June 25, 2025 • 19 mins
Growing up can be hard, no matter where you live, but Jana is about to find out exactly how different a childhood can be in the UK vs the US!
Jana and Allan have an open and honest conversation about what things were like for each of them growing up, and what they hope to change and correct in their parenting style as adults.
Plus, Allan lets us in on how he’s finding balance between his mother’s empathetic side and his father’s disciplined side.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Wind down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heeart Radio Podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
I have a question for you before we get into
the topics. Terrified of heights yesterday at the zoo. Yeah,
you went up in the zip line. What was the
defining moment for you to actually do it? Because you,
I mean, you were so afraid of heights that when
(00:27):
we walk the pedestrian bridge in Nashville, like you won't
even look over the side.
Speaker 3 (00:31):
What was two things?
Speaker 4 (00:32):
Because I think the first thing, Julie was really really
excited to go on it.
Speaker 3 (00:36):
Yeah, I knew you weren't going to go on it.
Speaker 2 (00:39):
Not a chance.
Speaker 4 (00:39):
Now, I knew wasn't going to go on it. So
the first thing was not leaving hot disappointed. But also
the second.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
Wait, that makes me sound like a bad mom.
Speaker 1 (00:48):
Now no, no, no.
Speaker 4 (00:49):
But the second thing was I wouldn't expect you to
go on like you were the head of panic attack.
Speaker 2 (00:55):
Well yeah, without a doubt.
Speaker 3 (00:56):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (00:59):
The second thing was the choice was going on the
zipline or go to the playground section, which would have
taken a lot longer.
Speaker 2 (01:06):
That was your thought process. I kind of figured that
was what it was.
Speaker 4 (01:11):
But the first, like Joey was really excited and we
will walk and you you were going to have to
walk past it. I thought, strap a pair on And.
Speaker 2 (01:21):
How scared were you?
Speaker 3 (01:23):
Yes?
Speaker 4 (01:23):
Scared, because the problem is, if we can get a
picture of these chairs, it would be good for the
viewers to see this. There is nothing on the side,
There's nothing like the chair doesn't come up here. The
chair ends at your ass cheek. So when you look
to the side, you can see straight down. There's nothing
keeping you on there apart from that strap. The seat's
(01:45):
not shaped into your body. It was just horrendous, and
Joey is.
Speaker 3 (01:49):
Like, I can see the city.
Speaker 4 (01:51):
I like, I'm not even looking up and keep my
eyes fixed in one place. My eyes were fixed on
the rhinos.
Speaker 2 (01:57):
And the rhinos. Yeah, there's no I mean that feeling
brings me back to the Wondree Heal episode when I'm
up on the ski lift thing. I mean, it is
the most I mean, I almost plunged to the ground
in that one, just because I want That's how bad
I wanted to get off the ski lift.
Speaker 4 (02:16):
Well, the problem is, yeah, well you go up back,
We'll get up to the highest point then you and
then you stole that from it. I honestly was about
a second away from shouting to the guy the fuck
up and get it back down the way and.
Speaker 3 (02:29):
Let it go.
Speaker 2 (02:31):
How long were you it was? It was paused for
a second half.
Speaker 3 (02:34):
Yeah, it with ten seconds.
Speaker 2 (02:37):
Jason, I are just like you got it. Meanwhile, we're
like the most scaredy cats of all of it.
Speaker 3 (02:42):
Yeah, my boy, it was bruttal. Anyway, I did it
for Julie.
Speaker 2 (02:47):
There you go topic around backgrounds and how we were raised.
So do you think think having well, I'll say this
because where we were raised obviously has different do you
(03:09):
think I mean, I mean, does it? Does it have
different upbringing? I mean I was thinking about that, like
a British upbringing, UK upbringing versus an American upbringing? I think,
what do you think the biggest differences there.
Speaker 3 (03:26):
Are between UK and America upbringings?
Speaker 2 (03:28):
Because I'm like, we both played outside we I think I.
Speaker 4 (03:33):
Think for starters, I think our upbringings were really similar
in terms of working class family. The only the only
difference was you experienced divorce in your family when you
hit your when you hit your teens, which I didn't.
But I think in terms of like culture and earlier
(03:58):
the time period was was really similar. I think there
was a lot of growing up in a family didn't
have loads of expendable income, so being out in the
streets playing with your friends.
Speaker 3 (04:11):
We grew up in.
