November 19, 2025 • 19 mins
Jana and Allan have a raw and honest conversation about the realities of addiction with life coach and spiritual guide Seano McFarland. He’s experienced additions to acohol, drugs, sex/love and made it out the other side.
Seano takes us through his “rock bottom” moment that forced him to make a major change in his life, and he outlines the rigorous daily routine that keeps his mind focused and disciplined in his recovery.
Plus, we hear valuable tips for anyone with a partner battling addiction.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heeart Radio podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
This week's adult education, we have Sino McFarlan on. He's
a dynamic life coach translator at Spiritual Guide. He specializes
in cracking open hearts and letting the light in helping
clients from all walks of life shift their narrative. So,
whether you're top executive, celebrity, athlete, is struggling parent, Sino
is committed to guiding you on a transfermative journey of
(00:28):
personal growth and empowerment. He's got a podcast where he
talks a lot about his thirty eight years of sobriety.
He's a sponsor life coach in Los Angeles. He's here,
so let's get him on.
Speaker 3 (00:39):
Good Morning, Good morning morning.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
You wear your heart on your sleeve.
Speaker 3 (00:46):
Yeah, I little bit I do.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
Yeah, I love that. Hey, I'm Jana. This is my
husband Alan.
Speaker 4 (00:52):
Nice to meet you.
Speaker 3 (00:53):
Nice to meet you, guys, Good.
Speaker 2 (00:54):
Morning, Thank you for coming on the show.
Speaker 3 (00:56):
It's a blessing. Thank you.
Speaker 2 (00:59):
With doing some research on you and your podcast. First
and foremost, let's just dive right into it. On the
sobriety piece of things. You've been sober for thirty six.
Speaker 3 (01:11):
Years thirty eight thirty eight.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
Now, go on, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to
take those two years. I yeah, okay, that was a
that was misinformation and apologies on that. What for you
was it alcohol or was it substance both?
Speaker 1 (01:27):
I mean, I'm I'm an alcoholic, I'm a cocaine attic,
I'm a valium attic, I'm sex and love addict.
Speaker 3 (01:33):
So it's kind of a little bit of everything. Yeah. Yeah,
I got the gift that I got the gift to
twenty two. I got sober twenty two at twenty two.
Speaker 2 (01:41):
Wow, Was there a moment for you that was like that,
because they always say that there's that moment where it's
you know, you're you're either going to end up in
the gutter or you're going to end up dead. You're
gonna you know, what was it for you that were like,
I have to change my life now.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
My tap out moment was you know, I'm not a
big guy. I'm like one ninety I was. I weighed
like one forty three at the time. I was, you know,
losing blood from my backside. I was getting ready to
go back to prison. There was a contract on my
life with some very serious people, and my sister came over.
(02:15):
Her name's Toy, and she was nineteen. I was twenty two,
and she said, seeing, I love you so much, but
you're dying and I can't be around you. But I
if you want to come to a meeting, I've got
a week of sobriety, come join me.
Speaker 3 (02:29):
And I went to my meeting the next day and
it stuck.
Speaker 2 (02:32):
Wow. Wow, that's wow, that's amazing. Because I don't I
don't know what the percentage is, but for people to relapse,
I mean, for you to be thirty eight years strong,
that's it's incredible.
Speaker 3 (02:46):
It's your rights.
Speaker 1 (02:48):
It's very rare that somebody gets it from the gate,
and it's very rare that somebody gets it that young
and stays sober this long.
Speaker 4 (02:55):
Absolutely, especially during a like that pity that you was
just this guy to me where you were it was
a you were threatened to be your life. You were unhealthy.
There's a lot of people would still be in those
sad moments and those moments of stress and anxiety and
then reach for the drugs or they reach for the
alcohol gate to try and get through that. So to
(03:16):
go to that initial meeting and then stay still over
like Betty years.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
This pretty yeah, pretty blessed. Yes, very grateful day doesn't
go by that. I don't appreciate that.
Speaker 2 (03:27):
Yeah, No, for sure, I'm curious because you know, there's
a lot of people that I know, I heard binge
drinking is the is a huge problem now. But there's
many people that can say, well, I can stop, and
you know I can, I cannot have a drink, But
then the binging is where the problem is. And but
(03:49):
they in their minds they can say, well, I'm fine.
I can go a week without drinking, or I can
go a month without drinking. It's not a problem. Where
do you kind of stand with that piece?
Speaker 3 (04:01):
Well, my big thing is, you know, go do what
you gotta do.
Speaker 1 (04:04):
And my only thing is that if there's consequences, generally
only alcoholics say things like that, you know, And my
thing is, you know, go out and test it out.
But here's the thing, you know, I earn my living
in this field, and to your guys' opening question, in
order for somebody to really get sober, it has to
(04:24):
be one thing and one thing only. They have to
be sick and tired of being sick and tired. I've
worked with the best and the brightest in the world
who have the most extraordinary things. And it doesn't matter
how smart you are, how much money you are, how
accomplished you are. There has to be a moment where
you say I'm done, I can't do this anymore.
