September 18, 2025 • 19 mins
Is it okay for couples to sleep in separate beds?? Jana and Allan try to find a solution to some snoring issues that can keep them peacefully in the same bed.
Allan lets us in on how he adjusted to life as a stepdad, and we hear what Jana thinks about Allan being around her kids much more than her ex-husband.
Plus, would you let your child travel out of state for a concert?? Jana’s already made up her mind!
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heeartradio podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
All Right, So, Dirk Spentley and wife of nineteen years Cassidy,
made some headlines this week because he said that they
sleep on two mattresses. I decided to separate church and state.
So he revealed that years ago, I decided to separate
church and state, and I got rid of our bed instead.
He and Cassidy used two platform beds with separate box
(00:27):
springs and mattresses, a setup that allows her to move
around all she wants and still gives them space if needed,
but recently admitted He admitted his restless sleep has made
things difficult. It's terrible. She used to sleep on the couch.
Now there's an extra room we have and she'll go
sleep in there, adding that they're working on getting back
on track once he's home from touring. Do you think
(00:47):
couples should always sleep in the same bed, even if
it means sacrificing sleep? And I think this is a
very important topic because we have differing opinions on this.
Speaker 1 (01:00):
I don't think there's different opinions, though, I think there's
a problem with my snoring therefore effectiously, which I've got
a consultation at the Snoring Place on Thursday for lasers treatment.
Speaker 2 (01:14):
I really don't think it's that. I think it's you
should do sleep apne and people say when they snore
it's I think it's like eighty percent. I don't know them,
but probably butchering that statistic. But they say that it's
really a sleep apnea issue is snoring.
Speaker 1 (01:31):
Possibly, which is why I feel like some points during
the day where I could just sleep right.
Speaker 2 (01:36):
So I don't know if I think you should look
into that as opposed to the laser.
Speaker 1 (01:41):
Well, it's a free consultation. The first one enemy, so
I can't do me any harm. Those layser a laser on.
Speaker 2 (01:46):
Memory consultations are such a joke because they'll be like,
this is free, but for now this package pay this
because they're going to find an issue. It's like when
you take your car to an oil place. They're going
to find something else that you need your car to do.
It's got ten other problems.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
But it still doesn't make the consultation is still free.
I don't they don't need They can upsell all they want.
Doesn't mean I bite on it. But the foss one's free.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
Right, But they're not doing a treatment. They're just saying
you have a breathing problem.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
No, they do a treatment to see if you feel
a difference. Oh, anyway, your question was that I feel
that couples should sleep in separate beds. Absolutely not.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
Listen. I hear you, and I do agree with that.
Having said that, I do think there are times when
I would like to For example, if I have a
if I have to get up really if you have
to get up really early and I am maybe filming
the next day or something, I will say, Babe, do
(02:49):
you mind if you could sleep in the guest bed,
or I'll go sleep in the guest bedroom because I
don't want interrupted sleep because I need to sleep.
Speaker 1 (02:58):
I think with that that John in the last I
know what you you.
Speaker 2 (03:01):
Do get frustrated about that because it's like you want
to sleep in the same room. It's so important for
you to sleep in the same room, which I love
and I think it's great. But also I know we've
talked about this so many times on here, but how
much I need in value sleep to operate as a
mother and as a wife, and so everybody I know,
(03:23):
but I really need it, and so I would be
I'm more free about going Yeah, once we cuddle and connect.
I think it's when you okay, hey, all right, it's
the end of the night, eight o'clock, we're going into
separate rooms watching I think that's a problem. But I
think if you're doing the deed and you're cuddling or
(03:45):
having sex, whatever it is, and then being like, hey,
peace out, I'm going to go snore in the other room,
I would be like, see you later. I have no
problem with that.
Speaker 1 (03:54):
Look acceptable, and I'm modest. You better start to switch
that mind out.
Speaker 2 (04:02):
I mean, obviously we don't do that, but but for
things I have asked, like, hey, I really need to.
Speaker 1 (04:07):
When there's listen, if your sleep's going to be compromised
and you've got something that you need to get off
that's very important, that you need to get up early, whatever,
then I think it's a it's a discussion and we'll
always find the solution for it. But sleeping in separate beds,
because nah, it's just listen. They found a decent solution
(04:27):
where they'll get two different box rings and two different
mattress right against each other.
Speaker 2 (04:34):
I think that's kind of cool.