Speaker 4 (04:12):
We both grew up in neighborhoods where you had your
mates around you and stuff, So I think there was
a lot of similarities to their upbring I think one
of the biggest differences between the UK and in the
US is I think, and this is not a slight
on the US, but I think growing up in the UK,
you're you're almost exposed to a rougher environment like that
(04:36):
where I grew up. Well, maybe I'm wrong, because there's
loads of parts of the US where people grow up
in rough environments.
Speaker 2 (04:45):
But do you think I mean, you grew up in Glasgow,
so that would probably be equivalent maybe to someone growing
up in Detroit. I did grew up in I was
a suburb though.
Speaker 4 (04:56):
And I was kind of a suburb, Like we were
like four or five miles from city center. It's a
lot closer to it's a lot closer, but it's still
it was still classed as kind of suburban. Really, I
don't I don't know what the defining differences would be
between growing up in the US and growing up in
the UK. I think you grow up in an environment
(05:17):
that's a certing class of family and earning capacity and
expendable income, and I think those were really similar to
that for our upbringings. Well I don't. I think that's worldwide.
I don't think that's between the UK and the US.
Speaker 2 (05:33):
Do you ever hear your parents fight?
Speaker 3 (05:35):
Yeah? Not a lot by that.
Speaker 4 (05:40):
Yeah, there was one time on holiday and Jersey where
I heard them fighting that kind of stuck in my mind.
Speaker 3 (05:47):
Nine or something.
Speaker 2 (05:48):
Yeah, yeah, it's about the age. I mean, I remember
fight six on in my house. Those were the fights. Yeah,
but my my biggest ones were six and like yeah
around at like ten, eleven, twelve, Like when they were
nearing divorce. It was like constant. Yeah, I mean, which
is why I am so like, when we're about to
(06:09):
get in a little tiff, I'm like, nope, I go.
I'm like, I I have such a a trigger. I
guess with growing up in that toxicity that I'm like,
I don't want my kids to feel what I felt
when I was a kid. I mean, my brother and
I would be in our room like just hearing it
(06:31):
shielding things being thrown, you know what I mean, Like, yeah, no,
I was never part of my And we took my
brother to college. They're in the hotel room and they
have a fan on and they're like screaming, and I'm like,
that's not doing anything. You know, I was supposed to
mask the noise. I'm like, this is not masking anything.
So it's like I think because of that, that's where
(06:52):
it's like, I mean, I'm sure you've noticed like if
we it's like I'm like, no, no, no, we're not. We're
not getting in any kind of conversation or And I
think there's a piece of conflict that I think is
good for kids to see, but not a not a
there's no I don't think any need. They can see
annoyances and they be like we've had annoyances, right, But
(07:16):
I think when it comes to like a fight, I
don't think that's ever good for a kid to see
that piece of it.
Speaker 3 (07:20):
Yeah, absolutely agree, I don't think.
Speaker 2 (07:23):
But I've also seen the flip side of that, where
it's someone we know, someone who's had an upbringing where
everything was always so positive. They never saw any conflict
with parents who are being like Hey, I'm sorry, Mommy
raised her voice. I shouldn't have done that to you know,
to Alan or vice versa. Where people have a such
a perfect upbringing that when they fight then in their
(07:45):
relationship or marriage, they're like, we're headed for divorce. It's bad.
I mean I do. One of our very close friends
had that upbringing where their parents never fought, and so
when he started fighting with his wife, he was like, oh,
we're headed for divorce. Clearly. It's like no, no, like,
it's okay that you guys have conflict, Just don't don't
(08:08):
do it in front of the kids, as as you know,
the big ones you know, or any of them. I
really I just don't like any I just don't like
any of it. Like I'm like, I don't And maybe
that's my again, my own, my own stuff. But that's
I'm glad you didn't like you said, like, you remember
the one that was yeah, yeah, I mean I think,
why fight in Jersey like you're on vacation.
Speaker 4 (08:32):
It wasn't a fight like nothingnother physical, just verilable, But
that one always stuck in my always stuck in my mind,
I think because we were all in the same room.
Speaker 2 (08:42):
Mm hmm.
Speaker 4 (08:44):
But yeah, I think of upbringing similar, but you had
to get to deal with a lot more animosity and
things than I, that's for sure.
Speaker 2 (08:52):
Was there anything that shocked you about my upbringing?
