June 21, 2025 • 19 mins
What constitutes cheating? Jana Kramer and her husband Allan debate this issue that is top of mind for I Do Part 2ers!
And, is porn a must do or hard pass for married couples?!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
Okay, we are back on I Do Part two and
I've got my amazing husband, Alan Russell with me here,
so let's dive back into some burning questions. Was there
any point leading up to the wedding did you have
cold feet?
Speaker 2 (00:26):
No? Zero, No, even though we had a tough week
leaning not.
Speaker 1 (00:31):
To the wedding, it was not uneasy start.
Speaker 3 (00:37):
No, there was no part of me knew that. There
was no part of me doesn't want to get married
to you.
Speaker 1 (00:41):
Never And for those listening, it was listen. It was
one of those things where we had all the babies
were sick days before the wedding. Yeah, no sleep we
were in scott I mean, but it was no, I
couldn't sleep and insomnia the first time ever experiencing something.
(01:04):
Yeah it was, Yeah, but it was a beautiful day.
The wedding ended up being beautiful. I was so tired
to have any cold feet, But no, I had. I
had zero. I just feet, Its just tired feet. No,
it was, But I mean, I but I did in
previous That's the thing, and that's what I'm like, you know,
(01:25):
would want people to know, is I knew I've only
walked down the you know, of the divorces. I only
walked down the aisle twice. In each one, I had
that feeling of, oh god, oh really, I'm making the
wrong decision. Absolutely, the you know, absolutely the first one,
(01:47):
you know, it was just the only weak marriage was
I mean, I cried about it in the bathroom at
the wedding, like I made a mistake. And then the
second one was you know again you know, ended up
being my longest marriage. But yeah, I walked down going,
I don't trust this the second one, Mike, because he
(02:08):
cheated when we were dating, so I already had I
didn't trust it, and so but I wanted to believe
in something, and I wanted to believe a version. So
I walked down to a version that wasn't real. And
with us, it was like I knew who I was
walking down to, Like you gave me zero thoughts the
(02:29):
opposite way, right, Like I knew who you were, what
you were, what you were about. And so, you know,
to anyone redoing their part two, it's like, I think
that comes with wisdom and to listen to your gut knowing.
And I gotta imagine, I mean, I don't know, if
maybe you didn't feel that way, you know with your
previous I don't know if people have that. I have
(02:51):
no idea, but I knew, so.
Speaker 2 (02:55):
Yeah, zero cold feet my own BIB.
Speaker 1 (02:58):
Thanks Ben.
Speaker 3 (03:00):
When it comes to how you both approach life, what's
the biggest difference.
Speaker 1 (03:04):
I think the biggest difference between you and I and
how we approach life is you approach it with more
like You're very internal processor and I'm external processor. So
I want to talk it out. I want to be like,
all right, what do we doing? How are we doing this?
Let's just plan this and like let's and it's like
(03:26):
you are you get really serious, really like in your
head and I can't facilitate or help when it's like
the internal processing and that's difficult for an external processor
being like.
Speaker 3 (03:40):
Ah yeah, I think of it like there was something
that happened this mornment and I'm the calendar stuff.
Speaker 1 (03:49):
Oh yeah. And part of so Alan, this is one
of my husband's. This is one of my biggest pet
peeves in one of I think Alan's weakest things is
like I done it in the weakest get how do
you say that? Then like it's you're you're not you know,
it's not a strength. So like when it comes to
a calendar. I put everything on the calendar that is
(04:11):
important that I have to do that day. Alan won't
put things on the calendar, so I have no clue.
So when I'm scheduling, because I do all the scheduling,
I'll schedule the nanny and the it's not that I.
Speaker 2 (04:20):
Don't put them on. I'm just not as consistent as
you are.
Speaker 1 (04:23):
You don't always put them on, so like you don't
have any stuff on for tomorrow or the next day,
so I don't know what's happening. And then I'm scheduling,
it's like, okay, you have to leave, but I have
the nanny leaving at this time. And if I don't
know this, so this morning I'm like, hey, this is
so frustrating. Like I need to know what's happening so
I can plan my life, baby's life.
Speaker 3 (04:45):
Yeah, I expect you to know what I'm thinking and
what I'm doing.
Speaker 1 (04:49):
Well, that is that's it's crazy, like and that's why.
