November 24, 2025 • 33 mins
What do you do when someone is trying to "force" a friendship?? Kristen is dealing with someone coming on a bit too strong and Jana has some real advice.
Jana shares her reaction when receiving a text from her nanny that no one wants to get. And we discuss a dilemma of who to invite when taking a trip with an aging parent.
Plus, would Allan pass the "bird test"??
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heeart Radio Podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
I Hi, guys, how are you good?
Speaker 3 (00:12):
How are you good?
Speaker 4 (00:14):
Everybody looks happy? A good question, but like, I don't know.
Speaker 3 (00:20):
You know what I love about this group? You just
never know because we all do well, and then the
minute anyone asked us the right question, it's just like
a sobbing.
Speaker 5 (00:28):
I do feel like usually though, when I walk into
the room, I can feel.
Speaker 4 (00:32):
Where we're at.
Speaker 5 (00:34):
Yeah, and y'all have already been going usually, and so
then I walk in, I'm.
Speaker 4 (00:37):
Okay, I'm gonna see where we're at today. How it's
feeling you guys?
Speaker 2 (00:41):
I just got a random number. So you know when
you get a text message and you don't know who
it's from. Yeah, well now people are spamming that way,
well exactly, and I just got spammed.
Speaker 3 (00:53):
But have you read to me?
Speaker 2 (00:55):
I did reply? I did too nice, but I'm about
to block. They said, how have the past few days
been for you? And I'm thinking, oh.
Speaker 3 (01:04):
Anyway, I did, because I'm like I'm thinking about it.
I'm like, well, how have the last I'm like, and
who would ask me that?
Speaker 4 (01:10):
And did you go through like a whole list of well.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
Well in my brain, yeah, I'm like, we're talking about
this and money. That's how that's been, you know. I
know I talked about being really tired, so maybe this
is nay have the last few days. But you know,
so I'm like, I just responded, just now, don't have
this number? Who is this? Hey it's Jessica. Is this
Olivia's new number? So now I'm just gonna block.
Speaker 5 (01:33):
Yeah, this is a So is that spam or do
you think it's really a wrong number?
Speaker 3 (01:37):
I think it could be a little bit of both.
And now I don't know, and I hate it because
I'm too nice and I want everyone to have a
great life. And then I'm like, why is God?
Speaker 6 (01:44):
Brother?
Speaker 2 (01:47):
But now I'm just a lot about the money stuff.
So I I'll screenshot it and send it to Chris
the businessman and say, hey, this just came through.
Speaker 3 (01:53):
It said I didn't. He's like, not spam.
Speaker 2 (01:54):
I'm like, you know, what's a step about this is
that I know for a fact a grandparent has paid
something because because they don't know, they think they got
a bill.
Speaker 3 (02:07):
An outstanding balance. That's hard for them.
Speaker 4 (02:10):
Well in the way they do it, it's it's very convincing.
Speaker 5 (02:13):
I mean I have gotten it for like tickets told
I'm like, well, I get those in the mail all
the time, Like who knows when I ran a toll
or got a thing.
Speaker 1 (02:21):
So I'm like, sure, you can't cat just blaring through things.
Speaker 5 (02:26):
I mean, I've got tickets from California years later for
parking and they were those were legit, so I believe it.
If I get it, I'm like, oh, I better pay that.
Speaker 3 (02:34):
I know. It's wild, what a wild world we're living in,
And I'm like thinking of it like a magic eight ball.
I'm like, I don't know, what do you see in
my future? Oh? At a time? What you guys got updates?
Are white about it? Let's chat about it.
Speaker 4 (02:50):
Updates?
Speaker 3 (02:53):
Okay, You're like, wait, which one? Well I feel good
about help?
Speaker 2 (02:57):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (02:57):
Good? Yeah, I feel good. I feel better. It's a
do you have help kind of okay. Also, I know
we talk about this a lot, so I don't want
to like dwell here. I really don't. But like when
I tell you, I am absolutely batshit crazy before my
period in the start of it, I Janna called me yesterday,
(03:18):
missed the call, called her back. I texted her this
isn't The spiral isn't about her. But I texted her
to say, if you need me, you can call me.
But it comes with a warning. I am out of
control emotional. I could not get it together yesterday. I
wasn't crying, but the private spirals were so wild. Took
my magnesium. Went to bed last night. I mean, am
(03:39):
I bipolar? It is? Today? I feel so much better.
Speaker 4 (03:43):
But are you like crying? Like I like rage? Like
I get mad, I get angry.
Speaker 1 (03:49):
I yell at everybody, and it's like everybody knows, they
just make you a cardtoon'ture in your big truck, running lights,
getting to kids meaning not no.
Speaker 4 (03:57):
Not on the road necessarily. I've never been a road rage.
Speaker 3 (04:00):
And this is pre period, pre period. Yes, I have
become more. I'm just like, Yes, I definitely feel that.
Speaker 2 (04:07):
I feel like I'm easily annoyed, frustrated, and I feel
like I'm clenching my fist.
Speaker 3 (04:11):
That's my pre period. Now I do feel the same,
but now the raging more rageing than emotional. Same, Okay,
so I feel ragie. I can always tell because I
will get on this episode of raging bitches. Well, I
just I can there's a litmus test, right, like very
rarely does this is going to sound horrible. I don't
even want to say it. On if the baby annoys me,
(04:33):
then I know I'm really I'm really in Like I'm
just like, okay, what do you need? You know, Like
that's not me. I'm very very patient with the children,
less patient with the spouse. So it's the first two
days now of the period that I'm like, I I
mentally go like, okay, I am flushing the system of
the feelings and the hormones all as well. Thank god
it's here, you know. But the last two days I've
(04:56):
just been really like kind of spirally and sad and
everything feels very like bottom's going to fall out, which
is my default anyways. Anyways, so today I feel good
and that's my update. And I do have help when
I need it now, which I think is going to
be an adjustment for me because I'm not as flexible
like last week I wasn't as flexible as I wanted
(05:16):
to be. But also it is going to be really
good for my family. Is this someone you've used before
or someone Yeah?
Speaker 4 (05:23):
Both?
Speaker 3 (05:23):
Okay, I have two different people. Oh good, Yeah, A
Tuesday and a Thursday. Well, while you're gaining, I'm losing.
Wait what.
Speaker 4 (05:33):
Can we just be I cannot keep it up with you'all?
Speaker 3 (05:37):
What? No, not officially, but I got the text can
we talk? And I said not now, like you know,
and that my brain, I was just like, no, the
can we talk? Okay? Okay, guys, can we can? We
just promise that we just never say that to each
other because nothing nothing. I can't stand that that text
(05:58):
actually makes me real quick. Can we talk means nothing good? So, so, no,
we can't talk. I was just about to.
Speaker 2 (06:05):
Get on a call for our Amazon stuff and I said, yeah,
after this call, absolutely, And we love who we have.
That helps with Roman and so. But the problem is is,
and I've talked about the sun here, it's really hard
for someone to have part time because she's guaranteed part
time because I don't need full time.
Speaker 3 (06:27):
Yeah, that's tough.
Speaker 2 (06:28):
And you know, she was so sweet about how she communicated.
She's like, I don't want to leave. She's like, but
I need a guaranteed forty hours. And I'm like, huh, yeah,
I get it. I totally get it.
Speaker 3 (06:40):
Can we help each other? Well, that's why I called
you yesterday. Yes, that was my call. Okay, let's not
anybody that's listening that's new to my little empire. I'd
love to know.
Speaker 2 (06:52):
Because what I and so basically, and so I told Alan,
I said bad news.
Speaker 3 (06:57):
I go, I got the text. Can we talk? And
He's like, say good And I was like, I know,
I know, I said.
Speaker 2 (07:06):
And this is what's so hard is because in our
world we need the flexibility of having someone because I'm
on hold for something that could go in three weeks
in Atlanta, you know, and where we'll need then forty hours.
Speaker 3 (07:18):
But I don't need it. This is our.
Speaker 2 (07:20):
Problem now, and especially right now where I'm already you know,
I don't have a lot of work at hardly at all,
and it's the holiday season, so it's my slowest time.
And so I'm like, can you just give me a
minute to try to wrap around where I can maybe
find hours for you? Right, So I'm thinking, okay, I'm
going it, but like that's finding I'm really bad at math.
Speaker 3 (07:41):
Fifteen hours you were doing thirty, we're doing twenty five. Okay,
So yes, we've got to talk about this.
Speaker 2 (07:47):
So I'm like, how do I find fifteen hours for
So I'm thinking I'm starting to write a lesson like, Okay,
well maybe she can help me with some content stuff that.
Speaker 3 (07:55):
But if you think about.