Speaker 4 (08:55):
Yeah, and I only held it a couple of weeks ago.
What that you got give in the belt?
Speaker 2 (09:01):
Oh?
Speaker 4 (09:02):
Yeah, that's that actually shocked me?
Speaker 2 (09:04):
Really it did. That shocked me even back then in
that age.
Speaker 4 (09:12):
There's no way my dad, like my dad would have
given me the belt. And my dad's quite tough guy
and his father was tough. I know my dad got
the belt. Yeah, yeah, absolutely know that, but I didn't
think it was. And again this might be a us
UK thing. And I in my upbringing, in my year
(09:36):
of upbringing in the eighties, none of my mates get
hit with a belt. None of my other family members
got got the belt.
Speaker 3 (09:43):
But it seems like.
Speaker 2 (09:44):
Actually none of my girlfriends. I don't think that either.
Speaker 3 (09:48):
In America like the belt.
Speaker 4 (09:50):
Like one of your friends a couple of weeks ago
was talking about, like what did they call the stick?
Speaker 2 (09:55):
Oh yeah, wouldn't spin I think every well.
Speaker 1 (09:59):
I would call it, oh what a touch or something? Yeah,
they were called they were called a spachelor like a stick.
See that doesn't really Yeah, not a UK think must
have been more of a US thing.
Speaker 2 (10:27):
Okay, So then I'm going to guess that leads to
then you know we've we've already talked about the.
Speaker 3 (10:33):
Waitman, it was and it shocked you about how I
was raised.
Speaker 2 (10:36):
Uh, yeah, I thought that it would probably have been
a more disciplined house, just because I know you're dad,
and I what I make up of Scotland is just
like really tough people, and so I would assume that
he would have been more of the just like.
Speaker 4 (10:57):
The Yeah, you could like when my dad's when my
dad spoke, you listened, right, and when my dad raised
his voice, you shit yourself right, Yeah, but you knew
how much you could push. You know, you knew when
he would lose Losey's temper, and you know it would
make him lose his temper.
Speaker 3 (11:18):
So yeah, it was.
Speaker 2 (11:21):
What do you think you're doing differently that with Roman
that you that your parents didn't do or that your
parents did do that You're just like, yeah, what is
something that you do that you're implementing different into your
parenting for Roman?
Speaker 4 (11:38):
Well, if you take, if you like, you take my
dad who has always been there for me, but really
tough and stun and doesn't show his emotions. And then
you've got my mum, who has absolutely always been there,
but she's the softer one that will listen more and
provide a more sympathetic approach.
Speaker 3 (11:57):
I think, I think there's.
Speaker 4 (11:59):
A bad between in the way that I parent or
the way that i'd like to paint. I think there's
a balance between both of how my mom raised me
and how my dad raised me. I think there's a
discipline balance there, but also there's a there's got to
be an empathetic software side. So I think I try
and kind of split that and split that in half.
Speaker 2 (12:21):
That makes sense, I think. I mean, obviously there's like
a million different things that I'm trying to do and
every day I'm trying to I think it just you know,
showing up being the best parents that we can be
while learning, and is except what how I may be
discipline again, I have to disciplining. All three of them
(12:42):
are very different and look very different because of the
different ages they're at. What works for Jase doesn't work
for Jolie, and what works for Jolie well, you know,
and then there's just Roman.
Speaker 4 (12:51):
So do you feel you're more patient with the Roman
than what you were with with Jolie and Jase. Now
that you're nearly ten years down the lane, you've got
ten years experience in parentcy.
Speaker 2 (13:04):
I do think I'm more patient with Roman, yeah, because
I'm kind of used to. And we talked about this
on wine down this week where it was like, I'm
I get the where he's at in the stages, Like
I know what's coming. I'm scared of what's coming age wise,
But you're scared with Roman, No, Like well at times, yes,
but the no, I'm not scared of them, but you know,
(13:28):
I know kind of what's what's to come, and I'm
trying to enjoy each stage of it. But sometimes it
can be challenging, right, But I do. I do find
that I have more patients with Roman for sure.
Speaker 3 (13:42):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:43):
Either yeah, well, I think that just also comes with
age too, And I think that's same thing like with
my dad. Again, I'd say this, I've said this before,
like how he was to me, Like I know for
a fact, he's never did the belt or anything else
like to my other two sisters, you know, like his
patients with them like he had they we have, we have,
(14:07):
we had two different dads essentially growing up, I had
the angrier you know man that was like in his affairs,
and they had a very patient, a more patient father. Like, Yes,
he still has that like peace in him at times.
