I Feel a Presence with Matt Fraser

Medium Matt Fraser and his girlfriend Alexa Papigiotis have some news for Jana and Mike from regions beyond. We know that Mike is the ultimate skeptic, but Matt reveals something to Mike that leaves him speechless.

We hear about their new show on E!, “Meet the Frasers”, and we find out where his connection to the paranormal began.

And Jana and Mike try to figure out how to raise a well behaved kid?? How much should you discipline your kids?

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See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, guys, So we are going on the Wine Down Tour.
Michael and I are so excited. We can't wait to
get out there and just talk about life and love
and laugh. Maybe have a few good cries in there.
You never know with wine Down. And we're gonna bring
you know, people from from the seats, from the audience
up on stage. We're gonna come out with some microphones.

(00:21):
We're gonna get you all involved. It's very interactive, a
ton of fun and honestly, some nights we don't even
know what's about to go down. Well, that's the cool
thing about the wind Down Tour is that you know,
you guys can ask us questions and you really kind
of guide, um, you guide the night for us. And
so we are going to San Antonio, We're going to Austin,
We're going to Dallas, We're going to Houston and then

(00:44):
Los Angeles and Sacramento. So you guys get your tickets.
Go to Janna Kramer dot com um Slash Tour to
get your wine Down tickets. So excited to see you guys.
Come on out, y'all. Wind Down with Jane Kramer and
Michael Coughlin and I'm her radio podcast gangs all here
just another Monday. I mean, oh, here we go back

(01:11):
at it. No, because we've got Eastern end. Mark two.
I know, how does it feel like to have like
the whole game? Because last time it was just you
and me isolated, isolated and our emotions. No one wanted
a part of that. Everyone's like, now you're good you
even if we've been here last week we hung out

(01:31):
of that one. Yeah, I was like, come on, somebody
throw us a lifeline. He um No, but uh, I
mean it's good just to hear y'all's voices and to
be back with everybody and just get back into our zone.
Mark was part of the mom ary. Um, you had

(01:52):
something that you had said to me too earlier, Mark
that you wanted to maybe correct or not correct, so
much as I gave it more thought, because I think
it's a really a good question you asked me and
Mike you weren't around for this, so um we for
the reminder, talked about how men in their twenties are
basically kids still, they're very difficult to date, and how

(02:14):
they've been told by their mother that they're perfect their
whole life, and then they get out into the real world.
And they're just a guy who wear sports jerseys everywhere
and and has sports posters on their wall and just
watching porn and just thinking they're awesome. And then they
realize I'm not really a fully formed individual yet. And
so Janna asked, you know, I'm the mother of a son,
what can I do to not raise a kid who's

(02:35):
do she in his twenties because guys tend to be.
And I really gave that a lot of thought, because
I don't think I answered it properly before. I think
you what you had said, though, was not to have
him be the perfect child and to always remind him
that he's the perfect one, which then also sends a
resentment with drolly, you know, for the sister. But go
ahead for sure being critical the specific behavior I think

(02:56):
is important because there was literally nothing I could have
done from my mother to say that was inappropriate. I
think telling him anything you see, like, just so you
know that's not cool. It's even if he rebels at that,
it's going to get into his head. And the other
thing is teach him how to do stuff. I left
home not knowing how to do a single thing, So

(03:18):
teach him how to do dishes, teach him how to
do laundry, teach him how to clean a sink or
a toilet, because I knew how to do none of
that stuff, and so I was just I was just
out there in the world, mindless and and trying to
find a woman to do those things for me. And
that's not the help me. I didn't go to laundry, Matt,
but I did because we had a washer and dryer
at this house we were renting, and I messed it up.

(03:40):
One time I left my washer. I just like put
it in the washer and then I went to bed,
and then like two days later, I was like, oh,
that's right, I've got closed the washer. So I just
put him in the dryer. And then for the rest week,
I was like, why do I smell so bad? So
it's an awful smell. Yeah, so moldy. Because I was
an idiot. I didn't know that stuff. So that's what
I said. Criticize him, but not in a naggy mommy,

(04:02):
will just point out inappropriate behavior and teach him how
to do stuff. I like that. I also think, I mean,
just from the stuff that you know, Mike, you've kind
of learned what you said that you caught yourself the
other day with the kids, where it's Jolie is just
kind of like doing things I think to just get
a reaction, even Jace right now too, But it's what
did she do and that you were like, you caught
yourself to not be like critical. Yeah, last night, all