Speaker 2 (07:56):
The extra, it's an extra, a big amount of money
to pay. And I said to Alan, I said, I
just can't in my brain. And I know we've had
people come on the podcast and be like, have someone
pay pay to fold your laund group.
Speaker 3 (08:09):
I was like, I can't do it. I'm not that person.
I can't.
Speaker 2 (08:13):
I just I'm like, it'll kill me, Like I can't
pay someone to do that. And I'm trying to find
something because I love her and I don't want to
lose her, right, But I'm like, so we basically said
we could guarantee you five more, and that's me pulling treads,
you know, of maybe having a date night, you know,
one night or something and not using our sitter that
(08:33):
we would use for a date night, and maybe you know,
picking up because again, when he goes to school, it's
we really truly lose. We have to leave the house
by two fifteen to thirty, so I have her pick
up those days I maybe have a pick up, but
also that then, you know, so it's just something that
you like to do.
Speaker 3 (08:49):
Oh you know, and I like, yeah, so a million
I kind of think we could do something here. That's
why I called you.
Speaker 2 (08:54):
And then and then obviously I didn't see your call back.
So it's just trying to figure that out. But my
fear is, I said, listen, we have this conversation, and
I'm I'm the person where I you know, of course
I had the initial conversation with her, but then when
it comes to the bartering, Okay, we can give you this,
and then if you want to get a job, we
can always guarantee you Tuesday off and you know, but
(09:15):
if we have a movie that comes up, can we
there be flexible then you know. And so Alan has
done those conversations and like, at my point, I want
to move to a different country, like that's that's where
it's just like I don't like that that kind of conversation.
But what I already feel and I sense is the
I'm going to have to get back on and try
to find someone. I'm not going to let it happen,
(09:36):
and we need to help because I think at the
end of the day, what she also understands is that
when people, when they want something different, they're going to
probably already be looking for a full time position.
Speaker 3 (09:48):
That makes sense.
Speaker 4 (09:49):
Oh, Like she's not gonna be able to just fill
it in with.
Speaker 3 (09:51):
With one day. Like, that's gonna be hard.
Speaker 2 (09:53):
If I'm someone in her position, I would too be like,
I'm going to start looking elsewhere. So we have we
but I can't pay to not lose someone, right, That's
just what we did for a long time. And then
I like, I go, Alan, I'll be resentful if I
have nothing to do, but yet I have to pay. Yeah,
and I where we're the season we're in. But yeah,
when I got that, I was like, no.
Speaker 5 (10:15):
But my brain always goes to what are you gonna
do when you get a movie?
Speaker 3 (10:19):
Though? But here, we've always figured it out.
Speaker 2 (10:21):
You have, I mean our nanny. We had to fire
her the day I left her to Kentucky. You have
you have every single time we got help when we
were in Enid, the most beautiful little girl.
Speaker 3 (10:31):
I can send there.
Speaker 2 (10:32):
Yeah, that's true, I mean, and just to we figured
it every time, we figure it out. And that's that's
is the thing that in this time wildly, I'm not.
Speaker 3 (10:42):
Stressing about it. I just know it'll just fall in right. Yeah,
because I'm coming over to pick up everything that's falling.
I mean, welcome to my home.
Speaker 5 (10:49):
If you're at ten hours, possibly fifteen, Yeah, like, yeah, we.
Speaker 3 (10:53):
Just need to talk off. Yeah, because these girls that
are like great, Am I be listening? Hey? Girls, we
to talk.
Speaker 4 (11:00):
I'm like in my head going, what could I have
her do?
Speaker 2 (11:02):
I know I don't need y'all care, but I could
send her to you on my laundry.
Speaker 3 (11:12):
This is the season? Oh man? All right, well that's
a good update. That's I feel positive for today. For today,
I feel even better knowing that Kramer's got a kickstand
for me that I can use. All Right, I have
(11:39):
a pinned wine about it. I'm happy to not pin
on it's mild, but I want to know, and I
have to be really careful. We're going to find out quickly.
Who listens to the show. I'm gonna give catbar No.
Mom doesn't listen. Do we? I don't know.
Speaker 1 (11:58):
I feel like.
Speaker 3 (12:00):
Every time one of those episodes come out, I'm Homer
Simpson gift that disappears to the bushes, and I'm like,
let's hop have you ever have you ever had someone
make you be their friend? Have you like, have you
ever had a forced friendship?
Speaker 4 (12:17):
Like as an adult.
Speaker 3 (12:18):
Uh huh, it's happened to me. It's happened to me
twice now. And I just a fake friend? No, a
force well, fake friends, sure, but plenty probably.
Speaker 4 (12:36):
I'm just kidding.
Speaker 3 (12:38):
Clearly, I got one Jessica. Who's Jessica on my phone?
No kidding? You know Olivia's Gal.
Speaker 4 (12:44):
I'm curious now.
Speaker 3 (12:46):
No, I'm just being careful because I don't want to
be hurtful.
Speaker 4 (12:51):
Sure, but.
Speaker 3 (12:55):
I don't know any other.
Speaker 2 (12:56):
Question I think you might be going. Is it regarding
a kids sports friend?
Speaker 4 (13:03):
No?
Speaker 3 (13:04):
I actually like those women.
Speaker 4 (13:05):
That's the only way.
Speaker 2 (13:06):
That's the only way I could see it being where
you No, I think that's situational situational friends right right?
This is more like how do you force a friendship?
I'm going to tell you it.
Speaker 3 (13:15):
For this, I'm gonna to give us more. Well, I'm
gonna tell you, but I don't want to hurt someone's feelings,
So we won't do it as a clip. There we go.
We'll just bury it and and I'll be home her
Simpson again, and we'll just hope because it might help someone.
Speaker 1 (13:33):
To help. We do.
Speaker 3 (13:37):
Am I roasting myself on? No, all of us tears
coming out. Okay, so I needed a lab today. I know.
I like where we're at today. This is great. Okay.
So there's a friend.
Speaker 6 (13:51):
Is she.
Speaker 3 (13:53):
Not anymore?
Speaker 6 (13:54):
No?
Speaker 3 (13:55):
Yeah? After that? Yeah, So I met a person through
a friend and this person was located in a different state. Okay,
and we've been involved. I don't. So we're in a group,
we've been introduced, and one of these women decides they're
(14:19):
moving to Tennessee. Right, Well, that's lovely, and I say
anything you need, just give me a text. I'm happy
to plug you in. Right, that's what we do here.
We've already vetted best nails best.
Speaker 5 (14:30):
You already know her in this group, even though she
lives in a different state.
Speaker 3 (14:33):
Yes, okay, and I had only met once or twice
in real life and in a group, so it's not
one on one. Okay. There's an inundation we're having here
in Nashville. Everyone's moving here, for sure. Everyone feels called
to move here, that's what they keep saying. And I
hope that's for some good reason, because the traffic is
making me feel non biblical. So I get a knock
on the door. Recently, I get no time with my
(14:56):
husband at home. You guys, remember naked Tuesdays. If I
shared that on here just on Sday, you okay? And
so I get this knock on the door and we're
down to one hour naked Tuesday and which is now
naked Monday. And so and we're not. We're not. Way.
Speaker 1 (15:09):
You can't blame us if you're changing days for showing up,
because now we don't know what day.
Speaker 3 (15:13):
It's not that i'd ever show up. Oh anyways, and
it's listen, we're not. This is not a naked we
just call it that. So we're not. We're here, we're
Mondays are busy, he's doing business whatever, but we don't
get much time together. So I get this knock on
the door recently, and this person comes with all these
gifts and some of these things don't apply to my life.
And she's like, I was just thinking of you, and
I know it's been a start. She doesn't know it's
been a stressful time. There's no literally no way for
her to know it's been a stressful time. And one
(15:37):
of the items is a potted plant, which is a
love language for me, you know, crazy plant lady. But
so I say, well, this is awfully thoughtful and thank you.
Preston and I are just you know, going to head
out soon to pick up the kids, and I'm I mean,
I'm laying it out, Preston, you almost ready, baby, get
your shoes on, like I'm and we are stuck. We
are just reading, I know. And also I'm rooting. This
(16:03):
person's rooting in on a day that I like, I
just we just don't see each other. He's been gone
for ten days and I'm like, I am trying to
be nice here, and I always try to go like
what is God trying to show me these situations? Finally
I'm just like, hey, like we need to leave. Cannot
leave no situational awareness. And so I didn't send a
(16:23):
thank you, which I feel really rude about. Did you
say thank you when she gave it? I did. I
was like, thank you so much, but it was like
this weird like presence looking at me, like have you
been shearing something with her that I don't know about?
