December 4, 2025 • 21 mins
How do you feel when someone is more interested in their phone than spending time with you?? Jana and Allan get real about their phone etiquette and we find who is guilty of more screen time!
We discuss a "no husbands" policy at a wedding and come to a conclusion on the role your friends' spouses play on your big day.
Plus, we need to normalize going on trips with our adult children!
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Wind Down with Janet Kramer, an iHeartRadio podcast. Is fubbing
ruining your relationship? Well, here's how to fix it. So
we all know our phones aren't great for our relationships,
but that doesn't stop us reaching for them dozens of
times a day. That's how so called fubbing unintentionally snubbing
someone in favor of your phone, creeps into everyday moments.
(00:24):
This can impact your relationships with making partners feel ignored
and parnal phone use can really affect children from weakening bonds.
Why are you laughing?
Speaker 2 (00:34):
Just fubbing sounds like a sexual thing.
Speaker 1 (00:37):
I was thinking it sounded like pubes and I was like,
this is weird. Yeah, I'm like, this is just weird.
But the doctor so, rather than criticizing yourself about your
lack of self control, focusing on being more intentional about
when we pick up our devices can be more effective,
according to one psychologist. So doctor Raker suggests, every time
(00:59):
you reach your phone, tell the other person why you're
doing it, and when you're done, put it down and
re engage by naming it. I need to check my
train times or I'm replying to my mom. You interrupt
the automatic habit of checking your phone, and it also
signals to the person beside you that they still matter.
It stops the other person feeling ignored. Do either, So
(01:21):
do you feel like fubbing is an issue in our marriage?
Speaker 2 (01:27):
No?
Speaker 3 (01:29):
Yeah, I mean it makes you penancy on things, But
I don't think it's an issue. No, maybe one sometimes,
you know, sometimes I need to be reminded on it,
But I don't I think it's an issue.
Speaker 2 (01:43):
What were you?
Speaker 1 (01:45):
I mean, I think it's I think one person, it
sometimes can be on their phone a lot, like I
know you mentioned to me a while ago, like you're
on your phone a lot. Or I think there's seasons
of when things are you have a lot more on
your plate and you have to look at your phone more.
But I personally don't like. There's things where I'm like,
(02:08):
I don't like phones, like at the dinner table. It's
a big no. No, I don't like it. I think
it's disrespectful. And you know, I think that's something where
at first, you know, we you weren't as accustomed to
that like you would you would have no problem. I
think texting like during dinner.
Speaker 2 (02:27):
Yeah, maybe at the beginning.
Speaker 1 (02:29):
Yet yeah, I left on my own up well, yeah,
and I's just I yeahs to me, like family dinners
are just so important. But also when you're on a
date with someone too, I think it's I personally think
it's rude to be on your phone when you're at
dinner with someone. So where I agree with I don't
think every time we're in the house I have to
(02:51):
announce or you have to announce why we're picking up
our phone. I think that's a bit of an overkill.
But naming it, yeah, like every time, like I'm picking
my phone to see if Cat text, I'm picking if Hannah,
I don't. I don't need to know why you're picking
up your phone, and if.
Speaker 2 (03:05):
You do, you'll ask.
Speaker 3 (03:06):
Every time I would ask you, like what you're doing
on your phone?
Speaker 1 (03:10):
But like, no, you wouldn't. Though, I don't feel like
unless we were at dinner and I grabbed it, but
I would always say something like if we're in couples
therapy or if we're in you know, at dinner, I'd
be like, hey, sorry, the kids are asking me a question.
I need to I need to respond really fast because
I see it being buzzed, or at dinner, if something
we have to respond to a sitter or something. I
(03:31):
feel like most times or you would be like, hey,
I'm sorry, I got to check I have to check,
you know, my phone to see the score of a game.
Speaker 2 (03:40):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (03:41):
I think it's just being recognizing the other person is
in your space and in the room and not prioritizing
your phone. And I think we're okay at that. I
think if we go on my phones, I think there's
there's a certain period or we'll probably go on my
phones together if we're in bed watching the movie.
Speaker 1 (04:01):
They actually don't like that.
Speaker 3 (04:03):
When we we check my phones for like five minutes,
because we know we'll start in the movie. Yeah, and
then we'll put them down and will be we won't
check them.
Speaker 1 (04:11):
Yeah. I personally, I think it can be a slippery
slope if you and your partner are on your phone
in bed together at night, and because it's that time
when you start to scroll. I mean, shoot, I did
this the other day where I'm like, oh my god,
I've been on my phone for an hour. I am
(04:32):
now super behind. I did not mean to do that,
and I just got kind of stuck scrolling and looking
at things close to it. Really yeah, and that's not
really like me, but I think it can be dangerous
if you're on your phone together, because then that's just like,
where's the connection in that if you're doing that every night,
(04:54):
Like obviously it's not an every night thing.
Speaker 3 (04:56):
Okay, do you feel like I go on my phone
too much when you're around me at times?