(04:25):
was upstairs with the kids and we're playing like before
bathtime and everything in the playroom and I had Jason
my lap and Jolie was playing with this little toy
like ukulele and stepped on this like a platform plush
thing that we have for jas to crawl on, and
she stepped on the edge of it, so it flipped up.
She fell forward, and like you know, usually when kids

(04:48):
do that, it's not so much that they got hurt,
but it more scares him and they still cry. So
she got scared. She kind of hurt her hand a
little bit and started crying. And my immediate, like the
first thought that came to mind of what I wanted
to say was why would you do that? Like I
literally wanted to say that to our four year old daughter,
and I had to I had to catch myself and like, no,

(05:12):
it's not what I want to say, and I calmed down.
I was like, okay, hey, Joeli, are you okay? I'm
sorry that happened. Hey, you know that happened because you
stepped in the edge. So if you want to do
that again, just try to step more in the middle
than it won't fall on you. But it was just
that was my natural reaction to think the other way.
I think I've done that before. Well I think we

(05:33):
all have done it before. But I was like, wow,
what a cool teaching moment because I think I remember
my mom and we brought this up a few times too.
She yelled at me and said something like why would
you do that? I was like, well, Mom, I don't know.
Why won't you Why don't you teach me? Show me
how to do it? And it's like I've remembered that
so much now as a parent because I'm like, it's
so easy to Julie, why, Jase, why would you? Wh

(05:54):
why would you do that? Like can't you see that
it's gonna fall or that you're gonna hurt yourself for
this or that or other where it's like, hey, don't
do this because this can happen, Like I think, I
don't know if it's the we expect them to know that,
and I think too a lot of us received that.
I think every kid has received that at some point
in time from their parents of why would you do that?

(06:17):
Use your head? You know how many times have kids
heard that, like why would you use your head? Just
use your head? Okay, you're getting checkered right now, but
I mean it really was something for you though, Yeah,
where it's like, you know, it was just I would
feel stupid and then like shamed and I feel like, oh, yeah,
why would I do that? I don't know right, you know,

(06:40):
but it's I think just like being conscious of it,
Like there's gonna be times we're gonna be like what
are you thinking? But then it's like kind of been
like ah, sorry, you know, and more so now than
when they're like sixteen, it's like what are you thinking? Yeah,
but isn't that one like you really want your parents
to be not your friend? I get the not having

(07:01):
your friend, but also not doing kind of what happened
with I'm like trying to like with the you know,
where it's like they you yes they might have really
screwed up, but they've come to you and they told
you the truth. So instead of saying what were you thinking?
It's like, hey, thanks for coming to me. Or if
something got caught. Let's say one of the kids got

(07:22):
caught with like, I would be very upset with the
whole vaping stuff. I'd be so upset if I caught
one of the kids vaping, especially with all the I mean,
who knows what's going to be vaping at their age.
But like, let's just say right now, if they're older
and they were vaping, and I would be like, my
first thought would be like, what are you thinking? Like
you could die and they don't know, Like, honestly, rather

(07:43):
you have a cigarette of all of you know, and
that's our that's our feelings behind it, that's our reaction, right.
But I would rather be like, Okay, why did you
want to do this? Is? Are there kids that wanted?
You know? Did you feel cool doing it? Instead of
saying why would you do this? For sure? I'm just
saying it's gonna I honestly think when the kids are older,
it'll be more difficult to have that pause like I

(08:05):
had last night. Did wouldn't you have wanted that from
your father? I thought I would want to every every
kid would want that from their parents, and I'm practicing
it now is going to be beneficial for the when
the kids are older, because that's really when they're going
to be developing these skills that like Marcus talking about
to learn from and bring into their you know, young adulthood.
What did our couples therapists say the other night where

(08:28):
their cortex something in the brain shuts off at at
like ten and then doesn't come back online until so
from like ten to twenty three, there's acting like crazy. Yeah,
but that's that's basically what they said. They're like, you
just there is no reasoning really because they're not really
acting from there. It was that there something some part

(08:49):
of the brain. I don't remember exactly, I don't want
to say it. And then how do you how your kids?
How you react to your kids hurting themselves is an
interesting conversation because I don't know the right answer because
I think moms tend to rush to their child's aid, like,
oh my gosh, your poor thing, Are you okay, where
dads tend to be more You're fine, get up, shake

(09:10):
it off. And I don't know what the right answer
is because I feel like both can have both can
backfire when you rush in, Oh my gosh, you're okay.
Suddenly they know that all I have to do is
kind of scrape my knee and I can get this
kind of love and attention, and or they'll even think
it's a bigger deal than it is, especially when they're young.
If your parents has a big reaction, you're like, oh
my gosh, I'm really heard where But the other element