Speaker 3 (04:55):
And like I said, since I mate, you have become
better at using the calendar on the phone, but I
expect you to know what's going on in my world,
and it's.
Speaker 2 (05:05):
Not I should. I need to be better at that.
Speaker 3 (05:07):
So the biggest difference is you're really structured than externalize
and vocalize the things you need done. Was I'm a
bit more less organized when it comes to the structure,
but also I don't vocalize that enough. So you need
to talk less. Now talk more. It's basically what I'm saying. Yeah,
(05:28):
and I think my fingers busier with the calendar.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
Okay, noted? Since getting married, what's been the biggest obstacle
we faced? Did you get through the obstacle or is
it still something you deal with?
Speaker 2 (05:42):
Probably the Chicago thing.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
I mean, I think it was one of them.
Speaker 2 (05:47):
Yeah, it's been a couple.
Speaker 1 (05:49):
I think when it was so working around job obstacles
where his coaching job takes them having to move. I
can't move because I've got kids here in another co
parenting situation. I think it becomes an obstacle of all right,
we'll shoot you know what do we do here? This
is what you love to do. You love to coach,
(06:12):
This coaching career is ten eleven months away from the family.
I can't move. It becomes an obstacle, not became an obstacle.
Speaker 3 (06:21):
That was we got through and we're now getting through
to a point where I've pivoted and found solutions in
other ways which are good solutions. Or many things been
with family and still being able to be flexible, not
being bogged down at club seven days a week. So
(06:44):
it was an obstacle that we again we go through that.
There's been other other obstacles and things that have come
up that we've got through.
Speaker 1 (06:52):
I think communication has been an obstacle, but we have
we have a couple of therapist that helps. It's like
to work on the communication now so that it doesn't
become a catastrophe in the end. Right, Like if we
continuously don't communicate well for years to come, well that's
why at seven years everyone's like exploding, I'm out. So
(07:17):
I think that's where it's work on the communication on
the front end, where when you see the problems arise,
so that way you can be on the same page
to want to keep fighting for it. But I think
when couples don't work on the communication in the beginning,
then when they have so many years in, they're like
I'm just I'm over it. And there's so many things
that probably fights that have happened or things that have
(07:39):
just added so much turmoil into the relationship. Then it
makes it harder to walk through and make it better.
Speaker 3 (07:47):
More resentment, right, So we do that. A lot of
people have their opinion on a couple stuff. We do
it so that our foundation is stronger.
Speaker 1 (07:56):
Yeah. Now we're not walking in at war, and I
think that's the thing where what I love about therapy
is you can walk in at peace to not have
a war. But when you walk in with war, you
have like a mountain of resentment to work through. What
counts as cheating to you is liking women's men's pictures
(08:17):
you don't know on social media?
Speaker 3 (08:20):
Cheating it's thats respectful note of all the Yeah, it's
a lack of respect. Is it cheating? I think it's
a form of cheating. Really, I think it's a gatewight
is cheating?
Speaker 1 (08:34):
Okay, wake time out? Can we.
Speaker 4 (08:38):
No? No?
Speaker 1 (08:38):
No, can we just time out? I need to have
boundaries on this for one second. Is it people we
know or don't know?
Speaker 2 (08:44):
Well, the questions is okay, you.
Speaker 1 (08:47):
Don't know, Okay, So yeah, I just want to make
sure that's very clear because I'm like, shoot, I hearts
people's that I know that I like, follow or whatever. Okay,
So that you don't know on social media cheating. I
think it's a boundary very crossed. Do I think it's cheating.
I don't think that's cheating. I think it could be
a boundary if but we've never really talked about that,
(09:07):
Like I think that I find it disrespectful.
Speaker 3 (09:10):
Percent If I'm like in a woman's picture on social
media that I don't know and you don't know, that's
crossing the boundary and that's disrespectful.
Speaker 1 (09:19):
On that topic, I do want to talk about this
because this bothers me, and this is something when I
was dating guys, one of the very first things that
I would do is I would go to their follow
and see the type of women they're following on Instagram. Yeah,
that showed me a lot. And if it was the
(09:42):
certain types of women, I'm not trying. I'm like, I'm
really not trying to like sound because I'm not like
they're all they're beautiful, They're stunning, they're you know, like, yes,
the most amazing butts ever, and I think there's a
certain how do I say this, I don't want it
to sound like I'm hating on women, because I, in
(10:03):
no way, shape or form is that at all. But
if a man is only following these, this is gonna
sound so bad because I'm like not trying to make
it out. I don't know if that's the type of
guy that I would want to be with, because I've
I've dated face face types of guys that have followed
(10:25):
and it's not ended. Well, does that make me sound bad?
