April 30, 2025 • 26 mins
Jana and Allan are answering YOUR questions and nothing is off limits!
Find out if Jana would ever go on tour again, what aspects of themselves have gotten better… or worse since getting together, and how do they fit sex into their busy schedule!
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heart Radio podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
All right, So while I'm off on a movie set,
we thought it would be fun to do a little
Q and A session because they're just Alan's favorite. So
here we go from Jen, what aspects of yourself do
you think have changed for better or worse being together? Alan?
(00:27):
Do you want to go first? Yeah, this is the
first time seeing these two, so I'm like, I need
a yeah. Oh, you've already looked at them.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
You pre lize I skimmed they see.
Speaker 2 (00:39):
Fun fact, whenever I'm doing an interview, they'll say like,
do you want to know the questions ahead of time?
And I always say no because then I feel like
my answer then would be planned and staged in a
way where it's not authentic.
Speaker 1 (00:54):
I don't look long enough to not saying what you're
okay things.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
What aspects of yourself do you think have changed for
better or worse being together? So let's start with the pit.
What's the worst with the aspects of yourself that has
been changed for the worst being together? Oh no, that's
not good.
Speaker 1 (01:16):
I don't think that's anything has changed for the worst
of us being together?
Speaker 2 (01:22):
You're thinking, So there's something.
Speaker 1 (01:24):
The fact that I'm not just rhyming off four or
five different things is a good thing.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
It's okay, like you can because zero.
Speaker 1 (01:29):
Think you let me do the better one.
Speaker 2 (01:31):
First I would like to end on a high note.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
But it's fine, but it's mean, it sounds on it,
so okay, I would probably go for better. Would be
from a non emotional relationship side of things, I would
probably say my organization, it's got better as we spin
a lot of plates, so I've had to which I'm
(01:57):
not used to doing and normally going to a club
and doing my job and spin the plates within the club,
but now it's like spinning plates in different areas of
business and life. So you've you're The way that you're
super organized has allowed me to take a leaf from
your book and become or do you know before I
(02:18):
never met Before I met you, I never used the
calendar on the phone? What never?
Speaker 2 (02:25):
How did you live your life?
Speaker 1 (02:27):
I'd reported to a football club every day.
Speaker 2 (02:30):
That's all you had to do.
Speaker 1 (02:32):
It's just shows it's not that easy to win and
get results.
Speaker 2 (02:36):
And but you had like no other plate, like no
other things you had.
Speaker 1 (02:41):
To in the calendar. When Troy was on school, holidays,
and I never used a calendar until I met you.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
It's actually all making so much sense now. But okay, yeah,
I was the girl up until about a few years ago.
I had the printed out like I had the thick
what I like, I used to like to and me
and Catherine still because she's on my calendar too. I
still check things off because that was my old school
(03:14):
having having my my little diary and writing. I would
write things out and then cross them off. I mean,
it was the most satisfying thing ever. So now with
the calendars is now, I'd put a little check mark
next to it when I'm done.
Speaker 1 (03:27):
But I had my notes and I had to do
list and my Mac because that's why I would use
it at a club, huh. But I had never My
focus was getting results every week.
Speaker 2 (03:37):
And you feel like that aspect has changed you for
the better because you're what now more organized.
Speaker 1 (03:43):
Or yeah, absolutely, I'm not to go level of organization,
not close, but I'm getting better, I.
Speaker 2 (03:53):
Would say that.
Speaker 1 (03:54):
Yeah, yeah, I'm still not good at prioritized, like the
multiple things getting done out pro or the prioritize be
a four and the less the rest will be left hanging.
The low lying fruit as if he I will get
the other stuff.
Speaker 2 (04:12):
I think it goes back to again what we talked
about in therapy, where there's things that are important to you,
like you don't care right now that there are dead
bushes in our yard and I have stared at them
for a year and they drive me just they drive
me nuts because it's like I want I want a
(04:33):
nice landscaped driveway and they're dead and they're not growing back,
and I keep getting gas lit by these the person
that planted them saying they're going to come back, and
I'm like, they're not coming back and they're not. They're dead.
They're a stick. And finally the sweet man that's helping
us now it's like those are those are gone and
I'm like, I thank you. I want to hug the
(04:54):
man I felt.
Speaker 1 (04:56):
The sweet is I'm going to get a message in
a week's time. Can you pay me two thousand dollars
on venmore that sweet little man?
Speaker 2 (05:03):
Yes, this is going to replace the twigs.
Speaker 1 (05:06):
No.
Speaker 2 (05:07):
I do think it goes back to though again, my
whole point of that is is you see things differently,
and I look at things different, so I don't care
about some of the things that you do. I mean,
I can't really think of an example, but the garage,
I could care less. If the garage is organized, I
really could could care less. I think it's nice when
(05:28):
the garage is organized, but it's not something that I
would spend my sunday doing.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
I love the plants and all that, but it comes
a point my life with it. If I've not got
a lot to do, the plants will be a priority
at the moment. Both of you get far too much
to do, right.
Speaker 2 (05:44):
But it took me two seconds to call that man
and say can you please come over? And then it
was like he was here, and it was and then
we you know, we shook on it and he left,
and now come back from the movie. It's going to
be a nice, little, beautiful little driveway. But again, we
look at things differently, So you don't, I don't.
Speaker 1 (06:01):
It's not a priority for me.
Speaker 2 (06:02):
Yeah, and it's not a priority, then it doesn't get prioritized,
and then it gets left. And so I think we
prioritize what we want to prioritize.
Speaker 1 (06:10):
That's true.