(09:31):
of it, get up, shake it off. I feel like
there is a message there, like you just scraped your knee,
You're fine, get up and keep moving. And I tend
to be more of the get up and keep moving
kind of a guy. But I'm not sure that's the
right way to go. Devil's Advocate does that then, maybe
not teach them how to have empathy? Possibly, well, it's

(09:52):
a way to to suppress your emotions. It's a way
to like kind of train you to suppress certain emotions.
And but I totally would do the same, like come on,
you got it, You're fine, You're fine, and not too
I mean, I have very few wins, I feel like
in life sometimes so too. To go off of my
win last night with the kids, um, I will say

(10:16):
with the topic that we're talking about, I think it
was kind of the best of both worlds because Okay,
I didn't say, Jolie, you're fine, like stop, you're fine,
get up, you're good. And I also didn't rush over
to her. I sat where I was and I talked
to her kindly and softly and said, what you know,

(10:36):
what happened? Do you come here? And she came to
me and I hugged dur and kissed her and then
explained it to her. So it was. I liked it.
I would like to think that it's that was kind
of a way to meet in the middle where she
didn't get this overbearing reaction of oh my god, but
she also didn't get, you know, the dismissed feelings. What

(10:58):
if we call it pause pairing, paused parent hing, paused parenting,
where you take a pause easier. I like, there's gonna
be some days where, when Jas is older, I'm gonna
be like, dude, stop being a dick, but stop because
that's not that's not what you would have wanted from
your dad. No, but I'm saying when it's an important moment, No,

(11:19):
But there's gonna be times where he might do something
brushing your teeth an important moment. Okay, what I received
is a lot more than hey, man, playfully stop being
a dick. Okay, I'm just trying to play devils with
you here because I just want you to be cautious
because you don't want the same pattern repeating. Trust me,

(11:39):
I'll be very conscientious at that. Speaking on this topic
of the children, though, I don't look at comments really often,
but with being back on the podcast, I'm looking at
comments just on the podcast. App No, it's the worst.
I think if either one of us look at it
end up fighting each other. But I did. I did.

(12:00):
I did see a few, and I've seen these before
that I can't not address. And I have to defend
you because a few people commented about how you talk
about Jolie and like shaming you and how you are
and playing plain favoritism and all this bullshit, and it

(12:23):
got me irate. I was like, only if y'all could
see how Jannah is to our kids on a daily basis,
y'all wouldn't have to say no, seriously, it gets me
roughed up, because that's that's unbelievable. They don't see what
behind what goes on behind closed doors, and this is
our podcast. We can speak our opinions, we can vent,
we can talk about our kids annoying us and being
a little ahead sometimes because they are. Anyone who has

(12:45):
kids understands that you want to be able to call
him that sometimes because they are. And yeah, right now,
Jay's it's hard for him to do any wrong because
he's one years old and he is the most adorable
little boy in the world, and Jolie is for going
on fourteen and she acts like it. So I mean,
it's inevitable we're gonna feel that way at times. But
just because we vent or Gina Vince about that or

(13:05):
talks about it and jokes about it, doesn't mean that
she plays favoritism. Doesn't mean that she speaks that way
to Jolie. She's the best mom I know and would
do anything for both kids and loves them equally. So
it just pissed Sorry, it pissed me off when I
started seeing that stuff because I was like, that's one
area that no one has a right to comment about

(13:26):
because they don't know. Mm hmm, thanks, I appreciate that.
I'll go off my soapbox now, No, I appreciate it.
You know, people are just gonna be That's what I
said something there net on my Instagram because someone was
basically called me. You know, so when we've had the
conversation our last podcast, everyone there was a like nine

(13:51):
percent was super positive. And then I made the mistake
of reading comments on a on a other website and
those were all obviously terrible, but um, one of the
girls on my Instagram left like a really like nasty
d M and was just like, you know, you're basically
an idiot for staying and like that's not showing your
kids strength. And because of your daughter and how you

(14:13):
treat her like a baby, she's going to be like
basically messed up until she's fourteen, or and Jays won't
talk until he's fourteen, and then kind of like mocking
Jolie's speech delay, I know. And I was like, look,
you can go after me and my love life all
day long. I don't care. I've got thick skin, but
you talk about my kids and making fun of Jolie

(14:35):
and making fun of how like I'm a parent or
criticizing how my parent, or that Jason isn't going to
talk till he's fourteen because you know, I treat him
like a baby, like it, I was just like, f you. Basically,
I ended up putting it on my story, but then
I took it down because I was like, you know what,
I don't want to put the negative out there because
I know there's enough positive. But I did say something