But like if that would have been your follow list,
I would have been so turned off? But like, how
is that okay for me to say that?
Speaker 3 (10:36):
Though?
Speaker 1 (10:36):
When like, those women are beautiful and it's not it's
but you're not.
Speaker 2 (10:41):
You're not. Everyone knows what you mean. You don't need
to say it. Everyone knows what you mean.
Speaker 1 (10:46):
But there's nothing wrong with those type of women at all.
Speaker 3 (10:50):
No, not at all. But you don't want to be
with a guy that likes that type of women. That's
fair enough. Yeah, that's your opinion, that's what you'll need us,
so therefore that's fine.
Speaker 1 (11:01):
But I would say, I guess if we're in a
relationship and you're still following a bunch of women like that,
I would have a I would have an issue with that,
Like I couldn't believe, Like I sometimes when I look
at guys that I'm like, okay, I know their relationship.
I'm like, how are they still following all these girls
like that? And that girlfriend's okay? Like I would not
be okay if I know that that's what your home
(11:21):
screen looks like when you're on when when we're together
in a relationship and your home scream looks like an
only fans page, I would have a really I would.
I would struggle with that, and not because I'm insecure,
but because I don't want my my man looking at
one of my man looking at that. It's like absolutely, yeah,
I think it respect on a grid because like right,
(11:43):
like would you want my page to be like all
these like musclely dudes with their shirt off, like as
those are the guys that I follow, And then like
when I go to my homepage, it's all like like
my homepage is like narcissist abuse, trauma stuff, quotes, kids
stuff and like funny relationship things because we always yeah,
(12:06):
means like.
Speaker 3 (12:08):
I think we're pretty I think we are pretty good
and aligned on a lot of things like this, Like.
Speaker 1 (12:12):
If I'm out in our little sanctuary area and you
see me on Instagram scrolling and I'm looking at like
dudes in the gym, would you be upset?
Speaker 2 (12:20):
Yeah, I would actually want Yeah, I mean.
Speaker 1 (12:23):
Same, I wouldn't like it either.
Speaker 4 (12:24):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (12:34):
So which leads me then to is watching pornography cheating again?
I don't think it's cheating. I think it's a boundary
and I don't really think have we ever talked? Do
you watch part?
Speaker 2 (12:44):
No? And I don't think it's something that promotes a health.
Speaker 1 (12:49):
You can be honest, it's only just us.
Speaker 2 (12:52):
I'm being honest.
Speaker 3 (12:53):
I don't think it's something that promotes a healthy man
or a healthy marriage.
Speaker 1 (12:57):
Yeah, therefore, I know we have discussed that before. I
don't I wouldn't break up with you over it. But
it's a triggering thing to my past that I would
appreciate you not doing. And I think it's something where
it opens. I think a negative gateway. It could get worse.
From my personal experience, it gets, it starts there and
(13:19):
then it grows and it gets worse.
Speaker 2 (13:21):
It's a gateway like a lot of things.
Speaker 1 (13:23):
Yeah, Okay, Is flirting with a waitress of bartender cheating again?
I think it's a boundary of respect. Is going to
a strip club cheating again?
Speaker 2 (13:33):
It's not cheating, but it's not something you do to
promote a healthy marriage.
Speaker 1 (13:38):
Yeah, and you go and I'll have your bags packed again.
Not because I'm not secure, but I just I don't
want another girl's titties up in your face.
Speaker 2 (13:50):
And you don't need to work it with that, Okay, And.
Speaker 1 (13:53):
I know that that's the thing. Like I I know
that you are a different type of man, and I
appreciate that and love that. Thank you for respecting me
the way that you do, not saying that a guy
going to a strip club doesn't respect a girl. I
wanted to put that out there too. But if that's
fine with you, and you don't care like for dudes,
like letting the dudes go out for a night out.
(14:13):
I just I know girls that are fine with it.
I have friends that are like, yeah, it's fine if
they just go for fun. I just didn't want that,
and I think it's been too much of my past trauma.
