October 19, 2023 • 24 mins
What Future's future is not the future any of us saw coming. Josh and the gang - Lyra, Jenna, special guest Jenna's husband Kyle, Jenna and Kyle's beautiful new baby Jude, and secretive podcast editor Adam - enjoy a strange, chaotic, frankly disturbing episode where they recap and recount the highs and lows of humanity, podcasts, and friendship. Like this description, none of it makes any sense. And that's what's really important in life. Oh also happy birthday Josh, you made it through one more year.
Discussed: Pelotons, William Wegman and human centipedes
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:17):
Hey, and welcome to What Future. I'm your host, Joshua Tipolski,
and I have some shocking news for you. I have
some alarming news. I have news that is going to
send shivers down your spine if you have one. If
you don't have a spine, then please ignore that. This
will be the last episode of What Future for the
foreseeable future. Although considering the fact that the show is
(00:43):
interested in a future state of affairs, I can't say
with certainty that it will be the last episode ever.
But I will tell you for the moment, there will
be no further What Future, which makes this episode very
special and important, although I think you'll find the content
of this episode is not very special or very important.
(01:08):
I fuck it, I don't know. I'm drinking the Heineken
(01:29):
that's been in my refrigerator, which is in the garage,
has been in there for at least a year. At
least a year, no question, if not longer. So I
don't know if like beer goes bad or it could
be Heindeken, you know, Hugh. Anyhow, Okay, so this is
like basically the last episode.
Speaker 2 (01:46):
Do you want to say welcome or do you want
to just start there?
Speaker 1 (01:50):
Oh? You want me to do an intro? Is that
what you're saying? Ever, the producer pushing me towards a
production setting, a produced setting? Oh what what.
Speaker 2 (02:00):
Ladies and gentlemen, it's our surprise.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
Guess no, Jenna Jenna Caggle. Okay, hold on a second.
First off, is there a baby somewhere in your head? Yes?
Speaker 3 (02:10):
Yes she is. Oh my god, I'm changed right now.
Speaker 1 (02:13):
Oh my god. First off, congratulations, thank you.
Speaker 3 (02:17):
I meant to text you, but I never did.
Speaker 1 (02:19):
You didn't fucking text me. You didn't say shit, I'll text.
I had to find out third hand.
Speaker 2 (02:23):
I'm sorry, it's bend.
Speaker 3 (02:25):
I'm crazy. Let me just say it qualitized acceptable.
Speaker 1 (02:28):
I'm sorry. I know you're going through you know, post
post birth whatever, but that doesn't matter because my emotions
are running high and you need to hear what I'm feeling,
which is disappointment that I was not immediately alerted the
second that baby popped out.
Speaker 3 (02:43):
Pump out. It was like a traumatic labor story. Thirty
Oh did you do? I was close?
Speaker 1 (02:51):
Okay, because because I've been in the room during the
sea section, I haven't had one, but I've been there,
and I gotta tell you it's fucking nuts.
Speaker 3 (02:56):
So no, I was close.
Speaker 4 (02:58):
Here.
Speaker 5 (02:58):
I'll text you a picture of the baby looking exactly like,
what's this baby?
Speaker 1 (03:02):
What's this baby called? You got a name. Jude is
a beautiful name, but it's a boy.
Speaker 2 (03:07):
It's a girl.
Speaker 1 (03:08):
Oh I love it, I love it, I love Oh
my god, hold on, I'm looking at this right now.
Speaker 3 (03:12):
They're the same person.
Speaker 1 (03:13):
It's this is so fucking dope. I'm so excited. Oh
my god, oh my god, oh my god. Both of
them adorable. I have to say adorable. This baby looks
exactly like him.
Speaker 3 (03:27):
It's Kyle. Stop looking.
Speaker 1 (03:29):
It's very disturbing. I know what it's like because I've
had a similar People are like, oh, you and Zelda
are twins or whatever. But this is really, like just
frankly disturbing. Like the baby looks like a full grown
adult man, you know what I mean.
Speaker 3 (03:43):
It's disturbing.
Speaker 1 (03:45):
It's good. She's fucking adorable, and so is he.
Speaker 3 (03:49):
She looks like a boy, but she'll she'll grow into it.
Her faux hug everything.
Speaker 1 (03:53):
Oh my god, this fucking hair, what the fuck, what
the fuck.
Speaker 3 (03:58):
She's got a fo fucking babies.
Speaker 1 (04:01):
This baby's this baby's cute. I gotta tell you. Some
babies you see and they're like fucking not cute. This
one is, thank you, this one's good. You got a
good one. You got a good one.
Speaker 3 (04:10):
I'm glad Kyle's attractive.
Speaker 1 (04:13):
I mean, you're you guys are both nice looking people,
and it's you know, sometimes it doesn't work out. Sometimes
you get a couple of nice looking people they have
a weird like a fucking freak creep baby, you know,
but like that didn't happen here. You got a nice baby.
You got a good baby. That's amazing. Congratulations. I'm so
happy for you. I'm so happy for Kyle. And and
what a what a delightful, wonderful fucking thing, what a
(04:34):
great I feel in many ways, I feel this show
is really responsible for that child, you know.
Speaker 3 (04:39):
I mean, if it wasn't for you, I.
Speaker 1 (04:43):
Can't help but think that I really am should be
the child's godfather, Like, no question.
Speaker 3 (04:49):
Do you want Tom? I mean, we haven't, so I.
Speaker 1 (04:52):
Would love to shower Jude with gifts and advice, of
which I have so much. And Kyle, bring that fucking
baby onto this podcast. By the way, Lyra and Adam,
I wanted this has to be included on the show.
I don't want this to be edited.
Speaker 2 (05:10):
I mean, this is the show so.
Speaker 1 (05:12):
I heard Jude, Yeah, bring me that baby. Baby, Kyle,
you got to learn to hold the head up better.
I don't know what you're doing there. I don't like,
don't strangle it. I don't how many months have you
had with the child but still feel like you're.
Speaker 3 (05:26):
Not going Yeah, she's five and a half weeks, she's
almost six weeks.
Speaker 4 (05:29):
But the total time that Jenna would let me actually
hold the child and this four days total.
