February 25, 2021 • 33 mins
This week on What's Her Story with Sam & Amy, we are joined by actress Elisabeth Rohm, talking about career, love life and single motherhood. From her start in soap operas to her starring role in Law & Order to her new chapter as a director, Elisabeth’s story is powerful and motivating. We're so excited to share our conversation with you.
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hi, I'm Sam Edis and I'm Amy Nelson. Welcome to
What's Her Story? With Sam and Amy. This is a
show about the world's most remarkable women. They're professional and
personal journeys. Together, we'll hear from gold medalists, best selling authors,
and leaders of the world's most iconic brands. On today's episode,
(00:22):
we're talking with Elizabeth Room. She's an actress best known
for her roles in Law and Order in American Hustle.
She is also a director and an author. Before we
get started, how do you know Elizabeth? Elizabeth and I
actually met when I interviewed her for a story, and
then we just clicked and we had lunch. A bunch
of times we did an event together. Always a lot
(00:42):
to learn from Elizabeth. Let's jump in. I want to
start at the beginning. I was reading your book this weekend,
which is amazing, and the chapter Mother really got to me.
Your parents divorced when you were around eight or nine,
and you've described your mother as a hippie chick and
and she really raised you. What are the traits that
(01:03):
you learned from her. It's really funny you asked, because
today this month is a Heart month, Heard Awareness Month,
and my mom died of a massive heart attack. You know,
she was just somebody who believed that we weren't here
to rent, we were here to buy. We were here
to own into this experience for as long as we're here,
and there's a sense of responsibility to each other. And
(01:23):
if you miss that, then you're really missing what it
is to be human being. And you're I don't knowe.
She just she lived very big um and she was intellectual,
she was very smart, she was philosophical, she was seeking,
She had faith, she was she was willing to doubt
and then have faith again. And and I don't mean
this from a spiritual religious point of view. I mean
(01:44):
it from like somebody who is living the question, like
Rain and Maria Rilkey said, you know, we're living the
question if you're if you're white knuckling it through life,
you're not willing to live the question to be like
immersed in the unknown, to discover what your how you evolve,
and how you grow and change. And she was a lover,
(02:04):
you know, she was a lover. She was affectionate. I
think I've gotten all that's good in me from my
mom and the things that were hard in childhood I
think we're essential to giving me a resilience that I
think is required for being successful. What was hard in
your childhood? I just feel that I in many regards
(02:26):
I both my parents. I think we're narcissists. You know,
I was sort of an afterthought. They were on their
own personal journey to such a degree that their parenting
skills I think we're limited. I went to boarding school
at fourteen, and I think it was because I was
just too much to handle. So I felt like an
afterthought a lot of the time. And I also felt
(02:48):
that when I did have a relationship with my parents,
it was the level of communication we're doing right now,
but at a very young age. So there weren't very
good boundaries, meaning that I don't think I was really
treated like a child, you know, I think I was
treated like a peer, and that's okay. I've probably done
it to my child to to a certain extent, because
I don't see boundaries between any of us black white
(03:11):
male female, you know, Rich Poort, I want to cross.
I want to be a boundary cross or border cross
or but I think that, um, it wasn't like I
was handled very tenderly, and that's made me very tough,
I think, and that's probably been something I've had to
work on in my life to be more gentle, because
there was a lack of that. Um. But I guess
you know, life is tough, you know, so some of
(03:32):
that feeling of being an afterthought to a certain extent, um,
I think has made me very resilient, very personally strong.
I know how to find my center very quickly. What
do you do to find your center when you've left it?
I don't know. I think that's such a personal thing, right,
I mean, you know, you could take a walk, you
could talk to a friend, you could meditate, you could
listen to music, you could you know, it's it's what,
(03:54):
what's what? What makes you? What makes you sparkle? You know,
like where is that you know, yummy chocolate center inside
of yourself and like go there? You know. And I
also think, um, not just finding your center, but finding
your love of life, you know, your enthusiasm for life,
your joy for it. You know, that's sort of part
(04:14):
of the center. Um, and at least it is for me.
I love this my Angelo quote. You know, Um, people
will forget where they met you. People will will forget
ultimately what you know your interaction was, but they will
never forget how you made them feel about themselves. So
it's really our responsibility to feel good about ourselves. So
that's why I talk about enthusiasm and joy um as
(04:37):
a center, because that's what you're bringing to the party,
you know, like how you make people feel. If you're
feeling not well, you're going to bring that negativity into
the environment, and you're gonna leave that mess, you know,
and you leave it in your home or your business
or you know whatever. So I think going back to
center is also a responsibility. We want to talk about
(05:01):
your acting career, but before we do, I also just
there's such a parallel between your relationship now parenting Easton
as a single mom and you and the intense relationship
you had with your mom. How are you a different
kind of mom And when your mom passed away, what
was your relationship like at that point. My mom was
(05:22):
not a businesswoman. She was a non working mom, and
I felt very sorry for her a lot. She was
constantly in a victim place with my dad, waiting for
checks that didn't come, crying and that burden. As a kid,
I just remember feeling like I will never never be
(05:43):
in a position where I am relying on somebody to
take care of me, and that's going to be some
weird power struggle. And my stepmother, who is you know,
brilliant successful. You know, she maintained her power in the
relationship and the adoration and the love and the sexuality,
and like she was a force. And I saw the difference. Um.
(06:05):
And so you know, I didn't have a super hero
as a mom. I did as a step mom, even
though we've had our issues. Um, but I'm glad, you know,
being able to have an amalgam of both, you know,
and discovering that I want to be the woman much
like Sam and I've discussed in the past. I want
to be the woman who you know, is in the suit,
(06:27):
going out there and you know, slaying dragons and then
coming home and making lasagna because I want to be
able to do it all. I don't want to be
pigeonholed or put into a category. UM. So, my mother
and I were extremely close my whole life basically, I mean,
she was truly my best friend and and I told
her everything. Unfortunately for her, she she probably got too
(06:50):
much information. We were friends. We had a very friendship
oriented relationship. How is that similar to East and I.
I think I have burdened her with that friendship. You know,
you're a single mom and they're your world, and I
didn't feel like that. You know, my parents made me
their world. So I probably have done some you know,
I don't know, hovering parenting or perhaps like guilt parenting.
(07:12):
Now that Eastern's turning thirteen and we're having for the
first time in our life, difficulty and and um we're
separated more. Um, I'm trying to recalibrate to who she
is now. I liked it so much better when she
is love and I could dress her up, I'd be like,
you know, and hug her, and she'd like rubbed my
face and we'd just be in love with each other.
(07:34):
But yeah, I would say it's been a beautiful relationship.
