March 13, 2023 • 44 mins
Like the rest of the world, Jana and her friends are DEEP into the Vanderpump Rules/Tom/Raquel scandal. The official apologies are in! And now it’s time to critique.
We get into an intense discussion about the true meaning of love and sex addiction, and try to figure out if Raquel is a love addict based on what she said in her apology.
Plus, Jana hangs out with Jennifer Nettles of Sugarland, and together they get real about trying to find balance with their careers and personal lives.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I Heart Radio Podcast.
Hi girls, Hi, Hey, Okay, I have things I have
to say. There's a lot of things to say. There's
a lot of things. Where would you like to start.
(00:25):
Let's start with the Tom's Oh Tom, Tom, Double Tom,
Double Tom. Because the apologies that the apologies have come out,
Tom sand of all you guys, I'm like invested in
a show that I've never watched. I literally didn't even
know what these people look like. But I'm now invested.
(00:47):
I do know, and you know what, I just want
to I want to pause there and say that if
you've been invested since the very beginning of this show,
I am by no means like, I'm not a bandwagoner.
I just because of the topics discussed, feel a little
more informed and so now I'm a little more invested
because they're getting a little defensive. The people that have
been like that have given their lives to the show,
(01:07):
are now a little defense. Yeah, okay, would you like me? Oh?
Jackie just said, who broke it down? By the way,
a lot of people were like, thanks for breaking it down,
because we had no idea either. It was intense. Jackie
broke it down first, and she just said we welcome bandwagoners.
That sounds like you're one of the good ones, Jackie.
So would you like to Would you like for me
(01:27):
to read Tom Sandoval's apology? Did we not already hear his? Well,
all he did was say about his shorts and Sandy
bar and this is where we get off the danda wagon,
and we've hopped off. Okay, so we did another. He
did another apology. He needed to because because he didn't
(01:48):
mention Arianna. I know that first one was not even
enough to read or not to read. That's the question
to read. Copy that. I want to first and foremost,
apology to everyone I've heard through this process. Most of all,
I want to apologize to Ariana. I made mistakes. I
was selfish and made reckless decisions that hurt somebody I love.
(02:08):
No one deserves to feel that pain so traumatically and publicly.
Copy that, Amen. I can only imagine how devastating this
has been for Arianna and everyone around us. I feel
horrible about that. My biggest regret is that I dishonored Ariana.
I never meant to disappoint so many people, including our
loving families and friends. My love for Ariana was stronger
than any camera could have ever captured. Some of our
(02:29):
best times together were never filmed the same ghost for
some of our biggest struggles. I wish things happened in
a different order and our relationship was not severely tarnished,
and that it ended with the same respect with for
her that it began with. I owed Ariana better. I
am beyond sad that it ended the way that it did.
The choices I made hurt so many people. I acted
(02:50):
in a way that clashes with who and how I
want to be. I will continue to reflect and work
on myself. I have work to do, I always have
and I always will. I wish that was the first
apology I agree with. It's a little cheapened to me
that we came out with the sandy bar or whatever
it was. Thing first I agree with that, but then
(03:12):
I also think, well, he needed to take a second
with it to really sit with how because I just
don't think I'm glad he did take a second. I
just wish he would have maybe mentioned something like I
have to formulate my thoughts around publicly apologizing Ariana. In
the meantime, please don't let my servers go broke because
(03:33):
you don't want to like that would have been well,
but here's the here's the thing, and I'm going to
call myself out like my twenties cheating Janna, they're cheaters,
are selfish bottom line, I was selfish when I cheated.
I was selfish. Sure, So they don't really care. They're
not going to go to the person that they hurt
because that's not their main concern. What was his main
(03:54):
concern at the Times bar? Yeah, oh yeah, I mean definitely.
And you know I said last week, and I don't
think it's a popular opinion. I don't like these public
apologies period. I don't like them. I don't think and
I'm very unpopular. I realized that. But to me, none
of it ever sounds sincere. You're saying it for a
(04:16):
millions of people, You're not saying it for the person
you hurt. And that's just where I never can take
them fully seriously for what they are. Plus, I think
we all know too much on the back end on
like this industry side, where we know that a lot
of those apologies aren't written by the people that that
post them anyway doing it try and protect themselves, and
that that just I don't. I don't. I don't like them.
They're not They're not my thing, Devil's advocate. If it
(04:38):
was someone close to you that was in the public eye,
I'd want an apology publicly, wouldn't you be like, where's
the apology? Use you're there. They've opened their lives, right
like the Kardashians, every people that do the reality shows.
You open your lives up for people to be in
your life essentially, you know, I mean, you open yourself
(04:58):
up in here, Chris. You open so people feel like
they have a right to kind of dissect or whatever.
Wouldn't you want to them to or if someone did
that for then you to go. I feel deserved like
I should get like I'm sorry, Yes, but I almost
think that they deserve a sorry that's from him or her,
(05:20):
to them, to the people that were watching, to the
people that were invested. I'm sorry to you. That seems
sincere to I see what you're saying, Okay, And if
you want to mention, and yes, there are things I'm
dealing with the people that I hurt or whatever. But
if I'm that person that's hurt and I see a
public apology, but I'm not getting that personally f that
I don't want your public apology. I want you to
(05:40):
be sincere and talk to me for real about what
really happened, you know, And so it just seems so
I don't know, it just seems so like it's something
you have to do now ironically am writing between both
of you? Yeah, I mean, and I hear y'all like,
I mean, I'm glad he did that at the same time,
especially after the first one. But it's just like, you
don't know, I mean, you know, is he really sorry?
(06:02):
Is he really saying sorry to her? Who knows? I
don't know. Would you like to hear Raquel's apology? Oh? Yeah, okay,
I feel so in the No, there's no excuse. I
am not a victim and I must own my actions,
and I deeply regret hurting Arianna. I want to apologize
for my actions and my choices, foremost to Arianna and
(06:23):
to my friends and the fans, like you just said,
so invested in our relationships. There is no excuse. I'm
not a victim and I must own actions deeply regret
ran I am reflecting on my choices, speaking to a counselor,
and I'm learning things about myself, such as patterns of
codependency and addiction to being and feeling loved. I have
sought emotional validation through intimate connections that are not healthy
(06:44):
without regard for my own well being, sometimes negatively affecting others,
and often prioritize in the intimate connection over my friendships.
I'm taking steps to understand my behavior and make healthier choices.
This is called love addiction. Is what this is? She
says that or did you say that? I'm saying that
because she didn't say that, but that is yes, yes, yes,
(07:08):
but that is the definition of a love addict, especially
like talking to account, like all the things around it,
because I've become counseling to end my unhealthy behavioral cycle,
learned to set stronger emotions. I mean, but this is.
And I was talking to another friend who is a
(07:28):
love addict, and she was saying, you know this is
I mean, that's she's basically saying she's a love addict
without saying she's a love addict. So just your thoughts
on that. I like hers better. Hers doesn't bother me
as much. I don't know. I think there's a lot
of ownership, but there's a lot of ownership, and it
doesn't feel like she is forcing herself to apologize to
(07:52):
these people, you know what I mean, it's just taking
ownership what she's doing, apologize to the fans. You know,
I don't know. I occurs better. What do you think
about the addiction piece of it? Oh, I think that
there's definitely true. I don't know anything about her, but
I think there's definitely truth to love addiction. Okay, but
correct me if I'm wrong. Did you believe or not
(08:14):
believe in sex addiction? I don't know. I truly don't know.
So what would then be the difference between love addiction
and a sex addiction? We but like it really truly,
because like that's it's blaming the same thing, right, So
she's basically saying, I did this because of my need
to feel loved and wanted, valued and whatever. Sex addiction
is the same thing. You just have you know that
(08:36):
you commit the act? Well, she, I mean, she did both, right,
And I don't know that much about love addiction, Like
I love addiction is basically I mean almost I'm not
gonna I'm gonna I'm not a therapist here, but from
the Wood studies that i've or not studies, but all
the things that I've gone through with the past sex addiction.
There is the love addiction peace in there because it's
(08:58):
that filling that void, and then they take it basically
the step further with this, the sexual part of it
a validation to extreme levels. Yes, whereas a love addict
might just have an affair, a sex addict is calling
prostitutes and it can be you know, or can be
porn or whatever it is. But unhappy to answer your question,
(09:21):
I still don't fully know how I feel about the
sex addiction piece. I think there were times I believed it.
There were times I felt like it felt like an excuse.
But can that be any addiction? Sure, I mean there's
times you can be an alcoholic, but that's an excuse,
you know. So I I don't know. I don't know.
That's a hard question because I I truly do not
(09:42):
know whether I how I feel about sex addiction. I mean,
obviously it's just a real thing, but I mean, really,
you could put this in under the category right of
a love addiction too. I mean love it's saying okay,
well I'm a love addict, and to put the blame there. Sure,
but wouldn't we all say no, not going to categorize
all of us in there. But I know twenties Jannah
(10:03):
was a love addict. Twenties Kristen is a love addict.
I mean even you know, early thirties Janna love addict.