(14:55):
where I was like, I I just don't want to
tell people that. Well, I I just don't understand people
who can say mean things about other people's kids like
I can. Sometimes you know, there's the kid at the
playground and I'm like, hey, I'm gonna don't hurt my
kids or be nice, and oh yeah, you have no
problem going up to a little kid, And well, I know,

(15:16):
but I would never be mean or something. You've never
been mean. You've always been respectful. But so I just
don't get people that say mean comments online. It's just
really bothered me. So I get, that's rough. That is
really rough, and it's scary that that's you know, well
you should read those and blah blah blah. And people
just love being anonymous on the internet. But it's scary
that people have that in them, that they have those thoughts.

(15:39):
And I get. And I had my friend Brandon, who's
so sweet, Um Brandon Leslie they're married friend of ours,
and you know, he's sent in a message he's like, look,
he's like when you're in this world, He's like, you're
not going to have approval, right, you just aren't. And
that somewhat kills me because I want people to like
me with at the same time, what I want. What
I want, honestly is I want people to disagree with

(16:01):
me but still respect me. That's what I want. I
disagree with a lot of my friends. I disagree with
a lot of you know, I disagree with my friends
political background, but I still love her. I'm not going
to be disrespectful. That's all I usually ask is you
can disagree with me, but don't be disrespectful and that.
But that's just the whole theme of society where that's

(16:22):
why politics, religion, all those things are such you know
hot topics are you know, hot buttons for people at
over the holidays or at big gatherings or family reunions
or whatever, because people just tend to get disrespectful and
he did about their opinions or going against someone else's
opinions when it comes to those kind of things. Yeah,

(16:43):
So it's just I mean, it's just the way it is.
We have our guests here, super excited. Will introduce them
in a minute, but first let's take a break. I
am real excited, isn't um Do you want to do
the intra? Jana is nervous of saying the name incorrectly.

(17:05):
I just want to. I I don't want to mess up
Alexa's name because she's beautiful and she deserves the biggest
entrance ever. So everyone, welcome to our studio. Mr Matt
Fraser and Alexa Pappa godis, yes, thank you. He almost
got it was when I messed up Matt Papa Jodas

(17:26):
didn't you put the goat in it? It's very difficult.
So a meet the Frasier's Monday, ten nine Central. How
much fun are you guys having doing this together? Oh
my god, it has been a blast, literally a blast.
I know it's not often. I mean you guys know,
it's not often that you get to work with the

(17:47):
person you're in love with and with, so to do
it all the time, plus our families is like a
dream come true. That's that's the hard part work with
the film. I mean, who you ask, Some people think
us is hard? Yeah, I dead people, I'm not. I'm
haunted by the living. I'm haunted by my family members.
Yeah yeah, who isn't what inspired you guys to kind
of combine and do this show together? So, you know,

(18:11):
to be honest with you, I don't even know. One day,
Yeah I think that I got a recall one day
from um MGM in Los Angeles and they learned about
our relationship with one another, and they learned about you know, uh,
my life as a as a psychic medium, and they
were like, you know, this would be an incredible TV
show to you know, see all parts of it, just

(18:31):
not you as a medium, but also you with your
girlfriend and you with your families, and you know, how
you interact with one another. So next thing, you know,
meet the phrases was born. Well, it's very different. I
don't think there's a psychic pageant Italian like show. I mean,
you've got a lot of places to go here. I mean,
it's it's just a producer's dream I can imagine. Well. No,

(18:52):
that's what I love about it though, too, because it's
not just I mean, it's not just about about you.
It's it's about the family. It's about the relationship, it's
about it's it's all of that, so you're able to
not just see the readings, but to see everything that
goes on in y'all's life as well. So I think
that's a cool new approach. Well, how did they how
did they find you? What were you doing um to
to kind of put that out in the universe? Were

(19:12):
you telling the dead people to talk to eat? Like?
Were you remember that before? Before the TV show? You know,
I was out touring, so I had sold out events
across the country. I had a two year waiting list
for private readings before the TV show came about. So
you know in Alexa was miss Rhode Island, teen USA.
Yes she was, Yes, she was, Yes she was. So

(19:35):
you know I was doing my thing, she was doing
doing her things. So, you know, I never really feel like,
you know, I've gotten many calls over the years of
different production companies wanting to do a TV show with me.
And in the beginning, you know, I've gotten calls like
to do shows like about finding you know, missing and
murdered children, and that just wasn't that to me was
like too sad. They wanted me to you know, to
go into haunted houses and you know talk to you know, uh,