Speaker 1 (04:35):
I don't think that's a bad solution because then when
your movie don't wake me up when I move, I
don't because we roll around a lot because of the
terrible bags.
Speaker 2 (04:43):
Yeah, well I think that too. And it's like when
you say to me, I'm going to get up so
early and I'm going to sneak out of the room.
It's like when you sneak out of the room at
five in the morning to go work. I wake up
and I can't fall back asleep because my back hurts,
you know. So it's things like that where it's I
don't seeing an issue if on certain occasion nights or mornings,
(05:04):
if the people sleep opposite. But I do think being
in a pattern of not sleeping could rise could it
could cause issues?
Speaker 1 (05:11):
No, I think And I think now tho'se those beds
were it's it's one bed, but there's two separate mattresses
and you can adjust the mattress like odd mattress, soft mattress.
Speaker 2 (05:22):
When did we become fifty? But I agree with you,
it's like for old people.
Speaker 1 (05:26):
So any of those amazing companies that feel like fire
in one of those special.
Speaker 2 (05:30):
Beds, Yeah, because we don't want to we don't want
to buy it too spensive. They're expensive. They are expensive,
but then you got to think you spend what eighty percent,
I'm back to eighty percent.
Speaker 1 (05:39):
I like eighty percent is too soft.
Speaker 2 (05:42):
Our mattresses quite soft. I think soft.
Speaker 1 (05:44):
It's too soft.
Speaker 2 (05:45):
It's really computing.
Speaker 1 (05:46):
We were in a hotel downtown a few nights ago,
and it was nice because the mattress is harder and
my back wasn't this so my.
Speaker 2 (05:53):
Back was still sore. But yeah, but I think I
appreciate you working on the snoring. And I think if
someone needs this is what I would say. If your
partner snores like my husband does, or you need some
extra sleep, I think it's fine to do a separate
like once a week, stay k in your house somewhere else,
(06:17):
somewhere else so that you can get sleep. You'll have
a better marriage if you get sleep.
Speaker 1 (06:22):
Courage separation in people's households.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
I'm just saying. I think it's a stayk in your
own house so that way you can get a good
night's sleep because we both need it. Will be better,
will be better spouses to each other with that sleep
and not hearing your snoring and me tossing and turning
(06:45):
because I've got a b back. No Okay, well let
me know how it works. In y'all's household. Influencer Cat
Clark defends letting her fourteen year old daughter travel alone
for a concert.
Speaker 1 (06:57):
Don't read this one.
Speaker 2 (06:59):
It's a little bit long, so I'm just let's just paraphrase.
I mean, would you let.
Speaker 1 (07:06):
She was flying to a different state with her friend
or a concert and she's only fourteen on their own?
What are my thoughts? Are my thoughts? How you don't
do that? Especially with two girls?
Speaker 2 (07:20):
Yeah, I mean I wouldn't. I mean, I'm not here
to like blame or I don't want to like mom
shame or like so a parent about her choices. You know,
I'm trying to think. I mean, at fourteen, listen, I
think it's different. I hear your point about girls, but
I will say at fourteen, I mean I was at
(07:43):
a job I was working, and I think whomen I
were more mature. Then again, a fourteen year old, like,
I get the why do you look at me like that?
We are girls? Girls mature faster than boys. That is
actually scientifically proven.
Speaker 1 (08:00):
Okay, And thought I thought you meant girls were more
mature and the era were you with? Fourteen?
Speaker 2 (08:06):
No, I'm just saying in general, girls mature faster. Of course,
I hear your point about there are a lot of
sickos I personally wouldn't allow I would go with but
you know, I'm not gonna sit here and mom shame
another mom about her her choices. I don't. I wouldn't
feel comfortable about jolly doing it. But I think there
(08:27):
is something. I mean, obviously it sounds like she went
with a friend.
Speaker 1 (08:31):
I think there's different things like Troy that when I
lived in Aberdeen and he would you would fly up
and see me from London, but he was getting a
chaperone it. I think so he'd be on a British
Airways and they'd have a chaperone at that point, which
is fine, just someone in the early airline that knows
(08:51):
he's flying on his own and they and they make
sure that he's yeah.
Speaker 2 (08:54):
And I think that there's a lot of kids that
that do that, that have I've sat next to kids
that are way younger than fourteen, you know, that fly
to their other parent and like you said, they have
a chaperone within that. I think because it's a concert,
that's maybe where people are getting an uproar about it.
