June 15, 2020 • 50 mins
Jana and Michael open up about their financial stresses and concerns.
Financial expert Nicole Lapin gives essential advice on how to stay on top of your finances during this pandemic. With amazing tips during these tough times, she tells us how to make the most of our money.
Plus Jana and Mike give some behind the scenes insight into their upcoming book “The Good Fight”!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Wind down and you're getting better and better at that.
You're just taking my role. There. I love it. So
here we are again, and we're going to start pretty
much every episode by plugging our own book because because
why not. Well, I'll say this. I was talking to
(00:24):
Bobby Bones the other day and it was so cool
because he acknowledged during the interview that pre orders are
so important for especially first time authors like us because
in order to make the you know, the New York
best time selling lists like it's um, they take into
account um the pre orders. But it's only that first week,
(00:47):
so you know, it's just so important to have people
pre order it. Um. That way we have a chance
at it maybe you know. Yeah, I mean so from
now until the time it's physically on aile is really
the most crucial time. Why buy it? Why buy it?
Great question, honey, UM buy it because it's funny and
(01:10):
it's real and it's You're gonna read things about us
that you haven't heard on this podcast, which is surprising.
But let's give him something. You're gonna hear. We talked
about this when we first introduced it last week, but
you're gonna hear you know, each chapter us starting off
with a story from our relationship of some kind of conflict,
(01:35):
some heavier than others, some super surface level and silly,
but some kind of conflict where we're almost positive that
majority of you out there that do read it will
kind of nod your head and be like, I've been there,
you know, in one end of the in either shoes
of that relationship, Like I feel like, you know, most
(01:57):
people and couple ships will be like yea that us
or yep, I'm this person, or what about if you're single?
If you're single, the same thing, because it's not just
about your current relationship, it's about relationships of your past.
But like, oh, I remember what I was dating so
and so, Like that was so us or I definitely
did that or he or she definitely was was that way.
(02:17):
And then going on from there, the tools that we
we talked about and that we've learned in our experience
can be things that anyone who's single right now can
use into their next relationship. Why did you want to
write a book? I feel like I'm interviewing you, I know, right,
bring it um. You know it took me a while.
It took me a while to get comfortable with the
(02:39):
idea because of the first Originally it was yours, like
we had kind of touched on where you had a
book you were going to write and tell things primarily
from your side. It was more about your life before us,
but then obviously the majority of it was the abusive relationship.
So once uh, you know, you kind of put that
(03:01):
thought in my head and started sharing d m s
with me and people's comments about you know, how the
little things we were saying at the time could be helpful,
and it has been helpful, it can be helpful. I
slowly started to see that silver lining. And it's taken
you know, the past year of us working on this
project to to get to where we feel like the
(03:24):
book is the best it can possibly possibly be. What's
one thing in the book where you still struggle with
maybe what you wrote because we wrote every word and
we're typing like we talk, and it's, uh, there's some
things why I even call myself out in the book
where I like, I feel like a little bit writing
(03:44):
this right now. I feel like an idiot. I feel
so stupid writing what I'm writing in this moment, and
I literally say that in the book, like I feel
so embarrassed right right right now writing this, but blah
blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. What do you mean?
Just the vulnerable feelings on my feeling a moment that
that made seem so like, that felt silly even me
(04:07):
writing it about it, I was like, God, looking back
on that, that was so stupid, that was so immature,
that was so whatever. But that's how it was in
that moment. So it was just you know, I mean, like,
is there one thing where like you read and you're like,
I have to do better at that? Oh yeah, I
mean a lot of it. I mean that's the thing
(04:28):
that you know, we gotta we gotta practice what we preached,
you know, significantly more consistently. And for me, it's being
consistent with my actions, always being honest and you know,
being soft and being empathetic and not being not getting
mean when I get angry. And so yeah, there's all
(04:48):
of it I can work on. I mean, there's no
one's gonna master parts of your relationship because I mean
I can say the same thing for me to like,
I you know, I should pause more or I should
you know, I'm very quick to to be triggered and
to you know, which is why I like the Pauls
should come first. And so it's funny like when you know,
because we're still editing certain things in our book and
(05:09):
we're still having to reread it, and it's so interesting,
like we we write it because we've been taught it,
but we still don't do it perfectly. And so sometimes
I'm like, well, how could we say this if we're
not even doing it perfect and so but I that's
just what I've come to find out that it's we're
(05:30):
will never do it perfectly. We'll just we just do
it better, right, I mean, therapists have therapists even when
our therapist is like yeah, I mean you know the
wife had that saying, I'm like, wait, so you still
have those like it doesn't just stop, like so like
this will continue to be the thing. But I think
(05:52):
hearing that kind of squashed any kind of reality in
my brain that it is normal. Even when I was
walking with one of my walking crew, it's like, oh
he yels like so it's it's almost like you you
imagine it humanizes almost like your relationship to and be
(06:13):
like oh okay, like all right, and then I'm like, well,
how often does he yell so, but it's just it's interesting,
how you know, you you there's things that we are
still trying to do better and learn from. But I
think it's great that we can still which is why
I asked you that because I know for me, I
looked back and I was like, oh, yeah, I can,
(06:34):
I can do better with do better with this um
and especially since we're I don't want to say teaching it,
but especially since we're giving the gift of what we've
been given to others, you know, hopefully they can they
can use those tools too. Yeah, And I think that's
a the whole point of it. The whole point of
this book is for people to realize that they aren't
(06:57):
just like you're saying, oh they he yells too or
you you know, it's that's the whole point of this book.
It's for people to not feel alone and the things
that they go through and the fact that we talked
about obviously have talked about so much of you know,
taboo subjects like infidelity and even things like infertility and
miscarriages and all of that. It's, you know, we talk
(07:18):
about all those things and you don't want to normalize that, like, oh,
it's just another thing you have to deal with. But again,
we're trying to give a gift of not feel alone. Sure,
and again for those people that you know, because I
had a lot of people reach out to me being like, well,
I'm single, I don't really think I need it. But
there's so many things, especially the communication chapter or um
(07:39):
being part of a team, or um, you know, cleaning
your side of the street, seting your side of the street,
which is huge, and like I was like, oh, I
wish I had this book when I was single, because
there's so many things that I maybe wouldn't have repeated
patterns and relationships. I would have looked in the mirror
and stopped, you know, even when it comes to like
my parents, Like I blamed my dad for so long,
(07:59):
Like it's not my dad, that's fault that like I
continue to do these things, it's my fault, Like yeah,
I might have seen certain things, but it's not like
it's and I just I wish I had that gift.
The two of the first chapters, Cleaning your Side of
the Street and Baggage are chapters that are perfect for
people that aren't even in relationships. It's perfect. It's obviously
(08:19):
perfect for people in relationships, but it's almost even better
for people that aren't, because these are two areas that
the more you know about cleaning your start of the street,
the more you acknowledge the baggage that you bring into
a relationship, that better prepared you are to be close
to and intimate with that person. Can you imagine the
gift you would have given. I mean, I feel like,
you know, well, yeah, never mind what nothing, No, I
(08:44):
I was just gonna say, to be able to do
your work before you get into the next relationship is
such a gift for the other person. Oh yeah, and yourself. Yeah,
and yourself because then you know, you know where this
stuff comes from. You know what you're going into the
table and what you have to deal with, and so
you're you're more emotionally stable for the relationship. But it
(09:10):
takes two. Look, we're we're just so excited about this
and we just hope you'll give it a chance because
we really think they could help a lot of people. Yeah, So, um,
go to Jana and Mike dot com to preorder your
copy and I we will personalize a copy if you
(09:31):
go to the Parnassis so Jana Mike dot com and
if you want a personalized copy. UM, click on the
Parnasis tub because we are supporting our local bookstore here
and they really needed those sales, and we got a
letter from the owner. Basically we saved essentially their store.
So we're just if we soldies just to that store
(09:56):
the first we're in the first weekend, but I think, um,
we want to reach out to any other bookstore. So
if you guys have any other bookstores that you know
might need the help, we definitely want to highlight some
other stores as well, just because especially during this time,
you know, people obviously aren't going to their local bookstores
and we know how easy it is to you know,
be able to just go online. So UM, if you
(10:16):
have any local bookstores that you guys want us to
shout out and um try to get our books in
there to uh have people pre order, let us know
and just go to the wind Down podcast and d
M S. Let's take a break and then let's talk
about our guests, all right, So we have Nicole lapin
(10:43):
coming on the show later today. Super excited about her.
She's the New York best selling author of Rich Bitch
and Boss Bitch. UM super excited to talk to her.
She's got a new book out right now called Becoming Superwoman.
So I'm gonna get my notepad and pen ready because
I'm super pumped about that. Anything new in your world, Michael,
(11:04):
I've just gotten too cycling. Yes, you did, for those
of those who for those of you who do not
follow Joanna on Instagram. So I was kind of that
and I've always kind of wanted to do it because
my joints are bad from playing football and it's it
kind of helps with you know, load bearing and stress
relief on your joints. But I really dove in, haven't I?
(11:25):
You have? Yeah? I mean you different outfits, survived every
day to the door, so you're really you're really going
for it. I like it, though, I mean, I'm proud
of you that you're, you know, you found something that
you really like to do and you're you've stuck to
it and it's been, you know, something for you that
you love, and you know, we've kind of like how
my walks are for me, and we've been able to
(11:46):
be like, okay, like when are you walking, When when
are you biking, and knowing that we both need that
for our sanity during this time because we're still practicing
the stay at home. Yeah, it's been good. Yeah, absolutely,
and I feel I know, I feel better too, because
you know, you would have your walks almost every day
or your workout time, and I wasn't as diligent on
(12:08):
my workout time, and it didn't really feel like I
was getting away. It was just in the garage. So
to be able to go out for an hour or
two hours and ride, you know, are we going to
two hours? Because I mean last week the like twenty
five miles I was, you know, I'm gonna have to
up my walk time then because look, hey, I don't
think I'm gonna be working to that like sixty seventy
(12:29):
five mile range where I'm going for like five hours.
But it's I've really enjoyed it, and it's one of
those things again I said, I I've always had an
interest in doing physically, and now I'm finally I'm finally
doing it. Is there anything like for you physically that man,
rock climbing has always been something or there's something like
(12:49):
that that you're kayaking on a regular basis that you've
always been intrigued by. I mean, I remember the last
time I went rock climbing. I went with this person
and I was just like crying the entire time because
I was like, please give me down because I was
so afraid the witch and mccaule thing was going to break.
But it was. I mean, it was fun, but not really. Um.
(13:10):
I love hiking, and you know how many times I'm
I was like, I want to hike out, Let's go hiking.
And so it's that's one thing that I really miss,
like not living in Los Angeles, because I just I
love going for hikes. So do you like glorified walking
hiking or do you like when we went to BlackBerry Farms,
you know in Tennessee, and that was awesome. We were
(13:31):
like straight up hands and knees. The incline was so steep.
