July 13, 2021 • 34 mins
Dorinda Medley from Real Housewives of New York City has some powerful advice for Jana as she comes to terms with the end of her marriage and both of them end up in tears. Listen in as Dorinda helps Jana understand that divorce can strengthen her, and she might spell some secrets about her time on the Real Housewives!
Jana lets us in on her complex emotions as we approach her divorce becoming official.
Plus, learn some effective ways to co-parent if you have young children.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heart Radio Podcast. Okay,
welcome to wind Down. Um, how is everyone's fourth of July?
I go, I just wait to be called on. That's
all I do. I it was good. It was good. Um.
(00:22):
You know, we they do this really cute fireworks show
in in my village, Minroevia, California. And we realized we've
lived here for three years. We realized we could watch
it from our backyard this year. So every other year
we go downtown and like steak out a good spot everything,
and then this year we're like, oh, we can just
see this from the back porch. So that is what
we did. Um. It was really nice and uh and
(00:44):
we barbecued, just my wife and I and uh, yeah,
I had a good time. Oh I love that, Riley.
What about you? Ben? Yeah, just hung out with some friends.
We went on to the beach for a little bit
before I got crazy. Um, it's always crazy at the
beach around here, so we want to get there early. Um.
And then fireworks were popping. This year, I felt like
(01:04):
everybody had a need for fireworks and so it was
just it was crazy. But I think it was nice
to just sit with friends like you know, we haven't
seen in a while, and watch the fireworks in the summer.
So it was perfect. Yeah, I feel like it's one
of those things where it's like we're free, Like its
like everyone's just like throwing like because even on because
I went up north to Michigan and um, which I
(01:28):
honestly didn't know how I was going to feel because
the last two fourth of July as we r vied
and it was like this big like family vacation and um,
and so I at first I was like, oh, man,
like in the up North Michigan is like my happy place.
It's my like whenever I have anxiety, it's it's like
the one thing where my therapist like when we always
(01:49):
talking about like when I was trying to like work
on anxiety there like pick a place that like it
just brings you so much serenity and so much peace.
And so I was like, well, up North Michigan like
no matter what, like just sitting on at like like
there's something like I'm I'm a percent me. I'm like
I'm not trying to be anything. I'm not like I'm
just like so carefree up there and just at peace
and so that's always like my happy place, and I'm like, shoot,
(02:12):
like I hope I don't go up there and it's
ruined or it's like tampered because of like the memories
that I had with you know, my acts and the kids.
And it was like probably the best trip I've ever
had now, Yeah it was. It was a little challenging,
you know, because you know, um first like single mom
(02:33):
vacation and flying with them and um, but it was
so you know sweet too because my my cousin Jessica
texted me was like you know, her and her Eric,
my cousin were talking and they were like, it was
so cool to see you just like kill the single
momb game up north, and and I was kind of like, yeah,
like I did. Like I was like, you know, I'm
(02:53):
sure there was moments where I'm like I could really
use an extra set of hands here, but like which
I just made it work, and it was just like,
oh wow, this is like I can do it. Like
I did it, and it was and we all survived
and we had a really fun time and there was
no stress to no like fight. It was just like
it was so relaxing, which I'd never thought I would
(03:15):
say I thought it was just going to be like,
you know, sad, and but and then the fireworks show.
I mean Jay slept like last the year before that,
like he like he hated the fireworks. So it's like
I was able to watch the fireworks and just like
truly enjoy myself. And it was one of those moments
where I was like, fireworks, I don't know why, why
would they always make me cry? Like I'm just like
(03:35):
just there's something about like I'm like, oh, like something
so free about fireworks, And so I was like crying
and then I was, but it wasn't crying from like
a sad place. It was like it was like a
I'm I'm content and I'm happy and it it felt
really nice. So that was my fourth but but yeah,
(03:56):
and and now I'm heading to Connecticut, uh next week
or actually I'm heading to Connecticut this week to to
film another Christmas movie in Eastern I'm gonna miss you.
I feel like I almost can you come visit on set?
I mean, if I'm invited, I would love to. I'm
glad you brought that up, Janey, because I saw in
your on your Instagram, which I pay close attention to.
(04:18):
I saw you studying the script aboard a plane, and
I was, I want to know what we can find
out about this movie. So that's a Christmas movie. So
it's a Christmas movie. I'm producing it with my co star. Yeah,
so I'm really excited about it. And we yeah, Jessica,
she's an amazing writer, and we we kind of all
came up with the idea and um in the concept
(04:41):
and it's just been it's been really cool to create
this and I just I can't wait to go film it.
But I am a I'm like, um, it's like a
flip or Flop show. I'm like, I'm the start of it.
So um, so that's that's my job. And I, you know,
go back to my hometown and to help save something
(05:05):
and I run into my my X, which I'm really
excited about it. So we'll have him on the podcast
and we'll do like the whole announcement on the next
we should do it, Yeah, for the next episode, we'll
have him mom, and he's awesome. He's such a great actor,
and I'm just I'm so looking forward to it. And
the kids are going to come with me for the
(05:25):
first week and a half, so it'll be it'll be
really fun. I know that we've really nailed the like
recording remotely and you know your way around all the gear.
But but I really think the show would benefit for
from a podcast where I go and run everything for
you in person. I one thousand percent agree. And I
was just you know, because I'm in l A at
the moment, and it was nice, like because I was
(05:47):
kind of a a little sad. I'm like, I missed coming
in the studio, Like I miss that environment of like
the podcast studio. I know, I haven't seen you in
like two years. I don't know. I remember last time person.
I think I had a baby belly and I'm like,
I don't know. Yeah, no, no, yeah, I know I
had the baby before we left. But yeah, but yeah,
(06:08):
I miss you guys and um, but yes, please come
to Connecticut. It'd be a lot of fun. And I'm
super excited because we have Dorinda, who is a housewife,
well she was a housewife, but she's gonna be coming
on the show because she has a book coming out
called Make It Nice. So I'm excited to get her on.
But first, let's take a break. Hey Derenda, Hey there,
(06:42):
how are you? How are you? I'm Janna Kramer. It's
nice to meet you. You're nice to meet you. Where
are you? I am actually in Los Angeles. Where are you?
I am in the Berkshires on a very torn literally
out stormy. We had a little many tornado here last night.
You had a tornado in Massachusetts. Well, we get these
(07:03):
little mini things. And two of my trees came down
last night and then knocked out all the electricity, so
I had it was pitch black. I had no internet,
and I'm on eighteen acres and you don't know dark
until you've been on eighteen acres. On the Help Buyers,
it was really luckily I have. You know, it's one
of those things where it's so funny because like six
(07:23):
months ago, Dane Covid, I was buying like all these
survival kids, you know how we were with Amazon. It's
just became like out of our minds. So I bought
all these incredible camp lanterns and I got like twelve
of them, and I just had them charged in the garage,
and I've got to tell you they saved our lives
because it was well, and it's just it's isn't you
and your daughter? Now it's me and my daughter and
(07:44):
land my housekeeper. But still the houses. You know, it's
an old nineteen of four house, so it's very rambilly,
you know, it's like a old New England. It's old
Stanford White house and so it's like great during the day,
but it's sort of you know, listen, the houses sort
of lives and breathe. That is because it's got so
much history. It used to be easy Stanford White built it.