(19:58):
spirits and Haunted Houses, said I didn't want to do that.
I wanted to do something that was going to help people,
you know, showcase what I did on a daily basis,
but also have my family involved as well. So when
I got a call and they said, listen, we just
we don't want to we don't want to script anything.
We just want to, you know, have you be you
and do a show just about you in your life.
I was in, I was signed up, and I was
ready to go. That's awesome. So before we talk more

(20:20):
about the show, what's y'all story? Like, how did you
guys meet? How long I've been together and all that
fun to stuff. Well, well, there's a real story. That's
a fake story. Yes, I have the real one. So
I'll just give you that I have the real one.
I have, honey, now, honey, now, yes I do. Okay,
she'll tell you that. All right, fine, go ahead, Okay,
I'll just I'll have my turn. So that's okay. Well, Well,

(20:41):
according to you, you're scrolling on Instagram one night at
eleven pm with the cats bed and um, I guess
I posted a picture or selfie of some sort and
you were like, oh, I didn't know what I was.
I don't know what I was. Are you Are you
a psychic? I'm just guessing. Okay, so um, you're like, oh,

(21:05):
and then you followed me, even though you don't think
you did. I don't know how you messed that up
by the lines start to come in and you followed me.
Touch screens are sensitive, Okay, Matt, just accidentally hit it.
It wasn't perfectful. You know, I got your back right there.
I know it's one of those things. Don't like it,
don't like it's just scrolled to exactly. But you liked it,
and you, you know, messaged me and basically you said,
congratulations on you know your title and what you're doing. Wait, wait,

(21:29):
it gets better, it gets better. Tell the line. Tell
the line. Oh yes, he loves this line. I didn't
know I was being shut up? Are you kidding me?
You're laughing at my life. I just didn't know I
was being followed by an Instagram star. Let me buy
you a cup of coffee, and that's it. It was
like that, like that call to action was on point,

(21:50):
like it got you to that coffee shop. So I was.
I did, but I was a half hour late. And
now let me because I'm trying my hardest to contain myself,
and I really can't, Like, I want to just bust
with this. Make you know what My favorite part is
when you talk about when I walked into the coffee shop.
Let's do that because you don't want to bring that back. Okay.
So here's the thing, Jana, Okay, here's what here's here's

(22:11):
what happened. Okay, so she says, she says to me,
I never followed you. You know you followed me, Bob
blah blah blah blah blah blah. She was definitely a
follower before here. That's number one who you were. Oh
my god, that is the biggest lit This is literally
like episode one of Me the Phrasers, and I love it. Okay, listen,
this is this is what happened. I'm like so upset, right, No,

(22:33):
I'm getting all hot and Bob and my nipples, my
nipples are sweating because here's what happened. So she how
could you not know somebody who's verified, who has a
blue checkmark on the instaga. I'm going to defend my girl.
Just for a second. Michael and I met on Twitter.
He had a blue checkmark. I had no idea who
he was, he followed me. I can't accept it. I can't.

(22:53):
So I had no I didn't know who he was. Yes,
he had a blue checkmark, which is why I then
looked at the message because I'm like, okay, so I'm
gonna now look. But I didn't know he was. I
saw that he was a check Because of that, I
have my wife. If I didn't have that, this would
not be happening. So I'm just saying, I'm with my
girl here that she maybe didn't know who you were. Yes,

(23:15):
because you know what, I'm young, so he's a psychic medium.
I'm young. You know. I feel like your age demographic
is a little bit older, only because those people are
you know what I mean, like but you know, like
they've lost people, they've lost, you know, so I'm a
little bit younger. I thank god you didn't lose anybody.
You didn't read the headline that said world's renowned psychic medium.
You didn't you tell me you didn't see that. I

(23:36):
did not notice psychic was And you know that because
I asked you really dumb questions at the coffee shop.
You're just pretending to be dumb. No, this is getting
out of this conversation is that if you have a
blue check mark, basically that is like that that is
like real like that is like that is like that
we need like one on that, like for plenty of fish,
Like we need like a blue check mark on plenty

(23:57):
of fish. That's why they have they have the ray
A Date up now because everyone's basically a blue checkmark
and Rya or Rya or whatever. That that's amazing. It's
like a dating app for celebrities and people that pretty
much only have a blue checkmark. Oh god, bless yeah,
how long do we need that? But how long ago
is this? How long has this been going on? Three

(24:19):
and a half year? Where's the ring? Oh? Thank you? Ring?
Why am I only right now? I want to see?
Did I wish a bus over? God? Okay, it's not
only me, Margol Janet spring it real quick, Well answer
the question. You just ask the question that you didn't answer.

