January 30, 2023 • 54 mins
Jana is ready to let us in on a very private part of her love life and she isn't holding anything back! This is a reveal you do NOT want to miss!
Jana bonds with Heidi D'Amelio over their experience on Dancing with the Stars and the challenges that come with being in the spotlight.
And Heidi opens up about the turmoil she felt while on DWTS and why she came up with game plan to get out!
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Wind Down with Janet Kramer, and I heard radio podcast,
Well two of us are here, one of us is
not here. Wind Down world wide, worldwide, wide wide white.
What uh y'all. I something happened to me and I
just remembered it because I had to use the restroom
before I came on the podcast. And the other night
(00:24):
I was putting the kids to bed and sweet Jason,
I'm like in Jolie's room, like making sure, you know,
she's brushing her teeth and hair and stuff. And then
Jason just goes, Mommy, I pete on the floor and
I'm like, okay, like I'll be there in a second
to clean it up. Well, I'm like, you know, kind
of like rushing and running, and I straight up go
(00:44):
into Jason's bathroom. I slip on his piss and I
was just like that hurts. It was just like one
of those moments where were just like, Wow, this is
just amazing thing. So I just remembered because that that
was yesterday, and so I walked in there and I
(01:04):
just didn't even have the energy to like clean it
up in that moment, So I just laid a towel
over it to no one else would slip on the
PP two and I'm like, crap, I gotta be the
girl your shirt matches that story. Yeah, my mama life.
I was just like I literally just like wiped out
on my son's p on the floor. I have like
such a similar story two years ago, Like we used
(01:27):
to have one of those like spray water things, you know,
and Emmy was in the tub when she was little,
and she put it and it started spraying everyone's mommy, mommy,
and I was like, I'm coming. I slipped on all
the water. I mean, I had a bruise on my
thigh be size like I should hurts. Oh, it's too
good mom life right there. But yeah, that was coming
(01:48):
back from I went on a beautiful tropical Caribbean vacation
with our other part of our queendom, Sarah Bryce. So
I really wish and I really wanted Sarah come on
this podcast to talk about it because something happened that
nobody even knows in this in this chat, No nobody knows. Yeah,
(02:10):
there was an earthquake, what gathered. It's just the fact
that it's her in Sarah quake, Like, you'll need somebody
that's a little bit like not panicky in that moment.
But here's the here's the thing is god it And
I just wish Sarah was here because us explaining it
together would just be so funny and maybe like we
(02:32):
can revisit it when she's able to. But um, you know,
I have been in earthquakes before, Like I've been in
like four points something's in in Los Angeles like a
little little shake of the bed, right, y'all. It was
a six point two h out of Guadalupe, and in
(02:55):
where we were at an Anguilla, it was a five
point seven. Now, okay, she kept telling me, you guys
were headed to Tijuana, so let's start there. We were
in the we were in the Bahamas or Cribbeans, sorry,
the Caribbeans. And it was like, I mean, it shook
me out of bed. So you'all were asleep asleep have
(03:16):
it at seven? Literally shook me out of bed. But
the sound of what the earth was like the sound
was the craziest piece of it. It was like roaring
from the depths, and so it shook me out. And
I'm like, oh my god, And I'm thinking, first there
must be like a this isn't a cart right, Like
I'm thinking, like could it be a cart going through
(03:37):
the hotel and so but yeah, no, like shook and
then I hear like, I guess where I was like
a monster coming out of the depths of the ocean,
and then it shook it again. I'm like, oh no,
I'm I'm like now I'm not freaked. And this is
the first night like that, the first morning that we
wake up, and so I immediately text Sarah and I said,
(03:59):
did you feel that? And then I call my boyfriend
and was just like, there's an earthquake. I'm freaking out
because I go to there's going to be a tsunami
because why are we the same human? Why are we
the same? But I mean that's possible. That's what I'm saying.
It's totally possible. Back in it killed almost all. You
(04:20):
shall should have seen my Google search, Like it was
like what is it? Like, you know, like how long
did it gets? Three? You know? And I'm just like
because it happened, like um yeah, but here's the scariest part.
Like that even scared me more because I'm like, well,
then it's going to happen soon because it's been it's
been forever. It's like in California, it's like everyone's been
waiting on the big one. So when I lived there,
(04:40):
and that's the thing, like, when I lived in California,
I don't think I ever slept a great night's sleep
because I was always fearful of of an earthquake, right,
like we're do like it's it's due and so and
the thing was is like Sarah was not the nervous
one at all. She comes in and she's like that
was that an earthquake? She was? I just thought, wow,
(05:01):
God just shook us. And I go Sarah. So she's
all like there. So she's all calm right, Well, this
is what happens because we like feed right, and so
I'm like, you're not worried about a tsunami, She's like
a tsunami. And so then it just like trickled right,
And so then we started asking everybody at because I'm
calling like the front ask I'm like, I'm about ready
to So I call my friend Adam and I was
(05:22):
just like because he's got a plain and I'm like,
can you can you get me out of here? Another country?
I was like, do I have an out? Because I
am like because I'm gonna grab my Louis at the
highest tree because I'm like, I'm about to start hiking
up to the highest point, which also scared me. It's
the flattest in the Caribbean too, there's not a really
(05:44):
high point in there, so I'm like, where would we go?
You know? And so I'm like I need to know,
like where we're going, what we're doing. Well, now I've
now freaked Sarah out, so now she's at the top
and then I'm like, Sarah, I need you to bring
it down because now like it. We're like and the
funniest It was such a good lesson for us because
we would we we walked around, I mean we asked people,
(06:08):
were like, so, are you afraid of a tsunami now?
And they're like no, like not not at all. And
we're like you're not and so and then we realized,
so A, we're just putting too much worry into things.
But be we are going around asking other people to
make us feel better, and that's not Those aren't the
people that we should be going to to make us
feel better either. As a boyfriend in London, I just
(06:30):
want to say that, but he was so good, You're
going to be You're fine, like it happens I'm like, no, Actually,
I talked to five people in the last twenty minutes
and they say it doesn't happen, which actually freaks me out. Mark,
But it doesn't happen because what is the earth? I'm
trying to tell us, right, But it was. I think
it was like such a big lesson from God to
to go, okay, like you have to come to me.
You're going to other people to um to tell you,
(06:54):
you know, to not worry. It's like, no, like I am.
You're like, You're like, I am who you should be
going to like talking to right now. Not putting your
trust in other people. Put it your trust in me.
So I'm like, all right, it was a great lesson. Good.
So I had a similar situation at three in the morning,
non an earthquake, but I woke up worried about pirates.
The heck pirates, like for real. The same weekend that
(07:17):
Kramer and Bryce were on an island, I went to
a different island. You were in Florida, Well, we were
on we but we were on Little Palm Island. Ah,
you were afraid of pirates. I can't talk. Go ahead,
go ahead, I'm sorry. So i I'm like, okay, So
we get to the island. It's our first time there.
(07:38):
Preston is very used to noise, like he lives on
a bus with dudes. Noise noise, noise, phone noise, Instagram.
He's the kind of guy like the TV needs to
be on and the radio needs to be playing, and
whatever is opposite of that is me. So we get
to this really calm place and I'm like, this is
I think actually I might have entered heaven because it's
so calm and so quiet, like it's designed for me.
(08:00):
Because there's no phones, there's one TV on the whole island,
no TV's in your rooms. I'm like, it's like, it's amazing,
that's great. It was like this is special order. He
freaks out quiet this is a little too quiet, and
I'm like, oh no, that doesn't exist. But welcome to
my world. So we're on my island for three days.
Then at three in the morning, I wake up a
(08:22):
slight sense of panic. There's a dock behind our bungalow.
Who's stopping anyone from pulling up to then from bungalow.
This is how you know you were raised on a peninsula.
Because we just didn't know. We just don't feel we
know there's a way out. We can always go south.
There was nothing. I was like, I can't swim very well, pressing,
can't swim what we don't know how to drive the boats?
(08:43):
We suck? The pirates are coming? And I woke him up.
Did you hear something about pirates or something like what? No? No,
I think I just watched too many movies. And then yeah,
well the same because that's the thing. Like with the
I was like, didn't you see the Naomi wats or
I think that was? Who was with the with the tsunami?
Like it's just it's all the fear driven of things
(09:05):
we've watched or have been you know, witness too in
in media or whatever. I know, But what who did
I think was coming? Is the question? Johnny depp as
Let's say it's that or like true real life like
now pirates. I mean that exists in my brain. It
was not like I patch it was like Gangsters of
the Sea. That's where I was at at three in
(09:27):
the morning. None of it had value, none of it
anchored anywhere, no pun intended. But I was like, why
can't I just get my life together and not worry
about this I'm on this beautiful island. Well, I think
that's the that's also to like the same thing with
like serenized. There's so much worry and we're putting worried
like okay, if I can't get out of this island,
I mean legit was calling out, I'm going, you know,
like how fast do you think it could get here?
(09:48):
And could you? And because I'm like all this worry
of what if something's going to happen, what if a
pirate's gonna come? What if you know, a tsunami is
gonna hit and there's gonna be another earthquake, and this
is it. It's like we've met. We were supposed to
go to this island, in these islands to relax and
be calm, but yet we let these this trickle in.
But I think were you able because I was able
to go, Okay, you know, I'm here, I'm staying. I'm
(10:12):
just going to enjoy and I'm going to trust in
God and trust in like just the relaxing. And this
is a test, right, this entire time was a test
because I wrote in the sand the night before that
I wanted to let go of worry. Well that freaking yeah, exactly.
That was worry, and so I was like, thank you God,
worry is just going to steal your joy, that's for sure.
(10:32):
And that's what we have never. Preston and I have
never been on a trip just the two of us
ever in our relationship together, not one time in over
eight years. So this was our first. This was like
the honeymoon. This was everything. We've never done it. It's
always with the other half of the duo, or we
meet somewhere for a show or something. And I at
three in the morning when I had the Pirates, I
(10:52):
was like, you've gotta be kidding me, Pirates, what am
I doing. I had the same thing where I was like,
I need to just pray myself to sleep, because there's
Beau has why I don't deserve to have joy attacked.
First of all, I get to sleep without any little
people in my bed, which hasn't happened, and I didn't
let it. So I just prayed myself to sleep, and
I was like, I'm not doing this. I'm gonna soak
(11:12):
up all of this. I've waited eight long years for
this magical moment. Well, I'm glad you guys had that
and that you were able to again, you know, like
you said, not letting it steal your joy. Well, I'm
proud of you all. Thank you. We'll get we'll get
Sarah on because there was so many more things that
happened that I mean, I can't even go through it alone. Uh.