That was a little mind. But I like like the
you know, the Percy Warner Hike here in Nashville, and
I just I love that because just to be in nature,
and I'm such an outdoor person like I I would
love to do that more often. It's just it's just
hard because again we're you know, we don't really have
the the help for that right now. For sure, I'll
(13:53):
be interested in on what other things are out there
that people have been interested in doing physically. That's just different.
I mean, I want to do um volleyball. How many
times have I said, like, I want to do sand
volleyball more often? Like if I could do a volleyball
game like once a week, I would be the happiest
person ever. Like, I just think it's so cool. That's
some good exercise, I know, And I'm really good at it.
(14:15):
I'm so good, so of course I want to do it.
You know, only wants to do things that she's going
to be the best at. That's not true. You're so competitive. No,
I'm just competitive. I'm really not that good. Actually, I'm
like the shortest person, so I can't spike for ship. Yeah,
but your good support. I'm a good cheerleader. Um. Yeah,
how's the mental game? How are you mentally? Mentally? Huh
(14:39):
what a deep question. Um, I'm good. I'm good. Um
it's I think I'm just hitting a routine. Like we're
kind of in our routine. We're kind of you know,
days blend together, but we're doing our thing we have.
You know, we're rving up to michigandist to your family
for the fourth of July, and so we're looking forward
(15:01):
to that that's kind of like the light at the
end of the tunnel. I think right now, for me mentally,
we're in another month, We're going to be hitting the
road and just kind of getting out of dodge for
a little bit. Yeah, what about you. Yeah, I mean
I think I I go into waves like I'm bummed
that you know, we're probably not going to have I'm
just I'm bummed on the missed opportunities of this year.
Um because again, like those things don't come around as often,
(15:25):
like the movie and things like that, and you know,
just I mean financially everyone's kind of in well not everyone,
but the people that you know, our entertainers and stuff,
and you know, beyond entertainment, there's a lot of people
that are struggling right now. So I you know, we
can't complain, you know, because we we we can still
do this and other things. But I think just having
those like missed opportunities has been has just been a
(15:47):
bummer for um. And like the tour and um, you know,
all of that has been just something where it's kind
of like that stinks. And so some days I think
about it and then it kind of gets me down.
But but then I positively think, Okay, well, look how
much time because I remember in the beginning of the year,
I started to have massive anxiety. Remember I said, every
(16:09):
single weekend I'm going to be gone, whether it's a
wine down, or it's the movie or it's a show
on the road. I was going to be gone almost
every single years, every weekend except for one every month.
It's like three weekends out of every month, you're gonna
be gone. Yeah. Like, I just started to have like
anxiety about it. And then you know, me and my
(16:30):
girls had planned a trip together one of those weekends,
and I was like, I didn't remember I told you.
I was like, I'm going to cancel it because I can't.
I can't be away from the kids this much. And now,
you know, I think that was like all right, it's
like I'm taking it all away. You're complaining, I'll take
it all What's completely off subject. But again, people follow
(16:52):
you know that we like to play games. What's a
favorite game that we've played kind of during this this
break that you've just really enjoyed. I mean, Cube is
always a good one. And then I just like the
easiness and the fastness of Mencola. Yeah, it's just it's
just easy. It's just like, let's throw some like the
little pepples in some little holes. Yeah, it's like that's
(17:15):
just fun. Yeah, so it's easy, it's sinless. There's no
real thinking about it. No, it's just I like that
one that just in the middle of games. And then yeah,
Ronnie Cube's obviously one of my faiths for that. And
then I really want to play Frutigo again. Gina wants
to play Strategic Strtigo because she would my ask the
first time we played it. She never even heard of
(17:35):
the game. I used to play it as a kid
all the time with my best friend growing up, Eric,
and we played all the time. And I bring it out, like, Jenna,
you're gonna love this game. She's like, fine, I'll play
it with you. Whoops, my ass. She's like, let's play again.
We have not played since, so we need to. I
guess do that. Hey, what book are you reading right
now in your morning meditation time? How to be an
(17:55):
adult in a relationship? Really? What are you learning? Tell
me more? Um, it's right now because I started it
before I started uh and respect, love and respect. So
I've been recapping some things and a lot of it's
redundant with you know. Uh, there's he does like the
(18:18):
five a's is like accountability, acknowledge, acceptance, awareness, and I
don't remember the fifth one, but he's just talking about
all of those like within your relationship and kind of
how you know you you It's it's his way of
kind of saying owning your side, like controlling what you
(18:39):
can control. Um. So I'm I'm looking forward to diving
deeper into that book and reading new, newer stuff that
no new stuff yet, no, because I didn't. I wanted
to make sure I didn't skip anything like just really skim,
you know. So I wanted to make sure I'm still
grasping the concept of the things I've read. Anything stick out, nothing,
(18:59):
nothing right now, nothing that we haven't talked about, Nothing
that's that's really new, especially stuff that I've that we've
brought up before. So but I'll be in touch with
you all about what I'm learning and how to be
an adult in a relationship. All right, We're gonna take
one more break before we have a Nicole lapping on
and talking to her about everything she's got going. All right,
(19:30):
Jane and I are so excited to have our next guest.
She is a New York Times bestselling author of the
books Rich Bitch and Boss Bitch, and now she's on
to promote her third book, which she's gonna tell you
all about. Welcome Nicole Lapping. Hey girl, hey lady. You
know we were on the Doctors together. I don't know
if you remember. I was like a segment after you,
(19:51):
and then I was hosting Founder Made and we reconnected her.
Oh that's right, that's right, that's you know, I look
like a homeless person now, but when I no, no no same,
I've no makeup, just got out of the shower. So
this is this is the new the new look. But no, yes,
absolutely remember um? And so how Rich Bitch and Boss Bitch?
(20:12):
How when did those come out? Rich Witch was my
first book, and now we're on the fourth edition, which
is bananas because people still keep buying it. You know,
there is not a resetta stone for finance, and I
think a lot of women want to get their financial
lives together, but it's really complicated with the jargon in
the language. So that actually out six years ago. Then
(20:32):
Boss which came out after that, then Becoming Superwoman came out,
and I may be birthing more book babies. No actual
babies yet, just a lot of book babies. I like
and I know I love it. How did you get
into the whole like with rich bitch? Like, how did
you start off, like, you know, basically becoming that rich bitch?
So I grew up in an immigrant family, first generation American,
(20:55):
just use cash, had like a super broken home, needed
to start working early on, and I just needed a job,
and I wanted to be in TV news, So you
go back in the day there was like no skipping
steps on YouTube and whatever. Like. I went to small
markets in South Dakota and Kentucky and tried to work
my way up, and I got a job as a
(21:16):
business news reporter and they asked me if I knew
anything about business, and I totally on live and I
said absolutely. And I faked it till I made it.
And I realized that money is just language like anything else.
And if you go to China you don't seech Chinese,
you'll be super confused. And if you go to wall Stream,
you don't speak the language with money, you'll be super confused.
But once I figured it out, and I'm the least
(21:38):
likely person to do it, like I didn't want to
do anything with money. Guys, my boyfriend in high school
said he wanted to be a hedge fund manager. I
thought you wanted to be gardening. So like, I'm extremely
I was extremely clueless. I love it. And then now
your book Becoming Superwoman, So what's it says is it's
simple twelve step planned to go from burnout to balance.
(21:59):
So tell me, like, tell me all of that, Like
how how did you get to the book? Like? How
do I become a superwoman? What do I have to do? Do?
I write an S on my chest like what? What?
What telled me? All the ways? I am here for that?
And by the way, you already are a superwoman and
a total boss this um So I ended up getting
to network news way earlier than I expected as an
(22:21):
a gru on CNN and then CNBC and Bloomberg, and
I worked and self prescribed, not drugs or alcohol, but
work to hide from that really traumatic upbringing I had.
And I ultimately, you know, worked and work some more
and it kicks my butt. And I had a mental emotional,
physical breakdown that stemmed from severe burnout and an emergency
(22:42):
itatements to the hospital that made me rethink everything and
how I was working, And at that moment, I realized
I was trying to be Superwoman, the character with a
one word version who tries to do it all and
be it all and be all things to all people,
so ultimately she's nothing to herself. And I wanted to
just be a super space woman, a woman who puts
or oxygen mask on first before helping others. So how
(23:03):
do you do it? Though? Like tell me, like what,
like what's the first step in in in doing that
and finding that balance? Because I feel like right now
this book is an amazing time for COVID because I
feel like a lot of us feel burnt you know,
we feel that burntout feeling, and I feel like this
is coming at the best time to almost reinvent yourself
(23:25):
through all the burnout totally. And the first step is
always admitting you have a problem. All my books are
twelve step plans because that is the first step, you know.
I did the lads of study ever done on women
and burnout, and I found that women are reaching burnout
and breakdown levels in the eighty and ninety ranges, but
only half of us think that that's the problem. So
there's a huge difference between actually swimming and just not drowning.
(23:49):
And so we're saying like, oh, it's overwhelming, but it's cool,
nothing to see. We just can keep going. And that's
where the issue lies. And I think now when we're
trying to figure out this new noise normal and boundaries
and balanced here you know, as you guys know, the
whole day can be really chaotic, but your morning and
evening routines are what you can control. So you know,
(24:10):
if you start your day off with gratitude and not
going down email fire fighting rabbit hole, it changes the
course of your day. Um. Studies have shown that, you know,
gratitude helps us actually look for more of that throughout
the day. And then at the end of the day.
I used to think, like, how am I never able
to sleep well? Hello, Captain obvious? Maybe it was because
(24:31):
I shined a bright light of my phone in front
of my eyeball, um until I fell asleep. So I
think that those are what we can control. Like, we
can't control the global economy it's bad, um, but we
can control ourselves and our own economy is that's all
we can control. And any relationship, by the way, you're
only responsible you can only control of that fifty when
that's you. So your book so it focuses on on
(24:54):
life balance, but also financial balance as well. Absolutely, And
I think the trick is to figure out what the
definition of balances because a bunch of ladies in particular
will say like, I'm lost balance or I'm most budget.
I'm like, bro, did you even have a budget? You
even have a definition of balance? Or are you just
comparing yourselves to other ladies on Instagram who are baking
(25:16):
banana bread and feeling bad about yourself? But like, is
that's not on your definition of balance, then like, then
don't feel bad about yourself. That's maybe that ladies definitions.
But first I think it's important to figure out what
that looks like to you and stop changing the bar
because for so long in my career I felt like
I would be happy or I would be balanced when
I got there a certain job or a certain salary,
(25:38):
And then I got there and there was almost immediately
another there there, and so we keep changing the old
posts on ourselves. I do have a question too about
kind of the times right now. Is there a financial
mistake that people might be making right now? During COVID times?
