February 17, 2025 • 53 mins
Are there people in your life that you will *always* love, even if they’re not in your life anymore? Jana tackles this complex emotion and reveals her true feelings about her ex-husband. She opens up about why she’s felt lonely and unsupported lately during a crucial moment in her kids’ lives.
Plus, we ask the tough questions about how often couples are physically intimate, and Kathryn spills about WHO she’d go on a date with outside of her marriage!
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Wine Down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heart Radio Podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
So you guys this uh this week. Don't worry. I'm
not going to start with by the way, I kind
of liked it. I laughed at I did. I did
listen back because I just kind of wanted to hear
the flow of the show last week because people were
saying they were loving it. So I was like, all right,
let's listen back, see like what you know, what was good,
what was working, you know whatever? But when when christ
(00:26):
and when you go is this are we going to
say this is the end of the show. Now, this
is where we say goodbye. Well we love a marker.
I just love that. So you know, I have notes
because but I for my my host chat and then
I'm only bringing this up not to go in the
order again. But I'm not doing that. You're listening to
wind down. Yes, but I'm having a hard time separating
(00:51):
my host chat from my wine about it because I
feel like they've blend together.
Speaker 3 (00:54):
I was trying to figure out where I pinned my
items for discussion.
Speaker 2 (00:57):
Because I feel like it's just going to be a constant.
Didn't whine That's how I felt last week. You weren't
whining though, those were like really right, they were hard,
but it is kind of hard to like, hey, what's
going on with your week?
Speaker 1 (01:10):
But then it's like, you know, so it is kind
of hard to.
Speaker 2 (01:12):
Maybe it's like a little bit of a hybrid. Yeah
it is. And I think I'm on my period. It's
been raining all three you're all now on your parents.
Speaker 3 (01:20):
I started on Friday, Saturday, Saturday night, Ambush Saturday night
and pretty jam you were usually Sunday. I was, well,
I'm actually extra proud of us, wow, because you guys
can we Actually I don't know where.
Speaker 1 (01:36):
I don't know where to put this either, but.
Speaker 3 (01:40):
On the periods, I just am wondering because I know
I'm only like a little bit older, but by a year, right,
you being like older than us, Yeah, not by much,
just forty three, right, so only a couple forty one?
Yeah yeah, yeah, so but I know that in the
forty two years carry the one the remainder of this
(02:02):
is why we talk instead of doing math for a living.
So I have heard though, in the forties, like every
year kind of counts when it comes to like perimenopausal
symptoms and like all of that, Like people are like, Wow,
you know it hit me at forty four, it hit
me at forty two, whatever have you. I need to
know because I can tell my feelings and hormones are
wiling out right before it happens. I know it because
(02:25):
I'm like, this feels like that, but there's nobody in
my brain telling me, don't say it. Christin, Oh, we've
talked about this and it's gotten so much worse. I
don't know, in fact embarrassing. Yeah, and I'm ravenously eating.
I knew something was up Friday because I just was.
(02:48):
It was like, couldn't get enough same.
Speaker 2 (02:50):
I had a whole bag of set chips because I
just needed the salt.
Speaker 3 (02:54):
I went to Jimmy John's first time in seven years
freaky fast. Did you see Mike and the kids because
they're every day?
Speaker 2 (03:01):
Didn't?
Speaker 3 (03:02):
I sure didn't. I'm gonna just hold all of my jokes.
I feel like that was really good discernment. I just
feel like it's like so hormonally driven. It's almost like
I don't know who I am in the moment.
Speaker 1 (03:19):
Yeah, I went through a really bad phase of that.
Mine's gotten a little bit better, So I don't know
what that means. But I went through a really bad
phase of it. I mean, even like my whole family
kind of knew.
Speaker 3 (03:30):
I mean, Preston even was trying to be kind last night,
but he said, baby, I like it when you settle
in a couple of days in He's like, it's just
really like a different version of you. And I I know.
And I didn't even deny it or snap. I just said,
I know, you explained it perfectly. It's like, you know,
and it's like, don't say that, don't say.
Speaker 1 (03:46):
That, but you say it anyway. That's how I know. Like,
I mean, I hear it coming out of my mouth
and I know how ridiculous it is.
Speaker 2 (03:54):
And don't you cringe a little?
Speaker 3 (03:56):
But also my pride is so big or something that
even the cringing can't stop me.
Speaker 2 (04:00):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
Oh it's a weird thing.
Speaker 2 (04:02):
Yeah, I feel like a few days before it's mine
is a few days before yeah, my period where i
feel like I'm just squeezing everything in to not explode,
and then it explodes. And then I go, let me
go check my flow tracker and I'm like, four days
until period. I'm like, well that tracks so yeah, yeah,
and then I do my apologies. Yeah, yeah, I'm sorry, yeah,
(04:25):
and sometimes I don't. Yeah, yeah, that's okay.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
We now have I mean I had someone actually say
to me one time, like, you probably shouldn't have shared
that about your daughter, that she's on her paper. I'm like,
she's thirteen, like at this point, like we all know
like that it's human and it's life or whatever. But
in our house, it's like we'll come home from a
cheer practice and Nick will literally go, so did you
both start your period? Because we're just like yelling at
(04:49):
each other.
Speaker 2 (04:50):
So once I'm on it, I'm fine, I'm I'm tired,
but that's about it.
Speaker 1 (04:54):
So she usually is a few days before me, so
hers will be like when she first, she'll be a
little bit more emotion and a little bit cranky, and
then I'm usually behind her, so it's like it it
lines up perfectly for me to be a few days
before and then it's just like, okay, these are the
days we I just need to not take you to
practice and we need to not be in the car
for forty five minutes the worst.
Speaker 3 (05:13):
I feel like before I used to have this really
strong part of me as a fifty to fifty split
half of me was like girl, you're going crazy, and
the other half was like, ah, we know what this is.
Let's just table that, don't say it out loud. Whoever
that girl is is gone now, and she is she
is replaced fully with some fighter like she whoever came
in is.
Speaker 2 (05:32):
She's a badass, but she's full of regret. Full of regret.
Speaker 1 (05:37):
That's funny.
Speaker 2 (05:38):
Well, I will just segue this into I was watching
your story, Kristen and the the Glove that you found on.
So we just finished the OJ documentary I started out
last time. I have sigo to ask you, Yeah, did
you watched it? Yeah? No, okay, well we finished watching it.
(05:59):
I had such a hard time. I'm falling asleep the
night that we finished it because what he told his
agent just literally kept me up at night. It was
just wild to me. Did you do I mean to
say what he said?
Speaker 1 (06:12):
I don't care about spoiler to everybody if you don't
want to know.
Speaker 2 (06:14):
Spoiler alert also history also out there too. Yeah yeah,
but he said basically, they were talking and he said
to the agent. You know, OJ said to his agent,
do you think I did it? And the agent goes,
this was that moment where I do I fall on
(06:35):
the no man, like you know, the agent, just the
yes person, whatever he goes. But I'm going to tell
him the truth. And he said, yes, I actually do
think that you did. And he kind of looked away,
I guess, and then said, man, if a quote unque.
I don't know what the actual quote was, but this
was as close as I can get to it. He said,
if only if she didn't show up to the door
(06:57):
with a knife in her hand, she'd still be alive today.
And that's what he said. And I go to just
that thought of how a narcissist explains that there's no
way like, yes, she was. I mean from the nine
one one calls that she had called on him before
and the domestic abuse that he did to her there,
(07:20):
I have a hard time believing that he didn't go
there just to kill her. I have a hard time.
I feel like a narcissist would say he literally blamed
her for opening the door with a knife, like that's
how I'm like, I just and it just made me
so angry. I agree. And it's a haunting. Yeah, it
was just such a.
Speaker 3 (07:41):
It was such a narcissists way to frame it. It
was the way it was framed when I saw how
is this her fault? You've made this her fault?
Speaker 2 (07:48):
Yeah, And it was just so sad to just what
there were so many things that weren't put into evidence,
and then how they twisted the case. I mean, I
didn't know any of that. I just because I'm like, God,
I don't even want to watch this. We know what happens.
It's like the Titan, you know, whatever. But then you
watch it and you're just like, this wasn't put into evidence.
This wasn't and they turned it into this, and it's
just it was just maddening.
Speaker 1 (08:08):
It's scary to think how. I understand why it's there, obviously,
but it's scary to think how that can change so
much what what is not allowed in evidence, what you
can talk about, what you can't talk about, and that
can change the trajectory of a huge lawsuit like that.
I mean, it's crazy, our huge trial. It's also weird.
Speaker 3 (08:27):
I really am going to sound dumb, but I'm just
gonna throw myself under the bus. But I didn't realize
the difference in like the federal case, in the.
Speaker 2 (08:34):
Civil criminal and civil. Basically he got criminal and civil.
Speaker 1 (08:37):
Is that what it is?
Speaker 2 (08:38):
This was the civil after it was after and they said, yes,
he he did it, but then he just you know,
the the the sister of the other victim was like,
and then he just walked away and got into his
car and we haven't received a penny mind me.
Speaker 1 (08:56):
So he this is where I'm going to sound remind
So he was convicted.
Speaker 2 (09:00):
Or oj in the civil case, in the civil but
not the criminal, not the criminal, so criminal he was
let off and then they did if it didn't quit
right right, So then civil though, they said he did,
and then that was just it. Yeah, he was order
to pay like thirty three million dollars.
Speaker 1 (09:20):
And then okay, yeah, yeah, gosh. I just feel like, yeah,
that's well.
Speaker 3 (09:23):
We were also young when it happened, so I think
it is like I remember obviously some of it, but
I don't.
Speaker 2 (09:28):
I didn't know as much and I shouldn't remember watching
the verdict in our seventh grade science class and oh wow, yeah,
isn't that insane?
Speaker 1 (09:37):
That ist like we shouldn't have been.
Speaker 2 (09:39):
Watching right in seventh grade it was seventh or eighth
grade whatever it was. But I just remember the teacher
being like, this is history and we need to like
put this on Yeah. I think as I watched, and
then in high school it was the towers, because the
towers I remember that turn it on and we saw
the plane go, and I mean it was just like
woof ty.
Speaker 1 (09:57):
Yeah, I don't think they would look that now. I
don't think.
Speaker 2 (10:00):
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (10:00):
There's a lot that they wouldn't do now. I think
what was wild to me is just the lack of remorse.
It felt like because there was a celebration when he
was found not guilty, and I thought, yet, still the
wife of your children is dead.
Speaker 2 (10:15):
So that was the wildest part for me. I guess
I didn't.
Speaker 3 (10:18):
I mean just because we were young, I probably didn't know,
and because social media wasn't so wild, so we probably
weren't getting everything as fast. But I was blown away
that were like celebrating his freedom. Fine, but we're celebrating
freedom from you still have a dead ex wife, the
mother of your children, and your children were in the
house when it happened.
Speaker 2 (10:38):
Wild.
Speaker 1 (10:39):
Yeah, nothing's the same no matter what.
Speaker 3 (10:40):
And because of you, I started out last, Oh oh
are and I didn't think I was gonna like it.
Speaker 2 (10:46):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (10:46):
One thing that is hard is if you fall asleep,
it's very hard to figure out what your because it
all looks the same. It's wild out there, right, you
haven't watched it, no, but I feel like those are
all kind of the same, right, trying to survive. Yeah,
I was mind a survivor. I want to watch season two.
I didn't watch season one. In season two, Oh, there's
(11:08):
two seasons. What season am I watching?
Speaker 2 (11:10):
I don't know. Probably watch the Little Ladies Jill in
your cast, which who she paired with? The blonde Jill
No from Kentucky. Jill. Oh, I think we had different
on different I need to get in season one season one.
Speaker 1 (11:25):
Can we just send like a group chat or what
we're going to be watching so I can get on that.
Speaker 2 (11:42):
I would like to bring this up in the host
chat discussion because we are snuggled inside of host chat
for anyone that's longer. We are still a host chat.
But it's about something. Okay, it was something that just
I had a you know, I'm a host chat idea,
and I was watching this show last night. So what
(12:04):
were we watching? We were watching, Oh, we were watching
Paradise because there was a new episode, so we watched
that and then Alan was tired, so I was stayed
on Hulu, and I was like, oh, there's a new
Kardashians out, so I'm going to watch Kardashians. So I
watched the new episode and it was there was just
the one that you could watch, and so I watched it,
(12:25):
and I love Chloe, right, and so I just I'm
always like, you know, I love just watching her storylines.
And it was a very big Chloe storyline because Lamar
came on the show and so it was part one
of her talking to Lamar and obviously, you know, they
were married for almost seven years and you know, he
ended up. I believe it was overdosing at a brothel
(12:48):
and then she took care of him and then they
got divorced. And Malika had said something and Milika, right, yeah, okay,
she had said something. She's like, you know, the love.