And we also have an amazing guest that's in the
(11:35):
waiting room. I'm so excited to talk to her because
we talked so much about social media and kids. And
so we're gonna get Heidi Demilio on the show right
after the break. Hi. Hi, So I had to have
(12:00):
you on the show. We're all all three of us
are mamas. And Uh, first of all, I watched you
and Dancing with the Stars. You and Artem were freaking
precious together, like so good, and I was so just
like proud of you and how you just went out
there and just like owned it and just like you
were sexy and beautiful and like elegant and graceful, and
(12:21):
it's just that must have been so cool to do that,
you know, together with your daughter. Um. Yeah, first of all,
it feels like forever ago, and it feels like it
just ended all the same time. As you know, it's
like a whole, Like what it does to your brain
and your body and your emotions is wild. But yeah,
(12:41):
it was so much fun doing that with Charlie. Charlie
is the best. Both of my kids are the best
in situations that I think all of us know as
moms where you go to your kids when they're struggling
or whatever and you just, I don't know, as mom's
like you feel like you know what to say. Sometimes
you know, it doesn't doesn't help to say anything. Sometimes
(13:03):
it's just a hug. And she's just they're both so
good at that, and so to be able to go
through that with her and I was having those hard
moments like I just can't get it, like I don't
think I can do this all of that. She was
just so good in those moments and I would be
like I kind of feel like this is something I
might have mentioned to her before, like when she was
going through something and now on the tables have turned,
(13:25):
and it just it was like she really got me
through a lot of like rough moments. And Artam was
great and he was you know, he's very like business
when it comes to like we step in rehearsal and
we're like NonStop. But he would we you know how
it is like as time goes on, you kind of
get to where you get to know each other and
(13:45):
he knows when to push and when to back off.
So it was I was I was very happy to
have that experience. I'm curious where you because I remember
when I did the show. It's like it it was
the biggest mental challenge, more than more than the day
and anything else. Because what it makes you feel like
you are just for me what my experience is like,
I'm not good enough, I suck. This is like why
(14:08):
am I even doing this? And I'm curious, like what
message came up for you that you had a tough
time getting over that block? Um well, I feel like
I had a few. I think when it first starts,
just since all of this stuff happened with our family
and we're in the spotlight, I when it's the four
of us together, I'm always uh, you know, if we're
(14:30):
doing whatever and they're speaking parts, I'm like, okay, you
guys do it. I'll just be here. I never wanted
to talk on camera. I didn't feel comfortable. I didn't
feel confident. And then um and then kind of like happy.
I think just as a mom. You I know, I
(14:51):
happily like, okay, it's my kids time to support them
in school and dance and sports and whatever is Emotionally,
I'm always like here, like you guys are it's your turn.
That's what my mom did to me. And now no
one's in front of me, and I'm on that dance
floor and I am just have to be and then
(15:13):
I have to jump on the mic and talk on
live television. And it was terrifying, and I was like,
I don't think. I don't think I can do it. Not.
I actually artem found out. I think it was week
one in our interview after we dance that I was
I had a whole game plan on backing out, and
(15:35):
as I'm saying it, he's like, we're gonna talk about
this later. He had no idea, and I was really
I just couldn't. I didn't feel comfortable being in the
spotlight after being you know, having your kids, and it's
not just the spotlight of like a following before that.
(15:56):
You know, it's not about me. It's my kids turn
to do whatever it is they want to do and
just support like that was my role. I was the supporting,
supporting role, like Mark and I had a great thing
in our marriage and it was our family were together
all the time and before any of this, So to
be stripped of that and it's like your front and
center was really hard emotionally because I felt like as
(16:24):
the weeks went on, it's I slowly felt like you know,
pre kids, pre marriage, when I'm just me and yeah,
and and it's crazy because it's not like I was
in this marriage where my family is holding me back.
(16:44):
It was never that, like Mark was always like, who
do this, whatever you want, like he's so good like that,
and so to have it sounded like, oh I was
being held down, Like no, I've chose to be in
that position happily and um. And so as the weeks
went by, I've felt it like happening like I was.
(17:05):
It's so weird to say, coming into my own like
I knew who I was. I thought I knew who
I was. But I think the challenge that the show
gives you makes you realize and I'm sure you felt this,
like I can literally do anything now if I survived
eight out of ten weeks of Dancing of the Stars,
like you can't. You cannot throw something at me that
(17:25):
I can't do. I'm like probably a little too much,
like yeah, I could do anything, but it was so
it was so great for me. And and so since
then we had I've done one of the shows we're
doing for a total, but I did one of the
Dance with the Stars tour shows, and so that's a
whole new set of it. Securities that come up. You're
(17:48):
in a you know you kind of when you're doing
the show. You have like the judges and the studio audience,
and I know, for me, I forgot that there are
millions of people watching at home. And I would always
when we I would see people and they would be like,
oh I loved you and the answer the stars, I
was like, oh yeah, Like that part, thank goodness never
entered my mind. So we go on the tour and
(18:11):
I'm on the mic is ten thousand people sold out
show and I'm like having a great time, Like no
insecurities there, and I'm like, how did that happen? Who
am I? I'm so proud of myself that confidence girl.
You know, yes, and it took me fifty one years
to get here, but I'm happy to be here. From Florida.
You don't look fifty one for everybody that can't see
(18:34):
you and just hears you. You're a fox. Thank you. Okay,
So I have a question, and this is not Dancing
at the Stars related, because I'm not committed. I'm Polish
and blonde, and I feel like I just know my limitations.
So you guys started because like the big fame piece
right for you started with TikTok. Is this true social media? Yes?
Since Charlie go like viral right in your Yeah, I
(19:01):
need you to walk me through how that the millions
millions of followers. Yeah, so um and recent only like
four years ago. So Charlie had her first viral video.
It was I think it was July. And at the
time it was cringe e to be on TikTok or
(19:24):
to post on TikTok, like kids were on it, but
they weren't wouldn't admit to posting. Charlie was just Charlie
is a dancer. She grew up competition dancing, and so
her friends would be like, her friends had accounts and
they would be like, teach us this dance so we
could do it, and so she would and sometimes she
jumped in their videos and after a while she was
like all right, I'll start my own account, and she
(19:46):
would show us and I was like Mark and I
were always pretty savvy and like for his business, he
was always on social media and using it as a
way to promote your business. Also, my whole family is
I'm from Louisiana, so my whole family down there. We're
living in the northeast, We're in Connecticut. Mark works in
and out of New York City and so, um it
(20:08):
was always a good way for the girls to stay
connected to their cousins on social media. And we were
always on and felt like it could be a positive
thing as long as you don't abuse it, and we
always had those conversations. But um, so we were aware
of it. It was very different than any other platform.
So I was like, so, what do you like? What?
(20:31):
So you just learn a dance and you do a
dance because I had seen whatever it was before I
came to the musically, I had seen that this felt different.
And so then she started posting and we were on
the way to dance competition that was about an hour
and twenty minutes away, and as she posted a quick
video before we left the house, and by the time
(20:52):
we got there and had like ten thousand views, and
she was like, what am I gonna do? What do
I do? What do I do? What do I do?
I'm like, I mean, I'm like I knew enough to
know that's a lot, right, but um, she was like
going to her it was a like a four hour
dance intensive and she came out and it had like
something like three hundred thousand views or something. I just
(21:13):
kept going up and up, and so for this whole
ride home an hour in twenty minutes, She's like, what
do I do? What do I do? Now? What do
I do? Like just like don't answer any d ms,
like you know whatever. And then every video after that
went viral, and so Dixie's dying because she's like a
senior in high school. And she was like, this is
so embarrassing. My sister's posting videos on TikTok, and so
(21:36):
Charlie's like, get on, get on. She was like, yeah,
if you ever hit a million followers, I'll get on,
ha ha ha. And so her first video went viral
in July, No, no October, I think it was like
October thirty or thirty one. She hit a million a
million followers in that time, and Dixie's like, oh fine,
I'll get on, and so they did a video. They
(21:58):
dressed like, their hair was the same, they looked like
twins and they and it was on Dixie's it was
I think it was on Charlie's account, and she pulled
Dixie in and the internet went nuts. So all of
a sudden, now Dixie's got a million, Charlie's got two million,
and it just went crazy. And so then you know,
um somebody had reached out and they were like Charlie's like, um,
(22:21):
he wants me to do a dance to his artists song.
I'm like, nobody's paying you to dance for fifteen seconds
to a song on TikTok. Sorry, that's not a thing.
And Mark's like, well, I know people get paid to
make content. So I was like, if he wants to
do anything, he can talk to me, give me give
him my email. So he makes that real fast. Yeah,
(22:46):
and so he emailed me right away, and I was like, hey, Mark,
So so I think her first this is probably before
she hit a million, but her first one was like
seventy five dollars and she was so excited and she
got like the number one. It used to have the
way TikTok used to work is whoever had the most
um views on an audio, their their thing was at
(23:09):
the top, and so it was at the top, and
then they asked her to do it again it was
at the top. And then every audio she would do
she was at the top. Is crazy. And so you know,
of course, like managers and agents and people start calling
and Mark and I are like, nope, nope, nope, Like
we did not know this business. But Mark's been an
entrepreneur his whole life and we knew enough. He knew
enough about business to know we need to get the
(23:31):
right people in place. So we uh, we did have
a manager who also lived in Connecticut, and we got
an attorney and an entertainment attorney and then we just
said a no to a lot of things. But during
all this, myke, my girls have proven themselves and that's
why we have a good trust between us. We've you know,
(23:52):
they've made mistakes in their life growing up, and they
knew they could always come to us and they wouldn't
get punished or whatever. Like we're gonna have a conversation
about it. Obviously, lessons learned, punishment will come with with that.
It's you know, before all this, and so I think
they knew, uh, they could trust us and tell us things,
(24:12):
and we knew they had proven there themselves to us
as far as we could trust them that they wouldn't
do anything stupid. They know, anything that goes out there,
it's gonna be out there forever. And of course they've
made mistakes, and UM, we've we've always kind of dealt
with it and um never came down on them, especially
(24:34):
with all this, because when mistakes they have made now
becomes now comes on the internet with millions of followers,
they the internet is just crushing them. So the last
thing they need are there. It's kind of where I
was gonna detour is you know, we talk a lot
about bullies. I mean, I've got a hate page, like
(24:55):
you know, it's like they're just people on social media
are just brutal and they're so mean and curious how
you've because I've you know, I've watched the show and
I saw that one scene or I just felt so
that Charlie was just crying and then the hate and
anxiety that she's now has because of the show, you know,
because of the social media. It's I'm curious, did that
(25:18):
impact your decision, um, because your show is doing amazing,
you're filming season three right now, but is there a
piece where you're like, man, you we've almost let them
in so much that there's open up to more criticism. Basically, UM,
my girls have had anxiety before social media, so it's
not like it started then. But um, I think for
(25:40):
all of us, UM, the whole point of wanting to
do the show, uh and it you know, it is
in the reality realm, but it is a docuseries and
we wanted to be able to tell our stuy um
because as you know, people make up things and then
that becomes the conversation. And we wanted a place to
(26:02):
show us and show real realness and who we are
and what we're about, and not let the internet decide
to make up whatever they want and then people believe that.