You know where it's like it's wanting to feel loved
and validated and hurting people along the way. And so
it wasn't an excuse, that's just the pattern and that's
the addiction, right yeah, along the way, and that's the
(10:24):
unfortunate the addiction. So it's like, there's that's just the
name for it, right were as some would be just
called a cheater. Like basically when I was talking to
you know, the conversation was actually with Rachel Yu coul Tell,
she's like, we should talk about love addiction because you know,
when she was labeled the cheater, She's like, I was
going through things, you know, emotionally that like to feel
(10:47):
validated and loved. And yes, it sucks that it was
broke up a marriage, but you know, we all have
unhealthy we can we can all have unhealthy patterns, and
that's just that wasn't you know, I don't know, yeah, absolutely,
how do you feel Christen, okaybe you're a little quiet
there with your a little baby. Well, I just have
a little baby is not getting so little anymore. I
(11:10):
feel like I have swallowed a whole human struggling. That's
why I sit back here like this tiny person. Um.
I just I appreciate the ownership because I think sometimes
the title of addiction is sometimes I have to be
careful because people were. She also didn't say that. She
didn't say that no, no, I know, yeah, I'm just
(11:33):
talking in our outside of her. Yes, I appreciated her ownership.
That would be like a sentence period. I feel like, yeah,
that copy copy that. Um. I just I have a
hard time when people maybe use that as an excuser,
hide behind something without the ownership piece. So I appreciated
the reversal of it, if you will, right, Like not
(11:54):
saying I'm a love addict, yeah, just saying like this
is the stuff I need to work on. This is
not okay, and I feel responsible for it, and I agree.
I just want to say again, I don't envy anyone making.
I don't know how old she is, but she doesn't
look super old. I saw her picture for the first
time today. Jackie will let us know in about two seconds,
like her birthday is she's a Gemini that likes long
(12:17):
walks on the beach. Um, I just can yes, I
mean looked back, we got back in the hot tub
time machine. You saw this Kristen thirteen years ago. Holy
Matt girl. I mean at twenty five, I thought I
was a good idea to do road rules. So let's
(12:38):
just start there. I mean that there's a lot of
growth to be had there, so I don't envy someone.
It's a very mature response for someone who has to
live and she's chosen too, and I get that. But
imagine making all your mistakes so publicly and then being
like with the world we have today. You know, it's
like you're so young and you're making mistakes for the
(12:59):
whole world. Seem like you're learning from them while everybody
else is seeing them. Yeah. Yeah, and at an age
where you think it's a good idea, right. And I
think if we remember doing this test with my friend Brian,
who's a sex and love addict, and she's we made
people because we were pitching the show about love addiction,
and we made people take the test if you're a
love addict and like there's like nine out of ten
(13:21):
people scored like that they were love addict because it's
we all want to feel loved and worthy and chosen,
and unfortunately it can go past a point where it's
harmful and it could be relationships. But also there's that
piece where it's like you don't even realize who you're
hurting in those moments, Like I can look back and
(13:43):
go God, like, that was so shitty of me, But
I was so in my own world of like wanting
to feel validated, that I didn't even think about the
other person. Right, going back to what you're saying earlier, like, yes,
(14:10):
I believe you can be addicted to anything. So to
take away that sex addiction thing, it's not that I
don't think it's a real thing. I absolutely think you
can be addicted to anything. I'm probably addicted to diet coke,
Like you can literally be addicted to anything. I just
think we can also hide behind it, like you said,
right right, you know, And and maybe part of hiding
(14:30):
behind it is not realizing who you're hurting in the process,
and maybe it does take therapy or learning to really
not you know, see past that point. I don't know
I haven't been in that position, but well, if you
let it consume in, you go, well, I'm just I'm
just a sex addictor I'm just a love attic. This
is just what we do. Well, that's that's the piece
where it's like you have you don't even want to change.
(14:52):
It's like I think I look at like my AX
and people like they genuinely want to change. It's just hard, sure,
you know. And it's like I you know, in the
past too, like have to catch yourself to be like, Okay,
you don't like that version, don't go back to like
to the response that you would want to go to
because you want someone to like you, or you want
someone to choose or you want someone to like show
(15:12):
you that like you're you know that you're worthy or whatever.
So it's like having to choose the right way is hard,
but you're acknowledging. And that's the people that just fall
back on it. That's the thing. Like you can go, Okay,
I might be addicted to X, but you don't let
it just go well screw it. Yeah, I'm just gonna
keep drinking it and not give a flying f Yeah, yeah,
(15:32):
I mean I do really love my diet coke. But
I do I really feel like half a one a day?
I'm doing good. I thought you were like I thought
you were at zero a day. Yeah you kind of.
Oh no, I could it out for like shoes back
when what did they call this relapse? But when was
I to zero? I thought you were at zero? No?
Never did we not just travel together a month ago? Well, listen,
(15:55):
I was so busy having seven lunches. I was no.
I actually it out for like a month one time.
Maybe that's anything a pound? This was like a year ago. Oh,
and I was like, screw this. So you did it
to lose weight or curious? I was definitely curious to
see if I would lose weight because a lot of
people told me, I bet you'd lose weight if you
cut out diet coke, and I was like, okay, I'll
(16:15):
try it. And then I didn't lose anything. Well it's
because it's like it's fake sugar. So it's like there's
a debate there. Did you notice? So now I would
like to challenge you to doing it to see how
much bloat you have verse not weight, but bloat information
and pay so much with all like those things that
(16:37):
it'd be interesting to seat. But no, our girlfriend Pam
has it on the Plexus plan. But having said that,
um at home, I do one a day. When I
travel it endepping more. Sometimes I have to one. Do
you like get the shape crap out of it? I
hate it. I just hate it. It's not good for
your body at all. None of it is good for
(16:57):
your body. I just need to say that because I
actually value love you when I care about your health
and your organs. I do so. It would be really
not a good friend if I was like, good for you, honey. Now,
all that being said, get your bow, toss my happy spon.
You know what I like to do is just call
myself out for anybody else can so fine, it's fine.
(17:19):
I'm happy with myself anyway, moving on, I'm happy with myself.
I love myself and my diet coke cheers. I mean
I'd rather you drink a coke instead of diet. Oh no,
not me. I mean then then you'd actually it's a
wife of a pepsi artist. I'd rather you drink a pepsi.
They're terrible. I don't love any who is anyone watching
(17:44):
a Bachelor of Seasan? Nope? Do you know. Fun fact,
I've never watched episode of any of that. Oh, I
think my friend Christina is on that. I don't know.
I think they're down to the final four. I don't
think there's an Andrew Christine. I have no idea. I
don't I don't watch it. I just saw a thing
earlier about how he wasn't going to sleep with anyone. Oh,
(18:05):
I did see that. Do we believe that? Kind of great?
You know, I'm all for it not sleeping, well, especially
in that situation. I don't know. I just feel like
that's not a debate for me, I would say, especially
am I getting out of this between me and Jana Grammer.
(18:30):
You wouts to know that I had a really big
development in therapy yesterday that could kind of loop into
this A tiny bit that I, well, this may not
be a newsplash to anyone else, but I don't trust men. Okay,
that's a big that's big. Um. I don't fully trust men,
(18:51):
and I don't super trust a lot of people in general.
Amy pointed out, I could see that. So with that,
if I was on a show the Bachelor, I would
be like iron gated, yea below the belt. Nobody's getting
in absolutely, because you're all a bunch of scumbags. Okay,
but I don't believe that what others scumbags know that
(19:13):
you would actually do that? Oh I do you? Everybody
made out with somebody on road rules and I didn't bible.
She's like, but I gave a good no. We all know.
I don't like to speaking of that. I'm on pelvic rest,
so I had to retire my old ways. Why is it?
Can I ask the question? I only if I can
(19:36):
differ and not answer. Is it because you're your dad?
Of course? It was a real we had a real
breakthrough yesterday. You know. It's interesting because I think people
have a lot of opinions about therapy and I've been
going to this grief and trauma therapist that Jamma suggested
right after I lost like five people in eleven months
and one of them was my dad. So that's the
(19:56):
speed dating version of it. And I was like, yeah,
and I've been going to the piece since I was
twenty seven, so this isn't new to me. And we
kind of just hit this little patch I felt like
where I was like, oh okay, and she kind of
put me on graduation and was like, you can come
whenever you'd like. And I was like okay, and I
was feeling really good. And then yesterday I was in
there and I was feisty. So I don't get super
(20:19):
I get more emotional when i'm pregnant, for sure, but
I don't get irrational. I feel like I get really
clear and I just it becomes very black and white
and very decisive. And I was in there. I came
in with both my heartbeats yesterday and all my decisiveness
and I was like, da da Da da da. And
she was like okay, and she goes, I'm gonna say
something and I think that we need to like dig
(20:42):
in a little, and I said okay, and she was like,
I think you need to be more angry at your dad,
and I think no one's allowed you to probably be.