Speaker 3 (04:42):
But until then, good luck.
Speaker 1 (04:44):
And sadly most people have to get their ass handed
too them before they wave the white flag. And alcoholism
is a deadly disease obviously on many fronts, but one
of the things that's still the thirty eight years and
still as I earn my living in this credible ability
for an alcoholic to rationalize his behavior and choices is extraordinary.
Speaker 2 (05:06):
So basically you're saying too, like what you just said.
If someone can say, well I can go without, I
don't need to have it every day, that's a justification.
Speaker 3 (05:15):
Nobody justifies it like an alcoholic. It's exactly.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
Yeah, true, that's true, because I mean I yeah is
that yeah? Yeah, that is true.
Speaker 4 (05:25):
Well he's trying to normalize everything, Yeah, exactly, exactly.
Speaker 3 (05:30):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (05:30):
What's the what's the worst form of addiction that you've
come across as alcohol? Is it drugs? Is it sex?
Or are they all lined with the same sort of problems.
Speaker 3 (05:42):
The worst one I've seen, Like, I mean.
Speaker 4 (05:45):
As what as the worst? Is it? As alcohol? Is
it drugs? In terms of keeping people? And that spiral
and that and that look of staying addicted.
Speaker 3 (05:55):
That's a really tricky question.
Speaker 1 (05:57):
I mean, you think of fenol addiction, right, but you
think of somebody who's got severe alcoholism. They're kind of
neck to neck. Okay, yeah, they're kind of neck to neck.
I can't say anyone's worse. Honestly, I think a.
Speaker 2 (06:11):
Love addiction is the worst of all of them. Now,
wells agreed, and listen, I got to say I I
would have one hundred percent classified myself as a love addiction.
Love addicts back in my twenties even early thirties for sure.
Speaker 3 (06:28):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (06:28):
I Mean I had a my ex husband was was
an SSA, and so I started going to s an
on meetings, you know, to try to learn and understand
and you know, and just kind of And then I
also have a friend who's very public about her love addiction,
and she speaks a lot about it, Brion Davis Davies,
(06:48):
and she you know, when I'm link thinking about it,
I'm like, man, Okay, I can connect with that piece
and yeah, that's you know, I would I would do that,
you know. So so you start to kind of connect
the pieces and realize that love addiction is, you know,
one of the I think, a very hard one to break.
And then a lot of times too, you know, many
people didn't understand my ex's addiction. You know, I think
(07:11):
it's very easy to be like, oh, okay, they have
there they're an alcoholic or they're a drug addict, and
but for sex addiction, it's still very much like, no,
they're just an asshole who cheats. You know, they don't.
There's no there's no empathy for someone that has a
sex addiction because they just think, well, you should know better,
you know.
Speaker 3 (07:31):
Yeah, well let me ask you. I'll ask your husband's question.
Speaker 1 (07:34):
Maybe you're right, because actually love addiction is the is
a is a beast. Because if you're an alcoholic, you
just go to liquor store and get your bottle. If
you're you know, a drug addict, you just wait for
the dealer. But love addiction, you're waiting on that text
and this is your needle, this is your syringe, and
that text might not come.
Speaker 3 (07:53):
And you know, that's a very tricky thing, and.
Speaker 1 (07:57):
It's it's it's it's you see, people put their life
on hold waiting for somebody hit them over the head.
The magic wand is it's it's powerful and scary and
love addiction, love addiction. If people don't, if they're in sobriety,
they don't get their love and or sex addiction right,
they will absolutely relapse. Mm hm so Leah, it's a
love addiction is really quite something.
Speaker 4 (08:20):
As we all know, after thirty eight years, do you
do you still have to deal with any sort of
temptation on any of your addictions?
Speaker 3 (08:30):
Every day? Brother?
Speaker 4 (08:31):
Every day?
Speaker 3 (08:32):
No, no, no, I thank god.
Speaker 1 (08:36):
I don't think about drinking or drug And you know,
every once in a while somebody finds me first class
a nice event because I'm such an orphan, I'll free drinks.
Speaker 3 (08:44):
That'd be kind of nice. But I'm not tempted.
Speaker 1 (08:47):
I've been blessed to have a lot of recovery and slaw.
You know, that doesn't grab me so much. I have
a very I'm very big on routines and I have
certain things that I do that I do not go
off Like I was in the ocean this morning. I
will never miss the ocean. I don't care how I
swim without a wetsuit. I have a prayer meditation discipline
(09:07):
that I have. I think probably what I have to
work on the most is just dark, negative people in
the world, not letting put my light out. But as
far as centation for chemicals or prostitutes or some pretty
girl I met at Arawan, No, thank God, one day
at a time.
Speaker 2 (09:25):
Airwan. Yeah, it's great. It very overly priced, but it's great.
