October 6, 2025 • 36 mins
Allan is out of town, and Jana has been waking up at 3 AM. Jana bares her emotions and reveals why she's been waking up at 3 AM, and how she's healing after falling into a past trauma.
A person connected to Jana's past reached out to have a raw conversation about something Jana endured, but she doesn't know how to respond.
Plus, Jana did something to Kristen that she absolutely hates, and you won't believe what happened next!
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heeart Radio podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
Hi girls, Hi, We started this off a little rocky,
and I just feel like I have to apologize because
I found something out about KB that I had no
idea about.
Speaker 3 (00:15):
Oh I was, Oh there was Wait what shocked? You
don't know this about me? I had?
Speaker 2 (00:21):
I mean, I guess when I think about it, And
if I was to take more of a empathetic moment
to think about the outcome, I would have gone, I
bet you she doesn't like this. But if I'm being honest,
it was a little bit of a selfish, like, oh.
Speaker 3 (00:36):
This is gonna be fun moment for one of us.
Speaker 1 (00:39):
I'm trying to figure out what's happening.
Speaker 3 (00:41):
Okay, it happened to you too this morning. Oh oh
you did that? I scared.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
So I just was like, you know, do something fun. Yeah,
I was, And so I put my little camera up
and I scared. Kristen was first because you were right
behind me her and so I scared her and I
think we almost broke up.
Speaker 3 (01:05):
Oh.
Speaker 4 (01:06):
I do not like being scared at all. If she
was wearing a mask, we would.
Speaker 3 (01:12):
Actually I probably would have walked out. I don't like it.
Speaker 2 (01:15):
Which I honestly thought about it because those masks are
that I have those red leg mask. I literally thought
about that, or the mask from the Mass singer, you
know the little visor thing. Oh Alan scared me with
that one time. He was scared though, But yeah, I'm sorry.
I had no idea. I just thought it was going
to be funny and it was not for you. Oh
(01:35):
still still shaking, heart rates, still elevator.
Speaker 1 (01:37):
So what's so funny about this is I had no
idea that this happened before you scared me. And then
I go in immediately talking about how much I appreciate the.
Speaker 3 (01:46):
Screw good scare and she's like, what do you do?
And I was like wait what.
Speaker 4 (01:50):
I was like opposite day. I mean, we couldn't have
reacted any more opposite. You were just like oh and
then went and washed her hands. I'm like calling a
counselor and debating a full friendship, and.
Speaker 3 (02:02):
I was like, high five grader, got job where we
come from. I just never liked it. Yeah, yeah, I
don't know.
Speaker 1 (02:09):
I've never there's something deep down in there.
Speaker 2 (02:12):
Can I tell you I started something really fast. This
is the first thing you and my ex have ever
had in common.
Speaker 1 (02:18):
I was thinking the same thing I.
Speaker 2 (02:21):
Will never forget when we were in when he was
still living in Maryland.
Speaker 3 (02:25):
I love a good scare. I just do.
Speaker 2 (02:27):
I again, I don't like being scared, but I appreciate
a good scare, right because it's but there's also something
so thrilling about to be scaring someone, do you know, Yeah,
like if we do it the kids that we all
do it to each other, like it's a thing, right, Yeah, I.
Speaker 3 (02:45):
Know this is right. So oh it's so opposite.
Speaker 2 (02:54):
I remember the very first time he was downstairs and
I'm by, I'm like in his room where he has
to come up the stairs, and I this should have
been like one of the first very big signs.
Speaker 3 (03:06):
Of his reactions when you look back. I look back,
and I'm like, that's not how he was so mean.
Speaker 2 (03:16):
He got angry, I mean angry, and I was like,
like slammed his saint.
Speaker 3 (03:22):
I was like, it was the first time. I was
like again, thinking.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
Back now, I'm like, this is a foreshadowing moment I
should probably have paid a little closer attention to.
Speaker 3 (03:31):
But yeah, learning the lesson on that one.
Speaker 2 (03:33):
So I'm like you and mic are actually I feel
like in all the times we've talked about this about Mike,
I don't know about that we would.
Speaker 1 (03:39):
Have found out that you didn't like it.
Speaker 2 (03:41):
I don't. I don't think i've ever shared the scare
part though. I don't getting angry, yeah, you know, because
I get terrified. So I'm going to tell this really,
really brief. But I was in high school and there
was a haunted corn maze Michigan. Don't like those either,
Yeah you don't. I'm not a big because I don't
want to be trapped.
Speaker 3 (03:59):
Nothing scared. Yeah about being everything is scary to me.
Speaker 4 (04:02):
So I were in the haunted corn maze and I'm
walking and I'm they've they knew I was afraid, so
they put me in like a little huddle. So I
was kind of like the middle of a little circle
of people in a little pod like minions, just going
around whatever.
Speaker 3 (04:14):
And there was this.
Speaker 4 (04:16):
Girl that came up and she had a varsity jacket
on from a town over and she was like, I
got lost for my group. She looked terrified, and so
you know, I've stayed consistent since eighteen seventeen year old me.
So I say, come with us, you know, and I
pull her in and I've linked arms with her, and
she's walking with us in the little bubble and the
little minions boo boo boop. Two seconds later, chainsaw guy
(04:37):
pops out, grabs her.
Speaker 3 (04:39):
And pulls her in.
Speaker 4 (04:40):
She's part of it, And I don't know that that's good.
Speaker 3 (04:45):
Mental breakdown, it's good. That's really good. Mental breakdown.
Speaker 4 (04:48):
Yeah, mental breakdown, fetal position, middle of the maze.
Speaker 3 (04:52):
I say, this isn't funny.
Speaker 4 (04:54):
I want out, like I mean, I like lost it,
and I've never I don't I've never been in a
haunted house.
Speaker 1 (04:59):
Since I've never seen that happened before.
Speaker 4 (05:01):
It was I mean, honestly, objectively brilliant. Yes, Also I
think I still need trauma therapy.
Speaker 3 (05:06):
Well, this might explain some things.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
So I remember going to the place it is Anaheim.
I can't remember the name now, but it was a
big haunted house. And again I'm not I don't love
hant houses because I don't know where my exit is
and I'm a very much like I need to normal
exitus and he needs to know how to get out.
Don't feel trapped, But I just I find it's so good.
Speaker 3 (05:27):
I don't know. I love a good boo, happy happy
boo month. Guys, please don't do it to me.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
I know I wouldn't because.
Speaker 3 (05:36):
I know you hate it. No, it's not even like,
oh that was funny, got me.
Speaker 2 (05:40):
I'm like, we have we have boundaries though, around our
booths in our house. So Alan is not allowed to
boo me from he can't be outside because my one
of my big that's fair, uh fears is when I'm
home alone, when I go to the lock up, because
that's it's wooded in the back right, and so my
biggest fear of seeing someone just standing there.
Speaker 3 (06:00):
Ever since only we say these things out loud on here,
because now I'm badly want to show up. Did you kidding?
I would never do that to you. I just would
never do that to you. Wouldn't do it. But gosh,
you're just tempting me so much. Catherarancy is a playbook.
I see a safety hazard. I don't like. It's just
what we are so also different. So it's and yeah,
(06:21):
it's it's terrifying. It's terrific.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
I mean, I even now that I have my little
ring cameras in my backyard, I still will look to
be like, you know, do I see anybody just standing there?
Because it just it's it's and that's been since I
was twelve years old babysitting, you know, of course, of course, yeah,
and that's just kind of carried with me through my
adolescent So that piece of it, I'm like, you were
not allowed to go outside and scare me like that.
Speaker 3 (06:42):
Yeah, So but I could do it to him if
I want to do Yeah.
Speaker 4 (06:47):
Yeah, but a fake murderer in the house is super
fun to everyone.
Speaker 3 (06:50):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (06:50):
Sometimes when he goes out to his bathroom to go poop,
he's like a poop bathroom outside. I'll stand outside. But
one time I'll stand out there for like twenty minutes.
I was like, I say, I.
Speaker 3 (07:00):
Was like, I'm tired.
Speaker 1 (07:02):
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 3 (07:03):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (07:03):
Anyways, Happy Boo month. Guys, do you have a well hold?
Speaker 1 (07:08):
I have a question? And you said there were two
reasons that started off rocky this morning.
Speaker 3 (07:12):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:13):
A couple of weeks ago, we posted a Instagram about
who was my ride or di Oh, and yeah, I
had a lot of people slide in being like Christen's
going to be really upset about this and very insensitive.
Speaker 4 (07:29):
And oh I got a lot of messages really I'm sorry, and.
Speaker 3 (07:36):
A couple of potstars. I did have a couple of pots.
I'm a good potstar. I love it quote.
Speaker 4 (07:42):
You're obsessed with being her best friend. I was like, I,
I mean, obsessed is a word I kind of like,
but I wouldn't use that. But I had to just say,
I actually don't disagree that Kat's the rider.
Speaker 3 (07:55):
Die. Oh I don't.
Speaker 4 (07:57):
I said, Catherine has been in a lot a lot
of chapters, in a lot of spaces with Jana that
I couldn't be in for whatever reason, whether it was
that we didn't know each other yet, or like family
or whatever. And I said, I don't disagree. And I
said Kat is a national treasure. Oh that's sweet. And
she knows all my secrets.
Speaker 3 (08:14):
She even said it when she's posting it. She was like,
because she knows all my.
Speaker 2 (08:17):
Secrets, every single one of my voice members, which drives me.
Speaker 1 (08:22):
Why did she.
Speaker 2 (08:24):
By the way, it is insurance, it says captain marriage
And I'm like.
Speaker 3 (08:29):
Did you still say that? Yes, I changed the setting. No, MA,
I think you say that, Yeah, Kit Cat doesn't.