She's like, when you love someone, the love will always
be there and you'll always love that person. And they
just got me thinking, I'm like about that because you
know how when you break up with someone they say
like I'll always love you, or there's even songs about it. Right,
(13:13):
But then I just kind of really started thinking about
it because I'm like, I have zero love for my
ex Mike if you're listening to them. But I don't
like I know this like being in love and like love,
but I don't love. I don't. I don't have any
love for him, like I don't. When she's like, you'll
always love that person, I don't love that person, I would.
Speaker 1 (13:35):
Agree, I I don't know that I I how do
I say this without I don't feel like you don't
what do you mean? I feel like if something were
to happen to Mike tomorrow, you would be there and
you would help him out. That doesn't mean as a
form of love. That is a form of love.
Speaker 2 (13:54):
Right now, No, because he's also part of my wine
about it.
Speaker 1 (13:57):
So but I think deep down there is still but
that that's I don't think that's love though, like how
they're saying, sure you, but I think that there's I
see both sides to that, like.
Speaker 2 (14:10):
You'll always love this person, and I do see what
you're saying. I will, I will always be there to help.
But that's not out of love, that's just out of
like I guess when I hear her say, you know,
I can see how you're taking it right, So I
do get that piece of it, But I guess I
hear it as like you'll always love that person, and
(14:30):
I just disagree with that piece of it.
Speaker 3 (14:34):
This is interesting, as I would consider myself the care
bear of the group. I would agree with you, Kramer,
interesting because I had an ex husband and I do
not love him, right, I don't feel And maybe it
is because now we have such a huge love that
we know the difference. But to your to go to
what Catherine saying though, So what she's saying like, if
(14:56):
he needed you, you're obviously gonna be there.
Speaker 2 (14:58):
No, but I don't have to because I don't have
kids with him. Right. But let's say you impressed and
got divorced. Let's just say, okay, put yourself in that situation.
Pet is something dirty and you guys got divorced, right,
and that person that you always thought you were going
to love, where does that look like? And if he
needs you, you're going to obviously help him. But to me,
(15:19):
that's still not I know it's not. I do it
because I'm just the mom and I I care, but
I don't. It's not it's not a like I mean,
I see what you're saying. I'm struggling on that piece.
Speaker 1 (15:30):
I see both sides to me, it feels almost like
there's still a hate spot in there, a little bit
not hate.
Speaker 2 (15:36):
But like I have a massive resentment right but to
I don't hate anyone, Yeah, resentment.
Speaker 1 (15:41):
Hat but there's I think that there's so much of
that that's still kind of a form of love in
a way. And I can think about people close to
me that I could say I don't really feel like
I have that much love for them, but I think
if I really went down deep into it, there is
still a form of love that.
Speaker 2 (16:02):
I mean, I like, I like the flip side of that,
you know, I don't dislike, do you still have love
for the person that you loved before? I think so,
Like I have love for like my ex high school boyfriend.
I was just like you guys say, I have a
box in my thing and I was trying to clean
up my wind down stuff and I'm reading these notes
(16:23):
and he's like, I will always love you, which made
me like, you know, I'm just starting just to read
them because I'm like these first made me laugh, But
then I was also like, you know, I'm like, where
does that love go? You know, I'm like, because I'm like,
I have love for my heart always for him because
he was my first and like I and now he
has a beautiful family and I love that for him,
and I love you know, his I love his wife,
(16:44):
and I love you know, will always have I will
always have love for him. But I don't feel the
same for Mike. Does it have to do maybe an
equal parts hurt.
Speaker 3 (16:55):
I feel like there's just still anger because she said
like heavy, I mean, listen, I also that way about
my house.
Speaker 2 (17:00):
How can you love someone that hurt you so bad?
Speaker 1 (17:03):
Well, I think that's why it hurts so bad.
Speaker 2 (17:05):
But then how is their love to me if.
Speaker 1 (17:08):
You still have some sort of resentment or an anger
or even a feeling towards that person. In my mind,
that's rooted in love?
Speaker 2 (17:18):
No, no, no, that is rude. I don't I don't
like him.
Speaker 1 (17:23):
I feel like he wouldn't care if you did in
some way and not in an in love at all.
Speaker 2 (17:28):
The things that he did to me, that some things
I can't disclose. I can't find love for a person
like that.
Speaker 1 (17:35):
And I hear, I mean, I agree, I'm not disagreeing
with that.
Speaker 2 (17:39):
I just but I will always help if needed, and
whatever I think. Caring about him maybe and not loving him.
It's it's just the thing that we would do like
I would always be I always be there, you know,
out of respect that he's the father of my children,
of two of my children, you know.
Speaker 1 (17:58):
And maybe you truly don't and I'm not just but
I do see your side, you.
Speaker 2 (18:03):
Know what I mean, Because when you said that, I'm like, well,
I don't feel that way, you know, but I but
I also love your point of view on it, because
of course I would be there for them if you
needed me. Is that love? I don't know.
Speaker 1 (18:15):
Yeah, that's a you know, a good that's a really
good question.
Speaker 2 (18:17):
It's something that I can. I can. But I also
then go to the flip side of well, how I
know that they they're are in their own stuff or whatever,
and that's why they do X, Y and Z. But
can you still care without the love? Because that's where
I think I'd be at.
Speaker 1 (18:33):
Can you still care without the love? And probably? Yeah?
Speaker 3 (18:36):
I think I have compassion, yeah, but I don't have love.
That's yeah, empathy, Yeah, that's fair.
Speaker 2 (18:42):
Yeah, Like I don't want anything bad to happen to
that partly the same I actually I like his I
would like to be like we are friends, but there
is no love. Either's care and friendship but no love.
Speaker 1 (18:53):
Yeah, I think that your friends.
Speaker 2 (18:56):
Of course, I love my friends, do Ukramer tell.
Speaker 1 (18:58):
Us, well, the other side of it, but friends.
Speaker 2 (19:02):
But no, we would not be friends if we didn't
share kids.
Speaker 1 (19:05):
Well, that's true. That that I can agree with. You
definitely would not.
Speaker 2 (19:12):
Yeah, so that is a forced friendship. Yeah, for sure,
like you don't have a choice. I expect incline to
him absolutely because of the kids. But if not, if
we didn't have kids, I would never look Oh, I
would never look in his direction ever.
Speaker 1 (19:28):
Again, I definitely believe that that's a good topic though.
Speaker 2 (19:33):
I like that. I would like to say that it's
I have care and compassionate without the love, and I
don't think that the love will always be there. But
I can definitely see your point of view on your side,
and I appreciate you bringing.
Speaker 1 (19:47):
That up, especially me because I'm usually the heartless one.
Speaker 3 (19:50):
Meanwhile, the care beer is like maybe the caremera is
on her beard. Next note, I just really moved him along, didn't.
Speaker 2 (20:12):
Before we move into wine about it? Is there anything
you guys want to say? I have life updates? No, yeah, okay,
moving on to next I love good narration. Guys, I
am struggling. Oh no, I feel like this is all
like my stuff. Sometimes it was all me.
Speaker 1 (20:34):
So let's go.
Speaker 3 (20:36):
I forget though that we are recording and I really
mean that, Like I said that to Janna when I
got here.
Speaker 2 (20:41):
I was like, okay, Like.
Speaker 1 (20:42):
I just really got me. I was like, oh man,
did I really say all that. Well, we do talk
like this and we this is us.
Speaker 2 (20:48):
This is us.
Speaker 3 (20:49):
I had a moment where I was like, I got
to read some time. Put it in the back of
my mind.
Speaker 1 (20:53):
I know that's okay, tell us time.
Speaker 2 (20:55):
Yeah, this is so period. Cry come over there, and
I feel like it's remember when I did that first
episode post baby and I was doing like that was
the worst decision of my life because I was crying
over a butcher Box ad. But this one is like, yes,
it's period. But I also, I had therapy yesterday and
(21:16):
I was just telling her. I was like, I can't
get my mind to like shut off, and there's so
many things that are you know, sometimes when you're you
have so much kind of like circulating in your brain
that your brain almost hurts, you know, And then Alan's like, hey,
you just you know, are you good? Like you just
seem a little distant. I'm like, yeah, I was like,
I just I couldn't filter through all the different kind
of thoughts running through my brain. And so we sat
(21:38):
in therapy and we we went through She's like, all right, well,
let's do it now, you know, and so I just
kind of started going down the list and it's it
all led to the feeling of just alone. Right, So
I feel like I'm alone in dealing with a lot
of these issues, and so you know, the first part
of it was and it's really around the kids too,
(22:01):
and so this I feel like, I'm just like I
need to just like wrap this in a bow. But
like first and foremost, and this is why I called
you yesterday because so we are so behind on vaccinations,
like so so so behind, and we've only done too
and when I've been kind of delaying this appointment because
(22:22):
I knew the doctor was going to make me do
a vaccination or we would have to leave the clinic
essentially since we're so behind. And the last time that
we went in, I essentially got blamed for him having
ear infections because I didn't vaccinate him, and I didn't
like how that felt because when you google it, it
(22:44):
says that you know, children who are not vaccinated it
could cause more ear infections. But for some reason, there
was something in me that just was like I was,
I got turned off by that comment, and so it
didn't make me want to go back to that office
because I'm like, you just blamed me for my child
having an ear infection. So like I didn't like that.
(23:05):
I don't even know why I'm crying, but like it
just made me feel like like a bad mom or something,
and so I was like, Okay, So that just like
kind of like sat with me, and I've been delaying
the appointment, and I get so overwhelmed because I'm like,
I know he needs so many vaccinations, but I'm also
like there's I don't know if I trust them all,
and like there's so many and it's like I just
know so many stories. I'm I'm a firm believer that
(23:28):
Jolie's some of Jolie's issues were caused by a potential
side effect from vaccines when she was a baby. So
I've just been so I delayed with Jays and with Roman.
I'm just like there's so much out there that I'm like,
I don't know what is, what I should give, what
I shouldn't give, And then it just makes me feel
like frickin helpless because I'm like, we have a neighbor
(23:48):
that has a highly autistic son, and I'm not saying
I'm not saying vaccinations cause autism. I'm not. I'm like,
but I also would like more science or we'd still
be giving our kids cocaine and whatever. I saw this
one thing, like what was it? And you know, yeah,
or in cough syrup. So I'm like, I believe in
signs evolving and us you know, looking into that more.
(24:09):
And so it was just like having to like do
that call and then like not you know, not knowing
what the right move on that is, and like just
kind of feeling alone in that. And I know I
can bring Allan in on that, but he's also very
much like whatever I think, right, So though he has
he doesn't think that Romans should be getting all of
those you know, he's so he's definitely there. So I
(24:30):
know I'm not alone, but the feeling makes me feel alone.
And then, like Julie got her official diagnosis of dyslexia,
Mike didn't show up to the meeting so I'm in
the meeting with all the teachers, the vice principal, and
I'm like, again I feel alone. And I'm like, which is.
Speaker 3 (24:47):
A core belief that you and I have talked about
a lot, that we can't trust people, that they won't
show up for us, that we have to do it alone. Yeah,
And so I was like, so so these things hissed,
Like I hearing all this stuff about my like where
is my other king person? And I knew like I
got I got a home and I just cried and
I was like what, Like he didn't show up and
(25:07):
I'm like he must have forgot, like, and so I
was so upset because it's like all this information and
then again I somehow feel at fault, which I know
is not my fault, but like all this stuff has
been like thrown be guys, I'm so sorry.
Speaker 2 (25:20):
I'm like crying. No, I don't want to be sorry.
Speaker 3 (25:22):
I feel like everything you're saying is so valid, and
I promise you there's people listening that feel every single
bit of this.
Speaker 2 (25:29):
Yeah, and so like and he's like, oh my god,
I would have come and I'm like, I know you.
So again I know I'm not alone in it but
like we like take on so much of it, like
to ourselves that and then on top of it work
and just life and it's just so it's all these things.
I'm like, what do I do here? And Okay, so
now she's just like, so okay, we gotta get ip
and then she'll do you have to do this all
a bat and all these things. I'm like, I just
(25:51):
feel alone. I know I'm not alone. I know there's people,
I know, I have you guys, all that stuff, but
it's just that is where my season is this month,
and it's hard. So that's it. That's my white about it.
Speaker 3 (26:01):
If I guys, we just keep keep tabling my boobs
for a whine about it.
Speaker 2 (26:05):
It's gonna wait for the time.
Speaker 3 (26:07):
But I feel like I'm one week. This was literally
me like maybe a week and a half ago. Do
you remember me saying to you I just wanted to
be alone in my house?
Speaker 2 (26:17):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (26:18):
And it was, which is you know, contradictory because I'm like.
Speaker 2 (26:21):
I feel that's what Aby said. She goes, what do
you need it right now? I was like, I think
I just really want to be alone, which is interesting
because I'm alone. I know that. I'm like Alan's what
do you do? I'm like, I need to be alone
because I have to just process all of this sort
it by myself for a minute.
Speaker 3 (26:34):
Yeah, well it does feel noisy, and I think, guys,
we all know this. Everybody listening knows this too. It's
like social media information news networks. Can you trust this
news network? Is this network coming from this place point
of view? Like there's just no raw educational information is
how it feels to me sometimes. So then I feel
(26:56):
overwhelmed because I feel like I want to make an
educated choice and I want to learn, But where do
I learn? And is that person teaching me through a
lens of this with their own agenda?