Speaker 3 (09:31):
It's a great place, a great place to meet your soulmate.
Speaker 2 (09:35):
Right. No, that sounds straight out of the mouth of yes.
Love love addiction. What what have you found the most
with people with addiction when you're when you're helping them, Look,
what are they trying to fill?
Speaker 3 (09:48):
They lack purpose, they lack self esteem.
Speaker 1 (09:52):
You know, I'm I specialized with a lot of people
that you know, have been a severe sexual trauma. They
need to be reparented and and they're lost, They're stuck
in a sad story. My big focus on the work
that I do is get people past their sad story.
Speaker 3 (10:08):
Shift the narrative, shift the consciousness.
Speaker 1 (10:11):
But it's a it's a it's it's an ability, it's
an inability to connect with something higher.
Speaker 3 (10:16):
It's an inability to look in the.
Speaker 1 (10:17):
Mirror and say I love myself and they are more
committed to the drug or the drink or the person
to fill that gap in that wound.
Speaker 2 (10:39):
As a life coach, what is what is that? What's
what's that process look like? What is what is the
first things? Like how to get someone to take that
step into their self worth and to draw away from
that substance and towards their self.
Speaker 1 (10:55):
Well, the first thing I got to do with somebody
is I got to get them sober. First, we got
to start that. Number one, we got to stop that,
and then i'd all help them do small little actions
like I want you rite two affirmations.
Speaker 3 (11:08):
To yourself and then send them to me. I know
it's going to be hard, but that guy who's.
Speaker 1 (11:12):
Been texting you, who know who's dangerous, who's married and
got three kids, Okay, try not to text them today,
and I'll do small little things like that.
Speaker 3 (11:21):
I know it's hard for you to go.
Speaker 1 (11:22):
To the gym, Can you do seven pushups for me?
And then we start from there.
Speaker 4 (11:27):
Yes, you did a lot of work with a lot
of celebrities. So I did about research this morning, and
one that interested me was was Mike Tyson. So you've
worked with Mike Tyson for many years now, haven't you.
Speaker 3 (11:37):
Yeah, but eighteen or nineteen years Mike. So, I'm in
I'm in Venice.
Speaker 1 (11:41):
This is I'm here at my office where I do
my sessions, and in the back is a residential living
where people come and live. Mike's lived here for almost
one time, for a year off and on, you know,
for a couple of years.
Speaker 3 (11:53):
But we were inseparable there for a long time.
Speaker 4 (11:55):
Okay, what's his character like? He always comes across as
that you see different and this is completely from the out,
from the outside. Then you see different, different sides of them.
I've always wondered what he's like as a as a person,
because he looks like, you know, when athletes can just
ton something on, yeah and be incredible. He looks like
(12:15):
it looks like he's got a self destruct butt and
also looks like he can ton these his talent on
with the click of his fingers.
Speaker 1 (12:22):
Well, he's one of the most kindest, profound, brilliant people
I've ever met. But also you know he can he
can be quite destructive and mean and childish and immature
and a punk.
Speaker 2 (12:36):
Okay, we all fall short, right, we.
Speaker 3 (12:39):
All fall short. But the thing about Michael is.
Speaker 1 (12:43):
He understands the most important thing for this is the
most important thing for people in recovery, is the ability
to ask for help and say I don't know, and
you know, I tell the story and it really kind
of tells you that about the nature of our relationship.
When I first started working with Mike, I think he
weighed like three hundred and forty six.
Speaker 3 (13:01):
Okay, he was broke.
Speaker 1 (13:03):
He was actually getting ready to go back to prison.
We were in a very tricky case back in Arizona.
He was suicidal and he pretty much had given up
on life. And so he came here and we started
doing all those things that I talked about. We started
training together, working out, praying together, going to meetings together,
and you know, we would go out to like a
nice restaurant or something down the street here, and the
(13:24):
first thought that he would have when he walks in,
everyone's looking at him and going, look at that big
fat inward, right and right. And so I taught Michael.
What we did was Okay, Michael being acceptance that these
attacks will happen. They're going to happen. But what he
would do is we'd walk in, he would grab my hand, right,
(13:46):
you would touch my hand, the baddest amount on the
planet would grab my hand and I would look at
him and say, Mike, you're safe, you're loved, you're protected.
And then we in the African tradition, we would touch heads,
and that really kind of tells you kind of who
he is. For him to trust me and do that
and ask for that kind of help. It's so vulnerable,
but that was kind of the magic and the secret
(14:08):
sauce of our relationship.
Speaker 4 (14:10):
Amazing, amazing.
Speaker 2 (14:12):
What would you say to the friend the spouse that
is with someone who has this addiction, has an addiction?
What is the best piece of advice that you can
give them to help walk through with the person, or
or to say like hey, like he has a drinking
problem and he won't stop, or you know, how how
do I support this?
