May 22, 2025 • 32 mins
Jana’s movie schedule has been crazy and she misses the fam! But Allan admits there’s a few things about sleeping alone that he kind of likes.
How should couples divide the household labor?? Jana and Allan get real about “who does what”, and there might be a disagreement on the proper balance of chores.
And, we find out more about a major topic that Jana and Allan don’t see eye to eye on!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heart Radio Podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
So Hi, honey, we're apart again. I have an empty
space in the sofa.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
Only a couple more days, a few more sleeps, and
then Mama's home.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
I come through and get you on Friday.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
I'm very excited to have you come up. You're so sweet.
You're just driving up to essentially take me back home
when I wrap at six am.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
Yeah, I'm also driving up because it gives me four
ils on my own and the car with no kids,
no clients, nothing, Just look forward to seeing my wife
and just me in the road.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
You your thoughts in the road. It's like a good
car commercial, just me, my thoughts in the road.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
Yeah. I've got three l's of filming before that, so
I'm not sure how my back's gonna.
Speaker 1 (00:53):
Gonna see that.
Speaker 2 (00:55):
There.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
Yeah, ah, well, how's it been not having the wife
at home? Because this movie we did a little differently.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
They're definitely we've not seen each other as much as
we would have. What do you miss most? Okay, what
do you miss most? And what do you not miss?
Speaker 1 (01:14):
Well? I feel bad with my answer.
Speaker 2 (01:16):
Don't feel bad with the answer, because I won't feel
bad some mine.
Speaker 1 (01:20):
What what do I miss most about how we did
this way?
Speaker 2 (01:25):
Yeah? What do you miss most about? As not being
together every day?
Speaker 1 (01:31):
Well like when you first said that, I was like,
I miss the kids, Like I miss not having Roman
in my kids here, Like I know my bigs can't
come because of school m uh, but I miss the
family unit like I miss uh. I think when I'm
here and I'm working and it's hard for me to
(01:52):
and then everyone's there, it becomes like this push where
I go. I feel like I am a better not
like a better actress, but like I feel I feel
more whole when I work when the family's around me,
because it almost feels like I'm doing it for the
(02:12):
family and we're all in this together, and so it
feels just more united, I guess, and not so isolating
with I'm having to sacrifice and work hard and them
away from my family. Does that make sense?
Speaker 2 (02:25):
Yeah, I forget it, of course. Okay, what do you're
not mess.
Speaker 1 (02:29):
For example, like this week, I don't miss the because
I'm on the night shoots. So normally, when I've done
this before and I'm on night shoots and I have
the kids here, I would be getting back at six
in the morning and then setting an alarm for like
ten o'clock and only getting three hours of sleep. Now, granted,
I'm only getting like five hours of sleep, but I
(02:50):
feel like those extra two hours are important to you know,
to the work and stuff. But when I wrap at
six in the morning, I'm not going back to the
hotel tell to sleep. Like, I'm hopping in your in
your truck and we're going home because I'm so excited
to just be back with the family and together, and
they all know that. I'm like, all right, remember how
(03:12):
mommy says, you know, we don't sit on the couch
and watch movies all day, Well that is going out
the window on Saturday. Having said that, you know, there's
a softball I don't know if you saw that. I
just added onto the calendar. Jolie's got her end of
the year softball pool party. The whole family is going.
So I'm going to be like a zombie. But it's
gonna be so much fun because we'll be back and
it'll be it'll be good. But I don't miss that
(03:35):
anxiety of feeling like I'm a bad mom because I
need to sleep while they're here, or that I that
that pressure.
Speaker 2 (03:42):
H No, I get that.
Speaker 1 (03:43):
What do you miss about it? And what is yours? Well?
Speaker 2 (03:47):
Do I miss? What I mess most is just just
at the end of the night and the kids are
in bed, having that came, just sitting down and having
that conversation with you that cad, well, just just talking
about your day, because even know we can zoom and
we can FaceTime or whatever, we don't really get time
to catch up with them.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
No, it's well, especially right now and nights it's like
you're going to bed and five hours later I'm texting
you saying good night or six you know. Yeah, it's
almost like the London switch right a little bit. Yeah,
because then you're waking up and I'm not up for
another couple hours. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (04:25):
Yeah, So I just missed. I just missed you have
and just like being around thee with bound stuff off
you and talk to you like my best mates. I
just need I like you being there. Okay, what do
I not mess? I don't miss three four times a
night being told to turn over because I'm snoring and
(04:48):
being able to be able to fat and bed.
Speaker 1 (04:52):
I're going to say that, finish your sentence.
Speaker 2 (04:55):
Let my stomach just to free rain or whatever it
wants to.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
Do with that saying, by the way, same, Okay, two
and a half years.
Speaker 2 (05:06):
Have I held you far yet, babe?
Speaker 1 (05:07):
So I know.
Speaker 2 (05:10):
But it was good when the kids were there and
we came up to see you, and that was great.
Speaker 1 (05:15):
We had a lot of that.
Speaker 2 (05:17):
What highlighted the end of the time over there for
three days, four days.
Speaker 1 (05:22):
You guys got up there on Friday, but I didn't
see you until Saturday because I was on a night
shoot that Friday, so I didn't get back until Saturday.
So we had Saturday, Sunday, Monday, and then you guys
left on Tuesday. So y'all had four nights. But I
saw you for three days, okay.
Speaker 2 (05:36):
So we rushed out of the Lbnb, went to the park,
which was nice, and then yeah, I'm going and get
your starbucks because we were leaving. We were leaving to
go on the road. You were leaving to go on set. Okay,
things are, things are calmed down. Then I arrived back,
go get your starbucks. You're in the hotel room at
this point with the three kids. I think, right, okay,
(05:57):
fifteen minutes until we leave, we'll go back. Just i'llchell
out of my waif for or ten minutes, we might
have a little ulla in in the bathroom or something
before it.
Speaker 1 (06:08):
Now all the kids are there.
Speaker 2 (06:11):
And I come back from Starbucks, come up to the room.
Roman is soaking wet because he's been in the show
well with you.
Speaker 1 (06:19):
Well, he did like one of your little mister Deed
moves where like if I'm like washing my face. And
then just like in a real peaceful moment, all of
a sudden, I look down and I see this little
face like I'm like a Roman like he came in
there because it's like just those curtain showers and so
I was just really and then I saw him and
I'm like, all right, you're already and buddy. So then
we just had some fun and then go ahead.
Speaker 2 (06:41):
And then the funniest part of the week is he
shut all over the floor.
Speaker 1 (06:47):
Well, what happened was is he had he was soaking wet,
so as I'm in you, I don't want him to
slip all over this vinyl flooring. So I when we
were in the shower, I took off his clothes. Well,
first I took a picture adorable and then then I
and then I took off his clothes and then I
got back in the shower, so and I drop up
the floor floor a little bit, and so I was
(07:08):
just like, hey, get his mom is going to finish
showering and uh because we're just like in this one
room thing. And then I come out and I'm like,
what is the brown stuff on the floor? And he
had like literally stepped in his he pooped because he
didn't have diaper on. But I'm like, oh my gosh,
this is like a dog. Like the second I don't
have his diaper on. He just pooped and but he
stepped in it and then started like stepping all over
(07:28):
the room. So then you come home and I'm drenched,
you know, trying to dry off. Roman's walking around poop
feet and I'm like, Hoti help.