It's sort of a very sort of storyteller kind of house. Anyway,
(08:09):
so when you add the pitch black to it, it's
like your imagination once. Well, but it was. It's a no,
it really was. Gave me pause to think last night,
like now I'm going to set them up. I thought,
you know I'm gonna do Now now now I'm gonna set
them up in each hallway so I could just like
if it happens, but what a great investment, but a
great Yeah, it's funny how that that works out. And
(08:31):
how old your daughter she's okay, so wow, that's gotta
be really cool because so I have a I have
a five year old daughter, and I've always wonder like,
what our adult relationship is gonna look like? Well, it's
you know what, It's an ever changing thing. And I
think the ultimate, the the apex comes when they have
(08:53):
their own children. Like even Hannah just heard a dog
and she's to watch her take care of with dark
she realizes what you know, how giving you have to be,
and she's like, oh god, I could see now why.
I mean I would lift a car for this daughter.
And I'm like, oh, we can have a baby, but
you don't having I think especially I don't know other
than a daughter. But for me, I have a very
(09:14):
strong relationship and a very strong bound with UM. And
talked about that with my mother, and it's kind of
invisible string that I truly believe, because I believe things
are sort of connected by the soul and not by
the body, you know, UM. And I think I learned
more about that after Richard died. I chose to learn
more about that. But it's an ever changing thing with
(09:34):
the daughter because you want as a woman to be
have them be better than you and I have to
go through the pitfalls that you had to go through, right,
But at the same time, you want to keep them
aware of where they've come from, so you know, and
and listen. It's a different. It's a it's a different
it's a different world wominar in now. It's a very
(09:54):
different world than even I grew up them, because I
was just at the cups of women and being having rights.
And I mean there was no me too movement, there
was no opportunities. There was a huge voice. You really
had to carve it out, but still sort of be
gently stepping upon the old world. And I grew up
in an ethnic family, so the old world was very
(10:16):
alive and well in all ways, you know what I mean.
She's very academic, very confident, and very assured as a woman,
which is you know, as when we were doing the
book to get she would help me with the book.
She's a great writer and I she said, how would
you describe me? And said, you're a noble citizen, so sweet?
(10:38):
How old are you? When you got divorced from your show,
I got divorced, well it really was separated, we say,
I I had I was reading up about you. I
know you're going through a difficult time right now, and
I'm sorry about that, you know, thanks, it's terrible. I
had an interesting situation because Wealth and I didn't divorce.
I'm still very close to her father for a long
(10:59):
time time. But I divorced my hand it was about seven,
so that was like two thousand, so I was about
ever born in nineteen sixty four, so it was like,
what do the math th plenty. I'm terrible at math.
So basically for generation, I was pretty six. Oh yeah, yeah,
(11:24):
I'm thirty seven. So yeah, how long will be married? Um?
It would have been six years a month ago. Listen. Yeah,
you know everyone says, you know, with this ongoing thing,
you know, divorce is a death, and especially when it
comes unexpected, because as women, we lay out our plan
and I think it's one of our things that when
(11:47):
I when I explored sort of going through the book
all the different steps, you know. I know myself, I
got divorced and then I was single for about six years,
and then I got married again and and I was
married for six years then he died. So it's sort
of I've seen this. I started seeing, you know, growing up,
growing my independent way, getting married to investor Baker and
(12:09):
having that failed, become a mother, be a single mother,
get married again, be a widow, and it's really layered
me for you know, um, not to get stuck because
I think as you know, you're a young woman. You know,
it's it's amazing. Stumbling blocks like this for women make
us feel old. M hm, and you're not. I mean,
(12:29):
I know myself if I think back of how I
used to think at thirty six, I think, now what
I'm here? This is not the plan, you know what
I mean? Really, I have to go go out there again.
But it's not going out again. You have a you
have a different set of armor now you're a mother.
You know, this is a great experience. Divorce will strengthen
(12:50):
you will be a different person in your next relationship.
You will be a different person in this period before
your relationship. I think that, Yeah, it's tempical as it is.
It's it's an it's it's it ends up being a
necessary evil. I can't explain it to you, like it's
one of the things I talked about all the time
about women not getting stuck. I just find a lot
(13:12):
of times women have a moment like this and then
they sort of stopped and looked to the past as
opposed to be wonderment about the future. You know what
I mean. I didn't work out with the guy. How
do you find out it's thirty six, and at six
can look back and say, why wasn't married to this
asshole for forty years? How did you? How did you
deal with the fact though that, because I can't even imagine,
(13:34):
like obviously I know how hard divorces and but then
remarrying and then have having someone then die, It's like,
did you kind of have at the moment where you're
like really goad, like can I just can can I
just be happy for once? Like and like that makes
me want to cry for you. Not only did he
die in that year, my daughter went to college, so
I became an empty nester and a widow. And you
(13:56):
gotta remember before that, the year before that we just
finished this. I was that we spent three years restoring
this or two years before, and we had it all
planned out, Like I was, like, I have done it.
I've gone from Great Barrington to a telephone man's daughter
to owning this fantastic house. With this fantastic house, my
daughter's gonna go to college. He's gonna right up there,
we're gonna travel, like I redefinantly have figured it out.
(14:19):
In the boom, I'm a I'm literally standing at the
altar burying him in the same altar where I married
him six years before. Hurt breaking. But how did he
how did he die? He got sick, he got he
got sick, and then he just you know, I don't
really talk about it a lot in the book because
of his kids and I'm very protective of his children. Um,
(14:42):
but he got ill. He died a liver disease. And
it happened all within six months, which was a blessing.
It wasn't at the time I was angry about but
I looked at it. It It was almost like God's protection.
He was like, we're gonna get and furiously and it did.
But you know, you feel, yeah, you know you feel
I'm sure you do too. You know you said you
(15:02):
think what Then you feel angry, you feel disappointed, you
feel bewildered, you feel ashamed, you feel tired. Right you're
You're like, you know, you got to manage because you know,
of course, whenever there's a break, you've got to manage
new people that can be new boyfriend's girlfriends, that can
be friends, that can be doing things differently as a
(15:24):
family unit, because you know, now you have your family
unit with daughter, then you got to manage his family
unit with the daughter that you've got to manage how
that you know, making sure the daughter even though she
has this break rough and I did it very well,
thank god. But you're making sure the kids because a
lot of times, you know, the kids become the the
aftermath of the divorce and they have to one thing
(15:46):
wealth and always be clear that handy thing get divorced.
We did, as far as Hannah is concerned. We are
a unit. We we functure. We just have two households.
You know, Ralph had a key to my apartment until
I got married to Richard, but way a different divorce.
You know, I think when there's any kind of betrayal,
and I don't need to bring that up, but yeah,
(16:08):
it's it's more difficult. Did you kind of separate it out?
You got to separate it out? Yeah, I think, Yeah,
I mean it's definitely hard. And it's one of those
things where sometimes, like the process with us has been
really challenging because because there is that betrayal, but there's
also you know, he has so much resentment and I'm like,
wait a minute, you're the one that hurt me, Like
how are you being mean to me? Like I'm like,
(16:29):
this doesn't this doesn't add up to me, you know,
and so it's like, welcome to a man. Oh, please
tell me more to help me understand that, because I'm
just like losing my mind. I'm like, there's a million
mean things I could say to you, but I'm choosing
to be like kind And what I say I always
say men have a beautiful art of spelling, like the
type of person that you know, God forgot they can
(16:51):
they can, you know, knock a glass out of your hand,
glass of wine out your hand and then yell at you.