Speaker 2 (06:11):
And if we ask nicely to our partner, like hey,
I would really appreciate it if you took the rag
rug that needs to be moved still because I can't
lift it, or I would that's still there.
Speaker 1 (06:24):
Okay, Yeah, what's changed for the better or.
Speaker 2 (06:28):
Wolves worse I have? I mean, I'm having a hard
time with that one too, because there's nothing. I feel
like You've only made me better in areas or I
would be like in the areas that I would be
worse in a relationship. You keep me, you keep me
in check. That makes sense, like you you know, there's
(06:54):
a high level of respect and love, and so I'm
trying to think there's nothing, nothing worse. I think. I
don't know. Do you have Do you have one for me?
Because you're smiling?
Speaker 1 (07:03):
No, I don't. I actually don't.
Speaker 2 (07:07):
I mean, on the flip side, I think our relationship
the maybe the worst piece. It's not aspect of myself,
but that my situation is harder for maybe your career stuff.
Speaker 1 (07:21):
Your situation is harder for.
Speaker 2 (07:23):
My when it comes to not being able to move. Yeah,
and so that has then affected some of your career things.
Speaker 1 (07:31):
That hasn't made me a worst person though.
Speaker 2 (07:32):
No, I know that's what I'm saying, but I'm saying
that's the only thing that I can think that is
been challenging. But the best part aspects of myself that
have changed for the better has been you are just
like I. Then I go back to this. The respect,
(07:55):
the amount of respect that you have from me then
makes me want to respect you had and have that
equal respect and love. And you've just made me. You've
also calmed me down, even though I know I still
have my moments of when I get stressed out.
Speaker 1 (08:13):
Like the small then on the smoothie thing, that thing is.
Speaker 2 (08:16):
Driving me nuts. But you do you do help me.
You help regulate me more when it comes to things
that I and I think that's also my age too,
But I also I think you're just my best friend
and I love being around you.
Speaker 1 (08:29):
And there's this.
Speaker 2 (08:33):
But in a not a meanwhile you're not You're doing
it a nice way, and it's like, oh yeah, okay,
so you've just helped me with that. Lisa, how would
you feel if Jana went on tour again? Would you
(08:54):
go on the road or stay at home?
Speaker 1 (09:00):
I would partly go on the road if it's too
much going on right now to be on the road
with you, But if that's something that you wanted to do,
we would sit down and discuss it, and like we've
done with the movie, with the workout schedule where I
can be there and when I can. Yeah, I wouldn't
go on tour with you.
Speaker 2 (09:22):
No, hm. Yeah, honestly, I would never go on tour
again like I did in the past, because that's just
it's so hard with kids, and I wouldn't do it
like I did the last time. Like I wouldn't have
the kids on the tour bus until they're older. But
I mean, I'm so far out of that game. That
(09:43):
not game, but I'm so far out of that time.
I don't even know who would come to the show.
I definitely can sell the tickets that I used to sell.
I just haven't been in it, so it's what happens.
But also the tour life, I miss it so much,
Like when I go and play those shows andlington for
one Tree Hill conventions, I love it so much. It's
(10:03):
so much fun. And then Catherine are like, oh my gosh,
why aren't we doing this?
Speaker 1 (10:06):
Then you come back and hear roaming, No.
Speaker 2 (10:09):
I love I kidding men, I love it. I love
being around the kids. This is the best. But I
definitely would want to. I would want to. I think
there's a piece of me that wants to go out
a little bit more so, okay, but it wouldn't be
how I used to do it.
Speaker 1 (10:23):
First, squeeze that into the eighth day of the week.
Speaker 2 (10:26):
Right, Steph, How do you guys fit in sects so often?
Is it a night, morning or when baby naps? Thing?
Speaker 1 (10:33):
Definitely is that Steph as a guy or Steph as
a woman? Do you think Defhani needs a girl's Steph?
Speaker 2 (10:42):
Though, Okay, that's besides the point.
Speaker 1 (10:49):
I don't think it's a thing that we planned to
fit in, is it. It's just when we feel like it.
Speaker 2 (10:53):
We Yeah, I feel like we go, we're great, and
then we can go in spurts where it's a while
just because we're tired and overwhelmed. So I think it's
don't get down on yourself if there's times when you've
when it's been a week or two, because we've also gone,
we went, they were we went like a week or two.
One time, we were sick, we were tired, you know.
So it's like when you have those things. But I
(11:15):
think it's also important because we both were feeling that
lack of connection, not that sex is the only piece
because it's not, but it's an important piece. So I
think especially for women because we just have a lot
on our plate and we're doing a lot. It's I'm sorry,
it's just the truth. Like we have we carry more
(11:37):
of the load of kids. And are you kidding me,
the one time you've folded the launder, you want to
pat in the back? Yeah, okay, like I said, yeah,
but I think if loaded so at the end of
(11:58):
the day we're more tired, but I think you can.
You're gonna have to, like pep talk yourself into because
there's times when I'm too tired and it wanted, but
I also know it's important for our relationship. And then
once you're in it, you're in it. It's don okay.
Speaker 1 (12:13):
Yeah, So Steph, we don't really have an answer to
your questions at night more than of when the baby maps.
It's kind of mostly night.
Speaker 2 (12:21):
I'm not a morning, mostly night.
Speaker 1 (12:22):
Yeah, exam up earlier than johna.
Speaker 2 (12:25):
So son Angel. What were three deal breakers you knew
you wouldn't want in a new relationship? Cheating, lying, disrespect
done next kem so side note we had when we
first met each other. It was probably like what two
months into dating We're like, let's write our deal breakers out,
(12:48):
non negotiable, non negotia. That was non negotiables, but it
lasted about five minutes because the first that we literally
put cheating, lying, disrespect, and I guess the respect is
there are times when there can be some disrespect with
words at times do you mean last, because we're like,
(13:09):
this is obvious stuff for us, like this was obvious,
it was.
