September 18, 2023 • 60 mins
Jana connects with Amanza Smith from "Selling Sunset" who shares her unbelievable story of how a rare blood infection nearly took her life.
Amanza opens up about life as a single mom, and we find out which "Selling Sunset" cast members came to her aid after her diagnosis.
Plus, Amanza reveals a close friendship that was actually repaired and improved because of her life-threatening condition.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heart Radio podcast
last week.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
Uh oh.
Speaker 3 (00:09):
Not in the new House.
Speaker 1 (00:11):
Oh no. Why do I always feel like I've done
I'm wrong. I don't know what is that. There's some
sort of ambush thing I'm always waiting for with you too,
I think that I don't know, we can dig deeper
with Amy maybe and have a group sash interesting because
I'm like, you're like, am I I was thinking you
were a say am I fired? Or about that? Because
(00:33):
we're friends forever. So if I'm not on the podcast,
it's like I'll be sad because I love everyone. But
I'm also like, that's fine, right, Yeah, I mean not
in a way. I just the bottom can fall out
in radio anytime, and since I did radio, I think
I'm just always ready for that. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (00:48):
It's funny because I'm the girl that's like, don't send
me a dot dot dot Like if she sends if
I get a dot dot dot on the text, I'm
like and I'm fired.
Speaker 4 (00:56):
No.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
Oh, I don't like it when Jana goes, hey are
you around in ten? Oh? Well, I think we talked
about that a couple of weeks ago, and I did
it to Kat but I'm also the same human with
that too, So I girls, I get it. I'm counting
my bad Okay, yes, so this is the last I
gotta tell you, though, I've really loved staying in this cottage.
Speaker 3 (01:19):
It's adorable.
Speaker 1 (01:21):
It's a two bedroom, one bath. The only issue is
you guys, this is so embarrassing.
Speaker 3 (01:27):
Oh no, open yeah, yeah, I don't there was one bathroom.
Speaker 1 (01:31):
Tell me, can we do we have Do we have
a minute to talk about number two with the number
one girls? Yes?
Speaker 2 (01:36):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (01:37):
So this is always tricky to me because I feel like, okay,
so like I oh, first of all, in order to go,
I'm just we're just gonna what are we gonna call it?
It's good Mark Kramer. No, No, that sounds like there's
a story there. There's a story that's vaulted for a
few of them.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:58):
No, I feel like I can't comfortably go to the
bathroom unless there's like at least like two locked doors
between me and the other whoever is next in my house? Right?
Speaker 3 (02:07):
I don't even lock the door.
Speaker 1 (02:09):
So this is my question. So when you poop? Oh
never seen you poop?
Speaker 3 (02:16):
I mean maybe, but it's really like I'm saying like
maybe something are.
Speaker 1 (02:27):
No, I'm just saying that supplements we get use to
get you out of that.
Speaker 3 (02:31):
Little I highly doubt it, but I mean I'm sure
at some point, like in a hotel, you know, I
just like in the hotels they have like clear doors on,
like there's got to be I do that. I feel like, yeah, anyway,
I don't lock the door.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
No, Like I can't even go when the three of
us are out traveling and you guys are like a safe,
cozy place for me. Not until everybody leaves the room
and gives turns their keys into me.
Speaker 3 (03:00):
Janna is like, hey, guys, I need you all to
talk and I needs to talk real loud, and then
she goes in.
Speaker 1 (03:04):
This is how fast it is. Danna goes in, closes
the door, and she goes dropping out, and Jane opens
the door and she's all done. The thing is, though,
is that I don't I think and I don't know
what it is, but the most uncomfortable thing even when
I'm like in a restroom and someone does like but
I'm like, I'm like, sorry, girl, that sucks.
Speaker 4 (03:25):
You know.
Speaker 1 (03:26):
I feel bad for the person, but are you? But
That's why I'm always like talk loud whatever, Alan like
puts on a shower, like he'll he'll like run the
water in this small thing. Like he usually goes upstairs.
Like I kind of got when he moved into the
last house. I kind of got what he was doing.
Like he'd go upstairs and he's like, I'm just making
the kids beds because he's so cute, he like makes
(03:47):
the kids' beds. But I'm like, no, I think now
you're just going up there, like that's your like, that's
his time, that's his You're you're going up there to poop. Yeah,
you're making a bedroom and dropping the kids off of
the bool?
Speaker 2 (03:57):
Is that what you have to do?
Speaker 3 (03:58):
Does it take him around? Does that issue off since
it takes you two seconds?
Speaker 1 (04:02):
Oh no, So I don't even really know, like I
know when he does go, because again he'll turn the
thing on or he'll go upstairs like in the other houses.
But here it's like you can just tell because it's
like again it's maybe a nine hundred no eight hundred
square foot cottage we're in right now. And so but
when I have to go, so I still like, will
(04:25):
dry heave to like smells and stuff? Do you dry well? Obviously?
Because it's disgusting. But it doesn't matter. I can't even
like any like even the other day, Alan tried to
kiss me and like his like moisturizer smell, like it
smells just really get me mm hmmm. And so I
(04:46):
like have to like run out of the bathroom, you know,
but then I have forget to like go back and
check that like all things went down.
Speaker 4 (04:53):
Oh no.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
And then he said the other day, He's like, Babe,
did you use the bathroom? I was like, no, one
of the kids went before, and he's like he's like real,
because the kids haven't been here in two days. He's
like he's like, I got them ready this morning. I
was like, yeah, Well then then when then Jays had
to run back in to go to the bathroom, and
I was like, why is it so hard to be like, yeah,
I totally took a dump. I forgot to like go
(05:17):
back in to make sure nothing was like still there.
I know, it is interesting, especially because like we have babies.
I know, I'm like, I don't bother me, Like Preston
has legitimately seen me deliver three babies, and I'm still
like lock that door and don't come over here. I know, sorry, guys,
this is like but it is a real thing, and
I don't understand why exactly why because we could go
(05:40):
I mean during the heyday, I could just be in
the middle of a field and go pee if I
needed to. You know, I think it feels less sexy
and like I don't want him to see like because
it is because it is. Yeah, but it's also human,
just like periods and everything else. But anyways, so but
I still don't want anybody to see that. Having said
all that, as much as I love this place, I
(06:00):
cannot wait to go have a separate bathroom for moments
like this.
Speaker 3 (06:05):
Yeah, he can have his own poop bathroom.
Speaker 1 (06:07):
He can have your own poop bathroom. Yeah. And then
guess what what Easton's coming?
Speaker 4 (06:11):
Next time.
Speaker 1 (06:13):
I didn't know that Eastern was coming, and I got
a surprise face time. He was with Preston in l
A and he goes, I'm coming to see you, and
I said, wait, what it's like Eastern Christmas.
Speaker 4 (06:23):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:24):
Yeah, he's going to set us up. We're going to
have a whole new look. So next time you see us,
we're gonna have a.
Speaker 4 (06:30):
Whole new look.
Speaker 1 (06:31):
Should we like start getting dressed for this. No, okay,
this is what I like about. Talk to me Bo's baby, like,
are we going to have a real set? And now
we should actually look the part because I really like
Aaron running stay at home mom. No, but we're gonna
have it's going to be like we're really going to
just make it look good, y'all. We're gonna have a
(06:51):
nice big TV that we can see and we're staring
at this little you know, it's going to be like, yeah,
it's gonna be great. I do miss the ring light
and I just say that really pretty light that we
had at your house. Look at something I would feel
better and think just a little something. But anyways, oh
you guys. I just got my results on a second
(07:13):
I didn't open it yet. Of what my test results?
Did I pass the gluecas test? Didn't you fail? Uh?
One of my kids?
Speaker 3 (07:24):
I think the last one. I failed the first one
but then passed the second one, so I was.
Speaker 1 (07:29):
Never I failed one. I really one? Yeah did you?
And I went back and it was fine, but it's
so gross and then when you get back was awful.
You're there for like all day? All right, drum roll
please you passed? It's not loading in this little gotage
that could so uh oh great, I passed. You don't
(07:54):
have to go drink it, and the space because she goes, well,
the problem was is I they say fasting, you don't
have to fast, but that you should have low sugar
going into it. But the only thing that helps my
belly is orange juice and peaches, which is gonna make
you fail that. Yeah, right, So I'm like, okay, I
don't want to throw up. Had the kids that morning,
(08:15):
Alan was doing his thing, and so then I'm like,
I was starting to feel really sick, so I'm like,
I'm just gonna take baby SIPs of OJ and then
I'm gonna have I went to Whole Foods and got
a zero sugar because they're like just low sugar, So
I got a zero sugar cattle in a crunch cereal.
So then I started munching on that, and then like
three hours before I didn't have anything. But she's like,
(08:36):
did you fast?
Speaker 3 (08:36):
And I go, oh, did you immediately know you're lying?
Speaker 1 (08:44):
I don't know, but she was a lot of times
they just want you to say what they need you
to say, and they understand that you at your third baby,
know what you need to do yeah, so that I'm like, Okay,
if I fail, I'm gonna just call my doctor and
be like, so I had a whole gallon of orange shoes. Anyways,
so we have a guest today coming on. I love
(09:08):
the show. I watched the show selling Sense. You got
me into the show, and I love Amansa. She's probably
one of my favorites same, but I'm also how do
I say this? I feel like she's got so much
that she wants to say but doesn't say yes m
hm when it comes to like her past relationships, and
(09:32):
then it's like I could see her eyes working in
moments like when Krishelle and Nicole are having their issue.
I feel like she holds it together really well. But
at the same time, I'm like, if she was to unleash,
I'd want to listen because she's probably has a lot
to say.
Speaker 3 (09:50):
Yeah, And I always wonder if it's just because she's
like single mom in it and she's just trying to like,
you know, keep it together because of her kids, or
if that's just her personality or you know, I'm all
I am very curious about that.
Speaker 1 (10:02):
But I just asked her, what do you want to
ask her?
Speaker 3 (10:04):
That, but also I feel like if you were on
the other side of it, and I love this about
her though it's not a negative thing, like i'd be terrified.
Speaker 1 (10:12):
Oh for sure, you know, like in a good way. Yeah,
Like she's a bad her on my side, waiting to erupt.
She's in the waiting room, so.
Speaker 2 (10:22):
Let's just get her on.
Speaker 1 (10:24):
Okay, let's do it. Hold on, Hey, I just love you.
Look at you.
Speaker 4 (10:44):
Oh god, thanks. I don't feel c I will take that.
Speaker 1 (10:48):
Receive it. I just learned something the other day, is anybody, no,
this is.
Speaker 2 (10:55):
Okay?
Speaker 1 (10:56):
So I'm not good at taking compliments. No, I'm like, yeah,
it's like weird. But my husband it's like kind of
been the thing for him. He's like, how come your
girlfriends will be like, oh, you look so cute, and
I'm like, oh, thanks girl, I needed to hear it,
you know. But if he says it, I'm like, oh yeah,
you know. So the other day my girlfriend said that
if you say you if somebody gives you a compliment,
you're supposed to go received, and it makes it kind
(11:19):
of like joke.
Speaker 4 (11:20):
I don't know about that.
Speaker 1 (11:22):
It like makes it a joke if nobody can see
me when they listen to this, but it's like you
have to like bring your hand in like you grabbed something.
And I just feel like that's just not going to
work for me.
Speaker 4 (11:34):
I feel like my kids would be like, what are
you doing? You just feel weirder. Every day you'd get weirder,
Like today, I was taking my kids to school, and
my son had like a little bit of a It's
the second week of school. They started last Wednesday. It's
the second week of school. I'm going to call him
out right now. I've already gotten a call from the principal.
Speaker 2 (11:55):
Wait, how old?
Speaker 1 (11:56):
How old are the kids again?
Speaker 4 (11:58):
So my son's twelve, when my daughter's so seventh and eighth,
and they're both amazing kids. But it's just I don't
know if you guys have boys, girls, one of each both.
Like everybody's trying to warn me, like, oh, your daughter's
a teenager now, she's probably sassy and rolls her eyes,
and I'm like, she's like the perfect child. She's like,
(12:21):
that's a great, perfect child. And my son's a great kid.
But it's just he's a boy. Like there's something missing.
Speaker 1 (12:28):
There's just a law team, because that's what we're missing.
We're missing like a whole. It's the same like we
need a legal team for my son and he's only five.
Speaker 3 (12:38):
Oh shit, you've got a long way to.
Speaker 4 (12:41):
Go in my son's room today after So we'll go
back to the weirdness on the way to school today
because like I kind of went off on him on
the way home from the school yesterday. I was like
not going to say anything. I was gonna. I was like,
just wait until you get home. Don't say in front
of no Onah knows my daughter. Don't talk about what happened.
And it wasn't like a huge big deal, but it
was like he was a phone call the second week
of school and I'm like really, Breaker, like already and
(13:04):
it was like something minimal, but I couldn't hold it in.
It was like what and diarrhea of the mouth. And
then that's morning on the way to school.
Speaker 1 (13:11):
Oh fitting for our early conversation, go ahead.
Speaker 4 (13:15):
I felt bad about it and I was like I
put my hand in the back seat and I was
like Breaker, it's like and he takes my hand. I'm like,
are we going to have a good day to day?
And he's like, yeah, I try to have a good day.
My hand I don't know why I hold my hand.
It just felt right and he was just like, okay, yeah,
(13:36):
And so if I do this and receive compliments like
a Petuli necklace and crystals in my hands at all times,
away from just like totally losing all hope and anything
except for spirituality.
Speaker 3 (13:51):
I asked my fourteen year old son the other day,
I said, Hey, kyn do you want to talk about
your feelings? He looked at me and he goes feelings
and I was like, okay, never mind, and there's that.