And perhaps as they get older, maybe ironically less of
a friendship and more stepping back and letting her being
who she is, because by the way, she may not
she may not have chosen me as a friend if
she'd met me at a party, because I have a
bigger I have a big personality. That reason, it's so
(07:54):
hard for us as parents to see our kids doing
that it's like their job is to separate and detach
from us and figure out who they are, and they
can't figure out who they are if they're embedded in
us and so. But but that's the most challenging thing
about parenting is that if you're doing a good job,
your children will fly far away. And and that's really difficult. Yeah,
it's really painful. It's you only had one, you know,
(08:18):
You're like, I'm like, I'm like thinking to myself because
as you know, I had fertility issues. I'm like, God,
there's gotta be one egg left in there. So so
let's talk about your acting career. You have had this
really robust, incredible career. Now you're moving from acting to directing.
Do you think of yourself as famous? I don't even know,
(08:41):
you know, I guess not when you know you're sort
of stopped in an airport frequently, know, when you're When
we used to travel and they'd be like, I know,
I know you from somewhere. Sounds very familiar, you know.
I mean sometimes it will be like Elizabeth roome um,
But a lot of time it's like some bizarre sort
of sperience. So I don't really spend much time thinking
(09:02):
about that. I live very um openly. I'm in Venice Beach,
you know, I'm not in the Hollywood Hills. I'm very
much and you know, the flats of Venice and um so,
I don't know. I don't feel conscious of that, and
I guess if anybody is conscious of that, then it's
just really nice to be complimented. So your first uh
(09:25):
TV series or Angel and then Law and Order, how
did how did you get those jobs? I assume you
didn't like apply on the internet, So how how did
that that come about? I was on a soap opera first,
That's how I got an agent. Then I went to
l A to pursue pilots season and I met Dick Wolf.
I booked a pilot and that began the relationship there.
The pilot didn't get picked up, and then I auditioned
(09:47):
for Angel, you know. Then I kind of got a
chance to audition for Law and Order Angie Harmon one,
and then three years later, when Angie Harmon got married
to Jason Sehorn, I auditioned again in one. So there's
lots of you know, twists and turns, but I guess
at the end of the day, I would say this,
and it's something I've learned a lot from people I admire,
like Sam or like other people that I've worked with
(10:10):
or no for decades. It's about relationships and maintaining long
term relationships. I'm right now developing a TV series for
me to star in, but I want to produce and
direct it, and I'm bringing together to people who I've
known for over twenty years, each of them, you know. So,
I guess getting Law and Order and Angel sort of
grew out of you know, the first auditions, and then
(10:31):
those relationships continued and um, and then I got lucky
and landed basically back in my hometown, having gotten you know,
put on the Yankees basically to be an actress, and
then suddenly got Law and Order into New Yorker's Law
and Order is like epic. And now for a quick break,
(10:51):
how did you get that first soap opera job. I
had a very good friend who Peter, who had a
girlfriend who was a soap star. And I've always been
pretty aggressive about making things happen for myself. Um, you
know much. I'm sure my agent and managers chagrin. Um.
Their inbox, probably at seven in the morning, is very,
very full. Of my my emails. Um. But I said
(11:13):
to him, well, how can you help me? He's like,
how can I help you? Okay, I don't know. So
he's talked to his girlfriend and she said she would
introduce me to his manage, her manager, And so I
met him and I said, how can you help me?
And he said to me, well, I can get you all,
you know, one audition and see how it goes well.
That one audition with Clara Levine, who was the head
writer for One Life to Live turned into a three
(11:35):
year contract and I was only on the soap for
six months because they ended up firing me, which was
a blessing in disguise, according to Judith Light. She said,
everybody who gets fired from the soap opera becomes a
movie star and a movie star. But at least, you know,
I ended up not being on daytime. It seems so
intense to work on a daily soap opera like that. Well,
I will say this, I do miss working on a
(11:57):
daily basis. And that's why I mean I were and
develop and produce and write and so forth. Um, but
I do miss working in a family dynamics. So I
am developing, um this show to be in as well
as I've just sold some movies this week. Actually, um
for me to love the factors that I love and
(12:19):
so well, it's too it's two movies back to back.
So the thing I am beginning to hanchor for consistency.
I loved being on Lawn Order, and I love being
on a show because you know, you have a family
and it's like a little cinema family. YEA. One thing
I've been thinking about a lot, probably because of the
documentary Framing Brittany. It's kind of the misogyny and the
celebrity culture of the early aughts. Did you experience any
(12:43):
of that? I don't think I did, you know, maybe
because I had a little bit of a I don't
know what the word is, but I didn't come into
the industry looking for mail approval or anybody's approval. I
think I was very haughty, you know I was. I
saw myself as well educated I can't and from a
good family like I didn't. I don't know. I didn't
come in with a lot of broken pieces, you know.
(13:05):
And I also, for some bizarre reason, said to myself,
if I'm not famous within two years, I'm not going
to pursue acting because I mean, I want to make
money and like, so you know, I had an agenda
even though I loved the arts. So I don't think
that I walked into any environment professionally sexualizing myself in
any way or being open in any way for that.
(13:28):
And so I don't know. I mean, maybe I just
dodged a bullet, or maybe it's how I carried myself,
or I mean, I've worked for some pretty significant, powerful men,
and you know they don't feel in any way, shape
or form was I disrespected. I do think, I mean,
not not to victim blame, but I do think that
anyone who meets you and knows you knows not to
(13:48):
screw with you. I mean, you know, you give off
that vibe of like me not that different from what
I was like twenty two. Like I mean, if you talk,
if you talk to friends I grew up, and they're like,
she's exactly the same. I mean, so yeah, I probably
at that time even more had a chip on my shoulder.
I'm probably nicer now. I want to talk a little
(14:10):
bit about your newest thing, which is directing, and you're
one of your new projects is Sandy Hook. So tell
us about that. So I'm My next film I'm going
to direct is based on Scarlett Lewis's memoir. Scarlett was
a mom and had a child who was murdered in
Sandy Hook at Santha Sandy Hook Massacre Jesse. She's created
(14:33):
a movement called the Choose Love movement, and it's all
about implementing programs in schools that deal with mental health
and you know, making sure there's no stone unturned when
it comes to our children. Because she chose to have compassion, nurturing,
healing and love for even the shooter. And so she's
just an incredible force. This is a positive movie. It's
(14:55):
not a movie about somebody going in and shooting little kids.
This is a movie about a woman who emerges like
a phoenix out of her ashes and rises to the occasion.
So it's a story of hope. Um, it's a story
of empowerment, it's a story of love, and it's it's
it's a testament to the love that Scarlett had for
her son. So that's what it's about. I'm doing it
(15:16):
with Lifetime. I planned to star in it and direct it.
How does it go from an idea to actually selling it?
So I brought the book to Lifetime, and they liked
the book and they liked the story, and then they
liked the version that I pitched to them for the
(15:37):
screenplay that has yet to be written. So now that
they have decided that they'll make this movie with me,
we'll hire a screenwriter. We've chosen the screenwriter. We're all
on the same page about what script we want to
have written. Now we'll go into the development phase and
hopefully we'll move quickly through that, but at the end
of the day, it takes time sometimes to be in development,
(15:58):
and so that's sort of how the process goes, especially
if you have a book or an article as opposed
to somebody writing a screenplay and you decide to do that.