Speaker 3 (14:24):
Yeah, listen again, if you flip the situation like we
do in a manager. If you're going to a club
but a guy he's robbing, he's a good troll over
your leg and your face and stuff that am I
going to be happy with that?
Speaker 2 (14:35):
No?
Speaker 1 (14:36):
Yeah, that's the rule. We live by flip it. Anything
in life, flip it. If it's he's doing something, he
flips it, would like me doing that. If the answer
is no, don't do it.
Speaker 2 (14:47):
Exactly is having a subscription to only fins.
Speaker 1 (14:51):
It's just not again boundaries.
Speaker 4 (14:55):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (14:55):
Do you think it's ever okay to tell little lies
in a relationship?
Speaker 2 (14:59):
It's not unless it's a fun one.
Speaker 3 (15:01):
Because a fun lie like a present you've got them
and you've told them you've not got them a present.
Speaker 1 (15:07):
I have lied in obviously past relationships to protect the
how do I say this to me? It's like irrelevant
or I didn't want to blow up. I don't want
to be a fight. But in this relationship, I mean,
I've come to you with hard things when you've asked me,
or when you've asked me a question and like a
piece of he's like, oh, just so I no, because
it's like it doesn't matter. It was back in when
you were twenty in la and like who cares? And
(15:31):
what I love about our relationship is that I can
say like, I've never lied to you, and I you know,
and there's been something where you asked me and I'm like,
and it was tough because you didn't like the answer.
But I'm like, which one would you have wanted more?
Because damn did I want to lie to you? Boy?
Did I not want to tell you the truth? Because
I didn't want this reaction?
Speaker 2 (15:50):
Yeah, I'm not exactly which one your thought about it?
Speaker 1 (15:53):
Yeah, but which one at the end of the day.
Speaker 3 (15:57):
But actually made me respect you more for the terrific
out your move.
Speaker 1 (16:01):
Yeah, but I mean that. Yeah, that was better than hindsight.
Speaker 2 (16:05):
Yeah, longer term, that's better.
Speaker 1 (16:07):
Absolutely, It's not easy, but it's better.
Speaker 2 (16:09):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (16:10):
What drives you nuts about the other?
Speaker 2 (16:12):
What drives me nuts about you?
Speaker 3 (16:14):
As you revert to feeling like you have to do
everything yourself, you go into solo mode. It drives me
nuts because I'm always here for you, and I'm always
here to try and help with things. I might not
always be forthcoming, but I'm always thinking, how can I help?
(16:34):
But how can I make a day better? How can
I So when you feel like I'll just do it
myself because That's where I'm going to be doing, That's
how I'm going to do it, And that drives me crazy.
Speaker 1 (16:45):
I get it. Is there anything we haven't asked each other?
Speaker 2 (16:48):
But relation not that I know of No, I think
we've been asked that question before.
Speaker 1 (16:53):
At any point in our relationship, have we not prioritized intimacy?
New we good in that area. I think it's something
where we know it's important to both of us, and
so we are always either touching each other. And it's
not just sex, like we have a very healthy sex life,
but it's we're constantly touching each other, hand, kiss, We're
(17:15):
connected even in the passings, which arguments tend to repeat
in our relationship.
Speaker 3 (17:21):
My quietness, my me internalizing before I externalize things.
Speaker 1 (17:29):
Yeah, and sometimes like the words yeah, I think before
we speak. If you could see into our future together,
what would you like to know?
Speaker 2 (17:42):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (17:43):
Did we make it okay? Did all kids survive? Did
we make it that we managed to No? I would say,
if you could look into our future, would I like
to know that it was gosh, it's such a good
es And I would that we took it in and
we enjoyed it all. Would be kind of my thing, Yeah,
(18:05):
because we're so busy in kids and the whole thing,
and it's I'd like to look back and go, Okay,
we we did, you know, went through some tough times
great times, and we're stronger and.
Speaker 3 (18:21):
Oh, I would simplify it as what i'd lengthens that
we never took each other for granted.
Speaker 1 (18:28):
And always respected. Yeah yeah, but I already kind of
know that's like that we were always going to have
that respect for each other. Well, thank you Habi for
coming on the podcast. Those were some questions that were
that were good we got answered there. Uh, do you
have a question when it comes to dating in your
(18:48):
chapter two? Call us or email us. We're here to
guide you. All the info is on the show notes,
follow us on socials. Make sure to rate and review
the podcast I Do Part two and iHeartRadio podcast We're
Falling in Love of is the main objective
Okay, we are back on I Do Part two and
I've got my amazing husband, Alan Russell with me here,
so let's dive back into some burning questions. Was there
any point leading up to the wedding did you have
cold feet?
