November 13, 2024 • 36 mins
Jana and Allan’s sit-down with Mike continues as we dive deeper into the world of co-parenting.
Nothing is held back as Jana and Mike discuss how they making big parenting decisions and we learn what steps they take to make life work better their kids.
Plus, Mike shares his honest reaction when he found out Jana and Allan were having a baby.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Wind down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heart Radio Podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
All right, so we are picking up where we left off,
and let's just dive back into the conversation. Guys, what
do you think we still hear Ellen? We're good, Okay,
let's do it. Thoughts on your kids calling Alan dad.
Speaker 3 (00:27):
I get it. Made the lorde I get it.
Speaker 1 (00:31):
That's a tough one. Yeah, They've never, you know, called
Alan dad at my house. I'm not like, I'm not
going to sit here and tell them you can't call
him what you want to.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
Call him, which we also had a conversation about that too,
all three of us remember when we had a conversation
last year when I was pregnant with Rouman and you're like,
he can't like, we can't say what they can and
can't do. If they want to call him the Easter Bunny,
they can call him Easter Bunny. They can call him
whatever he wants. I'm not going to say you have
to call him down.
Speaker 1 (01:07):
No, yeah, I and you don't. No one has to
do any kind of correcting. But that's what that's that
one stinks the most. If if I were to hear it,
or you know, if the kids tell me like, oh,
Mom told us to call him dad, Like that would
(01:30):
send me.
Speaker 4 (01:33):
It wouldn't happen because I wouldn't. I wouldn't allow youth
to see the kids in a.
Speaker 2 (01:39):
Yeah, I think the only thing is with with now Roman,
it's more like I still say Alan ninety percent of
the time, but sometimes be like, go give us to Dad,
you know, because it's like Roman, and like it becomes
like a no in that.
Speaker 1 (01:51):
And and that I'm cool with and I'm able to
separate myself to a degree. But yeah, that's just the
hardest thing. Again, it's just like missing moments with the kids.
It is what it is. The territory the kids are.
Speaker 4 (02:02):
The kids are in age where regardless of and to
be to be honest, I don't I don't. I don't
think they'll call me dad, and that's fine. But I
think they're at an age Mike, where I'll always they're
very clear on who their dad is and who their
stepdad is. Right, there's no I don't think there's anything
(02:23):
like that's that's the situation. And I think it's not
like it's not like I've been with the kids since
they've been one years old, six months old, where it
would be any different. So sure, sometimes it might slip
out of their mouth differently than what it should. I
don't think I don't think they'll either be a habit.
(02:44):
I don't think they'll ever constantly call me dad. I
think I think they're an age where it's this is
all kind of happened when they're in age where they're
old enough.
Speaker 1 (02:51):
Yeah, at this point if yeah, they kind of call
you what they call you, mm hmm. But I you know, Allen,
Allen where it's like a father or dad is you know,
someone who provides, protects, takes care of a child, right,
whether biological or not. So you know you're still worthy
(03:15):
of the title obviously. But yeah, the kids.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
Now, I mean, does Mike dislike you bringing up that
you pay him child support?
Speaker 1 (03:28):
Yeah, of course. And that's that's a hot button for us.
And we know that. M h you hate it. I
hate it, do you.
Speaker 3 (03:41):
That's it's such a low something.
Speaker 1 (03:48):
I love you.
Speaker 3 (03:51):
So for the podcast.
Speaker 1 (03:53):
Save it for the podcast. Yes, And that's and that's
the thing.
Speaker 2 (03:57):
This is, this is the only thing we really truly
fight about.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
Yes, it really is. This is the kind of really true,
last remaining resentment and Janna hasn't made up that I
enjoy receiving that, especially with kind of money being a
(04:22):
thing in our marriage and our history and all this
kind of stuff. You always kind of brought that up.
The last thing I want is for you to think
that I need I want that from you. And so
finding my way post of wars, of finding my career,
(04:46):
finding the thing where I can provide and do all
of that stuff has taken some time. And starting my
own business with what I do now, which I've talked about,
is taking some time, and it's a battle because I
reinvest uf that I make back into my business in
order to make more and build and build and build.
But the ceiling is so high with what I do
(05:10):
that it's going to get to the point. Trust me,
I told you, it's like I have my goal at
by a certain time that like I'm just going to
show up and have a paper from my lawyer signing
over like, hey, this is not your obligation, legal obligation anymore.
Like that'll be the most freeing moment for me, like
(05:31):
ever in the history of Mike and Jana because of
our history and so no part of me enjoys it.
Speaker 3 (05:42):
At all.
Speaker 1 (05:43):
I hate it.
Speaker 2 (05:46):
Why do you hate it?
Speaker 1 (05:49):
Because it's because now I know like how much weight
you have with it, like how it affects you, and
that you hold it again me and it creates this
narrative of the that just isn't accurate in my mind.
(06:10):
And it's just a loss from anything conflicting between us
that still lingers from our past. And so it's I
want to be able to relinquish both of us, all
of us Alan you, just the whole situation just from that.
Speaker 4 (06:38):
You both have a few ways that you justify it,
and it will always cause some sort of conflict always
because finance is one of the biggest things, is finances.
One pays, one receives. The lulways be resentment and conflict though,
it's just how you manage it with each other.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
And I don't want that there anymore.
Speaker 1 (06:57):
I don't either.
Speaker 2 (06:58):
I understand the court of law. It's just really that
is It's just really hard for me, it really, And
that's where it's like what I was talking about in
therapy a couple of weeks ago, because I'm like, I
don't want to hold onto this resentment and anger, but
it still sits in me. I know it does, and
it's and then it affects us, and I don't want
it to affect us. And then I have this like
(07:19):
pipe dream. I'm like, well, how do I believe that
he says in this many years or whatever like that
it'll actually happen and then there will there always be
this that thing, And I'm like, I don't want there to.
I just I'm like, I want to be like free
from it all.
Speaker 1 (07:34):
Again, I do too, And that's what the narrative you've
made up. It's like when it comes in, I'm just
like a yeah, Like I.
Speaker 2 (07:42):
Just don't know who would ever say no to free money, essentially.
Speaker 1 (07:46):
Me because of our past, because of just everything, because
I know that's the last lingering thing between us and
my own pride and ego is destroyed the fact that
I am in a position where I need to take
(08:06):
it to be completely vulnerable. It is what it is.
Speaker 2 (08:12):
That sucks, Which is another reason why we have you
on the show, because I am all about go Mike
Cousin in the world of healthcare, because.
Speaker 4 (08:27):
What a segue. Only your bollos wants to know if
you go only funds.
Speaker 2 (08:33):
No, But I'm honestly maybe to pay for child support
I'm going to have to sell my feet to only
fans to pay for child support. There's the headline.
Speaker 1 (08:42):
You gotta do.
Speaker 2 (08:44):
But so shout out about the healthcare because we want
you to be successful. I am rooting for you, not
only to be fair in the world of Listen, I
didn't need to have you come on the show. No
you didn't, and I'm not getting, you know, cutbacks from this.
(09:07):
I really want you to succeed so that you feel
comfortable in a place where you Again, legally you don't
have to ever end that, but at least you know
I can try to help support so you don't feel
tied down and bogged down by finances and get a
good client list together. So how can you help people?
