July 24, 2025 • 83 mins
In this episode of We Talk Back, AJ and TamBam reflect on recent travels and the value of rest amid the pressures of American life. The conversation moves from the joys and risks of vacation to a heartfelt tribute to the late Malcolm-Jamal Warner. They explore modern masculinity, highlighting how environmental and emotional stressors affect men’s health and behavior. The hosts emphasize the importance of vulnerability, accountability, and emotional intelligence in both friendships and romantic relationships. Through candid dialogue, they advocate for therapy, intentional communication, and the power of expressing love as tools for healing and connection. Let’s discuss. Tap in and join the conversation.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to We Talk Back Podcast, the production of iHeartRadio
and the Black Effect Network.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
We're just two unapologetically black women with an opinion. Who talks.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
What's up?
Speaker 2 (00:16):
Y'all?
Speaker 1 (00:17):
Is your girl a j holiday?
Speaker 2 (00:19):
What's up?
Speaker 1 (00:19):
Big dam damn?
Speaker 2 (00:20):
What's up, y'all?
Speaker 3 (00:21):
I'm miss y'all.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
I love y'all so much. How was your weekend? Aj?
Speaker 1 (00:28):
I can't talk about it online. It's great, so that crazy? Yeah,
I had a good weekend, real good weekend, New Bay
what okay, of course not, it's all about me.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
Were excellent, y'all. I did a big eye week.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
No, I had a good weekend. No hanging out around town. Nice,
hot as fuck. Okay, my car is screaming. It's ninety
seven degrees outside and this only Yeah, just like having
a shower three times, just you know, natural deorderant.
Speaker 2 (01:15):
It don't play well right now, it don't.
Speaker 3 (01:18):
I want to be as as I used to anyway, good,
that's debatable.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
I I went away, y'allf for my birthday. I was
gone for an entire week and I just had such
a good time.
Speaker 3 (01:33):
I just needed that break from just everything.
Speaker 2 (01:37):
And I was in the I was in Europe, and
then after I got back from Europe. I went to
New York for a couple of days and I just
got back. I left last Monday, and I just I'm tired. Now.
Speaker 1 (01:49):
Don't have to do nothing right, No.
Speaker 2 (01:52):
I didn't have to think. I didn't have to think
about shit. I just get pretty and show up. Oh
I just wish that could be my whole life, Like
they can just pretty to show up.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
That's what we're working towards, you know what I'm saying.
But the thing is, then you be booked and busy. Yeah,
it just ain't never gonna be just what you want
to do. Somebody feed me grapes. I was getting foot
massage or eating grapes at the same time.
Speaker 3 (02:19):
I was like, I'm a queen, Like, how do you
go back?
Speaker 4 (02:25):
How do you go back?
Speaker 3 (02:29):
As soon as I got back to America, it was
the bullshit.
Speaker 2 (02:32):
Almost got hit by a car.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
Bitch, get out the straight in New York.
Speaker 3 (02:38):
I'm back planning America.
Speaker 1 (02:41):
You know. I saw this video on tiktoking with some guys.
I think they might have been like I don't know, Panama.
I think maybe, but they're just saying like, how like
you know a little bit of money you know over
there you can really live like a king or a queen.
America is just fucking stressful. It's just reads right on
this planet. I swear to God when I'm in the Caribbean,
(03:03):
I don't have no I don't have to do none
of that shit. Just be clear, breathing shit, using the
bathroom every day. Like it's just.
Speaker 3 (03:14):
Different, different, it really is. She's called in America, man,
so shout out to taking vacations. But speaking of vacation,
Malcolm Jamal Warner, y'all went to Costa Rica on vacation
and we lost him. That was like losing an uncle.
Speaker 2 (03:34):
You know.
Speaker 1 (03:35):
I just don't understand, but it definitely happens.
Speaker 2 (03:40):
It's just and I was just looking at the statistics
on a thousand Americans a year die on vacation annually.
Be it. The number one reason was like car accidents
but or a scooter some type of motor. But two
was drowning. That was the number two reason that people
(04:03):
die is on vacation.
Speaker 3 (04:07):
Now, water ain't nothing to play with, y'all.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
I remember there was a post where it showed like
the shoreline on back and most of the black people like,
I'm staying in the one and two, like I'll go,
I'll go out, you know what I'm saying, especially if
I got some braids, and if I got a lace front,
I'm at one and two. But if I got braids,
I'm out right.
Speaker 2 (04:27):
But you gotta be careful with that for real.
Speaker 1 (04:29):
No, that's what I'm saying. I got stuck on time,
so I know what that. So they're saying he got
stuck like in a ripcorn, you know, far out, and
then some bystanders did get him ashore, and then the
Costa Rican Red Cross tried to you know, revive him,
but he literally was gone right then. So he had been.
Speaker 2 (04:48):
Out too long, too much water. Yep.
Speaker 1 (04:51):
Yeah, but I remember struggling, like you know, you have
like those little snorkeling masks. But even with that, you
have to like breathe. So that's why, like breathing exercises
are real good too in cases situations like this. But
that shit makes you feel so tired trying to fight
against the current.
Speaker 2 (05:10):
And then the thing is it's always the people who
are confident swimmers sometimes like confidence can be your downfall
because I ain't getting I typically don't go past ankle,
maybe I don't go in past my calf.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
Really, so you don't get in the ocean then my calf.
I be like, no, I don't go I be floating
like I don't. I mean like I have went out
to where like I know, the bottom ain't nowhere to
be found. But hell no, when the water is like
you can tell when the water is crazy.
Speaker 2 (05:49):
The only time is when I sit down the peek.
Speaker 1 (05:53):
Girl, why are you even taking beach vacations? I'm confused now,
Like I'm even go in there to take pictures that
collects on. That's what I go for, dich. I'm a
home mermaid out here. I am going out water. I'm
going out man. I need to be able to see
my feet though, Like I'm not getting in Charleston water
past ingles.
Speaker 2 (06:13):
They had this Charlotte boat weekend, and I don't know
if y'all saw the videos, y'all google it.
Speaker 3 (06:19):
When it was that what's that black boat Norman?
Speaker 2 (06:22):
It's either Norman or uh Wiley, I don't know which
one it was on. But first of all, these niggas
was fighting like it was a video, like one boat
you look at that, they fighting the next literally.
Speaker 1 (06:34):
The boat that was Charlotte.
Speaker 2 (06:36):
Yeah, in the video they was fighting the water look
all dirty and nasty, like I don't like.
Speaker 3 (06:42):
It's a fun time, I imagine, but let's not video.
Speaker 2 (06:45):
Let's not let people see that we out there in
that murky ass order. I'm not getting that.
Speaker 1 (06:51):
That's so funny. You said that because on that same post,
I was on the phone when I saw it. I
was like, I am so sick of black people. Then
I went in the commons and I saw somebody was like,
just get old, ratchet. I'm tired of seeing this shit.
And I was, and I said to the person I
was on the phone with, like, get on, ratchet. Ain't
that bad, but just don't record it. I don't want
to see it. And I might want to be get
(07:13):
on a ratchet, but you will never see it on TV.
Speaker 3 (07:15):
No mayn that time I had to say you for
the water, no bitch.
Speaker 1 (07:20):
I was just about to say that. Y'all tell me
you had a blow birthday yacht party one time, and
I had just came back from Anguela swimming in level
twenty five. Okay, so now I'm thinking, like, okay, this
lake water, this ain't shit. The lake water is worse.
More people drowning lakes per year than in the ocean.
(07:40):
The current in the lake is different because y'all know
most lakes are built on top of old towns. Okay,
so when y'all hear this about Lake Norman, what's the
lake in Georgia that warbody never go to that damn lake?
Lamiir lanier la Neiir? Yeah, Lamiir is the fucking casino
in Saint Louis is it lumineer lumiir whatever? Anyway, Yeah,
(08:03):
lake in the mirror and Georgianire whatever niggas beginning, It's
really not.
Speaker 2 (08:11):
Take so many people every year. I would never go.
Speaker 1 (08:13):
To that, usually not black people, thought, so I don't.
I think black people really just don't go in there.
And then also the ancestors is probably pulling legs and
your birthday. I hopped in there, hopped in that lake
with no life that's on, thinking I could swim, And
when I tell y'all, the current was pulling.
Speaker 3 (08:33):
Me under under the boat. Mind you, I was drinking too,
So just a whole thank you God moment right saving
me from myself. But y'all, you.
Speaker 2 (08:44):
Definitely got to be the water, y'all.
Speaker 3 (08:47):
It was not you that pulled me out.
Speaker 4 (08:48):
It was a guy.
Speaker 1 (08:50):
Girl. Imagine you lifting me out the ocean, out the water.
It was a dude. You might have had one of
my arms.
Speaker 3 (08:57):
Yeah, and then I grabbed you and pulled you up.
Speaker 1 (09:00):
It was definitely a whole man on the boat that
pulled me up. Shame man, you got to be careful, man, man.
Rest in peace, Malcolm and Jamal Warner. We all grew
up Austin Cosey show.
Speaker 3 (09:13):
Y'allso I wren into that boat for my birthday.
Speaker 2 (09:15):
I did not like there was jet skis. There was
little like looat and pat guess who didn't touch a
liquor water No.
Speaker 1 (09:23):
And I was on the boat in a vest with
a captain had on. Yeah, shame.
Speaker 2 (09:31):
So yeah, rest in peace, machaelm Jamal Warner, and like
life is so fleeting, like be kind to one another
and love each other because you just never know, man.
Speaker 1 (09:40):
Absolutely yeah, So y'all. I don't know if Tam was
in attendance because she was in Europe, you know, this
past week.
Speaker 3 (09:48):
But apparently UK's biggest sex.
Speaker 1 (09:51):
Festival, swingeth On, returns with one thousand people in attendance. Bitch,
you think you swack? I was not there, So apparently
roughly one thousand thrill seekers have taken over a sleepy
Lincolnshire village for the for the UK's biggest swingers festival,
uh Dub swingeth On. The X rated three day event
(10:15):
is now its fifth year of drawing sexually liberated guests
from across the UK.
Speaker 2 (10:24):
It's sank out there. Stay out there in tints, y'all.
It's like all kinds of tints on this big ass field,
lay out there just having sex with each other.
Speaker 3 (10:34):
You probably can catch it on a porn hub.
Speaker 2 (10:37):
Called the police.
Speaker 1 (10:41):
I wonder if you gotta give any paperwork, like before
you come a thousand people, Like, out of a thousand people,
what is the statistics for like HIV?
Speaker 2 (10:49):
And it's got to be some diseases out there.
Speaker 1 (10:52):
Absolutely, And I'd be thinking like sometimes like people who
partaking like risky behavior, it's probably because they ain't got
shit to lose, Like should I already got the thing,
let me write.
Speaker 2 (11:00):
I might as well go to the swinger throng and
give it to everybody.
Speaker 1 (11:05):
Or like I don't give a funk shit. Yeah you
want to pussy, you get to pussy my mout head, neck, airs,
just every whole that's scary to me, no, cool.
Speaker 2 (11:15):
I'm not into none of that stuff. Because people be
having like parties, I'll be getting invited to like some
mild shit and I'd be like, yeah, no, that's not
my vibe. I'm scared. When I was living in the UK,
they used to have like this little swingers group on
the military base.
Speaker 3 (11:33):
And on the military base yep.
Speaker 2 (11:36):
Girl, they used to be into some It was. It
was the white people though, and they would this was
your sign that your home was down for the they
get down. You would put a bottle of tide in
the window.
Speaker 4 (11:52):
You know.
Speaker 1 (11:52):
In Saint Louis they have it's like a particular flag
they put in their yard to let people know that
they down for swinging.
Speaker 2 (12:01):
Mm hmm.
Speaker 3 (12:02):
So they put a bottle of tide like with the rainbow,
doesn't I don't know. I don't know which tide it was,
but that was the indicator that you put it in
your window cell to let people know you're trying to
funk outside your relationship.
Speaker 2 (12:18):
It just drow. What does that mean put some time
in your window?
Speaker 1 (12:26):
I don't know. I am not interested in catching some
ship like quick you doubling, tripling, quadruple your chances of
running into some bullshit right fucking around.
Speaker 2 (12:38):
That's not fun.
Speaker 1 (12:40):
Find out some.
Speaker 2 (12:41):
Person feel like work at that point, and there's.
Speaker 1 (12:45):
A lot of dudes who be wanting three sims even
like I never understand why somebody would like a medium
dick like wants super fat ass? Why would you want
multiple women?
Speaker 4 (12:55):
Like?
Speaker 1 (12:56):
What's up? Are you okay?
Speaker 2 (12:57):
Coming off fast? And now you got somebody hits one
woman sitting here mad? Sorry? Like I just all right?
If two people are having sex, what am I doing
during that time? If I just sitting there and I watching,
like what is it? Like? What am I if I'm
rubbing his foot or I'm giggling his balls from underneath,
Like I don't want what to do?
Speaker 1 (13:18):
Well, it depends on what type of ship y'all got
going on, if it's a threesomewhere, like the women are
interacting as well, or is you just waiting your turn
for this one dude?
Speaker 2 (13:28):
That's what I'm saying, Like what I wouldn't know what
to do. I would be awkward as fuck, like it's
just gonna rub your feet while you fuck her? Let
me tickling, nigga.
Speaker 4 (13:41):
I would not know what to do, So I just kid.
Speaker 1 (13:45):
And then you know, two guys and one girl, Like,
I don't know, that sounds not it's not a threesome.
Speaker 2 (13:51):
That sounds like at that point they at work. I
don't want to.
Speaker 3 (13:55):
Yeah, I'm cool on all that shit.
Speaker 1 (13:56):
I am such a playing Jeane type bitch when it
comes like, the most freaky shit I'm doing is licking
the gooch.
Speaker 2 (14:02):
Possibly listen. I was saying like, oh, yeah, I'm a freak,
That's what I would think. And then after the Dinny trial,
I realized that I've disapproved for real, I'm not a
vanilla sex That's what I happened.
Speaker 1 (14:14):
Yeah, I'm not doing all that extra shit. And I
know I've said this before in the show. You do
all that extra shit for a man just because you
want him to like you fall in love. They gonna
keep pushing the limit on your ass. It's never gonna
be enough. You don't need to do all that shit
to come. You really don't, like, you don't need another person.
You don't need I mean, toys are good, you know,
(14:38):
but you don't need all this extra shit somebody trying
to get women to do to have an orgasm.
Speaker 2 (14:44):
Not to say you have to set boundaries, you really do,
because If you don't, they can have you upside down,
dropping balls in your mouth off the couch.
Speaker 1 (14:55):
I mean, I don't like balls, stand the purpose of balls,
but they just fucking ugly and they just be hanging
out there. Oh either, I saw somebody had like a
book bag made of two big ass nuts, white ones.
That that on Instagram yesterday, Like, what the fuck is
going on?
Speaker 2 (15:17):
Goodness?
Speaker 3 (15:19):
So apparently twenty.
Speaker 1 (15:21):
Year olds today have the testosterone of seventy year olds
in nineteen seventies.
Speaker 2 (15:28):
That's so crazy.
Speaker 1 (15:30):
It says masculinity is down bad. Testosterone levels have dropped
thirty percent since two thousand. The average twenty two year
old has lower tea than a seventy year old had
in the nineteen seventies, And it says, what the fuck
is going on? So it says ninety percent of men
are low on testosterone. This crisis also includes dropping sperm
(15:52):
count and lower.
Speaker 2 (15:56):
Ability utility.
Speaker 1 (15:57):
No, it says motility.
Speaker 2 (15:58):
Did he mean?
Speaker 3 (15:59):
What the fuck?
Speaker 1 (16:00):
I don't know, y'all tell us anyway. The drop in
fertility rate is doubled since the nineteen fifties, the results
of a world filled with endocrine disruptors, environmental toxins, stress
seed oils, elast and underwear, et cetera. If you want
to higher tea level, here's what you need to do.
(16:21):
Avoid seed oils. They basically alleviate your tescular temperature, lower
the star gene expression, and therefore the cells which are
meant to produce testosterone become lazy and unproductive. So like
seed oils, like peanut oil, that's a seed.
Speaker 2 (16:43):
Oil, right, that's a nut oil.
Speaker 1 (16:46):
Oh okay, well nuts aren't seeds? Plant nuts?
Speaker 4 (16:50):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (16:51):
Are they seeds?
Speaker 1 (16:53):
I guess? I guess, so vegetable oil would be a
seed oil.
Speaker 2 (16:59):
Also peanut already. No, I don't know what's the seed oil?
Avocado oil?
Speaker 1 (17:06):
I use alphacatta oil all the time.
Speaker 2 (17:08):
Oil.
Speaker 1 (17:08):
Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 2 (17:10):
So it means like the spurs ability to swim.
Speaker 1 (17:14):
Okay, got it? Motility new word for the vocabulary test.
Speaker 2 (17:21):
But you know what I've been talking about this because
I don't see no Adams Apple no more. Where is
the Adams Apple. It's gone.
Speaker 3 (17:30):
I've seen them and they be protruding too much.
Speaker 2 (17:32):
Yeah, but you don't see them as much.
Speaker 1 (17:38):
Yeah. So, oh, canola oil it said on the diagram.
You can see that rats on the canola oil dyed
have lower stars. So star is important because it is
it is responsible for converting the cholesterol into testosterone. So
lower star equals lower test So canola oil, soybean oil,
(18:00):
so maybe men uh the best type of things they
say used beef tallow, coconut oil, grass fed butter, or
any animal fat extraversion. Olive oil. Yeah, I used you
all the time. That's usually what I use instead of butter,
And I use olive oil and grape seed oil. That
(18:21):
might not be good, right, but I'm not a man.
Speaker 2 (18:24):
So here's that part.
Speaker 1 (18:26):
But this post has a whole bunch of stuff in there,
Like yeah, that that explains a lot, you know what
I'm saying. Like and maybe y'all that's why I use
that app yuka because there is a chemical in most
of our products. It's like a it's like a chemical
chemical to help things like keep the shelf life like
(18:46):
a h what is the word I'm looking for?
Speaker 2 (18:49):
Preservative?
Speaker 1 (18:50):
Yeah, preservative. There you go. It's a preservative. But like
the number one thing is endocrine blocker causes fertility is
use There's so many chemicals in our food and especially
black hair products.
Speaker 3 (19:05):
But I supposed to happen like in the Age of
Aquarius for us to get all information and also for
men to be more feminine.
Speaker 1 (19:16):
I don't know about that part. Why then that means
men will eventually be extinct? Because if you notice, like
a lot of people are having female children as opposed
to boys are, we're not even creating them all to die,
but at we stall being able to jog at night?
Speaker 2 (19:33):
Girl?
Speaker 1 (19:34):
What is happening? I love men, y'all, but for I mean,
if you think about it now, why ain't nothing but
a broken X the chromosome? So sometimes these nigga should
be little half broken. It's still with the X part
the other side of the XT. And that's where that's
where you get the bent risks faster.
Speaker 2 (19:59):
Y'all. We love men, y'all know, we love y'all. We
just like poking fun. Really speaking, I mean, why we
shitting on y'all this? We might as well do this
last one, all right? It says Chinese woman saying top
tier man is just an average woman. The bar is low,
(20:20):
and she went on this rat about how the average
woman is considered a top tier man in our society.
Like the things that we do and the things that
we provide these men. If they're doing that is top
tier when it's what we're doing every day. And it
went on to say that one black man said, a
(20:40):
black man without a criminal record makes you top tier.
And I had a woman impressed. I had furniture in
a bread a bed frame in my home. It was
like a whole conversation what she said, did you Yeah?
Speaker 1 (20:53):
She was essentially saying, like, you know, like the basic
shit like cooking, cleaning, taking care of yourself, taking care
of your family, Like just that's a top taer man,
but that's basic for a woman. That is the basic,
the basis of being a woman. So essentially what she
was saying, like all these grandiose things that men think
that they're doing an accomplishing, it's actually, you know, the
(21:18):
average woman average. So the top tair man is the
average woman. Imagine that.
