April 23, 2025 • 35 mins
We all struggle with worrying and anxiety about the future, but Jana and Allan learn from Dr. Thema Bryant that planning doesn’t HAVE to be a major source of stress!
Find out how to pull wisdom from your past wounds, make space for joy, and learn the practice of a “sacred pause” when things get overwhelming.
Plus, Allan shares the results of how he “coached” Jana!
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heeart radio podcast.
I loved to talk about You've just booked another movie.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
I did yay old one in three months. This has
never happened before. I don't know what's happening.
Speaker 1 (00:21):
I'm going good luck, tell them vibe that's what it is.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
Yeah, you are, absolutely, you know. It was one of
those where I don't know. I mean, it's some years
I'm lucky to get two films, so I'm just grateful
for the work. And though it's a lower budget and
there's things in there that just like the last movie.
(00:47):
Me my agents because you know, they really want to
get me in on one of those Taylor Sheridan shows.
So having one of the reasons that my managers wanted
me to take it and my agent was because I'll
be getting I'm going to be working with horses and
riding a lot, so it'll be good for the reel
again to just kind of show that I can ride.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
It's all as the horse's only finger riding.
Speaker 3 (01:15):
Bump.
Speaker 2 (01:17):
Yeah, we'll get in. We'll get into all that later.
We don't need to talk about that right now.
Speaker 1 (01:23):
No, but listen, it's for you. It's amazing because I
know you're like you came out of a movie and
then you immediately worry about, Okay, when's the next one coming?
Speaker 2 (01:32):
M hm.
Speaker 1 (01:33):
So the fact that you've done three and three months
should let you know how And you won't agree here,
but you're obviously important in demand. Someone who's not in
demand does not get three movies in three months, So
you're definitely doing something right. My coaching, my acting coaching
for years old obviously help when.
Speaker 2 (01:58):
You's I mean no, but I will say I think
when you are I think when you work on yourself,
and that's what I love our guest today because it
kind of ties into that. But when you heal the
pieces of yourself, you're I believe, more open and your
work is different, Like I think my work post divorce
(02:20):
has been better than any work I've ever done for
different levels obviously, like more emotional. I've able to tap
to tap in more emotionally, and also there's just I
don't have that weight of worry and wonder and fears,
so being able to really just have a supportive husband,
(02:43):
know that I'm I don't need to worry when I'm
away and when we're not together, and I get to
just you know, again at knowing that I have that
support and then also have healed some of the pieces
inside of me that isn't holding me down, has freed
up the creativitiness for me to a lot that in
(03:07):
so I definitely feel like I've a better because of that,
like because I was able to let that negative energy
and let the light in. And I think that's to
be said for anybody, right, Like, if you're in a
bad situation and you're not you're not happy, and do
you feel stressed and worried and not safe, and obviously
(03:32):
your work will show reflect that.
Speaker 1 (03:36):
I think, So I think I can relate to that
in a little a little bit. But also when I
was going through the hardest point of my life, my
work was my basically my welcome distraction to have a
different type of pressure and a different type of stress.
Was always like I was probably my best work, to
(03:59):
be honest as a which was building that period, because
I could I could separate the work from the craziness
that was going on in the background and just be like, Okay,
forget about that. Now, you need to focus on this.
But I get what you're talking about. If you're now
now you feel safe to go and be on set
for a week, you know, have to worry about what's
(04:19):
going on around with the kids or me or so
there's a safety aspect where you can relax and actually
really really focus on doing a good job.
Speaker 2 (04:27):
Yeah. I see what you're saying. There's definitely a piece
of that for sure. But I carry so much of
my surroundings so internally and I hold on to them
so much that it does ultimately affect I think my
work as much as I when I reflect back on
movies that I was with with my ex or going
(04:49):
through hard times with it. Though I was like, oh,
it's not affecting my work, I look back now and
I'm like, it's one thousand percent affecting my work. I
was up all night crying the night before, or like
when I was in Vancouver. I mean it was a mess,
like an absolute mess. So like, how of course that
would have affected my work, you know. So yeah, I
(05:11):
definitely reflect back on and then even just the hostility
when we when you know, being being on the set,
and maybe that's why certain producers didn't hire me back
at that time, you know, because I was in such
a bad place obviously, it's like, as much as I
don't like to bring any drama to set, I was
a walking drama, like my life was, as much as
(05:32):
I tried to hide it. So this is just yeah,
so different, and so it's so nice to just feel
that safety.
Speaker 1 (05:41):
Yeah. Well three and three months, let's see if you can.
What's the most of the amount of movies you've ever done
in the year. Two that's the most you've ever done
in the year. Yes, you've broken your record. So I
think you'll get five.
Speaker 2 (05:56):
Well, I'm soosed to film two more. They've just been
kind of on hold. They're pausing, so I don't know.
Maybe one will get pushed in next year because one
I was supposed to be doing now in San Antonio,
but that continues to be pushed because they can't find
they're the dude that will sell the movie because I'm
just the side piece on that one. But it's fine
(06:18):
side piece I am. It's totally when it comes down
to those kind of movies, they have to have an
international I mean, the budget is literally for the one
guy that is you know, he doesn't work every day,
he works a couple of days, but that's who they're
going to give all the money to but that's the
dude that's going to sell the movie.
Speaker 3 (06:39):
You know.
Speaker 2 (06:39):
Ultimately those kind of those kind of that's how that
works for those kind of movies. But so yeah, I'm
just kind of in a holding pattern. But I also
think with this one, though it's not at my typical rate,
it's something where I'd rather be working. Having said that, though,
I'm about to miss some things that are really important
to me family wise, and like what like field day.
(07:01):
I'm devastated, literally devastated. I'm I almost said no to
it because I don't want to miss field day. I
have never missed a field day ever. I mean I
literally cried about it. I'm missing a field day. I'm
missing Jolie's a softball game, Jase's baseball game. But I
am going to travel. It's work. It's a close location.
(07:22):
So I'm going to come home on the weekends and listen,
work is work, you know, It's like at the end
of the day, I want to keep working and I
want to support the family. And I had a really
good talk with Joli about it last night, just because
it's I just want to talk to her about it,
and you know, well.
Speaker 1 (07:40):
The good thing is if you're doing through three movies
in three months, you'll be you'll become a better actress.
I hope so because you'll berm and you'll learning Okay,
ticket into the next one, learn again, ticket into the
next one. So you're building some momentum there, which is
always good. One of the most important things in the
development is momentum for you.
Speaker 2 (08:01):
Is there a piece because you're about a month sober?
Speaker 1 (08:07):
When this airs like that, like a like an alcoholic
a month sober. I told you I could stop drinking
at any point, any point.