And so um. I also we felt like it was
a way to put um, to put us in a
(26:25):
way that this isn't all on Charlie UM by her
sister doing getting in in this whole thing with her. Um,
it's not like her by herself and we're you know,
we can support her all all all we want, but
when you're in it and you're feeling it in the
(26:46):
same way. Um, there's that support there that we all
have for each other and UM and and part of
the show was too if Charlie doesn't want to work,
if she wants to, you know, I don't want to
do anything for six months, like the rest of us
can pick up the slack for her, and the thing
goes for Dixie and and Mark and I. You know,
(27:07):
so there's enough of us that we can sort of
balance it out. Like you know, Charlie's just not feeling
good today, like she's not gonna film, and you know,
she says three other people to pick up the slack
or and the same with Dixie. So yes, it put
us out there in uh a way besides social media,
but we felt like it was more important. We're all
executive producers, so we get a lot of say and
(27:30):
and what's covered and what's not. And in that moment
where Dixie was crying in season one, UM, Mark and
I were filming and she just happened to walk in.
We didn't even know she was coming because she didn't
live with us and UM and so we were we
went into the bedroom and and she was like, I
(27:50):
want to film this I want people to see how
damaging what they say can be. And so we're like,
are you sure? Are you sure? Because you know, as
a mom like and and Mark and I both were like, no,
we can't. You're not gonna film our daughter like breaking
down in such a raw moment. Let's h you know,
(28:11):
we want to protect that. And for her, even in
that moment, she was like, no, I want to show it.
That was one of my favorite moments honestly from the
show was because it was so authentic and so real
and so like, look what your words due to other people,
Like before you pick up your phone and say something
nasty because of your own insecurities, how that can affect
(28:32):
other people, you know. And I think people don't realize
then just think, oh, they're never going to see that.
We hear a lot of that, Yeah, they see a lot.
I think it's so important because like I have eleven
year old daughter who obviously knows your daughters from TikTok,
but I think it's really important for them to see that,
to see like just in school every day they have
(28:53):
kids that say mean things, you know, and they have
these you know, these reactions and these emotions to it.
But to see someone like Charlie who or you know
that they're getting upset about it too. It just really
makes them more real and relatable. And I just think
that it's really important, as much as it may be
hard for you guys at times, it's really important to
(29:13):
show that side. Yeah, And they know and they realized
that they know how important it is because there were
middle schoolers once and would hear you know, every all
these kids they say, you know, have felt it at
one time or another. And so sometimes I think especially
they see someone in the spotlight that seems like they
(29:35):
have this perfect situation and no, like nobody's exempt from this,
like it hurts no matter what. So they really wanted
to share that idea of you ever, like this major
(30:01):
Mama Bear moment where you're like, I'm done, we're quitting,
and I'm packing this all up because I just can't
imagine as a mom letting anyone say anything about I mean,
it's in us, like it's it's in who we are
when we become moms to just protect, protect, protect, And
then they're there in like they are in the jungle
of social media with millions of followers. I mean, I
(30:24):
only know what millions of followers can feel like because
I'm friends with Janna, you know, and watch just how
ruthless people get, and like, I also advise her not
to answer any d M. But I I really, like,
I can't like I even get protective of her and
she's just you know, she's my friend. But like, has
there been a time where you're like, this is it
(30:44):
and I'm done? And how does that look? And who's
calling each other back to the table and be like,
we're not done with this? We can do this because
it is a gauntlet out there. It's a lot, it's
a gauntlet. Um, So I think what the way our
family has handled it is we we do these check
ins and you know we've done this since the beginning.
Are you sure you want to do this? I mean,
(31:05):
there's we we can wind this down to use your
name of your podcast, but we can find this down
and we could read it in and you know, do
things differently, like you don't don't ever feel like you're
stuck here if you like, this isn't what I thought.
And we've we've had these conversations from the very beginning.
(31:26):
And as much as sometimes things are hurtful, they uh
see the value in their platform and they and they
do enjoy what they do, and they're getting to do
passion projects at this point and like work with amazing
people and brands and um they're very competitive and they're
(31:52):
very Yeah they're young girls, but when they're in meetings
with CEO s, I'm like, whoa, I couldn't even do
that today, like as much less at eighteen and twenty
one years old. And they love that. They love the
business side of it. Um. You know, they grew up
(32:13):
you know, watching Mark what he does and his entrepreneurial
things that he's done and grown his business. So they
that's so a part of them. Um. So they always say,
I don't want to stop doing this. And but where
Mark and I come in is okay, how can we
(32:35):
structure things so you have breaks? You yeah, boundaries, what's okay?
You know that? And we're still learning and you can
see that in our show, like we try to do
things that make you know, we we just put systems
in place, like the most recent one, well, I guess
(32:58):
this was last year. Wow was a year ago. But
we when we're away, like we went away for Charlie's
eighteenth birthday. It was great it was a vacation. It
was fun. She had all her friends, we had we
had friends and family there and we get back home. Now, yes,
it was a vacation. It was a blast, but you know,
(33:19):
it's you know how it is. It's um pictures and
you know, can you make a video for my friend
or this or that. It's still like that is she
you know, the girls consider part of work and and
so you know, are always you know, making sure they're
not you know, whatever if they're seen eating or whatever,
(33:40):
and then there's videos and then they get made fun
of for that. So they're always on edge. And so
that's not like a true vacation. So when we come
back from a vacation, although it's a lot of fun
and all that, we give him a couple of days off,
like no work, you know, get back decompressed, like veg out,
do absolutely nothing and then and those little things are
so helpful. So when they come back and there's things
(34:02):
to do and things on the calendar and they're like, okay,
I had my time, and like I'm ready to get
back into it. So we're always trying to figure out
better ways to do that, and they are getting really
really good, not just not just in business, but just
as humans of boundaries and like, you know what, I'm
(34:23):
not gonna do that because that doesn't make me feel good.
And but they've kind of always done that, but really,
um being vocal a lot of times, like yesterday, Charlie
was sick and we're shooting our Hlue show here at
the office, and um, she she called Mark and I
and she sounded terrible and she was like, I'm just
(34:44):
really not feeling good. But I looked at the calendar.
I could switch things the next day, blah blah blah.
And so we're like okay, And then we talked with
the show runner and she was like, all good, because yeah,
we can catch up tomorrow, no big deal. And then
her day to day managers like, UM, I'm gonna go
pick up Charlie to come in there, and I was like, oh, yeah,
(35:05):
she's not coming in, Like sometimes their instinct is to
call us first, and just as mom and dad like okay, yeah,
we'll take care of it. And didn't realize, like your
day to day manager is there to do that for you,
like talk to the show, like do all the things,
and so her and so her day to day manager
is fairly new, and so she's like, I'm so sorry,
(35:27):
Like I didn't know, Like, no, that's the nature you
plan as an eighteen year old. So he still come
to mom and dad for things, and you know, we
just kind of adjust as we go. So I'm not
gonna tell Charlie you have to call your day to
day manager. I'm not gonna like, I would never do that.
And we're all very close and we all have to
work together because we're just always together, and um, and
(35:51):
I you know, that was a conversation I never had
to have with her manager. I was like, hey, um,
this is going to happen, and this is going to
continue to happen, so don't feel like you didn't do
your job. Like we're all here to work together for
the girls, with the girls as a team. So but
always adjusting for sure, since this is a you know,
(36:13):
we talk a lot about relationships. You and Mark have
been married for how many years? Again? Twenty two years?
Twenty two years, So in those twenty two years and
even today, like what where do you think, like what
have you guys done really good at as a married
couple And we're like we're in your relationship, do you
still have moments of struggle. So I think, Um, I
(36:34):
think we both uh didn't settle before meeting each other.
We're both in long term relationships prior to meeting, and
that could have Yeah, I guess we probably could have
got married, but probably wouldn't have been great. It would
have been fine. Um, and neither one of us settled,
so that was one thing. And then we met and
(36:56):
we both knew right away, like neither one of us
were looking for a relationship. We've both just moved into
New York City and if they had like hot girls summer,
that would have been mine. And we met and I
was like, wow, I had never met anyone like him,
So I think we have a good foundation. And when like,
we just knew when we met, so that was super helpful.
(37:19):
But um, we really really really enjoy hanging out together. Um.
I think he's the funniest person. He thinks I'm slightly funny,
but like also just not quite as funny as he is.
But um, he's really funny, and we just have a
(37:39):
lot of fun together. And UM, I think probably the
best thing we've done was, um, we we're just very
respectful of each other. I I remember going on like
mom's nights to dinner whatever, and the mom's really bashing
(38:03):
their husbands of like, oh he does this and that,
and I was just like I and then kind of
look at me, and I'm like, I don't like have
anything to say. I mean, he's not perfect, I'm not perfect,
but I would also not publicly bash him, Like I
just thought that was awful and like if any of
their husbands they knew that the husbands were doing that
(38:25):
to them, they would be so hurt by it. And
so I we never talked bad about each other to anyone,
and um and and I think that was really impor
important because I's so hurtful and I would I would
like it would just it was hard to hear that.
I didn't like hearing that. Um yeah, does Mark leave
(38:45):
every cabinet in the kitchen opened when he goes in there? Yes?
I find I find it funny at this point because
it's it's so much that it has to be intentional,
like there's no way, but um, so I don't know,
Like I think, just being very respectful of each other
when the other one isn't around, I think is super
(39:09):
That says a lot about a person, Like when everyone
else around you is bashing their spouse and you're like,
I'm not going to do that, Like, I don't. I
never want you know, we were not perfect, but I
would never want other people to have an opinion on
him because I'm mad at him because he did whatever. Sure,
(39:30):
That's why I always tell my boyfriend. I always say, like,
I would love to be in a relationship where, uh,
I know that when I'm not around, they're still respecting
me like I'm around. Yeah. Yeah, So that I think
that's been very special and we're very confident in that
we both feel that way. And then um, probably the
(39:54):
negative would be negative, just something that like if we
can struggle, like something that to better, kind of common
thread that keeps coming back. I think I give it
up that battle. I'm like, you know what, I'll just
close it. Um, I think one thing and recently, um,
(40:15):
we've gotten so much better at it is over the years.
