August 31, 2020 • 41 mins
Now that Jana’s movie has wrapped, it’s time to address how UN-productive Mike was while she was away. Why do husbands do this??
Jana’s hunky costar became a good friend.
Was Mike worried???
A lot of people wonder if Mike gets jealous when Jana films a romantic scene. Jana isn’t happy with the answer.
What is the “right amount” of jealousy?
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Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Wind Down and I'm radio podcast. All Right, welcome to
another episode of wine Down with Ganna Cranmer and Michael Cosson.
We have my beautiful wife Janna back with us. Like
a rap party right now. It is. How are you feeling? Well?
We wrapped? Uh? What day? We wrapped on Saturday? We
(00:26):
wrapped on Saturday. I'm I'm like, I'm the biggest baby
when it's the last day because I just cry. I
don't know, I just think it's so sad um because
you spend so many hours, like with these people for
so long. Yeah, it feels like summer camp, do you
know what I mean, where it's just you are so
(00:47):
close with them, and then it's then it's like I'm
probably not going to see these people again. Like they're
your best friends for a few weeks. Yeah, they're just
your best ee. Then you have like just the best
you know time, and then you're just like okay, by
a month. For a month, it's like twelve or fourteen
hours a day you're spending with them more than that
sixteen hour days. Wolf. No, But I mean, I'm I'm happy.
(01:11):
I just it's just crazy that this. I didn't think
we were going to be able to finish the movie,
and a lot of people were asking if this was
the movie that got shut down in March. But this
is a different movie. Um, I don't think that movie
is gonna happen um again. But the we got shut
down obviously the first week for the pneumonia, the second
(01:31):
week at COVID, third week. So I'm just we for
sure thought we were gonna get shut down because I
just I don't know how a production can handle that, right,
And I was just, man, I was praying for you
guys that you would just not because I know y'all
wouldn't last one more shutdown, like the movie would have
gotten acted, and that had just been such a blow
(01:52):
for you, I know, like you know, with your energy
and just morally and you know everything like that. It's
just it would have been a big blow and I
would have felt terrible. I thought it happened to you
again twice. But we finished it. We're so excited it's airing. Um.
We're hoping by Veterans Day because we have a really
big element with veterans in it, um, So we hope
(02:14):
by then, but if not, it'll be on lifetime. It's
called The Welcome home Christmas. Um. Yeah, so I'm just
I'm really excited. I can't I'm excited this. This was
the least amount that I've been like to set. Yeah,
you just went once and even though it was the
closest one. Well, I mean, yeah, that is true, but
I mean my friend Catherine came, but she got kicked off.
(02:38):
We couldn't we couldn't have visitors unless it was exterior shots.
Between that and then the other day I was going
to come, it's been like all day was a day
that I got shut down, and you know, so it was.
It was just more difficult even though it was so close.
How were you during that time? I was fine. I
(02:59):
I'm more deductive when you're around, obviously. No, I didn't
mean to say like that. That sounded bad. I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to say like that, But that makes sense. No,
it's I think any guy can attest to it. Mark
Easton backing me up. When you're significant other is gone
(03:20):
and you have you know, a day or two to yourself,
I feel like I eat differently. I I may stay
up late like longer. I am less productive. Please give
me when it's not so much when the wife's away
the husband will play, but when the wife is around,
(03:41):
you want to show yourself as a productive, contributing member
of the family. When she's not around, you could just
kind of sloth it for the day. I love it,
It's true. I just feel like it's as well. And
that kind of we got into an argument because of that,
which is where that obviously came from. Because the one
day that I had off, well, I wouldn't even say off.
(04:04):
We've been promoting our book stuff. So that was like
a big press tour day for our book. And you know,
I just start to notice, like every room I walked
into it was just messy, and I was just yeah, yeah,
and I just was like, oh my gosh, Like and
I even said, like I said, I set expectations before
(04:26):
the movie even started. I said, my fear is that
when I come home from work, there's going to be
stuff I have to do and and you know, laundry
and and I have to focus on my job and
then my time with the kids when I get those
few precious hours. And you know, you said absolutely, you know,
we'll take care of things. And and so when three
(04:48):
weeks later and I'm like, I think you went to
go drop jolly off and there was just, I mean,
stuff everywhere. Two of the rooms full of stuff happened
like that morning because I was rushing to get the
kids out breakfast stuff, I'm cleaned up, so the kitchen
looked like a mess, even though it was all from
(05:09):
that morning. Hm. So I just start like cleaning because
that's me. I'm waiting for my hair and makeup girl
Tarn to come over before I pressed it, and I'm
just like cleaning, cleaning, cleaning, and then so I'm just
like getting a little bit more of annoyed and frustrating.
Like man like, I'm like I got even like line still.
And so Mike comes home. What did I say? I
know it was super passive, but what did I said?
(05:31):
Something about cleaning something up? Yeah, and it was just
super passive. Oh. I was like, man, do you see
how much I clean the house or something like there's
a lot a lot of stuff. There's a lot of
stuff laying around. I was like, yeah, there is. And
and you know, I could I could have said it
a lot better. And I know now that I could
have been like, hey, I'm really frustrated that there's a
(05:54):
lot of you know, I just feel like it's all
on me to have to when I'm done filming to
clean the mess. And so I just feel like I'm
being suffocated right now. And so we get into this
huge thing right before I pressed perfect time, Perfect time.
And what's even funnier is that my girlfriend Catherine, who's
also like our day to day manager, she comes in
(06:16):
and she goes, oh my god, I'm so glad I
didn't say anything. She's like, because I told her. I
was like, oh, we're fighting right now. She's like, I'm
so glad I didn't say anything. She's like, because when
I first walked in, I was like, Wow, your house
is messy. She's like, that's what I thought to myself.
I was like, oh my god, Mike would have lost it.
You probably would have laughed at that point. I would
have thought for sure that you guys colluded and you texted.
(06:38):
Would have you texted her to say that when she
came in. Yeah, that's probably that's so something you dude
would think. That's because that's something you all would do. Um. Yeah,
So but you know, today we we cleaned a bunch
and I tackled that laundry room. That was when all
(06:58):
it was. It was it wasn't dirty. It is just
stuff that need to be put away anyway, which is
so funny because I think it's a dude thing because
you don't put it away, and that's you move it
from one station to the next. And I just think
that's so funny because even when you claim to clean up,
I'm like, hey, honey, I really appreciate you clean. As
I said that, I feel like I said it from
a good place. I was like, hey, babe, I really
(07:19):
appreciate you help helping clean right now. But when you do,
do you mind just putting it actually away because you
just put the ring light in the in the room.
I would just appreciate if you can move it into
the closet where it belongs, and you appreciate you not
taking it personal. Okay, Yeah, there's so something I underneath that.
I was like, Okay, Mark, is the same thing with you?
(07:45):
Do you do the same thing? Do you move it
from one side to the next. I'm guilty of all
this stuff. I think all husbands are. I'm also guilty
of saying okay and trying so hard to say without
something underneath it. But there is, and I can't help it.
And the other thing I do when my wife is
out of town is you know we have we have
a routine every day, um with the countertops in the kitchen,
(08:07):
you know, getting rid of the crombs, and then run
the vacuum every night, the routine every evening. And I've
figured out that when my wife's out of town, I
could do that every night, or I could just do
it the last night the same. That's called working smart,
not hard, Mark exactly, but like, what is the okay
underneath that? I'm just curious, Like even when he said okay,
(08:29):
I'm like there's something under that, but like, what is
it for you, Mark, that's underneath that? When we do
ask from a good place like hey, do you mind
just like actually putting it to the right place. Well
there's something we need that too, by the way, but
it's just it's just no, that's really just an asked.
Something underneath it would be like, um, being more passive
with it, like you got you like it'd be nice
if you put something away in the right spot instead
(08:51):
of like coming nicely right or no no, yeah, for me,
it was there wasn't anything underneath of it. It was
just me internally like not taking it personal. It is
me doing my work to not take it personally, because
I was like, Okay, she's coming from a good place,
she's asking very nicely, very softly. You're talking to me softly.