Speaker 1 (09:17):
Oh, to be fair, She's even said here she doesn't
know if she made the right.
Speaker 2 (09:21):
Decision, but she made the decision and now she you
know what I mean. Like it's one of those things
where we learn as parents something's like, oh, probably, Like,
for example, I had a very bad parenting moment letting
Jolie swim in the wide open ocean with dolphins. I
think back on that now, going, I it was not
(09:44):
with sharks. Having said that shark, yes, they do live
in the ocean. But I've thought back on that and gone,
I don't think I should have let her do that,
because but she was wanting to so brave, so like
the only person that wanted to jump in with these
other two girls that I you know that they were
(10:06):
the volunteers, chaperones there you got the chaperones and so
and the boat guy. I trusted him saying they've never
seen a shark out here with these dolphins. But yeah,
we were in the middle of an ocean. And I've
thought back to that parenting moment, going, I don't think
I should have done that.
Speaker 1 (10:24):
I think every mother and father will will think back
to parents in moments and be like that was about
rescue shouldn't have done that.
Speaker 2 (10:31):
Yeah, like if I'm not jumping in, there's a reason
maybe I shouldn't let my daughter jump in.
Speaker 1 (10:37):
But in a voice that at the time, but.
Speaker 2 (10:41):
Also like, you know, this is a moment too for
it's like be brave and they're saying it's fine.
Speaker 1 (10:49):
It risks. So what age would you let haw flicy
concert with them? Mates? Sixteen?
Speaker 2 (10:54):
Listen, there's a this is very gray. I'm not letting
her go to a concert by herself personally, like for
a very long long time. To fly to one, that's
a whole other thing.
Speaker 1 (11:08):
It's a tough balance between suffocating them and alowing them.
Speaker 2 (11:14):
I would say she could fly home to fourteen to
visit Nana and Papa. I would let her fly by
herself at fourteen to Michigan, would you Yeah? I think
I would. I mean again, it's my niece and nephew
came to see me when they were fourteen, you know.
Against it's all chaperone by the the you know, airports
(11:36):
and stuff and airlines, and I feel like they maybe
maybe they don't do a good job. I don't know,
but yeah, I think it, But it'd be something that
they would want to do you know, like, if they're
eager to want to do that, I'm not going to
hold them back from But to go to a concert,
that's a lot of grey. I know Nana's picking her
(11:57):
up at this time, and you know going to their
house that it's a little bit different, I think, but
I don't. Again, I don't, yeah, because I don't know this.
I don't know the situation.
Speaker 1 (12:06):
In America, you can drive at fifteen, so there's another
type of freedom where you can go toever state you want.
Speaker 2 (12:11):
Which I don't think kids should drive that early.
Speaker 1 (12:15):
It should be like UK seventeen, age seventeen, you can
start lessons at seventeen.
Speaker 2 (12:20):
One hundred percent think that should be the case. I
got my license, my permit at like fourteen, in like
ten months or it was like the earliest I could
get it. I got my driving permit because I just
could not wait to drive. But I just I like
the fact that the driving age is older. I can't imagine,
(12:40):
and I think it's now having kids fifteen getting there. No,
I like seventeen seventeen feels better.
Speaker 1 (12:48):
It's just I mean, fifteen is so young because your
peripheral vision even matured at a point where you pick
things up like Choice seventeen. That's skills Show eighteen. He's
eighteen the skills with them driving on the roads with
all these and the problem is so many people on
the phones.
Speaker 2 (13:09):
Yeah, well, I think cars should have a thing where
you can't be on your phone, like it locks your phone.
I agree, where you should get in and you you
have to it just it turns off, it goes unless
it's like an emergency.
Speaker 1 (13:22):
Like all the motorcycle accidents these days are because people
in cars. I had the motorcyclist spoiler on the phones.
Speaker 2 (13:29):
Yeah, makes sense. Sad Gwyneth Paltrow makes rare comment about
being a step mom to Brad's called Chuck's daughter. I
(13:49):
have two beautiful step children who are the same age
as mine, she said during an interview of the Goop podcast.
When I became a stepmother, when I knew I was
going to become a stepmother, I was like, shit, I
had no idea how to do this. There's nothing to read.
