, because you don't want that for
your daughter, so quit playing in our faces. I am

(01:17:54):
Jerome's daughter, okay, and he don't want that for me,
so quit playing on me. So, yeah, you got this
star dating until you get your shit together. It's for
women too, and the sane for women.

Speaker 4 (01:18:03):
You women, like literally.

Speaker 2 (01:18:05):
When you say that, get your shit together, you mean
like financially but all the things.

Speaker 3 (01:18:09):
Yeah, fun, Like how do you you're not a broke man?
Is not a happy man.

Speaker 1 (01:18:13):
These niggas on the internet don't have a couple of
dollars and they fucking mad.

Speaker 2 (01:18:17):
I don't know nobody who's heavy broke.

Speaker 6 (01:18:19):
Nobody, nobody, And like, I really feel like it's supporting
for women too, because like when I was like not
working at one point and whatever, I'm not going on
no dates, I'm not having self, I'm not having I'm
not I'm not doing none of that because I can't.
I literally the guy I'm dating now we started talking
in that moment. I was like getting back on my feet,
had got like a lower paying job, and he was

(01:18:40):
like wanting to He was like, I want us to
be together, and I was like, I do not feel
comfortable being with you. I'm not where I want to be.
And he just could not understand it. He was like,
why don't you want to be with me? And I
was like, because I'm not making the money I want
to make. Yeah, I can't focus on you right now.

Speaker 1 (01:18:56):
And that's the attitude that men should have too, like
get your get your shit, yeah the man, so you
could be happy.

Speaker 3 (01:19:02):
I want a happy man. I got a happy man.

Speaker 4 (01:19:04):
Order. I mean obhama, mamas.

Speaker 2 (01:19:08):
Everybody where they can find you, plug all your things.

Speaker 6 (01:19:11):
Yeah, you can find me on social media at a
door underscore coach Vanity.

Speaker 4 (01:19:16):
I'm book a session.

Speaker 6 (01:19:18):
I actually have a tech community, so please go on
the website join because I want to do like events
and Charlotte, so please come out and support me on that.

Speaker 4 (01:19:27):
And I got you guys a gift.

Speaker 2 (01:19:29):
Oh we love gives. We got what we got.

Speaker 6 (01:19:31):
So I got you guys a journal.

Speaker 4 (01:19:35):
Okay, because I feel it's important to right.

Speaker 6 (01:19:36):
Oh, I look your things out okay, and it's really
it's a lot of room in here to write.

Speaker 4 (01:19:41):
Okay.

Speaker 1 (01:19:42):
I love a journal. I'm gonna turn it to a
frog if this is thank you so much. I really
will use this.

Speaker 2 (01:19:52):
It's all nice.

Speaker 4 (01:19:53):
This is good life coaching. Uh.

Speaker 3 (01:19:56):
Yes, adore your life.

Speaker 4 (01:19:57):
Adoor your life, because I feel like you have to
endore your life to just live.

Speaker 2 (01:20:01):
Like I needed. I needed a new one, So thank
you min. It's full.

Speaker 4 (01:20:04):
I year that whatever you went in there, Aja, it
don't matter.

Speaker 2 (01:20:08):
She gonna write spells in there, that's no.

Speaker 1 (01:20:10):
I have a spell books I write in there. Okay, No,
it's the same thing. I just haven't written. And she
gave me.

Speaker 2 (01:20:16):
Like a car. I gave her a couple of journals
that she using like the keep up chair balance.

Speaker 4 (01:20:21):
Yeah, so she might pull them out and write them.
I just want you to write how you're gonna adore
your life in that one? Got it going forward? We
appreciate it, y'all for having me.

Speaker 2 (01:20:32):
This is great. I love you so much.

Speaker 3 (01:20:34):
Give me I want to hug too.

Speaker 4 (01:20:36):
Yes, now, this was amazing. And Thomas, thank you as well.

Speaker 2 (01:20:43):
Because all right, closest with out girlfriend.

Speaker 3 (01:20:46):
All right, y'all, you enjoyed this episode.

Speaker 1 (01:20:47):
Y'all tuned in every Thursday on the iHeart Radio Apple
wherever the fuck you get your podcasts at this your
co host AJ Holiday two point zero on Instagram.

Speaker 2 (01:20:55):
Skick of tam y'all, It's official Tambama on Instagram. I
love y'all so so very much. Y'all. Remember speak now,
no no, you got to say never, hold your take.
Know some.

Speaker 1 (01:21:10):
This is We talk Back podcast is a production of iHeartRadio.

Speaker 3 (01:21:15):
Visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen
to your favorite shows.

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