Speaker 2 (27:05):
You know?
Speaker 3 (27:06):
So that gets wild. And I also feel like the
world is noisy right now. I mean the year started crazy.
We all know and love people in Los Angeles, right
We wrapped up a year with a hurricane getting flooding
places where we know and love people, so like it's
a hard time for impaths anyways, and then you had
the mom layer in the vaccination layer, and the baby layer,
(27:29):
an ex husband layer, and it does feel overwhelming, Like
I feel like everything you're saying, I'm like, i'd cry too.
Actually was just ten days ago, crying about it.
Speaker 2 (27:37):
I called you. I said, I feel overwhelmed.
Speaker 1 (27:40):
It is very common for moms to feel like all
the decisions fall on them and that they're alone. Whether
you have the most involved husband in the world or not,
you have that added layer of an ex husband not
showing up, and then a husband she's like, well, I
would be there, but you really probably just want her
to be there, you know, And so that's a whole
(28:02):
other level. But I feel like everyone listening, most moms
can just they feel that, like, my decisions might not
be as big as yours right now, but like we're
ultimately making most of the decisions for our children, and
that is overwhelming. I mean that is no matter what
the decision is, that's overwhelming. So I'm sorry that you're
(28:23):
having to deal with some of these really bigger decisions
that are heavy. Like yeah, like the dads will help
make those decisions, but are they educating themselves? Where do
we get educated?
Speaker 2 (28:33):
You know?
Speaker 1 (28:34):
I mean it's overwhelming, and I don't have any answers
for that, because that's just a hard I mean, we
just dealt with it with a vaccine, you know. I
thought we were kind of out of that. But now
when the kids are older, now there's a vaccine that
we have to make a decision about that I've been
putting off for years, you know, making a decision. But
those things are hard because then you also get you know,
(28:54):
you can get ripped apart for your feelings on those things,
and that's hard too. To me. That's an added layer.
Speaker 2 (28:59):
I also encourage you to find a different pediatrician. I've tried.
I'm on every weight list. I'm literally called three and
I'm on three weight lists. And again it's not I'm
not against it. I understanding there are outbreaks, there are
things that need to be for other people. I'm I
just there's just so many and what is needed right now?
And how do we space this out where I just
(29:20):
need to understand it more?
Speaker 1 (29:21):
You need someone who can walk you through this is
what we have left? Yeah, and how are we going
to knowing that this, this and this are important to you?
Knowing you're not sure how you feel about this one,
here's a plan.
Speaker 2 (29:33):
Well, And so I called the doctor because this is
hard because I've been with this one doctor since Jolly
was a baby. And so I called and I'm you
know this is after therapy, and so I'm obviously upset
and crying, and you know, she's basically like, if you don't,
you're going to have to leave the office because you're
at the point now where you know, it's been this
long and he needs so many And I was like, well,
I can't see her again, and I'm because I just
(29:54):
feel like just the pressure and like throat closing and
all that. So can you find me a d friend
doctor in the office that can just have a little
bit more compassion around me having a difficult time? When's
the appointment next week? And I'm gonna be alone in
the appointment because he's not gonna be you know, he's
not gonna be here. So it's just like it's there's
just and I don't know what I'm but I'm gonna
(30:17):
have to do something or pick one, you know what
I mean, like a Rouletta vaccines, Which one is that safe.
Speaker 1 (30:22):
Thing to give? Yeah, you need to ask, And I
will say, let's talk offline about who you're seeing. We
see two different people in the practice, and I definitely
have felt that way more about her than the other.
Speaker 2 (30:32):
Yeah, okay, So I'd also like to go to the appointment. Yeah,
I would like to honestly, like, I would like to
not be alone in that one.
Speaker 1 (30:39):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (30:39):
Yeah, I don't know. It's just like there's just so
much stuff, like you want to make the right decisions,
you know what I mean. Like, and again I'm not
saying certain things one hundred percent caused certain things with Jolie,
but there are many things that if you go back
to she didn't crawl, she didn't talk until she was
almost like four, you know, and a lot of those
and then now she's dyslexi. Like when you look into
these things, they could have been from her fifteen month vaccination,
(31:02):
So it could have maybe who knows, I don't know.
It might min not have.
Speaker 3 (31:06):
An important piece though, is that someone is just willing
to hear you out.
Speaker 2 (31:09):
It definitely need to be so definite.
Speaker 3 (31:11):
I think I have been on this like little diary
journey of things I'm passionate about. One of the things
I am is safety of children, but also safety of mothers.
And I feel like safety of mothers I'm really passionate
about the most because it is a very hard and
very layered and very beautiful job. But anybody pushing us,
(31:33):
I have no tolerance for But my whole point is
if that doctor was st look at you and say,
I can tell this is a lot for you, and
I just want to lay out this is our options.
This is just a different conversation. And listen, I'm not
even saying that's a bad pediatrician, just not the one
for you.
Speaker 2 (31:46):
Yeah, you know, Like I.
Speaker 3 (31:47):
Go, there's a practice I'm involved in on the nonprofit side,
and I love these women, and there is one woman
that I'm like, you are a tremendous, brilliant doctor, but
I don't want to be your patient because you're tough
love and I don't need that.
Speaker 1 (31:58):
And to know, not just other side, but to note
there are a lot of offices are that way, like
if you don't vaccinate or if you're not on the schedule,
then you cannot be at the practice. And it's hard
and overwhelming to find the ones that will work with
you a little bit more. And you do not go
by that. So I feel for that piece of it
(32:20):
because it's hard, it's overwhelming. It's like, I mean, I've
wanted to leave before, but I'm like, I don't know
where to go or what to do, and it's it's hard.
But I think at the end of the day, if
everyone could have grace for moms because we're all just
trying to do what we feel like is best for
our children. Yeah, and these are disagreements I've gotten in
on so many different things, but at the end of
(32:41):
the day, you can assume that every mother's trying to
do what's best for their own kid, and that might
look different for everybody.
Speaker 2 (32:46):
And there's just a lot on the mother's plate, like
doing so much and then adding in on the flip
side of like work and then four months two Yeah,
you know. Anyways, that's my wind about it. Ladies, Are
we moving on hot topic?
Speaker 1 (33:00):
Yes, let's move on.
Speaker 2 (33:02):
Okay. We had Whitney from Secret Lives of Mormon Wives on.
We also had Macy on. Did you guys see that
Jen Affleck is pregnant with her third Yes. I got
to say I was shocked. I was happy, but shocked,
like I thought they were getting divorced. That's from the
news that I because I've kind of stayed away from,
you know, which obviously I would hate to see a
(33:22):
divorce announcement, you know, but I was I was kind
of shocked to see it, but happy, but shocked me.
It doesn't. There's a lot of few clients happening.
Speaker 1 (33:32):
Yeah, I feel like I had heard at some point
or something that because didn't they move away, one of
them told us that they like moved away to like
work on things or whatever. So that doesn't surprise me
having said that, some gracious assumption here. I feel like
there is a lot that all of the girls have
said that their stories were not fully shown on season one,
(33:56):
so I want to hold space for all of them
and their chance to tell more of their story. I
don't think that excuses any behaviors. I don't think that
that you know, yeah, I did too. I did too. However,
I would like to make my not not judgment. I
(34:17):
want to see more of their story. I want to
see they keep alluding to there's a lot more to
their story. There's this. I would like to see that
first and see kind of you know what that is about. Again,
it was hard to watch. There was a lot there,
But I'd be curious to see what they show in
season two to as she kind of puts, it, will
kind of explain some of the behaviors.
Speaker 3 (34:38):
But reality TV is always hard for me, I think
because I did only one show, but I just saw
so much. It's like they can literally do anything they
want to your character, even when you think you're being
crisp and clean and clear. If they have an agenda
and a storyline for your character, they can pretty much
accomplish it.
Speaker 1 (34:56):
Yeah, especially if you're scary to think that it's scary,
you know, it's not always you know, what we're saying
is not. Maybe, I don't know. It's hard to believe
that he didn't have those controlling behaviors when but also yes,
it can be manipulated and add to us a certain.
Speaker 3 (35:13):
Way too, Yeah, because if you compile all those two
into one, it's like whoa why No exactly?
Speaker 1 (35:19):
Yeah? Great? And I really felt for her on that
show though.
Speaker 2 (35:22):
I love her so I wanted to just be like
it almost was like a mirror too. I wanted to
really don't have a voice, you know.
Speaker 1 (35:31):
But then that overwhelming feeling of all your friends loving
you but wanting you, you know, like wake up? Do
you know you need to?
Speaker 2 (35:38):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (35:38):
And her just breaking down. It was hard to watch.
Speaker 2 (35:41):
Yeah, from experience for.
Speaker 1 (35:43):
Yes, I'm happy for them though if they're happy, and yeah,
baby's always a blessing.
Speaker 2 (35:49):
Same well, Catherine. This news is for you, honey. Kevin
Costner wants to meet someone related news. How's your marriage?
Speaker 1 (36:01):
Yeah, it's awful. I feel like he'd be fine with it.
Speaker 2 (36:08):
Nick or Kevin.
Speaker 1 (36:09):
No, it was kind of Costner. He'd be like, Okay,
I'm getting.
Speaker 2 (36:14):
Could you date a seventy year old thirty years older
than you? Not a no, right, Kevin Costner?
Speaker 1 (36:22):
Yeah, but like in general, just like the seventy year
old down the street. Probably not right right, But I
can promise you if Kevin Costner asked me on a date,
I'd be there.
Speaker 2 (36:35):
Why do I love this?
Speaker 3 (36:36):
Like my face hurts from smiling because I just don't
get to see the side of you that often.
Speaker 1 (36:41):
I know, and I don't have many like at all.
Like before, I don't know. I couldn't have even come
up with someone that I'm like, oh, yeah, he's my
I love him.
Speaker 2 (36:49):
What is it about Kevin that just gets you? Is
it the Body of the Guard read Cheeks.
Speaker 1 (36:56):
Bodyguard's my favorite movie?
Speaker 2 (36:58):
And like, oh, you know what I love that movie
is because you can tell he loves her, like he
cared so deeply. I remember watching the funeral and you
know his speech that he loved her and he will
always love her. He doesn't matter. I mean this is
a full circle moment.
Speaker 1 (37:14):
Where our life. But like he really loved her, but
also like his position of power and like I just
I absolutely loved that movie and in my life, in
my mind, that's kind of Coosner. It probably isn't you know,
Like he's probably more Yellowstone than he is.
Speaker 2 (37:31):
Well, let's still position a power ish that it is?
Speaker 1 (37:33):
Yes, which would either one, just so we're clear, Yellowstone
or Bodyguard?
Speaker 2 (37:38):
Would you be okay if Nick had this love affair
for someone?
Speaker 1 (37:42):
Absolutely? Yeah, absolutely a seventy year old woman is the actress?
Speaker 2 (37:47):
Can come on?
Speaker 3 (37:48):
Is that only because we know Kevin Costner is looking
for someone to date that you're now okay with Nick
feeling this way?
Speaker 1 (37:55):
If there was someone like that and like he said
these things that wouldn't bother me in the app solute least, okay,
I'd be like, if you can score that, babe.
Speaker 3 (38:05):
Like on way, Kramer, do you have like I hate
this term. I freaking hate it.
Speaker 2 (38:11):
I just do.
Speaker 3 (38:12):
And I don't even like the word hate. And I'm
using that. The whole past thing just wears me out.
But do you ann but.
Speaker 2 (38:18):
Yeah for me, No, not anymore unless did want to
dress up, you know, only if he wants to dress
up into his his Uh what are those the gosh?
Oh my god, how could I forget that? No, No,
it's it's his. Oh my gosh, it's what biker people wear. God,
(38:40):
people are probably screaming this while they're listening.
Speaker 1 (38:42):
I can't think.
Speaker 2 (38:43):
Try why are something his his? Someone come into the
producer chat Google what is it called? It's like the
what Jax puts on. It's like his his Oh my gosh.
Speaker 1 (38:58):
Anyways, he's wearing that.
Speaker 2 (38:59):
So who Charlie or Kevin?
Speaker 3 (39:04):
You guys the only one putting Alan back in the
mix over keep talking?
Speaker 2 (39:08):
But no, there's no like I love a character, but
I don't have someone that's like, oh I I would
want to go on a date with him or whatever. Yeah,
I don't know. I literally married like my like Hollywood
dude dream and okay, he does look Hollywood.
Speaker 1 (39:28):
He does for dapper.
Speaker 2 (39:30):
He's dapper. Yeah, he wears a card again, I mean
that classifies him. And he's cut the cut. It's called
the cut. It's their coat. Never there, but yeah, it's
called their cut. For your own loop.
Speaker 1 (39:43):
Yeah what about you.
Speaker 2 (39:44):
I don't have one.
Speaker 1 (39:45):
I used to not y'all. I don't know, but.
