March 25, 2025 • 20 mins
Why do we turn to food, alcohol, shopping, or even busyness when life feels overwhelming? In this episode, Chip and Leanne dive into the real reason we numb—what we’re actually trying to escape or avoid—and how society conditions us to suppress rather than process emotions. They break down the neuroscience behind coping mechanisms, revealing why they provide short-term relief but lead to long-term suffering. If you’ve ever wondered why breaking free from old habits feels impossible, this episode will give you the clarity you need to start shifting your patterns.
Visit Chip's website at: ChipDodd.com
You can order your copy of Chip's book, The Voice of the Heart: A Call To Full Living HERE.
Listen to the Living With Heart Podcast HERE.
HOST: Leanne Ellington // StresslessEating.com // @leanneellington
To learn more about Leanne, head over to www.LeanneEllington.com, and to share your thoughts, questions, feedback, or guest suggestions instantly, head on over to www.WhatsGodGotToDoWithIt.com.
Follow Leanne on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/leanneellington/
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
If you want to go on a journey. If you're skeptical,
don't worry.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
Not here to preach. Gonna keep it clean and talk
to me and recall where faith means sparse nature and
get in touch with your creator with a bacon, love
and jew.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
She even speaks Hebrew. What's that?
Speaker 3 (00:28):
Gonza do? What's that?
Speaker 2 (00:37):
Well sabosation?
Speaker 3 (00:38):
You should talking transformation?
Speaker 2 (00:41):
What's that?
Speaker 1 (00:42):
Donzato?
Speaker 2 (00:44):
Hey?
Speaker 4 (00:45):
Hey, it's Leanne here and welcome to a special series
on What's God Got to Do with It? And selfishly,
I wanted to bring this series to you. It originally
was created for Outweigh, but it is so apparent and
relevant to the journeys that we talked about over here
on What's God Got to Do with It? Where I
invited my dear friend doctor Chip Dodd, alongside a four
(01:05):
part mini series talking about why we numb and the
real root of coping mechanisms.
Speaker 1 (01:10):
You've heard them before on the God Pod.
Speaker 4 (01:12):
His episode will be linked in every episode of this series.
But I wanted to bring this mini series over to
you here on What's God Got to Do with It?
So tune on in and enjoy. Hey, hey, and happy Saturday, outweigh.
We are back for part two of this four part
mini series here with doctor Chip Dodd.
Speaker 3 (01:31):
Hello, good to see you, Yes.
Speaker 1 (01:33):
Good to have you back.
Speaker 4 (01:34):
Last week was a powerful conversation if you missed it,
we got into what is addiction really right, not just
the you know, theoretical version of it, but we talked
about it on a science level, on a logistics level,
and then of course on a cause and effect level
from where it's truly rooted, which is in the heart,
in the feelings, in the soul and the spirit. So
we are back now to talk about why we numb
(01:56):
and the real reason we avoid pain and seek comfort.
Speaker 1 (02:00):
And so last week we talked a little bit.
Speaker 4 (02:02):
About, you know, why we turn to food and alcohol
and shopping and relationships, even busyness like hustling for our
worthiness nowadays has become a bit of an addiction.
Speaker 1 (02:11):
But what we're really trying to escape or avoid?
Speaker 4 (02:14):
So can we just you know, we pick up from
where we were last week when we're trying to escape
or avoid, like what is that? What are we doing
and why are we turning to those coping mechanisms?
Speaker 3 (02:23):
With you.
Speaker 2 (02:25):
This is going to sound strange at first, but we
actually and this goes to probably sound very strange. We
have two enemies. We have society at large that measures
everything externally and judges accordingly, right, judges like that. And
then our real primary enemy is the brain itself. Now
I don't mean the whole brain, okay, but the brain
(02:47):
is doing exactly what it's made to do. I'm talking
about our frontal lobe logic and our executive functioning is
created to find places where there isn't pain. So your
brain as the organ is actually a comfort seeking, pleasure
seeking instrument doing what's made to do, which means pain avoidant. Okay.
(03:08):
So your brain is doing its job to helping you
avoid honestly having to feel and having to be, indeed,
or having to be in situations in which you are vulnerable,
which means don't have control. Okay. Now, so your brain
is oddly pain intolerant. That's how come your thinking can't
solb can't bring you to healing because your thinking is
(03:29):
opposed to what it takes to heal. All right, So,
but your brain is intolerant for pain. And here's the beauty.
Your heart is pain tolerant, Okay, I mean your emotional
center of your being is a pain tolerant place. You
don't have to like the pain, but you find that
(03:51):
somehow or another, you're capable of tolerating the pain. Love
is painful, child bearing is painful. Recovery is painful. A
woman named Marian Diamond. She was the inventor of neuroplasticity,
which is where we get the idea that the brain
could be changed from where it was to a different place.