A lot, and I am I've never worked so hard. Actually,
it's like a financial new super Bowl right now because
(26:01):
women in particular care because we're reactive in that nature.
It's hard to get you to care about finances proactively,
but now everybody has to. And so you know, pulling
out of the market, for instance, whether it's with your
retirement fund or your investments, is all emotional, right, And
there's two adages on wall streets that are true. Everything
else is subjective. One of them is by low sell high.
(26:24):
So right now things are more towards the low than
the high. Stuff is on sale. So instead of pulling out,
I think the biggest mistake, um is not actually putting
more in if you can. So, so to put more
in is is the right thing to do if you
have a long term investment horizon, so if you're not
retiring in the next five or ten years, and if
(26:45):
you're not putting all your money in there and your
dollar cost averaging, which is fancy terminology for just putting
in a little bits at a time to hedge for
all the fluctuations. And it is a great time, and
great fortunes have been made during tough economic times. Recessions
and depressions and economic downturn. With that said, though, too,
what about refinancing your house? So if you can refinance,
(27:06):
this would be an awesome time to do it. Are
you guys thinking about that? Well, I mean we got that,
we got a great rate, but I know that we
could actually even get lower now. Um. So I was
just wondering if that's something where it would only be
like a point something off, It wouldn't be an actual
whole number down. So is that is that worth it
or no? Girl? Absolutely a point something. I don't say,
(27:28):
I know nothing about like the you know, Michael's the
you know he's he's the thirty year fixed and I'm like,
let's do five. And because because I'm always looking at
the lower number, like of you know, the mortgage, and
I'm I'm not as much. Um, so, okay, that's interesting.
I'll have to call. Oftentimes we end up spending double
(27:50):
the amount we paid for our house just in interest.
So if you can point something per sentially, if you
can have a calculator, girl, that is going to turn
out to be a lot of money. And by the
some folks are refinancing lower because back in the day,
like our parents would think you know, six percent is
an awesome mortgage. Now that sounds really high, and even
if you spend more on your monthly payments, but you
(28:12):
shorten the term, that could really be great in the
long run. Never been this blow even if it's like
a point to difference. Girl like like, I like, I
know nothing. So that's why I'm like, because I would think, like, Okay,
let's say if a mortgage rate was four six and
you can get it for three six, Like that's different
to me, Like that's because that's a one percent difference.
(28:34):
But I didn't know if like a point something would
make a difference. If it's like ask a question if
I was like, hey, can I give you a hundred
dollars or a thousand dollars and you're like, I'm not
gonna take the hundred dollars because not a thousand dollars? Okay,
point maybe okay, got it. I'm gonna we're going to
call the business manager as soon as we're all alright.
Speaking of money and everything, you have this money school
(28:55):
challenge they're talking about. Tell us about that in our
listeners as well. These are challenging times, of course, and
you know we have so many questions about how to
save money. I had to budget money, how to make money,
and so I put together my money master class, which
is called the Money School. I was so tired for
years and years and years saying like, why don't we
learn that stuff in school? We learned such ads, stuff
(29:16):
like as you guys know and you probably homeschool, Like,
so why do we need to know geometry and the
Pythagrean theorem. Why don't we learn how to do the
budget or taxes or business plan like that would be
really more valuable, or figure out how to refinance. And
so I was saying that so much that I was like, Okay,
well I might as well just make that I'll just
do it. And so I created twelve video modules and
(29:36):
worksheets and quizzes, and then I put all of my
templates and everything together in a bundle. So if people
do want to get their financial life together and focus
on financial literacy, you know, we complain a lot about money,
but actually ask yourself, how long have you actually done
something about it? Like take the same amount of time
that you would have used to plan a vacation or
(29:58):
buy boots, and just like read some financial book or
it doesn't even have to be mine or take a
class and actually educate yourself about it. Because we can't
hear our heads in the stand. We can't assume that
a man is a financial plan Like I cannot stand
when I hear that, or I used to hear that
at events across the country. Um, you know, I think
we didn't learn it in school. We may have had
(30:18):
a terrible upbringing. Okay, so we didn't learn it. That's
no excuse now, like forgive your former self for what
she didn't know, but to say, like it's not a
pain moving forward. I got to get my big girl
andyvon and handle it. I think that's so true because
I didn't. I mean, this is you're gonna like probably like,
oh my gosh, But I didn't start. Actually, I didn't
have a I didn't put any money into a portfolio
(30:39):
until probably just a few years ago because I didn't know,
and like I was so worried about the number and
the account and my business manager, you know, he was like,
you have to start putting money into some kind of
like so you your money can make something for you.
But I was so fearful because of the industry that
you know, I've I've been in there. I'm like, I
don't know if I'm ever going to make money again,
(31:01):
and what if that money goes away, I'm screwed, Like
I won't have anything. But all that time that I
could have had it in something growing, it just it's
it's slowly been just annoying me to be like, like,
why did it? Why wasn't I smarter with my money?
Why wasn't I Why didn't I take more risks? And
why didn't I almost bet on myself because I for
all those years, my entire twenties into my early thirties,
(31:24):
I didn't bet on myself. I just I bet on uncertainty,
and I bet on you know, things not working out,
and I bet on you know, going in the right again.
Because for the the pretty much my entire twenties, my
bank account would go from red to normal, from red
to normal, from red to normal until really my late
twenties was when I started to actually make some kind
(31:45):
of money. And it's just I get frustrated that I
never put anything away because I just started my retirement
and I'm thirty six years old. Um so I do
get a little why are you laughing at me? But yeah,
so I'm like, I just wish I would have I
would have been smarter. But it's it's hard to bet
on yourself, I guess. But it's the would as should have,
(32:08):
could haves. And we you know, we're never as young
as we are today, right, And it's you know, it's
it's never too late to start, truly, and the earlier
you do, you get to reach the benefits of compounding interest,
which you know we have seen probably used against us
with credit card debt and how quickly that snowball's out
of control. Like, imagine what that can do when it's
(32:28):
in your favor and it's compounding. So your money is
making money, and the goal could be to have your
money make you so much interest that you don't have
to work. If you want to work, God's get on
with your bad self. But like you don't have to
or you're not stuck in a relationship that's abusive or
bad because you can't make your own money. Like truly,
money is freedom. It's freedom to make the choices you
(32:50):
want to make work because you love it, stay with
somebody you love, and don't have money be a factor
in musation. I love that is there when you kind
of look at you know someone situation and what what's
like the top three things that you're like, it's you're
just wasting your money. Is there anything where you can say,
like just get rid of this or get rid of that,
or something where you can stop buying this? Is that
(33:13):
in the equation or is it just solely like putting
buying stocks and things like that. So I don't advocate
any sort of deprivation. I think a financial diet is
a lot like a regular diet. You know, if you
allow yourself small indulgences, you won't end up thinching later on.
So I don't know about you, but abla lot a
lot of crazy craft diets in my life, Like we're
dup cleanses and grapefruit cleanses and whatever. And I was
(33:37):
starving and I ended up in the middle of the the
night naching on a big, a hunkle chocolate case because
Mama was so hungry and so deprived. Like the same
thing goes for a financial diet if you don't allow
yourself a latte. Like I argue against all the financial
folks who are like, don't biology, I'm like, no, you
need to buy something that makes you happy. That's why
we're working and living life anyway. You can't be in
(33:58):
like doom and gloom, death destruction, you know, clipping cupon
and have this deprivation mentality. Because when people say I
cut out the morning, latta, you would be so proud
of me for my New Year's resolution. Come like April
or May they say, Hey, I've got a Gucci perse
because I was so good. I'm like, God, if you
just bought that lay every single day and made yourself
(34:18):
happy when me that Gucci, I think absolutely, allow yourself
for the extras, but just have them being no more
than about fifteen percent in normal times of your overall stending.
I love that. And then what do you tell people
that have financial anxiety? So I have, like I deal
with a lot of financial anxiety and fears about you know, money,
(34:39):
and and it's is there something like to to help
ease anything like that or is it is that just
is that normal? It's totally normal. I have financial anxiety too.
I mean I know a lot, I don't know everything,
and it's so understandable. Money is the root of every
I think conflict if you really get down to it,
(35:00):
it's more the humanity is part that's most anxiety provoking,
the mass part like a fifth grader can do. It's
the idea of talking to your significant other about money.
It's the idea of the prenup. It's the idea of
getting your friend to pay you back. It's all the
emotional stuff that gets in the way. And I would say,
you know, the biggest enemy is often between our ears,
and sometimes we suffer more in imagination than in reality.
(35:23):
So like you don't open up your credit score or
you don't open up your taxes because you're just like
in denial. It's like you want to lose weight, if
you don't step on the scale or you don't know
the calories, then it's cool because you're just in this
denial mode so it doesn't actually feel real. But once
you do it, you know, once you rip off that
band aid, then I think you see that it's actually
not as complicated and not as very as you made
(35:44):
it out to be in your head. I like it. Yeah,
great question. Well, I just I just feel like, because
that's kind of what to what you said, Nicole, Like
I in the very beginning, I didn't want to want
my business manager called. I would decline the call because
I was so nervous of him saying like okay, because
I had this awful manager in the beginning of my
career and she sued me and she just I mean,
(36:04):
she's just she was awful, and so I always it
was just so much like financial stress at that time,
and so I just never wanted to talk to him.
I didn't want to see the money. I just I
just was always so fearful because I just knew it
was like I was, I was afraid it was going
to go away. And now it's like now I'm so
almost controlling to a fault because I'm so afraid to
lose it. And now I'm like, okay, like you know,
(36:26):
we've lost a lot of money this year with COVID,
like everyone else has, and like how are we going
to keep it? And okay, we gotta cut down here,
and we gotta cut down there, and we were for
allowing this person and like so it's just like now
I'm just trying to like navigate how to like not
let it completely control my mood throughout the day. So
I appreciate you sharing that. Yeah, it's understandable. I think
you know, we talked about everything before. We talk about money.
(36:49):
I mean, you guys have talked about this on the
show like sexty times, the Keening, watch this, fertility, like
all the things, and then all of a sudden, when
we used to see human beings in real life, I
would say to my girlfriends over dinner, like, hey, how
much are you making this year? Or how much is
in your bank account? And it would be cricket. I'm like, girl,
you just told me about your landing strip and you're
not telling me about looking your bank account. Like we have.
(37:11):
We have to reprogram ourselves around that, because I was like,
I'm starting to help you. If we don't talk about it,
we're not going to get ahead. It's like trying to
price your health without knowing the camp of the area.
So I always go first. I'm like, I'll show you
mine if you show me yours. See, I don't know
if I could do that. That gives an anxiety because
then I would almost be like I'd almost maybe get jealous,
like you're skinnier than me or so That's that's interesting though,
(37:33):
because even just the other day I was asking somebody
I don't remember who it was, but you know how
you phrase those questions. I was like, Hey, if you
don't mind me asking like how much did you pay
you to have this done? Just because I was curious
for my own I get reasoning, but but still it's
like it's such a personal thing, like like to Nicole's point,
you talk, you know, and with this person I was with,
I've talked about way more deeper things than than you know,
(37:54):
how much this one job cost that he had done
or something. But it is interesting, That's true. It did.