Speaker 1 (13:13):
Obvious before there was a cheat.
Speaker 2 (13:16):
Respect, It's like, that's an obvious thing. You shouldn't cheat,
you shouldn't lie. And then the disrespect we obviously as
trist what that looks like, you know, physical touch, you know,
or like you know, abuse all obviously that's a that
is massive disrespect, but those are non negotiables, like don't
(13:38):
put your hands on me. But when we're writing these out,
we're like, this looks this is obvious stuff, and we
both for the first time, we both it was so
nice to have another person go, yeah, obviously, of course
I wouldn't put my hands on you. Of course I'm
not gonna cheat, I'm not gonna lie. And then you're
and to me it was so new because I'm like, wait, really,
you won't you won't do those things, and then that
(13:59):
was pretty much it.
Speaker 1 (14:00):
Yeah, yeah, you want to know.
Speaker 2 (14:05):
I was just going to say, when it comes to
like the disrespect piece, I think we've obviously had arguments
and we've said things.
Speaker 1 (14:12):
Well, I've there's times we've both been disrespectful, but we've
recognized it and the girl from it and land for me.
Speaker 2 (14:19):
Yeah, And but I'm really big on words like what
you say is I've always said what you say hurts
worse than any man that's ever bruised my arm or
you know, did those things. I'm not saying to you,
but I'm saying in general, like when someone uses hateful words.
And so I'm very careful in this relationship, especially like
(14:40):
because I don't want you to feel what those words
feel like. And I feel like that's something that you're
you've gotten way better on because you realize the impact
of what words do to me because of my past.
I'm just saying, thank you, Kim favorite meal each other
their cooks. So Alan does the best lemon pasta salmon.
(15:06):
It's so good. And then he puts these truffle mushrooms
and some spinach. I mean, oh we have that tonight.
It just sounds so good and you can just pass
out of the question because you don't have to answer this.
Speaker 1 (15:22):
No, I'll tell you what was one of my favorite
mules that you cook is the the roasted spaghetti squash
with the turkey, and ask the sauce and what else broccoli.
Speaker 2 (15:36):
I put in? So it's spaghetti squash with turkey with
some spaghetti sauce, and then I put sweet potatoes in there. Yeah,
roasted sweet potatoes, avocado, a little salt, little pepper, and
a bowl boom. You can even glaze if you want
it sweeter. You can put a little balsamic on it.
Speaker 1 (15:55):
Really nice.
Speaker 2 (15:56):
You can add some you can add a green you
can add a spinach or broccoli in there too.
Speaker 1 (15:59):
But I like that it's really clean and nice.
Speaker 2 (16:02):
Thanks man.
Speaker 1 (16:15):
Okay, Jocelyn, do you want to answer this one.
Speaker 2 (16:19):
It's up to you.
Speaker 1 (16:22):
No. I don't see any reason why not. It's just
I feel not comfortable with it. No, it's fine, I
can answer it, Jocelyn. Joanna, you really talk about being
a step mom. How is your relationship with Troy?
Speaker 2 (16:32):
So I want to respect boundaries on all on all
of this because it's not just yeah, just because the
situation and with his mom. I just always want to
respect boundaries, and so that's why I don't talk a
(16:53):
lot about Troy and being a stepmom. But I love him.
He's a wonderful kid, and I always enjoy spending time
with him, and I'm, yeah, I'm so lucky, Like he's
the best big brother Jolie and Jason Roman, and yeah,
he's just he's a joy. And I always love when
(17:13):
he's here and when he gets to spend time with us,
because he's awesome. He's seventeen and just he's so cool.
And I'm always like, you know, making jokes and but yeah,
I just, you know, obviously I keep them off socials,
just want to respect all boundaries and everything. But yeah,
he's great.
Speaker 1 (17:33):
That sounds a good one too. How long earth that
you make the Joe of sex?
Speaker 2 (17:40):
I feel like we knew each other on such a
deeper level.
Speaker 1 (17:44):
It wasn't the first I don't think we should answer
this one.
Speaker 2 (17:46):
No, it wasn't the first night. No, so but it
I mean, you.
Speaker 1 (17:51):
Know, I don't think we should answer it.
Speaker 2 (17:52):
I don't think it's'll either.
Speaker 1 (17:53):
I don't.
Speaker 2 (17:54):
But it wasn't the first night, mom.
Speaker 1 (17:56):
It wasn't the first night. Now, Dina, Sorry, I would
have liked it.
Speaker 2 (18:04):
I really just wanted to do this one different because
I was a virgin anyways before.
Speaker 1 (18:10):
So you will. That's just for the really first time,
Dina thoughts one sharing each other's locations. Yeah, we do that.
Speaker 2 (18:23):
We did, so we we have uh, we have Life
three sixty. It's something that I used well before, but
this is just more. It's so much easier just be
like and I don't really look, but sometimes I'm like,
alwy is he still in Whole Foods? Or is he
on his way back? Instead of being like, hey, when
are you coming back? It's just easier to look on
Life through sixty and go, oh, he's he's there. I
(18:45):
think that's But I don't really, I mean, I don't
look at it unless I want to know when you're,
if you're if you're on your way home or not yet.
Speaker 1 (18:51):
I just I look at it to know when you're
going to be back.
Speaker 2 (18:54):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (18:54):
Same, so I don't need to text you when you're
driving how long you're going to be.
Speaker 2 (18:58):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:00):
But it was strange for me because I've never done
ever before. Oh never, huh never.