Speaker 1 (08:36):
Everyone's hey, I'm here for it. But the sad thing
is is I don't still have them.
Speaker 3 (08:39):
You know, That's not why I'm not really like, oh,
I know.
Speaker 1 (08:42):
I know, Hey, I am fine with being that, but
I think it's also important to note you can have
lots of best friends.
Speaker 3 (08:50):
And it be different. You know, oh for sure.
Speaker 4 (08:53):
That's so I'm sorry, though, Oh I actually didn't, I
have like zero feelings.
Speaker 3 (08:59):
I was like, I would just a really agree people.
Speaker 1 (09:01):
Yeah, but it's funny feelings.
Speaker 4 (09:03):
Other people have feelings or that people think you can
still only have one best friend, right right, right.
Speaker 2 (09:08):
Well, you chose to go to dinner with us, so
I mean I could have put those true.
Speaker 3 (09:12):
She would have put both of us had you been there.
It's fair. I know this about her though, I mean
she and I.
Speaker 1 (09:19):
Love that about you, having said that you used to
call everybody, everybody your best friend.
Speaker 3 (09:24):
And this is when I was like, actually, just like.
Speaker 1 (09:28):
Actually her only really best friend, okay, And I'm like.
Speaker 3 (09:32):
Okay, now, I'm like actually kind of getting offended.
Speaker 1 (09:35):
But like you say, like we're saying it to you,
doesn't offend me in the least because you are a
best friend.
Speaker 3 (09:40):
You know, you are her best friend.
Speaker 1 (09:41):
But like when she used to say it to like
the random people, and I was like, mmm, not no,
not cool.
Speaker 4 (09:46):
Well, she used to say best friend, and then she
used to say bestie, and I feel like the besties
were a tear down. Yeah, it's just an easy way
of saying that truth. I love that we're talking about
you like you're not.
Speaker 3 (09:56):
This is just I love this. I love that about you,
though things I don't don't love about you? Are you
scaring the sh.
Speaker 2 (10:04):
I just I love October? I do I hate October.
Speaker 4 (10:08):
I do love October. You don't like October. I'm ready
to get to November.
Speaker 3 (10:11):
First.
Speaker 4 (10:12):
Oh, everything is scary. You can't even walk into a Walgreens.
You're gonna hate the man that we put up on
our front porch.
Speaker 3 (10:19):
Oh, I love that guy. Yeah, he's great.
Speaker 4 (10:21):
Yeah, And honestly, everything is scary. I'm like, I'll just
be in my house until November.
Speaker 3 (10:28):
First.
Speaker 1 (10:28):
The kid at twelve years old, babysitting and watching no
movies about the babysitter with the man outside. Now, it's
so terrified me. But I just I'm messed up. I
guess I like to be scared. I don't know.
Speaker 2 (10:41):
Yeah, I mean I will watch a movie with both
hands over my face, but still keep a.
Speaker 4 (10:47):
Little crazy to see you grease a little, a little
opening and people write, did have you watched Abbot Elementary?
Speaker 3 (10:53):
And I'm like, is it scary?
Speaker 2 (10:55):
Is it?
Speaker 1 (10:56):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (10:56):
Abbot Elementary? I think it's a comedy. Yeah. She was like,
my first question is it scary? Because I'm not even watching?
Speaker 2 (11:02):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (11:03):
Yeah you did.
Speaker 2 (11:03):
I'd love to be in a movie like The Strangers,
one of my favorite.
Speaker 3 (11:06):
I love that movie. You haven't watched it? Watched the
first one? It's so good, so good. Did you watch
the other one? The second one? I watched, Yeah, but
it wasn't it wasn't as good.
Speaker 2 (11:15):
Yeah, but yeah, it's it's a classic October movie. But
my mom didn't like Halloween ever, so we never had
any Halloween direct decorations. Really wasn't a fan of it.
So I don't know. I've all I think I've tried
to go opposite and just like really own into the season.
And this is I'm not gonna say what it is, but.
Speaker 3 (11:36):
We have you know.
Speaker 2 (11:38):
I always like to do a good family yeah costume.
We didn't do it the last year because you know,
the kids all kind of wanted to be telling something different.
But I got them on something this year. It's gonna
be so fun good.
Speaker 4 (11:47):
We picktars finally, I'm terrible that I I'll do so
that's what's weird. I actually dislike Halloween so much, but
Love loves the costumes, so I go all in for her.
We're not out, I don't, but it's gonna be tricky
to find group costumes. That's where I'm stuck. So we
have one this year. I don't know that it's my favorite,
but we're doing it.
Speaker 2 (12:20):
I have actually a questioned about Halloween because there's some
that don't do it because the Christianity piece of it.
Speaker 3 (12:27):
What are you all thoughts on that?
Speaker 1 (12:29):
I've never really dug into that. We've always either celebrated Halloween.
It's never been a huge, you know, holiday in our house.
But I guess I can see where they're coming from.
It's just not been something that I've necessarily dug into
a whole lot.
Speaker 4 (12:43):
I think the way we do it is just the imagination,
and that's it, because we're not doing anything spooky scary,
like it's just pumpkins.
Speaker 1 (12:49):
And it could probably get to a point where it's like, Okay,
you know, this is a little our school demoonic and stuff.
I can understand that, but it's just never been something.
Speaker 2 (12:59):
That, yeah, anything else Oh yeah, Should I go into
my mind about it because I am like two hours
of sleep y'all?
Speaker 1 (13:08):
Uh oh, I can't wait to see how the rest
of us went.
Speaker 2 (13:13):
Oh okay, it is also October, which is domestic violence
wearin this month, and there are some things coming up
this month. We're going I'm actually, guys, there's I'm gonna okay,
there's two pieces to this whole entire thing, because I
actually want to talk about one piece of it and
then the other piece. I want to talk about what
happened a couple weeks ago. So I talked about this
(13:33):
in my book. But three am, when I was with
my first abuser, he would take me out of bed,
throw me down on the floor, beat the living crap
out of me. So I was always really, you know,
terrified whatever, And when we broke up, it was always
(13:54):
when I was ever alone, three in the morning. Was
my body trauma response to that happening. So, you know,
worked through a therapy, the whole thing got on medication
stopped for a while, but then it would happen again.
When you know, when I was married, the anxiety came back.
I think because I was in a toxic situation that
(14:17):
was possibly reminding me of certain situations from my former abuser.
One of the reasons, and this is so silly to admit,
but like one of the reasons I didn't want to
leave Mike was because I was like, I don't think
I can be home alone because I don't think that
I can I can do it, like I need to
have him there, and I don't.
Speaker 3 (14:37):
I won't be able to sleep.
Speaker 2 (14:38):
And so you know, I've had like you come over before, friends,
I've called a like emergency the trucks. Oh, I was
having it, yeah, a con panic attack because I would
like pass out, like and so freak out. So cut
to all those things. Obviously, I worked through it with
my divorce. I got to a part with Amy and
just you know, from having to just forcing myself like
(15:01):
I have to do this and you'll get through it.
So it took me a minute, but I was able
to finally not wake up at three in the morning
and I was able to be alone.
Speaker 3 (15:08):
Right.
Speaker 2 (15:08):
So Alan was just out of town a couple weeks
ago and.
Speaker 3 (15:17):
Three am no, and I was like, damn it.
Speaker 2 (15:21):
And now typically now this happens when he's out of town,
like I'll wake up at the three am, and typically
I know how to talk myself out of the panic attack.
I'm like, you know, you're not alone, like and I'll
scroll or I'll look like my little Bible app like
there's things that I'll do that gets my mind off
of it because i know now, like I'm good, I'm
actually not alone. And this is where I like lean
into my faith and do all that. But what happened
(15:43):
was was that. So that happened. So we Catherine and
I went to this event, and in my mind, I'm like,
I'm going to trick the devil in this. What I'm
going to do is I'm going to stay up late
so that I don't wake up at three am, right,
because I'm like, surely I won't do that because I'll
(16:04):
be so tired. Well, the problem is is that I've
now psyched myself out like everybody's going to sleep right
because it's now midnight, and I'm like, oh God, like
now now I'm over tired because I'm exhausted right, Like
I want to go to I usually go to sleep
like ten thirty. So this is a very long story.
So I'm texting Cat. I know she's awake because she's
a night owl. And she even said in the car
(16:24):
that day, She's like, yeah, I don't what time do.
Speaker 3 (16:26):
You go to bed? At twelve?
Speaker 2 (16:28):
Yeah, I'm like, hey girl, so I'm doing what you're doing,
you know, I'm staying up. But then I started to
panic because I'm like, all right, now everyone's going to sleep.
Now I'm now I'm awake, you know. And now I'm
like now I'm rolling alone. And so then I start
to just like have this like up and down panic moment.
But I was like, cat, can you leave your phone on,
like just if I like need to call you? And
I got back to that point where I was like
own a friend, Like I were just like I need
I just need to know that like someone is awake,
(16:50):
that would be awake. You know.
Speaker 3 (16:51):
I'm actually never going to call you.
Speaker 2 (16:53):
Yeah yeah in the middle of the night, but like
I know that if I did call, you'd be yeah,
oh maybe yeah.
Speaker 1 (17:00):
Well then I was like really nervous because look, if
I don't hear this and it calls, like turn it
up real loud.
Speaker 3 (17:05):
So you said, this is the first time.
Speaker 1 (17:06):
That's the first time I have left my phone on.
I mean, if a kid was spending the night out
every now and then but Nick's is real is usually on,
so I don't even worry about that because then they
would call him. I never leave it on. I always
have it is silent. That's why I miss most calls
because my phone is just silent, so if I'm not
looking at it, I don't hear it or no, it's
(17:27):
you know. But I was like, yes, I'll leave it on,
and I.
Speaker 3 (17:29):
Was like, turn it up, turn it up. I know
you generally don't call.