Speaker 1 (05:34):
Can I ask you a question, are you in terror
all the time of not holding the kid? Right? Do
you feel that way?
Speaker 6 (05:41):
No, she's pooping on my hand though, okay, we've all
been there. I mean, by to pay for every hand
I pooped on, you know, i'd be original. I don't know, Adam,
if you're marking this stuff as we're recording, but I'm
sure you have so many shaking said.
Speaker 1 (05:59):
He's a good him. He's on his peloton right now.
He's always on the peloton with a cigarette. Wait, are
you on a peloton?
Speaker 3 (06:07):
No, we just know that the room has a peloton.
Speaker 1 (06:09):
Well, you know that's the only thing we know about
Adam is he has a peloton.
Speaker 3 (06:14):
Kyle. Kyle loves and loves his peloton.
Speaker 1 (06:17):
I mean it's big delf energy. Oh my god, Libris
libras love libras love pelotons. So no, in fact, okay.
Speaker 3 (06:25):
Adam, let us see you if you're going to hang
with a section.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
Nobody's ever seen Adam. Nobody knows what Adam looks like.
Speaker 2 (06:31):
I've seen Adam.
Speaker 1 (06:32):
I saw Adam one time. I have no idea what
Adam looks like. I'm just thinking right now, I'm like,
do I can I remember? There he is? Look at
this guy. Okay, that does look like Adam. That does
remind me of an.
Speaker 2 (06:44):
Atom, and that's the real atom.
Speaker 1 (06:46):
I'm here. Do you think, okay, do you think as
a as a person who's been at least for I
guess I don't know, four years or something using a peloton?
Are you like done with peloton now?
Speaker 6 (06:55):
I think you you've all imagined my peloton life to
be a lot more than it was.
Speaker 1 (06:59):
It's that it was a very occasional user. It's the
fucking only thing we don't That's the only thing we
know about you, Like you're all we know one we
know one fact about you, which is you had a
peloton in the background one time when we talked to you.
That's like your entire identity, Adam, thank you. I'm on
(07:20):
the East Coast now, ACTU. I have my parents. Oh
you are where's that in Baltimore? Oh? Fuck, we're close.
We could go out for a drink. You can get
on the train right now. You get on the Asella
and get up here. Sure a fucking drink tonight, dude.
We could go, you and I we could go. We
could go if you get on soon, we could go.
We could be at the We could be at a
fucking club, you know and me. That's true.
Speaker 3 (07:42):
You don't have to say yes, we need from the club.
Speaker 6 (07:48):
Yeah, that's that will be the best episode.
Speaker 1 (07:51):
To be honest with that. I love the idea that
all of these strangers have been assembled to do a
show about me for like reasons. I don't think anybody
can explain, Like I'm sure nobody knew wh Josh Opolski
was before this show started, for sure, and now you
guys have all had, like you spent a year listening
to me bullshit, Like what a nightmare scenario for everyone.
But I think it's charming I'm charmed. I love I
(08:15):
love nothing more than assembling groups of people together to
do things. So I'm glad that we were able to
do it. I'm glad that we've had the chance to
do it together. And who knows, you know, maybe we'll
do it together in the future.
Speaker 2 (08:26):
So, Josh, I have questions for you.
Speaker 1 (08:28):
Okay, great, let's talk about it. Let's get and Jenny.
You want to hang it jenn and Kyle. You want
to hang out with the baby? Where's the baby? She
gets Oh, she's nursing right now. That's very cool. Okay,
I'm gonna get I'm gonna get a real drink. Can
can you give me two minutes? Don't go anywhere? You
don't go anywhere. I got a real drink, single malt Malvenny.
(09:02):
What are you drinking? What is that? What? Bullet specific
a bullet? Oh you're doing you're a bourbon. Yeah, that
makes sense.
Speaker 2 (09:10):
I like bourbon South.
Speaker 3 (09:11):
Wait, you're drinking bullet right now? Should I get a
second beer?
Speaker 2 (09:14):
Of course?
Speaker 1 (09:15):
I mean why not? You know what I'm reading? Okay,
but you know the I don't think the alcohol goes
through brass milk.
Speaker 2 (09:21):
You know what they told me when I was nursing.
If you can find them, you can feed them.
Speaker 1 (09:26):
What does that mean?
Speaker 2 (09:27):
That means that it's such an insanely tiny percentage of
a percentage of your alcohol blood level that.
Speaker 3 (09:35):
Goes into the milk.
Speaker 2 (09:37):
Correlate tree breast milk. So it's yeah, it's nothing.
Speaker 1 (09:42):
Yeah, I think you're I don't think you have to
worry about it. I think you're fine. Josh, Yes, that's me.
Speaker 2 (09:48):
I have a question for you. We're reflecting on the show.
Speaker 1 (09:51):
Yes, I love reflecting.
Speaker 2 (09:52):
How does the fact that we're living in a simulation
influence the way you approach your podcast topics?
Speaker 1 (09:58):
You know. The funny thing about the simulation theory that
I feel like is not well discussed or not has
not been like, you know, populated in terms of the
in people's minds, is like the simulation theory is basically religion. Right.
You're like, Hey, some person created our reality and now
we live in it according to their rules, which is
(10:19):
in essence God. Right, Like, you're basically making an argument
for a god, and you're making an argument for the
world that we live in having been created by a
godlike creature, and you're making an argument for like rules
of reality, Like the rules of reality, and that you know,
presumably at the end of the simulation that we are experiencing,
(10:42):
you know, you go to some other simulation where it's
like you were good and you get into this level,
or you were bad and you go into that level,
which is I mean, the whole thing is sort of
like a fucking modern argument for being very religious and
imagining and and adhering to the rules of a god.
(11:03):
And so how has that influenced the show? Not at all,
because because I believe in living Moss. I believe living Moss. Okay, sorry,
I'm sorry. I'm going to pull it together. I'm going
(11:24):
to pull it together.
Speaker 2 (11:26):
Have have you ever considered the possibility that our show
might be observed by higher beings?
Speaker 1 (11:33):
I mean, you mean like aliens or a god, like
the creator of the simulation. No, I don't.