Speaker 2 (08:17):
But like, okay, But that isn't that what it is?
In technical terms, it's a month sober. I'm not saying
you're there's nothing wrong with me saying you're obviously not
in the program, but you are technically a month sober.
So am I I haven't drinking a month more than
a month drunk.
Speaker 1 (08:34):
So I don't know how you can get a.
Speaker 2 (08:38):
Technical term. You're a month not drinking. In technical terms,
i'd be sober, right or no, I don't know what
I'm talking about.
Speaker 1 (08:46):
I don't know. I don't know. I think a month
sober it is more for people that have an alcohol problem.
Speaker 2 (08:54):
I don't know about that. But you know, our next
guest is all about healing your relationship with yourself and
those you love. Is there anything unresolved or I should
say this because I think we all have pieces that
we need to continue to heal, or to work on,
or to revisit. I think acknowledging things that you know
(09:16):
or that you see or that others see in you
and you don't take defensively and you recognize. I think
it's a really good quality to have because we all
have things we have to work on. I have things
you know that I have to work on.
Speaker 1 (09:28):
It's a good quality to recognize our back quality.
Speaker 2 (09:31):
I think so. And let's get the doctor on to
talk about that, all right, So let's get on doctor
Tama Bryant.
Speaker 3 (09:51):
Hello, Hi, Hello, Hi, good to see you both.
Speaker 2 (09:56):
Good to see you. And you know what, We're just
going to dive right into it and just bring you
into our conversation we were just having because are you
good with that?
Speaker 1 (10:03):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (10:04):
I am all right, let's do this, okay. So, because
I was basically asking my husband here if there's anything
that he needs to heal within himself, right, because I
think we all have things that either we're actively healing
or things we have to come back to and continue
to work on, because again I'm not the expert you are,
which I'll ask you, but you know, I don't think
(10:24):
healing is a straight line. I think it's up and
down and you know kind of goals goes around. But
with him, he was mentioning that he's got a short fuse,
and I don't disagree, but I'm just curious with your fuse,
what piece of you, like, where does that come from?
Like why like why do you have that fuse? Or
what is there something that is inside of you that
(10:46):
are you frustrated with your work or this or that
to get you to that fuse place?
Speaker 1 (10:54):
So good the question. I think that expert can help
shed some light on it. But I think those those
a few things, those the those the past things which
are part of it, Those are present things which might
be frustrations, and then those the fact that those the
future of things where you feel that you're not getting
to them quick enough. So I think my short fusee
(11:16):
comes from probably frustration of not being where I want
to be right now and my just to shed some light.
My short fuse is never like aggressive.
Speaker 2 (11:32):
For it's just you know, he's Scottish, he can get
it's it feels to me because I'm very sensitive with
with levels of volume when someone gets angry just because
of my past trauma stuff. And so he's like, I'm
not yelling, you know, yelling it's like, but I'm like,
I feel they like anger in the fuse and that
then like can trigger me in my stuff. But no,
(11:56):
I mean like you're not. I see what you're saying.
But what would be some tips around that? Doc help
us out here?
Speaker 4 (12:05):
Well, I appreciate you all both expressing yourselves, and that's
so important because sometimes what happens because we're triggering each other,
one person is allowed to express themselves and the other
one is shut down. And so what I just heard
in that exchange was both of you speaking truth, right,
(12:29):
So the truth of I'm disappointed and frustrated, hurt about
not being where I want to be. And then what
I heard you saying is instead of it feeling to
me like self frustration, I feel like it's directed at
me or it's coming in my in my path and
(12:52):
it feels uncomfortable for me. Doesn't feel good to me,
in part based on my history. In part maybe my culture,
So you were mentioning his culture is like more expressive,
and then maybe yours is. People may have muted their
emotions more and so it's us learning each other and
(13:14):
both pieces of what you have shared are valid, and
I think people can relate to in terms of frustration
around timeline. That is one of the challenges we face
as human beings is we create these false timelines right
that by this age, I'm going to be here by
and we train each other to do that. It's like
(13:35):
New Year's resolution, what's your six month goal, what's your
one year goal? And in part being that specific, it's
helpful that we don't get stuck or stagnant, but it
can also set us up to be disappointed in ourselves
when in truth, you may be right on time. That
(13:56):
when in truth what has felt like detours may be
preparation that is helping you get to where you're going
so that when that door opens, the thing you're longing for,
when it shows up, you'll be fully ready, not only
professionally but emotionally to carry the weight of whatever that is.
(14:18):
And in the journey we change, and sometimes the vision
changes as well. So a part of what we suggest,
I say we around therapists or mental health professionals suggest
is giving ourselves permission to be more present centered, because
as you name past, present, future, some of us are
(14:40):
stuck in regrets of the past or the wounds of
the past, or stuck in worry for the future. But
what we have is present. Then I can instead give
myself gratitude appreciation that I keep showing up and then
say I can't control the timeline of everything, but I
get today. So what am I going to do today?
(15:03):
And it may also be in terms of you all's relationship.
What are things that are helpful to me in terms
of support that encouraged me, or that mobilize me, or
that helped me to brainstorm, or that helped me to
see my wins, because sometimes we don't see our wins.
(15:24):
So then expressing not just the frustration, but considering what
would be helpful for you to do, and then what
will be helpful in partnership. And so I'll get your
response to that, and then we can talk about the
trauma history and the voice well explained.
Speaker 1 (15:45):
Thank you, You're welcome. I think you mentioned something there
about past, present, in future and being really present and today,
But what and this is purely from my postpone and
where I sit in my frustrations sometimes is I can't
fully engage in the day and be present in the
(16:07):
day because I worry about the next day and I
worry about the day after because I'm not quite aware
of where I expected I would be and where I
want to be. So I'm always thinking about well, but
part of that is also like, well, don't worry because
in this time and a month, that will final this
time in three months, you'll get what you need, or
(16:27):
you'll get vindication of your hard work, or whatever it
may be. So I always struggle to really maximize and
be present within that within that day. I think you'll
agree with that.
Speaker 2 (16:42):
On you, Yeah, and I see and I see that
within you, and that I get. It makes me sad
to witness that because you take so much worry on that.
We both know everything will be okay and everything will
be fine, but you put so much weight on, you know,
(17:04):
taking not knowing and everything else. So yeah, it's I witness,
and I'm like, man, I wish he could be present
in today because it will all be fine. I believe,
you know, I have to believe that for all of us.
You know well.
Speaker 4 (17:19):
I think a part of it is the difference between
worrying about the future and planning for the future. So
the worrying about it doesn't get you anywhere, Like, it's
not that because I spent time worrying about it today,
like that something got relieved or that I solved something.
