July 30, 2025 • 15 mins
Jana and Allan are facing their flaws! They let us in on a truly vulnerable moment in their relationship where they admit their biggest relationship weaknesses, and we find out they have more in common than not!
Plus, we learn about the five WORST habits couples fall into and share how you can avoid in your own relationship!
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Wind Down with Janet Kramer and Imheart Radio podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
Okay, there's a therapist who's what with over one hundred couples,
right yep, and she's narrowed it down the five of
the most annoying habits.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
That she's es in.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
Relationships are part of destructural relationships. Okay, boss one.
Speaker 3 (00:24):
Assuming your partner can read your mind.
Speaker 1 (00:28):
So instead of expressing their needs clearly, many people expect
their partners to know exactly what they need when they
need it. But this is an easy way to set
yourself up for disappointment. Psychologists refer to it as illusion
of transparency, a cognitive bias where people assume that their
emotions and desires are obvious to others when they really aren't. And,
according to research, overestimating how much your partner knows about
your internal thoughts can be harmful and lead to resentment
(00:51):
since communication is the foundation of a strong, healthy relationship.
Speaker 2 (00:56):
Thoughts thoughts put a big guilty.
Speaker 1 (01:01):
Would you like to explain?
Speaker 2 (01:04):
I'm not really sure I can fully explain it, but
I I assume that I assume that you know things,
or that you should you should know things, or read
my mind. And it's almost like a it's almost like
an arrogance, but an accidental arrogance where I'm not I'm
(01:24):
not trying to be arrogant. I just think that because
you're highly intelligent, we know each other well, I just
assume that you you should pick up on it or
you should know. So that's for it as a as
part as part arrogance and probably part ego. But I'm
I'm very I'm very guilty of this. I expect you
(01:44):
to I expect you to know when I'm in a
good mood or they're not so good mood, or need
a cuddle or.
Speaker 3 (01:54):
Need a kick up the ass.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
And what do you hear from me? A lot they
hear from you with regards to that, I'm not really sure. Well,
a lot of times in those moments, I'll be like,
maybe I can't read your mind, I don't know what
you need you have to communicate.
Speaker 2 (02:12):
And part of that is because I go quiet and
those those moments. But I assume when I go quiet,
you should know that, Okay, yeah, he needs he needs a.
Speaker 1 (02:23):
Hug, right yeah. And I think that is and I
think it's because I have heard this so many times
from a therapist, and I have done couple's therapy in
the past, and so one of the main things is
like you and I learned that because I always the
same thing, like I always saw, I'm like, why can't
they understand that I need X, Y and Z.
Speaker 2 (02:44):
Yeah, but it's a good name the illusion of transparency, right.
Speaker 1 (02:48):
But clearly, like you, you don't know what I need
or what I'm thinking, no matter how long we've been
together or not. I think it's still something so important
for couples. And that's where I do say a lot
to you. It's like, how am I supposed to know
that unless you tell me? And I know sometimes it's
hard because we want the other person to just give
us a hug, because that's what we would hope that
(03:11):
they would do. But also when there are potential different moods,
it's like I don't know what you need and truly
in that moment. So sometimes helping guide the person like hey,
this is what I really could use, which is why
I think check ins are so great.
Speaker 3 (03:24):
Yeah, and I think it's also tough before we move
on to the next one.
Speaker 2 (03:27):
The thing, it's really easy for you to assume that
the other person might need dest just because that's what
you need in those situations exactly when it's not necessarily right.
Speaker 1 (03:36):
Because you might need comfort in those situations and I
might need space or vice versa. So it's it's very hard.
Speaker 3 (03:41):
Okay, Next one's a good one. Number two. Keeping score.
Speaker 1 (03:44):
Healthy relationships can quickly turn sour when couples start toweling
up each other's good deeds and missteps. Once one or
both partners keep score, the relationship eventually turns into a competition,
and sadly, one person usually comes up short. Researchers show
that keeping track of who did what in a relationship,
whether it's chores, favor, or sacrifices, almost always results in
(04:05):
in debtness. This, in turn, can also diminish gratitude.
Speaker 3 (04:09):
I don't think we've much of anshue with keeping score.