Speaker 2 (11:39):
I don't know the simulation run thinks.
Speaker 1 (11:42):
About things like that. Does anybody does anybody except for
very religious people walk around thinking they're being judged or
watched by a being above them. I mean, if anything,
what I've what I have, how I have lived my
life thus far is uh. I mean, I don't think
that gives a fuck what I'm doing. I'm not even
sure that the people who know me and like me
give a fuck what I'm doing, And so I definitely
(12:04):
don't contemplate God or alien or alien God perceiving the
podcast known as What Future in any meaningful way. So
it has not influenced that part of it has not
influenced any of my sort of thinking as we go
through episode after episode. I hope that answers your question. Sorry,
(12:25):
did you want to hear more that I have thought
more about aliens listening to the show, like I.
Speaker 3 (12:30):
Don't know, Well, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (12:31):
Maybe you had, no, I haven't, So just to be
to clarify.
Speaker 2 (12:35):
This could be the Golden Record of podcasts. You don't know.
Speaker 1 (12:39):
The Golden Record is not going to be an episode
of What Future? But okay, anyhow, go on, what's the
next question you have for me?
Speaker 2 (12:45):
How do you approach guests knowing that they're just avatars
within our simulation?
Speaker 1 (12:49):
So your entire set of questions is about like a simulation,
is that.
Speaker 2 (12:53):
This is one set?
Speaker 1 (12:54):
Okay? You oh, you have multiple sets?
Speaker 2 (12:56):
Well, I have two sets. I have a fun.
Speaker 1 (12:58):
Exactly how that's exactly what fund so exactly how the
architect of the simulation would want it. I don't. Again,
I mean same answer basically, which is like if you thought,
I mean, do you think I even think about how
I approach guests, like on some conscious level, Like I mean, like,
am I have I been like, Hey, how am I
going to handle this interview? You know?
Speaker 2 (13:19):
So you have though there have been times where like
there's been a guest and you've needed to approach them
with a opposite view, and that is a little bit
of like considering, like how do I approach this specimen?
Speaker 1 (13:39):
I guess So, I mean, I don't know exactly what
you're talking about. That sounds like something that might have happened,
I will say, you know, in a lot of ways,
I'm like Heath Ledger's Joker from the seminal two thousand
and eight field The Dark Night. You know, uh, I
don't really big plans, you know, like the Joker, although
(13:59):
actually the joke movie he actually makes he actually makes
this a great there's a great podcast episode about this,
which is you're wrong about They do an amazing episode
about The Dark Knight and how the Joker's statement that
he doesn't make plans is like patently false and is
like throughout the film, it's just him executing very elaborate plans.
(14:22):
But anyhow, if we take him at phase value, in
many ways, I'm like he letters joke, which is I
don't really make plans, you know, and I don't really
like plans, to be honest. I like, I like things
to evolve naturally, you know, like Darwin.
Speaker 2 (14:34):
Would have wanted, Josh, how do you stay so grounded?
Speaker 1 (14:40):
Pass? That's a pass? It is that a real question?
Do I seem grounded?
Speaker 3 (14:46):
I just watched Adam's face as that question.
Speaker 1 (14:49):
Do you think I seem grounded? I mean, I don't
feel like that's a thing. I don't even know what
grounded means. Like am I like a Maya rock?
Speaker 2 (14:57):
Like Barbara Walters at the end?
Speaker 1 (15:00):
I mean, if anybody answer that question in ernest, they're
a fucking psycho. If somebody's like, if somebody's like, how
do you stay grounded? And they have an answer that
isn't like pass, that person is a dangerous individual and
they need to be watched and possibly put in jail.
Probably okay, you know else needs to be put in jail.
I was just talking about this with somebody is William Wegman.
Do you know who that is, do you fucking google
(15:23):
it right now? Adam knows and he agrees, so fucking
google William Wegman right now. This person should be in jail.
The things he's created are unholy and wrong, and no human,
no human, deserves to see this. Uh, do you get
got them up, William Wegman, get the fucking get his
(15:44):
photos up. Get his photos up.
Speaker 2 (15:46):
They are an abomination. It's an abomination.
Speaker 1 (15:49):
Looked upon his works. It's fucking like he should be
in prison. He should be in prison. Those photos should
be banned. They should be banned. No one should have
to look at them ever. Okay, Sorry, I came upon
William Wegman recently because he did photos for a book
written by a guy who uh, a chef who had
(16:12):
a bunch of restaurants in New York. Does anybody has
anybody ever been to something called Number seven sub? Are
familiar with it? Of course, fucking lyrus familiar with it.
Sick the sickest sandwiches in New York ever were produced
by Number seven Sub. Anyhow, the guy wrote a book
which is uh. I want to say the title of
the book is something like it a truly disturbing book
about sandwiches or like a very disturbing book about sandwiches
(16:34):
or anyhow, I was researching it recently and it turns
out that William Wegman did the photos for the book.
And then I was like, I know that name. Why
do I know that name? And I googled it and
what I saw was worse than the most disgusting snuff film.
Speaker 2 (16:50):
It's worse than the Blenciaga campaign, or yes, worse.
Speaker 1 (16:54):
It makes the Blenciaga you mean the like Teddy Bears
and bbsm gear or whatever with the fucking yeah, it
makes that seem actually good and nice by comparents.
Speaker 2 (17:05):
I'd rather put that on my wall.
Speaker 1 (17:06):
I mean, yes, correct, any Willy Wegman should be tried
for crimes against humanity. That's all I'm saying. All right,
you have any other questions for me? Or is that it?
Are we closing now on the Willi Wegman anecdote?
Speaker 2 (17:17):
Or I think we should go to Jenna's questions.
Speaker 1 (17:31):
Okay, Jenna, go ahead, here we go.
Speaker 3 (17:33):
There's one the yearbook questions, Like, back at the year.
You're in the Yearbook, you have like the most the
super you know, you.
Speaker 1 (17:40):
Know, as a person who didn't really go to any
high school. I've never experienced a yearbook, so this is
big for me. This is big, I know.
Speaker 5 (17:46):
So this is your moment, like funniest moment, like most
enjoyable guests.