Speaker 4 (14:02):
It.
Speaker 1 (14:03):
Yeah, so wait, how long have you been single? Mom
in it for.
Speaker 4 (14:08):
Well, technically since they were one and two. That's when
I got a divorce, but like since baby Daddy like
disappeared from the face of the earth four years.
Speaker 1 (14:19):
Yeah, so for.
Speaker 4 (14:20):
Seven years I was you know, it was a week
on and a week off, so I didn't. Now I'm like,
did I ever call myself a single monk? Because that
felt way different. You know, you got I got a break.
I got a one week break at least to like
do all my stuff, work extra hard while with my friends,
and then suddenly, like overnight, it was like, oh, just kidding,
(14:43):
it's all on you. So that was four years at
the end of August.
Speaker 1 (14:49):
Yeah, how was that with the kids, like telling them like,
hey dad, it was I can't even imagine.
Speaker 4 (14:56):
Yes, you know, they were, shoot, my daughter was about
to turn ten, because that was a big deal. It
was like they had been talking about her double digit
birthday and it was like leading to so she was
almost ten, and then I guess my son was eight.
You know. At first, it was like, I mean I
(15:17):
still have no idea, like literally no idea what happened
other than he filed a paper with the court at
one point saying that he just couldn't do it anymore
and he like relinquished all rights and responsibilities. But for
like a year and a half before I knew that
paper existed, it was, you know, I got a book
called When the Brain Breaks and talked about how your
(15:39):
brain can get sick, like your body can get sick,
and maybe Daddy's brain is sick right now. He needs
time to heal his brain so that he can come
back and be the daddy that you know he is.
And you know, that went on for like a couple
of months, and then it was like it was brutal,
Like at the beginning, if one of them wasn't crying
(15:59):
them so to sleep at night, the other one was,
and then I would go to bed and cry myself
to sleep. And this was just like a cycle for
you know. That was like for a few months of
just like trying to answer questions that I didn't know
the answers to. And then they just sort of stopped asking.
But obviously I would always check in. We still check in,
We still talk about it. They have a talk doctor,
(16:19):
you know, they talk about their feelings, and it's just
we've kind of settled into this new reality. You know,
we've had four years to just accept it. It doesn't
get any easier, like emotionally when I think about it.
But I think they're doing better than me, to be honest,
I think they're so kids are so resilient. I mean
(16:42):
everybody always says that, but I think as parents we
take on like all their feelings, like, oh my god,
they must be feeling this, this and this, And I
don't think that they really feel as bad about a
lot of the stuff. Is like I think that they do,
and so that you just, you know, you kind of
interpret like what you think that they're feeling, and then
(17:03):
it just makes you feel.
Speaker 1 (17:03):
Like crap, I can't even imagine that piece. And that's
whenever I do watch the show too, I'm always just
like I just you're so authentic in being the single
mom and everything that you have to juggle. I almost think,
like when I look at you and I see the
other girls problems, it's almost like in my brain if
I was you, I'd be like you girls don't even
(17:24):
understand half of like what a problem is when you're
trying to and like that piece I can't even imagine,
Like how you close your don't you don't say that
you know a lot, And it's like you you really
hold your composure when you can be like you have
no idea what hard looks like, and you're what you're
having to do for your kids and you and then
holding that unknown space for for your family, Like that's
(17:45):
got to be so hard.
Speaker 4 (17:48):
It's pretty hard. I mean, you're right, Like a lot
of the there's other single moms on.
Speaker 1 (17:53):
The sure, like Nick Cannon's.
Speaker 4 (17:57):
Their situations are a little different, Like yeah, and I
had Doraberry, I like really do Doraberry, And she's a
really good mama like you. I could tell him two
seconds like she was I didn't want to like her.
Like I was like, this is my this is my seat,
my uh yeah, my seat my season season I guess yeah,
season six. I was like, there's this new girl and
(18:18):
she's a brunette and she's pretty, and she's a real
estate agent. She's got this kid and she's a single mom.
And I was like, she's gonna come in here and
act like we have so much in common and we
have nothing in common. She has one kid, she's got
a baby daddy that probably gives her all this money,
and like I just was like ready to not like somebody,
because that's like my thing. I like everybody. And then
(18:39):
I'm like, oh, it's the mediator and I'm like the
voice of reason and I was like I need to
like stir some shit up. It didn't work. She walked
in and like in two seconds after, everybody was like
asking her a million questions and she just took it
like a champ and like her situation is her situation
and she's very happy with it. And I could tell
him and she loved her son, and I was like, crap,
(19:01):
I really like her, but we but saying all that
to say, we still have nothing in common except for
that we both have. We're not married to the people
that we had our kids with, Like I'm not getting
Lamborghini's for my birthday, and you know, I'm I don't
get child support from the missing man in the world.
She's a really good mom. But yeah, it's kind of
(19:22):
hard because you know, you everybody's expected to like dress
the same, like, you know, we have to dress super
cool and we got to always look great, and we've got
to be on time. And it's a big one for
me and telling tons of houses and doing all and
I'm like I can barely even like decorate my own
(19:43):
house and I can barely get myself out to like
it's just and then people are complaining about like the
most random stuff to me that it's just like, yeah, exactly,
you guys have no idea, like come over for just
three days. This has been three days at my house
and like walk in my shoes and you'd be like, oh,
(20:07):
this is this is like.
Speaker 1 (20:08):
No do so going through everything that you've gone through,
and you know, the they there was My therapist always
says like your body holds a score. So people that
I've been in abusive relationships or traumatic relationships or situations
that things that you've gone through that that stress causes.
I mean, it's one of a girlfriend of mine whose
(20:29):
husband also cheated on her and had just been years
of like you know, working through that, and she's been
in the program like for esenon that she got cancer,
like and she they think that's just stress of you know,
everything that you're going through. So I'm curious, like, do
you think that because you've had a lot of health issues,
do you think that comes from all the stress that
like your body has had to hold and carry.
Speaker 4 (20:52):
I do, actually, and and thank god I didn't have cancer.
I had a huge cancer scare last year and it
wasn't cancer, but I ended up having something else that
almost killed me over the summer, and it's it was
still to this. I just had to follow up my
follow up appointment, one of my follow up appointments yesterday
(21:13):
with the spine surgeon and he's still like this is
I was only the second patient in the history of
his practice, of all his medical school of Cedar Sinai
that had this type of blood infection that got to
the location that it got to on my spine. It
was like, there's to me and somebody else in this
(21:35):
other person was way older, like in their seventies. This
is like a disease that people don't normally get that
are just for all intents and purposes healthy, younger, younger, ish.
You know, people a lot of people that do like
a lot of intravenious drugs because it comes from it
can come from like a foreign object, like if you
(21:56):
get a lot of like IV treatments, or you're getting
a lot of needle like a lot of older people
that get dialysis get it. Obviously none of the above,
you know, I didn't fit the mole for any of
those things. They have no idea where I got this
bacterial infection that ended up being all through my body
and my blood and then sitting on my spine and
(22:19):
it was literally eating my spine, deteriorating the vertebrae and
my spine. And I have, you know, a therapist and
a spiritual therapist and psychics and which is in warlocks
and gurus. I like have a whole team of people
that I talked to. And one of the things that
one of the psychics was like, you know, before I
even went into the hospital, before we knew exactly what
it was, it was sort of like she envisioned this
(22:43):
just mass of toxic trauma basically like sitting on my spine,
and I was like, that feels so like that could
totally be it, just like all the trauma from not
just from like my divorce, in my children's father situation,
just like my life in general from the time I
(23:04):
was a kid, I've had a lot of traumatic experiences
and I really felt like it just had sort of
just festered in this like disease. And so now that
it's gone, I'm hoping that everything is going to change
and I get to be the woman that I've always
wanted to be and things are just going to only
look up. But yeah, I really do believe that because
(23:27):
like where else was it And it just feels like
that makes so much sense. It was just bacteria and
just like all waiting in my spine, the one thing
that you need to like hold the weight to the
world on your shoulders, like to carry everything.
Speaker 1 (23:41):
Well, it is not lost on me that it's literally
like you're the backbone of your family and that whatever
you're carrying is on your backbone. So that's interesting, But
also like walk me through, like how did you even
know anything was happening. Like what I mean, I know
that you thought you had like a back pain, but
how many days does that go through? Like how do
you all of a sudden go Okay, I need to
get to someone, because I think as mothers we kind
(24:03):
of like put our health off for as long as
we possibly can.
Speaker 4 (24:06):
I put it off way too long. In fact, I
so I had we had you know, we'd been filming
the season seven. We finished filming, and then I had
like all these plans, like We've got all this new
furniture that was coming to the house, and we've got
all these plans for summer, and we're gonna go on
vacation and like all the stuff that you don't get
to do when you're you know, working, working, working, and
the kids are in school. And literally, like about two
(24:29):
weeks after filming, I just I was at Mary's house
one night. Everything was fine, We're like decorating her house.
I woke up the next day I couldn't get out
of bed, Like I couldn't step out of bed. My
back hurts so bad. And I was like I just
thowt my back had gone out, you know, like maybe
I'd moved some furniture too much or like something and so,
but I literally couldn't step. I was like was holding
(24:52):
on too like the dresser to like kind of limp
to the bathroom. And then I stayed in bed like
two days with that. I ended up having doctor come
to my house and was like, yeah, your your back
is out. So I had to get like a doctor's
excuse for like some interviews and stuff that I couldn't
make too. Couldn't make it too. That went on for
like a couple of weeks. It was like I could
(25:13):
limp around, but it wasn't like I could still. I
was still mobile ish. Long story short about it was
like a month of this. Well the first time actually,
let me remind about eight days into that, I went
to the emergency room at a different hospital. I won't
even mention it because now it's like interesting that they
(25:36):
did an MRI and they sent me home and said
I was having a backspasm, and they gave me steroids
and ibuprofen and like muscle relaxers. So I went home
with all of that and it got better for about
a week. Not better like great, but better enough to
get around. And I thought, Okay, it's just a back spasm.
Like it's gonna work its way out. And then it
(25:57):
got really really bad, to the point that I couldn't
get off the couch. Like I had an assistant at
the time, and she was like, you know, having to
cook for the kids, and she would have to help
me up to go to the restroom, and I just, yeah,
I don't know why I didn't go back to the hospital.
I just in my head thought it was a backspasm.
I'd never had it before, so I thought it would eventually,
(26:18):
like you know, work its way out. And then I thought, well,
maybe it's something more. Maybe I have like a slip
disc or like a bulging disk or something. So I
had a chiropractor come to my house and he would
touch my back in one spot and it would like
lock up in another and he would touch it and
he was like, I can't work on you. I don't
know what's going on. But your body is spasying because
it's protected. It's normally because it's protecting something something more serious.
(26:40):
You need to go get like an MRI. And so
that's when I went to get an MRI, like an
imaging center, and they told me they saw a giant
mass at the bottom of my spine and they thought
it was a tumor, and so they said to go
to Siedar SINAI like right away and get a scan.
And within like twenty four hours, I couldn't walk. So
(27:00):
I couldn't even I couldn't. I had to call a
friend to come over to my house. I couldn't get
off the couch to get into the car to go
to Cedar sina. I was crawling for two days. I
crawled from my sofa to the kid's bathroom this is
closer than my bathroom. And my friend came over and
she was like, like, what are you doing? Like I
was in the most pain I've ever been in, like
(27:22):
literally like biting the pillow on the couch, like screaming
in pain at night, and she was like, if you don't,
if you're not ready by nine thirty tomorrow morning, I'm
calling the ambulance, Like this is crazy, and I don't know.
I think back now, I'm like, yeah, how how did
I get to that much pain to where I like
literally couldn't walk. I was crawling, but you just I
(27:42):
just kept feeling it was going to get better, and
you know, so I went to Cedar SINAI and I
was on June second, and they did a scan and
they admitted me that day. Like I didn't go home
until July third. I was there for thirty one days.
So they did the scan and they they too thought
it was a toombor. I took my scan that I
had gotten from the you know, from the Imagy center,
and they looked at it and they were like, we
(28:03):
need to do like a different type of scan, and
they did it. And they and the doctor the spine
the guy that ended up doing my spine surgery, doctor Kim.
He didn't come in and talk to me the first
day because he thought that it was like a massive
tumor and he was going to have to like talk
about that, and so he waited for the blood results
because they were like, maybe it could be infection, and
(28:23):
it ended up being like this massive bacterial infection that
was all through my blood. So they started me on
intravenous antibiotics immediately, and yeah, for thirty one days, I
was on every four hours. I was getting intravenous antibiotics.
When I was released from the hospital, I had a
pick line I still had. I just got that out
(28:43):
like three weeks ago. I had it for almost four weeks.
When I got out of the hospital, that had a
line that goes through like it goes across your arm
and drops into your chest and it's ivy and they
come and they change it every twenty four hours. A
nurse came, and I'm still on oral antibiotics three pills,
three times a day for the next five months to
(29:05):
make sure that the infection doesn't come back. I had
a blood transfusion more than one in the hospital because
I lost so much blood a couple of times after surgery.
I mean, it was like when I was in the hospital,
I didn't realize how serious it was because I was
kind of like in a drug induce just like I
was out of it. I was in so much pain.
I was taking medicine i'd never even heard of until
(29:26):
you know, I was in the hospital. But then once
you pull through, they're like telling you how serious it was.
And they told me if I'd stayed home one or
two more days, I wouldn't be here. So that was like,
holy shit. Yeah, it was a wild summer. And now
the kids are back in school and I feel like
I literally got finished filming, laid on the couch, the
(29:47):
kids got out of school. I went to the hospital.