Speaker 1 (04:13):
No, I think the only thing that I can call
out to myself since you called out yourself in the
first one, I I'll bring up like you know you
said this that.
Speaker 3 (04:24):
What do you call it? You keep?
Speaker 1 (04:25):
It's like the list where I'm like, I know, but
I told you I deleted it, but I did I had.
I'm like, it's like it was negative, it was just
you know. I'm like I don't don't need to have
that on there. But I would be like, well you
said this last August, there's no need. But I think
(04:46):
that's the the piece where But I don't think keeping score.
I don't think we. I think though, what I will
say is the there are things that it's it's hard
because we we do a lot of different things. Right, Yeah,
so one might and it's like I think sometimes you
(05:09):
get really single focused on what you need to accomplish
as opposed to all of it is that it's not
keeping score.
Speaker 3 (05:20):
No, but actually tell me I'm selfish.
Speaker 1 (05:23):
No, I think you said that. I don't want to
put words in your mouth.
Speaker 3 (05:26):
There's a differently.
Speaker 2 (05:27):
Yeah, there's a there's a difference between being focused and selfish.
But they can really they can cross over at times,
so I think is important for them not to cross over.
The keeping score one reminds me of that. You're not
at social media clip that you see at the moment
where the guy's setting them with these messes and he's like,
I want to make a public apology because they've made
a second video, haven't they. I want to make a
public apology because on Wednesday I didn't breathe properly brief
(05:53):
to it.
Speaker 3 (05:54):
Yes, okay. Number three passive aggressive behavior.
Speaker 2 (05:59):
Passive aggressive behavior as a sure fire way to express
the satisfaction with a partner without actually solving the problem.
Imagine your partner being upset with you and choosing to
let you know by withholding affection or making subtle jobs.
Speaker 1 (06:13):
So we all know passive aggressive and I think we're
both guilty of it.
Speaker 3 (06:17):
We are.
Speaker 1 (06:18):
Yeah, And I don't like it. No, It's probably one
of my least favorite qualities about myself. I don't like
that I can be passive. But I think it's just
an overwhelm that is why it can come out. I
think I've gotten better, but I still think it's something
that I have to work on. But I think it
(06:38):
comes in moments of overwhelm. Like when I'm not overwhelmed,
I'm not passive, but when I feel overwhelmed, I go passive.
Whereas you like to call it I strung. Yeah, what
about you? What do you think?
Speaker 3 (06:52):
Am I guilty of this? One hundred percent? I love
an iroll?
Speaker 1 (06:57):
Oh, it drives me nuts.
Speaker 2 (06:58):
I love an iroll, or a lift of the eyebrows,
or a bite of the cheek, a.
Speaker 1 (07:05):
Bite of the cheek. What do you think would be
helpful for you to not do.
Speaker 2 (07:09):
That, just to well not even have more awareness of
around it, because I know that I know I do it.
I think it's just controlling your emotions at a thing,
a bit of more emotional intelligence and emotional maturity at times,
because I know how much it pisses me off when
you're passive aggressive, So why would I want to do
it to you?
Speaker 1 (07:29):
Right?
Speaker 2 (07:30):
But then it becomes an ego thing because I don't
maybe I don't want to back down in that situation.
But yeah, I think we're both guilty of that and
it's something that we need to both make improvements on.
Speaker 1 (07:57):
The fourth is backseat driving their life. Constant constantly being
told how to handle your job, hobbies, or even your
friendships will leave you feeling controlled and condescended. No one
likes unsolicited advice, nor does anyone want to feel like
they're being managed, especially in their own relationship. Relationship satisfaction
plummets once a partnership starts feeling like a parent child dynamic,
which happens quickly once helpfulness morphs into perpetual backseat driving.
(08:22):
The line between constructive feedback and hostile criticism can easily
can be easy to overstep, and according to research, the
latter can lead to lowered relationship satisfaction.
Speaker 2 (08:32):
Totally agree, Yeah, yeah, nothings. No, those are absolutely enough
and woss.
Speaker 1 (08:40):
I think one of the greatest quotes that I learned
from a therapist was to respond to a partner do
you want me to listen or do you want me
to help? Because I think those are two very different things,
and I think for guys a lot, they want to
just fix or and help as opposed to like, I
literally just want you to listen. I don't need you
to defend it, help me fix it, whatever like that is.