This is in nineteen sixties, and she was disregarded for
(04:13):
two three decades almost And she's the one that came
up with the phrase use it or lose it. And
so she discovered there are five ways to create what
she called brain health. But the truth was she actually
had discovered, in my opinion, she had actually discovered the
five ways that the heart overcomes the brain, and so
(04:36):
that we will quote choose health over comfort, and the
five ways for us to be maximum maximumly fulfilled. She
said she discovered nutrition, exercise, risking, seeing new things, taking
on challenges, and love. I mean, these things were scientifically proven.
(04:57):
But if you'll notice all five of those things, eating, healthy, exercise,
seeing new things, taking on challenges, and love, all five
of them require pain. We have to delay gratification for benefits.
And so if you're not raised in a world where
feelings are forms of strength. See now we're being raised
(05:20):
more than ever before. Children are being raised with having feelings,
but the feelings in so many ways because the parents
don't trust them. The feedings become permission to not have
to risk, rather than yes, you're gonna feel it, but
I'll be here when you're done. Yes okay, versus don't
feel it. And so many of us came from a
don't feel it and now there's great permission to feel,
(05:41):
but nobody could tolerate them. So there's a tweetter world.
It's called delay gratification for benefit, and all of recovery
is about taking the risk of having feelings to delay gratification.
But it's a promise of gratification being better than satisfaction.
When I eat apple pie muffin, I mean, just go
(06:02):
down the list. It hits the blood brain barrier in seconds.
If I eat healthy, I have to wait for the
benefit to come. And it all has to do with
feelings like I won't be okay your brain, and your
brain is literally saying, look, you can do this tomorrow.
Let's wait till tomorrow. I promise tomorrow will be a
great day, but tonight for right now. And then when
(06:25):
we go do the thing that that makes us comfortable,
we wind up judging ourselves for being weak, and we
weren't weak. We're not weak.
Speaker 1 (06:34):
We're doing what the brain is.
Speaker 2 (06:35):
We're with the brains telling us to do to avoid
feeling because your brain is a mechanism that says, I want.
Speaker 3 (06:41):
To take care of you, right.
Speaker 4 (06:42):
And that's why it's so important for us to learn
and take back ownership from our brain and influence it
in the direction that it needs to go rich than
having it drive us around.
Speaker 2 (06:50):
Yes, so, but what is it that takes control of
the brain, And it's the one thing we run from heart?
The heart. I know it sounds so weird, but the
heart is created by God to take precedence over the brain.
In fact, the God peace here and Proverbs four twenty
three says above all else, I mean, like above everything else.
(07:14):
It says guard your heart, and it doesn't mean lock
it in prison. It be set it free and treasure
it both. It's very valuable part of you to guard
your heart above all else, because out of it flow
all the issues of life. Another translation says, because it's
the well spring of life. So if you don't know
your heart, you'll never be free. If you don't have
(07:36):
your heart, you'll never be courageous. If you don't have
your heart, you can't be really curious. Everything's about controlling
rather than experiencing. Wow.
Speaker 4 (07:44):
And so if you have ever heard yourself feeling like
or identified with this whole short term gratification trap, not
only did you just get the neuroscientific explanation from doctor
chip DoD over here, but also you know again you
cannot solve a logical problem or emotional problem with this
logic and reason you know, and it's a hard In.
Speaker 3 (08:02):
Fact, all addiction is a logic problem.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
Yeah. In other words, it's trusting the logic too much.
If I do this, I'll get that. If I get that,
I'll do this if I do and your logic will
always take you away from having to deal with feelings.
Speaker 3 (08:15):
It will always win every drum.
Speaker 2 (08:16):
Yeah, every one of us who goes and does something
that we know ahead of time is going to hurt us, right,
and we do it anyway. It's not because we're stupid,
it's because the logic said, go there absolutely to avoid
feeling yeah.
Speaker 4 (08:31):
And I have so many conversations with these highly intelligent
women and they're like, Lynne, I'm so good everything else.
Speaker 1 (08:36):
And I tell them, this is not an intelligence problem.
This is not lack of thing you know it is.
Speaker 4 (08:42):
Really, it's so much deeper, and it's hardwired. It's a
product of cause and effective. A lot of times, decades
or a lifetime of these practices where the brain has
gotten hijacked.
Speaker 2 (08:50):
Hijack or is the doing the hijacking, and it gets hijacked,
and people are very successful through their thinking. Almost most
of the people that I treat years ago at the
Center for Professional Excellence, most of those people were highly influential,
highly achieved, super people, pleasing people. I'm talking about politicians,
(09:11):
the lawyers, the doctors, and so on, male and female.
I remember I would say to them, look, you're intelligent, amazingly.
I know you're smarter than I am. I know that
you have the willpower of a rhinoceros. You know, I
(09:32):
mean your toughest nails. You couldn't endure what you've endured,
even residency for example, in medical school. And you're moral,
I mean you seek perfection. That's a form of morality.