I got out of the hospital, and now everybody's back
in school, and I'm like, what happened?
Speaker 2 (29:53):
That's crazy?
Speaker 3 (30:07):
How did you even mom during that time? I mean,
like you're a single mom, Like, how did how was
that invisible?
Speaker 4 (30:13):
I had? Well, I have two very It makes me
emotional to talk about. I have two very self sufficient,
you know, one teenager and one lean. We ordered a
lot of Postman, like when I was home on the
couch for that moment, it was a lot of Postmates
and a lot of ubering them to wherever they were
going to like playdates and things. They were still in
(30:35):
school at first, so they had a driver that would
like take them to school and home. And then and
then when I went to the hospital, my dear friend
of mine just moved into my house and she just yeah,
she moved in and took care of them for the
for the month that I was there. So it was
and they I didn't see them because when I was
(30:56):
at the house, it got so bad like the last
few I mean times kind of like a blur now,
but like it was so bad at a point, Like
I remember one time one night they were making food
in the kitchen. I was laying on the sofa and
I just couldn't like hold it in, and I was
like like screaming in pain. And I didn't want them
to see me like that because you know, I didn't
(31:17):
want to freak them out, but just like reassuring them
that I was okay, it was just a backspasm. I
was going to go get it checked out whatever. And
then when I went into the hospital it looked even
well it was worse, but and it just looked really bad.
I would FaceTime them, but I didn't want them to
come up to the hospital to see me. I mean,
I had tubes coming out, you know, I had IVS
and two in one arm, like sometimes one in my
(31:39):
hand and oxygen and after the surgeries, you have like
tubes coming out of you everywhere. And I was like,
this would just really freak them out. So I would
FaceTime them and like just pretend like, you know, it
was okay and we were taking care of it. But
I really didn't know. I wasn't super scared. In the hospital,
Like I said, they don't really give you the give
(32:00):
you enough information like what you need to know. But
I was so under educated on like what how serious
this was. Like while I was in it, I was
just kind of going through the motions, you know, But
afterwards I was like, holy wow, I thought was really
really bad. One night I spiked a fever of like, ah,
this was I was supposed to get out of the hospital,
(32:22):
and like the next day and in the middle of
the night, I spiked a fever of one hundred and
five and like I'd never even heard of anybody having
a fever that high. And that was for like a day.
I had one hundred five, and then the next day
it was one hundred four, and then it finally got
down to one hundred three, and they had that. At
that point, I got scared because this infection is a
sticky infection, so like it stuck to my spine. A
(32:46):
lot of people it's called ostiomlitis, and that's when it
attacks the moone a lot of people it'll stick to
like it's common more common, like a foot or like
bones in your leg or something, but the spines, like,
you know, more serious. But the first thing that they
checked when they found out it was a bacterial infection
was my heart. Because it's a sticky infection, it sticks
(33:07):
to your heart. It can you can die quickly. And
so when I spiked the fever, this is after I'd
been in the hospital, like, you know, twenty six days
or something, and I was like, oh my god, I
went to my heart because that's what they thought like
I was like convulsing massively sweating, but I was freezing
(33:29):
and my blood pressure was like sky high, my heart
rate was like out the roof, and my temperature was
one hundred and five. And I was like, I remember
laying there like, shit, I haven't seen my kids, like
this is this could be really bad, and they it wasn't.
It was I was having like some random, strange reaction,
(33:49):
very rare reaction to one of the medicines that they
had given me, and so I just needed to like
get out of my system. But yeah, and so my
kids were a little bit in the dark about everything.
But when I got out of the hospital, I saw
my son first. He was in the driveway randomly when
I got home, and he just like fell into my
(34:12):
arms and started weeping. Yeah. He was like, I didn't
think you were going to come home from the hospital,
and I was like, oh my god. I didn't realize
how scared they were.
Speaker 1 (34:24):
Well, it's also hard because you're the only one.
Speaker 4 (34:27):
Yeah, and they had this. My daughter's god emotional.
Speaker 1 (34:33):
This is wine down. Well, we cry every episode, so
if you didn't cry, we wouldn't be doing our jobs.
This is actually no.
Speaker 4 (34:40):
But my my daughter, she's a little tougher I think,
or she we usually arener, just tougher. He yeah, but
he seemed like he was tougher, like she seemed more sad,
like when I was in the hospital and missed me
more and stuff when we would talk, and he seemed
(35:00):
to totally just like have it together and like he
was trying to be like the little man of the house,
you know. And then but when he saw mom, like
he just and my back really hurt. I he and
he's tall, my kid is My kids are huge. They're
both five ten and they're twelve and thirteen. Oh wow,
and I'm and I thought I was like tall for
a girl until these kids, like I just look short.
(35:23):
And he just like fell on me, and I was like, oh,
it hurts so bad that he was like weeping, and
I was like, geez, that must have been so scary.
Speaker 1 (35:33):
Yeah, but you did such a good job of protecting
them too, you know. I think that's incredible, and it's
got to be really hard, like you talk about I mean,
this is months, right, so even you have a month
in the hospital, but you have months before that, so
then all of a sudden you have to like come
back to life in the real world. I put it
in air quotes because your world to me is so
(35:54):
layered and sometimes not as reel as it should be,
that it's just observing from my sweet little city, you know,
my seat in Nashville. But like, tell me, how do
you transition from like this life altering moment of health.
If you have health, you have everything to moving into
filming a season with these people, then like how does
(36:17):
that even? How do you even move yourself back into
your world emotionally?
Speaker 4 (36:23):
So I'm still I think that's why I'm so emotional,
Like it's been a struggle of this. So we stopped
filming season six, and then I got sick for a month,
and then I was in the hospital for a month.
And now I've been out of the hospital almost a
month or no over a month. But it's like I'm
still I feel like we just stopped filming, Like my
(36:44):
world the whole summer is just a it's like a
chunk of my life just got taken away, like and
it's I'm still trying to get back. We're not filming yet.
We're still a hiatus until I don't know, and we
haven't been given like a shoot date, but you know,
we've had photo shoots and interviews and things like that,
(37:05):
and it is very strange. I'm trying to play catch
up to all of the things and all the plans
that I had before we stopped filming, but with like
this much energy, like no energy. I just only was
released yesterday. I had a follow up appointment. I was
only released yesterday. To lift over to lift more than
(37:28):
five pounds, so like I can't bend, I can't twist,
I can't lift more than five pounds, you know, getting
in and out of the car, Like everything is different.
I'm still on antibiotics, which have been like I've been on.
I weaned myself off of massive amount. I'm proud of this.
(37:51):
So I want to mention this because this is like
a huge situation in the world right now.
Speaker 1 (37:57):
Narcotic pain We just talked about that last week. We
watched that show Painkiller, and the fact of how it's
like people can get so addicted. You know, they weren't
addicts before, but then they when they got hurt from
the back paint or whatever. Yeah, So.
Speaker 4 (38:13):
I was very cognizant of that when I was in
the hospital, and even before I was released, I was
trying to already sort of wean myself down, which was
impossible because at the time I was I was getting intravenously.
I mean every like, you know, four to six hours
and sometimes and then every two hours. I would take.
Speaker 1 (38:33):
Something orally, like what did they give you for the pain?
Speaker 4 (38:37):
I had oxycodone, I had torrital, I had dilouded, I
had morphine. I had never heard of dilouded or tortal.
I'd heard a morphine, but it was like that's what
people get when they like cut their arm off, Like
that's like massive pain. And I'd heard of oxy cotone
because that's like a massively addictive drug. When I got
(39:00):
out of the hospital, I was only on oral pain killers,
but I was taking like one hundred and twenty milligrams
of oxycodone for about two months straight on top of
all this other stuff. So I was very aware that,
like I was going to have to wean myself. I
was taking like nine of them a day when I
first got the hospital, because I had to because the
(39:21):
pain was sure. So, sir, I mean, I have you know,
I had two spine surgeries. I have metal rods in
my back now. One of my vertebrae was replaced with
titanium because the infection completely ate through bones in my back.
I still have, you know. Yesterday I had my follow
up and I had an X ray. I have a
really my hip is really painful, and it's because one
(39:44):
of the joints in my hip had infection sitting on
it for so long, and it's just it's just eaten
like away, and it's something that there's no therapy that's
going to make it better. There's no it's just he said,
at some point I may have to go get like
a an injection that will help the pain for like
six months. But it's like it's already. It just hurts,
like it just hurts all day every day, just like
(40:06):
not excruciating, but it's just something I'm having to learn
to deal with, like these new like pains. And I'm
gonna be forty seven in December. I've always already getting
a little creaky.
Speaker 1 (40:18):
Wait, December one eleven. Oh you're sad, me too, big
sag energy.
Speaker 4 (40:24):
I love it.
Speaker 1 (40:25):
Well, that's kind of what I'm curious because, you know,
kind of to Kristen's question where it's like, you know,
when you do go back filming, it's like, I'm curious,
like how your emotions are going to be with that
because you you almost died, you know everything else you're
going through. So it's like, are you kind of going
in like just so grateful to be here or I
(40:46):
mean obviously yes. And is it like you guys don't
even have a fucking clue you know what I mean,
like stop talking about your product, bag your product. You know,
it's like this, that and the other and like coming
in like you know, just like realizing the crap out
of them.
Speaker 4 (41:02):
Yeah, And it's I feel like I was already kind
of like that anyway. So be honest, I'm a little
bit nervous because you know, they like the drama on
the show and they like the and I don't give
a fuck about this that people argue about, like and
if if I want to continue to have a job,
I have to somewhat you know, participate and to participate,
(41:28):
and I just don't have the energy, the want to
and I'm gonna be honest. Like before I went into
the hospital, I had a falling out with my dear
friend Krishelle, like the one. I never have had a
falling out like this with anybody, And you know, we
had a misunderstanding. It happened kind of during season seven,
and then it carried on a little bit afterwards, a
(41:49):
lot afterwards, and I felt really really strongly about it,
like I was so I was done. I was done
with her. I didn't like the way she moved through
the situation and we had been in I was just
really I was very vocal about it, and it was
like I really felt strongly about it, and she had
been a really I love Chrishlle. She had been a
(42:10):
really dear friend. And when I was in the hospital,
she reached out to me and it made me so
emotional and I just I wrote her back and I
was like like in my head, I was like, what
the fuck are we even? Are you?
Speaker 1 (42:23):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (42:23):
And I just you know, and we've talked since and
we're good. But I'm just like I don't even think
I have one ounce of anything in me that could
feed into any of it, unless I mean I can't
even think of what would be a big enough reason
to like really give two about some of the drama
that they.
Speaker 1 (42:41):
But that might be exactly what we need from you.
Speaker 4 (42:44):
But I feel, yeah, I don't know, maybe.
Speaker 1 (42:46):
But again I get I get the pull that you
have to do right well.
Speaker 3 (42:50):
I feel like that's always kind of been your personality,
where you just kind of you're able to just hold back.
Speaker 1 (42:54):
That's what I love about you on the show.
Speaker 3 (42:56):
And I don't know if that is just because of
all the trauma, like you said, that you've had, but
you've always or it's because you're a single mama protecting
your kids, you know. I don't know, but you've always
been able to just hold it back.
Speaker 4 (43:08):
I just don't And I mean, I just have such
low tolerance for things that are unimportant. And I think,
I mean a lot of it. It's probably because I'm
a single mom. I have more responsibility, I think than
a lot of people understand. But then also I'm just
a very logical human, right, I feel like I'm very literal,
(43:28):
and I just feel like I'm kind of level headed
kind of unless you trigger me. But I'm like, I
just don't, like I literally look at them. Sometimes I'm like,
I don't get it and I don't understand, like there's
disconnects people like reading things and people and I'm just like,
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (43:47):
Was there someone from the show that really surprised you,
like while you were in the hospital. Obviously the Krishelle text,
but is there anyone else that you were you know
kind of like wow, like they really showed up as
a friend. Because I think when you go through moments
like that, you really realize like who your friends are
when you were at your lowest low.
Speaker 4 (44:03):
Yeah, I mean we're all pretty close, to be honest,
not all of us obviously, like Chryshell and Cole weren't
our buddies.
Speaker 1 (44:11):
But no, I didn't get that one at all watching us,
And I'm like, who cares if she did or didn't
like to stop? And I was like, I was like,
I've got it. I was like, Okay, so maybe she
did do drugs.
Speaker 2 (44:22):
Who cares.
Speaker 4 (44:26):
Want to go out and just do drugs? So true,
I wasn't there. I wasn't in Palm Springs because us and.
Speaker 1 (44:42):
Because Jesus loves you and kept you away from Palm Springs.
Speaker 4 (44:46):
Or does Jesus not loving Nicole because somebody needed to
stand up. Like I was mortified. I watched it when
everybody else saw the show because my back was already
hurting when we got the teaser or the trailers that's
what they're called whatever, the screeners, and I couldn't watch
it because I was in so much pain. This was
after filming and I was home, and so I watched
(45:08):
it when the world saw and I was like, I
wanted to go back in time, jump through the television
and be in Palm Springs and be like, what the
literal fuck. I was so mortified. I couldn't believe that
it was explained to me very differently than how it
went down. It was like, explained very differently.
Speaker 1 (45:29):
That's interesting to me.
Speaker 4 (45:32):
Everybody is you know, I'm really close to a lot
of people in the office, but I will say for
somebody who lives so far away from you know, I
was at Cedar Sina in Beverly Hills, Chelsea, like we're close,
but she was at the hospital multiple times, you know,
and she lives in Manhattan Beach, so it's not like
and she's she's a mama too, Like she's got two
(45:54):
little ones, like two and I think maybe three and
two I don't know how they are now, but their babies.