Speaker 2 (19:06):
Yeah, but I don't I don't look at it the
way that I used to look at it. I'll just
say that I will. When I had that before, I
would look at it to be like is he really
where he's at? But now I like, I immensely trust you,
like I don't have a shred of doubt.
Speaker 1 (19:18):
So yeah, so yeah, you know that one's easy for us.
We've done that for a couple of years now only.
Speaker 2 (19:25):
Yep, and you've given me your password or you've told
me your password on your phone. I still to this
day I'm like, what's your password again? I think it
actually kind of when Mike and I were having that
meeting in your office and I was like, oh crap,
because I put I used your iPad to use to
do the summer schedule, and so I was like, oh crap.
I was like I don't know his password. I was like,
(19:46):
alan was your password? Do your thing? And there was
kind of a beat where he was like almost gave
me a look like oh you don't. But I'm like,
I don't need to know his password. That's it was
like a very unsaid spoken like he's probably like quite
jealous in that moment. I had that locked down. I'm
(20:07):
like whatever, I forget them all the time because like
if you have this is my biggest, just biggest advice
to anyone listening. If you have to look through your husband, boyfriend,
partner's phone, you should not be in that relationship. If
you have a doubt to look in their phone, if
(20:28):
you have a gut pull a, you're always going to
find something. The only time you might not find something
is if you just come out of something and you
still feel that trigger or that insecurity, because you might not.
But if you are with someone that you think they're
most likely you will find something and you shouldn't be
in that relationship.
Speaker 1 (20:49):
Agreed, Angela.
Speaker 2 (20:51):
What is something you haven't told each other about yourself?
Speaker 1 (20:56):
I'm sure those loads that were Anything that's of any
sort of significance of importance, then.
Speaker 2 (21:05):
Yeah, anything that's of significance. There's certain things that we
don't tell because it's we don't need to talk about
certain things.
Speaker 1 (21:14):
I shut myself when I was ten years old.
Speaker 2 (21:17):
Don't need or like, I don't want to know who you.
I don't know how many I don't want to know
how many poles up with that. I don't want to
know how I don't know what. I don't want to
know who. I don't want to know. I don't want
to know if we're around someone, I'd like to know absolutely,
but like beyond that, I don't want to know. I
don't care like all that stuff is, I don't see
the point in knowing that. So but about yourself, I mean,
(21:42):
you pretty much know all my good, bad and ugly
and in between. Sunny. Was it love at first sight
for both of you? I mean we could just say
this together, yeah it was, yeah, which I I'm not
so silly to even say, but it is true. Never
if that with anybody else. Logan, what is a lesson
(22:03):
you've learned in this marriage together so far? That you
can be respectful, that you can feel love, that you
can actually have everything that you deserve, want and desire,
and that you it is possible to have a supportive,
loving partner who will respect you and treat you with kindness,
(22:24):
and yeah, just respect the hell out of you instead
of the way around.
Speaker 1 (22:31):
Yeah, I agree, I think there's also.
Speaker 2 (22:35):
But a lesson. I'll go to my lesson, but well,
but the lesson is that even when you have, even
when you don't have all that stuff, there's still things
to learn about each other and to keep into and
(22:57):
to keep not treating each other like the enemy in situations.
And so I think the lesson is that there's still
things to know and to keep learning about each other
because we've had situations where it's like this is why
I acted this. Oh, I didn't know that about you.
So I think you can continue to keep learning, so
to keep showing up, loving and not thinking the worst
(23:20):
of the person in a situation that might be stressful.
Speaker 1 (23:24):
Yeah, that's a good point. I think lesson South London
that's marriage is to prioritize, try and prioritize your feelings
more than my own with a healthy balance. Now, because
I think I think we're actually still both guilty of
(23:47):
trying to please each other, probably the detriment to us
to ourselves at times. Would you agree on that?
Speaker 2 (23:55):
Yeah, well I just want you to be happy, yeah, always,
And maybe that is the worst thing the moon to
go back to the first question.
Speaker 1 (24:01):
Yeah, yeah, you know, you're probably.
Speaker 2 (24:04):
Right, because we just want the other person to be
happy so bad that we'll be Oh, I don't need
to go do this, even though it's something that we
need to do for ourselves so that the other person
can feel love validated.
Speaker 1 (24:15):
And yeah, yeah, So no, I agree. I think that
So for me, the less than this is is prioritizing
you without under prioritizing myself. I think we've got an
older kid than Troy. We've got six and nine and
a seventeen month old. It's funny. We'll just sit and watching.
(24:36):
We've managed to split it into three episodes, but we've
been watching This is forty This Is forty the last
few nights. And it's funny because they go away to
the hotel. That hotel that we were at called.
Speaker 2 (24:47):
It Tyrannia in Long Beach, California. Tyrannia Beautiful.
Speaker 1 (24:53):
So they go to the hotel and they have an
amazing time and they're back in love. And since they
get back, one of the kids is sick. One of
the out of the kids is snitching, and within five
minutes that are arguing with each other, disagreeing about one
of them wants to take the kid to an Eastern
a Western medicine. One of them wants to take Eastern medicine.
So we argue with that. It's just recognizing that no
(25:17):
matter if you're in a relationship with someone who's a
cheat or someone who is violent, or you have a
relationship like I was, where none of that exists in
our marriage, but it's recognizing the look that there will
always be issues where you can have disagreements and stressful
moments with kids, and I think now I'm a little
(25:41):
bit more patient with things like that. That's because of you.
Speaker 2 (25:45):
Well, I love you. Thanks for doing the Q and A.
Speaker 1 (25:49):
I actually like the The Curious.