(09:28):
Where can they find you? Tell us what this election
means too? Now with healthcare, which I think I know
nothing about, I don't know, is the Obamacare still around
like I don't. I'm still on my SAG insurance.
Speaker 1 (09:42):
So yeah, No, the election did affect it good or
bad to a degree. I mean, it was happening regardless,
but it definitely affected it from a negative sense in
terms of the government offered plans. Because in twenty twenty one,
(10:04):
during COVID. The government passed the American Rescue Act. It
was basically COVID nineteen stimulus package where they had like
one point nine trillion dollars or something set aside for
subsidies for people to afford healthcare because you know, obviously
people weren't working as much, a lot more unemployed, small
businesses were going down, so it's a way to help
(10:26):
subsidize all those costs. Well, that's ending now end of
twenty twenty four, so subsidies that people were getting from
the government on those plans are dropping significantly. Or maybe
they were getting thousands of dollars off now they're getting
tens of dollars or maybe like one hundred dollars. So basically,
(10:47):
just you know, people that are whether it's an employer plan,
whether you work for yourself, whether you know, whatever it
is that you do. I'm able to kind of help
navigate all of that and be strategic for people and
find the best option that fits like their health needs,
their budget needs, what they need for their family, for themselves,
for their business, whatever it is. I'm an advisor, it's
what I do. I can It's a foreign language to
(11:09):
a lot of people with healthcare in this country. I
am a translator. And that's like I talked about last year.
Why I enjoy what I do is because I'm an
asset to people with something that they don't understand. So
whether it's a DM email, best way is probably just
my Instagram and message me there and then we can
kind of take off from communicating there and we'll get
(11:31):
on the phone and talk about things and figure out
what's going on.
Speaker 2 (11:34):
And your Instagram is.
Speaker 1 (11:39):
Am underscore costing.
Speaker 2 (11:41):
I am underscore cousin.
Speaker 1 (11:42):
I believe that's it.
Speaker 2 (11:45):
We have to get you signed up, babe, yes on ours.
Healthcare is stressful. I'm dealing with a I thought my
mri for my back was covered and now it's like
not being covered, but yet it said it was. And
so it's like it's an mrizer not expensive.
Speaker 1 (12:06):
Yeah, over five thousand dollars easily.
Speaker 2 (12:09):
Yeah, the back one was just like the lumber and
back it's it was two grand. But still I'm like, lord, like,
this is insane, and now they're at So it's just
it's and I don't know who to call, so and.
Speaker 1 (12:21):
That's where and that's where too, people don't know who
to call. They call the one hundred number on the
back of the car. Anytime I help somebody, I tell
them I come with the plan. And so if you
do have a question, a claim to make, anything like that,
you don't have to call that number and talk to
ten different people who don't want to do their jobs.
You call me directly and I help you navigate that
(12:41):
or just take care of it for you. So it's
a lot of customer service on my end, but it
helps people a lot.
Speaker 3 (12:50):
Can you get your truck wrapped? And home? Mate ho, big.
Speaker 1 (12:56):
Mate coll, big golf, big Mike.
Speaker 2 (13:02):
Translia Okay, I do want to ask a quick question
before we go into co parenting. What, Mike, what is
different about this relationship that excites you for the future,
(13:27):
Not a relationship, your new relationship, Oh mind.
Speaker 1 (13:30):
Yeah, okay, 'all's relationship. Well, let's talk about.
Speaker 2 (13:37):
It, about your new relationship that excites you. And then
what is the biggest thing that you are taking from
our past to do differently this go around?
Speaker 1 (13:52):
Good question. What excites me is that I've been friends
with this person for I met her a month after
we separated platonically, naturally, and she lived out of town
and we were just long story short, we just became friends,
(14:19):
and so what excites me is having such a foundation
with somebody where it's like she never once like judged
me when everything was very public and you know, things
were as bad as they were and all of that
kind of stuff. She was just my friend the whole time.
And so having someone who is had love for me
(14:42):
through all of that, through just an you know, unfiltered
lens is just something that.
Speaker 2 (14:50):
Is not lost on you.
Speaker 1 (14:51):
No, it's not lost on me at all. And then
what was the second part of that.
Speaker 2 (14:56):
What is the biggest thing that you are taking from
our relationship to do differently in this one?
Speaker 1 (15:02):
Everything? I mean when I you know, when I look
back at our relationship, I think, at least for me,
a part of why we're able to be such good
friends now is I feel like those were two different people.
(15:23):
At least for me that was. It feels like a
completely different person than I am now compared to back then,
just through you know, my own journey and stuff the
last several years. So I mean, not just being comical
like everything, just the amount of respect that her and
(15:48):
I have for one another and just the open transparency
with anything and everything is just a lot different obviously.
Speaker 2 (16:02):
Yeah that's good. Yeah, yeah, no, it's I mean, listen,
it's someone had DM me earlier about how how do
you get past your ex moving on with someone else,
and because they might be getting you know, the different
or change version or and you know, there's things that
(16:26):
you'll have said where I'm like, oh, that's nice. Would
have been nice if you did in our relationship, you know.
And but I think it's one of those things where,
like to your point, it was, you have to be
able to separate. People change, people evolve, And you know,
I'm for the sake of everybody, like I hope and
(16:48):
you know I have, I have hope, and I have
I I pray that like that you for the kids
and for everybody's happiness that you know, you knew everything
that happened and went on and how much damage it
caused and not only to the surrounding people but to yourself.
And so you know, I think it's a I think
(17:14):
what I'm I think, what I'm trying to say is
I just I I think people can be different in
different relationships.
Speaker 3 (17:23):
So you know, I think people are definitely different people
in general.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
Yeah, So I think like for people that are and
it's not that they're getting the better version or this,
they're just getting a different version. And that's what it's like.
And that's okay.
Speaker 1 (17:41):
You know, Yeah, I think you and Alan are a
testament to that. I think my my sister and my
brother in law are testaments to that where it's like
my brother in law, I'm obsessed with my brother in
law because he's the perfect person for my sister, right,
And I think just from what I see in y'all's dynamic,
I'm like, Alan's the perfect kind of person for you.
You like, you'll stand there, be stoic, what you spin
(18:03):
your top a little bit, You'll throw some logic and
rationality your way, and then you come to your conclusion.
Speaker 3 (18:10):
Most of the.
Speaker 2 (18:14):
Okay, I'm the coparenting questions.
Speaker 3 (18:16):
Did you disagree with that?
Speaker 2 (18:17):
Which piece? Well, maybe I think it's like the translator. No,
I mean, I think there's a piece of that. But
there's also where I feel like we can talk about
like this morning, where it's you or yesterday the mood
where I kind of let you have your mood.
Speaker 3 (18:34):
You want to talk about it, small thing, Let's talk
about it, small thing.
Speaker 1 (18:37):
Let's talk about this morning.
Speaker 3 (18:40):
It's just sent me to win another pool on Onstagram.
Speaker 1 (18:43):
Babe, I'm here for the tea.
Speaker 4 (18:48):
Maybe it's a different discussion, different day, same discussion, differently.
Speaker 2 (18:52):
But it's more just we both let each other kind
of spin the top and then you come back and
you brought sweet flowers last night and been like all right,
I'm sorry, or you know, we just were. We we
get each other moods and spins.
Speaker 3 (19:06):
Yeah, where it's like.