And I was like, well, then I started crying and
she goes, those tears are hot. I know we're getting somewhere,
and she got a notepad, so I know that really
took us for a dark day to her and shows
like that and people like that, I don't trust anyone
(21:03):
and no one's getting my body. Yeah, so I saw
a because you know, I always watched those inspirational videos
like Ja Shetty and all of them, and there was
one that was saying it wasn't Jay's, but it was
the problem with a lot of therapist. Therapists won't go
to childhood trauma and they just kind of keep it
(21:25):
very surface where every most every issue, which was why
you're acting a certain way to your spouse or why
you did X, Y and Z, it always goes back
to a childhood trauma and so you know your trust
with men. I just have never seen a man's actions
and words match that in that means something for sure,
(21:49):
and never saw that growing up. It was always due
as I say, not as I do. And that is,
by the way she identified as a pretty shitty parenting motto,
which I also enjoy the validation of that. But like I,
she was like, well, of course, and so then I
was gifted a son to raise, which is not lost
on me at all, to teach me about how boyhood
(22:12):
and manhood can look stewarded well and with a different
kind of care. And my dad also had his own trauma,
so he of course you know it's and came from
I'm not making excuses by any means, but came from
a generation where they didn't do the deep dive like
we all do. Yeah, So I told her, I was like,
I believe in Jesus and God that loves me, and
(22:33):
I have a son that I have to raise. So
somewhere between all of that, her and I are going
to start the untangling. Sorry, well, I was going to
ask a question back to kind of what you were
asking though, can you not sleep with all these people
or want to sleep with all these people for healthy reasons?
Like not you in general, but like is let's say
(22:58):
there's not a childhood trauma there and you just don't
want to sleep with four or five different however many men. Oh,
I'm not saying that he's got childhood trauma. That's not
what that's not that's that's not why he's sleeping with them.
You're saying he does or doesn't. I'm not saying I'm
not waiting child trauma. I'm saying I'm saying, if you
(23:19):
didn't have the childhood trauma, do you think that you would, Oh,
that would be a different story for you, only because
she got childhood. I mean they had a little slut
phase in college. I think we all didn't, maybe not
Catherine No, I definitely didn't. Okay, it's fine. No, it
just brought up you're with me, honey and never going
(23:40):
to be okay, I do us anymore. So I'm just
gonna it's just four is if I have to be
in that fine, um. And it's not a judgmental question.
I'm just cutious if like that's like a trauma response,
I think mine is ways, I mean mine is so.
I don't know if I could even see it in
(24:00):
any other way because I just don't. I go to
severe indefense. There's an intimacy disconnect. Yeah, I default to
severe independent, right, Yeah, this is an interesting topic. We
need to let us down a dark one. We need
to we need to reopen that up, maybe with a therapist.
And I'm interested in that. Yeah, it's good because a
(24:20):
good it's a good question. Cap. We're gonna take a
break and then we're gonna get Jennifer Nettles on the
podcast like her, hy girl, I have been you are.
(24:45):
I know I shouldn't lead with that, but my word
takes one to no one. Oh Jennifer, hey girl, it's
been a minute since I've seen you out in this world.
How are you? Yeah? And this in this wild world. Right, Yeah,
it's it's something, it's something else. I'm good, I'm whole,
(25:05):
I'm you know, like everybody else like busy, crazzy, tired,
and tired, terrified, all of it at one time, right,
and sometimes terrified slice at the top of the list,
and that's okay, current man, Right, those are interchangeable. They
moves around and that list. Well, I think it's interesting too,
like when you say things like that because I think,
(25:26):
you know, I was having a UM. I was sit
down with my therapist and I was just telling her like,
I'm just I feel stuck and frustrated. And I think
when people see, you know, Jennifer Nettles or someone that's
in this spotlight, you have it all figured out. You're fine,
you've got money, you're great, you're good, like you don't
have like you're not stuck, you don't feel those things.
And it's like it's we all, we all go through that,
(25:49):
and it's it's nice to hear, you know, not just
like oh yeah, everything's great, you know, because yeah it's not.
Sometimes you know, it's hard. Yeah yeah, so sometimes it's
super lifey, you know. Um, And that's okay too. We
go through all of these seasons, we go through all
of these times. We you know, it's it's a big
(26:09):
life and it's full, right, it's very full. What do
you think it's been the um the thing? I guess, well, yeah, exactly, welcome,
welcome to the show. This is a this is this
is where we go. Um, we'll get light, we'll get
into farmers. But I do want to know, uh, you know,
when you kind of get in that space since we
(26:30):
did go there, and now I'm curious, like, how do
you because again things are you you live up still
public life, you know, and things like how do you
kind of reframe your mindset to to you know, maybe
is it is it reframing it's a gratefulness or do
you just sit with there? Do you like, do you
go to therapy? Like what do you do when you're
when you're in that when it's tough? All of the above,
(26:52):
all of the above. Thank God for my therapist, who
I've been with now for probably over twenty years, you know,
thank God for her. I find that super helpful. I think,
you know, I often use what I say as gratitude
as a shield, you know, in that way, just like
out in front of me because there is much to
(27:14):
be grateful for. There's that old adage that says, like,
you know, if we all put our problems out on
the table with each other, we'd probably grab and reach
for our own ones back, okay in terms of if
we had to have anyone else's right. So all that
being said, yeah, gratitude is a big protector in that way.
(27:35):
And then in speaking of protection, in talking about you know,
being in the public eye, and I have definitely learned
over the years, you know, to be super selective and
super protective. I definitely I want my art to be seen,
I want my art to be known. I won't want
my work to be celebrated, but I also want to
(27:55):
be able to have, like anyone else, in a safe
place to come to at the end of the day.
And that has become kind of a rarity in our
culture too. We slid into this like must know everything
behind the scenes. Like I kind of miss the old
school glam Hollywood. Yeah, yeah, we miss We've lost the mystery.
(28:18):
And I yeah, for myself, I mean it's protective to
maintain that, but like you, I miss it too. You know.
I used to love to be able to just go
on a deep dive in a in a very I mean,
it was a shallow dive considering. But like you find
an article about your favorite artist, your favorite actors, your
favorite you know, musician, whatever it may be in your
(28:38):
magazine and you're looking at that, and that's that's what
you get. You get an interview you know what I'm saying,
and it's very curated and it's very specific and you
can trust it. Okay, there isn't you know, a ton
of other voices out there trying to put words into
people's mouths or trying to at the I mean, and nowadays,
as we know where social media is can earned you know,
(29:01):
when there is conflict equals engagement, and so they try
to foster that conflict wherever they can, you know, and
they try to keep people polarized, and they try to
make everything as scandalous as possible, and everyone is outraged
and it's just like which I am tired. Okay, like tired,
(29:27):
which I am tired. But they feel like they have
they get an invitation, you know, oh for sure they
do now and and listen, if the machine perpetuates itself,
ladies does in the sense that there are people who
see the attention that they get, and so they are constantly,
(29:48):
you know, like right here with everything, constantly on themselves
for everything, for every anything and everything. And for some
people that's great. They enjoy, you know, fostering a sense
of community that way. But really it's gone. I think
the narrative has been lost in a lot of ways
(30:09):
in terms of what the pros and what the positives
are of that kind of sharing and that kind of access.
Nobody deserves that kind of access. I don't want to
see you on your peloton bike with maybe I should
like no wash my mouth right now, but you know
what I'm saying, it's like I don't want to see that.
(30:30):
I don't want to see it. Like like if you,
if you do something, you're here, you're offering right now
something to the world that people need. But they don't
need to see on your peloton bike. They don't need that,
you know. They need what you're doing right now. They
need your music, they need your talking, they need your ideas,
they need you know, and not to say that you
can't be inspired and inspiring, like look at me, I'm
out here trying to do this even though it's hard,
(30:51):
and you can do it too, like there are ways
to spin it, no pun intended, but you know, we
don't need all of it. We don't need all of it.
It's so destroyed acting, it's so distract it's very noisy,
and I think it's like one thing doesn't work for everybody, right,
like because for as many unfollows as I get to
get follows, like some things people just don't like and
you know, I don't love, you know. I've tried to
(31:13):
find a balance of not oversharing but still being authentic
and still sharing, you know. So it's it's a it's
a really fine balance and it's it's it's honestly something
I've struggled with, like trying to find the balance of it.
Uh yeah, And I think with the balance, like you know,
comes the other the outside noises. And I'm curious, like
where where you go when you know, because you've you've
had areas in your career where people might have said
(31:37):
hateful things or like why would you break up? Or
this either or the other, you know, with with things
that you've gone through, and it's like how do you
just go no, like not not receiving that sometimes obviously
we have to unplug um, but we also have to
offer ourselves with perspect and this is why I think
acts will close community. You know, from from an evolutionary
perspective where where sociology is concerned. As human beings, we're
(32:01):
really not supposed to have anything bigger than like a
community of one hundred and fifty people around us. Those
are the closest ones that you know. It starts with
our family, um, which brings with it its own stuff,
But it starts with our family, and it continues in
those concentric circles you know, within within a certain community size.
(32:21):
So it's overwhelming to have all of these people able
to being able to offer their opinions not only alike
or a dislike, but like actual words, context and words
you know, for what they feel. Um, it's it's overwhelming.
All that's overwhelming. So I think unplugging is important and
(32:42):
then keeping that close knit group you're real friends, like
your ladies who you know, who are your your tribe,
you know what I'm saying, and coming back to that
and talking to people in real time and going to dinner,
you know, and taking time to look deeply into the
eyes of your beloved and like to really put your
phone down when you're with your children, and you know
(33:03):
all of those things. It's just such a distraction. And
then not to mention how much your feelings can be hurt.