Speaker 2 (25:50):
Stay tuned for another Q and A that we will
do later on.
Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heart Radio podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
All right, So while I'm off on a movie set,
we thought it would be fun to do a little
Q and A session because they're just Alan's favorite. So
here we go from Jen, what aspects of yourself do
you think have changed for better or worse being together? Alan?
(00:27):
Do you want to go first? Yeah, this is the
first time seeing these two, so I'm like, I need
a yeah. Oh, you've already looked at them.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
You pre lize I skimmed they see.
Speaker 2 (00:39):
Fun fact, whenever I'm doing an interview, they'll say like,
do you want to know the questions ahead of time?
And I always say no because then I feel like
my answer then would be planned and staged in a
way where it's not authentic.
Speaker 1 (00:54):
I don't look long enough to not saying what you're
okay things.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
What aspects of yourself do you think have changed for
better or worse being together? So let's start with the pit.
What's the worst with the aspects of yourself that has
been changed for the worst being together? Oh no, that's
not good.
Speaker 1 (01:16):
I don't think that's anything has changed for the worst
of us being together?
Speaker 2 (01:22):
You're thinking, So there's something.
Speaker 1 (01:24):
The fact that I'm not just rhyming off four or
five different things is a good thing.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
It's okay, like you can because zero.
Speaker 1 (01:29):
Think you let me do the better one.
Speaker 2 (01:31):
First I would like to end on a high note.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
But it's fine, but it's mean, it sounds on it,
so okay, I would probably go for better. Would be
from a non emotional relationship side of things, I would
probably say my organization, it's got better as we spin
a lot of plates, so I've had to which I'm
(01:57):
not used to doing and normally going to a club
and doing my job and spin the plates within the club,
but now it's like spinning plates in different areas of
business and life. So you've you're The way that you're
super organized has allowed me to take a leaf from
your book and become or do you know before I
(02:18):
never met Before I met you, I never used the
calendar on the phone? What never?
Speaker 2 (02:25):
How did you live your life?
Speaker 1 (02:27):
I'd reported to a football club every day.
Speaker 2 (02:30):
That's all you had to do.
Speaker 1 (02:32):
It's just shows it's not that easy to win and
get results.
Speaker 2 (02:36):
And but you had like no other plate, like no
other things you had.
Speaker 1 (02:41):
To in the calendar. When Troy was on school, holidays,
and I never used a calendar until I met you.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
It's actually all making so much sense now. But okay, yeah,
I was the girl up until about a few years ago.
I had the printed out like I had the thick
what I like, I used to like to and me
and Catherine still because she's on my calendar too. I
still check things off because that was my old school
(03:14):
having having my my little diary and writing. I would
write things out and then cross them off. I mean,
it was the most satisfying thing ever. So now with
the calendars is now, I'd put a little check mark
next to it when I'm done.
Speaker 1 (03:27):
But I had my notes and I had to do
list and my Mac because that's why I would use
it at a club, huh. But I had never My
focus was getting results every week.
Speaker 2 (03:37):
And you feel like that aspect has changed you for
the better because you're what now more organized.
Speaker 1 (03:43):
Or yeah, absolutely, I'm not to go level of organization,
not close, but I'm getting better, I.
Speaker 2 (03:53):
Would say that.
Speaker 1 (03:54):
Yeah, yeah, I'm still not good at prioritized, like the
multiple things getting done out pro or the prioritize be
a four and the less the rest will be left hanging.
The low lying fruit as if he I will get
the other stuff.
Speaker 2 (04:12):
I think it goes back to again what we talked
about in therapy, where there's things that are important to you,
like you don't care right now that there are dead
bushes in our yard and I have stared at them
for a year and they drive me just they drive
me nuts because it's like I want I want a
(04:33):
nice landscaped driveway and they're dead and they're not growing back,
and I keep getting gas lit by these the person
that planted them saying they're going to come back, and
I'm like, they're not coming back and they're not. They're dead.
They're a stick. And finally the sweet man that's helping
us now it's like those are those are gone and
I'm like, I thank you. I want to hug the
(04:54):
man I felt.
Speaker 1 (04:56):
The sweet is I'm going to get a message in
a week's time. Can you pay me two thousand dollars
on venmore that sweet little man?
Speaker 2 (05:03):
Yes, this is going to replace the twigs.
Speaker 1 (05:06):
No.
Speaker 2 (05:07):
I do think it goes back to though again, my
whole point of that is is you see things differently,
and I look at things different, so I don't care
about some of the things that you do. I mean,
I can't really think of an example, but the garage,
I could care less. If the garage is organized, I
really could could care less. I think it's nice when
(05:28):
the garage is organized, but it's not something that I
would spend my sunday doing.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
I love the plants and all that, but it comes
a point my life with it. If I've not got
a lot to do, the plants will be a priority
at the moment. Both of you get far too much
to do, right.
Speaker 2 (05:44):
But it took me two seconds to call that man
and say can you please come over? And then it
was like he was here, and it was and then
we you know, we shook on it and he left,
and now come back from the movie. It's going to
be a nice, little, beautiful little driveway. But again, we
look at things differently, So you don't, I don't.
Speaker 1 (06:01):
It's not a priority for me.
Speaker 2 (06:02):
Yeah, and it's not a priority, then it doesn't get prioritized,
and then it gets left. And so I think we
prioritize what we want to prioritize.
Speaker 1 (06:10):
That's true.
Speaker 2 (06:11):
And if we ask nicely to our partner, like hey,
I would really appreciate it if you took the rag
rug that needs to be moved still because I can't
lift it, or I would that's still there.