Speaker 2 (39:49):
He wants to meet someone after divorce, and I love that.
Back to the headline, is I just I would he
needs his own show. I'm trying to think who would? Who?
We can? So I did text Pam. I sent the
link to her when I saw this in the run,
and she's like, hook it up. Have your publicist call.
Speaker 3 (40:05):
I have a flying comment about that, because I believe
that Pam was not interested in oldermen.
Speaker 2 (40:10):
Truth again, Kevin Costner.
Speaker 1 (40:12):
Exactly, I'm not interested in olderman I'm married. But come on, guys,
we're just dreaming here going to point out that's.
Speaker 2 (40:21):
Specifically great about Nick. I just feel like, if you listened.
Speaker 1 (40:23):
Baggy not be offended at least the ever likelihood of
me ever going on a date with Kevin Costner.
Speaker 2 (40:30):
Did you see though, that his his ex wife has
moved on?
Speaker 1 (40:36):
Yes, I saw that, but also she's engaged.
Speaker 2 (40:39):
Yeah. She became a longtime friend and neighbor of the
former couple, which I just think the neighbors. You just
can't get too close to neighbors and friends. I just sugar,
did she scandal?
Speaker 1 (40:54):
Wait though? Which I was kind of really wondering what
about the whole whatever it was, the Jennifer the Jay thing. Oh,
I don't know, they were like together somewhere.
Speaker 2 (41:03):
Jennifer Aniston too. I heard a poor Jennifer Anderson has
been hooked up to there. Like I'm just like, just like,
can she just be left alone? I love this One's
(41:29):
interesting this next headline, and I immediately thought of you
Kitty cat. Uh. Nick and Vanessa Lahay explain they schedule
a weekly sex day hump Day, hump dayDay.
Speaker 1 (41:39):
It's on hump Day on Wednesday.
Speaker 2 (41:41):
Yeah. Uh, we've talked about this obviously on the podcast before,
where you and Nick would schedule. Do I still schedule now?
You lost?
Speaker 1 (41:48):
I didn't love it. You hated that, But I think
for who I mean, I think a lot of people do,
and I think that like a lot of people recommend it.
I think it's you know, good for some people.
Speaker 2 (41:57):
For me, it doesn't work because I feel like it
puts too much pressure. Yeah, that's why I wouldn't like it. Yeah,
It's like, yeah, that's why I don't even like doing
it at night sometimes because it feels if we haven't
done it in a while or that week. Then the
pressure it's like, Okay, he's going to want to do
it tonight, and then I have pressure, and then it
takes away from the sexiness and the yeah, the whole
(42:21):
vibe behind it. So sometimes I just liked to spruce
in a little afternoon one, you know what I mean,
We'll make sure before we come in the door. I'm
just saying, I don't know. For me, that just is
like pressure. But I also get it. There's they're so busy,
they have so much going on that if you don't
then it could be weeks and then you then you
lose that connection. I think that connection is important.
Speaker 1 (42:40):
Yeah, I've heard of a lot of I feel like
I just heard someone else. I can't think another celebrity
saying recently that they did and it worked great for them,
But I can't remember who it was at this point.
So I could definitely see what those kinds of schedules too,
how it could be beneficial.
Speaker 3 (42:52):
I actually was going to bring this to the chat
today and then it came into the group chat and
I was like, well that was perfect because I was
I do have a friend who schedules and they rotate,
so not only they schedule but then it is husband's.
Speaker 2 (43:06):
Job too, don't tie grammar.
Speaker 3 (43:10):
It's husband's job to initiate and set the tone, I guess,
and then the next week it's her job to do that.
That's cool, Yeah, very business appropriate.
Speaker 2 (43:19):
That's cool school. That sounds like a good plan.
Speaker 3 (43:21):
And then it came into a different group chat no
one on this panel the other day of like, how
often are married couples having sex? So I was going
to bring it to the table, how often do you
have sex?
Speaker 2 (43:31):
Kaby?
Speaker 1 (43:32):
I won't talk about this with on.
Speaker 2 (43:35):
I get blushy.
Speaker 1 (43:36):
Yeah, yeah, I got teenagers at home. I'm gonna watch
what I say about We had a really in depth
conversation the other day, me and my teenagers too, So
I don't I have decided to keep those things.
Speaker 2 (43:50):
That feels fair. Yeah, often we're often like how many
times a week?
Speaker 1 (43:56):
Guys?
Speaker 2 (43:56):
I get so blushy? Why do I get so blushy?
Speaker 3 (43:59):
And you brought this I know, I just wondered because
I'm like, well, and there has been times where it
isn't like this. But then I think over the last
couple of years, we've kind of like really gotten honest
about how much it's important to us both of us.
So I think, now we're just really busy. There you go,
but he's not like every day if he's home, Yeah,
(44:22):
pretty much.
Speaker 2 (44:23):
There you go. It's a healthy sex life. Well it's
not because's gone to do it for ninety years if
you care the one on that math problem.
Speaker 1 (44:31):
And things start to get a little scarce.
Speaker 3 (44:32):
I don't know, I feel like, yeah, I just wondered
because I I don't know. I also have a couple
friends that have gone like weeks, and I can feel
the detachment just with Preston and I pretty quickly if
it's been too long. Like we're just good at it.
We're good at each other. We just like it just
is like it's cozy and it's just good. Like I
just you know, just how do.
Speaker 2 (44:53):
You feel more mindful about it now? Because that like
what do you have talked about it previously?
Speaker 1 (44:58):
Like yeah, well and like talking about it, is that true?
Speaker 2 (45:02):
Well because it wasn't as much or whatever? And so
do you feel the pressure not to be, not to
do or to not do like the pressure?
Speaker 1 (45:13):
I mean, I just here's my thing. I am. I
probably should have said this offline after having conversations with
my son and daughter whose teenagers watch some of our
stuff and some people listen that is embarrassing to them
for me to talk about it. Okay, So I'm just
refraining from talking about their parents' sex life because they
(45:36):
have kids that will go on and listen and take
stuff back to them. So interesting.
Speaker 2 (45:42):
Yeah, we've got little spies.
Speaker 1 (45:43):
Yeah, I like. So I have told them that I
will know everything we talk about stuff, and we had
like a very in depth conversation the other day. But
it gets a little bit for them, like, hey, mom,
like if you know, like I told Emmy that I
said on here that she had started her period. That
didn't bother her, you know. So I'm trying to be
more mindful. Having said that, what I will say is
(46:07):
the pressure isn't as bad, but it will always be
there for me, sure for sure.
Speaker 2 (46:12):
Yeah, that will always It's not the thing that is
loved the most, you know what I mean, Like it's
not yeah, Cramer, you yeah, I mean as often as
we can really at least.
Speaker 3 (46:22):
I always feel like you two would be like a
very say three to four times a week hot couple.
Speaker 2 (46:27):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (46:28):
Yeah, in the afternoon, I'd say like three to four yeah, yeah,
I mean I think that's more than healthy. From my study,
I'm starting to understand it's pretty it's like a once
a weekish for most married couples.
Speaker 2 (46:42):
And whatever works for everyone at home, that's right exactly,
but they're happier, I feel like sometimes.
Speaker 3 (46:48):
I think also, I just felt a little liberated that
I finally got to stay out loud, like I really
like to, you know, like of course I like to
do that, but I would just I don't know. I
guess it changed so dramatically when I was like yeah
all the time and he was like, what, Like I
cause I probably wasn't. I'm not like a big sexy
girl vibe, you know, I don't put the off the
excess sexual sexual energy, so I'm sure. And we had
(47:10):
like a moment too where he's used to women pursuing
him that has been you know, artist's life, and I
that is just not who I am to be that
forward now that he's my husband and knowing that, you
know whatever, but I don't. I would never. I don't
go chasing, you know, that's a that was like a
I don't start or initiate. Mostly, I think that in
(47:31):
my brain is always defaulted to the mail, so I
I don't know, it's just like kind of cool to figure.
Speaker 2 (47:36):
That out about each other and talk about it. Yeah.
I think for me, it's like, it's really nice to
have someone that wants to actually sleep with me and
only me. Yeah, and like so it is refreshing. Well, no,
it's just like he's you know, I'd never like Mike,
never wanted to sleep with me, you know. So it
was so nice to have someone that actually were on
the same page. And that's that's nice to feel on
(47:59):
the same page about that.
Speaker 1 (48:01):
Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (48:02):
So we got a letter from a wind Down listener,
What up Melissa? So she needs advice on whether or
not this is her thing. I need advice on whether
or not I should try to remain friends with a
friend who was my closest friend until I had my
first son. Since my first son was born, she has
not been there for me in ways I wish she was.
(48:22):
She's a great person with a good heart, but has
not shown up for me in the ways I wish
she could have. We had to talk about it, but
after my second child, things felt like they went back
to the same way, barely speaking, and my kids don't
know her. It's sad and I'm torn on whether or
not to try to make this friendship work or to
let it go.
Speaker 1 (48:39):
And the other friend does not have kids, that she
did not say I'm going to guess that might be
the case.
Speaker 2 (48:44):
I'm kind of guessing that's the case too, which I
think it's hard for people that don't. I think it
goes both ways. It's I have well, I mean, I
have friends that I have a friend a couple friends
that don't have kids, and our friendship is definitely not
as strong as the ones with my friends that have kids,
because there's a I can under I relate more to
(49:08):
my friends that have the kids versus not, and there's
I'll always have love for my other friends, but there
is more of a bond with my friends with kids.
Speaker 1 (49:19):
Yeah, I have a friend that I grew up with
i'd consider one of my best friends that we hardly
ever see each other, and I know she's single, doesn't
have kids, and I know there's some resentment there on
towards me. But what's hard for me is like, just
because I have kids and have the busier schedule, why
does it have to fall on me to make it happen?
(49:42):
And That's where I've kind of got resentment back because
I'm like, but you could just as well call me
and say and I have said that, and it's like, well,
you're the one with the busy schedule, you're the one
with the kids. I'm like, but you're still not asking either,
so we both haven't made the effort, you know. And
so but that's hard. It's hard when they don't have kids,
you know for sure.
Speaker 2 (50:00):
That's a really good point though.
Speaker 1 (50:01):
Yeah, I mean it's you know, and I took that
on for a while, like, oh, I'm being a bad friend.
I should do this, I should do that, And I'm like,
wait a minute, but like, you haven't asked either, are faulty. Yeah,
So it goes, It goes both ways. But it's hard
to say whether she should. I think it's whatever feels
right to her, because you know, if you have expectations
(50:21):
and they're not being met, then that's never going to
fully work. I think if you can have no expectations
or like, I have a friend I have no expectations
of and I love her dearly may not see her,
but I just don't have those expectations.
Speaker 2 (50:35):
So I mean the rest of her advice on that
one will be I don't feel like you have to
make a decision whether to cut the person out or not. Yeah,
unless she did something to hurt you or sure, vice versa.
But I don't think. I think you can always hold
friendships close, even if they're far away. Yeah, I think
as long as you say that it matters to you
and that you wish they were part of your life more,
because I think a lot of times in life, marriage, friendships, everything,
(50:56):
we just don't maybe communicate what we need or what
we want so clear, and then we get sad when
someone's not like showing up the way we would prefer it.
So as long as you can say wish you were
with them more, I wish we were together more, and
then just let it fall how it's supposed to fall.
Speaker 3 (51:10):
I lost one of my best friends pregnant with Legend,
and it was because I didn't share that I was
pregnant with him. I couldn't travel out of the country
to go to the wedding, and there was just no
understanding at all, and I was really sad and I
carried it like it was my fault. And then I
had this moment one day where I'm like, well, she
hasn't checked on me either, yeah, you know, and I
(51:32):
will say that person came with a lot of extra
things I didn't really realize until God sorted out the pieces.
So I think sometimes it's okay to like things dissolve
or just be or change shape.
Speaker 1 (51:44):
Well, and kind of wrapping it up to what we
were saying earlier, motherhood can be lonely too, So I
think a lot of times these single friends of ours
feel like maybe that they're a little bit alone. And
then we go get a family and then we have kids.
But motherhood can be lonely too, and like you can
still I'll want for those relationships, you know. I think
it's important for people to understand that too.
Speaker 3 (52:05):
And to be reminded of those pieces of you, Like
I know, in motherhood, it was fun to be reminded
by the people that knew me before I was a mom. Yeah,
all the fun smart things about me really specifically, Yeah,
for sure.
Speaker 2 (52:17):
Yeah. And as my therapist to Amy said yesterday, you
don't always have to fix everything, Like you can sit
in your bad day. You can sit in the feeling
of this doesn't feel good and like that's okay, Like
you don't always have to fix the problem. You can
just sit in it for the day and then we
don't sit in it up forever, you know what I mean.
But we're always how do we have to fix that
(52:37):
and the better? And I'm just sitting there. Okay, maybe
we're just having a bad month or a bad whatever, like, yeah,
it's okay sitting in it.
Speaker 1 (52:44):
Yeah I like that.
Speaker 2 (52:46):
Well, sorry for the tears, ladies. My boobs live to
see another wind. Okay, I'm pinning it for the next time.