What do I do? Where do I step in? How
do I do this? And she said she gave some
insight on how difficult it can be to establish yourself
as a stepmom and a blended family shows. You know,
(14:11):
there's no book on this. Nobody tells us what to do,
and in fact, all of the existing media around what
a stepmother is casts us into this evil, villainous light.
So it's kind of like trying to avoid land minds, minds,
and then you're going into a family with dynamics, and
there's all kinds of fear around loss and what does
this person mean? She said, But for myself a minute,
(14:31):
I decided and fully embodied the idea that my step
kids were my kids, and I love them just as
much as I gave them the same rules and boundaries
and just kind of wholeheartedly went for it. And the
easier the whole thing got. And now it's pretty great.
How do you think your transition has been to being
a stepparent?
Speaker 1 (14:47):
Really easy? I think we've touched on this before because
there really easy kids. But it is different, and I
say that's with the utmost respect, and it's deffinerent in
a way because Troy Roman they have they have one
mom and one dad, so they rely on I'm going
(15:10):
to say, this was sounding like you have you have
one dad, right, Troy doesn't have a stepdad. Jolie and
Jace have their dad and they have me as a
step dad. Now there's a different dynamic because Roman and
Troy rely on me as their only dad, whereas I
(15:33):
know that Joeli and Jes I've always got the the
dad as well as me. So it's a different dynamic
of not that you love them less, but it's a
different dynamic knowing that, Okay, they have the the dad
who rely on they don't need to. They don't solely
rely on me for the fathering instinct and the fathering
(15:54):
morals and values, and but to.
Speaker 2 (15:57):
Play Devil's advocate to that their dad only has them
eight days a month, you have them more than their dad,
so you have more of a I mean, that's just
that's just facts, factual of what it is. You know,
he is eight to nine days it the most, you
know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (16:16):
Yeah, it's just it's just different when a little person
has like Roman relies on me solely as his only dad,
whereas Joe and Jesse I've got a dad and a stepdad.
But in terms of the transitioning, your question really easy
because you've raised them properly, You've raised them as this
(16:40):
kind thoughtful kids. Now they're kids and they have their moments,
of course, the particularly Jes at times, but they're incredible
and they're and they're they're actually really easy, the transitions
not being.
Speaker 2 (16:55):
But you have such a big role though because of
the time that you have them. So it's like you
you on paper, you have more time than their dad,
so like you have big shoes to fill because you're
their time is spent more with you as a dad figure.
So like, I think it's important for you to have
(17:17):
to know that so that you're because they're going to
remember that you know, and the morals and the things
that you lay out as a dad. Yeah, and I
need that help too.
Speaker 1 (17:30):
No, And that's another part of it where some things
you'll say, will you will you step in? Will you
step in? Not so much now, but well yeah, you
still sometimes say it. But it's still different to step
in when it's a step bild than it as your
own less and blood feels different because your step it's
(17:52):
almost like and it's not that you're stepping on someone,
but it's almost like you're stepping in on someone else's
toes or stepping in and you might overstep a boundary
or not so much now, but definitely previously.
Speaker 2 (18:06):
Right, and now it's different.
Speaker 1 (18:08):
Yeah, now it's different because they expect to be a
voice from me. They expect it to be They still
always go to you most of the time the things,
because that's what they're still used to, that's what they've
been used to, that's what they're still programmed to do.
But it will change and I'll gradually even itself out
where they don't just always ask you for things. They'll
(18:30):
come to me for things.
Speaker 2 (18:31):
Yeah. When they come to you, though, you have to
actually respond without saying do it yourself, or they're not
going to come to you, and then it's always going
to be a me. And that's the problem.
Speaker 1 (18:40):
Again. We've had this conversation. Right when they ask me something,
I'll tell them, can you do it yourself first? And
you go and do it. And sometimes I don't communicate
it something. I communicate it like a Scottish person, not
do it yourself. Yeah, when I should communicate it, we'll
try and do it yourself first, and if you can't
do it, then come me and I I help you.
Speaker 2 (19:01):
Right, But I think they're at their age now where
they've dried and they need help, which is why they're asking.
So I think we just need to you know, I
think you should own that role a little bit more.
What role, like the fact that how much you have
them and like you are a huge like you are
their stepdad and like take that.
Speaker 1 (19:21):
In well, but I need to own it a little
bit more.
Speaker 2 (19:24):
I think, so knowing that how much do you have
them versus you know, and like really helping in that way.
Speaker 1 (19:34):
I don't think I don't own it right now. Okay, okay,
continue to.