(09:03):
That's always been my favorite.
Speaker 3 (09:05):
Yeah, So are you guilty of this or not?
Speaker 1 (09:08):
Yeah, I mean I think there's I mean, you like
to tell me how to drive, That's what I was
gonna say. I was like, when it comes to driving, yeah, yeah,
because I don't think you're there are times when I'm like,
you are going to slam us in the back of
that car.
Speaker 3 (09:21):
When more three hundred and fifty five yards away.
Speaker 1 (09:23):
No, but like there are times when you kind of
stare off in space. I'm like, are you seeing this?
And I do believe at times if I don't do that.
So now that I know that you do that, I
then feel like I have to be even more alert
when we're driving, and I don't. I mean, I don't
like that, but I'm also like, would you have stopped
if I didn't say I give that? Give it like emotion.
(09:46):
In England when we had the you ran into the back.
Speaker 3 (09:51):
I did not run into the back of someone.
Speaker 1 (09:53):
Yes you did.
Speaker 3 (09:53):
That was in the car.
Speaker 2 (09:54):
We will stop at a set of lights and we
will stop, and I took my foot off the brake
and it nudged into the person in front.
Speaker 1 (10:03):
Right. But there's been so many cases where you said okay,
well thank you. I didn't see that, like up in
Michigan when those random four way stops and I'm like, babe,
bye bye baye bed.
Speaker 2 (10:13):
I'm still not fully used to stop signs because because
some of the stop signings there's no road markings. It's
just a bloody sign with no road markings.
Speaker 1 (10:21):
Yeah, well that is why I am hyper sensitive when
we drive and you don't like it.
Speaker 3 (10:27):
I just don't like being told how to do something.
Speaker 1 (10:29):
You don't like two child to do anything.
Speaker 3 (10:31):
No, I don't, So.
Speaker 1 (10:33):
That makes for household George super fun around.
Speaker 2 (10:35):
Here, it does okay. Number five listening for the sake
of responding.
Speaker 3 (10:40):
This is a really good one.
Speaker 2 (10:41):
Actually, I never thought about this until I read it.
One of the most negligent things a partner can do
is listen purely for the sake of preparing their next response,
rather than actively listening.
Speaker 3 (10:54):
This is a good one.
Speaker 2 (10:55):
And if you aren't learning, exploring, or absorbing yourself and
what your partner is truly saying, research suggests that you'll
only come across as arrogant, not helpful. The happiest couples
lessen to each other with the goal of understanding, not
just to give their two cents on the matha. This
must be one of the most common ones. Like I'm
(11:16):
listening to you, but I'm prepping my response, like I'm
loading the bullets.
Speaker 1 (11:22):
Sometimes yes, that, and then sometimes I don't feel like
you listen where I am like, and then I say
my passive comment, I feel like I'm talking to a
wall because you get so focused, like last week, yeah
it was a nightmare?
Speaker 3 (11:39):
Was amare something?
Speaker 1 (11:41):
You were a nightmare? It's just and I know you, like,
I know you get so laser focused, but it's like
you don't have an off switch, And in those moments
when you're just so lasered in that it's like no
matter what I say, or it's just you kind of
give me this blank stare and then you just like
walk away into and.
Speaker 3 (12:00):
I'm like, okay, making me sound like a monster.
Speaker 1 (12:04):
No no, no, no no no. But like it's just
I think it's a guy thing. It's not like you
are an amazing husband. And I think men focus on
what they have to focus on when women can, Yes,
they can focus, or they can do a lot of
different little baskets in their brain.
Speaker 3 (12:21):
Yeah, but my focus as different baskets.
Speaker 1 (12:24):
But it's just your baskets. Yeah. So but yes, when
you when I think when you get super locked in,
you're you're not the best listener. But I mean I
can do the same at times too, probably a.
Speaker 2 (12:41):
Lot less than me, I think. I think a lot
of that is lessening for the sake of being a response.
Is an ego thing, or you want to either want
to lose, you want to take, not control the situation.
Speaker 1 (12:52):
But would you say you're more defensive than me.