Like why is she over the top gift giving? And
this is just recently, so I'm like, oh, yeah, I
don't know. Well, then I get I get a note
(16:44):
and I've gotten several sins wanting to meet and talk
and have coffee, and I think that there might be
a draw to me that maybe doesn't feel the same
for me to her, but so sweet that I can't
possibly not. But then I don't have the time, and
(17:05):
this is gonna sound horrible, and I feel like I
have such a like and I have such a perception
on here, so I'm trying to switch it. I've been
trying to, like secretly switch it. But I wouldn't pick
this person to go get coffee with. And I know
that sounds bad, but it's like I miss you guys
more than like this is when we see each other,
which I also hate sometimes, but we're in the busy
(17:25):
season of motherhood, so I feel this immense amount of guilt,
which is not this person's fault. But I'm also like,
I didn't actually sign up to be super close with you,
Like I think I started reflecting back on the slow
chip away in the slow intrusion, if we can call
it that, and I feel like this is a person
who's maybe making me be their friend, but I hadn't
(17:47):
said yes, and I wondered if that happened to anyone else,
or I.
Speaker 2 (17:50):
Think you're being nice, which is then obviously because you're
a nice person, so it's probably being misread as because
I would never see you being I won't yeah, hold
no someone.
Speaker 3 (18:03):
And even in the denial of coffee date, I've said,
like we are just really in a season right now
where like there's just not much time, like I'm not
really I'm not meeting I have best friends here that
I'm not seeing, you know, and I and I hate that.
Also to say it out loud feels weird because it's
like you're too busy, But honestly, like I don't have
much time and I'm back to dating myself when I do.
Speaker 4 (18:23):
Well, I'm with Jane.
Speaker 5 (18:24):
I feel like everyone would think that you want to
be their friend, truly everyone I don't see you know
what I'm saying, because you're just that kind of person,
you know, And I think maybe it'll just slowly kind
of fizzle if you keep.
Speaker 2 (18:35):
It's not fizzling as you do, but that's because maybe
you're giving in too much.
Speaker 3 (18:40):
Yes, I haven't had yeah next week because then I
don't like that feeling of it hanging over my head.
I said no date. I would you know, with someone
you didn't want to date in the first place, start
not responding.
Speaker 2 (18:51):
Yeah, and then instead of responding maybe just heart it.
Speaker 3 (18:54):
Yeah, you know, Okay, I think you've done that to me.
Speaker 2 (18:58):
Well, no, I do that to certain people that I
just we don't have the time to if it's not
someone that we really want to have this deep connection with,
you know, it's and listen.
Speaker 4 (19:08):
And that's no offense to those people.
Speaker 5 (19:11):
Very I mean, we're forty something years old, like, and
we only have so much time. Like, yeah, that might
be a little hurtful if you're on the other end,
but I think at the end of the day, most
people would understand.
Speaker 2 (19:23):
Like, for example, I have a new neighbor, neighbor that
just moved in, and she's lovely. I love her, like
I really really enjoy our conversations. But it's one of
those things where now we'll just text each other like, Hey,
going up for a walk? You want to you want
to walk to And that's kind of our way too.
But if she was like, let's go out to grab
a coffee or lunch, I would be like, I.
Speaker 3 (19:43):
Don't, yeah, I don't. I don't have and also like.
Speaker 2 (19:47):
I would love again to have lunch with you. Guys
like are like who we would list on top of that,
and if it's not a friendship that you would want
to and then maybe one day I will because I
actually really do like her friendship and you know, her
conversation and everything. But if it's someone that you don't
want to be around and you want them out that
I mean, I would just.
Speaker 3 (20:08):
Yeah, it's also back what I should say, and listen,
there's somebody. There's other people that have moved here that
I'm like, they're lovely and I want to spend time
with them, and I still can't get time with them.
Like there's one who's just like medicine to the soul
and she's lovely and her words are magic and she
and I were in this group before and she's great
and I'm not even getting to hang out with her.
But this, this latest one is really something. And there's
(20:33):
a connection there where her husband is now wanting to
be a songwriter. Wow, that was so And I like,
there's just I want to be objective. I want to
be like and everyone deserves that. What if he's incredible
and what if he is the next you know, like.
Speaker 5 (20:48):
And you can't you can't blame them for trying at
the same time, like it is, but it doesn't you
know and stuff like that, like I can, but.
Speaker 3 (20:54):
We're not leading with a ponded plant, right, And then
it's like oh and right, so funny enough, and I'm
like that doesn't feel funny. Yeah, anyways, I feel like
I've been forced friends with people and all of a sudden,
and I feel like that's also love. I love you.
Speaker 2 (21:11):
You're kind of allowing that into with giving what you
get back to her.
Speaker 6 (21:15):
I know.
Speaker 3 (21:15):
I just wanted her to feel cozy when she moved.
Speaker 2 (21:17):
So I was like, and you always want you got it,
you got maybe maybe channel a different cozy Catherine or
Janet cozy.
Speaker 4 (21:24):
I you might need a happy medium. So much showing
up at my house, I'm not going to be that nice.
Speaker 3 (21:29):
I hate to say it.
Speaker 4 (21:29):
No, I mean I'll be nice, but I'm going to
be like, okay, well, it's it's weird.
Speaker 3 (21:33):
It's the weird like assessing my situation and being so
overly empathetic, but like not knowing at all the situation.
That's what was so strange. It's not like someone going,
I know, we just met and this is so crazy,
but I thought this could be really helpful. I brought
to your family. Yeah, that's still a little like whoa, okay,
but we're in the South. It goes, I just this
is very like, I have no idea where this is
(21:54):
coming from. And then I'm yeah, okay.
Speaker 4 (21:57):
That is a forced friendship.
Speaker 5 (21:59):
I have not had that, but I think that's probably
because I don't necessarily when people first meet me, I
don't give off a cozy vibe at all, and people
think i'm.
Speaker 4 (22:08):
A bit, so they do.
Speaker 5 (22:11):
I had a friend of mine lately just tell me that,
who oh Katie, and she's like, I love you.
Speaker 3 (22:15):
But the first time I met you, and I was like,
I don't even remember that. Yeah. She's like, it's not
that she was like, she goes, I'm just kidding.
Speaker 5 (22:21):
You weren't a bit. She's like, you're just so closed
off at first. I was like, I know, I'm a
I know, oh I am at first, I can't do
small talk. You don't so I think I like someone new.
It gives me such anxiety. But if someone is like
cozy like you comes up with the conversation, I'm usually okay.
But if the other person is also a little like
hard with small talk, I shut down.
Speaker 3 (22:42):
I can't. I don't want to do it. I don't
want to talk.
Speaker 5 (22:44):
I just I don't mean to be that way, but
I am definitely that way at first. So I'm not
having that kind of situation more likely because someone didn't
feel cozy with me to force themselves on me.
Speaker 3 (22:55):
I am getting better, and neighbor the other day was like, yeah,
just give me your number and I'll text you about that,
and I was like, oh, it's okay, I'll just sign
on Facebook page because I just really was like, I
don't I'm gonna So maybe this is a me thing
because I at the time was I don't feel to like.
Speaker 4 (23:07):
I think it's a mix. That's what your favorite color is.
Speaker 5 (23:10):
And that also would not be my personality to show
up and bring a potted plant and keep texting and
keep trying and keep asking. So I think it takes
a certain personality to be able to do that, and
a certain personality like yours that welcomes that.
Speaker 3 (23:23):
Yeah, okay, we got a perfect storm.
Speaker 6 (23:25):
That's what we have, a perfect ship storm.
Speaker 2 (23:39):
So there's a headline going around right now that I'm
actually afraid to try, all right, because I'm afraid of
what the reaction might be, and I am excited. So
because I'm a crazy bird lady. So have you done
the bird test on your husband?
Speaker 3 (23:54):
I haven't.
Speaker 2 (23:55):
I will say I actually don't think Alan would fail
because there have been times. There's there was another past
that a couple therapists told me this, I mean years ago,
that when you mentioned something to your partner like hey,
I would really love a lake house. And if the
person's like, oh yeah, like and wants to dream with you,
then they're invested in you. There, they're interested, they love you.
(24:17):
If they're like, oh that's nice, then that shows detachment
and then they don't really care.
Speaker 3 (24:22):
Or if they go right to.
Speaker 2 (24:23):
Them, it's like yeah, I wanna I want to a
nice car or something, or it's all in how the
person responds to something that you want, that you desire.
I'm doing this today, well, so I'm gonna so same.
I'm gonna do it today, but I'm doing the lake
house first lake house. So and that one like Alan
and I both would love a lakehouse. And we actually
just talked about that their night in our bath night.
Speaker 3 (24:46):
You were in the bath together. I had to give
that one to Catherine because take a bath with me.
Preston will not. He's like sitting in our own filth, like,
don't think of it that way. Take a shower first,
you want to do it. And when he gets in there,
he looks so uncomfortable.