Speaker 2 (05:01):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (05:03):
But also you know what I think is you go
on your phone at the times that I would like
never call someone, Like I wouldn't just randomly call someone
when we're in the middle of playing something with the
kids or playing with the kids. I would say, the
time in which you do your phone calls, I'm like,
why would you be calling when we're in the middle
of X, you know. But yeah, that's where I'm just like,
(05:27):
I would never like call my friends in the middle
of a game night or something.
Speaker 2 (05:31):
I wouldn't call in the middle of a game.
Speaker 1 (05:34):
I mean, but like when we're around the kids, I'm
very much like, get off the phone when the kids
are around.
Speaker 2 (05:39):
No, Like I phoned my mate last night.
Speaker 3 (05:41):
You went up to run the bath, and I thought,
I'll speak to my mate for five minutes.
Speaker 2 (05:47):
I was downstairs with a roman.
Speaker 3 (05:50):
Yeah, he was quite happy for these little individual playtime
and yeah, and I don't think about a phone in
the middle of a game.
Speaker 1 (05:59):
No, But I mean even so, it's like you're walking
in on the phone while I'm like back, and then
I'm like, I'm like, oh my god, I just hit
his hat, you know, And I'm like, oh, sorry, you're
on the phone. Like it's just you know, it's I
don't know. And again, I it's totally fine. It's just
we're just different in that way, like I'm not going
to catch up with KB or Kat or Sarah at
past when school is done. It's just not what I would,
(06:23):
you know, because moms were doing things.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
Okay, i'd do things, but I get it. I get that.
Speaker 1 (06:30):
Do you think I'm you said, I'm not on my
phone as much?
Speaker 2 (06:35):
Or do I think you go on your phone too much? No?
I don't. No, I don't.
Speaker 3 (06:41):
I don't remember thinking maybe there's maybe certain times on
the phone or that much. Wonder if she's okay or
if she's overloaded. But what I don't. I don't look
at you and think you're ignoring me because you're on
your phone, or I'm getting less attention because you're on
your phone.
Speaker 2 (07:01):
I don't think that.
Speaker 1 (07:03):
Yeah, I think I know what it's is like to feel.
I just don't want anyone to ever feel like I'm
giving my phone more attention than that, you know, because
I think we've all been on that other side where
it doesn't feel great.
Speaker 2 (07:20):
Yeah. Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (07:34):
Oliver Hudson has a no husband's wedding policy, so the
couple got married in a very small ceremony in Mexico,
and ahead of the ceremony, he instructed his wife to
invite her friends to the wedding, but not their friends,
but not her friend's husbands. He explained, he's a pretty
private person and he came up with his no husband's
rule because I didn't want to be introduced to someone
(07:54):
at my own wedding. The couple's nuptials, he said, went
off without a hitch, but their husband's were content doing
their own things. So some of Drew Barrymore's viewers objected
to Oliver Hudson's banning husbands from his wedding. I think
it's strange to not invite the spouse, one person wrote.
Others applauded it, saying, you know who would want strangers
at their wedding, and another etiquette person Elaine Swan's Book
(08:21):
of Modern etiquette. She said. She weighed and said that
she thinks his no husband's role was self centered and
likely made some of his guests uncomfortable. What do you
think of the role?
Speaker 3 (08:30):
I can see where he's coming from, because there's an
element of it's your wedding. It should be intimate, and
it should be people that are within your circle. And
you know, I don't think. I think it is very selfish.
I think it's selfish.
Speaker 2 (08:45):
You do, I do.
Speaker 3 (08:45):
Yeah, he's probably made these as to be your wife
feel a little bit awkward. I have to say to
your friends, you guys can come, but you can't invite
your husbands. Yeah, I don't think it's I think it's
a I think it's a pretty selfish thing. I don't
think I would ever do that. I understand you don't
want to meet people on your wedding day, but what's
(09:06):
the likelihood of you knowing that many of your wife's
friends and not having met the husband's already? Like if
you if if you got ten friends that are coming
to the wedding and I've never met the husband's then
there's an issue.
Speaker 1 (09:22):
You didn't have meet Sarah's husband Kyle. Yeah, so you
never met him before he came. That's a perfect example.
You never met Kyle, you never met you know, Sarah
Gretzky was also invited to the wedding. You would have
never met Tie. There's actually quite a few people that
we did invite that you didn't know their husband.
Speaker 2 (09:42):
I knew how important they were to you, so it
wasn't an issue for me.
Speaker 1 (09:45):
Right, No, And I think that's what I mean. I'm
not I don't want to. I don't want to call
him selfish. I love Oliver Hudson, and I get what
you're saying, and I think for the I do think
it's a very odd request because I think a wedding
as okay. For example, my cousin Carl just got married
to his beautiful bride, Lucy, and my cousin Carl never
(10:08):
met you before. And I would be taken back a
little bit if they said, hey, you know, you can't
have your husband come, or you can't have a I
get the plus one thing. I do get that. I
get you saying a plus one like you don't want
some random friend that you don't know. That I would agree,
(10:30):
actually one hundred percent agree with the plus one. But
if it's your husband yeah, no, no, no, I know,
and I'm going to get to that point. But it's
like it's I get, I totally get that. It's just
the fact where the friend of your wife and the
friends that are not bringing their husbands, these are also
people that are going to help support your marriage and
(10:51):
be there for you, and you might not be close
to them, but it's also that support of those people
as a couple too, you know, And I think think
if we were ever in that spot, though you're not
close with Kyle and you've hung out with him a
few times since, when they've come to visit, having those
people be there in that intimate setting, those are people
(11:12):
that are also like the whole thing is a witnessing
a marriage, and they even say to the people out there,
you have to help them keep this together. And there's
that's I think beautiful.