If nothing else, you know how to hide your secrets
cause you fear being judged. But you're so smart, you're
so tough, and you're so strong, but you look stupid,
you look weak, and you look bad. But we know
(09:53):
you're not because it's proven that you're not. So you
don't have an intelligence probablem you don't have a willpower. Probably,
you don't have a moral problem. You have a heart problem, honestly,
not taking a risk of trusting honestly, that limbic system,
that part of your brain that is the emotional center
and the long term memory center.
Speaker 4 (10:13):
Yeah, you know, yeah, the elephant that never forgets that
have boganfas. So let's talk about avoidance, Okay, because this
is a big one.
Speaker 1 (10:22):
No matter who's listening. I know we've all that can
be procrastination.
Speaker 4 (10:26):
Avoidance, numbing. So let's talk about avoidance. Why does that happen?
And I feel like there is not that we're making
this a you know, society's bad conversation, but there is
a societal pattern of kind of teaching us to numb
instead of process avoidance, and how that just continues that
disconnecting ourselves.
Speaker 2 (10:44):
Yeah, you don't talk about that avoidance is actually just
an impaired expression of wisdom. And what I mean by
that because see wisdom, wisdom is because I've experienced life,
I've learned from it, and I know how to process
the feelings of it. Wisdom becomes a sense of intuitively
knowing when to do something and when not to. Avoidance
(11:05):
is a beat up form of wisdom that says, I
don't want to have to feel that, I don't want
to have to risk that, I don't want to be
told I'm wrong. So avoidance becomes like a beat up
form of wisdom and also a demand for perfectionism, like
I'm not even going to step into yeah. And so
it's part of the control addiction and ultimately in all addiction,
(11:31):
all impairments related to addiction, because the core addiction is
control addiction, that out of which comes all the expressions
of our multi layered, multi dimensional, multifactorial expressions of the
sickness of addiction. Whether it's like the disordered eating eating disorders,
(11:53):
it could be, you know, like the drug of choice
in this area. It can be believe it or not,
some taking something very healthy and taking it to extremes.
It was like even spinning things to avoid having to
face things. I mean, the politicians expertise is the addiction
of spinning, and it's an addiction to avoiding, to have
(12:14):
to avoid having to actually stand up and say this
is where I am, this is what I feel, because
we're trying to keep ourselves brain safe rather than carry
the taught integrity of their own hearts.
Speaker 3 (12:26):
That makes sense, absolutely, okay, yeah.
Speaker 1 (12:28):
No, for sure.
Speaker 2 (12:29):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (12:29):
And then the avoidance itself becomes its own identity of
like the well, this is just what I do, this
is who I am, and then they forget that again
it's just and then there's a numbing that comes with
the avoidance because you don't even.
Speaker 1 (12:42):
Know what you're doing, like what you're hiding from anymore.
Speaker 4 (12:45):
So a lot of times I'll ask a woman, you know,
why does she think it is that she's not able
to do?
Speaker 1 (12:50):
Is there something?
Speaker 4 (12:50):
Is there a story that she's telling herself, a thought
that she's thinking, a fear that she has, And the
answer often is like, I don't even know.
Speaker 1 (12:57):
I never asked myself.
Speaker 2 (12:58):
That's great, that's a great question you're asking. And avoidance
is always about not having to touch a feeling I
don't know what to do with I mean, avoidance is
about not having to feel. I know it sounds you know,
I sound like I one trick pony, but I'm telling
you it's the most astounding thing every one of our
(13:18):
problems that isn't just truly a sort of genetic neurophysiological
purely you know, like a brain's broken, so to speak.
Every one of our problems has to do with avoiding,
over extending, reacting to doing everything we can to keep
from having to do one thing. Feel our feelings, tell
(13:41):
the truth about them, and trust that there's a process
that allows us to heal from even feelings we don't
want to have. That's it. I know it sounds so well.
Speaker 4 (13:52):
I think people need to hear the oversimplification because I
think that what a lot of people are being told
is that it is a will power problem.
Speaker 1 (13:58):
In order to you need to avoid, which is creating more.
Speaker 4 (14:01):
Of the problem absolutely versus like, well, why don't we
look at what hole am I trying to fill a
void of with food, social media, whatever? And how do
I learn how to become emotionally and spiritually available to
myself in those moments rather than turning to food.
Speaker 2 (14:13):
Jesus was so clear, unless you change and become like
And he said one of these. He was literally talking
about a three year old child standing at his knee,
and he said, unless you change and become like one
of these. And I just said something that every child
can understand, and every child already knows. What are you feeling?
(14:35):
What's the truth, what happened that you feel this way? Right?
And what do you want related to it? In other words,
there's a process that will bring you back to oxytocin,
which is the chemistry of truly being connected, life giving,
which is strength for the day we're all made to
have relationship with heart to heart.
