June 8, 2021 • 14 mins
In the first episode of our brand new Author Snack Series, we’re sharing a bite-sized interview with Susan McPherson - author, consultant, serial connector, and communications pro. Susan shares the origin story for her career in connection, the unexpected questions she asks to forge relationships, and tips for introverts looking to make more friends.
Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.com
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Today, we are excited to announce the launch of our
short series, which is going to be featuring one favorite
author every few weeks in a short episode that you
can listen to literally like in between a snack an
author snack. It's an author snack series, and we're super
(00:25):
lucky that our first author is the one and only
Susan McPherson. Susan is the founder and CEO of Nickpherson Strategies,
which is a communications consultancy focused on the intersection of
brands and social impact, which is something so many companies
are focused on right now, and Susan was really a
futurist in this arena for a number of years. Susan
just published her book, The Lost Art of Connecting the
(00:48):
Gatherer ask Do, a method for building meaningful relationships. Susan
is the best connector I've ever met. She has been
transformative in the lives of so many women that Sam
and I know. We're really thrilled to talk to her today.
So what made you write this book? I mean, Amy
(01:09):
and I both knew you as probably the biggest connector
in our lives, but what made you put it into
book form? It's interesting, I never you know it was
never part of the plan, so to speak. But I um,
over the last eight years have been running a company,
and about a year and a half ago, I saw
something that I hadn't seen before, and that is of
(01:33):
the business that has come into my consulting firm has
been inbound. And I had always been a quote unquote connector,
and as of two thousand seven, I started calling myself
a serial connector. And then there's a whole story behind that. However,
I realized that the reason of business coming into the
(01:54):
firm was because over the last thirty years of my
professional life, I took those meat things. I sat down
with people and met with them. I connected people to
opportunities or two nonprofits to potentially fund, or men and
women to date. I mean, you name it. But the
point being is it wasn't that thirty years ago. I knew, Oh,
(02:16):
when you're forty eight, you're gonna found find found a
business and I'm going to come after you and be like, oh, hey,
remember me. No, And if you had asked me at
age five that at the age of fifty six, I
would be single, parentless and childless, living in Brooklyn running
a company that that was so far from any any
trajectory I could even imagine. But I decided it was
(02:39):
about time to tell how I have built these meaningful connections.
How did you think about connection when you were twenty
five and when when you were starting out in your career? Sure, um, well,
when I was as young as five years old and
I'd be sitting at the breakfast table, I would vie
for real estate on the table to have my rice
crispies or you know, eggs or whatever. I ate back
(03:01):
in the seventies, and because my parents had the five
local newspapers laid out on the breakfast table with um
either a razor blade or scissors clipping and cutting, and
with handy envelopes nearby, they would stuff articles in with
a little handwritten type note my father would type on
a manual typewriter that would just be that would say
(03:22):
thinking of you, yours, David or my mother. I have
the chills, Susan. That is amazing. Was so cool. But
I just assumed everybody did this. I hear. I love
this story so much. But by the time I, you know,
got old, I mean, as I grew up, and and
(03:43):
like I said, I thought everybody did this. And then
in the early mid nineties when I was, you know,
kind of beginning my professional, um livelihood. Um, the Internet
came about, and all of a sudden, you could do
this so much easier. I mean, you know, I still
would cut articles and put in envelopes and mail, just
because that was normal for me. But once I could
(04:05):
just cut and paste and put in an email. I mean,
it was like a trip to like Fantastico. You know,
it was like a rocket ship compared to you know,
a pony Express. That's amazing. Can we go back what
you shard with us about being single now being childless?
You were married for a number of years. What was
(04:25):
your life like. Were you as big a connector when
you were married and living on the West Coast. Well,
first of all, it no, um, And I think it
was a turning point was moving to New York City,
where meeting people is far easier than I mean, no
offense against Seattle, but you you have to be in
a car to get everywhere. UM. Likewise, Sam, where where
(04:46):
you are in l A and in New York, it's
very easy to just strike up impromptu gatherings. UM. But
I will say that every time I've moved in my life,
and I've moved quite a bit. Um. You know, I
went from Washington, d C. To Southern California, Southern California
to Seattle, Seattle, back to New York. Each time I
would move, what I would do is join or get
(05:06):
involved in various nonprofit organizations so that I could meet
people with similar values or people that cared about things
beyond themselves. UM. I would get involved in local political organizations.
And again I would get involved in nonprofits with the
goal actually, let me take that back, no further goal
than meeting interesting people. UM. There was not an agenda. UM.