Speaker 3 (11:23):
Yeah, I think there's a certain bond with I think
there's a certain bond with people that come to your wedding.
It is it's your most important day and those people
are there for Therefore. I'm pretty sure because of that,
I could pick up the phone at Kyle's aalent here
even though I've only spent the wedding with him and
one other time in person. I'm pretty sure I could
(11:44):
pick up the phone about how you're doing because of
the bond from the wedding.
Speaker 2 (11:48):
Sure, So I don't listen. I don't know Himan as
a person. I don't.
Speaker 3 (11:53):
I think that act and that vision for these wedding
is pretty selfish, just just because Pussy's wife in a
precarious situation with finally explain our.
Speaker 2 (12:05):
And maybe our close friends.
Speaker 1 (12:07):
Yeah, and I mean thinking back to our wedding too,
our single friends. I mean, I I guess it's not
that there wasn't a plus one invite. Ours was just
so small and intimate, like all of us. So I
do get that piece of it where it was, like,
you know, even Pam. I'm like, I don't want to
say you can't bring somebody, But at the same time,
(12:28):
I don't. This is just for you, you know, like
I don't and and but unless you want to bring
your daughter or something like, that's that's cool. But I
don't want someone that, you know, random, a random girlfriend
that like we don't know, like that didn't so like
and you know her and Sarah we're going to come
together because Lee was gone out of town, but they
know end up not working out. But you know, it
(12:50):
just that that no husband is not just like they're randoms.
Speaker 3 (12:55):
Well, would you go to a wedding if someone said
to you, Hi, Jianna really want you waiting, but with
no may alan, so it would just be you.
Speaker 1 (13:04):
I find that weird?
Speaker 2 (13:06):
Would you go?
Speaker 1 (13:06):
Would I go? I guess it depends who.
Speaker 2 (13:10):
I wouldn't go.
Speaker 1 (13:11):
No, But I mean if it's like a family person
or I mean a friend would never say that. A
family member. A family member would never say that, So
I mean.
Speaker 3 (13:22):
Well a friend would too, because all of us said
that as as wife and health.
Speaker 1 (13:26):
I mean I would I would say no, and I
wouldn't go.
Speaker 2 (13:29):
That's exactly what I would say.
Speaker 1 (13:30):
Yeah, I'm just I'm even trying to think of like
what friend would say that, Like I can't even I
can't even think. I can't even think of one. But listen,
I get it. I'm also like I people don't want
to buy kids to weddings, you know, like our kids.
I understand that I do, and I don't you know
what I mean, there's people that wasn't able to come
(13:53):
in our because other people, you know, couldn't bring it
but I also understand why you don't want a slew
of kids coming, because if you invite one, you got
to invite all the kids, and on everybody's sides, you know,
So I get I do get that piece too.
Speaker 2 (14:07):
What are we going to say, Let's.
Speaker 3 (14:08):
Say one of you, Let's say one of your agents
is to get married, because I don't think I've met
any of your agents. One of your agents get married,
and like Johnna, really want you the wedding. You know,
if we'd client and friends and stuff, but with no
home and so it just be you at the wedding.
Speaker 1 (14:22):
No, I wouldn't go, okay, I'd send them a nice
little wedding gift and.
Speaker 2 (14:29):
She sort your shot out.
Speaker 1 (14:30):
No, I would to say, have a beautiful wedding. I
don't like personally, I like to go with you. I mean,
I guess I loved the wedding that we want to
go celebrate Carl and it's it's nice to do that
together as a couple. Yeah, but oh yeah yeah, grandmother
(15:02):
says family trips don't need sons or daughters in law.
The backlash was immediate, So you can love your in
laws and still want special time with your own kids.
Those two things can be true. So a Florida content
creator known as Grandma Jan real name Janis Green posted
an Instagram reel where she suggested that parents can and
(15:24):
sometimes should take their family vacations with their adult children
without necessarily including a son or daughter in law. Thoughts.
Speaker 2 (15:33):
This one's confused me a little bit.
Speaker 1 (15:35):
She went on to describe the desire for time with
your own kids, the one you raise, the ones you
survive life with, the ones you rock through teething and
heartbreak with their first apartment. Listen, I kind of get it.
If I want to go on a one on one
with Jace when he's in his twenties thirties, that's a
special one time off bond moment. And I would probably say,
and same with Jolie, Like if I'm like, girlfriend, you
(15:56):
and mommy, let's go to Paris, just you and me,
leave Joe Schmoe at home. Come on, I think it's
important to have I think so yeah, no no sons
or daughters in laws. I think it's just she just
wants to take her her her her child.