I mean, let's just say it, like we're human beings
and someone can make a comment, one little comment. You
could have five billion positive comments and one person says
that one thing on the comment, and your day is ruined.
(33:24):
Nobody should have that power. You do not live rent
free in here, you know what I'm saying, Like you
should not have that power. Well, and that's something too.
I was I was talking to Catherine about KAB. I
never told you this, but I wanted to do a
show where you basically you'd confront your online bullies because whoever,
whatever they're like, they're going through something too. So it's
almost like you can end up having in a way
(33:46):
empathy for the bully as well, because like they're dealing
with something and you can kind of sit with the
person and go, Okay, like this hurt me, and like
what's hurting you to basically say these things? You know,
And so I thought it was kind of cool. But yes, no, no,
I love that, you know. I'm like, remember I love
it too, Like who was it that did. I think
it was on balance where he did this whole series
(34:08):
when he was like, read, they would have celebrities reading
their nasty Twitter fanily, Yeah, and I've had to I
got off Twitter. I was just like, I haven't. I
haven't been on it in years. And then when everything
has just gotten so crazy with it, I was like that,
I don't have time. I can't do every single Twitter,
TikTok Instagram. I can't. I can't. Yeah, But all that
was to say, like he would have them read those
(34:31):
nasty comments, and when you hear it, it's it's shocking.
You can't be leave that absolute strangers would be so bold, Yeah,
and so unfounded. That's what really gets Like, you know nothing.
You don't know me, you don't know my heart, you
don't even know my birthday. Get out of here. What
do you have to say out? Jennifer? Are you? Are
(34:55):
you UM? What's your background with UM? Like? Are you
are you religious at all? Or where do you fall
with that? I chose and call myself a recovering Baptist.
I grew up in the Southern Baptist church that we
went to church three times a week, okay, Wednesday and
twice on Sunday. Wow, um, yes ma'am and yes ma'am
(35:18):
and amen. I mean there's a part of that. I'm
so grateful for it because it definitely gave me such
a background of faith. I do think a spiritual life.
But um, I you know, for since that time, I
have definitely expanded and I practiced yoga, and I practiced
some elements of Buddhism, and I bring and I you know,
I'll even harken back to I love the womanly arts
(35:39):
and what we would call the craft and ancient ancient religions,
nature religions, all of those I can pull from at
a different time. And I'm like, listen, whatever will help.
I don't care what do you want to do, con
or something, kill a chicken, throw the bomb. If something
is going to bring me good vibes, bring me good
and energy, bring me to that place of center and
(36:01):
remind me of that that face and that worthiness, then yeah,
I'm I'm into it. And you are obviously into farmer
wants a wife. So I mean when when you got
that call, were you just kind of like what what
were your like initial like what my initial responsive? No?
(36:21):
Thank you, because I'm not really into the whole dating
reality dating genre. I've never watched it. It always just
seemed just too forced and a lot of wanting that
that scandal and wanting, you know, people to be crying
at the end of some emanations, ceremony. Everything sounded so
just dramatics. So I've never watched those and I've never
(36:43):
been into them. So at first I was like no,
And then when I heard more about it and the
success that it has had, this really turned me in
onto it. Because obviously it's had success as a show,
but the success it's had in relationships. This this show
has been around for thirteen years, it's been in thirty
two different countries, and it has had, as a result,
over one hundred and eighty marriages and over four hundred
(37:06):
and ten children. Oh I love that the people, and
a lot of those marriages still marriages to my understanding,
you know, I mean, if there's four hundred ten children,
they wait, they at least made it long enough to
go that far. So yeah, and so I just felt like, oh,
there's something, there's something authentic about this, And so I
(37:26):
watched one of the Australian episodes and thought, oh no,
this has heart. This isn't. This isn't about the scandal
or the drama. This is about real connection and real people.
And sure they're doing it in what I call the
hyper reality of cameras, but they and then having done
the show, now it is definitely true. You know, you
(37:48):
root for these guys. I rooted for them and for
these women and wanting them to find love. It's also
bringing light to some other things like wildly important and
overlooked so often, which is like the farmers of our world.
I mean, we we forget. I was raised in a
tiny town and I was an FHA girl, and I
(38:09):
had a girl. Okay, but none of these guys, these
are Have you looked at the men. These are not
the farmers, your typical farmers, so I want to come on,
They're not the guys that did driver your tractor to
school day when I was in high school, if I'm honest,
But I don't know about that. I bet if you,
if you, if you looked back at some of the
(38:29):
I mean, obviously a lot of women are where we're
school and they're older, and the farmers are older. That's
his own. But these guys are young. You know, they're
all in their thirty and they are real life farmers.
They're you know, they have cattle, they have forces, and
this is their life and their lifestyle. But we have
to think, you know, there are people out there who
have to continue this tradition. They don't all look like
(38:50):
our grandparents. They can't, right, how are we going to eat?
And many and many of these guys are actually you know,
second third generation. That's well, it's I'm excited to watch it.
It's on Fox Farmer, Once a Wife. It premiered um
last week, and uh so I'm definitely and I love you.
I've always loved you. I think I love how you've
(39:11):
used your voice in a way, um, you know, for
women and country music, and I love that you, um
you didn't put yourself in a box like you you're acting,
you're you know, you're hosting, you're you know, doing the
collab album and it's just I just you, Um, You've
You've been very inspiring for me to watch and just
to see how you've always hold yourself with such grace
(39:35):
and presence. And it's just I appreciate that, like I'm
thank you. Well, I'm seeing a lot of that here
right now too. You know, not only the grace and presence,
but also of you all. But also you know, the
expansion into new things, the the the honoring you know,
your inspirations and trying new things and not staying in
a box. I appreciate that. I love that. So what's
(39:57):
next for you, Jennifer? Like you've done, like you do?
Like what's next? You know, I can't speaking of you
know what Jenna said. I I can't stay in a box.
And so I'm constantly you know, I'm a virgo. So
so part of what that is is like we see
things with new eyes. We love new things. We constantly
approach things like you know, it's the first time. So
(40:18):
that's sort of my limbs on the world. And so
I love expanding into newness and pushing myself in that way.
So I've we just announced last week. Um, I'm a
part of the new Exorcist movie that's coming out. I
have a key role in that. I love you, But
I hate scary movies. What do I do we watch?
(40:40):
Here's the thing. I can't watch them either. Yeah, watch
it during the day and you can and now you know,
you can hit if it gets too intense, you can hit.
You see it in the theaters. There you go, you
watch your f and then you tell them, let them,
let them know if they can handle it. Okay, um, yeah,
but uh so I'm super excited about that. You know,
I love I love all for storytelling, and so my
(41:02):
acting is just another piece of bad. I've been working
on a musical for a number of years now that
it takes a long time to get these things right,
and but the momentum for that is really picking up.
So I hope to be able to announce more about that.
And it's definitely my obsession. When I'm not you know,
(41:22):
doing something else, I'm wanting to be creating on that.
That's awesome, Jennifer. We need to do a movie together,
like we gotta, we gotta figure something out. That would
be really but it would be so good to be
a romantic comedy because I want to come to set,
but I'm scared everything rom com not horror. Ye please please, Well, Jennifer,
(41:43):
thank you so much for coming on. We really appreciate
and thank you for just being open to just talk about,
you know, the highs and the lows. Yeah, this is
my favorite of the day. I have to say, it
just felt like a homecoming. You know, like, oh yeah,
they sure my people high we have aggressively when we're
in a person. So you're yere in la. Al right girl,
(42:04):
al right, thank you bye. Such a beautiful I love her,
you guys, like I used to frock out to sugar Land,
like the baby girl was like trying to be all cool,
but we're all like I remember the concert when she
came out and she wore this incredible like this is
how I knew she would always be an actress because
(42:26):
the way her stage presence was. When she was on stage,
I was just like, oh, this is not for babies,
like she owns it. I'm gonna let you do this.
Love love her so much, genuine and I really enjoyed
the point of like I just have to touch on
this real quick, but I enjoyed that. Like our circles
(42:48):
shouldn't be as big. Yeah, oh you guys, and bitch,
I'm tired. I'm tired, and circles shouldn't be big. But
it's interesting about the circles because even when your circles
are small, you might have a mole anything else you
want to share a graamer Nope, not yet. No, I
don't trust anyone. According to Amy. So apparently there's more
my circle too. We're finding out. Don't worry. We gotta
(43:16):
I trust you? Do you trust me? Are we the
mole see or each other? We'll see. I gotta. We
got a p I word getting hired. There a girlfriend,
so we'll see it. Wouldn't that be interesting? Our therapist
is like, h but there's two monkeys in a room together.
If our nice appointment is a joint appointment. We've gotten
to the bottom of this quickly and it's been a
(43:38):
pleasure all the time. It's soon I wind down. Okay,
I wish it was that easy. I'm too protective of
you to be a mole. Oh I would feel never.
Oh I am so like I run tight pr for you.
People are like, how's Jana? I was like, She's great?