So I was I was not surprised because I do
love her so much, but it was like it was
really cool that she came up to the hospital so
many times, and like she brought me like pajamas. So
I just kept staying longer and longer, and I was
(46:15):
like running out of clothes. They don't do your laundry
at the hospital, so you're just you know, And I
refused to wear that gown. It was just not because
I'm a fashion east and I mean I like fashion,
but it was just so uncomfortable and it just made
it feel so much more hospital.
Speaker 1 (46:30):
I feel like they've made those gowns. By the way,
I didn't tell you girls this, but I went to Centennial.
I you did.
Speaker 3 (46:35):
I was wondering how it went.
Speaker 1 (46:36):
How did you know anyways? But I have your calendar.
Speaker 4 (46:39):
No.
Speaker 1 (46:39):
Oh no, I went like at night time after a date.
Speaker 2 (46:42):
Oh no.
Speaker 1 (46:43):
I didn't tell anyone's else so embarrassed. I'm pregnant, so
I had a little like I didn't know. I was
just like super embarrassed or whatever. So I didn't tell anyone.
But the ladies like are here put on the gown
and I'm like and I'm in there, and I'm like,
there's so many new buttons on these gowns, and I'm like,
I don't even know what my head through this. Yeah,
it's like or a gomi, like hospital down or gomi.
(47:05):
So I just stood there naked open the door. I
was like, I don't know which bottom goes to which
arms were just put this on me. I picked my
head out of the curtain last time, and I was like,
can y'all just come in? I need like major help.
I don't know what I'm doing, and you're going to
come in here and I'm going to have it. I know.
Speaker 4 (47:20):
Yeah, in the bed it's all stuck and you can't.
Speaker 1 (47:23):
Like you like a string up your butthole. We're never
lounging an address at home anyways, so why are they
putting us in a dress there? It's weird.
Speaker 4 (47:30):
I have dressed its even Yeah, yeah, oh, are super uncomfortable.
I actually ended up at the end of it. By
the end of my stay, I kept calling in my
hotel room for someone. Maybe that's just you run a
lot of drugs. To be fair, I was on a
lot of drugs. It was the most expensive hotel room
(47:52):
I've ever stayed in with the crappy food service. But
my friend Jewels came and he like redecorated my room.
Was like he's a gay guy and he's like very
over the top and he was like this is disaster
and he like put artwork up and he brought me
like this giant inflatable. I don't even think this was
(48:12):
legal for the hospital. It was like I think they
just I'd been there for so long. It was like
a queen size massive blow up bed that he put
next to my hospital bed, and like these starlights that
like illuminated on the ceiling that played like meditation music,
and a candle warmer that smelled really good. Like the
nurses would come in and be like this is dope
(48:36):
in here. But yeah, I just I ended up moving
from the hospital bed like the last week and a
half that I was there, to this massive blow up
mattress on the floor because the hospital beds were so uncomfortable.
It was just over it.
Speaker 3 (48:50):
They like ruined, you maybet not doing it after a
baby for like three days after a sea section and
how bad that seems and then have to do it
for a mile.
Speaker 1 (48:58):
My tailbow's still broken from my breath. Three months ago, my.
Speaker 4 (49:02):
Spine was what hurt in like the bed.
Speaker 1 (49:05):
Yeah, so it was Now and looking back on everything
that you have gone through, what do you think is
your biggest kind of like what do you say to yourself?
Like to kind of I don't know, I don't want
to say that because obviously you're you're incredibly strong, but like,
what is your biggest takeaway from all of this?
Speaker 4 (49:28):
I've actually been having I keep saying I'm emotional, but
I have I've been maybe I'm pmssing. I don't know,
Maybe I'm.
Speaker 1 (49:33):
Just it's a lot, girl. You've literally have been carrying
a lot for your whole life too, Yeah, just like
the last year.
Speaker 4 (49:41):
Yeah yeah. And I also I have a friend right
now who's very sick, and I'm like, I just like
feel like I just got a second chance at life.
And then I'm simultaneously watching my dear friend not like
she's has stage four cancer like in three parts of
(50:02):
our twenty six years old beautiful like supermodel, like the
most amazing soul, and like she's like I'm like watching
her die and I'm like, I don't know, it's weird.
I'm like, Okay, I feel really blessed and really grateful
and really lucky about what the fuck on the other hand,
like why is this happening to this person? And I
feel really, I don't know. I feel like I I've
(50:27):
got to do more. I feel like I wouldn't have
gone through all of this stuff and then come out
like still happy and jolly and amanza if I wasn't
supposed to do something huge with it. And like, I know,
I'm doing okay things and I have a platform and
we're on this show, and that doesn't feel like that's
(50:50):
not it for me. It never has been in my head.
And I'm like, Okay, I just really need to like
bust my ass right now and figure out how to
get to what that next big thing is because I
wasn't just brought through all of this to be on
And look, I love selling Sunset. I'm not trying to
like diminish its glory at all, but that's not the
(51:13):
platform that I'm going to like go out on. Like
I feel like I need to really continue to like,
you know, cultivate, like my motivational speaking and like all
of the big plans that I have to inspire people
and like, I just feel like there's no way that
I've been put through all this shit and then come
out shiny and new on the other side if I
(51:35):
wasn't supposed to somehow share my experience and give people
hope and help others be able to do the same
and not give up in the midst of it all.
So it's just kind of lit a fire under my butt,
except for I can't move fast enough right now to
do as about it as I want to, so but yeah,
(51:55):
I think it's just it's just another one of those
things like I'm gonna be honest, like I got I'm
just kind of a hardhead. I don't think I would
have worked as hard as I have before my children's
father disappeared. Like that lit a fire under my ass,
you know, because I was like, now I cannot feel
like it is on me. I have to do the most,
(52:17):
and I'm some part of me is like like, I
guess maybe I needed that to to get myself to
the potential that I know that I could be. And
then here's this thing and it's like, oh, maybe I
needed that to light a fire under me to get
to the next, you know, step of where I'm supposed
to be. There's a lot more inside of me, and
(52:38):
I just got to figure out how to like how
to get it out there to the world.
Speaker 1 (52:42):
Well, Amanza, thank you for just being so open, authentic,
sharing your story and just I mean I want to, like,
I want to give you a hug, I want to
sit with you like you're just You're an incredible woman.
So thank you for coming on here and just sharing
your words.
Speaker 4 (52:57):
I want to hug you too, because you have a
baby and your million come to Nashville and come hang
out with us for a minute. I would love to.
That sounds so good, like just humbling and like, yeah.
Speaker 1 (53:07):
Just get cozy with us or anytime girl whatever. Past
selling sunsetses is what we're to come in and let
us love on you like. It's probably not much Michigan
Michigan girls right here. Yeah, yeah, that's why you're so cool.
Speaker 2 (53:22):
Though.
Speaker 1 (53:23):
The Midwest Midwest girls are just different, hustle harder.
Speaker 4 (53:28):
I think so too.
Speaker 1 (53:29):
I said sorry to.
Speaker 4 (53:30):
Somebody that Midwest people like you could I can meet
a serial killer and be like Midwest. If they were Midwest,
I'll be like, you.
Speaker 1 (53:38):
Must have had a good reason. Girl. Please come to
Nashville and let us love on you less aggressively because
of your sweet back, and we could just be together.
Speaker 4 (53:51):
Does anybody need your house decorated or anything? I would come, girl.
Speaker 1 (53:54):
I'm moving in my house. I'm moving into my new
house in two days, so nursery, let's go, let's go.
Oh my god, you're amazing. Yeah, I love it. Okay,
I'll d M you. Okay, all right, girlfriend, I love
you all right, love you so much. Thank you friend.
(54:26):
Oh my gosh, I can't. I can't imagine. Guys, I
you be a our best friend. I know many people
we like kind of force into friendship. I know I
totally slid into Tiffany's d MS. I was like, anytime
you're back in h She's like, oh, I definitely would
love to friend that. I'm always like chann to make
them our friend, our friend. But I just I can't
(54:47):
imagine everything. Oh all that and what crazy you know?
And I think it's hard to This is one thing.
Speaker 2 (54:54):
I know.
Speaker 1 (54:55):
We've talked about this a bit, but like I am
just I think we all are similar ish, but like
I don't ask for help when I need it hardly ever,
and then I feel like when I do. It's it's
hard to rely on people, and so I can't imagine
being in a position where I literally cannot help my
kids and have to rely on people to help me.
(55:18):
And like what I mean, it's just like a piece
of you when you're that, when we're when you're wired
the way we're wired, that's its own morning too, you know,
tricky layered.
Speaker 2 (55:28):
She had to figure it out.
Speaker 1 (55:29):
She's amazing. Do we get to talk about your emergency visit?
You had an emergency visit, That's what she was saying.
Speaker 3 (55:37):
I thought you made you were touring the hospital.
Speaker 1 (55:39):
That's what I did. We did tour the hospital. But
what's the other you brought it? I know, but I
was like, yell, are welcome. I didn't tell yeah because
I was embarrassed. Don't be embarrassed. I've gone. I feel
like I wasted my one. You don't get anymore, baby,
(56:03):
do you remember? Yeah, you're like way you were, way closer.
I feel that way.
Speaker 3 (56:08):
In case something happens, I'm afraid you're like, we already
had my one.
Speaker 1 (56:11):
I can't go the rules you create for yourself again.
I don't want to inconvenience Alan. If I have to,
we have to I know, which is like so silly
because we had guess you're pregnant with this baby. I
need to say that out loud. I never, You're never
because you're pregnant with this baby, right, I know. But
I just felt I felt stupid. I felt like it
(56:32):
was a waste of time. No, again they go back
to like what I've talked about was right. But but yes,
So we were on a uh we were doing a
double date with one of our neighbors, and uh, I
had so I'm used to the round ligament pain. Yeah,
get that, I know that, but I had stabbing. I
mean like it was like someone was taking a knife
(56:53):
to the middle of my belly button and I was
like I had never felt that pain before. So I
was like I like like, I was like this is
this is that's new and it scared me. And it
happened like every it was like thirty seconds to a minute,
like at least like four or five times. We were
already downtown and I texted doctor Norman and I was like,
I'm having stabbing pains in my belly button. And again,
(57:16):
that was my first text to her ever that I've
had her number. So like it I felt like that too,
so I was like, I know. So it was just
like and she and she goes go to the hospital, yes,
because that doesn't that doesn't sound right. But then it
started to stop, right, so then it was like not
as bad. So then I'm like, well, just because we're
(57:37):
going to go there, they're going to say it's fine.
And then he's like, what do you want to do that?
And I'm like, well, let's just go. And then I
was like, well, I don't know though, because what if
it is something? You know, then you start to thinking
what if it is something because I've never felt this,
Like I don't this is not what I've ever felt before.
So then we ended up He's like, I'm going to
make the decision for you, and we're going. I was
just like okay, And in my mind I'm like thank
(57:58):
you because I would have said just go home, right.
And so then were there so I was having contractions.
Oh wow, that's what I was gonna say. I had
the same pain. I had never felt that before. I
don't know if it's the third or what. I had
never felt it either, But I honestly be like, and
anybody else that's listening, you have to pay attention. The
smallest things can be the biggest things, and we just
(58:20):
have to go in and you know what, none of
those hell I've worked on the I work on the
nonprofit side with doctor Norman and that whole team. None
of them are ever tired of us being cautious about
our bodies and babies bodies period. You can never maybe
you could text her too much, but you can never
(58:40):
reach out enough. You can never check enough. Like the
tiniest things are the biggest things, and that just makes
you a good mom. So you need to get in.
I mean, we've done this three times. Yeah, that's where
you had had contractions. Uh did you have contractions with
with Jolie?
Speaker 2 (58:54):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (58:54):
I did almost. I don't really.
Speaker 3 (58:57):
Remember if I had it because I didn't.
Speaker 1 (59:00):
And I think too because our bodies grow differently. It's
the third time, so there's something that stretches differently too. Yeah,
it's weird. But I was contracting too, and I said, well,
is this like Braxton Hicks because I had never had
that before. Yeah, and she said no, it's early labor,
but this could go on for months. Yeah yeah, I
mean yeah, because I was at twenty eight weeks, I know,
so She's like, yeah, we saw a contraction on the
(59:21):
on the thing, and I was like, well that's then that. Yeah,
that's that. So I was like, well, at least I
was like, so I walk out again. I always have
to have a reason for something going in so that
it was not inconvenience. I was like, see I was
having contractions. It's like, yea, even if you weren't, it's okay.
But I know I didn't like I would just see
that that's a contraction. That definitely is when they said it.
(59:43):
But I also, I will say this because it's a
new hospital to both of us. I also enjoyed that
I had a dry run and I knew where to
go and made me take a little ease too, because
the last thing you needed to do is be like
wandering around. Well yeah, so anyways, so that was that.
I'm proud of you, thank you. Oh and I'm more
proud of Alan, but proud of you. I know, I
love the fact that he said that. But no, the
(01:00:03):
Kim Kardashian thing on the side note, I was like,
oh my gosh, what happened because she had surgery Courtney
Courtney sorry means Courtney. Yeah, scary, so scary fetal surgery.
So I was just like, oh my god, and then
it just starts to Then I started reading what what
does that mean? Because I knew you could have well
(01:00:24):
different so she must be under a certain because I'm like.
Speaker 3 (01:00:27):
Well, there could be certain things, Yeah, it could happen.