Speaker 2 (19:41):
Be continue, done, done, done, do it yourself all right. Well,
on that note, let's see you next week.
Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heeartradio podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
All Right, So, Dirk Spentley and wife of nineteen years Cassidy,
made some headlines this week because he said that they
sleep on two mattresses. I decided to separate church and state.
So he revealed that years ago, I decided to separate
church and state, and I got rid of our bed instead.
He and Cassidy used two platform beds with separate box
(00:27):
springs and mattresses, a setup that allows her to move
around all she wants and still gives them space if needed,
but recently admitted He admitted his restless sleep has made
things difficult. It's terrible. She used to sleep on the couch.
Now there's an extra room we have and she'll go
sleep in there, adding that they're working on getting back
on track once he's home from touring. Do you think
(00:47):
couples should always sleep in the same bed, even if
it means sacrificing sleep? And I think this is a
very important topic because we have differing opinions on this.
Speaker 1 (01:00):
I don't think there's different opinions, though, I think there's
a problem with my snoring therefore effectiously, which I've got
a consultation at the Snoring Place on Thursday for lasers treatment.
Speaker 2 (01:14):
I really don't think it's that. I think it's you
should do sleep apne and people say when they snore
it's I think it's like eighty percent. I don't know them,
but probably butchering that statistic. But they say that it's
really a sleep apnea issue is snoring.
Speaker 1 (01:31):
Possibly, which is why I feel like some points during
the day where I could just sleep right.
Speaker 2 (01:36):
So I don't know if I think you should look
into that as opposed to the laser.
Speaker 1 (01:41):
Well, it's a free consultation. The first one enemy, so
I can't do me any harm. Those layser a laser on.
Speaker 2 (01:46):
Memory consultations are such a joke because they'll be like,
this is free, but for now this package pay this
because they're going to find an issue. It's like when
you take your car to an oil place. They're going
to find something else that you need your car to do.
It's got ten other problems.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
But it still doesn't make the consultation is still free.
I don't they don't need They can upsell all they want.
Doesn't mean I bite on it. But the foss one's free.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
Right, But they're not doing a treatment. They're just saying
you have a breathing problem.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
No, they do a treatment to see if you feel
a difference. Oh, anyway, your question was that I feel
that couples should sleep in separate beds. Absolutely not.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
Listen. I hear you, and I do agree with that.
Having said that, I do think there are times when
I would like to For example, if I have a
if I have to get up really if you have
to get up really early and I am maybe filming
the next day or something, I will say, Babe, do
(02:49):
you mind if you could sleep in the guest bed,
or I'll go sleep in the guest bedroom because I
don't want interrupted sleep because I need to sleep.
Speaker 1 (02:58):
I think with that that John in the last I
know what you you.
Speaker 2 (03:01):
Do get frustrated about that because it's like you want
to sleep in the same room. It's so important for
you to sleep in the same room, which I love
and I think it's great. But also I know we've
talked about this so many times on here, but how
much I need in value sleep to operate as a
mother and as a wife, and so everybody I know,
(03:23):
but I really need it, and so I would be
I'm more free about going Yeah, once we cuddle and connect.
I think it's when you okay, hey, all right, it's
the end of the night, eight o'clock, we're going into
separate rooms watching I think that's a problem. But I
think if you're doing the deed and you're cuddling or
(03:45):
having sex, whatever it is, and then being like, hey,
peace out, I'm going to go snore in the other room,
I would be like, see you later. I have no
problem with that.
Speaker 1 (03:54):
Look acceptable, and I'm modest. You better start to switch
that mind out.
Speaker 2 (04:02):
I mean, obviously we don't do that, but but for
things I have asked, like, hey, I really need to.
Speaker 1 (04:07):
When there's listen, if your sleep's going to be compromised
and you've got something that you need to get off
that's very important, that you need to get up early, whatever,
then I think it's a it's a discussion and we'll
always find the solution for it. But sleeping in separate beds,
because nah, it's just listen. They found a decent solution
(04:27):
where they'll get two different box rings and two different
mattress right against each other.
Speaker 2 (04:34):
I think that's kind of cool.
Speaker 1 (04:35):
I don't think that's a bad solution because then when
your movie don't wake me up when I move, I
don't because we roll around a lot because of the
terrible bags.
Speaker 2 (04:43):
Yeah, well I think that too. And it's like when
you say to me, I'm going to get up so
early and I'm going to sneak out of the room.