Speaker 1 (17:52):
Wow are these real? Are these real things? Like you're
asking or I can't tell? Those are questions?
Speaker 5 (17:57):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, funniest.
Speaker 1 (18:00):
I think I think it was where we saw Adams peloton.
I gotta say I think that was the best, best
and funniest moment for me, was kidding that pomentary glimpse
of the peloton.
Speaker 3 (18:18):
Okay, what about best best guest?
Speaker 1 (18:22):
Well, I really liked, I really liked. Uh well, we
had Casey Newton not a bunch of times, and I
really enjoy talking to him because he's very funny. Uh
But I think that like we had an episode of
Taylor Lorenz, who just actually put out a book called
Extremely Online. Is what it's called, It's called extremely Online. Anyhow,
I feel like we had a when she was on.
She might have been on more of the ones I
can't remember, but the first time she was on, we
(18:43):
got into a weird argument I think about like Twitter
etiquette or like whether or not she was like I
don't know. We got into an argument about somebody who
had tweeted. It was like one of those people who
was like, I'm having coffee with my husband and it's
great or something. It was like that. But anyhow, she
was great. She was fun. She was fun, fun guest
and challenging. I would say, you know, oh, also David
(19:05):
Holes from mid Journey, who we were supposed to have
a follow up with, but he can never commit. And
I just want to say, I want this to be
on the show. Adam, you leave this fucking in. David.
You know who you are, You know what you did.
You said you were going to do a follow up.
We tried to book you didn't happen, and I remember.
I'm going to remember that for a long time. I'm
(19:25):
going to think about that. I'm going to steal on that.
I'm going to make my mission to get you on
to another show.
Speaker 3 (19:33):
Okay, Rose and Thorn of what future?
Speaker 2 (19:36):
What Rose and Thorn?
Speaker 1 (19:39):
Rose and Thorn? Okay, well, the Rose, the Rose quite
obviously getting to meet you guys and hang out with
you for a year straight, no question, that's the Rose.
The Thorn is uh. I don't know. Having to like
book every booking, thinking about booking an episode. That's the
thorn of a fucking show like this doing the work. No,
(20:01):
the thorn is like you gotta like, hey, we got
to talk about we're gonna do something this weekly? What
are we gonna do? Who were gonna book?
Speaker 5 (20:06):
Like?
Speaker 1 (20:06):
You got it? Then you gotta fucking call people, got
to email people. You gotta fucking you know, like Libra's like,
can you d M that guy or whatever? You know
that sucks? That ship sucks? Wow, you want what I
want to say? Full time, full time booking, full time booker,
because I'm not going to do it anyhow, okay? Is
that it? Those all the questions.
Speaker 2 (20:26):
We're booking it, and then we would need you your input.
Speaker 3 (20:31):
You aren't the easiest person to get in contact with.
Speaker 1 (20:35):
Who means Oh, that's because I was going through some ship. Also,
I don't I really don't like to do things like
scheduling or like that's like for you know, that's for
like somebody else to do.
Speaker 3 (20:46):
So this is like the first podcast you posted, right.
Speaker 1 (20:48):
Josh wrong? What are you talking about? I've literally been
on I've been doing podcasts for like fifteen years time.
Speaker 3 (20:56):
I have a long time and I Okay, get.
Speaker 1 (20:58):
It's fine, I get it. You have a baby, It's fine,
I'll allow it. But I've literally one of the things
about the ending of this particular phase of this podcast,
and you know, my podcasting life is like what I've
been thinking a lot about is I've been like doing
this show, like a version of this show where I
talk to people for like so fucking long, forgot like
literally like fifteen years. Like I don't know, like I've
(21:19):
never done the math on it, but I've been basically
bullshitting on a podcast in one form or another for
about that time. You know, I can have like a
really annoying teenage son right now, you know, think about
it at the time that's happening.
Speaker 5 (21:33):
Your show is basically like the era's Taylor Swift Tour, right.
Speaker 1 (21:38):
So like Taylor Swift and hold On, hold On.
Speaker 5 (21:40):
So you're living through eras of podcasts, similar to the
way Taylor Swift has lived through eras of her life.
Speaker 1 (21:49):
I mean I've been existing as a person in society
for a series of a series of years.
Speaker 3 (21:55):
I mean, her show spanned seventeen years. If you read
that Tassy article and.
Speaker 1 (22:02):
I didn't, I didn't, but I will she's one of
the best. She's one of the best to ever do
it to them.
Speaker 3 (22:08):
Basically, this is just another phase of your life.
Speaker 1 (22:12):
I know.
Speaker 3 (22:12):
Next, Sarah, surely that's right.
Speaker 1 (22:15):
That's that's one hundred percent accurate, one hundred percent medically accurate, which,
as you guys may know, is the tagline from the
human Centipede poster. We talked about this before. I think
we have, right, Adam, have we talked about this before? Maybe?
Maybe I think about it almost every day. Not every day,
but I think about it on a regular basis. Which
(22:35):
is the phrase one hundred percent medically accurate on the
human Centipede poster. Just the most brilliant piece of marketing
perhaps ever ever done. Kyle's got something to say about
this on mute goddamn it.
Speaker 4 (22:47):
I want to hear Kyle question in the Human Centipede, Yes,
who would you be the doctor to choose front middle
or No?
Speaker 1 (22:59):
No, don't. I don't have to do anything because I'm
the doctor.
Speaker 2 (23:03):
Why would you ever choose anything of it than front choice.
Speaker 1 (23:09):
You know what's funny is Kyle, when you said it,
it didn't eve occur to me that I would choose
any part of the centipede at all, like it just
was did not cross my mind. So that's why you're
winning that life. That's why, that's why I'm a millionaire.
All Right, we gotta wrap this up. I think we
gotta wrap this up. Well, that is our show for now,
(23:39):
and we won't be back next week with more what future,
But that doesn't mean there won't be a future for
this show. Although there might not be, but there could be.
It's really up to the creator of the simulation to decide,
and I eagerly await his or her or there decision
(24:01):
on that matter. All I can say for now is
I wish you and your family the very best. I
don't know, whatever, I don't know, that's something great, Just
use just use an AI that put together some version
of this episode that will be good. I don't know, Adam,
is there anything here that you can make into a show?