I was talking to Sean about something and I said,
and it took me a minute to ask her, like
how much did you make on that? Because you can
just see, you know, and it's it's it is that
it's uncomfortable and they're like our best friends. It's interesting. Yeah,
(38:15):
I don't have a problem telling people. Guys have less
of a problem, see I I don't. I guess it
does make me uncomfortable. If someone asked me, like, if
someone just at me flat out, how much did you
guys pay for this, I'll oh that I don't care.
But I do parent price. I do. I do give
a parent price. I'm like, it's like a couple hundred dollars,
and my friends like it's a thousand dollars and I'm like, oh,
(38:37):
but I don't. But here's my thing. I don't buy
anything I don't like to buy. I'm very, very like um, frugal,
but I like to buy things for other people. So
that's where I spend my money, Like because I have
to force her to do something for yourself to your
point in qual like for the latte for Jana's she
andrew coffee, but for whatever her quote unquote latte is is.
(39:00):
I'm like, honey, you work so hard, like do this
it's not a lot, Like it's okay. And she'll come
to me because we don't we have a budget that
we have agreed upon if it's anything over this amount,
we talk about and it'll be something under that amount,
and she'll come be like and ask me like she's
a little kid. I'm like, first of all, you're like
the breadwinner in this family. I was like, you don't
(39:22):
really need to, you know, ask me too much, but
I appreciate the respect and when you do come to
me and to discuss it, like you don't have to
ask like that, Like I never care, you know, I
don't know what is that? What? Why why do guys
care less to the all, No, I think, you know,
it's obviously fraught with so many other emotions. And I
(39:45):
think to your point that you might feel bad if
somebody's like skinny or rich or whatever like that on you,
I have to say, like, you have to do some
work and say is my worth tied to money? Is
it not? And so you know you can you can
only control how your reaction is. And so I like
to talk about it transparently because I think that's the
(40:05):
way we can help each other and negotiate. It's the
way we can help each other with best practices. And
I go for so in all my books, I talk
about what I made at CNN what I meant you
see what I made for my book Advances, because I'm like,
this is going to read this is like what does
this film make for this? And so I just put
it in there because I think it's important. And I
had to put my money literally where my mouth was. Well, yeah,
(40:27):
I respect that. Yeah, I respect that because not a
lot of people do that. Um So to find out more,
go to the Money School challenge dot com and then
also get her book it's out right now. Becoming Superwoman
a simple twelve step planned to go from burnout to balance. Nicole,
thank you so much, UM for coming on. Really appreciate it.
And I'm going to check out the money challenge because
(40:48):
that sounds very interesting. I need to be more knowledgeable
about my points literally to Alright. Okay, thank you he guy.
(41:13):
All Right, So Nicole was awesome, super excited. I have
an S on my chest. I'm about to be superwoman. UM.
Email Stephanie. I suffered a miscarriage in December two thou nineteen.
My husband and I was we're trying for our second child.
I have a beautiful son who was a year and
a half um, and I honestly didn't think having a
miscarriage was going to happen to me. I lost the
(41:35):
baby around ten weeks and I had um never felt
more sad, her and angry than I did during that time.
Push forward to today, I am currently twenty two weeks
pregnant with our second child, a baby girl. She's my
rainbow baby. I love her so much, but honestly, I'm
still terrified. I feel myself trying to not get too
excited about her because the chance of losing her would
(41:56):
completely destroy me. I know Janna and Mike experienced several
miscarriages before baby, and I guess I want to know
how you let yourself enjoy the pregnancy that gave you
a baby. I want to grow this little girl with
all my love, and I'm afraid, Um, I'm afraid my
fear of losing her is keeping me from doing that. Um. Stephanie,
I'm sorry you suffered a miscarriage. I you know, we
(42:18):
we both know how that feels. Um, I'm so excited
for you that you have your rainbow baby on the way.
I honestly wish I could give positive but that when
I was pregnant with Jason, like every single time this
is a little like Team I, but every single time
(42:38):
I wiped, I was like, there's going to be blood.
Like I was always fearful of wiping and seeing blood.
And that's just the reality of like having so many miscarriages.
Of like, it's not it's can of course, it's it's
like I'm going to lose it. Of course, even even
when I was in my you know, twenty something weeks,
(42:58):
I still was just like when I got to thirty,
I think it was like No. Seven or twenty eight
where they say that the baby has a chance of
living and that's when I stopped being so crazy. Um,
but no, I mean every single time I wiped, I
looked to see if there was blood. And I don't
know if that's like I don't want to project that
(43:20):
on Stephanie, Like I want to say, don't worry about it,
like it's gonna be great, but like I can't really
say that because that wasn't that wasn't reality for us.
And I remember with Chase, how often you would you know,
kind of think out loud to me, uh and say, okay,
it's you know, so and so weeks they say they
(43:42):
can still survive like outside the womb, and it was
like a countdown in your head for every like milestone. Um,
you know. So I do remember that, and it's it's
hard not to it's it's easier for it's not easier.
It's simpler for men because it's not our body, right,
so it's not unconscious thing every single day, every month,
moment like y'all. So with that, I empathize for women,
(44:04):
but you know it is it still involves both of
you and for the husband, it's just our job too,
not like I try to do a good job with Jace.
From what I remember of not diminishing you saying that,
you know what I mean, Like I wasn't trying to
take that away from you and just say, baby, you
can't do anything about that, don't worry about it. Like
just you know, I don't want to minimize your feeling
(44:27):
around it at all. I just try to be understanding
and supportive of it the best that I could be.
And so I think it's to your point. I mean,
that's natural for anyone, for any you know, a couple,
ship or um or woman that's kind of gone through
that that's going to be normal. Yeah, And I mean
I would just say this is the worst advice, but
(44:49):
like you're so close to that one moment where they
can be possibly living out of the womb, so um,
just know that like a twenty two weeks, the chances
are so so, so so small. But again, I I,
I can't really be like, just be positive and be
happy because you're a mom and we are going to
worry for the rest of our lives. That's just the
(45:11):
reality for sure. All Right, don't want to read this
one from Shannon because I want to hear your response
is awesome, baby boy. On the way, I'm expecting. I'm
expecting our first child. Yeah, I'm expecting our first child.
I knew deep down from the second we found out
that we were pregnant he was a boy. And sure
(45:31):
enough our ultrasound confirmed it. I always and sure enough
our ultrasound confirmed it. I always saw myself having a
little girl mini me with lots of feute outfits, Bose,
playing with barbies, etcetera. I'm curious, now that you have Jace,
what is the mother's son bond like and what it's
and what is it like to be a boy mom.
It's the best, It's the best. I truly did not
(45:55):
want a boy. I mean I wanted whatever we could have,
you know, obviously because of the miscarriage is and stuff like.
I was so grateful, But I imagine two girls and
then yeah, I just I I never saw myself as
a boy mom. I didn't know. I mean, we had
Jolie first, so um, it was just one of those
(46:15):
things where I didn't really know kind of what to expect. Um.
It's I remember that when we had Jason. It was
weird because it was just you know, second time around.
I was like, oh my gosh, Like I felt different
when I had him the luve, it just was a
different kind of love. And so then I started comparing
it and like, well, do what did I did I love?
(46:36):
Do I love him as much as I love Jolie
When I had Jolie, And it was just it kind
of like played with me a little bit there emotionally.
But the love that I have for Ja'son is so
different than the love that I have for Jolie. And
it's hard to explain, but just he's he's just like
he's my man, Like he's my little boy. Like I
just like I'm so obsessed with him, and I just
(46:59):
can't wait to teach him how to treat a lady
and and and be respectful and and you know, I
can't wait to teach him how to you know, skate
and play hockey or whatever he wants to do. Like
I just I can't wait to like throw a ball
with him. And he's just he's so much fun and
that bond, Like his cuddles are just something beyond my
(47:22):
daughter's cuddles. Like you know, when Jolie cuddles with me,
it's it's sweet, but like Ja'son really cuddles with me,
like he's just like he melts in my arms. And
it's probably just because the age. But Jolie never did that,
like she'll cuddle, but she Julie never sat there like Jason, truly,
even when she was his age. She would just kind
(47:43):
of get up and keep moving. Jason will sit there
like lay on. I just I mean, I dore both
my kids. But the bond with this son, all my
friends said that, every single one of my girlfriends said
the mother son bond is something like unlike anything else,
and it's so true. I love it. All right, let's
(48:04):
do this last one right here from Lisa c section.
I've been dealing with the emotional effects and I've been
dealing with the emotional after effects of a C section
for a while. Now my daughter is five months old.
I keep thinking what if or maybe I could have
done something different to have a vaginal birth. I also
feel like the physical part of it is tough too.
I was always into fitness, but now I feel like
(48:26):
I have extra weight or the bubble above this car
to get rid of. I know Jason was a C section.
Did you feel this way at all? How did you
get through it? And how do you lose the extra
bubble above this car bubble and going nowhere. Um showed
Mike it the other day when I was wearing a
bathing suit. I said, oh my god. I was like, Babe,
do you see this? And I was like, look at
(48:47):
this really big dip right here and then the bubble
above it. And he was like okay, and I was like, really,
I can't even tell. But I was like, I'm so
self conscious of it, but at the same time, I'm
not because I'm like, it's my mom's car, like it's
it's what makes me mom. I embrace the saggyear belly,
and you know, my my trainer always says stop drinking
(49:09):
wine and your drink work stuff, and I say, I'm
good with the belly. Then I'm great. I don't care,
Like I've always kind of had a little bellies since
high school, like this just the bottom part. But I'm
just saying, like it's I'm just I'm not. I've never
had a natural flat stomach. Ever when I'm laying down,
I do, but like, never naturally flat. And now that
(49:29):
I'm my mom, it's obviously stretched a little bit. And
I embrace highwaisted stuff and I'm fine with it. I
don't care enough to quit drinking and stop eating pizza
and cookies like I don't, I don't care enough. And honestly,
it's like I'm embracing the mom bod. So I just say,
Lisa embraced the mom bod and then vaginal verse C section.
(49:53):
I mean, sure what I've loved to have tried, yes,
but we're not peeing ourselves when we jump up and down.
So like, well, you did try, but Jolie had to
be taken out and so that kind of set the
stage for the next one. Yeah, and for the next one,
I was like, well, maybe I'll try v back and
I'm like, I've already got the scar let's just go
for it. Um but no, I mean I think it
God's that was God's plan, God's way, Baby's way, and
(50:16):
you can't, um second second guess that. But anyhow, I
love you guys, d MS on the wind Down podcast.