It's like when you sneak out of the room at
five in the morning to go work. I wake up
and I can't fall back asleep because my back hurts,
you know. So it's things like that where it's I
don't seeing an issue if on certain occasion nights or mornings,
(05:04):
if the people sleep opposite. But I do think being
in a pattern of not sleeping could rise could it
could cause issues?
Speaker 1 (05:11):
No, I think And I think now tho'se those beds
were it's it's one bed, but there's two separate mattresses
and you can adjust the mattress like odd mattress, soft mattress.
Speaker 2 (05:22):
When did we become fifty? But I agree with you,
it's like for old people.
Speaker 1 (05:26):
So any of those amazing companies that feel like fire
in one of those special.
Speaker 2 (05:30):
Beds, Yeah, because we don't want to we don't want
to buy it too spensive. They're expensive. They are expensive,
but then you got to think you spend what eighty percent,
I'm back to eighty percent.
Speaker 1 (05:39):
I like eighty percent is too soft.
Speaker 2 (05:42):
Our mattresses quite soft. I think soft.
Speaker 1 (05:44):
It's too soft.
Speaker 2 (05:45):
It's really computing.
Speaker 1 (05:46):
We were in a hotel downtown a few nights ago,
and it was nice because the mattress is harder and
my back wasn't this so my.
Speaker 2 (05:53):
Back was still sore. But yeah, but I think I
appreciate you working on the snoring. And I think if
someone needs this is what I would say. If your
partner snores like my husband does, or you need some
extra sleep, I think it's fine to do a separate
like once a week, stay k in your house somewhere else,
(06:17):
somewhere else so that you can get sleep. You'll have
a better marriage if you get sleep.
Speaker 1 (06:22):
Courage separation in people's households.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
I'm just saying. I think it's a stayk in your
own house so that way you can get a good
night's sleep because we both need it. Will be better,
will be better spouses to each other with that sleep
and not hearing your snoring and me tossing and turning
(06:45):
because I've got a b back. No Okay, well let
me know how it works. In y'all's household. Influencer Cat
Clark defends letting her fourteen year old daughter travel alone
for a concert.
Speaker 1 (06:57):
Don't read this one.
Speaker 2 (06:59):
It's a little bit long, so I'm just let's just paraphrase.
I mean, would you let.
Speaker 1 (07:06):
She was flying to a different state with her friend
or a concert and she's only fourteen on their own?
What are my thoughts? Are my thoughts? How you don't
do that? Especially with two girls?
Speaker 2 (07:20):
Yeah, I mean I wouldn't. I mean, I'm not here
to like blame or I don't want to like mom
shame or like so a parent about her choices. You know,
I'm trying to think. I mean, at fourteen, listen, I
think it's different. I hear your point about girls, but
I will say at fourteen, I mean I was at
(07:43):
a job I was working, and I think whomen I
were more mature. Then again, a fourteen year old, like,
I get the why do you look at me like that?
We are girls? Girls mature faster than boys. That is
actually scientifically proven.
Speaker 1 (08:00):
Okay, And thought I thought you meant girls were more
mature and the era were you with? Fourteen?
Speaker 2 (08:06):
No, I'm just saying in general, girls mature faster. Of course,
I hear your point about there are a lot of
sickos I personally wouldn't allow I would go with but
you know, I'm not gonna sit here and mom shame
another mom about her her choices. I don't. I wouldn't
feel comfortable about jolly doing it. But I think there
(08:27):
is something. I mean, obviously it sounds like she went
with a friend.
Speaker 1 (08:31):
I think there's different things like Troy that when I
lived in Aberdeen and he would you would fly up
and see me from London, but he was getting a
chaperone it. I think so he'd be on a British
Airways and they'd have a chaperone at that point, which
is fine, just someone in the early airline that knows
(08:51):
he's flying on his own and they and they make
sure that he's yeah.
Speaker 2 (08:54):
And I think that there's a lot of kids that
that do that, that have I've sat next to kids
that are way younger than fourteen, you know, that fly
to their other parent and like you said, they have
a chaperone within that. I think because it's a concert,
that's maybe where people are getting an uproar about it.
Speaker 1 (09:17):
Oh, to be fair, She's even said here she doesn't
know if she made the right.