Speaker 1 (01:00:29):
Well, she's an older mom too, so they're just cautious
about anyways. Okay, well, good episode, glad you're well, Love
you guys, and we'll see you next week in the
new house.
Speaker 4 (01:00:38):
Ye bye bye
Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heart Radio podcast
last week.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
Uh oh.
Speaker 3 (00:09):
Not in the new House.
Speaker 1 (00:11):
Oh no. Why do I always feel like I've done
I'm wrong. I don't know what is that. There's some
sort of ambush thing I'm always waiting for with you too,
I think that I don't know, we can dig deeper
with Amy maybe and have a group sash interesting because
I'm like, you're like, am I I was thinking you
were a say am I fired? Or about that? Because
(00:33):
we're friends forever. So if I'm not on the podcast,
it's like I'll be sad because I love everyone. But
I'm also like, that's fine, right, Yeah, I mean not
in a way. I just the bottom can fall out
in radio anytime, and since I did radio, I think
I'm just always ready for that. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (00:48):
It's funny because I'm the girl that's like, don't send
me a dot dot dot Like if she sends if
I get a dot dot dot on the text, I'm
like and I'm fired.
Speaker 4 (00:56):
No.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
Oh, I don't like it when Jana goes, hey are
you around in ten? Oh? Well, I think we talked
about that a couple of weeks ago, and I did
it to Kat but I'm also the same human with
that too, So I girls, I get it. I'm counting
my bad Okay, yes, so this is the last I
gotta tell you, though, I've really loved staying in this cottage.
Speaker 3 (01:19):
It's adorable.
Speaker 1 (01:21):
It's a two bedroom, one bath. The only issue is
you guys, this is so embarrassing.
Speaker 3 (01:27):
Oh no, open yeah, yeah, I don't there was one bathroom.
Speaker 1 (01:31):
Tell me, can we do we have Do we have
a minute to talk about number two with the number
one girls? Yes?
Speaker 2 (01:36):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (01:37):
So this is always tricky to me because I feel like, okay,
so like I oh, first of all, in order to go,
I'm just we're just gonna what are we gonna call it?
It's good Mark Kramer. No, No, that sounds like there's
a story there. There's a story that's vaulted for a
few of them.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:58):
No, I feel like I can't comfortably go to the
bathroom unless there's like at least like two locked doors
between me and the other whoever is next in my house? Right?
Speaker 3 (02:07):
I don't even lock the door.
Speaker 1 (02:09):
So this is my question. So when you poop? Oh
never seen you poop?
Speaker 3 (02:16):
I mean maybe, but it's really like I'm saying like
maybe something are.
Speaker 1 (02:27):
No, I'm just saying that supplements we get use to
get you out of that.
Speaker 3 (02:31):
Little I highly doubt it, but I mean I'm sure
at some point, like in a hotel, you know, I
just like in the hotels they have like clear doors on,
like there's got to be I do that. I feel like, yeah, anyway,
I don't lock the door.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
No, Like I can't even go when the three of
us are out traveling and you guys are like a safe,
cozy place for me. Not until everybody leaves the room
and gives turns their keys into me.
Speaker 3 (03:00):
Janna is like, hey, guys, I need you all to
talk and I needs to talk real loud, and then
she goes in.
Speaker 1 (03:04):
This is how fast it is. Danna goes in, closes
the door, and she goes dropping out, and Jane opens
the door and she's all done. The thing is, though,
is that I don't I think and I don't know
what it is, but the most uncomfortable thing even when
I'm like in a restroom and someone does like but
I'm like, I'm like, sorry, girl, that sucks.
Speaker 4 (03:25):
You know.
Speaker 1 (03:26):
I feel bad for the person, but are you? But
That's why I'm always like talk loud whatever, Alan like
puts on a shower, like he'll he'll like run the
water in this small thing. Like he usually goes upstairs.
Like I kind of got when he moved into the
last house. I kind of got what he was doing.
Like he'd go upstairs and he's like, I'm just making
the kids beds because he's so cute, he like makes
(03:47):
the kids' beds. But I'm like, no, I think now
you're just going up there, like that's your like, that's
his time, that's his You're you're going up there to poop. Yeah,
you're making a bedroom and dropping the kids off of
the bool?
Speaker 2 (03:57):
Is that what you have to do?
Speaker 3 (03:58):
Does it take him around? Does that issue off since
it takes you two seconds?
Speaker 1 (04:02):
Oh no, So I don't even really know, like I
know when he does go, because again he'll turn the
thing on or he'll go upstairs like in the other houses.
But here it's like you can just tell because it's
like again it's maybe a nine hundred no eight hundred
square foot cottage we're in right now. And so but
when I have to go, so I still like, will
(04:25):
dry heave to like smells and stuff? Do you dry well? Obviously?
Because it's disgusting. But it doesn't matter. I can't even
like any like even the other day, Alan tried to
kiss me and like his like moisturizer smell, like it
smells just really get me mm hmmm. And so I
(04:46):
like have to like run out of the bathroom, you know,
but then I have forget to like go back and
check that like all things went down.
Speaker 4 (04:53):
Oh no.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
And then he said the other day, He's like, Babe,
did you use the bathroom? I was like, no, one
of the kids went before, and he's like he's like real,
because the kids haven't been here in two days. He's
like he's like, I got them ready this morning. I
was like, yeah, Well then then when then Jays had
to run back in to go to the bathroom, and
I was like, why is it so hard to be like, yeah,
I totally took a dump. I forgot to like go
(05:17):
back in to make sure nothing was like still there.
I know, it is interesting, especially because like we have babies.
I know, I'm like, I don't bother me, Like Preston
has legitimately seen me deliver three babies, and I'm still
like lock that door and don't come over here. I know, sorry, guys,
this is like but it is a real thing, and
I don't understand why exactly why because we could go
(05:40):
I mean during the heyday, I could just be in
the middle of a field and go pee if I
needed to. You know, I think it feels less sexy
and like I don't want him to see like because
it is because it is. Yeah, but it's also human,
just like periods and everything else. But anyways, so but
I still don't want anybody to see that. Having said
all that, as much as I love this place, I
(06:00):
cannot wait to go have a separate bathroom for moments
like this.
Speaker 3 (06:05):
Yeah, he can have his own poop bathroom.
Speaker 1 (06:07):
He can have your own poop bathroom. Yeah. And then
guess what what Easton's coming?
Speaker 4 (06:11):
Next time.
Speaker 1 (06:13):
I didn't know that Eastern was coming, and I got
a surprise face time. He was with Preston in l
A and he goes, I'm coming to see you, and
I said, wait, what it's like Eastern Christmas.
Speaker 4 (06:23):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:24):
Yeah, he's going to set us up. We're going to
have a whole new look. So next time you see us,
we're gonna have a.
Speaker 4 (06:30):
Whole new look.
Speaker 1 (06:31):
Should we like start getting dressed for this. No, okay,
this is what I like about. Talk to me Bo's baby, like,
are we going to have a real set? And now
we should actually look the part because I really like
Aaron running stay at home mom. No, but we're gonna
have it's going to be like we're really going to
just make it look good, y'all. We're gonna have a
(06:51):
nice big TV that we can see and we're staring
at this little you know, it's going to be like, yeah,
it's gonna be great. I do miss the ring light
and I just say that really pretty light that we
had at your house. Look at something I would feel
better and think just a little something. But anyways, oh
you guys. I just got my results on a second
(07:13):
I didn't open it yet. Of what my test results?
Did I pass the gluecas test? Didn't you fail? Uh?
One of my kids?
Speaker 3 (07:24):
I think the last one. I failed the first one
but then passed the second one, so I was.
Speaker 1 (07:29):
Never I failed one. I really one? Yeah did you?
And I went back and it was fine, but it's
so gross and then when you get back was awful.
You're there for like all day? All right, drum roll
please you passed? It's not loading in this little gotage
that could so uh oh great, I passed. You don't
(07:54):
have to go drink it, and the space because she goes, well,
the problem was is I they say fasting, you don't
have to fast, but that you should have low sugar
going into it. But the only thing that helps my
belly is orange juice and peaches, which is gonna make
you fail that. Yeah, right, So I'm like, okay, I
don't want to throw up. Had the kids that morning,
(08:15):
Alan was doing his thing, and so then I'm like,
I was starting to feel really sick, so I'm like,
I'm just gonna take baby SIPs of OJ and then
I'm gonna have I went to Whole Foods and got
a zero sugar because they're like just low sugar, So
I got a zero sugar cattle in a crunch cereal.
So then I started munching on that, and then like
three hours before I didn't have anything. But she's like,
(08:36):
did you fast?
Speaker 3 (08:36):
And I go, oh, did you immediately know you're lying?
Speaker 1 (08:44):
I don't know, but she was a lot of times
they just want you to say what they need you
to say, and they understand that you at your third baby,
know what you need to do yeah, so that I'm like, Okay,
if I fail, I'm gonna just call my doctor and
be like, so I had a whole gallon of orange shoes. Anyways,
so we have a guest today coming on. I love
(09:08):
the show. I watched the show selling Sense. You got
me into the show, and I love Amansa. She's probably
one of my favorites same, but I'm also how do
I say this? I feel like she's got so much
that she wants to say but doesn't say yes m
hm when it comes to like her past relationships, and
(09:32):
then it's like I could see her eyes working in
moments like when Krishelle and Nicole are having their issue.
I feel like she holds it together really well. But
at the same time, I'm like, if she was to unleash,
I'd want to listen because she's probably has a lot
to say.
Speaker 3 (09:50):
Yeah, And I always wonder if it's just because she's
like single mom in it and she's just trying to like,
you know, keep it together because of her kids, or
if that's just her personality or you know, I'm all
I am very curious about that.
Speaker 1 (10:02):
But I just asked her, what do you want to
ask her?
Speaker 3 (10:04):
That, but also I feel like if you were on
the other side of it, and I love this about
her though it's not a negative thing, like i'd be terrified.
Speaker 1 (10:12):
Oh for sure, you know, like in a good way. Yeah,
Like she's a bad her on my side, waiting to erupt.
She's in the waiting room, so.
Speaker 2 (10:22):
Let's just get her on.
Speaker 1 (10:24):
Okay, let's do it. Hold on, Hey, I just love you.
Look at you.
Speaker 4 (10:44):
Oh god, thanks. I don't feel c I will take that.
Speaker 1 (10:48):
Receive it. I just learned something the other day, is anybody, no,
this is.
Speaker 2 (10:55):
Okay?
Speaker 1 (10:56):
So I'm not good at taking compliments. No, I'm like, yeah,
it's like weird. But my husband it's like kind of
been the thing for him. He's like, how come your
girlfriends will be like, oh, you look so cute, and
I'm like, oh, thanks girl, I needed to hear it,
you know. But if he says it, I'm like, oh yeah,
you know. So the other day my girlfriend said that
if you say you if somebody gives you a compliment,
you're supposed to go received, and it makes it kind
(11:19):
of like joke.
Speaker 4 (11:20):
I don't know about that.
Speaker 1 (11:22):
It like makes it a joke if nobody can see
me when they listen to this, but it's like you
have to like bring your hand in like you grabbed something.
And I just feel like that's just not going to
work for me.
Speaker 4 (11:34):
I feel like my kids would be like, what are
you doing? You just feel weirder. Every day you'd get weirder,
Like today, I was taking my kids to school, and
my son had like a little bit of a It's
the second week of school. They started last Wednesday. It's
the second week of school. I'm going to call him
out right now. I've already gotten a call from the principal.
Speaker 2 (11:55):
Wait, how old?
Speaker 1 (11:56):
How old are the kids again?
Speaker 4 (11:58):
So my son's twelve, when my daughter's so seventh and eighth,
and they're both amazing kids. But it's just I don't
know if you guys have boys, girls, one of each both.
Like everybody's trying to warn me, like, oh, your daughter's
a teenager now, she's probably sassy and rolls her eyes,
and I'm like, she's like the perfect child. She's like,
(12:21):
that's a great, perfect child. And my son's a great kid.
But it's just he's a boy. Like there's something missing.
Speaker 1 (12:28):
There's just a law team, because that's what we're missing.
We're missing like a whole. It's the same like we
need a legal team for my son and he's only five.
Speaker 3 (12:38):
Oh shit, you've got a long way to.
Speaker 4 (12:41):
Go in my son's room today after So we'll go
back to the weirdness on the way to school today
because like I kind of went off on him on
the way home from the school yesterday. I was like
not going to say anything. I was gonna. I was like,
just wait until you get home. Don't say in front
of no Onah knows my daughter. Don't talk about what happened.
And it wasn't like a huge big deal, but it
was like he was a phone call the second week
of school and I'm like really, Breaker, like already and
(13:04):
it was like something minimal, but I couldn't hold it in.
It was like what and diarrhea of the mouth. And
then that's morning on the way to school.
Speaker 1 (13:11):
Oh fitting for our early conversation, go ahead.
Speaker 4 (13:15):
I felt bad about it and I was like I
put my hand in the back seat and I was
like Breaker, it's like and he takes my hand. I'm like,
are we going to have a good day to day?
And he's like, yeah, I try to have a good day.
My hand I don't know why I hold my hand.
It just felt right and he was just like, okay, yeah,
(13:36):
And so if I do this and receive compliments like
a Petuli necklace and crystals in my hands at all times,
away from just like totally losing all hope and anything
except for spirituality.
Speaker 3 (13:51):
I asked my fourteen year old son the other day,
I said, Hey, kyn do you want to talk about
your feelings? He looked at me and he goes feelings
and I was like, okay, never mind, and there's that.
Speaker 4 (14:02):
It.
Speaker 1 (14:03):
Yeah, so wait, how long have you been single? Mom
in it for.