Speaker 2 (16:13):
So that's like me saying.
Speaker 1 (16:16):
That's like you saying to your son and not having
his wife. Come when he gets married, and I think
that's important for you guys to have one on one things.
I think this is how I'm reading it.
Speaker 2 (16:27):
Okay, I think the same thing.
Speaker 1 (16:29):
If your parents wanted to just take you on a trip,
I'd be like, go have fun with your parents. They
deserve that time with you. You're you're a very inclusive
and you want to include everybody into everything. But if
it's a one on one, I think with your child,
I think it's so beautiful. And I look, I cannot
wait to travel with our kids when they are adult age.
(16:49):
Cannot wait. I'm so excited, and I can't wait to
travel with their said spouse one day. But I would,
I would love. I think it's I think it's nice
to do one with and one without. I think it's great.
Speaker 3 (17:03):
But so if Julie has goes and get smarted and
have kids, they're not your en laws.
Speaker 1 (17:08):
Your Oh no, it's not about the grandkids. It's not
the husband. When Jolie gets married to let's say Sterling
or Elliott, because that's hot topic in the house right now.
Let's say one of those two, okay, which is not
gonna happen. But I'm just saying, like fourth grade. We're
not talking about that. It's like we're shutting it down.
So if that was to happen, I want to I
(17:30):
wouldn't invite one of them.
Speaker 2 (17:32):
So you would invite Julie and the kids and leave
Elliott of whoever's name.
Speaker 1 (17:37):
No, I'm just taking Jolie or and Jase, just Jolie
and Jason.
Speaker 3 (17:41):
Wrong with that, zero, Absolutely nothing wrong with it. Don't
see what the big fuss is about, to be honest,
I don't either.
Speaker 1 (17:48):
Honestly. You know what I probably think the fuss is.
I think that if it's she's wanting to, let's say,
go with her son and daughter or whatever, the maybe
that spouse doesn't feel like the mom maybe likes her.
So I could understand if your family only wanted you
(18:10):
to go on vacations and exclude me the entire time.
If it's and then I would understand. I think you
have to do. You have to marry them both together
at times where it's okay, we're going to go. I'm
taking Joy to Paris with jas, I'm taking my kids
on a trip, and you're also not coming either. I'm
I'm gonna have that in I.
Speaker 2 (18:30):
Know that thought about it. Here's my views on it.
Speaker 3 (18:32):
Okay, right, So I don't think it's strange for you
to take Jolie right and Jace, no, listen, listen, listen
for you to take Jolie on a on a trip,
on a mom daughter trip. I don't think it's strange
for my dad to say to me, and you want
to go on a golf trip, I'll do. You want
(18:53):
to go and watch two World Cup games in.
Speaker 1 (18:56):
The US, we go to Scotland.
Speaker 3 (18:59):
Yeah, I think it would be strange And this is
just me for my mom and dad to say, Alan,
we just want to take you and the kids on holiday.
Speaker 1 (19:09):
See, I do not at all. I think it's lovely
and I think parents, I think we should normalize.
Speaker 2 (19:13):
So we exclude you.
Speaker 1 (19:15):
If it was always like that, I would be hurt totally.
Speaker 2 (19:19):
That's not right. It's not right.
Speaker 3 (19:21):
If you if your mom and dad said, Joanna, we
want to take you and the kids.
Speaker 2 (19:26):
We don't want Alan, we come, I'd be like me,
you have a what.
Speaker 1 (19:32):
I mean? I think it's different when the husband, moms.
Speaker 2 (19:35):
And daughters, fathers and sons good.
Speaker 1 (19:38):
But when it's the you and I just taking and
not there are others people like it.
Speaker 2 (19:43):
It's weird. It's weird.
Speaker 1 (19:45):
It's not when it's our work. Foot in the bill.
Think about that piece too, though.
Speaker 3 (19:49):
So Dad saying to me, and we have the kids
and meet us here without Joanna, I'd be like, no.
Speaker 1 (19:57):
Y'all have a great time, and I would like to
be invited on the next one. I think it's great.
Speaker 2 (20:02):
There's no way. There's absolutely no way you would feel
like that.
Speaker 1 (20:07):
If I'm If it's the like, if I'm not invited
the next.
Speaker 2 (20:10):
Time, you would wonder why I'm not invited that time?
Speaker 1 (20:15):
Well, I think it again, it's all how you set
things up. If it's a precedent, that's you know. Yeah,
speaking of our son, I need to go pick them
up from daycare. Okay, Okay, good chat. Let's plan a
trip with we're gonna we're gonna we're gonna. Can you
book a flight twenty years from now and we're gonna
do all the kids?
Speaker 2 (20:35):
Good question.
Speaker 1 (20:36):
I don't think you can. I think it's like a year,
year and a half. And right. This is like that
thing where you do in school where you put the
box of in twenty years you're going to open this.