You're not, you know, being passive or aggressive or anything
(09:13):
like that. So I was just like, okay, is it
is it annoying to you guys that we even say
that to do that? You know, there's a lot of
different things. Sometimes it would be sometimes it's I was
going to do that, but now I'm not going to
get any credit for doing it because she's going to
do it. Sometimes it's just general annoyance of being bossed around,
(09:37):
Like it could be any number of different things. And two,
I didn't this wasn't underneath of mine. Okay, there literally
was nothing, but but it came to my head just
now with you saying that mark where I was like,
not just the being bossy, but you know, when I
moved the ring light, it was something that Janna. I
(09:58):
was cleaning up something of Janna's. So it's like, here,
I am trying to clean up something of yours and
you have the audacity to correct me and where I
put it? Do we want to compare apples? To apples.
I'm not I'm not comparing anything. I'm just saying to
(10:19):
marks point where you're saying, just the general annoyance to
being bossed around. That's what came up for me. What
could be part of it for some people but not me?
Not me? That's funny. I would I would love to
go head to head on that though. Anyway, there's something
I want to bring up from the movie. So let's
(10:39):
take a break and get to that. Okay, So you
got you were doing like questions or something one day
on your Instagram, and you gotta great question in regards
(11:02):
to me, and we we're talking about love interest and
the romantic scenes or the kissing scenes, and we had
a discussion about it. M hm. And you you responded
to this question well because I was like, you know,
I respect what you do. I respect you, I trust you.
(11:23):
You know, we typically talk about it beforehand. Again, it's
been Lifetime and Hallmark Kisses, so it's been to worry about. Yet. Um,
you know, I always try to assert myself within that
environment and meet your co star and get to know
them and everything so I can humanize it. But um,
you were asking me, You're almost like word that I
(11:45):
didn't get more like, I didn't get jealous. It's not
you're like, why aren't you jealous? Well know, because a
situation arose. Let's just you know, I'm not gonna but
where you know, maybe the other person's was jealous or
something or could have been jealous, and I too, I'm like, well,
(12:07):
why aren't like why aren't you Like I'm just like
I'm just I was more like a question, like I
was just like I was interested by it. You know,
I'm like, here, I am working with an attractive other counterpart,
and you know some of the things that you know happened,
like you know, he was at our house and you know,
like you went to a guy's night and I'm like
(12:27):
you're leaving, like he goes. I was like where are
you going? And He's like, I'm going to a friend's house.
And I was like, but Brandon's here, and You're like yeah,
And I was like okay. I was like that's ah,
and he's like I trust you, and I go huh.
(12:49):
I was like okay. But and then like then I
was like that's just weird. And then so I started
talking to some of my girlfriends and I was like,
that's just weird. I was like, would you and and
here's the thing, and I said, would you be okay
with that? And of course if you flop it like
no for for girls. But I did ask some guys
and they were like, I wouldn't be comfortable with that,
(13:10):
So then I started to think yeah. And so so
sometimes I think I'm like, okay, Sometimes I think that
you trust me because you want that same trust, you know,
so you you do things too then want the same
thing back because you're all about equality and autonomy and
all of those things. So because that's how you base
a lot of our things. Well, if you can do this,
(13:31):
then I can do this. And if I can't do that,
you know, and it's kind of like that, well I'm
gonna let you do that, so then I should be
okay to do that. So that's like how you know,
how you're you're kind of like structured. And so I
feel like when I was talking to a girlfriend about this,
they're like, well, you know, he probably wants that same
thing in return, and I'm like, granted, yes, get that.
I was like, but I'm like, let's swap it. So,
(13:53):
like we asked a few dudes kind of the same question.
They're like, now, like I wouldn't let, Like I wouldn't leave,
and and I'm like, why isn't he jealous? Like I
don't get it, Like I was like this, that's just
interesting to me, And I like I get and I oh,
by the way, I love it, like I love that
you trust me, I love that you are so supportive
(14:15):
in my work and all those things, like so supportive.
But I just I'm like it just it was an
interesting thing because the majority, if you pulled the majority
of people, they would probably say no. They'd probably say
I don't trust that. To your point, majority people would
probably say, yeah, I wouldn't leave. Yeah, would you leave, Mark,
(14:40):
Yeah I would leave. I don't think it would be
that big of a deal, especially depending on the circumstances.
Like I'm not typically a jealous guy. This is one
of those things where a guy can't win. Like you
don't want to be the jealous guy because that's annoying.
But if you're not jealous at all of them, that's
bad too. Like there's a balance you have to find.
But it was at the of the day. Now is
(15:01):
that night because we're asleep, Yeah, okay, I mean I
still don't know, but there'd be a little thing in
my brain is like, that's interesting. Okay, And first I
I reassured channel was like, it doesn't have to do.
My motivation behind this situation had nothing to do with
(15:23):
me wanting that same kind of trust and return. It
was literally it was a few things. It was again,
there's there's circumstances that need to be had. Number one,
this was like the second night he was staying with us,
so we had had it. Okay. So it wasn't like
the first night. This was the second night. The night before,
we hung out all night, talk told stories, got to
(15:46):
know each other, hung out all day that day. He
has a wife and three kids. So I'm like, okay,
if it was a single guy, no, okay. So that
if the single guy wouldn't have left at all and
spending all that time the three of you, you would
have known if there was any kind of a vibe
happening between jet that would get your red flags up. Yeah.
(16:11):
I will also say too though, So okay, so you
would trust me with a married man, but you wouldn't
trust me with a single man. So what so that
that's an interesting It's not. That's the thing you're making
about trusting you. It's not about trusting you, it's about
it's more so trusting the guy. It's feeling him out.
And just like girls can kind of sense that with girls,
guys can kind of do that with guys. And so
(16:32):
but even so, if Kevin my buddy, you know, he
you know, even if he was single, I'll be like,
all right, so youre keV. Well that's different. I mean
was so Kevin was a love interest in my last
few films, and I mean we've like the report he
stayed at our house and you probably left like like
he's like right, but I'm saying, like, so it's definitely
(16:52):
the whole single married thing. Isn't the end all be all,
But like in this particular situation, if he had been single,
I probably wouldn't have So again, it's about feeling them out.
It's about asserting my presence. And again I even told Jane,
I was like not to toot my own horn a
little bit, but being six six kind of helps a
(17:13):
little bit, you know, deter someone from trying something. Um.
So that and then and then the other root of it, too,
was was deeper than just um wanting that same trust
and was in return, It was I had a guy's
night planned I think like the week prior, I canceled
(17:34):
it because it is when you not got pneumonia. Yeah,
so Janna gotten six, so I canceled it. Obviously not
a good time to hang out with a bunch of
people in Jano. Was that's sick. So I postponed it
to this following week. And just because their production shut
down and they had some days off and got to
be at the house, I was like, does that mean
(17:54):
I have to change my schedule again because of someone else's.
So it's like this other deep rooted thing where I'm like, oh,
your schedule changes, so all of a sudden have to
change mine again. And so that's a deep core through
our relationship in general. Right, that's a that's a deep
thing to just with our relationships. So much of jana
schedule kind of naturally dictating what's going on in our
(18:14):
life and where we have to be and all of that.
So it was just like that was part of it
too where I was I didn't want to have to
postpone again when it wasn't I felt comfortable with it.
And just because their schedule change doesn't mean mine mine
has to like, that's not fair, Like if you would
(18:35):
have been, like if you'd have given me for leaving,
that triggered me. No. And I know that because I
know like one of our deepest like discussions and arguments
are if things have to change because of my schedule.
So I would have never given you crap. I just
was more like a huh, I'm so confused. Oh, Mark, Well,
(19:00):
I have a question difficult questions. I'll try to try
to phrase appropriately produce the hell out of this right now. Well,
look at Eastan just pops back on zim dig baby dig.
Because of the issues the two of you have had
in the past, Mike, do you ever worry about Janet
(19:22):
doing something to even the score that she would be
justified in her mind doing something inappropriate that you would
want to And then she could say, well, I love
that you asked us question, and here's why, because I
was sure if I wanted to bring up this other
point of mine on why I trust. I trust Joanna
(19:45):
for all the right reasons. I do, like when it
comes I trust her because I do. I love her.