Like he what happened was he I happily wanted to
stay home with the girls. My mom stayed home with
I have three older sisters stayed home with us, and
I loved that and I wanted that for our family.
And Mark was totally like, whatever you want to do.
(40:37):
I'm down for that. So he always worked and I
was home. And I think one thing was we got
into these rules, and you know, even though he's the
you know, red winner and all of that, like there's
times where he could have used my help and I
was like, well, that's not like you're doing your thing
(40:58):
and I'm doing mine as far as like what we
bring to the table in our family. And then there's
times where maybe I needed a hand and he was like,
we wouldn't say that, it's all. It was almost like
became this unwritten rule, like well, I'm not gonna ask
him to do that. That's like my thing because this
is what I'm doing. He's like been at work all
day whatever. And I think now looking back on it,
(41:22):
that wasn't the best thing, Like, I uh that, you know,
I think there were times I could have helped him.
And I think the key is when the other when
one person is struggling, um is to you gotta step
up your game because you're gonna struggle at one point
and they're gonna You're gonna want them to step up there.
(41:43):
So that's something we recently really got in the thick
of what we were feeling about that and really mended
that because now we're both working and we all work
together as a family, and so I can't believe how
much joy I am getting out of and he says
(42:04):
the same thing, out of doing little things that make
his day easier, and when he does it for me,
it just feels so good and just knowing like somebody's
got your back, even in things like like he goes
above and beyond, and I was like, wow, that was
so like thoughtful and just being thought of. I know
(42:25):
I've been thoughtful with my friendships, are my family, are
my kids, And sometimes Mark was the last one on
the list and the end that went both ways. We
still had a good time. We always I mean we've
had a long run of like a really good time
in our marriage. Of course there's been moments, but I
think we forgot about that, like how being thoughtful and
(42:46):
just really stepping in when they need it because to
get that back, And that's not why we do it,
like oh I'm gonna do this because you'll do that.
It's just like you want to do it more like
I'm more of like I want to one up him.
I want to do more for him than he's gonna
do for me, and like, who doesn't want that? And
it just feels so good. And so although we haven't
(43:07):
been great at that, now it's like we're there and
it just feels really good. I think I think it's
very easy to get in that. Well he didn't do
that for me, and I didn't I'm not doing that,
you know, and getting that sort of tip for tat
and and we've been there and so we don't want
to we don't want to go there again. And so
that was something that always kind of like crept up
(43:29):
in our marriage. It wasn't like a major thing, but
we would talk about it and then we'd like do
a little bit and then it kind of fall off.
I'm like with the kids and he's going into New
York City and working and so now it's a priority
and and it just feels really good. I love that. Well,
thank you for sharing that with us, and and um,
you're currently filming season three right now for Hulu, so
(43:52):
I'm excited to watch that. And just thank you for
bringing on you know, coming on the show and chatting
with us. Thanks for having me. I we love I
have three older sisters, so I miss having like girls
around there's a lot of women in my family in general,
on my mom, my mom, and dad's side, and so
I love having other women to hang with. We'll come
(44:13):
to Nashville and hang out with us because he's going
uh soon, Okay at the beginning of February, and I
was like, I love Nashville. My niece used to live there,
and so I was like, hey, listen, if you need
us to come out there, she was like, okay, if
you want to. I'm like, I'm like, I don't need
(44:33):
to hang out with you. I just want to go.
I'll slide into your d M S and we'll do
We'll make sure we do a little a little hang session.
But thank you seriously so much. Appreciate you. Thank you
for having me. I appreciate it. By bye. Okay, Well,
(44:59):
she's so sweet. And I have to tell you guys
something that happened at therapy because it's about letting in
the negative, all the voices and the noise. Because I
did E M d R with Amy the other day
and yeah, it was like wild. So did E M
d R with her just to talk about the noise,
(45:20):
you know, because things we talked about and uh with Alan,
my boyfriend. She did this to us, Kaby, and it's
just like, sorry, do we just talk about have you
(45:43):
been planning this or did this just happen? Lamer. I
got a message this weekend and I went, I screenshotted
it to send it to you, and then I was like,
I'm not doing this. It was so sweet, but she
was like it's someone over there and she was like,
the Brits are dying. I just the other day He's like,
he's like, Babe, I can only do a Scottish accent
(46:06):
when when I'm talking to him. He's like, I gotta
get lovely, have a lovely babe, you know as that
was that was. He's like, um, he's like you can
say my name. That's terrible. I'm doing awful and he's
gonna like yeah. He's like he's like, baby, you can
say my name and I'm like okay. So Alan and
I were talking, but I was just you know, with
(46:26):
about people and the pages and all that stuff, and
so I went to Amy and I said, hey, I
really want to do an E M D R around
all this and just and I figured out where it
pinpointed too, and so that was really really, really really
good but she said something during that and she goes,
what you're basically doing is there's a massive, massive gas
(46:50):
leak outside, and you were allowing the window to open,
like you're you are physically opening the window and letting
the gas come in, like you are in charge of
letting that gas come in. You're opening it. I'm literally
lifting it up and open. I'm doing it to myself. Yeah,
I'm emotional about this. Talk to me. I think I
(47:12):
let the window open. Yeah. See, we're doing it. And
Chris and I have this in therapy. I owe you
a cope because I'm in tears. But I started crying.
And so we're at the very end of e m
d R and I look up and I go and
I'm in tears, and she, you know, she stops at
the m DR. I think she go, what I go, Amy,
I'm the one opening the window. Yeah right, well, we
(47:33):
we're the only ones that can be in charge of
that for ourselves. But it didn't for some reason equate
to me at all that I'm like that I was
doing it. We have the control to I cannot not
go online like me going online and logging into these
hate places. I'm opening the window by doing that, I'm
I am using my fingers and going on the website.
(47:56):
And also but here's the other piece of that too,
christ And I think that I still deserve or that
I am what these messages are because of a certain
someone that was so toxic and said awful words to
me that it's almost like a safe place when I
read it. That's the twisted piece in it. It's like
you feel safe and in a weird twisted way that
(48:20):
I'm like, oh, and it feels like the truth because
that's what he would say to me, these nasty, negative things,
and so I believe it, and so I almost feel
comforted in this awful place because that's what I was
used to for seven eight years. Right, it makes sense.
I'm afraid of people opening my window. You control the winds,
(48:43):
I know. And I feel like like even when I
get d M s on Instagram, so I'm not I'm not.
I'm new too, the amount of like opinions because I've
never had this before, Like I've had my own little podcast.
It's just a little pot cast that could I call
it for three years and it's just sweet and little.
And then your exposure so big that I'm always afraid that,
(49:06):
Like so, I I don't have notifications turned not on Instagram.
I turned that off probably almost a year ago, just
because I needed less noise. And I'm real susceptible to that.
But now I'm afraid when they send something it's not kind.
I'm like afraid someone's going to open the window for me,
and I'm like, no, one must keep this. Well, well
here's the thing, and so this is something to write.
The pirates are coming. But like when I see those messages,
(49:28):
I now know I can look at and go, I
know my truth. They don't. They want to think they
know me and who I am and my truth and
my situation and my love life and this that and
the other. They don't know. So and my core message
is that I'm the problem. I'm not the problem, and
just knowing that those messages aren't going to hold as
much weight because it's just noise that is not true.
(49:53):
None of it's true. Like Creamer, I wish so often
and I'm not I'm not just saying this. I just
wish people could have like a day with you sometimes,
but I mean it. It's like they just it's it's
interesting to see what people think they know about everybody.
But it's like even knowing you I and even knowing
(50:15):
my husband the way I do, Like, I just really
it changes the way I view every celebrity because it's
not fair the amount of opinions. And and what I
think is important is that for you, you've done this
really big work of letting people in the really darkty
places of your life, so then they just feel entitled
to like make a home there And I'm like, oh, no,
we don't live there anymore. She showed you that. But
(50:37):
we're doing this. She's doing work, she's moving this, she's
finding a healthy relationship with herself and with her friends
and with you know, significant others like Alan, and I
just like to say his name. I'm really pumped about it.
We went from B word to a word. But like
I just wish, I wish people didn't feel so miserable
(50:58):
with themselves that they that they like to leave people
miserable where they've let them in. Yeah, but the sad
part is is that's not reality and it's not going
to happen. So it's how you And like I was
thinking about this when Heidi was talking about it, Well,
I was thinking about it when Heidi was talking about
it earlier because I was like, man, would it be
so great for you to have an outlet, which you
do have it here, but to be able to explain yourself,
(51:19):
to be able to tell your true And I'm like,
you know what, They're still going to say it, They're
still going to do it, and I'm glad her girls
have that. But that's where you have to They don't
know the story and you have to be okay with
not being able to tell your side of the story.
And that's hard. I mean, that's the thing, and that's
all that matters. And I mean I do that in
little parts of my life, so I can't even imagine,
(51:42):
you know, on that big of a scale, but like
that's the reality. Whether you get to tell your side
of the story, whether they care, whether they don't, like,
it's going to be negative. There's going to be negative
out there. And all you can do is, like you said,
close the window, don't let the gas in. Yeah, that's good,
Like the window don't open it. H I'm proud of
you because you need to close the freaking window. It's close, girlfriends,
(52:05):
And its whole thing is yeah, yeah, she know how
she does? Like really, I feel like there was times
in your life when I was actually in your home
with all the windows open, putting gas nets on. You
sure down, and I'm like, no, this feels comfortable. This
is what normal feels to me. This is what it
this is. This feels cozy. Trauma feels cozy. No, you're
(52:28):
in a different way, I know. And I had it
still creeping in. But no, mo, no mo. I'm so
proud of you. Hey, guys, guess he's coming to town
this week? To Allen and so said, he's coming in
for twenty two hours. Twenty two to be exact, and
talk about it for just a second. You can't wait, Okay,
So I want to say about Alan a couple of
(52:50):
things that I really like about because I'm glad that
we can say his name now. So I was like,
I don't like that he's coming for twenty four hours.
It's like he's going to be tired. It's a waste
because he has a busy job. And like I was like,
it just feels like like it just feels like too
much for one person. And Kreamer was like, I know,
I feel the same, and Alan said, while we were
all on FaceTime with him, he said, I just have
(53:12):
to do this because I need to show you. This
isn't just you coming over to me, it's me coming
to you. And even for twenty two jet ladds sweet
little Scottish accent hours, he's gonna do it. He's gonna
get to you, and who cares if he if he,
I guess, I'm like, hey, I'm gonna see you in
like five, five or six days later, like it. And
(53:33):
that's when he was like, no, it's like you've made
the commitment to come, and he's like, and he hasn't
seen my world. So I'm excited to show my twenty
three hours or whatever of my world. And she's going
to meet him. You won't be able to meet my
personal excite. Sorry for like five minutes course. Okay, all right,
have fun. I love you guys. That window shot, y'all?