So we're just in the development stage. How involved is Scarlett, Oh,
she's involved. She's She's become a friend. And for me,
I feel that her, her voice, her light, is the
(16:19):
you know, driving force. For me, it was brought to
me to play her, and I said, no, I want
to direct this, and then I got to know her
and then I said I want to play her. So
now I'm going to do both. I'm totally shifting gears her. Elizabeth,
You've had a colorful love life throughout the years, and
(16:39):
maybe you can sort of share. I feel like you
also are someone who's so passionate and that's probably why
you've invited so many deep relationships into your life. Is
that fair to say, no, no, no no, that I've had
so many. I mean I had a significant, long term
relationship with Dan Abrams, and then when I came to
l A, I had a long term, you know, marriage
(17:00):
with Easton's dad for ten years. You know, I've been
single now for seven and I've been in this one
significant relationship and we got engaged. We broke up in March.
So you know, I'd say not so many relationships, but yes,
in comparison to somebody who gets married in their thirties
and stays the whole time. But you know, for me,
(17:22):
as far as I'm concerned, you know, I don't feel
that I need to be in a conventional marriage in
order to have companionship, and and I don't have an
expectation of somebody to be perfect. But I just don't.
I don't know, I've just never been moved to a percent,
moved to make that like forever commitment. Yeah. I read
(17:43):
an article by Jane Fonda yesterday the other day, and
she was talking about smoking her vape and loving being
single at eighty and I was like, yeah, I'm like
I could see that. I could see this. You know,
she got short here right now. It's very like, you know,
cool Now, I want to be in a loving relationship.
I'd love to have more children. I think um not
(18:04):
being with Eastern's dad has been very, very hard. And
I would say this to any single mom out there.
It is extremely hard to balance working, parenting and then
trying to meet somebody and building a relationship and your
child doesn't like them at all, why would they? And
then trying to give yourself permission to have a life.
(18:25):
It's not easy to navigate. And you have to give
yourself the permission to be a woman, you know, and
and it's hard to do. Do you date now? I
am dating somebody significantly now. And ironically, I do think
that during COVID people took a pause to a degree
that they were able to see what's right in front
of them, you know, as opposed to being on the
(18:47):
treadmill of life. And I would say that that's true
with Peter and I. We've been really good friends for
four years and and you know, I think that he
admittedly would say that he had a flame for me. Um,
but you know, we were good friend and I don't know,
you just didn't seem necessary. There's other people to to date.
You don't need to go dating your friends and mess
(19:07):
up friendships. So um. But during COVID there was time
to spend quality time. The bubble was small, you know,
and we really got to spend quality time together and
discovered that we were really in love with each other.
So we've taken a beautiful turn. And ironically, I think
because it's been a friendship first, you know, it's just
moved a lot faster than it would if you were
(19:30):
meeting a stranger. Were like a year two, you know,
in a sense, the level of intimacy and trust between us.
Let's go back for a second. How did you meet
your most recent fiancee? And and And honestly, I had
decided I had given up on dating. I didn't even
really feel sexual, like I just felt really focused on
Eastern and work. And it just was a weird, you know,
(19:50):
kind of two year experience. And my parents were like,
that's crazy, like you're so young. Still, Like no, and
so they wanted to set me up with a friend
to theirs. You know, I'm like, no, I'm thinking to myself,
how could they possibly like find me my soul mate.
It's just not likely. Anyway, I got to know Jonathan
he Um was friends with them, also their neighbor um,
(20:14):
so he was through family, and ironically Peters also through
extended family. His best friend, his best friend of thirty years,
is my best friend. So his closest girlfriend is my
best girlfriend. Right. You wrote in your book about how
it was really hard for you when you were a
child and your father got remarried very quickly and started
another family. Has that impacted how you've navigated this with Easton? Oh? Absolutely.
(20:40):
I mean I've said to her all along the way,
it has to be right for us. You know, I'm
not it's not It's not just me marrying Jonathan. It's
us marrying Jonathan, you know, and it has to he
has to, you know, it has to be right for us. Um.
So I guess I want I've included her in the story,
you know, the narrative, and and that's not what was
(21:02):
done for me. I was told what was going to happen,
and I was invited to the wedding, So you know,
I've handled it very much more like okay, kid, it's
you and me against the world, and like, you know,
we're going to make our decisions together, you know. I
mean one of the things I adore about you is
that you have always been like, this is who I am.
(21:25):
Take it or leave it. I'm not going to fit
into someone's mold of me. How do you but you
you've also been sort of outspoken about that about kind
of a movement for people to embrace who they are.
How do you put that into the world. Well, I
don't think we do anybody, if any favors by pretending
and bringing our legend of ourselves out into the room
(21:48):
as versus the person we actually are. So I'm not
an advocate. I think there's a lot of mental health
suffering with that legend. And and I think perhaps maybe
because I feel like telling the truth. And my mother
said this to me as a child, she said, always
tell the truth, but for God's sakes, don't lie to yourself.
(22:08):
So for me, I've taken a tremendous sense of you know,
I put a lot of stock into that um and
so I don't lie to myself, even if I don't
like what I'm saying, what I'm recognizing about what I
did my partner, or or even how I feel about
life for people, or you know, I will really be
willing to analyze that. And so because of that, I
(22:30):
think maybe the way that I've written book, or the
way that I do my my lunch with Liz, or
the fact that I have this um nonprofit called the
Respect Project. I lead honest conversations with panelists based on
topics of the time. So I'm willing to have the conversation.
I'll raise my hand first and tell the truth. And
(22:52):
I invite people into a conversation with me and asked
them to do the same, but not just for themselves,
but on behalf of other people. Because if I share
with you who my humanity, I give you permission for
your own humanity. And ultimately, we suffer so much in
our own minds. That's that's where the work needs to
be done right, you know, do we hear the two
(23:14):
versions of our thoughts, the thoughts that become words and
the thoughts that we think that we don't say because
those words are powerful too. And now for a quick break.
We all tend to walk around thinking we have this
very unique set of problems that nobody else could understand.
And at the end of the day, we all have
(23:34):
challenges and obstacles and problems. And I think that the
more we share, the more comfort there isn't that, and
the more you can access And maybe being an actor also,
you know, I I use my pain and my experiences
and whatever to play characters. That's my roadmap. So navigating
(23:55):
my instrument, you know, is part of something natural that
that you do as an artist. But as a person,
I've taken that skill and I've made it, you know,
like you said, not a movement, but at least the
Respect Project is committed to having and hosting, cultivating and
and and you know, leading conversations in a very honest,
(24:19):
transparent way. Nobody would sit on the panel if they
didn't want to participate in that type of dialogue. And
so the idea is to create conversations that create you
know that that creates solutions on behalf of all of us.