I believe that she loves and respects me in our
family and everything. She wouldn't want to invoke the same
kind of pain that I did. Two wrongs don't make
it right. But my answer to that is no, I
don't think she would do that to quote unquote even
the score. I actually think it's the opposite, where she's
(20:07):
even more motivated not to do it, so she can
say not that she she has the upper hand in
our relationship and rules with an iron fist. But still
it's it's still a a energy of leverage in a
relationship when one person's broken trust and one hasn't. So
(20:28):
for Janna, I know she this pride and deep inside
she's not going to give that up. She is not
going to give up that that energy of leverage. Again,
not that she uses it, but it's just I wouldn't
either if I was in her shoes, I wouldn't want
to give her the benefit of doubt to like even
the playing field. I love the phrase energy of leverage.
(20:51):
It's a good question, and honestly, like I would be
lying to say, like if I didn't ever have that
thought like my whole darkest point, Yeah, I mean I would.
I mean, even like you know now, even when we're good, No,
but I mean like there's times when I'm just like, man, like,
you know, just to if I'm really angry at you,
(21:11):
just a middle finger, you know, Like, but I just
it's to your point too. I just I'm like, I
don't want any the reason that, you know, and then
it evens it I don't like it. When on the
other side of it, if she did, I'd be like, yes,
let's go. Oh but but then I would always have like,
(21:33):
oh it was just one time. It wouldn't matter at
that point. Oh no, But you know, I think for me,
and this is something like that he knows too. For me,
it would never be a physical affair. It would be
an emotional Sure, I'm I think I'm more emotionally a
(21:55):
foritable new word, because I think that's something it's you know.
And we even talked about it, like when we we
had like a we were in a little rough patch
the last month, you know, and I told him I
was like, sometimes like you start to realize when you
are away from your partner and maybe you're receiving affirmations
(22:16):
from other people what you might are, what you are
lacking that is making you feel good, and why whyn
is like, oh wait, that shouldn't make me feel good.
Why what is it? What isn't like missing in our
relationship that I'm not getting that. I'm like, oh, this
feels good, you know. And I think just like having
that conversation too was good, just to like point that
(22:40):
out and to be like, hey, I need more of
this because I found myself being like you know, is
that a concern might be Not that she would physically straight,
but when she's this closed with all of these people
on these sets and working so closely with them, do
you fear that emotional connection she might develop. Yeah, probably
more so than the than the physical because she know,
(23:06):
I hate being compared right so early in our relationship
when it's like, oh, Nick would never do that, or
you know, so says husband would never do that. I
hate I hate hate, hate, hate hate that a little
bit so for her too. Yeah, the emotional aspect that
would probably cause her to come home and say things
(23:30):
like I need more of this or I can get
this elsewhere, and that would and that and that's could
completely be in her right to to to realize that
she needs more UM. But then I have to do
the work on myself to not take it so personally
that I feel like I'm being compared. I feel like
I'm less than I feel like I'm not good enough,
(23:50):
and all of my deep core issues come up. So um,
I mean I know that about Janna. We know that
about each other. Where it's like, you know, we've said
it on here before, where I know of Jenna were
to step outside the marriage and be with somebody we
know or someone that she's emotionally close to. For me,
it has to be someone I have no attachment to
(24:11):
in any way, shape or form. I cannot know the person,
so it's uh yeah, but it's not gonna happen. Stop
talking about it. I don't like it. It's making me
feel weird. But I think it is good to like
have those conversations if you are being tempted one way,
or or having feelings or I don't know, just like
(24:33):
having the conversation for sure. And let me ask you
to wrap this up about the jealousy piece, because you know, again,
I have no issue. I wasn't jealous at all, and
for me, jealousy feels like an immature feeling. Oh say,
I disagree. It's like it's it's a little like I get,
I get totally get what you're saying, but I also
it's like this is my my person, Like there's a
(24:56):
I think there's a healthy amount of jealousy that keeps
you in place both sides. Does that make sense? I
see both of your points for sure, But after twenty
three years, I still feel it sometimes, you know. I
remember there was you know, one of my kids friends, uh,
(25:19):
their dad dropped her off and my wife and his
dad were ship chatting in front of the house for
I don't know, half an hour. And I've met this guy.
He is a talker and stuff, but they're still part
of me. That's after Like, Okay, that's enough, Let's let's
move on here. What what what? What does that create
a bond? Let's keep moving you know, No, I totally
agree with you, and I think that's I think that
(25:40):
piece is like healthy. And that's the part where I'm like,
I I don't ever want to like because I know
me too, Like I don't want to push the limit
to make you jealous, like I just want but maybe
sometimes like I want that attention where I'm almost maybe
purposely doing something two men make you jealous. I'm not
saying I'm doing that, but like I could maybe see
(26:01):
myself being like look at me. You know, I'm just
not a jealous person. Hm. Challenge accepted. I'm kidding right now.
Right now, I'm just picturing Mark like poking his head
out the front door. Hey, Jerry, get the wrap it up.
(26:27):
But when I have been jealous over the years, my
wife's kind of liked it because we see it. We
like it, We like to know that, like we're like that,
you think that we're just this beautiful thing that someone
could swoop us in that. But like it's almost like
people that are aren't jealous. Maybe they're just like they're
so they're like too comfortable. Maybe you're too comfortable, I think,
(26:49):
and not knowing what my capabilities are. Now I'm getting threatened.
I think I understand your point because I think there's
a difference between jealousy and arrogance and or complacency. Yeah,
but it's not it's it's neither of those for me.
(27:10):
It's it's in the middle where I'm just confident and
comfortable in a good way. There's a difference between comfortability
and complacency. So I'm comfortable with our relationship. I'm I'm
confident in in our marriage and that we're going to
do the right things, and so you know, yeah, I don't.
(27:32):
I don't know I trust you, So I don't really
I mean, yeah, if you're hanging all over but somebody,
that's one thing. What the That's one thing. But it's
a fine line because jealousy can also be insecurity, and
that's not attractive. I don't think I'm good enough for her,
So I'm jealous of everybody else she talks to that
(27:52):
that you don't want that, I just like, I just
want like one percent represent jealousy, guy in your jealousy
to be more jealous you all right, before before we
(28:18):
actually we're just talking about fair for a second, and
we got to talk about one more thing around this
topic before we jump into emails and d m s.
And so you just had a picture that you posted
from wrapping up the movie and you had and you
took it down because some people were uncomfortable, right, is
that what happened around it? And you just showed me
the picture. I saw nothing wrong with it, and you
(28:39):
even had to point out what the issue was and
I was like, okay. So to Mark's point, Mark was like,
does that draw more at tension that you delete the picture? Well?
One percent? But I wanted to be respectful for sure.
Well maybe like you wouldn't be like, maybe you wouldn't
have like the fact that I was touching his leg. Okay, now,
(29:00):
if the rules were reversed, i'd be upside double standard.
But maybe not. Though, if you're touching like like like
Julie's like a random, I'd be upset. But like if
it was like, okay, take that back, if it was
Julie Molly, like any of the girls that like, you know,
(29:21):
but I would have no reason to put my hand
on their way when you're smashed up on a couch,
I still wouldn't put my hand on their legs. So
then I'll put my arm around them. I wouldn't put
my hand on someone else's leg. That's way more intimate. Actually,
are you about the photo? Because I know how you
are because I'm very touchy? But is that bad? You
(29:44):
are who you are? I accept you. I love this.
She's touchy? Is it okay for others to be touchy?
I mean, I'm not like, it's not like random, I'm
you know what I mean? It was like the casting
crew and you know, now, if it if it was
(30:06):
just like a picture, what did you say to like,
You're like you were just working, you know. Yeah, I
can understand the connectedness between you and all the people
there because of you know, I've I've seen you do
enough movies now I I from from watching it. I
can see. I I see how much work and energy
and sweat and tears goes into these movies. It's insane,
(30:28):
Like people don't know how hard you'all really really work.
It's exhausting. And so I can understand that you guys
have this connection, Like you said earlier, it's like summer
camp friends or you just feel like the closest people
in the world and then it's all over. So I
get that if it was just I was just gonna say,
even if it was just you and him sitting there
at the same time, I'm like, if it was because
(30:50):
I kind of go back to the justin Timberlake thing,
how I was like, that is so wrong his hands
on her leg, But to me, I'm like, they're out partying.
But then I'm like, well, maybe was I don't know
where's the like the line for that then, I mean
he was like really rubbing or like, but it's not
like they were just taking a photo super close together.