There's a staying out the carpet. Yes, oh my god,
yes you do. Even you're like, but but you knocked
the glass And they're like, you have a look at
this stain. Yes, not the glass. I like it because
(17:12):
you I don't care about the details. Stay now you
women were like, oh my god, I got to clean
up the stain because they just because we are problem
solvers like that, right, Yes, he's still with the is
can I ask? He's still with the person that caused
the damage and it is damaged by the way anyone
(17:33):
when it comes into a marriage, I'm very old school
serious accept the all a marriage knowing that they are
involved terrible person, and I need to be. But you know,
they not even they know you were married, they knew
you had a child. Mm hmm. Yeah, so that is
a terrible person because I am I don't give your
(17:56):
religious spiritual You guys had a bond and you do
not touch a bond. Yeah. How long has it been
since the divorce? Yeah? I filed April. Oh she's still missed. Yeah,
so but I mean everything's everything's final. I mean it'll
be officially final next week. So, um, yeah, it's just
(18:17):
been But we've been dealing with infidelity for the we've
been dealing with it for I found out a year
into our marriage he had been unfaithful with a bunch
of women. So it's been five years of us trying
to rebuild something that has just been really hard. And
you know, I take some I have to look at
myself and take some blame and accountability for you know,
(18:40):
the ways that I tried to it was it was
very hard for me to um to be in that
kind of marriage where there was just not any trust,
And as much as I tried, it was still very
it was very hard. So I'm sure you know at
times I was shameful and I said mean things, and
you cheated on your year and a half in your martach.
So that's so whatever, that's soiled. Whatever that when you know,
(19:03):
when you get married, it's a plant. Yeah, if you
put in a garden, then you feed at the soil,
and you feed at the right sun. And if you
feed it bad soil, you feed it ugly rain. You
can't be surprised when the plant doesn't grow the way
you're supposed to grow. So yeah, I get what you're saying,
But I mean, how could you have not? Yeah, I mean, yeah,
(19:24):
it's just it's just it's so heavy, that's so hard.
And right now I'm just like I'm in the place
where it's like, okay, how do I how do I
raise my children? Because we have two beautiful kids, And
I'm like, how do you? But by day, just day
by day that's it because you'd be surprised the power
and day by day just don't even worry. Just just
feed them, make sure they're safe, love them, make sure
(19:47):
they through a relationship with their father that you don't
have to be, you know, overly engaged in, and and
just go forth. I promise you you will you you
will do it. And you'll be better for it than
the end. But how do you have such a light
and such a good energy when like you've had because
again like you had your second chance at this fairy
(20:08):
tale love and then it goes away. You know what
my mother said to me when I was bawling about
Richard and falling and crying and crying. And my mother
is my oak tree. You know, she's just my rock,
She said to me one day, and I was like
doing bad things and drinking and not carrying and angry
and it's not there. And I would started doing that
comparing and we'll look at that present for somebody. You know. Ye, yes,
(20:35):
I've done everything right. I've serviced to God. I've got
a good mother. My mom said, you know what she'd
give me one day. You know, you met Richard six
eight years ago now, and then I'm like eight years
go America for six He said, Hannah was like ten
and a half. She He loved Hannah as if he
were she was his own. She said, Now, let me
ask you something. If God came to you and said
(20:57):
you're gonna meet go back, then you're gonna meet one
for seven and a half years. He's gonna love your child,
raise your child. You're gonna be exposed to things that
never said. You're gonna experience such great love. But then
he's going to have to leave. But that's the deal.
Will you take this deal? And I said, she said, well,
what are you doing? I said, yeah, Mom, of course,
(21:18):
She goes, well, that's what you got, just because you
think you know the beginning, in the middle of the end,
God has a different timeline. So don't be greedy. That's
what you got. And now we're going to move on
from that. You're gonna get up every day, wash your face,
and you're gonna start moving forward again. And I just
had to play something like that feel like it makes
me cry. I gotta beautiful, like it's a beautiful way
(21:40):
to look at it, like I just and you should
cry because lost is lost, and you know what you
will you will It will make you a different person.
But I think in the long one, it will make
you know you ever had that beautiful story about the grapes,
and the grapes that are beautiful, they're just not as
sweet the most beautiful grapes of people pick and Italy
are warm and dark and leathery, but the juice is
(22:03):
beautiful because it suffers and it protects that beautiful juice.
It's sorry, this is just you just know life's hogged. Yeah,
oh man, So how are you like? Because how how
many that's been? How many years it's gonna be ten
years this year? Can you imagine? So how do you like?
(22:23):
How do you get back out there? And and and
and trust that like and and to bring thelow You
should talk to people, and you should get any kind
of professional help you can be in. You should be
shameless about it, and you should cry when you want
to cry, and you should not rush into anything. You
should be very protective of yourself because it's a wound
(22:46):
and you should, you know, just do it slowly, there's
no rush. And you know what, you got it all
in front of you. You got your two kids, and
it sounds like you have a beautiful career and you're
a beautiful girl, and you know you do you have
a strong family bond, Yeah, very much. You have your family,
so you've already won. I mean, I'm very religious, so
(23:08):
my religion helped me a lot. You know, I'm not
cookie religious, but very spiritual. You know, I clean onto
that and that helped me a lot and and exercise
and stay healthy. So make it nice. What is your
just so but make it nice. I mean that is
(23:28):
your I mean, that's that is probably I mean, is
it just kind of is it showing the journey and
how how you've come to this place, that's this whole
place that you are. You have to you have to suffer,
and you have you have to go through things, You
have to go through life, and all you can do
is sort of look at it and try to do
it as best you can, as honorably as you can,
(23:52):
as accepting as you can. You know, and be and
you know, don't be in a rush. Sloan Steady wins
the race. You know, eat life really is a marathon,
like it's you. You know, it's like it's like a butterfly,
you know, the butterfly, the monarch. Butterflies are the strongest
of the ones that come out of the nest a
little bit later because they but there's by the time
(24:14):
they get out, their winds are so strong that it
was worth taking the time to do it right. And
you know it's women, we like you're feeling right now.
This is a roadblock, but you'll figure out a way
around it. You know, you don't have to go through it.
You'll figure out. You're like, you know why I got
to the path. I thought I was going to Italy,
but now you may end up in France, so you
(24:35):
want to French? Alright, It's okay. Isn't that great? You
thought you were gonna end up in Italy, but it's
that you're going to France. That's okay. That's why my
mother used to say, you thought you were going to
the beach, but unfortunately going skames adapt It's about adapting.