Speaker 1 (14:56):
Absolutely.
Speaker 4 (14:57):
Yeah. I talk about oxytocin as being like the emotional
safety harm, because it's like, if you don't feel emotionally safe,
you can't be or do anything.
Speaker 2 (15:05):
Isn't it true too that oxytocin, if everything I've read
and I understand so far, it's the only like neurochemical
that you can't produce synthetically.
Speaker 1 (15:15):
Yes, it is. You can't produce it synthetically.
Speaker 2 (15:18):
And that's what all of our addiction is an attempt
to produce the relational connection chemical without having dear risk.
Speaker 4 (15:25):
Social brain not this on licking reason and you know
where the dopamine is coming in, Yeah, you can so,
but we're trying.
Speaker 1 (15:31):
We're trying to produce it.
Speaker 4 (15:32):
We're chancing after that quick high, that quick hit, rather
than learning. And it's not even like we talked about
last week. We're not doing it on purpose. Our brain
is doing it without our consent, and that's where we
need to get in there and do some you know,
you know when.
Speaker 2 (15:47):
You said like once, we're sort of like blocked in
heart once. We sort of have none to our hearts
and we're not able to receive oxytocin. We're still in
search of it like this, just as example, just you're
not doing this podcast today, this episode today, when it's finished,
you and I will have had an oxytocin experience. It's
(16:09):
not just babies being born to touch with caregivers. But
I have to be willing to believe it. You have
to be willing to believe it because in the last
episode that we did after it was always like hey,
you said that was good. I'm like, yeah, I think
that was good, But well I believe it because if
I can't receive it, which means trust another person, I
(16:30):
won't get the oxytocin.
Speaker 3 (16:32):
So I've got to be able to and we all
have to be able.
Speaker 2 (16:34):
To ask you mean it? Are you telling the truth?
We all have to be willing to doubt the people
who are caring about us, not just oh thank you
or reject. See avoidance that you brought up. Avoidance has
everything to do with not trusting. And if you can't trust,
you can't receive. If you can't receive, you remain isolated,
(16:55):
and addiction is the ultimate best next choice, Richid.
Speaker 4 (17:00):
Whatever receivership is a is a teachable skill, Like I
don't mean to make it sound robotic like that, but
it is like opening your heart and then the receivership
of receiving that, not just the oxytocin, but feeling worthy
of love and belonging all of those things.
Speaker 2 (17:14):
He was saying, like, I'm afraid to believe you is
a beginning of experiencing oxytocin. That Chris can say I'm
afraid and be received and not rejected. Is a trust experience,
which is a life giving experience, which is a skill
that's been gained, which is a faith that's been attained
to Maybe I could do that again and turn out, okay,
we're renewing ourselves. We're regrowing all that sort of thing.
(17:36):
Seedling feeding's heal You got to feel.
Speaker 3 (17:38):
It to heal it.
Speaker 1 (17:39):
You sure knew it does I can't seal it.
Speaker 2 (17:41):
Yeah, And it doesn't have it doesn't always have to mean,
like you said, go into a grad yard and digging
up every tasket in the Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (17:50):
It could be right now, right now, starting today, right aimed.
I would love it. I love this conversation.
Speaker 4 (17:55):
Well, we're going to be back next week where we
talk about healing from the inside out and breaking free
from the need to know, not just like trying not
to know, but breaking free from that actual need to Where.
Speaker 2 (18:05):
Could you find you find me at chipdod dot com
chip d o d d dot com also Spotify at Amazon.
The Living with Heart from Birth to Death podcast. I
really encourage people to listen to that because there's so
much in it. I get to be unbridled, which is
really good.
Speaker 3 (18:26):
And go beyond the Voice of the Heart book.
Speaker 2 (18:28):
I mean, I'm getting to go way beyond Voice of
the Heart book.
Speaker 1 (18:31):
Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (18:31):
So those are two ways that I would love to
hear from people, and I'd love for people to get
on the podcast.
Speaker 1 (18:37):
Amazing. Yeah, and definitely check out the voice of the heart.
You will not be sorry.
Speaker 4 (18:41):
We will be back next week for the third part
of this series, so we'll see you then, Bye, thank you.
We'll be back with more What's God Got to Do
With It? But in the meantime, I would definitely love
to hear from you, so just tell me where you
are in your story or maybe what questions you have,
like where do you feel you need clarity or support
(19:02):
or wisdom in your own journey. I definitely want to
hear from you, So head on over to What's God
Got to Do with It dot com and scroll down
to the form to share your thoughts, your questions, your feedback,
and you can do that instantly.
Speaker 1 (19:16):
So What's God Got to Do with It?