Like hi dat. They will never they will never be
a time where they know where I'm going or who
I'm going to dinner with. I just nope, nothing. We'll
(43:59):
see baby already now. I already know I love you
Atroit strong Um all right, hey guys, yeah, we'll see
you in Okay. So we got DC Wednesday and we've
got Philly on Thursday. See you there, ye one two
three Bye. I wonder how much they hate that, ye guys,
Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I Heart Radio Podcast.
Hi girls, Hi, Hey, Okay, I have things I have
to say. There's a lot of things to say. There's
a lot of things. Where would you like to start.
(00:25):
Let's start with the Tom's Oh Tom, Tom, Double Tom,
Double Tom. Because the apologies that the apologies have come out,
Tom sand of all you guys, I'm like invested in
a show that I've never watched. I literally didn't even
know what these people look like. But I'm now invested.
(00:47):
I do know, and you know what, I just want
to I want to pause there and say that if
you've been invested since the very beginning of this show,
I am by no means like, I'm not a bandwagoner.
I just because of the topics discussed, feel a little
more informed and so now I'm a little more invested
because they're getting a little defensive. The people that have
been like that have given their lives to the show,
(01:07):
are now a little defense. Yeah, okay, would you like me? Oh?
Jackie just said, who broke it down? By the way,
a lot of people were like, thanks for breaking it down,
because we had no idea either. It was intense. Jackie
broke it down first, and she just said we welcome bandwagoners.
That sounds like you're one of the good ones, Jackie.
So would you like to Would you like for me
(01:27):
to read Tom Sandoval's apology? Did we not already hear his? Well,
all he did was say about his shorts and Sandy
bar and this is where we get off the danda wagon,
and we've hopped off. Okay, so we did another. He
did another apology. He needed to because because he didn't
(01:48):
mention Arianna. I know that first one was not even
enough to read or not to read. That's the question
to read. Copy that. I want to first and foremost,
apology to everyone I've heard through this process. Most of all,
I want to apologize to Ariana. I made mistakes. I
was selfish and made reckless decisions that hurt somebody I love.
(02:08):
No one deserves to feel that pain so traumatically and publicly.
Copy that, Amen. I can only imagine how devastating this
has been for Arianna and everyone around us. I feel
horrible about that. My biggest regret is that I dishonored Ariana.
I never meant to disappoint so many people, including our
loving families and friends. My love for Ariana was stronger
than any camera could have ever captured. Some of our
(02:29):
best times together were never filmed the same ghost for
some of our biggest struggles. I wish things happened in
a different order and our relationship was not severely tarnished,
and that it ended with the same respect with for
her that it began with. I owed Ariana better. I
am beyond sad that it ended the way that it did.
The choices I made hurt so many people. I acted
(02:50):
in a way that clashes with who and how I
want to be. I will continue to reflect and work
on myself. I have work to do, I always have
and I always will. I wish that was the first
apology I agree with. It's a little cheapened to me
that we came out with the sandy bar or whatever
it was. Thing first I agree with that, but then
(03:12):
I also think, well, he needed to take a second
with it to really sit with how because I just
don't think I'm glad he did take a second. I
just wish he would have maybe mentioned something like I
have to formulate my thoughts around publicly apologizing Ariana. In
the meantime, please don't let my servers go broke because
(03:33):
you don't want to like that would have been well,
but here's the here's the thing, and I'm going to
call myself out like my twenties cheating Janna, they're cheaters,
are selfish bottom line, I was selfish when I cheated.
I was selfish. Sure, So they don't really care. They're
not going to go to the person that they hurt
because that's not their main concern. What was his main
(03:54):
concern at the Times bar? Yeah, oh yeah, I mean definitely.
And you know I said last week, and I don't
think it's a popular opinion. I don't like these public
apologies period. I don't like them. I don't think and
I'm very unpopular. I realized that. But to me, none
of it ever sounds sincere. You're saying it for a
(04:16):
millions of people, You're not saying it for the person
you hurt. And that's just where I never can take
them fully seriously for what they are. Plus, I think
we all know too much on the back end on
like this industry side, where we know that a lot
of those apologies aren't written by the people that that
post them anyway doing it try and protect themselves, and
that that just I don't. I don't. I don't like them.
They're not They're not my thing, Devil's advocate. If it
(04:38):
was someone close to you that was in the public eye,
I'd want an apology publicly, wouldn't you be like, where's
the apology? Use you're there. They've opened their lives, right
like the Kardashians, every people that do the reality shows.
You open your lives up for people to be in
your life essentially, you know, I mean, you open yourself
(04:58):
up in here, Chris. You open so people feel like
they have a right to kind of dissect or whatever.
Wouldn't you want to them to or if someone did
that for then you to go. I feel deserved like
I should get like I'm sorry, Yes, but I almost
think that they deserve a sorry that's from him or her,
(05:20):
to them, to the people that were watching, to the
people that were invested. I'm sorry to you. That seems
sincere to I see what you're saying, Okay, And if
you want to mention, and yes, there are things I'm
dealing with the people that I hurt or whatever. But
if I'm that person that's hurt and I see a
public apology, but I'm not getting that personally f that
I don't want your public apology. I want you to
(05:40):
be sincere and talk to me for real about what
really happened, you know, And so it just seems so
I don't know, it just seems so like it's something
you have to do now ironically am writing between both
of you? Yeah, I mean, and I hear y'all like,
I mean, I'm glad he did that at the same time,
especially after the first one. But it's just like, you
don't know, I mean, you know, is he really sorry?
(06:02):
Is he really saying sorry to her? Who knows? I
don't know. Would you like to hear Raquel's apology? Oh? Yeah, okay,
I feel so in the No, there's no excuse. I
am not a victim and I must own my actions,
and I deeply regret hurting Arianna. I want to apologize
for my actions and my choices, foremost to Arianna and
(06:23):
to my friends and the fans, like you just said,
so invested in our relationships. There is no excuse. I'm
not a victim and I must own actions deeply regret
ran I am reflecting on my choices, speaking to a counselor,
and I'm learning things about myself, such as patterns of
codependency and addiction to being and feeling loved. I have
sought emotional validation through intimate connections that are not healthy
(06:44):
without regard for my own well being, sometimes negatively affecting others,
and often prioritize in the intimate connection over my friendships.
I'm taking steps to understand my behavior and make healthier choices.
This is called love addiction. Is what this is? She
says that or did you say that? I'm saying that
because she didn't say that, but that is yes, yes, yes,
(07:08):
but that is the definition of a love addict, especially
like talking to account, like all the things around it,
because I've become counseling to end my unhealthy behavioral cycle,
learned to set stronger emotions. I mean, but this is.
And I was talking to another friend who is a
(07:28):
love addict, and she was saying, you know this is
I mean, that's she's basically saying she's a love addict
without saying she's a love addict. So just your thoughts
on that. I like hers better. Hers doesn't bother me
as much. I don't know. I think there's a lot
of ownership, but there's a lot of ownership, and it
doesn't feel like she is forcing herself to apologize to
(07:52):
these people, you know what I mean, it's just taking
ownership what she's doing, apologize to the fans. You know,
I don't know. I occurs better. What do you think
about the addiction piece of it? Oh, I think that
there's definitely true. I don't know anything about her, but
I think there's definitely truth to love addiction. Okay, but
correct me if I'm wrong. Did you believe or not
(08:14):
believe in sex addiction? I don't know. I truly don't know.
So what would then be the difference between love addiction
and a sex addiction? We but like it really truly,
because like that's it's blaming the same thing, right, So
she's basically saying, I did this because of my need
to feel loved and wanted, valued and whatever. Sex addiction
is the same thing. You just have you know that
(08:36):
you commit the act? Well, she, I mean, she did both, right,
And I don't know that much about love addiction, Like
I love addiction is basically I mean almost I'm not
gonna I'm gonna I'm not a therapist here, but from
the Wood studies that i've or not studies, but all
the things that I've gone through with the past sex addiction.
There is the love addiction peace in there because it's
(08:58):
that filling that void, and then they take it basically
the step further with this, the sexual part of it
a validation to extreme levels. Yes, whereas a love addict
might just have an affair, a sex addict is calling
prostitutes and it can be you know, or can be
porn or whatever it is. But unhappy to answer your question,
(09:21):
I still don't fully know how I feel about the
sex addiction piece. I think there were times I believed it.
There were times I felt like it felt like an excuse.
But can that be any addiction? Sure, I mean there's
times you can be an alcoholic, but that's an excuse,
you know. So I I don't know. I don't know.
That's a hard question because I I truly do not
(09:42):
know whether I how I feel about sex addiction. I mean,
obviously it's just a real thing, but I mean, really,
you could put this in under the category right of
a love addiction too. I mean love it's saying okay,
well I'm a love addict, and to put the blame there. Sure,
but wouldn't we all say no, not going to categorize
all of us in there. But I know twenties Jannah
(10:03):
was a love addict. Twenties Kristen is a love addict.
I mean even you know, early thirties Janna love addict.
