April 11, 2022 • 35 mins
Jana sits down with reality star Lala Kent (Vanderpump Rules) for an emotional conversation about infidelity in relationships. Lala opens up about being blindsided by her husband’s affair and she explains the complex way she processed the betrayal.
You have to hear the inspiring words Lala shares with Jana about facing the next step of life after your trust has been broken.
And we find out what it means to “give them Lala”.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Wine Down with Janet Kramer and I heart radio podcast.
I think we're gonna have a really good show today. Okay,
we have Lala Kent coming on. Do you watch that
a little bit? But then I'm sorry saying I just
ran so I'm like sweating my next game, like you're like, anyway,
I know um a little bit, but I'm not real
(00:23):
like caught up with it. So no, because it's vander
Pump and I love vander Pump, so it's okay. So
it's Lisa came off of Lisa, vander Pump came off
of which Housewives house and then it became vander Pump. Well,
actually I think she had that before she left. It
started while she was still on Housewives, I'm pretty sure.
(00:44):
And then she went off Housewives and I kept going.
And she's the one who does like the skinny No, no,
that's she's the one with all those um bar restaurants
and stuff. Yeah. Yeah, we went to Pump went. I
think you did know I wanted to. I don't think
we did. I want with someone who wanted to go.
I thought it was you know, I think I had
(01:05):
saying Monica everything, I'm like, I want to go there.
I think there's really cute remember going. I can't remember
all of them, there are several. Yeah, no, it's super okay.
And then and then La La is just um girl
like on the show as she came on a few seasons.
End up belief all the stuff that happened with her husband.
I mean I saw a lot of the like tabloid stuff,
(01:28):
you know. I mean I saw all the because he
was like in Nashville, right, I think the affair happened
in Nashville. Yeah, I want to. I just remember people
posting like he's being seen in Nashville and you know
all that. You know what, I just don't get which
so so speaking to that, I wore a shirt for
Lalla and it says allergic to your bullshit. So that
(01:49):
share is because I feel like us girls understand that. Yeah, um,
but I I one of the first things I thought
of when I saw that is like, dude, you're an idiot.
Like there's people like you know what I'm saying, Like,
there's people everywhere. Why would you be around other I
(02:12):
just don't think people are that dumb, but clearly they are.
I just think sometimes you just want to get caught.
I'm not saying that, I think I don't know their
story that well, and I'm not assuming that of him,
but if you were going to be that in people's faces,
I feel like, deep down somewhere you want to get caught,
especially if you're somebody I mean my ex would say that. Yeah.
(02:35):
I always thought that about him. Yeah, I mean that
is a very good point. And even think about that
because I'm just like, I mean, people know who he is. Yeah,
you know. It's crazy because about like a month before
all that came out, I auditioned for one of his
movies because he's a big producer. Um and one of
my friends, well not my friends, I knew him like
(02:57):
way back in the day, but he's a he's a
you know, a big sir, and um, it was like
with him, so I was like, hey, like I just
sent him my addition, like do you mind like putting
in a good word to Randall Um? But it's hard
because it's like, I think he's such a great I mean,
he's a he's a director, he's an amazing producer. So
it's just, you know, it's unfortunate that, um, those are
(03:20):
the headlines when you know, and I feel bad for
her because she just had a baby, didn't didn't she
like just have a baby with him. Yeah, I wonder
how old Riley, how old is her kids? That's one thing.
I first just turned one. I think, Oh it's right,
she's had both day party. Yeah. Um, so that's like
hard because I'm like a baby so young. So yeah,
I'm just I'm curious, like if she'll like wants to
(03:42):
talk about it or not. Yeah. Well, I don't know
how to like step that because it's like it's weird
because I'm like, as much as I do talk about Max,
I don't want to talk about Max. Does that make sense? Yeah?
And it's like I hate when people ask me because
I'm like, I don't talk about it and everybody wants
to talk about it. But I do feel like it's
it's so similar to your story, so it's hard not
to because you'll both had young babies. Yeah, I don't know,
Maybe just just step in and see how it goes. Yeah.
(04:05):
It's interesting though, because what I just said, I'm like,
now I'm like, what a very weird thing I just mentioned.
I don't want to talk about it, but I talked
about it. You really don't want to talk about it? Well, like, okay,
that's to be back. It's when someone like, okay, like
my in laws are in town and my in law's jesus,
my my mom and mother, my mother isn't tough, and
(04:25):
you know her husband will be like, oh, so, how's
you know. I'm like, I don't want to talk about Mike,
you know what I mean, I just don't want to
talk about it. Can we just next topic? You know? Yeah?
That makes sense? Yeah, and now that makes sense for sure. Yeah,
because I'm just like I talk about I think maybe
if it's like something I talked about on here, but yeah,
it's it's like something you want to get off your
chest or want to like kind of talk through. But
(04:48):
it's when other people are asking and like wanting to
know stuff, and maybe that's different. I'm like, I don't know.
Texting you find out like I don't want I don't know,
I don't talk to him. Why don't you? But yeah, know,
I mean it's just um. And I was talking to
someone who I'm working on something with and she goes,
it's interesting, She's like, what I'm finding that you have?
(05:11):
I'm trying to like sugar and dance around this because
I don't want I can't obviously see what I'm doing.
But she's like, it's the stuff that when you don't
talk about him. I was like, I know. I was like,
I actually don't want it. It's just the experiences in
which I like, I talked about him through my experiences
because that was my experience. It felt like I'm talking
about him as I say. I'm like, because like Hellsmes
will be like, oh, stop talking about I'm like, it's
not about you, not about you at all. It's about
(05:33):
my experience with X, Y and Z. Right, yeah, and
that's I mean, that makes sense. What would you do
if Nick cheated on you? In what regard I want
to talk about it or just in general? You know,
what would you do? Would you relieve? I mean I
always said that I would, but I also haven't been
in the position, so I don't want to just you know,
(05:54):
I always said that I definitely would, but again I don't.
I don't know for sure. It's hard when kids are involved.
I know, it's so hard. Yeah, And then I think of, like,
I know, this is like I'm kind of getting gossipy
and I hate that. But but I think of like
Sam Hunt and his wife and she's pregnant. Yeah, like
(06:16):
that's tough. I mean well, and I like when I
saw that, I was like, wow, you are so freaking
strong because I was pregnant with Jace. Why I just
found out about, you know, being pregnant with Jason when
I caught him before you know who showed up at
the hotel. So I was like and then I'm calling
my friend Sarah Bryce, who was like, you can do
(06:37):
this alone. You can have this baby. I'm like, There's
no way in hell I can do this alone. Yeah
I remember, yeah, I remember that very vividly. And then
like she's like no, I'm like, oh my god. I
wish I had the like respect for myself to be like,
you know what, don't deserve this. My baby doesn't deserve this.
Like I'm I mean, I get trying to but at
(06:58):
the same time, like I loved that. You know, I
think both things are strong, but I mean is independent
as I think that I am. Logistics are hard, Like
if you just think about getting divorced, and especially if
you're pregnant, like I got three kids, like what am
I going to do? Or am I going to go?