Speaker 4 (19:18):
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And if you like this podcast and want to hear more,
go ahead and follow, like, and subscribe wherever you listen
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Speaker 1 (19:28):
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Speaker 4 (19:31):
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Speaker 1 (19:36):
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Speaker 4 (19:41):
What's God Got to Do With It is an iHeartRadio
podcast on the Amy Brown Podcast Network. It's written and
hosted by me Leanne Ellington, Executive produced by Elizabeth Fozzio,
post production and editing by Houston Tilley, and original music
written by Cheryl Stark and produced by Adam Stark b
If you want to go on a journey. If you're skeptical,
don't worry.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
Not here to preach. Gonna keep it clean and talk
to me and recall where faith means sparse nature and
get in touch with your creator with a bacon, love
and jew.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
She even speaks Hebrew. What's that?
Speaker 3 (00:28):
Gonza do? What's that?
Speaker 2 (00:37):
Well sabosation?
Speaker 3 (00:38):
You should talking transformation?
Speaker 2 (00:41):
What's that?
Speaker 1 (00:42):
Donzato?
Speaker 2 (00:44):
Hey?
Speaker 4 (00:45):
Hey, it's Leanne here and welcome to a special series
on What's God Got to Do with It? And selfishly,
I wanted to bring this series to you. It originally
was created for Outweigh, but it is so apparent and
relevant to the journeys that we talked about over here
on What's God Got to Do with It? Where I
invited my dear friend doctor Chip Dodd, alongside a four
(01:05):
part mini series talking about why we numb and the
real root of coping mechanisms.
Speaker 1 (01:10):
You've heard them before on the God Pod.
Speaker 4 (01:12):
His episode will be linked in every episode of this series.
But I wanted to bring this mini series over to
you here on What's God Got to Do with It?
So tune on in and enjoy. Hey, hey, and happy Saturday, outweigh.
We are back for part two of this four part
mini series here with doctor Chip Dodd.
Speaker 3 (01:31):
Hello, good to see you, Yes.
Speaker 1 (01:33):
Good to have you back.
Speaker 4 (01:34):
Last week was a powerful conversation if you missed it,
we got into what is addiction really right, not just
the you know, theoretical version of it, but we talked
about it on a science level, on a logistics level,
and then of course on a cause and effect level
from where it's truly rooted, which is in the heart,
in the feelings, in the soul and the spirit. So
we are back now to talk about why we numb
(01:56):
and the real reason we avoid pain and seek comfort.
Speaker 1 (02:00):
And so last week we talked a little bit.
Speaker 4 (02:02):
About, you know, why we turn to food and alcohol
and shopping and relationships, even busyness like hustling for our
worthiness nowadays has become a bit of an addiction.
Speaker 1 (02:11):
But what we're really trying to escape or avoid?
Speaker 4 (02:14):
So can we just you know, we pick up from
where we were last week when we're trying to escape
or avoid, like what is that? What are we doing
and why are we turning to those coping mechanisms?
Speaker 3 (02:23):
With you.
Speaker 2 (02:25):
This is going to sound strange at first, but we
actually and this goes to probably sound very strange. We
have two enemies. We have society at large that measures
everything externally and judges accordingly, right, judges like that. And
then our real primary enemy is the brain itself. Now
I don't mean the whole brain, okay, but the brain
(02:47):
is doing exactly what it's made to do. I'm talking
about our frontal lobe logic and our executive functioning is
created to find places where there isn't pain. So your
brain as the organ is actually a comfort seeking, pleasure
seeking instrument doing what's made to do, which means pain avoidant. Okay.
(03:08):
So your brain is doing its job to helping you
avoid honestly having to feel and having to be, indeed,
or having to be in situations in which you are vulnerable,
which means don't have control. Okay. Now, so your brain
is oddly pain intolerant. That's how come your thinking can't
solb can't bring you to healing because your thinking is
(03:29):
opposed to what it takes to heal. All right, So,
but your brain is intolerant for pain. And here's the beauty.
Your heart is pain tolerant, Okay, I mean your emotional
center of your being is a pain tolerant place. You
don't have to like the pain, but you find that
(03:51):
somehow or another, you're capable of tolerating the pain. Love
is painful, child bearing is painful. Recovery is painful. A
woman named Marian Diamond. She was the inventor of neuroplasticity,
which is where we get the idea that the brain
could be changed from where it was to a different place.
This is in nineteen sixties, and she was disregarded for
(04:13):
two three decades almost And she's the one that came
up with the phrase use it or lose it. And
so she discovered there are five ways to create what
she called brain health. But the truth was she actually
had discovered, in my opinion, she had actually discovered the
five ways that the heart overcomes the brain, and so
(04:36):
that we will quote choose health over comfort, and the
five ways for us to be maximum maximumly fulfilled. She
said she discovered nutrition, exercise, risking, seeing new things, taking
on challenges, and love. I mean, these things were scientifically proven.
(04:57):
But if you'll notice all five of those things, eating, healthy, exercise,
seeing new things, taking on challenges, and love, all five
of them require pain. We have to delay gratification for benefits.