Speaker 4 (24:24):
Not really, right, I add some buff it will be
I think I can make a thirty minutes show.
Speaker 1 (24:29):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (24:30):
Wow, that's incredible.
Speaker 1 (24:34):
I think so
Hey, and welcome to What Future. I'm your host, Joshua Tipolski,
and I have some shocking news for you. I have
some alarming news. I have news that is going to
send shivers down your spine if you have one. If
you don't have a spine, then please ignore that. This
will be the last episode of What Future for the
foreseeable future. Although considering the fact that the show is
(00:43):
interested in a future state of affairs, I can't say
with certainty that it will be the last episode ever.
But I will tell you for the moment, there will
be no further What Future, which makes this episode very
special and important, although I think you'll find the content
of this episode is not very special or very important.
(01:08):
I fuck it, I don't know. I'm drinking the Heineken
(01:29):
that's been in my refrigerator, which is in the garage,
has been in there for at least a year. At
least a year, no question, if not longer. So I
don't know if like beer goes bad or it could
be Heindeken, you know, Hugh. Anyhow, Okay, so this is
like basically the last episode.
Speaker 2 (01:46):
Do you want to say welcome or do you want
to just start there?
Speaker 1 (01:50):
Oh? You want me to do an intro? Is that
what you're saying? Ever, the producer pushing me towards a
production setting, a produced setting? Oh what what.
Speaker 2 (02:00):
Ladies and gentlemen, it's our surprise.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
Guess no, Jenna Jenna Caggle. Okay, hold on a second.
First off, is there a baby somewhere in your head? Yes?
Speaker 3 (02:10):
Yes she is. Oh my god, I'm changed right now.
Speaker 1 (02:13):
Oh my god. First off, congratulations, thank you.
Speaker 3 (02:17):
I meant to text you, but I never did.
Speaker 1 (02:19):
You didn't fucking text me. You didn't say shit, I'll text.
I had to find out third hand.
Speaker 2 (02:23):
I'm sorry, it's bend.
Speaker 3 (02:25):
I'm crazy. Let me just say it qualitized acceptable.
Speaker 1 (02:28):
I'm sorry. I know you're going through you know, post
post birth whatever, but that doesn't matter because my emotions
are running high and you need to hear what I'm feeling,
which is disappointment that I was not immediately alerted the
second that baby popped out.
Speaker 3 (02:43):
Pump out. It was like a traumatic labor story. Thirty
Oh did you do? I was close?
Speaker 1 (02:51):
Okay, because because I've been in the room during the
sea section, I haven't had one, but I've been there,
and I gotta tell you it's fucking nuts.
Speaker 3 (02:56):
So no, I was close.
Speaker 4 (02:58):
Here.
Speaker 5 (02:58):
I'll text you a picture of the baby looking exactly like,
what's this baby?
Speaker 1 (03:02):
What's this baby called? You got a name. Jude is
a beautiful name, but it's a boy.
Speaker 2 (03:07):
It's a girl.
Speaker 1 (03:08):
Oh I love it, I love it, I love Oh
my god, hold on, I'm looking at this right now.
Speaker 3 (03:12):
They're the same person.
Speaker 1 (03:13):
It's this is so fucking dope. I'm so excited. Oh
my god, oh my god, oh my god. Both of
them adorable. I have to say adorable. This baby looks
exactly like him.
Speaker 3 (03:27):
It's Kyle. Stop looking.
Speaker 1 (03:29):
It's very disturbing. I know what it's like because I've
had a similar People are like, oh, you and Zelda
are twins or whatever. But this is really, like just
frankly disturbing. Like the baby looks like a full grown
adult man, you know what I mean.
Speaker 3 (03:43):
It's disturbing.
Speaker 1 (03:45):
It's good. She's fucking adorable, and so is he.
Speaker 3 (03:49):
She looks like a boy, but she'll she'll grow into it.
Her faux hug everything.
Speaker 1 (03:53):
Oh my god, this fucking hair, what the fuck, what
the fuck.
Speaker 3 (03:58):
She's got a fo fucking babies.
Speaker 1 (04:01):
This baby's this baby's cute. I gotta tell you. Some
babies you see and they're like fucking not cute. This
one is, thank you, this one's good. You got a
good one. You got a good one.
Speaker 3 (04:10):
I'm glad Kyle's attractive.
Speaker 1 (04:13):
I mean, you're you guys are both nice looking people,
and it's you know, sometimes it doesn't work out. Sometimes
you get a couple of nice looking people they have
a weird like a fucking freak creep baby, you know,
but like that didn't happen here. You got a nice baby.
You got a good baby. That's amazing. Congratulations. I'm so
happy for you. I'm so happy for Kyle. And and
what a what a delightful, wonderful fucking thing, what a
(04:34):
great I feel in many ways, I feel this show
is really responsible for that child, you know.
Speaker 3 (04:39):
I mean, if it wasn't for you, I.
Speaker 1 (04:43):
Can't help but think that I really am should be
the child's godfather, Like, no question.
Speaker 3 (04:49):
Do you want Tom? I mean, we haven't, so I.
Speaker 1 (04:52):
Would love to shower Jude with gifts and advice, of
which I have so much. And Kyle, bring that fucking
baby onto this podcast. By the way, Lyra and Adam,
I wanted this has to be included on the show.
I don't want this to be edited.
Speaker 2 (05:10):
I mean, this is the show so.
Speaker 1 (05:12):
I heard Jude, Yeah, bring me that baby. Baby, Kyle,
you got to learn to hold the head up better.
I don't know what you're doing there. I don't like,
don't strangle it. I don't how many months have you
had with the child but still feel like you're.
Speaker 3 (05:26):
Not going Yeah, she's five and a half weeks, she's
almost six weeks.
Speaker 4 (05:29):
But the total time that Jenna would let me actually
hold the child and this four days total.
Speaker 1 (05:34):
Can I ask you a question, are you in terror
all the time of not holding the kid? Right? Do
you feel that way?
Speaker 6 (05:41):
No, she's pooping on my hand though, okay, we've all
been there. I mean, by to pay for every hand
I pooped on, you know, i'd be original. I don't know, Adam,
if you're marking this stuff as we're recording, but I'm
sure you have so many shaking said.