How am I going to support? Like women think through
(07:18):
those things, and if you're pregnant, you're in that you're
gonna be in the hospital by yourself giving birth. Like
there's a lot of I mean, Sarah did it, yeah,
you know, like she had her mom, she had her friends,
like I know so many women that have done it.
I mean, it's possible, and I think that you obviously
can do it. But I can see where that would
be and I would like to think that I would
(07:40):
do that if I was in that position. But I
can see, on the other hand, how that's that's not
an easy to ask either. No, what's going on in
your life. I've just you know, filming film in a
movie with a c slater super fund that it's freaking
a c slater. I know. Katherine and I went out
to dinner when the nights after filming, and I go,
(08:01):
it's kind of cool days later, like I watched it
by the bell, especially when you start whispering, like I know,
it's like it's totally like our age generation. And then
when the group of moms comes up to take the
picture with them and like, yep, y stuff, that's all right,
that's us, hey, ladies, Like that's you and me, all right, well,
(08:23):
let's take a break and then let's get La la on.
Hi guys, Hey, what's up. I'm Janna. This is Catherine. Hey,
how are you good? Thank you for having me. Of course,
(08:44):
I'm so excited to have you on the show. I don't, um,
And I'm excited that your book is getting paperback. It's
coming coming. It's like a re re outright, Like I
feel like now I've fully given birth to it. The
process is done. I know, it's a I had written
(09:05):
a book with my ex, so I feel like it's
um one of those things where it's like once you're
done with it, it's like because then they have it
for nine months and then it takes part and there's
like so much changes in those nine months. I'm like, God,
I wish I would have been able to put this
in or like that in right, Wow, writing a book
with your ex, well, he wasn't my he wasn't my ex.
(09:26):
Then I found out about something again that happened. So
my ex also cheated a bunch um lovely. Yeah, So
I feel very close to you. Unfortunately, Um that matter
because it's just it sucks and it was public and
it's you know, it's just one of those things where
(09:47):
you don't wish that upon like your worst enemy totally. Uh,
you're absolutely right. But I I really applaud you for
how you handled it because you just didn't give in
to like you just you said what was like on
your mind. You spoke your truth, and I was just
(10:10):
like yes, and I just I loved I loved that
because I don't know, because a lot of people are like, well,
you don't want to say or you know, you can't say.
It's like no, it's like I just got I just
saw all this crap and that's not okay. Yeah, you know,
there were so many moments where people would tell me,
like to to kind of fall back and maybe not
(10:31):
share certain things, and I, you know, from what I
what I know and what I'm sitting on, I chose
to share such a tiny, teeny piece of what happened.
And everyone's saying, you know, you have a daughter to protect. Well,
yes I do, and I've been doing that. But I'm
addressing this publicly because he decided to step out on
(10:52):
me publicly and he didn't think about protecting ocean or me.
So why are you looking at the woman like, no,
be quiet, don't say anything. That. M No. I mean,
I completely agree with you. And there's a lot of
times too, like because we do talk a lot about
infidelity on the show and my ex and I don't
(11:15):
know if you got it from your X at all,
but like I know my axes, like stopped playing the victim,
you know, stop talking about it, and I'm like, I'm
not actually even talking about you anymore. I'm talking about
my experiences and what I went through and the you know,
the abuse and the manipulation, Like that's what I'm talking
about now, and how I got to the other side.
And yes, yes, I was a victim of it, you know. Yeah,
(11:36):
that that's such like a narcissistic thing to say, like
they put you through hell in every aspect and then
make you feel like you should be quiet and you're
not a victim and you made mistakes too, And it's like,
mm hmmm, let's pump the brakes. You're you're not going
to twist this on me. And we're allowed to talk
(11:57):
about our experiences and people doing us dirty because there's
many women out there who are dealing with the same thing.
And to see someone on your platform or mind go
through it, it's relatable. It makes women feel less alone,
and that is my job. It's why I do reality
(12:18):
TV because I want people to feel that they are
not alone. M hm is there something like I know,
women reach out to me and they're like, you know,
they asked, like the red flags or how did you
know like in your gut? Because and when I think,
I'm like when I look or you know, feel back
to my gut, im like I knew something was going on,
I just didn't want to really believe it. And then
(12:40):
my friends and then my friend then the other part
of my gut was like no, like everything's great, and
my friends are like you guys are you're You're they
wanted to shake me, you know, like what of course
it's not good. So like, did you ever have those
moments where we were just like you kind of knew
something was off, but you didn't want to believe it.
I love that you asked this question because I go
(13:02):
back and now with the bird's eye view, Yes, there
were red flags everywhere. When I was in it, I
knew that I was in a toxic environment, but I
felt like I was creating it. I was so triggered
by that person all the time that I felt and
(13:22):
He made me feel like I needed to go to
therapy to work on myself and let go of certain things,
or maybe I had childhood trauma and you know that,
that was my intuition, going this person is dirty, you
gotta get away. But in my mind, I was like,
he's such a great guy, like I would have put
(13:43):
Ocean's life on him, never creeping around on me. How
sick is that? How sick is that? And even when
those photos surfaced and I was take it back, there
were a couple of days before the photo surface that
(14:06):
I had been getting messages about him at a bar,
not acting the way a partner should act. He made
me feel crazy. Keep in mind he wouldn't show me
his hotel room, and I thought that was very strange.
I was triggered, and he said we need to get
into a therapy session like immediately. So that of course,
(14:28):
he makes you feel like you're the crazy one for
wanting to like see the Yes, this man had he
do a therapy session via zoom. He was somewhere else.
I was in l A and the whole time he
was with the girl that he was in a relationship
with since March. Wow, it's just like first I'm really
(14:52):
sorry that that it was a part of your experience.
But it's also just baffling to me, like when I
when I hear that, when I back on things that
like my X would say, and it's like they just
make you feel to this day, like I'm in therapy
and I'm like, am I crazy? Like am I the
one that's like like, well I did yell? You know,
and like you just you hear their voice so much
(15:15):
and like in your head that like make you question
your reality and because they've just programmed you to believe that,
like they're you're the reason why they were acting out
or you're the reason why they did X, Y and Z,
and you're the reason why you know, they feel the way,
and it's like it's your faults and and then you
like it's literally been like a year of therapy going
on retraining your brain. You go, oh wait, it's no,
(15:37):
it actually wasn't my fault, Like, yes, my reactions were
a little psycho because he was cheating and I was
trying to control and like you know, but I was.
It's just it's maddening to me. It is and I
saw I saw this thing online the other day, Um,
I follow a lot of narcissist account same girlfriends say
(15:57):
we need to follow each other because I post a lot.
Let's do that, And it was how a narcisist will
say that you made mistakes, and yes, the mistakes that
we've made are just mistakes, because we're human beings. Every
party is going to make mistakes in a relationship. What
they did, that's not a mistake. That's called in my situation,
(16:22):
I believe you are inherently evil. Yes I've made mistakes.
I'm a person, but you're not gonna make me feel
like what I did was the cause of you going out.