Speaker 1 (14:33):
Or Yeah, so it's you know, I'm a big fan
of alan On, which is a program for that.
Speaker 3 (14:39):
I think it's an incredible program. Allen is really about
compassionate detachment.
Speaker 1 (14:44):
You know, it's about how to deal with somebody who's
who's dealing with this. It's a very you know, the
Big Book of AA is very specific and it says
alcoholic is a tornado for people's lives and it's very
scary beyond the other end of an alcoholic if they
have other addictions, gambling, the rink can't get paid, the
morge can't get paid, all kinds of chaos. But the
(15:07):
thing they got, the number one thing is they can't
fix it. They cannot fix another person. Nobody can fix
another person's addiction. That person at some point is going
to have to get serious about recovery. And if they
don't want to do that, then that person needs to
get strong and get boundaries and figure out whether or not.
Speaker 3 (15:23):
They can still stay in this relationship.
Speaker 1 (15:26):
But it's it's a it's a very but I'm so
big on community. I'm so big in support. I think
it's I believe in the rooms and for someone else
to hear, don't do you cannot do this thing alone.
It's too scary.
Speaker 2 (15:38):
Well, that's what I was going to ask you. On
the other side of it. Can someone be sober and
not go to meetings? Can those two worlds exist?
Speaker 3 (15:47):
Sure?
Speaker 1 (15:47):
I you know A doesn't have the the uh, you know,
the copyright on what works best for people.
Speaker 3 (15:53):
I'm about whatever works.
Speaker 1 (15:55):
I just have been blessed to come into the rooms
and see the magic.
Speaker 3 (15:59):
I like it.
Speaker 1 (16:00):
I like I like a guy who's coming in with
three hours of sobriety and then watching him get a job,
watching learn how to date, watching them get married, watch
them starting a company. But yes, there's other ways to
do it. But I'm just a fan of the twelve
step for sure.
Speaker 4 (16:14):
And as part of the power and that is it
the sharing of stories.
Speaker 1 (16:20):
Yes, exactly, it's a sharing story so you don't feel
like such a freak.
Speaker 2 (16:25):
Well I feel like too. It gives you that accountability
to when you are with your boys and you want
a drink, it's like you know that you have a
community of people you can be like, hey, I really
would like a drink right now, and but having some
people around you to be like you got this or
that support because I know for me it's I like
to to know that I can talk to someone and
(16:47):
you know, and though I don't struggle with an addiction,
I feel like we all have something that we can
we have faults and if I'm like I'm feeling this,
and it's like you still have the friends that know you,
and it's like all right, don't be like that or
don't do that and holding yourself accountable.
Speaker 3 (17:04):
Yeah, exactly. And I really believe people need a tribe. Yeah,
the tribe's very important.
Speaker 1 (17:10):
It's scary, it's lonely, it's hard to wake up, it's
hard to do this. And the tribe and then to
hear people like you said, merrit to support you.
Speaker 3 (17:19):
You know.
Speaker 1 (17:19):
We have a sign here on at the entrance as
shell says, no shame allowed.
Speaker 3 (17:24):
We don't do shame here. You leave that shit on
the street.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
Yeah, and I love that. What is the biggest message
that you want your clients that you walk through this
with to know?
Speaker 3 (17:36):
The biggest message say say, we'll ask me one more time, please.
Speaker 2 (17:38):
The biggest message that you want your clients to feel
and know.
Speaker 3 (17:42):
And and and I don't care what happened to you
in the past. We can write.
Speaker 1 (17:47):
We could absolutely write a new chapter and completely start
a new life for yourself. And well, no matter, because
what happened for me was I had some really I
don't know way if you read about it not some.
Speaker 3 (17:58):
Yeah, some people who really did some nasty things to me.
Speaker 1 (18:01):
But I just made that my superpower, you know, and
I use that to do incredible things around the world.
Speaker 2 (18:07):
Absolutely, and talk about your podcast. So you've got a
podcast you bring people on. What else? What else can
our listeners expect.
Speaker 3 (18:16):
On the on the on my show or on your show. Well,
you know we have everybody that not everybody are is addicts.
You know that.
Speaker 1 (18:24):
You know, my brother Tony Robbins is on the show
Different you know, change agent in the world. People are
doing great things, people that have accomplished things, people that
have a positive outlook on life, people that believe the
importance of kindness and helping people. We're very big on
what are you doing to help your fellow brother and
sister And it's just you know, you get a couple
of messages, you get a little ted bit ted bits
and hopefully you breathe a little differently and.
Speaker 3 (18:46):
You just pass it on and carry the message.
Speaker 2 (18:49):
I love that. Thanks yeah, well, thank you for sharing
you know, your message and obviously helping so many people,
and just keep yeah, keep helping lift up other people.
We appreciate what you do.
Speaker 3 (19:02):
I appreciate it. I really appreciate you guys having me
on your show. It's it's very kind to you.