If you have any questions, and um, don't forget to
go to Janna and Mike dot com to pre order
The Good Fight. Tell your friends, tell your cousins, tell
your parents, and tell everybody. See you all next week.
Wind down and you're getting better and better at that.
You're just taking my role. There. I love it. So
here we are again, and we're going to start pretty
much every episode by plugging our own book because because
why not. Well, I'll say this. I was talking to
(00:24):
Bobby Bones the other day and it was so cool
because he acknowledged during the interview that pre orders are
so important for especially first time authors like us because
in order to make the you know, the New York
best time selling lists like it's um, they take into
account um the pre orders. But it's only that first week,
(00:47):
so you know, it's just so important to have people
pre order it. Um. That way we have a chance
at it maybe you know. Yeah, I mean so from
now until the time it's physically on aile is really
the most crucial time. Why buy it? Why buy it?
Great question, honey, UM buy it because it's funny and
(01:10):
it's real and it's You're gonna read things about us
that you haven't heard on this podcast, which is surprising.
But let's give him something. You're gonna hear. We talked
about this when we first introduced it last week, but
you're gonna hear you know, each chapter us starting off
with a story from our relationship of some kind of conflict,
(01:35):
some heavier than others, some super surface level and silly,
but some kind of conflict where we're almost positive that
majority of you out there that do read it will
kind of nod your head and be like, I've been there,
you know, in one end of the in either shoes
of that relationship, Like I feel like, you know, most
(01:57):
people and couple ships will be like yea that us
or yep, I'm this person, or what about if you're single?
If you're single, the same thing, because it's not just
about your current relationship, it's about relationships of your past.
But like, oh, I remember what I was dating so
and so, Like that was so us or I definitely
did that or he or she definitely was was that way.
(02:17):
And then going on from there, the tools that we
we talked about and that we've learned in our experience
can be things that anyone who's single right now can
use into their next relationship. Why did you want to
write a book? I feel like I'm interviewing you, I know, right,
bring it um. You know it took me a while.
It took me a while to get comfortable with the
(02:39):
idea because of the first Originally it was yours, like
we had kind of touched on where you had a
book you were going to write and tell things primarily
from your side. It was more about your life before us,
but then obviously the majority of it was the abusive relationship.
So once uh, you know, you kind of put that
(03:01):
thought in my head and started sharing d m s
with me and people's comments about you know, how the
little things we were saying at the time could be helpful,
and it has been helpful, it can be helpful. I
slowly started to see that silver lining. And it's taken
you know, the past year of us working on this
project to to get to where we feel like the
(03:24):
book is the best it can possibly possibly be. What's
one thing in the book where you still struggle with
maybe what you wrote because we wrote every word and
we're typing like we talk, and it's, uh, there's some
things why I even call myself out in the book
where I like, I feel like a little bit writing
(03:44):
this right now. I feel like an idiot. I feel
so stupid writing what I'm writing in this moment, and
I literally say that in the book, like I feel
so embarrassed right right right now writing this, but blah
blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. What do you mean?
Just the vulnerable feelings on my feeling a moment that
that made seem so like, that felt silly even me
(04:07):
writing it about it, I was like, God, looking back
on that, that was so stupid, that was so immature,
that was so whatever. But that's how it was in
that moment. So it was just you know, I mean, like,
is there one thing where like you read and you're like,
I have to do better at that? Oh yeah, I
mean a lot of it. I mean that's the thing
(04:28):
that you know, we gotta we gotta practice what we preached,
you know, significantly more consistently. And for me, it's being
consistent with my actions, always being honest and you know,
being soft and being empathetic and not being not getting
mean when I get angry. And so yeah, there's all
(04:48):
of it I can work on. I mean, there's no
one's gonna master parts of your relationship because I mean
I can say the same thing for me to like,
I you know, I should pause more or I should
you know, I'm very quick to to be triggered and
to you know, which is why I like the Pauls
should come first. And so it's funny like when you know,
because we're still editing certain things in our book and
(05:09):
we're still having to reread it, and it's so interesting,
like we we write it because we've been taught it,
but we still don't do it perfectly. And so sometimes
I'm like, well, how could we say this if we're
not even doing it perfect and so but I that's
just what I've come to find out that it's we're
(05:30):
will never do it perfectly. We'll just we just do
it better, right, I mean, therapists have therapists even when
our therapist is like yeah, I mean you know the
wife had that saying, I'm like, wait, so you still
have those like it doesn't just stop, like so like
this will continue to be the thing. But I think
(05:52):
hearing that kind of squashed any kind of reality in
my brain that it is normal. Even when I was
walking with one of my walking crew, it's like, oh
he yels like so it's it's almost like you you
imagine it humanizes almost like your relationship to and be
(06:13):
like oh okay, like all right, and then I'm like, well,
how often does he yell so, but it's just it's interesting,
how you know, you you there's things that we are
still trying to do better and learn from. But I
think it's great that we can still which is why
I asked you that because I know for me, I
looked back and I was like, oh, yeah, I can,
(06:34):
I can do better with do better with this um
and especially since we're I don't want to say teaching it,
but especially since we're giving the gift of what we've
been given to others, you know, hopefully they can they
can use those tools too. Yeah, And I think that's
a the whole point of it. The whole point of
this book is for people to realize that they aren't
(06:57):
just like you're saying, oh they he yells too or
you you know, it's that's the whole point of this book.
It's for people to not feel alone and the things
that they go through and the fact that we talked
about obviously have talked about so much of you know,
taboo subjects like infidelity and even things like infertility and
miscarriages and all of that. It's, you know, we talk
(07:18):
about all those things and you don't want to normalize that, like, oh,
it's just another thing you have to deal with. But again,
we're trying to give a gift of not feel alone. Sure,
and again for those people that you know, because I
had a lot of people reach out to me being like, well,
I'm single, I don't really think I need it. But
there's so many things, especially the communication chapter or um
(07:39):
being part of a team, or um, you know, cleaning
your side of the street, seting your side of the street,
which is huge, and like I was like, oh, I
wish I had this book when I was single, because
there's so many things that I maybe wouldn't have repeated
patterns and relationships. I would have looked in the mirror
and stopped, you know, even when it comes to like
my parents, Like I blamed my dad for so long,
(07:59):
Like it's not my dad, that's fault that like I
continue to do these things, it's my fault, Like yeah,
I might have seen certain things, but it's not like
it's and I just I wish I had that gift.
The two of the first chapters, Cleaning your Side of
the Street and Baggage are chapters that are perfect for
people that aren't even in relationships. It's perfect. It's obviously
(08:19):
perfect for people in relationships, but it's almost even better
for people that aren't, because these are two areas that
the more you know about cleaning your start of the street,
the more you acknowledge the baggage that you bring into
a relationship, that better prepared you are to be close
to and intimate with that person. Can you imagine the
gift you would have given. I mean, I feel like,
you know, well, yeah, never mind what nothing, No, I
(08:44):
I was just gonna say, to be able to do
your work before you get into the next relationship is
such a gift for the other person. Oh yeah, and yourself. Yeah,
and yourself because then you know, you know where this
stuff comes from. You know what you're going into the
table and what you have to deal with, and so
you're you're more emotionally stable for the relationship. But it
(09:10):
takes two. Look, we're we're just so excited about this
and we just hope you'll give it a chance because
we really think they could help a lot of people. Yeah, So, um,
go to Jana and Mike dot com to preorder your
copy and I we will personalize a copy if you
(09:31):
go to the Parnassis so Jana Mike dot com and
if you want a personalized copy. UM, click on the
Parnasis tub because we are supporting our local bookstore here
and they really needed those sales, and we got a
letter from the owner. Basically we saved essentially their store.
So we're just if we soldies just to that store
(09:56):
the first we're in the first weekend, but I think, um,
we want to reach out to any other bookstore. So
if you guys have any other bookstores that you know
might need the help, we definitely want to highlight some
other stores as well, just because especially during this time,
you know, people obviously aren't going to their local bookstores
and we know how easy it is to you know,
be able to just go online. So UM, if you
(10:16):
have any local bookstores that you guys want us to
shout out and um try to get our books in
there to uh have people pre order, let us know
and just go to the wind Down podcast and d
M S. Let's take a break and then let's talk
about our guests, all right, So we have Nicole lapin
(10:43):
coming on the show later today. Super excited about her.
She's the New York best selling author of Rich Bitch
and Boss Bitch. UM super excited to talk to her.
She's got a new book out right now called Becoming Superwoman.
So I'm gonna get my notepad and pen ready because
I'm super pumped about that. Anything new in your world, Michael,
(11:04):
I've just gotten too cycling. Yes, you did, for those
of those who for those of you who do not
follow Joanna on Instagram. So I was kind of that
and I've always kind of wanted to do it because
my joints are bad from playing football and it's it
kind of helps with you know, load bearing and stress
relief on your joints. But I really dove in, haven't I?
(11:25):
You have? Yeah? I mean you different outfits, survived every
day to the door, so you're really you're really going
for it. I like it, though, I mean, I'm proud
of you that you're, you know, you found something that
you really like to do and you're you've stuck to
it and it's been, you know, something for you that
you love, and you know, we've kind of like how
my walks are for me, and we've been able to
(11:46):
be like, okay, like when are you walking, When when
are you biking, and knowing that we both need that
for our sanity during this time because we're still practicing
the stay at home. Yeah, it's been good. Yeah, absolutely,
and I feel I know, I feel better too, because
you know, you would have your walks almost every day
or your workout time, and I wasn't as diligent on
(12:08):
my workout time, and it didn't really feel like I
was getting away. It was just in the garage. So
to be able to go out for an hour or
two hours and ride, you know, are we going to
two hours? Because I mean last week the like twenty
five miles I was, you know, I'm gonna have to
up my walk time then because look, hey, I don't
think I'm gonna be working to that like sixty seventy
(12:29):
five mile range where I'm going for like five hours.
But it's I've really enjoyed it, and it's one of
those things again I said, I I've always had an
interest in doing physically, and now I'm finally I'm finally
doing it. Is there anything like for you physically that man,
rock climbing has always been something or there's something like
(12:49):
that that you're kayaking on a regular basis that you've
always been intrigued by. I mean, I remember the last
time I went rock climbing. I went with this person
and I was just like crying the entire time because
I was like, please give me down because I was
so afraid the witch and mccaule thing was going to break.
But it was. I mean, it was fun, but not really. Um.
(13:10):
I love hiking, and you know how many times I'm
I was like, I want to hike out, Let's go hiking.
And so it's that's one thing that I really miss,
like not living in Los Angeles, because I just I
love going for hikes. So do you like glorified walking
hiking or do you like when we went to BlackBerry Farms,
you know in Tennessee, and that was awesome. We were
(13:31):
like straight up hands and knees. The incline was so steep.