And those aren't mistakes. Let's make that very very clear.
What they did and what we have done are two
very different things. Have you gotten the apology that you
(16:44):
deserve when trust is gone and someone can't own up
and the and they they continue to keep the mask on.
It's very intriguing. It's very intriguing when you see a
person for exactly who they are and they think that
you don't know who they are, and you watch them
(17:04):
do their little game. It is like jaw dropping. So
I don't need an apology, want one, because everything that
that person says is just covered in bullshit you I
(17:25):
don't have to deal with it anymore. And that is
you know, now now I can go out and I
can enjoy the fact that, like my paperback is out
with the national best seller sticker on it. I can
enjoy the fact that I have a beauty brand, that
I have a podcast. I'm not in this heavy situation
where I can't enjoy the things I've accomplished in my life.
(17:48):
And yeah, that's like that's the greatest thing when you
can get to that point, because I remember recently getting
there being like I don't even want one because I
wouldn't even know if I believe it. And where you
just like to be able to shed that into like
just feel so free and so light and not to
worry or be like, oh I wonder who they're texting
or where they're at today or it's just like such
(18:10):
a And yeah, like you said, to be able to
focus on ocean, to be able to focus on your work,
and like now you get to spread and help other
women with you know, unfortunately what you went through, but
I promise you like it's and then you know this too,
it's like things are going to bloom so much bigger
and beautiful and brighter because like you're not holding onto
that darkness anymore. That's exactly what it is. I have
(18:35):
been living in a world that I just became comfortable with.
It was like this is just normal. And now I'm
out here looking at this amazing world that I've been
missing out on for six years. And you know, freedom
is amazing, and people don't. You know, there's so many
(18:56):
ways that a relationship can keep you down, and it
could just be you know, dimming your light. And I
finally feel like, Okay, I look in the mirror and
I recognize this person, Like I'm fully back. That's awesome.
(19:27):
What would you say to other women that are kind
of feeling stuck or that have gone through the same situation, like,
because I know for me and my or my friends,
like they've tried to shake me a million times to
say like open your eyes, see it. But I feel
like it's almost like you have to be the person
to walk away. But is there something that you wish
maybe somebody said to you. That's a hard question because
(19:53):
I feel like that person came into my life for
one purpose and one purpose only, and that was Ocean
was meant to be here. If I don't look at
it that way, I will drive myself insane. Um. So
because of that, I can say, you know, I don't
regret the past six years because I have this incredible baby.
(20:17):
But any woman who's feeling stuck or they feel like
they want to get out, this is gonna make me
emotional because I've been in that situation where I'm like,
I'm stuck and I can't do it until I was
forced to do it, And you can't hm everything will
(20:39):
be okay that I can promise you'll be better than ever.
It will be a shock, but in those moments, you
realize your strength and no one can take that away
from you. After you find that within you and you
make the jump and you get out, you are unbreakable.
(21:02):
When you experience moments like that, Yeah, I mean I
definitely feel that. I mean, yeah, being feeling that brokenness
and then you know, Catherine Um was with me the
well that night and then the next day when I
filed for divorce and I'm like, happen, I don't know
how to how I'm gonna get up, And it's like
you find the strength that you don't even know you have,
(21:24):
and it's like as broken as you are, Like, it's
so much more beautiful on the other side. You couldn't
even imagine. I would have never, in my wildest dreams
imagined that, Like how beautiful it can be on the
other side, and like how much like I love myself
more now than I love myself the last seven years
of my marriage. Oh I love that. Yeah, because you've
(21:46):
taken yourself back. What do you think as a friend? Well,
I was going to say it's it's interesting because I've
not been in y'all's position, so I'm kind of letting y'all,
but as the outsider seeing it, excuse me. First of all,
you'll have to you have to see it on your own.
That is one thing I've learned as a friend. You
can sit there and say do this, I would do that.
(22:09):
You know, there were a lot of questions, what would
you do if your husband did this? What would you do?
But it doesn't matter. You have to see it for
yourself and whether you're forced into that position, which essentially
you were too. I mean you'll were both kind of
forced into this place. For that it had to go away,
you know, I mean you made the decision, but at
the same time you were forced into that decision, you'all
(22:30):
would have never have seen that for yourself, you know
what I mean. I just I think you eat, whether
you're forced or you make the decision or whatever it is,
you have to see it for yourself. I yeah, I
agree with that, and I think it's hard because even
you've mentioned other friends going through and you're like, oh
my gosh, I just want to shake them. Is this
how you felt when this was going on? And it's like, yes,
(22:53):
but again you have to understand that they have to
see it for themselves or there you're not going to
get anywhere. Well, it's kind of like getting like watching
someone in an addiction. You can get someone sober, you
can't get someone to leave their their toxic partner. Like
people have to come to that on their own. We
had those discussions before she filed. Janna would say like,
(23:15):
this is my addiction and it really kind of made
me see that too, and how to kind of handle
you a little bit in it, like and yes, I
was a little bit of the tough love, but like
I had an addict mother where I kind of had
to play tough love as well, and so it is
very much like an addiction, very similar, m, how long
have you been sober for I've been sober for three
(23:40):
years and a little over five months. We count every
single day, so I never do. Know, that's amazing. Yeah,
I'll hit a year and a half April. That's amazing, girl,
that's great. How did you feel? I mean, god, I can,
and I mean I will say this. I'm a big
wine drinker and like when I divorce, I didn't drink
(24:02):
for two months because I was so numb. I didn't
want to drink. But I mean in those moments, like
did you find yourself like if I could just like
have a drinker, you know, Like, was it hard for
you to stay sober in that tough time? Not at all.
I leaned further into my sobriety and really started relying
(24:24):
even more heavily on the program that I'm in and
where I'm at in my sobriety. Like it gives me
a pit in my stumming to think about having a
drink because I know where it leads and you kind
of being out of control and I know that you know,
you wake up. And I was already during this situation
(24:44):
having to manage my emotions and the thought of having
a drink would make me make it unmanageable, and I
that sends me into like full panic. So I didn't
even drinking didn't even cross my mind. Well that's amazing,
um and okay, so let's give them lalla. It's what
(25:07):
can people expect reading that book? What does give them
lalla mean? Like is it just like all of you, like,
what is it? So give them wala? I first, like,
did that tagline or whatever you call it? When I
was doing Bander Pump Rule season five, I had left
(25:28):
and I was like super vain, you know, and drunk
all the time and was like if these people what
they want me? And as I got older, and we'll
say I evolved somewhat, it was more of like do
you unapologetically like give them exactly who you are and
and don't apologize for it. So the book is a
(25:51):
book of stories. I may have given everyone too much
lala lala that they couldn't ask for. I definitely overshare,
but I took woman's that were really defining moments to
get me to where I am at the age of
you know, I think we were done with the writing
process when I was twenty nine or thirty and I'm
(26:14):
just so proud of this book and what I chose
to share. And there were so many moments that I
would have panic attacks, wake up in like cold sweats,
going what am I doing? Why am I sharing this?