(05:29):
Obviously I wanted to help the organization. So, for Instanceance
Seattle UM. In ninety one, I joined fair Start, which
is an amazing it's still to exist today, and I
ended up on a volunteer committee raising money for their
annual galup. It's so funny, Susan, I was just texting
with the CEO Affair Star Angela last night. Isn't that funny?
With a small world. Well, I'm thrilled to know that
(05:52):
they're still. I mean, I'm sure if anything now they
are you know, even more Apropos and vital um. But
they were a remarkable organization all the way back. But
I often and maybe I should just also say, my
mom was killed in a horrible tragedy when I was
twenty two, and I often sometimes think my desire to
connect is also to feel that massive void that was
(06:14):
left so suddenly, and getting to know people for me
and learning their stories can be so heartwarming and fulfilling
in so many ways. I mean, granted, not everyone you
meet is going to be glorious and wonderful and and
and lovely and friendly. But for the most part, people
generally are are good people, and they're they're interesting and
(06:35):
have help you understand more about yourself. You do something
that I think is really special, and you mentioned this
earlier as you aside from you know, building relationships for
your own business, you're constantly connecting people to opportunities, people
ideas that you know would be meaningful to them. How
do you find a way to do that? Like, how
do you remember what people need and what they want
(06:57):
and how you can help them? You know, we all
have certain gifts, um And it maybe it took me
until my fifties to be able to say that out
loud without feeling absolutely foolish, But I have an extraordinary memory.
And it's something that has served me over the years. UM.
My older brother was gifted with the memory from numbers. Um.
He can remember specific dates of births and deaths and anniversaries.
(07:21):
That's not me. But I can remember, you know, a
friend's child's favorite food. Um. And so you know, when
I see that food or a bakery that has that food,
I will snap a photo and then text that photo
to the friend and say, oh, I thought of you
know Lilah's you know, chocolate chip pancake. You know that
(07:42):
that she loves. I mean, obviously all kids love chocolate
chip pancakes, but I do think that that is part
of my ability. And but what I have found over
the years is when you introduce people, if you can
find something that is actually somewhat intimate. And I don't
mean intimate intimate, I mean just something very personal. When
you introduce them, all of a sudden, all the ice
melts right, and and the conversation goes from oh, what
(08:07):
the weather is today? To you know, how are you
dealing with the pandemic? How can I be helpful to you?
But sometimes it takes knowing that nugget, um, and you're
not gonna remember it all the time, but when you can,
you know, it's a great way to break the ice.
And I'm a big believer in taking notes and writing
little notes and texting. I mean, it isn't all up here, okay,
(08:27):
but I am religious when I meet somebody at a gathering,
are even on zoom or on FaceTime or however we're
using to connect with one another. Right now, I make
a note of and and I'll write write it down
because as I get older, obviously the memories a little.
I do think it really speaks to you making people
(08:48):
feel seen, because if you're remembering a detail that they've
shared with you, it shows them that you cared enough
that you made them feel seen. And it almost sounds
like the tools your your parents gave you, which they
probably didn't even realize that the time of you know,
showing how they're thinking of someone with an article. You
kind of paired that with your life experience to create
to really hone in on this gift, which leads to
(09:09):
my next question, which is at what point. I think
one of the things that a lot of people struggle
with is they meet someone for the first time and
they either reveal too much or too little. It's almost
like a dance of when to reveal personal things about yourself,
but not overdoing it so that you lose the trust
of that person who thinks, oh, she must tell her
life story to everyone. Where where is that happy medium? Well?
(09:34):
I think leading um. First of all, knowing what you're
I call it in the book your chief differentiating factor,
your CDF. You know, knowing what what your secret sauces
and we all have them beyond our d na UM.
But I also think it's really important to make the
focus on the other person. Um, there'll be time, there
will be another time when you can focus on you
and instead really honing your listening skills and asking questions
(09:59):
of the other person. You know, and again not about
the weather, but you know things like where where do
you want to go in the pan? You know, where's
the first place you want to travel in this world
when you're the pandemic is over? Or you know, how
can I be helpful to your to your kids, et cetera. Now,
granted that listening to myself say that it means you
(10:19):
already have a relationship. But I think when you're first
starting out, if you ask the person questions about you know,
um that aren't too deep and personal, you know, like
how long have they been married? And you know, do
they want to have children? Those text of questions. No,
you wouldn't ask them that. But you know, the one
thing we all know is this pandemic is in many
(10:39):
cases level of the playing field, and there's absolutely nothing
wrong in opening up a dialogue with somebody saying, honestly,
how are you doing right now? How how is your
family doing? Is there anything specifically that you feel you need?