The worry the anxiety can be a spiral and then
(17:43):
we can end up ruminating, so you're just losing time
thinking the same thoughts over and over again. And the
more you think them, the more stuck you feel, the
more discourage you feel. So it's not so much that
I can't think about the future, it is shifting from
worry for it instead planning for it. And what I
(18:07):
would ask in terms of your self awareness is where
did the anxiety come from that you're not going to
make it?
Speaker 1 (18:20):
Is that a question for me? Yes, I think it's
a good question because it's not that it's not that
I worry about It's not that I, like I explained
to you, I can't maximize the present day because I
worry about the day after. And it's not a worry.
It's like it's almost like an impatience where I know
what I want, I know where I need to get to.
(18:42):
I know what I want and I know how to
get there.
Speaker 2 (18:44):
There's so many pieces that have to there's so.
Speaker 1 (18:46):
Many pieces that need to come together for me to
do it. One I don't have enough time to do it.
But also two I don't it's just not happening quick enough.
So then I become frustrated. And when I become frustrated,
I procrastinate and I don't maximize that day. So it's
not a worry because I know what I'm good at,
and I know my value, and I know where I'll
(19:06):
get to eventually. Deep down, I know that that's your
version of you know it will be fine, and I
know that, but I just I get really frustrated and
patient and impatient on the present day. If I don't, like,
if I have a day where I've not taken a
step forward to where I need to get to, it
sits in my head the whole day. Like if I
have a day where I've not achieved enough, it will
(19:27):
sit with me heavily in my head for that whole day.
Speaker 2 (19:30):
And then where my experience with it is. Then he
then kind of shuts everything else off around him and
we're and I can tell that's where the lack of presence.
But yeah, you're not as present then, agreed.
Speaker 4 (19:44):
So you're it's also self sabotaging because I'm upset I'm
not there, so then I procrastinate.
Speaker 1 (19:53):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, probably it's a little bit, but it
was self sabotaged, not that you don't feel like you're
des elve to be somewhere.
Speaker 2 (20:02):
Do you sabotage yourself by procrastinating? Right?
Speaker 4 (20:05):
Right? Yeah, it's not unworthiness and you have the as
you said, you acknowledge your gifts. So there are some
things that are out of your control. But then there
are some ways in which you stand on your wings,
which is not because you don't believe in the wings,
but irritation, procrastination and then shutting out your relationships right,
(20:29):
which ends up not only ends up penalizing both of
you because then both are then feeling isolated.
Speaker 2 (20:35):
Yeah, are there tips like this in your book to
help heal all these kind of pieces?
Speaker 3 (20:44):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (20:44):
Their piece about our self love. So it's matters of
the heart, healing your relationship with yourself and those you love.
And so the first part is about self abandonment and
self neglect and those who are very driven sometimes we
can neglect ourselves because we're so focused on the end
(21:06):
result that we're not It's not sustainable because we're not
taking care of ourselves in the present and then looking
at how we address relationships. So I want to give
some time for you to express your history as it
relates to people raising their voices or being angry or
(21:27):
upset with you, and to ask you about if your
history has resulted in you having a tendency toward people
pleasing and trying to address other people's needs while you
may sometimes neglect your own.
Speaker 2 (21:42):
D all of the above.
Speaker 1 (21:43):
Yeah, yeah, I think we both.
Speaker 2 (21:46):
Yeah, no, we both are. I mean like and he
is too where he's I say, I will say to him,
I'm like, you're always trying to make everybody happy and
you are suffering in the process, Like stop doing like
you are stressing yourself out to make sure this person's happening,
this person's happening, this part, like what does Alan need want?
Feel like? That is and with.
Speaker 1 (22:07):
You, it's the same for you as well them.
Speaker 2 (22:09):
I know. But we care so deeply about each other
and the people around us that we want to make sure,
but we spread ourselves so thin to make those other
people like our children and each other, that we then
are exhausted and then therefore stressed, and then the fuses
are short. You know, all of the.
Speaker 3 (22:30):
Above, And what has that cost to you?
Speaker 2 (22:35):
I would say, I mean, I've definitely gotten better, But
I would say, hmmm, that's interesting. I've never really I
just am in a phase of you know, raising three kids,
and so for me it's I still do things for myself,
you know, I work, and but uh, I don't really
(22:58):
know how to answer that.
Speaker 3 (22:59):
I guess, right, I think that's a part of problem.
Speaker 4 (23:03):
You're yes, so you're focused on you know, his needs
and your children's needs, and it's important that you and
their needs are important, but so are yours. And so
to be able to be present and check in with
myself about when I am so externally focused, what am
(23:25):
I missing? And so then what are the parts of
you that get undernourished?
Speaker 2 (23:35):
Yeah, I mean I think for me then I just
get stressed. But I also know it's it's not like
that in every season, right, so, and I do my
best to balance what I can, But I do think
kind of the overall arching thing is is, you know,
because we all have dreams, right, we all want to
(23:57):
get to the next, you know, best thing. But I
feel like even when this is I'm sure you've talked
about this in your book, but even when you get
to that, okay, the role that I really want, or
the coaching career that he really wants, there's still, I
bet going to be a piece that you're going to
just continue to keep trying to climb up the ladder.
And I make up that there'll be a moment where, Okay,
(24:20):
when I finally land that TV role that I want,
the feeling that I thought I would have won't actually
be there. And the same for him, like when he
gets that coaching role, I make up that the feeling
that for him won't be there too, because it's not
really that we put all the stress and pressure on
it being that's the thing that will make us feel great.
(24:42):
I don't think that'll actually do that.
Speaker 3 (24:46):
Yeah, So it's both the stress of.
Speaker 4 (24:51):
When will we get there and then to what extent
will that actually be fulfilling? And I wonder if you
can both share away in which you would like to
see the other person take better care of themselves.
Speaker 2 (25:09):
Well, I feel like I definitely have asked him to.
Speaker 3 (25:13):
And you can say it to him.
Speaker 2 (25:14):
Oh okay, great, Well we've already we did speak about this.
I'm you know, I wanted you to get your blood
work done, things like that and prioritize what you need,
and I you know you've done that and you you're
doing a great job on that. I would just i'
means so hard. I just I want I want him
to be happy, and which I think you are. But
(25:35):
I just I don't know. This is so hard. I
don't know why this is so hard for me right now.
I'm so good at this in therapy and I can't
do it right now.
Speaker 3 (25:43):
Oh you're not.
Speaker 4 (25:44):
Just so there's some medical self care he's done. You
had you made a recommendation about him getting some test
and he's done that, and you would like him to
be happy, but you're not sure what's going to make
him happy.
Speaker 2 (25:56):
Well, I think he is happy. I do believe that.
I just career happy. I know you're not. And I
know it's a process and a struggle in the in
this moment because you're building and the building processes is hard.