(53:58):
All right, I love you. Bye o
Wind Down with Janet Kramer, and I heard radio podcast,
Well two of us are here, one of us is
not here. Wind Down world wide, worldwide, wide wide white.
What uh y'all. I something happened to me and I
just remembered it because I had to use the restroom
before I came on the podcast. And the other night
(00:24):
I was putting the kids to bed and sweet Jason,
I'm like in Jolie's room, like making sure, you know,
she's brushing her teeth and hair and stuff. And then
Jason just goes, Mommy, I pete on the floor and
I'm like, okay, like I'll be there in a second
to clean it up. Well, I'm like, you know, kind
of like rushing and running, and I straight up go
(00:44):
into Jason's bathroom. I slip on his piss and I
was just like that hurts. It was just like one
of those moments where were just like, Wow, this is
just amazing thing. So I just remembered because that that
was yesterday, and so I walked in there and I
(01:04):
just didn't even have the energy to like clean it
up in that moment, So I just laid a towel
over it to no one else would slip on the
PP two and I'm like, crap, I gotta be the
girl your shirt matches that story. Yeah, my mama life.
I was just like I literally just like wiped out
on my son's p on the floor. I have like
such a similar story two years ago, Like we used
(01:27):
to have one of those like spray water things, you know,
and Emmy was in the tub when she was little,
and she put it and it started spraying everyone's mommy, mommy,
and I was like, I'm coming. I slipped on all
the water. I mean, I had a bruise on my
thigh be size like I should hurts. Oh, it's too
good mom life right there. But yeah, that was coming
(01:48):
back from I went on a beautiful tropical Caribbean vacation
with our other part of our queendom, Sarah Bryce. So
I really wish and I really wanted Sarah come on
this podcast to talk about it because something happened that
nobody even knows in this in this chat, No nobody knows. Yeah,
(02:10):
there was an earthquake, what gathered. It's just the fact
that it's her in Sarah quake, Like, you'll need somebody
that's a little bit like not panicky in that moment.
But here's the here's the thing is god it And
I just wish Sarah was here because us explaining it
together would just be so funny and maybe like we
(02:32):
can revisit it when she's able to. But um, you know,
I have been in earthquakes before, Like I've been in
like four points something's in in Los Angeles like a
little little shake of the bed, right, y'all. It was
a six point two h out of Guadalupe, and in
(02:55):
where we were at an Anguilla, it was a five
point seven. Now, okay, she kept telling me, you guys
were headed to Tijuana, so let's start there. We were
in the we were in the Bahamas or Cribbeans, sorry,
the Caribbeans. And it was like, I mean, it shook
me out of bed. So you'all were asleep asleep have
(03:16):
it at seven? Literally shook me out of bed. But
the sound of what the earth was like the sound
was the craziest piece of it. It was like roaring
from the depths, and so it shook me out. And
I'm like, oh my god, And I'm thinking, first there
must be like a this isn't a cart right, Like
I'm thinking, like could it be a cart going through
(03:37):
the hotel and so but yeah, no, like shook and
then I hear like, I guess where I was like
a monster coming out of the depths of the ocean,
and then it shook it again. I'm like, oh no,
I'm I'm like now I'm not freaked. And this is
the first night like that, the first morning that we
wake up, and so I immediately text Sarah and I said,
(03:59):
did you feel that? And then I call my boyfriend
and was just like, there's an earthquake. I'm freaking out
because I go to there's going to be a tsunami
because why are we the same human? Why are we
the same? But I mean that's possible. That's what I'm saying.
It's totally possible. Back in it killed almost all. You
(04:20):
shall should have seen my Google search, Like it was
like what is it? Like, you know, like how long
did it gets? Three? You know? And I'm just like
because it happened, like um yeah, but here's the scariest part.
Like that even scared me more because I'm like, well,
then it's going to happen soon because it's been it's
been forever. It's like in California, it's like everyone's been
waiting on the big one. So when I lived there,
(04:40):
and that's the thing, like, when I lived in California,
I don't think I ever slept a great night's sleep
because I was always fearful of of an earthquake, right,
like we're do like it's it's due and so and
the thing was is like Sarah was not the nervous
one at all. She comes in and she's like that
was that an earthquake? She was? I just thought, wow,
(05:01):
God just shook us. And I go Sarah. So she's
all like there. So she's all calm right, Well, this
is what happens because we like feed right, and so
I'm like, you're not worried about a tsunami, She's like
a tsunami. And so then it just like trickled right,
And so then we started asking everybody at because I'm
calling like the front ask I'm like, I'm about ready
to So I call my friend Adam and I was
(05:22):
just like because he's got a plain and I'm like,
can you can you get me out of here? Another country?
I was like, do I have an out? Because I
am like because I'm gonna grab my Louis at the
highest tree because I'm like, I'm about to start hiking
up to the highest point, which also scared me. It's
the flattest in the Caribbean too, there's not a really
(05:44):
high point in there, so I'm like, where would we go?
You know? And so I'm like I need to know,
like where we're going, what we're doing. Well, now I've
now freaked Sarah out, so now she's at the top
and then I'm like, Sarah, I need you to bring
it down because now like it. We're like and the
funniest It was such a good lesson for us because
we would we we walked around, I mean we asked people,
(06:08):
were like, so, are you afraid of a tsunami now?
And they're like no, like not not at all. And
we're like you're not and so and then we realized,
so A, we're just putting too much worry into things.
But be we are going around asking other people to
make us feel better, and that's not Those aren't the
people that we should be going to to make us
feel better either. As a boyfriend in London, I just
(06:30):
want to say that, but he was so good, You're
going to be You're fine, like it happens I'm like, no, Actually,
I talked to five people in the last twenty minutes
and they say it doesn't happen, which actually freaks me out. Mark,
But it doesn't happen because what is the earth? I'm
trying to tell us, right, But it was. I think
it was like such a big lesson from God to
to go, okay, like you have to come to me.
You're going to other people to um to tell you,
(06:54):
you know, to not worry. It's like, no, like I am.
You're like, You're like, I am who you should be
going to like talking to right now. Not putting your
trust in other people. Put it your trust in me.
So I'm like, all right, it was a great lesson. Good.
So I had a similar situation at three in the morning,
non an earthquake, but I woke up worried about pirates.
The heck pirates, like for real. The same weekend that
(07:17):
Kramer and Bryce were on an island, I went to
a different island. You were in Florida, Well, we were
on we but we were on Little Palm Island. Ah,
you were afraid of pirates. I can't talk. Go ahead,
go ahead, I'm sorry. So i I'm like, okay, So
we get to the island. It's our first time there.
(07:38):
Preston is very used to noise, like he lives on
a bus with dudes. Noise noise, noise, phone noise, Instagram.
He's the kind of guy like the TV needs to
be on and the radio needs to be playing, and
whatever is opposite of that is me. So we get
to this really calm place and I'm like, this is
I think actually I might have entered heaven because it's
so calm and so quiet, like it's designed for me.
(08:00):
Because there's no phones, there's one TV on the whole island,
no TV's in your rooms. I'm like, it's like, it's amazing,
that's great. It was like this is special order. He
freaks out quiet this is a little too quiet, and
I'm like, oh no, that doesn't exist. But welcome to
my world. So we're on my island for three days.
Then at three in the morning, I wake up a
(08:22):
slight sense of panic. There's a dock behind our bungalow.
Who's stopping anyone from pulling up to then from bungalow.
This is how you know you were raised on a peninsula.
Because we just didn't know. We just don't feel we
know there's a way out. We can always go south.
There was nothing. I was like, I can't swim very well, pressing,
can't swim what we don't know how to drive the boats?
(08:43):
We suck? The pirates are coming? And I woke him up.
Did you hear something about pirates or something like what? No? No,
I think I just watched too many movies. And then yeah,
well the same because that's the thing. Like with the
I was like, didn't you see the Naomi wats or
I think that was? Who was with the with the tsunami?
Like it's just it's all the fear driven of things
(09:05):
we've watched or have been you know, witness too in
in media or whatever. I know, But what who did
I think was coming? Is the question? Johnny depp as
Let's say it's that or like true real life like
now pirates. I mean that exists in my brain. It
was not like I patch it was like Gangsters of
the Sea. That's where I was at at three in
(09:27):
the morning. None of it had value, none of it
anchored anywhere, no pun intended. But I was like, why
can't I just get my life together and not worry
about this I'm on this beautiful island. Well, I think
that's the that's also to like the same thing with
like serenized. There's so much worry and we're putting worried
like okay, if I can't get out of this island,
I mean legit was calling out, I'm going, you know,
like how fast do you think it could get here?
(09:48):
And could you? And because I'm like all this worry
of what if something's going to happen, what if a
pirate's gonna come? What if you know, a tsunami is
gonna hit and there's gonna be another earthquake, and this
is it. It's like we've met. We were supposed to
go to this island, in these islands to relax and
be calm, but yet we let these this trickle in.
But I think were you able because I was able
to go, Okay, you know, I'm here, I'm staying. I'm
(10:12):
just going to enjoy and I'm going to trust in
God and trust in like just the relaxing. And this
is a test, right, this entire time was a test
because I wrote in the sand the night before that
I wanted to let go of worry. Well that freaking yeah, exactly.
That was worry, and so I was like, thank you God,
worry is just going to steal your joy, that's for sure.
(10:32):
And that's what we have never. Preston and I have
never been on a trip just the two of us
ever in our relationship together, not one time in over
eight years. So this was our first. This was like
the honeymoon. This was everything. We've never done it. It's
always with the other half of the duo, or we
meet somewhere for a show or something. And I at
three in the morning when I had the Pirates, I
(10:52):
was like, you've gotta be kidding me, Pirates, what am
I doing. I had the same thing where I was like,
I need to just pray myself to sleep, because there's
Beau has why I don't deserve to have joy attacked.
First of all, I get to sleep without any little
people in my bed, which hasn't happened, and I didn't
let it. So I just prayed myself to sleep, and
I was like, I'm not doing this. I'm gonna soak
(11:12):
up all of this. I've waited eight long years for
this magical moment. Well, I'm glad you guys had that
and that you were able to again, you know, like
you said, not letting it steal your joy. Well, I'm
proud of you all. Thank you. We'll get we'll get
Sarah on because there was so many more things that
happened that I mean, I can't even go through it alone. Uh.