Because unless the person is somebody you never ever want
to speak to a again, chances are the person is
(11:01):
going to respond with with meaningful information that then you
have the power to to do with whatever you wish
to do with it. But for me, if if somebody
tells me, oh, you know, I have a specific need,
I'm going to make note of it. And if there's
something I can do or someone I can connect that
person too, I sure as hell will. And you both
(11:21):
have seen that. Yeah, definitely, that's amazing. Who is one
person that you have not yet connected with that you
want to Oh my god, gosh, gosh, I really really
want to meet and this is probably stargazing. I want
to meet the prime Minister of New Zealand. Why Liscinda?
(11:42):
I mean, just what she has done for that country,
you know, completely? Um. And I love Sarah Cooper. I'm
connected with her on Twitter and I just think she's remarkable.
But I would love to meet her in quote unquote
real life when we get out of the this this craziness.
Where's the first place you're gonna go when the pandemic
(12:04):
is over? I actually want to go back to Antarctica,
And I will tell you a quick story before I went.
I was there a little over a year ago. Somebody said,
is this your first trip? And I remember thinking of myself,
who goes twice to Antarctica? I mean it's like you know,
and you know, kind of like if you if you
go to Tahoe or something, you know, you go again. Right.
(12:26):
But I got home and all I kept thinking about
for those baby penguins, and I thought to myself, you
know what, I gotta go back and see the things
that I missed. So to finish off, I would just
love it if you would share two pieces of advice
to someone who has never thought of themselves as a
networker and feels like they're just not good at it. Yeah,
(12:47):
great question. You don't have to be an extrat to
be a connector, and one thing to do is find
the connector in the room, kind of like your wing
woman or wing man, and stick around with with that person. Okay,
the second thing is it is no harder than riding
a bike. It's really listening and then making note mental
(13:12):
note of what is going on in the person that
you are um corresponding or speaking with, whether it's online
or in the real world, and then following up with
a note or a text or a phone call the
next day or the next week and say I heard you,
I understand what's going on in your life, and I'm
here to connect you with Sam and Amy who have
(13:34):
this great podcast that you should listen to. So that's
a wrap. Thank you Susan McPherson for being the first
guest in our author snack series and we love to
hear what you thought of it. Please do connect with
us on our YouTube channel or on Instagram at What's
(13:55):
her Story podcast or on Twitter at on What's her Story.
Thanks so much for listening. MHM
Today, we are excited to announce the launch of our
short series, which is going to be featuring one favorite
author every few weeks in a short episode that you
can listen to literally like in between a snack an
author snack. It's an author snack series, and we're super
(00:25):
lucky that our first author is the one and only
Susan McPherson. Susan is the founder and CEO of Nickpherson Strategies,
which is a communications consultancy focused on the intersection of
brands and social impact, which is something so many companies
are focused on right now, and Susan was really a
futurist in this arena for a number of years. Susan
just published her book, The Lost Art of Connecting the
(00:48):
Gatherer ask Do, a method for building meaningful relationships. Susan
is the best connector I've ever met. She has been
transformative in the lives of so many women that Sam
and I know. We're really thrilled to talk to her today.
So what made you write this book? I mean, Amy
(01:09):
and I both knew you as probably the biggest connector
in our lives, but what made you put it into
book form? It's interesting, I never you know it was
never part of the plan, so to speak. But I um,
over the last eight years have been running a company,
and about a year and a half ago, I saw
something that I hadn't seen before, and that is of
(01:33):
the business that has come into my consulting firm has
been inbound. And I had always been a quote unquote connector,
and as of two thousand seven, I started calling myself
a serial connector. And then there's a whole story behind that. However,
I realized that the reason of business coming into the
(01:54):
firm was because over the last thirty years of my
professional life, I took those meat things. I sat down
with people and met with them. I connected people to
opportunities or two nonprofits to potentially fund, or men and
women to date. I mean, you name it. But the
point being is it wasn't that thirty years ago. I knew, Oh,
(02:16):
when you're forty eight, you're gonna found find found a
business and I'm going to come after you and be like, oh, hey,
remember me. No, And if you had asked me at
age five that at the age of fifty six, I
would be single, parentless and childless, living in Brooklyn running
a company that that was so far from any any
trajectory I could even imagine. But I decided it was
(02:39):
about time to tell how I have built these meaningful connections.