Speaker 1 (17:33):
Yeah, I mean we've done this several times through the years,
you know, and we're even in the same hotel room.
If we're in a different hotel and same hotel in
different hotel rooms, sometimes you'll ask me to leave it on,
and I do you never call this?
Speaker 3 (17:45):
Is that rider or die territory. I'm talking about it
because I am double magnesium and cozy. No chance of
getting gave me up and I have been.
Speaker 2 (17:54):
Yeah, but it was one of those things where it's
like and then by the time that it was not
then it was one o'clock, right, So I'm just like,
then I in my mind it's like, now I'm gonna
get it. No sleep because now I'm creeping up to
that three o'clock. So it's like I built myself up
to get to this point when I thought I would
just you know, be fine. So I'm then you know,
now I'm facetiming Alan because he's awake in London. You know, say, baby,
(18:14):
what are you scared about? And I was like, it's
not even I was like, I'm good, Like I'm not
having a like, yes, my heart rates slightly elevated and
you know, I'm getting anxious. I was like, but i
know how to work myself out of it. I'm like,
and I know I'm fine. I know, you know, Pam's
just right there, and I know Catholics like, I know,
I'm fine. I was like, but my body remembers it differently.
And I was like, and I guess maybe that's my
wind about it, as like I appreciate the body to
(18:37):
always protect you, but what I don't love is that,
Like I was like crying about it last night because
I was like, I'm good, but I'm just me like
really tired too. But I'm like it was like I
was literally like screaming in my bathroom. I was like, God,
just go to sleep, like you are fine. No one's
gonna hurt you. Like you're good, and I'm just like discourage,
you know, and I'm almost like texted Amy to be like, well, shit,
(18:59):
we gotta work on this again. But it's like I
don't love that piece where the where the body can
make you go back into that place of like you
got to protect yourself. I'm like I'm nothing to protect
myself against. Like I know, I'm like safe and like
it's all good, but like I it ficks me up
when it like brings me back to that. So I
finally fall asleep at like one thirty time to make
(19:20):
up that three.
Speaker 3 (19:21):
I want to hold you.
Speaker 1 (19:23):
Well, and it's like your mind is telling you your
first time that you're fine, but your body is still just.
Speaker 4 (19:30):
And you're tired, so that doesn't help. So then the
more tired you get, the worse you can't get a
good clear grip on yourself.
Speaker 2 (19:37):
So I'm like texting on and I'm like fuck me.
I was like I'm like, I was like this is
so frustrating, and like luckily I fell like to sleep fine,
like I think, I like went to sleep at like
three thirty and then you know, woke up at seven,
so like great, but it's just that like why you
know what I mean, Like what, like I know I'm safe,
I know I'm good, and it's like and I was
(19:57):
like trying to beat the system to stay awake later,
so I just I don't understand.
Speaker 3 (20:01):
I think I to get it.
Speaker 4 (20:03):
Yeah, I think Also, and I've said this before too,
there's like we attach a judgment to a feeling and that's.
Speaker 3 (20:10):
The danger for you.
Speaker 2 (20:13):
And like I was like why so many years post
like you're weak when you said that story, I was
that's the part I heard the most.
Speaker 3 (20:20):
It was like you should be over this. Why are
you do It's like it's okay to just what are
you scared of?
Speaker 4 (20:26):
Yeah, like the judgment attaching and judgment to the feeling
is the really like dangerous part because you really are
fine and you're also still human, it's okay. Like I
feel that way with a loud noise, So I grew
up or.
Speaker 3 (20:41):
Being scared like a hip friend like I was.
Speaker 4 (20:43):
To no no, no no no, like if I had
like a trauma from being like jumped at or no.
But like in my house even I feel a visceral
reaction when something's really loud, because growing up was very loud.
It was raid and it was holes and walls, things
that were just really big noises, so that instant something's
(21:07):
too loud, something drops, something falls, like I can feel
it down my spine. It's like a fight or flight response.
And I sometimes am like, why is that still a thing?
Like I'm you know whatever, But I think we are
still human. You know, if you were in the woods, right,
we have to remember, like you're just still a human being.
Speaker 3 (21:26):
If you were, it's it's.
Speaker 4 (21:28):
Primal, Like if you were in the woods and know
that in the middle of the night something could attack you, well,
then your humanness is going to remember that to protect you.
Speaker 2 (21:38):
Because it's like everyone's sleep, Like who could actually help me?
You know in the end of the night, like everyone's
sill sleep. That's like just me.
Speaker 3 (21:45):
But I literally had to repeat Scripture to fall asleep, so.
Speaker 1 (21:48):
I often did your brain still tell you that when
you wake up? Like initially, oh yeah, like you're alone,
no one could help you.
Speaker 3 (21:54):
You're all like you're alone.
Speaker 2 (21:55):
You'll you'll like someone's like it's like it's like not
saying someone's gonna come get you, but it's like if
it's your waiting for the attack, you know what I mean,
You're waiting for someone to barge through the door. Like
it's that like right right, yes, Like I'm like look
at the camera, you know what I mean, Like and
like listen, he's long gone, you know what I mean.
Speaker 4 (22:13):
But one might creep you out, but I like to
So I'm home alone a lot, you know, and I
don't super love it, but I will envision like Jesus
doing a prayer walk outside my house, Like I just
envision like like like a night guard, like he's doing
that just all around my house, like there's just no
like love and protected. And then if I feel super
(22:35):
anxious in the middle of the night, I imagine his
hand against like my heart. Just calm, just like calm,
and I just take a deep breath and I will say,
and I these words always Jesus be near lowers everything
in my body. Yeah, so I just I say it
out loud, though I can't because sometimes even just hearing
yourself instead of like our thoughts are so spirally. But
(22:57):
then the minute you put a voice to it, like
an actual like audio, you're like, okay, you're right, Like yeah,
I'm okay.
Speaker 2 (23:03):
And I don't know if this is exact scripture, but
I was like casting all your fears on him because
he cares for you. Like I was right, I was
just like saying I said over and over until I
eventually fell back asleep.
Speaker 3 (23:11):
Yeah, like you're his and he wants to.
Speaker 1 (23:13):
Protect And I think seeing that, like it sounds like, yes,
you still woke up, but you went to sleep quicker
and seeing the positive and the you're moving forward, you know,
and I understand that's probably frustrating. It's like your anxiety
was gone after your divorce, you know, it was like
miraculously gone.
Speaker 3 (23:29):
And it's not like I'm having anxiety.
Speaker 2 (23:31):
It's like but it's like, because I know how to
work through it now, you're not having the moment where
before like I would I would I would be so
panicked that I would pass out instantly and have that
dizzy because it's like my I was telling Amy, I'm like,
I'd go from like zero to one hundred.
Speaker 3 (23:46):
I can't stop it.
Speaker 2 (23:47):
We've worked on it to where I can wake up
and have a little and be like I'm good, everything's fine.
Speaker 1 (23:53):
You know, well, so this is just another little blip
that you're that you know how to handle it now,
so just you.
Speaker 3 (23:59):
Know, augment to that couraging yeah.
Speaker 1 (24:02):
I mean I can see where that would be super
but I want to like slurging because I think it's
great that you can get yourself out of it. Like, well,
that's what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (24:11):
To do that now, I would be like someone could
hear now, like i'd be calling you, like begging you
to come over in the morning.
Speaker 3 (24:16):
Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 1 (24:18):
But I think seeing the positives in it have to be,
you know, important too. But I understand that that was
I mean, I've I can't relate.
Speaker 3 (24:25):
I truly can't, and I don't know.
Speaker 1 (24:27):
That's why I asked these questions because I'm curious what
it feels like, what that is, you know, and so
I don't you know, I don't have advice, I don't
have whatever. But to me, I'm hearing the positive in it.
Like just when we were talking about it a couple
of weeks ago, when it was I couldn't go to
sleep for an hour.
Speaker 3 (24:43):
I couldn't.
Speaker 1 (24:44):
I'm like, okay, great, we got thirty minutes, you know,
so maybe new pre getting somewhere.
Speaker 3 (24:49):
It's a new PR personal record. Oh there we go.
Speaker 1 (24:52):
Yeah, yeah, but I'm sorry that's frustrated.
Speaker 2 (24:54):
It's like I just wish that I don't know if
it's just so. So this month we're going to to
have Amy Alexander, our therapist, come on and we're going
to talk about DV and you know, I'm interested because
again we've talked about it, but I'm just curious why
if it's something I just have to even rework the hour,
you know, because I've got some friends that are like, no,
(25:15):
my time is four twenty six or I don't know,
it's like and then it's just a habit to then you'rely, does.
Speaker 1 (25:21):
It become like a habit? Yeah, well this was going
to be my question. And it also happens i'm alone,
that's okay. That was one of my questions, like a
baby next time, And I didn't want to seem insensitive,
but I have heard is it cortisol if you wake
up like two or three in the morning, Like could
there be a correlation? But yeah, my blood work is great,
A been fine. So that's like just you know, yeah,
(25:43):
when you're just alone.
Speaker 2 (25:44):
So but yes, so she's coming on and then we're
going to try to get another survivor coming on and
then you guys, this is the piece where I'm you
don't bust say yeah, where I don't I don't know
what to do. So back in when Dancing with the Stars,
(26:05):
when I came out with the DV DV story, do
you remember who recontacted us? Yeah, So one of the
daughters that I had no idea about of my first
abuser wanted to have a conversation and I, you know,
I spoke to her a little bit, but then I
stopped because it was just too traumatizing, too too much,
(26:29):
and so on one of my like why what do
you want to know? Wednesdays she had and I've I've
been thinking about her to be like, I'm sorry I
essentially ghosted you, like because I did. Like She's like
I really would like to get on the phone, but
I just couldn't handle it at time, Like I just
was like, I'm out, I'm tapping out. But also it's
like she never knew her father, you know, you know,
(26:54):
I unfortunately knew him in a bad way, you know,
So I'm like what. So basically, she she ended up
being like could could I ever could we have a
conversation on your podcast about it?