Speaker 2 (13:00):
I think we're both defensive, but I think I'm probably
more defensive quicker quick to get angry. I got, Yeah, yeah,
I'm probably more defensive because I'm okaind of wild for
(13:21):
like coaching and playing and right, but yeah, I'm probably
more defensive.
Speaker 1 (13:26):
I think the to be said for all these though,
are these are five areas that I think are knowing
for like for each person in a relationship. So I
think where I think it's a good reflection and I
think truly the basis of all this is to is
(13:49):
to is communication and listening and if we really listen
to our partners ask for what they need. But also
it's our That's what I kind of say to you,
and I think that's one of the things that I'm like,
I I want you to tell me what you need,
and it's important for you to tell me, not just
(14:11):
for me to make up or me to solve or
me to fix or like you are you have you
have to help me with that and I have to
help you with that.
Speaker 3 (14:23):
You know, agreed.
Speaker 1 (14:24):
So I think these were really and.
Speaker 3 (14:26):
I think this is.
Speaker 2 (14:29):
These five points are I think they're good to talk about,
but I think the it's good to normalize them because
every couple in the world are going through these five points.
Speaker 1 (14:40):
Oh for sure, and as wildly in love that I
am with you, there's still things that we go through
the same communication troubles that any couple would go through.
I was just talking to someone today it's just married
for thirty years, and she's like, oh, it's like it's hard.
It's like I still I still have to remind him
that this bother and it's just like, I think it's
(15:02):
just normal for relationships to have to go through communication
issues and ask for what ask for what you need,
no matter if it's been thirty years or one year,
and to know that that's normal. But as long as
you stay a team and you don't keep building up
the resentment, the relationship can be a beautiful place. But yeah,
(15:23):
ask for what you need. Listen not to respond, and
they'll backseat drive and make sure you tell your husband, well,
whoa whoa, whoa, whoa whoa whoa put your leg up
because they need it. They will run into something if not.
I stand by it, and I don't care.
Speaker 3 (15:40):
I love you, Love you,
Wind Down with Janet Kramer and Imheart Radio podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
Okay, there's a therapist who's what with over one hundred couples,
right yep, and she's narrowed it down the five of
the most annoying habits.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
That she's es in.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
Relationships are part of destructural relationships. Okay, boss one.
Speaker 3 (00:24):
Assuming your partner can read your mind.
Speaker 1 (00:28):
So instead of expressing their needs clearly, many people expect
their partners to know exactly what they need when they
need it. But this is an easy way to set
yourself up for disappointment. Psychologists refer to it as illusion
of transparency, a cognitive bias where people assume that their
emotions and desires are obvious to others when they really aren't. And,
according to research, overestimating how much your partner knows about
your internal thoughts can be harmful and lead to resentment
(00:51):
since communication is the foundation of a strong, healthy relationship.
Speaker 2 (00:56):
Thoughts thoughts put a big guilty.
Speaker 1 (01:01):
Would you like to explain?
Speaker 2 (01:04):
I'm not really sure I can fully explain it, but
I I assume that I assume that you know things,
or that you should you should know things, or read
my mind. And it's almost like a it's almost like
an arrogance, but an accidental arrogance where I'm not I'm
(01:24):
not trying to be arrogant. I just think that because
you're highly intelligent, we know each other well, I just
assume that you you should pick up on it or
you should know. So that's for it as a as
part as part arrogance and probably part ego. But I'm
I'm very I'm very guilty of this. I expect you
(01:44):
to I expect you to know when I'm in a
good mood or they're not so good mood, or need
a cuddle or.
Speaker 3 (01:54):
Need a kick up the ass.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
And what do you hear from me? A lot they
hear from you with regards to that, I'm not really sure. Well,
a lot of times in those moments, I'll be like,
maybe I can't read your mind, I don't know what
you need you have to communicate.
Speaker 2 (02:12):
And part of that is because I go quiet and
those those moments. But I assume when I go quiet,
you should know that, Okay, yeah, he needs he needs a.
Speaker 1 (02:23):
Hug, right yeah. And I think that is and I
think it's because I have heard this so many times
from a therapist, and I have done couple's therapy in
the past, and so one of the main things is
like you and I learned that because I always the
same thing, like I always saw, I'm like, why can't
they understand that I need X, Y and Z.