Speaker 2 (00:26):
No? Zero, No, even though we had a tough week
leaning not.
Speaker 1 (00:31):
To the wedding, it was not uneasy start.
Speaker 3 (00:37):
No, there was no part of me knew that. There
was no part of me doesn't want to get married
to you.
Speaker 1 (00:41):
Never And for those listening, it was listen. It was
one of those things where we had all the babies
were sick days before the wedding. Yeah, no sleep we
were in scott I mean, but it was no, I
couldn't sleep and insomnia the first time ever experiencing something.
(01:04):
Yeah it was, Yeah, but it was a beautiful day.
The wedding ended up being beautiful. I was so tired
to have any cold feet, But no, I had. I
had zero. I just feet, Its just tired feet. No,
it was, But I mean, I but I did in
previous That's the thing, and that's what I'm like, you know,
(01:25):
would want people to know, is I knew I've only
walked down the you know, of the divorces. I only
walked down the aisle twice. In each one, I had
that feeling of, oh god, oh really, I'm making the
wrong decision. Absolutely, the you know, absolutely the first one,
(01:47):
you know, it was just the only weak marriage was
I mean, I cried about it in the bathroom at
the wedding, like I made a mistake. And then the
second one was you know again you know, ended up
being my longest marriage. But yeah, I walked down going,
I don't trust this the second one, Mike, because he
(02:08):
cheated when we were dating, so I already had I
didn't trust it, and so but I wanted to believe
in something, and I wanted to believe a version. So
I walked down to a version that wasn't real. And
with us, it was like I knew who I was
walking down to, Like you gave me zero thoughts the
(02:29):
opposite way, right, Like I knew who you were, what
you were, what you were about. And so, you know,
to anyone redoing their part two, it's like, I think
that comes with wisdom and to listen to your gut knowing.
And I gotta imagine, I mean, I don't know, if
maybe you didn't feel that way, you know with your
previous I don't know if people have that. I have
(02:51):
no idea, but I knew, so.
Speaker 2 (02:55):
Yeah, zero cold feet my own BIB.
Speaker 1 (02:58):
Thanks Ben.
Speaker 3 (03:00):
When it comes to how you both approach life, what's
the biggest difference.
Speaker 1 (03:04):
I think the biggest difference between you and I and
how we approach life is you approach it with more
like You're very internal processor and I'm external processor. So
I want to talk it out. I want to be like,
all right, what do we doing? How are we doing this?
Let's just plan this and like let's and it's like
(03:26):
you are you get really serious, really like in your
head and I can't facilitate or help when it's like
the internal processing and that's difficult for an external processor
being like.
Speaker 3 (03:40):
Ah yeah, I think of it like there was something
that happened this mornment and I'm the calendar stuff.
Speaker 1 (03:49):
Oh yeah. And part of so Alan, this is one
of my husband's. This is one of my biggest pet
peeves in one of I think Alan's weakest things is
like I done it in the weakest get how do
you say that? Then like it's you're you're not you know,
it's not a strength. So like when it comes to
a calendar. I put everything on the calendar that is
(04:11):
important that I have to do that day. Alan won't
put things on the calendar, so I have no clue.
So when I'm scheduling, because I do all the scheduling,
I'll schedule the nanny and the it's not that I.
Speaker 2 (04:20):
Don't put them on. I'm just not as consistent as
you are.
Speaker 1 (04:23):
You don't always put them on, so like you don't
have any stuff on for tomorrow or the next day,
so I don't know what's happening. And then I'm scheduling,
it's like, okay, you have to leave, but I have
the nanny leaving at this time. And if I don't
know this, so this morning I'm like, hey, this is
so frustrating. Like I need to know what's happening so
I can plan my life, baby's life.
Speaker 3 (04:45):
Yeah, I expect you to know what I'm thinking and
what I'm doing.
Speaker 1 (04:49):
Well, that is that's it's crazy, like and that's why.
Speaker 3 (04:55):
And like I said, since I mate, you have become
better at using the calendar on the phone, but I
expect you to know what's going on in my world,
and it's.