Speaker 2 (21:24):
How do that make y'all feel? Man? Listening to that?
You offend it? I mean, that's what I mean. There
is some validity to that, But I mean not going
to prison like where they're from, because I don't know
a lot of the niggas that have been in prison.
(21:44):
I know, I mean, I know a lot of niggas
that's been in prison. But I know more than have it.
Speaker 1 (21:48):
You know, I think it's pretty pretty equal. I mean,
for a black man in America, it is so easy
to catch a charge, you know what I'm saying, Like
they are trying to make sure every black man has
criminal history. I remember I was dating this dude and
me and him got into real bad because he had
this charge over his head for many years, like they
(22:09):
knew they couldn't charge. And what resistant it was like
resisting arrest of some bullshit. They literally was given his
brother taking harassing his brother and he just was sitting
happened to be sitting in the car, in his own
car when they pulled up to the house, and like
the police officer then came to his car and started
harassing him. Right, So what happened was he ended up
slamming this cop on the ground. Right. So once I
(22:33):
met him and he was telling me about it, and
he was like they were calling him like for.
Speaker 4 (22:37):
What is it?
Speaker 1 (22:37):
Like not jury duty, not jerry duty, Like what is shit?
You gotta keep going to court just to check in basically,
like like no, like a bench not a bench warrn anyway,
whatever it is, they want you to come check in
and make sure then the minute you're asked, don't show up.
Then you had a bench warrn basically like a roll
call essentially. But they kept doing the shit to him
(23:01):
for years, and he finally pled. He pled guilty to
like a lesser charge. I'm like, and when I talked
to him, I'm like, why the fuck did you do that?
Because you were in court exactly. They tired him out.
They would, they would, you would never ever get me
to agree to some shit out and fucking do right, right,
So I'll drag that shit out for ten years. I'll
play as long as they willing to play, Like, but
(23:21):
you got tired and you and then you got mad
at me for pointing out you being an idiot. Yeah,
but they were. They he was He had like a
CDO license to the officer was like, yeah, I'm gonna
make sure I get these licenses, like so then he
can't work and things like that. This is the stuff
that they do to black men, right, So it is
hard for a lot of niggas not to have, Like
(23:41):
I know, most black men that I know, I won't
say most, I'll say it's like half and half half
of them half criminal charges. Maybe they beat it and
didn't actually end up at the charge. And then the
other half probably just some time.
Speaker 3 (23:56):
Yeah you know, well, I say, I know a lot
that had but I feel like I know more.
Speaker 2 (24:00):
Men right now, right, yeah, they have not been But
then I listened, I just skated by a couple of times,
like I ain't never went to jail, but this was
probably should.
Speaker 1 (24:13):
There are there are I forgot the number, but there
are over a thousand different statutes in America. Okay, all
of us has done, have done some shit where we
could have got fucked up about. Just because you didn't
get caught doesn't mean you're not a criminal. Okay. My
stepdaddy was talking about my ex because he went to prison, right,
and I said, man, you'll be at the job selling
that viagra. Okay, let's be very fucking clear. If those
(24:36):
people in your job were healthy and was healthy enough
for VIAGRAA, their doctors would have prescribed to them. So
what you're doing is drug dealing viagra pills twenty dollars
a pop at the job.
Speaker 3 (24:47):
No, not right now, No, he's retired now.
Speaker 1 (24:51):
Yeah, he was doing that shit and talking about talking
about a nigga who movement work.
Speaker 3 (24:56):
It's the same thing, right, you just want a smaller scale.
Speaker 1 (25:00):
You're just selling pharmaceutical drugs, which actually may be worse
because one of the guys went blind that he was
selling the shit too, because the nigga wasn't healthy enough
to be taken.
Speaker 2 (25:09):
By blood pressure one.
Speaker 1 (25:11):
Right, yeah, so how much bitch is you fucking like?
How long you want your dick to stay hard? My guy?
Speaker 2 (25:17):
You know, I can concern with people who are taking
those like and honey packs and all that stuff and
bluetooes and all that shit, and it be young guys. Yeah,
but I would be upset if I was younger. My
dick win't get hard. I'd be upset if I was older.
My dick win't get hard, but especially as a young man.
Speaker 1 (25:37):
But how hard they wanted, Like, it might be getting hard,
but in their mind is not getting hard enough for
I don't know what. Just just let us tell you
all of the dick is hitting.
Speaker 2 (25:46):
You gotta squeeze the balls and the dick together to
try to shove it in so pussy, it's not hard enough.
Speaker 1 (25:53):
My mama call it a wet rag.
Speaker 2 (25:58):
I got stuff that wet rag man, and like, So
when men are angry sometimes I think that's why, like
if they're just always mad, And he was like, Dad,
why are you just got such a unpleasant disposition all
the time, Because yeah, I get it, because I'll be
a motherfucker.
Speaker 1 (26:18):
Too, either it doesn't work or its little. You know.
I always say, like, I just pray to God please
let my son have like it would have to be
no super big dick, just good dick, right, because I
just don't want to deal with a man with low
self esteem as my child. We'll we talk about this
week child masculinity, bitch, we talk about your niggas something more, y'all,
(26:43):
because we love y'all so much.
Speaker 3 (26:46):
It's masculinity in crisis.
Speaker 1 (26:47):
And we actually have a guest of a friend of
the show, friend in life on this episode this week,
you know, because we didn't want to be the only
ones talking, right, and we also want to active, So
y'all be like, but just don't even know what the
hell you're talking about, but we do, like we've been
(27:08):
dealing with y'all whole life, literally from daddy on up. Yeah,
I feel like I got a pH d in niggas.
Speaker 2 (27:14):
Okay, No, every time I encounter y'all, I realize I
just don't know what the fuck is going on. So
we'll be right back, y'all. Thank y'all for coming back again.
Speaker 1 (27:30):
We got a ball headed special guests.
Speaker 4 (27:36):
Thank y'all for having me. Thank you for having me.
Speaker 1 (27:38):
Our homeboy, mister Terry Campleton, Elsa's son, Else's son.
Speaker 2 (27:45):
We love you, Terry.
Speaker 4 (27:47):
Well.
Speaker 1 (27:47):
Me and Terry have been friends and have known each
other from elementary to fucking college.
Speaker 4 (27:54):
It's correct, okay, So if.
Speaker 1 (27:56):
Anybody know me, I think he might know me a
little bit.
Speaker 2 (27:59):
And listen, he' my friends too. They not just friends
like I met hear him in college and we've been
friends ever since. And this is like the person I
go to anytime I need like relationship advice or I
want to talk to a get a male perspective. I
always called Terry to see what he gotta say. He
always gives me some solid advice.
Speaker 4 (28:18):
I appreciate, y'all.
Speaker 2 (28:19):
Now, do I take it?
Speaker 4 (28:21):
Maybe not?
Speaker 1 (28:25):
So you want to follow up on a previous conversation
we had, right we were talking about it really wasn't
about masculinity, but somehow the conversation went in that direction, right,
talking about you know, women and not even about gender
roles just in life, like our positions, what we should
be doing. But today I actually want to talk about like,
(28:48):
do you think masculinity is actually in crisis mode?
Speaker 2 (28:54):
But what you mean by crisis though?
Speaker 1 (28:58):
Is it under attack?
Speaker 2 (28:59):
Is it just?
Speaker 1 (29:00):
Is it just evolving?
Speaker 2 (29:02):
Right?
Speaker 1 (29:02):
I think women can't really define what masculinity is, right.
I think I believe men should define amongst their peers
what being a man is and what masculinity actually is.
Speaker 3 (29:14):
Right. But I do think it may be evolving a
little bit, because you know.
Speaker 2 (29:19):
Women volving is that a word?
Speaker 1 (29:23):
Whatever, Something's happening, right, So something is definitely happening. So
we don't know if it's just men, you know, having
more outward emotion nowadays, or sasy opinions sassy friends that
the men and a man expresses emotion. We calling it
a sassy because really, I don't want no nigga stranger
(29:44):
on the internet talk crazy to me in the comments section.
Speaker 3 (29:47):
You're a sassy, My man would never you know what
I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (29:50):
I don't really like niggas that talk.
Speaker 2 (29:52):
I told you at the other day. Oh, like damn,
but nigga can't talk.
Speaker 4 (29:56):
You see my pinion?
Speaker 1 (29:57):
You know he means business. That's the type of and
men I be liking like I like men who make
jokes though I like funny you.
Speaker 2 (30:04):
Have a thought to tell a joke?
Speaker 1 (30:05):
He do, but not too much telling joke and goes
to tell and look out for me you thiggas right
up my telling joke, but don't.
Speaker 4 (30:14):
Talk to do it, but dance that I be playing
right To answer your question, I don't think masculinity is
in a crisis, but it isn't like in the red area.
You know what I'm saying. We got to get back
to the green area.
Speaker 2 (30:27):
And when you say red, what you mean.
Speaker 4 (30:29):
Like meaning your fingers should be on the panic button
because you know, men are becoming a little more publicly emotional.
You know a lot of men don't have no foresight.
You just see men crashing out every day on the internet.
You know what I'm saying. And we need to get
back to being men as a whole, being quiet, right, Well,
(30:50):
I wouldn't necessarily say being quiet, So what's.
Speaker 2 (30:54):
Wrong with being publicly emotional? Though?
Speaker 3 (30:56):
That's like we not like that.
Speaker 4 (30:59):
You know, you got a lot of men who are
arguing with women publicly. You know some of them are
actually physically hitting women, you know what I'm saying, And uh, yeah,
we gotta get back to being men. And then you
hear a lot of sisters say, you know, black men
don't protect black women. I disagree with that. I think
we do protect black women. It's just you know, Uh,
(31:21):
people just gotta understand when you out, you got to
be mindful of that because you can be harmed trying
to protect somebody that you don't know.
Speaker 1 (31:28):
And if it ain't your sister, your mama correct, right right,
But yeah, so.
Speaker 2 (31:33):
So wait, if you see a woman outside getting beat,
you not go You're gonna film it or you gonna
try to stop it.
Speaker 4 (31:40):
Oh, I'm definitely not filming it. I'm definitely not filming it.
But first of all, somebody can lose their life and
you filming somebody, you know what I'm saying. Yeah, but
I would definitely, uh be mindful of the situation because
you gotta understand situational awareness. If you see a man
and a woman arguing and he start, y'all hear that.
Speaker 2 (32:02):
Just burnt on the mic. Listen, we talk about masculine energy.
Speaker 1 (32:07):
You ain't got to be a man today, okay, And
it's straight acid because I ain't ship.
Speaker 4 (32:13):
Listen. But like I was saying, if you see a
man and a woman arguing outside across the street and
you're a man, don't just go over there and just
try to be, you know, superhero, because you can lose
your life too. I've seen it. It's best to just
call the police from where you at.
Speaker 2 (32:32):
Niggas is calling the police.
Speaker 4 (32:33):
Call the police from where you're at. Listen, because listen,
as a man, you got to make it home to
your family, your mama or your woman, and your kids
a home after that may be, you know, so you
definitely got to think about that before you just go running.
You don't know, men know the level.
Speaker 1 (32:50):
Other men will take it to, right, Like women really
really don't realize when their life in danger sometimes, and
I think men always like.
Speaker 2 (33:01):
A woman would write a woman would put a man's
life in dan in danger unknowingly.
Speaker 1 (33:06):
Yes the facts and I can't tell you that would
mind my business. If I saw a man being a
woman like I don't know that I would and help her.
Speaker 4 (33:13):
Just call the police from across the street, Call the police.
I wouldn't.
Speaker 2 (33:16):
I'm pop and the something like call.
Speaker 4 (33:19):
The police if that's not your loved one or your sister,
your mom.
Speaker 2 (33:23):
We can't be like that.
Speaker 4 (33:24):
Yess what I'm saying. You can lose your life trying
to save somebody you don't know, and now your mama crying,
your kids crying, your daddy crying, your aunties and everybody crying.
And he go to jail. And what you think she's
gonna be doing back when he get out, if he
get out, right, she's gonna be answering all them calls,
(33:45):
sending that money and you did you dead?
Speaker 1 (33:48):
That could happen with a family member too. You know
what I'm saying. You could stop your family member from
getting beat up by they loved the one, by their
boyfriend girlfriend, and it would be the same, the same thing.
But you're more inclined to intervene in that situation.
Speaker 4 (33:59):
Well that's another thing, right, Like I have a daughter
and uh, she's only three, but if she when she
gets older, right, let's just say she got a boyfriend
and they get into it, I would tell her before
you call me. You need to think about that because
(34:20):
when I get inlved, when you involve me, that can
go either way. He's a man, like I'm a man.
So if I come over there trying to get some
law in order that can go in his way or
I can go on my way. But you got to
think about that because I know how I'm thinking, I'm
coming home and he probably thinking like you know, So
(34:43):
before anything of that that happens, just leave.
Speaker 2 (34:45):
But see when you say that, it makes them scared
to call you, and then maybe they shouldn't, you know,
because like a woman trying to protect trying to protect
you and not protecting herself.
Speaker 4 (34:59):
And I hear you. If you are a family member
of mine and you are dating a man and y'all
happen to get into a verbal dispute that could possibly
get physical. Right, however, that may be leave before you
get the other men in your family involved, because again
that can go either way. When your uncle get there,
(35:21):
your brother, or your daddy get there, he a man
like you, a man, it might not go in your
daddy favor. You might to whoop your daddy.
Speaker 2 (35:29):
Dad.
Speaker 4 (35:31):
You ain't your daddy is going to protect their doors.
They come in with these strapped.
Speaker 1 (35:35):
Story The one time I got hit by a man, right,
I was on some bullshit and he can't control his
emotion after he'd not been on a lot of bullshit.
Speaker 3 (35:44):
Now, all of a sudden, like my bullshit bigger than
your bullshit.
Speaker 1 (35:48):
You want to hit me. And then he braced my
cell phones and now and I finally like call my
like literally before he broke the cell phone, like be
driving down the street. You're like, I'm gonna put you
in the fucking swamp.
Speaker 3 (35:58):
This is what he's telling me.
Speaker 1 (36:00):
I called my daddy. I'm like screaming on the phone
like this nigga says he's gonna kill me for real.
So finally got me to the swamp. He didn't kill me.
Speaker 2 (36:09):
He took you to the swamp.
Speaker 1 (36:10):
He took me to the projects by the swamp. Guy,
you know the day gyard there in the back of
the graveyard is like water like waste, like like wetlands
and marsh and ship like that. Yeah, he told me
he was about to drop me off there.
Speaker 4 (36:29):
So the best thing for your daddy to do in
that situation.
Speaker 1 (36:32):
I say, my daddy. When I finally called my daddy, once,
I cal him down, like daddy, can't you now come
pick me up because I've since been left where I'm at.
This is like when he came and got me, he said,
either you're gonna stay or you're gonna leave because if
I get involved, somebody gonna get hurt. This was never
with that person.
Speaker 4 (36:50):
In fact, any.
Speaker 2 (36:51):
Nigga who drop you off at the swamp, you definitely
need to where's that the in the project a graveyard? Yeah,
you need to go.
Speaker 4 (37:00):
Y'all just gotta be a be mindful of certain situations
because before I get you, if everybody know a man
who is somewhat of an abuser, even if he's physically abusing,
or if you verbal warning is, you know, you gotta
be able to peep that way before it happened. He
ain't just gonna come over and start smacking.
Speaker 2 (37:19):
You know.
Speaker 4 (37:19):
He usually be like A I'm not abused, by the way,
but he usually be like A all right, keep playing
with me. I'm gonna show you better. I can tell you.
You see it all the time. I'm telling you I
ain't never hit no woman, And that's on record. I
never hit no woman. But I'm telling you that's what
it be. And then people ignore those signs and then
(37:39):
next thing.
Speaker 2 (37:40):
You know.
Speaker 4 (37:42):
What, no no with me.
Speaker 1 (37:47):
Like, I'll give y'all what I think masculinely is. I
think uh, a masculine man is calculated he's calm under pressure.
He's he's a decision maker. He's not and decisive, he's
very decisive. Now, all those characteristics could also be associated
with women, right, So I think to be a well
rounded human you need to embody booth because who wants
(38:12):
a super indecisive woman? You know what I'm saying? Who
wants a woman who can't ever make a decision? On
the food conversation, like how we supposedly never know we
want to eat. We always know we want to eat.
We just don't know how much y'all can afford. Okay,
we just don't know where we can eat at, but
we always know where you know, me and my homegirls
like to eat that we always know who you want
(38:33):
to eat.
Speaker 2 (38:34):
I don't always know where I want to eat. Sometimes
I want you to you know you pick you.
Speaker 4 (38:40):
Pick it well? If you if you if I know
you like seafood, We're gonna go to a seafoodstaurant. You
might not know what you want when you get there,
but I know where we're going. You know what I'm says,
I know whe we're going steakhouse. But to me, masculine
that he means man. So many things they don't have
(39:04):
anything to do with being like tough and hard and
nothing like that. It's just a man who can, you know,
regulate his emotions, one who can think under pressure, and
one who could be vulnerable because being being vulnerable takes strength.
A lot of men don't realize that, like they think, oh,
you know, to be all stoic and strong. No, that's
(39:25):
not masculated to me.
Speaker 2 (39:26):
Yeah, I think a lot of men associate vulnerability with weakness.
Speaker 4 (39:31):
You know, it's all about it's all really, it's really
about being able to articulate yourself so the other person
understands you, and controlling your emotions. That's very masculine to me.
Speaker 2 (39:42):
Yeah. But strength don't have nothing to do with masculinity
at all.
Speaker 4 (39:46):
Physical strength, no, no, no, But to be vulnerable takes strength,
internal strength.
Speaker 2 (39:52):
Like mental strength.
Speaker 4 (39:54):
Yeah that too.
Speaker 2 (39:55):
Yeah hmm, I don't know because I need.
Speaker 4 (40:00):
Yeah, listen right, open his jar listen, Yeah, he can
open the jaw. That's just being strong. I don't have
nothing to do with being masculinity. Being masculine. You got
a guy, You can have a guy that's brawlic go
to the gym every day, super strong, but very feminine.
Oh yeah, you see what I'm saying. So, yeah, they
don't have anything to do with strength.
Speaker 1 (40:19):
Why first of all, listen, this is not masculine. Why
your whole thigh out? The hoochi daddy short, I love him?
What do you want that? Yes, if you're not playing soccer,
he would not want to see you with your whole
thigh out.
Speaker 2 (40:35):
No, I like it because I like you're eating the legs,
them strong legs like nice.
Speaker 4 (40:41):
I like.
Speaker 1 (40:42):
I do like legs. Now, you just got like a
little little sperm tadpole body.
Speaker 2 (40:47):
But I don't buy the neighborhood no fat ass though,
Like I don't want his ass to be fat as mine.
Speaker 1 (40:52):
But I like the big legs and a nice bath.
Speaker 2 (41:02):
So I got a question. Is society striven men of
purpose or liberating them? Oh?
Speaker 4 (41:08):
Man, that's a great question. Yeah. Yeah, because you got
a lot of women out here telling men how to
be men, you know, and social media isn't making it
any better. So we have to get back to being men.
You know what I'm saying. If you are, and a
lot of women always say that, oh, bring back the men.
You're right, we got to bring back the men.
Speaker 1 (41:28):
But in order to bring back that mean when we
say that, what do you what do I know? We
mean when we say that men here, what men here is?
Speaker 4 (41:37):
Ain't no men out here good enough like our granddaddy's.
That's what they hear as a whole, that's what they hear.
But the men out here, we just have to bring
them back as a whole, bring back strong you know,
men who can think, you know. But in order to
bring back masculine, strong men who can lead, we have
(41:59):
to bring back the respectable, respectable women.
Speaker 2 (42:03):
So you wait a minute now, So you don't think
respectable women exist, No.
Speaker 4 (42:09):
They're out here, it's just at a minimal they're out here.
But there's a lot of disrespectful women out here that Oh.