Speaker 2 (02:44):
Yeah, but it's a good name the illusion of transparency, right.
Speaker 1 (02:48):
But clearly, like you, you don't know what I need
or what I'm thinking, no matter how long we've been
together or not. I think it's still something so important
for couples. And that's where I do say a lot
to you. It's like, how am I supposed to know
that unless you tell me? And I know sometimes it's
hard because we want the other person to just give
us a hug, because that's what we would hope that
(03:11):
they would do. But also when there are potential different moods,
it's like I don't know what you need and truly
in that moment. So sometimes helping guide the person like hey,
this is what I really could use, which is why
I think check ins are so great.
Speaker 3 (03:24):
Yeah, and I think it's also tough before we move
on to the next one.
Speaker 2 (03:27):
The thing, it's really easy for you to assume that
the other person might need dest just because that's what
you need in those situations exactly when it's not necessarily right.
Speaker 1 (03:36):
Because you might need comfort in those situations and I
might need space or vice versa. So it's it's very hard.
Speaker 3 (03:41):
Okay, Next one's a good one. Number two. Keeping score.
Speaker 1 (03:44):
Healthy relationships can quickly turn sour when couples start toweling
up each other's good deeds and missteps. Once one or
both partners keep score, the relationship eventually turns into a competition,
and sadly, one person usually comes up short. Researchers show
that keeping track of who did what in a relationship,
whether it's chores, favor, or sacrifices, almost always results in
(04:05):
in debtness. This, in turn, can also diminish gratitude.
Speaker 3 (04:09):
I don't think we've much of anshue with keeping score.
Speaker 1 (04:13):
No, I think the only thing that I can call
out to myself since you called out yourself in the
first one, I I'll bring up like you know you
said this that.
Speaker 3 (04:24):
What do you call it? You keep?
Speaker 1 (04:25):
It's like the list where I'm like, I know, but
I told you I deleted it, but I did I had.
I'm like, it's like it was negative, it was just
you know. I'm like I don't don't need to have
that on there. But I would be like, well you
said this last August, there's no need. But I think
(04:46):
that's the the piece where But I don't think keeping score.
I don't think we. I think though, what I will
say is the there are things that it's it's hard
because we we do a lot of different things. Right, Yeah,
so one might and it's like I think sometimes you
(05:09):
get really single focused on what you need to accomplish
as opposed to all of it is that it's not
keeping score.
Speaker 3 (05:20):
No, but actually tell me I'm selfish.
Speaker 1 (05:23):
No, I think you said that. I don't want to
put words in your mouth.
Speaker 3 (05:26):
There's a differently.
Speaker 2 (05:27):
Yeah, there's a there's a difference between being focused and selfish.
But they can really they can cross over at times,
so I think is important for them not to cross over.
The keeping score one reminds me of that. You're not
at social media clip that you see at the moment
where the guy's setting them with these messes and he's like,
I want to make a public apology because they've made
a second video, haven't they. I want to make a
public apology because on Wednesday I didn't breathe properly brief
(05:53):
to it.
Speaker 3 (05:54):
Yes, okay. Number three passive aggressive behavior.
Speaker 2 (05:59):
Passive aggressive behavior as a sure fire way to express
the satisfaction with a partner without actually solving the problem.
Imagine your partner being upset with you and choosing to
let you know by withholding affection or making subtle jobs.
Speaker 1 (06:13):
So we all know passive aggressive and I think we're
both guilty of it.
Speaker 3 (06:17):
We are.
Speaker 1 (06:18):
Yeah, And I don't like it. No, It's probably one
of my least favorite qualities about myself. I don't like
that I can be passive. But I think it's just
an overwhelm that is why it can come out. I
think I've gotten better, but I still think it's something
that I have to work on. But I think it
(06:38):
comes in moments of overwhelm. Like when I'm not overwhelmed,
I'm not passive, but when I feel overwhelmed, I go passive.
Whereas you like to call it I strung. Yeah, what
about you? What do you think?
Speaker 3 (06:52):
Am I guilty of this? One hundred percent? I love
an iroll?