(31:14):
I don't want to go down that rabbit hole. It's
just it is interesting. I think it just depends on
boundaries that you set in place with just like we
talked about, like in your relationship. Because again I wouldn't.
That's just not my nature. I'm not as touchy feely
of a person, you know, so I wouldn't. I don't
(31:36):
know why I would have put my hand on Yeah,
that would make me uncomfortable even right, but you know
I could put my arm around them. Yeah, it's just interesting.
It is. It's interesting because you would be so mad
if it's just it depends. It just really depends on
(31:58):
the situation. I would say, I really think it depends
on the situation. And plus that's not like you said,
it's not your nature, so it would be because it's
not you, it'd be like, huh, you know, that's not you,
and then that would cause concern. But yeah, interesting, all right, Mark,
(32:25):
I got some interesting emails today. Becca said this one.
I'm twenty three, no scrubbing in What does she need
our advice on? I'm twenty three. I'm the new mother
of a beautiflight month old baby girl. Her father, my boyfriend,
and I have been together for a little over two years.
When I met him, he told me he was married,
but they were separated and getting a divorced, so I
(32:47):
trusted him and took his word for it. That wasn't
the case, and I got an emails from his wife
if we're still living together there on a lease. A
few months later, I find out I'm six weeks pregnant.
Then I find out he cheated on me by sleeping
with her the wife about like the other woman. We
separated for a bit, but kept in touch because I
was pregnant that he moved in with me. Things were
good after that. I went through a snapchat, though, and
(33:08):
found messages with a girl where she was sexting him.
I confronted him. He cried because he was scared of
losing his family. So he wants to fix this and
for our daughter. I do too. I've heard you tell
other women to help get past it by staying in today.
I've just recently started using that because before I would
say things like, oh, lets you go message your other
girlfriend or you know, like and then go run to
(33:29):
your other girlfriend. We've been good, but a lot of
things still trigger me. I'm lost and not sure how
else to handle this because I want this to work
and I want us to be able to move forward
and grow our little family. But I'm not sure how
M I mean, thanks for emailing in. I do think, yeah,
trying to remain present in today, but also um, ti
(33:53):
to earn some of that trust back. UM, get some
good boundaries, UM that would make you feel ruble um
around the relationship and around things. UM boundaries just for safety.
I wouldn't say necessarily restrictions, but just like boundaries and UM,
(34:13):
you know, whether it's not having snapchat or I don't
know what you think. This is tough because like the
first suggestion I have, you know, we talked about a lot.
But it's also it can be used as a like
unhealthily unhealthy manner like being too codependent, where you know,
(34:37):
watch his actions to see to invoke change, to see
if you know, because a lot of times you would
feel more comfortable based on how I was being. You know,
over time, that can be codependent where you're basing your
feelings off of somebody else, which you don't want to do,
but in these early stages you kind of have to.
You know, he's got to be on his best behavior.
(34:58):
He's really got to show up and you change and
and things, so you know, you kind of gotta put
your heart in his hands to see if you'll if
you'll hold on to it for right now, you know,
until you get on your feet again and can start
trusting him and feel comfortable in yourself. So that's his
job is to help you as as much as he
(35:20):
can repair this and and repair parts of you, and
to stay empathetic during it too. So I would just
say that to him, say that you're you're trying to
lean into him a lot, and if he's wants this
as bad as he's saying he does, then he needs
to show up and and and help you and hold
you up. So I like that, and just stay stay present,
(35:44):
stay in today, and just notice the change that he's
hopefully we're not changed with the growth. What is he
doing today? He needs to bring something to the table,
because if you say to him, I don't want you
to have Snapchat anymore, he's going to bristle at that.
But he needs to bring something to the table, some
palpable change he can make so you can trust him more. Yeah,
(36:05):
Like I won't delete or whatever, and I can show
you or just something some some kind of substance um anymore. Yeah,
this one's anonymous. My husband and I have been barely
married a year, and I'm feeling almost completely alone in
this relationship. It doesn't feel like any kind of marriage
I've ever imagined myself being in. Daily my husband barely
(36:28):
I find out he barely knows much about me. He
doesn't need to be concerned or bothered about that. I
can tell him things I need to help me cope
with anxiety and depression, but I get no help from him.
I go into the conversation hoping to be held and
told he's there for me and that things are gonna
be okay, But instead he's annoyed regarding my feelings and
what's going on in my head, in my heart. So
many people on the outside looking and can see the
(36:49):
hurt that I'm feeling. That I'm not the smiling, spunky,
happy person I've always been. But I haven't been that
person in so long that I've forgotten how it felt
to not have this huge weight on my heart. I
may not know much, but I do know this is
not how a relationship or love is supposed to feel.
I'm searching for a new therapist I'm comfortable with. I
don't know what to do if he isn't willing to
try therapy to make things work. I'm trying to fight
(37:10):
for this, but I don't know how I can keep
fighting alone. Oh it's so hard. Parts of it. I'm like,
you know, I want her to ask for what she needs,
but it sounds like she has hasn't she Well, she
wouldn't really say that. She's just saying it doesn't feel
like any kind of marriage she ever imagined. And she's
fine out daily that he does. He barely knows much
(37:32):
about her, he's not concerned by that. And I would
just tell him what you need. Like the other day,
I was like, I need more love. I need more
you know, like to feel like you care and just
like to do like and then maybe do something connective together.
That way they can get to know each other more,
you know, like read a book together, have discussions around it,
(37:56):
or do something that can bring them together. Mm hmm.
My thing is I feel like a lot of this
is just managing expectations and over community and over communication
needs to be had because even when she says, um,
I can tell him things where she's like she's hoping
she's hoping she comes out of the conversation where he's
(38:18):
like willing to to hold her and tell her that
it's gonna be okay. But you know, generally where men
were simple minded creatures, where sometimes you need to throw
the instruction manu in front of us and be like, hey,
when I talk to you about this, this, these are
the things that helped me. These are the things that
I need to hear. These like, we can't read your mind.
(38:41):
So when you want to be told everything's gonna be okay,
you want to be held like, we don't know that
until you tell us. And then once held against us,
we were like, wait, what the hell is going on?
Like why are you so upset? Yeah, the other day
you're like I didn't know you were this unhappy. It's
like damn. So it's you know, and here's the deal too,
(39:02):
because this is something that I'm guilty of, right, and
this is just just how I process things and just
what I believe. What I believe in this relationship is
you know, Jenna wants to feel chosen. A lot of
that as triggers from the stuff I've done the past.
For me, I'm like, she said yes when I asked
her to marry her. She chooses me, like he goes
(39:25):
back to the beginning. So the fact that we're still married,
that's enough for me personally to feel chosen. For this guy,
he might be the same thing where it's just like
he doesn't see anything wrong because he's like, man, she said, yes,
she's my she's my wife. I was like, this is great.
Life's awesome. Where's the rush, Like, we're gonna be together
the rest of our life. We're gonna get we're gonna
(39:47):
get to know each other and everything's gonna be awesome.
So okay, like he could it could be that simple
for him personally. So it's just she just needs to
not try to read between the lines and just address
it head on. I love that advice. Guys are dumb,
just to always never assume a guy knows anything unless
you tell him specifically. You gotta lay it out for him.
(40:10):
Especially guys in their twenties. They don't have a clue
about anything, So that's good advice. Over communicate because they'll
never figure it out for themselves. And if you can't
and if you won't go to therapy, go anyway by yourself.
That will help you process what you're feeling one million percent,
and I just don't know if I could. Could you
(40:32):
be with someone that Let's say I'm like, I didn't
want to go to therapy, like I I will not
go to therapy, Like that'd be tough. Yeah, yeah, no,
I couldn't deal with that. I mean personally if I if,
I I mean going to I've never been to therapy
before you and I. But like say, hypothetically I was
(40:55):
with somebody else and they didn't believe in therapy. I bic.
But it's a hard sell to a guy. When I
was in my twenties, I never would have done it.
I never I would. I'm I'm awesome. If you've got
a problem, that's on you, I'm awesome. That was my
general field. I think most guys in their twenties, that's
how they feel. Now something came up, i'd go, I'd
(41:16):
raise you there. But when you're younger, you think you're perfect.