Speaker 2 (19:06):
Thank you, Thank you, Peculature, Thank you so much, thank
Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heeart Radio podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
This week's adult education, we have Sino McFarlan on. He's
a dynamic life coach translator at Spiritual Guide. He specializes
in cracking open hearts and letting the light in helping
clients from all walks of life shift their narrative. So,
whether you're top executive, celebrity, athlete, is struggling parent, Sino
is committed to guiding you on a transfermative journey of
(00:28):
personal growth and empowerment. He's got a podcast where he
talks a lot about his thirty eight years of sobriety.
He's a sponsor life coach in Los Angeles. He's here,
so let's get him on.
Speaker 3 (00:39):
Good Morning, Good morning morning.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
You wear your heart on your sleeve.
Speaker 3 (00:46):
Yeah, I little bit I do.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
Yeah, I love that. Hey, I'm Jana. This is my
husband Alan.
Speaker 4 (00:52):
Nice to meet you.
Speaker 3 (00:53):
Nice to meet you, guys, Good.
Speaker 2 (00:54):
Morning, Thank you for coming on the show.
Speaker 3 (00:56):
It's a blessing. Thank you.
Speaker 2 (00:59):
With doing some research on you and your podcast. First
and foremost, let's just dive right into it. On the
sobriety piece of things. You've been sober for thirty six.
Speaker 3 (01:11):
Years thirty eight thirty eight.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
Now, go on, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to
take those two years. I yeah, okay, that was a
that was misinformation and apologies on that. What for you
was it alcohol or was it substance both?
Speaker 1 (01:27):
I mean, I'm I'm an alcoholic, I'm a cocaine attic,
I'm a valium attic, I'm sex and love addict.
Speaker 3 (01:33):
So it's kind of a little bit of everything. Yeah. Yeah,
I got the gift that I got the gift to
twenty two. I got sober twenty two at twenty two.
Speaker 2 (01:41):
Wow, Was there a moment for you that was like that,
because they always say that there's that moment where it's
you know, you're you're either going to end up in
the gutter or you're going to end up dead. You're
gonna you know, what was it for you that were like,
I have to change my life now.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
My tap out moment was you know, I'm not a
big guy. I'm like one ninety I was. I weighed
like one forty three at the time. I was, you know,
losing blood from my backside. I was getting ready to
go back to prison. There was a contract on my
life with some very serious people, and my sister came over.
(02:15):
Her name's Toy, and she was nineteen. I was twenty two,
and she said, seeing, I love you so much, but
you're dying and I can't be around you. But I
if you want to come to a meeting, I've got
a week of sobriety, come join me.
Speaker 3 (02:29):
And I went to my meeting the next day and
it stuck.
Speaker 2 (02:32):
Wow. Wow, that's wow, that's amazing. Because I don't I
don't know what the percentage is, but for people to relapse,
I mean, for you to be thirty eight years strong,
that's it's incredible.
Speaker 3 (02:46):
It's your rights.
Speaker 1 (02:48):
It's very rare that somebody gets it from the gate,
and it's very rare that somebody gets it that young
and stays sober this long.
Speaker 4 (02:55):
Absolutely, especially during a like that pity that you was
just this guy to me where you were it was
a you were threatened to be your life. You were unhealthy.
There's a lot of people would still be in those
sad moments and those moments of stress and anxiety and
then reach for the drugs or they reach for the
alcohol gate to try and get through that. So to
(03:16):
go to that initial meeting and then stay still over
like Betty years.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
This pretty yeah, pretty blessed. Yes, very grateful day doesn't
go by that. I don't appreciate that.
Speaker 2 (03:27):
Yeah, No, for sure, I'm curious because you know, there's
a lot of people that I know, I heard binge
drinking is the is a huge problem now. But there's
many people that can say, well, I can stop, and
you know I can, I cannot have a drink, But
then the binging is where the problem is. And but
(03:49):
they in their minds they can say, well, I'm fine.
I can go a week without drinking, or I can
go a month without drinking. It's not a problem. Where
do you kind of stand with that piece?
Speaker 3 (04:01):
Well, my big thing is, you know, go do what
you gotta do.
Speaker 1 (04:04):
And my only thing is that if there's consequences, generally
only alcoholics say things like that, you know, And my
thing is, you know, go out and test it out.
But here's the thing, you know, I earn my living
in this field, and to your guys' opening question, in
order for somebody to really get sober, it has to
(04:24):
be one thing and one thing only. They have to
be sick and tired of being sick and tired. I've
worked with the best and the brightest in the world
who have the most extraordinary things. And it doesn't matter
how smart you are, how much money you are, how
accomplished you are. There has to be a moment where
you say I'm done, I can't do this anymore.
Speaker 3 (04:42):
But until then, good luck.
Speaker 1 (04:44):
And sadly most people have to get their ass handed
too them before they wave the white flag. And alcoholism
is a deadly disease obviously on many fronts, but one
of the things that's still the thirty eight years and
still as I earn my living in this credible ability
for an alcoholic to rationalize his behavior and choices is extraordinary.