Speaker 3 (27:05):
Wow?
Speaker 2 (27:07):
And I'm like maybe, Like and then I'm you know,
so I'm trying to think, like how can this help her?
Because you now she's a grown woman in her thirties.
But I'm like, is that going to be too is
it too traumata? Is it too much? Or do I
is there? Does it open a wound that isn't helpful
or is there a piece in it? I don't know,
(27:28):
you guys, I'm really torn and I don't know.
Speaker 3 (27:30):
What to do.
Speaker 2 (27:31):
Oh that's tough because she's the victim of someone who
you know, and she's the How don't I say that?
Like she you know, she's the child of an abuser,
but that didn't know her father in that like ever
in that way?
Speaker 3 (27:44):
Does she know him at all? I don't think so,
I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (27:47):
She's also about it in just a different way.
Speaker 2 (27:49):
It's gotten like a multiple kids that I had no clue,
but I only knew about one.
Speaker 1 (27:54):
What's hard for me? Sorry not to I don't know
what's hard for me. Like my topics and my initial
thought it's what can this do to help her? Not
thinking about you, but what can this do to help her?
And my fear in that is how does that help her?
And maybe that's something we don't know. Maybe there is
(28:15):
a way that that helps her, But are you. You're
essentially coming with a bunch of negative things because it's
your experience about her dad, and I have a hard
time seeing how that helps her. I don't see how
that's helpful. But maybe it is just because she needs
to talk to someone that knew him in general.
Speaker 3 (28:33):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (28:34):
Yeah, And as far as you go opening up a way,
you know, I.
Speaker 3 (28:39):
Always want to help people. I think it would be
great for you.
Speaker 1 (28:43):
I don't know coming from a therapy point of view
and how that opens up wounds, but in the way
that you are and the way that you want to
help people, I actually think it could be beautiful. I
don't know how I feel about it on the podcast. Sorry, guys,
I'm gonna be honest. I feel like there needs to
be a discussion before orhand. Probably I would have a podcast.
I kind of agree. Yeah, that's just so how can
(29:05):
you be full? And I know we get really but
can she really be fully authentic and without any kind
of conversation before? I would worry about that for both
of y'all.
Speaker 4 (29:15):
And almost like I want someone to mediate a little
Yeah that was another someone like a trained professional, Yeah,
you know, like maybe an amy or somebody that can
really know and be detached and speak some life and
keep it. I think with any conversation, you know, obviously
you're in any conversation, you're talking to a different person,
(29:37):
so you just never know their side. But if you
can be prayerful about how you want it to be
and at a therapist once it said it's all about
how you walk into a room. So if you just
have a posture of like, this is how I want
it to be, not on her side, but your side,
and how you want to show up, I think it
could be good. But I think the mediation piece could
be helpful.
Speaker 1 (29:55):
Well, I I mean being I'll just go ahead and
say it too my other again, initial reac this is
the first time I'm hearing about this is why does
she want to come on the podcast to talk about it?
Speaker 3 (30:05):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (30:05):
Same, And I think she has bad mentions intimately, But
I'm like, if she genuinely just wants to get to
know you and talk to you as her someone who
was with her father, to me, that's a conversation not
on the podcast at first. If it gets to a
point where y'all go sit down with a therapist and
y'all have kind of talked through some things and then
y'all want to share what has come out of that
(30:26):
on the podcast. I think that's great, But me being
the person I am, I question why she's saying specifically
can I come on the podcast?
Speaker 4 (30:33):
Like I'm having a hard time figuring out. Like Amy
reached out to me and was like, you know, I
know that you're part of these conversations and given like
the history, you know, with the way you grew up
in things like are you do you feel comfortable talking
about this? You know you can always say no, She's
so protective, And I said no, and Janma said the
same thing, you know, like are you comfortable with it?
(30:54):
And I'm having a hard time, not hard time, but
I'm being very prayer for about how much I share
what I share and I am a daughter of that well,
and that's.
Speaker 2 (31:08):
The piece where yeah, And that's the piece where I'm like,
you know, we've talked to other victims of DV I've
shared some of my experiences, we haven't really talked to
the people that were not directly like sure physically her.
It's the people around like you the daughter of she
was the daughter of, you know, and it's like, you know, again,
(31:30):
she didn't see what you saw it, but it's like,
you know, I saw my own things. So it's like,
you know, it's I.
Speaker 4 (31:35):
Just wonder what her I would be. Maybe that's the question,
like what is your goal? What in an ideal world,
what would you get out of this conversation that could
be helpful to you? Because I want to be able
to provide that to you and also honor and protect myself.
Speaker 1 (31:49):
Yeah, I think it could in the end be very
helpful for a lot of people. I would just think
if you are up for it, doing it first intimately
and then maybe coming on here and.
Speaker 3 (31:59):
Talk for sure.
Speaker 2 (32:00):
And I was like, so I was thinking about it
when she she had asked, I'm like, October is coming up,
and you know, I do want to honor as much
as I can because I don't talk about it a lot,
you know. So yeah, I have some more conversations. Yeah,
anybody else want to wind about it? Anyone want to
bring it up a little better?
Speaker 3 (32:17):
Bring it up or lighter like light lighter wines.
Speaker 1 (32:22):
Oh gosh, all my wines are deep, so white wines,
white wines, light wines. Yeah, I don't really I feel
like we have kind of wind.
Speaker 3 (32:32):
Yeah, I have something I'm pinning way too much.
Speaker 1 (32:35):
Another time we wind about waking up, I think we
definitely got our wine in.
Speaker 3 (32:39):
We did. Okay, Yeah, that's like we can bring it up.
And I'm really proud of you. Yes, very for real. Hijiana.
Speaker 2 (32:59):
Cat and I've been divorced for two years and I'm
just starting to dip my toe back into dating. I
have two kids, seven and nine, and I'm realizing how
much the dating world has changed since I was last single.
I'm overwhelmed by the apps and I feel like every
guy I meet either once something super casual or is
scared off by the mom label. How do I even
start dating again without feeling like I have to hide
(33:21):
half my life just to get a second date? Is
this just what dating is now? And any advice I'm
where to try and meet someone who isn't scared to
date a single mom. You know this is hard because
I actually have a girlfriend that I walk with sometimes
and she's she's single, she's got two kids, and she
actually just her and her boyfriend had broken up because
(33:41):
he's got kids too, and you know, he's building a
house and he's like, I don't have a room for you.
Speaker 3 (33:45):
Guys. And I'm like, what like a oh.
Speaker 2 (33:48):
Crushing And she's like and I go listen, someone will
love you and your kids like their own and make
the room the ones that really truly agreed. Yeah, but
is it's such a because you do come as a
package deal, you know, like I remember that same feeling
being you know, datings with you know, single mom and
(34:08):
the kids. It's like it's for those people that didn't
have kids. But it's like these are this is this
is my package. You come with it or you don't,
but I don't. I don't say you hid to. It's
like being a mom is beautiful and embrace it and
the right person will love all of you.
Speaker 3 (34:22):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (34:23):
I think the perspective shift needs to be that you
are trying to find someone that is good enough for you.
Speaker 3 (34:28):
Yeah, don't be don't be on the juror be the judge.
That's right. When I can imagine.
Speaker 1 (34:35):
Getting to a point, you know, like I would want
to just say it right away, yeah, I wouldn't even
go on a date with someone if they didn't know. Yeah,
because at that point, what's the point in getting somewhere
with somebody just for them to say, oh wait, you
have kids.
Speaker 2 (34:47):
I remember when I was doing my Riyah profile, I
had a picture of me and my two kids, and
one of my girlfriends was like, change that.
Speaker 3 (34:54):
Immediately.
Speaker 2 (34:55):
I was like, but I'm I'm putting it right out
there right now, like I'm a mom.
Speaker 3 (34:58):
Of two kids. Don't contact me if you don't want to.
I did. I put it as like my second it's
still there.
Speaker 1 (35:02):
Though it's still there, but I mean I'll told everybody.
Speaker 3 (35:06):
Yeah, I mean your uncle away.
Speaker 1 (35:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (35:08):
Yeah. I just feel like she Yeah.
Speaker 4 (35:11):
I love the idea of her walking down and setting
the table and being like, we'll see if this one
makes the cut, instead of her trying to make the
cut for someone.
Speaker 3 (35:18):
Yes, yeah, I like that.
Speaker 1 (35:19):
Yeah for sure.
Speaker 4 (35:20):
Get in there, girl, and the right person is going
to be like I actually love kids.
Speaker 3 (35:25):
Amen.
Speaker 2 (35:27):
The right one will love every piece of you, that's right.
And he may be in Europe. We want to give
you that disclaim.
Speaker 3 (35:33):
Yeah, it's on her seat.
Speaker 4 (35:35):
We had a lot of rules when we were dating
here in Hot Girls Summer, and one of them was
we weren't going to go international.
Speaker 3 (35:40):
And now look at you, Cramer.
Speaker 2 (35:41):
Well, I think one of those things to people are like, oh,
he lives in you know, Dallas or this place. I'm like,
my husband was over Adees, like, if the man wants
to be with you, he's going to be with.
Speaker 3 (35:52):
A will find a way. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (35:54):
I also love a good I mean, listen, you're talking
to the chick that does it alone a lot. But
I love a little space. I think it's lovely to
have your own little.
Speaker 3 (36:01):
I do too. Once I get past my three am,
I was like, she really did time. I still do
not used.