Speaker 1 (05:59):
He's a good him. He's on his peloton right now.
He's always on the peloton with a cigarette. Wait, are
you on a peloton?
Speaker 3 (06:07):
No, we just know that the room has a peloton.
Speaker 1 (06:09):
Well, you know that's the only thing we know about
Adam is he has a peloton.
Speaker 3 (06:14):
Kyle. Kyle loves and loves his peloton.
Speaker 1 (06:17):
I mean it's big delf energy. Oh my god, Libris
libras love libras love pelotons. So no, in fact, okay.
Speaker 3 (06:25):
Adam, let us see you if you're going to hang
with a section.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
Nobody's ever seen Adam. Nobody knows what Adam looks like.
Speaker 2 (06:31):
I've seen Adam.
Speaker 1 (06:32):
I saw Adam one time. I have no idea what
Adam looks like. I'm just thinking right now, I'm like,
do I can I remember? There he is? Look at
this guy. Okay, that does look like Adam. That does
remind me of an.
Speaker 2 (06:44):
Atom, and that's the real atom.
Speaker 1 (06:46):
I'm here. Do you think, okay, do you think as
a as a person who's been at least for I
guess I don't know, four years or something using a peloton?
Are you like done with peloton now?
Speaker 6 (06:55):
I think you you've all imagined my peloton life to
be a lot more than it was.
Speaker 1 (06:59):
It's that it was a very occasional user. It's the
fucking only thing we don't That's the only thing we
know about you, Like you're all we know one we
know one fact about you, which is you had a
peloton in the background one time when we talked to you.
That's like your entire identity, Adam, thank you. I'm on
(07:20):
the East Coast now, ACTU. I have my parents. Oh
you are where's that in Baltimore? Oh? Fuck, we're close.
We could go out for a drink. You can get
on the train right now. You get on the Asella
and get up here. Sure a fucking drink tonight, dude.
We could go, you and I we could go. We
could go if you get on soon, we could go.
We could be at the We could be at a
fucking club, you know and me. That's true.
Speaker 3 (07:42):
You don't have to say yes, we need from the club.
Speaker 6 (07:48):
Yeah, that's that will be the best episode.
Speaker 1 (07:51):
To be honest with that. I love the idea that
all of these strangers have been assembled to do a
show about me for like reasons. I don't think anybody
can explain, Like I'm sure nobody knew wh Josh Opolski
was before this show started, for sure, and now you
guys have all had, like you spent a year listening
to me bullshit, Like what a nightmare scenario for everyone.
But I think it's charming I'm charmed. I love I
(08:15):
love nothing more than assembling groups of people together to
do things. So I'm glad that we were able to
do it. I'm glad that we've had the chance to
do it together. And who knows, you know, maybe we'll
do it together in the future.
Speaker 2 (08:26):
So, Josh, I have questions for you.
Speaker 1 (08:28):
Okay, great, let's talk about it. Let's get and Jenny.
You want to hang it jenn and Kyle. You want
to hang out with the baby? Where's the baby? She
gets Oh, she's nursing right now. That's very cool. Okay,
I'm gonna get I'm gonna get a real drink. Can
can you give me two minutes? Don't go anywhere? You
don't go anywhere. I got a real drink, single malt Malvenny.
(09:02):
What are you drinking? What is that? What? Bullet specific
a bullet? Oh you're doing you're a bourbon. Yeah, that
makes sense.
Speaker 2 (09:10):
I like bourbon South.
Speaker 3 (09:11):
Wait, you're drinking bullet right now? Should I get a
second beer?
Speaker 2 (09:14):
Of course?
Speaker 1 (09:15):
I mean why not? You know what I'm reading? Okay,
but you know the I don't think the alcohol goes
through brass milk.
Speaker 2 (09:21):
You know what they told me when I was nursing.
If you can find them, you can feed them.
Speaker 1 (09:26):
What does that mean?
Speaker 2 (09:27):
That means that it's such an insanely tiny percentage of
a percentage of your alcohol blood level that.
Speaker 3 (09:35):
Goes into the milk.
Speaker 2 (09:37):
Correlate tree breast milk. So it's yeah, it's nothing.
Speaker 1 (09:42):
Yeah, I think you're I don't think you have to
worry about it. I think you're fine. Josh, Yes, that's me.
Speaker 2 (09:48):
I have a question for you. We're reflecting on the show.
Speaker 1 (09:51):
Yes, I love reflecting.
Speaker 2 (09:52):
How does the fact that we're living in a simulation
influence the way you approach your podcast topics?
Speaker 1 (09:58):
You know. The funny thing about the simulation theory that
I feel like is not well discussed or not has
not been like, you know, populated in terms of the
in people's minds, is like the simulation theory is basically religion. Right.
You're like, Hey, some person created our reality and now
we live in it according to their rules, which is
(10:19):
in essence God. Right, Like, you're basically making an argument
for a god, and you're making an argument for the
world that we live in having been created by a
godlike creature, and you're making an argument for like rules
of reality, Like the rules of reality, and that you know,
presumably at the end of the simulation that we are experiencing,
(10:42):
you know, you go to some other simulation where it's
like you were good and you get into this level,
or you were bad and you go into that level,
which is I mean, the whole thing is sort of
like a fucking modern argument for being very religious and
imagining and and adhering to the rules of a god.
(11:03):
And so how has that influenced the show? Not at all,
because because I believe in living Moss. I believe living Moss. Okay, sorry,
I'm sorry. I'm going to pull it together. I'm going
(11:24):
to pull it together.
Speaker 2 (11:26):
Have have you ever considered the possibility that our show
might be observed by higher beings?
Speaker 1 (11:33):
I mean, you mean like aliens or a god, like
the creator of the simulation. No, I don't.
Speaker 2 (11:39):
I don't know the simulation run thinks.