It's about you know, taking looking back on these things
that we go through like this, not as disappointments but
(24:57):
as growth periods. Yeah, and really taking care of yourself,
you know, as women we and I include myself, you know,
we can get a self destructive people around We started
drinking sort did you trying to keep up, trying to
compare and contrast. Just stop. You'd be surprised how life
unfolds for itself if you ask it too. Yeah, right,
(25:21):
I I agree with you, and that it's just I
think it's like the hardest thing is like how powerful
your mind is too, you know, and how how much
you know? I'm like, oh, well, I guess I don't
deserve that, So I'm gonna go. Let's let's let's choose
the next relationship that's justice destructive. There is a wonderful
tool for women, isn't it. We grapuate onto it, just
(25:42):
don't don't pick up that him. Did you enjoy writing
your book? It was an absolute joy and it came
at a perfect time because, as you know, it was
not on the Real Housewife last year and it was COVID,
so I kind of used it as a time because
I've been you know, it's so funny. I'm I love
to talk. I love people, but I never take time
(26:03):
to like really take stock of what I've done, where
I come from, and what I believe because I'm always
talking and talking and I love women and kind of
empowering women, and I just I like, like I always
say I should have. I would have probably been great
and like a harem right one husband fifty that's our
(26:29):
commune liver. I would be a great common liver because
I like people, right. But it was nice because COVID
allowed me to sit still and stop talking and start
writing it down and thinking and going through these phases
of my life. It was a real Um, it was
a real um gift, you know, because I have been
(26:49):
through a lot, you know, and I'm really proud of
myself and I have I haven't often said that about myself.
If you're always doing it's just about God through that, okay,
God through that to go back and really honor my
relationships and experiences I've had and the downfalls. And then
you know, I was reading I was watching the other
day a little Chaos and she says the most beautiful
(27:11):
thing that she says that, you know, women should be.
Women should be noted for their she says something that
don't take it word for word. I'll I'll watch against
you've been watching, said women should have been. Women are
often recognized for their faults with are vulnerabilities, but not
for their successes. We're really good at pointing out our
vulnerabilities and our faults, but we're really bad at pointing
(27:34):
out our successes. So I was like, that's it, you know, yeah,
and I think there's something so I thought this when
it turned into it, right right, But it's so it's
so good though, it's so real, and I think, like
when you like, what does that mean? That's whatever you
call it? That could be God, that could be you're
(27:55):
your angel. There's someone out there to put us together today. Yeah,
and I think should maybe a shifty interview, but we
certainly got it there. But I think it's there's something
so beautiful of you being like, you know, saying that
you're proud of yourself and I can't even you know,
and not like chokes me up because the voices that
(28:15):
I feel like us women speak to ourselves are so
toxic all the time and we have to work on that.
And you know what, and also to what you just said,
which is very interesting. So when you don't have that anymore,
you know, I said, the great thing about a postmanopausal woman,
the sex thing is sort of not as important. So
(28:35):
it's crazy because that's sex thing and chilled childbirard and
make you a little nutty. Right, So when you're mad
at fifty six and you're like, oh, I just want
to watch TV and go to sleep at night, you
know what I mean. I want to make money, that's
I want to be happy. I want to go vegation
with my girlfriend. It's it's amazing because you don't, you know,
you you you you don't have all that craziness because
(28:57):
it's like questioning and craziness and I'm a worthy and
just should I date? And am I gonna get married again?
It's it can really make you loopy, and I think
in some ways men tune into that a little bit
because you know, we're all it's probably you know a
lot of men love to say that thing you're crazy,
you're not, and it creates such anger that it makes
(29:20):
us look crazy and nuts or make us feel like
we're crazy. I'm like, am I crazy? Did I Like?
I'm like, I know I could have maybe been like
a little less naggy and like, yeah I had I
was controlling at times because of the environment that caused.
But I'm like, you know, as you're intelligence self, I
had nothing to do. I know, but it's very hard
not to like when you hear it cards. It's very
(29:42):
hard to not listen to those because I'm like, and
I was just I was helping a girl. Some people
DM me sometimes and they're like, hey, like I just
feel and I'm like, I can so easily give the
advice to other people, but I can't take it myself.
Like I know that yes, was I controlling, Yes I was?
But was it because of the environment that was created. Yes,
like both those things can be true, but like I
(30:04):
put on so much guilt for that. Well, I was like,
but yeah, I tell other people not to Well, that's right,
because it's easier to give than follow. It's easier to
give direction than follow. It's easier to tell someone to
do temper shops and doing them yourself. Right, you can
say to someone doing tempership is really good for every day,
but when you have to do them like this is hard.
(30:25):
My boobs, I not my my my doctor told me
I'm not allowed to with my new books. You know,
I think that when people when there's any kind of betrayal,
it's a wound, and just like any kind of animal,
you protect the wound. So you get a little jittery,
(30:46):
you know, afterally get the wound right, it's it's it's trauma.
So you know, I just would not if I would
to give you some advice as the older Yes, you're
in the place you're you're now my my new life coach,
Like I would say, stop thinking about the past and
just today and go forward and be like I would
(31:08):
just like pretend until you are strong enough, it doesn't exist.
Just until I'm not saying forever, but for now, just
until you can, you know, really accalm, get strong and
heal yourself and lick your wounds again. I would just
put that on hold because maybe, just maybe any year,
two years, you'll be able to look at that say
(31:31):
care anymore? Mm hmm can you? I mean maybe they
should try it. I mean nothing, You're not gonna because
it's a little bit spinning your wheels. It's probably taking
away from some positive things that you could probably develop
over the next twelve sixteen months of your life. Right, yeah,
absolutely go out there and enjoying a new groups. Oh
(31:53):
I have trust me, trust my god, I've got oh drenda,
thank you for making this, for making it nice? Oh good,
good enough, And I signed you with the book. I'll
put a nice note personally, and I'm going to buy
one too. But yeah, I just I appreciate every wonder.
I hope, I hope I did root Are you kidding me?
(32:17):
You know you are incredible? And I hope everyone gets
her books a book make it nice on Amazona River
books are sold. But seriously, I just I appreciate you,
and good lucky if you know authentic, I'm I'm on
lovely I've gone through it. Your family want to make
a question, I have a chat. I'm here. I would
love that. I mean, I'm a good listener. I you are,
and I appreciate you and I will take you up
(32:38):
on that. So thank you so much. I appreciate you. Okay,
I am obsessed with her, Kenvill, can you please pop
on right now? And Kendall is our new? Um? How
(33:02):
how would you call yourself a producer? What? What's what's
the new Kendall? Uh name for Kendall? Yes, so my
title actually is a podcast researcher. Okay, well, welcome Kendall
to wind down. Um, I'm obsessed with Drenda and now
I want to go back and watch every single housewife
(33:23):
like show that she was on. You will be obsessed.
I mean, she is just a ball of energy and amazing.
But like I couldn't like the entire time that we
were like on the interview, was like she probably doesn't
like yell at people or like was like was she
like a start? She was a mediator, like you know,
was very level headed, but there was times we were
like whoa like? Especially right now, I feel like you
(33:44):
probably couldn't tell, but she is so much fun in
a fan favorite. And I know for all the Real
Housewives fan they were like so upset that she wasn't
on this new season. Why wasn't she on? You know,
I think she just had her time. She's been on
it for years, and like she said, you know, it
was a gift she had, you know, the time to
sit down and work on her book and focus on
other things in life, and I think that she would
(34:06):
just maybe over it. My god, well I'm like, can
we really both crying? I was like, oh my god,
But I just like I loved her. She's so sweet,
Like she's just like she has like such a great
energy and soul to her. So and she's the cutest
bond with her daughter, you know. I love that. Yeah,
she was the best. I hope you guys enjoyed that
(34:27):
and got some if you're in that spot of kind
of feeling stuck, like she said, you know, the past
is the past. Start start just focusing on today. I
know it's so much easier said than done, but um,
you are not alone, So you next week
Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heart Radio Podcast. Okay,
welcome to wind Down. Um, how is everyone's fourth of July?