You know where it's like it's wanting to feel loved
and validated and hurting people along the way. And so
it wasn't an excuse, that's just the pattern and that's
the addiction, right yeah, along the way, and that's the
(10:24):
unfortunate the addiction. So it's like, there's that's just the
name for it, right were as some would be just
called a cheater. Like basically when I was talking to
you know, the conversation was actually with Rachel Yu coul Tell,
she's like, we should talk about love addiction because you know,
when she was labeled the cheater, She's like, I was
going through things, you know, emotionally that like to feel
(10:47):
validated and loved. And yes, it sucks that it was
broke up a marriage, but you know, we all have
unhealthy we can we can all have unhealthy patterns, and
that's just that wasn't you know, I don't know, yeah, absolutely,
how do you feel Christen, okaybe you're a little quiet
there with your a little baby. Well, I just have
a little baby is not getting so little anymore. I
(11:10):
feel like I have swallowed a whole human struggling. That's
why I sit back here like this tiny person. Um.
I just I appreciate the ownership because I think sometimes
the title of addiction is sometimes I have to be
careful because people were. She also didn't say that. She
didn't say that no, no, I know, yeah, I'm just
(11:33):
talking in our outside of her. Yes, I appreciated her ownership.
That would be like a sentence period. I feel like, yeah,
that copy copy that. Um. I just I have a
hard time when people maybe use that as an excuser,
hide behind something without the ownership piece. So I appreciated
the reversal of it, if you will, right, Like not
(11:54):
saying I'm a love addict, yeah, just saying like this
is the stuff I need to work on. This is
not okay, and I feel responsible for it, and I agree.
I just want to say again, I don't envy anyone making.
I don't know how old she is, but she doesn't
look super old. I saw her picture for the first
time today. Jackie will let us know in about two seconds,
like her birthday is she's a Gemini that likes long
(12:17):
walks on the beach. Um, I just can yes, I
mean looked back, we got back in the hot tub
time machine. You saw this Kristen thirteen years ago. Holy
Matt girl. I mean at twenty five, I thought I
was a good idea to do road rules. So let's
(12:38):
just start there. I mean that there's a lot of
growth to be had there, so I don't envy someone.
It's a very mature response for someone who has to
live and she's chosen too, and I get that. But
imagine making all your mistakes so publicly and then being
like with the world we have today. You know, it's
like you're so young and you're making mistakes for the
(12:59):
whole world. Seem like you're learning from them while everybody
else is seeing them. Yeah. Yeah, and at an age
where you think it's a good idea, right. And I
think if we remember doing this test with my friend Brian,
who's a sex and love addict, and she's we made
people because we were pitching the show about love addiction,
and we made people take the test if you're a
love addict and like there's like nine out of ten
(13:21):
people scored like that they were love addict because it's
we all want to feel loved and worthy and chosen,
and unfortunately it can go past a point where it's
harmful and it could be relationships. But also there's that
piece where it's like you don't even realize who you're
hurting in those moments, Like I can look back and
(13:43):
go God, like, that was so shitty of me, But
I was so in my own world of like wanting
to feel validated, that I didn't even think about the
other person. Right, going back to what you're saying earlier, like, yes,
(14:10):
I believe you can be addicted to anything. So to
take away that sex addiction thing, it's not that I
don't think it's a real thing. I absolutely think you
can be addicted to anything. I'm probably addicted to diet coke,
Like you can literally be addicted to anything. I just
think we can also hide behind it, like you said,
right right, you know, And and maybe part of hiding
(14:30):
behind it is not realizing who you're hurting in the process,
and maybe it does take therapy or learning to really
not you know, see past that point. I don't know
I haven't been in that position, but well, if you
let it consume in, you go, well, I'm just I'm
just a sex addictor I'm just a love attic. This
is just what we do. Well, that's that's the piece
where it's like you have you don't even want to change.
(14:52):
It's like I think I look at like my AX
and people like they genuinely want to change. It's just hard, sure,
you know. And it's like I you know, in the
past too, like have to catch yourself to be like, Okay,
you don't like that version, don't go back to like
to the response that you would want to go to
because you want someone to like you, or you want
someone to choose or you want someone to like show
(15:12):
you that like you're you know that you're worthy or whatever.
So it's like having to choose the right way is hard,
but you're acknowledging. And that's the people that just fall
back on it. That's the thing. Like you can go, Okay,
I might be addicted to X, but you don't let
it just go well screw it. Yeah, I'm just gonna
keep drinking it and not give a flying f Yeah, yeah,
(15:32):
I mean I do really love my diet coke. But
I do I really feel like half a one a day?
I'm doing good. I thought you were like I thought
you were at zero a day. Yeah you kind of.
Oh no, I could it out for like shoes back
when what did they call this relapse? But when was
I to zero? I thought you were at zero? No?
Never did we not just travel together a month ago? Well, listen,
(15:55):
I was so busy having seven lunches. I was no.
I actually it out for like a month one time.
Maybe that's anything a pound? This was like a year ago. Oh,
and I was like, screw this. So you did it
to lose weight or curious? I was definitely curious to
see if I would lose weight because a lot of
people told me, I bet you'd lose weight if you
cut out diet coke, and I was like, okay, I'll
(16:15):
try it. And then I didn't lose anything. Well it's
because it's like it's fake sugar. So it's like there's
a debate there. Did you notice? So now I would
like to challenge you to doing it to see how
much bloat you have verse not weight, but bloat information
and pay so much with all like those things that
(16:37):
it'd be interesting to seat. But no, our girlfriend Pam
has it on the Plexus plan. But having said that,
um at home, I do one a day. When I
travel it endepping more. Sometimes I have to one. Do
you like get the shape crap out of it? I
hate it. I just hate it. It's not good for
your body at all. None of it is good for
(16:57):
your body. I just need to say that because I
actually value love you when I care about your health
and your organs. I do so. It would be really
not a good friend if I was like, good for you, honey. Now,
all that being said, get your bow, toss my happy spon.
You know what I like to do is just call
myself out for anybody else can so fine, it's fine.
(17:19):
I'm happy with myself anyway, moving on, I'm happy with myself.
I love myself and my diet coke cheers. I mean
I'd rather you drink a coke instead of diet. Oh no,
not me. I mean then then you'd actually it's a
wife of a pepsi artist. I'd rather you drink a pepsi.
They're terrible. I don't love any who is anyone watching
(17:44):
a Bachelor of Seasan? Nope? Do you know. Fun fact,
I've never watched episode of any of that. Oh, I
think my friend Christina is on that. I don't know.
I think they're down to the final four. I don't
think there's an Andrew Christine. I have no idea. I
don't I don't watch it. I just saw a thing
earlier about how he wasn't going to sleep with anyone. Oh,
(18:05):
I did see that. Do we believe that? Kind of great?
You know, I'm all for it not sleeping, well, especially
in that situation. I don't know. I just feel like
that's not a debate for me, I would say, especially
am I getting out of this between me and Jana Grammer.
(18:30):
You wouts to know that I had a really big
development in therapy yesterday that could kind of loop into
this A tiny bit that I, well, this may not
be a newsplash to anyone else, but I don't trust men. Okay,
that's a big that's big. Um. I don't fully trust men,
(18:51):
and I don't super trust a lot of people in general.
Amy pointed out, I could see that. So with that,
if I was on a show the Bachelor, I would
be like iron gated, yea below the belt. Nobody's getting
in absolutely, because you're all a bunch of scumbags. Okay,
but I don't believe that what others scumbags know that
(19:13):
you would actually do that? Oh I do you? Everybody
made out with somebody on road rules and I didn't bible.
She's like, but I gave a good no. We all know.
I don't like to speaking of that. I'm on pelvic rest,
so I had to retire my old ways. Why is it?
Can I ask the question? I only if I can
(19:36):
differ and not answer. Is it because you're your dad?
Of course? It was a real we had a real
breakthrough yesterday. You know. It's interesting because I think people
have a lot of opinions about therapy and I've been
going to this grief and trauma therapist that Jamma suggested
right after I lost like five people in eleven months
and one of them was my dad. So that's the
(19:56):
speed dating version of it. And I was like, yeah,
and I've been going to the piece since I was
twenty seven, so this isn't new to me. And we
kind of just hit this little patch I felt like
where I was like, oh okay, and she kind of
put me on graduation and was like, you can come
whenever you'd like. And I was like okay, and I
was feeling really good. And then yesterday I was in
there and I was feisty. So I don't get super
(20:19):
I get more emotional when i'm pregnant, for sure, but
I don't get irrational. I feel like I get really
clear and I just it becomes very black and white
and very decisive. And I was in there. I came
in with both my heartbeats yesterday and all my decisiveness
and I was like, da da Da da da. And
she was like okay, and she goes, I'm gonna say
something and I think that we need to like dig
(20:42):
in a little, and I said okay, and she was like,
I think you need to be more angry at your dad,
and I think no one's allowed you to probably be.