Speaker 2 (05:06):
So basically you're saying too, like what you just said.
If someone can say, well I can go without, I
don't need to have it every day, that's a justification.
Speaker 3 (05:15):
Nobody justifies it like an alcoholic. It's exactly.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
Yeah, true, that's true, because I mean I yeah is
that yeah? Yeah, that is true.
Speaker 4 (05:25):
Well he's trying to normalize everything, Yeah, exactly, exactly.
Speaker 3 (05:30):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (05:30):
What's the what's the worst form of addiction that you've
come across as alcohol? Is it drugs? Is it sex?
Or are they all lined with the same sort of problems.
Speaker 3 (05:42):
The worst one I've seen, Like, I mean.
Speaker 4 (05:45):
As what as the worst? Is it? As alcohol? Is
it drugs? In terms of keeping people? And that spiral
and that and that look of staying addicted.
Speaker 3 (05:55):
That's a really tricky question.
Speaker 1 (05:57):
I mean, you think of fenol addiction, right, but you
think of somebody who's got severe alcoholism. They're kind of
neck to neck. Okay, yeah, they're kind of neck to neck.
I can't say anyone's worse. Honestly, I think a.
Speaker 2 (06:11):
Love addiction is the worst of all of them. Now,
wells agreed, and listen, I got to say I I
would have one hundred percent classified myself as a love addiction.
Love addicts back in my twenties even early thirties for sure.
Speaker 3 (06:28):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (06:28):
I Mean I had a my ex husband was was
an SSA, and so I started going to s an
on meetings, you know, to try to learn and understand
and you know, and just kind of And then I
also have a friend who's very public about her love addiction,
and she speaks a lot about it, Brion Davis Davies,
(06:48):
and she you know, when I'm link thinking about it,
I'm like, man, Okay, I can connect with that piece
and yeah, that's you know, I would I would do that,
you know. So so you start to kind of connect
the pieces and realize that love addiction is, you know,
one of the I think, a very hard one to break.
And then a lot of times too, you know, many
people didn't understand my ex's addiction. You know, I think
(07:11):
it's very easy to be like, oh, okay, they have
there they're an alcoholic or they're a drug addict, and
but for sex addiction, it's still very much like, no,
they're just an asshole who cheats. You know, they don't.
There's no there's no empathy for someone that has a
sex addiction because they just think, well, you should know better,
you know.
Speaker 3 (07:31):
Yeah, well let me ask you. I'll ask your husband's question.
Speaker 1 (07:34):
Maybe you're right, because actually love addiction is the is
a is a beast. Because if you're an alcoholic, you
just go to liquor store and get your bottle. If
you're you know, a drug addict, you just wait for
the dealer. But love addiction, you're waiting on that text
and this is your needle, this is your syringe, and
that text might not come.
Speaker 3 (07:53):
And you know, that's a very tricky thing, and.
Speaker 1 (07:57):
It's it's it's it's you see, people put their life
on hold waiting for somebody hit them over the head.
The magic wand is it's it's powerful and scary and
love addiction, love addiction. If people don't, if they're in sobriety,
they don't get their love and or sex addiction right,
they will absolutely relapse. Mm hm so Leah, it's a
love addiction is really quite something.
Speaker 4 (08:20):
As we all know, after thirty eight years, do you
do you still have to deal with any sort of
temptation on any of your addictions?
Speaker 3 (08:30):
Every day? Brother?
Speaker 4 (08:31):
Every day?
Speaker 3 (08:32):
No, no, no, I thank god.
Speaker 1 (08:36):
I don't think about drinking or drug And you know,
every once in a while somebody finds me first class
a nice event because I'm such an orphan, I'll free drinks.
Speaker 3 (08:44):
That'd be kind of nice. But I'm not tempted.
Speaker 1 (08:47):
I've been blessed to have a lot of recovery and slaw.
You know, that doesn't grab me so much. I have
a very I'm very big on routines and I have
certain things that I do that I do not go
off Like I was in the ocean this morning. I
will never miss the ocean. I don't care how I
swim without a wetsuit. I have a prayer meditation discipline
(09:07):
that I have. I think probably what I have to
work on the most is just dark, negative people in
the world, not letting put my light out. But as
far as centation for chemicals or prostitutes or some pretty
girl I met at Arawan, No, thank God, one day
at a time.
Speaker 2 (09:25):
Airwan. Yeah, it's great. It very overly priced, but it's great.
Speaker 3 (09:31):
It's a great place, a great place to meet your soulmate.
Speaker 2 (09:35):
Right. No, that sounds straight out of the mouth of yes.
Love love addiction. What what have you found the most
with people with addiction when you're when you're helping them, Look,
what are they trying to fill?
Speaker 3 (09:48):
They lack purpose, they lack self esteem.