Speaker 1 (06:57):
Oh, it drives me nuts.
Speaker 2 (06:58):
I love an iroll, or a lift of the eyebrows,
or a bite of the cheek, a.
Speaker 1 (07:05):
Bite of the cheek. What do you think would be
helpful for you to not do.
Speaker 2 (07:09):
That, just to well not even have more awareness of
around it, because I know that I know I do it.
I think it's just controlling your emotions at a thing,
a bit of more emotional intelligence and emotional maturity at times,
because I know how much it pisses me off when
you're passive aggressive, So why would I want to do
it to you?
Speaker 1 (07:29):
Right?
Speaker 2 (07:30):
But then it becomes an ego thing because I don't
maybe I don't want to back down in that situation.
But yeah, I think we're both guilty of that and
it's something that we need to both make improvements on.
Speaker 1 (07:57):
The fourth is backseat driving their life. Constant constantly being
told how to handle your job, hobbies, or even your
friendships will leave you feeling controlled and condescended. No one
likes unsolicited advice, nor does anyone want to feel like
they're being managed, especially in their own relationship. Relationship satisfaction
plummets once a partnership starts feeling like a parent child dynamic,
which happens quickly once helpfulness morphs into perpetual backseat driving.
(08:22):
The line between constructive feedback and hostile criticism can easily
can be easy to overstep, and according to research, the
latter can lead to lowered relationship satisfaction.
Speaker 2 (08:32):
Totally agree, Yeah, yeah, nothings. No, those are absolutely enough
and woss.
Speaker 1 (08:40):
I think one of the greatest quotes that I learned
from a therapist was to respond to a partner do
you want me to listen or do you want me
to help? Because I think those are two very different things,
and I think for guys a lot, they want to
just fix or and help as opposed to like, I
literally just want you to listen. I don't need you
to defend it, help me fix it, whatever like that is.
(09:03):
That's always been my favorite.
Speaker 3 (09:05):
Yeah, So are you guilty of this or not?
Speaker 1 (09:08):
Yeah, I mean I think there's I mean, you like
to tell me how to drive, That's what I was
gonna say. I was like, when it comes to driving, yeah, yeah,
because I don't think you're there are times when I'm like,
you are going to slam us in the back of
that car.
Speaker 3 (09:21):
When more three hundred and fifty five yards away.
Speaker 1 (09:23):
No, but like there are times when you kind of
stare off in space. I'm like, are you seeing this?
And I do believe at times if I don't do that.
So now that I know that you do that, I
then feel like I have to be even more alert
when we're driving, and I don't. I mean, I don't
like that, but I'm also like, would you have stopped
if I didn't say I give that? Give it like emotion.
(09:46):
In England when we had the you ran into the back.
Speaker 3 (09:51):
I did not run into the back of someone.
Speaker 1 (09:53):
Yes you did.
Speaker 3 (09:53):
That was in the car.
Speaker 2 (09:54):
We will stop at a set of lights and we
will stop, and I took my foot off the brake
and it nudged into the person in front.
Speaker 1 (10:03):
Right. But there's been so many cases where you said okay,
well thank you. I didn't see that, like up in
Michigan when those random four way stops and I'm like, babe,
bye bye baye bed.
Speaker 2 (10:13):
I'm still not fully used to stop signs because because
some of the stop signings there's no road markings. It's
just a bloody sign with no road markings.
Speaker 1 (10:21):
Yeah, well that is why I am hyper sensitive when
we drive and you don't like it.
Speaker 3 (10:27):
I just don't like being told how to do something.
Speaker 1 (10:29):
You don't like two child to do anything.
Speaker 3 (10:31):
No, I don't, So.
Speaker 1 (10:33):
That makes for household George super fun around.
Speaker 2 (10:35):
Here, it does okay. Number five listening for the sake
of responding.
Speaker 3 (10:40):
This is a really good one.
Speaker 2 (10:41):
Actually, I never thought about this until I read it.
One of the most negligent things a partner can do
is listen purely for the sake of preparing their next response,
rather than actively listening.
Speaker 3 (10:54):
This is a good one.