Speaker 2 (25:07):
It's just like I was like, I actually see present,
Why why these picturing?
Speaker 3 (25:14):
Okay, okay, so birdbath continue? But I actually think, I mean,
I don't know, we'll see.
Speaker 2 (25:20):
I think it depends to where the guy is at,
Like if I go into his office, yes, because right
now he's in his office right he's got he is,
he just signed on another client, and he's got so
many clients. It's just like he is hours in his
day to analyze these these players. And so if I
go into his office right now and be like, yeah,
so I saw a bird this morning, he'd be like, okay, cool,
(25:42):
you should do it.
Speaker 3 (25:43):
Can we watch for the people?
Speaker 2 (25:47):
Basically the test is you go in and you say
I saw a bird this morning, and what they're supposed
to do is then respond with an engaging like oh really,
like what kind of bird? And that's that's basically the test.
And so Kelly Ripa did this with Mark and right
when he said, oh you did what kind of bird,
she like screamed.
Speaker 3 (26:05):
Out you love me?
Speaker 2 (26:07):
But I do think it is a fun little test,
but it's so basically if if if you mentioned to
your partner that you saw a bird and they ask
you a simple follow up question, that means that they're
interested in you, and they are intensely listening to They
love you, so can we. So here's what I think
we should do is we should use this as a
clip and then I'm gonna video. I'm in a video too, Alan,
(26:29):
and you video, and you all video to husbands, and
then we'll turn this into okay, clip hilarious.
Speaker 3 (26:34):
I wonder I.
Speaker 5 (26:35):
Would totally fail if anyone said to me I saw
a bird today. I don't know that I would ever
respond what kind of bird?
Speaker 2 (26:44):
I probably respond because it's such a random thing. I'd
probably say, like.
Speaker 3 (26:47):
What's up?
Speaker 4 (26:48):
What is going on with you?
Speaker 3 (26:51):
Tell me more?
Speaker 5 (26:52):
I just would I don't think anyone. I don't think
i'd respond what kind of bird?
Speaker 2 (26:56):
I cannot wait to see what it depends for him
to Turkey.
Speaker 4 (27:03):
It depends, I don't know. I lost my mind.
Speaker 3 (27:07):
Okay, you have to film though, we have to film me.
Speaker 2 (27:10):
Honestly, it's just one of those where where it's just
kind of like, yeah, you don't actually film mine because
she can be like, pretend to be on your phone.
So I saw a bird this morning, and just so
that you can even just hear your face is just yeah,
just like close and you can be filming yourself.
Speaker 3 (27:22):
Yeah yeah, okay, okay, Oh, I'm excited.
Speaker 2 (27:27):
Women doesn't want to invite partners mom on couple's vacation
despite her parenting, despite her parents joining them. So a
woman recently shared a dilemma that she's facing with a partner.
In the post, she explained how she and her partner
had planned a trip to Japan with her parents. She
then found out her partner's mom also wanted to come,
but she doesn't want the woman to join them. Am
I being unreasonable here for wanting the trip to just
(27:49):
be the four of us? If so, how do I
tell this partner touch to my partner in a way
that's not upsetting. My parents have been looking forward to
this for a couple of months. My dad is eighty
four and this will probably be his last chance to
travel with us. She went on to explain how the
problem is that her parents don't want to travel as
a part of a larger group, especially with someone they
don't know very well, on top of that, she said
her parents' mom can be a lot to handle. Partner's
(28:12):
mom sorry, partner's mom can be allowed to handle. She's
lovely but has a huge personality. We as a couple
have always gone to Puntakana with his parents recently. Do
you think she's right to want to go without his
mom when it's her family trip with her parents? I do,
really mm hmm huh. I have a devil's advocate to that.
Speaker 4 (28:35):
I can see both sides.
Speaker 5 (28:37):
I mean, I can understand wanting to go just as
the family, but then also how can you blame her
for wanting to go also and the not wanting to
go with the group?
Speaker 3 (28:46):
It is only one more person. It changes the dynamic
of the group. And this is the last trip potentially
with dad. He's eighty four. That matters to me, Like,
this is a really.
Speaker 2 (28:59):
This is so his his mom is wanting to come.
This is like with her dad, right.
Speaker 3 (29:04):
I know, and her dad's eighty four and this is
his last trip, right, And his mom wants to come.
The in law wants to come, The in laws, yes,
wants to No in laws.
Speaker 2 (29:14):
Okay, so you're she's saying no, no, you're saying no, okay,
same page, Okay, got it.
Speaker 6 (29:19):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (29:19):
I was like, wow, yeah, I'm really I feel the same. Yeah,
I see both sides. This is sacred, and I I
think the inclusivity sometimes takes away from the really special connections.
And I witness this a lot with some of our
family members are like, come one, come all, and I'm like,
that's I love that attitude. And then also there's just
(29:41):
a dilution and a like that. It's a lot for me.
Speaker 2 (29:45):
I think it becomes again, I am the big very inclusive.
I'm very much like everybody come up. I mean I
did that with my access parents. When the lake, I
mean I invite everybody, both sides, all kids, every like,
literally everybody.
Speaker 3 (29:59):
Come to the lake. That is a very inclusive place.
Speaker 2 (30:01):
But if there was a trip that we had just
gone on with his parents and I wanted to do
something with my I it becomes so much of why
does I get wanting to include everyone? I'm the first
person to want to include everybody?
Speaker 3 (30:14):
And do we always have.
Speaker 2 (30:16):
To include everybody because there should be separate things where
it's just maybe I just want time with my mom
and dad.
Speaker 3 (30:23):
Yep. Agree, you not have to have.
Speaker 2 (30:26):
Like like, we love we love your mom, and like
if it's a big personality too, that that's where I
would do.
Speaker 3 (30:31):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (30:32):
Like, but also it becomes as someone who is very
inclusive of having everybody. When I then feel like I
have to always do that, I don't then want to.
I draw back from it. I'm like, no, we don't
have to have a family vacation all the time with everybody. Correct,
Why can't it just be our family? Yeah, it's exhausting,
It is exhausting, and it just.
Speaker 5 (30:52):
So you did say, and I don't know if this
person said in there that they had you like if
you did a trip with his side of the family.
Speaker 3 (30:59):
Sure, they just think that's important one hundred.
Speaker 4 (31:02):
Percent to me.
Speaker 5 (31:03):
Keep it separate, but also do that you know, there's
no rate and reason for her to want to come
on that trip if she's having her own trip.
Speaker 4 (31:11):
I always keep those things separate.
Speaker 3 (31:12):
We don't do things together. Really. Yeah, agreed.
Speaker 2 (31:18):
Well, you touched on family dynamics during the holidays with
doctor Tracy. Currently, my boyfriend and I go separate ways
for the holidays, him to his family and me to mine.
We have been dating for two years and both of
our families are disjointed. When do you think it will
be okay to start our own traditions or start splitting
the holidays with families so we can be together.
Speaker 3 (31:36):
As soon as you want.
Speaker 5 (31:38):
I say, do it. The sooner the better if you're serious.
I mean, I know said boyfriend girlfriend, But I think
if you're serious, go ahead and set those boundaries, figure
out when you're going to see them, figure out when
you're going, and do it together. Who wants to spend
the holidays without their person? Their person?
Speaker 3 (31:53):
Yeah? Yeah, I need little I need a little teamwork.
Speaker 5 (31:56):
Yeah, I mean, I think that there's ways to make
everybody happy, even.
Speaker 3 (31:59):
If it's just cozy morning alone and then you both
go to one and then you both go to the next.
Speaker 2 (32:03):
If you're going if this is your forever person, you
should probably start yes, doing that now to see what
it's going to look like.
Speaker 5 (32:09):
Yeah, and their expectations if you keep doing separate, they're
going to get more mad later when you do start
doing it mm hmm, when you start separating it out.
Speaker 3 (32:17):
Yeah, and right to us. Once you've gone through one
holiday season, we're interested to know what the other family
is like.
Speaker 2 (32:23):
Oh guys, well, lots to talk off air, lots and
lots to figure out.
Speaker 3 (32:29):
And also if you are listening and you've been forced
into a friendship to me, hey we could be friends. Okay,
so you're inviting more friends. I'm kidding. I do love them.
They know it.
Speaker 2 (32:43):
You know I will say this so too. It is
about convenience at times too, though.
Speaker 3 (32:46):
Yeah for sure. Situational location, yes, yeah, not trying to
be mean about things.
Speaker 4 (32:53):
Anyways, did you feel a little remorse?
Speaker 3 (32:57):
I did.
Speaker 2 (32:58):
Oh, I have a pin for next week.
Speaker 3 (33:03):
Can you give us a keyword? Chat? G oh, I
knew where it was going. Is it P or B?