Speaker 1 (06:24):
Okay, Yeah, what's changed for the better or.
Speaker 2 (06:28):
Wolves worse I have? I mean, I'm having a hard
time with that one too, because there's nothing. I feel
like You've only made me better in areas or I
would be like in the areas that I would be
worse in a relationship. You keep me, you keep me
in check. That makes sense, like you you know, there's
(06:54):
a high level of respect and love, and so I'm
trying to think there's nothing, nothing worse. I think. I
don't know. Do you have Do you have one for me?
Because you're smiling?
Speaker 1 (07:03):
No, I don't. I actually don't.
Speaker 2 (07:07):
I mean, on the flip side, I think our relationship
the maybe the worst piece. It's not aspect of myself,
but that my situation is harder for maybe your career stuff.
Speaker 1 (07:21):
Your situation is harder for.
Speaker 2 (07:23):
My when it comes to not being able to move. Yeah,
and so that has then affected some of your career things.
Speaker 1 (07:31):
That hasn't made me a worst person though.
Speaker 2 (07:32):
No, I know that's what I'm saying, but I'm saying
that's the only thing that I can think that is
been challenging. But the best part aspects of myself that
have changed for the better has been you are just
like I. Then I go back to this. The respect,
(07:55):
the amount of respect that you have from me then
makes me want to respect you had and have that
equal respect and love. And you've just made me. You've
also calmed me down, even though I know I still
have my moments of when I get stressed out.
Speaker 1 (08:13):
Like the small then on the smoothie thing, that thing is.
Speaker 2 (08:16):
Driving me nuts. But you do you do help me.
You help regulate me more when it comes to things
that I and I think that's also my age too,
But I also I think you're just my best friend
and I love being around you.
Speaker 1 (08:29):
And there's this.
Speaker 2 (08:33):
But in a not a meanwhile you're not You're doing
it a nice way, and it's like, oh yeah, okay,
so you've just helped me with that. Lisa, how would
you feel if Jana went on tour again? Would you
(08:54):
go on the road or stay at home?
Speaker 1 (09:00):
I would partly go on the road if it's too
much going on right now to be on the road
with you, But if that's something that you wanted to do,
we would sit down and discuss it, and like we've
done with the movie, with the workout schedule where I
can be there and when I can. Yeah, I wouldn't
go on tour with you.
Speaker 2 (09:22):
No, hm. Yeah, honestly, I would never go on tour
again like I did in the past, because that's just
it's so hard with kids, and I wouldn't do it
like I did the last time. Like I wouldn't have
the kids on the tour bus until they're older. But
I mean, I'm so far out of that game. That
(09:43):
not game, but I'm so far out of that time.
I don't even know who would come to the show.
I definitely can sell the tickets that I used to sell.
I just haven't been in it, so it's what happens.
But also the tour life, I miss it so much,
Like when I go and play those shows andlington for
one Tree Hill conventions, I love it so much. It's
(10:03):
so much fun. And then Catherine are like, oh my gosh,
why aren't we doing this?
Speaker 1 (10:06):
Then you come back and hear roaming, No.
Speaker 2 (10:09):
I love I kidding men, I love it. I love
being around the kids. This is the best. But I
definitely would want to. I would want to. I think
there's a piece of me that wants to go out
a little bit more so, okay, but it wouldn't be
how I used to do it.
Speaker 1 (10:23):
First, squeeze that into the eighth day of the week.
Speaker 2 (10:26):
Right, Steph, How do you guys fit in sects so often?
Is it a night, morning or when baby naps? Thing?
Speaker 1 (10:33):
Definitely is that Steph as a guy or Steph as
a woman? Do you think Defhani needs a girl's Steph?
Speaker 2 (10:42):
Though, Okay, that's besides the point.
Speaker 1 (10:49):
I don't think it's a thing that we planned to
fit in, is it. It's just when we feel like it.
Speaker 2 (10:53):
We Yeah, I feel like we go, we're great, and
then we can go in spurts where it's a while
just because we're tired and overwhelmed. So I think it's
don't get down on yourself if there's times when you've
when it's been a week or two, because we've also gone,
we went, they were we went like a week or two.
One time, we were sick, we were tired, you know.
So it's like when you have those things. But I
(11:15):
think it's also important because we both were feeling that
lack of connection, not that sex is the only piece
because it's not, but it's an important piece. So I
think especially for women because we just have a lot
on our plate and we're doing a lot. It's I'm sorry,
it's just the truth. Like we have we carry more
(11:37):
of the load of kids. And are you kidding me,
the one time you've folded the launder, you want to
pat in the back? Yeah, okay, like I said, yeah,
but I think if loaded so at the end of
(11:58):
the day we're more tired, but I think you can.
You're gonna have to, like pep talk yourself into because
there's times when I'm too tired and it wanted, but
I also know it's important for our relationship. And then
once you're in it, you're in it. It's don okay.
Speaker 1 (12:13):
Yeah, So Steph, we don't really have an answer to
your questions at night more than of when the baby maps.
It's kind of mostly night.
Speaker 2 (12:21):
I'm not a morning, mostly night.
Speaker 1 (12:22):
Yeah, exam up earlier than johna.
Speaker 2 (12:25):
So son Angel. What were three deal breakers you knew
you wouldn't want in a new relationship? Cheating, lying, disrespect
done next kem so side note we had when we
first met each other. It was probably like what two
months into dating We're like, let's write our deal breakers out,
(12:48):
non negotiable, non negotia. That was non negotiables, but it
lasted about five minutes because the first that we literally
put cheating, lying, disrespect, and I guess the respect is
there are times when there can be some disrespect with
words at times do you mean last, because we're like,
(13:09):
this is obvious stuff for us, like this was obvious,
it was.