That is true. We first guys. Yeah, I was like, No,
I knew I was because guys are raised with their
mom telling them they're perfect for their entire life. That's
so true. And I'm gonna do this, so I'm all right,
love you guys. Let's keep our hands to ourselves and
(41:39):
give a little two percent of jealousy. Love you, guys,
Wind Down and I'm radio podcast. All Right, welcome to
another episode of wine Down with Ganna Cranmer and Michael Cosson.
We have my beautiful wife Janna back with us. Like
a rap party right now. It is. How are you feeling? Well?
We wrapped? Uh? What day? We wrapped on Saturday? We
(00:26):
wrapped on Saturday. I'm I'm like, I'm the biggest baby
when it's the last day because I just cry. I
don't know, I just think it's so sad um because
you spend so many hours, like with these people for
so long. Yeah, it feels like summer camp, do you
know what I mean, where it's just you are so
(00:47):
close with them, and then it's then it's like I'm
probably not going to see these people again. Like they're
your best friends for a few weeks. Yeah, they're just
your best ee. Then you have like just the best
you know time, and then you're just like okay, by
a month. For a month, it's like twelve or fourteen
hours a day you're spending with them more than that
sixteen hour days. Wolf. No, But I mean, I'm I'm happy.
(01:11):
I just it's just crazy that this. I didn't think
we were going to be able to finish the movie,
and a lot of people were asking if this was
the movie that got shut down in March. But this
is a different movie. Um, I don't think that movie
is gonna happen um again. But the we got shut
down obviously the first week for the pneumonia, the second
(01:31):
week at COVID, third week. So I'm just we for
sure thought we were gonna get shut down because I
just I don't know how a production can handle that, right,
And I was just, man, I was praying for you
guys that you would just not because I know y'all
wouldn't last one more shutdown, like the movie would have
gotten acted, and that had just been such a blow
(01:52):
for you, I know, like you know, with your energy
and just morally and you know everything like that. It's
just it would have been a big blow and I
would have felt terrible. I thought it happened to you
again twice. But we finished it. We're so excited it's airing. Um.
We're hoping by Veterans Day because we have a really
big element with veterans in it, um, So we hope
(02:14):
by then, but if not, it'll be on lifetime. It's
called The Welcome home Christmas. Um. Yeah, so I'm just
I'm really excited. I can't I'm excited this. This was
the least amount that I've been like to set. Yeah,
you just went once and even though it was the
closest one. Well, I mean, yeah, that is true, but
I mean my friend Catherine came, but she got kicked off.
(02:38):
We couldn't we couldn't have visitors unless it was exterior shots.
Between that and then the other day I was going
to come, it's been like all day was a day
that I got shut down, and you know, so it was.
It was just more difficult even though it was so close.
How were you during that time? I was fine. I
(02:59):
I'm more deductive when you're around, obviously. No, I didn't
mean to say like that. That sounded bad. I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to say like that, But that makes sense. No,
it's I think any guy can attest to it. Mark
Easton backing me up. When you're significant other is gone
(03:20):
and you have you know, a day or two to yourself,
I feel like I eat differently. I I may stay
up late like longer. I am less productive. Please give
me when it's not so much when the wife's away
the husband will play, but when the wife is around,
(03:41):
you want to show yourself as a productive, contributing member
of the family. When she's not around, you could just
kind of sloth it for the day. I love it,
It's true. I just feel like it's as well. And
that kind of we got into an argument because of that,
which is where that obviously came from. Because the one
day that I had off, well, I wouldn't even say off.
(04:04):
We've been promoting our book stuff. So that was like
a big press tour day for our book. And you know,
I just start to notice, like every room I walked
into it was just messy, and I was just yeah, yeah,
and I just was like, oh my gosh, Like and
I even said, like I said, I set expectations before
(04:26):
the movie even started. I said, my fear is that
when I come home from work, there's going to be
stuff I have to do and and you know, laundry
and and I have to focus on my job and
then my time with the kids when I get those
few precious hours. And you know, you said absolutely, you know,
we'll take care of things. And and so when three
(04:48):
weeks later and I'm like, I think you went to
go drop jolly off and there was just, I mean,
stuff everywhere. Two of the rooms full of stuff happened
like that morning because I was rushing to get the
kids out breakfast stuff, I'm cleaned up, so the kitchen
looked like a mess, even though it was all from
(05:09):
that morning. Hm. So I just start like cleaning because
that's me. I'm waiting for my hair and makeup girl
Tarn to come over before I pressed it, and I'm
just like cleaning, cleaning, cleaning, and then so I'm just
like getting a little bit more of annoyed and frustrating.
Like man like, I'm like I got even like line still.
And so Mike comes home. What did I say? I
know it was super passive, but what did I said?
(05:31):
Something about cleaning something up? Yeah, and it was just
super passive. Oh. I was like, man, do you see
how much I clean the house or something like there's
a lot a lot of stuff. There's a lot of
stuff laying around. I was like, yeah, there is. And
and you know, I could I could have said it
a lot better. And I know now that I could
have been like, hey, I'm really frustrated that there's a
(05:54):
lot of you know, I just feel like it's all
on me to have to when I'm done filming to
clean the mess. And so I just feel like I'm
being suffocated right now. And so we get into this
huge thing right before I pressed perfect time, Perfect time.
And what's even funnier is that my girlfriend Catherine, who's
also like our day to day manager, she comes in
(06:16):
and she goes, oh my god, I'm so glad I
didn't say anything. She's like, because I told her. I
was like, oh, we're fighting right now. She's like, I'm
so glad I didn't say anything. She's like, because when
I first walked in, I was like, Wow, your house
is messy. She's like, that's what I thought to myself.
I was like, oh my god, Mike would have lost it.
You probably would have laughed at that point. I would
have thought for sure that you guys colluded and you texted.
(06:38):
Would have you texted her to say that when she
came in. Yeah, that's probably that's so something you dude
would think. That's because that's something you all would do. Um. Yeah,
So but you know, today we we cleaned a bunch
and I tackled that laundry room. That was when all
(06:58):
it was. It was it wasn't dirty. It is just
stuff that need to be put away anyway, which is
so funny because I think it's a dude thing because
you don't put it away, and that's you move it
from one station to the next. And I just think
that's so funny because even when you claim to clean up,
I'm like, hey, honey, I really appreciate you clean. As
I said that, I feel like I said it from
a good place. I was like, hey, babe, I really
(07:19):
appreciate you help helping clean right now. But when you do,
do you mind just putting it actually away because you
just put the ring light in the in the room.
I would just appreciate if you can move it into
the closet where it belongs, and you appreciate you not
taking it personal. Okay, Yeah, there's so something I underneath that.
I was like, Okay, Mark, is the same thing with you?
(07:45):
Do you do the same thing? Do you move it
from one side to the next. I'm guilty of all
this stuff. I think all husbands are. I'm also guilty
of saying okay and trying so hard to say without
something underneath it. But there is, and I can't help it.
And the other thing I do when my wife is
out of town is you know we have we have
a routine every day, um with the countertops in the kitchen,
(08:07):
you know, getting rid of the crombs, and then run
the vacuum every night, the routine every evening. And I've
figured out that when my wife's out of town, I
could do that every night, or I could just do
it the last night the same. That's called working smart,
not hard, Mark exactly, but like, what is the okay
underneath that? I'm just curious, Like even when he said okay,
(08:29):
I'm like there's something under that, but like, what is
it for you, Mark, that's underneath that? When we do
ask from a good place like hey, do you mind
just like actually putting it to the right place. Well
there's something we need that too, by the way, but
it's just it's just no, that's really just an asked.
Something underneath it would be like, um, being more passive
with it, like you got you like it'd be nice
if you put something away in the right spot instead
(08:51):
of like coming nicely right or no no, yeah, for me,
it was there wasn't anything underneath of it. It was
just me internally like not taking it personal. It is
me doing my work to not take it personally, because
I was like, Okay, she's coming from a good place,
she's asking very nicely, very softly. You're talking to me softly.
You're not, you know, being passive or aggressive or anything
(09:13):
like that. So I was just like, okay, is it
is it annoying to you guys that we even say
that to do that? You know, there's a lot of
different things. Sometimes it would be sometimes it's I was
going to do that, but now I'm not going to
get any credit for doing it because she's going to
do it. Sometimes it's just general annoyance of being bossed around,
(09:37):
Like it could be any number of different things. And two,
I didn't this wasn't underneath of mine. Okay, there literally
was nothing, but but it came to my head just
now with you saying that mark where I was like,
not just the being bossy, but you know, when I
moved the ring light, it was something that Janna. I
(09:58):
was cleaning up something of Janna's. So it's like, here,
I am trying to clean up something of yours and
you have the audacity to correct me and where I
put it? Do we want to compare apples? To apples.