Speaker 1 (42:15):
Wait, wait, you said not respectable. You mean disrespectful because respectable.
That just because you are disrespectful doesn't mean you're not respectable, right,
That's what I'm saying, Like you are you mean like
women like women respect men.
Speaker 4 (42:30):
Who respect me? Correct, that's what we have. In order
for us to get back to that, we have to
bring back the women who respect men. We have to
bring that back.
Speaker 1 (42:41):
So why do you think that the that there's a
lack of respect for men? Yeah, like, collectively why do
you You obviously feel like there's you said that there's
a little bit of women out here who actually respect men.
But why why do you feel like that? And do
you get disrespected by women in your day to day life?
Speaker 4 (42:59):
No, no, I do not, And I feel like, well,
this is really a feeling, you know, in my line
of my In my line of work, I talk to
men every day every day.
Speaker 1 (43:09):
I mean, so he's like your barber's favorite barber.
Speaker 2 (43:13):
Oh yeah, this is your new barber right here? Yeah,
he in Colombia.
Speaker 4 (43:17):
Okay, new barber right here.
Speaker 2 (43:19):
Yeah, y'all more committed to like he.
Speaker 4 (43:22):
I don't even my barber. I don't know that negative
be committed to the barber. No, I ain't gonna lie
committed to barber.
Speaker 2 (43:29):
But go ahead. What are he's saying?
Speaker 4 (43:32):
In my line of work, I talked to about two
thousand men a year, maybe more, and they all say
the same thing. They all say the same thing. Respect
is number one. I've said it. Respect is number one.
Once we lost that, you lose the man.
Speaker 2 (43:52):
Well why do you think the women have lost respect? Though?
Speaker 4 (43:55):
You know, because how the world to shape is telling
women who to tell men how to be men? We
gotta get in order for the man to come back.
We got to in order to bring back the real
strong men that we used to be, we also have
to bring back the women who respects those men.
Speaker 2 (44:17):
I feel like those men were providers though they were
and they still are here, but it's at a minimum. Yeah,
that's what I'm saying, Like women minimal respect is because
there's minimal providers.
Speaker 4 (44:31):
All right. See, the thing is about provision. I hope
y'all don't think provision is just like money. No, we don't, Okay, cool,
So in my opinion, providing or provision is a man
who can lead you be a life manager, you know
what I'm saying, Like a man who can come in
(44:54):
and he can be considered of how you feel and
and for the batterment of the house. You see what
I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (45:03):
So where they're doing that though.
Speaker 1 (45:08):
I'm listen, they will.
Speaker 4 (45:12):
Men are doing it. Men will do it. I'm telling
you in order for if you want a man too,
and I hate to get him a man woman thing,
but if you want as why.
Speaker 1 (45:20):
Brought you here?
Speaker 4 (45:21):
All right? If you want to know, I'm like the
man versus woman. That's why you hear what's The thing
is right, if you want a man to move or
perform the way you want him to, you gotta speak
that at him. I'm telling you he will.
Speaker 2 (45:37):
Do it sometimes because listen, listen. No, let's think about
some of the guys that we know personally. I can
think of one of your friends, okay, and he ain't
ship and he lying, he got a woman at the house,
a pregnant woman at the house, and always in different
bitches in box and d ms and he's just a
straight sociopath liar. And that's your homeboy. I'm sure that
(46:07):
woman over there is speaking all kind of life to
him and he's still outside of doing the word.
Speaker 1 (46:10):
That's this part, right. Remember on another episode when I
said that there are things that I discovered about myself,
like like not being able to be as thoughtful as
other people are. But another is I understand that most
men like one of their major love languages is words
of affirmation. But for me now I give men affirmations off.
(46:35):
I affirm men all the time. Right, But when I'm
like I have struggled with a partner right who I
have felt like I've been mistreated by and different things,
and then they would start doing well, right, I can't
get into the position of like.
Speaker 2 (46:54):
Affirming them.
Speaker 1 (46:55):
Yes, I can't because you've broken me. I'm saying, I can't.
I can't. I don't even I don't know how do.
Speaker 3 (47:02):
I affirm ye?
Speaker 4 (47:03):
Like, how do I? Now you don't have You don't
have the capability to affirm him at that moment, you
know what I'm saying. So you need to articulate how
you what's going on with you so he can understand.
It's just all about understanding communication. That's it.
Speaker 1 (47:17):
Yeah, because I know that's how you that's that is
definitely how you get men to do well right. That
women are the muse right, So, like I was telling
Thomas Early, like, no woman, no black women, right, because
that's who we are. We are not asking men to
have everything together together today. We are asking you to
let me see the progress. I need you to actively
(47:38):
be working towards some giving me the soft life. And
I feel like, like I always say, there's two type
of men, Like there's either a man who feeds his
ego through how many women he can have sex with,
and then there's the man who feeds his ego by
how many people he can take care of. And That's
that's the man I like.
Speaker 2 (47:55):
Is that the only two types.
Speaker 4 (47:56):
See, the thing is about that second guy that you
just described. While that man is there making sure everybody
around him is straight, the kids, the woman, the in laws,
his mother, he filling up everybody else. Cut he has
moments where he gets weak, you know, and feel a
little inadequate, you know what I'm saying. So it has
(48:18):
to be like a reservoir. Like while he's filling everybody
else up, you got to be filling him up, you know,
because when he starts to lack in certain areas, you know,
I got to help that brother lift him up.
Speaker 2 (48:28):
You know.
Speaker 4 (48:28):
That's why, like you said, men like words of affirmation.
Tell him how great of a man he is. Hey, babe,
you know I think you are a great guy. Just
say it, put it right in the car. And what
if he has subject if.
Speaker 3 (48:41):
He hasn't been being a great guy, That's what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (48:44):
So now you try, Adam, what's wrong with him?
Speaker 4 (48:46):
That's what's going on. But don't sound like his mother,
you see what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (48:50):
So Okay, how do you do that?
Speaker 4 (48:56):
Get it out, Get it out, Get it out, get
it out, you know, be a woman. You are a woman.
But you know that's what the femininity, that's what the
femininity is.
Speaker 2 (49:08):
It's the second time something about me being a woman today.
Speaker 4 (49:14):
Be a woman? Like, come on, man, what does that mean?
I can't tell y'all what a woman as y'all are
to you? Lester being meaning, be assertive and say it
with your chest. What's going on? How you feel? That's
all I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (49:32):
Yeah, but soft though, right, soft and little tone.
Speaker 4 (49:36):
Listen, you don't have to coddle the man. You know
what I'm saying. I can tell you sometimes sneak that
man grown you grown, Just speak. You don't curse or
yell at him because you're not going to get no response.
Speaker 1 (49:47):
You've had a conversation with somebody and you just feel
like they intentionally disagree or intentionally not to understand. Oh yes,
that's when I start yelling. I do start off regular, yes,
but then when you when I feel like I didn't
repeat the same thing multiple times.
Speaker 2 (50:04):
And someone's committed to misunderstanding.
Speaker 1 (50:06):
It frustrated And now I'm screaming because I feel like
you're a hell bent on misunderstands. See, some people are
not taking accountability right and I am in a place
now to where I'm no longer like really trying to
Like we speak very broadly on this podcast, but in
my personal life, I am no longer trying to force
people to take accountability, right. That is not my job, right,
(50:28):
and I don't want nobody trying to force me to
take accountability for shit either. We should all take accountability
right and do the things that we know people expect
of us, right, you know, especially in a relationship, you
know people have expectations, your partner has expectations.
Speaker 4 (50:44):
It's my first time I ever hearing women say that
accountability we should take it.
Speaker 2 (50:49):
You've never heard a woman say she should take accountabilities.
Speaker 1 (50:53):
Terry, you lying.
Speaker 4 (50:55):
Don't get out here, y'all boy, Accountability like the matrix
man like I.
Speaker 1 (51:02):
Accountability look like to you.
Speaker 4 (51:03):
Own your ship. Listen, if we're together, it's all about correction.
You can correct me, adjust me, and I can do
the same for you. It's about respect, own your ship,
and we're gonna be all right.
Speaker 2 (51:19):
So you feel like women never own their ship.
Speaker 1 (51:23):
I feel like sometimes I've never been with a man
who actually like took accountability that I feel.
Speaker 4 (51:31):
That was a protest to the protests you know what
I'm saying because I let me tell you. She asked
about the women. He said, this.
Speaker 1 (51:40):
Is that is something that I'm working on, right, not
allowing other peoples, uh what they're doing and their emotions
to affect mine, right or like trying to stay even killed.
So if I'm asking, if I I feel like I've
always been, uh, men want you to take accountability for
your bullshit. But they they will never, like even with cheating, right,
(52:04):
you can ask them a thousand times, Hey, you already know, right,
did you do this? You know this girl? No? No,
they line in line, line till the bitch come knock
on the door, so.
Speaker 2 (52:13):
You never and the bitch standing right there she ay,
I that's not even a real bitch right there, close
the door.
Speaker 1 (52:19):
They will never take accountability, so they I feel like collectively,
men are requiring something from women that they never offer.
Speaker 4 (52:25):
I strongly disagree. I strongly disagree. I had a conversation
with one of my one of my boys the other
day about this, and we both said the same thing, like,
I've noticed that men actually have been taken full accountability
for their actions lately, even with men men each other
all together, like men hold men accountable when you do
(52:46):
some goofy shit, men be like, hey, yeah, you're right, brauh.
You know sometimes when you when you're.
Speaker 2 (52:52):
Talking to one of your so why you don't hold
that guy accountable that I mentioned?
Speaker 1 (52:58):
They don't hold each other accountable, not for.
Speaker 2 (53:00):
Real, all right? You know what what I will say,
Like in the nineties, black men could be bad fathers
and they will still have homeboys. But I feel like,
now you niggas ain't fucking with you if you don't
take care of your kids. That is something y'all do
hold each other accountable about. And I think it's because
we grew up without absentee parents. A lot of us
(53:21):
grew up with an absentee father. So Black men are
more holding each other more accountable for that. So I
will agree there. But outside of that, when it comes
to cheating and ship like that, y'all don't hold each
other accountable for that.
Speaker 1 (53:37):
Y'all just get warning sitting man down and say, hey,
you sucking up.
Speaker 4 (53:42):
I'm telling you, I'm around the men. I'm telling you
what what we're saying your mom, I'm around them. Listen.
If you got a dude who's your home boy m hm,
and he's cheating like.
Speaker 2 (53:54):
You said, right, I'm about to go ahead. I'm listening.
Speaker 4 (53:57):
If he know your woman, right, he liked her like
I like her for you. She's a sweet woman.
Speaker 2 (54:03):
Trust me.
Speaker 4 (54:03):
He's going to be like, hey, bro, you're fucking up something.
You're sucking up a good thing. You're fucking up. But
a lot of niggas have reasoning like, man, I'm doing
it because of this. She don't give me no attention now.
Speaker 2 (54:12):
But you're not gonna not funck with a nigga because
he a cheater. You're not gonna stop being cool with you.
Speaker 4 (54:18):
What will you stop sucking with your home girl?
Speaker 2 (54:19):
Because she absolutely My friends do not need we're cheating
with you, man, please absolutely. First of all, I could
be appalled to hear that my friend is cheating.
Speaker 3 (54:32):
Are you talking about that?
Speaker 4 (54:33):
It's crazy with camera.
Speaker 1 (54:38):
Black women don't.
Speaker 4 (54:39):
Cheat, alrighty, brothers don't cheat either, But no, all jo side,
listen back to accountability, own your ship and we're gonna
be all right. What's it?
Speaker 2 (54:52):
Everybody? That's it? Just on your stick with question.
Speaker 4 (54:55):
And I'm telling you from a man's response on your
ship and we'll be alright. Same thing for the brothers.
Men do hold men accountable.
Speaker 1 (55:02):
So okay, if maline, if masculinity is not in crisis,
it obviously we said, it's like it's changing, right.
Speaker 2 (55:12):
More.
Speaker 1 (55:13):
And then also you have more men like having uh,
emotional intelligence? But Tammy, do you think women are actually
ready for emotional intelligent men? Why do you know what
I want?
Speaker 2 (55:29):
I don't think oftentimes, no, women are not ready. But
that's because they're not used to it. You know, they're
not used to it. I give you something, a little
something for that, all right. And then we're quick to
call them sassy when they say when they are displayed emotionally.
Speaker 1 (55:44):
Intelligent, you sassy. That's what random men. That's not for
like men in my day to day life. A random
man on the internet rambling like somebody, some men have
said some of the worst things to me on the
internet out I could be your sister, your mom. I'm like,
what if somebody else was disrespect somebody else is disrespecting
your mom the same way you're doing me right now
(56:05):
for no reason, just like unwarranted unsolicited disrespect. Right. Yeah,
but that is a small sample size of how these
men are probably in their real lives.
Speaker 2 (56:19):
Not emotional intelligence though, that's just disrespectful ass.
Speaker 1 (56:24):
A safety by sassy like women pop off quick. I
don't expect men to just be popping off quick. You
know what I'm saying and writing me a paragraph and
they don't know me, Like, what's happening? Go chop wood
that one, nigga, like we talk whoever he is. We
need him on the show because I just want to
touch him. That man with that good here looking like.
Speaker 2 (56:44):
You can't eating fruit and chopping.
Speaker 1 (56:46):
Wood, wood biting in the watermelons, And.
Speaker 2 (56:50):
That's very nice.
Speaker 4 (56:53):
Go chop wood, chopping wood every.
Speaker 1 (56:57):
Day, niggas. I like men who chopoda.
Speaker 2 (57:01):
Yeah, but I don't know if we are ready for
a truly and emotional, emotionally intelligent man. But that's because
half the time we not.
Speaker 4 (57:10):
I can response to that.
Speaker 2 (57:12):
Go ahead, let's hear it.
Speaker 4 (57:16):
If a woman have never experienced that, meaning forget a relationship,
if she never see her father be an emotionally intelligent
man to her mother, or an uncle to an aunt,
or maybe a boyfriend to assist it. She says she
wants that, but when she gets it, it can be
a little bit too much. You know, Oh damn, this
(57:38):
man really communicates, you know, he thinks he processes his thoughts,
he cycles through all the emotions, you know, and he's
he's coming to me. He's shooting from the hip like boom.
That could be too much for somebody that never had that,
you know what I'm saying. You ask for that, but
you never had another man to use as a as
a measure into as what that is. When you get it,
(58:00):
it's like WHOA, this is too much, you know, so
they might deflect or run like I don't want to
talk about it right now. It could be too much.
It could be overwhelming, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (58:10):
Let me tell you what I do. As soon as
I find like I'm talking to a man who has
a very strong emotional intelligence, I use chat GPT to
give me sigres conversation. Listen, I'll write down my no, listen,
I'll write down my feelings and then I'll go to
chat GPT and they'll say, please write this more eloquently
for me.
Speaker 1 (58:30):
But intelligence, that's not no.
Speaker 2 (58:33):
But I'm just saying, like scared of it.
Speaker 4 (58:35):
No, I'm not.
Speaker 2 (58:37):
I am sad at nothing, but I'm just no. I
know what to say, but sometimes I can't get the
words out correctly. So chat gt wrong way so recently,
So chat GPT don't help y'all express better. I used
at all the time.
Speaker 1 (58:53):
Don't because if chaty, if chat GPT, if chat GPT
is formulating your.
Speaker 2 (58:58):
Thoughts, it's not formulated my thoughts, it's just displaying it
a better in a better way.
Speaker 1 (59:04):
It's fanasy because when you gotta have an actual conversation
with this person.
Speaker 2 (59:14):
My thoughts, it's just said better.
Speaker 1 (59:16):
So my home girl, she rad some ship her baby
daddy sent her, and I said, put what you said
to him and chat GPT and see what it gives you.
It gave his exact text message, so.
Speaker 2 (59:32):
He just had chat GPT respond for him. Yes, that's
not what I did.
Speaker 1 (59:36):
Put her text in there and they gave it chat GPT.
Speaker 2 (59:39):
That's different. That's that's different. I'll I'll write my own
message and then I'll say make this we gonna added
that part up.
Speaker 1 (59:48):
We don't want niggas.
Speaker 2 (59:50):
Niggas already use it to communicate.
Speaker 4 (59:53):
No, No, I haven't. I never. I don't even have
that apple my phone.
Speaker 2 (59:56):
A lot of people do. You'll be surprised how many
people are using the conversation to communicate their thoughts. More eloquently. Yes,
that's I.
Speaker 1 (01:00:04):
Think that where we're definitely digressing as a people. And
if we're gonna use AI and in that.
Speaker 2 (01:00:12):
Way and they use an AI for.
Speaker 1 (01:00:13):
Everything, Yeah, but not to have day to day conversations.
I'm not using AI, like, not to formulate a response
to somebody saying something to me. I'm not even to
say it different like I'm gonna say it how it's
gonna be authentically me and my thoughts and my words
when I see it too, you know what I'm saying,
Because I feel like then you still gotta have a
(01:00:33):
real conversation with this person. So it can sound eloquent
via text, but then you having a conversation with them,
I'm like, who the fuck is that?
Speaker 2 (01:00:41):
It's not? I don't think I have to show you
an example. Yeah, I can see it. So it's not
like they're changing. It's the same sentence. It's just worded
in a way that it could be understanding better, maybe
my the way I'm saying it. Like, so yeah, like
we are flawed in communication, you know that, right? Even
just on this part cast today, there's things that we've
(01:01:01):
said that may be misconstrued between just the three of
us and sometimes using AI will help it come across better.
I mean, I don't know, I don't know. I don't know.
Speaker 1 (01:01:15):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (01:01:16):
I have you have you had a I'll sell you
an example. I did it last night. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (01:01:20):
I try to talk and text. How I read? You
know what I'm saying. You know how I read?
Speaker 2 (01:01:29):
Oh? Then, boy about the Obama's in it?
Speaker 3 (01:01:34):
That's about to blow us up?
Speaker 2 (01:01:38):
You talk like that, Gosh, I definitely do that.
Speaker 4 (01:01:42):
Slow down.
Speaker 1 (01:01:43):
Welcome to We Talk Back Podcast, the production of iHeartRadio.
And so are you in therapy?
Speaker 4 (01:01:49):
Yes, ma'am? I am. You said that with confidence?
Speaker 1 (01:01:53):
Yes, in therapy?
Speaker 4 (01:01:55):
Uh, consistently about nine months nine and strong.
Speaker 1 (01:02:00):
So what was the trigger to go to therapy? Because
I feel like that is probably what we women work
on their little things, right. We are working on ourselves
right every day, Like you know what I'm saying. I
reflect first thing in the morning, I think about the
previous day, you know what I'm saying, and then what
I could have done different if I had a situation
like most of my days have been stupid nowadays. But
(01:02:23):
you know, I just do a lot of and inshrooms. Also,
have you having a lot of introspective, introspective thinking, you know,
talking to yourself, having a lot of conference calls with yourself,
picking through your own mental health. So what trigger were
you to go to therapy?
Speaker 4 (01:02:40):
What triggered me to go to therapy was me being
uncertain about me being the greatest version of myself for me.
You know, if I can't be that for me, I
can't be that for nobody else. So that was my trigger.
Speaker 2 (01:02:53):
How has it been going great?
Speaker 4 (01:02:55):
Great? I'm learning to express myself freely without wondering how
that may make the person feel. One thing I learned
in therapy is to never make other people problems become
your problem. Yes, because what do you mean me myself?
My therapist said that I can be a people pleaser, right,
(01:03:20):
Sometimes I can openly extend myself for others. And you know,
even though I want to say no to somebody, I'd
be like, okay, y'all, I do it because I don't
want to.
Speaker 1 (01:03:29):
Disappoint today with this podcast.
Speaker 4 (01:03:33):
I didn't think when she called me that was just
a let me think, okay.
Speaker 2 (01:03:37):
Do so wait when I came over your house like
two weeks ago and I ate that food that your
aunt made, was you just being a people pleaser, because
you could.