That's what I want to peek like, is it chat
G P T p T That is what's pinned for
next week? Gonna get good bye, bye bye,
Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heeart Radio Podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
I Hi, guys, how are you good?
Speaker 3 (00:12):
How are you good?
Speaker 4 (00:14):
Everybody looks happy? A good question, but like, I don't know.
Speaker 3 (00:20):
You know what I love about this group? You just
never know because we all do well, and then the
minute anyone asked us the right question, it's just like
a sobbing.
Speaker 5 (00:28):
I do feel like usually though, when I walk into
the room, I can feel.
Speaker 4 (00:32):
Where we're at.
Speaker 5 (00:34):
Yeah, and y'all have already been going usually, and so
then I walk in, I'm.
Speaker 4 (00:37):
Okay, I'm gonna see where we're at today. How it's
feeling you guys?
Speaker 2 (00:41):
I just got a random number. So you know when
you get a text message and you don't know who
it's from. Yeah, well now people are spamming that way,
well exactly, and I just got spammed.
Speaker 3 (00:53):
But have you read to me?
Speaker 2 (00:55):
I did reply? I did too nice, but I'm about
to block. They said, how have the past few days
been for you? And I'm thinking, oh.
Speaker 3 (01:04):
Anyway, I did, because I'm like I'm thinking about it.
I'm like, well, how have the last I'm like, and
who would ask me that?
Speaker 4 (01:10):
And did you go through like a whole list of well.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
Well in my brain, yeah, I'm like, we're talking about
this and money. That's how that's been, you know. I
know I talked about being really tired, so maybe this
is nay have the last few days. But you know,
so I'm like, I just responded, just now, don't have
this number? Who is this? Hey it's Jessica. Is this
Olivia's new number? So now I'm just gonna block.
Speaker 5 (01:33):
Yeah, this is a So is that spam or do
you think it's really a wrong number?
Speaker 3 (01:37):
I think it could be a little bit of both.
And now I don't know, and I hate it because
I'm too nice and I want everyone to have a
great life. And then I'm like, why is God?
Speaker 6 (01:44):
Brother?
Speaker 2 (01:47):
But now I'm just a lot about the money stuff.
So I I'll screenshot it and send it to Chris
the businessman and say, hey, this just came through.
Speaker 3 (01:53):
It said I didn't. He's like, not spam.
Speaker 2 (01:54):
I'm like, you know, what's a step about this is
that I know for a fact a grandparent has paid
something because because they don't know, they think they got
a bill.
Speaker 3 (02:07):
An outstanding balance. That's hard for them.
Speaker 4 (02:10):
Well in the way they do it, it's it's very convincing.
Speaker 5 (02:13):
I mean I have gotten it for like tickets told
I'm like, well, I get those in the mail all
the time, Like who knows when I ran a toll
or got a thing.
Speaker 1 (02:21):
So I'm like, sure, you can't cat just blaring through things.
Speaker 5 (02:26):
I mean, I've got tickets from California years later for
parking and they were those were legit, so I believe it.
If I get it, I'm like, oh, I better pay that.
Speaker 3 (02:34):
I know. It's wild, what a wild world we're living in,
And I'm like thinking of it like a magic eight ball.
I'm like, I don't know, what do you see in
my future? Oh? At a time? What you guys got updates?
Are white about it? Let's chat about it.
Speaker 4 (02:50):
Updates?
Speaker 3 (02:53):
Okay, You're like, wait, which one? Well I feel good
about help?
Speaker 2 (02:57):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (02:57):
Good? Yeah, I feel good. I feel better. It's a
do you have help kind of okay. Also, I know
we talk about this a lot, so I don't want
to like dwell here. I really don't. But like when
I tell you, I am absolutely batshit crazy before my
period in the start of it, I Janna called me yesterday,
(03:18):
missed the call, called her back. I texted her this
isn't The spiral isn't about her. But I texted her
to say, if you need me, you can call me.
But it comes with a warning. I am out of
control emotional. I could not get it together yesterday. I
wasn't crying, but the private spirals were so wild. Took
my magnesium. Went to bed last night. I mean, am
(03:39):
I bipolar? It is? Today? I feel so much better.
Speaker 4 (03:43):
But are you like crying? Like I like rage? Like
I get mad, I get angry.
Speaker 1 (03:49):
I yell at everybody, and it's like everybody knows, they
just make you a cardtoon'ture in your big truck, running lights,
getting to kids meaning not no.
Speaker 4 (03:57):
Not on the road necessarily. I've never been a road rage.
Speaker 3 (04:00):
And this is pre period, pre period. Yes, I have
become more. I'm just like, Yes, I definitely feel that.
Speaker 2 (04:07):
I feel like I'm easily annoyed, frustrated, and I feel
like I'm clenching my fist.
Speaker 3 (04:11):
That's my pre period. Now I do feel the same,
but now the raging more rageing than emotional. Same, Okay,
so I feel ragie. I can always tell because I
will get on this episode of raging bitches. Well, I
just I can there's a litmus test, right, like very
rarely does this is going to sound horrible. I don't
even want to say it. On if the baby annoys me,
(04:33):
then I know I'm really I'm really in Like I'm
just like, okay, what do you need? You know, Like
that's not me. I'm very very patient with the children,
less patient with the spouse. So it's the first two
days now of the period that I'm like, I I
mentally go like, okay, I am flushing the system of
the feelings and the hormones all as well. Thank god
it's here, you know. But the last two days I've
(04:56):
just been really like kind of spirally and sad and
everything feels very like bottom's going to fall out, which
is my default anyways. Anyways, so today I feel good
and that's my update. And I do have help when
I need it now, which I think is going to
be an adjustment for me because I'm not as flexible
like last week I wasn't as flexible as I wanted
(05:16):
to be. But also it is going to be really
good for my family. Is this someone you've used before
or someone Yeah?
Speaker 4 (05:23):
Both?
Speaker 3 (05:23):
Okay, I have two different people. Oh good, Yeah, A
Tuesday and a Thursday. Well, while you're gaining, I'm losing.
Wait what.
Speaker 4 (05:33):
Can we just be I cannot keep it up with you'all?
Speaker 3 (05:37):
What? No, not officially, but I got the text can
we talk? And I said not now, like you know,
and that my brain, I was just like, no, the
can we talk? Okay? Okay, guys, can we can? We
just promise that we just never say that to each
other because nothing nothing. I can't stand that that text
(05:58):
actually makes me real quick. Can we talk means nothing good? So, so, no,
we can't talk. I was just about to.
Speaker 2 (06:05):
Get on a call for our Amazon stuff and I said, yeah,
after this call, absolutely, And we love who we have.
That helps with Roman and so. But the problem is is,
and I've talked about the sun here, it's really hard
for someone to have part time because she's guaranteed part
time because I don't need full time.
Speaker 3 (06:27):
Yeah, that's tough.
Speaker 2 (06:28):
And you know, she was so sweet about how she communicated.
She's like, I don't want to leave. She's like, but
I need a guaranteed forty hours. And I'm like, huh, yeah,
I get it. I totally get it.
Speaker 3 (06:40):
Can we help each other? Well, that's why I called
you yesterday. Yes, that was my call. Okay, let's not
anybody that's listening that's new to my little empire. I'd
love to know.
Speaker 2 (06:52):
Because what I and so basically, and so I told Alan,
I said bad news.
Speaker 3 (06:57):
I go, I got the text. Can we talk? And
He's like, say good And I was like, I know,
I know, I said.
Speaker 2 (07:06):
And this is what's so hard is because in our
world we need the flexibility of having someone because I'm
on hold for something that could go in three weeks
in Atlanta, you know, and where we'll need then forty hours.
Speaker 3 (07:18):
But I don't need it. This is our.
Speaker 2 (07:20):
Problem now, and especially right now where I'm already you know,
I don't have a lot of work at hardly at all,
and it's the holiday season, so it's my slowest time.
And so I'm like, can you just give me a
minute to try to wrap around where I can maybe
find hours for you? Right, So I'm thinking, okay, I'm
going it, but like that's finding I'm really bad at math.
Speaker 3 (07:41):
Fifteen hours you were doing thirty, we're doing twenty five. Okay,
So yes, we've got to talk about this.
Speaker 2 (07:47):
So I'm like, how do I find fifteen hours for
So I'm thinking I'm starting to write a lesson like, Okay,
well maybe she can help me with some content stuff that.
Speaker 3 (07:55):
But if you think about.
Speaker 2 (07:56):
The extra, it's an extra, a big amount of money
to pay. And I said to Alan, I said, I
just can't in my brain. And I know we've had
people come on the podcast and be like, have someone
pay pay to fold your laund group.