Speaker 2 (36:07):
To having you know, like Alan, he's usually here, you know. Yeah,
I could get back in the rhythm of it. Anyways,
Love you.
Speaker 3 (36:14):
Guys, Love you. See you next week. Don't scare me again.
I will
Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heeart Radio podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
Hi girls, Hi, We started this off a little rocky,
and I just feel like I have to apologize because
I found something out about KB that I had no
idea about.
Speaker 3 (00:15):
Oh I was, Oh there was Wait what shocked? You
don't know this about me? I had?
Speaker 2 (00:21):
I mean, I guess when I think about it, And
if I was to take more of a empathetic moment
to think about the outcome, I would have gone, I
bet you she doesn't like this. But if I'm being honest,
it was a little bit of a selfish, like, oh.
Speaker 3 (00:36):
This is gonna be fun moment for one of us.
Speaker 1 (00:39):
I'm trying to figure out what's happening.
Speaker 3 (00:41):
Okay, it happened to you too this morning. Oh oh
you did that? I scared.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
So I just was like, you know, do something fun. Yeah,
I was, And so I put my little camera up
and I scared. Kristen was first because you were right
behind me her and so I scared her and I
think we almost broke up.
Speaker 3 (01:05):
Oh.
Speaker 4 (01:06):
I do not like being scared at all. If she
was wearing a mask, we would.
Speaker 3 (01:12):
Actually I probably would have walked out. I don't like it.
Speaker 2 (01:15):
Which I honestly thought about it because those masks are
that I have those red leg mask. I literally thought
about that, or the mask from the Mass singer, you
know the little visor thing. Oh Alan scared me with
that one time. He was scared though, But yeah, I'm sorry.
I had no idea. I just thought it was going
to be funny and it was not for you. Oh
(01:35):
still still shaking, heart rates, still elevator.
Speaker 1 (01:37):
So what's so funny about this is I had no
idea that this happened before you scared me. And then
I go in immediately talking about how much I appreciate the.
Speaker 3 (01:46):
Screw good scare and she's like, what do you do?
And I was like wait what.
Speaker 4 (01:50):
I was like opposite day. I mean, we couldn't have
reacted any more opposite. You were just like oh and
then went and washed her hands. I'm like calling a
counselor and debating a full friendship, and.
Speaker 3 (02:02):
I was like, high five grader, got job where we
come from. I just never liked it. Yeah, yeah, I
don't know.
Speaker 1 (02:09):
I've never there's something deep down in there.
Speaker 2 (02:12):
Can I tell you I started something really fast. This
is the first thing you and my ex have ever
had in common.
Speaker 1 (02:18):
I was thinking the same thing I.
Speaker 2 (02:21):
Will never forget when we were in when he was
still living in Maryland.
Speaker 3 (02:25):
I love a good scare. I just do.
Speaker 2 (02:27):
I again, I don't like being scared, but I appreciate
a good scare, right because it's but there's also something
so thrilling about to be scaring someone, do you know, Yeah,
like if we do it the kids that we all
do it to each other, like it's a thing, right, Yeah, I.
Speaker 3 (02:45):
Know this is right. So oh it's so opposite.
Speaker 2 (02:54):
I remember the very first time he was downstairs and
I'm by, I'm like in his room where he has
to come up the stairs, and I this should have
been like one of the first very big signs.
Speaker 3 (03:06):
Of his reactions when you look back. I look back,
and I'm like, that's not how he was so mean.
Speaker 2 (03:16):
He got angry, I mean angry, and I was like,
like slammed his saint.
Speaker 3 (03:22):
I was like, it was the first time. I was
like again, thinking.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
Back now, I'm like, this is a foreshadowing moment I
should probably have paid a little closer attention to.
Speaker 3 (03:31):
But yeah, learning the lesson on that one.
Speaker 2 (03:33):
So I'm like you and mic are actually I feel
like in all the times we've talked about this about Mike,
I don't know about that we would.
Speaker 1 (03:39):
Have found out that you didn't like it.
Speaker 2 (03:41):
I don't. I don't think i've ever shared the scare
part though. I don't getting angry, yeah, you know, because
I get terrified. So I'm going to tell this really,
really brief. But I was in high school and there
was a haunted corn maze Michigan. Don't like those either,
Yeah you don't. I'm not a big because I don't
want to be trapped.
Speaker 3 (03:59):
Nothing scared. Yeah about being everything is scary to me.
Speaker 4 (04:02):
So I were in the haunted corn maze and I'm
walking and I'm they've they knew I was afraid, so
they put me in like a little huddle. So I
was kind of like the middle of a little circle
of people in a little pod like minions, just going
around whatever.
Speaker 3 (04:14):
And there was this.
Speaker 4 (04:16):
Girl that came up and she had a varsity jacket
on from a town over and she was like, I
got lost for my group. She looked terrified, and so
you know, I've stayed consistent since eighteen seventeen year old me.
So I say, come with us, you know, and I
pull her in and I've linked arms with her, and
she's walking with us in the little bubble and the
little minions boo boo boop. Two seconds later, chainsaw guy
(04:37):
pops out, grabs her.
Speaker 3 (04:39):
And pulls her in.
Speaker 4 (04:40):
She's part of it, And I don't know that that's good.
Speaker 3 (04:45):
Mental breakdown, it's good. That's really good. Mental breakdown.
Speaker 4 (04:48):
Yeah, mental breakdown, fetal position, middle of the maze.
Speaker 3 (04:52):
I say, this isn't funny.
Speaker 4 (04:54):
I want out, like I mean, I like lost it,
and I've never I don't I've never been in a
haunted house.
Speaker 1 (04:59):
Since I've never seen that happened before.
Speaker 4 (05:01):
It was I mean, honestly, objectively brilliant. Yes, Also I
think I still need trauma therapy.
Speaker 3 (05:06):
Well, this might explain some things.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
So I remember going to the place it is Anaheim.
I can't remember the name now, but it was a
big haunted house. And again I'm not I don't love
hant houses because I don't know where my exit is
and I'm a very much like I need to normal
exitus and he needs to know how to get out.
Don't feel trapped, But I just I find it's so good.
Speaker 3 (05:27):
I don't know. I love a good boo, happy happy
boo month. Guys, please don't do it to me.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
I know I wouldn't because.
Speaker 3 (05:36):
I know you hate it. No, it's not even like,
oh that was funny, got me.
Speaker 2 (05:40):
I'm like, we have we have boundaries though, around our
booths in our house. So Alan is not allowed to
boo me from he can't be outside because my one
of my big that's fair, uh fears is when I'm
home alone, when I go to the lock up, because
that's it's wooded in the back right, and so my
biggest fear of seeing someone just standing there.
Speaker 3 (06:00):
Ever since only we say these things out loud on here,
because now I'm badly want to show up. Did you kidding?
I would never do that to you. I just would
never do that to you. Wouldn't do it. But gosh,
you're just tempting me so much. Catherarancy is a playbook.
I see a safety hazard. I don't like. It's just
what we are so also different. So it's and yeah,
(06:21):
it's it's terrifying. It's terrific.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
I mean, I even now that I have my little
ring cameras in my backyard, I still will look to
be like, you know, do I see anybody just standing there?
Because it just it's it's and that's been since I
was twelve years old babysitting, you know, of course, of course, yeah,
and that's just kind of carried with me through my
adolescent So that piece of it, I'm like, you were
not allowed to go outside and scare me like that.
Speaker 3 (06:42):
Yeah, So but I could do it to him if
I want to do Yeah.
Speaker 4 (06:47):
Yeah, but a fake murderer in the house is super
fun to everyone.
Speaker 3 (06:50):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (06:50):
Sometimes when he goes out to his bathroom to go poop,
he's like a poop bathroom outside. I'll stand outside. But
one time I'll stand out there for like twenty minutes.
I was like, I say, I.
Speaker 3 (07:00):
Was like, I'm tired.
Speaker 1 (07:02):
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 3 (07:03):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (07:03):
Anyways, Happy Boo month. Guys, do you have a well hold?
Speaker 1 (07:08):
I have a question? And you said there were two
reasons that started off rocky this morning.
Speaker 3 (07:12):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:13):
A couple of weeks ago, we posted a Instagram about
who was my ride or di Oh, and yeah, I
had a lot of people slide in being like Christen's
going to be really upset about this and very insensitive.
Speaker 4 (07:29):
And oh I got a lot of messages really I'm sorry, and.
Speaker 3 (07:36):
A couple of potstars. I did have a couple of pots.
I'm a good potstar. I love it quote.
Speaker 4 (07:42):
You're obsessed with being her best friend. I was like, I,
I mean, obsessed is a word I kind of like,
but I wouldn't use that. But I had to just say,
I actually don't disagree that Kat's the rider.
Speaker 3 (07:55):
Die. Oh I don't.
Speaker 4 (07:57):
I said, Catherine has been in a lot a lot
of chapters, in a lot of spaces with Jana that
I couldn't be in for whatever reason, whether it was
that we didn't know each other yet, or like family
or whatever. And I said, I don't disagree. And I
said Kat is a national treasure. Oh that's sweet. And
she knows all my secrets.
Speaker 3 (08:14):
She even said it when she's posting it. She was like,
because she knows all my.
Speaker 2 (08:17):
Secrets, every single one of my voice members, which drives me.
Speaker 1 (08:22):
Why did she.
Speaker 2 (08:24):
By the way, it is insurance, it says captain marriage
And I'm like.
Speaker 3 (08:29):
Did you still say that? Yes, I changed the setting. No, MA,
I think you say that, Yeah, Kit Cat doesn't.
Speaker 1 (08:36):
Everyone's hey, I'm here for it. But the sad thing
is is I don't still have them.
Speaker 3 (08:39):
You know, That's not why I'm not really like, oh,
I know.