And we're all different, you know, so listening listening to
our our diverse narratives. You've talked a lot about, you know,
(24:40):
your career, your intuition, the various things you've done, which
are many. Are you where you want to be in
your career where you thought you would be when you
were five? Yeah? I think I am. I mean, I
have a lot that I want to do and you know,
um but I feel like I finally gave myself permiss
and to direct, which I didn't feel that I had
(25:02):
a place in that world because it's so male and
so white male and being an actress for twenty five years,
you know I didn't. I didn't think. I gave myself
permission finally to to to take it. And um, so yeah,
I'm glad, at forty seven years old that I finally
(25:22):
have really stepped into my own personal um power and
you know, not let the little things inside my mind
stand in my way, which is like, well, maybe not me.
I can't do that. You know, I'm trying to write
my next book. Well of course, why not me? You
know what I mean? And why not me to direct?
And why not meet a direct and star and something.
(25:43):
It doesn't come from ego. It comes from giving yourself permission.
It's like that Nelson Mandela speech, you know, the one
I'm talking about. It's very famous and it's all about
you know whom you know, it's about stepping into your
personal power. That's really what God source energy whatever, you know,
that's that's our highest version of ourselves. I'm so excited
(26:05):
about the idea of you directing because when you think
about women getting into directing, it is just there's so
few to point to. And it would be incredible if
you built this giant directing career, and I bet you will,
thanks from your lips to God's ears. Well, how did
you get the first chance to direct? What was that step? Like?
(26:26):
Well again again, I I am really all about women
and um, Tanya Lopez, who runs Lifetimes Movies, gave me
a movie and advocated for me. And we all need champions,
we all need our voice to be given a platform.
And the broader focus program that she has built has
given a lot of actresses their first directing job, from
(26:48):
Demi Moore, d'An Angela bast To Cura Sedgwick. I've heard
a lot of studios say, yeah, we're all about inclusion
and we're all about and it's like really, but they
actually have a program that they fulfill. Lopez is like
my my mentor, my champion, and so that's how that happened.
Speaking about career from a different angle. You talked earlier
(27:10):
about money and wanting to make sure that you always
had your own money. How do you take care of
your money? How do you manage it? Oh, I'm not
very good at that. I like I like to spend
money too, that's the problem. Yeah, I've never been really
good at matth either, So you know I tend to
try to get help from others. Well, we're gonna go
to our lightning round now where we are going to
(27:33):
ask you a series of quick questions and you can
give us quick answers. Dream trip for you in Easton, Oh,
I would just love to go to Europe with her,
and I actually been dying to go to Greece. When
you think about what's missing in your life right now,
what is it? Well, I would say balance. You know,
(27:57):
right now, I feel very saturated and overwhelmed by everything
we've been through. You know, I feel it's just toxic
and I just want balance again. What is your nighttime routine?
You know, I'm early to bed, early to rise. I
go to bed around you know, anywhere between like nine
third nine thirty, like I'm not and I wake up
(28:17):
around six. Okay, lou has been listening to this whole
interview and then he comes in with our male perspective
and the final question. Prior to to this podcast, I
was in the entertainment industry, and prior prior to everything,
everything was going well. Last time I was on set,
I had to do two COVID tests. Everyone had to
(28:39):
stay six ft apart. Everyone had a mask on, you know,
so it was a totally different environment. We couldn't even
really talk to each other. So how are you gonna
you were navigating this new way of life in the
entertainment industry. Well, I did my directorial debut in September
and October, so I also had to do I had
(29:02):
a COVID set COVID regulated set, meaning we were six
ft apart from each other. We were tested three times
a week. I wore a face mask and a shield.
By the way, my movie comes out February a p m.
Pacific Standard time on Lifetime. It's called Girl in the Basement.
Please go watch it. It is about abuse, rape, incest, imprisonment.
(29:24):
It is awful, but it is important and it is
a called action for anybody you know or anybody that
is suffering from this. At the end of the movie,
there is going to be information about Rain, which is
rape abuse incest on the national level, it's the biggest
anti sex violence organization we have in the country, as
well as there'll be a documentary after my movie about
(29:45):
two people who are survivors of incest and imprisonment. So
I just have to say that, but I will say
that um doing a movie during COVID, looking forward to
doing my next movie, which will be in this sort
of post apocalyptic world. I'm just grateful to have a
job because a lot of people right now are unemployed.
They're scared to death, they are running out of money.
(30:07):
It is a crisis. It has been a crisis, and
I really was very grateful to have a job. And
the next time I have a job, I'm gonna be
really grateful to have a job because it has been
a really tricky time for people. I have a question
based on what lu just asked, which is, when you
went home from filming this, which is obviously such a
(30:31):
gutting topic, how do you switch it off and not
let it just infuse you with sadness and trauma. I
was exhausted, but I but and I talked to Eastern
about the movie and she was you know, she was aware,
and you know, but it's she's we've this. I'm a storyteller,
(30:52):
you know. And I'm sure the actors were exhausted. I
was exhausted, but no, I wasn't unted. I mean, you know,
I was. I understood what I was doing. I think
about it a lot more now that I've made the
movie than I ever did before. Those topics, you know,
that's haunting. No, I don't, and I don't carry it
(31:13):
with with me. Often the work, you know, you go in,
you leave it there, and you work hard and you
go home. My first job out of college was working
in entertainment, So I worked in Hollywood for three years.
And there are so few female directors, and it impacts everything.
It impacts the entire industry, from pasting to screenwriting to
(31:37):
producing to what we see on the screen. And the
fact that she'll be out there as another one and
she's so smart and so driven and so strong really
inspires me. I thought it was really interesting to hear
Elizabeth talking about directing in the sense that she didn't
think it was for her because it's such a male dominated,
such a white, male dominated industry, and that really spoke
(31:59):
to me because Sam, you and I have both raised
venture capital to start our companies, and we are operating
in a world where like two percent of venture capital
dollars go to women and almost all of them to
white women, like black women get point zero zero zero
one a VC funding which is zero. And yet we've
both done it right, and yet Elizabeth has taken this
big jump into directing. And I think the more we
(32:21):
hear those stories. We talked about this a lot, the
more we hear those stories, the more women are willing
to make these outrageous bets and go for it. Thanks
for listening to What's Her Story with Sam and Amy?
We would so appreciate if you would leave a review
wherever you get your podcasts, and of course connect with
us on social media and What's Her Story of podcast?