I'm sure, I don't. I don't know, I'm not there,
but I'm sure it was there at times, But there
(14:28):
are It's a two different and as I'm sure with you,
it's like you as you get older, as you learn
and grow and get older, I think that patient's piece
is just different. And where you would have have been
different with your son back in the day to Roman now, like,
I'm sure you're more patient with him, either because of
(14:49):
the things that you've done in the past or because
of just I think there is a patience that comes
with age.
Speaker 4 (14:56):
Yeah, there's also a wisdom, Yeah, that comes with the
that you gain more clarity on your own self awareness
and how you should behave Like a few days for example,
a few days ago, Roman scratched my nose and my
face and then slapped me.
Speaker 2 (15:16):
And we talked to them, and.
Speaker 4 (15:18):
It took every ounce of my patients to not react
in a way that I would regret at five minutes later.
Speaker 2 (15:27):
Yeah, And I was said to you. I was like,
he's two, he's almost two, you know, like deep breaths
and through your nose out through your mouth. You know,
he doesn't. The thing's like they don't know. They're trying
to communicate, and I think now knowing that, like it's
you know, they don't know, they don't know what they
don't know? Right like this poor sweet soul has been
(15:47):
on this planet for only nineteen months, like not knowing
what to do or how to do, Like we are
teaching him what to do, and you know, it's it
can be maddening at times, but there is patience to go.
We are molding and helping create this you know, little
nineteen month old to you know, to know what's right
(16:08):
and wrong and eventually it'll click. It hasn't, but it will,
you know. And it's just it's that patience and that repeat, repetitness,
repeat to repeat that because I always say, you know,
why why retaliate with anger or or physical because then
that just shows them? What does that show them?
Speaker 3 (16:30):
Yes, you can give some the wrong message.
Speaker 2 (16:32):
Yeah like what like that? That that that that's okay.
And again I'm not saying I fell into abusive situations
because of that like my path. I'm not saying that.
I'm not saying my dad abused me, but that was
just like what he knew that he knew them passed
down and it's like then you learn and it's like,
what did that teach me? Like, oh, okay, that was okay,
it's not it was it's like the whole, the whole
like spectrum with it, my mom watching it, that showed
(16:54):
that that was okay, that she stay. It's like the
all of it, the fighting, it was okay, it's not okay.
Speaker 4 (17:01):
And it's it's strange because Roman is and this goes
back to your dad's situation. Well some love, but Roman
is getting a more patient version of me with more
wisdom on and life and experiences and stuff, whereas Troy
got the twenty six year old professional football that was
(17:25):
really focused on his career and probably was a bit
too selfish and and parented at that point pretty probably
a little bit like my dad mhm. But then now
Roman's getting a balance of probably my my mom and
my dad within within my parent thing, but more so
my dad.
Speaker 2 (17:44):
But I think though too, like it's to give yourself
like you only knew what you knew then yeah, like
I only knew what I knew when I was you know,
raising Joli and then and then having too, like that's
something new too, and so I had to adjust like
my patients with having too. And it's like I think
in every stage, you just you know more and it's okay,
(18:06):
like you're you're learning, just as we're learning how to
do three in a new marriage and any like different
careers and it's all just a piece of having patients
for everything around and going back to what you know
you've implemented in your mornings. What's Yes, things are crazy,
there's a lot going on, you know, moss from bowls
(18:26):
are flying all over the place. Like there's a lot
going on in the house with the three kids and
you and the me and the careers all the things.
But there's a where does it go back to, like
what's the you know, the grateful stuff that you're doing
in the morning and going all right, this is this
is this is the good and this is like this
is the beautiful chaos of it all, like I love this,
We're not going to have this and.
Speaker 4 (18:46):
Other I want to be said a couple of years yeah,
other one I was saying, setting on us swinging chairs
on the porch in the lake house and barely time regretting.
How we manage this stage? Yeah, with joy, you, with warm,
the joely of Jason, and with our marriage. Yeah so yeah,
but again we are in different phase of a life,
(19:09):
so we're managing the marriage differently. Moved the marriage, manage
the other managers when we're paying anything different because of experience.