I'm not I'm not comparing anything. I'm just saying to
(10:19):
marks point where you're saying, just the general annoyance to
being bossed around. That's what came up for me. What
could be part of it for some people but not me?
Not me? That's funny. I would I would love to
go head to head on that though. Anyway, there's something
I want to bring up from the movie. So let's
(10:39):
take a break and get to that. Okay, So you
got you were doing like questions or something one day
on your Instagram, and you gotta great question in regards
(11:02):
to me, and we we're talking about love interest and
the romantic scenes or the kissing scenes, and we had
a discussion about it. M hm. And you you responded
to this question well because I was like, you know,
I respect what you do. I respect you, I trust you.
(11:23):
You know, we typically talk about it beforehand. Again, it's
been Lifetime and Hallmark Kisses, so it's been to worry about. Yet. Um,
you know, I always try to assert myself within that
environment and meet your co star and get to know
them and everything so I can humanize it. But um,
you were asking me, You're almost like word that I
(11:45):
didn't get more like, I didn't get jealous. It's not
you're like, why aren't you jealous? Well know, because a
situation arose. Let's just you know, I'm not gonna but
where you know, maybe the other person's was jealous or
something or could have been jealous, and I too, I'm like, well,
(12:07):
why aren't like why aren't you Like I'm just like
I'm just I was more like a question, like I
was just like I was interested by it. You know,
I'm like, here, I am working with an attractive other counterpart,
and you know some of the things that you know happened,
like you know, he was at our house and you know,
like you went to a guy's night and I'm like
(12:27):
you're leaving, like he goes. I was like where are
you going? And He's like, I'm going to a friend's house.
And I was like, but Brandon's here, and You're like yeah,
And I was like okay. I was like that's ah,
and he's like I trust you, and I go huh.
(12:49):
I was like okay. But and then like then I
was like that's just weird. And then so I started
talking to some of my girlfriends and I was like,
that's just weird. I was like, would you and and
here's the thing, and I said, would you be okay
with that? And of course if you flop it like
no for for girls. But I did ask some guys
and they were like, I wouldn't be comfortable with that,
(13:10):
So then I started to think yeah. And so so
sometimes I think I'm like, okay, Sometimes I think that
you trust me because you want that same trust, you know,
so you you do things too then want the same
thing back because you're all about equality and autonomy and
all of those things. So because that's how you base
a lot of our things. Well, if you can do this,
(13:31):
then I can do this. And if I can't do that,
you know, and it's kind of like that, well I'm
gonna let you do that, so then I should be
okay to do that. So that's like how you know,
how you're you're kind of like structured. And so I
feel like when I was talking to a girlfriend about this,
they're like, well, you know, he probably wants that same
thing in return, and I'm like, granted, yes, get that.
I was like, but I'm like, let's swap it. So,
(13:53):
like we asked a few dudes kind of the same question.
They're like, now, like I wouldn't let, Like I wouldn't leave,
and and I'm like, why isn't he jealous? Like I
don't get it, Like I was like this, that's just
interesting to me, And I like I get and I oh,
by the way, I love it, like I love that
you trust me, I love that you are so supportive
(14:15):
in my work and all those things, like so supportive.
But I just I'm like it just it was an
interesting thing because the majority, if you pulled the majority
of people, they would probably say no. They'd probably say
I don't trust that. To your point, majority people would
probably say, yeah, I wouldn't leave. Yeah, would you leave, Mark,
(14:40):
Yeah I would leave. I don't think it would be
that big of a deal, especially depending on the circumstances.
Like I'm not typically a jealous guy. This is one
of those things where a guy can't win. Like you
don't want to be the jealous guy because that's annoying.
But if you're not jealous at all of them, that's
bad too. Like there's a balance you have to find.
But it was at the of the day. Now is
(15:01):
that night because we're asleep, Yeah, okay, I mean I
still don't know, but there'd be a little thing in
my brain is like, that's interesting. Okay, And first I
I reassured channel was like, it doesn't have to do.
My motivation behind this situation had nothing to do with
(15:23):
me wanting that same kind of trust and return. It
was literally it was a few things. It was again,
there's there's circumstances that need to be had. Number one,
this was like the second night he was staying with us,
so we had had it. Okay. So it wasn't like
the first night. This was the second night. The night before,
we hung out all night, talk told stories, got to
(15:46):
know each other, hung out all day that day. He
has a wife and three kids. So I'm like, okay,
if it was a single guy, no, okay. So that
if the single guy wouldn't have left at all and
spending all that time the three of you, you would
have known if there was any kind of a vibe
happening between jet that would get your red flags up. Yeah.
(16:11):
I will also say too though, So okay, so you
would trust me with a married man, but you wouldn't
trust me with a single man. So what so that
that's an interesting It's not. That's the thing you're making
about trusting you. It's not about trusting you, it's about
it's more so trusting the guy. It's feeling him out.
And just like girls can kind of sense that with girls,
guys can kind of do that with guys. And so
(16:32):
but even so, if Kevin my buddy, you know, he
you know, even if he was single, I'll be like,
all right, so youre keV. Well that's different. I mean
was so Kevin was a love interest in my last
few films, and I mean we've like the report he
stayed at our house and you probably left like like
he's like right, but I'm saying, like, so it's definitely
(16:52):
the whole single married thing. Isn't the end all be all,
But like in this particular situation, if he had been single,
I probably wouldn't have So again, it's about feeling them out.
It's about asserting my presence. And again I even told Jane,
I was like not to toot my own horn a
little bit, but being six six kind of helps a
(17:13):
little bit, you know, deter someone from trying something. Um.
So that and then and then the other root of it, too,
was was deeper than just um wanting that same trust
and was in return, It was I had a guy's
night planned I think like the week prior, I canceled
(17:34):
it because it is when you not got pneumonia. Yeah,
so Janna gotten six, so I canceled it. Obviously not
a good time to hang out with a bunch of
people in Jano. Was that's sick. So I postponed it
to this following week. And just because their production shut
down and they had some days off and got to
be at the house, I was like, does that mean
(17:54):
I have to change my schedule again because of someone else's.
So it's like this other deep rooted thing where I'm like, oh,
your schedule changes, so all of a sudden have to
change mine again. And so that's a deep core through
our relationship in general. Right, that's a that's a deep
thing to just with our relationships. So much of jana
schedule kind of naturally dictating what's going on in our
(18:14):
life and where we have to be and all of that.
So it was just like that was part of it
too where I was I didn't want to have to
postpone again when it wasn't I felt comfortable with it.
And just because their schedule change doesn't mean mine mine
has to like, that's not fair, Like if you would
(18:35):
have been, like if you'd have given me for leaving,
that triggered me. No. And I know that because I
know like one of our deepest like discussions and arguments
are if things have to change because of my schedule.
So I would have never given you crap. I just
was more like a huh, I'm so confused. Oh, Mark, Well,
(19:00):
I have a question difficult questions. I'll try to try
to phrase appropriately produce the hell out of this right now. Well,
look at Eastan just pops back on zim dig baby dig.
Because of the issues the two of you have had
in the past, Mike, do you ever worry about Janet
(19:22):
doing something to even the score that she would be
justified in her mind doing something inappropriate that you would
want to And then she could say, well, I love
that you asked us question, and here's why, because I
was sure if I wanted to bring up this other
point of mine on why I trust. I trust Joanna
(19:45):
for all the right reasons. I do, like when it
comes I trust her because I do. I love her.
I believe that she loves and respects me in our
family and everything. She wouldn't want to invoke the same
kind of pain that I did. Two wrongs don't make
it right. But my answer to that is no, I
don't think she would do that to quote unquote even
the score. I actually think it's the opposite, where she's
(20:07):
even more motivated not to do it, so she can
say not that she she has the upper hand in
our relationship and rules with an iron fist. But still
it's it's still a a energy of leverage in a
relationship when one person's broken trust and one hasn't. So
(20:28):
for Janna, I know she this pride and deep inside
she's not going to give that up. She is not
going to give up that that energy of leverage. Again,
not that she uses it, but it's just I wouldn't
either if I was in her shoes, I wouldn't want
to give her the benefit of doubt to like even
the playing field. I love the phrase energy of leverage.