Speaker 1 (13:13):
Obvious before there was a cheat.
Speaker 2 (13:16):
Respect, It's like, that's an obvious thing. You shouldn't cheat,
you shouldn't lie. And then the disrespect we obviously as
trist what that looks like, you know, physical touch, you know,
or like you know, abuse all obviously that's a that
is massive disrespect, but those are non negotiables, like don't
(13:38):
put your hands on me. But when we're writing these out,
we're like, this looks this is obvious stuff, and we
both for the first time, we both it was so
nice to have another person go, yeah, obviously, of course
I wouldn't put my hands on you. Of course I'm
not gonna cheat, I'm not gonna lie. And then you're
and to me it was so new because I'm like, wait, really,
you won't you won't do those things, and then that
(13:59):
was pretty much it.
Speaker 1 (14:00):
Yeah, yeah, you want to know.
Speaker 2 (14:05):
I was just going to say, when it comes to
like the disrespect piece, I think we've obviously had arguments
and we've said things.
Speaker 1 (14:12):
Well, I've there's times we've both been disrespectful, but we've
recognized it and the girl from it and land for me.
Speaker 2 (14:19):
Yeah, And but I'm really big on words like what
you say is I've always said what you say hurts
worse than any man that's ever bruised my arm or
you know, did those things. I'm not saying to you,
but I'm saying in general, like when someone uses hateful words.
And so I'm very careful in this relationship, especially like
(14:40):
because I don't want you to feel what those words
feel like. And I feel like that's something that you're
you've gotten way better on because you realize the impact
of what words do to me because of my past.
I'm just saying, thank you, Kim favorite meal each other
their cooks. So Alan does the best lemon pasta salmon.
(15:06):
It's so good. And then he puts these truffle mushrooms
and some spinach. I mean, oh we have that tonight.
It just sounds so good and you can just pass
out of the question because you don't have to answer this.
Speaker 1 (15:22):
No, I'll tell you what was one of my favorite
mules that you cook is the the roasted spaghetti squash
with the turkey, and ask the sauce and what else broccoli.
Speaker 2 (15:36):
I put in? So it's spaghetti squash with turkey with
some spaghetti sauce, and then I put sweet potatoes in there. Yeah,
roasted sweet potatoes, avocado, a little salt, little pepper, and
a bowl boom. You can even glaze if you want
it sweeter. You can put a little balsamic on it.
Speaker 1 (15:55):
Really nice.
Speaker 2 (15:56):
You can add some you can add a green you
can add a spinach or broccoli in there too.
Speaker 1 (15:59):
But I like that it's really clean and nice.
Speaker 2 (16:02):
Thanks man.
Speaker 1 (16:15):
Okay, Jocelyn, do you want to answer this one.
Speaker 2 (16:19):
It's up to you.
Speaker 1 (16:22):
No. I don't see any reason why not. It's just
I feel not comfortable with it. No, it's fine, I
can answer it, Jocelyn. Joanna, you really talk about being
a step mom. How is your relationship with Troy?
Speaker 2 (16:32):
So I want to respect boundaries on all on all
of this because it's not just yeah, just because the
situation and with his mom. I just always want to
respect boundaries, and so that's why I don't talk a
(16:53):
lot about Troy and being a stepmom. But I love him.
He's a wonderful kid, and I always enjoy spending time
with him, and I'm, yeah, I'm so lucky, Like he's
the best big brother Jolie and Jason Roman, and yeah,
he's just he's a joy. And I always love when
(17:13):
he's here and when he gets to spend time with us,
because he's awesome. He's seventeen and just he's so cool.
And I'm always like, you know, making jokes and but yeah,
I just, you know, obviously I keep them off socials,
just want to respect all boundaries and everything. But yeah,
he's great.
Speaker 1 (17:33):
That sounds a good one too. How long earth that
you make the Joe of sex?
Speaker 2 (17:40):
I feel like we knew each other on such a
deeper level.
Speaker 1 (17:44):
It wasn't the first I don't think we should answer
this one.
Speaker 2 (17:46):
No, it wasn't the first night. No, so but it
I mean, you.
Speaker 1 (17:51):
Know, I don't think we should answer it.
Speaker 2 (17:52):
I don't think it's'll either.
Speaker 1 (17:53):
I don't.
Speaker 2 (17:54):
But it wasn't the first night, mom.
Speaker 1 (17:56):
It wasn't the first night. Now, Dina, Sorry, I would
have liked it.
Speaker 2 (18:04):
I really just wanted to do this one different because
I was a virgin anyways before.
Speaker 1 (18:10):
So you will. That's just for the really first time,
Dina thoughts one sharing each other's locations. Yeah, we do that.
Speaker 2 (18:23):
We did, so we we have uh, we have Life
three sixty. It's something that I used well before, but
this is just more. It's so much easier just be
like and I don't really look, but sometimes I'm like,
alwy is he still in Whole Foods? Or is he
on his way back? Instead of being like, hey, when
are you coming back? It's just easier to look on
Life through sixty and go, oh, he's he's there. I
(18:45):
think that's But I don't really, I mean, I don't
look at it unless I want to know when you're,
if you're if you're on your way home or not yet.
Speaker 1 (18:51):
I just I look at it to know when you're
going to be back.
Speaker 2 (18:54):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (18:54):
Same, so I don't need to text you when you're
driving how long you're going to be.
Speaker 2 (18:58):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:00):
But it was strange for me because I've never done
ever before. Oh never, huh never.