But I do want you to know that you have
you do have me as a teammate in it. And
then I'm here m hm.
Speaker 4 (26:16):
So you would like him to make use of your
support for you to you're offering it, and you would
like him to actively utilize that. It helps to have support, Yeah,
it does. Yeah, And what would you like for her
to do?
Speaker 1 (26:31):
What would I like? I would like for you to
You're so busy all the time that sometimes you don't
prioritize and you're asking me to prioritize my health, and
I'm asking you to prioritize yours by not skepping food
because you're busy.
Speaker 2 (26:47):
I don't have time to eat a podcast days. I'm like,
it's three o'clock and I'm like, oh, shaky.
Speaker 1 (26:52):
How do you Yeah, So I think I think I
would rather you balanced out a little bit more because
it's it's not good at all for your whole physiological system,
which affects your brain health, which affects everything. So to
prioritize eating when you should eat, yeah, okay, But I
think there's also a part where we'll discuss this before.
(27:17):
I'm like thinking the best of each other, thinking we've
always got the best intentions for each other. And I
think when you're stressed and you're busy, and you're jumping
from one thing to the like we are. It's it
can the admiration and love of I'm here for you,
I've got you, I'm always here can not diminished, but
(27:41):
it can dilict itself a little bit because you're focusing
our things are just for your own health. Recognize that
I'm always, yeah, always support you.
Speaker 2 (28:05):
Look at this healing that's happening right here on this couch.
Speaker 4 (28:08):
I love it because both of you named actually similar things,
the same thing, your physical health and wanting the other
person to take care of themselves physically. And then the
second one that both of you named in different ways
is to receive that. I'm like, let me love you, right,
let me show up for you, and like really receive it.
Speaker 3 (28:30):
Yeah, yeah, beautiful.
Speaker 2 (28:32):
What is some of the biggest tips of healing? Because
I have so many women that reach out to me
and because for me, you know, post divorce, I said
my number one thing was that I had to heal
all a lot of the broken pieces inside of me
before I could find love again. And so you know, again,
I'm not a clinical anybody. I just kind of say
the things that I did. But what is your best
(28:55):
tips for Because I believe the reason that I was
able to find a loving, supportive partner was because I
was able to heal and then learn that I deserve
that right, which is why I didn't choose it before.
But that only happened because I healed certain pieces of me.
So what are some of the tips in your book
that people can get that maybe our post divorce or
(29:18):
post breakup that need to heal inside before finding love.
Speaker 4 (29:24):
Thank you for that and for sharing your journey and testimony.
It is important for people to know that it's possible
and to see that it's possible, and even in the
possibility of it and beauty of it, it's you know,
we'll still have to.
Speaker 3 (29:39):
Learn each other.
Speaker 4 (29:40):
So one of the things I like to share with
people is have to breakup, take time for you as
you were naming about your own healing, and at the
same time, no, you don't have to be perfect for
someone to love you, right, So to release this sense
of perfect and to know a part of the healing
(30:02):
will actually take place in relationship. So I have people
all the time who are single and feel like I'm great,
I got it, I'm good, and then when they start
becoming more emotionally connected to someone, that's when the real
triggers show up, because as long as I'm just sitting
in my house by myself, thinking my thoughts in a
calm way, nothing's disturbing that. And so for us to
(30:26):
have grace and compassion for ourselves while we're on that journey.
And then in reflection, you know, for everyone in their
past relationships, is to try to, I say, pull the
wisdom out of the wounds. You know, what did I
learn about myself? What did I learn about relationships that
(30:48):
I can apply here, because sometimes it's easier for us
to see what other people did, and people may have
done very terrible things. And then I also try to
reflec left to myself of what in my past experience
maybe made me either open to this or made me
(31:09):
stay as long as I did, or that you know,
broke down my confidence and myself, or that had given
me a script about what love was supposed to be.
So that's the gift of relationships that didn't work out,
is what I was able to learn from it. And
I would say you all probably appreciate each other a
(31:32):
lot more because you've experienced not having the things that
the other person has brought into your life, So like
not taking that for granted, it's really beautiful, and then
also seeing the departure or the exit or the ending
as a win, because sometimes when we think like, oh,
I've only had failed relationships, you know, maybe those are
(31:55):
relationships that weren't supposed to last. But I was to
learn some things in there, I was to develop in
those and the time it was well, you know, some
things are seasonal, and so it has then positioned me
for this. And then it is important also that we
(32:15):
develop self awareness because as my heart heals, my taste
will change, my mindset shifts, the way I handle conflict
will hopefully shift and grow. So being tuned in and
then communicating, you know that a lot of times, especially
(32:36):
when you've had that relationships in the past, we can
be conflict avoiding. So we're afraid of people getting upset,
or people abandoning, or people leaving, or people changing their
mind about us. So then we're censoring. And as long
as I am censored, a person doesn't really get to
know me, they're not actually in there. And so taking
(33:00):
that risk of actually sharing what we feel and what
we need, so that we're not leaving it to people
to guess or assuming they know or should have known.
And then I would say putting in the quality good times,
because sometimes we make the mistake of all of our
(33:21):
exchanges are the difficult conversations which need to happen, but then.
Speaker 3 (33:27):
There's no joy. We got to put some gas in the.
Speaker 4 (33:30):
Tank, which makes the harder things easier to work through
because we've attended to bringing joy to each other.
Speaker 2 (33:38):
Yeah, for sure. Oh my goodness. So there's those were
some amazing tips and tools, and everyone please get healing
your relationship with yourself and those you love matters of
the heart. Thank you so much for coming on some
healing on all of us, and us too on the couch.
Speaker 3 (33:57):
Thank you so much.
Speaker 4 (33:59):
And I've just as a last point, we didn't get
to it. I would say, you know, hearing the request
for the softer voice even in the frustration, to know
it's that like, intention is not always impact. So I
think you're like not intending anything toward her, but the
(34:19):
way she's receiving it or feeling it feels upsetting. So
then it just becomes it's not that I can't speak
my truth or my frustration. It's it's like, let me
take breath. I call it sacred pause. Let me take
sacred pause because I want to share my frustration, but
I also want her to be clear it's not at her,
(34:40):
it's just something I'm feeling.
Speaker 2 (34:43):
And I too can also take a sacred pause every
once in a while as well.
Speaker 3 (34:46):
Yes's great, it's beautiful all over. I'm like me too,
ill take.
Speaker 2 (34:53):
And that's a lesson that I'm you know, that's I'm
gonna I like that though. I'm going to take a
sacred pause, sacred sacred pause. Thanks. Thank you so much.
You were fantastic.
Speaker 1 (35:02):
Thank you so much.