(20:51):
It's a good question, and honestly, like I would be
lying to say, like if I didn't ever have that
thought like my whole darkest point, Yeah, I mean I would.
I mean, even like you know now, even when we're good, No,
but I mean like there's times when I'm just like, man, like,
you know, just to if I'm really angry at you,
(21:11):
just a middle finger, you know, Like, but I just
it's to your point too. I just I'm like, I
don't want any the reason that, you know, and then
it evens it I don't like it. When on the
other side of it, if she did, I'd be like, yes,
let's go. Oh but but then I would always have like,
(21:33):
oh it was just one time. It wouldn't matter at
that point. Oh no, But you know, I think for me,
and this is something like that he knows too. For me,
it would never be a physical affair. It would be
an emotional Sure, I'm I think I'm more emotionally a
(21:55):
foritable new word, because I think that's something it's you know.
And we even talked about it, like when we we
had like a we were in a little rough patch
the last month, you know, and I told him I
was like, sometimes like you start to realize when you
are away from your partner and maybe you're receiving affirmations
(22:16):
from other people what you might are, what you are
lacking that is making you feel good, and why whyn
is like, oh wait, that shouldn't make me feel good.
Why what is it? What isn't like missing in our
relationship that I'm not getting that. I'm like, oh, this
feels good, you know. And I think just like having
that conversation too was good, just to like point that
(22:40):
out and to be like, hey, I need more of
this because I found myself being like you know, is
that a concern might be Not that she would physically straight,
but when she's this closed with all of these people
on these sets and working so closely with them, do
you fear that emotional connection she might develop. Yeah, probably
more so than the than the physical because she know,
(23:06):
I hate being compared right so early in our relationship
when it's like, oh, Nick would never do that, or
you know, so says husband would never do that. I
hate I hate hate, hate, hate hate that a little
bit so for her too. Yeah, the emotional aspect that
would probably cause her to come home and say things
(23:30):
like I need more of this or I can get
this elsewhere, and that would and that and that's could
completely be in her right to to to realize that
she needs more UM. But then I have to do
the work on myself to not take it so personally
that I feel like I'm being compared. I feel like
I'm less than I feel like I'm not good enough,
(23:50):
and all of my deep core issues come up. So um,
I mean I know that about Janna. We know that
about each other. Where it's like, you know, we've said
it on here before, where I know of Jenna were
to step outside the marriage and be with somebody we
know or someone that she's emotionally close to. For me,
it has to be someone I have no attachment to
(24:11):
in any way, shape or form. I cannot know the person,
so it's uh yeah, but it's not gonna happen. Stop
talking about it. I don't like it. It's making me
feel weird. But I think it is good to like
have those conversations if you are being tempted one way,
or or having feelings or I don't know, just like
(24:33):
having the conversation for sure. And let me ask you
to wrap this up about the jealousy piece, because you know, again,
I have no issue. I wasn't jealous at all, and
for me, jealousy feels like an immature feeling. Oh say,
I disagree. It's like it's it's a little like I get,
I get totally get what you're saying, but I also
it's like this is my my person, Like there's a
(24:56):
I think there's a healthy amount of jealousy that keeps
you in place both sides. Does that make sense? I
see both of your points for sure, But after twenty
three years, I still feel it sometimes, you know. I
remember there was you know, one of my kids friends, uh,
(25:19):
their dad dropped her off and my wife and his
dad were ship chatting in front of the house for
I don't know, half an hour. And I've met this guy.
He is a talker and stuff, but they're still part
of me. That's after Like, Okay, that's enough, Let's let's
move on here. What what what? What does that create
a bond? Let's keep moving you know, No, I totally
agree with you, and I think that's I think that
(25:40):
piece is like healthy. And that's the part where I'm like,
I I don't ever want to like because I know
me too, Like I don't want to push the limit
to make you jealous, like I just want but maybe
sometimes like I want that attention where I'm almost maybe
purposely doing something two men make you jealous. I'm not
saying I'm doing that, but like I could maybe see
(26:01):
myself being like look at me. You know, I'm just
not a jealous person. Hm. Challenge accepted. I'm kidding right now.
Right now, I'm just picturing Mark like poking his head
out the front door. Hey, Jerry, get the wrap it up.
(26:27):
But when I have been jealous over the years, my
wife's kind of liked it because we see it. We
like it, We like to know that, like we're like that,
you think that we're just this beautiful thing that someone
could swoop us in that. But like it's almost like
people that are aren't jealous. Maybe they're just like they're
so they're like too comfortable. Maybe you're too comfortable, I think,
(26:49):
and not knowing what my capabilities are. Now I'm getting threatened.
I think I understand your point because I think there's
a difference between jealousy and arrogance and or complacency. Yeah,
but it's not it's it's neither of those for me.
(27:10):
It's it's in the middle where I'm just confident and
comfortable in a good way. There's a difference between comfortability
and complacency. So I'm comfortable with our relationship. I'm I'm
confident in in our marriage and that we're going to
do the right things, and so you know, yeah, I don't.
(27:32):
I don't know I trust you, So I don't really
I mean, yeah, if you're hanging all over but somebody,
that's one thing. What the That's one thing. But it's
a fine line because jealousy can also be insecurity, and
that's not attractive. I don't think I'm good enough for her,
So I'm jealous of everybody else she talks to that
(27:52):
that you don't want that, I just like, I just
want like one percent represent jealousy, guy in your jealousy
to be more jealous you all right, before before we
(28:18):
actually we're just talking about fair for a second, and
we got to talk about one more thing around this
topic before we jump into emails and d m s.
And so you just had a picture that you posted
from wrapping up the movie and you had and you
took it down because some people were uncomfortable, right, is
that what happened around it? And you just showed me
the picture. I saw nothing wrong with it, and you
(28:39):
even had to point out what the issue was and
I was like, okay. So to Mark's point, Mark was like,
does that draw more at tension that you delete the picture? Well?
One percent? But I wanted to be respectful for sure.
Well maybe like you wouldn't be like, maybe you wouldn't
have like the fact that I was touching his leg. Okay, now,
(29:00):
if the rules were reversed, i'd be upside double standard.
But maybe not. Though, if you're touching like like like
Julie's like a random, I'd be upset. But like if
it was like, okay, take that back, if it was
Julie Molly, like any of the girls that like, you know,
(29:21):
but I would have no reason to put my hand
on their way when you're smashed up on a couch,
I still wouldn't put my hand on their legs. So
then I'll put my arm around them. I wouldn't put
my hand on someone else's leg. That's way more intimate. Actually,
are you about the photo? Because I know how you
are because I'm very touchy? But is that bad? You
(29:44):
are who you are? I accept you. I love this.
She's touchy? Is it okay for others to be touchy?
I mean, I'm not like, it's not like random, I'm
you know what I mean? It was like the casting
crew and you know, now, if it if it was
(30:06):
just like a picture, what did you say to like,
You're like you were just working, you know. Yeah, I
can understand the connectedness between you and all the people
there because of you know, I've I've seen you do
enough movies now I I from from watching it. I
can see. I I see how much work and energy
and sweat and tears goes into these movies. It's insane,
(30:28):
Like people don't know how hard you'all really really work.
It's exhausting. And so I can understand that you guys
have this connection, Like you said earlier, it's like summer
camp friends or you just feel like the closest people
in the world and then it's all over. So I
get that if it was just I was just gonna say,
even if it was just you and him sitting there
at the same time, I'm like, if it was because
(30:50):
I kind of go back to the justin Timberlake thing,
how I was like, that is so wrong his hands
on her leg, But to me, I'm like, they're out partying.
But then I'm like, well, maybe was I don't know
where's the like the line for that then, I mean
he was like really rubbing or like, but it's not
like they were just taking a photo super close together.
(31:14):
I don't want to go down that rabbit hole. It's
just it is interesting. I think it just depends on
boundaries that you set in place with just like we
talked about, like in your relationship. Because again I wouldn't.