You guys don't do that. No a time whatever, time capsule. Yeah,
and then it's like it's gonna send you your box
(20:56):
of the things that you liked anyways. Okay, well that's that,
see you next week.
Speaker 2 (21:02):
Bye hmm.
Wind Down with Janet Kramer, an iHeartRadio podcast. Is fubbing
ruining your relationship? Well, here's how to fix it. So
we all know our phones aren't great for our relationships,
but that doesn't stop us reaching for them dozens of
times a day. That's how so called fubbing unintentionally snubbing
someone in favor of your phone, creeps into everyday moments.
(00:24):
This can impact your relationships with making partners feel ignored
and parnal phone use can really affect children from weakening bonds.
Why are you laughing?
Speaker 2 (00:34):
Just fubbing sounds like a sexual thing.
Speaker 1 (00:37):
I was thinking it sounded like pubes and I was like,
this is weird. Yeah, I'm like, this is just weird.
But the doctor so, rather than criticizing yourself about your
lack of self control, focusing on being more intentional about
when we pick up our devices can be more effective,
according to one psychologist. So doctor Raker suggests, every time
(00:59):
you reach your phone, tell the other person why you're
doing it, and when you're done, put it down and
re engage by naming it. I need to check my
train times or I'm replying to my mom. You interrupt
the automatic habit of checking your phone, and it also
signals to the person beside you that they still matter.
It stops the other person feeling ignored. Do either, So
(01:21):
do you feel like fubbing is an issue in our marriage?
Speaker 2 (01:27):
No?
Speaker 3 (01:29):
Yeah, I mean it makes you penancy on things, But
I don't think it's an issue. No, maybe one sometimes,
you know, sometimes I need to be reminded on it,
But I don't I think it's an issue.
Speaker 2 (01:43):
What were you?
Speaker 1 (01:45):
I mean, I think it's I think one person, it
sometimes can be on their phone a lot, like I
know you mentioned to me a while ago, like you're
on your phone a lot. Or I think there's seasons
of when things are you have a lot more on
your plate and you have to look at your phone more.
But I personally don't like. There's things where I'm like,
(02:08):
I don't like phones, like at the dinner table. It's
a big no. No, I don't like it. I think
it's disrespectful. And you know, I think that's something where
at first, you know, we you weren't as accustomed to
that like you would you would have no problem. I
think texting like during dinner.
Speaker 2 (02:27):
Yeah, maybe at the beginning.
Speaker 1 (02:29):
Yet yeah, I left on my own up well, yeah,
and I's just I yeahs to me, like family dinners
are just so important. But also when you're on a
date with someone too, I think it's I personally think
it's rude to be on your phone when you're at
dinner with someone. So where I agree with I don't
think every time we're in the house I have to
(02:51):
announce or you have to announce why we're picking up
our phone. I think that's a bit of an overkill.
But naming it, yeah, like every time, like I'm picking
my phone to see if Cat text, I'm picking if Hannah,
I don't. I don't need to know why you're picking
up your phone, and if.
Speaker 2 (03:05):
You do, you'll ask.
Speaker 3 (03:06):
Every time I would ask you, like what you're doing
on your phone?
Speaker 1 (03:10):
But like, no, you wouldn't. Though, I don't feel like
unless we were at dinner and I grabbed it, but
I would always say something like if we're in couples
therapy or if we're in you know, at dinner, I'd
be like, hey, sorry, the kids are asking me a question.
I need to I need to respond really fast because
I see it being buzzed, or at dinner, if something
we have to respond to a sitter or something. I
(03:31):
feel like most times or you would be like, hey,
I'm sorry, I got to check I have to check,
you know, my phone to see the score of a game.
Speaker 2 (03:40):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (03:41):
I think it's just being recognizing the other person is
in your space and in the room and not prioritizing
your phone. And I think we're okay at that. I
think if we go on my phones, I think there's
there's a certain period or we'll probably go on my
phones together if we're in bed watching the movie.
Speaker 1 (04:01):
They actually don't like that.
Speaker 3 (04:03):
When we we check my phones for like five minutes,
because we know we'll start in the movie. Yeah, and
then we'll put them down and will be we won't
check them.
Speaker 1 (04:11):
Yeah. I personally, I think it can be a slippery
slope if you and your partner are on your phone
in bed together at night, and because it's that time
when you start to scroll. I mean, shoot, I did
this the other day where I'm like, oh my god,
I've been on my phone for an hour. I am
(04:32):
now super behind. I did not mean to do that,
and I just got kind of stuck scrolling and looking
at things close to it. Really yeah, and that's not
really like me, but I think it can be dangerous
if you're on your phone together, because then that's just like,
where's the connection in that if you're doing that every night,
(04:54):
Like obviously it's not an every night thing.
Speaker 3 (04:56):
Okay, do you feel like I go on my phone
too much when you're around me at times?
Speaker 2 (05:01):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (05:03):
But also you know what I think is you go
on your phone at the times that I would like
never call someone, Like I wouldn't just randomly call someone
when we're in the middle of playing something with the
kids or playing with the kids. I would say, the
time in which you do your phone calls, I'm like,
why would you be calling when we're in the middle
of X, you know. But yeah, that's where I'm just like,
(05:27):
I would never like call my friends in the middle
of a game night or something.