Speaker 4 (01:03:47):
Have kept that meal.
Speaker 1 (01:03:48):
No.
Speaker 2 (01:03:52):
What I mean by that nobody food is your aunt
cook today?
Speaker 4 (01:03:59):
I got two aunts that live in the city, and uh,
one cook all the time. One don't cook as much.
My cousin Candice do all the cooking over there at
the house. But who's that saying? What I mean by
that is, you know, let's say, if you say, hey,
can you take me to the airport?
Speaker 2 (01:04:19):
You love?
Speaker 1 (01:04:20):
You take them to the airport.
Speaker 4 (01:04:23):
I know I want to say no. I want to
say no, I don't want to do it, and I'll
just be like, all right, I got you, we'll time
if I leave. But really I really just want to
say no. But I'll say yeah just cause you call me,
and I just make sure I get you there or die.
But now I'm learning I can say no and not
feel bad about it.
Speaker 1 (01:04:41):
You know what, So you do you think you were
saying yeah because you expect something from that person, like
some type of some gratification at some point, like no,
Why why you can't say no?
Speaker 4 (01:04:53):
I just used to like to be there for people,
you know. I just used to like to be there
for people, to the point where anyway it would inconvenience me.
You know, I gotta get it. I gotta get done
by the airport by two, knowing I gotta do it,
you know what I'm saying. So now I'm learning, man, Yeah,
I'm learning now that I could say no confidently and
not care about it.
Speaker 2 (01:05:14):
Yeah. I had to learn, like, because you will deplete
yourself that way. No, it was a complete sentence, no,
no period. You don't have to explain. Take good years.
Speaker 1 (01:05:24):
They songs like they just pop up like you know
I'm gonna say, yeah, so that's why you're calling me.
But I'm a surprise you today, bitch.
Speaker 4 (01:05:32):
I mean, it could be different things other than just
asking for a favor. It could be like, hey, I'm
having a housewarming. I remember one week somebody invited me
to a housewarman, a baby shower, a kickback, A promoter
friend of mine had an event, and then someone asked
me to help them move all in one week. And
(01:05:57):
unfortunately for myself, I tried to make each one of
those things. Damn they kill myself.
Speaker 2 (01:06:07):
Did you go to all of them?
Speaker 4 (01:06:08):
Nope? But I felt bad because I didn't make it
to one of it. You know what I'm saying. Yeah,
So I was like, you know what, man, I ever
had that problem.
Speaker 2 (01:06:17):
I don't think I ever had that problem. I just
I'll just say no.
Speaker 4 (01:06:21):
With love, I do it now. Yeah, I'm learning that
I can't. I can't make it.
Speaker 2 (01:06:27):
Call me for money and see what happened. Know, with love,
I'll tell people like you know, especially if someone's close
and I noticed urging him black, exhaust every other option
and then circle back.
Speaker 4 (01:06:40):
That's cruel, terrible, that is cruel.
Speaker 2 (01:06:44):
But you'll get it. You'll get it. I'll give it
to you, but you need to try every other possible
avenue first. You know, the fuck.
Speaker 1 (01:06:52):
I would have played a quick game right when we
get up out of here. So, uh, it's just a
couple of questions and you have to tell us if
it's massiw or not. Basically wearing pink.
Speaker 4 (01:07:06):
That's masculine, man. I love pink, pink, soft, pink, mauve,
you know anything on that color color.
Speaker 2 (01:07:14):
Spectrum, you feel like, I don't think clothes, I mean
like a color there's like no limitation. Yeah, but I
don't know if I put my baby boy in pink
though now.
Speaker 4 (01:07:25):
I won't put a baby, a baby boy in pink
at that, not at that point, not until later.
Speaker 2 (01:07:29):
I wonder why if that's something else pink out there
though the baby boy. You don't really see a lot
of baby boy pink. You don't know why would we
do it or not as a baby.
Speaker 1 (01:07:40):
That's what I'm saying. Unpack that part.
Speaker 2 (01:07:43):
Crying during a.
Speaker 4 (01:07:44):
Movie that's masculine. I have cried during the movie. I
made a Facebook movie. You know what movie I cried on.
I don't care how hard you think you is. This
movie will make you cry. A time to killed with
Samuel el jam Yeah, one those two white boys raped
his daughter.
Speaker 2 (01:08:04):
Yeah, oh my god, man, listen.
Speaker 4 (01:08:08):
Every time. I can't watch that movie all the way through. Boy.
Speaker 2 (01:08:12):
I remember I went to see Your Best Man Holiday
with my ex boyfriend and we was in a movie theater.
He kept on looking like you're straight.
Speaker 1 (01:08:22):
Yeah, yeah, like he was hard to downstairs at the sky.
Speaker 2 (01:08:26):
He couldn't keep new tears from following that movie.
Speaker 4 (01:08:28):
Find a movie that's mascular, Yeah, paid for a first
date that's masculine.
Speaker 1 (01:08:34):
Yeah, So, y'all, bitches, stop going to your pocket books.
I was like, why are you going to your purse?
Speaker 4 (01:08:38):
You know some woman? You know what a woman told me?
They say they do that because that's setting up the play.
Speaker 1 (01:08:44):
Oh okay, yeah, the real gold Diggs do trick for
some men are offended by that. Yeah, I'm not doing that.
Speaker 4 (01:08:51):
What about me leave the tip or something that's cool?
Speaker 1 (01:08:54):
I leave the tip.
Speaker 4 (01:08:55):
I shouldn't have to.
Speaker 2 (01:08:55):
Actually, don't walk in don't walk in dark Alley's bitch.
That's to till uh be a stay at home mom, No,
being a stay at home dad. I'm sorry. I'm so
used to saying mom.
Speaker 4 (01:09:06):
All right before I say, I got to put that
one in context because I'm a dad now right, and
I didn't have a full understanding of what it was
what it was like to be a parent, because kids
is a lot, a lot, and I'm gonna have to
say masculine, I'm telling you because people think, oh, it's
(01:09:27):
a baby, No, you can go home. That's crazy. I
made a Facebook poss about this too.
Speaker 2 (01:09:35):
You can be having.
Speaker 4 (01:09:37):
A mental breakdown. Kids doing know nothing but none of that.
They're gonna come to you, daddy, Mama. I want a popsicle,
take me to the park. I want to go to
trampoline park. I want to go to this pool. I
want you'd be like, if you know the day I had,
you wouldn't ask me for nothing.
Speaker 2 (01:09:54):
I'm about to stroke out. You want to go.
Speaker 1 (01:09:57):
It's like your woman is working and you're at your
I mean stay at home dad. You a woman is
working and you're at home with the kid. That's masculine.
Speaker 4 (01:10:04):
That can be masculine as well. Yes, I'm telling you
because kids is a lot interesting, because that's a duty
within itself. Taking care of gives at the house, it
takes a lot.
Speaker 2 (01:10:13):
Yeah, So asking for emotional reassurance very masculine.
Speaker 4 (01:10:19):
Yes, because men are very emotional. You know, we were
taught when we were kids, be tough, holding it in,
don't cry, don't express yourself. And now you got men
that are grown adults not knowing how to properly express
himself to his woman. You see what I'm saying. And
so he keeps everything inside, you know, he internalizes his emotions,
(01:10:43):
how you feel.
Speaker 2 (01:10:45):
And then everything comes out as anger. Every emotion comes
out as anger.
Speaker 4 (01:10:49):
But that's only if his talk Doune exploded. You see
what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (01:10:53):
But the.
Speaker 4 (01:10:56):
Trick to it is providing a safe space for a
brother to be emotional. If you provide that, you wouldn't
have no problem with him communicating or being expressing himself.
Speaker 2 (01:11:05):
And how do we provide that?
Speaker 4 (01:11:08):
You provide that by being a good listener, and also
by being a good listener, also by reaffirmed, reaffirming him
as he's communicating, you know, letting him again, letting him
know how how much you appreciate him. Appreciation go a
(01:11:28):
long way with men, a long way. Men don't really
care about love like that, respect and appreciation don't care.
Speaker 2 (01:11:37):
They don't want to be loved, They want to be
appreciated and respected.
Speaker 4 (01:11:40):
Men you love the kids. Men won't respect. Love will
come from that.
Speaker 1 (01:11:46):
Telling you, uh, taken longer than your girl to get dressed.
Speaker 4 (01:11:50):
I could be very feminine. Feminine, No, I listen when
am innute shower. I know what I'm putting on when
I get out the shower, like I already be thinking
about that, you know. And the men don't got to
do all the other aesthetics to get themselves together. You know,
sometimes our women women ugly. No, I understand. Women gotta
take time to enhance their beauty, you know. You know,
(01:12:12):
y'all gotta get right.
Speaker 2 (01:12:14):
What about meditating or journaling?
Speaker 4 (01:12:18):
That can be a mixture of both. That could be
a mixture of both. In my opinion, you don't write.
Speaker 2 (01:12:24):
It down.
Speaker 4 (01:12:28):
Norogyness is what you're saying somewhat yes, because I compartmentalize
everything like, Okay, I know I gotta do this, I
gotta do that, I gotta do that, I gotta do that.
I don't have to write it down for me, you know.
Speaker 2 (01:12:38):
And I don't you be forgetting ship?
Speaker 1 (01:12:40):
I might have said, do you actually be executed because
a lot of your niggas is unetequinte yahd medicine.
Speaker 4 (01:12:47):
Very organized and punctual. You see, I gotta here with Tom.
Speaker 2 (01:12:53):
We will see sometime.
Speaker 1 (01:12:54):
We was letting your woman take the.
Speaker 4 (01:12:56):
Lead in bed in bed very masculine. We want that, yes,
because men like to be desired as well. Yes, we
don't always want to be not all the time. We
don't always want to be the one to the first move.
Sometimes come over here, Yeah, come over here.
Speaker 1 (01:13:14):
And what if your man say? What if your man
be like, I don't feel like it today, Tom.
Speaker 4 (01:13:19):
Give me that date? How do you feel about that?
If he said I don't feel like it today?
Speaker 1 (01:13:27):
Listen, I don't want to know why I have had
it like this is this wasn't a boyfriend and I'd
never been turned out by like a boy's right, by
somebody I was fucking with and he told me he
wants to be alone tonight, he wants a me time,
and I didn't talk alone.
Speaker 4 (01:13:44):
Damn, the man can't have no me time.
Speaker 1 (01:13:47):
Hell no, because that hold on. What that means is
you're not gonna always feel like the person you're fucking with.
You do do it sometimes because they want to, right.
So you mean to tell me you only gonna fuck
with me when you feel like it, Like, that's.
Speaker 2 (01:14:01):
Not what's wrong with that?
Speaker 1 (01:14:03):
No, that means if I don't fuck Okay, obviously I
fucked with you and I didn't feel like it at
some point that was a personal choice. You could say that.
That's to me. I hate when people be like, well,
you chose to do that, because relationships is always given,
taking people choosing and making sacrifices. So no, you can't
tell me you feel like being alone tonight because you
(01:14:24):
think when you call me tomorrow when you feel like me,
I'm gonna just come over there.
Speaker 2 (01:14:27):
But you can't say you feel alone.
Speaker 1 (01:14:29):
It's not if I if I like somebody, I'm not
just trying to just we don't even have to have sex.
We could just I like to be alone with somebody
that's you.
Speaker 4 (01:14:38):
Yeah, that's what If he said, hey, not tonight, or
I need some time to myself, so he can.
Speaker 1 (01:14:46):
He just I want to be alone to night.
Speaker 2 (01:14:49):
What if he had something happen.
Speaker 1 (01:14:51):
If it's his mind, I was going to fuck somebody else. Man,
it's okay, and listen and here's the thing, and here's
the thing. You can do that, right. I'm not somebody
you could just brush off like that. You can't do
that to me. So I didn't know. I'm not holding
a grudge against him, like I still talk to him
when I see him and shit like that. But I
(01:15:11):
stopped talking with him.
Speaker 4 (01:15:12):
That's crazy.
Speaker 2 (01:15:13):
Just because he wanted to be alone one night.
Speaker 4 (01:15:17):
Man wanted some time. Maybe he didn't feel like it
was fair for you, to fair to you, for him
to be in that space around you.
Speaker 2 (01:15:24):
Maybe he feels like he didn't deserve your energy that
night because it's something he was going through mentally.
Speaker 4 (01:15:28):
But if it was some health issues, what if it
was he I just found out some bad news.
Speaker 1 (01:15:35):
You had to hurt break out. Good goddamn.
Speaker 4 (01:15:42):
Health.
Speaker 1 (01:15:42):
They got a breakout, he got it somewhere life.
Speaker 2 (01:15:47):
Godda right, nig can't even have a bad day man alone.
Speaker 1 (01:15:52):
It was a Friday night. Quit playing in my face
and then like anytime after that, you was on my
nuts if I had some you see what I'm saying.
So it's when I took my energy completely away from
him because I know, first of all, this is community dick. Okay,
all right, set up the play, set up the story's
o community dick. And this wasn't this is this is
(01:16:13):
just I was doing some shit because sometimes I get
bored if I'm single.
Speaker 2 (01:16:17):
Okay, So.
Speaker 1 (01:16:19):
Yeah, like I know this person, so I know how
he moves. So you you maybe it would have been
better if he said, no, I'm having somebody else over
the night. Maybe I would have taken to that more.
Speaker 2 (01:16:32):
I don't know that you would have accepted that more
than I want to be alone time.
Speaker 1 (01:16:36):
Yeah, I feel like that.
Speaker 2 (01:16:39):
Why would you accept that more? Because now that that
feels like now you're choosing somebody over me. That's a
problem to me.
Speaker 1 (01:16:45):
But I feel like you lied and chose somebody over me,
which is why you don't have access to me.
Speaker 2 (01:16:50):
No, if it's not a lot that but what if
it's not a lie.
Speaker 1 (01:16:54):
If I call, I do because I took my energy
from him. I bet you I can call him every
single It's when they think they some type of control,
so I took the control back.
Speaker 4 (01:17:04):
You can't funk that was in competition with one another.
Speaker 2 (01:17:06):
That's what someone.
Speaker 1 (01:17:07):
I wasn't in competition.
Speaker 2 (01:17:09):
I wasn't in man.
Speaker 4 (01:17:10):
I just wanted some me time.
Speaker 1 (01:17:11):
And you, hey boy, fuck you going out your mean
time and you can't never talk to me no time.
Speaker 4 (01:17:20):
And send the block?
Speaker 3 (01:17:22):
All right?
Speaker 2 (01:17:22):
Do you say I love you? What about saying I
love you to your male friends?
Speaker 4 (01:17:26):
That has been hard for me. But I do love
my I do love my male friends. I love all
of them.
Speaker 2 (01:17:32):
But telling them is hard.
Speaker 1 (01:17:34):
Why you just just saying, like one of your homeboys
been calling y'all and telling y'all how he loved y'all
when he drunk.
Speaker 4 (01:17:41):
Yeah, when he drunk.
Speaker 2 (01:17:42):
But maybe that just allows him to be more more vulnerable.
Speaker 4 (01:17:46):
No, that's dangerous because you get fucked. No, don't call
me when you're intoxicated. But brother, I love you. Brother.
What you're about to do? Be about to jump off
a bridge? No, no, what you about to do? But
to answer the question, that's masculine. That's masculine.
Speaker 2 (01:18:07):
But why do you have trouble with it?
Speaker 4 (01:18:10):
Because I was never around men who said that to
other men glowing up. You know, even the men didn't
growing up my father. Fortunately for me, my father told
me as a kid he loved me. But a lot
of men in the community didn't tell other adolescents that
they loved them. And hear other men tell other men
(01:18:31):
that they love them, so that was always hard for me.
I get it, so it's easy for me to tell
my child.
Speaker 2 (01:18:36):
But I challenge you all men listening, if you listen
to the show, tell your friends you love them.
Speaker 4 (01:18:41):
I love y'all, man, I love each and every last
one of you. Guys.
Speaker 2 (01:18:44):
Man, hey, man, see I love that.
Speaker 1 (01:18:48):
I love that.
Speaker 2 (01:18:49):
I tell listen. I tell our listeners every day, every episode,
I tell them I love them because some people don't
hear it.
Speaker 4 (01:18:56):
It's the fact I actually have friends that old me
that their parents never told them that.
Speaker 2 (01:19:03):
They love exactly. You know, some people never hear it.
They just would love for them mama, just to say
I love you, you know. So that's why I tell you,
because if you ain't gonna hear it, nowhere else you'n.
Speaker 1 (01:19:14):
We talk about just be telling people I love them,
because my love comes with action. I can't just fribuously
tell just people random people I love y'all because you don't. Yeah,
because I don't know people right right, And it's like, uh,
my love does not really come with conditions either, Like
(01:19:34):
real love does not come with conditions. So I can't
just use that word with a bunch of people that
I don't know, because the minutes you disappoint them, they
will turn on you and they never loved you, you
know what I'm saying. The minute you do or say
something they don't like, they turn it on you. So
did you ever love me for real? Or a minute
they say you do something to you like fuck you.
(01:19:55):
I don't really be quick to tell people I love
fuck them? Yeah, you know what I'm saying. So I
can't really get into what strangers like that. I absolutely
appreciate everybody though. I have a lot of gratitude and
thanks for everybody. But I have a real love a
girl like for real, for real, and I be like
(01:20:16):
in my feelings about shit. So if I feel like
slighted after I had outside, oh marshmallow on that.
Speaker 2 (01:20:23):
Side, that's very See. I just id like to think
that I walk around with Gods loving me every day
and I want to display that and every day. And
that's why I tell people I love them, because that's
what we're supposed to exhibit.
Speaker 4 (01:20:35):
Yeah, I play it.
Speaker 1 (01:20:37):
I ain't gonna say it. I'm gonna do you gotta
do bo. Yeah, I'm gonna do the things to let
you know I love you. And that is because of
how I was raised. My mama never was just giving
out hugs and saying I love you, But you knew
she loved you. But the things, you know, how she
shows up for you absolutely just raw love.
Speaker 4 (01:20:57):
But then you gotta look at what they heard versus
what they didn't hear. You see what I'm saying. Did
their parents tell them I love you? You see what
I'm saying because I think.
Speaker 2 (01:21:06):
Hearing it is important?
Speaker 1 (01:21:07):
No, it is, it is important for today. I love y'all.
Speaker 2 (01:21:12):
Y'all right, here, we love you too, John, I got
some love right for a second.
Speaker 1 (01:21:22):
No, let me tell y'all, y'all experience this love is
gonna make you a better person. I'm telling you I create.
Speaker 2 (01:21:28):
God, right, Amen, Do you have a last?
Speaker 3 (01:21:32):
Last?
Speaker 1 (01:21:33):
Terry?
Speaker 2 (01:21:34):
Tell everybody where they can find you, follow you, support
you all the things.
Speaker 4 (01:21:38):
Great great great. My name is Terry. You can find
me on Instagram at I Am so Charleston, At I
Am so Charleston. I A M C H A r
l E S t O.
Speaker 2 (01:21:52):
N you love out the song from the West.
Speaker 4 (01:21:55):
I said so, I A M S O C H
A R r l E S t O with.
Speaker 1 (01:22:02):
Erga shame anyway, y'all. If y'all enjoyed this episode, y'all
tune in every Thursday on The Black Effect. iHeart radio
app and Kevin Heart. We need to check because he
loveed to kill Lokate. I've been buying that ship.
Speaker 4 (01:22:14):
What is it?
Speaker 1 (01:22:15):
I can't pronounce it. It's to Kevin Heart to Quille.
Speaker 2 (01:22:18):
It did you tell him you're nos?
Speaker 1 (01:22:24):
Aj Holiday two play on Instagram's Kicking Tam.
Speaker 2 (01:22:26):
Y'all, It's official Tam Bam on Instagram. Remember speak now,
m And lastly.
Speaker 4 (01:22:33):
I just want to say I am very proud of
you both. I see the progress and only God knows
what he has the store for y'all.
Speaker 2 (01:22:40):
A man, thank you, We appreciate that.