Speaker 2 (19:07):
I know that his uh, your depression is not in
the moment about me depression. We need get sad and
you need twixes co parenting. Why from Hannah, was it
ever awkward at first when all three of you would
hang out together? No, no, Mike, be honest, how did
(19:30):
you truly feel when you found out Jana was having
a baby with someone else? Dun, dun, dun.
Speaker 1 (19:36):
I was excited.
Speaker 2 (19:39):
Yeah, you're really good with Roman.
Speaker 1 (19:41):
Well here's here's what's funny about with Roman. And I
tell people this because I mean Jane obviously you know
me and I love kids. I love babies, and like,
if Roman was any anyone else's baby, I like picked
the baby up, I'll played the baby. But because of
like boundaries in respect, I put myself in Allen's shoes.
(20:01):
I'm like, all right, how would I feel if the
ex husband is like being overly friendly with like my kid?
And so I tell people, I'm like, you don't when
I see Roman, I just kind of pat them on
the show, IM like, hey baby, like I treat adult.
I just kind of poke them. I'm like, what's that,
big man? Were good? All right?
Speaker 3 (20:19):
Cool?
Speaker 1 (20:19):
See you later. You know it's so because I don't
want to overstep in any kind of way. But no,
I was excited. I mean I called it, called you out,
Yes you did when you're pregnant.
Speaker 2 (20:31):
But yeah, will you decide together when they can have
a phone, the kids?
Speaker 1 (20:38):
I sure, hope.
Speaker 2 (20:39):
So yeah, I am never Oh, I'm very against phones. Yeah,
playing with phones, having them?
Speaker 1 (20:48):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:48):
I don't want her on social media.
Speaker 4 (20:50):
No.
Speaker 3 (20:52):
I think there's a discussion and safety.
Speaker 2 (20:54):
With that as well, though, think Nick Witard does is
aniquid one.
Speaker 4 (21:02):
The safety having a little normal phone that just texts,
messages and calls in case of an emergency, right right, Yeah, for.
Speaker 2 (21:08):
Sure when they're going yes, but in social media, well
I don't when When when will we let her have
a phone? Freshman year? No social media?
Speaker 1 (21:19):
No hold out as long as we can and too,
until it becomes kind of to Allen's point where maybe
she's doing the sport or whatever, where she's doing more
traveling and doing more things with just a team, or
you know, we're kind of sharing responsibilities with other parents
of taking them places or whatever. Then it's like, Okay,
when they're not with us every second and purely dependent
(21:43):
on us and more independent in that kind of way
where we can't dictate and control every single place they
go and what they do, then okay, it's like you said,
somewhere to be able to check in with them and
communicate with them if we need to.
Speaker 2 (22:09):
Will you ever want fifty to fifty Yeah.
Speaker 1 (22:14):
Yeah, absolutely, that's tomorrow.
Speaker 2 (22:20):
Well, chat, how did you remain a good co parent
while working through hurt from X I'm struggling. First of all,
I'm sorry you're struggling. It is no easy feet You.
Speaker 1 (22:31):
Can kind of plug in, at least for me what
I said earlier about thinking of the basics the elementary
for the status of the kids of just healthy, taken
care of their safe as long as you know that
they're still physically safe with the other parent. Okay, you
can't control anything else.
Speaker 2 (22:51):
I also think too, and this goes back to you
know what you're saying, and then earlier where it's it'd
be really easy to all hate our exes yea, and
to have it be a just just I'm like, be like,
I don't want I don't want to carry that like
I don't That's why that's why the money piece is
(23:11):
so because I'm like, I don't want to care. I
don't want carry any hate. I don't want to carry
any resentment. I don't want to carry any any stuff.
I just want like everyone to be happy, everyone to
get along, because it's good for the kids, because I
didn't have that with my parents, and I want everyone
to get along and be in places and like I
would love to have had my parents in the same
room and celebrate things together and not being pulled. That's
why I hated Christmas as a kid. That's why I
(23:33):
don't like traveling for Christmas. Is because I hated Christmas
as a kid, And which is why I didn't want
to get divorced for the longest time. And you knew that,
but it was because I'm like, I don't want my
kids to have separate holidays because as a child, the
anxiety of not pleasing the seven different sides of my
family are going to this person's house and then going
here and then going there. I just hated every moment
(23:54):
of that, which is why, you know, you might be
able to understand too, Alan, why I'm like, can we
all come together? Because it's my childhood trauma, I guess
comes in to play for that where it's like I
just want everybody to get along.
Speaker 1 (24:09):
I'm glad you said something about that because I actually
had a question around that, like, being from a divorced family,
what have you been the most conscious of over the
last couple of years. I kind of as we've navigated
all of.
Speaker 2 (24:24):
This, one is again just you know, I didn't have
to invite you to the birthday parties. We could have
had separate birthday parties. You know, I really didn't like.
If you want a birthday party, you can throw it
on your day. I like, And there's a lot of
people that don't do that. Yeah, for sure, But again
I like for the fact of how I felt as
(24:46):
a kid not having my parents together. It didn't feel good,
and so I like it for the kids that they
can see us good together. I also though it was
hard in the beginning, Uh, not speaking through the kids. Yeah,
I don't want them to hate you. It's hard because
(25:08):
a piece of me did. And like that's frustrating when
they're like, oh, Dad's the best, and I'm like, yead,
he's the best, He's awesome, you know, but so but
I've seen the negatives of parents talking through their kids
and then how it affects their relationship.
Speaker 1 (25:27):
Did either one of you ever think, like Alan being divorced,
you being just a couple of years older, and Jana
like ever like, did you ever think you weren't going
to find somebody right where You're just like kind of
started thinking, you know what, maybe this is just my
life and I'm a single divorced parent and you know,
(25:51):
you got Troy and it is what it is and
you're going to live your life. Or Jana, for you
it's like, hey, you know what, maybe I'll just date
every now and then and I got the kids. Did
any part of you just kind of think maybe I'm
just not going to find somebody.
Speaker 2 (26:04):
I you know, I mean, I'm a lover. I love
to love. I always knew I was going to find
love again, like my person. I didn't think i'd have
another kid, oh for sure.
Speaker 3 (26:11):
So yeah, I think my man says the same as yours.
I knew.
Speaker 4 (26:17):
I knew I would find it because I was open
to it and it's something that I wanted, and the
part of me Kana knew I would have another kid,
so that the only difference between yours nice. I knew
I would find the right person mm hmm, and I
keen of knew when that happened that I would we
(26:40):
in the cement and so I defy that relationship with
the baby.
Speaker 1 (26:46):
I'll be honest. There's until like recent.
Speaker 2 (26:51):
I love you're so You're so European. Sometimes they're accently
love it.
Speaker 1 (26:56):
Until things changed recently, I thought for a while because
I hadn't gone on a date in like over a year,
and I thought for a little bit there, I was like,
you know what, I got two great kids, healthy, happy,
all that stuff. I'm focused on my career, I'm focused
on the kids. Maybe I will just be single. And
(27:24):
as bad as it sounds and kind of made me
feel at times, I feel like I'm almost like the
the bonus parent of third parent to like you guys,
it's like, hey, maybe this is my life. Maybe it's
just me being available to be flexible no matter what,
like for the kids. And like I was okay with
(27:50):
that oddly too for a while, But I was thinking
of that recently. I was like, I wonder if you know,
you guys, have ever had ever got to the point
where you just kind of felt that that maybe that's
just a difference in me. It's just like there's part
of me that was content.