Speaker 2 (09:21):
Decision, but she made the decision and now she you
know what I mean. Like it's one of those things
where we learn as parents something's like, oh, probably, Like,
for example, I had a very bad parenting moment letting
Jolie swim in the wide open ocean with dolphins. I
think back on that now, going, I it was not
(09:44):
with sharks. Having said that shark, yes, they do live
in the ocean. But I've thought back on that and gone,
I don't think I should have let her do that,
because but she was wanting to so brave, so like
the only person that wanted to jump in with these
other two girls that I you know that they were
(10:06):
the volunteers, chaperones there you got the chaperones and so
and the boat guy. I trusted him saying they've never
seen a shark out here with these dolphins. But yeah,
we were in the middle of an ocean. And I've
thought back to that parenting moment, going, I don't think
I should have done that.
Speaker 1 (10:24):
I think every mother and father will will think back
to parents in moments and be like that was about
rescue shouldn't have done that.
Speaker 2 (10:31):
Yeah, like if I'm not jumping in, there's a reason
maybe I shouldn't let my daughter jump in.
Speaker 1 (10:37):
But in a voice that at the time, but.
Speaker 2 (10:41):
Also like, you know, this is a moment too for
it's like be brave and they're saying it's fine.
Speaker 1 (10:49):
It risks. So what age would you let haw flicy
concert with them? Mates? Sixteen?
Speaker 2 (10:54):
Listen, there's a this is very gray. I'm not letting
her go to a concert by herself personally, like for
a very long long time. To fly to one, that's
a whole other thing.
Speaker 1 (11:08):
It's a tough balance between suffocating them and alowing them.
Speaker 2 (11:14):
I would say she could fly home to fourteen to
visit Nana and Papa. I would let her fly by
herself at fourteen to Michigan, would you Yeah? I think
I would. I mean again, it's my niece and nephew
came to see me when they were fourteen, you know.
Against it's all chaperone by the the you know, airports
(11:36):
and stuff and airlines, and I feel like they maybe
maybe they don't do a good job. I don't know,
but yeah, I think it, But it'd be something that
they would want to do you know, like, if they're
eager to want to do that, I'm not going to
hold them back from But to go to a concert,
that's a lot of grey. I know Nana's picking her
(11:57):
up at this time, and you know going to their
house that it's a little bit different, I think, but
I don't. Again, I don't, yeah, because I don't know this.
I don't know the situation.
Speaker 1 (12:06):
In America, you can drive at fifteen, so there's another
type of freedom where you can go toever state you want.
Speaker 2 (12:11):
Which I don't think kids should drive that early.
Speaker 1 (12:15):
It should be like UK seventeen, age seventeen, you can
start lessons at seventeen.
Speaker 2 (12:20):
One hundred percent think that should be the case. I
got my license, my permit at like fourteen, in like
ten months or it was like the earliest I could
get it. I got my driving permit because I just
could not wait to drive. But I just I like
the fact that the driving age is older. I can't imagine,
(12:40):
and I think it's now having kids fifteen getting there. No,
I like seventeen seventeen feels better.
Speaker 1 (12:48):
It's just I mean, fifteen is so young because your
peripheral vision even matured at a point where you pick
things up like Choice seventeen. That's skills Show eighteen. He's
eighteen the skills with them driving on the roads with
all these and the problem is so many people on
the phones.
Speaker 2 (13:09):
Yeah, well, I think cars should have a thing where
you can't be on your phone, like it locks your phone.
I agree, where you should get in and you you
have to it just it turns off, it goes unless
it's like an emergency.
Speaker 1 (13:22):
Like all the motorcycle accidents these days are because people
in cars. I had the motorcyclist spoiler on the phones.
Speaker 2 (13:29):
Yeah, makes sense. Sad Gwyneth Paltrow makes rare comment about
being a step mom to Brad's called Chuck's daughter. I
(13:49):
have two beautiful step children who are the same age
as mine, she said during an interview of the Goop podcast.
When I became a stepmother, when I knew I was
going to become a stepmother, I was like, shit, I
had no idea how to do this. There's nothing to read.
What do I do? Where do I step in? How
do I do this? And she said she gave some
insight on how difficult it can be to establish yourself
as a stepmom and a blended family shows. You know,
(14:11):
there's no book on this. Nobody tells us what to do,
and in fact, all of the existing media around what
a stepmother is casts us into this evil, villainous light.