Speaker 2 (19:06):
Yeah, but I don't I don't look at it the
way that I used to look at it. I'll just
say that I will. When I had that before, I
would look at it to be like is he really
where he's at? But now I like, I immensely trust you,
like I don't have a shred of doubt.
Speaker 1 (19:18):
So yeah, so yeah, you know that one's easy for us.
We've done that for a couple of years now only.
Speaker 2 (19:25):
Yep, and you've given me your password or you've told
me your password on your phone. I still to this
day I'm like, what's your password again? I think it
actually kind of when Mike and I were having that
meeting in your office and I was like, oh crap,
because I put I used your iPad to use to
do the summer schedule, and so I was like, oh crap.
I was like I don't know his password. I was like,
(19:46):
alan was your password? Do your thing? And there was
kind of a beat where he was like almost gave
me a look like oh you don't. But I'm like,
I don't need to know his password. That's it was
like a very unsaid spoken like he's probably like quite
jealous in that moment. I had that locked down. I'm
(20:07):
like whatever, I forget them all the time because like
if you have this is my biggest, just biggest advice
to anyone listening. If you have to look through your husband, boyfriend,
partner's phone, you should not be in that relationship. If
you have a doubt to look in their phone, if
(20:28):
you have a gut pull a, you're always going to
find something. The only time you might not find something
is if you just come out of something and you
still feel that trigger or that insecurity, because you might not.
But if you are with someone that you think they're
most likely you will find something and you shouldn't be
in that relationship.
Speaker 1 (20:49):
Agreed, Angela.
Speaker 2 (20:51):
What is something you haven't told each other about yourself?
Speaker 1 (20:56):
I'm sure those loads that were Anything that's of any
sort of significance of importance, then.
Speaker 2 (21:05):
Yeah, anything that's of significance. There's certain things that we
don't tell because it's we don't need to talk about
certain things.
Speaker 1 (21:14):
I shut myself when I was ten years old.
Speaker 2 (21:17):
Don't need or like, I don't want to know who you.
I don't know how many I don't want to know
how many poles up with that. I don't want to
know how I don't know what. I don't want to
know who. I don't want to know. I don't want
to know if we're around someone, I'd like to know absolutely,
but like beyond that, I don't want to know. I
don't care like all that stuff is, I don't see
the point in knowing that. So but about yourself, I mean,
(21:42):
you pretty much know all my good, bad and ugly
and in between. Sunny. Was it love at first sight
for both of you? I mean we could just say
this together, yeah it was, yeah, which I I'm not
so silly to even say, but it is true. Never
if that with anybody else. Logan, what is a lesson
(22:03):
you've learned in this marriage together so far? That you
can be respectful, that you can feel love, that you
can actually have everything that you deserve, want and desire,
and that you it is possible to have a supportive,
loving partner who will respect you and treat you with kindness,
(22:24):
and yeah, just respect the hell out of you instead
of the way around.
Speaker 1 (22:31):
Yeah, I agree, I think there's also.
Speaker 2 (22:35):
But a lesson. I'll go to my lesson, but well,
but the lesson is that even when you have, even
when you don't have all that stuff, there's still things
to learn about each other and to keep into and
(22:57):
to keep not treating each other like the enemy in situations.
And so I think the lesson is that there's still
things to know and to keep learning about each other
because we've had situations where it's like this is why
I acted this. Oh, I didn't know that about you.
So I think you can continue to keep learning, so
to keep showing up, loving and not thinking the worst
(23:20):
of the person in a situation that might be stressful.
Speaker 1 (23:24):
Yeah, that's a good point. I think lesson South London
that's marriage is to prioritize, try and prioritize your feelings
more than my own with a healthy balance. Now, because
I think I think we're actually still both guilty of
(23:47):
trying to please each other, probably the detriment to us
to ourselves at times. Would you agree on that?
Speaker 2 (23:55):
Yeah, well I just want you to be happy, yeah, always,
And maybe that is the worst thing the moon to
go back to the first question.
Speaker 1 (24:01):
Yeah, yeah, you know, you're probably.
Speaker 2 (24:04):
Right, because we just want the other person to be
happy so bad that we'll be Oh, I don't need
to go do this, even though it's something that we
need to do for ourselves so that the other person
can feel love validated.
Speaker 1 (24:15):
And yeah, yeah, So no, I agree. I think that
So for me, the less than this is is prioritizing
you without under prioritizing myself. I think we've got an
older kid than Troy. We've got six and nine and
a seventeen month old. It's funny. We'll just sit and watching.
(24:36):
We've managed to split it into three episodes, but we've
been watching This is forty This Is forty the last
few nights. And it's funny because they go away to
the hotel. That hotel that we were at called.
Speaker 2 (24:47):
It Tyrannia in Long Beach, California. Tyrannia Beautiful.
Speaker 1 (24:53):
So they go to the hotel and they have an
amazing time and they're back in love. And since they
get back, one of the kids is sick. One of
the out of the kids is snitching, and within five
minutes that are arguing with each other, disagreeing about one
of them wants to take the kid to an Eastern
a Western medicine. One of them wants to take Eastern medicine.
So we argue with that. It's just recognizing that no
(25:17):
matter if you're in a relationship with someone who's a
cheat or someone who is violent, or you have a
relationship like I was, where none of that exists in
our marriage, but it's recognizing the look that there will
always be issues where you can have disagreements and stressful
moments with kids, and I think now I'm a little
(25:41):
bit more patient with things like that. That's because of you.
Speaker 2 (25:45):
Well, I love you. Thanks for doing the Q and A.
Speaker 1 (25:49):
I actually like the The Curious.
Speaker 2 (25:50):
Stay tuned for another Q and A that we will
do later on.
Host
Jana Kramer
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