(24:40):
So I bought her a promise ring? That she's got
a promised ring? Are we in high school? When did
this become the roast of me? When did this become
the most of me? Like we're not talking Cubic Zirconian
baby like promise ring? We all got those back in
the day. I got one, Like I feel like when

(25:01):
you're back in school and like the kids make fun
of you and then like they like that's probably never
happened to Mike because you know he's you know, he
was very athletic. I wasn't. But you know when they
when they when they when they form like the circle
around you and they start like the answering you. Yeah, yeah,
that's me right now. Okay, I'm so happy because maybe
it takes that well can I can? I can? I
ask like, so what is it? Because you know, obviously
our our podcast we talked about relationships and kind of

(25:23):
our struggles. What's what's the biggest struggle in y'all's relationship
and maybe you know why you know, what are not?
What are you waiting for? Because a lot of like
my girlfriend just is about to get married after six
years of waiting for the ring, but it's you know,
is there something in your marriage that are you scared?
Are you nervous? Or what is it like? And also

(25:44):
what's the biggest kind of riffin? I can I can
tell you that. So the thing is is that Alexim
and I have an age difference, So where seven years apart,
which I from twenty one. He's twenty eight, which I love. Also,
six she has a pot say I failed math, but anyway,
six she has a six she has a pot. I
but you know, the thing is is that she also
I don't want her to have to look back and

(26:04):
say like I regret it anything like. I want her
to also have, you know, the freedom of being able
to do the Miss Rhode Island USA pageant. I want
her to be able to be married. You can't be engaged,
like you can't do any of that because I don't
want to. I don't want to take away her dreams
and her goals. You know, I want her to have that.
I want her to be able to have it all
because you know, I'm older, I'm not going anywhere. I

(26:25):
love her. But at the same time, I want her
to be able to have that to do the competition
this year I heard. I want her to be able to,
you know, end that chapter of her life and then
be able to move forward with you know, getting engaged
and whatnot the way it should be. Because I don't
think that you should have to choose. I don't think
that you should have to say, well, you know, what
I'm going to get engaged, but I can't do this
goal or I can't do this dream. You know. I
want her to be able to have it all. Yeah,

(26:45):
you've been very respectful of that. And he does tell
her too. But I hate when people that are young
they're like, but that doesn't mean that, you know, I
can't get married, and no, no, not at all. It's
just but you are still so young, so it's you know,
there is no true rush right now. It's not like
you're in your thirties and your over ezerd. You know,
no write that biological clock. And my mom reminds me

(27:07):
of that. When I met Mike, I was like I
was thirty and I was like, you don't get it.
Like He's like, yeah, we can wait like five years.
I was like, you basically just put a death sentence
on my ovaries. Like I love it. No, but it's
it's true. And and we are a little bit different.
You know. We don't drink, we don't club, we don't
go out, we don't you know, do stuff like that.

(27:28):
I like, want to be a mother so badly. I
want to be a wife so badly, and I always
have have wanted that, you know, at a young age.
I've always been a little bit more mature for my age.
You know, all my friends were kind of smoking, drinking,
you know, out and about. I was like at home
doing homework and like Washington dishes or like whatever. And
I still love that now. So, um, I do think

(27:49):
it's the age. But you tell me all the time. Listen,
if you were I don't know, twenty two whatever, and
when we first met, you would have had to ring
up my favorite three months. Like we knew as soon
as we saw each other. But I love that you're
respecting to you know, her journey and the things that
she wants to. So I think that's amazing and makes
a good partner out of you. But I know, so

(28:09):
we've had a few mediums and psychics on the show,
and my husband here is probably one of the biggest
skeptics out there, um, because he's what is it? Why
don't we get throws the bus over here? It's always
it's always us, It's you and me against the world.
Right now, I like, I don't. Here's the thing. I

(28:31):
think this is why because I've had experience with mediums
and psychics where I really truly believed it, and I
felt it, But I don't think he's had that experience before.
I don't feel like he's had that. Ah wow, this
is wait a minute, Wait a minute, because I have
a soul coming through that passage tragedy with you, Mike.
When I'm connecting and did you lose something the car
accident of the car crash here in the physical I

(28:56):
can neither confirm nor deny. Yes, you can. He's stepping forward.
He was a brother here in the physical world when
I'm connecting with him. He was like a brother here
in the physical world when I'm connecting with him, because
he's telling me, like, I wasn't supposed to die like this,
And he tells me when I'm speaking to him that
there was also bad decisions that were made before he