Speaker 4 (28:05):
Do you think that is a I meet You don't
need to ask us, but do you think that is
a there's a piece of that as a self worth piece.
Speaker 1 (28:17):
For sure.
Speaker 3 (28:18):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (28:18):
Yeah, you're limiting your aspirations and things based on how
you're thinking, know, how you're feeling about yourself at that
particular thing.
Speaker 1 (28:27):
No, that definitely was a part of it where you know,
I didn't have been fortunate for a majority of my
life to be comfortable financially, whether it's through my own
career and then through you know, having the support of
Jana or the then things that we did together, and
(28:49):
so then to come out of that and just being
a different position, a position than what I'm used to,
there's still that part of you that like, even though
I know the financial doesn't matter, well, when you're used
to having something you don't have anymore, and part of
it becomes your identity, sure self worth goes down. And
(29:10):
so which is again why like my person now? Like
damn you can like me for me? What the what?
Speaker 2 (29:22):
In a way that's an intimacy that you probably haven't experienced.
That where the struggle of intimacy?
Speaker 1 (29:28):
Oh for sure, Like this is the most intimate yeah
connection like ever And a lot of that has to
do with like my own personal circumstances of questioning my
own self worth and kind of where I'm at compared
to where I want to be, where I'm going to be,
(29:49):
and where I'm used to being because the thought of
dating actively dating over the last ten months, it's like
I haven't got time for that. Like any money I'm
making is back into my business or into the kids
(30:09):
and just living.
Speaker 3 (30:11):
Yeah, oh, get on a love boot. So you healing.
Speaker 2 (30:17):
Rapid fire? What rules do you have for Alan as
the bonus parent? Is he allowed to discipline the kids?
Speaker 1 (30:23):
Yeah? I mean I actually have a like a six
minute long video on my phone that I want to
cut up and post of the kids. Before I was
going to do one of my like insurance videos. They
just started kind of riffing off of each other, and
Jolie was over here snitching on Jase, talking about like
Ja's like, you know, getting physical and like hitting Alan
(30:45):
or this that or the other, and and I'm like, what,
you don't hit Alan? And Jolie was like, you know,
she said, She's like, well, Alan said, he's like if
you don't stop, on to smack your arse. And I
was like, good, he should and so and we both
there's numerous times.
Speaker 3 (31:04):
Because they do not, and that's exactly how I say, yeah.
Speaker 1 (31:10):
But in meanwhile, I'm like, yeah, he should. And I've
had numerous conversations with them. I was like, Alan is
just like mommy and daddy. I was like, I don't
ever want to hear you guys mouth off to Alan
talk back to Alan. I was like, he's the same
as us. You listen to him the same as us.
There's no difference. So we've had those conversations numerous times.
(31:32):
And it's because now that the dynamic is what it
is that I trust and respect Alan's judgment. And Alan's
a dad, Like it's not like you're coming into this,
you've never had kids.
Speaker 2 (31:44):
Before, right, Yeah, I mean it's also where we're at
now too. At the beginning you obviously didn't. But now
that we're married, and there's times when I'm like, I
cannot be because the time shared difference too with the kids.
I don't want to be the only person being like guys, stop,
come on and like Jase eat that stop too much catching,
you know, And so he's I feel like you're stepping
(32:06):
in more with that, and I appreciate it because it
is is. I don't want to be the freaking bad
person all the time.
Speaker 1 (32:13):
That's going to be tough to navigate for you.
Speaker 3 (32:16):
There isn't.
Speaker 4 (32:19):
It isn't because I think I've got a real self
good self awareness around went to step in and went
to just okay, yeah, this is a lot of the
time the two of them can figure it out themselves
because they have to experience that and figure it out
with each other because they'll always be a power.
Speaker 3 (32:38):
Struggle between the two of them. So it's when to
actually step in. And when I know that you're tired
or maybe you've tried a couple of times.
Speaker 2 (32:45):
Then yeah, I usually just stop and that's when you
go in.
Speaker 4 (32:48):
So maybe then I step in at that point. But
I'd never be overpowering or overbearing with them. I think
it always comes back to the you're reasonable, respectful person,
then you'll treat other one in the family.
Speaker 2 (33:01):
So let's end on this. What do you think is
most important when it comes to having a healthy co
parenting relationship. I would say letting the past be the
past and putting the kids to the forefront as best
as you can because it is a daily effort.
Speaker 3 (33:20):
So fully illness.
Speaker 1 (33:22):
Yeah, I mean all the above, just I know it's
easier so than done, but it's all about the kids,
and that's what you know. It's validating when like, if
you know Jane and I when we post a story
and we're in it or whatever, it's like the amount
of comments or messages I know that I'll get let
on a jam. I'm sure you get it tenfold. But
(33:44):
it's like people just are happy to see the level
of co parenting that all three of us are able
to do, and the amount of people have been like
I hope mine gets to that point someday is like
I'm like, damn.
Speaker 2 (33:54):
So that's and that's where I'm always like, why do
you like do that? And why I like to do this?
Is because we of all people have had a really
hard past, but we're able to be on the other
side of it, still going through things, but that can
still be civil and kind to each other and have
respect and have some sort of an actual friendship too
(34:15):
in there with it all. So I think there's hope
for people in this situation. Don't give up on that.
And I would just say, yeah, try as best as
you can to keep the past in the past and
to start the new relationship. Alan, I appreciate you coming on.
I know that's an answer, yeah, but I appreciate you
(34:37):
coming on because it's you are a part of this
when this is we're all in this together, and so
it takes it takes all of us to make this
work too. That's the thing. It's going to take your
person coming in because if she throws a wrench and
she's not also, then it's like then it becomes rent.
Everyone needs to have respect and good communication and be
kind and want at the at the end of the
(35:00):
day right to all get along for the kid's sake.
Speaker 3 (35:03):
And I think very are lucky.
Speaker 1 (35:06):
We are.
Speaker 3 (35:07):
You hear a lot about stories.
Speaker 2 (35:08):
About I don't want to be angry. I really like
that's the thing too. It's like sometimes when I hear
people in their co parenting fighting and it's I'm like, oh, like,
I don't like who who wants to hold that and
have that like this?
Speaker 1 (35:21):
Just I don't.
Speaker 2 (35:22):
I don't want to.
Speaker 1 (35:22):
I don't. I don't want to. You're exhausting enough. We
don't need to be exhausted by each other.
Speaker 2 (35:27):
So should we go to Florida, Miami or which beach
location for.
Speaker 3 (35:31):
The Yeah, I'm busy.
Speaker 1 (35:34):
Family vacation?
Speaker 2 (35:36):
Where should we go next year? We just have to
do one. I'm not saying it has to be an
annual thing. I would like to see if Pam will
let us come, you know, I look, you know, drop
in on your family vacation one one year.
Speaker 1 (35:48):
You know, my parents would love that, but again.
Speaker 2 (35:51):
I think it's fun for them to have their own
things too. Okay, anyways, this was super fun and we'll
see you get next year. Mike, all right, okay, everyone
go vote for Mike and for Mike. Yeah, for for
life insurance, life insurance, health.