Speaker 1 (08:42):
I know, Hey, I am fine with being that, but
I think it's also important to note you can have
lots of best friends.
Speaker 3 (08:50):
And it be different. You know, oh for sure.
Speaker 4 (08:53):
That's so I'm sorry, though, Oh I actually didn't, I
have like zero feelings.
Speaker 3 (08:59):
I was like, I would just a really agree people.
Speaker 1 (09:01):
Yeah, but it's funny feelings.
Speaker 4 (09:03):
Other people have feelings or that people think you can
still only have one best friend, right right, right.
Speaker 2 (09:08):
Well, you chose to go to dinner with us, so
I mean I could have put those true.
Speaker 3 (09:12):
She would have put both of us had you been there.
It's fair. I know this about her though, I mean
she and I.
Speaker 1 (09:19):
Love that about you, having said that you used to
call everybody, everybody your best friend.
Speaker 3 (09:24):
And this is when I was like, actually, just like.
Speaker 1 (09:28):
Actually her only really best friend, okay, And I'm like.
Speaker 3 (09:32):
Okay, now, I'm like actually kind of getting offended.
Speaker 1 (09:35):
But like you say, like we're saying it to you,
doesn't offend me in the least because you are a
best friend.
Speaker 3 (09:40):
You know, you are her best friend.
Speaker 1 (09:41):
But like when she used to say it to like
the random people, and I was like, mmm, not no,
not cool.
Speaker 4 (09:46):
Well, she used to say best friend, and then she
used to say bestie, and I feel like the besties
were a tear down. Yeah, it's just an easy way
of saying that truth. I love that we're talking about
you like you're not.
Speaker 3 (09:56):
This is just I love this. I love that about you,
though things I don't don't love about you? Are you
scaring the sh.
Speaker 2 (10:04):
I just I love October? I do I hate October.
Speaker 4 (10:08):
I do love October. You don't like October. I'm ready
to get to November.
Speaker 3 (10:11):
First.
Speaker 4 (10:12):
Oh, everything is scary. You can't even walk into a Walgreens.
You're gonna hate the man that we put up on
our front porch.
Speaker 3 (10:19):
Oh, I love that guy. Yeah, he's great.
Speaker 4 (10:21):
Yeah, And honestly, everything is scary. I'm like, I'll just
be in my house until November.
Speaker 3 (10:28):
First.
Speaker 1 (10:28):
The kid at twelve years old, babysitting and watching no
movies about the babysitter with the man outside. Now, it's
so terrified me. But I just I'm messed up. I
guess I like to be scared. I don't know.
Speaker 2 (10:41):
Yeah, I mean I will watch a movie with both
hands over my face, but still keep a.
Speaker 4 (10:47):
Little crazy to see you grease a little, a little
opening and people write, did have you watched Abbot Elementary?
Speaker 3 (10:53):
And I'm like, is it scary?
Speaker 2 (10:55):
Is it?
Speaker 1 (10:56):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (10:56):
Abbot Elementary? I think it's a comedy. Yeah. She was like,
my first question is it scary? Because I'm not even watching?
Speaker 2 (11:02):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (11:03):
Yeah you did.
Speaker 2 (11:03):
I'd love to be in a movie like The Strangers,
one of my favorite.
Speaker 3 (11:06):
I love that movie. You haven't watched it? Watched the
first one? It's so good, so good. Did you watch
the other one? The second one? I watched, Yeah, but
it wasn't it wasn't as good.
Speaker 2 (11:15):
Yeah, but yeah, it's it's a classic October movie. But
my mom didn't like Halloween ever, so we never had
any Halloween direct decorations. Really wasn't a fan of it.
So I don't know. I've all I think I've tried
to go opposite and just like really own into the season.
And this is I'm not gonna say what it is, but.
Speaker 3 (11:36):
We have you know.
Speaker 2 (11:38):
I always like to do a good family yeah costume.
We didn't do it the last year because you know,
the kids all kind of wanted to be telling something different.
But I got them on something this year. It's gonna
be so fun good.
Speaker 4 (11:47):
We picktars finally, I'm terrible that I I'll do so
that's what's weird. I actually dislike Halloween so much, but
Love loves the costumes, so I go all in for her.
We're not out, I don't, but it's gonna be tricky
to find group costumes. That's where I'm stuck. So we
have one this year. I don't know that it's my favorite,
but we're doing it.
Speaker 2 (12:20):
I have actually a questioned about Halloween because there's some
that don't do it because the Christianity piece of it.
Speaker 3 (12:27):
What are you all thoughts on that?
Speaker 1 (12:29):
I've never really dug into that. We've always either celebrated Halloween.
It's never been a huge, you know, holiday in our house.
But I guess I can see where they're coming from.
It's just not been something that I've necessarily dug into
a whole lot.
Speaker 4 (12:43):
I think the way we do it is just the imagination,
and that's it, because we're not doing anything spooky scary,
like it's just pumpkins.
Speaker 1 (12:49):
And it could probably get to a point where it's like, Okay,
you know, this is a little our school demoonic and stuff.
I can understand that, but it's just never been something.
Speaker 2 (12:59):
That, yeah, anything else Oh yeah, Should I go into
my mind about it because I am like two hours
of sleep y'all?
Speaker 1 (13:08):
Uh oh, I can't wait to see how the rest
of us went.
Speaker 2 (13:13):
Oh okay, it is also October, which is domestic violence
wearin this month, and there are some things coming up
this month. We're going I'm actually, guys, there's I'm gonna okay,
there's two pieces to this whole entire thing, because I
actually want to talk about one piece of it and
then the other piece. I want to talk about what
happened a couple weeks ago. So I talked about this
(13:33):
in my book. But three am, when I was with
my first abuser, he would take me out of bed,
throw me down on the floor, beat the living crap
out of me. So I was always really, you know,
terrified whatever, And when we broke up, it was always
(13:54):
when I was ever alone, three in the morning. Was
my body trauma response to that happening. So, you know,
worked through a therapy, the whole thing got on medication
stopped for a while, but then it would happen again.
When you know, when I was married, the anxiety came back.
I think because I was in a toxic situation that
(14:17):
was possibly reminding me of certain situations from my former abuser.
One of the reasons, and this is so silly to admit,
but like one of the reasons I didn't want to
leave Mike was because I was like, I don't think
I can be home alone because I don't think that
I can I can do it, like I need to
have him there, and I don't.
Speaker 3 (14:37):
I won't be able to sleep.
Speaker 2 (14:38):
And so you know, I've had like you come over before, friends,
I've called a like emergency the trucks. Oh, I was
having it, yeah, a con panic attack because I would
like pass out, like and so freak out. So cut
to all those things. Obviously, I worked through it with
my divorce. I got to a part with Amy and
just you know, from having to just forcing myself like
(15:01):
I have to do this and you'll get through it.
So it took me a minute, but I was able
to finally not wake up at three in the morning
and I was able to be alone.
Speaker 3 (15:08):
Right.
Speaker 2 (15:08):
So Alan was just out of town a couple weeks
ago and.
Speaker 3 (15:17):
Three am no, and I was like, damn it.
Speaker 2 (15:21):
And now typically now this happens when he's out of town,
like I'll wake up at the three am, and typically
I know how to talk myself out of the panic attack.
I'm like, you know, you're not alone, like and I'll
scroll or I'll look like my little Bible app like
there's things that I'll do that gets my mind off
of it because i know now, like I'm good, I'm
actually not alone. And this is where I like lean
into my faith and do all that. But what happened
(15:43):
was was that. So that happened. So we Catherine and
I went to this event, and in my mind, I'm like,
I'm going to trick the devil in this. What I'm
going to do is I'm going to stay up late
so that I don't wake up at three am, right,
because I'm like, surely I won't do that because I'll
(16:04):
be so tired. Well, the problem is is that I've
now psyched myself out like everybody's going to sleep right
because it's now midnight, and I'm like, oh God, like
now now I'm over tired because I'm exhausted right, Like
I want to go to I usually go to sleep
like ten thirty. So this is a very long story.
So I'm texting Cat. I know she's awake because she's
a night owl. And she even said in the car
(16:24):
that day, She's like, yeah, I don't what time do.
Speaker 3 (16:26):
You go to bed? At twelve?
Speaker 2 (16:28):
Yeah, I'm like, hey girl, so I'm doing what you're doing,
you know, I'm staying up. But then I started to
panic because I'm like, all right, now everyone's going to sleep.
Now I'm now I'm awake, you know. And now I'm
like now I'm rolling alone. And so then I start
to just like have this like up and down panic moment.
But I was like, cat, can you leave your phone on,
like just if I like need to call you? And
I got back to that point where I was like
own a friend, Like I were just like I need
I just need to know that like someone is awake,
(16:50):
that would be awake. You know.
Speaker 3 (16:51):
I'm actually never going to call you.
Speaker 2 (16:53):
Yeah yeah in the middle of the night, but like
I know that if I did call, you'd be yeah,
oh maybe yeah.
Speaker 1 (17:00):
Well then I was like really nervous because look, if
I don't hear this and it calls, like turn it
up real loud.
Speaker 3 (17:05):
So you said, this is the first time.
Speaker 1 (17:06):
That's the first time I have left my phone on.
I mean, if a kid was spending the night out
every now and then but Nick's is real is usually on,
so I don't even worry about that because then they
would call him. I never leave it on. I always
have it is silent. That's why I miss most calls
because my phone is just silent, so if I'm not
looking at it, I don't hear it or no, it's
(17:27):
you know. But I was like, yes, I'll leave it on,
and I.
Speaker 3 (17:29):
Was like, turn it up, turn it up. I know
you generally don't call.
Speaker 1 (17:33):
Yeah, I mean we've done this several times through the years,
you know, and we're even in the same hotel room.