Speaker 4 (35:03):
Appreciate you both and looking forward to all of your success.
Speaker 2 (35:07):
Thank you, friend, Thank you, I have a great thank
Thank you you too,
Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heeart radio podcast.
I loved to talk about You've just booked another movie.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
I did yay old one in three months. This has
never happened before. I don't know what's happening.
Speaker 1 (00:21):
I'm going good luck, tell them vibe that's what it is.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
Yeah, you are, absolutely, you know. It was one of
those where I don't know. I mean, it's some years
I'm lucky to get two films, so I'm just grateful
for the work. And though it's a lower budget and
there's things in there that just like the last movie.
(00:47):
Me my agents because you know, they really want to
get me in on one of those Taylor Sheridan shows.
So having one of the reasons that my managers wanted
me to take it and my agent was because I'll
be getting I'm going to be working with horses and
riding a lot, so it'll be good for the reel
again to just kind of show that I can ride.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
It's all as the horse's only finger riding.
Speaker 3 (01:15):
Bump.
Speaker 2 (01:17):
Yeah, we'll get in. We'll get into all that later.
We don't need to talk about that right now.
Speaker 1 (01:23):
No, but listen, it's for you. It's amazing because I
know you're like you came out of a movie and
then you immediately worry about, Okay, when's the next one coming?
Speaker 2 (01:32):
M hm.
Speaker 1 (01:33):
So the fact that you've done three and three months
should let you know how And you won't agree here,
but you're obviously important in demand. Someone who's not in
demand does not get three movies in three months, So
you're definitely doing something right. My coaching, my acting coaching
for years old obviously help when.
Speaker 2 (01:58):
You's I mean no, but I will say I think
when you are I think when you work on yourself,
and that's what I love our guest today because it
kind of ties into that. But when you heal the
pieces of yourself, you're I believe, more open and your
work is different, Like I think my work post divorce
(02:20):
has been better than any work I've ever done for
different levels obviously, like more emotional. I've able to tap
to tap in more emotionally, and also there's just I
don't have that weight of worry and wonder and fears,
so being able to really just have a supportive husband,
(02:43):
know that I'm I don't need to worry when I'm
away and when we're not together, and I get to
just you know, again at knowing that I have that
support and then also have healed some of the pieces
inside of me that isn't holding me down, has freed
up the creativitiness for me to a lot that in
(03:07):
so I definitely feel like I've a better because of that,
like because I was able to let that negative energy
and let the light in. And I think that's to
be said for anybody, right, Like, if you're in a
bad situation and you're not you're not happy, and do
you feel stressed and worried and not safe, and obviously
(03:32):
your work will show reflect that.
Speaker 1 (03:36):
I think, So I think I can relate to that
in a little a little bit. But also when I
was going through the hardest point of my life, my
work was my basically my welcome distraction to have a
different type of pressure and a different type of stress.
Was always like I was probably my best work, to
(03:59):
be honest as a which was building that period, because
I could I could separate the work from the craziness
that was going on in the background and just be like, Okay,
forget about that. Now, you need to focus on this.
But I get what you're talking about. If you're now
now you feel safe to go and be on set
for a week, you know, have to worry about what's
(04:19):
going on around with the kids or me or so
there's a safety aspect where you can relax and actually
really really focus on doing a good job.
Speaker 2 (04:27):
Yeah. I see what you're saying. There's definitely a piece
of that for sure. But I carry so much of
my surroundings so internally and I hold on to them
so much that it does ultimately affect I think my
work as much as I when I reflect back on
movies that I was with with my ex or going
(04:49):
through hard times with it. Though I was like, oh,
it's not affecting my work, I look back now and
I'm like, it's one thousand percent affecting my work. I
was up all night crying the night before, or like
when I was in Vancouver. I mean it was a mess,
like an absolute mess. So like, how of course that
would have affected my work, you know. So yeah, I
(05:11):
definitely reflect back on and then even just the hostility
when we when you know, being being on the set,
and maybe that's why certain producers didn't hire me back
at that time, you know, because I was in such
a bad place obviously, it's like, as much as I
don't like to bring any drama to set, I was
a walking drama, like my life was, as much as
(05:32):
I tried to hide it. So this is just yeah,
so different, and so it's so nice to just feel
that safety.
Speaker 1 (05:41):
Yeah. Well three and three months, let's see if you can.
What's the most of the amount of movies you've ever done
in the year. Two that's the most you've ever done
in the year. Yes, you've broken your record. So I
think you'll get five.
Speaker 2 (05:56):
Well, I'm soosed to film two more. They've just been
kind of on hold. They're pausing, so I don't know.
Maybe one will get pushed in next year because one
I was supposed to be doing now in San Antonio,
but that continues to be pushed because they can't find
they're the dude that will sell the movie because I'm
just the side piece on that one. But it's fine
(06:18):
side piece I am. It's totally when it comes down
to those kind of movies, they have to have an
international I mean, the budget is literally for the one
guy that is you know, he doesn't work every day,
he works a couple of days, but that's who they're
going to give all the money to but that's the
dude that's going to sell the movie.
Speaker 3 (06:39):
You know.
Speaker 2 (06:39):
Ultimately those kind of those kind of that's how that
works for those kind of movies. But so yeah, I'm
just kind of in a holding pattern. But I also
think with this one, though it's not at my typical rate,
it's something where I'd rather be working. Having said that, though,
I'm about to miss some things that are really important
to me family wise, and like what like field day.
(07:01):
I'm devastated, literally devastated. I'm I almost said no to
it because I don't want to miss field day. I
have never missed a field day ever. I mean I
literally cried about it. I'm missing a field day. I'm
missing Jolie's a softball game, Jase's baseball game. But I
am going to travel. It's work. It's a close location.
(07:22):
So I'm going to come home on the weekends and listen,
work is work, you know, It's like at the end
of the day, I want to keep working and I
want to support the family. And I had a really
good talk with Joli about it last night, just because
it's I just want to talk to her about it,
and you know, well.
Speaker 1 (07:40):
The good thing is if you're doing through three movies
in three months, you'll be you'll become a better actress.
I hope so because you'll berm and you'll learning Okay,
ticket into the next one, learn again, ticket into the
next one. So you're building some momentum there, which is
always good. One of the most important things in the
development is momentum for you.
Speaker 2 (08:01):
Is there a piece because you're about a month sober?
Speaker 1 (08:07):
When this airs like that, like a like an alcoholic
a month sober. I told you I could stop drinking
at any point, any point.
Speaker 2 (08:17):
But like, okay, But that isn't that what it is?
In technical terms, it's a month sober. I'm not saying
you're there's nothing wrong with me saying you're obviously not
in the program, but you are technically a month sober.