And so if you're not raised in a world where
feelings are forms of strength. See now we're being raised
(05:20):
more than ever before. Children are being raised with having feelings,
but the feelings in so many ways because the parents
don't trust them. The feedings become permission to not have
to risk, rather than yes, you're gonna feel it, but
I'll be here when you're done. Yes okay, versus don't
feel it. And so many of us came from a
don't feel it and now there's great permission to feel,
(05:41):
but nobody could tolerate them. So there's a tweetter world.
It's called delay gratification for benefit, and all of recovery
is about taking the risk of having feelings to delay gratification.
But it's a promise of gratification being better than satisfaction.
When I eat apple pie muffin, I mean, just go
(06:02):
down the list. It hits the blood brain barrier in seconds.
If I eat healthy, I have to wait for the
benefit to come. And it all has to do with
feelings like I won't be okay your brain, and your
brain is literally saying, look, you can do this tomorrow.
Let's wait till tomorrow. I promise tomorrow will be a
great day, but tonight for right now. And then when
(06:25):
we go do the thing that that makes us comfortable,
we wind up judging ourselves for being weak, and we
weren't weak. We're not weak.
Speaker 1 (06:34):
We're doing what the brain is.
Speaker 2 (06:35):
We're with the brains telling us to do to avoid
feeling because your brain is a mechanism that says, I want.
Speaker 3 (06:41):
To take care of you, right.
Speaker 4 (06:42):
And that's why it's so important for us to learn
and take back ownership from our brain and influence it
in the direction that it needs to go rich than
having it drive us around.
Speaker 2 (06:50):
Yes, so, but what is it that takes control of
the brain, And it's the one thing we run from heart?
The heart. I know it sounds so weird, but the
heart is created by God to take precedence over the brain.
In fact, the God peace here and Proverbs four twenty
three says above all else, I mean, like above everything else.
(07:14):
It says guard your heart, and it doesn't mean lock
it in prison. It be set it free and treasure
it both. It's very valuable part of you to guard
your heart above all else, because out of it flow
all the issues of life. Another translation says, because it's
the well spring of life. So if you don't know
your heart, you'll never be free. If you don't have
(07:36):
your heart, you'll never be courageous. If you don't have
your heart, you can't be really curious. Everything's about controlling
rather than experiencing. Wow.
Speaker 4 (07:44):
And so if you have ever heard yourself feeling like
or identified with this whole short term gratification trap, not
only did you just get the neuroscientific explanation from doctor
chip DoD over here, but also you know again you
cannot solve a logical problem or emotional problem with this
logic and reason you know, and it's a hard In.
Speaker 3 (08:02):
Fact, all addiction is a logic problem.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
Yeah. In other words, it's trusting the logic too much.
If I do this, I'll get that. If I get that,
I'll do this if I do and your logic will
always take you away from having to deal with feelings.
Speaker 3 (08:15):
It will always win every drum.
Speaker 2 (08:16):
Yeah, every one of us who goes and does something
that we know ahead of time is going to hurt us, right,
and we do it anyway. It's not because we're stupid,
it's because the logic said, go there absolutely to avoid
feeling yeah.
Speaker 4 (08:31):
And I have so many conversations with these highly intelligent
women and they're like, Lynne, I'm so good everything else.
Speaker 1 (08:36):
And I tell them, this is not an intelligence problem.
This is not lack of thing you know it is.
Speaker 4 (08:42):
Really, it's so much deeper, and it's hardwired. It's a
product of cause and effective. A lot of times, decades
or a lifetime of these practices where the brain has
gotten hijacked.
Speaker 2 (08:50):
Hijack or is the doing the hijacking, and it gets hijacked,
and people are very successful through their thinking. Almost most
of the people that I treat years ago at the
Center for Professional Excellence, most of those people were highly influential,
highly achieved, super people, pleasing people. I'm talking about politicians,
(09:11):
the lawyers, the doctors, and so on, male and female.
I remember I would say to them, look, you're intelligent, amazingly.
I know you're smarter than I am. I know that
you have the willpower of a rhinoceros. You know, I
(09:32):
mean your toughest nails. You couldn't endure what you've endured,
even residency for example, in medical school. And you're moral,
I mean you seek perfection. That's a form of morality.
If nothing else, you know how to hide your secrets
cause you fear being judged. But you're so smart, you're
so tough, and you're so strong, but you look stupid,
you look weak, and you look bad. But we know
(09:53):
you're not because it's proven that you're not. So you
don't have an intelligence probablem you don't have a willpower. Probably,
you don't have a moral problem. You have a heart problem, honestly,
not taking a risk of trusting honestly, that limbic system,
that part of your brain that is the emotional center
and the long term memory center.
Speaker 4 (10:13):
Yeah, you know, yeah, the elephant that never forgets that
have boganfas. So let's talk about avoidance, Okay, because this
is a big one.