And you know, specifically the chapter where I speak about
(26:35):
my abortion, and you know, my manager calling and the
editor calling saying, I don't know that you're going to
get the reaction you think you're going to get by
sharing this, and I was like, I don't care. There
are so many women who are faced with this decision
and I need them to know that they're not alone
and they're not judged, and that was important for me.
(26:58):
So there's there's so many different aspects to the book
where you know, whether it's my sobriety choosing abortion, or
whether I was seven years old coming to the realization
that I wanted to be an actress. You know, we're
all over the place. Do you want to write another
book with everything that happened this last year? That is
(27:22):
the hope, because I have so you know, I I
read this book or read back on it, and I'm like,
this feels like a completely different lifetime and you know,
I'm now a mother, I've now gone through a separation
I never thought I would go through, and I've just
(27:43):
learned so much as a person and writing give them
La La. You know, I was still comfortable to pop
off and I would wear my emotions on my sleeve,
and I'm still doing those things. But I would like
to write another book to show how everything that's happened
to me has put me in a place of what
matters and what doesn't? What am I putting my energy into?
(28:06):
What am I going to disengage with people and realize
this isn't worth my time? So I feel like a
whole different person. Yes, the short answer to your question
about a second book, Yes, I would love to. Yeah. No,
I mean I think too. I mean so many people
are going to want to hear it um and and
(28:27):
read it. And to the people that say, you know
the same with me, it's like, oh, you know your
your daughter is going to see this or your son,
and it's like, you know, what my daughter and my
son are going to say is a really strong mom.
And they're you know, they're not going to read it
when they're six years old. They're going to read it
when they're you know, in high school or out of
high school, and It's not about them hating, you know,
(28:48):
we're having any bad feelings. It's about hey, this is
how strong my mom is and this is what she
got there. Like that's that's what I'm telling you know,
and everything else can have a time and place to
rest all with you know, their their dad or whatever.
But we all need to have those discussions anyway, you
know what I mean. I mean like you should have
these discussions eventually with your children, you know, or they're
(29:12):
just gonna see you all broke up and they're gonna
have a million questions. So you know, I think that's okay,
that's okay as long as you're not completely trashing them
to your kids. I think that, you know what I mean, Like,
as long as you're like, well, daddy did this, and daddy,
you know whatever, I think you're fine, And I think
you have conversations with them, and that's just gonna be
how your reality is and it's going to help a
(29:34):
lot of people. I was doing this exercise and therapy
their day where I won't give the whole thing away,
but it was just about basically all the all the
pain and trauma and then putting that on something that
helps grow and you're gonna help other people grow and
you're gonna help other people you know, um and learn,
And I just I love that. It's like, that's that's
(29:54):
why you share. And I love that you're you know,
in your in your book give them lawa. It's like
you don't you don't hold back. And I remember my
editor was like, well, let's wait until you find the man.
I'm like, I don't want the next book to be
about how I found love again and how I'm happy.
It's like I want my happiness to come from within me,
Like that's the book I want to write, like how
I found myself after Like not because oh I found
(30:17):
you know me Andy and are happily in love. Like
that's not what I want to write about. And I
think the most interesting book would be about you, you know,
basically falling back in love with yourself and putting yourself first.
You know. Are you terrified to date? By the way,
I don't know that I'm terrified. I just don't think
(30:38):
I'm ready yet. I don't feel like I have anything
to offer a person right now. And when I say that,
I mean any extra time or energy I have. I
would rather like spread that to the people that are
already in my life, who had been, who have been
writer dies for me, I just don't want to invest
anything into another person going out and bumping gums and
(31:01):
like talking something like that I can do, but like
bumping yeah, I love us. No, it's hard because I'm
in a relationship now and it's like it is very
strange to be like, oh wow, this is this feels
different and you know, um it's that's another road being
in a healthy relationship after a toxic relationship. But that
(31:24):
could be the next book that can be like we
want to hear, Like women who are going through this,
they want to hear that they can do it. They
want to hear and they can gather in that they're strong,
that they can do it on their own. They don't
want to hear about oh, the next relationship, like nobody wants.
I mean I would read that book, a book about
(31:47):
just a woman coming back into her own and we
should write those kinds of books. The sister. Okay, so
product wise, what's going on? Where can people get all
the all the goodies that you do? Oh well, we
have beauty and skin that you can get at give
them La La dot com. If you have a little baby.
I have a baby line inspired by Ocean. You can
(32:09):
get that. I give them La La baby dot com.
And then the paperback of my book you can get
wherever books are sold. Give them Lalla, It's all give
them Lalla gives them La La, Well, La La. Thank
you so much for coming on. Um. I really appreciate
you being open and authentic and vulnerable and you know,
(32:29):
just I know for me, like sometimes when I feel
like I I overshare share, people you know, say like
shut up or stop talking about it. There are ninety
nine point the other nine percent of women are so
thankful that you're sharing your story. So saying that because
I do read a lot of people telling me, I'm like,
I'm trying to process. So if you're not wanting to hear,
(32:50):
then you need to turn me off. Yeah, it's the same.
So yeah, I just like I just don't worry about
just keep being you and um, you are helping a
lot of women. So thank you and thanks for coming
out here. Thank you for having okay. Um, Yes, she
is so sweet and I feel like we could have
(33:13):
a really good T date together. T date. Doesn't it
make you feel good to talk to people like that
that like to share as much as you do. Yeah,
I would feel like that that would feel good, like
kind of validating, like yes, we're helping people, Like oversharing
is not necessarily a bad thing. People want all of y'all,
but then they want to complain at the other you know,
(33:33):
at the other end. No, it's it's a very um,
it's very comforting and I love people that do that because, yeah,
I just feel like, Okay, I'm not alone in what
I'm wanting to do is help other people. What I'm
wanting to it's not that I'm that people will be
like stop talking about it, like Ian must feel so
(33:53):
embarrassed or and I'm like, he knows that. It has
nothing to do with Mike. It has everything to do
with just sharing the story, helping other people acknowledging things
and maybe their relationship. And but yeah, it's it's very
comforting to like talk to someone else that thinks them
is has gone down that road and that is willing
to talk about it because she's right. Like a lot
(34:16):
of times it's like, oh no, the guys can go
do what they want to do, but yet we then
have to be quiet like no, they can go do
it publicly and then yeah, but you have to be
you can. You can blow our world up, and then
you want us to go say nothing, right m m yeah,
that's not cool. That's not cool at all. But I
don't wear it anymore. That's the thing. I don't want
(34:36):
to wear it anymore. It's not like like my next
chapter is like moving on, but it's still It's like
I'm not stuck in it. I just it's just when
I talk about things, it's just part of the experience. Well,
and part of your moving on is what you have
to still tell that part of it, that's what you're
moving on from, and not even just that. You have
a lot of things that you've had to move on
in your life, a lot of experiences, so it's part
(34:58):
of your story. Mm hmm. I'm just thinking of the
gossip that I have to tell you off airight now. Sorry, guys,
I can't. Oh you know when you go to like
your hair lady or your last I went to my
last lady and she was like, oh, I got some
gossip for you. I was like, because I'm like, my
life is so drama free now since I'm in a
healthy relationship. So I'm like I got nothing. All right, guys,
(35:22):
we'll see you next week.