Speaker 3 (08:09):
I was like, I can't do it. I'm not that person.
I can't.
Speaker 2 (08:13):
I just I'm like, it'll kill me, Like I can't
pay someone to do that. And I'm trying to find
something because I love her and I don't want to
lose her, right, But I'm like, so we basically said
we could guarantee you five more, and that's me pulling treads,
you know, of maybe having a date night, you know,
one night or something and not using our sitter that
(08:33):
we would use for a date night, and maybe you know,
picking up because again, when he goes to school, it's
we really truly lose. We have to leave the house
by two fifteen to thirty, so I have her pick
up those days I maybe have a pick up, but
also that then, you know, so it's just something that
you like to do.
Speaker 3 (08:49):
Oh you know, and I like, yeah, so a million
I kind of think we could do something here. That's
why I called you.
Speaker 2 (08:54):
And then and then obviously I didn't see your call back.
So it's just trying to figure that out. But my
fear is, I said, listen, we have this conversation, and
I'm I'm the person where I you know, of course
I had the initial conversation with her, but then when
it comes to the bartering, Okay, we can give you this,
and then if you want to get a job, we
can always guarantee you Tuesday off and you know, but
(09:15):
if we have a movie that comes up, can we
there be flexible then you know. And so Alan has
done those conversations and like, at my point, I want
to move to a different country, like that's that's where
it's just like I don't like that that kind of conversation.
But what I already feel and I sense is the
I'm going to have to get back on and try
to find someone. I'm not going to let it happen,
(09:36):
and we need to help because I think at the
end of the day, what she also understands is that
when people, when they want something different, they're going to
probably already be looking for a full time position.
Speaker 3 (09:48):
That makes sense.
Speaker 4 (09:49):
Oh, Like she's not gonna be able to just fill
it in with.
Speaker 3 (09:51):
With one day. Like, that's gonna be hard.
Speaker 2 (09:53):
If I'm someone in her position, I would too be like,
I'm going to start looking elsewhere. So we have we
but I can't pay to not lose someone, right, That's
just what we did for a long time. And then
I like, I go, Alan, I'll be resentful if I
have nothing to do, but yet I have to pay. Yeah,
and I where we're the season we're in. But yeah,
when I got that, I was like, no.
Speaker 5 (10:15):
But my brain always goes to what are you gonna
do when you get a movie?
Speaker 3 (10:19):
Though? But here, we've always figured it out.
Speaker 2 (10:21):
You have, I mean our nanny. We had to fire
her the day I left her to Kentucky. You have
you have every single time we got help when we
were in Enid, the most beautiful little girl.
Speaker 3 (10:31):
I can send there.
Speaker 2 (10:32):
Yeah, that's true, I mean, and just to we figured
it every time, we figure it out. And that's that's
is the thing that in this time wildly, I'm not.
Speaker 3 (10:42):
Stressing about it. I just know it'll just fall in right. Yeah,
because I'm coming over to pick up everything that's falling.
I mean, welcome to my home.
Speaker 5 (10:49):
If you're at ten hours, possibly fifteen, Yeah, like, yeah, we.
Speaker 3 (10:53):
Just need to talk off. Yeah, because these girls that
are like great, Am I be listening? Hey? Girls, we
to talk.
Speaker 4 (11:00):
I'm like in my head going, what could I have
her do?
Speaker 2 (11:02):
I know I don't need y'all care, but I could
send her to you on my laundry.
Speaker 3 (11:12):
This is the season? Oh man? All right, well that's
a good update. That's I feel positive for today. For today,
I feel even better knowing that Kramer's got a kickstand
for me that I can use. All Right, I have
(11:39):
a pinned wine about it. I'm happy to not pin
on it's mild, but I want to know, and I
have to be really careful. We're going to find out quickly.
Who listens to the show. I'm gonna give catbar No.
Mom doesn't listen. Do we? I don't know.
Speaker 1 (11:58):
I feel like.
Speaker 3 (12:00):
Every time one of those episodes come out, I'm Homer
Simpson gift that disappears to the bushes, and I'm like,
let's hop have you ever have you ever had someone
make you be their friend? Have you like, have you
ever had a forced friendship?
Speaker 4 (12:17):
Like as an adult.
Speaker 3 (12:18):
Uh huh, it's happened to me. It's happened to me
twice now. And I just a fake friend? No, a
force well, fake friends, sure, but plenty probably.
Speaker 4 (12:36):
I'm just kidding.
Speaker 3 (12:38):
Clearly, I got one Jessica. Who's Jessica on my phone?
No kidding? You know Olivia's Gal.
Speaker 4 (12:44):
I'm curious now.
Speaker 3 (12:46):
No, I'm just being careful because I don't want to
be hurtful.
Speaker 4 (12:51):
Sure, but.
Speaker 3 (12:55):
I don't know any other.
Speaker 2 (12:56):
Question I think you might be going. Is it regarding
a kids sports friend?
Speaker 4 (13:03):
No?
Speaker 3 (13:04):
I actually like those women.
Speaker 4 (13:05):
That's the only way.
Speaker 2 (13:06):
That's the only way I could see it being where
you No, I think that's situational situational friends right right?
This is more like how do you force a friendship?
I'm going to tell you it.
Speaker 3 (13:15):
For this, I'm gonna to give us more. Well, I'm
gonna tell you, but I don't want to hurt someone's feelings,
So we won't do it as a clip. There we go.
We'll just bury it and and I'll be home her
Simpson again, and we'll just hope because it might help someone.
Speaker 1 (13:33):
To help. We do.
Speaker 3 (13:37):
Am I roasting myself on? No, all of us tears
coming out. Okay, so I needed a lab today. I know.
I like where we're at today. This is great. Okay.
So there's a friend.
Speaker 6 (13:51):
Is she.
Speaker 3 (13:53):
Not anymore?
Speaker 6 (13:54):
No?
Speaker 3 (13:55):
Yeah? After that? Yeah, So I met a person through
a friend and this person was located in a different state. Okay,
and we've been involved. I don't. So we're in a group,
we've been introduced, and one of these women decides they're
(14:19):
moving to Tennessee. Right, Well, that's lovely, and I say
anything you need, just give me a text. I'm happy
to plug you in. Right, that's what we do here.
We've already vetted best nails best.
Speaker 5 (14:30):
You already know her in this group, even though she
lives in a different state.
Speaker 3 (14:33):
Yes, okay, and I had only met once or twice
in real life and in a group, so it's not
one on one. Okay. There's an inundation we're having here
in Nashville. Everyone's moving here, for sure. Everyone feels called
to move here, that's what they keep saying. And I
hope that's for some good reason, because the traffic is
making me feel non biblical. So I get a knock
on the door. Recently, I get no time with my
(14:56):
husband at home. You guys, remember naked Tuesdays. If I
shared that on here just on Sday, you okay? And
so I get this knock on the door and we're
down to one hour naked Tuesday and which is now
naked Monday. And so and we're not. We're not. Way.
Speaker 1 (15:09):
You can't blame us if you're changing days for showing up,
because now we don't know what day.
Speaker 3 (15:13):
It's not that i'd ever show up. Oh anyways, and
it's listen, we're not. This is not a naked we
just call it that. So we're not. We're here, we're
Mondays are busy, he's doing business whatever, but we don't
get much time together. So I get this knock on
the door recently, and this person comes with all these
gifts and some of these things don't apply to my life.
And she's like, I was just thinking of you, and
I know it's been a start. She doesn't know it's
been a stressful time. There's no literally no way for
her to know it's been a stressful time. And one
(15:37):
of the items is a potted plant, which is a
love language for me, you know, crazy plant lady. But
so I say, well, this is awfully thoughtful and thank you.
Preston and I are just you know, going to head
out soon to pick up the kids, and I'm I mean,
I'm laying it out, Preston, you almost ready, baby, get
your shoes on, like I'm and we are stuck. We
are just reading, I know. And also I'm rooting. This
(16:03):
person's rooting in on a day that I like, I
just we just don't see each other. He's been gone
for ten days and I'm like, I am trying to
be nice here, and I always try to go like
what is God trying to show me these situations? Finally
I'm just like, hey, like we need to leave. Cannot
leave no situational awareness. And so I didn't send a
(16:23):
thank you, which I feel really rude about. Did you
say thank you when she gave it? I did. I
was like, thank you so much, but it was like
this weird like presence looking at me, like have you
been shearing something with her that I don't know about?