Speaker 5 (36:05):
Insurance, vote for Mike. D M me, it's fine, d
m M. Vote for Mike and a flag and it
all helps. Everyone supports the dam and
Speaker 1 (36:19):
Producing, everybody, helping everybody, Okay, all right, I guess
Wind down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heart Radio Podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
All right, so we are picking up where we left off,
and let's just dive back into the conversation. Guys, what
do you think we still hear Ellen? We're good, Okay,
let's do it. Thoughts on your kids calling Alan dad.
Speaker 3 (00:27):
I get it. Made the lorde I get it.
Speaker 1 (00:31):
That's a tough one. Yeah, They've never, you know, called
Alan dad at my house. I'm not like, I'm not
going to sit here and tell them you can't call
him what you want to.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
Call him, which we also had a conversation about that too,
all three of us remember when we had a conversation
last year when I was pregnant with Rouman and you're like,
he can't like, we can't say what they can and
can't do. If they want to call him the Easter Bunny,
they can call him Easter Bunny. They can call him
whatever he wants. I'm not going to say you have
to call him down.
Speaker 1 (01:07):
No, yeah, I and you don't. No one has to
do any kind of correcting. But that's what that's that
one stinks the most. If if I were to hear it,
or you know, if the kids tell me like, oh,
Mom told us to call him dad, Like that would
(01:30):
send me.
Speaker 4 (01:33):
It wouldn't happen because I wouldn't. I wouldn't allow youth
to see the kids in a.
Speaker 2 (01:39):
Yeah, I think the only thing is with with now Roman,
it's more like I still say Alan ninety percent of
the time, but sometimes be like, go give us to Dad,
you know, because it's like Roman, and like it becomes
like a no in that.
Speaker 1 (01:51):
And and that I'm cool with and I'm able to
separate myself to a degree. But yeah, that's just the
hardest thing. Again, it's just like missing moments with the kids.
It is what it is. The territory the kids are.
Speaker 4 (02:02):
The kids are in age where regardless of and to
be to be honest, I don't I don't. I don't
think they'll call me dad, and that's fine. But I
think they're at an age Mike, where I'll always they're
very clear on who their dad is and who their
stepdad is. Right, there's no I don't think there's anything
(02:23):
like that's that's the situation. And I think it's not
like it's not like I've been with the kids since
they've been one years old, six months old, where it
would be any different. So sure, sometimes it might slip
out of their mouth differently than what it should. I
don't think I don't think they'll either be a habit.
(02:44):
I don't think they'll ever constantly call me dad. I
think I think they're an age where it's this is
all kind of happened when they're in age where they're
old enough.
Speaker 1 (02:51):
Yeah, at this point if yeah, they kind of call
you what they call you, mm hmm. But I you know, Allen,
Allen where it's like a father or dad is you know,
someone who provides, protects, takes care of a child, right,
whether biological or not. So you know you're still worthy
(03:15):
of the title obviously. But yeah, the kids.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
Now, I mean, does Mike dislike you bringing up that
you pay him child support?
Speaker 1 (03:28):
Yeah, of course. And that's that's a hot button for us.
And we know that. M h you hate it. I
hate it, do you.
Speaker 3 (03:41):
That's it's such a low something.
Speaker 1 (03:48):
I love you.
Speaker 3 (03:51):
So for the podcast.
Speaker 1 (03:53):
Save it for the podcast. Yes, And that's and that's
the thing.
Speaker 2 (03:57):
This is, this is the only thing we really truly
fight about.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
Yes, it really is. This is the kind of really true,
last remaining resentment and Janna hasn't made up that I
enjoy receiving that, especially with kind of money being a
(04:22):
thing in our marriage and our history and all this
kind of stuff. You always kind of brought that up.
The last thing I want is for you to think
that I need I want that from you. And so
finding my way post of wars, of finding my career,
(04:46):
finding the thing where I can provide and do all
of that stuff has taken some time. And starting my
own business with what I do now, which I've talked about,
is taking some time, and it's a battle because I
reinvest uf that I make back into my business in
order to make more and build and build and build.
But the ceiling is so high with what I do
(05:10):
that it's going to get to the point. Trust me,
I told you, it's like I have my goal at
by a certain time that like I'm just going to
show up and have a paper from my lawyer signing
over like, hey, this is not your obligation, legal obligation anymore.
Like that'll be the most freeing moment for me, like
(05:31):
ever in the history of Mike and Jana because of
our history and so no part of me enjoys it.
Speaker 3 (05:42):
At all.
Speaker 1 (05:43):
I hate it.
Speaker 2 (05:46):
Why do you hate it?
Speaker 1 (05:49):
Because it's because now I know like how much weight
you have with it, like how it affects you, and
that you hold it again me and it creates this
narrative of the that just isn't accurate in my mind.
(06:10):
And it's just a loss from anything conflicting between us
that still lingers from our past. And so it's I
want to be able to relinquish both of us, all
of us Alan you, just the whole situation just from that.
Speaker 4 (06:38):
You both have a few ways that you justify it,
and it will always cause some sort of conflict always
because finance is one of the biggest things, is finances.
One pays, one receives. The lulways be resentment and conflict though,
it's just how you manage it with each other.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
And I don't want that there anymore.
Speaker 1 (06:57):
I don't either.
Speaker 2 (06:58):
I understand the court of law. It's just really that
is It's just really hard for me, it really, And
that's where it's like what I was talking about in
therapy a couple of weeks ago, because I'm like, I
don't want to hold onto this resentment and anger, but
it still sits in me. I know it does, and
it's and then it affects us, and I don't want
it to affect us. And then I have this like
(07:19):
pipe dream. I'm like, well, how do I believe that
he says in this many years or whatever like that
it'll actually happen and then there will there always be
this that thing, And I'm like, I don't want there to.
I just I'm like, I want to be like free
from it all.
Speaker 1 (07:34):
Again, I do too, And that's what the narrative you've
made up. It's like when it comes in, I'm just
like a yeah, Like I.
Speaker 2 (07:42):
Just don't know who would ever say no to free money, essentially.
Speaker 1 (07:46):
Me because of our past, because of just everything, because
I know that's the last lingering thing between us and
my own pride and ego is destroyed the fact that
I am in a position where I need to take
(08:06):
it to be completely vulnerable. It is what it is.
Speaker 2 (08:12):
That sucks, Which is another reason why we have you
on the show, because I am all about go Mike
Cousin in the world of healthcare, because.
Speaker 4 (08:27):
What a segue. Only your bollos wants to know if
you go only funds.
Speaker 2 (08:33):
No, But I'm honestly maybe to pay for child support
I'm going to have to sell my feet to only
fans to pay for child support. There's the headline.
Speaker 1 (08:42):
You gotta do.
Speaker 2 (08:44):
But so shout out about the healthcare because we want
you to be successful. I am rooting for you, not
only to be fair in the world of Listen, I
didn't need to have you come on the show. No
you didn't, and I'm not getting, you know, cutbacks from this.
(09:07):
I really want you to succeed so that you feel
comfortable in a place where you Again, legally you don't
have to ever end that, but at least you know
I can try to help support so you don't feel
tied down and bogged down by finances and get a
good client list together. So how can you help people?
(09:28):
Where can they find you? Tell us what this election
means too? Now with healthcare, which I think I know
nothing about, I don't know, is the Obamacare still around
like I don't. I'm still on my SAG insurance.