How did you think about connection when you were twenty
five and when when you were starting out in your career? Sure, um, well,
when I was as young as five years old and
I'd be sitting at the breakfast table, I would vie
for real estate on the table to have my rice
crispies or you know, eggs or whatever. I ate back
(03:01):
in the seventies, and because my parents had the five
local newspapers laid out on the breakfast table with um
either a razor blade or scissors clipping and cutting, and
with handy envelopes nearby, they would stuff articles in with
a little handwritten type note my father would type on
a manual typewriter that would just be that would say
(03:22):
thinking of you, yours, David or my mother. I have
the chills, Susan. That is amazing. Was so cool. But
I just assumed everybody did this. I hear. I love
this story so much. But by the time I, you know,
got old, I mean, as I grew up, and and
(03:43):
like I said, I thought everybody did this. And then
in the early mid nineties when I was, you know,
kind of beginning my professional, um livelihood. Um, the Internet
came about, and all of a sudden, you could do
this so much easier. I mean, you know, I still
would cut articles and put in envelopes and mail, just
because that was normal for me. But once I could
(04:05):
just cut and paste and put in an email. I mean,
it was like a trip to like Fantastico. You know,
it was like a rocket ship compared to you know,
a pony Express. That's amazing. Can we go back what
you shard with us about being single now being childless?
You were married for a number of years. What was
(04:25):
your life like. Were you as big a connector when
you were married and living on the West Coast. Well,
first of all, it no, um, And I think it
was a turning point was moving to New York City,
where meeting people is far easier than I mean, no
offense against Seattle, but you you have to be in
a car to get everywhere. UM. Likewise, Sam, where where
(04:46):
you are in l A and in New York, it's
very easy to just strike up impromptu gatherings. UM. But
I will say that every time I've moved in my life,
and I've moved quite a bit. Um. You know, I
went from Washington, d C. To Southern California, Southern California
to Seattle, Seattle, back to New York. Each time I
would move, what I would do is join or get
(05:06):
involved in various nonprofit organizations so that I could meet
people with similar values or people that cared about things
beyond themselves. UM. I would get involved in local political organizations.
And again I would get involved in nonprofits with the
goal actually, let me take that back, no further goal
than meeting interesting people. UM. There was not an agenda. UM.
(05:29):
Obviously I wanted to help the organization. So, for Instanceance
Seattle UM. In ninety one, I joined fair Start, which
is an amazing it's still to exist today, and I
ended up on a volunteer committee raising money for their
annual galup. It's so funny, Susan, I was just texting
with the CEO Affair Star Angela last night. Isn't that funny?
With a small world. Well, I'm thrilled to know that
(05:52):
they're still. I mean, I'm sure if anything now they
are you know, even more Apropos and vital um. But
they were a remarkable organization all the way back. But
I often and maybe I should just also say, my
mom was killed in a horrible tragedy when I was
twenty two, and I often sometimes think my desire to
connect is also to feel that massive void that was
(06:14):
left so suddenly, and getting to know people for me
and learning their stories can be so heartwarming and fulfilling
in so many ways. I mean, granted, not everyone you
meet is going to be glorious and wonderful and and
and lovely and friendly. But for the most part, people
generally are are good people, and they're they're interesting and
(06:35):
have help you understand more about yourself. You do something
that I think is really special, and you mentioned this
earlier as you aside from you know, building relationships for
your own business, you're constantly connecting people to opportunities, people
ideas that you know would be meaningful to them. How
do you find a way to do that? Like, how
do you remember what people need and what they want
(06:57):
and how you can help them? You know, we all
have certain gifts, um And it maybe it took me
until my fifties to be able to say that out
loud without feeling absolutely foolish, But I have an extraordinary memory.
And it's something that has served me over the years. UM.
My older brother was gifted with the memory from numbers. Um.
He can remember specific dates of births and deaths and anniversaries.
(07:21):
That's not me. But I can remember, you know, a
friend's child's favorite food. Um. And so you know, when
I see that food or a bakery that has that food,
I will snap a photo and then text that photo
to the friend and say, oh, I thought of you
know Lilah's you know, chocolate chip pancake. You know that
(07:42):
that she loves. I mean, obviously all kids love chocolate
chip pancakes, but I do think that that is part
of my ability. And but what I have found over
the years is when you introduce people, if you can
find something that is actually somewhat intimate. And I don't
mean intimate intimate, I mean just something very personal. When
you introduce them, all of a sudden, all the ice
melts right, and and the conversation goes from oh, what
(08:07):
the weather is today? To you know, how are you
dealing with the pandemic? How can I be helpful to you?
But sometimes it takes knowing that nugget, um, and you're
not gonna remember it all the time, but when you can,
you know, it's a great way to break the ice.
And I'm a big believer in taking notes and writing
little notes and texting. I mean, it isn't all up here, okay,
(08:27):
but I am religious when I meet somebody at a gathering,
are even on zoom or on FaceTime or however we're
using to connect with one another. Right now, I make
a note of and and I'll write write it down
because as I get older, obviously the memories a little.