Speaker 2 (05:31):
I wouldn't call in the middle of a game.
Speaker 1 (05:34):
I mean, but like when we're around the kids, I'm
very much like, get off the phone when the kids
are around.
Speaker 2 (05:39):
No, Like I phoned my mate last night.
Speaker 3 (05:41):
You went up to run the bath, and I thought,
I'll speak to my mate for five minutes.
Speaker 2 (05:47):
I was downstairs with a roman.
Speaker 3 (05:50):
Yeah, he was quite happy for these little individual playtime
and yeah, and I don't think about a phone in
the middle of a game.
Speaker 1 (05:59):
No, But I mean even so, it's like you're walking
in on the phone while I'm like back, and then
I'm like, I'm like, oh my god, I just hit
his hat, you know, And I'm like, oh, sorry, you're
on the phone. Like it's just you know, it's I
don't know. And again, I it's totally fine. It's just
we're just different in that way, like I'm not going
to catch up with KB or Kat or Sarah at
past when school is done. It's just not what I would,
(06:23):
you know, because moms were doing things.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
Okay, i'd do things, but I get it. I get that.
Speaker 1 (06:30):
Do you think I'm you said, I'm not on my
phone as much?
Speaker 2 (06:35):
Or do I think you go on your phone too much? No?
I don't. No, I don't.
Speaker 3 (06:41):
I don't remember thinking maybe there's maybe certain times on
the phone or that much. Wonder if she's okay or
if she's overloaded. But what I don't. I don't look
at you and think you're ignoring me because you're on
your phone, or I'm getting less attention because you're on
your phone.
Speaker 2 (07:01):
I don't think that.
Speaker 1 (07:03):
Yeah, I think I know what it's is like to feel.
I just don't want anyone to ever feel like I'm
giving my phone more attention than that, you know, because
I think we've all been on that other side where
it doesn't feel great.
Speaker 2 (07:20):
Yeah. Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (07:34):
Oliver Hudson has a no husband's wedding policy, so the
couple got married in a very small ceremony in Mexico,
and ahead of the ceremony, he instructed his wife to
invite her friends to the wedding, but not their friends,
but not her friend's husbands. He explained, he's a pretty
private person and he came up with his no husband's
rule because I didn't want to be introduced to someone
(07:54):
at my own wedding. The couple's nuptials, he said, went
off without a hitch, but their husband's were content doing
their own things. So some of Drew Barrymore's viewers objected
to Oliver Hudson's banning husbands from his wedding. I think
it's strange to not invite the spouse, one person wrote.
Others applauded it, saying, you know who would want strangers
at their wedding, and another etiquette person Elaine Swan's Book
(08:21):
of Modern etiquette. She said. She weighed and said that
she thinks his no husband's role was self centered and
likely made some of his guests uncomfortable. What do you
think of the role?
Speaker 3 (08:30):
I can see where he's coming from, because there's an
element of it's your wedding. It should be intimate, and
it should be people that are within your circle. And
you know, I don't think. I think it is very selfish.
I think it's selfish.
Speaker 2 (08:45):
You do, I do.
Speaker 3 (08:45):
Yeah, he's probably made these as to be your wife
feel a little bit awkward. I have to say to
your friends, you guys can come, but you can't invite
your husbands. Yeah, I don't think it's I think it's
a I think it's a pretty selfish thing. I don't
think I would ever do that. I understand you don't
want to meet people on your wedding day, but what's
(09:06):
the likelihood of you knowing that many of your wife's
friends and not having met the husband's already? Like if
you if if you got ten friends that are coming
to the wedding and I've never met the husband's then
there's an issue.
Speaker 1 (09:22):
You didn't have meet Sarah's husband Kyle. Yeah, so you
never met him before he came. That's a perfect example.
You never met Kyle, you never met you know, Sarah
Gretzky was also invited to the wedding. You would have
never met Tie. There's actually quite a few people that
we did invite that you didn't know their husband.
Speaker 2 (09:42):
I knew how important they were to you, so it
wasn't an issue for me.
Speaker 1 (09:45):
Right, No, And I think that's what I mean. I'm
not I don't want to. I don't want to call
him selfish. I love Oliver Hudson, and I get what
you're saying, and I think for the I do think
it's a very odd request because I think a wedding
as okay. For example, my cousin Carl just got married
to his beautiful bride, Lucy, and my cousin Carl never
(10:08):
met you before. And I would be taken back a
little bit if they said, hey, you know, you can't
have your husband come, or you can't have a I
get the plus one thing. I do get that. I
get you saying a plus one like you don't want
some random friend that you don't know. That I would agree,
(10:30):
actually one hundred percent agree with the plus one. But
if it's your husband yeah, no, no, no, I know,
and I'm going to get to that point. But it's
like it's I get, I totally get that. It's just
the fact where the friend of your wife and the
friends that are not bringing their husbands, these are also
people that are going to help support your marriage and
(10:51):
be there for you, and you might not be close
to them, but it's also that support of those people
as a couple too, you know, And I think think
if we were ever in that spot, though you're not
close with Kyle and you've hung out with him a
few times since, when they've come to visit, having those
people be there in that intimate setting, those are people
(11:12):
that are also like the whole thing is a witnessing
a marriage, and they even say to the people out there,
you have to help them keep this together. And there's
that's I think beautiful.