Speaker 3 (01:22:42):
Best. Last, Oh, it's not last.
Speaker 2 (01:22:44):
Last, Yes, speak now, thank you, and never hold your accountability,
own it.
Speaker 1 (01:22:51):
We talk Back podcast is the production of iHeart Radio.
Visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you listen
to your favorite jokes.
Welcome to We Talk Back Podcast, the production of iHeartRadio
and the Black Effect Network.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
We're just two unapologetically black women with an opinion. Who talks.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
What's up?
Speaker 2 (00:16):
Y'all?
Speaker 1 (00:17):
Is your girl a j holiday?
Speaker 2 (00:19):
What's up?
Speaker 1 (00:19):
Big dam damn?
Speaker 2 (00:20):
What's up, y'all?
Speaker 3 (00:21):
I'm miss y'all.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
I love y'all so much. How was your weekend? Aj?
Speaker 1 (00:28):
I can't talk about it online. It's great, so that crazy? Yeah,
I had a good weekend, real good weekend, New Bay
what okay, of course not, it's all about me.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
Were excellent, y'all. I did a big eye week.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
No, I had a good weekend. No hanging out around town. Nice,
hot as fuck. Okay, my car is screaming. It's ninety
seven degrees outside and this only Yeah, just like having
a shower three times, just you know, natural deorderant.
Speaker 2 (01:15):
It don't play well right now, it don't.
Speaker 3 (01:18):
I want to be as as I used to anyway, good,
that's debatable.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
I I went away, y'allf for my birthday. I was
gone for an entire week and I just had such
a good time.
Speaker 3 (01:33):
I just needed that break from just everything.
Speaker 2 (01:37):
And I was in the I was in Europe, and
then after I got back from Europe. I went to
New York for a couple of days and I just
got back. I left last Monday, and I just I'm tired. Now.
Speaker 1 (01:49):
Don't have to do nothing right, No.
Speaker 2 (01:52):
I didn't have to think. I didn't have to think
about shit. I just get pretty and show up. Oh
I just wish that could be my whole life, Like
they can just pretty to show up.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
That's what we're working towards, you know what I'm saying.
But the thing is, then you be booked and busy. Yeah,
it just ain't never gonna be just what you want
to do. Somebody feed me grapes. I was getting foot
massage or eating grapes at the same time.
Speaker 3 (02:19):
I was like, I'm a queen, Like, how do you
go back?
Speaker 4 (02:25):
How do you go back?
Speaker 3 (02:29):
As soon as I got back to America, it was
the bullshit.
Speaker 2 (02:32):
Almost got hit by a car.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
Bitch, get out the straight in New York.
Speaker 3 (02:38):
I'm back planning America.
Speaker 1 (02:41):
You know. I saw this video on tiktoking with some guys.
I think they might have been like I don't know, Panama.
I think maybe, but they're just saying like, how like
you know a little bit of money you know over
there you can really live like a king or a queen.
America is just fucking stressful. It's just reads right on
this planet. I swear to God when I'm in the Caribbean,
(03:03):
I don't have no I don't have to do none
of that shit. Just be clear, breathing shit, using the
bathroom every day. Like it's just.
Speaker 3 (03:14):
Different, different, it really is. She's called in America, man,
so shout out to taking vacations. But speaking of vacation,
Malcolm Jamal Warner, y'all went to Costa Rica on vacation
and we lost him. That was like losing an uncle.
Speaker 2 (03:34):
You know.
Speaker 1 (03:35):
I just don't understand, but it definitely happens.
Speaker 2 (03:40):
It's just and I was just looking at the statistics
on a thousand Americans a year die on vacation annually.
Be it. The number one reason was like car accidents
but or a scooter some type of motor. But two
was drowning. That was the number two reason that people
(04:03):
die is on vacation.
Speaker 3 (04:07):
Now, water ain't nothing to play with, y'all.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
I remember there was a post where it showed like
the shoreline on back and most of the black people like,
I'm staying in the one and two, like I'll go,
I'll go out, you know what I'm saying, especially if
I got some braids, and if I got a lace front,
I'm at one and two. But if I got braids,
I'm out right.
Speaker 2 (04:27):
But you gotta be careful with that for real.
Speaker 1 (04:29):
No, that's what I'm saying. I got stuck on time,
so I know what that. So they're saying he got
stuck like in a ripcorn, you know, far out, and
then some bystanders did get him ashore, and then the
Costa Rican Red Cross tried to you know, revive him,
but he literally was gone right then. So he had been.
Speaker 2 (04:48):
Out too long, too much water. Yep.
Speaker 1 (04:51):
Yeah, but I remember struggling, like you know, you have
like those little snorkeling masks. But even with that, you
have to like breathe. So that's why, like breathing exercises
are real good too in cases situations like this. But
that shit makes you feel so tired trying to fight
against the current.
Speaker 2 (05:10):
And then the thing is it's always the people who
are confident swimmers sometimes like confidence can be your downfall
because I ain't getting I typically don't go past ankle,
maybe I don't go in past my calf.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
Really, so you don't get in the ocean then my calf.
I be like, no, I don't go I be floating
like I don't. I mean like I have went out
to where like I know, the bottom ain't nowhere to
be found. But hell no, when the water is like
you can tell when the water is crazy.
Speaker 2 (05:49):
The only time is when I sit down the peek.
Speaker 1 (05:53):
Girl, why are you even taking beach vacations? I'm confused now,
Like I'm even go in there to take pictures that
collects on. That's what I go for, dich. I'm a
home mermaid out here. I am going out water. I'm
going out man. I need to be able to see
my feet though, Like I'm not getting in Charleston water
past ingles.
Speaker 2 (06:13):
They had this Charlotte boat weekend, and I don't know
if y'all saw the videos, y'all google it.
Speaker 3 (06:19):
When it was that what's that black boat Norman?
Speaker 2 (06:22):
It's either Norman or uh Wiley, I don't know which
one it was on. But first of all, these niggas
was fighting like it was a video, like one boat
you look at that, they fighting the next literally.
Speaker 1 (06:34):
The boat that was Charlotte.
Speaker 2 (06:36):
Yeah, in the video they was fighting the water look
all dirty and nasty, like I don't like.
Speaker 3 (06:42):
It's a fun time, I imagine, but let's not video.
Speaker 2 (06:45):
Let's not let people see that we out there in
that murky ass order. I'm not getting that.
Speaker 1 (06:51):
That's so funny. You said that because on that same post,
I was on the phone when I saw it. I
was like, I am so sick of black people. Then
I went in the commons and I saw somebody was like,
just get old, ratchet. I'm tired of seeing this shit.
And I was, and I said to the person I
was on the phone with, like, get on, ratchet. Ain't
that bad, but just don't record it. I don't want
to see it. And I might want to be get
(07:13):
on a ratchet, but you will never see it on TV.
Speaker 3 (07:15):
No mayn that time I had to say you for
the water, no bitch.
Speaker 1 (07:20):
I was just about to say that. Y'all tell me
you had a blow birthday yacht party one time, and
I had just came back from Anguela swimming in level
twenty five. Okay, so now I'm thinking, like, okay, this
lake water, this ain't shit. The lake water is worse.
More people drowning lakes per year than in the ocean.
(07:40):
The current in the lake is different because y'all know
most lakes are built on top of old towns. Okay,
so when y'all hear this about Lake Norman, what's the
lake in Georgia that warbody never go to that damn lake?
Lamiir lanier la Neiir? Yeah, Lamiir is the fucking casino
in Saint Louis is it lumineer lumiir whatever? Anyway, Yeah,
(08:03):
lake in the mirror and Georgianire whatever niggas beginning, It's
really not.
Speaker 2 (08:11):
Take so many people every year. I would never go.
Speaker 1 (08:13):
To that, usually not black people, thought, so I don't.
I think black people really just don't go in there.
And then also the ancestors is probably pulling legs and
your birthday. I hopped in there, hopped in that lake
with no life that's on, thinking I could swim, And
when I tell y'all, the current was pulling.
Speaker 3 (08:33):
Me under under the boat. Mind you, I was drinking too,
So just a whole thank you God moment right saving
me from myself. But y'all, you.
Speaker 2 (08:44):
Definitely got to be the water, y'all.
Speaker 3 (08:47):
It was not you that pulled me out.
Speaker 4 (08:48):
It was a guy.
Speaker 1 (08:50):
Girl. Imagine you lifting me out the ocean, out the water.
It was a dude. You might have had one of
my arms.
Speaker 3 (08:57):
Yeah, and then I grabbed you and pulled you up.
Speaker 1 (09:00):
It was definitely a whole man on the boat that
pulled me up. Shame man, you got to be careful, man, man.
Rest in peace, Malcolm and Jamal Warner. We all grew
up Austin Cosey show.
Speaker 3 (09:13):
Y'allso I wren into that boat for my birthday.
Speaker 2 (09:15):
I did not like there was jet skis. There was
little like looat and pat guess who didn't touch a
liquor water No.
Speaker 1 (09:23):
And I was on the boat in a vest with
a captain had on. Yeah, shame.
Speaker 2 (09:31):
So yeah, rest in peace, machaelm Jamal Warner, and like
life is so fleeting, like be kind to one another
and love each other because you just never know, man.
Speaker 1 (09:40):
Absolutely yeah, So y'all. I don't know if Tam was
in attendance because she was in Europe, you know, this
past week.
Speaker 3 (09:48):
But apparently UK's biggest sex.
Speaker 1 (09:51):
Festival, swingeth On, returns with one thousand people in attendance. Bitch,
you think you swack? I was not there, So apparently
roughly one thousand thrill seekers have taken over a sleepy
Lincolnshire village for the for the UK's biggest swingers festival,
uh Dub swingeth On. The X rated three day event
(10:15):
is now its fifth year of drawing sexually liberated guests
from across the UK.
Speaker 2 (10:24):
It's sank out there. Stay out there in tints, y'all.
It's like all kinds of tints on this big ass field,
lay out there just having sex with each other.
Speaker 3 (10:34):
You probably can catch it on a porn hub.
Speaker 2 (10:37):
Called the police.
Speaker 1 (10:41):
I wonder if you gotta give any paperwork, like before
you come a thousand people, Like, out of a thousand people,
what is the statistics for like HIV?
Speaker 2 (10:49):
And it's got to be some diseases out there.
Speaker 1 (10:52):
Absolutely, And I'd be thinking like sometimes like people who
partaking like risky behavior, it's probably because they ain't got
shit to lose, Like should I already got the thing,
let me write.
Speaker 2 (11:00):
I might as well go to the swinger throng and
give it to everybody.
Speaker 1 (11:05):
Or like I don't give a funk shit. Yeah you
want to pussy, you get to pussy my mout head, neck, airs,
just every whole that's scary to me, no, cool.
Speaker 2 (11:15):
I'm not into none of that stuff. Because people be
having like parties, I'll be getting invited to like some
mild shit and I'd be like, yeah, no, that's not
my vibe. I'm scared. When I was living in the UK,
they used to have like this little swingers group on
the military base.
Speaker 3 (11:33):
And on the military base yep.
Speaker 2 (11:36):
Girl, they used to be into some It was. It
was the white people though, and they would this was
your sign that your home was down for the they
get down. You would put a bottle of tide in
the window.
Speaker 4 (11:52):
You know.
Speaker 1 (11:52):
In Saint Louis they have it's like a particular flag
they put in their yard to let people know that
they down for swinging.
Speaker 2 (12:01):
Mm hmm.
Speaker 3 (12:02):
So they put a bottle of tide like with the rainbow,
doesn't I don't know. I don't know which tide it was,
but that was the indicator that you put it in
your window cell to let people know you're trying to
funk outside your relationship.
Speaker 2 (12:18):
It just drow. What does that mean put some time
in your window?
Speaker 1 (12:26):
I don't know. I am not interested in catching some
ship like quick you doubling, tripling, quadruple your chances of
running into some bullshit right fucking around.
Speaker 2 (12:38):
That's not fun.
Speaker 1 (12:40):
Find out some.
Speaker 2 (12:41):
Person feel like work at that point, and there's.
Speaker 1 (12:45):
A lot of dudes who be wanting three sims even
like I never understand why somebody would like a medium
dick like wants super fat ass? Why would you want
multiple women?
Speaker 4 (12:55):
Like?
Speaker 1 (12:56):
What's up? Are you okay?
Speaker 2 (12:57):
Coming off fast? And now you got somebody hits one
woman sitting here mad? Sorry? Like I just all right?
If two people are having sex, what am I doing
during that time? If I just sitting there and I watching,
like what is it? Like? What am I if I'm
rubbing his foot or I'm giggling his balls from underneath,
Like I don't want what to do?
Speaker 1 (13:18):
Well, it depends on what type of ship y'all got
going on, if it's a threesomewhere, like the women are
interacting as well, or is you just waiting your turn
for this one dude?
Speaker 2 (13:28):
That's what I'm saying, Like what I wouldn't know what
to do. I would be awkward as fuck, like it's
just gonna rub your feet while you fuck her? Let
me tickling, nigga.
Speaker 4 (13:41):
I would not know what to do, So I just kid.
Speaker 1 (13:45):
And then you know, two guys and one girl, Like,
I don't know, that sounds not it's not a threesome.
Speaker 2 (13:51):
That sounds like at that point they at work. I
don't want to.
Speaker 3 (13:55):
Yeah, I'm cool on all that shit.
Speaker 1 (13:56):
I am such a playing Jeane type bitch when it
comes like, the most freaky shit I'm doing is licking
the gooch.
Speaker 2 (14:02):
Possibly listen. I was saying like, oh, yeah, I'm a freak,
That's what I would think. And then after the Dinny trial,
I realized that I've disapproved for real, I'm not a
vanilla sex That's what I happened.
Speaker 1 (14:14):
Yeah, I'm not doing all that extra shit. And I
know I've said this before in the show. You do
all that extra shit for a man just because you
want him to like you fall in love. They gonna
keep pushing the limit on your ass. It's never gonna
be enough. You don't need to do all that shit
to come. You really don't, like, you don't need another person.
You don't need I mean, toys are good, you know,
(14:38):
but you don't need all this extra shit somebody trying
to get women to do to have an orgasm.
Speaker 2 (14:44):
Not to say you have to set boundaries, you really do,
because If you don't, they can have you upside down,
dropping balls in your mouth off the couch.
Speaker 1 (14:55):
I mean, I don't like balls, stand the purpose of balls,
but they just fucking ugly and they just be hanging
out there. Oh either, I saw somebody had like a
book bag made of two big ass nuts, white ones.
That that on Instagram yesterday, Like, what the fuck is
going on?
Speaker 2 (15:17):
Goodness?
Speaker 3 (15:19):
So apparently twenty.
Speaker 1 (15:21):
Year olds today have the testosterone of seventy year olds
in nineteen seventies.
Speaker 2 (15:28):
That's so crazy.
Speaker 1 (15:30):
It says masculinity is down bad. Testosterone levels have dropped
thirty percent since two thousand. The average twenty two year
old has lower tea than a seventy year old had
in the nineteen seventies, And it says, what the fuck
is going on? So it says ninety percent of men
are low on testosterone. This crisis also includes dropping sperm
(15:52):
count and lower.
Speaker 2 (15:56):
Ability utility.
Speaker 1 (15:57):
No, it says motility.
Speaker 2 (15:58):
Did he mean?
Speaker 3 (15:59):
What the fuck?
Speaker 1 (16:00):
I don't know, y'all tell us anyway. The drop in
fertility rate is doubled since the nineteen fifties, the results
of a world filled with endocrine disruptors, environmental toxins, stress
seed oils, elast and underwear, et cetera. If you want
to higher tea level, here's what you need to do.
(16:21):
Avoid seed oils. They basically alleviate your tescular temperature, lower
the star gene expression, and therefore the cells which are
meant to produce testosterone become lazy and unproductive. So like
seed oils, like peanut oil, that's a seed.
Speaker 2 (16:43):
Oil, right, that's a nut oil.
Speaker 1 (16:46):
Oh okay, well nuts aren't seeds? Plant nuts?
Speaker 4 (16:50):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (16:51):
Are they seeds?
Speaker 1 (16:53):
I guess? I guess, so vegetable oil would be a
seed oil.
Speaker 2 (16:59):
Also peanut already. No, I don't know what's the seed oil?
Avocado oil?
Speaker 1 (17:06):
I use alphacatta oil all the time.
Speaker 2 (17:08):
Oil.
Speaker 1 (17:08):
Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 2 (17:10):
So it means like the spurs ability to swim.
Speaker 1 (17:14):
Okay, got it? Motility new word for the vocabulary test.
Speaker 2 (17:21):
But you know what I've been talking about this because
I don't see no Adams Apple no more. Where is
the Adams Apple. It's gone.
Speaker 3 (17:30):
I've seen them and they be protruding too much.
Speaker 2 (17:32):
Yeah, but you don't see them as much.
Speaker 1 (17:38):
Yeah. So, oh, canola oil it said on the diagram.
You can see that rats on the canola oil dyed
have lower stars. So star is important because it is
it is responsible for converting the cholesterol into testosterone. So
lower star equals lower test So canola oil, soybean oil,
(18:00):
so maybe men uh the best type of things they
say used beef tallow, coconut oil, grass fed butter, or
any animal fat extraversion. Olive oil. Yeah, I used you
all the time. That's usually what I use instead of butter,
And I use olive oil and grape seed oil. That
(18:21):
might not be good, right, but I'm not a man.
Speaker 2 (18:24):
So here's that part.
Speaker 1 (18:26):
But this post has a whole bunch of stuff in there,
Like yeah, that that explains a lot, you know what
I'm saying. Like and maybe y'all that's why I use
that app yuka because there is a chemical in most
of our products. It's like a it's like a chemical
chemical to help things like keep the shelf life like
(18:46):
a h what is the word I'm looking for?
Speaker 2 (18:49):
Preservative?
Speaker 1 (18:50):
Yeah, preservative. There you go. It's a preservative. But like
the number one thing is endocrine blocker causes fertility is
use There's so many chemicals in our food and especially
black hair products.
Speaker 3 (19:05):
But I supposed to happen like in the Age of
Aquarius for us to get all information and also for
men to be more feminine.
Speaker 1 (19:16):
I don't know about that part. Why then that means
men will eventually be extinct? Because if you notice, like
a lot of people are having female children as opposed
to boys are, we're not even creating them all to die,
but at we stall being able to jog at night?
Speaker 2 (19:33):
Girl?
Speaker 1 (19:34):
What is happening? I love men, y'all, but for I mean,
if you think about it now, why ain't nothing but
a broken X the chromosome? So sometimes these nigga should
be little half broken. It's still with the X part
the other side of the XT. And that's where that's
where you get the bent risks faster.
Speaker 2 (19:59):
Y'all. We love men, y'all know, we love y'all. We
just like poking fun. Really speaking, I mean, why we
shitting on y'all this? We might as well do this
last one, all right? It says Chinese woman saying top
tier man is just an average woman. The bar is low,
(20:20):
and she went on this rat about how the average
woman is considered a top tier man in our society.
Like the things that we do and the things that
we provide these men. If they're doing that is top
tier when it's what we're doing every day. And it
went on to say that one black man said, a
(20:40):
black man without a criminal record makes you top tier.
And I had a woman impressed. I had furniture in
a bread a bed frame in my home. It was
like a whole conversation what she said, did you Yeah?
Speaker 1 (20:53):
She was essentially saying, like, you know, like the basic
shit like cooking, cleaning, taking care of yourself, taking care
of your family, Like just that's a top taer man,
but that's basic for a woman. That is the basic,
the basis of being a woman. So essentially what she
was saying, like all these grandiose things that men think
that they're doing an accomplishing, it's actually, you know, the
(21:18):
average woman average. So the top tair man is the
average woman. Imagine that.
Speaker 2 (21:24):
How do that make y'all feel? Man? Listening to that?
You offend it? I mean, that's what I mean. There
is some validity to that, But I mean not going
to prison like where they're from, because I don't know
a lot of the niggas that have been in prison.