Speaker 4 (14:08):
Well, technically since they were one and two. That's when
I got a divorce, but like since baby Daddy like
disappeared from the face of the earth four years.
Speaker 1 (14:19):
Yeah, so for.
Speaker 4 (14:20):
Seven years I was you know, it was a week
on and a week off, so I didn't. Now I'm like,
did I ever call myself a single monk? Because that
felt way different. You know, you got I got a break.
I got a one week break at least to like
do all my stuff, work extra hard while with my friends,
and then suddenly, like overnight, it was like, oh, just kidding,
(14:43):
it's all on you. So that was four years at
the end of August.
Speaker 1 (14:49):
Yeah, how was that with the kids, like telling them like,
hey dad, it was I can't even imagine.
Speaker 4 (14:56):
Yes, you know, they were, shoot, my daughter was about
to turn ten, because that was a big deal. It
was like they had been talking about her double digit
birthday and it was like leading to so she was
almost ten, and then I guess my son was eight.
You know. At first, it was like, I mean I
(15:17):
still have no idea, like literally no idea what happened
other than he filed a paper with the court at
one point saying that he just couldn't do it anymore
and he like relinquished all rights and responsibilities. But for
like a year and a half before I knew that
paper existed, it was, you know, I got a book
called When the Brain Breaks and talked about how your
(15:39):
brain can get sick, like your body can get sick,
and maybe Daddy's brain is sick right now. He needs
time to heal his brain so that he can come
back and be the daddy that you know he is.
And you know, that went on for like a couple
of months, and then it was like it was brutal,
Like at the beginning, if one of them wasn't crying
(15:59):
them so to sleep at night, the other one was,
and then I would go to bed and cry myself
to sleep. And this was just like a cycle for
you know. That was like for a few months of
just like trying to answer questions that I didn't know
the answers to. And then they just sort of stopped asking.
But obviously I would always check in. We still check in,
We still talk about it. They have a talk doctor,
(16:19):
you know, they talk about their feelings, and it's just
we've kind of settled into this new reality. You know,
we've had four years to just accept it. It doesn't
get any easier, like emotionally when I think about it.
But I think they're doing better than me, to be honest,
I think they're so kids are so resilient. I mean
(16:42):
everybody always says that, but I think as parents we
take on like all their feelings, like, oh my god,
they must be feeling this, this and this, And I
don't think that they really feel as bad about a
lot of the stuff. Is like I think that they do,
and so that you just, you know, you kind of
interpret like what you think that they're feeling, and then
(17:03):
it just makes you feel.
Speaker 1 (17:03):
Like crap, I can't even imagine that piece. And that's
whenever I do watch the show too, I'm always just
like I just you're so authentic in being the single
mom and everything that you have to juggle. I almost think,
like when I look at you and I see the
other girls problems, it's almost like in my brain if
I was you, I'd be like you girls don't even
(17:24):
understand half of like what a problem is when you're
trying to and like that piece I can't even imagine,
Like how you close your don't you don't say that
you know a lot, And it's like you you really
hold your composure when you can be like you have
no idea what hard looks like, and you're what you're
having to do for your kids and you and then
holding that unknown space for for your family, Like that's
(17:45):
got to be so hard.
Speaker 4 (17:48):
It's pretty hard. I mean, you're right, Like a lot
of the there's other single moms on.
Speaker 1 (17:53):
The sure, like Nick Cannon's.
Speaker 4 (17:57):
Their situations are a little different, Like yeah, and I
had Doraberry, I like really do Doraberry, And she's a
really good mama like you. I could tell him two
seconds like she was I didn't want to like her.
Like I was like, this is my this is my seat,
my uh yeah, my seat my season season I guess yeah,
season six. I was like, there's this new girl and
(18:18):
she's a brunette and she's pretty, and she's a real
estate agent. She's got this kid and she's a single mom.
And I was like, she's gonna come in here and
act like we have so much in common and we
have nothing in common. She has one kid, she's got
a baby daddy that probably gives her all this money,
and like I just was like ready to not like somebody,
because that's like my thing. I like everybody. And then
(18:39):
I'm like, oh, it's the mediator and I'm like the
voice of reason and I was like I need to
like stir some shit up. It didn't work. She walked
in and like in two seconds after, everybody was like
asking her a million questions and she just took it
like a champ and like her situation is her situation
and she's very happy with it. And I could tell
him and she loved her son, and I was like, crap,
(19:01):
I really like her, but we but saying all that
to say, we still have nothing in common except for
that we both have. We're not married to the people
that we had our kids with, Like I'm not getting
Lamborghini's for my birthday, and you know, I'm I don't
get child support from the missing man in the world.
She's a really good mom. But yeah, it's kind of
(19:22):
hard because you know, you everybody's expected to like dress
the same, like, you know, we have to dress super
cool and we got to always look great, and we've got
to be on time. And it's a big one for
me and telling tons of houses and doing all and
I'm like I can barely even like decorate my own
(19:43):
house and I can barely get myself out to like
it's just and then people are complaining about like the
most random stuff to me that it's just like, yeah, exactly,
you guys have no idea, like come over for just
three days. This has been three days at my house
and like walk in my shoes and you'd be like, oh,
(20:07):
this is this is like.
Speaker 1 (20:08):
No do so going through everything that you've gone through,
and you know, the they there was My therapist always
says like your body holds a score. So people that
I've been in abusive relationships or traumatic relationships or situations
that things that you've gone through that that stress causes.
I mean, it's one of a girlfriend of mine whose
(20:29):
husband also cheated on her and had just been years
of like you know, working through that, and she's been
in the program like for esenon that she got cancer,
like and she they think that's just stress of you know,
everything that you're going through. So I'm curious, like, do
you think that because you've had a lot of health issues,
do you think that comes from all the stress that
like your body has had to hold and carry.
Speaker 4 (20:52):
I do, actually, and and thank god I didn't have cancer.
I had a huge cancer scare last year and it
wasn't cancer, but I ended up having something else that
almost killed me over the summer, and it's it was
still to this. I just had to follow up my
follow up appointment, one of my follow up appointments yesterday
(21:13):
with the spine surgeon and he's still like this is
I was only the second patient in the history of
his practice, of all his medical school of Cedar Sinai
that had this type of blood infection that got to
the location that it got to on my spine. It
was like, there's to me and somebody else in this
(21:35):
other person was way older, like in their seventies. This
is like a disease that people don't normally get that
are just for all intents and purposes healthy, younger, younger, ish.
You know, people a lot of people that do like
a lot of intravenious drugs because it comes from it
can come from like a foreign object, like if you
(21:56):
get a lot of like IV treatments, or you're getting
a lot of needle like a lot of older people
that get dialysis get it. Obviously none of the above,
you know, I didn't fit the mole for any of
those things. They have no idea where I got this
bacterial infection that ended up being all through my body
and my blood and then sitting on my spine and
(22:19):
it was literally eating my spine, deteriorating the vertebrae and
my spine. And I have, you know, a therapist and
a spiritual therapist and psychics and which is in warlocks
and gurus. I like have a whole team of people
that I talked to. And one of the things that
one of the psychics was like, you know, before I
even went into the hospital, before we knew exactly what
it was, it was sort of like she envisioned this
(22:43):
just mass of toxic trauma basically like sitting on my spine,
and I was like, that feels so like that could
totally be it, just like all the trauma from not
just from like my divorce, in my children's father situation,
just like my life in general from the time I
(23:04):
was a kid, I've had a lot of traumatic experiences
and I really felt like it just had sort of
just festered in this like disease. And so now that
it's gone, I'm hoping that everything is going to change
and I get to be the woman that I've always
wanted to be and things are just going to only
look up. But yeah, I really do believe that because
(23:27):
like where else was it And it just feels like
that makes so much sense. It was just bacteria and
just like all waiting in my spine, the one thing
that you need to like hold the weight to the
world on your shoulders, like to carry everything.
Speaker 1 (23:41):
Well, it is not lost on me that it's literally
like you're the backbone of your family and that whatever
you're carrying is on your backbone. So that's interesting, But
also like walk me through, like how did you even
know anything was happening. Like what I mean, I know
that you thought you had like a back pain, but
how many days does that go through? Like how do
you all of a sudden go Okay, I need to
get to someone, because I think as mothers we kind
(24:03):
of like put our health off for as long as
we possibly can.
Speaker 4 (24:06):
I put it off way too long. In fact, I
so I had we had you know, we'd been filming
the season seven. We finished filming, and then I had
like all these plans, like We've got all this new
furniture that was coming to the house, and we've got
all these plans for summer, and we're gonna go on
vacation and like all the stuff that you don't get
to do when you're you know, working, working, working, and
the kids are in school. And literally, like about two
(24:29):
weeks after filming, I just I was at Mary's house
one night. Everything was fine, We're like decorating her house.
I woke up the next day I couldn't get out
of bed, Like I couldn't step out of bed. My
back hurts so bad. And I was like I just
thowt my back had gone out, you know, like maybe
I'd moved some furniture too much or like something and so,
but I literally couldn't step. I was like was holding
(24:52):
on too like the dresser to like kind of limp
to the bathroom. And then I stayed in bed like
two days with that. I ended up having doctor come
to my house and was like, yeah, your your back
is out. So I had to get like a doctor's
excuse for like some interviews and stuff that I couldn't
make too. Couldn't make it too. That went on for
like a couple of weeks. It was like I could
(25:13):
limp around, but it wasn't like I could still. I
was still mobile ish. Long story short about it was
like a month of this. Well the first time actually,
let me remind about eight days into that, I went
to the emergency room at a different hospital. I won't
even mention it because now it's like interesting that they
(25:36):
did an MRI and they sent me home and said
I was having a backspasm, and they gave me steroids
and ibuprofen and like muscle relaxers. So I went home
with all of that and it got better for about
a week. Not better like great, but better enough to
get around. And I thought, Okay, it's just a back spasm.
Like it's gonna work its way out. And then it
(25:57):
got really really bad, to the point that I couldn't
get off the couch. Like I had an assistant at
the time, and she was like, you know, having to
cook for the kids, and she would have to help
me up to go to the restroom, and I just, yeah,
I don't know why I didn't go back to the hospital.
I just in my head thought it was a backspasm.
I'd never had it before, so I thought it would eventually,
(26:18):
like you know, work its way out. And then I thought, well,
maybe it's something more. Maybe I have like a slip
disc or like a bulging disk or something. So I
had a chiropractor come to my house and he would
touch my back in one spot and it would like
lock up in another and he would touch it and
he was like, I can't work on you. I don't
know what's going on. But your body is spasying because
it's protected. It's normally because it's protecting something something more serious.
(26:40):
You need to go get like an MRI. And so
that's when I went to get an MRI, like an
imaging center, and they told me they saw a giant
mass at the bottom of my spine and they thought
it was a tumor, and so they said to go
to Siedar SINAI like right away and get a scan.
And within like twenty four hours, I couldn't walk. So
(27:00):
I couldn't even I couldn't. I had to call a
friend to come over to my house. I couldn't get
off the couch to get into the car to go
to Cedar sina. I was crawling for two days. I
crawled from my sofa to the kid's bathroom this is
closer than my bathroom. And my friend came over and
she was like, like, what are you doing? Like I
was in the most pain I've ever been in, like
(27:22):
literally like biting the pillow on the couch, like screaming
in pain at night, and she was like, if you don't,
if you're not ready by nine thirty tomorrow morning, I'm
calling the ambulance, Like this is crazy, and I don't know.
I think back now, I'm like, yeah, how how did
I get to that much pain to where I like
literally couldn't walk. I was crawling, but you just I
(27:42):
just kept feeling it was going to get better, and
you know, so I went to Cedar SINAI and I
was on June second, and they did a scan and
they admitted me that day. Like I didn't go home
until July third. I was there for thirty one days.
So they did the scan and they they too thought
it was a toombor. I took my scan that I
had gotten from the you know, from the Imagy center,
and they looked at it and they were like, we
(28:03):
need to do like a different type of scan, and
they did it. And they and the doctor the spine
the guy that ended up doing my spine surgery, doctor Kim.
He didn't come in and talk to me the first
day because he thought that it was like a massive
tumor and he was going to have to like talk
about that, and so he waited for the blood results
because they were like, maybe it could be infection, and
(28:23):
it ended up being like this massive bacterial infection that
was all through my blood. So they started me on
intravenous antibiotics immediately, and yeah, for thirty one days, I
was on every four hours. I was getting intravenous antibiotics.
When I was released from the hospital, I had a
pick line I still had. I just got that out
(28:43):
like three weeks ago. I had it for almost four weeks.
When I got out of the hospital, that had a
line that goes through like it goes across your arm
and drops into your chest and it's ivy and they
come and they change it every twenty four hours. A
nurse came, and I'm still on oral antibiotics three pills,
three times a day for the next five months to
(29:05):
make sure that the infection doesn't come back. I had
a blood transfusion more than one in the hospital because
I lost so much blood a couple of times after surgery.
I mean, it was like when I was in the hospital,
I didn't realize how serious it was because I was
kind of like in a drug induce just like I
was out of it. I was in so much pain.
I was taking medicine i'd never even heard of until
(29:26):
you know, I was in the hospital. But then once
you pull through, they're like telling you how serious it was.
And they told me if I'd stayed home one or
two more days, I wouldn't be here. So that was like,
holy shit. Yeah, it was a wild summer. And now
the kids are back in school and I feel like
I literally got finished filming, laid on the couch, the
(29:47):
kids got out of school. I went to the hospital.
I got out of the hospital, and now everybody's back
in school, and I'm like, what happened?
Speaker 2 (29:53):
That's crazy?