Like why is she over the top gift giving? And
this is just recently, so I'm like, oh, yeah, I
don't know. Well, then I get I get a note
(16:44):
and I've gotten several sins wanting to meet and talk
and have coffee, and I think that there might be
a draw to me that maybe doesn't feel the same
for me to her, but so sweet that I can't
possibly not. But then I don't have the time, and
(17:05):
this is gonna sound horrible, and I feel like I
have such a like and I have such a perception
on here, so I'm trying to switch it. I've been
trying to, like secretly switch it. But I wouldn't pick
this person to go get coffee with. And I know
that sounds bad, but it's like I miss you guys
more than like this is when we see each other,
which I also hate sometimes, but we're in the busy
(17:25):
season of motherhood, so I feel this immense amount of guilt,
which is not this person's fault. But I'm also like,
I didn't actually sign up to be super close with you,
Like I think I started reflecting back on the slow
chip away in the slow intrusion, if we can call
it that, and I feel like this is a person
who's maybe making me be their friend, but I hadn't
(17:47):
said yes, and I wondered if that happened to anyone else,
or I.
Speaker 2 (17:50):
Think you're being nice, which is then obviously because you're
a nice person, so it's probably being misread as because
I would never see you being I won't yeah, hold
no someone.
Speaker 3 (18:03):
And even in the denial of coffee date, I've said,
like we are just really in a season right now
where like there's just not much time, like I'm not
really I'm not meeting I have best friends here that
I'm not seeing, you know, and I and I hate that.
Also to say it out loud feels weird because it's
like you're too busy, But honestly, like I don't have
much time and I'm back to dating myself when I do.
Speaker 4 (18:23):
Well, I'm with Jane.
Speaker 5 (18:24):
I feel like everyone would think that you want to
be their friend, truly everyone I don't see you know
what I'm saying, because you're just that kind of person,
you know, And I think maybe it'll just slowly kind
of fizzle if you keep.
Speaker 2 (18:35):
It's not fizzling as you do, but that's because maybe
you're giving in too much.
Speaker 3 (18:40):
Yes, I haven't had yeah next week because then I
don't like that feeling of it hanging over my head.
I said no date. I would you know, with someone
you didn't want to date in the first place, start
not responding.
Speaker 2 (18:51):
Yeah, and then instead of responding maybe just heart it.
Speaker 3 (18:54):
Yeah, you know, Okay, I think you've done that to me.
Speaker 2 (18:58):
Well, no, I do that to certain people that I
just we don't have the time to if it's not
someone that we really want to have this deep connection with,
you know, it's and listen.
Speaker 4 (19:08):
And that's no offense to those people.
Speaker 5 (19:11):
Very I mean, we're forty something years old, like, and
we only have so much time. Like, yeah, that might
be a little hurtful if you're on the other end,
but I think at the end of the day, most
people would understand.
Speaker 2 (19:23):
Like, for example, I have a new neighbor, neighbor that
just moved in, and she's lovely. I love her, like
I really really enjoy our conversations. But it's one of
those things where now we'll just text each other like, Hey,
going up for a walk? You want to you want
to walk to And that's kind of our way too.
But if she was like, let's go out to grab
a coffee or lunch, I would be like, I.
Speaker 3 (19:43):
Don't, yeah, I don't. I don't have and also like.
Speaker 2 (19:47):
I would love again to have lunch with you. Guys
like are like who we would list on top of that,
and if it's not a friendship that you would want
to and then maybe one day I will because I
actually really do like her friendship and you know, her
conversation and everything. But if it's someone that you don't
want to be around and you want them out that
I mean, I would just.
Speaker 3 (20:08):
Yeah, it's also back what I should say, and listen,
there's somebody. There's other people that have moved here that
I'm like, they're lovely and I want to spend time
with them, and I still can't get time with them.
Like there's one who's just like medicine to the soul
and she's lovely and her words are magic and she
and I were in this group before and she's great
and I'm not even getting to hang out with her.
But this, this latest one is really something. And there's
(20:33):
a connection there where her husband is now wanting to
be a songwriter. Wow, that was so And I like,
there's just I want to be objective. I want to
be like and everyone deserves that. What if he's incredible
and what if he is the next you know, like.
Speaker 5 (20:48):
And you can't you can't blame them for trying at
the same time, like it is, but it doesn't you
know and stuff like that, like I can, but.
Speaker 3 (20:54):
We're not leading with a ponded plant, right, And then
it's like oh and right, so funny enough, and I'm
like that doesn't feel funny. Yeah, anyways, I feel like
I've been forced friends with people and all of a sudden,
and I feel like that's also love. I love you.
Speaker 2 (21:11):
You're kind of allowing that into with giving what you
get back to her.
Speaker 6 (21:15):
I know.
Speaker 3 (21:15):
I just wanted her to feel cozy when she moved.
Speaker 2 (21:17):
So I was like, and you always want you got it,
you got maybe maybe channel a different cozy Catherine or
Janet cozy.
Speaker 4 (21:24):
I you might need a happy medium. So much showing
up at my house, I'm not going to be that nice.
Speaker 3 (21:29):
I hate to say it.
Speaker 4 (21:29):
No, I mean I'll be nice, but I'm going to
be like, okay, well, it's it's weird.
Speaker 3 (21:33):
It's the weird like assessing my situation and being so
overly empathetic, but like not knowing at all the situation.
That's what was so strange. It's not like someone going,
I know, we just met and this is so crazy,
but I thought this could be really helpful. I brought
to your family. Yeah, that's still a little like whoa, okay,
but we're in the South. It goes, I just this
is very like, I have no idea where this is
(21:54):
coming from. And then I'm yeah, okay.
Speaker 4 (21:57):
That is a forced friendship.
Speaker 5 (21:59):
I have not had that, but I think that's probably
because I don't necessarily when people first meet me, I
don't give off a cozy vibe at all, and people
think i'm.
Speaker 4 (22:08):
A bit, so they do.
Speaker 5 (22:11):
I had a friend of mine lately just tell me that,
who oh Katie, and she's like, I love you.
Speaker 3 (22:15):
But the first time I met you, and I was like,
I don't even remember that. Yeah. She's like, it's not
that she was like, she goes, I'm just kidding.
Speaker 5 (22:21):
You weren't a bit. She's like, you're just so closed
off at first. I was like, I know, I'm a
I know, oh I am at first, I can't do
small talk. You don't so I think I like someone new.
It gives me such anxiety. But if someone is like
cozy like you comes up with the conversation, I'm usually okay.
But if the other person is also a little like
hard with small talk, I shut down.
Speaker 3 (22:42):
I can't. I don't want to do it. I don't
want to talk.
Speaker 5 (22:44):
I just I don't mean to be that way, but
I am definitely that way at first. So I'm not
having that kind of situation more likely because someone didn't
feel cozy with me to force themselves on me.
Speaker 3 (22:55):
I am getting better, and neighbor the other day was like, yeah,
just give me your number and I'll text you about that,
and I was like, oh, it's okay, I'll just sign
on Facebook page because I just really was like, I
don't I'm gonna So maybe this is a me thing
because I at the time was I don't feel to like.
Speaker 4 (23:07):
I think it's a mix. That's what your favorite color is.
Speaker 5 (23:10):
And that also would not be my personality to show
up and bring a potted plant and keep texting and
keep trying and keep asking. So I think it takes
a certain personality to be able to do that, and
a certain personality like yours that welcomes that.
Speaker 3 (23:23):
Yeah, okay, we got a perfect storm.
Speaker 6 (23:25):
That's what we have, a perfect ship storm.
Speaker 2 (23:39):
So there's a headline going around right now that I'm
actually afraid to try, all right, because I'm afraid of
what the reaction might be, and I am excited. So
because I'm a crazy bird lady. So have you done
the bird test on your husband?
Speaker 3 (23:54):
I haven't.
Speaker 2 (23:55):
I will say I actually don't think Alan would fail
because there have been times. There's there was another past
that a couple therapists told me this, I mean years ago,
that when you mentioned something to your partner like hey,
I would really love a lake house. And if the
person's like, oh yeah, like and wants to dream with you,
then they're invested in you. There, they're interested, they love you.
(24:17):
If they're like, oh that's nice, then that shows detachment
and then they don't really care.
Speaker 3 (24:22):
Or if they go right to.
Speaker 2 (24:23):
Them, it's like yeah, I wanna I want to a
nice car or something, or it's all in how the
person responds to something that you want, that you desire.
I'm doing this today, well, so I'm gonna so same.
I'm gonna do it today, but I'm doing the lake
house first lake house. So and that one like Alan
and I both would love a lakehouse. And we actually
just talked about that their night in our bath night.
Speaker 3 (24:46):
You were in the bath together. I had to give
that one to Catherine because take a bath with me.
Preston will not. He's like sitting in our own filth, like,
don't think of it that way. Take a shower first,
you want to do it. And when he gets in there,
he looks so uncomfortable.
Speaker 2 (25:07):
It's just like I was like, I actually see present,
Why why these picturing?