I do think it really speaks to you making people
(08:48):
feel seen, because if you're remembering a detail that they've
shared with you, it shows them that you cared enough
that you made them feel seen. And it almost sounds
like the tools your your parents gave you, which they
probably didn't even realize that the time of you know,
showing how they're thinking of someone with an article. You
kind of paired that with your life experience to create
to really hone in on this gift, which leads to
(09:09):
my next question, which is at what point. I think
one of the things that a lot of people struggle
with is they meet someone for the first time and
they either reveal too much or too little. It's almost
like a dance of when to reveal personal things about yourself,
but not overdoing it so that you lose the trust
of that person who thinks, oh, she must tell her
life story to everyone. Where where is that happy medium? Well?
(09:34):
I think leading um. First of all, knowing what you're
I call it in the book your chief differentiating factor,
your CDF. You know, knowing what what your secret sauces
and we all have them beyond our d na UM.
But I also think it's really important to make the
focus on the other person. Um, there'll be time, there
will be another time when you can focus on you
and instead really honing your listening skills and asking questions
(09:59):
of the other person. You know, and again not about
the weather, but you know things like where where do
you want to go in the pan? You know, where's
the first place you want to travel in this world
when you're the pandemic is over? Or you know, how
can I be helpful to your to your kids, et cetera. Now,
granted that listening to myself say that it means you
(10:19):
already have a relationship. But I think when you're first
starting out, if you ask the person questions about you know,
um that aren't too deep and personal, you know, like
how long have they been married? And you know, do
they want to have children? Those text of questions. No,
you wouldn't ask them that. But you know, the one
thing we all know is this pandemic is in many
(10:39):
cases level of the playing field, and there's absolutely nothing
wrong in opening up a dialogue with somebody saying, honestly,
how are you doing right now? How how is your
family doing? Is there anything specifically that you feel you need?
Because unless the person is somebody you never ever want
to speak to a again, chances are the person is
(11:01):
going to respond with with meaningful information that then you
have the power to to do with whatever you wish
to do with it. But for me, if if somebody
tells me, oh, you know, I have a specific need,
I'm going to make note of it. And if there's
something I can do or someone I can connect that
person too, I sure as hell will. And you both
(11:21):
have seen that. Yeah, definitely, that's amazing. Who is one
person that you have not yet connected with that you
want to Oh my god, gosh, gosh, I really really
want to meet and this is probably stargazing. I want
to meet the prime Minister of New Zealand. Why Liscinda?
(11:42):
I mean, just what she has done for that country,
you know, completely? Um. And I love Sarah Cooper. I'm
connected with her on Twitter and I just think she's remarkable.
But I would love to meet her in quote unquote
real life when we get out of the this this craziness.
Where's the first place you're gonna go when the pandemic
(12:04):
is over? I actually want to go back to Antarctica,
And I will tell you a quick story before I went.
I was there a little over a year ago. Somebody said,
is this your first trip? And I remember thinking of myself,
who goes twice to Antarctica? I mean it's like you know,
and you know, kind of like if you if you
go to Tahoe or something, you know, you go again. Right.
(12:26):
But I got home and all I kept thinking about
for those baby penguins, and I thought to myself, you
know what, I gotta go back and see the things
that I missed. So to finish off, I would just
love it if you would share two pieces of advice
to someone who has never thought of themselves as a
networker and feels like they're just not good at it. Yeah,
(12:47):
great question. You don't have to be an extrat to
be a connector, and one thing to do is find
the connector in the room, kind of like your wing
woman or wing man, and stick around with with that person. Okay,
the second thing is it is no harder than riding
a bike. It's really listening and then making note mental
(13:12):
note of what is going on in the person that
you are um corresponding or speaking with, whether it's online
or in the real world, and then following up with
a note or a text or a phone call the
next day or the next week and say I heard you,
I understand what's going on in your life, and I'm
here to connect you with Sam and Amy who have
(13:34):
this great podcast that you should listen to. So that's
a wrap. Thank you Susan McPherson for being the first
guest in our author snack series and we love to
hear what you thought of it. Please do connect with
us on our YouTube channel or on Instagram at What's
(13:55):
her Story podcast or on Twitter at on What's her Story.
Thanks so much for listening. MHM
Hosts And Creators
Samantha Ettus
Amy Nelson
Popular Podcasts
United States of Kennedy
United States of Kennedy is a podcast about our cultural fascination with the Kennedy dynasty. Every week, hosts Lyra Smith and George Civeris go into one aspect of the Kennedy story.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com