Speaker 2 (19:18):
So to all, the mama's data is relationship. Y'all are
doing great. Yeah, keep on going and send in your topics.
Go to the wind down page. Any topics you want
Alan and I to discuss, send them on over and
it'll be on your next adult education
Wind down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heeart Radio Podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
I have a question for you before we get into
the topics. Terrified of heights yesterday at the zoo. Yeah,
you went up in the zip line. What was the
defining moment for you to actually do it? Because you,
I mean, you were so afraid of heights that when
(00:27):
we walk the pedestrian bridge in Nashville, like you won't
even look over the side.
Speaker 3 (00:31):
What was two things?
Speaker 4 (00:32):
Because I think the first thing, Julie was really really
excited to go on it.
Speaker 3 (00:36):
Yeah, I knew you weren't going to go on it.
Speaker 2 (00:39):
Not a chance.
Speaker 4 (00:39):
Now, I knew wasn't going to go on it. So
the first thing was not leaving hot disappointed. But also
the second.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
Wait, that makes me sound like a bad mom.
Speaker 1 (00:48):
Now no, no, no.
Speaker 4 (00:49):
But the second thing was I wouldn't expect you to
go on like you were the head of panic attack.
Speaker 2 (00:55):
Well yeah, without a doubt.
Speaker 3 (00:56):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (00:59):
The second thing was the choice was going on the
zipline or go to the playground section, which would have
taken a lot longer.
Speaker 2 (01:06):
That was your thought process. I kind of figured that
was what it was.
Speaker 4 (01:11):
But the first, like Joey was really excited and we
will walk and you you were going to have to
walk past it. I thought, strap a pair on And.
Speaker 2 (01:21):
How scared were you?
Speaker 3 (01:23):
Yes?
Speaker 4 (01:23):
Scared, because the problem is, if we can get a
picture of these chairs, it would be good for the
viewers to see this. There is nothing on the side,
There's nothing like the chair doesn't come up here. The
chair ends at your ass cheek. So when you look
to the side, you can see straight down. There's nothing
keeping you on there apart from that strap. The seat's
(01:45):
not shaped into your body. It was just horrendous, and
Joey is.
Speaker 3 (01:49):
Like, I can see the city.
Speaker 4 (01:51):
I like, I'm not even looking up and keep my
eyes fixed in one place. My eyes were fixed on
the rhinos.
Speaker 2 (01:57):
And the rhinos. Yeah, there's no I mean that feeling
brings me back to the Wondree Heal episode when I'm
up on the ski lift thing. I mean, it is
the most I mean, I almost plunged to the ground
in that one, just because I want That's how bad
I wanted to get off the ski lift.
Speaker 4 (02:16):
Well, the problem is, yeah, well you go up back,
We'll get up to the highest point then you and
then you stole that from it. I honestly was about
a second away from shouting to the guy the fuck
up and get it back down the way and.
Speaker 3 (02:29):
Let it go.
Speaker 2 (02:31):
How long were you it was? It was paused for
a second half.
Speaker 3 (02:34):
Yeah, it with ten seconds.
Speaker 2 (02:37):
Jason, I are just like you got it. Meanwhile, we're
like the most scaredy cats of all of it.
Speaker 3 (02:42):
Yeah, my boy, it was bruttal. Anyway, I did it
for Julie.
Speaker 2 (02:47):
There you go topic around backgrounds and how we were raised.
So do you think think having well, I'll say this
because where we were raised obviously has different do you
(03:09):
think I mean, I mean, does it? Does it have
different upbringing? I mean I was thinking about that, like
a British upbringing, UK upbringing versus an American upbringing? I think,
what do you think the biggest differences there.
Speaker 3 (03:26):
Are between UK and America upbringings?
Speaker 2 (03:28):
Because I'm like, we both played outside we I think I.
Speaker 4 (03:33):
Think for starters, I think our upbringings were really similar
in terms of working class family. The only the only
difference was you experienced divorce in your family when you
hit your when you hit your teens, which I didn't.
But I think in terms of like culture and earlier
(03:58):
the time period was was really similar. I think there
was a lot of growing up in a family didn't
have loads of expendable income, so being out in the
streets playing with your friends.
Speaker 3 (04:11):
We grew up in.