Speaker 1 (09:42):
So yeah, No, the election did affect it good or
bad to a degree. I mean, it was happening regardless,
but it definitely affected it from a negative sense in
terms of the government offered plans. Because in twenty twenty one,
(10:04):
during COVID. The government passed the American Rescue Act. It
was basically COVID nineteen stimulus package where they had like
one point nine trillion dollars or something set aside for
subsidies for people to afford healthcare because you know, obviously
people weren't working as much, a lot more unemployed, small
businesses were going down, so it's a way to help
(10:26):
subsidize all those costs. Well, that's ending now end of
twenty twenty four, so subsidies that people were getting from
the government on those plans are dropping significantly. Or maybe
they were getting thousands of dollars off now they're getting
tens of dollars or maybe like one hundred dollars. So basically,
(10:47):
just you know, people that are whether it's an employer plan,
whether you work for yourself, whether you know, whatever it
is that you do. I'm able to kind of help
navigate all of that and be strategic for people and
find the best option that fits like their health needs,
their budget needs, what they need for their family, for themselves,
for their business, whatever it is. I'm an advisor, it's
what I do. I can It's a foreign language to
(11:09):
a lot of people with healthcare in this country. I
am a translator. And that's like I talked about last year.
Why I enjoy what I do is because I'm an
asset to people with something that they don't understand. So
whether it's a DM email, best way is probably just
my Instagram and message me there and then we can
kind of take off from communicating there and we'll get
(11:31):
on the phone and talk about things and figure out
what's going on.
Speaker 2 (11:34):
And your Instagram is.
Speaker 1 (11:39):
Am underscore costing.
Speaker 2 (11:41):
I am underscore cousin.
Speaker 1 (11:42):
I believe that's it.
Speaker 2 (11:45):
We have to get you signed up, babe, yes on ours.
Healthcare is stressful. I'm dealing with a I thought my
mri for my back was covered and now it's like
not being covered, but yet it said it was. And
so it's like it's an mrizer not expensive.
Speaker 1 (12:06):
Yeah, over five thousand dollars easily.
Speaker 2 (12:09):
Yeah, the back one was just like the lumber and
back it's it was two grand. But still I'm like, lord, like,
this is insane, and now they're at So it's just
it's and I don't know who to call, so and.
Speaker 1 (12:21):
That's where and that's where too, people don't know who
to call. They call the one hundred number on the
back of the car. Anytime I help somebody, I tell
them I come with the plan. And so if you
do have a question, a claim to make, anything like that,
you don't have to call that number and talk to
ten different people who don't want to do their jobs.
You call me directly and I help you navigate that
(12:41):
or just take care of it for you. So it's
a lot of customer service on my end, but it
helps people a lot.
Speaker 3 (12:50):
Can you get your truck wrapped? And home? Mate ho, big.
Speaker 1 (12:56):
Mate coll, big golf, big Mike.
Speaker 2 (13:02):
Translia Okay, I do want to ask a quick question
before we go into co parenting. What, Mike, what is
different about this relationship that excites you for the future,
(13:27):
Not a relationship, your new relationship, Oh mind.
Speaker 1 (13:30):
Yeah, okay, 'all's relationship. Well, let's talk about.
Speaker 2 (13:37):
It, about your new relationship that excites you. And then
what is the biggest thing that you are taking from
our past to do differently this go around?
Speaker 1 (13:52):
Good question. What excites me is that I've been friends
with this person for I met her a month after
we separated platonically, naturally, and she lived out of town
and we were just long story short, we just became friends,
(14:19):
and so what excites me is having such a foundation
with somebody where it's like she never once like judged
me when everything was very public and you know, things
were as bad as they were and all of that
kind of stuff. She was just my friend the whole time.
And so having someone who is had love for me
(14:42):
through all of that, through just an you know, unfiltered
lens is just something that.
Speaker 2 (14:50):
Is not lost on you.
Speaker 1 (14:51):
No, it's not lost on me at all. And then
what was the second part of that.
Speaker 2 (14:56):
What is the biggest thing that you are taking from
our relationship to do differently in this one?
Speaker 1 (15:02):
Everything? I mean when I you know, when I look
back at our relationship, I think, at least for me,
a part of why we're able to be such good
friends now is I feel like those were two different people.
(15:23):
At least for me that was. It feels like a
completely different person than I am now compared to back then,
just through you know, my own journey and stuff the
last several years. So I mean, not just being comical
like everything, just the amount of respect that her and
(15:48):
I have for one another and just the open transparency
with anything and everything is just a lot different obviously.
Speaker 2 (16:02):
Yeah that's good. Yeah, yeah, no, it's I mean, listen,
it's someone had DM me earlier about how how do
you get past your ex moving on with someone else,
and because they might be getting you know, the different
or change version or and you know, there's things that
(16:26):
you'll have said where I'm like, oh, that's nice. Would
have been nice if you did in our relationship, you know.
And but I think it's one of those things where,
like to your point, it was, you have to be
able to separate. People change, people evolve, And you know,
I'm for the sake of everybody, like I hope and
(16:48):
you know I have, I have hope, and I have
I I pray that like that you for the kids
and for everybody's happiness that you know, you knew everything
that happened and went on and how much damage it
caused and not only to the surrounding people but to yourself.
And so you know, I think it's a I think
(17:14):
what I'm I think, what I'm trying to say is
I just I I think people can be different in
different relationships.
Speaker 3 (17:23):
So you know, I think people are definitely different people
in general.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
Yeah, So I think like for people that are and
it's not that they're getting the better version or this,
they're just getting a different version. And that's what it's like.
And that's okay.
Speaker 1 (17:41):
You know, Yeah, I think you and Alan are a
testament to that. I think my my sister and my
brother in law are testaments to that where it's like
my brother in law, I'm obsessed with my brother in
law because he's the perfect person for my sister, right,
And I think just from what I see in y'all's dynamic,
I'm like, Alan's the perfect kind of person for you.
You like, you'll stand there, be stoic, what you spin
(18:03):
your top a little bit, You'll throw some logic and
rationality your way, and then you come to your conclusion.
Speaker 3 (18:10):
Most of the.
Speaker 2 (18:14):
Okay, I'm the coparenting questions.
Speaker 3 (18:16):
Did you disagree with that?
Speaker 2 (18:17):
Which piece? Well, maybe I think it's like the translator. No,
I mean, I think there's a piece of that. But
there's also where I feel like we can talk about
like this morning, where it's you or yesterday the mood
where I kind of let you have your mood.
Speaker 3 (18:34):
You want to talk about it, small thing, Let's talk
about it, small thing.
Speaker 1 (18:37):
Let's talk about this morning.
Speaker 3 (18:40):
It's just sent me to win another pool on Onstagram.
Speaker 1 (18:43):
Babe, I'm here for the tea.
Speaker 4 (18:48):
Maybe it's a different discussion, different day, same discussion, differently.
Speaker 2 (18:52):
But it's more just we both let each other kind
of spin the top and then you come back and
you brought sweet flowers last night and been like all right,
I'm sorry, or you know, we just were. We we
get each other moods and spins.
Speaker 3 (19:06):
Yeah, where it's like.
Speaker 2 (19:07):
I know that his uh, your depression is not in
the moment about me depression. We need get sad and
you need twixes co parenting. Why from Hannah, was it
ever awkward at first when all three of you would
hang out together? No, no, Mike, be honest, how did
(19:30):
you truly feel when you found out Jana was having
a baby with someone else? Dun, dun, dun.