I go, I just wait to be called on. That's
all I do. I it was good. It was good. Um.
(00:22):
You know, we they do this really cute fireworks show
in in my village, Minroevia, California. And we realized we've
lived here for three years. We realized we could watch
it from our backyard this year. So every other year
we go downtown and like steak out a good spot everything,
and then this year we're like, oh, we can just
see this from the back porch. So that is what
we did. Um. It was really nice and uh and
(00:44):
we barbecued, just my wife and I and uh, yeah,
I had a good time. Oh I love that, Riley.
What about you? Ben? Yeah, just hung out with some friends.
We went on to the beach for a little bit
before I got crazy. Um, it's always crazy at the
beach around here, so we want to get there early. Um.
And then fireworks were popping. This year, I felt like
(01:04):
everybody had a need for fireworks and so it was
just it was crazy. But I think it was nice
to just sit with friends like you know, we haven't
seen in a while, and watch the fireworks in the summer.
So it was perfect. Yeah, I feel like it's one
of those things where it's like we're free, Like its
like everyone's just like throwing like because even on because
I went up north to Michigan and um, which I
(01:28):
honestly didn't know how I was going to feel because
the last two fourth of July as we r vied
and it was like this big like family vacation and um,
and so I at first I was like, oh, man,
like in the up North Michigan is like my happy place.
It's my like whenever I have anxiety, it's it's like
the one thing where my therapist like when we always
(01:49):
talking about like when I was trying to like work
on anxiety there like pick a place that like it
just brings you so much serenity and so much peace.
And so I was like, well, up North Michigan like
no matter what, like just sitting on at like like
there's something like I'm I'm a percent me. I'm like
I'm not trying to be anything. I'm not like I'm
just like so carefree up there and just at peace
and so that's always like my happy place, and I'm like, shoot,
(02:12):
like I hope I don't go up there and it's
ruined or it's like tampered because of like the memories
that I had with you know, my acts and the kids.
And it was like probably the best trip I've ever
had now, Yeah it was. It was a little challenging,
you know, because you know, um first like single mom
(02:33):
vacation and flying with them and um, but it was
so you know sweet too because my my cousin Jessica
texted me was like you know, her and her Eric,
my cousin were talking and they were like, it was
so cool to see you just like kill the single
momb game up north, and and I was kind of like, yeah,
like I did. Like I was like, you know, I'm
(02:53):
sure there was moments where I'm like I could really
use an extra set of hands here, but like which
I just made it work, and it was just like,
oh wow, this is like I can do it. Like
I did it, and it was and we all survived
and we had a really fun time and there was
no stress to no like fight. It was just like
it was so relaxing, which I'd never thought I would
(03:15):
say I thought it was just going to be like,
you know, sad, and but and then the fireworks show.
I mean Jay slept like last the year before that,
like he like he hated the fireworks. So it's like
I was able to watch the fireworks and just like
truly enjoy myself. And it was one of those moments
where I was like, fireworks, I don't know why, why
would they always make me cry? Like I'm just like
(03:35):
just there's something about like I'm like, oh, like something
so free about fireworks, And so I was like crying
and then I was, but it wasn't crying from like
a sad place. It was like it was like a
I'm I'm content and I'm happy and it it felt
really nice. So that was my fourth but but yeah,
(03:56):
and and now I'm heading to Connecticut, uh next week
or actually I'm heading to Connecticut this week to to
film another Christmas movie in Eastern I'm gonna miss you.
I feel like I almost can you come visit on set?
I mean, if I'm invited, I would love to. I'm
glad you brought that up, Janey, because I saw in
your on your Instagram, which I pay close attention to.
(04:18):
I saw you studying the script aboard a plane, and
I was, I want to know what we can find
out about this movie. So that's a Christmas movie. So
it's a Christmas movie. I'm producing it with my co star. Yeah,
so I'm really excited about it. And we yeah, Jessica,
she's an amazing writer, and we we kind of all
came up with the idea and um in the concept
(04:41):
and it's just been it's been really cool to create
this and I just I can't wait to go film it.
But I am a I'm like, um, it's like a
flip or Flop show. I'm like, I'm the start of it.
So um, so that's that's my job. And I, you know,
go back to my hometown and to help save something
(05:05):
and I run into my my X, which I'm really
excited about it. So we'll have him on the podcast
and we'll do like the whole announcement on the next
we should do it, Yeah, for the next episode, we'll
have him mom, and he's awesome. He's such a great actor,
and I'm just I'm so looking forward to it. And
the kids are going to come with me for the
(05:25):
first week and a half, so it'll be it'll be
really fun. I know that we've really nailed the like
recording remotely and you know your way around all the gear.
But but I really think the show would benefit for
from a podcast where I go and run everything for
you in person. I one thousand percent agree. And I
was just you know, because I'm in l A at
the moment, and it was nice, like because I was
(05:47):
kind of a a little sad. I'm like, I missed coming
in the studio, Like I miss that environment of like
the podcast studio. I know, I haven't seen you in
like two years. I don't know. I remember last time person.
I think I had a baby belly and I'm like,
I don't know. Yeah, no, no, yeah, I know I
had the baby before we left. But yeah, but yeah,
(06:08):
I miss you guys and um, but yes, please come
to Connecticut. It'd be a lot of fun. And I'm
super excited because we have Dorinda, who is a housewife,
well she was a housewife, but she's gonna be coming
on the show because she has a book coming out
called Make It Nice. So I'm excited to get her on.
But first, let's take a break. Hey Derenda, Hey there,
(06:42):
how are you? How are you? I'm Janna Kramer. It's
nice to meet you. You're nice to meet you. Where
are you? I am actually in Los Angeles. Where are you?
I am in the Berkshires on a very torn literally
out stormy. We had a little many tornado here last night.
You had a tornado in Massachusetts. Well, we get these
(07:03):
little mini things. And two of my trees came down
last night and then knocked out all the electricity, so
I had it was pitch black. I had no internet,
and I'm on eighteen acres and you don't know dark
until you've been on eighteen acres. On the Help Buyers,
it was really luckily I have. You know, it's one
of those things where it's so funny because like six
(07:23):
months ago, Dane Covid, I was buying like all these
survival kids, you know how we were with Amazon. It's
just became like out of our minds. So I bought
all these incredible camp lanterns and I got like twelve
of them, and I just had them charged in the garage,
and I've got to tell you they saved our lives
because it was well, and it's just it's isn't you
and your daughter? Now it's me and my daughter and
(07:44):
land my housekeeper. But still the houses. You know, it's
an old nineteen of four house, so it's very rambilly,
you know, it's like a old New England. It's old
Stanford White house and so it's like great during the day,
but it's sort of you know, listen, the houses sort
of lives and breathe. That is because it's got so
much history. It used to be easy Stanford White built it.