So am I I haven't drinking a month more than
a month drunk.
Speaker 1 (08:34):
So I don't know how you can get a.
Speaker 2 (08:38):
Technical term. You're a month not drinking. In technical terms,
i'd be sober, right or no, I don't know what
I'm talking about.
Speaker 1 (08:46):
I don't know. I don't know. I think a month
sober it is more for people that have an alcohol problem.
Speaker 2 (08:54):
I don't know about that. But you know, our next
guest is all about healing your relationship with yourself and
those you love. Is there anything unresolved or I should
say this because I think we all have pieces that
we need to continue to heal, or to work on,
or to revisit. I think acknowledging things that you know
(09:16):
or that you see or that others see in you
and you don't take defensively and you recognize. I think
it's a really good quality to have because we all
have things we have to work on. I have things
you know that I have to work on.
Speaker 1 (09:28):
It's a good quality to recognize our back quality.
Speaker 2 (09:31):
I think so. And let's get the doctor on to
talk about that, all right, So let's get on doctor
Tama Bryant.
Speaker 3 (09:51):
Hello, Hi, Hello, Hi, good to see you both.
Speaker 2 (09:56):
Good to see you. And you know what, We're just
going to dive right into it and just bring you
into our conversation we were just having because are you
good with that?
Speaker 1 (10:03):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (10:04):
I am all right, let's do this, okay. So, because
I was basically asking my husband here if there's anything
that he needs to heal within himself, right, because I
think we all have things that either we're actively healing
or things we have to come back to and continue
to work on, because again I'm not the expert you are,
which I'll ask you, but you know, I don't think
(10:24):
healing is a straight line. I think it's up and
down and you know kind of goals goes around. But
with him, he was mentioning that he's got a short fuse,
and I don't disagree, but I'm just curious with your fuse,
what piece of you, like, where does that come from?
Like why like why do you have that fuse? Or
what is there something that is inside of you that
(10:46):
are you frustrated with your work or this or that
to get you to that fuse place?
Speaker 1 (10:54):
So good the question. I think that expert can help
shed some light on it. But I think those those
a few things, those the those the past things which
are part of it, Those are present things which might
be frustrations, and then those the fact that those the
future of things where you feel that you're not getting
to them quick enough. So I think my short fusee
(11:16):
comes from probably frustration of not being where I want
to be right now and my just to shed some light.
My short fuse is never like aggressive.
Speaker 2 (11:32):
For it's just you know, he's Scottish, he can get
it's it feels to me because I'm very sensitive with
with levels of volume when someone gets angry just because
of my past trauma stuff. And so he's like, I'm
not yelling, you know, yelling it's like, but I'm like,
I feel they like anger in the fuse and that
then like can trigger me in my stuff. But no,
(11:56):
I mean like you're not. I see what you're saying.
But what would be some tips around that? Doc help
us out here?
Speaker 4 (12:05):
Well, I appreciate you all both expressing yourselves, and that's
so important because sometimes what happens because we're triggering each other,
one person is allowed to express themselves and the other
one is shut down. And so what I just heard
in that exchange was both of you speaking truth, right,
(12:29):
So the truth of I'm disappointed and frustrated, hurt about
not being where I want to be. And then what
I heard you saying is instead of it feeling to
me like self frustration, I feel like it's directed at
me or it's coming in my in my path and
(12:52):
it feels uncomfortable for me. Doesn't feel good to me,
in part based on my history. In part maybe my culture,
So you were mentioning his culture is like more expressive,
and then maybe yours is. People may have muted their
emotions more and so it's us learning each other and
(13:14):
both pieces of what you have shared are valid, and
I think people can relate to in terms of frustration
around timeline. That is one of the challenges we face
as human beings is we create these false timelines right
that by this age, I'm going to be here by
and we train each other to do that. It's like
(13:35):
New Year's resolution, what's your six month goal, what's your
one year goal? And in part being that specific, it's
helpful that we don't get stuck or stagnant, but it
can also set us up to be disappointed in ourselves
when in truth, you may be right on time. That
(13:56):
when in truth what has felt like detours may be
preparation that is helping you get to where you're going
so that when that door opens, the thing you're longing for,
when it shows up, you'll be fully ready, not only
professionally but emotionally to carry the weight of whatever that is.
(14:18):
And in the journey we change, and sometimes the vision
changes as well. So a part of what we suggest,
I say we around therapists or mental health professionals suggest
is giving ourselves permission to be more present centered, because
as you name past, present, future, some of us are
(14:40):
stuck in regrets of the past or the wounds of
the past, or stuck in worry for the future. But
what we have is present. Then I can instead give
myself gratitude appreciation that I keep showing up and then
say I can't control the timeline of everything, but I
get today. So what am I going to do today?
(15:03):
And it may also be in terms of you all's relationship.
What are things that are helpful to me in terms
of support that encouraged me, or that mobilize me, or
that helped me to brainstorm, or that helped me to
see my wins, because sometimes we don't see our wins.
(15:24):
So then expressing not just the frustration, but considering what
would be helpful for you to do, and then what
will be helpful in partnership. And so I'll get your
response to that, and then we can talk about the
trauma history and the voice well explained.
Speaker 1 (15:45):
Thank you, You're welcome. I think you mentioned something there
about past, present, in future and being really present and today,
But what and this is purely from my postpone and
where I sit in my frustrations sometimes is I can't
fully engage in the day and be present in the
(16:07):
day because I worry about the next day and I
worry about the day after because I'm not quite aware
of where I expected I would be and where I
want to be. So I'm always thinking about well, but
part of that is also like, well, don't worry because
in this time and a month, that will final this
time in three months, you'll get what you need, or
(16:27):
you'll get vindication of your hard work, or whatever it
may be. So I always struggle to really maximize and
be present within that within that day. I think you'll
agree with that.
Speaker 2 (16:42):
On you, Yeah, and I see and I see that
within you, and that I get. It makes me sad
to witness that because you take so much worry on that.
We both know everything will be okay and everything will
be fine, but you put so much weight on, you know,
(17:04):
taking not knowing and everything else. So yeah, it's I witness,
and I'm like, man, I wish he could be present
in today because it will all be fine. I believe,
you know, I have to believe that for all of us.
You know well.
Speaker 4 (17:19):
I think a part of it is the difference between
worrying about the future and planning for the future. So
the worrying about it doesn't get you anywhere, Like, it's
not that because I spent time worrying about it today,
like that something got relieved or that I solved something.
The worry the anxiety can be a spiral and then
(17:43):
we can end up ruminating, so you're just losing time
thinking the same thoughts over and over again. And the
more you think them, the more stuck you feel, the
more discourage you feel. So it's not so much that
I can't think about the future, it is shifting from
worry for it instead planning for it. And what I
(18:07):
would ask in terms of your self awareness is where
did the anxiety come from that you're not going to
make it?