(21:44):
I know, I mean, I know a lot of niggas
that's been in prison. But I know more than have it.
Speaker 1 (21:48):
You know, I think it's pretty pretty equal. I mean,
for a black man in America, it is so easy
to catch a charge, you know what I'm saying, Like
they are trying to make sure every black man has
criminal history. I remember I was dating this dude and
me and him got into real bad because he had
this charge over his head for many years, like they
(22:09):
knew they couldn't charge. And what resistant it was like
resisting arrest of some bullshit. They literally was given his
brother taking harassing his brother and he just was sitting
happened to be sitting in the car, in his own
car when they pulled up to the house, and like
the police officer then came to his car and started
harassing him. Right, So what happened was he ended up
slamming this cop on the ground. Right. So once I
(22:33):
met him and he was telling me about it, and
he was like they were calling him like for.
Speaker 4 (22:37):
What is it?
Speaker 1 (22:37):
Like not jury duty, not jerry duty, Like what is shit?
You gotta keep going to court just to check in basically,
like like no, like a bench not a bench warrn anyway,
whatever it is, they want you to come check in
and make sure then the minute you're asked, don't show up.
Then you had a bench warrn basically like a roll
call essentially. But they kept doing the shit to him
(23:01):
for years, and he finally pled. He pled guilty to
like a lesser charge. I'm like, and when I talked
to him, I'm like, why the fuck did you do that?
Because you were in court exactly. They tired him out.
They would, they would, you would never ever get me
to agree to some shit out and fucking do right, right,
So I'll drag that shit out for ten years. I'll
play as long as they willing to play, Like, but
(23:21):
you got tired and you and then you got mad
at me for pointing out you being an idiot. Yeah,
but they were. They he was He had like a
CDO license to the officer was like, yeah, I'm gonna
make sure I get these licenses, like so then he
can't work and things like that. This is the stuff
that they do to black men, right, So it is
hard for a lot of niggas not to have, Like
(23:41):
I know, most black men that I know, I won't
say most, I'll say it's like half and half half
of them half criminal charges. Maybe they beat it and
didn't actually end up at the charge. And then the
other half probably just some time.
Speaker 3 (23:56):
Yeah you know, well, I say, I know a lot
that had but I feel like I know more.
Speaker 2 (24:00):
Men right now, right, yeah, they have not been But
then I listened, I just skated by a couple of times,
like I ain't never went to jail, but this was
probably should.
Speaker 1 (24:13):
There are there are I forgot the number, but there
are over a thousand different statutes in America. Okay, all
of us has done, have done some shit where we
could have got fucked up about. Just because you didn't
get caught doesn't mean you're not a criminal. Okay. My
stepdaddy was talking about my ex because he went to prison, right,
and I said, man, you'll be at the job selling
that viagra. Okay, let's be very fucking clear. If those
(24:36):
people in your job were healthy and was healthy enough
for VIAGRAA, their doctors would have prescribed to them. So
what you're doing is drug dealing viagra pills twenty dollars
a pop at the job.
Speaker 3 (24:47):
No, not right now, No, he's retired now.
Speaker 1 (24:51):
Yeah, he was doing that shit and talking about talking
about a nigga who movement work.
Speaker 3 (24:56):
It's the same thing, right, you just want a smaller scale.
Speaker 1 (25:00):
You're just selling pharmaceutical drugs, which actually may be worse
because one of the guys went blind that he was
selling the shit too, because the nigga wasn't healthy enough
to be taken.
Speaker 2 (25:09):
By blood pressure one.
Speaker 1 (25:11):
Right, yeah, so how much bitch is you fucking like?
How long you want your dick to stay hard? My guy?
Speaker 2 (25:17):
You know, I can concern with people who are taking
those like and honey packs and all that stuff and
bluetooes and all that shit, and it be young guys. Yeah,
but I would be upset if I was younger. My
dick win't get hard. I'd be upset if I was older.
My dick win't get hard, but especially as a young man.
Speaker 1 (25:37):
But how hard they wanted, Like, it might be getting hard,
but in their mind is not getting hard enough for
I don't know what. Just just let us tell you
all of the dick is hitting.
Speaker 2 (25:46):
You gotta squeeze the balls and the dick together to
try to shove it in so pussy, it's not hard enough.
Speaker 1 (25:53):
My mama call it a wet rag.
Speaker 2 (25:58):
I got stuff that wet rag man, and like, So
when men are angry sometimes I think that's why, like
if they're just always mad, And he was like, Dad,
why are you just got such a unpleasant disposition all
the time, Because yeah, I get it, because I'll be
a motherfucker.
Speaker 1 (26:18):
Too, either it doesn't work or its little. You know.
I always say, like, I just pray to God please
let my son have like it would have to be
no super big dick, just good dick, right, because I
just don't want to deal with a man with low
self esteem as my child. We'll we talk about this
week child masculinity, bitch, we talk about your niggas something more, y'all,
(26:43):
because we love y'all so much.
Speaker 3 (26:46):
It's masculinity in crisis.
Speaker 1 (26:47):
And we actually have a guest of a friend of
the show, friend in life on this episode this week,
you know, because we didn't want to be the only
ones talking, right, and we also want to active, So
y'all be like, but just don't even know what the
hell you're talking about, but we do, like we've been
(27:08):
dealing with y'all whole life, literally from daddy on up. Yeah,
I feel like I got a pH d in niggas.
Speaker 2 (27:14):
Okay, No, every time I encounter y'all, I realize I
just don't know what the fuck is going on. So
we'll be right back, y'all. Thank y'all for coming back again.
Speaker 1 (27:30):
We got a ball headed special guests.
Speaker 4 (27:36):
Thank y'all for having me. Thank you for having me.
Speaker 1 (27:38):
Our homeboy, mister Terry Campleton, Elsa's son, Else's son.
Speaker 2 (27:45):
We love you, Terry.
Speaker 4 (27:47):
Well.
Speaker 1 (27:47):
Me and Terry have been friends and have known each
other from elementary to fucking college.
Speaker 4 (27:54):
It's correct, okay, So if.
Speaker 1 (27:56):
Anybody know me, I think he might know me a
little bit.
Speaker 2 (27:59):
And listen, he' my friends too. They not just friends
like I met hear him in college and we've been
friends ever since. And this is like the person I
go to anytime I need like relationship advice or I
want to talk to a get a male perspective. I
always called Terry to see what he gotta say. He
always gives me some solid advice.
Speaker 4 (28:18):
I appreciate, y'all.
Speaker 2 (28:19):
Now, do I take it?
Speaker 4 (28:21):
Maybe not?
Speaker 1 (28:25):
So you want to follow up on a previous conversation
we had, right we were talking about it really wasn't
about masculinity, but somehow the conversation went in that direction, right,
talking about you know, women and not even about gender
roles just in life, like our positions, what we should
be doing. But today I actually want to talk about like,
(28:48):
do you think masculinity is actually in crisis mode?
Speaker 2 (28:54):
But what you mean by crisis though?
Speaker 1 (28:58):
Is it under attack?
Speaker 2 (28:59):
Is it just?
Speaker 1 (29:00):
Is it just evolving?
Speaker 2 (29:02):
Right?
Speaker 1 (29:02):
I think women can't really define what masculinity is, right.
I think I believe men should define amongst their peers
what being a man is and what masculinity actually is.
Speaker 3 (29:14):
Right. But I do think it may be evolving a
little bit, because you know.
Speaker 2 (29:19):
Women volving is that a word?
Speaker 1 (29:23):
Whatever, Something's happening, right, So something is definitely happening. So
we don't know if it's just men, you know, having
more outward emotion nowadays, or sasy opinions sassy friends that
the men and a man expresses emotion. We calling it
a sassy because really, I don't want no nigga stranger
(29:44):
on the internet talk crazy to me in the comments section.
Speaker 3 (29:47):
You're a sassy, My man would never you know what
I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (29:50):
I don't really like niggas that talk.
Speaker 2 (29:52):
I told you at the other day. Oh, like damn,
but nigga can't talk.
Speaker 4 (29:56):
You see my pinion?
Speaker 1 (29:57):
You know he means business. That's the type of and
men I be liking like I like men who make
jokes though I like funny you.
Speaker 2 (30:04):
Have a thought to tell a joke?
Speaker 1 (30:05):
He do, but not too much telling joke and goes
to tell and look out for me you thiggas right
up my telling joke, but don't.
Speaker 4 (30:14):
Talk to do it, but dance that I be playing
right To answer your question, I don't think masculinity is
in a crisis, but it isn't like in the red area.
You know what I'm saying. We got to get back
to the green area.
Speaker 2 (30:27):
And when you say red, what you mean.
Speaker 4 (30:29):
Like meaning your fingers should be on the panic button
because you know, men are becoming a little more publicly emotional.
You know a lot of men don't have no foresight.
You just see men crashing out every day on the internet.
You know what I'm saying. And we need to get
back to being men as a whole, being quiet, right, Well,
(30:50):
I wouldn't necessarily say being quiet, So what's.
Speaker 2 (30:54):
Wrong with being publicly emotional? Though?
Speaker 3 (30:56):
That's like we not like that.
Speaker 4 (30:59):
You know, you got a lot of men who are
arguing with women publicly. You know some of them are
actually physically hitting women, you know what I'm saying, And uh, yeah,
we gotta get back to being men. And then you
hear a lot of sisters say, you know, black men
don't protect black women. I disagree with that. I think
we do protect black women. It's just you know, Uh,
(31:21):
people just gotta understand when you out, you got to
be mindful of that because you can be harmed trying
to protect somebody that you don't know.
Speaker 1 (31:28):
And if it ain't your sister, your mama correct, right right,
But yeah, so.
Speaker 2 (31:33):
So wait, if you see a woman outside getting beat,
you not go You're gonna film it or you gonna
try to stop it.
Speaker 4 (31:40):
Oh, I'm definitely not filming it. I'm definitely not filming it.
But first of all, somebody can lose their life and
you filming somebody, you know what I'm saying. Yeah, but
I would definitely, uh be mindful of the situation because
you gotta understand situational awareness. If you see a man
and a woman arguing and he start, y'all hear that.
Speaker 2 (32:02):
Just burnt on the mic. Listen, we talk about masculine energy.
Speaker 1 (32:07):
You ain't got to be a man today, okay, And
it's straight acid because I ain't ship.
Speaker 4 (32:13):
Listen. But like I was saying, if you see a
man and a woman arguing outside across the street and
you're a man, don't just go over there and just
try to be, you know, superhero, because you can lose
your life too. I've seen it. It's best to just
call the police from where you at.
Speaker 2 (32:32):
Niggas is calling the police.
Speaker 4 (32:33):
Call the police from where you're at. Listen, because listen,
as a man, you got to make it home to
your family, your mama or your woman, and your kids
a home after that may be, you know, so you
definitely got to think about that before you just go running.
You don't know, men know the level.
Speaker 1 (32:50):
Other men will take it to, right, Like women really
really don't realize when their life in danger sometimes, and
I think men always like.
Speaker 2 (33:01):
A woman would write a woman would put a man's
life in dan in danger unknowingly.
Speaker 1 (33:06):
Yes the facts and I can't tell you that would
mind my business. If I saw a man being a
woman like I don't know that I would and help her.
Speaker 4 (33:13):
Just call the police from across the street, Call the police.
I wouldn't.
Speaker 2 (33:16):
I'm pop and the something like call.
Speaker 4 (33:19):
The police if that's not your loved one or your sister,
your mom.
Speaker 2 (33:23):
We can't be like that.
Speaker 4 (33:24):
Yess what I'm saying. You can lose your life trying
to save somebody you don't know, and now your mama crying,
your kids crying, your daddy crying, your aunties and everybody crying.
And he go to jail. And what you think she's
gonna be doing back when he get out, if he
get out, right, she's gonna be answering all them calls,
(33:45):
sending that money and you did you dead?
Speaker 1 (33:48):
That could happen with a family member too. You know
what I'm saying. You could stop your family member from
getting beat up by they loved the one, by their
boyfriend girlfriend, and it would be the same, the same thing.
But you're more inclined to intervene in that situation.
Speaker 4 (33:59):
Well that's another thing, right, Like I have a daughter
and uh, she's only three, but if she when she
gets older, right, let's just say she got a boyfriend
and they get into it, I would tell her before
you call me. You need to think about that because
(34:20):
when I get inlved, when you involve me, that can
go either way. He's a man, like I'm a man.
So if I come over there trying to get some
law in order that can go in his way or
I can go on my way. But you got to
think about that because I know how I'm thinking, I'm
coming home and he probably thinking like you know, So
(34:43):
before anything of that that happens, just leave.
Speaker 2 (34:45):
But see when you say that, it makes them scared
to call you, and then maybe they shouldn't, you know,
because like a woman trying to protect trying to protect
you and not protecting herself.
Speaker 4 (34:59):
And I hear you. If you are a family member
of mine and you are dating a man and y'all
happen to get into a verbal dispute that could possibly
get physical. Right, however, that may be leave before you
get the other men in your family involved, because again
that can go either way. When your uncle get there,
(35:21):
your brother, or your daddy get there, he a man
like you, a man, it might not go in your
daddy favor. You might to whoop your daddy.
Speaker 2 (35:29):
Dad.
Speaker 4 (35:31):
You ain't your daddy is going to protect their doors.
They come in with these strapped.
Speaker 1 (35:35):
Story The one time I got hit by a man, right,
I was on some bullshit and he can't control his
emotion after he'd not been on a lot of bullshit.
Speaker 3 (35:44):
Now, all of a sudden, like my bullshit bigger than
your bullshit.
Speaker 1 (35:48):
You want to hit me. And then he braced my
cell phones and now and I finally like call my
like literally before he broke the cell phone, like be
driving down the street. You're like, I'm gonna put you
in the fucking swamp.
Speaker 3 (35:58):
This is what he's telling me.
Speaker 1 (36:00):
I called my daddy. I'm like screaming on the phone
like this nigga says he's gonna kill me for real.
So finally got me to the swamp. He didn't kill me.
Speaker 2 (36:09):
He took you to the swamp.
Speaker 1 (36:10):
He took me to the projects by the swamp. Guy,
you know the day gyard there in the back of
the graveyard is like water like waste, like like wetlands
and marsh and ship like that. Yeah, he told me
he was about to drop me off there.
Speaker 4 (36:29):
So the best thing for your daddy to do in
that situation.
Speaker 1 (36:32):
I say, my daddy. When I finally called my daddy, once,
I cal him down, like daddy, can't you now come
pick me up because I've since been left where I'm at.
This is like when he came and got me, he said,
either you're gonna stay or you're gonna leave because if
I get involved, somebody gonna get hurt. This was never
with that person.
Speaker 4 (36:50):
In fact, any.
Speaker 2 (36:51):
Nigga who drop you off at the swamp, you definitely
need to where's that the in the project a graveyard? Yeah,
you need to go.
Speaker 4 (37:00):
Y'all just gotta be a be mindful of certain situations
because before I get you, if everybody know a man
who is somewhat of an abuser, even if he's physically abusing,
or if you verbal warning is, you know, you gotta
be able to peep that way before it happened. He
ain't just gonna come over and start smacking.
Speaker 2 (37:19):
You know.
Speaker 4 (37:19):
He usually be like A I'm not abused, by the way,
but he usually be like A all right, keep playing
with me. I'm gonna show you better. I can tell you.
You see it all the time. I'm telling you I
ain't never hit no woman, And that's on record. I
never hit no woman. But I'm telling you that's what
it be. And then people ignore those signs and then
(37:39):
next thing.
Speaker 2 (37:40):
You know.
Speaker 4 (37:42):
What, no no with me.
Speaker 1 (37:47):
Like, I'll give y'all what I think masculinely is. I
think uh, a masculine man is calculated he's calm under pressure.
He's he's a decision maker. He's not and decisive, he's
very decisive. Now, all those characteristics could also be associated
with women, right, So I think to be a well
rounded human you need to embody booth because who wants
(38:12):
a super indecisive woman? You know what I'm saying? Who
wants a woman who can't ever make a decision? On
the food conversation, like how we supposedly never know we
want to eat. We always know we want to eat.
We just don't know how much y'all can afford. Okay,
we just don't know where we can eat at, but
we always know where you know, me and my homegirls
like to eat that we always know who you want
(38:33):
to eat.
Speaker 2 (38:34):
I don't always know where I want to eat. Sometimes
I want you to you know you pick you.
Speaker 4 (38:40):
Pick it well? If you if you if I know
you like seafood, We're gonna go to a seafoodstaurant. You
might not know what you want when you get there,
but I know where we're going. You know what I'm says,
I know whe we're going steakhouse. But to me, masculine
that he means man. So many things they don't have
(39:04):
anything to do with being like tough and hard and
nothing like that. It's just a man who can, you know,
regulate his emotions, one who can think under pressure, and
one who could be vulnerable because being being vulnerable takes strength.
A lot of men don't realize that, like they think, oh,
you know, to be all stoic and strong. No, that's
(39:25):
not masculated to me.
Speaker 2 (39:26):
Yeah, I think a lot of men associate vulnerability with weakness.
Speaker 4 (39:31):
You know, it's all about it's all really, it's really
about being able to articulate yourself so the other person
understands you, and controlling your emotions. That's very masculine to me.
Speaker 2 (39:42):
Yeah. But strength don't have nothing to do with masculinity
at all.
Speaker 4 (39:46):
Physical strength, no, no, no, But to be vulnerable takes strength,
internal strength.
Speaker 2 (39:52):
Like mental strength.
Speaker 4 (39:54):
Yeah that too.
Speaker 2 (39:55):
Yeah hmm, I don't know because I need.
Speaker 4 (40:00):
Yeah, listen right, open his jar listen, Yeah, he can
open the jaw. That's just being strong. I don't have
nothing to do with being masculinity. Being masculine. You got
a guy, You can have a guy that's brawlic go
to the gym every day, super strong, but very feminine.
Oh yeah, you see what I'm saying. So, yeah, they
don't have anything to do with strength.
Speaker 1 (40:19):
Why first of all, listen, this is not masculine. Why
your whole thigh out? The hoochi daddy short, I love him?
What do you want that? Yes, if you're not playing soccer,
he would not want to see you with your whole
thigh out.
Speaker 2 (40:35):
No, I like it because I like you're eating the legs,
them strong legs like nice.
Speaker 4 (40:41):
I like.
Speaker 1 (40:42):
I do like legs. Now, you just got like a
little little sperm tadpole body.
Speaker 2 (40:47):
But I don't buy the neighborhood no fat ass though,
Like I don't want his ass to be fat as mine.
Speaker 1 (40:52):
But I like the big legs and a nice bath.
Speaker 2 (41:02):
So I got a question. Is society striven men of
purpose or liberating them? Oh?
Speaker 4 (41:08):
Man, that's a great question. Yeah. Yeah, because you got
a lot of women out here telling men how to
be men, you know, and social media isn't making it
any better. So we have to get back to being men.
You know what I'm saying. If you are, and a
lot of women always say that, oh, bring back the men.
You're right, we got to bring back the men.
Speaker 1 (41:28):
But in order to bring back that mean when we
say that, what do you what do I know? We
mean when we say that men here, what men here is?
Speaker 4 (41:37):
Ain't no men out here good enough like our granddaddy's.
That's what they hear as a whole, that's what they hear.
But the men out here, we just have to bring
them back as a whole, bring back strong you know,
men who can think, you know. But in order to
bring back masculine, strong men who can lead, we have
(41:59):
to bring back the respectable, respectable women.
Speaker 2 (42:03):
So you wait a minute now, So you don't think
respectable women exist, No.
Speaker 4 (42:09):
They're out here, it's just at a minimal they're out here.
But there's a lot of disrespectful women out here that Oh.
Speaker 1 (42:15):
Wait, wait, you said not respectable. You mean disrespectful because respectable.
That just because you are disrespectful doesn't mean you're not respectable, right,
That's what I'm saying, Like you are you mean like
women like women respect men.