(32:43):
What's Her Story with Sam and Amy is powered by
my company The Riveter at The Riveter dot c O
and Sam's company, park Place Payments at park place Payments
dot com. Thanks to our producer and editor Laurel Mogulin,
our podcast associate Phoebe create for us at our Male Perspective,
The Luberant. Okay, so you mentioned that your plan when
(33:08):
you started your career in acting is that if you
weren't famous in two years, you were out. What was
your other career option. I was going to try to
get a job at the New York Times and be
a journalist. Okay, I think I didn't do that, since
newspapers and publishing companies are likely a thing of the
best
Hi, I'm Sam Edis and I'm Amy Nelson. Welcome to
What's Her Story? With Sam and Amy. This is a
show about the world's most remarkable women. They're professional and
personal journeys. Together, we'll hear from gold medalists, best selling authors,
and leaders of the world's most iconic brands. On today's episode,
(00:22):
we're talking with Elizabeth Room. She's an actress best known
for her roles in Law and Order in American Hustle.
She is also a director and an author. Before we
get started, how do you know Elizabeth? Elizabeth and I
actually met when I interviewed her for a story, and
then we just clicked and we had lunch. A bunch
of times we did an event together. Always a lot
(00:42):
to learn from Elizabeth. Let's jump in. I want to
start at the beginning. I was reading your book this weekend,
which is amazing, and the chapter Mother really got to me.
Your parents divorced when you were around eight or nine,
and you've described your mother as a hippie chick and
and she really raised you. What are the traits that
(01:03):
you learned from her. It's really funny you asked, because
today this month is a Heart month, Heard Awareness Month,
and my mom died of a massive heart attack. You know,
she was just somebody who believed that we weren't here
to rent, we were here to buy. We were here
to own into this experience for as long as we're here,
and there's a sense of responsibility to each other. And
(01:23):
if you miss that, then you're really missing what it
is to be human being. And you're I don't knowe.
She just she lived very big um and she was intellectual,
she was very smart, she was philosophical, she was seeking,
She had faith, she was she was willing to doubt
and then have faith again. And and I don't mean
this from a spiritual religious point of view. I mean
(01:44):
it from like somebody who is living the question, like
Rain and Maria Rilkey said, you know, we're living the
question if you're if you're white knuckling it through life,
you're not willing to live the question to be like
immersed in the unknown, to discover what your how you evolve,
and how you grow and change. And she was a lover,
(02:04):
you know, she was a lover. She was affectionate. I
think I've gotten all that's good in me from my
mom and the things that were hard in childhood I
think we're essential to giving me a resilience that I
think is required for being successful. What was hard in
your childhood? I just feel that I in many regards
(02:26):
I both my parents. I think we're narcissists. You know,
I was sort of an afterthought. They were on their
own personal journey to such a degree that their parenting
skills I think we're limited. I went to boarding school
at fourteen, and I think it was because I was
just too much to handle. So I felt like an
afterthought a lot of the time. And I also felt
(02:48):
that when I did have a relationship with my parents,
it was the level of communication we're doing right now,
but at a very young age. So there weren't very
good boundaries, meaning that I don't think I was really
treated like a child, you know, I think I was
treated like a peer, and that's okay. I've probably done
it to my child to to a certain extent, because
I don't see boundaries between any of us black white
(03:11):
male female, you know, Rich Poort, I want to cross.
I want to be a boundary cross or border cross
or but I think that, um, it wasn't like I
was handled very tenderly, and that's made me very tough,
I think, and that's probably been something I've had to
work on in my life to be more gentle, because
there was a lack of that. Um. But I guess
you know, life is tough, you know, so some of
(03:32):
that feeling of being an afterthought to a certain extent, um,
I think has made me very resilient, very personally strong.
I know how to find my center very quickly. What
do you do to find your center when you've left it?
I don't know. I think that's such a personal thing, right,
I mean, you know, you could take a walk, you
could talk to a friend, you could meditate, you could
listen to music, you could you know, it's it's what,
(03:54):
what's what? What makes you? What makes you sparkle? You know,
like where is that you know, yummy chocolate center inside
of yourself and like go there? You know. And I
also think, um, not just finding your center, but finding
your love of life, you know, your enthusiasm for life,
your joy for it. You know, that's sort of part
(04:14):
of the center. Um, and at least it is for me.
I love this my Angelo quote. You know, Um, people
will forget where they met you. People will will forget
ultimately what you know your interaction was, but they will
never forget how you made them feel about themselves. So
it's really our responsibility to feel good about ourselves. So
that's why I talk about enthusiasm and joy um as
(04:37):
a center, because that's what you're bringing to the party,
you know, like how you make people feel. If you're
feeling not well, you're going to bring that negativity into
the environment, and you're gonna leave that mess, you know,
and you leave it in your home or your business
or you know whatever. So I think going back to
center is also a responsibility. We want to talk about
(05:01):
your acting career, but before we do, I also just
there's such a parallel between your relationship now parenting Easton
as a single mom and you and the intense relationship
you had with your mom. How are you a different
kind of mom And when your mom passed away, what
was your relationship like at that point. My mom was
(05:22):
not a businesswoman. She was a non working mom, and
I felt very sorry for her a lot. She was
constantly in a victim place with my dad, waiting for
checks that didn't come, crying and that burden. As a kid,
I just remember feeling like I will never never be
(05:43):
in a position where I am relying on somebody to
take care of me, and that's going to be some
weird power struggle. And my stepmother, who is you know,
brilliant successful. You know, she maintained her power in the
relationship and the adoration and the love and the sexuality,
and like she was a force. And I saw the difference. Um.
(06:05):
And so you know, I didn't have a super hero
as a mom. I did as a step mom, even
though we've had our issues. Um, but I'm glad, you know,
being able to have an amalgam of both, you know,
and discovering that I want to be the woman much
like Sam and I've discussed in the past. I want
to be the woman who you know, is in the suit,
(06:27):
going out there and you know, slaying dragons and then
coming home and making lasagna because I want to be
able to do it all. I don't want to be
pigeonholed or put into a category. UM. So, my mother
and I were extremely close my whole life basically, I mean,
she was truly my best friend and and I told
her everything. Unfortunately for her, she she probably got too
(06:50):
much information. We were friends. We had a very friendship
oriented relationship. How is that similar to East and I.
I think I have burdened her with that friendship. You know,
you're a single mom and they're your world, and I
didn't feel like that. You know, my parents made me
their world. So I probably have done some you know,
I don't know, hovering parenting or perhaps like guilt parenting.
(07:12):
Now that Eastern's turning thirteen and we're having for the
first time in our life, difficulty and and um we're
separated more. Um, I'm trying to recalibrate to who she
is now. I liked it so much better when she
is love and I could dress her up, I'd be like,
you know, and hug her, and she'd like rubbed my
face and we'd just be in love with each other.
(07:34):
But yeah, I would say it's been a beautiful relationship.
And perhaps as they get older, maybe ironically less of
a friendship and more stepping back and letting her being
who she is, because by the way, she may not
she may not have chosen me as a friend if
she'd met me at a party, because I have a
bigger I have a big personality. That reason, it's so
(07:54):
hard for us as parents to see our kids doing
that it's like their job is to separate and detach
from us and figure out who they are, and they
can't figure out who they are if they're embedded in
us and so. But but that's the most challenging thing
about parenting is that if you're doing a good job,
your children will fly far away. And and that's really difficult. Yeah,
it's really painful. It's you only had one, you know,
(08:18):
You're like, I'm like, I'm like thinking to myself because
as you know, I had fertility issues. I'm like, God,
there's gotta be one egg left in there. So so
let's talk about your acting career. You have had this
really robust, incredible career. Now you're moving from acting to directing.