Speaker 4 (04:12):
We both grew up in neighborhoods where you had your
mates around you and stuff, So I think there was
a lot of similarities to their upbring I think one
of the biggest differences between the UK and in the
US is I think, and this is not a slight
on the US, but I think growing up in the UK,
you're you're almost exposed to a rougher environment like that
(04:36):
where I grew up. Well, maybe I'm wrong, because there's
loads of parts of the US where people grow up
in rough environments.
Speaker 2 (04:45):
But do you think I mean, you grew up in Glasgow,
so that would probably be equivalent maybe to someone growing
up in Detroit. I did grew up in I was
a suburb though.
Speaker 4 (04:56):
And I was kind of a suburb, Like we were
like four or five miles from city center. It's a
lot closer to it's a lot closer, but it's still
it was still classed as kind of suburban. Really, I
don't I don't know what the defining differences would be
between growing up in the US and growing up in
the UK. I think you grow up in an environment
(05:17):
that's a certing class of family and earning capacity and
expendable income, and I think those were really similar to
that for our upbringings. Well I don't. I think that's worldwide.
I don't think that's between the UK and the US.
Speaker 2 (05:33):
Do you ever hear your parents fight?
Speaker 3 (05:35):
Yeah? Not a lot by that.
Speaker 4 (05:40):
Yeah, there was one time on holiday and Jersey where
I heard them fighting that kind of stuck in my mind.
Speaker 3 (05:47):
Nine or something.
Speaker 2 (05:48):
Yeah, yeah, it's about the age. I mean, I remember
fight six on in my house. Those were the fights. Yeah,
but my my biggest ones were six and like yeah
around at like ten, eleven, twelve, Like when they were
nearing divorce. It was like constant. Yeah, I mean, which
is why I am so like, when we're about to
(06:09):
get in a little tiff, I'm like, nope, I go.
I'm like, I I have such a a trigger. I
guess with growing up in that toxicity that I'm like,
I don't want my kids to feel what I felt
when I was a kid. I mean, my brother and
I would be in our room like just hearing it
(06:31):
shielding things being thrown, you know what I mean, Like, yeah, no,
I was never part of my And we took my
brother to college. They're in the hotel room and they
have a fan on and they're like screaming, and I'm like,
that's not doing anything. You know, I was supposed to
mask the noise. I'm like, this is not masking anything.
So it's like I think because of that, that's where
(06:52):
it's like, I mean, I'm sure you've noticed like if
we it's like I'm like, no, no, no, we're not. We're
not getting in any kind of conversation or And I
think there's a piece of conflict that I think is
good for kids to see, but not a not a
there's no I don't think any need. They can see
annoyances and they be like we've had annoyances, right, But
(07:16):
I think when it comes to like a fight, I
don't think that's ever good for a kid to see
that piece of it.
Speaker 3 (07:20):
Yeah, absolutely agree, I don't think.
Speaker 2 (07:23):
But I've also seen the flip side of that, where
it's someone we know, someone who's had an upbringing where
everything was always so positive. They never saw any conflict
with parents who are being like Hey, I'm sorry, Mommy
raised her voice. I shouldn't have done that to you know,
to Alan or vice versa. Where people have a such
a perfect upbringing that when they fight then in their
(07:45):
relationship or marriage, they're like, we're headed for divorce. It's bad.
I mean I do. One of our very close friends
had that upbringing where their parents never fought, and so
when he started fighting with his wife, he was like, oh,
we're headed for divorce. Clearly. It's like no, no, like,
it's okay that you guys have conflict, Just don't don't
(08:08):
do it in front of the kids, as as you know,
the big ones you know, or any of them. I
really I just don't like any I just don't like
any of it. Like I'm like, I don't And maybe
that's my again, my own, my own stuff. But that's
I'm glad you didn't like you said, like, you remember
the one that was yeah, yeah, I mean I think,
why fight in Jersey like you're on vacation.
Speaker 4 (08:32):
It wasn't a fight like nothingnother physical, just verilable, But
that one always stuck in my always stuck in my mind,
I think because we were all in the same room.
Speaker 2 (08:42):
Mm hmm.
Speaker 4 (08:44):
But yeah, I think of upbringing similar, but you had
to get to deal with a lot more animosity and
things than I, that's for sure.
Speaker 2 (08:52):
Was there anything that shocked you about my upbringing?
Speaker 4 (08:55):
Yeah, and I only held it a couple of weeks ago.
What that you got give in the belt?
Speaker 2 (09:01):
Oh?
Speaker 4 (09:02):
Yeah, that's that actually shocked me?