Speaker 4 (42:30):
Who respect me? Correct, that's what we have. In order
for us to get back to that, we have to
bring back the women who respect men. We have to
bring that back.
Speaker 1 (42:41):
So why do you think that the that there's a
lack of respect for men? Yeah, like, collectively why do
you You obviously feel like there's you said that there's
a little bit of women out here who actually respect men.
But why why do you feel like that? And do
you get disrespected by women in your day to day life?
Speaker 4 (42:59):
No, no, I do not, And I feel like, well,
this is really a feeling, you know, in my line
of my In my line of work, I talk to
men every day every day.
Speaker 1 (43:09):
I mean, so he's like your barber's favorite barber.
Speaker 2 (43:13):
Oh yeah, this is your new barber right here? Yeah,
he in Colombia.
Speaker 4 (43:17):
Okay, new barber right here.
Speaker 2 (43:19):
Yeah, y'all more committed to like he.
Speaker 4 (43:22):
I don't even my barber. I don't know that negative
be committed to the barber. No, I ain't gonna lie
committed to barber.
Speaker 2 (43:29):
But go ahead. What are he's saying?
Speaker 4 (43:32):
In my line of work, I talked to about two
thousand men a year, maybe more, and they all say
the same thing. They all say the same thing. Respect
is number one. I've said it. Respect is number one.
Once we lost that, you lose the man.
Speaker 2 (43:52):
Well why do you think the women have lost respect? Though?
Speaker 4 (43:55):
You know, because how the world to shape is telling
women who to tell men how to be men? We
gotta get in order for the man to come back.
We got to in order to bring back the real
strong men that we used to be, we also have
to bring back the women who respects those men.
Speaker 2 (44:17):
I feel like those men were providers though they were
and they still are here, but it's at a minimum. Yeah,
that's what I'm saying, Like women minimal respect is because
there's minimal providers.
Speaker 4 (44:31):
All right. See, the thing is about provision. I hope
y'all don't think provision is just like money. No, we don't, Okay, cool,
So in my opinion, providing or provision is a man
who can lead you be a life manager, you know
what I'm saying, Like a man who can come in
(44:54):
and he can be considered of how you feel and
and for the batterment of the house. You see what
I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (45:03):
So where they're doing that though.
Speaker 1 (45:08):
I'm listen, they will.
Speaker 4 (45:12):
Men are doing it. Men will do it. I'm telling
you in order for if you want a man too,
and I hate to get him a man woman thing,
but if you want as why.
Speaker 1 (45:20):
Brought you here?
Speaker 4 (45:21):
All right? If you want to know, I'm like the
man versus woman. That's why you hear what's The thing
is right, if you want a man to move or
perform the way you want him to, you gotta speak
that at him. I'm telling you he will.
Speaker 2 (45:37):
Do it sometimes because listen, listen. No, let's think about
some of the guys that we know personally. I can
think of one of your friends, okay, and he ain't
ship and he lying, he got a woman at the house,
a pregnant woman at the house, and always in different
bitches in box and d ms and he's just a
straight sociopath liar. And that's your homeboy. I'm sure that
(46:07):
woman over there is speaking all kind of life to
him and he's still outside of doing the word.
Speaker 1 (46:10):
That's this part, right. Remember on another episode when I
said that there are things that I discovered about myself,
like like not being able to be as thoughtful as
other people are. But another is I understand that most
men like one of their major love languages is words
of affirmation. But for me now I give men affirmations off.
(46:35):
I affirm men all the time. Right, But when I'm
like I have struggled with a partner right who I
have felt like I've been mistreated by and different things,
and then they would start doing well, right, I can't
get into the position of like.
Speaker 2 (46:54):
Affirming them.
Speaker 1 (46:55):
Yes, I can't because you've broken me. I'm saying, I can't.
I can't. I don't even I don't know how do.
Speaker 3 (47:02):
I affirm ye?
Speaker 4 (47:03):
Like, how do I? Now you don't have You don't
have the capability to affirm him at that moment, you
know what I'm saying. So you need to articulate how
you what's going on with you so he can understand.
It's just all about understanding communication. That's it.
Speaker 1 (47:17):
Yeah, because I know that's how you that's that is
definitely how you get men to do well right. That
women are the muse right, So, like I was telling
Thomas Early, like, no woman, no black women, right, because
that's who we are. We are not asking men to
have everything together together today. We are asking you to
let me see the progress. I need you to actively
(47:38):
be working towards some giving me the soft life. And
I feel like, like I always say, there's two type
of men, Like there's either a man who feeds his
ego through how many women he can have sex with,
and then there's the man who feeds his ego by
how many people he can take care of. And That's
that's the man I like.
Speaker 2 (47:55):
Is that the only two types.
Speaker 4 (47:56):
See, the thing is about that second guy that you
just described. While that man is there making sure everybody
around him is straight, the kids, the woman, the in laws,
his mother, he filling up everybody else. Cut he has
moments where he gets weak, you know, and feel a
little inadequate, you know what I'm saying. So it has
(48:18):
to be like a reservoir. Like while he's filling everybody
else up, you got to be filling him up, you know,
because when he starts to lack in certain areas, you know,
I got to help that brother lift him up.
Speaker 2 (48:28):
You know.
Speaker 4 (48:28):
That's why, like you said, men like words of affirmation.
Tell him how great of a man he is. Hey, babe,
you know I think you are a great guy. Just
say it, put it right in the car. And what
if he has subject if.
Speaker 3 (48:41):
He hasn't been being a great guy, That's what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (48:44):
So now you try, Adam, what's wrong with him?
Speaker 4 (48:46):
That's what's going on. But don't sound like his mother,
you see what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (48:50):
So Okay, how do you do that?
Speaker 4 (48:56):
Get it out, Get it out, Get it out, get
it out, you know, be a woman. You are a woman.
But you know that's what the femininity, that's what the
femininity is.
Speaker 2 (49:08):
It's the second time something about me being a woman today.
Speaker 4 (49:14):
Be a woman? Like, come on, man, what does that mean?
I can't tell y'all what a woman as y'all are
to you? Lester being meaning, be assertive and say it
with your chest. What's going on? How you feel? That's
all I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (49:32):
Yeah, but soft though, right, soft and little tone.
Speaker 4 (49:36):
Listen, you don't have to coddle the man. You know
what I'm saying. I can tell you sometimes sneak that
man grown you grown, Just speak. You don't curse or
yell at him because you're not going to get no response.
Speaker 1 (49:47):
You've had a conversation with somebody and you just feel
like they intentionally disagree or intentionally not to understand. Oh yes,
that's when I start yelling. I do start off regular, yes,
but then when you when I feel like I didn't
repeat the same thing multiple times.
Speaker 2 (50:04):
And someone's committed to misunderstanding.
Speaker 1 (50:06):
It frustrated And now I'm screaming because I feel like
you're a hell bent on misunderstands. See, some people are
not taking accountability right and I am in a place
now to where I'm no longer like really trying to
Like we speak very broadly on this podcast, but in
my personal life, I am no longer trying to force
people to take accountability, right. That is not my job, right,
(50:28):
and I don't want nobody trying to force me to
take accountability for shit either. We should all take accountability
right and do the things that we know people expect
of us, right, you know, especially in a relationship, you
know people have expectations, your partner has expectations.
Speaker 4 (50:44):
It's my first time I ever hearing women say that
accountability we should take it.
Speaker 2 (50:49):
You've never heard a woman say she should take accountabilities.
Speaker 1 (50:53):
Terry, you lying.
Speaker 4 (50:55):
Don't get out here, y'all boy, Accountability like the matrix
man like I.
Speaker 1 (51:02):
Accountability look like to you.
Speaker 4 (51:03):
Own your ship. Listen, if we're together, it's all about correction.
You can correct me, adjust me, and I can do
the same for you. It's about respect, own your ship,
and we're gonna be all right.
Speaker 2 (51:19):
So you feel like women never own their ship.
Speaker 1 (51:23):
I feel like sometimes I've never been with a man
who actually like took accountability that I feel.
Speaker 4 (51:31):
That was a protest to the protests you know what
I'm saying because I let me tell you. She asked
about the women. He said, this.
Speaker 1 (51:40):
Is that is something that I'm working on, right, not
allowing other peoples, uh what they're doing and their emotions
to affect mine, right or like trying to stay even killed.
So if I'm asking, if I I feel like I've
always been, uh, men want you to take accountability for
your bullshit. But they they will never, like even with cheating, right,
(52:04):
you can ask them a thousand times, Hey, you already know, right,
did you do this? You know this girl? No? No,
they line in line, line till the bitch come knock
on the door, so.
Speaker 2 (52:13):
You never and the bitch standing right there she ay,
I that's not even a real bitch right there, close
the door.
Speaker 1 (52:19):
They will never take accountability, so they I feel like collectively,
men are requiring something from women that they never offer.
Speaker 4 (52:25):
I strongly disagree. I strongly disagree. I had a conversation
with one of my one of my boys the other
day about this, and we both said the same thing, like,
I've noticed that men actually have been taken full accountability
for their actions lately, even with men men each other
all together, like men hold men accountable when you do
(52:46):
some goofy shit, men be like, hey, yeah, you're right, brauh.
You know sometimes when you when you're.
Speaker 2 (52:52):
Talking to one of your so why you don't hold
that guy accountable that I mentioned?
Speaker 1 (52:58):
They don't hold each other accountable, not for.
Speaker 2 (53:00):
Real, all right? You know what what I will say,
Like in the nineties, black men could be bad fathers
and they will still have homeboys. But I feel like,
now you niggas ain't fucking with you if you don't
take care of your kids. That is something y'all do
hold each other accountable about. And I think it's because
we grew up without absentee parents. A lot of us
(53:21):
grew up with an absentee father. So Black men are
more holding each other more accountable for that. So I
will agree there. But outside of that, when it comes
to cheating and ship like that, y'all don't hold each
other accountable for that.
Speaker 1 (53:37):
Y'all just get warning sitting man down and say, hey,
you sucking up.
Speaker 4 (53:42):
I'm telling you, I'm around the men. I'm telling you
what what we're saying your mom, I'm around them. Listen.
If you got a dude who's your home boy m hm,
and he's cheating like.
Speaker 2 (53:54):
You said, right, I'm about to go ahead. I'm listening.
Speaker 4 (53:57):
If he know your woman, right, he liked her like
I like her for you. She's a sweet woman.
Speaker 2 (54:03):
Trust me.
Speaker 4 (54:03):
He's going to be like, hey, bro, you're fucking up something.
You're sucking up a good thing. You're fucking up. But
a lot of niggas have reasoning like, man, I'm doing
it because of this. She don't give me no attention now.
Speaker 2 (54:12):
But you're not gonna not funck with a nigga because
he a cheater. You're not gonna stop being cool with you.
Speaker 4 (54:18):
What will you stop sucking with your home girl?
Speaker 2 (54:19):
Because she absolutely My friends do not need we're cheating
with you, man, please absolutely. First of all, I could
be appalled to hear that my friend is cheating.
Speaker 3 (54:32):
Are you talking about that?
Speaker 4 (54:33):
It's crazy with camera.
Speaker 1 (54:38):
Black women don't.
Speaker 4 (54:39):
Cheat, alrighty, brothers don't cheat either, But no, all jo side,
listen back to accountability, own your ship and we're gonna
be all right. What's it?
Speaker 2 (54:52):
Everybody? That's it? Just on your stick with question.
Speaker 4 (54:55):
And I'm telling you from a man's response on your
ship and we'll be alright. Same thing for the brothers.
Men do hold men accountable.
Speaker 1 (55:02):
So okay, if maline, if masculinity is not in crisis,
it obviously we said, it's like it's changing, right.
Speaker 2 (55:12):
More.
Speaker 1 (55:13):
And then also you have more men like having uh,
emotional intelligence? But Tammy, do you think women are actually
ready for emotional intelligent men? Why do you know what
I want?
Speaker 2 (55:29):
I don't think oftentimes, no, women are not ready. But
that's because they're not used to it. You know, they're
not used to it. I give you something, a little
something for that, all right. And then we're quick to
call them sassy when they say when they are displayed emotionally.
Speaker 1 (55:44):
Intelligent, you sassy. That's what random men. That's not for
like men in my day to day life. A random
man on the internet rambling like somebody, some men have
said some of the worst things to me on the
internet out I could be your sister, your mom. I'm like,
what if somebody else was disrespect somebody else is disrespecting
your mom the same way you're doing me right now
(56:05):
for no reason, just like unwarranted unsolicited disrespect. Right. Yeah,
but that is a small sample size of how these
men are probably in their real lives.
Speaker 2 (56:19):
Not emotional intelligence though, that's just disrespectful ass.
Speaker 1 (56:24):
A safety by sassy like women pop off quick. I
don't expect men to just be popping off quick. You
know what I'm saying and writing me a paragraph and
they don't know me, Like, what's happening? Go chop wood
that one, nigga, like we talk whoever he is. We
need him on the show because I just want to
touch him. That man with that good here looking like.
Speaker 2 (56:44):
You can't eating fruit and chopping.
Speaker 1 (56:46):
Wood, wood biting in the watermelons, And.
Speaker 2 (56:50):
That's very nice.
Speaker 4 (56:53):
Go chop wood, chopping wood every.
Speaker 1 (56:57):
Day, niggas. I like men who chopoda.
Speaker 2 (57:01):
Yeah, but I don't know if we are ready for
a truly and emotional, emotionally intelligent man. But that's because
half the time we not.
Speaker 4 (57:10):
I can response to that.
Speaker 2 (57:12):
Go ahead, let's hear it.
Speaker 4 (57:16):
If a woman have never experienced that, meaning forget a relationship,
if she never see her father be an emotionally intelligent
man to her mother, or an uncle to an aunt,
or maybe a boyfriend to assist it. She says she
wants that, but when she gets it, it can be
a little bit too much. You know, Oh damn, this
(57:38):
man really communicates, you know, he thinks he processes his thoughts,
he cycles through all the emotions, you know, and he's
he's coming to me. He's shooting from the hip like boom.
That could be too much for somebody that never had that,
you know what I'm saying. You ask for that, but
you never had another man to use as a as
a measure into as what that is. When you get it,
(58:00):
it's like WHOA, this is too much, you know, so
they might deflect or run like I don't want to
talk about it right now. It could be too much.
It could be overwhelming, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (58:10):
Let me tell you what I do. As soon as
I find like I'm talking to a man who has
a very strong emotional intelligence, I use chat GPT to
give me sigres conversation. Listen, I'll write down my no, listen,
I'll write down my feelings and then I'll go to
chat GPT and they'll say, please write this more eloquently
for me.
Speaker 1 (58:30):
But intelligence, that's not no.
Speaker 2 (58:33):
But I'm just saying, like scared of it.
Speaker 4 (58:35):
No, I'm not.
Speaker 2 (58:37):
I am sad at nothing, but I'm just no. I
know what to say, but sometimes I can't get the
words out correctly. So chat gt wrong way so recently,
So chat GPT don't help y'all express better. I used
at all the time.
Speaker 1 (58:53):
Don't because if chaty, if chat GPT, if chat GPT
is formulating your.
Speaker 2 (58:58):
Thoughts, it's not formulated my thoughts, it's just displaying it
a better in a better way.
Speaker 1 (59:04):
It's fanasy because when you gotta have an actual conversation
with this person.
Speaker 2 (59:14):
My thoughts, it's just said better.
Speaker 1 (59:16):
So my home girl, she rad some ship her baby
daddy sent her, and I said, put what you said
to him and chat GPT and see what it gives you.
It gave his exact text message, so.
Speaker 2 (59:32):
He just had chat GPT respond for him. Yes, that's
not what I did.
Speaker 1 (59:36):
Put her text in there and they gave it chat GPT.
Speaker 2 (59:39):
That's different. That's that's different. I'll I'll write my own
message and then I'll say make this we gonna added
that part up.
Speaker 1 (59:48):
We don't want niggas.
Speaker 2 (59:50):
Niggas already use it to communicate.
Speaker 4 (59:53):
No, No, I haven't. I never. I don't even have
that apple my phone.
Speaker 2 (59:56):
A lot of people do. You'll be surprised how many
people are using the conversation to communicate their thoughts. More eloquently. Yes,
that's I.
Speaker 1 (01:00:04):
Think that where we're definitely digressing as a people. And
if we're gonna use AI and in that.
Speaker 2 (01:00:12):
Way and they use an AI for.
Speaker 1 (01:00:13):
Everything, Yeah, but not to have day to day conversations.
I'm not using AI, like, not to formulate a response
to somebody saying something to me. I'm not even to
say it different like I'm gonna say it how it's
gonna be authentically me and my thoughts and my words
when I see it too, you know what I'm saying,
Because I feel like then you still gotta have a
(01:00:33):
real conversation with this person. So it can sound eloquent
via text, but then you having a conversation with them,
I'm like, who the fuck is that?
Speaker 2 (01:00:41):
It's not? I don't think I have to show you
an example. Yeah, I can see it. So it's not
like they're changing. It's the same sentence. It's just worded
in a way that it could be understanding better, maybe
my the way I'm saying it. Like, so yeah, like
we are flawed in communication, you know that, right? Even
just on this part cast today, there's things that we've
(01:01:01):
said that may be misconstrued between just the three of
us and sometimes using AI will help it come across better.
I mean, I don't know, I don't know. I don't know.
Speaker 1 (01:01:15):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (01:01:16):
I have you have you had a I'll sell you
an example. I did it last night. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (01:01:20):
I try to talk and text. How I read? You
know what I'm saying. You know how I read?
Speaker 2 (01:01:29):
Oh? Then, boy about the Obama's in it?
Speaker 3 (01:01:34):
That's about to blow us up?
Speaker 2 (01:01:38):
You talk like that, Gosh, I definitely do that.
Speaker 4 (01:01:42):
Slow down.
Speaker 1 (01:01:43):
Welcome to We Talk Back Podcast, the production of iHeartRadio.
And so are you in therapy?
Speaker 4 (01:01:49):
Yes, ma'am? I am. You said that with confidence?
Speaker 1 (01:01:53):
Yes, in therapy?
Speaker 4 (01:01:55):
Uh, consistently about nine months nine and strong.
Speaker 1 (01:02:00):
So what was the trigger to go to therapy? Because
I feel like that is probably what we women work
on their little things, right. We are working on ourselves
right every day, Like you know what I'm saying. I
reflect first thing in the morning, I think about the
previous day, you know what I'm saying, and then what
I could have done different if I had a situation
like most of my days have been stupid nowadays. But
(01:02:23):
you know, I just do a lot of and inshrooms. Also,
have you having a lot of introspective, introspective thinking, you know,
talking to yourself, having a lot of conference calls with yourself,
picking through your own mental health. So what trigger were
you to go to therapy?
Speaker 4 (01:02:40):
What triggered me to go to therapy was me being
uncertain about me being the greatest version of myself for me.
You know, if I can't be that for me, I
can't be that for nobody else. So that was my trigger.
Speaker 2 (01:02:53):
How has it been going great?
Speaker 4 (01:02:55):
Great? I'm learning to express myself freely without wondering how
that may make the person feel. One thing I learned
in therapy is to never make other people problems become
your problem. Yes, because what do you mean me myself?
My therapist said that I can be a people pleaser, right,
(01:03:20):
Sometimes I can openly extend myself for others. And you know,
even though I want to say no to somebody, I'd
be like, okay, y'all, I do it because I don't
want to.
Speaker 1 (01:03:29):
Disappoint today with this podcast.
Speaker 4 (01:03:33):
I didn't think when she called me that was just
a let me think, okay.
Speaker 2 (01:03:37):
Do so wait when I came over your house like
two weeks ago and I ate that food that your
aunt made, was you just being a people pleaser, because
you could.
Speaker 4 (01:03:47):
Have kept that meal.
Speaker 1 (01:03:48):
No.
Speaker 2 (01:03:52):
What I mean by that nobody food is your aunt
cook today?
Speaker 4 (01:03:59):
I got two aunts that live in the city, and uh,
one cook all the time. One don't cook as much.