Do you think of yourself as famous? I don't even know,
(08:41):
you know, I guess not when you know you're sort
of stopped in an airport frequently, know, when you're When
we used to travel and they'd be like, I know,
I know you from somewhere. Sounds very familiar, you know.
I mean sometimes it will be like Elizabeth roome um,
But a lot of time it's like some bizarre sort
of sperience. So I don't really spend much time thinking
(09:02):
about that. I live very um openly. I'm in Venice Beach,
you know, I'm not in the Hollywood Hills. I'm very
much and you know, the flats of Venice and um so,
I don't know. I don't feel conscious of that, and
I guess if anybody is conscious of that, then it's
just really nice to be complimented. So your first uh
(09:25):
TV series or Angel and then Law and Order, how
did how did you get those jobs? I assume you
didn't like apply on the internet, So how how did
that that come about? I was on a soap opera first,
That's how I got an agent. Then I went to
l A to pursue pilots season and I met Dick Wolf.
I booked a pilot and that began the relationship there.
The pilot didn't get picked up, and then I auditioned
(09:47):
for Angel, you know. Then I kind of got a
chance to audition for Law and Order Angie Harmon one,
and then three years later, when Angie Harmon got married
to Jason Sehorn, I auditioned again in one. So there's
lots of you know, twists and turns, but I guess
at the end of the day, I would say this,
and it's something I've learned a lot from people I admire,
like Sam or like other people that I've worked with
(10:10):
or no for decades. It's about relationships and maintaining long
term relationships. I'm right now developing a TV series for
me to star in, but I want to produce and
direct it, and I'm bringing together to people who I've
known for over twenty years, each of them, you know. So,
I guess getting Law and Order and Angel sort of
grew out of you know, the first auditions, and then
(10:31):
those relationships continued and um, and then I got lucky
and landed basically back in my hometown, having gotten you know,
put on the Yankees basically to be an actress, and
then suddenly got Law and Order into New Yorker's Law
and Order is like epic. And now for a quick break,
(10:51):
how did you get that first soap opera job. I
had a very good friend who Peter, who had a
girlfriend who was a soap star. And I've always been
pretty aggressive about making things happen for myself. Um, you
know much. I'm sure my agent and managers chagrin. Um.
Their inbox, probably at seven in the morning, is very,
very full. Of my my emails. Um. But I said
(11:13):
to him, well, how can you help me? He's like,
how can I help you? Okay, I don't know. So
he's talked to his girlfriend and she said she would
introduce me to his manage, her manager, And so I
met him and I said, how can you help me?
And he said to me, well, I can get you all,
you know, one audition and see how it goes well.
That one audition with Clara Levine, who was the head
writer for One Life to Live turned into a three
(11:35):
year contract and I was only on the soap for
six months because they ended up firing me, which was
a blessing in disguise, according to Judith Light. She said,
everybody who gets fired from the soap opera becomes a
movie star and a movie star. But at least, you know,
I ended up not being on daytime. It seems so
intense to work on a daily soap opera like that. Well,
I will say this, I do miss working on a
(11:57):
daily basis. And that's why I mean I were and
develop and produce and write and so forth. Um, but
I do miss working in a family dynamics. So I
am developing, um this show to be in as well
as I've just sold some movies this week. Actually, um
for me to love the factors that I love and
(12:19):
so well, it's too it's two movies back to back.
So the thing I am beginning to hanchor for consistency.
I loved being on Lawn Order, and I love being
on a show because you know, you have a family
and it's like a little cinema family. YEA. One thing
I've been thinking about a lot, probably because of the
documentary Framing Brittany. It's kind of the misogyny and the
celebrity culture of the early aughts. Did you experience any
(12:43):
of that? I don't think I did, you know, maybe
because I had a little bit of a I don't
know what the word is, but I didn't come into
the industry looking for mail approval or anybody's approval. I
think I was very haughty, you know I was. I
saw myself as well educated I can't and from a
good family like I didn't. I don't know. I didn't
come in with a lot of broken pieces, you know.
(13:05):
And I also, for some bizarre reason, said to myself,
if I'm not famous within two years, I'm not going
to pursue acting because I mean, I want to make
money and like, so you know, I had an agenda
even though I loved the arts. So I don't think
that I walked into any environment professionally sexualizing myself in
any way or being open in any way for that.
(13:28):
And so I don't know. I mean, maybe I just
dodged a bullet, or maybe it's how I carried myself,
or I mean, I've worked for some pretty significant, powerful men,
and you know they don't feel in any way, shape
or form was I disrespected. I do think, I mean,
not not to victim blame, but I do think that
anyone who meets you and knows you knows not to
(13:48):
screw with you. I mean, you know, you give off
that vibe of like me not that different from what
I was like twenty two. Like I mean, if you talk,
if you talk to friends I grew up, and they're like,
she's exactly the same. I mean, so yeah, I probably
at that time even more had a chip on my shoulder.
I'm probably nicer now. I want to talk a little
(14:10):
bit about your newest thing, which is directing, and you're
one of your new projects is Sandy Hook. So tell
us about that. So I'm My next film I'm going
to direct is based on Scarlett Lewis's memoir. Scarlett was
a mom and had a child who was murdered in
Sandy Hook at Santha Sandy Hook Massacre Jesse. She's created
(14:33):
a movement called the Choose Love movement, and it's all
about implementing programs in schools that deal with mental health
and you know, making sure there's no stone unturned when
it comes to our children. Because she chose to have compassion, nurturing,
healing and love for even the shooter. And so she's
just an incredible force. This is a positive movie. It's
(14:55):
not a movie about somebody going in and shooting little kids.
This is a movie about a woman who emerges like
a phoenix out of her ashes and rises to the occasion.
So it's a story of hope. Um, it's a story
of empowerment, it's a story of love, and it's it's
it's a testament to the love that Scarlett had for
her son. So that's what it's about. I'm doing it
(15:16):
with Lifetime. I planned to star in it and direct it.
How does it go from an idea to actually selling it?
So I brought the book to Lifetime, and they liked
the book and they liked the story, and then they
liked the version that I pitched to them for the
(15:37):
screenplay that has yet to be written. So now that
they have decided that they'll make this movie with me,
we'll hire a screenwriter. We've chosen the screenwriter. We're all
on the same page about what script we want to
have written. Now we'll go into the development phase and
hopefully we'll move quickly through that, but at the end
of the day, it takes time sometimes to be in development,
(15:58):
and so that's sort of how the process goes, especially
if you have a book or an article as opposed
to somebody writing a screenplay and you decide to do that.