Speaker 2 (10:55):
And if you aren't learning, exploring, or absorbing yourself and
what your partner is truly saying, research suggests that you'll
only come across as arrogant, not helpful. The happiest couples
lessen to each other with the goal of understanding, not
just to give their two cents on the matha. This
must be one of the most common ones. Like I'm
(11:16):
listening to you, but I'm prepping my response, like I'm
loading the bullets.
Speaker 1 (11:22):
Sometimes yes, that, and then sometimes I don't feel like
you listen where I am like, and then I say
my passive comment, I feel like I'm talking to a
wall because you get so focused, like last week, yeah
it was a nightmare?
Speaker 3 (11:39):
Was amare something?
Speaker 1 (11:41):
You were a nightmare? It's just and I know you, like,
I know you get so laser focused, but it's like
you don't have an off switch, And in those moments
when you're just so lasered in that it's like no
matter what I say, or it's just you kind of
give me this blank stare and then you just like
walk away into and.
Speaker 3 (12:00):
I'm like, okay, making me sound like a monster.
Speaker 1 (12:04):
No no, no, no no no. But like it's just
I think it's a guy thing. It's not like you
are an amazing husband. And I think men focus on
what they have to focus on when women can, Yes,
they can focus, or they can do a lot of
different little baskets in their brain.
Speaker 3 (12:21):
Yeah, but my focus as different baskets.
Speaker 1 (12:24):
But it's just your baskets. Yeah. So but yes, when
you when I think when you get super locked in,
you're you're not the best listener. But I mean I
can do the same at times too, probably a.
Speaker 2 (12:41):
Lot less than me, I think. I think a lot
of that is lessening for the sake of being a response.
Is an ego thing, or you want to either want
to lose, you want to take, not control the situation.
Speaker 1 (12:52):
But would you say you're more defensive than me.
Speaker 2 (13:00):
I think we're both defensive, but I think I'm probably
more defensive quicker quick to get angry. I got, Yeah, yeah,
I'm probably more defensive because I'm okaind of wild for
(13:21):
like coaching and playing and right, but yeah, I'm probably
more defensive.
Speaker 1 (13:26):
I think the to be said for all these though,
are these are five areas that I think are knowing
for like for each person in a relationship. So I
think where I think it's a good reflection and I
think truly the basis of all this is to is
(13:49):
to is communication and listening and if we really listen
to our partners ask for what they need. But also
it's our That's what I kind of say to you,
and I think that's one of the things that I'm like,
I I want you to tell me what you need,
and it's important for you to tell me, not just
(14:11):
for me to make up or me to solve or
me to fix or like you are you have you
have to help me with that and I have to
help you with that.
Speaker 3 (14:23):
You know, agreed.
Speaker 1 (14:24):
So I think these were really and.
Speaker 3 (14:26):
I think this is.
Speaker 2 (14:29):
These five points are I think they're good to talk about,
but I think the it's good to normalize them because
every couple in the world are going through these five points.
Speaker 1 (14:40):
Oh for sure, and as wildly in love that I
am with you, there's still things that we go through
the same communication troubles that any couple would go through.
I was just talking to someone today it's just married
for thirty years, and she's like, oh, it's like it's hard.
It's like I still I still have to remind him
that this bother and it's just like, I think it's
(15:02):
just normal for relationships to have to go through communication
issues and ask for what ask for what you need,
no matter if it's been thirty years or one year,
and to know that that's normal. But as long as
you stay a team and you don't keep building up
the resentment, the relationship can be a beautiful place. But yeah,
(15:23):
ask for what you need. Listen not to respond, and
they'll backseat drive and make sure you tell your husband, well,
whoa whoa, whoa, whoa whoa whoa put your leg up
because they need it. They will run into something if not.
I stand by it, and I don't care.
Speaker 3 (15:40):
I love you, Love you,
Host
Jana Kramer
Popular Podcasts
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Special Summer Offer: Exclusively on Apple Podcasts, try our Dateline Premium subscription completely free for one month! With Dateline Premium, you get every episode ad-free plus exclusive bonus content.
The Breakfast Club
The World's Most Dangerous Morning Show, The Breakfast Club, With DJ Envy, Jess Hilarious, And Charlamagne Tha God!
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.