It's sort of a very sort of storyteller kind of house. Anyway,
(08:09):
so when you add the pitch black to it, it's
like your imagination once. Well, but it was. It's a no,
it really was. Gave me pause to think last night,
like now I'm going to set them up. I thought,
you know I'm gonna do Now now now I'm gonna set
them up in each hallway so I could just like
if it happens, but what a great investment, but a
great Yeah, it's funny how that that works out. And
(08:31):
how old your daughter she's okay, so wow, that's gotta
be really cool because so I have a I have
a five year old daughter, and I've always wonder like,
what our adult relationship is gonna look like? Well, it's
you know what, It's an ever changing thing. And I
think the ultimate, the the apex comes when they have
(08:53):
their own children. Like even Hannah just heard a dog
and she's to watch her take care of with dark
she realizes what you know, how giving you have to be,
and she's like, oh god, I could see now why.
I mean I would lift a car for this daughter.
And I'm like, oh, we can have a baby, but
you don't having I think especially I don't know other
than a daughter. But for me, I have a very
(09:14):
strong relationship and a very strong bound with UM. And
talked about that with my mother, and it's kind of
invisible string that I truly believe, because I believe things
are sort of connected by the soul and not by
the body, you know, UM. And I think I learned
more about that after Richard died. I chose to learn
more about that. But it's an ever changing thing with
(09:34):
the daughter because you want as a woman to be
have them be better than you and I have to
go through the pitfalls that you had to go through, right,
But at the same time, you want to keep them
aware of where they've come from, so you know, and
and listen. It's a different. It's a it's a different
it's a different world wominar in now. It's a very
(09:54):
different world than even I grew up them, because I
was just at the cups of women and being having rights.
And I mean there was no me too movement, there
was no opportunities. There was a huge voice. You really
had to carve it out, but still sort of be
gently stepping upon the old world. And I grew up
in an ethnic family, so the old world was very
(10:16):
alive and well in all ways, you know what I mean.
She's very academic, very confident, and very assured as a woman,
which is you know, as when we were doing the
book to get she would help me with the book.
She's a great writer and I she said, how would
you describe me? And said, you're a noble citizen, so sweet?
(10:38):
How old are you? When you got divorced from your show,
I got divorced, well it really was separated, we say,
I I had I was reading up about you. I
know you're going through a difficult time right now, and
I'm sorry about that, you know, thanks, it's terrible. I
had an interesting situation because Wealth and I didn't divorce.
I'm still very close to her father for a long
(10:59):
time time. But I divorced my hand it was about seven,
so that was like two thousand, so I was about
ever born in nineteen sixty four, so it was like,
what do the math th plenty. I'm terrible at math.
So basically for generation, I was pretty six. Oh yeah, yeah,
(11:24):
I'm thirty seven. So yeah, how long will be married? Um?
It would have been six years a month ago. Listen. Yeah,
you know everyone says, you know, with this ongoing thing,
you know, divorce is a death, and especially when it
comes unexpected, because as women, we lay out our plan
and I think it's one of our things that when
(11:47):
I when I explored sort of going through the book
all the different steps, you know. I know myself, I
got divorced and then I was single for about six years,
and then I got married again and and I was
married for six years then he died. So it's sort
of I've seen this. I started seeing, you know, growing up,
growing my independent way, getting married to investor Baker and
(12:09):
having that failed, become a mother, be a single mother,
get married again, be a widow, and it's really layered
me for you know, um, not to get stuck because
I think as you know, you're a young woman. You know,
it's it's amazing. Stumbling blocks like this for women make
us feel old. M hm, and you're not. I mean,
(12:29):
I know myself if I think back of how I
used to think at thirty six, I think, now what
I'm here? This is not the plan, you know what
I mean? Really, I have to go go out there again.
But it's not going out again. You have a you
have a different set of armor now you're a mother.
You know, this is a great experience. Divorce will strengthen
(12:50):
you will be a different person in your next relationship.
You will be a different person in this period before
your relationship. I think that, Yeah, it's tempical as it is.
It's it's an it's it's it ends up being a
necessary evil. I can't explain it to you, like it's
one of the things I talked about all the time
about women not getting stuck. I just find a lot
(13:12):
of times women have a moment like this and then
they sort of stopped and looked to the past as
opposed to be wonderment about the future. You know what
I mean. I didn't work out with the guy. How
do you find out it's thirty six, and at six
can look back and say, why wasn't married to this
asshole for forty years? How did you? How did you
deal with the fact though that, because I can't even imagine,
(13:34):
like obviously I know how hard divorces and but then
remarrying and then have having someone then die, It's like,
did you kind of have at the moment where you're
like really goad, like can I just can can I
just be happy for once? Like and like that makes
me want to cry for you. Not only did he
die in that year, my daughter went to college, so
I became an empty nester and a widow. And you
(13:56):
gotta remember before that, the year before that we just
finished this. I was that we spent three years restoring
this or two years before, and we had it all
planned out, Like I was, like, I have done it.
I've gone from Great Barrington to a telephone man's daughter
to owning this fantastic house. With this fantastic house, my
daughter's gonna go to college. He's gonna right up there,
we're gonna travel, like I redefinantly have figured it out.
(14:19):
In the boom, I'm a I'm literally standing at the
altar burying him in the same altar where I married
him six years before. Hurt breaking. But how did he
how did he die? He got sick, he got he
got sick, and then he just you know, I don't
really talk about it a lot in the book because
of his kids and I'm very protective of his children. Um,
(14:42):
but he got ill. He died a liver disease. And
it happened all within six months, which was a blessing.
It wasn't at the time I was angry about but
I looked at it. It It was almost like God's protection.
He was like, we're gonna get and furiously and it did.
But you know, you feel, yeah, you know you feel
I'm sure you do too. You know you said you
(15:02):
think what Then you feel angry, you feel disappointed, you
feel bewildered, you feel ashamed, you feel tired. Right you're
You're like, you know, you got to manage because you know,
of course, whenever there's a break, you've got to manage
new people that can be new boyfriend's girlfriends, that can
be friends, that can be doing things differently as a
(15:24):
family unit, because you know, now you have your family
unit with daughter, then you got to manage his family
unit with the daughter that you've got to manage how
that you know, making sure the daughter even though she
has this break rough and I did it very well,
thank god. But you're making sure the kids because a
lot of times, you know, the kids become the the
aftermath of the divorce and they have to one thing
(15:46):
wealth and always be clear that handy thing get divorced.
We did, as far as Hannah is concerned. We are
a unit. We we functure. We just have two households.
You know, Ralph had a key to my apartment until
I got married to Richard, but way a different divorce.
You know, I think when there's any kind of betrayal,
and I don't need to bring that up, but yeah,
(16:08):
it's it's more difficult. Did you kind of separate it out?
You got to separate it out? Yeah, I think, Yeah,
I mean it's definitely hard. And it's one of those
things where sometimes, like the process with us has been
really challenging because because there is that betrayal, but there's
also you know, he has so much resentment and I'm like,
wait a minute, you're the one that hurt me, Like
how are you being mean to me? Like I'm like,
(16:29):
this doesn't this doesn't add up to me, you know,
and so it's like, welcome to a man. Oh, please
tell me more to help me understand that, because I'm
just like losing my mind. I'm like, there's a million
mean things I could say to you, but I'm choosing
to be like kind And what I say I always
say men have a beautiful art of spelling, like the
type of person that you know, God forgot they can
(16:51):
they can, you know, knock a glass out of your hand,
glass of wine out your hand and then yell at you.