(29:16):
got in the vehicle that day, because he's acknowledging that.
So that was a friend of yours. So know that
he's stepping forward because when I'm connecting with him, he
says to me, you know, can you just let him
know that I'm okay? And it's funny because when I'm
speaking to him on the other side, like he thinks
this is so cool that he can speak to a
medium right now, when I'm connecting with him. But he
was a party animal here in the physical world. When

(29:37):
I'm connecting with him, like, he shows me that he
was like always out and about. He actually got in
trouble with the police. He's telling me where was the
police issues with him? I didn't know about those, if
he had any. Oh that's because when I'm connecting with him,
he's showing me like that there was always issues with
his car, Like I feel like that he either got
a d y or like there was issues like that,
because he's acknowledging that to me. And it was so

(29:59):
unfortunate the way that he passed, because he says to
me when I'm connecting with him, like, I don't he
talks about not supposed to be driving, So I don't
know if they took turns driving or if somebody else
like took the wheel. But he's acknowledging that to me
when I'm speaking to him right now, say the story, Michael,
come on, how could you not like, hello, that's that

(30:23):
give the guy with the credit that's come on. I
don't care because with the credit not listening, I I
I hear and see them. You know, they're they're always
around me no matter where I go, and he's just
with you when it's so crazy, because you know, this
is what I mean when I do this, like I
don't have to ask any questions because I already know
because he's here chirping in my ear when I'm connecting.
You know, I'm always hearing them, I'm always sensing them,

(30:43):
and you know, when I'm connecting with him, he's also
telling me about all the things that were done a
memory of him, because he even tells me there were
shirts that were made or shirts that were done a
memory of him here in the physical world when I'm
connecting with him, and he just wants to thank everybody
for that. So no, it's his way of just bringing
that up. And he also says to because he talked
about He's it's so funny he telling me about like
a brotherhood tattoo. So it was I was supposed to

(31:05):
get a tattoo a memory of him, not that I
know of, maybe maybe some other some other friends of his,
but I wasn't included in that. But no, I mean
this as much as I as reluctant as I usually
in situations like this, I will say, you know, I

(31:26):
had a friend that I grew up with, who was
like a brother to me, that died in a car
accident a month before his eighteenth birthday. Um, he was
in the passenger seat and the kid who was driving lived.
My buddy did not. And Uh, I used to go
to his grave every time I was home from college break.

(31:48):
Anytime I was back home, I would always go see him.
Um for years, I did that until I moved. He
says that everybody did, because when I'm connected with him,
you're telling me this, and he's showing me beer bottles
out of grave. People used to go and drink with
him at his grave or like var bottles at the grave.
Some of the other people he was close with as
we got older, we're I could definitely see them being

(32:10):
the ones that did that for sure. Yeah, so that's okay.
I'll give you that. I'll give you that. And people
are listeners have heard me shut down most other people
we've had on the show with a gift like yours.
So I appreciate that, though. Listen, I get shut down
every day no matter where I go. I deal with

(32:31):
the hardest skeptics. I mean, I didn't get a TV
show by being wrong. Let me tell you, I have to,
you know, that's why I don't. I don't ask. I'm
different than other mediums that you know, there are people
out there that don't have the gifts, that don't have
the ability, But I don't have to ask questions because
they just tell me, so I'll know different details, are
things like that that happened with their passing. When I
was connecting with your friend, you know, there was even
a question over who was driving that night and if

(32:53):
he should have drove, and like he was telling me
all of these different things the moment I was connecting
with him. But also, you know, he's stepping forward not
because of the fact that he's with me, it's because
he's with you to let you know that he's appreciating
the ways that you still think about him, the ways
that you went to his grave, you know, the things
that you did with him here in the physical world,
and you know he's bringing that through. Oh did you
also wait a minute, did you also just lose a dog? No, well,

(33:15):
Jannah did there's a dog that's coming through to me,
and your grandmother's here at Janna, So your grandmother, so
your grandmother departed? No, mine, I have both Grandma's right.
Then this is there's a woman that's stepping forward. That's
like a grandmother's that's stepping forward. I have a great grandma.
Were you close with her? Though? It had to be

(33:37):
somebody that you were close to. We were close for
I mean yeah, we were close. She passed like when
I was like thirteen. No, Ted, I want to make sure.
I want to make sure there Maybe there's a lot
of people in the Wait a minute, I felt, wait
a minute, hold on, I don't know if I failed. No,
it's definitely with you because I saw I saw this

(33:57):
dog that's here with that's with this woman. I'm just
wanting if it was a grandmother or if it was
an odd to you, um oh we wrong side aunt? Dog?
H your aunt and the dog is still there. They're
the dog still alive. Well, I mean, you know, I