So we're just in the development stage. How involved is Scarlett, Oh,
she's involved. She's She's become a friend. And for me,
I feel that her, her voice, her light, is the
(16:19):
you know, driving force. For me, it was brought to
me to play her, and I said, no, I want
to direct this, and then I got to know her
and then I said I want to play her. So
now I'm going to do both. I'm totally shifting gears her. Elizabeth,
You've had a colorful love life throughout the years, and
(16:39):
maybe you can sort of share. I feel like you
also are someone who's so passionate and that's probably why
you've invited so many deep relationships into your life. Is
that fair to say, no, no, no no, that I've had
so many. I mean I had a significant, long term
relationship with Dan Abrams, and then when I came to
l A, I had a long term, you know, marriage
(17:00):
with Easton's dad for ten years. You know, I've been
single now for seven and I've been in this one
significant relationship and we got engaged. We broke up in March.
So you know, I'd say not so many relationships, but yes,
in comparison to somebody who gets married in their thirties
and stays the whole time. But you know, for me,
(17:22):
as far as I'm concerned, you know, I don't feel
that I need to be in a conventional marriage in
order to have companionship, and and I don't have an
expectation of somebody to be perfect. But I just don't.
I don't know, I've just never been moved to a percent,
moved to make that like forever commitment. Yeah. I read
(17:43):
an article by Jane Fonda yesterday the other day, and
she was talking about smoking her vape and loving being
single at eighty and I was like, yeah, I'm like
I could see that. I could see this. You know,
she got short here right now. It's very like, you know,
cool Now, I want to be in a loving relationship.
I'd love to have more children. I think um not
(18:04):
being with Eastern's dad has been very, very hard. And
I would say this to any single mom out there.
It is extremely hard to balance working, parenting and then
trying to meet somebody and building a relationship and your
child doesn't like them at all, why would they? And
then trying to give yourself permission to have a life.
(18:25):
It's not easy to navigate. And you have to give
yourself the permission to be a woman, you know, and
and it's hard to do. Do you date now? I
am dating somebody significantly now. And ironically, I do think
that during COVID people took a pause to a degree
that they were able to see what's right in front
of them, you know, as opposed to being on the
(18:47):
treadmill of life. And I would say that that's true
with Peter and I. We've been really good friends for
four years and and you know, I think that he
admittedly would say that he had a flame for me. Um,
but you know, we were good friend and I don't know,
you just didn't seem necessary. There's other people to to date.
You don't need to go dating your friends and mess
(19:07):
up friendships. So um. But during COVID there was time
to spend quality time. The bubble was small, you know,
and we really got to spend quality time together and
discovered that we were really in love with each other.
So we've taken a beautiful turn. And ironically, I think
because it's been a friendship first, you know, it's just
moved a lot faster than it would if you were
(19:30):
meeting a stranger. Were like a year two, you know,
in a sense, the level of intimacy and trust between us.
Let's go back for a second. How did you meet
your most recent fiancee? And and And honestly, I had
decided I had given up on dating. I didn't even
really feel sexual, like I just felt really focused on
Eastern and work. And it just was a weird, you know,
(19:50):
kind of two year experience. And my parents were like,
that's crazy, like you're so young. Still, Like no, and
so they wanted to set me up with a friend
to theirs. You know, I'm like, no, I'm thinking to myself,
how could they possibly like find me my soul mate.
It's just not likely. Anyway, I got to know Jonathan
he Um was friends with them, also their neighbor um,
(20:14):
so he was through family, and ironically Peters also through
extended family. His best friend, his best friend of thirty years,
is my best friend. So his closest girlfriend is my
best girlfriend. Right. You wrote in your book about how
it was really hard for you when you were a
child and your father got remarried very quickly and started
another family. Has that impacted how you've navigated this with Easton? Oh? Absolutely.
(20:40):
I mean I've said to her all along the way,
it has to be right for us. You know, I'm
not it's not It's not just me marrying Jonathan. It's
us marrying Jonathan, you know, and it has to he
has to, you know, it has to be right for us. Um.
So I guess I want I've included her in the story,
you know, the narrative, and and that's not what was
(21:02):
done for me. I was told what was going to happen,
and I was invited to the wedding, So you know,
I've handled it very much more like okay, kid, it's
you and me against the world, and like, you know,
we're going to make our decisions together, you know. I
mean one of the things I adore about you is
that you have always been like, this is who I am.
(21:25):
Take it or leave it. I'm not going to fit
into someone's mold of me. How do you but you
you've also been sort of outspoken about that about kind
of a movement for people to embrace who they are.
How do you put that into the world. Well, I
don't think we do anybody, if any favors by pretending
and bringing our legend of ourselves out into the room
(21:48):
as versus the person we actually are. So I'm not
an advocate. I think there's a lot of mental health
suffering with that legend. And and I think perhaps maybe
because I feel like telling the truth. And my mother
said this to me as a child, she said, always
tell the truth, but for God's sakes, don't lie to yourself.
(22:08):
So for me, I've taken a tremendous sense of you know,
I put a lot of stock into that um and
so I don't lie to myself, even if I don't
like what I'm saying, what I'm recognizing about what I
did my partner, or or even how I feel about
life for people, or you know, I will really be
willing to analyze that. And so because of that, I
(22:30):
think maybe the way that I've written book, or the
way that I do my my lunch with Liz, or
the fact that I have this um nonprofit called the
Respect Project. I lead honest conversations with panelists based on
topics of the time. So I'm willing to have the conversation.
I'll raise my hand first and tell the truth. And
(22:52):
I invite people into a conversation with me and asked
them to do the same, but not just for themselves,
but on behalf of other people. Because if I share
with you who my humanity, I give you permission for
your own humanity. And ultimately, we suffer so much in
our own minds. That's that's where the work needs to
be done right, you know, do we hear the two
(23:14):
versions of our thoughts, the thoughts that become words and
the thoughts that we think that we don't say because
those words are powerful too. And now for a quick break.
We all tend to walk around thinking we have this
very unique set of problems that nobody else could understand.
And at the end of the day, we all have
(23:34):
challenges and obstacles and problems. And I think that the
more we share, the more comfort there isn't that, and
the more you can access And maybe being an actor also,
you know, I I use my pain and my experiences
and whatever to play characters. That's my roadmap. So navigating
(23:55):
my instrument, you know, is part of something natural that
that you do as an artist. But as a person,
I've taken that skill and I've made it, you know,
like you said, not a movement, but at least the
Respect Project is committed to having and hosting, cultivating and
and and you know, leading conversations in a very honest,
(24:19):
transparent way. Nobody would sit on the panel if they
didn't want to participate in that type of dialogue. And
so the idea is to create conversations that create you
know that that creates solutions on behalf of all of us.