That was a little mind. But I like like the
you know, the Percy Warner Hike here in Nashville, and
I just I love that because just to be in nature,
and I'm such an outdoor person like I I would
love to do that more often. It's just it's just
hard because again we're you know, we don't really have
the the help for that right now. For sure, I'll
(13:53):
be interested in on what other things are out there
that people have been interested in doing physically. That's just different.
I mean, I want to do um volleyball. How many
times have I said, like, I want to do sand
volleyball more often? Like if I could do a volleyball
game like once a week, I would be the happiest
person ever. Like, I just think it's so cool. That's
some good exercise, I know, And I'm really good at it.
(14:15):
I'm so good, so of course I want to do it.
You know, only wants to do things that she's going
to be the best at. That's not true. You're so competitive. No,
I'm just competitive. I'm really not that good. Actually, I'm
like the shortest person, so I can't spike for ship. Yeah,
but your good support. I'm a good cheerleader. Um. Yeah,
how's the mental game? How are you mentally? Mentally? Huh
(14:39):
what a deep question. Um, I'm good. I'm good. Um
it's I think I'm just hitting a routine. Like we're
kind of in our routine. We're kind of you know,
days blend together, but we're doing our thing we have.
You know, we're rving up to michigandist to your family
for the fourth of July, and so we're looking forward
(15:01):
to that that's kind of like the light at the
end of the tunnel. I think right now, for me mentally,
we're in another month, We're going to be hitting the
road and just kind of getting out of dodge for
a little bit. Yeah, what about you. Yeah, I mean
I think I I go into waves like I'm bummed
that you know, we're probably not going to have I'm
just I'm bummed on the missed opportunities of this year.
Um because again, like those things don't come around as often,
(15:25):
like the movie and things like that, and you know,
just I mean financially everyone's kind of in well not everyone,
but the people that you know, our entertainers and stuff,
and you know, beyond entertainment, there's a lot of people
that are struggling right now. So I you know, we
can't complain, you know, because we we we can still
do this and other things. But I think just having
those like missed opportunities has been has just been a
(15:47):
bummer for um. And like the tour and um, you know,
all of that has been just something where it's kind
of like that stinks. And so some days I think
about it and then it kind of gets me down.
But but then I positively think, Okay, well, look how
much time because I remember in the beginning of the year,
I started to have massive anxiety. Remember I said, every
(16:09):
single weekend I'm going to be gone, whether it's a
wine down, or it's the movie or it's a show
on the road. I was going to be gone almost
every single years, every weekend except for one every month.
It's like three weekends out of every month, you're gonna
be gone. Yeah. Like, I just started to have like
anxiety about it. And then you know, me and my
(16:30):
girls had planned a trip together one of those weekends,
and I was like, I didn't remember I told you.
I was like, I'm going to cancel it because I can't.
I can't be away from the kids this much. And now,
you know, I think that was like all right, it's
like I'm taking it all away. You're complaining, I'll take
it all What's completely off subject. But again, people follow
(16:52):
you know that we like to play games. What's a
favorite game that we've played kind of during this this
break that you've just really enjoyed. I mean, Cube is
always a good one. And then I just like the
easiness and the fastness of Mencola. Yeah, it's just it's
just easy. It's just like, let's throw some like the
little pepples in some little holes. Yeah, it's like that's
(17:15):
just fun. Yeah, so it's easy, it's sinless. There's no
real thinking about it. No, it's just I like that
one that just in the middle of games. And then yeah,
Ronnie Cube's obviously one of my faiths for that. And
then I really want to play Frutigo again. Gina wants
to play Strategic Strtigo because she would my ask the
first time we played it. She never even heard of
(17:35):
the game. I used to play it as a kid
all the time with my best friend growing up, Eric,
and we played all the time. And I bring it out, like, Jenna,
you're gonna love this game. She's like, fine, I'll play
it with you. Whoops, my ass. She's like, let's play again.
We have not played since, so we need to. I
guess do that. Hey, what book are you reading right
now in your morning meditation time? How to be an
(17:55):
adult in a relationship? Really? What are you learning? Tell
me more? Um, it's right now because I started it
before I started uh and respect, love and respect. So
I've been recapping some things and a lot of it's
redundant with you know. Uh, there's he does like the
(18:18):
five a's is like accountability, acknowledge, acceptance, awareness, and I
don't remember the fifth one, but he's just talking about
all of those like within your relationship and kind of
how you know you you It's it's his way of
kind of saying owning your side, like controlling what you
(18:39):
can control. Um. So I'm I'm looking forward to diving
deeper into that book and reading new, newer stuff that
no new stuff yet, no, because I didn't. I wanted
to make sure I didn't skip anything like just really skim,
you know. So I wanted to make sure I'm still
grasping the concept of the things I've read. Anything stick out, nothing,
(18:59):
nothing right now, nothing that we haven't talked about, Nothing
that's that's really new, especially stuff that I've that we've
brought up before. So but I'll be in touch with
you all about what I'm learning and how to be
an adult in a relationship. All right, We're gonna take
one more break before we have a Nicole lapping on
and talking to her about everything she's got going. All right,
(19:30):
Jane and I are so excited to have our next guest.
She is a New York Times bestselling author of the
books Rich Bitch and Boss Bitch, and now she's on
to promote her third book, which she's gonna tell you
all about. Welcome Nicole Lapping. Hey girl, hey lady. You
know we were on the Doctors together. I don't know
if you remember. I was like a segment after you,
(19:51):
and then I was hosting Founder Made and we reconnected her.
Oh that's right, that's right, that's you know, I look
like a homeless person now, but when I no, no no same,
I've no makeup, just got out of the shower. So
this is this is the new the new look. But no, yes,
absolutely remember um? And so how Rich Bitch and Boss Bitch?
(20:12):
How when did those come out? Rich Witch was my
first book, and now we're on the fourth edition, which
is bananas because people still keep buying it. You know,
there is not a resetta stone for finance, and I
think a lot of women want to get their financial
lives together, but it's really complicated with the jargon in
the language. So that actually out six years ago. Then
(20:32):
Boss which came out after that, then Becoming Superwoman came out,
and I may be birthing more book babies. No actual
babies yet, just a lot of book babies. I like
and I know I love it. How did you get
into the whole like with rich bitch? Like, how did
you start off, like, you know, basically becoming that rich bitch?
So I grew up in an immigrant family, first generation American,
(20:55):
just use cash, had like a super broken home, needed
to start working early on, and I just needed a job,
and I wanted to be in TV news, So you
go back in the day there was like no skipping
steps on YouTube and whatever. Like. I went to small
markets in South Dakota and Kentucky and tried to work
my way up, and I got a job as a
(21:16):
business news reporter and they asked me if I knew
anything about business, and I totally on live and I
said absolutely. And I faked it till I made it.
And I realized that money is just language like anything else.
And if you go to China you don't seech Chinese,
you'll be super confused. And if you go to wall Stream,
you don't speak the language with money, you'll be super confused.
But once I figured it out, and I'm the least
(21:38):
likely person to do it, like I didn't want to
do anything with money. Guys, my boyfriend in high school
said he wanted to be a hedge fund manager. I
thought you wanted to be gardening. So like, I'm extremely
I was extremely clueless. I love it. And then now
your book Becoming Superwoman, So what's it says is it's
simple twelve step planned to go from burnout to balance.
(21:59):
So tell me, like, tell me all of that, Like
how how did you get to the book? Like? How
do I become a superwoman? What do I have to do? Do?
I write an S on my chest like what? What?
What telled me? All the ways? I am here for that?
And by the way, you already are a superwoman and
a total boss this um So I ended up getting
to network news way earlier than I expected as an
(22:21):
a gru on CNN and then CNBC and Bloomberg, and
I worked and self prescribed, not drugs or alcohol, but
work to hide from that really traumatic upbringing I had.
And I ultimately, you know, worked and work some more
and it kicks my butt. And I had a mental emotional,
physical breakdown that stemmed from severe burnout and an emergency
(22:42):
itatements to the hospital that made me rethink everything and
how I was working, And at that moment, I realized
I was trying to be Superwoman, the character with a
one word version who tries to do it all and
be it all and be all things to all people,
so ultimately she's nothing to herself. And I wanted to
just be a super space woman, a woman who puts
or oxygen mask on first before helping others. So how
(23:03):
do you do it? Though? Like tell me, like what,
like what's the first step in in in doing that
and finding that balance? Because I feel like right now
this book is an amazing time for COVID because I
feel like a lot of us feel burnt you know,
we feel that burntout feeling, and I feel like this
is coming at the best time to almost reinvent yourself
(23:25):
through all the burnout totally. And the first step is
always admitting you have a problem. All my books are
twelve step plans because that is the first step, you know.
I did the lads of study ever done on women
and burnout, and I found that women are reaching burnout
and breakdown levels in the eighty and ninety ranges, but
only half of us think that that's the problem. So
there's a huge difference between actually swimming and just not drowning.
(23:49):
And so we're saying like, oh, it's overwhelming, but it's cool,
nothing to see. We just can keep going. And that's
where the issue lies. And I think now when we're
trying to figure out this new noise normal and boundaries
and balanced here you know, as you guys know, the
whole day can be really chaotic, but your morning and
evening routines are what you can control. So you know,
(24:10):
if you start your day off with gratitude and not
going down email fire fighting rabbit hole, it changes the
course of your day. Um. Studies have shown that, you know,
gratitude helps us actually look for more of that throughout
the day. And then at the end of the day.
I used to think, like, how am I never able
to sleep well? Hello, Captain obvious? Maybe it was because
(24:31):
I shined a bright light of my phone in front
of my eyeball, um until I fell asleep. So I
think that those are what we can control. Like, we
can't control the global economy it's bad, um, but we
can control ourselves and our own economy is that's all
we can control. And any relationship, by the way, you're
only responsible you can only control of that fifty when
that's you. So your book so it focuses on on
(24:54):
life balance, but also financial balance as well. Absolutely, And
I think the trick is to figure out what the
definition of balances because a bunch of ladies in particular
will say like, I'm lost balance or I'm most budget.
I'm like, bro, did you even have a budget? You
even have a definition of balance? Or are you just
comparing yourselves to other ladies on Instagram who are baking
(25:16):
banana bread and feeling bad about yourself? But like, is
that's not on your definition of balance, then like, then
don't feel bad about yourself. That's maybe that ladies definitions.
But first I think it's important to figure out what
that looks like to you and stop changing the bar
because for so long in my career I felt like
I would be happy or I would be balanced when
I got there a certain job or a certain salary,
(25:38):
And then I got there and there was almost immediately
another there there, and so we keep changing the old
posts on ourselves. I do have a question too about
kind of the times right now. Is there a financial
mistake that people might be making right now? During COVID times?
A lot, and I am I've never worked so hard. Actually,
it's like a financial new super Bowl right now because
(26:01):
women in particular care because we're reactive in that nature.