Speaker 3 (25:14):
Okay, okay, so birdbath continue? But I actually think, I mean,
I don't know, we'll see.
Speaker 2 (25:20):
I think it depends to where the guy is at,
Like if I go into his office, yes, because right
now he's in his office right he's got he is,
he just signed on another client, and he's got so
many clients. It's just like he is hours in his
day to analyze these these players. And so if I
go into his office right now and be like, yeah,
so I saw a bird this morning, he'd be like, okay, cool,
(25:42):
you should do it.
Speaker 3 (25:43):
Can we watch for the people?
Speaker 2 (25:47):
Basically the test is you go in and you say
I saw a bird this morning, and what they're supposed
to do is then respond with an engaging like oh really,
like what kind of bird? And that's that's basically the test.
And so Kelly Ripa did this with Mark and right
when he said, oh you did what kind of bird,
she like screamed.
Speaker 3 (26:05):
Out you love me?
Speaker 2 (26:07):
But I do think it is a fun little test,
but it's so basically if if if you mentioned to
your partner that you saw a bird and they ask
you a simple follow up question, that means that they're
interested in you, and they are intensely listening to They
love you, so can we. So here's what I think
we should do is we should use this as a
clip and then I'm gonna video. I'm in a video too, Alan,
(26:29):
and you video, and you all video to husbands, and
then we'll turn this into okay, clip hilarious.
Speaker 3 (26:34):
I wonder I.
Speaker 5 (26:35):
Would totally fail if anyone said to me I saw
a bird today. I don't know that I would ever
respond what kind of bird?
Speaker 2 (26:44):
I probably respond because it's such a random thing. I'd
probably say, like.
Speaker 3 (26:47):
What's up?
Speaker 4 (26:48):
What is going on with you?
Speaker 3 (26:51):
Tell me more?
Speaker 5 (26:52):
I just would I don't think anyone. I don't think
i'd respond what kind of bird?
Speaker 2 (26:56):
I cannot wait to see what it depends for him
to Turkey.
Speaker 4 (27:03):
It depends, I don't know. I lost my mind.
Speaker 3 (27:07):
Okay, you have to film though, we have to film me.
Speaker 2 (27:10):
Honestly, it's just one of those where where it's just
kind of like, yeah, you don't actually film mine because
she can be like, pretend to be on your phone.
So I saw a bird this morning, and just so
that you can even just hear your face is just yeah,
just like close and you can be filming yourself.
Speaker 3 (27:22):
Yeah yeah, okay, okay, Oh, I'm excited.
Speaker 2 (27:27):
Women doesn't want to invite partners mom on couple's vacation
despite her parenting, despite her parents joining them. So a
woman recently shared a dilemma that she's facing with a partner.
In the post, she explained how she and her partner
had planned a trip to Japan with her parents. She
then found out her partner's mom also wanted to come,
but she doesn't want the woman to join them. Am
I being unreasonable here for wanting the trip to just
(27:49):
be the four of us? If so, how do I
tell this partner touch to my partner in a way
that's not upsetting. My parents have been looking forward to
this for a couple of months. My dad is eighty
four and this will probably be his last chance to
travel with us. She went on to explain how the
problem is that her parents don't want to travel as
a part of a larger group, especially with someone they
don't know very well, on top of that, she said
her parents' mom can be a lot to handle. Partner's
(28:12):
mom sorry, partner's mom can be allowed to handle. She's
lovely but has a huge personality. We as a couple
have always gone to Puntakana with his parents recently. Do
you think she's right to want to go without his
mom when it's her family trip with her parents? I do,
really mm hmm huh. I have a devil's advocate to that.
Speaker 4 (28:35):
I can see both sides.
Speaker 5 (28:37):
I mean, I can understand wanting to go just as
the family, but then also how can you blame her
for wanting to go also and the not wanting to
go with the group?
Speaker 3 (28:46):
It is only one more person. It changes the dynamic
of the group. And this is the last trip potentially
with dad. He's eighty four. That matters to me, Like,
this is a really.
Speaker 2 (28:59):
This is so his his mom is wanting to come.
This is like with her dad, right.
Speaker 3 (29:04):
I know, and her dad's eighty four and this is
his last trip, right, And his mom wants to come.
The in law wants to come, The in laws, yes,
wants to No in laws.
Speaker 2 (29:14):
Okay, so you're she's saying no, no, you're saying no, okay,
same page, Okay, got it.
Speaker 6 (29:19):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (29:19):
I was like, wow, yeah, I'm really I feel the same. Yeah,
I see both sides. This is sacred, and I I
think the inclusivity sometimes takes away from the really special connections.
And I witness this a lot with some of our
family members are like, come one, come all, and I'm like,
that's I love that attitude. And then also there's just
(29:41):
a dilution and a like that. It's a lot for me.
Speaker 2 (29:45):
I think it becomes again, I am the big very inclusive.
I'm very much like everybody come up. I mean I
did that with my access parents. When the lake, I
mean I invite everybody, both sides, all kids, every like,
literally everybody.
Speaker 3 (29:59):
Come to the lake. That is a very inclusive place.
Speaker 2 (30:01):
But if there was a trip that we had just
gone on with his parents and I wanted to do
something with my I it becomes so much of why
does I get wanting to include everyone? I'm the first
person to want to include everybody?
Speaker 3 (30:14):
And do we always have.
Speaker 2 (30:16):
To include everybody because there should be separate things where
it's just maybe I just want time with my mom
and dad.
Speaker 3 (30:23):
Yep. Agree, you not have to have.
Speaker 2 (30:26):
Like like, we love we love your mom, and like
if it's a big personality too, that that's where I
would do.
Speaker 3 (30:31):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (30:32):
Like, but also it becomes as someone who is very
inclusive of having everybody. When I then feel like I
have to always do that, I don't then want to.
I draw back from it. I'm like, no, we don't
have to have a family vacation all the time with everybody. Correct,
Why can't it just be our family? Yeah, it's exhausting,
It is exhausting, and it just.
Speaker 5 (30:52):
So you did say, and I don't know if this
person said in there that they had you like if
you did a trip with his side of the family.
Speaker 3 (30:59):
Sure, they just think that's important one hundred.
Speaker 4 (31:02):
Percent to me.
Speaker 5 (31:03):
Keep it separate, but also do that you know, there's
no rate and reason for her to want to come
on that trip if she's having her own trip.
Speaker 4 (31:11):
I always keep those things separate.
Speaker 3 (31:12):
We don't do things together. Really. Yeah, agreed.
Speaker 2 (31:18):
Well, you touched on family dynamics during the holidays with
doctor Tracy. Currently, my boyfriend and I go separate ways
for the holidays, him to his family and me to mine.
We have been dating for two years and both of
our families are disjointed. When do you think it will
be okay to start our own traditions or start splitting
the holidays with families so we can be together.
Speaker 3 (31:36):
As soon as you want.
Speaker 5 (31:38):
I say, do it. The sooner the better if you're serious.
I mean, I know said boyfriend girlfriend, But I think
if you're serious, go ahead and set those boundaries, figure
out when you're going to see them, figure out when
you're going, and do it together. Who wants to spend
the holidays without their person? Their person?
Speaker 3 (31:53):
Yeah? Yeah, I need little I need a little teamwork.
Speaker 5 (31:56):
Yeah, I mean, I think that there's ways to make
everybody happy, even.
Speaker 3 (31:59):
If it's just cozy morning alone and then you both
go to one and then you both go to the next.
Speaker 2 (32:03):
If you're going if this is your forever person, you
should probably start yes, doing that now to see what
it's going to look like.
Speaker 5 (32:09):
Yeah, and their expectations if you keep doing separate, they're
going to get more mad later when you do start
doing it mm hmm, when you start separating it out.
Speaker 3 (32:17):
Yeah, and right to us. Once you've gone through one
holiday season, we're interested to know what the other family
is like.
Speaker 2 (32:23):
Oh guys, well, lots to talk off air, lots and
lots to figure out.
Speaker 3 (32:29):
And also if you are listening and you've been forced
into a friendship to me, hey we could be friends. Okay,
so you're inviting more friends. I'm kidding. I do love them.
They know it.
Speaker 2 (32:43):
You know I will say this so too. It is
about convenience at times too, though.
Speaker 3 (32:46):
Yeah for sure. Situational location, yes, yeah, not trying to
be mean about things.
Speaker 4 (32:53):
Anyways, did you feel a little remorse?
Speaker 3 (32:57):
I did.
Speaker 2 (32:58):
Oh, I have a pin for next week.
Speaker 3 (33:03):
Can you give us a keyword? Chat? G oh, I
knew where it was going. Is it P or B?
That's what I want to peek like, is it chat
G P T p T That is what's pinned for
next week? Gonna get good bye, bye bye,
Host
Jana Kramer
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