Speaker 3 (30:07):
How did you even mom during that time? I mean,
like you're a single mom, Like, how did how was
that invisible?
Speaker 4 (30:13):
I had? Well, I have two very It makes me
emotional to talk about. I have two very self sufficient,
you know, one teenager and one lean. We ordered a
lot of Postman, like when I was home on the
couch for that moment, it was a lot of Postmates
and a lot of ubering them to wherever they were
going to like playdates and things. They were still in
(30:35):
school at first, so they had a driver that would
like take them to school and home. And then and
then when I went to the hospital, my dear friend
of mine just moved into my house and she just yeah,
she moved in and took care of them for the
for the month that I was there. So it was
and they I didn't see them because when I was
(30:56):
at the house, it got so bad like the last
few I mean times kind of like a blur now,
but like it was so bad at a point, Like
I remember one time one night they were making food
in the kitchen. I was laying on the sofa and
I just couldn't like hold it in, and I was
like like screaming in pain. And I didn't want them
to see me like that because you know, I didn't
(31:17):
want to freak them out, but just like reassuring them
that I was okay, it was just a backspasm. I
was going to go get it checked out whatever. And
then when I went into the hospital it looked even
well it was worse, but and it just looked really bad.
I would FaceTime them, but I didn't want them to
come up to the hospital to see me. I mean,
I had tubes coming out, you know, I had IVS
and two in one arm, like sometimes one in my
(31:39):
hand and oxygen and after the surgeries, you have like
tubes coming out of you everywhere. And I was like,
this would just really freak them out. So I would
FaceTime them and like just pretend like, you know, it
was okay and we were taking care of it. But
I really didn't know. I wasn't super scared. In the hospital,
Like I said, they don't really give you the give
(32:00):
you enough information like what you need to know. But
I was so under educated on like what how serious
this was. Like while I was in it, I was
just kind of going through the motions, you know, But
afterwards I was like, holy wow, I thought was really
really bad. One night I spiked a fever of like, ah,
this was I was supposed to get out of the hospital,
(32:22):
and like the next day and in the middle of
the night, I spiked a fever of one hundred and
five and like I'd never even heard of anybody having
a fever that high. And that was for like a day.
I had one hundred five, and then the next day
it was one hundred four, and then it finally got
down to one hundred three, and they had that. At
that point, I got scared because this infection is a
sticky infection, so like it stuck to my spine. A
(32:46):
lot of people it's called ostiomlitis, and that's when it
attacks the moone a lot of people it'll stick to
like it's common more common, like a foot or like
bones in your leg or something, but the spines, like,
you know, more serious. But the first thing that they
checked when they found out it was a bacterial infection
was my heart. Because it's a sticky infection, it sticks
(33:07):
to your heart. It can you can die quickly. And
so when I spiked the fever, this is after I'd
been in the hospital, like, you know, twenty six days
or something, and I was like, oh my god, I
went to my heart because that's what they thought like
I was like convulsing massively sweating, but I was freezing
(33:29):
and my blood pressure was like sky high, my heart
rate was like out the roof, and my temperature was
one hundred and five. And I was like, I remember
laying there like, shit, I haven't seen my kids, like
this is this could be really bad, and they it wasn't.
It was I was having like some random, strange reaction,
(33:49):
very rare reaction to one of the medicines that they
had given me, and so I just needed to like
get out of my system. But yeah, and so my
kids were a little bit in the dark about everything.
But when I got out of the hospital, I saw
my son first. He was in the driveway randomly when
I got home, and he just like fell into my
(34:12):
arms and started weeping. Yeah. He was like, I didn't
think you were going to come home from the hospital,
and I was like, oh my god. I didn't realize
how scared they were.
Speaker 1 (34:24):
Well, it's also hard because you're the only one.
Speaker 4 (34:27):
Yeah, and they had this. My daughter's god emotional.
Speaker 1 (34:33):
This is wine down. Well, we cry every episode, so
if you didn't cry, we wouldn't be doing our jobs.
This is actually no.
Speaker 4 (34:40):
But my my daughter, she's a little tougher I think,
or she we usually arener, just tougher. He yeah, but
he seemed like he was tougher, like she seemed more sad,
like when I was in the hospital and missed me
more and stuff when we would talk, and he seemed
(35:00):
to totally just like have it together and like he
was trying to be like the little man of the house,
you know. And then but when he saw mom, like
he just and my back really hurt. I he and
he's tall, my kid is My kids are huge. They're
both five ten and they're twelve and thirteen. Oh wow,
and I'm and I thought I was like tall for
a girl until these kids, like I just look short.
(35:23):
And he just like fell on me, and I was like, oh,
it hurts so bad that he was like weeping, and
I was like, geez, that must have been so scary.
Speaker 1 (35:33):
Yeah, but you did such a good job of protecting
them too, you know. I think that's incredible, and it's
got to be really hard, like you talk about I mean,
this is months, right, so even you have a month
in the hospital, but you have months before that, so
then all of a sudden you have to like come
back to life in the real world. I put it
in air quotes because your world to me is so
(35:54):
layered and sometimes not as reel as it should be,
that it's just observing from my sweet little city, you know,
my seat in Nashville. But like, tell me, how do
you transition from like this life altering moment of health.
If you have health, you have everything to moving into
filming a season with these people, then like how does
(36:17):
that even? How do you even move yourself back into
your world emotionally?
Speaker 4 (36:23):
So I'm still I think that's why I'm so emotional,
Like it's been a struggle of this. So we stopped
filming season six, and then I got sick for a month,
and then I was in the hospital for a month.
And now I've been out of the hospital almost a
month or no over a month. But it's like I'm
still I feel like we just stopped filming, Like my
(36:44):
world the whole summer is just a it's like a
chunk of my life just got taken away, like and
it's I'm still trying to get back. We're not filming yet.
We're still a hiatus until I don't know, and we
haven't been given like a shoot date, but you know,
we've had photo shoots and interviews and things like that,
(37:05):
and it is very strange. I'm trying to play catch
up to all of the things and all the plans
that I had before we stopped filming, but with like
this much energy, like no energy. I just only was
released yesterday. I had a follow up appointment. I was
only released yesterday. To lift over to lift more than
(37:28):
five pounds, so like I can't bend, I can't twist,
I can't lift more than five pounds, you know, getting
in and out of the car, Like everything is different.
I'm still on antibiotics, which have been like I've been on.
I weaned myself off of massive amount. I'm proud of this.
(37:51):
So I want to mention this because this is like
a huge situation in the world right now.
Speaker 1 (37:57):
Narcotic pain We just talked about that last week. We
watched that show Painkiller, and the fact of how it's
like people can get so addicted. You know, they weren't
addicts before, but then they when they got hurt from
the back paint or whatever. Yeah, So.
Speaker 4 (38:13):
I was very cognizant of that when I was in
the hospital, and even before I was released, I was
trying to already sort of wean myself down, which was
impossible because at the time I was I was getting intravenously.
I mean every like, you know, four to six hours
and sometimes and then every two hours. I would take.
Speaker 1 (38:33):
Something orally, like what did they give you for the pain?
Speaker 4 (38:37):
I had oxycodone, I had torrital, I had dilouded, I
had morphine. I had never heard of dilouded or tortal.
I'd heard a morphine, but it was like that's what
people get when they like cut their arm off, Like
that's like massive pain. And I'd heard of oxy cotone
because that's like a massively addictive drug. When I got
(39:00):
out of the hospital, I was only on oral pain killers,
but I was taking like one hundred and twenty milligrams
of oxycodone for about two months straight on top of
all this other stuff. So I was very aware that,
like I was going to have to wean myself. I
was taking like nine of them a day when I
first got the hospital, because I had to because the
(39:21):
pain was sure. So, sir, I mean, I have you know,
I had two spine surgeries. I have metal rods in
my back now. One of my vertebrae was replaced with
titanium because the infection completely ate through bones in my back.
I still have, you know. Yesterday I had my follow
up and I had an X ray. I have a
really my hip is really painful, and it's because one
(39:44):
of the joints in my hip had infection sitting on
it for so long, and it's just it's just eaten
like away, and it's something that there's no therapy that's
going to make it better. There's no it's just he said,
at some point I may have to go get like
a an injection that will help the pain for like
six months. But it's like it's already. It just hurts,
like it just hurts all day every day, just like
(40:06):
not excruciating, but it's just something I'm having to learn
to deal with, like these new like pains. And I'm
gonna be forty seven in December. I've always already getting
a little creaky.
Speaker 1 (40:18):
Wait, December one eleven. Oh you're sad, me too, big
sag energy.
Speaker 4 (40:24):
I love it.
Speaker 1 (40:25):
Well, that's kind of what I'm curious because, you know,
kind of to Kristen's question where it's like, you know,
when you do go back filming, it's like, I'm curious,
like how your emotions are going to be with that
because you you almost died, you know everything else you're
going through. So it's like, are you kind of going
in like just so grateful to be here or I
(40:46):
mean obviously yes. And is it like you guys don't
even have a fucking clue you know what I mean,
like stop talking about your product, bag your product. You know,
it's like this, that and the other and like coming
in like you know, just like realizing the crap out
of them.
Speaker 4 (41:02):
Yeah, And it's I feel like I was already kind
of like that anyway. So be honest, I'm a little
bit nervous because you know, they like the drama on
the show and they like the and I don't give
a fuck about this that people argue about, like and
if if I want to continue to have a job,
I have to somewhat you know, participate and to participate,
(41:28):
and I just don't have the energy, the want to
and I'm gonna be honest. Like before I went into
the hospital, I had a falling out with my dear
friend Krishelle, like the one. I never have had a
falling out like this with anybody, And you know, we
had a misunderstanding. It happened kind of during season seven,
and then it carried on a little bit afterwards, a
(41:49):
lot afterwards, and I felt really really strongly about it,
like I was so I was done. I was done
with her. I didn't like the way she moved through
the situation and we had been in I was just
really I was very vocal about it, and it was
like I really felt strongly about it, and she had
been a really I love Chrishlle. She had been a
(42:10):
really dear friend. And when I was in the hospital,
she reached out to me and it made me so
emotional and I just I wrote her back and I
was like like in my head, I was like, what
the fuck are we even? Are you?
Speaker 1 (42:23):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (42:23):
And I just you know, and we've talked since and
we're good. But I'm just like I don't even think
I have one ounce of anything in me that could
feed into any of it, unless I mean I can't
even think of what would be a big enough reason
to like really give two about some of the drama
that they.
Speaker 1 (42:41):
But that might be exactly what we need from you.
Speaker 4 (42:44):
But I feel, yeah, I don't know, maybe.
Speaker 1 (42:46):
But again I get I get the pull that you
have to do right well.
Speaker 3 (42:50):
I feel like that's always kind of been your personality,
where you just kind of you're able to just hold back.
Speaker 1 (42:54):
That's what I love about you on the show.
Speaker 3 (42:56):
And I don't know if that is just because of
all the trauma, like you said, that you've had, but
you've always or it's because you're a single mama protecting
your kids, you know. I don't know, but you've always
been able to just hold it back.
Speaker 4 (43:08):
I just don't And I mean, I just have such
low tolerance for things that are unimportant. And I think,
I mean a lot of it. It's probably because I'm
a single mom. I have more responsibility, I think than
a lot of people understand. But then also I'm just
a very logical human, right, I feel like I'm very literal,
(43:28):
and I just feel like I'm kind of level headed
kind of unless you trigger me. But I'm like, I
just don't, like I literally look at them. Sometimes I'm like,
I don't get it and I don't understand, like there's
disconnects people like reading things and people and I'm just like,
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (43:47):
Was there someone from the show that really surprised you,
like while you were in the hospital. Obviously the Krishelle text,
but is there anyone else that you were you know
kind of like wow, like they really showed up as
a friend. Because I think when you go through moments
like that, you really realize like who your friends are
when you were at your lowest low.
Speaker 4 (44:03):
Yeah, I mean we're all pretty close, to be honest,
not all of us obviously, like Chryshell and Cole weren't
our buddies.
Speaker 1 (44:11):
But no, I didn't get that one at all watching us,
And I'm like, who cares if she did or didn't
like to stop? And I was like, I was like,
I've got it. I was like, Okay, so maybe she
did do drugs.
Speaker 2 (44:22):
Who cares.
Speaker 4 (44:26):
Want to go out and just do drugs? So true,
I wasn't there. I wasn't in Palm Springs because us and.
Speaker 1 (44:42):
Because Jesus loves you and kept you away from Palm Springs.
Speaker 4 (44:46):
Or does Jesus not loving Nicole because somebody needed to
stand up. Like I was mortified. I watched it when
everybody else saw the show because my back was already
hurting when we got the teaser or the trailers that's
what they're called whatever, the screeners, and I couldn't watch
it because I was in so much pain. This was
after filming and I was home, and so I watched
(45:08):
it when the world saw and I was like, I
wanted to go back in time, jump through the television
and be in Palm Springs and be like, what the
literal fuck. I was so mortified. I couldn't believe that
it was explained to me very differently than how it
went down. It was like, explained very differently.
Speaker 1 (45:29):
That's interesting to me.
Speaker 4 (45:32):
Everybody is you know, I'm really close to a lot
of people in the office, but I will say for
somebody who lives so far away from you know, I
was at Cedar Sina in Beverly Hills, Chelsea, like we're close,
but she was at the hospital multiple times, you know,
and she lives in Manhattan Beach, so it's not like
and she's she's a mama too, Like she's got two
(45:54):
little ones, like two and I think maybe three and
two I don't know how they are now, but their babies.