And I was like, well, then I started crying and
she goes, those tears are hot. I know we're getting somewhere,
and she got a notepad, so I know that really
took us for a dark day to her and shows
like that and people like that, I don't trust anyone
(21:03):
and no one's getting my body. Yeah, so I saw
a because you know, I always watched those inspirational videos
like Ja Shetty and all of them, and there was
one that was saying it wasn't Jay's, but it was
the problem with a lot of therapist. Therapists won't go
to childhood trauma and they just kind of keep it
(21:25):
very surface where every most every issue, which was why
you're acting a certain way to your spouse or why
you did X, Y and Z, it always goes back
to a childhood trauma and so you know your trust
with men. I just have never seen a man's actions
and words match that in that means something for sure,
(21:49):
and never saw that growing up. It was always due
as I say, not as I do. And that is,
by the way she identified as a pretty shitty parenting motto,
which I also enjoy the validation of that. But like I,
she was like, well, of course, and so then I
was gifted a son to raise, which is not lost
on me at all, to teach me about how boyhood
(22:12):
and manhood can look stewarded well and with a different
kind of care. And my dad also had his own trauma,
so he of course you know it's and came from
I'm not making excuses by any means, but came from
a generation where they didn't do the deep dive like
we all do. Yeah, So I told her, I was like,
I believe in Jesus and God that loves me, and
(22:33):
I have a son that I have to raise. So
somewhere between all of that, her and I are going
to start the untangling. Sorry, well, I was going to
ask a question back to kind of what you were
asking though, can you not sleep with all these people
or want to sleep with all these people for healthy reasons?
Like not you in general, but like is let's say
(22:58):
there's not a childhood trauma there and you just don't
want to sleep with four or five different however many men. Oh,
I'm not saying that he's got childhood trauma. That's not
what that's not that's that's not why he's sleeping with them.
You're saying he does or doesn't. I'm not saying I'm
not waiting child trauma. I'm saying I'm saying, if you
(23:19):
didn't have the childhood trauma, do you think that you would, Oh,
that would be a different story for you, only because
she got childhood. I mean they had a little slut
phase in college. I think we all didn't, maybe not
Catherine No, I definitely didn't. Okay, it's fine. No, it
just brought up you're with me, honey and never going
(23:40):
to be okay, I do us anymore. So I'm just
gonna it's just four is if I have to be
in that fine, um. And it's not a judgmental question.
I'm just cutious if like that's like a trauma response,
I think mine is ways, I mean mine is so.
I don't know if I could even see it in
(24:00):
any other way because I just don't. I go to
severe indefense. There's an intimacy disconnect. Yeah, I default to
severe independent, right, Yeah, this is an interesting topic. We
need to let us down a dark one. We need
to we need to reopen that up, maybe with a therapist.
And I'm interested in that. Yeah, it's good because a
(24:20):
good it's a good question. Cap. We're gonna take a
break and then we're gonna get Jennifer Nettles on the
podcast like her, hy girl, I have been you are.
(24:45):
I know I shouldn't lead with that, but my word
takes one to no one. Oh Jennifer, hey girl, it's
been a minute since I've seen you out in this world.
How are you? Yeah? And this in this wild world. Right, Yeah,
it's it's something, it's something else. I'm good, I'm whole,
(25:05):
I'm you know, like everybody else like busy, crazzy, tired,
and tired, terrified, all of it at one time, right,
and sometimes terrified slice at the top of the list,
and that's okay, current man, Right, those are interchangeable. They
moves around and that list. Well, I think it's interesting too,
like when you say things like that because I think,
(25:26):
you know, I was having a UM. I was sit
down with my therapist and I was just telling her like,
I'm just I feel stuck and frustrated. And I think
when people see, you know, Jennifer Nettles or someone that's
in this spotlight, you have it all figured out. You're fine,
you've got money, you're great, you're good, like you don't
have like you're not stuck, you don't feel those things.
And it's like it's we all, we all go through that,
(25:49):
and it's it's nice to hear, you know, not just
like oh yeah, everything's great, you know, because yeah it's not.
Sometimes you know, it's hard. Yeah yeah, so sometimes it's
super lifey, you know. Um, And that's okay too. We
go through all of these seasons, we go through all
of these times. We you know, it's it's a big
(26:09):
life and it's full, right, it's very full. What do
you think it's been the um the thing? I guess, well, yeah, exactly, welcome,
welcome to the show. This is a this is this
is where we go. Um, we'll get light, we'll get
into farmers. But I do want to know, uh, you know,
when you kind of get in that space since we
(26:30):
did go there, and now I'm curious, like, how do
you because again things are you you live up still
public life, you know, and things like how do you
kind of reframe your mindset to to you know, maybe
is it is it reframing it's a gratefulness or do
you just sit with there? Do you like, do you
go to therapy? Like what do you do when you're
when you're in that when it's tough? All of the above,
(26:52):
all of the above. Thank God for my therapist, who
I've been with now for probably over twenty years, you know,
thank God for her. I find that super helpful. I think,
you know, I often use what I say as gratitude
as a shield, you know, in that way, just like
out in front of me because there is much to
(27:14):
be grateful for. There's that old adage that says, like,
you know, if we all put our problems out on
the table with each other, we'd probably grab and reach
for our own ones back, okay in terms of if
we had to have anyone else's right. So all that
being said, yeah, gratitude is a big protector in that way.
(27:35):
And then in speaking of protection, in talking about you know,
being in the public eye, and I have definitely learned
over the years, you know, to be super selective and
super protective. I definitely I want my art to be seen,
I want my art to be known. I won't want
my work to be celebrated, but I also want to
(27:55):
be able to have, like anyone else, in a safe
place to come to at the end of the day.
And that has become kind of a rarity in our
culture too. We slid into this like must know everything
behind the scenes. Like I kind of miss the old
school glam Hollywood. Yeah, yeah, we miss We've lost the mystery.
(28:18):
And I yeah, for myself, I mean it's protective to
maintain that, but like you, I miss it too. You know.
I used to love to be able to just go
on a deep dive in a in a very I mean,
it was a shallow dive considering. But like you find
an article about your favorite artist, your favorite actors, your
favorite you know, musician, whatever it may be in your
(28:38):
magazine and you're looking at that, and that's that's what
you get. You get an interview you know what I'm saying,
and it's very curated and it's very specific and you
can trust it. Okay, there isn't you know, a ton
of other voices out there trying to put words into
people's mouths or trying to at the I mean, and nowadays,
as we know where social media is can earned you know,
(29:01):
when there is conflict equals engagement, and so they try
to foster that conflict wherever they can, you know, and
they try to keep people polarized, and they try to
make everything as scandalous as possible, and everyone is outraged
and it's just like which I am tired. Okay, like tired,
(29:27):
which I am tired. But they feel like they have
they get an invitation, you know, oh for sure they
do now and and listen, if the machine perpetuates itself,
ladies does in the sense that there are people who
see the attention that they get, and so they are constantly,
(29:48):
you know, like right here with everything, constantly on themselves
for everything, for every anything and everything. And for some
people that's great. They enjoy, you know, fostering a sense
of community that way. But really it's gone. I think
the narrative has been lost in a lot of ways
(30:09):
in terms of what the pros and what the positives
are of that kind of sharing and that kind of access.
Nobody deserves that kind of access. I don't want to
see you on your peloton bike with maybe I should
like no wash my mouth right now, but you know
what I'm saying, it's like I don't want to see that.
(30:30):
I don't want to see it. Like like if you,
if you do something, you're here, you're offering right now
something to the world that people need. But they don't
need to see on your peloton bike. They don't need that,
you know. They need what you're doing right now. They
need your music, they need your talking, they need your ideas,
they need you know, and not to say that you
can't be inspired and inspiring, like look at me, I'm
out here trying to do this even though it's hard,
(30:51):
and you can do it too, like there are ways
to spin it, no pun intended, but you know, we
don't need all of it. We don't need all of it.
It's so destroyed acting, it's so distract it's very noisy,
and I think it's like one thing doesn't work for everybody, right,
like because for as many unfollows as I get to
get follows, like some things people just don't like and
you know, I don't love, you know. I've tried to
(31:13):
find a balance of not oversharing but still being authentic
and still sharing, you know. So it's it's a it's
a really fine balance and it's it's it's honestly something
I've struggled with, like trying to find the balance of it.
Uh yeah, And I think with the balance, like you know,
comes the other the outside noises. And I'm curious, like
where where you go when you know, because you've you've
had areas in your career where people might have said
(31:37):
hateful things or like why would you break up? Or
this either or the other, you know, with with things
that you've gone through, and it's like how do you
just go no, like not not receiving that sometimes obviously
we have to unplug um, but we also have to
offer ourselves with perspect and this is why I think
acts will close community. You know, from from an evolutionary
perspective where where sociology is concerned. As human beings, we're
(32:01):
really not supposed to have anything bigger than like a
community of one hundred and fifty people around us. Those
are the closest ones that you know. It starts with
our family, um, which brings with it its own stuff,
But it starts with our family, and it continues in
those concentric circles you know, within within a certain community size.
(32:21):
So it's overwhelming to have all of these people able
to being able to offer their opinions not only alike
or a dislike, but like actual words, context and words
you know, for what they feel. Um, it's it's overwhelming.
All that's overwhelming. So I think unplugging is important and
(32:42):
then keeping that close knit group you're real friends, like
your ladies who you know, who are your your tribe,
you know what I'm saying, and coming back to that
and talking to people in real time and going to dinner,
you know, and taking time to look deeply into the
eyes of your beloved and like to really put your
phone down when you're with your children, and you know
(33:03):
all of those things. It's just such a distraction. And
then not to mention how much your feelings can be hurt.
I mean, let's just say it, like we're human beings
and someone can make a comment, one little comment. You
could have five billion positive comments and one person says
that one thing on the comment, and your day is ruined.