There's a staying out the carpet. Yes, oh my god,
yes you do. Even you're like, but but you knocked
the glass And they're like, you have a look at
this stain. Yes, not the glass. I like it because
(17:12):
you I don't care about the details. Stay now you
women were like, oh my god, I got to clean
up the stain because they just because we are problem
solvers like that, right, Yes, he's still with the is
can I ask? He's still with the person that caused
the damage and it is damaged by the way anyone
(17:33):
when it comes into a marriage, I'm very old school
serious accept the all a marriage knowing that they are
involved terrible person, and I need to be. But you know,
they not even they know you were married, they knew
you had a child. Mm hmm. Yeah, so that is
a terrible person because I am I don't give your
(17:56):
religious spiritual You guys had a bond and you do
not touch a bond. Yeah. How long has it been
since the divorce? Yeah? I filed April. Oh she's still missed. Yeah,
so but I mean everything's everything's final. I mean it'll
be officially final next week. So, um, yeah, it's just
(18:17):
been But we've been dealing with infidelity for the we've
been dealing with it for I found out a year
into our marriage he had been unfaithful with a bunch
of women. So it's been five years of us trying
to rebuild something that has just been really hard. And
you know, I take some I have to look at
myself and take some blame and accountability for you know,
(18:40):
the ways that I tried to it was it was
very hard for me to um to be in that
kind of marriage where there was just not any trust,
And as much as I tried, it was still very
it was very hard. So I'm sure you know at
times I was shameful and I said mean things, and
you cheated on your year and a half in your martach.
So that's so whatever, that's soiled. Whatever that when you know,
(19:03):
when you get married, it's a plant. Yeah, if you
put in a garden, then you feed at the soil,
and you feed at the right sun. And if you
feed it bad soil, you feed it ugly rain. You
can't be surprised when the plant doesn't grow the way
you're supposed to grow. So yeah, I get what you're saying,
But I mean, how could you have not? Yeah, I mean, yeah,
(19:24):
it's just it's just it's so heavy, that's so hard.
And right now I'm just like I'm in the place
where it's like, okay, how do I how do I
raise my children? Because we have two beautiful kids, And
I'm like, how do you? But by day, just day
by day that's it because you'd be surprised the power
and day by day just don't even worry. Just just
feed them, make sure they're safe, love them, make sure
(19:47):
they through a relationship with their father that you don't
have to be, you know, overly engaged in, and and
just go forth. I promise you you will you you
will do it. And you'll be better for it than
the end. But how do you have such a light
and such a good energy when like you've had because
again like you had your second chance at this fairy
(20:08):
tale love and then it goes away. You know what
my mother said to me when I was bawling about
Richard and falling and crying and crying. And my mother
is my oak tree. You know, she's just my rock,
She said to me one day, and I was like
doing bad things and drinking and not carrying and angry
and it's not there. And I would started doing that
comparing and we'll look at that present for somebody. You know. Ye, yes,
(20:35):
I've done everything right. I've serviced to God. I've got
a good mother. My mom said, you know what she'd
give me one day. You know, you met Richard six
eight years ago now, and then I'm like eight years
go America for six He said, Hannah was like ten
and a half. She He loved Hannah as if he
were she was his own. She said, Now, let me
ask you something. If God came to you and said
(20:57):
you're gonna meet go back, then you're gonna meet one
for seven and a half years. He's gonna love your child,
raise your child. You're gonna be exposed to things that
never said. You're gonna experience such great love. But then
he's going to have to leave. But that's the deal.
Will you take this deal? And I said, she said, well,
what are you doing? I said, yeah, Mom, of course,
(21:18):
She goes, well, that's what you got, just because you
think you know the beginning, in the middle of the end,
God has a different timeline. So don't be greedy. That's
what you got. And now we're going to move on
from that. You're gonna get up every day, wash your face,
and you're gonna start moving forward again. And I just
had to play something like that feel like it makes
me cry. I gotta beautiful, like it's a beautiful way
(21:40):
to look at it, like I just and you should
cry because lost is lost, and you know what you
will you will It will make you a different person.
But I think in the long one, it will make
you know you ever had that beautiful story about the grapes,
and the grapes that are beautiful, they're just not as
sweet the most beautiful grapes of people pick and Italy
are warm and dark and leathery, but the juice is
(22:03):
beautiful because it suffers and it protects that beautiful juice.
It's sorry, this is just you just know life's hogged. Yeah,
oh man, So how are you like? Because how how
many that's been? How many years it's gonna be ten
years this year? Can you imagine? So how do you like?
(22:23):
How do you get back out there? And and and
and trust that like and and to bring thelow You
should talk to people, and you should get any kind
of professional help you can be in. You should be
shameless about it, and you should cry when you want
to cry, and you should not rush into anything. You
should be very protective of yourself because it's a wound
(22:46):
and you should, you know, just do it slowly, there's
no rush. And you know what, you got it all
in front of you. You got your two kids, and
it sounds like you have a beautiful career and you're
a beautiful girl, and you know you do you have
a strong family bond, Yeah, very much. You have your family,
so you've already won. I mean, I'm very religious, so
(23:08):
my religion helped me a lot. You know, I'm not
cookie religious, but very spiritual. You know, I clean onto
that and that helped me a lot and and exercise
and stay healthy. So make it nice. What is your
just so but make it nice. I mean that is
(23:28):
your I mean, that's that is probably I mean, is
it just kind of is it showing the journey and
how how you've come to this place, that's this whole
place that you are. You have to you have to suffer,
and you have you have to go through things, You
have to go through life, and all you can do
is sort of look at it and try to do
it as best you can, as honorably as you can,
(23:52):
as accepting as you can. You know, and be and
you know, don't be in a rush. Sloan Steady wins
the race. You know, eat life really is a marathon,
like it's you. You know, it's like it's like a butterfly,
you know, the butterfly, the monarch. Butterflies are the strongest
of the ones that come out of the nest a
little bit later because they but there's by the time
(24:14):
they get out, their winds are so strong that it
was worth taking the time to do it right. And
you know it's women, we like you're feeling right now.
This is a roadblock, but you'll figure out a way
around it. You know, you don't have to go through it.
You'll figure out. You're like, you know why I got
to the path. I thought I was going to Italy,
but now you may end up in France, so you
(24:35):
want to French? Alright, It's okay. Isn't that great? You
thought you were gonna end up in Italy, but it's
that you're going to France. That's okay. That's why my
mother used to say, you thought you were going to
the beach, but unfortunately going skames adapt It's about adapting.