My cousin Candice do all the cooking over there at
the house. But who's that saying? What I mean by
that is, you know, let's say, if you say, hey,
can you take me to the airport?
Speaker 2 (01:04:19):
You love?
Speaker 1 (01:04:20):
You take them to the airport.
Speaker 4 (01:04:23):
I know I want to say no. I want to
say no, I don't want to do it, and I'll
just be like, all right, I got you, we'll time
if I leave. But really I really just want to
say no. But I'll say yeah just cause you call me,
and I just make sure I get you there or die.
But now I'm learning I can say no and not
feel bad about it.
Speaker 1 (01:04:41):
You know what, So you do you think you were
saying yeah because you expect something from that person, like
some type of some gratification at some point, like no,
Why why you can't say no?
Speaker 4 (01:04:53):
I just used to like to be there for people,
you know. I just used to like to be there
for people, to the point where anyway it would inconvenience me.
You know, I gotta get it. I gotta get done
by the airport by two, knowing I gotta do it,
you know what I'm saying. So now I'm learning, man, Yeah,
I'm learning now that I could say no confidently and
not care about it.
Speaker 2 (01:05:14):
Yeah. I had to learn, like, because you will deplete
yourself that way. No, it was a complete sentence, no,
no period. You don't have to explain. Take good years.
Speaker 1 (01:05:24):
They songs like they just pop up like you know
I'm gonna say, yeah, so that's why you're calling me.
But I'm a surprise you today, bitch.
Speaker 4 (01:05:32):
I mean, it could be different things other than just
asking for a favor. It could be like, hey, I'm
having a housewarming. I remember one week somebody invited me
to a housewarman, a baby shower, a kickback, A promoter
friend of mine had an event, and then someone asked
me to help them move all in one week. And
(01:05:57):
unfortunately for myself, I tried to make each one of
those things. Damn they kill myself.
Speaker 2 (01:06:07):
Did you go to all of them?
Speaker 4 (01:06:08):
Nope? But I felt bad because I didn't make it
to one of it. You know what I'm saying. Yeah,
So I was like, you know what, man, I ever
had that problem.
Speaker 2 (01:06:17):
I don't think I ever had that problem. I just
I'll just say no.
Speaker 4 (01:06:21):
With love, I do it now. Yeah, I'm learning that
I can't. I can't make it.
Speaker 2 (01:06:27):
Call me for money and see what happened. Know, with love,
I'll tell people like you know, especially if someone's close
and I noticed urging him black, exhaust every other option
and then circle back.
Speaker 4 (01:06:40):
That's cruel, terrible, that is cruel.
Speaker 2 (01:06:44):
But you'll get it. You'll get it. I'll give it
to you, but you need to try every other possible
avenue first. You know, the fuck.
Speaker 1 (01:06:52):
I would have played a quick game right when we
get up out of here. So, uh, it's just a
couple of questions and you have to tell us if
it's massiw or not. Basically wearing pink.
Speaker 4 (01:07:06):
That's masculine, man. I love pink, pink, soft, pink, mauve,
you know anything on that color color.
Speaker 2 (01:07:14):
Spectrum, you feel like, I don't think clothes, I mean
like a color there's like no limitation. Yeah, but I
don't know if I put my baby boy in pink
though now.
Speaker 4 (01:07:25):
I won't put a baby, a baby boy in pink
at that, not at that point, not until later.
Speaker 2 (01:07:29):
I wonder why if that's something else pink out there
though the baby boy. You don't really see a lot
of baby boy pink. You don't know why would we
do it or not as a baby.
Speaker 1 (01:07:40):
That's what I'm saying. Unpack that part.
Speaker 2 (01:07:43):
Crying during a.
Speaker 4 (01:07:44):
Movie that's masculine. I have cried during the movie. I
made a Facebook movie. You know what movie I cried on.
I don't care how hard you think you is. This
movie will make you cry. A time to killed with
Samuel el jam Yeah, one those two white boys raped
his daughter.
Speaker 2 (01:08:04):
Yeah, oh my god, man, listen.
Speaker 4 (01:08:08):
Every time. I can't watch that movie all the way through. Boy.
Speaker 2 (01:08:12):
I remember I went to see Your Best Man Holiday
with my ex boyfriend and we was in a movie theater.
He kept on looking like you're straight.
Speaker 1 (01:08:22):
Yeah, yeah, like he was hard to downstairs at the sky.
Speaker 2 (01:08:26):
He couldn't keep new tears from following that movie.
Speaker 4 (01:08:28):
Find a movie that's mascular, Yeah, paid for a first
date that's masculine.
Speaker 1 (01:08:34):
Yeah, So, y'all, bitches, stop going to your pocket books.
I was like, why are you going to your purse?
Speaker 4 (01:08:38):
You know some woman? You know what a woman told me?
They say they do that because that's setting up the play.
Speaker 1 (01:08:44):
Oh okay, yeah, the real gold Diggs do trick for
some men are offended by that. Yeah, I'm not doing that.
Speaker 4 (01:08:51):
What about me leave the tip or something that's cool?
Speaker 1 (01:08:54):
I leave the tip.
Speaker 4 (01:08:55):
I shouldn't have to.
Speaker 2 (01:08:55):
Actually, don't walk in don't walk in dark Alley's bitch.
That's to till uh be a stay at home mom, No,
being a stay at home dad. I'm sorry. I'm so
used to saying mom.
Speaker 4 (01:09:06):
All right before I say, I got to put that
one in context because I'm a dad now right, and
I didn't have a full understanding of what it was
what it was like to be a parent, because kids
is a lot, a lot, and I'm gonna have to
say masculine, I'm telling you because people think, oh, it's
(01:09:27):
a baby, No, you can go home. That's crazy. I
made a Facebook poss about this too.
Speaker 2 (01:09:35):
You can be having.
Speaker 4 (01:09:37):
A mental breakdown. Kids doing know nothing but none of that.
They're gonna come to you, daddy, Mama. I want a popsicle,
take me to the park. I want to go to
trampoline park. I want to go to this pool. I
want you'd be like, if you know the day I had,
you wouldn't ask me for nothing.
Speaker 2 (01:09:54):
I'm about to stroke out. You want to go.
Speaker 1 (01:09:57):
It's like your woman is working and you're at your
I mean stay at home dad. You a woman is
working and you're at home with the kid. That's masculine.
Speaker 4 (01:10:04):
That can be masculine as well. Yes, I'm telling you
because kids is a lot interesting, because that's a duty
within itself. Taking care of gives at the house, it
takes a lot.
Speaker 2 (01:10:13):
Yeah, So asking for emotional reassurance very masculine.
Speaker 4 (01:10:19):
Yes, because men are very emotional. You know, we were
taught when we were kids, be tough, holding it in,
don't cry, don't express yourself. And now you got men
that are grown adults not knowing how to properly express
himself to his woman. You see what I'm saying. And
so he keeps everything inside, you know, he internalizes his emotions,
(01:10:43):
how you feel.
Speaker 2 (01:10:45):
And then everything comes out as anger. Every emotion comes
out as anger.
Speaker 4 (01:10:49):
But that's only if his talk Doune exploded. You see
what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (01:10:53):
But the.
Speaker 4 (01:10:56):
Trick to it is providing a safe space for a
brother to be emotional. If you provide that, you wouldn't
have no problem with him communicating or being expressing himself.
Speaker 2 (01:11:05):
And how do we provide that?
Speaker 4 (01:11:08):
You provide that by being a good listener, and also
by being a good listener, also by reaffirmed, reaffirming him
as he's communicating, you know, letting him again, letting him
know how how much you appreciate him. Appreciation go a
(01:11:28):
long way with men, a long way. Men don't really
care about love like that, respect and appreciation don't care.
Speaker 2 (01:11:37):
They don't want to be loved, They want to be
appreciated and respected.
Speaker 4 (01:11:40):
Men you love the kids. Men won't respect. Love will
come from that.
Speaker 1 (01:11:46):
Telling you, uh, taken longer than your girl to get dressed.
Speaker 4 (01:11:50):
I could be very feminine. Feminine, No, I listen when
am innute shower. I know what I'm putting on when
I get out the shower, like I already be thinking
about that, you know. And the men don't got to
do all the other aesthetics to get themselves together. You know,
sometimes our women women ugly. No, I understand. Women gotta
take time to enhance their beauty, you know. You know,
(01:12:12):
y'all gotta get right.
Speaker 2 (01:12:14):
What about meditating or journaling?
Speaker 4 (01:12:18):
That can be a mixture of both. That could be
a mixture of both. In my opinion, you don't write.
Speaker 2 (01:12:24):
It down.
Speaker 4 (01:12:28):
Norogyness is what you're saying somewhat yes, because I compartmentalize
everything like, Okay, I know I gotta do this, I
gotta do that, I gotta do that, I gotta do that.
I don't have to write it down for me, you know.
Speaker 2 (01:12:38):
And I don't you be forgetting ship?
Speaker 1 (01:12:40):
I might have said, do you actually be executed because
a lot of your niggas is unetequinte yahd medicine.
Speaker 4 (01:12:47):
Very organized and punctual. You see, I gotta here with Tom.
Speaker 2 (01:12:53):
We will see sometime.
Speaker 1 (01:12:54):
We was letting your woman take the.
Speaker 4 (01:12:56):
Lead in bed in bed very masculine. We want that, yes,
because men like to be desired as well. Yes, we
don't always want to be not all the time. We
don't always want to be the one to the first move.
Sometimes come over here, Yeah, come over here.
Speaker 1 (01:13:14):
And what if your man say? What if your man
be like, I don't feel like it today, Tom.
Speaker 4 (01:13:19):
Give me that date? How do you feel about that?
If he said I don't feel like it today?
Speaker 1 (01:13:27):
Listen, I don't want to know why I have had
it like this is this wasn't a boyfriend and I'd
never been turned out by like a boy's right, by
somebody I was fucking with and he told me he
wants to be alone tonight, he wants a me time,
and I didn't talk alone.
Speaker 4 (01:13:44):
Damn, the man can't have no me time.
Speaker 1 (01:13:47):
Hell no, because that hold on. What that means is
you're not gonna always feel like the person you're fucking with.
You do do it sometimes because they want to, right.
So you mean to tell me you only gonna fuck
with me when you feel like it, Like, that's.
Speaker 2 (01:14:01):
Not what's wrong with that?
Speaker 1 (01:14:03):
No, that means if I don't fuck Okay, obviously I
fucked with you and I didn't feel like it at
some point that was a personal choice. You could say that.
That's to me. I hate when people be like, well,
you chose to do that, because relationships is always given,
taking people choosing and making sacrifices. So no, you can't
tell me you feel like being alone tonight because you
(01:14:24):
think when you call me tomorrow when you feel like me,
I'm gonna just come over there.
Speaker 2 (01:14:27):
But you can't say you feel alone.
Speaker 1 (01:14:29):
It's not if I if I like somebody, I'm not
just trying to just we don't even have to have sex.
We could just I like to be alone with somebody
that's you.
Speaker 4 (01:14:38):
Yeah, that's what If he said, hey, not tonight, or
I need some time to myself, so he can.
Speaker 1 (01:14:46):
He just I want to be alone to night.
Speaker 2 (01:14:49):
What if he had something happen.
Speaker 1 (01:14:51):
If it's his mind, I was going to fuck somebody else. Man,
it's okay, and listen and here's the thing, and here's
the thing. You can do that, right. I'm not somebody
you could just brush off like that. You can't do
that to me. So I didn't know. I'm not holding
a grudge against him, like I still talk to him
when I see him and shit like that. But I
(01:15:11):
stopped talking with him.
Speaker 4 (01:15:12):
That's crazy.
Speaker 2 (01:15:13):
Just because he wanted to be alone one night.
Speaker 4 (01:15:17):
Man wanted some time. Maybe he didn't feel like it
was fair for you, to fair to you, for him
to be in that space around you.
Speaker 2 (01:15:24):
Maybe he feels like he didn't deserve your energy that
night because it's something he was going through mentally.
Speaker 4 (01:15:28):
But if it was some health issues, what if it
was he I just found out some bad news.
Speaker 1 (01:15:35):
You had to hurt break out. Good goddamn.
Speaker 4 (01:15:42):
Health.
Speaker 1 (01:15:42):
They got a breakout, he got it somewhere life.
Speaker 2 (01:15:47):
Godda right, nig can't even have a bad day man alone.
Speaker 1 (01:15:52):
It was a Friday night. Quit playing in my face
and then like anytime after that, you was on my
nuts if I had some you see what I'm saying.
So it's when I took my energy completely away from
him because I know, first of all, this is community dick. Okay,
all right, set up the play, set up the story's
o community dick. And this wasn't this is this is
(01:16:13):
just I was doing some shit because sometimes I get
bored if I'm single.
Speaker 2 (01:16:17):
Okay, So.
Speaker 1 (01:16:19):
Yeah, like I know this person, so I know how
he moves. So you you maybe it would have been
better if he said, no, I'm having somebody else over
the night. Maybe I would have taken to that more.
Speaker 2 (01:16:32):
I don't know that you would have accepted that more
than I want to be alone time.
Speaker 1 (01:16:36):
Yeah, I feel like that.
Speaker 2 (01:16:39):
Why would you accept that more? Because now that that
feels like now you're choosing somebody over me. That's a
problem to me.
Speaker 1 (01:16:45):
But I feel like you lied and chose somebody over me,
which is why you don't have access to me.
Speaker 2 (01:16:50):
No, if it's not a lot that but what if
it's not a lie.
Speaker 1 (01:16:54):
If I call, I do because I took my energy
from him. I bet you I can call him every
single It's when they think they some type of control,
so I took the control back.
Speaker 4 (01:17:04):
You can't funk that was in competition with one another.
Speaker 2 (01:17:06):
That's what someone.
Speaker 1 (01:17:07):
I wasn't in competition.
Speaker 2 (01:17:09):
I wasn't in man.
Speaker 4 (01:17:10):
I just wanted some me time.
Speaker 1 (01:17:11):
And you, hey boy, fuck you going out your mean
time and you can't never talk to me no time.
Speaker 4 (01:17:20):
And send the block?
Speaker 3 (01:17:22):
All right?
Speaker 2 (01:17:22):
Do you say I love you? What about saying I
love you to your male friends?
Speaker 4 (01:17:26):
That has been hard for me. But I do love
my I do love my male friends. I love all
of them.
Speaker 2 (01:17:32):
But telling them is hard.
Speaker 1 (01:17:34):
Why you just just saying, like one of your homeboys
been calling y'all and telling y'all how he loved y'all
when he drunk.
Speaker 4 (01:17:41):
Yeah, when he drunk.
Speaker 2 (01:17:42):
But maybe that just allows him to be more more vulnerable.
Speaker 4 (01:17:46):
No, that's dangerous because you get fucked. No, don't call
me when you're intoxicated. But brother, I love you. Brother.
What you're about to do? Be about to jump off
a bridge? No, no, what you about to do? But
to answer the question, that's masculine. That's masculine.
Speaker 2 (01:18:07):
But why do you have trouble with it?
Speaker 4 (01:18:10):
Because I was never around men who said that to
other men glowing up. You know, even the men didn't
growing up my father. Fortunately for me, my father told
me as a kid he loved me. But a lot
of men in the community didn't tell other adolescents that
they loved them. And hear other men tell other men
(01:18:31):
that they love them, so that was always hard for me.
I get it, so it's easy for me to tell
my child.
Speaker 2 (01:18:36):
But I challenge you all men listening, if you listen
to the show, tell your friends you love them.
Speaker 4 (01:18:41):
I love y'all, man, I love each and every last
one of you. Guys.
Speaker 2 (01:18:44):
Man, hey, man, see I love that.
Speaker 1 (01:18:48):
I love that.
Speaker 2 (01:18:49):
I tell listen. I tell our listeners every day, every episode,
I tell them I love them because some people don't
hear it.
Speaker 4 (01:18:56):
It's the fact I actually have friends that old me
that their parents never told them that.
Speaker 2 (01:19:03):
They love exactly. You know, some people never hear it.
They just would love for them mama, just to say
I love you, you know. So that's why I tell you,
because if you ain't gonna hear it, nowhere else you'n.
Speaker 1 (01:19:14):
We talk about just be telling people I love them,
because my love comes with action. I can't just fribuously
tell just people random people I love y'all because you don't. Yeah,
because I don't know people right right, And it's like, uh,
my love does not really come with conditions either, Like
(01:19:34):
real love does not come with conditions. So I can't
just use that word with a bunch of people that
I don't know, because the minutes you disappoint them, they
will turn on you and they never loved you, you
know what I'm saying. The minute you do or say
something they don't like, they turn it on you. So
did you ever love me for real? Or a minute
they say you do something to you like fuck you.
(01:19:55):
I don't really be quick to tell people I love
fuck them? Yeah, you know what I'm saying. So I
can't really get into what strangers like that. I absolutely
appreciate everybody though. I have a lot of gratitude and
thanks for everybody. But I have a real love a
girl like for real, for real, and I be like
(01:20:16):
in my feelings about shit. So if I feel like
slighted after I had outside, oh marshmallow on that.
Speaker 2 (01:20:23):
Side, that's very See. I just id like to think
that I walk around with Gods loving me every day
and I want to display that and every day. And
that's why I tell people I love them, because that's
what we're supposed to exhibit.
Speaker 4 (01:20:35):
Yeah, I play it.
Speaker 1 (01:20:37):
I ain't gonna say it. I'm gonna do you gotta
do bo. Yeah, I'm gonna do the things to let
you know I love you. And that is because of
how I was raised. My mama never was just giving
out hugs and saying I love you, But you knew
she loved you. But the things, you know, how she
shows up for you absolutely just raw love.
Speaker 4 (01:20:57):
But then you gotta look at what they heard versus
what they didn't hear. You see what I'm saying. Did
their parents tell them I love you? You see what
I'm saying because I think.
Speaker 2 (01:21:06):
Hearing it is important?
Speaker 1 (01:21:07):
No, it is, it is important for today. I love y'all.
Speaker 2 (01:21:12):
Y'all right, here, we love you too, John, I got
some love right for a second.
Speaker 1 (01:21:22):
No, let me tell y'all, y'all experience this love is
gonna make you a better person. I'm telling you I create.
Speaker 2 (01:21:28):
God, right, Amen, Do you have a last?
Speaker 3 (01:21:32):
Last?
Speaker 1 (01:21:33):
Terry?
Speaker 2 (01:21:34):
Tell everybody where they can find you, follow you, support
you all the things.
Speaker 4 (01:21:38):
Great great great. My name is Terry. You can find
me on Instagram at I Am so Charleston, At I
Am so Charleston. I A M C H A r
l E S t O.
Speaker 2 (01:21:52):
N you love out the song from the West.
Speaker 4 (01:21:55):
I said so, I A M S O C H
A R r l E S t O with.
Speaker 1 (01:22:02):
Erga shame anyway, y'all. If y'all enjoyed this episode, y'all
tune in every Thursday on The Black Effect. iHeart radio
app and Kevin Heart. We need to check because he
loveed to kill Lokate. I've been buying that ship.
Speaker 4 (01:22:14):
What is it?
Speaker 1 (01:22:15):
I can't pronounce it. It's to Kevin Heart to Quille.
Speaker 2 (01:22:18):
It did you tell him you're nos?
Speaker 1 (01:22:24):
Aj Holiday two play on Instagram's Kicking Tam.
Speaker 2 (01:22:26):
Y'all, It's official Tam Bam on Instagram. Remember speak now,
m And lastly.
Speaker 4 (01:22:33):
I just want to say I am very proud of
you both. I see the progress and only God knows
what he has the store for y'all.
Speaker 2 (01:22:40):
A man, thank you, We appreciate that.
Speaker 3 (01:22:42):
Best. Last, Oh, it's not last.
Speaker 2 (01:22:44):
Last, Yes, speak now, thank you, and never hold your accountability,
own it.
Speaker 1 (01:22:51):
We talk Back podcast is the production of iHeart Radio.
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