So it's kind of like trying to avoid land minds, minds,
and then you're going into a family with dynamics, and
there's all kinds of fear around loss and what does
this person mean? She said, But for myself a minute,
(14:31):
I decided and fully embodied the idea that my step
kids were my kids, and I love them just as
much as I gave them the same rules and boundaries
and just kind of wholeheartedly went for it. And the
easier the whole thing got. And now it's pretty great.
How do you think your transition has been to being
a stepparent?
Speaker 1 (14:47):
Really easy? I think we've touched on this before because
there really easy kids. But it is different, and I
say that's with the utmost respect, and it's deffinerent in
a way because Troy Roman they have they have one
mom and one dad, so they rely on I'm going
(15:10):
to say, this was sounding like you have you have
one dad, right, Troy doesn't have a stepdad. Jolie and
Jace have their dad and they have me as a
step dad. Now there's a different dynamic because Roman and
Troy rely on me as their only dad, whereas I
(15:33):
know that Joeli and Jes I've always got the the
dad as well as me. So it's a different dynamic
of not that you love them less, but it's a
different dynamic knowing that, Okay, they have the the dad
who rely on they don't need to. They don't solely
rely on me for the fathering instinct and the fathering
(15:54):
morals and values, and but to.
Speaker 2 (15:57):
Play Devil's advocate to that their dad only has them
eight days a month, you have them more than their dad,
so you have more of a I mean, that's just
that's just facts, factual of what it is. You know,
he is eight to nine days it the most, you
know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (16:16):
Yeah, it's just it's just different when a little person
has like Roman relies on me solely as his only dad,
whereas Joe and Jesse I've got a dad and a stepdad.
But in terms of the transitioning, your question really easy
because you've raised them properly, You've raised them as this
(16:40):
kind thoughtful kids. Now they're kids and they have their moments,
of course, the particularly Jes at times, but they're incredible
and they're and they're they're actually really easy, the transitions
not being.
Speaker 2 (16:55):
But you have such a big role though because of
the time that you have them. So it's like you
you on paper, you have more time than their dad,
so like you have big shoes to fill because you're
their time is spent more with you as a dad figure.
So like, I think it's important for you to have
(17:17):
to know that so that you're because they're going to
remember that you know, and the morals and the things
that you lay out as a dad. Yeah, and I
need that help too.
Speaker 1 (17:30):
No, And that's another part of it where some things
you'll say, will you will you step in? Will you
step in? Not so much now, but well yeah, you
still sometimes say it. But it's still different to step
in when it's a step bild than it as your
own less and blood feels different because your step it's
(17:52):
almost like and it's not that you're stepping on someone,
but it's almost like you're stepping in on someone else's
toes or stepping in and you might overstep a boundary
or not so much now, but definitely previously.
Speaker 2 (18:06):
Right, and now it's different.
Speaker 1 (18:08):
Yeah, now it's different because they expect to be a
voice from me. They expect it to be They still
always go to you most of the time the things,
because that's what they're still used to, that's what they've
been used to, that's what they're still programmed to do.
But it will change and I'll gradually even itself out
where they don't just always ask you for things. They'll
(18:30):
come to me for things.
Speaker 2 (18:31):
Yeah. When they come to you, though, you have to
actually respond without saying do it yourself, or they're not
going to come to you, and then it's always going
to be a me. And that's the problem.
Speaker 1 (18:40):
Again. We've had this conversation. Right when they ask me something,
I'll tell them, can you do it yourself first? And
you go and do it. And sometimes I don't communicate
it something. I communicate it like a Scottish person, not
do it yourself. Yeah, when I should communicate it, we'll
try and do it yourself first, and if you can't
do it, then come me and I I help you.
Speaker 2 (19:01):
Right, But I think they're at their age now where
they've dried and they need help, which is why they're asking.
So I think we just need to you know, I
think you should own that role a little bit more.
What role, like the fact that how much you have
them and like you are a huge like you are
their stepdad and like take that.
Speaker 1 (19:21):
In well, but I need to own it a little
bit more.
Speaker 2 (19:24):
I think, so knowing that how much do you have
them versus you know, and like really helping in that way.
Speaker 1 (19:34):
I don't think I don't own it right now. Okay, okay,
continue to.
Speaker 2 (19:41):
Be continue, done, done, done, do it yourself all right. Well,
on that note, let's see you next week.
Host
Jana Kramer
Popular Podcasts
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
The Joe Rogan Experience
The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.