Speaker 1 (19:36):
I was excited.
Speaker 2 (19:39):
Yeah, you're really good with Roman.
Speaker 1 (19:41):
Well here's here's what's funny about with Roman. And I
tell people this because I mean Jane obviously you know
me and I love kids. I love babies, and like,
if Roman was any anyone else's baby, I like picked
the baby up, I'll played the baby. But because of
like boundaries in respect, I put myself in Allen's shoes.
(20:01):
I'm like, all right, how would I feel if the
ex husband is like being overly friendly with like my kid?
And so I tell people, I'm like, you don't when
I see Roman, I just kind of pat them on
the show, IM like, hey baby, like I treat adult.
I just kind of poke them. I'm like, what's that,
big man? Were good? All right?
Speaker 3 (20:19):
Cool?
Speaker 1 (20:19):
See you later. You know it's so because I don't
want to overstep in any kind of way. But no,
I was excited. I mean I called it, called you out,
Yes you did when you're pregnant.
Speaker 2 (20:31):
But yeah, will you decide together when they can have
a phone, the kids?
Speaker 1 (20:38):
I sure, hope.
Speaker 2 (20:39):
So yeah, I am never Oh, I'm very against phones. Yeah,
playing with phones, having them?
Speaker 1 (20:48):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:48):
I don't want her on social media.
Speaker 4 (20:50):
No.
Speaker 3 (20:52):
I think there's a discussion and safety.
Speaker 2 (20:54):
With that as well, though, think Nick Witard does is
aniquid one.
Speaker 4 (21:02):
The safety having a little normal phone that just texts,
messages and calls in case of an emergency, right right, Yeah, for.
Speaker 2 (21:08):
Sure when they're going yes, but in social media, well
I don't when When when will we let her have
a phone? Freshman year? No social media?
Speaker 1 (21:19):
No hold out as long as we can and too,
until it becomes kind of to Allen's point where maybe
she's doing the sport or whatever, where she's doing more
traveling and doing more things with just a team, or
you know, we're kind of sharing responsibilities with other parents
of taking them places or whatever. Then it's like, Okay,
when they're not with us every second and purely dependent
(21:43):
on us and more independent in that kind of way
where we can't dictate and control every single place they
go and what they do, then okay, it's like you said,
somewhere to be able to check in with them and
communicate with them if we need to.
Speaker 2 (22:09):
Will you ever want fifty to fifty Yeah.
Speaker 1 (22:14):
Yeah, absolutely, that's tomorrow.
Speaker 2 (22:20):
Well, chat, how did you remain a good co parent
while working through hurt from X I'm struggling. First of all,
I'm sorry you're struggling. It is no easy feet You.
Speaker 1 (22:31):
Can kind of plug in, at least for me what
I said earlier about thinking of the basics the elementary
for the status of the kids of just healthy, taken
care of their safe as long as you know that
they're still physically safe with the other parent. Okay, you
can't control anything else.
Speaker 2 (22:51):
I also think too, and this goes back to you
know what you're saying, and then earlier where it's it'd
be really easy to all hate our exes yea, and
to have it be a just just I'm like, be like,
I don't want I don't want to carry that like
I don't That's why that's why the money piece is
(23:11):
so because I'm like, I don't want to care. I
don't want carry any hate. I don't want to carry
any resentment. I don't want to carry any any stuff.
I just want like everyone to be happy, everyone to
get along, because it's good for the kids, because I
didn't have that with my parents, and I want everyone
to get along and be in places and like I
would love to have had my parents in the same
room and celebrate things together and not being pulled. That's
why I hated Christmas as a kid. That's why I
(23:33):
don't like traveling for Christmas. Is because I hated Christmas
as a kid, And which is why I didn't want
to get divorced for the longest time. And you knew that,
but it was because I'm like, I don't want my
kids to have separate holidays because as a child, the
anxiety of not pleasing the seven different sides of my
family are going to this person's house and then going
here and then going there. I just hated every moment
(23:54):
of that, which is why, you know, you might be
able to understand too, Alan, why I'm like, can we
all come together? Because it's my childhood trauma, I guess
comes in to play for that where it's like I
just want everybody to get along.
Speaker 1 (24:09):
I'm glad you said something about that because I actually
had a question around that, like, being from a divorced family,
what have you been the most conscious of over the
last couple of years. I kind of as we've navigated
all of.
Speaker 2 (24:24):
This, one is again just you know, I didn't have
to invite you to the birthday parties. We could have
had separate birthday parties. You know, I really didn't like.
If you want a birthday party, you can throw it
on your day. I like, And there's a lot of
people that don't do that. Yeah, for sure, But again
I like for the fact of how I felt as
(24:46):
a kid not having my parents together. It didn't feel good,
and so I like it for the kids that they
can see us good together. I also though it was
hard in the beginning, Uh, not speaking through the kids. Yeah,
I don't want them to hate you. It's hard because
(25:08):
a piece of me did. And like that's frustrating when
they're like, oh, Dad's the best, and I'm like, yead,
he's the best, He's awesome, you know, but so but
I've seen the negatives of parents talking through their kids
and then how it affects their relationship.
Speaker 1 (25:27):
Did either one of you ever think, like Alan being divorced,
you being just a couple of years older, and Jana
like ever like, did you ever think you weren't going
to find somebody right where You're just like kind of
started thinking, you know what, maybe this is just my
life and I'm a single divorced parent and you know,
(25:51):
you got Troy and it is what it is and
you're going to live your life. Or Jana, for you
it's like, hey, you know what, maybe I'll just date
every now and then and I got the kids. Did
any part of you just kind of think maybe I'm
just not going to find somebody.
Speaker 2 (26:04):
I you know, I mean, I'm a lover. I love
to love. I always knew I was going to find
love again, like my person. I didn't think i'd have
another kid, oh for sure.
Speaker 3 (26:11):
So yeah, I think my man says the same as yours.
I knew.
Speaker 4 (26:17):
I knew I would find it because I was open
to it and it's something that I wanted, and the
part of me Kana knew I would have another kid,
so that the only difference between yours nice. I knew
I would find the right person mm hmm, and I
keen of knew when that happened that I would we
(26:40):
in the cement and so I defy that relationship with
the baby.
Speaker 1 (26:46):
I'll be honest. There's until like recent.
Speaker 2 (26:51):
I love you're so You're so European. Sometimes they're accently
love it.
Speaker 1 (26:56):
Until things changed recently, I thought for a while because
I hadn't gone on a date in like over a year,
and I thought for a little bit there, I was like,
you know what, I got two great kids, healthy, happy,
all that stuff. I'm focused on my career, I'm focused
on the kids. Maybe I will just be single. And
(27:24):
as bad as it sounds and kind of made me
feel at times, I feel like I'm almost like the
the bonus parent of third parent to like you guys,
it's like, hey, maybe this is my life. Maybe it's
just me being available to be flexible no matter what,
like for the kids. And like I was okay with
(27:50):
that oddly too for a while, But I was thinking
of that recently. I was like, I wonder if you know,
you guys, have ever had ever got to the point
where you just kind of felt that that maybe that's
just a difference in me. It's just like there's part
of me that was content.