Speaker 1 (11:42):
About things like that. Does anybody does anybody except for
very religious people walk around thinking they're being judged or
watched by a being above them. I mean, if anything,
what I've what I have, how I have lived my
life thus far is uh. I mean, I don't think
that gives a fuck what I'm doing. I'm not even
sure that the people who know me and like me
give a fuck what I'm doing, And so I definitely
(12:04):
don't contemplate God or alien or alien God perceiving the
podcast known as What Future in any meaningful way. So
it has not influenced that part of it has not
influenced any of my sort of thinking as we go
through episode after episode. I hope that answers your question. Sorry,
(12:25):
did you want to hear more that I have thought
more about aliens listening to the show, like I.
Speaker 3 (12:30):
Don't know, Well, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (12:31):
Maybe you had, no, I haven't, So just to be
to clarify.
Speaker 2 (12:35):
This could be the Golden Record of podcasts. You don't know.
Speaker 1 (12:39):
The Golden Record is not going to be an episode
of What Future? But okay, anyhow, go on, what's the
next question you have for me?
Speaker 2 (12:45):
How do you approach guests knowing that they're just avatars
within our simulation?
Speaker 1 (12:49):
So your entire set of questions is about like a simulation,
is that.
Speaker 2 (12:53):
This is one set?
Speaker 1 (12:54):
Okay? You oh, you have multiple sets?
Speaker 2 (12:56):
Well, I have two sets. I have a fun.
Speaker 1 (12:58):
Exactly how that's exactly what fund so exactly how the
architect of the simulation would want it. I don't. Again,
I mean same answer basically, which is like if you thought,
I mean, do you think I even think about how
I approach guests, like on some conscious level, Like I mean, like,
am I have I been like, Hey, how am I
going to handle this interview? You know?
Speaker 2 (13:19):
So you have though there have been times where like
there's been a guest and you've needed to approach them
with a opposite view, and that is a little bit
of like considering, like how do I approach this specimen?
Speaker 1 (13:39):
I guess So, I mean, I don't know exactly what
you're talking about. That sounds like something that might have happened,
I will say, you know, in a lot of ways,
I'm like Heath Ledger's Joker from the seminal two thousand
and eight field The Dark Night. You know, uh, I
don't really big plans, you know, like the Joker, although
(13:59):
actually the joke movie he actually makes he actually makes
this a great there's a great podcast episode about this,
which is you're wrong about They do an amazing episode
about The Dark Knight and how the Joker's statement that
he doesn't make plans is like patently false and is
like throughout the film, it's just him executing very elaborate plans.
(14:22):
But anyhow, if we take him at phase value, in
many ways, I'm like he letters joke, which is I
don't really make plans, you know, and I don't really
like plans, to be honest. I like, I like things
to evolve naturally, you know, like Darwin.
Speaker 2 (14:34):
Would have wanted, Josh, how do you stay so grounded?
Speaker 1 (14:40):
Pass? That's a pass? It is that a real question?
Do I seem grounded?
Speaker 3 (14:46):
I just watched Adam's face as that question.
Speaker 1 (14:49):
Do you think I seem grounded? I mean, I don't
feel like that's a thing. I don't even know what
grounded means. Like am I like a Maya rock?
Speaker 2 (14:57):
Like Barbara Walters at the end?
Speaker 1 (15:00):
I mean, if anybody answer that question in ernest, they're
a fucking psycho. If somebody's like, if somebody's like, how
do you stay grounded? And they have an answer that
isn't like pass, that person is a dangerous individual and
they need to be watched and possibly put in jail.
Probably okay, you know else needs to be put in jail.
I was just talking about this with somebody is William Wegman.
Do you know who that is, do you fucking google
(15:23):
it right now? Adam knows and he agrees, so fucking
google William Wegman right now. This person should be in jail.
The things he's created are unholy and wrong, and no human,
no human, deserves to see this. Uh, do you get
got them up, William Wegman, get the fucking get his
(15:44):
photos up. Get his photos up.
Speaker 2 (15:46):
They are an abomination. It's an abomination.
Speaker 1 (15:49):
Looked upon his works. It's fucking like he should be
in prison. He should be in prison. Those photos should
be banned. They should be banned. No one should have
to look at them ever. Okay, Sorry, I came upon
William Wegman recently because he did photos for a book
written by a guy who uh, a chef who had
(16:12):
a bunch of restaurants in New York. Does anybody has
anybody ever been to something called Number seven sub? Are
familiar with it? Of course, fucking lyrus familiar with it.
Sick the sickest sandwiches in New York ever were produced
by Number seven Sub. Anyhow, the guy wrote a book
which is uh. I want to say the title of
the book is something like it a truly disturbing book
about sandwiches or like a very disturbing book about sandwiches
(16:34):
or anyhow, I was researching it recently and it turns
out that William Wegman did the photos for the book.
And then I was like, I know that name. Why
do I know that name? And I googled it and
what I saw was worse than the most disgusting snuff film.
Speaker 2 (16:50):
It's worse than the Blenciaga campaign, or yes, worse.
Speaker 1 (16:54):
It makes the Blenciaga you mean the like Teddy Bears
and bbsm gear or whatever with the fucking yeah, it
makes that seem actually good and nice by comparents.
Speaker 2 (17:05):
I'd rather put that on my wall.
Speaker 1 (17:06):
I mean, yes, correct, any Willy Wegman should be tried
for crimes against humanity. That's all I'm saying. All right,
you have any other questions for me? Or is that it?
Are we closing now on the Willi Wegman anecdote?
Speaker 2 (17:17):
Or I think we should go to Jenna's questions.
Speaker 1 (17:31):
Okay, Jenna, go ahead, here we go.
Speaker 3 (17:33):
There's one the yearbook questions, Like, back at the year.
You're in the Yearbook, you have like the most the
super you know, you.
Speaker 1 (17:40):
Know, as a person who didn't really go to any
high school. I've never experienced a yearbook, so this is
big for me. This is big, I know.
Speaker 5 (17:46):
So this is your moment, like funniest moment, like most
enjoyable guests.
Speaker 1 (17:52):
Wow are these real? Are these real things? Like you're
asking or I can't tell? Those are questions?
Speaker 5 (17:57):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, funniest.
Speaker 1 (18:00):
I think I think it was where we saw Adams peloton.
I gotta say I think that was the best, best
and funniest moment for me, was kidding that pomentary glimpse
of the peloton.