Speaker 3 (11:23):
Yeah, I think there's a certain bond with I think
there's a certain bond with people that come to your wedding.
It is it's your most important day and those people
are there for Therefore. I'm pretty sure because of that,
I could pick up the phone at Kyle's aalent here
even though I've only spent the wedding with him and
one other time in person. I'm pretty sure I could
(11:44):
pick up the phone about how you're doing because of
the bond from the wedding.
Speaker 2 (11:48):
Sure, So I don't listen. I don't know Himan as
a person. I don't.
Speaker 3 (11:53):
I think that act and that vision for these wedding
is pretty selfish, just just because Pussy's wife in a
precarious situation with finally explain our.
Speaker 2 (12:05):
And maybe our close friends.
Speaker 1 (12:07):
Yeah, and I mean thinking back to our wedding too,
our single friends. I mean, I I guess it's not
that there wasn't a plus one invite. Ours was just
so small and intimate, like all of us. So I
do get that piece of it where it was, like,
you know, even Pam. I'm like, I don't want to
say you can't bring somebody, But at the same time,
(12:28):
I don't. This is just for you, you know, like
I don't and and but unless you want to bring
your daughter or something like, that's that's cool. But I
don't want someone that, you know, random, a random girlfriend
that like we don't know, like that didn't so like
and you know her and Sarah we're going to come
together because Lee was gone out of town, but they
know end up not working out. But you know, it
(12:50):
just that that no husband is not just like they're randoms.
Speaker 3 (12:55):
Well, would you go to a wedding if someone said
to you, Hi, Jianna really want you waiting, but with
no may alan, so it would just be you.
Speaker 1 (13:04):
I find that weird?
Speaker 2 (13:06):
Would you go?
Speaker 1 (13:06):
Would I go? I guess it depends who.
Speaker 2 (13:10):
I wouldn't go.
Speaker 1 (13:11):
No, But I mean if it's like a family person
or I mean a friend would never say that. A
family member. A family member would never say that, So
I mean.
Speaker 3 (13:22):
Well a friend would too, because all of us said
that as as wife and health.
Speaker 1 (13:26):
I mean I would I would say no, and I
wouldn't go.
Speaker 2 (13:29):
That's exactly what I would say.
Speaker 1 (13:30):
Yeah, I'm just I'm even trying to think of like
what friend would say that, Like I can't even I
can't even think. I can't even think of one. But listen,
I get it. I'm also like I people don't want
to buy kids to weddings, you know, like our kids.
I understand that I do, and I don't you know
what I mean, there's people that wasn't able to come
(13:53):
in our because other people, you know, couldn't bring it
but I also understand why you don't want a slew
of kids coming, because if you invite one, you got
to invite all the kids, and on everybody's sides, you know,
So I get I do get that piece too.
Speaker 2 (14:07):
What are we going to say, Let's.
Speaker 3 (14:08):
Say one of you, Let's say one of your agents
is to get married, because I don't think I've met
any of your agents. One of your agents get married,
and like Johnna, really want you the wedding. You know,
if we'd client and friends and stuff, but with no
home and so it just be you at the wedding.
Speaker 1 (14:22):
No, I wouldn't go, okay, I'd send them a nice
little wedding gift and.
Speaker 2 (14:29):
She sort your shot out.
Speaker 1 (14:30):
No, I would to say, have a beautiful wedding. I
don't like personally, I like to go with you. I mean,
I guess I loved the wedding that we want to
go celebrate Carl and it's it's nice to do that
together as a couple. Yeah, but oh yeah yeah, grandmother
(15:02):
says family trips don't need sons or daughters in law.
The backlash was immediate, So you can love your in
laws and still want special time with your own kids.
Those two things can be true. So a Florida content
creator known as Grandma Jan real name Janis Green posted
an Instagram reel where she suggested that parents can and
(15:24):
sometimes should take their family vacations with their adult children
without necessarily including a son or daughter in law. Thoughts.
Speaker 2 (15:33):
This one's confused me a little bit.
Speaker 1 (15:35):
She went on to describe the desire for time with
your own kids, the one you raise, the ones you
survive life with, the ones you rock through teething and
heartbreak with their first apartment. Listen, I kind of get it.
If I want to go on a one on one
with Jace when he's in his twenties thirties, that's a
special one time off bond moment. And I would probably say,
and same with Jolie, Like if I'm like, girlfriend, you
(15:56):
and mommy, let's go to Paris, just you and me,
leave Joe Schmoe at home. Come on, I think it's
important to have I think so yeah, no no sons
or daughters in laws. I think it's just she just
wants to take her her her her child.
Speaker 2 (16:13):
So that's like me saying.