If we're in a different hotel and same hotel in
different hotel rooms, sometimes you'll ask me to leave it on,
and I do you never call this?
Speaker 3 (17:45):
Is that rider or die territory. I'm talking about it
because I am double magnesium and cozy. No chance of
getting gave me up and I have been.
Speaker 2 (17:54):
Yeah, but it was one of those things where it's
like and then by the time that it was not
then it was one o'clock, right, So I'm just like,
then I in my mind it's like, now I'm gonna
get it. No sleep because now I'm creeping up to
that three o'clock. So it's like I built myself up
to get to this point when I thought I would
just you know, be fine. So I'm then you know,
now I'm facetiming Alan because he's awake in London. You know, say, baby,
(18:14):
what are you scared about? And I was like, it's
not even I was like, I'm good, Like I'm not
having a like, yes, my heart rates slightly elevated and
you know, I'm getting anxious. I was like, but i
know how to work myself out of it. I'm like,
and I know I'm fine. I know, you know, Pam's
just right there, and I know Catholics like, I know,
I'm fine. I was like, but my body remembers it differently.
And I was like, and I guess maybe that's my
wind about it, as like I appreciate the body to
(18:37):
always protect you, but what I don't love is that,
Like I was like crying about it last night because
I was like, I'm good, but I'm just me like
really tired too. But I'm like it was like I
was literally like screaming in my bathroom. I was like, God,
just go to sleep, like you are fine. No one's
gonna hurt you. Like you're good, and I'm just like discourage,
you know, and I'm almost like texted Amy to be like, well, shit,
(18:59):
we gotta work on this again. But it's like I
don't love that piece where the where the body can
make you go back into that place of like you
got to protect yourself. I'm like I'm nothing to protect
myself against. Like I know, I'm like safe and like
it's all good, but like I it ficks me up
when it like brings me back to that. So I
finally fall asleep at like one thirty time to make
(19:20):
up that three.
Speaker 3 (19:21):
I want to hold you.
Speaker 1 (19:23):
Well, and it's like your mind is telling you your
first time that you're fine, but your body is still just.
Speaker 4 (19:30):
And you're tired, so that doesn't help. So then the
more tired you get, the worse you can't get a
good clear grip on yourself.
Speaker 2 (19:37):
So I'm like texting on and I'm like fuck me.
I was like I'm like, I was like this is
so frustrating, and like luckily I fell like to sleep fine,
like I think, I like went to sleep at like
three thirty and then you know, woke up at seven,
so like great, but it's just that like why you
know what I mean, Like what, like I know I'm safe,
I know I'm good, and it's like and I was
(19:57):
like trying to beat the system to stay awake later,
so I just I don't understand.
Speaker 3 (20:01):
I think I to get it.
Speaker 4 (20:03):
Yeah, I think Also, and I've said this before too,
there's like we attach a judgment to a feeling and that's.
Speaker 3 (20:10):
The danger for you.
Speaker 2 (20:13):
And like I was like why so many years post
like you're weak when you said that story, I was
that's the part I heard the most.
Speaker 3 (20:20):
It was like you should be over this. Why are
you do It's like it's okay to just what are
you scared of?
Speaker 4 (20:26):
Yeah, like the judgment attaching and judgment to the feeling
is the really like dangerous part because you really are
fine and you're also still human, it's okay. Like I
feel that way with a loud noise, So I grew
up or.
Speaker 3 (20:41):
Being scared like a hip friend like I was.
Speaker 4 (20:43):
To no no, no no no, like if I had
like a trauma from being like jumped at or no.
But like in my house even I feel a visceral
reaction when something's really loud, because growing up was very loud.
It was raid and it was holes and walls, things
that were just really big noises, so that instant something's
(21:07):
too loud, something drops, something falls, like I can feel
it down my spine. It's like a fight or flight response.
And I sometimes am like, why is that still a thing?
Like I'm you know whatever, But I think we are
still human. You know, if you were in the woods, right,
we have to remember, like you're just still a human being.
Speaker 3 (21:26):
If you were, it's it's.
Speaker 4 (21:28):
Primal, Like if you were in the woods and know
that in the middle of the night something could attack you, well,
then your humanness is going to remember that to protect you.
Speaker 2 (21:38):
Because it's like everyone's sleep, Like who could actually help me?
You know in the end of the night, like everyone's
sill sleep. That's like just me.
Speaker 3 (21:45):
But I literally had to repeat Scripture to fall asleep, so.
Speaker 1 (21:48):
I often did your brain still tell you that when
you wake up? Like initially, oh yeah, like you're alone,
no one could help you.
Speaker 3 (21:54):
You're all like you're alone.
Speaker 2 (21:55):
You'll you'll like someone's like it's like it's like not
saying someone's gonna come get you, but it's like if
it's your waiting for the attack, you know what I mean,
You're waiting for someone to barge through the door. Like
it's that like right right, yes, Like I'm like look
at the camera, you know what I mean, Like and
like listen, he's long gone, you know what I mean.
Speaker 4 (22:13):
But one might creep you out, but I like to
So I'm home alone a lot, you know, and I
don't super love it, but I will envision like Jesus
doing a prayer walk outside my house, Like I just
envision like like like a night guard, like he's doing
that just all around my house, like there's just no
like love and protected. And then if I feel super
(22:35):
anxious in the middle of the night, I imagine his
hand against like my heart. Just calm, just like calm,
and I just take a deep breath and I will say,
and I these words always Jesus be near lowers everything
in my body. Yeah, so I just I say it
out loud, though I can't because sometimes even just hearing
yourself instead of like our thoughts are so spirally. But
(22:57):
then the minute you put a voice to it, like
an actual like audio, you're like, okay, you're right, Like yeah,
I'm okay.
Speaker 2 (23:03):
And I don't know if this is exact scripture, but
I was like casting all your fears on him because
he cares for you. Like I was right, I was
just like saying I said over and over until I
eventually fell back asleep.
Speaker 3 (23:11):
Yeah, like you're his and he wants to.
Speaker 1 (23:13):
Protect And I think seeing that, like it sounds like, yes,
you still woke up, but you went to sleep quicker
and seeing the positive and the you're moving forward, you know,
and I understand that's probably frustrating. It's like your anxiety
was gone after your divorce, you know, it was like
miraculously gone.
Speaker 3 (23:29):
And it's not like I'm having anxiety.
Speaker 2 (23:31):
It's like but it's like, because I know how to
work through it now, you're not having the moment where
before like I would I would I would be so
panicked that I would pass out instantly and have that
dizzy because it's like my I was telling Amy, I'm like,
I'd go from like zero to one hundred.
Speaker 3 (23:46):
I can't stop it.
Speaker 2 (23:47):
We've worked on it to where I can wake up
and have a little and be like I'm good, everything's fine.
Speaker 1 (23:53):
You know, well, so this is just another little blip
that you're that you know how to handle it now,
so just you.
Speaker 3 (23:59):
Know, augment to that couraging yeah.
Speaker 1 (24:02):
I mean I can see where that would be super
but I want to like slurging because I think it's
great that you can get yourself out of it. Like, well,
that's what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (24:11):
To do that now, I would be like someone could
hear now, like i'd be calling you, like begging you
to come over in the morning.
Speaker 3 (24:16):
Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 1 (24:18):
But I think seeing the positives in it have to be,
you know, important too. But I understand that that was
I mean, I've I can't relate.
Speaker 3 (24:25):
I truly can't, and I don't know.
Speaker 1 (24:27):
That's why I asked these questions because I'm curious what
it feels like, what that is, you know, and so
I don't you know, I don't have advice, I don't
have whatever. But to me, I'm hearing the positive in it.
Like just when we were talking about it a couple
of weeks ago, when it was I couldn't go to
sleep for an hour.
Speaker 3 (24:43):
I couldn't.
Speaker 1 (24:44):
I'm like, okay, great, we got thirty minutes, you know,
so maybe new pre getting somewhere.
Speaker 3 (24:49):
It's a new PR personal record. Oh there we go.
Speaker 1 (24:52):
Yeah, yeah, but I'm sorry that's frustrated.
Speaker 2 (24:54):
It's like I just wish that I don't know if
it's just so. So this month we're going to to
have Amy Alexander, our therapist, come on and we're going
to talk about DV and you know, I'm interested because
again we've talked about it, but I'm just curious why
if it's something I just have to even rework the hour,
you know, because I've got some friends that are like, no,
(25:15):
my time is four twenty six or I don't know,
it's like and then it's just a habit to then you'rely, does.
Speaker 1 (25:21):
It become like a habit? Yeah, well this was going
to be my question. And it also happens i'm alone,
that's okay. That was one of my questions, like a
baby next time, And I didn't want to seem insensitive,
but I have heard is it cortisol if you wake
up like two or three in the morning, Like could
there be a correlation? But yeah, my blood work is great,
A been fine. So that's like just you know, yeah,
(25:43):
when you're just alone.
Speaker 2 (25:44):
So but yes, so she's coming on and then we're
going to try to get another survivor coming on and
then you guys, this is the piece where I'm you
don't bust say yeah, where I don't I don't know
what to do. So back in when Dancing with the Stars,
(26:05):
when I came out with the DV DV story, do
you remember who recontacted us? Yeah, So one of the
daughters that I had no idea about of my first
abuser wanted to have a conversation and I, you know,
I spoke to her a little bit, but then I
stopped because it was just too traumatizing, too too much,
(26:29):
and so on one of my like why what do
you want to know? Wednesdays she had and I've I've
been thinking about her to be like, I'm sorry I
essentially ghosted you, like because I did. Like She's like
I really would like to get on the phone, but
I just couldn't handle it at time, Like I just
was like, I'm out, I'm tapping out. But also it's
like she never knew her father, you know, you know,
(26:54):
I unfortunately knew him in a bad way, you know,
So I'm like what. So basically, she she ended up
being like could could I ever could we have a
conversation on your podcast about it?