Speaker 2 (05:05):
Not I should. I need to be better at that.
Speaker 3 (05:07):
So the biggest difference is you're really structured than externalize
and vocalize the things you need done. Was I'm a
bit more less organized when it comes to the structure,
but also I don't vocalize that enough. So you need
to talk less. Now talk more. It's basically what I'm saying. Yeah,
(05:28):
and I think my fingers busier with the calendar.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
Okay, noted? Since getting married, what's been the biggest obstacle
we faced? Did you get through the obstacle or is
it still something you deal with?
Speaker 2 (05:42):
Probably the Chicago thing.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
I mean, I think it was one of them.
Speaker 2 (05:47):
Yeah, it's been a couple.
Speaker 1 (05:49):
I think when it was so working around job obstacles
where his coaching job takes them having to move. I
can't move because I've got kids here in another co
parenting situation. I think it becomes an obstacle of all right,
we'll shoot you know what do we do here? This
is what you love to do. You love to coach,
(06:12):
This coaching career is ten eleven months away from the family.
I can't move. It becomes an obstacle, not became an obstacle.
Speaker 3 (06:21):
That was we got through and we're now getting through
to a point where I've pivoted and found solutions in
other ways which are good solutions. Or many things been
with family and still being able to be flexible, not
being bogged down at club seven days a week. So
(06:44):
it was an obstacle that we again we go through that.
There's been other other obstacles and things that have come
up that we've got through.
Speaker 1 (06:52):
I think communication has been an obstacle, but we have
we have a couple of therapist that helps. It's like
to work on the communication now so that it doesn't
become a catastrophe in the end. Right, Like if we
continuously don't communicate well for years to come, well that's
why at seven years everyone's like exploding, I'm out. So
(07:17):
I think that's where it's work on the communication on
the front end, where when you see the problems arise,
so that way you can be on the same page
to want to keep fighting for it. But I think
when couples don't work on the communication in the beginning,
then when they have so many years in, they're like
I'm just I'm over it. And there's so many things
that probably fights that have happened or things that have
(07:39):
just added so much turmoil into the relationship. Then it
makes it harder to walk through and make it better.
Speaker 3 (07:47):
More resentment, right, So we do that. A lot of
people have their opinion on a couple stuff. We do
it so that our foundation is stronger.
Speaker 1 (07:56):
Yeah. Now we're not walking in at war, and I
think that's the thing where what I love about therapy
is you can walk in at peace to not have
a war. But when you walk in with war, you
have like a mountain of resentment to work through. What
counts as cheating to you is liking women's men's pictures
(08:17):
you don't know on social media?
Speaker 3 (08:20):
Cheating it's thats respectful note of all the Yeah, it's
a lack of respect. Is it cheating? I think it's
a form of cheating. Really, I think it's a gatewight
is cheating?
Speaker 1 (08:34):
Okay, wake time out? Can we.
Speaker 4 (08:38):
No? No?
Speaker 1 (08:38):
No, can we just time out? I need to have
boundaries on this for one second. Is it people we
know or don't know?
Speaker 2 (08:44):
Well, the questions is okay, you.
Speaker 1 (08:47):
Don't know, Okay, So yeah, I just want to make
sure that's very clear because I'm like, shoot, I hearts
people's that I know that I like, follow or whatever. Okay,
So that you don't know on social media cheating. I
think it's a boundary very crossed. Do I think it's cheating.
I don't think that's cheating. I think it could be
a boundary if but we've never really talked about that,
(09:07):
Like I think that I find it disrespectful.
Speaker 3 (09:10):
Percent If I'm like in a woman's picture on social
media that I don't know and you don't know, that's
crossing the boundary and that's disrespectful.
Speaker 1 (09:19):
On that topic, I do want to talk about this
because this bothers me, and this is something when I
was dating guys, one of the very first things that
I would do is I would go to their follow
and see the type of women they're following on Instagram. Yeah,
that showed me a lot. And if it was the
(09:42):
certain types of women, I'm not trying. I'm like, I'm
really not trying to like sound because I'm not like
they're all they're beautiful, They're stunning, they're you know, like, yes,
the most amazing butts ever, and I think there's a
certain how do I say this, I don't want it
to sound like I'm hating on women, because I, in
(10:03):
no way, shape or form is that at all. But
if a man is only following these, this is gonna
sound so bad because I'm like not trying to make
it out. I don't know if that's the type of
guy that I would want to be with, because I've
I've dated face face types of guys that have followed
(10:25):
and it's not ended. Well, does that make me sound bad?