Speaker 2 (09:04):
Really it did. That shocked me even back then in
that age.
Speaker 4 (09:12):
There's no way my dad, like my dad would have
given me the belt. And my dad's quite tough guy
and his father was tough. I know my dad got
the belt. Yeah, yeah, absolutely know that, but I didn't
think it was. And again this might be a us
UK thing. And I in my upbringing, in my year
(09:36):
of upbringing in the eighties, none of my mates get
hit with a belt. None of my other family members
got got the belt.
Speaker 3 (09:43):
But it seems like.
Speaker 2 (09:44):
Actually none of my girlfriends. I don't think that either.
Speaker 3 (09:48):
In America like the belt.
Speaker 4 (09:50):
Like one of your friends a couple of weeks ago
was talking about, like what did they call the stick?
Speaker 2 (09:55):
Oh yeah, wouldn't spin I think every well.
Speaker 1 (09:59):
I would call it, oh what a touch or something? Yeah,
they were called they were called a spachelor like a stick.
See that doesn't really Yeah, not a UK think must
have been more of a US thing.
Speaker 2 (10:27):
Okay, So then I'm going to guess that leads to
then you know we've we've already talked about the.
Speaker 3 (10:33):
Waitman, it was and it shocked you about how I
was raised.
Speaker 2 (10:36):
Uh, yeah, I thought that it would probably have been
a more disciplined house, just because I know you're dad,
and I what I make up of Scotland is just
like really tough people, and so I would assume that
he would have been more of the just like.
Speaker 4 (10:57):
The Yeah, you could like when my dad's when my
dad spoke, you listened, right, and when my dad raised
his voice, you shit yourself right, Yeah, but you knew
how much you could push. You know, you knew when
he would lose Losey's temper, and you know it would
make him lose his temper.
Speaker 3 (11:18):
So yeah, it was.
Speaker 2 (11:21):
What do you think you're doing differently that with Roman
that you that your parents didn't do or that your
parents did do that You're just like, yeah, what is
something that you do that you're implementing different into your
parenting for Roman?
Speaker 4 (11:38):
Well, if you take, if you like, you take my
dad who has always been there for me, but really
tough and stun and doesn't show his emotions. And then
you've got my mum, who has absolutely always been there,
but she's the softer one that will listen more and
provide a more sympathetic approach.
Speaker 3 (11:57):
I think, I think there's.
Speaker 4 (11:59):
A bad between in the way that I parent or
the way that i'd like to paint. I think there's
a balance between both of how my mom raised me
and how my dad raised me. I think there's a
discipline balance there, but also there's a there's got to
be an empathetic software side. So I think I try
and kind of split that and split that in half.
Speaker 2 (12:21):
That makes sense, I think. I mean, obviously there's like
a million different things that I'm trying to do and
every day I'm trying to I think it just you know,
showing up being the best parents that we can be
while learning, and is except what how I may be
discipline again, I have to disciplining. All three of them
(12:42):
are very different and look very different because of the
different ages they're at. What works for Jase doesn't work
for Jolie, and what works for Jolie well, you know,
and then there's just Roman.
Speaker 4 (12:51):
So do you feel you're more patient with the Roman
than what you were with with Jolie and Jase. Now
that you're nearly ten years down the lane, you've got
ten years experience in parentcy.
Speaker 2 (13:04):
I do think I'm more patient with Roman, yeah, because
I'm kind of used to. And we talked about this
on wine down this week where it was like, I'm
I get the where he's at in the stages, Like
I know what's coming. I'm scared of what's coming age wise,
But you're scared with Roman, No, Like well at times, yes,
but the no, I'm not scared of them, but you know,
(13:28):
I know kind of what's what's to come, and I'm
trying to enjoy each stage of it. But sometimes it
can be challenging, right, But I do. I do find
that I have more patients with Roman for sure.
Speaker 3 (13:42):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:43):
Either yeah, well, I think that just also comes with
age too, And I think that's same thing like with
my dad. Again, I'd say this, I've said this before,
like how he was to me, Like I know for
a fact, he's never did the belt or anything else
like to my other two sisters, you know, like his
patients with them like he had they we have, we have,
(14:07):
we had two different dads essentially growing up, I had
the angrier you know man that was like in his affairs,
and they had a very patient, a more patient father. Like, Yes,
he still has that like peace in him at times.