Speaker 2 (07:40):
Yeah, it's so funny. He's got has to do that though,
wasn't he remember the last time me cook? He's diaper
off and then thirty seconds he pooped Neil shoe, Yeah.
Speaker 1 (07:50):
Super great, it's fun perfectly not anywhere else. Just he
found my shoe and he pooped in it.
Speaker 2 (07:56):
Yeah. I'm looking forward to having your back.
Speaker 1 (07:58):
Thanks. What are you looking forward to most?
Speaker 2 (08:04):
Just everything? I also haven't a new respect for like
single mums.
Speaker 1 (08:15):
This is good, especially really glad this happened.
Speaker 2 (08:19):
Although although although I've had an Annie for some of
the time when I've been here, the volume of what
kin much I've had to get through is is ridiculous.
But it's given any of this new found Okay, yeah,
maybe I need to do more sometimes, but I can
(08:41):
see you know, you know, you see these these articles
of single mums that I've just gone crazy at their kids.
I can totally, totally and utterly associate with that.
Speaker 1 (08:54):
But also you can say the wife that goes crazy
and then when things are left or there's a ring
on the table, it's really not about the ring on
the table, It's about all the things that the mom
had been doing. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Wow, this is
a really awesome revelation. Maybe this is my favorite.
Speaker 2 (09:12):
Really a revelation, is it? It's not really a revelation.
Speaker 1 (09:15):
I think you realize how.
Speaker 2 (09:16):
Much we do. Yeah, you do a lot, a lot.
Speaker 1 (09:21):
Anyway, it's my favorite podcast we've ever recorded.
Speaker 2 (09:24):
Well, we'll get a new we'll get a slightly new
setup this week. We don't mean we have we have
four pillars. We have a couple's top couples topics easy
for me to say. We have navigating friends and families,
a married couple who does what a weird division of chores,
and then faith values in building us shared identity couples topics.
(09:50):
You have something you want to achieve or do by
the end of the year as a couple.
Speaker 1 (09:55):
Yes, I would like to actually have a vacation that
doesn't get interrupted. That would be nice. I have something
(10:16):
planned for you for our one year wedding anniversary that
you have no idea about. I have planned it, and
I have booked it, and my fear is that something
will go all book something and it'll be that weekend.
But I'm about to send a letter out or an
(10:37):
email out to my agents and be like, no matter
what comes up, like they're going to have to move
around these three dates because I think Taylor, my makeup
artist on this movie, was asking me. She was like,
how often do you and your husband to date nights?
And I said, you know what, we used to do
really good, I said, but lately we've gotten into a
I don't want to say a bad pattern, but I
(11:00):
don't feel like we prioritize it the way that we
should because we're so I get it we're so busy,
and so I said, one of my favorite Oh am,
I upsetting it.
Speaker 2 (11:09):
No, No, I think those everything's relative, isn't it, And
those reasons for you've done three movies in three months,
which is a lot logistical. I know patons that change, okay,
but continue.
Speaker 1 (11:25):
But I was saying to her, like, one of my
favorite things that we do is a at home date night,
I said, but and I love that. You know, we
we eat in the dining room, we change it up,
you put a candle there, we play games, we don't
just do watch a movie. So it is it is
one of my favorite date nights. But I also think
in a way it's kind of an eat I don't
(11:47):
want to say an easy wayut because I really like,
I love you make it so sweet and it's so thoughtful.
But when we went out finally for our like our
first date of the year, essentially in March, uh, I mean,
I know that's a little bit of a stretch, but
we we didn't just go to dinner and go home.
We were in downtown Franklin and we're like, let's go
(12:08):
for a walk. Let's go just walk down the street,
and we did something that was an that wasn't just
the mundane like We're going to go out to get
dressed up and go out to dinner and then go
back home and then let's call it a date like
we Actually I feel like that night was the first
time we actually dated each other this year, and I
feel like I would like to do more of that
(12:30):
because I felt better and more, I felt more connected
to you. Okay, that night, Does that make sense?
Speaker 2 (12:39):
Yes, So always do that by the end of the year.
Speaker 1 (12:41):
Okay, I guess I'm doing like more like small pieces.
Speaker 2 (12:46):
But I'm joking. I'm joking. No, I know what you mean.
Speaker 1 (12:49):
But also I'm really excited because I want to go
somewhere new with you, and I know you've been to
this place before, but we're going to Paris in October
for the One Tree Hill Convention. I I don't like
how everything that we do together is normally tacked on
to work, but we are going to take two prior
days and explore and I've never been to Paris. I'm
(13:12):
so excited, and so that is something I'm really looking
forward to by the end of the year, is just
having an adventure with you. Because Italy will hands down,
it was just hands down the most incredible time with you,
and so I look forward to just stealing away time,
(13:33):
how about you?
Speaker 2 (13:34):
Yeah, so mine would be And it gets me thinking.
You know that little park we were out in Kentucky
a few days ago, which one we went to?
Speaker 1 (13:42):
Ten?
Speaker 2 (13:44):
Yeah, the one that's the one that the kids can
have the little cat Oh yeah, I.
Speaker 1 (13:48):
Love it was so cute. If you're in Kentucky, there's
a really cute place called the Children's Are Our Breedom. Yeah,
super cute.
Speaker 2 (13:55):
So we'll setting there and those the low low cabin
and there's a little stone fire, there's all the wood chips,
and I'm sitting there and I'm thinking, if this had
a lake and it was just a cabin with a
fire pit, I would love to be with you for
just two or three days, just the two of us, nature,
(14:18):
the cabin buyers water. So I will need to I
need to get that arranged.
Speaker 1 (14:26):
That sounds great.
Speaker 2 (14:28):
But like a remote cabin, yeah, not loads of not
loads of cabins around it, Like a remote one in
the in the woods that's got that's got access to
water and we can just sit there and switch off
for three days. Hopefully there's no phone. We'll need phone
signal for the kids.
Speaker 1 (14:45):
Yeah. I think it's an important thing though to ask,
because so I've been doing this thing. I haven't actually
even told you. So I've been doing this thing on
my notes, and it's I've never ever done this in
any other year. But for some reason, at the end
of the year, you kind of go, what, like what
(15:06):
actually happened in each month and how did I feel
and what was like It couldn't have all been bad,
it couldn't have all been great like there had like
what was the what was the journey in the year?
And so I started I have a thing on my
notes that says the year and each month it's like January.
January was an overall good month. Some highs were shooting
(15:26):
a movie with great people, but I put the highs
in the low and what happened? I'm doing this, No,
I'm doing this like on my phone and so, but
what has been the common theme was January. The low
was disconnection from Alan, you know, because we've just been busy.