It's hard to get you to care about finances proactively,
but now everybody has to. And so you know, pulling
out of the market, for instance, whether it's with your
retirement fund or your investments, is all emotional, right, And
there's two adages on wall streets that are true. Everything
else is subjective. One of them is by low sell high.
(26:24):
So right now things are more towards the low than
the high. Stuff is on sale. So instead of pulling out,
I think the biggest mistake, um is not actually putting
more in if you can. So, so to put more
in is is the right thing to do if you
have a long term investment horizon, so if you're not
retiring in the next five or ten years, and if
(26:45):
you're not putting all your money in there and your
dollar cost averaging, which is fancy terminology for just putting
in a little bits at a time to hedge for
all the fluctuations. And it is a great time, and
great fortunes have been made during tough economic times. Recessions
and depressions and economic downturn. With that said, though, too,
what about refinancing your house? So if you can refinance,
(27:06):
this would be an awesome time to do it. Are
you guys thinking about that? Well, I mean we got that,
we got a great rate, but I know that we
could actually even get lower now. Um. So I was
just wondering if that's something where it would only be
like a point something off, It wouldn't be an actual
whole number down. So is that is that worth it
or no? Girl? Absolutely a point something. I don't say,
(27:28):
I know nothing about like the you know, Michael's the
you know he's he's the thirty year fixed and I'm like,
let's do five. And because because I'm always looking at
the lower number, like of you know, the mortgage, and
I'm I'm not as much. Um, so, okay, that's interesting.
I'll have to call. Oftentimes we end up spending double
(27:50):
the amount we paid for our house just in interest.
So if you can point something per sentially, if you
can have a calculator, girl, that is going to turn
out to be a lot of money. And by the
some folks are refinancing lower because back in the day,
like our parents would think you know, six percent is
an awesome mortgage. Now that sounds really high, and even
if you spend more on your monthly payments, but you
(28:12):
shorten the term, that could really be great in the
long run. Never been this blow even if it's like
a point to difference. Girl like like, I like, I
know nothing. So that's why I'm like, because I would think, like, Okay,
let's say if a mortgage rate was four six and
you can get it for three six, Like that's different
to me, Like that's because that's a one percent difference.
(28:34):
But I didn't know if like a point something would
make a difference. If it's like ask a question if
I was like, hey, can I give you a hundred
dollars or a thousand dollars and you're like, I'm not
gonna take the hundred dollars because not a thousand dollars? Okay,
point maybe okay, got it. I'm gonna we're going to
call the business manager as soon as we're all alright.
Speaking of money and everything, you have this money school
(28:55):
challenge they're talking about. Tell us about that in our
listeners as well. These are challenging times, of course, and
you know we have so many questions about how to
save money. I had to budget money, how to make money,
and so I put together my money master class, which
is called the Money School. I was so tired for
years and years and years saying like, why don't we
learn that stuff in school? We learned such ads, stuff
(29:16):
like as you guys know and you probably homeschool, Like,
so why do we need to know geometry and the
Pythagrean theorem. Why don't we learn how to do the
budget or taxes or business plan like that would be
really more valuable, or figure out how to refinance. And
so I was saying that so much that I was like, Okay,
well I might as well just make that I'll just
do it. And so I created twelve video modules and
(29:36):
worksheets and quizzes, and then I put all of my
templates and everything together in a bundle. So if people
do want to get their financial life together and focus
on financial literacy, you know, we complain a lot about money,
but actually ask yourself, how long have you actually done
something about it? Like take the same amount of time
that you would have used to plan a vacation or
(29:58):
buy boots, and just like read some financial book or
it doesn't even have to be mine or take a
class and actually educate yourself about it. Because we can't
hear our heads in the stand. We can't assume that
a man is a financial plan Like I cannot stand
when I hear that, or I used to hear that
at events across the country. Um, you know, I think
we didn't learn it in school. We may have had
(30:18):
a terrible upbringing. Okay, so we didn't learn it. That's
no excuse now, like forgive your former self for what
she didn't know, but to say, like it's not a
pain moving forward. I got to get my big girl
andyvon and handle it. I think that's so true because
I didn't. I mean, this is you're gonna like probably like,
oh my gosh, But I didn't start. Actually, I didn't
have a I didn't put any money into a portfolio
(30:39):
until probably just a few years ago because I didn't know,
and like I was so worried about the number and
the account and my business manager, you know, he was like,
you have to start putting money into some kind of
like so you your money can make something for you.
But I was so fearful because of the industry that
you know, I've I've been in there. I'm like, I
don't know if I'm ever going to make money again,
(31:01):
and what if that money goes away, I'm screwed, Like
I won't have anything. But all that time that I
could have had it in something growing, it just it's
it's slowly been just annoying me to be like, like,
why did it? Why wasn't I smarter with my money?
Why wasn't I Why didn't I take more risks? And
why didn't I almost bet on myself because I for
all those years, my entire twenties into my early thirties,
(31:24):
I didn't bet on myself. I just I bet on uncertainty,
and I bet on you know, things not working out,
and I bet on you know, going in the right again.
Because for the the pretty much my entire twenties, my
bank account would go from red to normal, from red
to normal, from red to normal until really my late
twenties was when I started to actually make some kind
(31:45):
of money. And it's just I get frustrated that I
never put anything away because I just started my retirement
and I'm thirty six years old. Um so I do
get a little why are you laughing at me? But yeah,
so I'm like, I just wish I would have I
would have been smarter. But it's it's hard to bet
on yourself, I guess. But it's the would as should have,
(32:08):
could haves. And we you know, we're never as young
as we are today, right, And it's you know, it's
it's never too late to start, truly, and the earlier
you do, you get to reach the benefits of compounding interest,
which you know we have seen probably used against us
with credit card debt and how quickly that snowball's out
of control. Like, imagine what that can do when it's
(32:28):
in your favor and it's compounding. So your money is
making money, and the goal could be to have your
money make you so much interest that you don't have
to work. If you want to work, God's get on
with your bad self. But like you don't have to
or you're not stuck in a relationship that's abusive or
bad because you can't make your own money. Like truly,
money is freedom. It's freedom to make the choices you
(32:50):
want to make work because you love it, stay with
somebody you love, and don't have money be a factor
in musation. I love that is there when you kind
of look at you know someone situation and what what's
like the top three things that you're like, it's you're
just wasting your money. Is there anything where you can say,
like just get rid of this or get rid of that,
or something where you can stop buying this? Is that
(33:13):
in the equation or is it just solely like putting
buying stocks and things like that. So I don't advocate
any sort of deprivation. I think a financial diet is
a lot like a regular diet. You know, if you
allow yourself small indulgences, you won't end up thinching later on.
So I don't know about you, but abla lot a
lot of crazy craft diets in my life, Like we're
dup cleanses and grapefruit cleanses and whatever. And I was
(33:37):
starving and I ended up in the middle of the the
night naching on a big, a hunkle chocolate case because
Mama was so hungry and so deprived. Like the same
thing goes for a financial diet if you don't allow
yourself a latte. Like I argue against all the financial
folks who are like, don't biology, I'm like, no, you
need to buy something that makes you happy. That's why
we're working and living life anyway. You can't be in
(33:58):
like doom and gloom, death destruction, you know, clipping cupon
and have this deprivation mentality. Because when people say I
cut out the morning, latta, you would be so proud
of me for my New Year's resolution. Come like April
or May they say, Hey, I've got a Gucci perse
because I was so good. I'm like, God, if you
just bought that lay every single day and made yourself
(34:18):
happy when me that Gucci, I think absolutely, allow yourself
for the extras, but just have them being no more
than about fifteen percent in normal times of your overall stending.
I love that. And then what do you tell people
that have financial anxiety? So I have, like I deal
with a lot of financial anxiety and fears about you know, money,
(34:39):
and and it's is there something like to to help
ease anything like that or is it is that just
is that normal? It's totally normal. I have financial anxiety too.
I mean I know a lot, I don't know everything,
and it's so understandable. Money is the root of every
I think conflict if you really get down to it,
(35:00):
it's more the humanity is part that's most anxiety provoking,
the mass part like a fifth grader can do. It's
the idea of talking to your significant other about money.
It's the idea of the prenup. It's the idea of
getting your friend to pay you back. It's all the
emotional stuff that gets in the way. And I would say,
you know, the biggest enemy is often between our ears,
and sometimes we suffer more in imagination than in reality.
(35:23):
So like you don't open up your credit score or
you don't open up your taxes because you're just like
in denial. It's like you want to lose weight, if
you don't step on the scale or you don't know
the calories, then it's cool because you're just in this
denial mode so it doesn't actually feel real. But once
you do it, you know, once you rip off that
band aid, then I think you see that it's actually
not as complicated and not as very as you made
(35:44):
it out to be in your head. I like it. Yeah,
great question. Well, I just I just feel like, because
that's kind of what to what you said, Nicole, Like
I in the very beginning, I didn't want to want
my business manager called. I would decline the call because
I was so nervous of him saying like okay, because
I had this awful manager in the beginning of my
career and she sued me and she just I mean,
(36:04):
she's just she was awful, and so I always it
was just so much like financial stress at that time,
and so I just never wanted to talk to him.
I didn't want to see the money. I just I
just was always so fearful because I just knew it
was like I was, I was afraid it was going
to go away. And now it's like now I'm so
almost controlling to a fault because I'm so afraid to
lose it. And now I'm like, okay, like you know,
(36:26):
we've lost a lot of money this year with COVID,
like everyone else has, and like how are we going
to keep it? And okay, we gotta cut down here,
and we gotta cut down there, and we were for
allowing this person and like so it's just like now
I'm just trying to like navigate how to like not
let it completely control my mood throughout the day. So
I appreciate you sharing that. Yeah, it's understandable. I think
you know, we talked about everything before. We talk about money.
(36:49):
I mean, you guys have talked about this on the
show like sexty times, the Keening, watch this, fertility, like
all the things, and then all of a sudden, when
we used to see human beings in real life, I
would say to my girlfriends over dinner, like, hey, how
much are you making this year? Or how much is
in your bank account? And it would be cricket. I'm like, girl,
you just told me about your landing strip and you're
not telling me about looking your bank account. Like we have.
(37:11):
We have to reprogram ourselves around that, because I was like,
I'm starting to help you. If we don't talk about it,
we're not going to get ahead. It's like trying to
price your health without knowing the camp of the area.
So I always go first. I'm like, I'll show you
mine if you show me yours. See, I don't know
if I could do that. That gives an anxiety because
then I would almost be like I'd almost maybe get jealous,
like you're skinnier than me or so That's that's interesting though,
(37:33):
because even just the other day I was asking somebody
I don't remember who it was, but you know how
you phrase those questions. I was like, Hey, if you
don't mind me asking like how much did you pay
you to have this done? Just because I was curious
for my own I get reasoning, but but still it's
like it's such a personal thing, like like to Nicole's point,
you talk, you know, and with this person I was with,
I've talked about way more deeper things than than you know,
(37:54):
how much this one job cost that he had done
or something. But it is interesting, That's true. It did.