I'd like to pin it up. If that's a choice,
that's a really good one, because I actually have something
that I might pin out. Oh, and this is where
we say goodbye.
Wine Down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heart Radio Podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
So you guys this uh this week. Don't worry. I'm
not going to start with by the way, I kind
of liked it. I laughed at I did. I did
listen back because I just kind of wanted to hear
the flow of the show last week because people were
saying they were loving it. So I was like, all right,
let's listen back, see like what you know, what was good,
what was working, you know whatever? But when when christ
(00:26):
and when you go is this are we going to
say this is the end of the show. Now, this
is where we say goodbye. Well we love a marker.
I just love that. So you know, I have notes
because but I for my my host chat and then
I'm only bringing this up not to go in the
order again. But I'm not doing that. You're listening to
wind down. Yes, but I'm having a hard time separating
(00:51):
my host chat from my wine about it because I
feel like they've blend together.
Speaker 3 (00:54):
I was trying to figure out where I pinned my
items for discussion.
Speaker 2 (00:57):
Because I feel like it's just going to be a constant.
Didn't whine That's how I felt last week. You weren't
whining though, those were like really right, they were hard,
but it is kind of hard to like, hey, what's
going on with your week?
Speaker 1 (01:10):
But then it's like, you know, so it is kind
of hard to.
Speaker 2 (01:12):
Maybe it's like a little bit of a hybrid. Yeah
it is. And I think I'm on my period. It's
been raining all three you're all now on your parents.
Speaker 3 (01:20):
I started on Friday, Saturday, Saturday night, Ambush Saturday night
and pretty jam you were usually Sunday. I was, well,
I'm actually extra proud of us, wow, because you guys
can we Actually I don't know where.
Speaker 1 (01:36):
I don't know where to put this either, but.
Speaker 3 (01:40):
On the periods, I just am wondering because I know
I'm only like a little bit older, but by a year, right,
you being like older than us, Yeah, not by much,
just forty three, right, so only a couple forty one?
Yeah yeah, yeah, so but I know that in the
forty two years carry the one the remainder of this
(02:02):
is why we talk instead of doing math for a living.
So I have heard though, in the forties, like every
year kind of counts when it comes to like perimenopausal
symptoms and like all of that, Like people are like, Wow,
you know it hit me at forty four, it hit
me at forty two, whatever have you. I need to
know because I can tell my feelings and hormones are
wiling out right before it happens. I know it because
(02:25):
I'm like, this feels like that, but there's nobody in
my brain telling me, don't say it. Christin, Oh, we've
talked about this and it's gotten so much worse. I
don't know, in fact embarrassing. Yeah, and I'm ravenously eating.
I knew something was up Friday because I just was.
(02:48):
It was like, couldn't get enough same.
Speaker 2 (02:50):
I had a whole bag of set chips because I
just needed the salt.
Speaker 3 (02:54):
I went to Jimmy John's first time in seven years
freaky fast. Did you see Mike and the kids because
they're every day?
Speaker 2 (03:01):
Didn't?
Speaker 3 (03:02):
I sure didn't. I'm gonna just hold all of my jokes.
I feel like that was really good discernment. I just
feel like it's like so hormonally driven. It's almost like
I don't know who I am in the moment.
Speaker 1 (03:19):
Yeah, I went through a really bad phase of that.
Mine's gotten a little bit better, So I don't know
what that means. But I went through a really bad
phase of it. I mean, even like my whole family
kind of knew.
Speaker 3 (03:30):
I mean, Preston even was trying to be kind last night,
but he said, baby, I like it when you settle
in a couple of days in He's like, it's just
really like a different version of you. And I I know.
And I didn't even deny it or snap. I just said,
I know, you explained it perfectly. It's like, you know,
and it's like, don't say that, don't say.
Speaker 1 (03:46):
That, but you say it anyway. That's how I know. Like,
I mean, I hear it coming out of my mouth
and I know how ridiculous it is.
Speaker 2 (03:54):
And don't you cringe a little?
Speaker 3 (03:56):
But also my pride is so big or something that
even the cringing can't stop me.
Speaker 2 (04:00):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
Oh it's a weird thing.
Speaker 2 (04:02):
Yeah, I feel like a few days before it's mine
is a few days before yeah, my period where i
feel like I'm just squeezing everything in to not explode,
and then it explodes. And then I go, let me
go check my flow tracker and I'm like, four days
until period. I'm like, well that tracks so yeah, yeah,
and then I do my apologies. Yeah, yeah, I'm sorry, yeah,
(04:25):
and sometimes I don't. Yeah, yeah, that's okay.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
We now have I mean I had someone actually say
to me one time, like, you probably shouldn't have shared
that about your daughter, that she's on her paper. I'm like,
she's thirteen, like at this point, like we all know
like that it's human and it's life or whatever. But
in our house, it's like we'll come home from a
cheer practice and Nick will literally go, so did you
both start your period? Because we're just like yelling at
(04:49):
each other.
Speaker 2 (04:50):
So once I'm on it, I'm fine, I'm I'm tired,
but that's about it.
Speaker 1 (04:54):
So she usually is a few days before me, so
hers will be like when she first, she'll be a
little bit more emotion and a little bit cranky, and
then I'm usually behind her, so it's like it it
lines up perfectly for me to be a few days
before and then it's just like, okay, these are the
days we I just need to not take you to
practice and we need to not be in the car
for forty five minutes the worst.
Speaker 3 (05:13):
I feel like before I used to have this really
strong part of me as a fifty to fifty split
half of me was like girl, you're going crazy, and
the other half was like, ah, we know what this is.
Let's just table that, don't say it out loud. Whoever
that girl is is gone now, and she is she
is replaced fully with some fighter like she whoever came
in is.
Speaker 2 (05:32):
She's a badass, but she's full of regret. Full of regret.
Speaker 1 (05:37):
That's funny.
Speaker 2 (05:38):
Well, I will just segue this into I was watching
your story, Kristen and the the Glove that you found on.
So we just finished the OJ documentary I started out
last time. I have sigo to ask you, Yeah, did
you watched it? Yeah? No, okay, well we finished watching it.
(05:59):
I had such a hard time. I'm falling asleep the
night that we finished it because what he told his
agent just literally kept me up at night. It was
just wild to me. Did you do I mean to
say what he said?
Speaker 1 (06:12):
I don't care about spoiler to everybody if you don't
want to know.
Speaker 2 (06:14):
Spoiler alert also history also out there too. Yeah yeah,
but he said basically, they were talking and he said
to the agent. You know, OJ said to his agent,
do you think I did it? And the agent goes,
this was that moment where I do I fall on
(06:35):
the no man, like you know, the agent, just the
yes person, whatever he goes. But I'm going to tell
him the truth. And he said, yes, I actually do
think that you did. And he kind of looked away,
I guess, and then said, man, if a quote unque.
I don't know what the actual quote was, but this
was as close as I can get to it. He said,
if only if she didn't show up to the door
(06:57):
with a knife in her hand, she'd still be alive today.
And that's what he said. And I go to just
that thought of how a narcissist explains that there's no
way like, yes, she was. I mean from the nine
one one calls that she had called on him before
and the domestic abuse that he did to her there,
(07:20):
I have a hard time believing that he didn't go
there just to kill her. I have a hard time.
I feel like a narcissist would say he literally blamed
her for opening the door with a knife, like that's
how I'm like, I just and it just made me
so angry. I agree. And it's a haunting. Yeah, it
was just such a.
Speaker 3 (07:41):
It was such a narcissists way to frame it. It
was the way it was framed when I saw how
is this her fault? You've made this her fault?
Speaker 2 (07:48):
Yeah, And it was just so sad to just what
there were so many things that weren't put into evidence,
and then how they twisted the case. I mean, I
didn't know any of that. I just because I'm like, God,
I don't even want to watch this. We know what happens.
It's like the Titan, you know, whatever. But then you
watch it and you're just like, this wasn't put into evidence.
This wasn't and they turned it into this, and it's
just it was just maddening.
Speaker 1 (08:08):
It's scary to think how. I understand why it's there, obviously,
but it's scary to think how that can change so
much what what is not allowed in evidence, what you
can talk about, what you can't talk about, and that
can change the trajectory of a huge lawsuit like that.
I mean, it's crazy, our huge trial. It's also weird.
Speaker 3 (08:27):
I really am going to sound dumb, but I'm just
gonna throw myself under the bus. But I didn't realize
the difference in like the federal case, in the.
Speaker 2 (08:34):
Civil criminal and civil. Basically he got criminal and civil.
Speaker 1 (08:37):
Is that what it is?
Speaker 2 (08:38):
This was the civil after it was after and they said, yes,
he he did it, but then he just you know,
the the the sister of the other victim was like,
and then he just walked away and got into his
car and we haven't received a penny mind me.
Speaker 1 (08:56):
So he this is where I'm going to sound remind
So he was convicted.
Speaker 2 (09:00):
Or oj in the civil case, in the civil but
not the criminal, not the criminal, so criminal he was
let off and then they did if it didn't quit
right right, So then civil though, they said he did,
and then that was just it. Yeah, he was order
to pay like thirty three million dollars.
Speaker 1 (09:20):
And then okay, yeah, yeah, gosh. I just feel like, yeah,
that's well.
Speaker 3 (09:23):
We were also young when it happened, so I think
it is like I remember obviously some of it, but
I don't.
Speaker 2 (09:28):
I didn't know as much and I shouldn't remember watching
the verdict in our seventh grade science class and oh wow, yeah,
isn't that insane?
Speaker 1 (09:37):
That ist like we shouldn't have been.
Speaker 2 (09:39):
Watching right in seventh grade it was seventh or eighth
grade whatever it was. But I just remember the teacher
being like, this is history and we need to like
put this on Yeah. I think as I watched, and
then in high school it was the towers, because the
towers I remember that turn it on and we saw
the plane go, and I mean it was just like
woof ty.
Speaker 1 (09:57):
Yeah, I don't think they would look that now. I
don't think.
Speaker 2 (10:00):
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (10:00):
There's a lot that they wouldn't do now. I think
what was wild to me is just the lack of remorse.
It felt like because there was a celebration when he
was found not guilty, and I thought, yet, still the
wife of your children is dead.
Speaker 2 (10:15):
So that was the wildest part for me. I guess
I didn't.
Speaker 3 (10:18):
I mean just because we were young, I probably didn't know,
and because social media wasn't so wild, so we probably
weren't getting everything as fast. But I was blown away
that were like celebrating his freedom. Fine, but we're celebrating
freedom from you still have a dead ex wife, the
mother of your children, and your children were in the
house when it happened.
Speaker 2 (10:38):
Wild.
Speaker 1 (10:39):
Yeah, nothing's the same no matter what.
Speaker 3 (10:40):
And because of you, I started out last, Oh oh
are and I didn't think I was gonna like it.
Speaker 2 (10:46):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (10:46):
One thing that is hard is if you fall asleep,
it's very hard to figure out what your because it
all looks the same. It's wild out there, right, you
haven't watched it, no, but I feel like those are
all kind of the same, right, trying to survive. Yeah,
I was mind a survivor. I want to watch season two.
I didn't watch season one. In season two, Oh, there's
(11:08):
two seasons. What season am I watching?
Speaker 2 (11:10):
I don't know. Probably watch the Little Ladies Jill in
your cast, which who she paired with? The blonde Jill
No from Kentucky. Jill. Oh, I think we had different
on different I need to get in season one season one.
Speaker 1 (11:25):
Can we just send like a group chat or what
we're going to be watching so I can get on that.
Speaker 2 (11:42):
I would like to bring this up in the host
chat discussion because we are snuggled inside of host chat
for anyone that's longer. We are still a host chat.
But it's about something. Okay, it was something that just
I had a you know, I'm a host chat idea,
and I was watching this show last night. So what
(12:04):
were we watching? We were watching, Oh, we were watching
Paradise because there was a new episode, so we watched
that and then Alan was tired, so I was stayed
on Hulu, and I was like, oh, there's a new
Kardashians out, so I'm going to watch Kardashians. So I
watched the new episode and it was there was just
the one that you could watch, and so I watched it,
(12:25):
and I love Chloe, right, and so I just I'm
always like, you know, I love just watching her storylines.
And it was a very big Chloe storyline because Lamar
came on the show and so it was part one
of her talking to Lamar and obviously, you know, they
were married for almost seven years and you know, he
ended up. I believe it was overdosing at a brothel
(12:48):
and then she took care of him and then they
got divorced. And Malika had said something and Milika, right, yeah, okay,
she had said something. She's like, you know, the love.
She's like, when you love someone, the love will always
be there and you'll always love that person. And they
just got me thinking, I'm like about that because you
know how when you break up with someone they say
like I'll always love you, or there's even songs about it. Right,
(13:13):
But then I just kind of really started thinking about
it because I'm like, I have zero love for my
ex Mike if you're listening to them. But I don't
like I know this like being in love and like love,
but I don't love. I don't. I don't have any
love for him, like I don't. When she's like, you'll
always love that person, I don't love that person, I would.