Speaker 1 (10:22):
No matter who's listening. I know we've all that can
be procrastination.
Speaker 4 (10:26):
Avoidance, numbing. So let's talk about avoidance. Why does that happen?
And I feel like there is not that we're making
this a you know, society's bad conversation, but there is
a societal pattern of kind of teaching us to numb
instead of process avoidance, and how that just continues that
disconnecting ourselves.
Speaker 2 (10:44):
Yeah, you don't talk about that avoidance is actually just
an impaired expression of wisdom. And what I mean by
that because see wisdom, wisdom is because I've experienced life,
I've learned from it, and I know how to process
the feelings of it. Wisdom becomes a sense of intuitively
knowing when to do something and when not to. Avoidance
(11:05):
is a beat up form of wisdom that says, I
don't want to have to feel that, I don't want
to have to risk that, I don't want to be
told I'm wrong. So avoidance becomes like a beat up
form of wisdom and also a demand for perfectionism, like
I'm not even going to step into yeah. And so
it's part of the control addiction and ultimately in all addiction,
(11:31):
all impairments related to addiction, because the core addiction is
control addiction, that out of which comes all the expressions
of our multi layered, multi dimensional, multifactorial expressions of the
sickness of addiction. Whether it's like the disordered eating eating disorders,
(11:53):
it could be, you know, like the drug of choice
in this area. It can be believe it or not,
some taking something very healthy and taking it to extremes.
It was like even spinning things to avoid having to
face things. I mean, the politicians expertise is the addiction
of spinning, and it's an addiction to avoiding, to have
(12:14):
to avoid having to actually stand up and say this
is where I am, this is what I feel, because
we're trying to keep ourselves brain safe rather than carry
the taught integrity of their own hearts.
Speaker 3 (12:26):
That makes sense, absolutely, okay, yeah.
Speaker 1 (12:28):
No, for sure.
Speaker 2 (12:29):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (12:29):
And then the avoidance itself becomes its own identity of
like the well, this is just what I do, this
is who I am, and then they forget that again
it's just and then there's a numbing that comes with
the avoidance because you don't even.
Speaker 1 (12:42):
Know what you're doing, like what you're hiding from anymore.
Speaker 4 (12:45):
So a lot of times I'll ask a woman, you know,
why does she think it is that she's not able
to do?
Speaker 1 (12:50):
Is there something?
Speaker 4 (12:50):
Is there a story that she's telling herself, a thought
that she's thinking, a fear that she has, And the
answer often is like, I don't even know.
Speaker 1 (12:57):
I never asked myself.
Speaker 2 (12:58):
That's great, that's a great question you're asking. And avoidance
is always about not having to touch a feeling I
don't know what to do with I mean, avoidance is
about not having to feel. I know it sounds you know,
I sound like I one trick pony, but I'm telling
you it's the most astounding thing every one of our
(13:18):
problems that isn't just truly a sort of genetic neurophysiological
purely you know, like a brain's broken, so to speak.
Every one of our problems has to do with avoiding,
over extending, reacting to doing everything we can to keep
from having to do one thing. Feel our feelings, tell
(13:41):
the truth about them, and trust that there's a process
that allows us to heal from even feelings we don't
want to have. That's it. I know it sounds so well.
Speaker 4 (13:52):
I think people need to hear the oversimplification because I
think that what a lot of people are being told
is that it is a will power problem.
Speaker 1 (13:58):
In order to you need to avoid, which is creating more.
Speaker 4 (14:01):
Of the problem absolutely versus like, well, why don't we
look at what hole am I trying to fill a
void of with food, social media, whatever? And how do
I learn how to become emotionally and spiritually available to
myself in those moments rather than turning to food.
Speaker 2 (14:13):
Jesus was so clear, unless you change and become like
And he said one of these. He was literally talking
about a three year old child standing at his knee,
and he said, unless you change and become like one
of these. And I just said something that every child
can understand, and every child already knows. What are you feeling?
(14:35):
What's the truth, what happened that you feel this way? Right?
And what do you want related to it? In other words,
there's a process that will bring you back to oxytocin,
which is the chemistry of truly being connected, life giving,
which is strength for the day we're all made to
have relationship with heart to heart.
Speaker 1 (14:56):
Absolutely.
Speaker 4 (14:57):
Yeah. I talk about oxytocin as being like the emotional
safety harm, because it's like, if you don't feel emotionally safe,
you can't be or do anything.
Speaker 2 (15:05):
Isn't it true too that oxytocin, if everything I've read
and I understand so far, it's the only like neurochemical
that you can't produce synthetically.
Speaker 1 (15:15):
Yes, it is. You can't produce it synthetically.
Speaker 2 (15:18):
And that's what all of our addiction is an attempt
to produce the relational connection chemical without having dear risk.