But like if that would have been your follow list,
I would have been so turned off? But like, how
is that okay for me to say that?
Speaker 3 (10:36):
Though?
Speaker 1 (10:36):
When like, those women are beautiful and it's not it's
but you're not.
Speaker 2 (10:41):
You're not. Everyone knows what you mean. You don't need
to say it. Everyone knows what you mean.
Speaker 1 (10:46):
But there's nothing wrong with those type of women at all.
Speaker 3 (10:50):
No, not at all. But you don't want to be
with a guy that likes that type of women. That's
fair enough. Yeah, that's your opinion, that's what you'll need us,
so therefore that's fine.
Speaker 1 (11:01):
But I would say, I guess if we're in a
relationship and you're still following a bunch of women like that,
I would have a I would have an issue with that,
Like I couldn't believe, Like I sometimes when I look
at guys that I'm like, okay, I know their relationship.
I'm like, how are they still following all these girls
like that? And that girlfriend's okay? Like I would not
be okay if I know that that's what your home
(11:21):
screen looks like when you're on when when we're together
in a relationship and your home scream looks like an
only fans page, I would have a really I would.
I would struggle with that, and not because I'm insecure,
but because I don't want my my man looking at
one of my man looking at that. It's like absolutely, yeah,
I think it respect on a grid because like right,
(11:43):
like would you want my page to be like all
these like musclely dudes with their shirt off, like as
those are the guys that I follow, And then like
when I go to my homepage, it's all like like
my homepage is like narcissist abuse, trauma stuff, quotes, kids
stuff and like funny relationship things because we always yeah,
(12:06):
means like.
Speaker 3 (12:08):
I think we're pretty I think we are pretty good
and aligned on a lot of things like this, Like.
Speaker 1 (12:12):
If I'm out in our little sanctuary area and you
see me on Instagram scrolling and I'm looking at like
dudes in the gym, would you be upset?
Speaker 2 (12:20):
Yeah, I would actually want Yeah, I mean.
Speaker 1 (12:23):
Same, I wouldn't like it either.
Speaker 4 (12:24):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (12:34):
So which leads me then to is watching pornography cheating again?
I don't think it's cheating. I think it's a boundary
and I don't really think have we ever talked? Do
you watch part?
Speaker 2 (12:44):
No? And I don't think it's something that promotes a health.
Speaker 1 (12:49):
You can be honest, it's only just us.
Speaker 2 (12:52):
I'm being honest.
Speaker 3 (12:53):
I don't think it's something that promotes a healthy man
or a healthy marriage.
Speaker 1 (12:57):
Yeah, therefore, I know we have discussed that before. I
don't I wouldn't break up with you over it. But
it's a triggering thing to my past that I would
appreciate you not doing. And I think it's something where
it opens. I think a negative gateway. It could get worse.
From my personal experience, it gets, it starts there and
(13:19):
then it grows and it gets worse.
Speaker 2 (13:21):
It's a gateway like a lot of things.
Speaker 1 (13:23):
Yeah, Okay, Is flirting with a waitress of bartender cheating again?
I think it's a boundary of respect. Is going to
a strip club cheating again?
Speaker 2 (13:33):
It's not cheating, but it's not something you do to
promote a healthy marriage.
Speaker 1 (13:38):
Yeah, and you go and I'll have your bags packed again.
Not because I'm not secure, but I just I don't
want another girl's titties up in your face.
Speaker 2 (13:50):
And you don't need to work it with that, Okay, And.
Speaker 1 (13:53):
I know that that's the thing. Like I I know
that you are a different type of man, and I
appreciate that and love that. Thank you for respecting me
the way that you do, not saying that a guy
going to a strip club doesn't respect a girl. I
wanted to put that out there too. But if that's
fine with you, and you don't care like for dudes,
like letting the dudes go out for a night out.
(14:13):
I just I know girls that are fine with it.
I have friends that are like, yeah, it's fine if
they just go for fun. I just didn't want that,
and I think it's been too much of my past trauma.
Speaker 3 (14:24):
Yeah, listen again, if you flip the situation like we
do in a manager. If you're going to a club
but a guy he's robbing, he's a good troll over
your leg and your face and stuff that am I
going to be happy with that?