(15:47):
February was a stressful month with Roman being sick and
then but I always end with like a high and
it's just interesting because you know, now with April, I
said only negative be not as much connection time with
my husband, and so I'm starting to notice a little
bit of a trend. And that's where I'm like, I
want to not let that go because then I think
(16:09):
that's where our frustrations could you know, pile up, because
and then it won't be about the ring on the
table that I'm freaking out about. It's because I don't
feel connected to you, and I know and it's not
anyone's fault other than life and kids and all the
million moving pieces and your work and my work and
being in different cities and countries, and so I think
(16:30):
to be able whoever's listening to go, hey, what is
one thing that we can do this year that would
be a really good connection time? And for you that
looks like a cabin and for me it looks so
like that's yours. That's something that you want to do,
and I am, you know, the the honeymoon and not
the honeymoon, but the anniversary and the Paris because I
love having fun with you, like you're my best friend.
(16:52):
I love to just have fun, and that's how I
feel like we connect really well. And then it can
be even during the day, like let's make sure, we
love to be outside and play tennis. Let's do that
at least once a month or something where it's talking
to your husband and saying, this is what I really
want to do, this is what is important for me,
for us to be able to connect so that you're
not at the end of the year going man, we
(17:13):
didn't really prioritize us and we are the glue that
holds everything together.
Speaker 2 (17:18):
Absolutely so o bib okay these habits. Then in next next.
Speaker 1 (17:27):
Section, I was thinking about when it comes to who
does what. And it's interesting because the topic that you
brought up about you have more empathy maybe for or
you just more like appreciation. I'll say that for kind
of all the things that moms do and you, I'll
say this, you do a lot. You do more than
(17:49):
any husband I ever had, Like you do you do
so much so and I appreciate that. But I'm curious
because when I look at these questions, so it's the
weird division of chores, and it's who does the dishes,
who cooks, who cleans up the dog poop, who wipes
down the counters, who's changing diapers, cleaning bathrooms? And I
(18:13):
feel like for me, I go to a this is
a there's a there's a man's job, and there's a
woman's job. And sometimes when the woman feels like she's
doing some of the men's job, that's where maybe the
frustration comes in. Is that true? Maybe to be said,
I love it. Well. Have you ever cleaned your outside bathroom?
Speaker 2 (18:36):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (18:37):
Lies? Oh?
Speaker 2 (18:39):
Lies?
Speaker 1 (18:39):
I have when last year.
Speaker 2 (18:42):
When we moved in, I cleaned it three weeks ago
because I knew people were going to start using the pool.
And the people start using the pool, then they start
to use the outside bathroom. Yes, it was cleaned.
Speaker 1 (18:56):
But I think when it comes to like dog poop stuff,
I don't want toick up the dog pup.
Speaker 2 (19:00):
You don't. You never pack up?
Speaker 1 (19:02):
I know because I'm like, if that's the one thing
I don't do, pick up the damn dog pup, I do.
I understand that, I know because I do ninety percent
of the other things. Okay, you agree?
Speaker 2 (19:21):
When did I say I agree that you're doing and
you and you pick up the poop? Okay, So there's
six things on the list here, right, Who does the dishies,
the dishwashing the dishes?
Speaker 1 (19:33):
No, we both do. We're very much the people. I
cannot have dishes in the sink. It gives me hives.
Speaker 2 (19:39):
Who cooks you seventy percent?
Speaker 1 (19:42):
Me? Yeah, it's a good seventy thirty split.
Speaker 2 (19:44):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:45):
In the thirties, I got the three dishes that I
always think.
Speaker 2 (19:48):
Who cleans up the dogs? Yea naturl and heat and
wind sometimes picks it away because it's so tiny, but
predominantly me. Right. Who wipes down the counters? I wipe
down the counters? Users wipe them again?
Speaker 1 (20:03):
Oh my god, you don't properly wipe the counters.
Speaker 2 (20:06):
When I'm cleaning up, I wipe. I wipe the counters.
They might not be to your satisfaction, but but you
you like to wipe the counters. Yes, yeah, because you
miss who's changing who's changing diapers? That's one million percent
of fifty fifty splat. Okay, you disagree, No, I think
we're good. Look, we're good for that.
Speaker 1 (20:27):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:27):
Cleaning bathrooms. So we've touched on the outside bathroom. The
cleaners kind of clean the bathrooms. But you like to
have a little You like to have a little trash
can that overflows, and now don't they you sure do. Yeah,
But at the cleaning bathrooms, I think of the stuff
to pick up. We pick up?
Speaker 1 (20:49):
Yeah again, I just it just goes back to I
think women and men see things differently. So if you
can divide what would be important to you what the
other would the people need help with? Like I cannot,
for example, if that rug is still there when I
get home, I can't physically lift that rug. Please don't
make me call the neighbors something.
Speaker 2 (21:07):
The rug is gone.
Speaker 1 (21:09):
You got it gone, Okay, But it's been there for
months and it's had a big old stain on it,
and I can't keep looking at it. And I'm just like,
I will move the table and I will end up
hurting my back. Please, I'm begging you. I look at
it every time I walk through the dining room. It's awful.
Speaker 2 (21:24):
The rug is going to and discuss what the new
one looks like.
Speaker 1 (21:27):
I think we're just going to leave it right now,
because then it's more work for me.
Speaker 2 (21:32):
I need to take away the lightning on them things
still there. I thought we're going to replace the rug.
Speaker 1 (21:38):
I just would like to keep it clean for a minute, right, Okay.
Another thing for you couples out there, Let's do a
good old division and I do the laundry, and I
(22:02):
get frustrated when you put the laundry in when I'm
not ready to do the laundry, because there's a time
when I'm ready to do the laundry. But when you
need something washed, you throw it in because it's on
your timing and when you need it. And then I
then have to be the one to do the transferring
and then folding when I'm not ready to do that,
and then I get frustrated because I'm like, don't add
this to my plate. I don't want to fold the
(22:24):
laundry right now. And do you know people actually pay
for someone to come in and do their laundry. I
would never do that, no judgment, but I actually like
folding laundry. I just don't like putting it away, which
you have been now putting away. So that's been nice.
Speaker 2 (22:39):
Yeah, when you come back, there'll be no laundry in
the laundry room, thank you. The rug will be gone,
things that you asked me to do that the house
will not be spotless because I'm busy, very busy, and
probably will be easy through midnight late.
Speaker 1 (22:56):
It's good to have these conversations though.
Speaker 2 (22:58):
But yeah, listen, I know how you like that host
when you get back. So as a respectful husband, I'll
time and get it's close to.
Speaker 1 (23:07):
I just don't want to say any rings on the table.
That's my only relationship headlines Alex Cooper reveals what couples
need to do before getting married, shares husband Matt Caplan's
best marriage advice. So Alex Cooper, she's obviously a hit podcaster,
call her daddy. She follows me on Instagram and I'm like,
oh my god, Alex. I don't know if she actually
(23:27):
does or for her people did, but I just love her.
I think she's great. She in the host and her
friend Lauren discussed a marriage as not only a test
of love, but compatibility as well. So she had said
she called a bit of wisdom her husband often relies on.