That's just not my nature. I'm not as touchy feely
of a person, you know, so I wouldn't. I don't
(31:36):
know why I would have put my hand on Yeah,
that would make me uncomfortable even right, but you know
I could put my arm around them. Yeah, it's just interesting.
It is. It's interesting because you would be so mad
if it's just it depends. It just really depends on
(31:58):
the situation. I would say, I really think it depends
on the situation. And plus that's not like you said,
it's not your nature, so it would be because it's
not you, it'd be like, huh, you know, that's not you,
and then that would cause concern. But yeah, interesting, all right, Mark,
(32:25):
I got some interesting emails today. Becca said this one.
I'm twenty three, no scrubbing in What does she need
our advice on? I'm twenty three. I'm the new mother
of a beautiflight month old baby girl. Her father, my boyfriend,
and I have been together for a little over two years.
When I met him, he told me he was married,
but they were separated and getting a divorced, so I
(32:47):
trusted him and took his word for it. That wasn't
the case, and I got an emails from his wife
if we're still living together there on a lease. A
few months later, I find out I'm six weeks pregnant.
Then I find out he cheated on me by sleeping
with her the wife about like the other woman. We
separated for a bit, but kept in touch because I
was pregnant that he moved in with me. Things were
good after that. I went through a snapchat, though, and
(33:08):
found messages with a girl where she was sexting him.
I confronted him. He cried because he was scared of
losing his family. So he wants to fix this and
for our daughter. I do too. I've heard you tell
other women to help get past it by staying in today.
I've just recently started using that because before I would
say things like, oh, lets you go message your other
girlfriend or you know, like and then go run to
(33:29):
your other girlfriend. We've been good, but a lot of
things still trigger me. I'm lost and not sure how
else to handle this because I want this to work
and I want us to be able to move forward
and grow our little family. But I'm not sure how
M I mean, thanks for emailing in. I do think, yeah,
trying to remain present in today, but also um, ti
(33:53):
to earn some of that trust back. UM, get some
good boundaries, UM that would make you feel ruble um
around the relationship and around things. UM boundaries just for safety.
I wouldn't say necessarily restrictions, but just like boundaries and UM,
(34:13):
you know, whether it's not having snapchat or I don't
know what you think. This is tough because like the
first suggestion I have, you know, we talked about a lot.
But it's also it can be used as a like
unhealthily unhealthy manner like being too codependent, where you know,
(34:37):
watch his actions to see to invoke change, to see
if you know, because a lot of times you would
feel more comfortable based on how I was being. You know,
over time, that can be codependent where you're basing your
feelings off of somebody else, which you don't want to do,
but in these early stages you kind of have to.
You know, he's got to be on his best behavior.
(34:58):
He's really got to show up and you change and
and things, so you know, you kind of gotta put
your heart in his hands to see if you'll if
you'll hold on to it for right now, you know,
until you get on your feet again and can start
trusting him and feel comfortable in yourself. So that's his
job is to help you as as much as he
(35:20):
can repair this and and repair parts of you, and
to stay empathetic during it too. So I would just
say that to him, say that you're you're trying to
lean into him a lot, and if he's wants this
as bad as he's saying he does, then he needs
to show up and and and help you and hold
you up. So I like that, and just stay stay present,
(35:44):
stay in today, and just notice the change that he's
hopefully we're not changed with the growth. What is he
doing today? He needs to bring something to the table,
because if you say to him, I don't want you
to have Snapchat anymore, he's going to bristle at that.
But he needs to bring something to the table, some
palpable change he can make so you can trust him more. Yeah,
(36:05):
Like I won't delete or whatever, and I can show
you or just something some some kind of substance um anymore. Yeah,
this one's anonymous. My husband and I have been barely
married a year, and I'm feeling almost completely alone in
this relationship. It doesn't feel like any kind of marriage
I've ever imagined myself being in. Daily my husband barely
(36:28):
I find out he barely knows much about me. He
doesn't need to be concerned or bothered about that. I
can tell him things I need to help me cope
with anxiety and depression, but I get no help from him.
I go into the conversation hoping to be held and
told he's there for me and that things are gonna
be okay, But instead he's annoyed regarding my feelings and
what's going on in my head, in my heart. So
many people on the outside looking and can see the
(36:49):
hurt that I'm feeling. That I'm not the smiling, spunky,
happy person I've always been. But I haven't been that
person in so long that I've forgotten how it felt
to not have this huge weight on my heart. I
may not know much, but I do know this is
not how a relationship or love is supposed to feel.
I'm searching for a new therapist I'm comfortable with. I
don't know what to do if he isn't willing to
try therapy to make things work. I'm trying to fight
(37:10):
for this, but I don't know how I can keep
fighting alone. Oh it's so hard. Parts of it. I'm like,
you know, I want her to ask for what she needs,
but it sounds like she has hasn't she Well, she
wouldn't really say that. She's just saying it doesn't feel
like any kind of marriage she ever imagined. And she's
fine out daily that he does. He barely knows much
(37:32):
about her, he's not concerned by that. And I would
just tell him what you need. Like the other day,
I was like, I need more love. I need more
you know, like to feel like you care and just
like to do like and then maybe do something connective together.
That way they can get to know each other more,
you know, like read a book together, have discussions around it,
(37:56):
or do something that can bring them together. Mm hmm.
My thing is I feel like a lot of this
is just managing expectations and over community and over communication
needs to be had because even when she says, um,
I can tell him things where she's like she's hoping
she's hoping she comes out of the conversation where he's
(38:18):
like willing to to hold her and tell her that
it's gonna be okay. But you know, generally where men
were simple minded creatures, where sometimes you need to throw
the instruction manu in front of us and be like, hey,
when I talk to you about this, this, these are
the things that helped me. These are the things that
I need to hear. These like, we can't read your mind.
(38:41):
So when you want to be told everything's gonna be okay,
you want to be held like, we don't know that
until you tell us. And then once held against us,
we were like, wait, what the hell is going on?
Like why are you so upset? Yeah, the other day
you're like I didn't know you were this unhappy. It's
like damn. So it's you know, and here's the deal too,
(39:02):
because this is something that I'm guilty of, right, and
this is just just how I process things and just
what I believe. What I believe in this relationship is
you know, Jenna wants to feel chosen. A lot of
that as triggers from the stuff I've done the past.
For me, I'm like, she said yes when I asked
her to marry her. She chooses me, like he goes
(39:25):
back to the beginning. So the fact that we're still married,
that's enough for me personally to feel chosen. For this guy,
he might be the same thing where it's just like
he doesn't see anything wrong because he's like, man, she said, yes,
she's my she's my wife. I was like, this is great.
Life's awesome. Where's the rush, Like, we're gonna be together
the rest of our life. We're gonna get we're gonna
(39:47):
get to know each other and everything's gonna be awesome.
So okay, like he could it could be that simple
for him personally. So it's just she just needs to
not try to read between the lines and just address
it head on. I love that advice. Guys are dumb,
just to always never assume a guy knows anything unless
you tell him specifically. You gotta lay it out for him.
(40:10):
Especially guys in their twenties. They don't have a clue
about anything, So that's good advice. Over communicate because they'll
never figure it out for themselves. And if you can't
and if you won't go to therapy, go anyway by yourself.
That will help you process what you're feeling one million percent,
and I just don't know if I could. Could you
(40:32):
be with someone that Let's say I'm like, I didn't
want to go to therapy, like I I will not
go to therapy, Like that'd be tough. Yeah, yeah, no,
I couldn't deal with that. I mean personally if I if,
I I mean going to I've never been to therapy
before you and I. But like say, hypothetically I was
(40:55):
with somebody else and they didn't believe in therapy. I bic.
But it's a hard sell to a guy. When I
was in my twenties, I never would have done it.
I never I would. I'm I'm awesome. If you've got
a problem, that's on you, I'm awesome. That was my
general field. I think most guys in their twenties, that's
how they feel. Now something came up, i'd go, I'd
(41:16):
raise you there. But when you're younger, you think you're perfect.
That is true. We first guys. Yeah, I was like, No,
I knew I was because guys are raised with their
mom telling them they're perfect for their entire life. That's
so true. And I'm gonna do this, so I'm all right,
love you guys. Let's keep our hands to ourselves and
(41:39):
give a little two percent of jealousy. Love you, guys,
Host
Jana Kramer
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