Speaker 2 (14:35):
No?
Speaker 1 (14:36):
Yeah, that's the rule. We live by flip it. Anything
in life, flip it. If it's he's doing something, he
flips it, would like me doing that. If the answer
is no, don't do it.
Speaker 2 (14:47):
Exactly is having a subscription to only fins.
Speaker 1 (14:51):
It's just not again boundaries.
Speaker 4 (14:55):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (14:55):
Do you think it's ever okay to tell little lies
in a relationship?
Speaker 2 (14:59):
It's not unless it's a fun one.
Speaker 3 (15:01):
Because a fun lie like a present you've got them
and you've told them you've not got them a present.
Speaker 1 (15:07):
I have lied in obviously past relationships to protect the
how do I say this to me? It's like irrelevant
or I didn't want to blow up. I don't want
to be a fight. But in this relationship, I mean,
I've come to you with hard things when you've asked me,
or when you've asked me a question and like a
piece of he's like, oh, just so I no, because
it's like it doesn't matter. It was back in when
you were twenty in la and like who cares? And
(15:31):
what I love about our relationship is that I can
say like, I've never lied to you, and I you know,
and there's been something where you asked me and I'm like,
and it was tough because you didn't like the answer.
But I'm like, which one would you have wanted more?
Because damn did I want to lie to you? Boy?
Did I not want to tell you the truth? Because
I didn't want this reaction?
Speaker 2 (15:50):
Yeah, I'm not exactly which one your thought about it?
Speaker 1 (15:53):
Yeah, but which one at the end of the day.
Speaker 3 (15:57):
But actually made me respect you more for the terrific
out your move.
Speaker 1 (16:01):
Yeah, but I mean that. Yeah, that was better than hindsight.
Speaker 2 (16:05):
Yeah, longer term, that's better.
Speaker 1 (16:07):
Absolutely, It's not easy, but it's better.
Speaker 2 (16:09):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (16:10):
What drives you nuts about the other?
Speaker 2 (16:12):
What drives me nuts about you?
Speaker 3 (16:14):
As you revert to feeling like you have to do
everything yourself, you go into solo mode. It drives me
nuts because I'm always here for you, and I'm always
here to try and help with things. I might not
always be forthcoming, but I'm always thinking, how can I help?
(16:34):
But how can I make a day better? How can
I So when you feel like I'll just do it
myself because That's where I'm going to be doing, That's
how I'm going to do it, And that drives me crazy.
Speaker 1 (16:45):
I get it. Is there anything we haven't asked each other?
Speaker 2 (16:48):
But relation not that I know of No, I think
we've been asked that question before.
Speaker 1 (16:53):
At any point in our relationship, have we not prioritized intimacy?
New we good in that area. I think it's something
where we know it's important to both of us, and
so we are always either touching each other. And it's
not just sex, like we have a very healthy sex life,
but it's we're constantly touching each other, hand, kiss, We're
(17:15):
connected even in the passings, which arguments tend to repeat
in our relationship.
Speaker 3 (17:21):
My quietness, my me internalizing before I externalize things.
Speaker 1 (17:29):
Yeah, and sometimes like the words yeah, I think before
we speak. If you could see into our future together,
what would you like to know?
Speaker 2 (17:42):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (17:43):
Did we make it okay? Did all kids survive? Did
we make it that we managed to No? I would say,
if you could look into our future, would I like
to know that it was gosh, it's such a good
es And I would that we took it in and
we enjoyed it all. Would be kind of my thing, Yeah,
(18:05):
because we're so busy in kids and the whole thing,
and it's I'd like to look back and go, Okay,
we we did, you know, went through some tough times
great times, and we're stronger and.
Speaker 3 (18:21):
Oh, I would simplify it as what i'd lengthens that
we never took each other for granted.
Speaker 1 (18:28):
And always respected. Yeah yeah, but I already kind of
know that's like that we were always going to have
that respect for each other. Well, thank you Habi for
coming on the podcast. Those were some questions that were
that were good we got answered there. Uh, do you
have a question when it comes to dating in your
(18:48):
chapter two? Call us or email us. We're here to
guide you. All the info is on the show notes,
follow us on socials. Make sure to rate and review
the podcast I Do Part two and iHeartRadio podcast We're
Falling in Love of is the main objective
Host
Jana Kramer
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