And we're all different, you know, so listening listening to
our our diverse narratives. You've talked a lot about, you know,
(24:40):
your career, your intuition, the various things you've done, which
are many. Are you where you want to be in
your career where you thought you would be when you
were five? Yeah? I think I am. I mean, I
have a lot that I want to do and you know,
um but I feel like I finally gave myself permiss
and to direct, which I didn't feel that I had
(25:02):
a place in that world because it's so male and
so white male and being an actress for twenty five years,
you know I didn't. I didn't think. I gave myself
permission finally to to to take it. And um, so yeah,
I'm glad, at forty seven years old that I finally
(25:22):
have really stepped into my own personal um power and
you know, not let the little things inside my mind
stand in my way, which is like, well, maybe not me.
I can't do that. You know, I'm trying to write
my next book. Well of course, why not me? You
know what I mean? And why not me to direct?
And why not meet a direct and star and something.
(25:43):
It doesn't come from ego. It comes from giving yourself permission.
It's like that Nelson Mandela speech, you know, the one
I'm talking about. It's very famous and it's all about
you know whom you know, it's about stepping into your
personal power. That's really what God source energy whatever, you know,
that's that's our highest version of ourselves. I'm so excited
(26:05):
about the idea of you directing because when you think
about women getting into directing, it is just there's so
few to point to. And it would be incredible if
you built this giant directing career, and I bet you will,
thanks from your lips to God's ears. Well, how did
you get the first chance to direct? What was that step? Like?
(26:26):
Well again again, I I am really all about women
and um, Tanya Lopez, who runs Lifetimes Movies, gave me
a movie and advocated for me. And we all need champions,
we all need our voice to be given a platform.
And the broader focus program that she has built has
given a lot of actresses their first directing job, from
(26:48):
Demi Moore, d'An Angela bast To Cura Sedgwick. I've heard
a lot of studios say, yeah, we're all about inclusion
and we're all about and it's like really, but they
actually have a program that they fulfill. Lopez is like
my my mentor, my champion, and so that's how that happened.
Speaking about career from a different angle. You talked earlier
(27:10):
about money and wanting to make sure that you always
had your own money. How do you take care of
your money? How do you manage it? Oh, I'm not
very good at that. I like I like to spend
money too, that's the problem. Yeah, I've never been really
good at matth either, So you know I tend to
try to get help from others. Well, we're gonna go
to our lightning round now where we are going to
(27:33):
ask you a series of quick questions and you can
give us quick answers. Dream trip for you in Easton, Oh,
I would just love to go to Europe with her,
and I actually been dying to go to Greece. When
you think about what's missing in your life right now,
what is it? Well, I would say balance. You know,
(27:57):
right now, I feel very saturated and overwhelmed by everything
we've been through. You know, I feel it's just toxic
and I just want balance again. What is your nighttime routine?
You know, I'm early to bed, early to rise. I
go to bed around you know, anywhere between like nine
third nine thirty, like I'm not and I wake up
(28:17):
around six. Okay, lou has been listening to this whole
interview and then he comes in with our male perspective
and the final question. Prior to to this podcast, I
was in the entertainment industry, and prior prior to everything,
everything was going well. Last time I was on set,
I had to do two COVID tests. Everyone had to
(28:39):
stay six ft apart. Everyone had a mask on, you know,
so it was a totally different environment. We couldn't even
really talk to each other. So how are you gonna
you were navigating this new way of life in the
entertainment industry. Well, I did my directorial debut in September
and October, so I also had to do I had
(29:02):
a COVID set COVID regulated set, meaning we were six
ft apart from each other. We were tested three times
a week. I wore a face mask and a shield.
By the way, my movie comes out February a p m.
Pacific Standard time on Lifetime. It's called Girl in the Basement.
Please go watch it. It is about abuse, rape, incest, imprisonment.
(29:24):
It is awful, but it is important and it is
a called action for anybody you know or anybody that
is suffering from this. At the end of the movie,
there is going to be information about Rain, which is
rape abuse incest on the national level, it's the biggest
anti sex violence organization we have in the country, as
well as there'll be a documentary after my movie about
(29:45):
two people who are survivors of incest and imprisonment. So
I just have to say that, but I will say
that um doing a movie during COVID, looking forward to
doing my next movie, which will be in this sort
of post apocalyptic world. I'm just grateful to have a
job because a lot of people right now are unemployed.
They're scared to death, they are running out of money.
(30:07):
It is a crisis. It has been a crisis, and
I really was very grateful to have a job. And
the next time I have a job, I'm gonna be
really grateful to have a job because it has been
a really tricky time for people. I have a question
based on what lu just asked, which is, when you
went home from filming this, which is obviously such a
(30:31):
gutting topic, how do you switch it off and not
let it just infuse you with sadness and trauma. I
was exhausted, but I but and I talked to Eastern
about the movie and she was you know, she was aware,
and you know, but it's she's we've this. I'm a storyteller,
(30:52):
you know. And I'm sure the actors were exhausted. I
was exhausted, but no, I wasn't unted. I mean, you know,
I was. I understood what I was doing. I think
about it a lot more now that I've made the
movie than I ever did before. Those topics, you know,
that's haunting. No, I don't, and I don't carry it
(31:13):
with with me. Often the work, you know, you go in,
you leave it there, and you work hard and you
go home. My first job out of college was working
in entertainment, So I worked in Hollywood for three years.
And there are so few female directors, and it impacts everything.
It impacts the entire industry, from pasting to screenwriting to
(31:37):
producing to what we see on the screen. And the
fact that she'll be out there as another one and
she's so smart and so driven and so strong really
inspires me. I thought it was really interesting to hear
Elizabeth talking about directing in the sense that she didn't
think it was for her because it's such a male dominated,
such a white, male dominated industry, and that really spoke
(31:59):
to me because Sam, you and I have both raised
venture capital to start our companies, and we are operating
in a world where like two percent of venture capital
dollars go to women and almost all of them to
white women, like black women get point zero zero zero
one a VC funding which is zero. And yet we've
both done it right, and yet Elizabeth has taken this
big jump into directing. And I think the more we
(32:21):
hear those stories. We talked about this a lot, the
more we hear those stories, the more women are willing
to make these outrageous bets and go for it. Thanks
for listening to What's Her Story with Sam and Amy?
We would so appreciate if you would leave a review
wherever you get your podcasts, and of course connect with
us on social media and What's Her Story of podcast?
(32:43):
What's Her Story with Sam and Amy is powered by
my company The Riveter at The Riveter dot c O
and Sam's company, park Place Payments at park place Payments
dot com. Thanks to our producer and editor Laurel Mogulin,
our podcast associate Phoebe create for us at our Male Perspective,
The Luberant. Okay, so you mentioned that your plan when
(33:08):
you started your career in acting is that if you
weren't famous in two years, you were out. What was
your other career option. I was going to try to
get a job at the New York Times and be
a journalist. Okay, I think I didn't do that, since
newspapers and publishing companies are likely a thing of the
best
Hosts And Creators
Samantha Ettus
Amy Nelson
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