There's so much more to marriage than love, if anything,
that's the easiest part. Cooper encouraged listeners to consider a
(23:50):
number of aspects before thinking about engagement or marriage, morals,
careers and family, as well as money, potential, in laws,
and overall hopes for the future. So, I mean, I
agree with her on having those types of conversations before
(24:10):
obviously getting married. I regret not having some of those
conversations for sure before I got married prior so obviously
moral check was wildly off on my last one as
(24:30):
long as as well as some other things on there.
But I feel like we because we had been through
relationships that had some difficulty that we definitely talked through.
Speaker 2 (24:45):
A lot of it. Yeah, I think we knew we
didn't want, Yeah, which was important. We knew what we
wanted that we knew we wanted to be in the
life in this phase of our life when you we
certainly we didn't want involved in our day to day
Now it was always perfect, No, it's not, but I
(25:08):
think we had conversations that made listen. I think when
we were into marriage, Before we were into marriage, we
were also you were also pregnant as well. It was
a little bit different than than maybe as for maybe
as for some people. But there's as a shoe touched
on the face faith values in building a shared identity piece.
Speaker 1 (25:32):
No, I was curious if there was anything we you
don't think we matched up on that we had to
work through.
Speaker 2 (25:42):
No, I don't think so.
Speaker 1 (25:43):
Yeah, because when I think about money, we're very much both.
We're both frugal in a way where we don't spend
a lot of money, We don't. I think our only
piece has been the faith aspect.
Speaker 2 (25:55):
Yeah, you would. I know for a fact, you would
rather I was more in touch with.
Speaker 1 (26:02):
It's not that I rather you more in touch. I
just maybe the comfortability with it where it's because I
can sense your uncomfortableness at times with it and it
used to bother me. But now it's like, I'm just
gonna still do all these things because it's my it's
my it's you know, that's my faith, and that's my
(26:23):
kid's faith and in the praying and you know, but
I wish we could bring it more into our marriage. Yeah,
I do for sure?
Speaker 2 (26:33):
What part what would you What would you rather I do?
What would you like to see me do that I
don't do right now?
Speaker 1 (26:39):
To me to have like when I think of and
please don't take this the wrong way in any sense,
but a man that is sturdy in his faith, I
think is like the and I never had that as
like my father wasn't like that. My mom now has
a faith aspect or you know, but I but I
(27:00):
think kind of even when I'm saying this right now,
I'm glad that one of us has that for the family.
So where I have always pictured it being a man
having that the rock of the faith of the family,
and that's who you know, the family looks up to
(27:21):
in the faith. I kind of go, no, it's okay,
it's okay that it's me in that role. And then
it's okay, that's not both of us. I'll still but
it would be I think nice to I guess bring
it in when we are maybe having like I've never
been able to really pray with a couple, like with
(27:41):
with a partner, and I think that makes you uncomfortable
if we were to ever do that. So I never have.
I mean I quietly do it. But it's like and
I think, I'm as long as you believe in you know,
and you come, you are willing, like you like coming
(28:02):
to church, and I do, like I've just had to
kind of change and go, no, no, it's okay that
I'm what my vision is, Okay, that I am the
one the center of the faith, and that it can then.
Speaker 2 (28:19):
Branch out, Okay, can I can?
Speaker 1 (28:21):
I I'm also so new to it, so it's really
hard because I'm like, I don't.
Speaker 2 (28:24):
Yeah you are, which is which is fine, but I can.
I'd also like to say something, and not in defense
of me, because I know I know that I'm not
I'm not the one that's going to instigate a prayer
or I'm not the one that's going to Maybe the
odd time i'll say, if do you want to go
to church? If we're not planned on going. I think
maybe once or twice i've said that because I actually
(28:47):
like going to church.
Speaker 1 (28:48):
Yeah, we have an awesome pastor, he's great.
Speaker 2 (28:49):
Yeah, the messaging is always really good. There's a lot
of singing is on at the beginning, but but the
messages that always excellent, always excellent, actually enjoy and every
time I go, I'm like glad, I'm glad that I went.
But I want to be really clear and like, so
you're talking about you've always wanted a man who's study
and stable in these faith, So.
Speaker 1 (29:12):
This is but you're so sturdy in your morals and
you're that this.
Speaker 2 (29:16):
Is this is what I wanted to touch on, because
you can have men who are study and stable in
the faith. It's very unstable in the morals and.
Speaker 1 (29:23):
Values one million gazillion percent, and that is where like
you are. And that's I like, and I was going
to say that too, because you are so morally sturdy
and the rock of like, this is what is right,
this is what is wrong. I will never do this
to your mom. I will never you know, this is
this is our wife, you know. So I yes, like
one million percent.
Speaker 2 (29:46):
So that's that's almost like, Okay, I understand that's not
where I am as a godly person. I'm not. I'm
not there yet. I'm not that rock of Christianity you
want me to be at this point that I want
you to be.
Speaker 1 (30:03):
I just the comfortable.
Speaker 2 (30:05):
Yeah, so I get that, but you can. I guess
my point is you can. You can get men who
are fronted by the study and their faith but are
absolutely yeah, we know what. Yeah, he'll study in the faith,
but the morals are lower than a still yep. So
therefore I might not be the when it comes to
the the study in my faith, but you can always
(30:27):
rely on me when it comes to my morals and values.
Speaker 1 (30:30):
And yeah, and I hope you know that I'm not.
I'm I love that it's it. I'm okay that it's
not that way because of how morally compassed you are
and how it doesn't as long as you're open and
willing to go to church and do you know and
not like and you know, even with I think it's
(30:52):
different because now that we have a son together, it's
I do want Roman to pray, and I hope and
I guess I've never really asked you if that's okay.
And I know at dinner, you know you will say prayer,
prayer hands, but I've never actually said, like, is that
okay that we're doing this with Roman too.
Speaker 2 (31:08):
I don't mind praying at dinner. I think it's actually
a positive thing. Okay, if you are to bring my
mom and dad into the scenario, I'm pretty sure we
prayed at dinner when I was when I was young.
Speaker 1 (31:19):
Yeah, I'm sorry, I haven't even asked that before.
Speaker 2 (31:21):
Yeah, if you bring my mom and dad in a scenario,
they would be very comfortable at praying at the table.
Speaker 1 (31:26):
I would imagine, well, your dad does. He does the
cutest little prayer.
Speaker 2 (31:29):
Yeah, so I just get out of the habit and
it's yeah, it's not it's not something that I am.
I'm completely and utterly, one hundred percent not uncomfortable. I
think when the kids pray at the table, when Romans
get his little prayer hands, it's cute and I put
my head down and I pray because that's the end
(31:50):
of the day. I'm still a Christian. Yeah, I still
believe in God. Yeah, but yeah study in my faith.
Maybe not. So You'll also plenty of men that will
pray with.