Speaker 1 (09:52):
You know, I'm I specialized with a lot of people
that you know, have been a severe sexual trauma. They
need to be reparented and and they're lost, They're stuck
in a sad story. My big focus on the work
that I do is get people past their sad story.
Speaker 3 (10:08):
Shift the narrative, shift the consciousness.
Speaker 1 (10:11):
But it's a it's a it's it's an ability, it's
an inability to connect with something higher.
Speaker 3 (10:16):
It's an inability to look in the.
Speaker 1 (10:17):
Mirror and say I love myself and they are more
committed to the drug or the drink or the person
to fill that gap in that wound.
Speaker 2 (10:39):
As a life coach, what is what is that? What's
what's that process look like? What is what is the
first things? Like how to get someone to take that
step into their self worth and to draw away from
that substance and towards their self.
Speaker 1 (10:55):
Well, the first thing I got to do with somebody
is I got to get them sober. First, we got
to start that. Number one, we got to stop that,
and then i'd all help them do small little actions
like I want you rite two affirmations.
Speaker 3 (11:08):
To yourself and then send them to me. I know
it's going to be hard, but that guy who's.
Speaker 1 (11:12):
Been texting you, who know who's dangerous, who's married and
got three kids, Okay, try not to text them today,
and I'll do small little things like that.
Speaker 3 (11:21):
I know it's hard for you to go.
Speaker 1 (11:22):
To the gym, Can you do seven pushups for me?
And then we start from there.
Speaker 4 (11:27):
Yes, you did a lot of work with a lot
of celebrities. So I did about research this morning, and
one that interested me was was Mike Tyson. So you've
worked with Mike Tyson for many years now, haven't you.
Speaker 3 (11:37):
Yeah, but eighteen or nineteen years Mike. So, I'm in
I'm in Venice.
Speaker 1 (11:41):
This is I'm here at my office where I do
my sessions, and in the back is a residential living
where people come and live. Mike's lived here for almost
one time, for a year off and on, you know,
for a couple of years.
Speaker 3 (11:53):
But we were inseparable there for a long time.
Speaker 4 (11:55):
Okay, what's his character like? He always comes across as
that you see different and this is completely from the out,
from the outside. Then you see different, different sides of them.
I've always wondered what he's like as a as a person,
because he looks like, you know, when athletes can just
ton something on, yeah and be incredible. He looks like
(12:15):
it looks like he's got a self destruct butt and
also looks like he can ton these his talent on
with the click of his fingers.
Speaker 1 (12:22):
Well, he's one of the most kindest, profound, brilliant people
I've ever met. But also you know he can he
can be quite destructive and mean and childish and immature
and a punk.
Speaker 2 (12:36):
Okay, we all fall short, right, we.
Speaker 3 (12:39):
All fall short. But the thing about Michael is.
Speaker 1 (12:43):
He understands the most important thing for this is the
most important thing for people in recovery, is the ability
to ask for help and say I don't know, and
you know, I tell the story and it really kind
of tells you that about the nature of our relationship.
When I first started working with Mike, I think he
weighed like three hundred and forty six.
Speaker 3 (13:01):
Okay, he was broke.
Speaker 1 (13:03):
He was actually getting ready to go back to prison.
We were in a very tricky case back in Arizona.
He was suicidal and he pretty much had given up
on life. And so he came here and we started
doing all those things that I talked about. We started
training together, working out, praying together, going to meetings together,
and you know, we would go out to like a
nice restaurant or something down the street here, and the
(13:24):
first thought that he would have when he walks in,
everyone's looking at him and going, look at that big
fat inward, right and right. And so I taught Michael.
What we did was Okay, Michael being acceptance that these
attacks will happen. They're going to happen. But what he
would do is we'd walk in, he would grab my hand, right,
(13:46):
you would touch my hand, the baddest amount on the
planet would grab my hand and I would look at
him and say, Mike, you're safe, you're loved, you're protected.
And then we in the African tradition, we would touch heads,
and that really kind of tells you kind of who
he is. For him to trust me and do that
and ask for that kind of help. It's so vulnerable,
but that was kind of the magic and the secret
(14:08):
sauce of our relationship.
Speaker 4 (14:10):
Amazing, amazing.
Speaker 2 (14:12):
What would you say to the friend the spouse that
is with someone who has this addiction, has an addiction?
What is the best piece of advice that you can
give them to help walk through with the person, or
or to say like hey, like he has a drinking
problem and he won't stop, or you know, how how
do I support this?
Speaker 1 (14:33):
Or Yeah, so it's you know, I'm a big fan
of alan On, which is a program for that.
Speaker 3 (14:39):
I think it's an incredible program. Allen is really about
compassionate detachment.