And we also have an amazing guest that's in the
(11:35):
waiting room. I'm so excited to talk to her because
we talked so much about social media and kids. And
so we're gonna get Heidi Demilio on the show right
after the break. Hi. Hi, So I had to have
(12:00):
you on the show. We're all all three of us
are mamas. And Uh, first of all, I watched you
and Dancing with the Stars. You and Artem were freaking
precious together, like so good, and I was so just
like proud of you and how you just went out
there and just like owned it and just like you
were sexy and beautiful and like elegant and graceful, and
(12:21):
it's just that must have been so cool to do that,
you know, together with your daughter. Um. Yeah, first of all,
it feels like forever ago, and it feels like it
just ended all the same time. As you know, it's
like a whole, Like what it does to your brain
and your body and your emotions is wild. But yeah,
(12:41):
it was so much fun doing that with Charlie. Charlie
is the best. Both of my kids are the best
in situations that I think all of us know as
moms where you go to your kids when they're struggling
or whatever and you just, I don't know, as mom's
like you feel like you know what to say. Sometimes
you know, it doesn't doesn't help to say anything. Sometimes
(13:03):
it's just a hug. And she's just they're both so
good at that, and so to be able to go
through that with her and I was having those hard
moments like I just can't get it, like I don't
think I can do this all of that. She was
just so good in those moments and I would be
like I kind of feel like this is something I
might have mentioned to her before, like when she was
going through something and now on the tables have turned,
(13:25):
and it just it was like she really got me
through a lot of like rough moments. And Artam was
great and he was you know, he's very like business
when it comes to like we step in rehearsal and
we're like NonStop. But he would we you know how
it is like as time goes on, you kind of
get to where you get to know each other and
(13:45):
he knows when to push and when to back off.
So it was I was I was very happy to
have that experience. I'm curious where you because I remember
when I did the show. It's like it it was
the biggest mental challenge, more than more than the day
and anything else. Because what it makes you feel like
you are just for me what my experience is like,
I'm not good enough, I suck. This is like why
(14:08):
am I even doing this? And I'm curious, like what
message came up for you that you had a tough
time getting over that block? Um well, I feel like
I had a few. I think when it first starts,
just since all of this stuff happened with our family
and we're in the spotlight, I when it's the four
of us together, I'm always uh, you know, if we're
(14:30):
doing whatever and they're speaking parts, I'm like, okay, you
guys do it. I'll just be here. I never wanted
to talk on camera. I didn't feel comfortable. I didn't
feel confident. And then um and then kind of like happy.
I think just as a mom. You I know, I
(14:51):
happily like, okay, it's my kids time to support them
in school and dance and sports and whatever is Emotionally,
I'm always like here, like you guys are it's your turn.
That's what my mom did to me. And now no
one's in front of me, and I'm on that dance
floor and I am just have to be and then
(15:13):
I have to jump on the mic and talk on
live television. And it was terrifying, and I was like,
I don't think. I don't think I can do it. Not.
I actually artem found out. I think it was week
one in our interview after we dance that I was
I had a whole game plan on backing out, and
(15:35):
as I'm saying it, he's like, we're gonna talk about
this later. He had no idea, and I was really
I just couldn't. I didn't feel comfortable being in the
spotlight after being you know, having your kids, and it's
not just the spotlight of like a following before that.
(15:56):
You know, it's not about me. It's my kids turn
to do whatever it is they want to do and
just support like that was my role. I was the supporting,
supporting role, like Mark and I had a great thing
in our marriage and it was our family were together
all the time and before any of this, So to
be stripped of that and it's like your front and
center was really hard emotionally because I felt like as
(16:24):
the weeks went on, it's I slowly felt like you know,
pre kids, pre marriage, when I'm just me and yeah,
and and it's crazy because it's not like I was
in this marriage where my family is holding me back.
(16:44):
It was never that, like Mark was always like, who
do this, whatever you want, like he's so good like that,
and so to have it sounded like, oh I was
being held down, Like no, I've chose to be in
that position happily and um. And so as the weeks
went by, I've felt it like happening like I was.
(17:05):
It's so weird to say, coming into my own like
I knew who I was. I thought I knew who
I was. But I think the challenge that the show
gives you makes you realize and I'm sure you felt this,
like I can literally do anything now if I survived
eight out of ten weeks of Dancing of the Stars,
like you can't. You cannot throw something at me that
(17:25):
I can't do. I'm like probably a little too much,
like yeah, I could do anything, but it was so
it was so great for me. And and so since
then we had I've done one of the shows we're
doing for a total, but I did one of the
Dance with the Stars tour shows, and so that's a
whole new set of it. Securities that come up. You're
(17:48):
in a you know you kind of when you're doing
the show. You have like the judges and the studio audience,
and I know, for me, I forgot that there are
millions of people watching at home. And I would always
when we I would see people and they would be like,
oh I loved you and the answer the stars, I
was like, oh yeah, Like that part, thank goodness never
entered my mind. So we go on the tour and
(18:11):
I'm on the mic is ten thousand people sold out
show and I'm like having a great time, Like no
insecurities there, and I'm like, how did that happen? Who
am I? I'm so proud of myself that confidence girl.
You know, yes, and it took me fifty one years
to get here, but I'm happy to be here. From Florida.
You don't look fifty one for everybody that can't see
(18:34):
you and just hears you. You're a fox. Thank you. Okay,
So I have a question, and this is not Dancing
at the Stars related, because I'm not committed. I'm Polish
and blonde, and I feel like I just know my limitations.
So you guys started because like the big fame piece
right for you started with TikTok. Is this true social media? Yes?
Since Charlie go like viral right in your Yeah, I
(19:01):
need you to walk me through how that the millions
millions of followers. Yeah, so um and recent only like
four years ago. So Charlie had her first viral video.
It was I think it was July. And at the
time it was cringe e to be on TikTok or
(19:24):
to post on TikTok, like kids were on it, but
they weren't wouldn't admit to posting. Charlie was just Charlie
is a dancer. She grew up competition dancing, and so
her friends would be like, her friends had accounts and
they would be like, teach us this dance so we
could do it, and so she would and sometimes she
jumped in their videos and after a while she was
like all right, I'll start my own account, and she
(19:46):
would show us and I was like Mark and I
were always pretty savvy and like for his business, he
was always on social media and using it as a
way to promote your business. Also, my whole family is
I'm from Louisiana, so my whole family down there. We're
living in the northeast, We're in Connecticut. Mark works in
and out of New York City and so, um it
(20:08):
was always a good way for the girls to stay
connected to their cousins on social media. And we were
always on and felt like it could be a positive
thing as long as you don't abuse it, and we
always had those conversations. But um, so we were aware
of it. It was very different than any other platform.
So I was like, so, what do you like? What?
(20:31):
So you just learn a dance and you do a
dance because I had seen whatever it was before I
came to the musically, I had seen that this felt different.
And so then she started posting and we were on
the way to dance competition that was about an hour
and twenty minutes away, and as she posted a quick
video before we left the house, and by the time
(20:52):
we got there and had like ten thousand views, and
she was like, what am I gonna do? What do
I do? What do I do? What do I do?
I'm like, I mean, I'm like I knew enough to
know that's a lot, right, but um, she was like
going to her it was a like a four hour
dance intensive and she came out and it had like
something like three hundred thousand views or something. I just
(21:13):
kept going up and up, and so for this whole
ride home an hour in twenty minutes, She's like, what
do I do? What do I do? Now? What do
I do? Like just like don't answer any d ms,
like you know whatever. And then every video after that
went viral, and so Dixie's dying because she's like a
senior in high school. And she was like, this is
so embarrassing. My sister's posting videos on TikTok, and so
(21:36):
Charlie's like, get on, get on. She was like, yeah,
if you ever hit a million followers, I'll get on,
ha ha ha. And so her first video went viral
in July, No, no October, I think it was like
October thirty or thirty one. She hit a million a
million followers in that time, and Dixie's like, oh fine,
I'll get on, and so they did a video. They
(21:58):
dressed like, their hair was the same, they looked like
twins and they and it was on Dixie's it was
I think it was on Charlie's account, and she pulled
Dixie in and the internet went nuts. So all of
a sudden, now Dixie's got a million, Charlie's got two million,
and it just went crazy. And so then you know,
um somebody had reached out and they were like Charlie's like, um,
(22:21):
he wants me to do a dance to his artists song.
I'm like, nobody's paying you to dance for fifteen seconds
to a song on TikTok. Sorry, that's not a thing.
And Mark's like, well, I know people get paid to
make content. So I was like, if he wants to
do anything, he can talk to me, give me give
him my email. So he makes that real fast. Yeah,
(22:46):
and so he emailed me right away, and I was like, hey, Mark,
So so I think her first this is probably before
she hit a million, but her first one was like
seventy five dollars and she was so excited and she
got like the number one. It used to have the
way TikTok used to work is whoever had the most
um views on an audio, their their thing was at
(23:09):
the top, and so it was at the top, and
then they asked her to do it again it was
at the top. And then every audio she would do
she was at the top. Is crazy. And so you know,
of course, like managers and agents and people start calling
and Mark and I are like, nope, nope, nope, Like
we did not know this business. But Mark's been an
entrepreneur his whole life and we knew enough. He knew
enough about business to know we need to get the
(23:31):
right people in place. So we uh, we did have
a manager who also lived in Connecticut, and we got
an attorney and an entertainment attorney and then we just
said a no to a lot of things. But during
all this, myke, my girls have proven themselves and that's
why we have a good trust between us. We've you know,
(23:52):
they've made mistakes in their life growing up, and they
knew they could always come to us and they wouldn't
get punished or whatever. Like we're gonna have a conversation
about it. Obviously, lessons learned, punishment will come with with that.
It's you know, before all this, and so I think
they knew, uh, they could trust us and tell us things,
(24:12):
and we knew they had proven there themselves to us
as far as we could trust them that they wouldn't
do anything stupid. They know, anything that goes out there,
it's gonna be out there forever. And of course they've
made mistakes, and UM, we've we've always kind of dealt
with it and um never came down on them, especially
(24:34):
with all this, because when mistakes they have made now
becomes now comes on the internet with millions of followers,
they the internet is just crushing them. So the last
thing they need are there. It's kind of where I
was gonna detour is you know, we talk a lot
about bullies. I mean, I've got a hate page, like
(24:55):
you know, it's like they're just people on social media
are just brutal and they're so mean and curious how
you've because I've you know, I've watched the show and
I saw that one scene or I just felt so
that Charlie was just crying and then the hate and
anxiety that she's now has because of the show, you know,
because of the social media. It's I'm curious, did that
(25:18):
impact your decision, um, because your show is doing amazing,
you're filming season three right now, but is there a
piece where you're like, man, you we've almost let them
in so much that there's open up to more criticism. Basically, UM,
my girls have had anxiety before social media, so it's
not like it started then. But um, I think for
(25:40):
all of us, UM, the whole point of wanting to
do the show, uh and it you know, it is
in the reality realm, but it is a docuseries and
we wanted to be able to tell our stuy um
because as you know, people make up things and then
that becomes the conversation. And we wanted a place to
(26:02):
show us and show real realness and who we are
and what we're about, and not let the internet decide
to make up whatever they want and then people believe that.