Speaker 1 (32:05):
You and then don't we know, but that will come
with us and then do what they do. Okay, well, listen,
we have got so many more topics and discussions and
headline relationship stuff and quotes from therapists, so stay tuned
for next week because we're going to talk about the
(32:26):
number one thing you should never say to your partner
in a fight and our best tip that we learned
from our couples therapist of want not to do in
a fight that we are terrible at, but we're going
to continue to be better at. So stay tuned for
that one. See you soon, baby,
Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heart Radio Podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
So Hi, honey, we're apart again. I have an empty
space in the sofa.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
Only a couple more days, a few more sleeps, and
then Mama's home.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
I come through and get you on Friday.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
I'm very excited to have you come up. You're so sweet.
You're just driving up to essentially take me back home
when I wrap at six am.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
Yeah, I'm also driving up because it gives me four
ils on my own and the car with no kids,
no clients, nothing, Just look forward to seeing my wife
and just me in the road.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
You your thoughts in the road. It's like a good
car commercial, just me, my thoughts in the road.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
Yeah. I've got three l's of filming before that, so
I'm not sure how my back's gonna.
Speaker 1 (00:53):
Gonna see that.
Speaker 2 (00:55):
There.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
Yeah, ah, well, how's it been not having the wife
at home? Because this movie we did a little differently.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
They're definitely we've not seen each other as much as
we would have. What do you miss most? Okay, what
do you miss most? And what do you not miss?
Speaker 1 (01:14):
Well? I feel bad with my answer.
Speaker 2 (01:16):
Don't feel bad with the answer, because I won't feel
bad some mine.
Speaker 1 (01:20):
What what do I miss most about how we did
this way?
Speaker 2 (01:25):
Yeah? What do you miss most about? As not being
together every day?
Speaker 1 (01:31):
Well like when you first said that, I was like,
I miss the kids, Like I miss not having Roman
in my kids here, Like I know my bigs can't
come because of school m uh, but I miss the
family unit like I miss uh. I think when I'm
here and I'm working and it's hard for me to
(01:52):
and then everyone's there, it becomes like this push where
I go. I feel like I am a better not
like a better actress, but like I feel I feel
more whole when I work when the family's around me,
because it almost feels like I'm doing it for the
(02:12):
family and we're all in this together, and so it
feels just more united, I guess, and not so isolating
with I'm having to sacrifice and work hard and them
away from my family. Does that make sense?
Speaker 2 (02:25):
Yeah, I forget it, of course. Okay, what do you're
not mess.
Speaker 1 (02:29):
For example, like this week, I don't miss the because
I'm on the night shoots. So normally, when I've done
this before and I'm on night shoots and I have
the kids here, I would be getting back at six
in the morning and then setting an alarm for like
ten o'clock and only getting three hours of sleep. Now, granted,
I'm only getting like five hours of sleep, but I
(02:50):
feel like those extra two hours are important to you know,
to the work and stuff. But when I wrap at
six in the morning, I'm not going back to the
hotel tell to sleep. Like, I'm hopping in your in
your truck and we're going home because I'm so excited
to just be back with the family and together, and
they all know that. I'm like, all right, remember how
(03:12):
mommy says, you know, we don't sit on the couch
and watch movies all day, Well that is going out
the window on Saturday. Having said that, you know, there's
a softball I don't know if you saw that. I
just added onto the calendar. Jolie's got her end of
the year softball pool party. The whole family is going.
So I'm going to be like a zombie. But it's
gonna be so much fun because we'll be back and
it'll be it'll be good. But I don't miss that
(03:35):
anxiety of feeling like I'm a bad mom because I
need to sleep while they're here, or that I that
that pressure.
Speaker 2 (03:42):
H No, I get that.
Speaker 1 (03:43):
What do you miss about it? And what is yours? Well?
Speaker 2 (03:47):
Do I miss? What I mess most is just just
at the end of the night and the kids are
in bed, having that came, just sitting down and having
that conversation with you that cad, well, just just talking
about your day, because even know we can zoom and
we can FaceTime or whatever, we don't really get time
to catch up with them.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
No, it's well, especially right now and nights it's like
you're going to bed and five hours later I'm texting
you saying good night or six you know. Yeah, it's
almost like the London switch right a little bit. Yeah,
because then you're waking up and I'm not up for
another couple hours. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (04:25):
Yeah, So I just missed. I just missed you have
and just like being around thee with bound stuff off
you and talk to you like my best mates. I
just need I like you being there. Okay, what do
I not mess? I don't miss three four times a
night being told to turn over because I'm snoring and
(04:48):
being able to be able to fat and bed.
Speaker 1 (04:52):
I're going to say that, finish your sentence.
Speaker 2 (04:55):
Let my stomach just to free rain or whatever it
wants to.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
Do with that saying, by the way, same, Okay, two
and a half years.
Speaker 2 (05:06):
Have I held you far yet, babe?
Speaker 1 (05:07):
So I know.
Speaker 2 (05:10):
But it was good when the kids were there and
we came up to see you, and that was great.
Speaker 1 (05:15):
We had a lot of that.
Speaker 2 (05:17):
What highlighted the end of the time over there for
three days, four days.
Speaker 1 (05:22):
You guys got up there on Friday, but I didn't
see you until Saturday because I was on a night
shoot that Friday, so I didn't get back until Saturday.
So we had Saturday, Sunday, Monday, and then you guys
left on Tuesday. So y'all had four nights. But I
saw you for three days, okay.
Speaker 2 (05:36):
So we rushed out of the Lbnb, went to the park,
which was nice, and then yeah, I'm going and get
your starbucks because we were leaving. We were leaving to
go on the road. You were leaving to go on set. Okay,
things are, things are calmed down. Then I arrived back,
go get your starbucks. You're in the hotel room at
this point with the three kids. I think, right, okay,
(05:57):
fifteen minutes until we leave, we'll go back. Just i'llchell
out of my waif for or ten minutes, we might
have a little ulla in in the bathroom or something
before it.
Speaker 1 (06:08):
Now all the kids are there.
Speaker 2 (06:11):
And I come back from Starbucks, come up to the room.
Roman is soaking wet because he's been in the show
well with you.
Speaker 1 (06:19):
Well, he did like one of your little mister Deed
moves where like if I'm like washing my face. And
then just like in a real peaceful moment, all of
a sudden, I look down and I see this little
face like I'm like a Roman like he came in
there because it's like just those curtain showers and so
I was just really and then I saw him and
I'm like, all right, you're already and buddy. So then
we just had some fun and then go ahead.
Speaker 2 (06:41):
And then the funniest part of the week is he
shut all over the floor.
Speaker 1 (06:47):
Well, what happened was is he had he was soaking wet,
so as I'm in you, I don't want him to
slip all over this vinyl flooring. So I when we
were in the shower, I took off his clothes. Well,
first I took a picture adorable and then then I
and then I took off his clothes and then I
got back in the shower, so and I drop up
the floor floor a little bit, and so I was
(07:08):
just like, hey, get his mom is going to finish
showering and uh because we're just like in this one
room thing. And then I come out and I'm like,
what is the brown stuff on the floor? And he
had like literally stepped in his he pooped because he
didn't have diaper on. But I'm like, oh my gosh,
this is like a dog. Like the second I don't
have his diaper on. He just pooped and but he
stepped in it and then started like stepping all over
(07:28):
the room. So then you come home and I'm drenched,
you know, trying to dry off. Roman's walking around poop
feet and I'm like, Hoti help.