(33:24):
Nobody should have that power. You do not live rent
free in here, you know what I'm saying, Like you
should not have that power. Well, and that's something too.
I was I was talking to Catherine about KAB. I
never told you this, but I wanted to do a
show where you basically you'd confront your online bullies because whoever,
whatever they're like, they're going through something too. So it's
almost like you can end up having in a way
(33:46):
empathy for the bully as well, because like they're dealing
with something and you can kind of sit with the
person and go, Okay, like this hurt me, and like
what's hurting you to basically say these things? You know,
And so I thought it was kind of cool. But yes, no, no,
I love that, you know. I'm like, remember I love
it too, Like who was it that did. I think
it was on balance where he did this whole series
(34:08):
when he was like, read, they would have celebrities reading
their nasty Twitter fanily, Yeah, and I've had to I
got off Twitter. I was just like, I haven't. I
haven't been on it in years. And then when everything
has just gotten so crazy with it, I was like that,
I don't have time. I can't do every single Twitter,
TikTok Instagram. I can't. I can't. Yeah, But all that
was to say, like he would have them read those
(34:31):
nasty comments, and when you hear it, it's it's shocking.
You can't be leave that absolute strangers would be so bold, Yeah,
and so unfounded. That's what really gets Like, you know nothing.
You don't know me, you don't know my heart, you
don't even know my birthday. Get out of here. What
do you have to say out? Jennifer? Are you? Are
(34:55):
you UM? What's your background with UM? Like? Are you
are you religious at all? Or where do you fall
with that? I chose and call myself a recovering Baptist.
I grew up in the Southern Baptist church that we
went to church three times a week, okay, Wednesday and
twice on Sunday. Wow, um, yes ma'am and yes ma'am
(35:18):
and amen. I mean there's a part of that. I'm
so grateful for it because it definitely gave me such
a background of faith. I do think a spiritual life.
But um, I you know, for since that time, I
have definitely expanded and I practiced yoga, and I practiced
some elements of Buddhism, and I bring and I you know,
I'll even harken back to I love the womanly arts
(35:39):
and what we would call the craft and ancient ancient religions,
nature religions, all of those I can pull from at
a different time. And I'm like, listen, whatever will help.
I don't care what do you want to do, con
or something, kill a chicken, throw the bomb. If something
is going to bring me good vibes, bring me good
and energy, bring me to that place of center and
(36:01):
remind me of that that face and that worthiness, then yeah,
I'm I'm into it. And you are obviously into farmer
wants a wife. So I mean when when you got
that call, were you just kind of like what what
were your like initial like what my initial responsive? No?
(36:21):
Thank you, because I'm not really into the whole dating
reality dating genre. I've never watched it. It always just
seemed just too forced and a lot of wanting that
that scandal and wanting, you know, people to be crying
at the end of some emanations, ceremony. Everything sounded so
just dramatics. So I've never watched those and I've never
(36:43):
been into them. So at first I was like no,
And then when I heard more about it and the
success that it has had, this really turned me in
onto it. Because obviously it's had success as a show,
but the success it's had in relationships. This this show
has been around for thirteen years, it's been in thirty
two different countries, and it has had, as a result,
over one hundred and eighty marriages and over four hundred
(37:06):
and ten children. Oh I love that the people, and
a lot of those marriages still marriages to my understanding,
you know, I mean, if there's four hundred ten children,
they wait, they at least made it long enough to
go that far. So yeah, and so I just felt like, oh,
there's something, there's something authentic about this, And so I
(37:26):
watched one of the Australian episodes and thought, oh no,
this has heart. This isn't. This isn't about the scandal
or the drama. This is about real connection and real people.
And sure they're doing it in what I call the
hyper reality of cameras, but they and then having done
the show, now it is definitely true. You know, you
(37:48):
root for these guys. I rooted for them and for
these women and wanting them to find love. It's also
bringing light to some other things like wildly important and
overlooked so often, which is like the farmers of our world.
I mean, we we forget. I was raised in a
tiny town and I was an FHA girl, and I
(38:09):
had a girl. Okay, but none of these guys, these
are Have you looked at the men. These are not
the farmers, your typical farmers, so I want to come on,
They're not the guys that did driver your tractor to
school day when I was in high school, if I'm honest,
But I don't know about that. I bet if you,
if you, if you looked back at some of the
(38:29):
I mean, obviously a lot of women are where we're
school and they're older, and the farmers are older. That's
his own. But these guys are young. You know, they're
all in their thirty and they are real life farmers.
They're you know, they have cattle, they have forces, and
this is their life and their lifestyle. But we have
to think, you know, there are people out there who
have to continue this tradition. They don't all look like
(38:50):
our grandparents. They can't, right, how are we going to eat?
And many and many of these guys are actually you know,
second third generation. That's well, it's I'm excited to watch it.
It's on Fox Farmer, Once a Wife. It premiered um
last week, and uh so I'm definitely and I love you.
I've always loved you. I think I love how you've
(39:11):
used your voice in a way, um, you know, for
women and country music, and I love that you, um
you didn't put yourself in a box like you you're acting,
you're you know, you're hosting, you're you know, doing the
collab album and it's just I just you, Um, You've
You've been very inspiring for me to watch and just
to see how you've always hold yourself with such grace
(39:35):
and presence. And it's just I appreciate that, like I'm
thank you. Well, I'm seeing a lot of that here
right now too. You know, not only the grace and presence,
but also of you all. But also you know, the
expansion into new things, the the the honoring you know,
your inspirations and trying new things and not staying in
a box. I appreciate that. I love that. So what's
(39:57):
next for you, Jennifer? Like you've done, like you do?
Like what's next? You know, I can't speaking of you
know what Jenna said. I I can't stay in a box.
And so I'm constantly you know, I'm a virgo. So
so part of what that is is like we see
things with new eyes. We love new things. We constantly
approach things like you know, it's the first time. So
(40:18):
that's sort of my limbs on the world. And so
I love expanding into newness and pushing myself in that way.
So I've we just announced last week. Um, I'm a
part of the new Exorcist movie that's coming out. I
have a key role in that. I love you, But
I hate scary movies. What do I do we watch?
(40:40):
Here's the thing. I can't watch them either. Yeah, watch
it during the day and you can and now you know,
you can hit if it gets too intense, you can hit.
You see it in the theaters. There you go, you
watch your f and then you tell them, let them,
let them know if they can handle it. Okay, um, yeah,
but uh so I'm super excited about that. You know,
I love I love all for storytelling, and so my
(41:02):
acting is just another piece of bad. I've been working
on a musical for a number of years now that
it takes a long time to get these things right,
and but the momentum for that is really picking up.
So I hope to be able to announce more about that.
And it's definitely my obsession. When I'm not you know,
(41:22):
doing something else, I'm wanting to be creating on that.
That's awesome, Jennifer. We need to do a movie together,
like we gotta, we gotta figure something out. That would
be really but it would be so good to be
a romantic comedy because I want to come to set,
but I'm scared everything rom com not horror. Ye please please, Well, Jennifer,
(41:43):
thank you so much for coming on. We really appreciate
and thank you for just being open to just talk about,
you know, the highs and the lows. Yeah, this is
my favorite of the day. I have to say, it
just felt like a homecoming. You know, like, oh yeah,
they sure my people high we have aggressively when we're
in a person. So you're yere in la. Al right girl,
(42:04):
al right, thank you bye. Such a beautiful I love her,
you guys, like I used to frock out to sugar Land,
like the baby girl was like trying to be all cool,
but we're all like I remember the concert when she
came out and she wore this incredible like this is
how I knew she would always be an actress because
(42:26):
the way her stage presence was. When she was on stage,
I was just like, oh, this is not for babies,
like she owns it. I'm gonna let you do this.
Love love her so much, genuine and I really enjoyed
the point of like I just have to touch on
this real quick, but I enjoyed that. Like our circles
(42:48):
shouldn't be as big. Yeah, oh you guys, and bitch,
I'm tired. I'm tired, and circles shouldn't be big. But
it's interesting about the circles because even when your circles
are small, you might have a mole anything else you
want to share a graamer Nope, not yet. No, I
don't trust anyone. According to Amy. So apparently there's more
my circle too. We're finding out. Don't worry. We gotta
(43:16):
I trust you? Do you trust me? Are we the
mole see or each other? We'll see. I gotta. We
got a p I word getting hired. There a girlfriend,
so we'll see it. Wouldn't that be interesting? Our therapist
is like, h but there's two monkeys in a room together.
If our nice appointment is a joint appointment. We've gotten
to the bottom of this quickly and it's been a
(43:38):
pleasure all the time. It's soon I wind down. Okay,
I wish it was that easy. I'm too protective of
you to be a mole. Oh I would feel never.
Oh I am so like I run tight pr for you.
People are like, how's Jana? I was like, She's great?
Like hi dat. They will never they will never be
a time where they know where I'm going or who
I'm going to dinner with. I just nope, nothing. We'll
(43:59):
see baby already now. I already know I love you
Atroit strong Um all right, hey guys, yeah, we'll see
you in Okay. So we got DC Wednesday and we've
got Philly on Thursday. See you there, ye one two
three Bye. I wonder how much they hate that, ye guys,
Host
Jana Kramer
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