Speaker 3 (18:18):
Okay, what about best best guest?
Speaker 1 (18:22):
Well, I really liked, I really liked. Uh well, we
had Casey Newton not a bunch of times, and I
really enjoy talking to him because he's very funny. Uh
But I think that like we had an episode of
Taylor Lorenz, who just actually put out a book called
Extremely Online. Is what it's called, It's called extremely Online. Anyhow,
I feel like we had a when she was on.
She might have been on more of the ones I
can't remember, but the first time she was on, we
(18:43):
got into a weird argument I think about like Twitter
etiquette or like whether or not she was like I
don't know. We got into an argument about somebody who
had tweeted. It was like one of those people who
was like, I'm having coffee with my husband and it's
great or something. It was like that. But anyhow, she
was great. She was fun. She was fun, fun guest
and challenging. I would say, you know, oh, also David
(19:05):
Holes from mid Journey, who we were supposed to have
a follow up with, but he can never commit. And
I just want to say, I want this to be
on the show. Adam, you leave this fucking in. David.
You know who you are, You know what you did.
You said you were going to do a follow up.
We tried to book you didn't happen, and I remember.
I'm going to remember that for a long time. I'm
(19:25):
going to think about that. I'm going to steal on that.
I'm going to make my mission to get you on
to another show.
Speaker 3 (19:33):
Okay, Rose and Thorn of what future?
Speaker 2 (19:36):
What Rose and Thorn?
Speaker 1 (19:39):
Rose and Thorn? Okay, well, the Rose, the Rose quite
obviously getting to meet you guys and hang out with
you for a year straight, no question, that's the Rose.
The Thorn is uh. I don't know. Having to like
book every booking, thinking about booking an episode. That's the
thorn of a fucking show like this doing the work. No,
(20:01):
the thorn is like you gotta like, hey, we got
to talk about we're gonna do something this weekly? What
are we gonna do? Who were gonna book?
Speaker 5 (20:06):
Like?
Speaker 1 (20:06):
You got it? Then you gotta fucking call people, got
to email people. You gotta fucking you know, like Libra's like,
can you d M that guy or whatever? You know
that sucks? That ship sucks? Wow, you want what I
want to say? Full time, full time booking, full time booker,
because I'm not going to do it anyhow, okay? Is
that it? Those all the questions.
Speaker 2 (20:26):
We're booking it, and then we would need you your input.
Speaker 3 (20:31):
You aren't the easiest person to get in contact with.
Speaker 1 (20:35):
Who means Oh, that's because I was going through some ship. Also,
I don't I really don't like to do things like
scheduling or like that's like for you know, that's for
like somebody else to do.
Speaker 3 (20:46):
So this is like the first podcast you posted, right.
Speaker 1 (20:48):
Josh wrong? What are you talking about? I've literally been
on I've been doing podcasts for like fifteen years time.
Speaker 3 (20:56):
I have a long time and I Okay, get.
Speaker 1 (20:58):
It's fine, I get it. You have a baby, It's fine,
I'll allow it. But I've literally one of the things
about the ending of this particular phase of this podcast,
and you know, my podcasting life is like what I've
been thinking a lot about is I've been like doing
this show, like a version of this show where I
talk to people for like so fucking long, forgot like
literally like fifteen years. Like I don't know, like I've
(21:19):
never done the math on it, but I've been basically
bullshitting on a podcast in one form or another for
about that time. You know, I can have like a
really annoying teenage son right now, you know, think about
it at the time that's happening.
Speaker 5 (21:33):
Your show is basically like the era's Taylor Swift Tour, right.
Speaker 1 (21:38):
So like Taylor Swift and hold On, hold On.
Speaker 5 (21:40):
So you're living through eras of podcasts, similar to the
way Taylor Swift has lived through eras of her life.
Speaker 1 (21:49):
I mean I've been existing as a person in society
for a series of a series of years.
Speaker 3 (21:55):
I mean, her show spanned seventeen years. If you read
that Tassy article and.
Speaker 1 (22:02):
I didn't, I didn't, but I will she's one of
the best. She's one of the best to ever do
it to them.
Speaker 3 (22:08):
Basically, this is just another phase of your life.
Speaker 1 (22:12):
I know.
Speaker 3 (22:12):
Next, Sarah, surely that's right.
Speaker 1 (22:15):
That's that's one hundred percent accurate, one hundred percent medically accurate, which,
as you guys may know, is the tagline from the
human Centipede poster. We talked about this before. I think
we have, right, Adam, have we talked about this before? Maybe?
Maybe I think about it almost every day. Not every day,
but I think about it on a regular basis. Which
(22:35):
is the phrase one hundred percent medically accurate on the
human Centipede poster. Just the most brilliant piece of marketing
perhaps ever ever done. Kyle's got something to say about
this on mute goddamn it.
Speaker 4 (22:47):
I want to hear Kyle question in the Human Centipede, Yes,
who would you be the doctor to choose front middle
or No?
Speaker 1 (22:59):
No, don't. I don't have to do anything because I'm
the doctor.
Speaker 2 (23:03):
Why would you ever choose anything of it than front choice.
Speaker 1 (23:09):
You know what's funny is Kyle, when you said it,
it didn't eve occur to me that I would choose
any part of the centipede at all, like it just
was did not cross my mind. So that's why you're
winning that life. That's why, that's why I'm a millionaire.
All Right, we gotta wrap this up. I think we
gotta wrap this up. Well, that is our show for now,
(23:39):
and we won't be back next week with more what future,
But that doesn't mean there won't be a future for
this show. Although there might not be, but there could be.
It's really up to the creator of the simulation to decide,
and I eagerly await his or her or there decision
(24:01):
on that matter. All I can say for now is
I wish you and your family the very best. I
don't know, whatever, I don't know, that's something great, Just
use just use an AI that put together some version
of this episode that will be good. I don't know, Adam,
is there anything here that you can make into a show?
Speaker 4 (24:24):
Not really, right, I add some buff it will be
I think I can make a thirty minutes show.
Speaker 1 (24:29):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (24:30):
Wow, that's incredible.
Speaker 1 (24:34):
I think so
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