Speaker 1 (18:20):
Is that a question for me? Yes, I think it's
a good question because it's not that it's not that
I worry about It's not that I, like I explained
to you, I can't maximize the present day because I
worry about the day after. And it's not a worry.
It's like it's almost like an impatience where I know
what I want, I know where I need to get to.
(18:42):
I know what I want and I know how to
get there.
Speaker 2 (18:44):
There's so many pieces that have to there's so.
Speaker 1 (18:46):
Many pieces that need to come together for me to
do it. One I don't have enough time to do it.
But also two I don't it's just not happening quick enough.
So then I become frustrated. And when I become frustrated,
I procrastinate and I don't maximize that day. So it's
not a worry because I know what I'm good at,
and I know my value, and I know where I'll
(19:06):
get to eventually. Deep down, I know that that's your
version of you know it will be fine, and I
know that, but I just I get really frustrated and
patient and impatient on the present day. If I don't, like,
if I have a day where I've not taken a
step forward to where I need to get to, it
sits in my head the whole day. Like if I
have a day where I've not achieved enough, it will
(19:27):
sit with me heavily in my head for that whole day.
Speaker 2 (19:30):
And then where my experience with it is. Then he
then kind of shuts everything else off around him and
we're and I can tell that's where the lack of presence.
But yeah, you're not as present then, agreed.
Speaker 4 (19:44):
So you're it's also self sabotaging because I'm upset I'm
not there, so then I procrastinate.
Speaker 1 (19:53):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, probably it's a little bit, but it
was self sabotaged, not that you don't feel like you're
des elve to be somewhere.
Speaker 2 (20:02):
Do you sabotage yourself by procrastinating? Right?
Speaker 4 (20:05):
Right? Yeah, it's not unworthiness and you have the as
you said, you acknowledge your gifts. So there are some
things that are out of your control. But then there
are some ways in which you stand on your wings,
which is not because you don't believe in the wings,
but irritation, procrastination and then shutting out your relationships right,
(20:29):
which ends up not only ends up penalizing both of
you because then both are then feeling isolated.
Speaker 2 (20:35):
Yeah, are there tips like this in your book to
help heal all these kind of pieces?
Speaker 3 (20:44):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (20:44):
Their piece about our self love. So it's matters of
the heart, healing your relationship with yourself and those you love.
And so the first part is about self abandonment and
self neglect and those who are very driven sometimes we
can neglect ourselves because we're so focused on the end
(21:06):
result that we're not It's not sustainable because we're not
taking care of ourselves in the present and then looking
at how we address relationships. So I want to give
some time for you to express your history as it
relates to people raising their voices or being angry or
(21:27):
upset with you, and to ask you about if your
history has resulted in you having a tendency toward people
pleasing and trying to address other people's needs while you
may sometimes neglect your own.
Speaker 2 (21:42):
D all of the above.
Speaker 1 (21:43):
Yeah, yeah, I think we both.
Speaker 2 (21:46):
Yeah, no, we both are. I mean like and he
is too where he's I say, I will say to him,
I'm like, you're always trying to make everybody happy and
you are suffering in the process, Like stop doing like
you are stressing yourself out to make sure this person's happening,
this person's happening, this part, like what does Alan need want?
Feel like? That is and with.
Speaker 1 (22:07):
You, it's the same for you as well them.
Speaker 2 (22:09):
I know. But we care so deeply about each other
and the people around us that we want to make sure,
but we spread ourselves so thin to make those other
people like our children and each other, that we then
are exhausted and then therefore stressed, and then the fuses
are short. You know, all of the.
Speaker 3 (22:30):
Above, And what has that cost to you?
Speaker 2 (22:35):
I would say, I mean, I've definitely gotten better, But
I would say, hmmm, that's interesting. I've never really I
just am in a phase of you know, raising three kids,
and so for me it's I still do things for myself,
you know, I work, and but uh, I don't really
(22:58):
know how to answer that.
Speaker 3 (22:59):
I guess, right, I think that's a part of problem.
Speaker 4 (23:03):
You're yes, so you're focused on you know, his needs
and your children's needs, and it's important that you and
their needs are important, but so are yours. And so
to be able to be present and check in with
myself about when I am so externally focused, what am
(23:25):
I missing? And so then what are the parts of
you that get undernourished?
Speaker 2 (23:35):
Yeah, I mean I think for me then I just
get stressed. But I also know it's it's not like
that in every season, right, so, and I do my
best to balance what I can, But I do think
kind of the overall arching thing is is, you know,
because we all have dreams, right, we all want to
(23:57):
get to the next, you know, best thing. But I
feel like even when this is I'm sure you've talked
about this in your book, but even when you get
to that, okay, the role that I really want, or
the coaching career that he really wants, there's still, I
bet going to be a piece that you're going to
just continue to keep trying to climb up the ladder.
And I make up that there'll be a moment where, Okay,
(24:20):
when I finally land that TV role that I want,
the feeling that I thought I would have won't actually
be there. And the same for him, like when he
gets that coaching role, I make up that the feeling
that for him won't be there too, because it's not
really that we put all the stress and pressure on
it being that's the thing that will make us feel great.
(24:42):
I don't think that'll actually do that.
Speaker 3 (24:46):
Yeah, So it's both the stress of.
Speaker 4 (24:51):
When will we get there and then to what extent
will that actually be fulfilling? And I wonder if you
can both share away in which you would like to
see the other person take better care of themselves.
Speaker 2 (25:09):
Well, I feel like I definitely have asked him to.
Speaker 3 (25:13):
And you can say it to him.
Speaker 2 (25:14):
Oh okay, great, Well we've already we did speak about this.
I'm you know, I wanted you to get your blood
work done, things like that and prioritize what you need,
and I you know you've done that and you you're
doing a great job on that. I would just i'
means so hard. I just I want I want him
to be happy, and which I think you are. But
(25:35):
I just I don't know. This is so hard. I
don't know why this is so hard for me right now.
I'm so good at this in therapy and I can't
do it right now.
Speaker 3 (25:43):
Oh you're not.
Speaker 4 (25:44):
Just so there's some medical self care he's done. You
had you made a recommendation about him getting some test
and he's done that, and you would like him to
be happy, but you're not sure what's going to make
him happy.
Speaker 2 (25:56):
Well, I think he is happy. I do believe that.
I just career happy. I know you're not. And I
know it's a process and a struggle in the in
this moment because you're building and the building processes is hard.
But I do want you to know that you have
you do have me as a teammate in it. And
then I'm here m hm.