Speaker 4 (15:25):
Social brain not this on licking reason and you know
where the dopamine is coming in, Yeah, you can so,
but we're trying.
Speaker 1 (15:31):
We're trying to produce it.
Speaker 4 (15:32):
We're chancing after that quick high, that quick hit, rather
than learning. And it's not even like we talked about
last week. We're not doing it on purpose. Our brain
is doing it without our consent, and that's where we
need to get in there and do some you know,
you know when.
Speaker 2 (15:47):
You said like once, we're sort of like blocked in
heart once. We sort of have none to our hearts
and we're not able to receive oxytocin. We're still in
search of it like this, just as example, just you're
not doing this podcast today, this episode today, when it's finished,
you and I will have had an oxytocin experience. It's
(16:09):
not just babies being born to touch with caregivers. But
I have to be willing to believe it. You have
to be willing to believe it because in the last
episode that we did after it was always like hey,
you said that was good. I'm like, yeah, I think
that was good, But well I believe it because if
I can't receive it, which means trust another person, I
(16:30):
won't get the oxytocin.
Speaker 3 (16:32):
So I've got to be able to and we all
have to be able.
Speaker 2 (16:34):
To ask you mean it? Are you telling the truth?
We all have to be willing to doubt the people
who are caring about us, not just oh thank you
or reject. See avoidance that you brought up. Avoidance has
everything to do with not trusting. And if you can't trust,
you can't receive. If you can't receive, you remain isolated,
(16:55):
and addiction is the ultimate best next choice, Richid.
Speaker 4 (17:00):
Whatever receivership is a is a teachable skill, Like I
don't mean to make it sound robotic like that, but
it is like opening your heart and then the receivership
of receiving that, not just the oxytocin, but feeling worthy
of love and belonging all of those things.
Speaker 2 (17:14):
He was saying, like, I'm afraid to believe you is
a beginning of experiencing oxytocin. That Chris can say I'm
afraid and be received and not rejected. Is a trust experience,
which is a life giving experience, which is a skill
that's been gained, which is a faith that's been attained
to Maybe I could do that again and turn out, okay,
we're renewing ourselves. We're regrowing all that sort of thing.
(17:36):
Seedling feeding's heal You got to feel.
Speaker 3 (17:38):
It to heal it.
Speaker 1 (17:39):
You sure knew it does I can't seal it.
Speaker 2 (17:41):
Yeah, And it doesn't have it doesn't always have to mean,
like you said, go into a grad yard and digging
up every tasket in the Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (17:50):
It could be right now, right now, starting today, right aimed.
I would love it. I love this conversation.
Speaker 4 (17:55):
Well, we're going to be back next week where we
talk about healing from the inside out and breaking free
from the need to know, not just like trying not
to know, but breaking free from that actual need to Where.
Speaker 2 (18:05):
Could you find you find me at chipdod dot com
chip d o d d dot com also Spotify at Amazon.
The Living with Heart from Birth to Death podcast. I
really encourage people to listen to that because there's so
much in it. I get to be unbridled, which is
really good.
Speaker 3 (18:26):
And go beyond the Voice of the Heart book.
Speaker 2 (18:28):
I mean, I'm getting to go way beyond Voice of
the Heart book.
Speaker 1 (18:31):
Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (18:31):
So those are two ways that I would love to
hear from people, and I'd love for people to get
on the podcast.
Speaker 1 (18:37):
Amazing. Yeah, and definitely check out the voice of the heart.
You will not be sorry.
Speaker 4 (18:41):
We will be back next week for the third part
of this series, so we'll see you then, Bye, thank you.
We'll be back with more What's God Got to Do
With It? But in the meantime, I would definitely love
to hear from you, so just tell me where you
are in your story or maybe what questions you have,
like where do you feel you need clarity or support
(19:02):
or wisdom in your own journey. I definitely want to
hear from you, So head on over to What's God
Got to Do with It dot com and scroll down
to the form to share your thoughts, your questions, your feedback,
and you can do that instantly.
Speaker 1 (19:16):
So What's God Got to Do with It?
Speaker 4 (19:18):
Dot com you'll find all the ways to do that.
And if you like this podcast and want to hear more,
go ahead and follow, like, and subscribe wherever you listen
to podcasts to get your.
Speaker 1 (19:28):
Weekly dose of What's God Got to Do with It?
Speaker 4 (19:31):
New episodes drop every single Tuesday, and while you're there, be.
Speaker 1 (19:36):
Sure to rate and review to show your support. It
really means so much.
Speaker 4 (19:41):
What's God Got to Do With It is an iHeartRadio
podcast on the Amy Brown Podcast Network. It's written and
hosted by me Leanne Ellington, Executive produced by Elizabeth Fozzio,
post production and editing by Houston Tilley, and original music
written by Cheryl Stark and produced by Adam Stark b
Host
Leanne Ellington
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