So I was I was not surprised because I do
love her so much, but it was like it was
really cool that she came up to the hospital so
many times, and like she brought me like pajamas. So
I just kept staying longer and longer, and I was
(46:15):
like running out of clothes. They don't do your laundry
at the hospital, so you're just you know, And I
refused to wear that gown. It was just not because
I'm a fashion east and I mean I like fashion,
but it was just so uncomfortable and it just made
it feel so much more hospital.
Speaker 1 (46:30):
I feel like they've made those gowns. By the way,
I didn't tell you girls this, but I went to Centennial.
I you did.
Speaker 3 (46:35):
I was wondering how it went.
Speaker 1 (46:36):
How did you know anyways? But I have your calendar.
Speaker 4 (46:39):
No.
Speaker 1 (46:39):
Oh no, I went like at night time after a date.
Speaker 2 (46:42):
Oh no.
Speaker 1 (46:43):
I didn't tell anyone's else so embarrassed. I'm pregnant, so
I had a little like I didn't know. I was
just like super embarrassed or whatever. So I didn't tell anyone.
But the ladies like are here put on the gown
and I'm like and I'm in there, and I'm like,
there's so many new buttons on these gowns, and I'm like,
I don't even know what my head through this. Yeah,
it's like or a gomi, like hospital down or gomi.
(47:05):
So I just stood there naked open the door. I
was like, I don't know which bottom goes to which
arms were just put this on me. I picked my
head out of the curtain last time, and I was like,
can y'all just come in? I need like major help.
I don't know what I'm doing, and you're going to
come in here and I'm going to have it. I know.
Speaker 4 (47:20):
Yeah, in the bed it's all stuck and you can't.
Speaker 1 (47:23):
Like you like a string up your butthole. We're never
lounging an address at home anyways, so why are they
putting us in a dress there? It's weird.
Speaker 4 (47:30):
I have dressed its even Yeah, yeah, oh, are super uncomfortable.
I actually ended up at the end of it. By
the end of my stay, I kept calling in my
hotel room for someone. Maybe that's just you run a
lot of drugs. To be fair, I was on a
lot of drugs. It was the most expensive hotel room
(47:52):
I've ever stayed in with the crappy food service. But
my friend Jewels came and he like redecorated my room.
Was like he's a gay guy and he's like very
over the top and he was like this is disaster
and he like put artwork up and he brought me
like this giant inflatable. I don't even think this was
(48:12):
legal for the hospital. It was like I think they
just I'd been there for so long. It was like
a queen size massive blow up bed that he put
next to my hospital bed, and like these starlights that
like illuminated on the ceiling that played like meditation music,
and a candle warmer that smelled really good. Like the
nurses would come in and be like this is dope
(48:36):
in here. But yeah, I just I ended up moving
from the hospital bed like the last week and a
half that I was there, to this massive blow up
mattress on the floor because the hospital beds were so uncomfortable.
It was just over it.
Speaker 3 (48:50):
They like ruined, you maybet not doing it after a
baby for like three days after a sea section and
how bad that seems and then have to do it
for a mile.
Speaker 1 (48:58):
My tailbow's still broken from my breath. Three months ago, my.
Speaker 4 (49:02):
Spine was what hurt in like the bed.
Speaker 1 (49:05):
Yeah, so it was Now and looking back on everything
that you have gone through, what do you think is
your biggest kind of like what do you say to yourself?
Like to kind of I don't know, I don't want
to say that because obviously you're you're incredibly strong, but like,
what is your biggest takeaway from all of this?
Speaker 4 (49:28):
I've actually been having I keep saying I'm emotional, but
I have I've been maybe I'm pmssing. I don't know,
Maybe I'm.
Speaker 1 (49:33):
Just it's a lot, girl. You've literally have been carrying
a lot for your whole life too, Yeah, just like
the last year.
Speaker 4 (49:41):
Yeah yeah. And I also I have a friend right
now who's very sick, and I'm like, I just like
feel like I just got a second chance at life.
And then I'm simultaneously watching my dear friend not like
she's has stage four cancer like in three parts of
(50:02):
our twenty six years old beautiful like supermodel, like the
most amazing soul, and like she's like I'm like watching
her die and I'm like, I don't know, it's weird.
I'm like, Okay, I feel really blessed and really grateful
and really lucky about what the fuck on the other hand,
like why is this happening to this person? And I
feel really, I don't know. I feel like I I've
(50:27):
got to do more. I feel like I wouldn't have
gone through all of this stuff and then come out
like still happy and jolly and amanza if I wasn't
supposed to do something huge with it. And like, I know,
I'm doing okay things and I have a platform and
we're on this show, and that doesn't feel like that's
(50:50):
not it for me. It never has been in my head.
And I'm like, Okay, I just really need to like
bust my ass right now and figure out how to
get to what that next big thing is because I
wasn't just brought through all of this to be on
And look, I love selling Sunset. I'm not trying to
like diminish its glory at all, but that's not the
(51:13):
platform that I'm going to like go out on. Like
I feel like I need to really continue to like,
you know, cultivate, like my motivational speaking and like all
of the big plans that I have to inspire people
and like, I just feel like there's no way that
I've been put through all this shit and then come
out shiny and new on the other side if I
(51:35):
wasn't supposed to somehow share my experience and give people
hope and help others be able to do the same
and not give up in the midst of it all.
So it's just kind of lit a fire under my butt,
except for I can't move fast enough right now to
do as about it as I want to, so but yeah,
(51:55):
I think it's just it's just another one of those
things like I'm gonna be honest, like I got I'm
just kind of a hardhead. I don't think I would
have worked as hard as I have before my children's
father disappeared. Like that lit a fire under my ass,
you know, because I was like, now I cannot feel
like it is on me. I have to do the most,
(52:17):
and I'm some part of me is like like, I
guess maybe I needed that to to get myself to
the potential that I know that I could be. And
then here's this thing and it's like, oh, maybe I
needed that to light a fire under me to get
to the next, you know, step of where I'm supposed
to be. There's a lot more inside of me, and
(52:38):
I just got to figure out how to like how
to get it out there to the world.
Speaker 1 (52:42):
Well, Amanza, thank you for just being so open, authentic,
sharing your story and just I mean I want to, like,
I want to give you a hug, I want to
sit with you like you're just You're an incredible woman.
So thank you for coming on here and just sharing
your words.
Speaker 4 (52:57):
I want to hug you too, because you have a
baby and your million come to Nashville and come hang
out with us for a minute. I would love to.
That sounds so good, like just humbling and like, yeah.
Speaker 1 (53:07):
Just get cozy with us or anytime girl whatever. Past
selling sunsetses is what we're to come in and let
us love on you like. It's probably not much Michigan
Michigan girls right here. Yeah, yeah, that's why you're so cool.
Speaker 2 (53:22):
Though.
Speaker 1 (53:23):
The Midwest Midwest girls are just different, hustle harder.
Speaker 4 (53:28):
I think so too.
Speaker 1 (53:29):
I said sorry to.
Speaker 4 (53:30):
Somebody that Midwest people like you could I can meet
a serial killer and be like Midwest. If they were Midwest,
I'll be like, you.
Speaker 1 (53:38):
Must have had a good reason. Girl. Please come to
Nashville and let us love on you less aggressively because
of your sweet back, and we could just be together.
Speaker 4 (53:51):
Does anybody need your house decorated or anything? I would come, girl.
Speaker 1 (53:54):
I'm moving in my house. I'm moving into my new
house in two days, so nursery, let's go, let's go.
Oh my god, you're amazing. Yeah, I love it. Okay,
I'll d M you. Okay, all right, girlfriend, I love
you all right, love you so much. Thank you friend.
(54:26):
Oh my gosh, I can't. I can't imagine. Guys, I
you be a our best friend. I know many people
we like kind of force into friendship. I know I
totally slid into Tiffany's d MS. I was like, anytime
you're back in h She's like, oh, I definitely would
love to friend that. I'm always like chann to make
them our friend, our friend. But I just I can't
(54:47):
imagine everything. Oh all that and what crazy you know?
And I think it's hard to This is one thing.
Speaker 2 (54:54):
I know.
Speaker 1 (54:55):
We've talked about this a bit, but like I am
just I think we all are similar ish, but like
I don't ask for help when I need it hardly ever,
and then I feel like when I do. It's it's
hard to rely on people, and so I can't imagine
being in a position where I literally cannot help my
kids and have to rely on people to help me.
(55:18):
And like what I mean, it's just like a piece
of you when you're that, when we're when you're wired
the way we're wired, that's its own morning too, you know,
tricky layered.
Speaker 2 (55:28):
She had to figure it out.
Speaker 1 (55:29):
She's amazing. Do we get to talk about your emergency visit?
You had an emergency visit, That's what she was saying.
Speaker 3 (55:37):
I thought you made you were touring the hospital.
Speaker 1 (55:39):
That's what I did. We did tour the hospital. But
what's the other you brought it? I know, but I
was like, yell, are welcome. I didn't tell yeah because
I was embarrassed. Don't be embarrassed. I've gone. I feel
like I wasted my one. You don't get anymore, baby,
(56:03):
do you remember? Yeah, you're like way you were, way closer.
I feel that way.
Speaker 3 (56:08):
In case something happens, I'm afraid you're like, we already
had my one.
Speaker 1 (56:11):
I can't go the rules you create for yourself again.
I don't want to inconvenience Alan. If I have to,
we have to I know, which is like so silly
because we had guess you're pregnant with this baby. I
need to say that out loud. I never, You're never
because you're pregnant with this baby, right, I know. But
I just felt I felt stupid. I felt like it
(56:32):
was a waste of time. No, again they go back
to like what I've talked about was right. But but yes,
So we were on a uh we were doing a
double date with one of our neighbors, and uh, I
had so I'm used to the round ligament pain. Yeah,
get that, I know that, but I had stabbing. I
mean like it was like someone was taking a knife
(56:53):
to the middle of my belly button and I was
like I had never felt that pain before. So I
was like I like like, I was like this is
this is that's new and it scared me. And it
happened like every it was like thirty seconds to a minute,
like at least like four or five times. We were
already downtown and I texted doctor Norman and I was like,
I'm having stabbing pains in my belly button. And again,
(57:16):
that was my first text to her ever that I've
had her number. So like it I felt like that too,
so I was like, I know. So it was just
like and she and she goes go to the hospital, yes,
because that doesn't that doesn't sound right. But then it
started to stop, right, so then it was like not
as bad. So then I'm like, well, just because we're
(57:37):
going to go there, they're going to say it's fine.
And then he's like, what do you want to do that?
And I'm like, well, let's just go. And then I
was like, well, I don't know though, because what if
it is something? You know, then you start to thinking
what if it is something because I've never felt this,
Like I don't this is not what I've ever felt before.
So then we ended up He's like, I'm going to
make the decision for you, and we're going. I was
just like okay, And in my mind I'm like thank
(57:58):
you because I would have said just go home, right.
And so then were there so I was having contractions.
Oh wow, that's what I was gonna say. I had
the same pain. I had never felt that before. I
don't know if it's the third or what. I had
never felt it either, But I honestly be like, and
anybody else that's listening, you have to pay attention. The
smallest things can be the biggest things, and we just
(58:20):
have to go in and you know what, none of
those hell I've worked on the I work on the
nonprofit side with doctor Norman and that whole team. None
of them are ever tired of us being cautious about
our bodies and babies bodies period. You can never maybe
you could text her too much, but you can never
(58:40):
reach out enough. You can never check enough. Like the
tiniest things are the biggest things, and that just makes
you a good mom. So you need to get in.
I mean, we've done this three times. Yeah, that's where
you had had contractions. Uh did you have contractions with
with Jolie?
Speaker 2 (58:54):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (58:54):
I did almost. I don't really.
Speaker 3 (58:57):
Remember if I had it because I didn't.
Speaker 1 (59:00):
And I think too because our bodies grow differently. It's
the third time, so there's something that stretches differently too. Yeah,
it's weird. But I was contracting too, and I said, well,
is this like Braxton Hicks because I had never had
that before. Yeah, and she said no, it's early labor,
but this could go on for months. Yeah yeah, I
mean yeah, because I was at twenty eight weeks, I know,
so She's like, yeah, we saw a contraction on the
(59:21):
on the thing, and I was like, well that's then that. Yeah,
that's that. So I was like, well, at least I
was like, so I walk out again. I always have
to have a reason for something going in so that
it was not inconvenience. I was like, see I was
having contractions. It's like, yea, even if you weren't, it's okay.
But I know I didn't like I would just see
that that's a contraction. That definitely is when they said it.
(59:43):
But I also, I will say this because it's a
new hospital to both of us. I also enjoyed that
I had a dry run and I knew where to
go and made me take a little ease too, because
the last thing you needed to do is be like
wandering around. Well yeah, so anyways, so that was that.
I'm proud of you, thank you. Oh and I'm more
proud of Alan, but proud of you. I know, I
love the fact that he said that. But no, the
(01:00:03):
Kim Kardashian thing on the side note, I was like,
oh my gosh, what happened because she had surgery Courtney
Courtney sorry means Courtney. Yeah, scary, so scary fetal surgery.
So I was just like, oh my god, and then
it just starts to Then I started reading what what
does that mean? Because I knew you could have well
(01:00:24):
different so she must be under a certain because I'm like.
Speaker 3 (01:00:27):
Well, there could be certain things, Yeah, it could happen.
Speaker 1 (01:00:29):
Well, she's an older mom too, so they're just cautious
about anyways. Okay, well, good episode, glad you're well, Love
you guys, and we'll see you next week in the
new house.
Speaker 4 (01:00:38):
Ye bye bye
Host
Jana Kramer
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