Speaker 1 (13:35):
Agree, I I don't know that I I how do
I say this without I don't feel like you don't
what do you mean? I feel like if something were
to happen to Mike tomorrow, you would be there and
you would help him out. That doesn't mean as a
form of love. That is a form of love.
Speaker 2 (13:54):
Right now, No, because he's also part of my wine
about it.
Speaker 1 (13:57):
So but I think deep down there is still but
that that's I don't think that's love though, like how
they're saying, sure you, but I think that there's I
see both sides to that, like.
Speaker 2 (14:10):
You'll always love this person, and I do see what
you're saying. I will, I will always be there to help.
But that's not out of love, that's just out of
like I guess when I hear her say, you know,
I can see how you're taking it right, So I
do get that piece of it, But I guess I
hear it as like you'll always love that person, and
(14:30):
I just disagree with that piece of it.
Speaker 3 (14:34):
This is interesting, as I would consider myself the care
bear of the group. I would agree with you, Kramer,
interesting because I had an ex husband and I do
not love him, right, I don't feel And maybe it
is because now we have such a huge love that
we know the difference. But to your to go to
what Catherine saying though, So what she's saying like, if
(14:56):
he needed you, you're obviously gonna be there.
Speaker 2 (14:58):
No, but I don't have to because I don't have
kids with him. Right. But let's say you impressed and
got divorced. Let's just say, okay, put yourself in that situation.
Pet is something dirty and you guys got divorced, right,
and that person that you always thought you were going
to love, where does that look like? And if he
needs you, you're going to obviously help him. But to me,
(15:19):
that's still not I know it's not. I do it
because I'm just the mom and I I care, but
I don't. It's not it's not a like I mean,
I see what you're saying. I'm struggling on that piece.
Speaker 1 (15:30):
I see both sides to me, it feels almost like
there's still a hate spot in there, a little bit
not hate.
Speaker 2 (15:36):
But like I have a massive resentment right but to
I don't hate anyone, Yeah, resentment.
Speaker 1 (15:41):
Hat but there's I think that there's so much of
that that's still kind of a form of love in
a way. And I can think about people close to
me that I could say I don't really feel like
I have that much love for them, but I think
if I really went down deep into it, there is
still a form of love that.
Speaker 2 (16:02):
I mean, I like, I like the flip side of that,
you know, I don't dislike, do you still have love
for the person that you loved before? I think so,
Like I have love for like my ex high school boyfriend.
I was just like you guys say, I have a
box in my thing and I was trying to clean
up my wind down stuff and I'm reading these notes
(16:23):
and he's like, I will always love you, which made
me like, you know, I'm just starting just to read
them because I'm like these first made me laugh, But
then I was also like, you know, I'm like, where
does that love go? You know, I'm like, because I'm like,
I have love for my heart always for him because
he was my first and like I and now he
has a beautiful family and I love that for him,
and I love you know, his I love his wife,
(16:44):
and I love you know, will always have I will
always have love for him. But I don't feel the
same for Mike. Does it have to do maybe an
equal parts hurt.
Speaker 3 (16:55):
I feel like there's just still anger because she said
like heavy, I mean, listen, I also that way about
my house.
Speaker 2 (17:00):
How can you love someone that hurt you so bad?
Speaker 1 (17:03):
Well, I think that's why it hurts so bad.
Speaker 2 (17:05):
But then how is their love to me if.
Speaker 1 (17:08):
You still have some sort of resentment or an anger
or even a feeling towards that person. In my mind,
that's rooted in love?
Speaker 2 (17:18):
No, no, no, that is rude. I don't I don't
like him.
Speaker 1 (17:23):
I feel like he wouldn't care if you did in
some way and not in an in love at all.
Speaker 2 (17:28):
The things that he did to me, that some things
I can't disclose. I can't find love for a person
like that.
Speaker 1 (17:35):
And I hear, I mean, I agree, I'm not disagreeing
with that.
Speaker 2 (17:39):
I just but I will always help if needed, and
whatever I think. Caring about him maybe and not loving him.
It's it's just the thing that we would do like
I would always be I always be there, you know,
out of respect that he's the father of my children,
of two of my children, you know.
Speaker 1 (17:58):
And maybe you truly don't and I'm not just but
I do see your side, you.
Speaker 2 (18:03):
Know what I mean, Because when you said that, I'm like, well,
I don't feel that way, you know, but I but
I also love your point of view on it, because
of course I would be there for them if you
needed me. Is that love? I don't know.
Speaker 1 (18:15):
Yeah, that's a you know, a good that's a really
good question.
Speaker 2 (18:17):
It's something that I can. I can. But I also
then go to the flip side of well, how I
know that they they're are in their own stuff or whatever,
and that's why they do X, Y and Z. But
can you still care without the love? Because that's where
I think I'd be at.
Speaker 1 (18:33):
Can you still care without the love? And probably? Yeah?
Speaker 3 (18:36):
I think I have compassion, yeah, but I don't have love.
That's yeah, empathy, Yeah, that's fair.
Speaker 2 (18:42):
Yeah, Like I don't want anything bad to happen to
that partly the same I actually I like his I
would like to be like we are friends, but there
is no love. Either's care and friendship but no love.
Speaker 1 (18:53):
Yeah, I think that your friends.
Speaker 2 (18:56):
Of course, I love my friends, do Ukramer tell.
Speaker 1 (18:58):
Us, well, the other side of it, but friends.
Speaker 2 (19:02):
But no, we would not be friends if we didn't
share kids.
Speaker 1 (19:05):
Well, that's true. That that I can agree with. You
definitely would not.
Speaker 2 (19:12):
Yeah, so that is a forced friendship. Yeah, for sure,
like you don't have a choice. I expect incline to
him absolutely because of the kids. But if not, if
we didn't have kids, I would never look Oh, I
would never look in his direction ever.
Speaker 1 (19:28):
Again, I definitely believe that that's a good topic though.
Speaker 2 (19:33):
I like that. I would like to say that it's
I have care and compassionate without the love, and I
don't think that the love will always be there. But
I can definitely see your point of view on your side,
and I appreciate you bringing.
Speaker 1 (19:47):
That up, especially me because I'm usually the heartless one.
Speaker 3 (19:50):
Meanwhile, the care beer is like maybe the caremera is
on her beard. Next note, I just really moved him along, didn't.
Speaker 2 (20:12):
Before we move into wine about it? Is there anything
you guys want to say? I have life updates? No, yeah, okay,
moving on to next I love good narration. Guys, I
am struggling. Oh no, I feel like this is all
like my stuff. Sometimes it was all me.
Speaker 1 (20:34):
So let's go.
Speaker 3 (20:36):
I forget though that we are recording and I really
mean that, Like I said that to Janna when I
got here.
Speaker 2 (20:41):
I was like, okay, Like.
Speaker 1 (20:42):
I just really got me. I was like, oh man,
did I really say all that. Well, we do talk
like this and we this is us.
Speaker 2 (20:48):
This is us.
Speaker 3 (20:49):
I had a moment where I was like, I got
to read some time. Put it in the back of
my mind.
Speaker 1 (20:53):
I know that's okay, tell us time.
Speaker 2 (20:55):
Yeah, this is so period. Cry come over there, and
I feel like it's remember when I did that first
episode post baby and I was doing like that was
the worst decision of my life because I was crying
over a butcher Box ad. But this one is like, yes,
it's period. But I also, I had therapy yesterday and
(21:16):
I was just telling her. I was like, I can't
get my mind to like shut off, and there's so
many things that are you know, sometimes when you're you
have so much kind of like circulating in your brain
that your brain almost hurts, you know, And then Alan's like, hey,
you just you know, are you good? Like you just
seem a little distant. I'm like, yeah, I was like,
I just I couldn't filter through all the different kind
of thoughts running through my brain. And so we sat
(21:38):
in therapy and we we went through She's like, all right, well,
let's do it now, you know, and so I just
kind of started going down the list and it's it
all led to the feeling of just alone. Right, So
I feel like I'm alone in dealing with a lot
of these issues, and so you know, the first part
of it was and it's really around the kids too,
(22:01):
and so this I feel like, I'm just like I
need to just like wrap this in a bow. But
like first and foremost, and this is why I called
you yesterday because so we are so behind on vaccinations,
like so so so behind, and we've only done too
and when I've been kind of delaying this appointment because
(22:22):
I knew the doctor was going to make me do
a vaccination or we would have to leave the clinic
essentially since we're so behind. And the last time that
we went in, I essentially got blamed for him having
ear infections because I didn't vaccinate him, and I didn't
like how that felt because when you google it, it
(22:44):
says that you know, children who are not vaccinated it
could cause more ear infections. But for some reason, there
was something in me that just was like I was,
I got turned off by that comment, and so it
didn't make me want to go back to that office
because I'm like, you just blamed me for my child
having an ear infection. So like I didn't like that.
(23:05):
I don't even know why I'm crying, but like it
just made me feel like like a bad mom or something,
and so I was like, Okay, So that just like
kind of like sat with me, and I've been delaying
the appointment, and I get so overwhelmed because I'm like,
I know he needs so many vaccinations, but I'm also
like there's I don't know if I trust them all,
and like there's so many and it's like I just
know so many stories. I'm I'm a firm believer that
(23:28):
Jolie's some of Jolie's issues were caused by a potential
side effect from vaccines when she was a baby. So
I've just been so I delayed with Jays and with Roman.
I'm just like there's so much out there that I'm like,
I don't know what is, what I should give, what
I shouldn't give, And then it just makes me feel
like frickin helpless because I'm like, we have a neighbor
(23:48):
that has a highly autistic son, and I'm not saying
I'm not saying vaccinations cause autism. I'm not. I'm like,
but I also would like more science or we'd still
be giving our kids cocaine and whatever. I saw this
one thing, like what was it? And you know, yeah,
or in cough syrup. So I'm like, I believe in
signs evolving and us you know, looking into that more.
(24:09):
And so it was just like having to like do
that call and then like not you know, not knowing
what the right move on that is, and like just
kind of feeling alone in that. And I know I
can bring Allan in on that, but he's also very
much like whatever I think, right, So though he has
he doesn't think that Romans should be getting all of
those you know, he's so he's definitely there. So I
(24:30):
know I'm not alone, but the feeling makes me feel alone.
And then, like Julie got her official diagnosis of dyslexia,
Mike didn't show up to the meeting so I'm in
the meeting with all the teachers, the vice principal, and
I'm like, again I feel alone. And I'm like, which is.
Speaker 3 (24:47):
A core belief that you and I have talked about
a lot, that we can't trust people, that they won't
show up for us, that we have to do it alone. Yeah,
And so I was like, so so these things hissed,
Like I hearing all this stuff about my like where
is my other king person? And I knew like I
got I got a home and I just cried and
I was like what, Like he didn't show up and
(25:07):
I'm like he must have forgot, like, and so I
was so upset because it's like all this information and
then again I somehow feel at fault, which I know
is not my fault, but like all this stuff has
been like thrown be guys, I'm so sorry.
Speaker 2 (25:20):
I'm like crying. No, I don't want to be sorry.
Speaker 3 (25:22):
I feel like everything you're saying is so valid, and
I promise you there's people listening that feel every single
bit of this.
Speaker 2 (25:29):
Yeah, and so like and he's like, oh my god,
I would have come and I'm like, I know you.
So again I know I'm not alone in it but
like we like take on so much of it, like
to ourselves that and then on top of it work
and just life and it's just so it's all these things.
I'm like, what do I do here? And Okay, so
now she's just like, so okay, we gotta get ip
and then she'll do you have to do this all
a bat and all these things. I'm like, I just
(25:51):
feel alone. I know I'm not alone. I know there's people,
I know, I have you guys, all that stuff, but
it's just that is where my season is this month,
and it's hard. So that's it. That's my white about it.
Speaker 3 (26:01):
If I guys, we just keep keep tabling my boobs
for a whine about it.
Speaker 2 (26:05):
It's gonna wait for the time.
Speaker 3 (26:07):
But I feel like I'm one week. This was literally
me like maybe a week and a half ago. Do
you remember me saying to you I just wanted to
be alone in my house?
Speaker 2 (26:17):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (26:18):
And it was, which is you know, contradictory because I'm like.
Speaker 2 (26:21):
I feel that's what Aby said. She goes, what do
you need it right now? I was like, I think
I just really want to be alone, which is interesting
because I'm alone. I know that. I'm like Alan's what
do you do? I'm like, I need to be alone
because I have to just process all of this sort
it by myself for a minute.
Speaker 3 (26:34):
Yeah, well it does feel noisy, and I think, guys,
we all know this. Everybody listening knows this too. It's
like social media information news networks. Can you trust this
news network? Is this network coming from this place point
of view? Like there's just no raw educational information is
how it feels to me sometimes. So then I feel
(26:56):
overwhelmed because I feel like I want to make an
educated choice and I want to learn, But where do
I learn? And is that person teaching me through a
lens of this with their own agenda?
Speaker 2 (27:05):
You know?