And so um. I also we felt like it was
a way to put um, to put us in a
(26:25):
way that this isn't all on Charlie UM by her
sister doing getting in in this whole thing with her. Um,
it's not like her by herself and we're you know,
we can support her all all all we want, but
when you're in it and you're feeling it in the
(26:46):
same way. Um, there's that support there that we all
have for each other and UM and and part of
the show was too if Charlie doesn't want to work,
if she wants to, you know, I don't want to
do anything for six months, like the rest of us
can pick up the slack for her, and the thing
goes for Dixie and and Mark and I. You know,
(27:07):
so there's enough of us that we can sort of
balance it out. Like you know, Charlie's just not feeling
good today, like she's not gonna film, and you know,
she says three other people to pick up the slack
or and the same with Dixie. So yes, it put
us out there in uh a way besides social media,
but we felt like it was more important. We're all
executive producers, so we get a lot of say and
(27:30):
and what's covered and what's not. And in that moment
where Dixie was crying in season one, UM, Mark and
I were filming and she just happened to walk in.
We didn't even know she was coming because she didn't
live with us and UM and so we were we
went into the bedroom and and she was like, I
(27:50):
want to film this I want people to see how
damaging what they say can be. And so we're like,
are you sure? Are you sure? Because you know, as
a mom like and and Mark and I both were like, no,
we can't. You're not gonna film our daughter like breaking
down in such a raw moment. Let's h you know,
(28:11):
we want to protect that. And for her, even in
that moment, she was like, no, I want to show it.
That was one of my favorite moments honestly from the
show was because it was so authentic and so real
and so like, look what your words due to other people,
Like before you pick up your phone and say something
nasty because of your own insecurities, how that can affect
(28:32):
other people, you know. And I think people don't realize
then just think, oh, they're never going to see that.
We hear a lot of that, Yeah, they see a lot.
I think it's so important because like I have eleven
year old daughter who obviously knows your daughters from TikTok,
but I think it's really important for them to see that,
to see like just in school every day they have
(28:53):
kids that say mean things, you know, and they have
these you know, these reactions and these emotions to it.
But to see someone like Charlie who or you know
that they're getting upset about it too. It just really
makes them more real and relatable. And I just think
that it's really important, as much as it may be
hard for you guys at times, it's really important to
(29:13):
show that side. Yeah, And they know and they realized
that they know how important it is because there were
middle schoolers once and would hear you know, every all
these kids they say, you know, have felt it at
one time or another. And so sometimes I think especially
they see someone in the spotlight that seems like they
(29:35):
have this perfect situation and no, like nobody's exempt from this,
like it hurts no matter what. So they really wanted
to share that idea of you ever, like this major
(30:01):
Mama Bear moment where you're like, I'm done, we're quitting,
and I'm packing this all up because I just can't
imagine as a mom letting anyone say anything about I mean,
it's in us, like it's it's in who we are
when we become moms to just protect, protect, protect, And
then they're there in like they are in the jungle
of social media with millions of followers. I mean, I
(30:24):
only know what millions of followers can feel like because
I'm friends with Janna, you know, and watch just how
ruthless people get, and like, I also advise her not
to answer any d M. But I I really, like,
I can't like I even get protective of her and
she's just you know, she's my friend. But like, has
there been a time where you're like, this is it
(30:44):
and I'm done? And how does that look? And who's
calling each other back to the table and be like,
we're not done with this? We can do this because
it is a gauntlet out there. It's a lot, it's
a gauntlet. Um, So I think what the way our
family has handled it is we we do these check
ins and you know we've done this since the beginning.
Are you sure you want to do this? I mean,
(31:05):
there's we we can wind this down to use your
name of your podcast, but we can find this down
and we could read it in and you know, do
things differently, like you don't don't ever feel like you're
stuck here if you like, this isn't what I thought.
And we've we've had these conversations from the very beginning.
(31:26):
And as much as sometimes things are hurtful, they uh
see the value in their platform and they and they
do enjoy what they do, and they're getting to do
passion projects at this point and like work with amazing
people and brands and um they're very competitive and they're
(31:52):
very Yeah they're young girls, but when they're in meetings
with CEO s, I'm like, whoa, I couldn't even do
that today, like as much less at eighteen and twenty
one years old. And they love that. They love the
business side of it. Um. You know, they grew up
(32:13):
you know, watching Mark what he does and his entrepreneurial
things that he's done and grown his business. So they
that's so a part of them. Um. So they always say,
I don't want to stop doing this. And but where
Mark and I come in is okay, how can we
(32:35):
structure things so you have breaks? You yeah, boundaries, what's okay?
You know that? And we're still learning and you can
see that in our show, like we try to do
things that make you know, we we just put systems
in place, like the most recent one, well, I guess
(32:58):
this was last year. Wow was a year ago. But
we when we're away, like we went away for Charlie's
eighteenth birthday. It was great it was a vacation. It
was fun. She had all her friends, we had we
had friends and family there and we get back home. Now, yes,
it was a vacation. It was a blast, but you know,
(33:19):
it's you know how it is. It's um pictures and
you know, can you make a video for my friend
or this or that. It's still like that is she
you know, the girls consider part of work and and
so you know, are always you know, making sure they're
not you know, whatever if they're seen eating or whatever,
(33:40):
and then there's videos and then they get made fun
of for that. So they're always on edge. And so
that's not like a true vacation. So when we come
back from a vacation, although it's a lot of fun
and all that, we give him a couple of days off,
like no work, you know, get back decompressed, like veg out,
do absolutely nothing and then and those little things are
so helpful. So when they come back and there's things
(34:02):
to do and things on the calendar and they're like, okay,
I had my time, and like I'm ready to get
back into it. So we're always trying to figure out
better ways to do that, and they are getting really
really good, not just not just in business, but just
as humans of boundaries and like, you know what, I'm
(34:23):
not gonna do that because that doesn't make me feel good.
And but they've kind of always done that, but really,
um being vocal a lot of times, like yesterday, Charlie
was sick and we're shooting our Hlue show here at
the office, and um, she she called Mark and I
and she sounded terrible and she was like, I'm just
(34:44):
really not feeling good. But I looked at the calendar.
I could switch things the next day, blah blah blah.
And so we're like okay, And then we talked with
the show runner and she was like, all good, because yeah,
we can catch up tomorrow, no big deal. And then
her day to day managers like, UM, I'm gonna go
pick up Charlie to come in there, and I was like, oh, yeah,
(35:05):
she's not coming in, Like sometimes their instinct is to
call us first, and just as mom and dad like okay, yeah,
we'll take care of it. And didn't realize, like your
day to day manager is there to do that for you,
like talk to the show, like do all the things,
and so her and so her day to day manager
is fairly new, and so she's like, I'm so sorry,
(35:27):
Like I didn't know, Like, no, that's the nature you
plan as an eighteen year old. So he still come
to mom and dad for things, and you know, we
just kind of adjust as we go. So I'm not
gonna tell Charlie you have to call your day to
day manager. I'm not gonna like, I would never do that.
And we're all very close and we all have to
work together because we're just always together, and um, and
(35:51):
I you know, that was a conversation I never had
to have with her manager. I was like, hey, um,
this is going to happen, and this is going to
continue to happen, so don't feel like you didn't do
your job. Like we're all here to work together for
the girls, with the girls as a team. So but
always adjusting for sure, since this is a you know,
(36:13):
we talk a lot about relationships. You and Mark have
been married for how many years? Again? Twenty two years?
Twenty two years, So in those twenty two years and
even today, like what where do you think, like what
have you guys done really good at as a married
couple And we're like we're in your relationship, do you
still have moments of struggle. So I think, Um, I
(36:34):
think we both uh didn't settle before meeting each other.
We're both in long term relationships prior to meeting, and
that could have Yeah, I guess we probably could have
got married, but probably wouldn't have been great. It would
have been fine. Um, and neither one of us settled,
so that was one thing. And then we met and
(36:56):
we both knew right away, like neither one of us
were looking for a relationship. We've both just moved into
New York City and if they had like hot girls summer,
that would have been mine. And we met and I
was like, wow, I had never met anyone like him,
So I think we have a good foundation. And when like,
we just knew when we met, so that was super helpful.
(37:19):
But um, we really really really enjoy hanging out together. Um.
I think he's the funniest person. He thinks I'm slightly funny,
but like also just not quite as funny as he is.
But um, he's really funny, and we just have a
(37:39):
lot of fun together. And UM, I think probably the
best thing we've done was, um, we we're just very
respectful of each other. I I remember going on like
mom's nights to dinner whatever, and the mom's really bashing
(38:03):
their husbands of like, oh he does this and that,
and I was just like I and then kind of
look at me, and I'm like, I don't like have
anything to say. I mean, he's not perfect, I'm not perfect,
but I would also not publicly bash him, Like I
just thought that was awful and like if any of
their husbands they knew that the husbands were doing that
(38:25):
to them, they would be so hurt by it. And
so I we never talked bad about each other to anyone,
and um and and I think that was really impor
important because I's so hurtful and I would I would
like it would just it was hard to hear that.
I didn't like hearing that. Um yeah, does Mark leave
(38:45):
every cabinet in the kitchen opened when he goes in there? Yes?
I find I find it funny at this point because
it's it's so much that it has to be intentional,
like there's no way, but um, so I don't know,
Like I think, just being very respectful of each other
when the other one isn't around, I think is super
(39:09):
That says a lot about a person, Like when everyone
else around you is bashing their spouse and you're like,
I'm not going to do that, Like, I don't. I
never want you know, we were not perfect, but I
would never want other people to have an opinion on
him because I'm mad at him because he did whatever. Sure,
(39:30):
That's why I always tell my boyfriend. I always say, like,
I would love to be in a relationship where, uh,
I know that when I'm not around, they're still respecting
me like I'm around. Yeah. Yeah, So that I think
that's been very special and we're very confident in that
we both feel that way. And then um, probably the
(39:54):
negative would be negative, just something that like if we
can struggle, like something that to better, kind of common
thread that keeps coming back. I think I give it
up that battle. I'm like, you know what, I'll just
close it. Um, I think one thing and recently, um,
(40:15):
we've gotten so much better at it is over the years.
Like he what happened was he I happily wanted to
stay home with the girls. My mom stayed home with
I have three older sisters stayed home with us, and
I loved that and I wanted that for our family.
And Mark was totally like, whatever you want to do.