Wine Down with Janet Kramer and I heart radio podcast.
I think we're gonna have a really good show today. Okay,
we have Lala Kent coming on. Do you watch that
a little bit? But then I'm sorry saying I just
ran so I'm like sweating my next game, like you're like, anyway,
I know um a little bit, but I'm not real
(00:23):
like caught up with it. So no, because it's vander
Pump and I love vander Pump, so it's okay. So
it's Lisa came off of Lisa, vander Pump came off
of which Housewives house and then it became vander Pump. Well,
actually I think she had that before she left. It
started while she was still on Housewives, I'm pretty sure.
(00:44):
And then she went off Housewives and I kept going.
And she's the one who does like the skinny No, no,
that's she's the one with all those um bar restaurants
and stuff. Yeah. Yeah, we went to Pump went. I
think you did know I wanted to. I don't think
we did. I want with someone who wanted to go.
I thought it was you know, I think I had
(01:05):
saying Monica everything, I'm like, I want to go there.
I think there's really cute remember going. I can't remember
all of them, there are several. Yeah, no, it's super okay.
And then and then La La is just um girl
like on the show as she came on a few seasons.
End up belief all the stuff that happened with her husband.
I mean I saw a lot of the like tabloid stuff,
(01:28):
you know. I mean I saw all the because he
was like in Nashville, right, I think the affair happened
in Nashville. Yeah, I want to. I just remember people
posting like he's being seen in Nashville and you know
all that. You know what, I just don't get which
so so speaking to that, I wore a shirt for
Lalla and it says allergic to your bullshit. So that
(01:49):
share is because I feel like us girls understand that. Yeah, um,
but I I one of the first things I thought
of when I saw that is like, dude, you're an idiot.
Like there's people like you know what I'm saying, Like,
there's people everywhere. Why would you be around other I
(02:12):
just don't think people are that dumb, but clearly they are.
I just think sometimes you just want to get caught.
I'm not saying that, I think I don't know their
story that well, and I'm not assuming that of him,
but if you were going to be that in people's faces,
I feel like, deep down somewhere you want to get caught,
especially if you're somebody I mean my ex would say that. Yeah.
(02:35):
I always thought that about him. Yeah, I mean that
is a very good point. And even think about that
because I'm just like, I mean, people know who he is. Yeah,
you know. It's crazy because about like a month before
all that came out, I auditioned for one of his
movies because he's a big producer. Um and one of
my friends, well not my friends, I knew him like
(02:57):
way back in the day, but he's a he's a
you know, a big sir, and um, it was like
with him, so I was like, hey, like I just
sent him my addition, like do you mind like putting
in a good word to Randall Um? But it's hard
because it's like, I think he's such a great I mean,
he's a he's a director, he's an amazing producer. So
it's just, you know, it's unfortunate that, um, those are
(03:20):
the headlines when you know, and I feel bad for
her because she just had a baby, didn't didn't she
like just have a baby with him. Yeah, I wonder
how old Riley, how old is her kids? That's one thing.
I first just turned one. I think, Oh it's right,
she's had both day party. Yeah. Um, so that's like
hard because I'm like a baby so young. So yeah,
I'm just I'm curious, like if she'll like wants to
(03:42):
talk about it or not. Yeah. Well, I don't know
how to like step that because it's like it's weird
because I'm like, as much as I do talk about Max,
I don't want to talk about Max. Does that make sense? Yeah?
And it's like I hate when people ask me because
I'm like, I don't talk about it and everybody wants
to talk about it. But I do feel like it's
it's so similar to your story, so it's hard not
to because you'll both had young babies. Yeah, I don't know,
Maybe just just step in and see how it goes. Yeah.
(04:05):
It's interesting though, because what I just said, I'm like,
now I'm like, what a very weird thing I just mentioned.
I don't want to talk about it, but I talked
about it. You really don't want to talk about it? Well, like, okay,
that's to be back. It's when someone like, okay, like
my in laws are in town and my in law's jesus,
my my mom and mother, my mother isn't tough, and
(04:25):
you know her husband will be like, oh, so, how's
you know. I'm like, I don't want to talk about Mike,
you know what I mean, I just don't want to
talk about it. Can we just next topic? You know? Yeah?
That makes sense? Yeah, and now that makes sense for sure. Yeah,
because I'm just like I talk about I think maybe
if it's like something I talked about on here, but yeah,
it's it's like something you want to get off your
chest or want to like kind of talk through. But
(04:48):
it's when other people are asking and like wanting to
know stuff, and maybe that's different. I'm like, I don't know.
Texting you find out like I don't want I don't know,
I don't talk to him. Why don't you? But yeah, know,
I mean it's just um. And I was talking to
someone who I'm working on something with and she goes,
it's interesting, She's like, what I'm finding that you have?
(05:11):
I'm trying to like sugar and dance around this because
I don't want I can't obviously see what I'm doing.
But she's like, it's the stuff that when you don't
talk about him. I was like, I know. I was like,
I actually don't want it. It's just the experiences in
which I like, I talked about him through my experiences
because that was my experience. It felt like I'm talking
about him as I say. I'm like, because like Hellsmes
will be like, oh, stop talking about I'm like, it's
not about you, not about you at all. It's about
(05:33):
my experience with X, Y and Z. Right, yeah, and
that's I mean, that makes sense. What would you do
if Nick cheated on you? In what regard I want
to talk about it or just in general? You know,
what would you do? Would you relieve? I mean I
always said that I would, but I also haven't been
in the position, so I don't want to just you know,
(05:54):
I always said that I definitely would, but again I don't.
I don't know for sure. It's hard when kids are involved.
I know, it's so hard. Yeah, And then I think of, like,
I know, this is like I'm kind of getting gossipy
and I hate that. But but I think of like
Sam Hunt and his wife and she's pregnant. Yeah, like
(06:16):
that's tough. I mean well, and I like when I
saw that, I was like, wow, you are so freaking
strong because I was pregnant with Jace. Why I just
found out about, you know, being pregnant with Jason when
I caught him before you know who showed up at
the hotel. So I was like and then I'm calling
my friend Sarah Bryce, who was like, you can do
(06:37):
this alone. You can have this baby. I'm like, There's
no way in hell I can do this alone. Yeah
I remember, yeah, I remember that very vividly. And then
like she's like no, I'm like, oh my god. I
wish I had the like respect for myself to be like,
you know what, don't deserve this. My baby doesn't deserve this.
Like I'm I mean, I get trying to but at
(06:58):
the same time, like I loved that. You know, I
think both things are strong, but I mean is independent
as I think that I am. Logistics are hard, Like
if you just think about getting divorced, and especially if
you're pregnant, like I got three kids, like what am
I going to do? Or am I going to go?
How am I going to support? Like women think through
(07:18):
those things, and if you're pregnant, you're in that you're
gonna be in the hospital by yourself giving birth. Like
there's a lot of I mean, Sarah did it, yeah,
you know, like she had her mom, she had her friends,
like I know so many women that have done it.