Speaker 3 (27:06):
So that gets wild. And I also feel like the
world is noisy right now. I mean the year started crazy.
We all know and love people in Los Angeles, right
We wrapped up a year with a hurricane getting flooding
places where we know and love people, so like it's
a hard time for impaths anyways, and then you had
the mom layer in the vaccination layer, and the baby layer,
(27:29):
an ex husband layer, and it does feel overwhelming, Like
I feel like everything you're saying, I'm like, i'd cry too.
Actually was just ten days ago, crying about it.
Speaker 2 (27:37):
I called you. I said, I feel overwhelmed.
Speaker 1 (27:40):
It is very common for moms to feel like all
the decisions fall on them and that they're alone. Whether
you have the most involved husband in the world or not,
you have that added layer of an ex husband not
showing up, and then a husband she's like, well, I
would be there, but you really probably just want her
to be there, you know, And so that's a whole
(28:02):
other level. But I feel like everyone listening, most moms
can just they feel that, like, my decisions might not
be as big as yours right now, but like we're
ultimately making most of the decisions for our children, and
that is overwhelming. I mean that is no matter what
the decision is, that's overwhelming. So I'm sorry that you're
(28:23):
having to deal with some of these really bigger decisions
that are heavy. Like yeah, like the dads will help
make those decisions, but are they educating themselves? Where do
we get educated?
Speaker 2 (28:33):
You know?
Speaker 1 (28:34):
I mean it's overwhelming, and I don't have any answers
for that, because that's just a hard I mean, we
just dealt with it with a vaccine, you know. I
thought we were kind of out of that. But now
when the kids are older, now there's a vaccine that
we have to make a decision about that I've been
putting off for years, you know, making a decision. But
those things are hard because then you also get you know,
(28:54):
you can get ripped apart for your feelings on those things,
and that's hard too. To me. That's an added layer.
Speaker 2 (28:59):
I also encourage you to find a different pediatrician. I've tried.
I'm on every weight list. I'm literally called three and
I'm on three weight lists. And again it's not I'm
not against it. I understanding there are outbreaks, there are
things that need to be for other people. I'm I
just there's just so many and what is needed right now?
And how do we space this out where I just
(29:20):
need to understand it more?
Speaker 1 (29:21):
You need someone who can walk you through this is
what we have left? Yeah, and how are we going
to knowing that this, this and this are important to you?
Knowing you're not sure how you feel about this one,
here's a plan.
Speaker 2 (29:33):
Well, And so I called the doctor because this is
hard because I've been with this one doctor since Jolly
was a baby. And so I called and I'm you
know this is after therapy, and so I'm obviously upset
and crying, and you know, she's basically like, if you don't,
you're going to have to leave the office because you're
at the point now where you know, it's been this
long and he needs so many And I was like, well,
I can't see her again, and I'm because I just
(29:54):
feel like just the pressure and like throat closing and
all that. So can you find me a d friend
doctor in the office that can just have a little
bit more compassion around me having a difficult time? When's
the appointment next week? And I'm gonna be alone in
the appointment because he's not gonna be you know, he's
not gonna be here. So it's just like it's there's
just and I don't know what I'm but I'm gonna
(30:17):
have to do something or pick one, you know what
I mean, like a Rouletta vaccines, Which one is that safe.
Speaker 1 (30:22):
Thing to give? Yeah, you need to ask, And I
will say, let's talk offline about who you're seeing. We
see two different people in the practice, and I definitely
have felt that way more about her than the other.
Speaker 2 (30:32):
Yeah, okay, So I'd also like to go to the appointment. Yeah,
I would like to honestly, like, I would like to
not be alone in that one.
Speaker 1 (30:39):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (30:39):
Yeah, I don't know. It's just like there's just so
much stuff, like you want to make the right decisions,
you know what I mean. Like, and again I'm not
saying certain things one hundred percent caused certain things with Jolie,
but there are many things that if you go back
to she didn't crawl, she didn't talk until she was
almost like four, you know, and a lot of those
and then now she's dyslexi. Like when you look into
these things, they could have been from her fifteen month vaccination,
(31:02):
So it could have maybe who knows, I don't know.
It might min not have.
Speaker 3 (31:06):
An important piece though, is that someone is just willing
to hear you out.
Speaker 2 (31:09):
It definitely need to be so definite.
Speaker 3 (31:11):
I think I have been on this like little diary
journey of things I'm passionate about. One of the things
I am is safety of children, but also safety of mothers.
And I feel like safety of mothers I'm really passionate
about the most because it is a very hard and
very layered and very beautiful job. But anybody pushing us,
(31:33):
I have no tolerance for But my whole point is
if that doctor was st look at you and say,
I can tell this is a lot for you, and
I just want to lay out this is our options.
This is just a different conversation. And listen, I'm not
even saying that's a bad pediatrician, just not the one
for you.
Speaker 2 (31:46):
Yeah, you know, Like I.
Speaker 3 (31:47):
Go, there's a practice I'm involved in on the nonprofit side,
and I love these women, and there is one woman
that I'm like, you are a tremendous, brilliant doctor, but
I don't want to be your patient because you're tough
love and I don't need that.
Speaker 1 (31:58):
And to know, not just other side, but to note
there are a lot of offices are that way, like
if you don't vaccinate or if you're not on the schedule,
then you cannot be at the practice. And it's hard
and overwhelming to find the ones that will work with
you a little bit more. And you do not go
by that. So I feel for that piece of it
(32:20):
because it's hard, it's overwhelming. It's like, I mean, I've
wanted to leave before, but I'm like, I don't know
where to go or what to do, and it's it's hard.
But I think at the end of the day, if
everyone could have grace for moms because we're all just
trying to do what we feel like is best for
our children. Yeah, and these are disagreements I've gotten in
on so many different things, but at the end of
(32:41):
the day, you can assume that every mother's trying to
do what's best for their own kid, and that might
look different for everybody.
Speaker 2 (32:46):
And there's just a lot on the mother's plate, like
doing so much and then adding in on the flip
side of like work and then four months two Yeah,
you know. Anyways, that's my wind about it. Ladies, Are
we moving on hot topic?
Speaker 1 (33:00):
Yes, let's move on.
Speaker 2 (33:02):
Okay. We had Whitney from Secret Lives of Mormon Wives on.
We also had Macy on. Did you guys see that
Jen Affleck is pregnant with her third Yes. I got
to say I was shocked. I was happy, but shocked,
like I thought they were getting divorced. That's from the
news that I because I've kind of stayed away from,
you know, which obviously I would hate to see a
(33:22):
divorce announcement, you know, but I was I was kind
of shocked to see it, but happy, but shocked me.
It doesn't. There's a lot of few clients happening.
Speaker 1 (33:32):
Yeah, I feel like I had heard at some point
or something that because didn't they move away, one of
them told us that they like moved away to like
work on things or whatever. So that doesn't surprise me
having said that, some gracious assumption here. I feel like
there is a lot that all of the girls have
said that their stories were not fully shown on season one,
(33:56):
so I want to hold space for all of them
and their chance to tell more of their story. I
don't think that excuses any behaviors. I don't think that
that you know, yeah, I did too. I did too. However,
I would like to make my not not judgment. I
(34:17):
want to see more of their story. I want to
see they keep alluding to there's a lot more to
their story. There's this. I would like to see that
first and see kind of you know what that is about. Again,
it was hard to watch. There was a lot there,
But I'd be curious to see what they show in
season two to as she kind of puts, it, will
kind of explain some of the behaviors.
Speaker 3 (34:38):
But reality TV is always hard for me, I think
because I did only one show, but I just saw
so much. It's like they can literally do anything they
want to your character, even when you think you're being
crisp and clean and clear. If they have an agenda
and a storyline for your character, they can pretty much
accomplish it.
Speaker 1 (34:56):
Yeah, especially if you're scary to think that it's scary,
you know, it's not always you know, what we're saying
is not. Maybe, I don't know. It's hard to believe
that he didn't have those controlling behaviors when but also yes,
it can be manipulated and add to us a certain.
Speaker 3 (35:13):
Way too, Yeah, because if you compile all those two
into one, it's like whoa why No exactly?
Speaker 1 (35:19):
Yeah? Great? And I really felt for her on that
show though.
Speaker 2 (35:22):
I love her so I wanted to just be like
it almost was like a mirror too. I wanted to
really don't have a voice, you know.
Speaker 1 (35:31):
But then that overwhelming feeling of all your friends loving
you but wanting you, you know, like wake up? Do
you know you need to?
Speaker 2 (35:38):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (35:38):
And her just breaking down. It was hard to watch.
Speaker 2 (35:41):
Yeah, from experience for.
Speaker 1 (35:43):
Yes, I'm happy for them though if they're happy, and yeah,
baby's always a blessing.
Speaker 2 (35:49):
Same well, Catherine. This news is for you, honey. Kevin
Costner wants to meet someone related news. How's your marriage?
Speaker 1 (36:01):
Yeah, it's awful. I feel like he'd be fine with it.
Speaker 2 (36:08):
Nick or Kevin.
Speaker 1 (36:09):
No, it was kind of Costner. He'd be like, Okay,
I'm getting.
Speaker 2 (36:14):
Could you date a seventy year old thirty years older
than you? Not a no, right, Kevin Costner?
Speaker 1 (36:22):
Yeah, but like in general, just like the seventy year
old down the street. Probably not right right, But I
can promise you if Kevin Costner asked me on a date,
I'd be there.
Speaker 2 (36:35):
Why do I love this?
Speaker 3 (36:36):
Like my face hurts from smiling because I just don't
get to see the side of you that often.
Speaker 1 (36:41):
I know, and I don't have many like at all.
Like before, I don't know. I couldn't have even come
up with someone that I'm like, oh, yeah, he's my
I love him.
Speaker 2 (36:49):
What is it about Kevin that just gets you? Is
it the Body of the Guard read Cheeks.
Speaker 1 (36:56):
Bodyguard's my favorite movie?
Speaker 2 (36:58):
And like, oh, you know what I love that movie
is because you can tell he loves her, like he
cared so deeply. I remember watching the funeral and you
know his speech that he loved her and he will
always love her. He doesn't matter. I mean this is
a full circle moment.
Speaker 1 (37:14):
Where our life. But like he really loved her, but
also like his position of power and like I just
I absolutely loved that movie and in my life, in
my mind, that's kind of Coosner. It probably isn't you know,
Like he's probably more Yellowstone than he is.
Speaker 2 (37:31):
Well, let's still position a power ish that it is?
Speaker 1 (37:33):
Yes, which would either one, just so we're clear, Yellowstone
or Bodyguard?
Speaker 2 (37:38):
Would you be okay if Nick had this love affair
for someone?
Speaker 1 (37:42):
Absolutely? Yeah, absolutely a seventy year old woman is the actress?
Speaker 2 (37:47):
Can come on?
Speaker 3 (37:48):
Is that only because we know Kevin Costner is looking
for someone to date that you're now okay with Nick
feeling this way?
Speaker 1 (37:55):
If there was someone like that and like he said
these things that wouldn't bother me in the app solute least, okay,
I'd be like, if you can score that, babe.
Speaker 3 (38:05):
Like on way, Kramer, do you have like I hate
this term. I freaking hate it.
Speaker 2 (38:11):
I just do.
Speaker 3 (38:12):
And I don't even like the word hate. And I'm
using that. The whole past thing just wears me out.
But do you ann but.
Speaker 2 (38:18):
Yeah for me, No, not anymore unless did want to
dress up, you know, only if he wants to dress
up into his his Uh what are those the gosh?
Oh my god, how could I forget that? No, No,
it's it's his. Oh my gosh, it's what biker people wear. God,
(38:40):
people are probably screaming this while they're listening.
Speaker 1 (38:42):
I can't think.
Speaker 2 (38:43):
Try why are something his his? Someone come into the
producer chat Google what is it called? It's like the
what Jax puts on. It's like his his Oh my gosh.
Speaker 1 (38:58):
Anyways, he's wearing that.
Speaker 2 (38:59):
So who Charlie or Kevin?
Speaker 3 (39:04):
You guys the only one putting Alan back in the
mix over keep talking?
Speaker 2 (39:08):
But no, there's no like I love a character, but
I don't have someone that's like, oh I I would
want to go on a date with him or whatever. Yeah,
I don't know. I literally married like my like Hollywood
dude dream and okay, he does look Hollywood.
Speaker 1 (39:28):
He does for dapper.
Speaker 2 (39:30):
He's dapper. Yeah, he wears a card again, I mean
that classifies him. And he's cut the cut. It's called
the cut. It's their coat. Never there, but yeah, it's
called their cut. For your own loop.
Speaker 1 (39:43):
Yeah what about you.
Speaker 2 (39:44):
I don't have one.
Speaker 1 (39:45):
I used to not y'all. I don't know, but.
Speaker 2 (39:49):
He wants to meet someone after divorce, and I love that.
Back to the headline, is I just I would he
needs his own show. I'm trying to think who would? Who?
We can? So I did text Pam. I sent the
link to her when I saw this in the run,
and she's like, hook it up. Have your publicist call.