Speaker 1 (16:16):
That's like you saying to your son and not having
his wife. Come when he gets married, and I think
that's important for you guys to have one on one things.
I think this is how I'm reading it.
Speaker 2 (16:27):
Okay, I think the same thing.
Speaker 1 (16:29):
If your parents wanted to just take you on a trip,
I'd be like, go have fun with your parents. They
deserve that time with you. You're you're a very inclusive
and you want to include everybody into everything. But if
it's a one on one, I think with your child,
I think it's so beautiful. And I look, I cannot
wait to travel with our kids when they are adult age.
(16:49):
Cannot wait. I'm so excited, and I can't wait to
travel with their said spouse one day. But I would,
I would love. I think it's I think it's nice
to do one with and one without. I think it's great.
Speaker 3 (17:03):
But so if Julie has goes and get smarted and
have kids, they're not your en laws.
Speaker 1 (17:08):
Your Oh no, it's not about the grandkids. It's not
the husband. When Jolie gets married to let's say Sterling
or Elliott, because that's hot topic in the house right now.
Let's say one of those two, okay, which is not
gonna happen. But I'm just saying, like fourth grade. We're
not talking about that. It's like we're shutting it down.
So if that was to happen, I want to I
(17:30):
wouldn't invite one of them.
Speaker 2 (17:32):
So you would invite Julie and the kids and leave
Elliott of whoever's name.
Speaker 1 (17:37):
No, I'm just taking Jolie or and Jase, just Jolie
and Jason.
Speaker 3 (17:41):
Wrong with that, zero, Absolutely nothing wrong with it. Don't
see what the big fuss is about, to be honest,
I don't either.
Speaker 1 (17:48):
Honestly. You know what I probably think the fuss is.
I think that if it's she's wanting to, let's say,
go with her son and daughter or whatever, the maybe
that spouse doesn't feel like the mom maybe likes her.
So I could understand if your family only wanted you
(18:10):
to go on vacations and exclude me the entire time.
If it's and then I would understand. I think you
have to do. You have to marry them both together
at times where it's okay, we're going to go. I'm
taking Joy to Paris with jas, I'm taking my kids
on a trip, and you're also not coming either. I'm
I'm gonna have that in I.
Speaker 2 (18:30):
Know that thought about it. Here's my views on it.
Speaker 3 (18:32):
Okay, right, So I don't think it's strange for you
to take Jolie right and Jace, no, listen, listen, listen
for you to take Jolie on a on a trip,
on a mom daughter trip. I don't think it's strange
for my dad to say to me, and you want
to go on a golf trip, I'll do. You want
(18:53):
to go and watch two World Cup games in.
Speaker 1 (18:56):
The US, we go to Scotland.
Speaker 3 (18:59):
Yeah, I think it would be strange And this is
just me for my mom and dad to say, Alan,
we just want to take you and the kids on holiday.
Speaker 1 (19:09):
See, I do not at all. I think it's lovely
and I think parents, I think we should normalize.
Speaker 2 (19:13):
So we exclude you.
Speaker 1 (19:15):
If it was always like that, I would be hurt totally.
Speaker 2 (19:19):
That's not right. It's not right.
Speaker 3 (19:21):
If you if your mom and dad said, Joanna, we
want to take you and the kids.
Speaker 2 (19:26):
We don't want Alan, we come, I'd be like me,
you have a what.
Speaker 1 (19:32):
I mean? I think it's different when the husband, moms.
Speaker 2 (19:35):
And daughters, fathers and sons good.
Speaker 1 (19:38):
But when it's the you and I just taking and
not there are others people like it.
Speaker 2 (19:43):
It's weird. It's weird.
Speaker 1 (19:45):
It's not when it's our work. Foot in the bill.
Think about that piece too, though.
Speaker 3 (19:49):
So Dad saying to me, and we have the kids
and meet us here without Joanna, I'd be like, no.
Speaker 1 (19:57):
Y'all have a great time, and I would like to
be invited on the next one. I think it's great.
Speaker 2 (20:02):
There's no way. There's absolutely no way you would feel
like that.
Speaker 1 (20:07):
If I'm If it's the like, if I'm not invited
the next.
Speaker 2 (20:10):
Time, you would wonder why I'm not invited that time?
Speaker 1 (20:15):
Well, I think it again, it's all how you set
things up. If it's a precedent, that's you know. Yeah,
speaking of our son, I need to go pick them
up from daycare. Okay, Okay, good chat. Let's plan a
trip with we're gonna we're gonna we're gonna. Can you
book a flight twenty years from now and we're gonna
do all the kids?
Speaker 2 (20:35):
Good question.
Speaker 1 (20:36):
I don't think you can. I think it's like a year,
year and a half. And right. This is like that
thing where you do in school where you put the
box of in twenty years you're going to open this.
You guys don't do that. No a time whatever, time capsule. Yeah,
and then it's like it's gonna send you your box
(20:56):
of the things that you liked anyways. Okay, well that's that,
see you next week.
Speaker 2 (21:02):
Bye hmm.
Host
Jana Kramer
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