It's about you know, taking looking back on these things
that we go through like this, not as disappointments but
(24:57):
as growth periods. Yeah, and really taking care of yourself,
you know, as women we and I include myself, you know,
we can get a self destructive people around We started
drinking sort did you trying to keep up, trying to
compare and contrast. Just stop. You'd be surprised how life
unfolds for itself if you ask it too. Yeah, right,
(25:21):
I I agree with you, and that it's just I
think it's like the hardest thing is like how powerful
your mind is too, you know, and how how much
you know? I'm like, oh, well, I guess I don't
deserve that, So I'm gonna go. Let's let's let's choose
the next relationship that's justice destructive. There is a wonderful
tool for women, isn't it. We grapuate onto it, just
(25:42):
don't don't pick up that him. Did you enjoy writing
your book? It was an absolute joy and it came
at a perfect time because, as you know, it was
not on the Real Housewife last year and it was COVID,
so I kind of used it as a time because
I've been you know, it's so funny. I'm I love
to talk. I love people, but I never take time
(26:03):
to like really take stock of what I've done, where
I come from, and what I believe because I'm always
talking and talking and I love women and kind of
empowering women, and I just I like, like I always
say I should have. I would have probably been great
and like a harem right one husband fifty that's our
(26:29):
commune liver. I would be a great common liver because
I like people, right. But it was nice because COVID
allowed me to sit still and stop talking and start
writing it down and thinking and going through these phases
of my life. It was a real Um, it was
a real um gift, you know, because I have been
(26:49):
through a lot, you know, and I'm really proud of
myself and I have I haven't often said that about myself.
If you're always doing it's just about God through that, okay,
God through that to go back and really honor my
relationships and experiences I've had and the downfalls. And then
you know, I was reading I was watching the other
day a little Chaos and she says the most beautiful
(27:11):
thing that she says that, you know, women should be.
Women should be noted for their she says something that
don't take it word for word. I'll I'll watch against
you've been watching, said women should have been. Women are
often recognized for their faults with are vulnerabilities, but not
for their successes. We're really good at pointing out our
vulnerabilities and our faults, but we're really bad at pointing
(27:34):
out our successes. So I was like, that's it, you know, yeah,
and I think there's something so I thought this when
it turned into it, right right, But it's so it's
so good though, it's so real, and I think, like
when you like, what does that mean? That's whatever you
call it? That could be God, that could be you're
(27:55):
your angel. There's someone out there to put us together today. Yeah,
and I think should maybe a shifty interview, but we
certainly got it there. But I think it's there's something
so beautiful of you being like, you know, saying that
you're proud of yourself and I can't even you know,
and not like chokes me up because the voices that
(28:15):
I feel like us women speak to ourselves are so
toxic all the time and we have to work on that.
And you know what, and also to what you just said,
which is very interesting. So when you don't have that anymore,
you know, I said, the great thing about a postmanopausal woman,
the sex thing is sort of not as important. So
(28:35):
it's crazy because that's sex thing and chilled childbirard and
make you a little nutty. Right, So when you're mad
at fifty six and you're like, oh, I just want
to watch TV and go to sleep at night, you
know what I mean. I want to make money, that's
I want to be happy. I want to go vegation
with my girlfriend. It's it's amazing because you don't, you know,
you you you you don't have all that craziness because
(28:57):
it's like questioning and craziness and I'm a worthy and
just should I date? And am I gonna get married again?
It's it can really make you loopy, and I think
in some ways men tune into that a little bit
because you know, we're all it's probably you know a
lot of men love to say that thing you're crazy,
you're not, and it creates such anger that it makes
(29:20):
us look crazy and nuts or make us feel like
we're crazy. I'm like, am I crazy? Did I Like?
I'm like, I know I could have maybe been like
a little less naggy and like, yeah I had I
was controlling at times because of the environment that caused.
But I'm like, you know, as you're intelligence self, I
had nothing to do. I know, but it's very hard
not to like when you hear it cards. It's very
(29:42):
hard to not listen to those because I'm like, and
I was just I was helping a girl. Some people
DM me sometimes and they're like, hey, like I just
feel and I'm like, I can so easily give the
advice to other people, but I can't take it myself.
Like I know that yes, was I controlling, Yes I was?
But was it because of the environment that was created. Yes,
like both those things can be true, but like I
(30:04):
put on so much guilt for that. Well, I was like,
but yeah, I tell other people not to Well, that's right,
because it's easier to give than follow. It's easier to
give direction than follow. It's easier to tell someone to
do temper shops and doing them yourself. Right, you can
say to someone doing tempership is really good for every day,
but when you have to do them like this is hard.
(30:25):
My boobs, I not my my my doctor told me
I'm not allowed to with my new books. You know,
I think that when people when there's any kind of betrayal,
it's a wound, and just like any kind of animal,
you protect the wound. So you get a little jittery,
(30:46):
you know, afterally get the wound right, it's it's it's trauma.
So you know, I just would not if I would
to give you some advice as the older Yes, you're
in the place you're you're now my my new life coach,
Like I would say, stop thinking about the past and
just today and go forward and be like I would
(31:08):
just like pretend until you are strong enough, it doesn't exist.
Just until I'm not saying forever, but for now, just
until you can, you know, really accalm, get strong and
heal yourself and lick your wounds again. I would just
put that on hold because maybe, just maybe any year,
two years, you'll be able to look at that say
(31:31):
care anymore? Mm hmm can you? I mean maybe they
should try it. I mean nothing, You're not gonna because
it's a little bit spinning your wheels. It's probably taking
away from some positive things that you could probably develop
over the next twelve sixteen months of your life. Right, yeah,
absolutely go out there and enjoying a new groups. Oh
(31:53):
I have trust me, trust my god, I've got oh drenda,
thank you for making this, for making it nice? Oh good,
good enough, And I signed you with the book. I'll
put a nice note personally, and I'm going to buy
one too. But yeah, I just I appreciate every wonder.
I hope, I hope I did root Are you kidding me?
(32:17):
You know you are incredible? And I hope everyone gets
her books a book make it nice on Amazona River
books are sold. But seriously, I just I appreciate you,
and good lucky if you know authentic, I'm I'm on
lovely I've gone through it. Your family want to make
a question, I have a chat. I'm here. I would
love that. I mean, I'm a good listener. I you are,
and I appreciate you and I will take you up
(32:38):
on that. So thank you so much. I appreciate you. Okay,
I am obsessed with her, Kenvill, can you please pop
on right now? And Kendall is our new? Um? How
(33:02):
how would you call yourself a producer? What? What's what's
the new Kendall? Uh name for Kendall? Yes, so my
title actually is a podcast researcher. Okay, well, welcome Kendall
to wind down. Um, I'm obsessed with Drenda and now
I want to go back and watch every single housewife
(33:23):
like show that she was on. You will be obsessed.
I mean, she is just a ball of energy and amazing.
But like I couldn't like the entire time that we
were like on the interview, was like she probably doesn't
like yell at people or like was like was she
like a start? She was a mediator, like you know,
was very level headed, but there was times we were
like whoa like? Especially right now, I feel like you
(33:44):
probably couldn't tell, but she is so much fun in
a fan favorite. And I know for all the Real
Housewives fan they were like so upset that she wasn't
on this new season. Why wasn't she on? You know,
I think she just had her time. She's been on
it for years, and like she said, you know, it
was a gift she had, you know, the time to
sit down and work on her book and focus on
other things in life, and I think that she would
(34:06):
just maybe over it. My god, well I'm like, can
we really both crying? I was like, oh my god,
But I just like I loved her. She's so sweet,
Like she's just like she has like such a great
energy and soul to her. So and she's the cutest
bond with her daughter, you know. I love that. Yeah,
she was the best. I hope you guys enjoyed that
(34:27):
and got some if you're in that spot of kind
of feeling stuck, like she said, you know, the past
is the past. Start start just focusing on today. I
know it's so much easier said than done, but um,
you are not alone, So you next week
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