I mean, it's possible, and I think that you obviously
can do it. But I can see where that would
be and I would like to think that I would
(07:40):
do that if I was in that position. But I
can see, on the other hand, how that's that's not
an easy to ask either. No, what's going on in
your life. I've just you know, filming film in a
movie with a c slater super fund that it's freaking
a c slater. I know. Katherine and I went out
to dinner when the nights after filming, and I go,
(08:01):
it's kind of cool days later, like I watched it
by the bell, especially when you start whispering, like I know,
it's like it's totally like our age generation. And then
when the group of moms comes up to take the
picture with them and like, yep, y stuff, that's all right,
that's us, hey, ladies, Like that's you and me, all right, well,
(08:23):
let's take a break and then let's get La la on.
Hi guys, Hey, what's up. I'm Janna. This is Catherine. Hey,
how are you good? Thank you for having me. Of course,
(08:44):
I'm so excited to have you on the show. I don't, um,
And I'm excited that your book is getting paperback. It's
coming coming. It's like a re re outright, Like I
feel like now I've fully given birth to it. The
process is done. I know, it's a I had written
(09:05):
a book with my ex, so I feel like it's
um one of those things where it's like once you're
done with it, it's like because then they have it
for nine months and then it takes part and there's
like so much changes in those nine months. I'm like, God,
I wish I would have been able to put this
in or like that in right, Wow, writing a book
with your ex, well, he wasn't my he wasn't my ex.
(09:26):
Then I found out about something again that happened. So
my ex also cheated a bunch um lovely. Yeah, So
I feel very close to you. Unfortunately, Um that matter
because it's just it sucks and it was public and
it's you know, it's just one of those things where
(09:47):
you don't wish that upon like your worst enemy totally. Uh,
you're absolutely right. But I I really applaud you for
how you handled it because you just didn't give in
to like you just you said what was like on
your mind. You spoke your truth, and I was just
(10:10):
like yes, and I just I loved I loved that
because I don't know, because a lot of people are like, well,
you don't want to say or you know, you can't say.
It's like no, it's like I just got I just
saw all this crap and that's not okay. Yeah, you know,
there were so many moments where people would tell me,
like to to kind of fall back and maybe not
(10:31):
share certain things, and I, you know, from what I
what I know and what I'm sitting on, I chose
to share such a tiny, teeny piece of what happened.
And everyone's saying, you know, you have a daughter to protect. Well,
yes I do, and I've been doing that. But I'm
addressing this publicly because he decided to step out on
(10:52):
me publicly and he didn't think about protecting ocean or me.
So why are you looking at the woman like, no,
be quiet, don't say anything. That. M No. I mean,
I completely agree with you. And there's a lot of
times too, like because we do talk a lot about
infidelity on the show and my ex and I don't
(11:15):
know if you got it from your X at all,
but like I know my axes, like stopped playing the victim,
you know, stop talking about it, and I'm like, I'm
not actually even talking about you anymore. I'm talking about
my experiences and what I went through and the you know,
the abuse and the manipulation, Like that's what I'm talking
about now, and how I got to the other side.
And yes, yes, I was a victim of it, you know. Yeah,
(11:36):
that that's such like a narcissistic thing to say, like
they put you through hell in every aspect and then
make you feel like you should be quiet and you're
not a victim and you made mistakes too, And it's like,
mm hmmm, let's pump the brakes. You're you're not going
to twist this on me. And we're allowed to talk
(11:57):
about our experiences and people doing us dirty because there's
many women out there who are dealing with the same thing.
And to see someone on your platform or mind go
through it, it's relatable. It makes women feel less alone,
and that is my job. It's why I do reality
(12:18):
TV because I want people to feel that they are
not alone. M hm is there something like I know,
women reach out to me and they're like, you know,
they asked, like the red flags or how did you
know like in your gut? Because and when I think,
I'm like when I look or you know, feel back
to my gut, im like I knew something was going on,
I just didn't want to really believe it. And then
(12:40):
my friends and then my friend then the other part
of my gut was like no, like everything's great, and
my friends are like you guys are you're You're they
wanted to shake me, you know, like what of course
it's not good. So like, did you ever have those
moments where we were just like you kind of knew
something was off, but you didn't want to believe it.
I love that you asked this question because I go
(13:02):
back and now with the bird's eye view, Yes, there
were red flags everywhere. When I was in it, I
knew that I was in a toxic environment, but I
felt like I was creating it. I was so triggered
by that person all the time that I felt and
(13:22):
He made me feel like I needed to go to
therapy to work on myself and let go of certain things,
or maybe I had childhood trauma and you know that,
that was my intuition, going this person is dirty, you
gotta get away. But in my mind, I was like,
he's such a great guy, like I would have put
(13:43):
Ocean's life on him, never creeping around on me. How
sick is that? How sick is that? And even when
those photos surfaced and I was take it back, there
were a couple of days before the photo surface that
(14:06):
I had been getting messages about him at a bar,
not acting the way a partner should act. He made
me feel crazy. Keep in mind he wouldn't show me
his hotel room, and I thought that was very strange.
I was triggered, and he said we need to get
into a therapy session like immediately. So that of course,
(14:28):
he makes you feel like you're the crazy one for
wanting to like see the Yes, this man had he
do a therapy session via zoom. He was somewhere else.
I was in l A and the whole time he
was with the girl that he was in a relationship
with since March. Wow, it's just like first I'm really
(14:52):
sorry that that it was a part of your experience.
But it's also just baffling to me, like when I
when I hear that, when I back on things that
like my X would say, and it's like they just
make you feel to this day, like I'm in therapy
and I'm like, am I crazy? Like am I the
one that's like like, well I did yell? You know,
and like you just you hear their voice so much
(15:15):
and like in your head that like make you question
your reality and because they've just programmed you to believe that,
like they're you're the reason why they were acting out
or you're the reason why they did X, Y and Z,
and you're the reason why you know, they feel the way,
and it's like it's your faults and and then you
like it's literally been like a year of therapy going
on retraining your brain. You go, oh wait, it's no,
(15:37):
it actually wasn't my fault, Like, yes, my reactions were
a little psycho because he was cheating and I was
trying to control and like you know, but I was.
It's just it's maddening to me. It is and I
saw I saw this thing online the other day, Um,
I follow a lot of narcissist account same girlfriends say
(15:57):
we need to follow each other because I post a lot.
Let's do that, And it was how a narcisist will
say that you made mistakes, and yes, the mistakes that
we've made are just mistakes, because we're human beings. Every
party is going to make mistakes in a relationship. What
they did, that's not a mistake. That's called in my situation,
(16:22):
I believe you are inherently evil. Yes I've made mistakes.
I'm a person, but you're not gonna make me feel
like what I did was the cause of you going out.
And those aren't mistakes. Let's make that very very clear.
What they did and what we have done are two
very different things. Have you gotten the apology that you
(16:44):
deserve when trust is gone and someone can't own up
and the and they they continue to keep the mask on.