Speaker 4 (26:16):
So you would like him to make use of your
support for you to you're offering it, and you would
like him to actively utilize that. It helps to have support, Yeah,
it does. Yeah, And what would you like for her
to do?
Speaker 1 (26:31):
What would I like? I would like for you to
You're so busy all the time that sometimes you don't
prioritize and you're asking me to prioritize my health, and
I'm asking you to prioritize yours by not skepping food
because you're busy.
Speaker 2 (26:47):
I don't have time to eat a podcast days. I'm like,
it's three o'clock and I'm like, oh, shaky.
Speaker 1 (26:52):
How do you Yeah, So I think I think I
would rather you balanced out a little bit more because
it's it's not good at all for your whole physiological system,
which affects your brain health, which affects everything. So to
prioritize eating when you should eat, yeah, okay, But I
think there's also a part where we'll discuss this before.
(27:17):
I'm like thinking the best of each other, thinking we've
always got the best intentions for each other. And I
think when you're stressed and you're busy, and you're jumping
from one thing to the like we are. It's it
can the admiration and love of I'm here for you,
I've got you, I'm always here can not diminished, but
(27:41):
it can dilict itself a little bit because you're focusing
our things are just for your own health. Recognize that
I'm always, yeah, always support you.
Speaker 2 (28:05):
Look at this healing that's happening right here on this couch.
Speaker 4 (28:08):
I love it because both of you named actually similar things,
the same thing, your physical health and wanting the other
person to take care of themselves physically. And then the
second one that both of you named in different ways
is to receive that. I'm like, let me love you, right,
let me show up for you, and like really receive it.
Speaker 3 (28:30):
Yeah, yeah, beautiful.
Speaker 2 (28:32):
What is some of the biggest tips of healing? Because
I have so many women that reach out to me
and because for me, you know, post divorce, I said
my number one thing was that I had to heal
all a lot of the broken pieces inside of me
before I could find love again. And so you know, again,
I'm not a clinical anybody. I just kind of say
the things that I did. But what is your best
(28:55):
tips for Because I believe the reason that I was
able to find a loving, supportive partner was because I
was able to heal and then learn that I deserve
that right, which is why I didn't choose it before.
But that only happened because I healed certain pieces of me.
So what are some of the tips in your book
that people can get that maybe our post divorce or
(29:18):
post breakup that need to heal inside before finding love.
Speaker 4 (29:24):
Thank you for that and for sharing your journey and testimony.
It is important for people to know that it's possible
and to see that it's possible, and even in the
possibility of it and beauty of it, it's you know,
we'll still have to.
Speaker 3 (29:39):
Learn each other.
Speaker 4 (29:40):
So one of the things I like to share with
people is have to breakup, take time for you as
you were naming about your own healing, and at the
same time, no, you don't have to be perfect for
someone to love you, right, So to release this sense
of perfect and to know a part of the healing
(30:02):
will actually take place in relationship. So I have people
all the time who are single and feel like I'm great,
I got it, I'm good, and then when they start
becoming more emotionally connected to someone, that's when the real
triggers show up, because as long as I'm just sitting
in my house by myself, thinking my thoughts in a
calm way, nothing's disturbing that. And so for us to
(30:26):
have grace and compassion for ourselves while we're on that journey.
And then in reflection, you know, for everyone in their
past relationships, is to try to, I say, pull the
wisdom out of the wounds. You know, what did I
learn about myself? What did I learn about relationships that
(30:48):
I can apply here, because sometimes it's easier for us
to see what other people did, and people may have
done very terrible things. And then I also try to
reflec left to myself of what in my past experience
maybe made me either open to this or made me
(31:09):
stay as long as I did, or that you know,
broke down my confidence and myself, or that had given
me a script about what love was supposed to be.
So that's the gift of relationships that didn't work out,
is what I was able to learn from it. And
I would say you all probably appreciate each other a
(31:32):
lot more because you've experienced not having the things that
the other person has brought into your life, So like
not taking that for granted, it's really beautiful, and then
also seeing the departure or the exit or the ending
as a win, because sometimes when we think like, oh,
I've only had failed relationships, you know, maybe those are
(31:55):
relationships that weren't supposed to last. But I was to
learn some things in there, I was to develop in
those and the time it was well, you know, some
things are seasonal, and so it has then positioned me
for this. And then it is important also that we
(32:15):
develop self awareness because as my heart heals, my taste
will change, my mindset shifts, the way I handle conflict
will hopefully shift and grow. So being tuned in and
then communicating, you know that a lot of times, especially
(32:36):
when you've had that relationships in the past, we can
be conflict avoiding. So we're afraid of people getting upset,
or people abandoning, or people leaving, or people changing their
mind about us. So then we're censoring. And as long
as I am censored, a person doesn't really get to
know me, they're not actually in there. And so taking
(33:00):
that risk of actually sharing what we feel and what
we need, so that we're not leaving it to people
to guess or assuming they know or should have known.
And then I would say putting in the quality good times,
because sometimes we make the mistake of all of our
(33:21):
exchanges are the difficult conversations which need to happen, but then.
Speaker 3 (33:27):
There's no joy. We got to put some gas in the.
Speaker 4 (33:30):
Tank, which makes the harder things easier to work through
because we've attended to bringing joy to each other.
Speaker 2 (33:38):
Yeah, for sure. Oh my goodness. So there's those were
some amazing tips and tools, and everyone please get healing
your relationship with yourself and those you love matters of
the heart. Thank you so much for coming on some
healing on all of us, and us too on the couch.
Speaker 3 (33:57):
Thank you so much.
Speaker 4 (33:59):
And I've just as a last point, we didn't get
to it. I would say, you know, hearing the request
for the softer voice even in the frustration, to know
it's that like, intention is not always impact. So I
think you're like not intending anything toward her, but the
(34:19):
way she's receiving it or feeling it feels upsetting. So
then it just becomes it's not that I can't speak
my truth or my frustration. It's it's like, let me
take breath. I call it sacred pause. Let me take
sacred pause because I want to share my frustration, but
I also want her to be clear it's not at her,
(34:40):
it's just something I'm feeling.
Speaker 2 (34:43):
And I too can also take a sacred pause every
once in a while as well.
Speaker 3 (34:46):
Yes's great, it's beautiful all over. I'm like me too,
ill take.
Speaker 2 (34:53):
And that's a lesson that I'm you know, that's I'm
gonna I like that though. I'm going to take a
sacred pause, sacred sacred pause. Thanks. Thank you so much.
You were fantastic.
Speaker 1 (35:02):
Thank you so much.
Speaker 4 (35:03):
Appreciate you both and looking forward to all of your success.
Speaker 2 (35:07):
Thank you, friend, Thank you, I have a great thank
Thank you you too,
Host
Jana Kramer
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