Speaker 3 (27:05):
Wow?
Speaker 2 (27:07):
And I'm like maybe, Like and then I'm you know,
so I'm trying to think, like how can this help her?
Because you now she's a grown woman in her thirties.
But I'm like, is that going to be too is
it too traumata? Is it too much? Or do I
is there? Does it open a wound that isn't helpful
or is there a piece in it? I don't know,
(27:28):
you guys, I'm really torn and I don't know.
Speaker 3 (27:30):
What to do.
Speaker 2 (27:31):
Oh that's tough because she's the victim of someone who
you know, and she's the How don't I say that?
Like she you know, she's the child of an abuser,
but that didn't know her father in that like ever
in that way?
Speaker 3 (27:44):
Does she know him at all? I don't think so,
I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (27:47):
She's also about it in just a different way.
Speaker 2 (27:49):
It's gotten like a multiple kids that I had no clue,
but I only knew about one.
Speaker 1 (27:54):
What's hard for me? Sorry not to I don't know
what's hard for me. Like my topics and my initial
thought it's what can this do to help her? Not
thinking about you, but what can this do to help her?
And my fear in that is how does that help her?
And maybe that's something we don't know. Maybe there is
(28:15):
a way that that helps her, But are you. You're
essentially coming with a bunch of negative things because it's
your experience about her dad, and I have a hard
time seeing how that helps her. I don't see how
that's helpful. But maybe it is just because she needs
to talk to someone that knew him in general.
Speaker 3 (28:33):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (28:34):
Yeah, And as far as you go opening up a way,
you know, I.
Speaker 3 (28:39):
Always want to help people. I think it would be
great for you.
Speaker 1 (28:43):
I don't know coming from a therapy point of view
and how that opens up wounds, but in the way
that you are and the way that you want to
help people, I actually think it could be beautiful. I
don't know how I feel about it on the podcast. Sorry, guys,
I'm gonna be honest. I feel like there needs to
be a discussion before orhand. Probably I would have a podcast.
I kind of agree. Yeah, that's just so how can
(29:05):
you be full? And I know we get really but
can she really be fully authentic and without any kind
of conversation before? I would worry about that for both
of y'all.
Speaker 4 (29:15):
And almost like I want someone to mediate a little
Yeah that was another someone like a trained professional, Yeah,
you know, like maybe an amy or somebody that can
really know and be detached and speak some life and
keep it. I think with any conversation, you know, obviously
you're in any conversation, you're talking to a different person,
(29:37):
so you just never know their side. But if you
can be prayerful about how you want it to be
and at a therapist once it said it's all about
how you walk into a room. So if you just
have a posture of like, this is how I want
it to be, not on her side, but your side,
and how you want to show up, I think it
could be good. But I think the mediation piece could
be helpful.
Speaker 1 (29:55):
Well, I I mean being I'll just go ahead and
say it too my other again, initial reac this is
the first time I'm hearing about this is why does
she want to come on the podcast to talk about it?
Speaker 3 (30:05):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (30:05):
Same, And I think she has bad mentions intimately, But
I'm like, if she genuinely just wants to get to
know you and talk to you as her someone who
was with her father, to me, that's a conversation not
on the podcast at first. If it gets to a
point where y'all go sit down with a therapist and
y'all have kind of talked through some things and then
y'all want to share what has come out of that
(30:26):
on the podcast. I think that's great, But me being
the person I am, I question why she's saying specifically
can I come on the podcast?
Speaker 4 (30:33):
Like I'm having a hard time figuring out. Like Amy
reached out to me and was like, you know, I
know that you're part of these conversations and given like
the history, you know, with the way you grew up
in things like are you do you feel comfortable talking
about this? You know you can always say no, She's
so protective, And I said no, and Janma said the
same thing, you know, like are you comfortable with it?
(30:54):
And I'm having a hard time, not hard time, but
I'm being very prayer for about how much I share
what I share and I am a daughter of that well,
and that's.
Speaker 2 (31:08):
The piece where yeah, And that's the piece where I'm like,
you know, we've talked to other victims of DV I've
shared some of my experiences, we haven't really talked to
the people that were not directly like sure physically her.
It's the people around like you the daughter of she
was the daughter of, you know, and it's like, you know, again,
(31:30):
she didn't see what you saw it, but it's like,
you know, I saw my own things. So it's like,
you know, it's I.
Speaker 4 (31:35):
Just wonder what her I would be. Maybe that's the question,
like what is your goal? What in an ideal world,
what would you get out of this conversation that could
be helpful to you? Because I want to be able
to provide that to you and also honor and protect myself.
Speaker 1 (31:49):
Yeah, I think it could in the end be very
helpful for a lot of people. I would just think
if you are up for it, doing it first intimately
and then maybe coming on here and.
Speaker 3 (31:59):
Talk for sure.
Speaker 2 (32:00):
And I was like, so I was thinking about it
when she she had asked, I'm like, October is coming up,
and you know, I do want to honor as much
as I can because I don't talk about it a lot,
you know. So yeah, I have some more conversations. Yeah,
anybody else want to wind about it? Anyone want to
bring it up a little better?
Speaker 3 (32:17):
Bring it up or lighter like light lighter wines.
Speaker 1 (32:22):
Oh gosh, all my wines are deep, so white wines,
white wines, light wines. Yeah, I don't really I feel
like we have kind of wind.
Speaker 3 (32:32):
Yeah, I have something I'm pinning way too much.
Speaker 1 (32:35):
Another time we wind about waking up, I think we
definitely got our wine in.
Speaker 3 (32:39):
We did. Okay, Yeah, that's like we can bring it up.
And I'm really proud of you. Yes, very for real. Hijiana.
Speaker 2 (32:59):
Cat and I've been divorced for two years and I'm
just starting to dip my toe back into dating. I
have two kids, seven and nine, and I'm realizing how
much the dating world has changed since I was last single.
I'm overwhelmed by the apps and I feel like every
guy I meet either once something super casual or is
scared off by the mom label. How do I even
start dating again without feeling like I have to hide
(33:21):
half my life just to get a second date? Is
this just what dating is now? And any advice I'm
where to try and meet someone who isn't scared to
date a single mom. You know this is hard because
I actually have a girlfriend that I walk with sometimes
and she's she's single, she's got two kids, and she
actually just her and her boyfriend had broken up because
(33:41):
he's got kids too, and you know, he's building a
house and he's like, I don't have a room for you.
Speaker 3 (33:45):
Guys. And I'm like, what like a oh.
Speaker 2 (33:48):
Crushing And she's like and I go listen, someone will
love you and your kids like their own and make
the room the ones that really truly agreed. Yeah, but
is it's such a because you do come as a
package deal, you know, like I remember that same feeling
being you know, datings with you know, single mom and
(34:08):
the kids. It's like it's for those people that didn't
have kids. But it's like these are this is this
is my package. You come with it or you don't,
but I don't. I don't say you hid to. It's
like being a mom is beautiful and embrace it and
the right person will love all of you.
Speaker 3 (34:22):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (34:23):
I think the perspective shift needs to be that you
are trying to find someone that is good enough for you.
Speaker 3 (34:28):
Yeah, don't be don't be on the juror be the judge.
That's right. When I can imagine.
Speaker 1 (34:35):
Getting to a point, you know, like I would want
to just say it right away, yeah, I wouldn't even
go on a date with someone if they didn't know. Yeah,
because at that point, what's the point in getting somewhere
with somebody just for them to say, oh wait, you
have kids.
Speaker 2 (34:47):
I remember when I was doing my Riyah profile, I
had a picture of me and my two kids, and
one of my girlfriends was like, change that.
Speaker 3 (34:54):
Immediately.
Speaker 2 (34:55):
I was like, but I'm I'm putting it right out
there right now, like I'm a mom.
Speaker 3 (34:58):
Of two kids. Don't contact me if you don't want to.
I did. I put it as like my second it's
still there.
Speaker 1 (35:02):
Though it's still there, but I mean I'll told everybody.
Speaker 3 (35:06):
Yeah, I mean your uncle away.
Speaker 1 (35:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (35:08):
Yeah. I just feel like she Yeah.
Speaker 4 (35:11):
I love the idea of her walking down and setting
the table and being like, we'll see if this one
makes the cut, instead of her trying to make the
cut for someone.
Speaker 3 (35:18):
Yes, yeah, I like that.
Speaker 1 (35:19):
Yeah for sure.
Speaker 4 (35:20):
Get in there, girl, and the right person is going
to be like I actually love kids.
Speaker 3 (35:25):
Amen.
Speaker 2 (35:27):
The right one will love every piece of you, that's right.
And he may be in Europe. We want to give
you that disclaim.
Speaker 3 (35:33):
Yeah, it's on her seat.
Speaker 4 (35:35):
We had a lot of rules when we were dating
here in Hot Girls Summer, and one of them was
we weren't going to go international.
Speaker 3 (35:40):
And now look at you, Cramer.
Speaker 2 (35:41):
Well, I think one of those things to people are like, oh,
he lives in you know, Dallas or this place. I'm like,
my husband was over Adees, like, if the man wants
to be with you, he's going to be with.
Speaker 3 (35:52):
A will find a way. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (35:54):
I also love a good I mean, listen, you're talking
to the chick that does it alone a lot. But
I love a little space. I think it's lovely to
have your own little.
Speaker 3 (36:01):
I do too. Once I get past my three am,
I was like, she really did time. I still do
not used.
Speaker 2 (36:07):
To having you know, like Alan, he's usually here, you know. Yeah,
I could get back in the rhythm of it. Anyways,
Love you.
Speaker 3 (36:14):
Guys, Love you. See you next week. Don't scare me again.
I will
Host
Jana Kramer
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