I'm sure, I don't. I don't know, I'm not there,
but I'm sure it was there at times, But there
(14:28):
are It's a two different and as I'm sure with you,
it's like you as you get older, as you learn
and grow and get older, I think that patient's piece
is just different. And where you would have have been
different with your son back in the day to Roman now, like,
I'm sure you're more patient with him, either because of
(14:49):
the things that you've done in the past or because
of just I think there is a patience that comes
with age.
Speaker 4 (14:56):
Yeah, there's also a wisdom, Yeah, that comes with the
that you gain more clarity on your own self awareness
and how you should behave Like a few days for example,
a few days ago, Roman scratched my nose and my
face and then slapped me.
Speaker 2 (15:16):
And we talked to them, and.
Speaker 4 (15:18):
It took every ounce of my patients to not react
in a way that I would regret at five minutes later.
Speaker 2 (15:27):
Yeah, And I was said to you. I was like,
he's two, he's almost two, you know, like deep breaths
and through your nose out through your mouth. You know,
he doesn't. The thing's like they don't know. They're trying
to communicate, and I think now knowing that, like it's
you know, they don't know, they don't know what they
don't know? Right like this poor sweet soul has been
(15:47):
on this planet for only nineteen months, like not knowing
what to do or how to do, Like we are
teaching him what to do, and you know, it's it
can be maddening at times, but there is patience to go.
We are molding and helping create this you know, little
nineteen month old to you know, to know what's right
(16:08):
and wrong and eventually it'll click. It hasn't, but it will,
you know. And it's just it's that patience and that repeat, repetitness,
repeat to repeat that because I always say, you know,
why why retaliate with anger or or physical because then
that just shows them? What does that show them?
Speaker 3 (16:30):
Yes, you can give some the wrong message.
Speaker 2 (16:32):
Yeah like what like that? That that that that's okay.
And again I'm not saying I fell into abusive situations
because of that like my path. I'm not saying that.
I'm not saying my dad abused me, but that was
just like what he knew that he knew them passed
down and it's like then you learn and it's like,
what did that teach me? Like, oh, okay, that was okay,
it's not it was it's like the whole, the whole
like spectrum with it, my mom watching it, that showed
(16:54):
that that was okay, that she stay. It's like the
all of it, the fighting, it was okay, it's not okay.
Speaker 4 (17:01):
And it's it's strange because Roman is and this goes
back to your dad's situation. Well some love, but Roman
is getting a more patient version of me with more
wisdom on and life and experiences and stuff, whereas Troy
got the twenty six year old professional football that was
(17:25):
really focused on his career and probably was a bit
too selfish and and parented at that point pretty probably
a little bit like my dad mhm. But then now
Roman's getting a balance of probably my my mom and
my dad within within my parent thing, but more so
my dad.
Speaker 2 (17:44):
But I think though too, like it's to give yourself
like you only knew what you knew then yeah, like
I only knew what I knew when I was you know,
raising Joli and then and then having too, like that's
something new too, and so I had to adjust like
my patients with having too. And it's like I think
in every stage, you just you know more and it's okay,
(18:06):
like you're you're learning, just as we're learning how to
do three in a new marriage and any like different
careers and it's all just a piece of having patients
for everything around and going back to what you know
you've implemented in your mornings. What's Yes, things are crazy,
there's a lot going on, you know, moss from bowls
(18:26):
are flying all over the place. Like there's a lot
going on in the house with the three kids and
you and the me and the careers all the things.
But there's a where does it go back to, like
what's the you know, the grateful stuff that you're doing
in the morning and going all right, this is this
is this is the good and this is like this
is the beautiful chaos of it all, like I love this,
We're not going to have this and.
Speaker 4 (18:46):
Other I want to be said a couple of years yeah,
other one I was saying, setting on us swinging chairs
on the porch in the lake house and barely time regretting.
How we manage this stage? Yeah, with joy, you, with warm,
the joely of Jason, and with our marriage. Yeah so yeah,
but again we are in different phase of a life,
(19:09):
so we're managing the marriage differently. Moved the marriage, manage
the other managers when we're paying anything different because of experience.
Speaker 2 (19:18):
So to all, the mama's data is relationship. Y'all are
doing great. Yeah, keep on going and send in your topics.
Go to the wind down page. Any topics you want
Alan and I to discuss, send them on over and
it'll be on your next adult education
Host
Jana Kramer
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