Speaker 1 (14:44):
You know, it's about how to deal with somebody who's
who's dealing with this. It's a very you know, the
Big Book of AA is very specific and it says
alcoholic is a tornado for people's lives and it's very
scary beyond the other end of an alcoholic if they
have other addictions, gambling, the rink can't get paid, the
morge can't get paid, all kinds of chaos. But the
(15:07):
thing they got, the number one thing is they can't
fix it. They cannot fix another person. Nobody can fix
another person's addiction. That person at some point is going
to have to get serious about recovery. And if they
don't want to do that, then that person needs to
get strong and get boundaries and figure out whether or not.
Speaker 3 (15:23):
They can still stay in this relationship.
Speaker 1 (15:26):
But it's it's a it's a very but I'm so
big on community. I'm so big in support. I think
it's I believe in the rooms and for someone else
to hear, don't do you cannot do this thing alone.
It's too scary.
Speaker 2 (15:38):
Well, that's what I was going to ask you. On
the other side of it. Can someone be sober and
not go to meetings? Can those two worlds exist?
Speaker 3 (15:47):
Sure?
Speaker 1 (15:47):
I you know A doesn't have the the uh, you know,
the copyright on what works best for people.
Speaker 3 (15:53):
I'm about whatever works.
Speaker 1 (15:55):
I just have been blessed to come into the rooms
and see the magic.
Speaker 3 (15:59):
I like it.
Speaker 1 (16:00):
I like I like a guy who's coming in with
three hours of sobriety and then watching him get a job,
watching learn how to date, watching them get married, watch
them starting a company. But yes, there's other ways to
do it. But I'm just a fan of the twelve
step for sure.
Speaker 4 (16:14):
And as part of the power and that is it
the sharing of stories.
Speaker 1 (16:20):
Yes, exactly, it's a sharing story so you don't feel
like such a freak.
Speaker 2 (16:25):
Well I feel like too. It gives you that accountability
to when you are with your boys and you want
a drink, it's like you know that you have a
community of people you can be like, hey, I really
would like a drink right now, and but having some
people around you to be like you got this or
that support because I know for me it's I like
to to know that I can talk to someone and
(16:47):
you know, and though I don't struggle with an addiction,
I feel like we all have something that we can
we have faults and if I'm like I'm feeling this,
and it's like you still have the friends that know you,
and it's like all right, don't be like that or
don't do that and holding yourself accountable.
Speaker 3 (17:04):
Yeah, exactly. And I really believe people need a tribe. Yeah,
the tribe's very important.
Speaker 1 (17:10):
It's scary, it's lonely, it's hard to wake up, it's
hard to do this. And the tribe and then to
hear people like you said, merrit to support you.
Speaker 3 (17:19):
You know.
Speaker 1 (17:19):
We have a sign here on at the entrance as
shell says, no shame allowed.
Speaker 3 (17:24):
We don't do shame here. You leave that shit on
the street.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
Yeah, and I love that. What is the biggest message
that you want your clients that you walk through this
with to know?
Speaker 3 (17:36):
The biggest message say say, we'll ask me one more time, please.
Speaker 2 (17:38):
The biggest message that you want your clients to feel
and know.
Speaker 3 (17:42):
And and and I don't care what happened to you
in the past. We can write.
Speaker 1 (17:47):
We could absolutely write a new chapter and completely start
a new life for yourself. And well, no matter, because
what happened for me was I had some really I
don't know way if you read about it not some.
Speaker 3 (17:58):
Yeah, some people who really did some nasty things to me.
Speaker 1 (18:01):
But I just made that my superpower, you know, and
I use that to do incredible things around the world.
Speaker 2 (18:07):
Absolutely, and talk about your podcast. So you've got a
podcast you bring people on. What else? What else can
our listeners expect.
Speaker 3 (18:16):
On the on the on my show or on your show. Well,
you know we have everybody that not everybody are is addicts.
You know that.
Speaker 1 (18:24):
You know, my brother Tony Robbins is on the show
Different you know, change agent in the world. People are
doing great things, people that have accomplished things, people that
have a positive outlook on life, people that believe the
importance of kindness and helping people. We're very big on
what are you doing to help your fellow brother and
sister And it's just you know, you get a couple
of messages, you get a little ted bit ted bits
and hopefully you breathe a little differently and.
Speaker 3 (18:46):
You just pass it on and carry the message.
Speaker 2 (18:49):
I love that. Thanks yeah, well, thank you for sharing
you know, your message and obviously helping so many people,
and just keep yeah, keep helping lift up other people.
We appreciate what you do.
Speaker 3 (19:02):
I appreciate it. I really appreciate you guys having me
on your show. It's it's very kind to you.
Speaker 2 (19:06):
Thank you, Thank you, Peculature, Thank you so much, thank
Host
Jana Kramer
Popular Podcasts
Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang
Ding dong! Join your culture consultants, Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang, on an unforgettable journey into the beating heart of CULTURE. Alongside sizzling special guests, they GET INTO the hottest pop-culture moments of the day and the formative cultural experiences that turned them into Culturistas. Produced by the Big Money Players Network and iHeartRadio.
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.