I was talking to Sean about something and I said,
and it took me a minute to ask her, like
how much did you make on that? Because you can
just see, you know, and it's it's it is that
it's uncomfortable and they're like our best friends. It's interesting. Yeah,
(38:15):
I don't have a problem telling people. Guys have less
of a problem, see I I don't. I guess it
does make me uncomfortable. If someone asked me, like, if
someone just at me flat out, how much did you
guys pay for this, I'll oh that I don't care.
But I do parent price. I do. I do give
a parent price. I'm like, it's like a couple hundred dollars,
and my friends like it's a thousand dollars and I'm like, oh,
(38:37):
but I don't. But here's my thing. I don't buy
anything I don't like to buy. I'm very, very like um, frugal,
but I like to buy things for other people. So
that's where I spend my money, Like because I have
to force her to do something for yourself to your
point in qual like for the latte for Jana's she
andrew coffee, but for whatever her quote unquote latte is is.
(39:00):
I'm like, honey, you work so hard, like do this
it's not a lot, Like it's okay. And she'll come
to me because we don't we have a budget that
we have agreed upon if it's anything over this amount,
we talk about and it'll be something under that amount,
and she'll come be like and ask me like she's
a little kid. I'm like, first of all, you're like
the breadwinner in this family. I was like, you don't
(39:22):
really need to, you know, ask me too much, but
I appreciate the respect and when you do come to
me and to discuss it, like you don't have to
ask like that, Like I never care, you know, I
don't know what is that? What? Why why do guys
care less to the all, No, I think, you know,
it's obviously fraught with so many other emotions. And I
(39:45):
think to your point that you might feel bad if
somebody's like skinny or rich or whatever like that on you,
I have to say, like, you have to do some
work and say is my worth tied to money? Is
it not? And so you know you can you can
only control how your reaction is. And so I like
to talk about it transparently because I think that's the
(40:05):
way we can help each other and negotiate. It's the
way we can help each other with best practices. And
I go for so in all my books, I talk
about what I made at CNN what I meant you
see what I made for my book Advances, because I'm like,
this is going to read this is like what does
this film make for this? And so I just put
it in there because I think it's important. And I
had to put my money literally where my mouth was. Well, yeah,
(40:27):
I respect that. Yeah, I respect that because not a
lot of people do that. Um So to find out more,
go to the Money School challenge dot com and then
also get her book it's out right now. Becoming Superwoman
a simple twelve step planned to go from burnout to balance. Nicole,
thank you so much, UM for coming on. Really appreciate it.
And I'm going to check out the money challenge because
(40:48):
that sounds very interesting. I need to be more knowledgeable
about my points literally to Alright. Okay, thank you he guy.
(41:13):
All Right, So Nicole was awesome, super excited. I have
an S on my chest. I'm about to be superwoman. UM.
Email Stephanie. I suffered a miscarriage in December two thou nineteen.
My husband and I was we're trying for our second child.
I have a beautiful son who was a year and
a half um, and I honestly didn't think having a
miscarriage was going to happen to me. I lost the
(41:35):
baby around ten weeks and I had um never felt
more sad, her and angry than I did during that time.
Push forward to today, I am currently twenty two weeks
pregnant with our second child, a baby girl. She's my
rainbow baby. I love her so much, but honestly, I'm
still terrified. I feel myself trying to not get too
excited about her because the chance of losing her would
(41:56):
completely destroy me. I know Janna and Mike experienced several
miscarriages before baby, and I guess I want to know
how you let yourself enjoy the pregnancy that gave you
a baby. I want to grow this little girl with
all my love, and I'm afraid, Um, I'm afraid my
fear of losing her is keeping me from doing that. Um. Stephanie,
I'm sorry you suffered a miscarriage. I you know, we
(42:18):
we both know how that feels. Um, I'm so excited
for you that you have your rainbow baby on the way.
I honestly wish I could give positive but that when
I was pregnant with Jason, like every single time this
is a little like Team I, but every single time
(42:38):
I wiped, I was like, there's going to be blood.
Like I was always fearful of wiping and seeing blood.
And that's just the reality of like having so many miscarriages.
Of like, it's not it's can of course, it's it's
like I'm going to lose it. Of course, even even
when I was in my you know, twenty something weeks,
(42:58):
I still was just like when I got to thirty,
I think it was like No. Seven or twenty eight
where they say that the baby has a chance of
living and that's when I stopped being so crazy. Um,
but no, I mean every single time I wiped, I
looked to see if there was blood. And I don't
know if that's like I don't want to project that
(43:20):
on Stephanie, Like I want to say, don't worry about it,
like it's gonna be great, but like I can't really
say that because that wasn't that wasn't reality for us.
And I remember with Chase, how often you would you know,
kind of think out loud to me, uh and say, okay,
it's you know, so and so weeks they say they
(43:42):
can still survive like outside the womb, and it was
like a countdown in your head for every like milestone. Um,
you know. So I do remember that, and it's it's
hard not to it's it's easier for it's not easier.
It's simpler for men because it's not our body, right,
so it's not unconscious thing every single day, every month,
moment like y'all. So with that, I empathize for women,
(44:04):
but you know it is it still involves both of
you and for the husband, it's just our job too,
not like I try to do a good job with Jace.
From what I remember of not diminishing you saying that,
you know what I mean, Like I wasn't trying to
take that away from you and just say, baby, you
can't do anything about that, don't worry about it. Like
just you know, I don't want to minimize your feeling
(44:27):
around it at all. I just try to be understanding
and supportive of it the best that I could be.
And so I think it's to your point. I mean,
that's natural for anyone, for any you know, a couple,
ship or um or woman that's kind of gone through
that that's going to be normal. Yeah, And I mean
I would just say this is the worst advice, but
(44:49):
like you're so close to that one moment where they
can be possibly living out of the womb, so um,
just know that like a twenty two weeks, the chances
are so so, so so small. But again, I I,
I can't really be like, just be positive and be
happy because you're a mom and we are going to
worry for the rest of our lives. That's just the
(45:11):
reality for sure. All Right, don't want to read this
one from Shannon because I want to hear your response
is awesome, baby boy. On the way, I'm expecting. I'm
expecting our first child. Yeah, I'm expecting our first child.
I knew deep down from the second we found out
that we were pregnant he was a boy. And sure
(45:31):
enough our ultrasound confirmed it. I always and sure enough
our ultrasound confirmed it. I always saw myself having a
little girl mini me with lots of feute outfits, Bose,
playing with barbies, etcetera. I'm curious, now that you have Jace,
what is the mother's son bond like and what it's
and what is it like to be a boy mom.
It's the best, It's the best. I truly did not
(45:55):
want a boy. I mean I wanted whatever we could have,
you know, obviously because of the miscarriage is and stuff like.
I was so grateful, But I imagine two girls and
then yeah, I just I I never saw myself as
a boy mom. I didn't know. I mean, we had
Jolie first, so um, it was just one of those
(46:15):
things where I didn't really know kind of what to expect. Um.
It's I remember that when we had Jason. It was
weird because it was just you know, second time around.
I was like, oh my gosh, Like I felt different
when I had him the luve, it just was a
different kind of love. And so then I started comparing
it and like, well, do what did I did I love?
(46:36):
Do I love him as much as I love Jolie
When I had Jolie, And it was just it kind
of like played with me a little bit there emotionally.
But the love that I have for Ja'son is so
different than the love that I have for Jolie. And
it's hard to explain, but just he's he's just like
he's my man, Like he's my little boy. Like I
just like I'm so obsessed with him, and I just
(46:59):
can't wait to teach him how to treat a lady
and and and be respectful and and you know, I
can't wait to teach him how to you know, skate
and play hockey or whatever he wants to do. Like
I just I can't wait to like throw a ball
with him. And he's just he's so much fun and
that bond, Like his cuddles are just something beyond my
(47:22):
daughter's cuddles. Like you know, when Jolie cuddles with me,
it's it's sweet, but like Ja'son really cuddles with me,
like he's just like he melts in my arms. And
it's probably just because the age. But Jolie never did that,
like she'll cuddle, but she Julie never sat there like Jason, truly,
even when she was his age. She would just kind
(47:43):
of get up and keep moving. Jason will sit there
like lay on. I just I mean, I dore both
my kids. But the bond with this son, all my
friends said that, every single one of my girlfriends said
the mother son bond is something like unlike anything else,
and it's so true. I love it. All right, let's
(48:04):
do this last one right here from Lisa c section.
I've been dealing with the emotional effects and I've been
dealing with the emotional after effects of a C section
for a while. Now my daughter is five months old.
I keep thinking what if or maybe I could have
done something different to have a vaginal birth. I also
feel like the physical part of it is tough too.
I was always into fitness, but now I feel like
(48:26):
I have extra weight or the bubble above this car
to get rid of. I know Jason was a C section.
Did you feel this way at all? How did you
get through it? And how do you lose the extra
bubble above this car bubble and going nowhere. Um showed
Mike it the other day when I was wearing a
bathing suit. I said, oh my god. I was like, Babe,
do you see this? And I was like, look at
(48:47):
this really big dip right here and then the bubble
above it. And he was like okay, and I was like, really,
I can't even tell. But I was like, I'm so
self conscious of it, but at the same time, I'm
not because I'm like, it's my mom's car, like it's
it's what makes me mom. I embrace the saggyear belly,
and you know, my my trainer always says stop drinking
(49:09):
wine and your drink work stuff, and I say, I'm
good with the belly. Then I'm great. I don't care,
Like I've always kind of had a little bellies since
high school, like this just the bottom part. But I'm
just saying, like it's I'm just I'm not. I've never
had a natural flat stomach. Ever when I'm laying down,
I do, but like, never naturally flat. And now that
(49:29):
I'm my mom, it's obviously stretched a little bit. And
I embrace highwaisted stuff and I'm fine with it. I
don't care enough to quit drinking and stop eating pizza
and cookies like I don't, I don't care enough. And honestly,
it's like I'm embracing the mom bod. So I just say,
Lisa embraced the mom bod and then vaginal verse C section.
(49:53):
I mean, sure what I've loved to have tried, yes,
but we're not peeing ourselves when we jump up and down.
So like, well, you did try, but Jolie had to
be taken out and so that kind of set the
stage for the next one. Yeah, and for the next one,
I was like, well, maybe I'll try v back and
I'm like, I've already got the scar let's just go
for it. Um but no, I mean I think it
God's that was God's plan, God's way, Baby's way, and
(50:16):
you can't, um second second guess that. But anyhow, I
love you guys, d MS on the wind Down podcast.
If you have any questions, and um, don't forget to
go to Janna and Mike dot com to pre order
The Good Fight. Tell your friends, tell your cousins, tell
your parents, and tell everybody. See you all next week.
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