(40:37):
I'm down for that. So he always worked and I
was home. And I think one thing was we got
into these rules, and you know, even though he's the
you know, red winner and all of that, like there's
times where he could have used my help and I
was like, well, that's not like you're doing your thing
(40:58):
and I'm doing mine as far as like what we
bring to the table in our family. And then there's
times where maybe I needed a hand and he was like,
we wouldn't say that, it's all. It was almost like
became this unwritten rule, like well, I'm not gonna ask
him to do that. That's like my thing because this
is what I'm doing. He's like been at work all
day whatever. And I think now looking back on it,
(41:22):
that wasn't the best thing, Like, I uh that, you know,
I think there were times I could have helped him.
And I think the key is when the other when
one person is struggling, um is to you gotta step
up your game because you're gonna struggle at one point
and they're gonna You're gonna want them to step up there.
(41:43):
So that's something we recently really got in the thick
of what we were feeling about that and really mended
that because now we're both working and we all work
together as a family, and so I can't believe how
much joy I am getting out of and he says
(42:04):
the same thing, out of doing little things that make
his day easier, and when he does it for me,
it just feels so good and just knowing like somebody's
got your back, even in things like like he goes
above and beyond, and I was like, wow, that was
so like thoughtful and just being thought of. I know
(42:25):
I've been thoughtful with my friendships, are my family, are
my kids, And sometimes Mark was the last one on
the list and the end that went both ways. We
still had a good time. We always I mean we've
had a long run of like a really good time
in our marriage. Of course there's been moments, but I
think we forgot about that, like how being thoughtful and
(42:46):
just really stepping in when they need it because to
get that back, And that's not why we do it,
like oh I'm gonna do this because you'll do that.
It's just like you want to do it more like
I'm more of like I want to one up him.
I want to do more for him than he's gonna
do for me, and like, who doesn't want that? And
it just feels so good. And so although we haven't
(43:07):
been great at that, now it's like we're there and
it just feels really good. I think I think it's
very easy to get in that. Well he didn't do
that for me, and I didn't I'm not doing that,
you know, and getting that sort of tip for tat
and and we've been there and so we don't want
to we don't want to go there again. And so
that was something that always kind of like crept up
(43:29):
in our marriage. It wasn't like a major thing, but
we would talk about it and then we'd like do
a little bit and then it kind of fall off.
I'm like with the kids and he's going into New
York City and working and so now it's a priority
and and it just feels really good. I love that. Well,
thank you for sharing that with us, and and um,
you're currently filming season three right now for Hulu, so
(43:52):
I'm excited to watch that. And just thank you for
bringing on you know, coming on the show and chatting
with us. Thanks for having me. I we love I
have three older sisters, so I miss having like girls
around there's a lot of women in my family in general,
on my mom, my mom, and dad's side, and so
I love having other women to hang with. We'll come
(44:13):
to Nashville and hang out with us because he's going
uh soon, Okay at the beginning of February, and I
was like, I love Nashville. My niece used to live there,
and so I was like, hey, listen, if you need
us to come out there, she was like, okay, if
you want to. I'm like, I'm like, I don't need
(44:33):
to hang out with you. I just want to go.
I'll slide into your d M S and we'll do
We'll make sure we do a little a little hang session.
But thank you seriously so much. Appreciate you. Thank you
for having me. I appreciate it. By bye. Okay, Well,
(44:59):
she's so sweet. And I have to tell you guys
something that happened at therapy because it's about letting in
the negative, all the voices and the noise. Because I
did E M d R with Amy the other day
and yeah, it was like wild. So did E M
d R with her just to talk about the noise,
(45:20):
you know, because things we talked about and uh with Alan,
my boyfriend. She did this to us, Kaby, and it's
just like, sorry, do we just talk about have you
(45:43):
been planning this or did this just happen? Lamer. I
got a message this weekend and I went, I screenshotted
it to send it to you, and then I was like,
I'm not doing this. It was so sweet, but she
was like it's someone over there and she was like,
the Brits are dying. I just the other day He's like,
he's like, Babe, I can only do a Scottish accent
(46:06):
when when I'm talking to him. He's like, I gotta
get lovely, have a lovely babe, you know as that
was that was. He's like, um, he's like you can
say my name. That's terrible. I'm doing awful and he's
gonna like yeah. He's like he's like, baby, you can
say my name and I'm like okay. So Alan and
I were talking, but I was just you know, with
(46:26):
about people and the pages and all that stuff, and
so I went to Amy and I said, hey, I
really want to do an E M D R around
all this and just and I figured out where it
pinpointed too, and so that was really really, really really
good but she said something during that and she goes,
what you're basically doing is there's a massive, massive gas
(46:50):
leak outside, and you were allowing the window to open,
like you're you are physically opening the window and letting
the gas come in, like you are in charge of
letting that gas come in. You're opening it. I'm literally
lifting it up and open. I'm doing it to myself. Yeah,
I'm emotional about this. Talk to me. I think I
(47:12):
let the window open. Yeah. See, we're doing it. And
Chris and I have this in therapy. I owe you
a cope because I'm in tears. But I started crying.
And so we're at the very end of e m
d R and I look up and I go and
I'm in tears, and she, you know, she stops at
the m DR. I think she go, what I go, Amy,
I'm the one opening the window. Yeah right, well, we
(47:33):
we're the only ones that can be in charge of
that for ourselves. But it didn't for some reason equate
to me at all that I'm like that I was
doing it. We have the control to I cannot not
go online like me going online and logging into these
hate places. I'm opening the window by doing that, I'm
I am using my fingers and going on the website.
(47:56):
And also but here's the other piece of that too,
christ And I think that I still deserve or that
I am what these messages are because of a certain
someone that was so toxic and said awful words to
me that it's almost like a safe place when I
read it. That's the twisted piece in it. It's like
you feel safe and in a weird twisted way that
(48:20):
I'm like, oh, and it feels like the truth because
that's what he would say to me, these nasty, negative things,
and so I believe it, and so I almost feel
comforted in this awful place because that's what I was
used to for seven eight years. Right, it makes sense.
I'm afraid of people opening my window. You control the winds,
(48:43):
I know. And I feel like like even when I
get d M s on Instagram, so I'm not I'm not.
I'm new too, the amount of like opinions because I've
never had this before, Like I've had my own little podcast.
It's just a little pot cast that could I call
it for three years and it's just sweet and little.
And then your exposure so big that I'm always afraid that,
(49:06):
Like so, I I don't have notifications turned not on Instagram.
I turned that off probably almost a year ago, just
because I needed less noise. And I'm real susceptible to that.
But now I'm afraid when they send something it's not kind.
I'm like afraid someone's going to open the window for me,
and I'm like, no, one must keep this. Well, well
here's the thing, and so this is something to write.
The pirates are coming. But like when I see those messages,
(49:28):
I now know I can look at and go, I
know my truth. They don't. They want to think they
know me and who I am and my truth and
my situation and my love life and this that and
the other. They don't know. So and my core message
is that I'm the problem. I'm not the problem, and
just knowing that those messages aren't going to hold as
much weight because it's just noise that is not true.
(49:53):
None of it's true. Like Creamer, I wish so often
and I'm not I'm not just saying this. I just
wish people could have like a day with you sometimes,
but I mean it. It's like they just it's it's
interesting to see what people think they know about everybody.
But it's like even knowing you I and even knowing
(50:15):
my husband the way I do, Like, I just really
it changes the way I view every celebrity because it's
not fair the amount of opinions. And and what I
think is important is that for you, you've done this
really big work of letting people in the really darkty
places of your life, so then they just feel entitled
to like make a home there And I'm like, oh, no,
we don't live there anymore. She showed you that. But
(50:37):
we're doing this. She's doing work, she's moving this, she's
finding a healthy relationship with herself and with her friends
and with you know, significant others like Alan, and I
just like to say his name. I'm really pumped about it.
We went from B word to a word. But like
I just wish, I wish people didn't feel so miserable
(50:58):
with themselves that they that they like to leave people
miserable where they've let them in. Yeah, but the sad
part is is that's not reality and it's not going
to happen. So it's how you And like I was
thinking about this when Heidi was talking about it, Well,
I was thinking about it when Heidi was talking about
it earlier because I was like, man, would it be
so great for you to have an outlet, which you
do have it here, but to be able to explain yourself,
(51:19):
to be able to tell your true And I'm like,
you know what, They're still going to say it, They're
still going to do it, and I'm glad her girls
have that. But that's where you have to They don't
know the story and you have to be okay with
not being able to tell your side of the story.
And that's hard. I mean, that's the thing, and that's
all that matters. And I mean I do that in
little parts of my life, so I can't even imagine,
(51:42):
you know, on that big of a scale, but like
that's the reality. Whether you get to tell your side
of the story, whether they care, whether they don't, like,
it's going to be negative. There's going to be negative
out there. And all you can do is, like you said,
close the window, don't let the gas in. Yeah, that's good,
Like the window don't open it. H I'm proud of
you because you need to close the freaking window. It's close, girlfriends,
(52:05):
And its whole thing is yeah, yeah, she know how
she does? Like really, I feel like there was times
in your life when I was actually in your home
with all the windows open, putting gas nets on. You
sure down, and I'm like, no, this feels comfortable. This
is what normal feels to me. This is what it
this is. This feels cozy. Trauma feels cozy. No, you're
(52:28):
in a different way, I know. And I had it
still creeping in. But no, mo, no mo. I'm so
proud of you. Hey, guys, guess he's coming to town
this week? To Allen and so said, he's coming in
for twenty two hours. Twenty two to be exact, and
talk about it for just a second. You can't wait, Okay,
So I want to say about Alan a couple of
(52:50):
things that I really like about because I'm glad that
we can say his name now. So I was like,
I don't like that he's coming for twenty four hours.
It's like he's going to be tired. It's a waste
because he has a busy job. And like I was like,
it just feels like like it just feels like too
much for one person. And Kreamer was like, I know,
I feel the same, and Alan said, while we were
all on FaceTime with him, he said, I just have
(53:12):
to do this because I need to show you. This
isn't just you coming over to me, it's me coming
to you. And even for twenty two jet ladds sweet
little Scottish accent hours, he's gonna do it. He's gonna
get to you, and who cares if he if he,
I guess, I'm like, hey, I'm gonna see you in
like five, five or six days later, like it. And
(53:33):
that's when he was like, no, it's like you've made
the commitment to come, and he's like, and he hasn't
seen my world. So I'm excited to show my twenty
three hours or whatever of my world. And she's going
to meet him. You won't be able to meet my
personal excite. Sorry for like five minutes course. Okay, all right,
have fun. I love you guys. That window shot, y'all?
(53:58):
All right, I love you. Bye o
Host
Jana Kramer
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