Speaker 2 (07:40):
Yeah, it's so funny. He's got has to do that though,
wasn't he remember the last time me cook? He's diaper
off and then thirty seconds he pooped Neil shoe, Yeah.
Speaker 1 (07:50):
Super great, it's fun perfectly not anywhere else. Just he
found my shoe and he pooped in it.
Speaker 2 (07:56):
Yeah. I'm looking forward to having your back.
Speaker 1 (07:58):
Thanks. What are you looking forward to most?
Speaker 2 (08:04):
Just everything? I also haven't a new respect for like
single mums.
Speaker 1 (08:15):
This is good, especially really glad this happened.
Speaker 2 (08:19):
Although although although I've had an Annie for some of
the time when I've been here, the volume of what
kin much I've had to get through is is ridiculous.
But it's given any of this new found Okay, yeah,
maybe I need to do more sometimes, but I can
(08:41):
see you know, you know, you see these these articles
of single mums that I've just gone crazy at their kids.
I can totally, totally and utterly associate with that.
Speaker 1 (08:54):
But also you can say the wife that goes crazy
and then when things are left or there's a ring
on the table, it's really not about the ring on
the table, It's about all the things that the mom
had been doing. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Wow, this is
a really awesome revelation. Maybe this is my favorite.
Speaker 2 (09:12):
Really a revelation, is it? It's not really a revelation.
Speaker 1 (09:15):
I think you realize how.
Speaker 2 (09:16):
Much we do. Yeah, you do a lot, a lot.
Speaker 1 (09:21):
Anyway, it's my favorite podcast we've ever recorded.
Speaker 2 (09:24):
Well, we'll get a new we'll get a slightly new
setup this week. We don't mean we have we have
four pillars. We have a couple's top couples topics easy
for me to say. We have navigating friends and families,
a married couple who does what a weird division of chores,
and then faith values in building us shared identity couples topics.
(09:50):
You have something you want to achieve or do by
the end of the year as a couple.
Speaker 1 (09:55):
Yes, I would like to actually have a vacation that
doesn't get interrupted. That would be nice. I have something
(10:16):
planned for you for our one year wedding anniversary that
you have no idea about. I have planned it, and
I have booked it, and my fear is that something
will go all book something and it'll be that weekend.
But I'm about to send a letter out or an
(10:37):
email out to my agents and be like, no matter
what comes up, like they're going to have to move
around these three dates because I think Taylor, my makeup
artist on this movie, was asking me. She was like,
how often do you and your husband to date nights?
And I said, you know what, we used to do
really good, I said, but lately we've gotten into a
I don't want to say a bad pattern, but I
(11:00):
don't feel like we prioritize it the way that we
should because we're so I get it we're so busy,
and so I said, one of my favorite Oh am,
I upsetting it.
Speaker 2 (11:09):
No, No, I think those everything's relative, isn't it, And
those reasons for you've done three movies in three months,
which is a lot logistical. I know patons that change, okay,
but continue.
Speaker 1 (11:25):
But I was saying to her, like, one of my
favorite things that we do is a at home date night,
I said, but and I love that. You know, we
we eat in the dining room, we change it up,
you put a candle there, we play games, we don't
just do watch a movie. So it is it is
one of my favorite date nights. But I also think
in a way it's kind of an eat I don't
(11:47):
want to say an easy wayut because I really like,
I love you make it so sweet and it's so thoughtful.
But when we went out finally for our like our
first date of the year, essentially in March, uh, I mean,
I know that's a little bit of a stretch, but
we we didn't just go to dinner and go home.
We were in downtown Franklin and we're like, let's go
(12:08):
for a walk. Let's go just walk down the street,
and we did something that was an that wasn't just
the mundane like We're going to go out to get
dressed up and go out to dinner and then go
back home and then let's call it a date like
we Actually I feel like that night was the first
time we actually dated each other this year, and I
feel like I would like to do more of that
(12:30):
because I felt better and more, I felt more connected
to you. Okay, that night, Does that make sense?
Speaker 2 (12:39):
Yes, So always do that by the end of the year.
Speaker 1 (12:41):
Okay, I guess I'm doing like more like small pieces.
Speaker 2 (12:46):
But I'm joking. I'm joking. No, I know what you mean.
Speaker 1 (12:49):
But also I'm really excited because I want to go
somewhere new with you, and I know you've been to
this place before, but we're going to Paris in October
for the One Tree Hill Convention. I I don't like
how everything that we do together is normally tacked on
to work, but we are going to take two prior
days and explore and I've never been to Paris. I'm
(13:12):
so excited, and so that is something I'm really looking
forward to by the end of the year, is just
having an adventure with you. Because Italy will hands down,
it was just hands down the most incredible time with you,
and so I look forward to just stealing away time,
(13:33):
how about you?
Speaker 2 (13:34):
Yeah, so mine would be And it gets me thinking.
You know that little park we were out in Kentucky
a few days ago, which one we went to?
Speaker 1 (13:42):
Ten?
Speaker 2 (13:44):
Yeah, the one that's the one that the kids can
have the little cat Oh yeah, I.
Speaker 1 (13:48):
Love it was so cute. If you're in Kentucky, there's
a really cute place called the Children's Are Our Breedom. Yeah,
super cute.
Speaker 2 (13:55):
So we'll setting there and those the low low cabin
and there's a little stone fire, there's all the wood chips,
and I'm sitting there and I'm thinking, if this had
a lake and it was just a cabin with a
fire pit, I would love to be with you for
just two or three days, just the two of us, nature,
(14:18):
the cabin buyers water. So I will need to I
need to get that arranged.
Speaker 1 (14:26):
That sounds great.
Speaker 2 (14:28):
But like a remote cabin, yeah, not loads of not
loads of cabins around it, Like a remote one in
the in the woods that's got that's got access to
water and we can just sit there and switch off
for three days. Hopefully there's no phone. We'll need phone
signal for the kids.
Speaker 1 (14:45):
Yeah. I think it's an important thing though to ask,
because so I've been doing this thing. I haven't actually
even told you. So I've been doing this thing on
my notes, and it's I've never ever done this in
any other year. But for some reason, at the end
of the year, you kind of go, what, like what
(15:06):
actually happened in each month and how did I feel
and what was like It couldn't have all been bad,
it couldn't have all been great like there had like
what was the what was the journey in the year?
And so I started I have a thing on my
notes that says the year and each month it's like January.
January was an overall good month. Some highs were shooting
(15:26):
a movie with great people, but I put the highs
in the low and what happened? I'm doing this, No,
I'm doing this like on my phone and so, but
what has been the common theme was January. The low
was disconnection from Alan, you know, because we've just been busy.