Speaker 3 (40:05):
I have a flying comment about that, because I believe
that Pam was not interested in oldermen.
Speaker 2 (40:10):
Truth again, Kevin Costner.
Speaker 1 (40:12):
Exactly, I'm not interested in olderman I'm married. But come on, guys,
we're just dreaming here going to point out that's.
Speaker 2 (40:21):
Specifically great about Nick. I just feel like, if you listened.
Speaker 1 (40:23):
Baggy not be offended at least the ever likelihood of
me ever going on a date with Kevin Costner.
Speaker 2 (40:30):
Did you see though, that his his ex wife has
moved on?
Speaker 1 (40:36):
Yes, I saw that, but also she's engaged.
Speaker 2 (40:39):
Yeah. She became a longtime friend and neighbor of the
former couple, which I just think the neighbors. You just
can't get too close to neighbors and friends. I just sugar,
did she scandal?
Speaker 1 (40:54):
Wait though? Which I was kind of really wondering what
about the whole whatever it was, the Jennifer the Jay thing. Oh,
I don't know, they were like together somewhere.
Speaker 2 (41:03):
Jennifer Aniston too. I heard a poor Jennifer Anderson has
been hooked up to there. Like I'm just like, just like,
can she just be left alone? I love this One's
(41:29):
interesting this next headline, and I immediately thought of you
Kitty cat. Uh. Nick and Vanessa Lahay explain they schedule
a weekly sex day hump Day, hump dayDay.
Speaker 1 (41:39):
It's on hump Day on Wednesday.
Speaker 2 (41:41):
Yeah. Uh, we've talked about this obviously on the podcast before,
where you and Nick would schedule. Do I still schedule now?
You lost?
Speaker 1 (41:48):
I didn't love it. You hated that, But I think
for who I mean, I think a lot of people do,
and I think that like a lot of people recommend it.
I think it's you know, good for some people.
Speaker 2 (41:57):
For me, it doesn't work because I feel like it
puts too much pressure. Yeah, that's why I wouldn't like it. Yeah,
It's like, yeah, that's why I don't even like doing
it at night sometimes because it feels if we haven't
done it in a while or that week. Then the
pressure it's like, Okay, he's going to want to do
it tonight, and then I have pressure, and then it
takes away from the sexiness and the yeah, the whole
(42:21):
vibe behind it. So sometimes I just liked to spruce
in a little afternoon one, you know what I mean,
We'll make sure before we come in the door. I'm
just saying, I don't know. For me, that just is
like pressure. But I also get it. There's they're so busy,
they have so much going on that if you don't
then it could be weeks and then you then you
lose that connection. I think that connection is important.
Speaker 1 (42:40):
Yeah, I've heard of a lot of I feel like
I just heard someone else. I can't think another celebrity
saying recently that they did and it worked great for them,
But I can't remember who it was at this point.
So I could definitely see what those kinds of schedules too,
how it could be beneficial.
Speaker 3 (42:52):
I actually was going to bring this to the chat
today and then it came into the group chat and
I was like, well that was perfect because I was
I do have a friend who schedules and they rotate,
so not only they schedule but then it is husband's.
Speaker 2 (43:06):
Job too, don't tie grammar.
Speaker 3 (43:10):
It's husband's job to initiate and set the tone, I guess,
and then the next week it's her job to do that.
That's cool, Yeah, very business appropriate.
Speaker 2 (43:19):
That's cool school. That sounds like a good plan.
Speaker 3 (43:21):
And then it came into a different group chat no
one on this panel the other day of like, how
often are married couples having sex? So I was going
to bring it to the table, how often do you
have sex?
Speaker 2 (43:31):
Kaby?
Speaker 1 (43:32):
I won't talk about this with on.
Speaker 2 (43:35):
I get blushy.
Speaker 1 (43:36):
Yeah, yeah, I got teenagers at home. I'm gonna watch
what I say about We had a really in depth
conversation the other day, me and my teenagers too, So
I don't I have decided to keep those things.
Speaker 2 (43:50):
That feels fair. Yeah, often we're often like how many
times a week?
Speaker 1 (43:56):
Guys?
Speaker 2 (43:56):
I get so blushy? Why do I get so blushy?
Speaker 3 (43:59):
And you brought this I know, I just wondered because
I'm like, well, and there has been times where it
isn't like this. But then I think over the last
couple of years, we've kind of like really gotten honest
about how much it's important to us both of us.
So I think, now we're just really busy. There you go,
but he's not like every day if he's home, Yeah,
(44:22):
pretty much.
Speaker 2 (44:23):
There you go. It's a healthy sex life. Well it's
not because's gone to do it for ninety years if
you care the one on that math problem.
Speaker 1 (44:31):
And things start to get a little scarce.
Speaker 3 (44:32):
I don't know, I feel like, yeah, I just wondered
because I I don't know. I also have a couple
friends that have gone like weeks, and I can feel
the detachment just with Preston and I pretty quickly if
it's been too long. Like we're just good at it.
We're good at each other. We just like it just
is like it's cozy and it's just good. Like I
just you know, just how do.
Speaker 2 (44:53):
You feel more mindful about it now? Because that like
what do you have talked about it previously?
Speaker 1 (44:58):
Like yeah, well and like talking about it, is that true?
Speaker 2 (45:02):
Well because it wasn't as much or whatever? And so
do you feel the pressure not to be, not to
do or to not do like the pressure?
Speaker 1 (45:13):
I mean, I just here's my thing. I am. I
probably should have said this offline after having conversations with
my son and daughter whose teenagers watch some of our
stuff and some people listen that is embarrassing to them
for me to talk about it. Okay, So I'm just
refraining from talking about their parents' sex life because they
(45:36):
have kids that will go on and listen and take
stuff back to them. So interesting.
Speaker 2 (45:42):
Yeah, we've got little spies.
Speaker 1 (45:43):
Yeah, I like. So I have told them that I
will know everything we talk about stuff, and we had
like a very in depth conversation the other day. But
it gets a little bit for them, like, hey, mom,
like if you know, like I told Emmy that I
said on here that she had started her period. That
didn't bother her, you know. So I'm trying to be
more mindful. Having said that, what I will say is
(46:07):
the pressure isn't as bad, but it will always be
there for me, sure for sure.
Speaker 2 (46:12):
Yeah, that will always It's not the thing that is
loved the most, you know what I mean, Like it's
not yeah, Cramer, you yeah, I mean as often as
we can really at least.
Speaker 3 (46:22):
I always feel like you two would be like a
very say three to four times a week hot couple.
Speaker 2 (46:27):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (46:28):
Yeah, in the afternoon, I'd say like three to four yeah, yeah,
I mean I think that's more than healthy. From my study,
I'm starting to understand it's pretty it's like a once
a weekish for most married couples.
Speaker 2 (46:42):
And whatever works for everyone at home, that's right exactly,
but they're happier, I feel like sometimes.
Speaker 3 (46:48):
I think also, I just felt a little liberated that
I finally got to stay out loud, like I really
like to, you know, like of course I like to
do that, but I would just I don't know. I
guess it changed so dramatically when I was like yeah
all the time and he was like, what, Like I
cause I probably wasn't. I'm not like a big sexy
girl vibe, you know, I don't put the off the
excess sexual sexual energy, so I'm sure. And we had
(47:10):
like a moment too where he's used to women pursuing
him that has been you know, artist's life, and I
that is just not who I am to be that
forward now that he's my husband and knowing that, you
know whatever, but I don't. I would never. I don't
go chasing, you know, that's a that was like a
I don't start or initiate. Mostly, I think that in
(47:31):
my brain is always defaulted to the mail, so I
I don't know, it's just like kind of cool to figure.
Speaker 2 (47:36):
That out about each other and talk about it. Yeah.
I think for me, it's like, it's really nice to
have someone that wants to actually sleep with me and
only me. Yeah, and like so it is refreshing. Well, no,
it's just like he's you know, I'd never like Mike,
never wanted to sleep with me, you know. So it
was so nice to have someone that actually were on
the same page. And that's that's nice to feel on
(47:59):
the same page about that.
Speaker 1 (48:01):
Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (48:02):
So we got a letter from a wind Down listener,
What up Melissa? So she needs advice on whether or
not this is her thing. I need advice on whether
or not I should try to remain friends with a
friend who was my closest friend until I had my
first son. Since my first son was born, she has
not been there for me in ways I wish she was.
(48:22):
She's a great person with a good heart, but has
not shown up for me in the ways I wish
she could have. We had to talk about it, but
after my second child, things felt like they went back
to the same way, barely speaking, and my kids don't
know her. It's sad and I'm torn on whether or
not to try to make this friendship work or to
let it go.
Speaker 1 (48:39):
And the other friend does not have kids, that she
did not say I'm going to guess that might be
the case.
Speaker 2 (48:44):
I'm kind of guessing that's the case too, which I
think it's hard for people that don't. I think it
goes both ways. It's I have well, I mean, I
have friends that I have a friend a couple friends
that don't have kids, and our friendship is definitely not
as strong as the ones with my friends that have kids,
because there's a I can under I relate more to
(49:08):
my friends that have the kids versus not, and there's
I'll always have love for my other friends, but there
is more of a bond with my friends with kids.
Speaker 1 (49:19):
Yeah, I have a friend that I grew up with
i'd consider one of my best friends that we hardly
ever see each other, and I know she's single, doesn't
have kids, and I know there's some resentment there on
towards me. But what's hard for me is like, just
because I have kids and have the busier schedule, why
does it have to fall on me to make it happen?
(49:42):
And That's where I've kind of got resentment back because
I'm like, but you could just as well call me
and say and I have said that, and it's like, well,
you're the one with the busy schedule, you're the one
with the kids. I'm like, but you're still not asking either,
so we both haven't made the effort, you know. And
so but that's hard. It's hard when they don't have kids,
you know for sure.
Speaker 2 (50:00):
That's a really good point though.
Speaker 1 (50:01):
Yeah, I mean it's you know, and I took that
on for a while, like, oh, I'm being a bad friend.
I should do this, I should do that, And I'm like,
wait a minute, but like, you haven't asked either, are faulty. Yeah,
So it goes, It goes both ways. But it's hard
to say whether she should. I think it's whatever feels
right to her, because you know, if you have expectations
(50:21):
and they're not being met, then that's never going to
fully work. I think if you can have no expectations
or like, I have a friend I have no expectations
of and I love her dearly may not see her,
but I just don't have those expectations.
Speaker 2 (50:35):
So I mean the rest of her advice on that
one will be I don't feel like you have to
make a decision whether to cut the person out or not. Yeah,
unless she did something to hurt you or sure, vice versa.
But I don't think. I think you can always hold
friendships close, even if they're far away. Yeah, I think
as long as you say that it matters to you
and that you wish they were part of your life more,
because I think a lot of times in life, marriage, friendships, everything,
(50:56):
we just don't maybe communicate what we need or what
we want so clear, and then we get sad when
someone's not like showing up the way we would prefer it.
So as long as you can say wish you were
with them more, I wish we were together more, and
then just let it fall how it's supposed to fall.
Speaker 3 (51:10):
I lost one of my best friends pregnant with Legend,
and it was because I didn't share that I was
pregnant with him. I couldn't travel out of the country
to go to the wedding, and there was just no
understanding at all, and I was really sad and I
carried it like it was my fault. And then I
had this moment one day where I'm like, well, she
hasn't checked on me either, yeah, you know, and I
(51:32):
will say that person came with a lot of extra
things I didn't really realize until God sorted out the pieces.
So I think sometimes it's okay to like things dissolve
or just be or change shape.
Speaker 1 (51:44):
Well, and kind of wrapping it up to what we
were saying earlier, motherhood can be lonely too, So I
think a lot of times these single friends of ours
feel like maybe that they're a little bit alone. And
then we go get a family and then we have kids.
But motherhood can be lonely too, and like you can
still I'll want for those relationships, you know. I think
it's important for people to understand that too.
Speaker 3 (52:05):
And to be reminded of those pieces of you, Like
I know, in motherhood, it was fun to be reminded
by the people that knew me before I was a mom. Yeah,
all the fun smart things about me really specifically, Yeah,
for sure.
Speaker 2 (52:17):
Yeah. And as my therapist to Amy said yesterday, you
don't always have to fix everything, Like you can sit
in your bad day. You can sit in the feeling
of this doesn't feel good and like that's okay, Like
you don't always have to fix the problem. You can
just sit in it for the day and then we
don't sit in it up forever, you know what I mean.
But we're always how do we have to fix that
(52:37):
and the better? And I'm just sitting there. Okay, maybe
we're just having a bad month or a bad whatever, like, yeah,
it's okay sitting in it.
Speaker 1 (52:44):
Yeah I like that.
Speaker 2 (52:46):
Well, sorry for the tears, ladies. My boobs live to
see another wind. Okay, I'm pinning it for the next time.
I'd like to pin it up. If that's a choice,
that's a really good one, because I actually have something
that I might pin out. Oh, and this is where
we say goodbye.
Host
Jana Kramer
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