It's very intriguing. It's very intriguing when you see a
person for exactly who they are and they think that
you don't know who they are, and you watch them
(17:04):
do their little game. It is like jaw dropping. So
I don't need an apology, want one, because everything that
that person says is just covered in bullshit you I
(17:25):
don't have to deal with it anymore. And that is
you know, now now I can go out and I
can enjoy the fact that, like my paperback is out
with the national best seller sticker on it. I can
enjoy the fact that I have a beauty brand, that
I have a podcast. I'm not in this heavy situation
where I can't enjoy the things I've accomplished in my life.
(17:48):
And yeah, that's like that's the greatest thing when you
can get to that point, because I remember recently getting
there being like I don't even want one because I
wouldn't even know if I believe it. And where you
just like to be able to shed that into like
just feel so free and so light and not to
worry or be like, oh I wonder who they're texting
or where they're at today or it's just like such
(18:10):
a And yeah, like you said, to be able to
focus on ocean, to be able to focus on your work,
and like now you get to spread and help other
women with you know, unfortunately what you went through, but
I promise you like it's and then you know this too,
it's like things are going to bloom so much bigger
and beautiful and brighter because like you're not holding onto
that darkness anymore. That's exactly what it is. I have
(18:35):
been living in a world that I just became comfortable with.
It was like this is just normal. And now I'm
out here looking at this amazing world that I've been
missing out on for six years. And you know, freedom
is amazing, and people don't. You know, there's so many
(18:56):
ways that a relationship can keep you down, and it
could just be you know, dimming your light. And I
finally feel like, Okay, I look in the mirror and
I recognize this person, Like I'm fully back. That's awesome.
(19:27):
What would you say to other women that are kind
of feeling stuck or that have gone through the same situation, like,
because I know for me and my or my friends,
like they've tried to shake me a million times to
say like open your eyes, see it. But I feel
like it's almost like you have to be the person
to walk away. But is there something that you wish
maybe somebody said to you. That's a hard question because
(19:53):
I feel like that person came into my life for
one purpose and one purpose only, and that was Ocean
was meant to be here. If I don't look at
it that way, I will drive myself insane. Um. So
because of that, I can say, you know, I don't
regret the past six years because I have this incredible baby.
(20:17):
But any woman who's feeling stuck or they feel like
they want to get out, this is gonna make me
emotional because I've been in that situation where I'm like,
I'm stuck and I can't do it until I was
forced to do it, And you can't hm everything will
(20:39):
be okay that I can promise you'll be better than ever.
It will be a shock, but in those moments, you
realize your strength and no one can take that away
from you. After you find that within you and you
make the jump and you get out, you are unbreakable.
(21:02):
When you experience moments like that, Yeah, I mean I
definitely feel that. I mean, yeah, being feeling that brokenness
and then you know, Catherine Um was with me the
well that night and then the next day when I
filed for divorce and I'm like, happen, I don't know
how to how I'm gonna get up, And it's like
you find the strength that you don't even know you have,
(21:24):
and it's like as broken as you are, Like, it's
so much more beautiful on the other side. You couldn't
even imagine. I would have never, in my wildest dreams
imagined that, Like how beautiful it can be on the
other side, and like how much like I love myself
more now than I love myself the last seven years
of my marriage. Oh I love that. Yeah, because you've
(21:46):
taken yourself back. What do you think as a friend? Well,
I was going to say it's it's interesting because I've
not been in y'all's position, so I'm kind of letting y'all,
but as the outsider seeing it, excuse me. First of all,
you'll have to you have to see it on your own.
That is one thing I've learned as a friend. You
can sit there and say do this, I would do that.
(22:09):
You know, there were a lot of questions, what would
you do if your husband did this? What would you do?
But it doesn't matter. You have to see it for
yourself and whether you're forced into that position, which essentially
you were too. I mean you'll were both kind of
forced into this place. For that it had to go away,
you know, I mean you made the decision, but at
the same time you were forced into that decision, you'all
(22:30):
would have never have seen that for yourself, you know
what I mean. I just I think you eat, whether
you're forced or you make the decision or whatever it is,
you have to see it for yourself. I yeah, I
agree with that, and I think it's hard because even
you've mentioned other friends going through and you're like, oh
my gosh, I just want to shake them. Is this
how you felt when this was going on? And it's like, yes,
(22:53):
but again you have to understand that they have to
see it for themselves or there you're not going to
get anywhere. Well, it's kind of like getting like watching
someone in an addiction. You can get someone sober, you
can't get someone to leave their their toxic partner. Like
people have to come to that on their own. We
had those discussions before she filed. Janna would say like,
(23:15):
this is my addiction and it really kind of made
me see that too, and how to kind of handle
you a little bit in it, like and yes, I
was a little bit of the tough love, but like
I had an addict mother where I kind of had
to play tough love as well, and so it is
very much like an addiction, very similar, m, how long
have you been sober for I've been sober for three
(23:40):
years and a little over five months. We count every
single day, so I never do. Know, that's amazing. Yeah,
I'll hit a year and a half April. That's amazing, girl,
that's great. How did you feel? I mean, god, I can,
and I mean I will say this. I'm a big
wine drinker and like when I divorce, I didn't drink
(24:02):
for two months because I was so numb. I didn't
want to drink. But I mean in those moments, like
did you find yourself like if I could just like
have a drinker, you know, Like, was it hard for
you to stay sober in that tough time? Not at all.
I leaned further into my sobriety and really started relying
(24:24):
even more heavily on the program that I'm in and
where I'm at in my sobriety. Like it gives me
a pit in my stumming to think about having a
drink because I know where it leads and you kind
of being out of control and I know that you know,
you wake up. And I was already during this situation
(24:44):
having to manage my emotions and the thought of having
a drink would make me make it unmanageable, and I
that sends me into like full panic. So I didn't
even drinking didn't even cross my mind. Well that's amazing,
um and okay, so let's give them lalla. It's what
(25:07):
can people expect reading that book? What does give them
lalla mean? Like is it just like all of you, like,
what is it? So give them wala? I first, like,
did that tagline or whatever you call it? When I
was doing Bander Pump Rule season five, I had left
(25:28):
and I was like super vain, you know, and drunk
all the time and was like if these people what
they want me? And as I got older, and we'll
say I evolved somewhat, it was more of like do
you unapologetically like give them exactly who you are and
and don't apologize for it. So the book is a
(25:51):
book of stories. I may have given everyone too much
lala lala that they couldn't ask for. I definitely overshare,
but I took woman's that were really defining moments to
get me to where I am at the age of
you know, I think we were done with the writing
process when I was twenty nine or thirty and I'm
(26:14):
just so proud of this book and what I chose
to share. And there were so many moments that I
would have panic attacks, wake up in like cold sweats,
going what am I doing? Why am I sharing this?
And you know, specifically the chapter where I speak about
(26:35):
my abortion, and you know, my manager calling and the
editor calling saying, I don't know that you're going to
get the reaction you think you're going to get by
sharing this, and I was like, I don't care. There
are so many women who are faced with this decision
and I need them to know that they're not alone
and they're not judged, and that was important for me.