(15:47):
February was a stressful month with Roman being sick and
then but I always end with like a high and
it's just interesting because you know, now with April, I
said only negative be not as much connection time with
my husband, and so I'm starting to notice a little
bit of a trend. And that's where I'm like, I
want to not let that go because then I think
(16:09):
that's where our frustrations could you know, pile up, because
and then it won't be about the ring on the
table that I'm freaking out about. It's because I don't
feel connected to you, and I know and it's not
anyone's fault other than life and kids and all the
million moving pieces and your work and my work and
being in different cities and countries, and so I think
(16:30):
to be able whoever's listening to go, hey, what is
one thing that we can do this year that would
be a really good connection time? And for you that
looks like a cabin and for me it looks so
like that's yours. That's something that you want to do,
and I am, you know, the the honeymoon and not
the honeymoon, but the anniversary and the Paris because I
love having fun with you, like you're my best friend.
(16:52):
I love to just have fun, and that's how I
feel like we connect really well. And then it can
be even during the day, like let's make sure, we
love to be outside and play tennis. Let's do that
at least once a month or something where it's talking
to your husband and saying, this is what I really
want to do, this is what is important for me,
for us to be able to connect so that you're
not at the end of the year going man, we
(17:13):
didn't really prioritize us and we are the glue that
holds everything together.
Speaker 2 (17:18):
Absolutely so o bib okay these habits. Then in next next.
Speaker 1 (17:27):
Section, I was thinking about when it comes to who
does what. And it's interesting because the topic that you
brought up about you have more empathy maybe for or
you just more like appreciation. I'll say that for kind
of all the things that moms do and you, I'll
say this, you do a lot. You do more than
(17:49):
any husband I ever had, Like you do you do
so much so and I appreciate that. But I'm curious
because when I look at these questions, so it's the
weird division of chores, and it's who does the dishes,
who cooks, who cleans up the dog poop, who wipes
down the counters, who's changing diapers, cleaning bathrooms? And I
(18:13):
feel like for me, I go to a this is
a there's a there's a man's job, and there's a
woman's job. And sometimes when the woman feels like she's
doing some of the men's job, that's where maybe the
frustration comes in. Is that true? Maybe to be said,
I love it. Well. Have you ever cleaned your outside bathroom?
Speaker 2 (18:36):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (18:37):
Lies? Oh?
Speaker 2 (18:39):
Lies?
Speaker 1 (18:39):
I have when last year.
Speaker 2 (18:42):
When we moved in, I cleaned it three weeks ago
because I knew people were going to start using the pool.
And the people start using the pool, then they start
to use the outside bathroom. Yes, it was cleaned.
Speaker 1 (18:56):
But I think when it comes to like dog poop stuff,
I don't want toick up the dog pup.
Speaker 2 (19:00):
You don't. You never pack up?
Speaker 1 (19:02):
I know because I'm like, if that's the one thing
I don't do, pick up the damn dog pup, I do.
I understand that, I know because I do ninety percent
of the other things. Okay, you agree?
Speaker 2 (19:21):
When did I say I agree that you're doing and
you and you pick up the poop? Okay, So there's
six things on the list here, right, Who does the dishies,
the dishwashing the dishes?
Speaker 1 (19:33):
No, we both do. We're very much the people. I
cannot have dishes in the sink. It gives me hives.
Speaker 2 (19:39):
Who cooks you seventy percent?
Speaker 1 (19:42):
Me? Yeah, it's a good seventy thirty split.
Speaker 2 (19:44):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:45):
In the thirties, I got the three dishes that I
always think.
Speaker 2 (19:48):
Who cleans up the dogs? Yea naturl and heat and
wind sometimes picks it away because it's so tiny, but
predominantly me. Right. Who wipes down the counters? I wipe
down the counters? Users wipe them again?
Speaker 1 (20:03):
Oh my god, you don't properly wipe the counters.
Speaker 2 (20:06):
When I'm cleaning up, I wipe. I wipe the counters.
They might not be to your satisfaction, but but you
you like to wipe the counters. Yes, yeah, because you
miss who's changing who's changing diapers? That's one million percent
of fifty fifty splat. Okay, you disagree, No, I think
we're good. Look, we're good for that.
Speaker 1 (20:27):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:27):
Cleaning bathrooms. So we've touched on the outside bathroom. The
cleaners kind of clean the bathrooms. But you like to
have a little You like to have a little trash
can that overflows, and now don't they you sure do. Yeah,
But at the cleaning bathrooms, I think of the stuff
to pick up. We pick up?
Speaker 1 (20:49):
Yeah again, I just it just goes back to I
think women and men see things differently. So if you
can divide what would be important to you what the
other would the people need help with? Like I cannot,
for example, if that rug is still there when I
get home, I can't physically lift that rug. Please don't
make me call the neighbors something.
Speaker 2 (21:07):
The rug is gone.
Speaker 1 (21:09):
You got it gone, Okay, But it's been there for
months and it's had a big old stain on it,
and I can't keep looking at it. And I'm just like,
I will move the table and I will end up
hurting my back. Please, I'm begging you. I look at
it every time I walk through the dining room. It's awful.
Speaker 2 (21:24):
The rug is going to and discuss what the new
one looks like.
Speaker 1 (21:27):
I think we're just going to leave it right now,
because then it's more work for me.
Speaker 2 (21:32):
I need to take away the lightning on them things
still there. I thought we're going to replace the rug.
Speaker 1 (21:38):
I just would like to keep it clean for a minute, right, Okay.
Another thing for you couples out there, Let's do a
good old division and I do the laundry, and I
(22:02):
get frustrated when you put the laundry in when I'm
not ready to do the laundry, because there's a time
when I'm ready to do the laundry. But when you
need something washed, you throw it in because it's on
your timing and when you need it. And then I
then have to be the one to do the transferring
and then folding when I'm not ready to do that,
and then I get frustrated because I'm like, don't add
this to my plate. I don't want to fold the
(22:24):
laundry right now. And do you know people actually pay
for someone to come in and do their laundry. I
would never do that, no judgment, but I actually like
folding laundry. I just don't like putting it away, which
you have been now putting away. So that's been nice.
Speaker 2 (22:39):
Yeah, when you come back, there'll be no laundry in
the laundry room, thank you. The rug will be gone,
things that you asked me to do that the house
will not be spotless because I'm busy, very busy, and
probably will be easy through midnight late.
Speaker 1 (22:56):
It's good to have these conversations though.
Speaker 2 (22:58):
But yeah, listen, I know how you like that host
when you get back. So as a respectful husband, I'll
time and get it's close to.
Speaker 1 (23:07):
I just don't want to say any rings on the table.
That's my only relationship headlines Alex Cooper reveals what couples
need to do before getting married, shares husband Matt Caplan's
best marriage advice. So Alex Cooper, she's obviously a hit podcaster,
call her daddy. She follows me on Instagram and I'm like,
oh my god, Alex. I don't know if she actually
(23:27):
does or for her people did, but I just love her.
I think she's great. She in the host and her
friend Lauren discussed a marriage as not only a test
of love, but compatibility as well. So she had said
she called a bit of wisdom her husband often relies on.
There's so much more to marriage than love, if anything,
that's the easiest part. Cooper encouraged listeners to consider a
(23:50):
number of aspects before thinking about engagement or marriage, morals,
careers and family, as well as money, potential, in laws,
and overall hopes for the future. So, I mean, I
agree with her on having those types of conversations before
(24:10):
obviously getting married. I regret not having some of those
conversations for sure before I got married prior so obviously
moral check was wildly off on my last one as
(24:30):
long as as well as some other things on there.