Speaker 4 (28:05):
Do you think that is a I meet You don't
need to ask us, but do you think that is
a there's a piece of that as a self worth piece.
Speaker 1 (28:17):
For sure.
Speaker 3 (28:18):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (28:18):
Yeah, you're limiting your aspirations and things based on how
you're thinking, know, how you're feeling about yourself at that
particular thing.
Speaker 1 (28:27):
No, that definitely was a part of it where you know,
I didn't have been fortunate for a majority of my
life to be comfortable financially, whether it's through my own
career and then through you know, having the support of
Jana or the then things that we did together, and
(28:49):
so then to come out of that and just being
a different position, a position than what I'm used to,
there's still that part of you that like, even though
I know the financial doesn't matter, well, when you're used
to having something you don't have anymore, and part of
it becomes your identity, sure self worth goes down. And
(29:10):
so which is again why like my person now? Like
damn you can like me for me? What the what?
Speaker 2 (29:22):
In a way that's an intimacy that you probably haven't experienced.
That where the struggle of intimacy?
Speaker 1 (29:28):
Oh for sure, Like this is the most intimate yeah
connection like ever And a lot of that has to
do with like my own personal circumstances of questioning my
own self worth and kind of where I'm at compared
to where I want to be, where I'm going to be,
(29:49):
and where I'm used to being because the thought of
dating actively dating over the last ten months, it's like
I haven't got time for that. Like any money I'm
making is back into my business or into the kids
(30:09):
and just living.
Speaker 3 (30:11):
Yeah, oh, get on a love boot. So you healing.
Speaker 2 (30:17):
Rapid fire? What rules do you have for Alan as
the bonus parent? Is he allowed to discipline the kids?
Speaker 1 (30:23):
Yeah? I mean I actually have a like a six
minute long video on my phone that I want to
cut up and post of the kids. Before I was
going to do one of my like insurance videos. They
just started kind of riffing off of each other, and
Jolie was over here snitching on Jase, talking about like
Ja's like, you know, getting physical and like hitting Alan
(30:45):
or this that or the other, and and I'm like, what,
you don't hit Alan? And Jolie was like, you know,
she said, She's like, well, Alan said, he's like if
you don't stop, on to smack your arse. And I
was like, good, he should and so and we both
there's numerous times.
Speaker 3 (31:04):
Because they do not, and that's exactly how I say, yeah.
Speaker 1 (31:10):
But in meanwhile, I'm like, yeah, he should. And I've
had numerous conversations with them. I was like, Alan is
just like mommy and daddy. I was like, I don't
ever want to hear you guys mouth off to Alan
talk back to Alan. I was like, he's the same
as us. You listen to him the same as us.
There's no difference. So we've had those conversations numerous times.
(31:32):
And it's because now that the dynamic is what it
is that I trust and respect Alan's judgment. And Alan's
a dad, Like it's not like you're coming into this,
you've never had kids.
Speaker 2 (31:44):
Before, right, Yeah, I mean it's also where we're at
now too. At the beginning you obviously didn't. But now
that we're married, and there's times when I'm like, I
cannot be because the time shared difference too with the kids.
I don't want to be the only person being like guys, stop,
come on and like Jase eat that stop too much catching,
you know, And so he's I feel like you're stepping
(32:06):
in more with that, and I appreciate it because it
is is. I don't want to be the freaking bad
person all the time.
Speaker 1 (32:13):
That's going to be tough to navigate for you.
Speaker 3 (32:16):
There isn't.
Speaker 4 (32:19):
It isn't because I think I've got a real self
good self awareness around went to step in and went
to just okay, yeah, this is a lot of the
time the two of them can figure it out themselves
because they have to experience that and figure it out
with each other because they'll always be a power.
Speaker 3 (32:38):
Struggle between the two of them. So it's when to
actually step in. And when I know that you're tired
or maybe you've tried a couple of times.
Speaker 2 (32:45):
Then yeah, I usually just stop and that's when you
go in.
Speaker 4 (32:48):
So maybe then I step in at that point. But
I'd never be overpowering or overbearing with them. I think
it always comes back to the you're reasonable, respectful person,
then you'll treat other one in the family.
Speaker 2 (33:01):
So let's end on this. What do you think is
most important when it comes to having a healthy co
parenting relationship. I would say letting the past be the
past and putting the kids to the forefront as best
as you can because it is a daily effort.
Speaker 3 (33:20):
So fully illness.
Speaker 1 (33:22):
Yeah, I mean all the above, just I know it's
easier so than done, but it's all about the kids,
and that's what you know. It's validating when like, if
you know Jane and I when we post a story
and we're in it or whatever, it's like the amount
of comments or messages I know that I'll get let
on a jam. I'm sure you get it tenfold. But
(33:44):
it's like people just are happy to see the level
of co parenting that all three of us are able
to do, and the amount of people have been like
I hope mine gets to that point someday is like
I'm like, damn.
Speaker 2 (33:54):
So that's and that's where I'm always like, why do
you like do that? And why I like to do this?
Is because we of all people have had a really
hard past, but we're able to be on the other
side of it, still going through things, but that can
still be civil and kind to each other and have
respect and have some sort of an actual friendship too
(34:15):
in there with it all. So I think there's hope
for people in this situation. Don't give up on that.
And I would just say, yeah, try as best as
you can to keep the past in the past and
to start the new relationship. Alan, I appreciate you coming on.
I know that's an answer, yeah, but I appreciate you
(34:37):
coming on because it's you are a part of this
when this is we're all in this together, and so
it takes it takes all of us to make this
work too. That's the thing. It's going to take your
person coming in because if she throws a wrench and
she's not also, then it's like then it becomes rent.
Everyone needs to have respect and good communication and be
kind and want at the at the end of the
(35:00):
day right to all get along for the kid's sake.
Speaker 3 (35:03):
And I think very are lucky.
Speaker 1 (35:06):
We are.
Speaker 3 (35:07):
You hear a lot about stories.
Speaker 2 (35:08):
About I don't want to be angry. I really like
that's the thing too. It's like sometimes when I hear
people in their co parenting fighting and it's I'm like, oh, like,
I don't like who who wants to hold that and
have that like this?
Speaker 1 (35:21):
Just I don't.
Speaker 2 (35:22):
I don't want to.
Speaker 1 (35:22):
I don't. I don't want to. You're exhausting enough. We
don't need to be exhausted by each other.
Speaker 2 (35:27):
So should we go to Florida, Miami or which beach
location for.
Speaker 3 (35:31):
The Yeah, I'm busy.
Speaker 1 (35:34):
Family vacation?
Speaker 2 (35:36):
Where should we go next year? We just have to
do one. I'm not saying it has to be an
annual thing. I would like to see if Pam will
let us come, you know, I look, you know, drop
in on your family vacation one one year.
Speaker 1 (35:48):
You know, my parents would love that, but again.
Speaker 2 (35:51):
I think it's fun for them to have their own
things too. Okay, anyways, this was super fun and we'll
see you get next year. Mike, all right, okay, everyone
go vote for Mike and for Mike. Yeah, for for
life insurance, life insurance, health.
Speaker 5 (36:05):
Insurance, vote for Mike. D M me, it's fine, d
m M. Vote for Mike and a flag and it
all helps. Everyone supports the dam and
Speaker 1 (36:19):
Producing, everybody, helping everybody, Okay, all right, I guess
Host
Jana Kramer
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