(26:58):
So there's there's so many different aspects to the book
where you know, whether it's my sobriety choosing abortion, or
whether I was seven years old coming to the realization
that I wanted to be an actress. You know, we're
all over the place. Do you want to write another
book with everything that happened this last year? That is
(27:22):
the hope, because I have so you know, I I
read this book or read back on it, and I'm like,
this feels like a completely different lifetime and you know,
I'm now a mother, I've now gone through a separation
I never thought I would go through, and I've just
(27:43):
learned so much as a person and writing give them
La La. You know, I was still comfortable to pop
off and I would wear my emotions on my sleeve,
and I'm still doing those things. But I would like
to write another book to show how everything that's happened
to me has put me in a place of what
matters and what doesn't? What am I putting my energy into?
(28:06):
What am I going to disengage with people and realize
this isn't worth my time? So I feel like a
whole different person. Yes, the short answer to your question
about a second book, Yes, I would love to. Yeah. No,
I mean I think too. I mean so many people
are going to want to hear it um and and
(28:27):
read it. And to the people that say, you know
the same with me, it's like, oh, you know your
your daughter is going to see this or your son,
and it's like, you know, what my daughter and my
son are going to say is a really strong mom.
And they're you know, they're not going to read it
when they're six years old. They're going to read it
when they're you know, in high school or out of
high school, and It's not about them hating, you know,
(28:48):
we're having any bad feelings. It's about hey, this is
how strong my mom is and this is what she
got there. Like that's that's what I'm telling you know,
and everything else can have a time and place to
rest all with you know, their their dad or whatever.
But we all need to have those discussions anyway, you
know what I mean. I mean like you should have
these discussions eventually with your children, you know, or they're
(29:12):
just gonna see you all broke up and they're gonna
have a million questions. So you know, I think that's okay,
that's okay as long as you're not completely trashing them
to your kids. I think that, you know what I mean, Like,
as long as you're like, well, daddy did this, and daddy,
you know whatever, I think you're fine, And I think
you have conversations with them, and that's just gonna be
how your reality is and it's going to help a
(29:34):
lot of people. I was doing this exercise and therapy
their day where I won't give the whole thing away,
but it was just about basically all the all the
pain and trauma and then putting that on something that
helps grow and you're gonna help other people grow and
you're gonna help other people you know, um and learn,
And I just I love that. It's like, that's that's
(29:54):
why you share. And I love that you're you know,
in your in your book give them lawa. It's like
you don't you don't hold back. And I remember my
editor was like, well, let's wait until you find the man.
I'm like, I don't want the next book to be
about how I found love again and how I'm happy.
It's like I want my happiness to come from within me,
Like that's the book I want to write, like how
I found myself after Like not because oh I found
(30:17):
you know me Andy and are happily in love. Like
that's not what I want to write about. And I
think the most interesting book would be about you, you know,
basically falling back in love with yourself and putting yourself first.
You know. Are you terrified to date? By the way,
I don't know that I'm terrified. I just don't think
(30:38):
I'm ready yet. I don't feel like I have anything
to offer a person right now. And when I say that,
I mean any extra time or energy I have. I
would rather like spread that to the people that are
already in my life, who had been, who have been
writer dies for me, I just don't want to invest
anything into another person going out and bumping gums and
(31:01):
like talking something like that I can do, but like
bumping yeah, I love us. No, it's hard because I'm
in a relationship now and it's like it is very
strange to be like, oh wow, this is this feels
different and you know, um it's that's another road being
in a healthy relationship after a toxic relationship. But that
(31:24):
could be the next book that can be like we
want to hear, Like women who are going through this,
they want to hear that they can do it. They
want to hear and they can gather in that they're strong,
that they can do it on their own. They don't
want to hear about oh, the next relationship, like nobody wants.
I mean I would read that book, a book about
(31:47):
just a woman coming back into her own and we
should write those kinds of books. The sister. Okay, so
product wise, what's going on? Where can people get all
the all the goodies that you do? Oh well, we
have beauty and skin that you can get at give
them La La dot com. If you have a little baby.
I have a baby line inspired by Ocean. You can
(32:09):
get that. I give them La La baby dot com.
And then the paperback of my book you can get
wherever books are sold. Give them Lalla, It's all give
them Lalla gives them La La, Well, La La. Thank
you so much for coming on. Um. I really appreciate
you being open and authentic and vulnerable and you know,
(32:29):
just I know for me, like sometimes when I feel
like I I overshare share, people you know, say like
shut up or stop talking about it. There are ninety
nine point the other nine percent of women are so
thankful that you're sharing your story. So saying that because
I do read a lot of people telling me, I'm like,
I'm trying to process. So if you're not wanting to hear,
(32:50):
then you need to turn me off. Yeah, it's the same.
So yeah, I just like I just don't worry about
just keep being you and um, you are helping a
lot of women. So thank you and thanks for coming
out here. Thank you for having okay. Um, Yes, she
is so sweet and I feel like we could have
(33:13):
a really good T date together. T date. Doesn't it
make you feel good to talk to people like that
that like to share as much as you do. Yeah,
I would feel like that that would feel good, like
kind of validating, like yes, we're helping people, Like oversharing
is not necessarily a bad thing. People want all of y'all,
but then they want to complain at the other you know,
(33:33):
at the other end. No, it's it's a very um,
it's very comforting and I love people that do that because, yeah,
I just feel like, Okay, I'm not alone in what
I'm wanting to do is help other people. What I'm
wanting to it's not that I'm that people will be
like stop talking about it, like Ian must feel so
(33:53):
embarrassed or and I'm like, he knows that. It has
nothing to do with Mike. It has everything to do
with just sharing the story, helping other people acknowledging things
and maybe their relationship. And but yeah, it's it's very
comforting to like talk to someone else that thinks them
is has gone down that road and that is willing
to talk about it because she's right. Like a lot
(34:16):
of times it's like, oh no, the guys can go
do what they want to do, but yet we then
have to be quiet like no, they can go do
it publicly and then yeah, but you have to be
you can. You can blow our world up, and then
you want us to go say nothing, right m m yeah,
that's not cool. That's not cool at all. But I
don't wear it anymore. That's the thing. I don't want
(34:36):
to wear it anymore. It's not like like my next
chapter is like moving on, but it's still It's like
I'm not stuck in it. I just it's just when
I talk about things, it's just part of the experience. Well,
and part of your moving on is what you have
to still tell that part of it, that's what you're
moving on from, and not even just that. You have
a lot of things that you've had to move on
in your life, a lot of experiences, so it's part
(34:58):
of your story. Mm hmm. I'm just thinking of the
gossip that I have to tell you off airight now. Sorry, guys,
I can't. Oh you know when you go to like
your hair lady or your last I went to my
last lady and she was like, oh, I got some
gossip for you. I was like, because I'm like, my
life is so drama free now since I'm in a
healthy relationship. So I'm like I got nothing. All right, guys,
(35:22):
we'll see you next week.
Host
Jana Kramer
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