But I feel like we because we had been through
relationships that had some difficulty that we definitely talked through.
Speaker 2 (24:45):
A lot of it. Yeah, I think we knew we
didn't want, Yeah, which was important. We knew what we
wanted that we knew we wanted to be in the
life in this phase of our life when you we
certainly we didn't want involved in our day to day
Now it was always perfect, No, it's not, but I
(25:08):
think we had conversations that made listen. I think when
we were into marriage, Before we were into marriage, we
were also you were also pregnant as well. It was
a little bit different than than maybe as for maybe
as for some people. But there's as a shoe touched
on the face faith values in building a shared identity piece.
Speaker 1 (25:32):
No, I was curious if there was anything we you
don't think we matched up on that we had to
work through.
Speaker 2 (25:42):
No, I don't think so.
Speaker 1 (25:43):
Yeah, because when I think about money, we're very much both.
We're both frugal in a way where we don't spend
a lot of money, We don't. I think our only
piece has been the faith aspect.
Speaker 2 (25:55):
Yeah, you would. I know for a fact, you would
rather I was more in touch with.
Speaker 1 (26:02):
It's not that I rather you more in touch. I
just maybe the comfortability with it where it's because I
can sense your uncomfortableness at times with it and it
used to bother me. But now it's like, I'm just
gonna still do all these things because it's my it's
my it's you know, that's my faith, and that's my
(26:23):
kid's faith and in the praying and you know, but
I wish we could bring it more into our marriage. Yeah,
I do for sure?
Speaker 2 (26:33):
What part what would you What would you rather I do?
What would you like to see me do that I
don't do right now?
Speaker 1 (26:39):
To me to have like when I think of and
please don't take this the wrong way in any sense,
but a man that is sturdy in his faith, I
think is like the and I never had that as
like my father wasn't like that. My mom now has
a faith aspect or you know, but I but I
(27:00):
think kind of even when I'm saying this right now,
I'm glad that one of us has that for the family.
So where I have always pictured it being a man
having that the rock of the faith of the family,
and that's who you know, the family looks up to
(27:21):
in the faith. I kind of go, no, it's okay,
it's okay that it's me in that role. And then
it's okay, that's not both of us. I'll still but
it would be I think nice to I guess bring
it in when we are maybe having like I've never
been able to really pray with a couple, like with
(27:41):
with a partner, and I think that makes you uncomfortable
if we were to ever do that. So I never have.
I mean I quietly do it. But it's like and
I think, I'm as long as you believe in you know,
and you come, you are willing, like you like coming
(28:02):
to church, and I do, like I've just had to
kind of change and go, no, no, it's okay that
I'm what my vision is, Okay, that I am the
one the center of the faith, and that it can then.
Speaker 2 (28:19):
Branch out, Okay, can I can?
Speaker 1 (28:21):
I I'm also so new to it, so it's really
hard because I'm like, I don't.
Speaker 2 (28:24):
Yeah you are, which is which is fine, but I can.
I'd also like to say something, and not in defense
of me, because I know I know that I'm not
I'm not the one that's going to instigate a prayer
or I'm not the one that's going to Maybe the
odd time i'll say, if do you want to go
to church? If we're not planned on going. I think
maybe once or twice i've said that because I actually
(28:47):
like going to church.
Speaker 1 (28:48):
Yeah, we have an awesome pastor, he's great.
Speaker 2 (28:49):
Yeah, the messaging is always really good. There's a lot
of singing is on at the beginning, but but the
messages that always excellent, always excellent, actually enjoy and every
time I go, I'm like glad, I'm glad that I went.
But I want to be really clear and like, so
you're talking about you've always wanted a man who's study
and stable in these faith, So.
Speaker 1 (29:12):
This is but you're so sturdy in your morals and
you're that this.
Speaker 2 (29:16):
Is this is what I wanted to touch on, because
you can have men who are study and stable in
the faith. It's very unstable in the morals and.
Speaker 1 (29:23):
Values one million gazillion percent, and that is where like
you are. And that's I like, and I was going
to say that too, because you are so morally sturdy
and the rock of like, this is what is right,
this is what is wrong. I will never do this
to your mom. I will never you know, this is
this is our wife, you know. So I yes, like
one million percent.
Speaker 2 (29:46):
So that's that's almost like, Okay, I understand that's not
where I am as a godly person. I'm not. I'm
not there yet. I'm not that rock of Christianity you
want me to be at this point that I want
you to be.
Speaker 1 (30:03):
I just the comfortable.
Speaker 2 (30:05):
Yeah, so I get that, but you can. I guess
my point is you can. You can get men who
are fronted by the study and their faith but are
absolutely yeah, we know what. Yeah, he'll study in the faith,
but the morals are lower than a still yep. So
therefore I might not be the when it comes to
the the study in my faith, but you can always
(30:27):
rely on me when it comes to my morals and values.
Speaker 1 (30:30):
And yeah, and I hope you know that I'm not.
I'm I love that it's it. I'm okay that it's
not that way because of how morally compassed you are
and how it doesn't as long as you're open and
willing to go to church and do you know and
not like and you know, even with I think it's
(30:52):
different because now that we have a son together, it's
I do want Roman to pray, and I hope and
I guess I've never really asked you if that's okay.
And I know at dinner, you know you will say prayer,
prayer hands, but I've never actually said, like, is that
okay that we're doing this with Roman too.
Speaker 2 (31:08):
I don't mind praying at dinner. I think it's actually
a positive thing. Okay, if you are to bring my
mom and dad into the scenario, I'm pretty sure we
prayed at dinner when I was when I was young.
Speaker 1 (31:19):
Yeah, I'm sorry, I haven't even asked that before.
Speaker 2 (31:21):
Yeah, if you bring my mom and dad in a scenario,
they would be very comfortable at praying at the table.
Speaker 1 (31:26):
I would imagine, well, your dad does. He does the
cutest little prayer.
Speaker 2 (31:29):
Yeah, so I just get out of the habit and
it's yeah, it's not it's not something that I am.
I'm completely and utterly, one hundred percent not uncomfortable. I
think when the kids pray at the table, when Romans
get his little prayer hands, it's cute and I put
my head down and I pray because that's the end
(31:50):
of the day. I'm still a Christian. Yeah, I still
believe in God. Yeah, but yeah study in my faith.
Maybe not. So You'll also plenty of men that will
pray with.
Speaker 1 (32:05):
You and then don't we know, but that will come
with us and then do what they do. Okay, well, listen,
we have got so many more topics and discussions and
headline relationship stuff and quotes from therapists, so stay tuned
for next week because we're going to talk about the
(32:26):
number one thing you should never say to your partner
in a fight and our best tip that we learned
from our couples therapist of want not to do in
a fight that we are terrible at, but we're going
to continue to be better at. So stay tuned for
that one. See you soon, baby,
Host
Jana Kramer
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