(34:18):
can mess up. I talk to dead people. It's definitely.
Danna gets a little bit of the string, it just
starts pulling it like yeah, yeah, yeah, it's just excited.
I'm the same way on the state. I'm like, yes, okay.
So I was gonna ask you, Alexa, when you guys
first met, were you already a believer? In this kind
of gift or were you skeptical at all? I was

(34:41):
a believer. I am into all of that stuff. We'll
first date tell him what happened, because I have to, like,
MI needs to know this. If anybody needs to know,
it's need to know this. It's so important. So fortunately
I've only lost my grammy knock on wood. You know,
we don't want any of so um, but I was

(35:01):
very close to her, and she passed when I was younger,
and in my family we have like this little pouch
of like her prayer beads and little crosses and things,
and um, whenever someone in our family needs it, we
take it. So we kind of passed it around and
at the time that I met Matt, it was actually
in my wallet and I kept a hid new way,
like you know, in my way in my purse, and

(35:21):
I actually put my purse like totally on the other table.
So um. We sat down and of course, now I know,
like how annoying this to you, but I was like,
who do you see behind me? And I wasn't expecting anything,
and he was like, oh, he's like, you have your
grammy that passed. She's literally right here with you, and
I was like what and he's like yeah, He's like

(35:43):
where's her prayer beads? Like don't you guys have something
that you all pass around and blah blah blah. And
I was like, oh my god, and I have anxiety.
So I started like seeing black, the cold sweats from
my head to my toes. Okay, so you had to
run out of out of the restaurant. I like went

(36:04):
and I'm like holy, like he's so on point. Oh
my god, Oh my god, but you ran out. I did.
I ran out and I didn't think she was going
to run back in. I was like, I was like
an Ash's I had my head in the sand. I
didn't know what the hell to do. I was so
I was like, oh my god, like I'm literally going
to pass out in front of this my date right now.
But the good news this is that I I used
to be the I used to be the e M
T see. So if she would have, if she would

(36:25):
have she would have passed out. I would have revived
her if she died, to talk to her YEA, yeah,
every day, what's true? I would you know, if it's
a cute thing, it's not a cute thing. It's the truth. Yeah,
but you passed out. I'd revive if you died, I
would talk to you because I'm a medium and I
can do that. I was shocked on that day three

(36:45):
and a half years ago, and still to this day.
You shocked me. Every single day you floor me. I
cry over the readings. I get chills over the readings.
His new book came out, and read the book, I'm
like when Heaven calls, like what Hapens from America's top
psychic medium. Yes, everyone amazon it right now and Heaven calls. Yeah,
you can pre order on Amazon and Barnes and Noble.

(37:05):
When was the first um experience that you had, like
that you knew that you had this gift. So it's
so crazy because my grandmother was a medium who passed
it on to my mom and then in turn passed
it on to Maybe you can remember that back in
the day, you know, nobody talked about this. My grandmother
didn't do this professionally. My mom didn't do this professionally.
It was something that was kept very close to home,

(37:27):
just for close friends and family members. And it was
so secret that not even my grandmother told my grandfather
that she could do it. She didn't even tell her
own husband, so you know, it was kept very secret,
you know, just for close friends and family. And then
when I was growing up, I too was seeing and
hearing the departed. It started with me seeing my grandmother
that had passed the psychic one. She passed when I
was three, and when she first died, I was still

(37:48):
seeing and experiencing her. I never realized that she actually died.
But then after that, other souls came in trying to
talk to me. And it was so crazy because you know,
growing up and seeing hearing the departed, it wasn't comforting
to me. I was scared. I was literally like living
that movie the Sixth Sense, Like I remember like pulling
the covers over my head, pulling you know, the pillows

(38:10):
up to my ears. I didn't want to hear, see
or experience them. And that so I spent most of
my life running from this. And I never wanted to
be a psychic, never wanted to be a medium. And
that's what people don't understand is that, you know, I
started my career as an e MT. I had a
wonderful career working at the World Trade Center in Boston.
You know, I was going to be UM. I wanted
to be a paramedic and then physicians assistant. And then

(38:32):
I went to see a medium for the first time,
and it changed my life because, you know, I wanted
to at that moment. I wanted to see what it
was that I kept running away from, and seeing a
medium for the first time showed me it wasn't something
that I had to be afraid of. It was something
that could help use and teach others that there's so
much more to life than what's here in the physical world.
So I started to be open about this. I started
to you know, read for close friends and family members

(38:54):
like my grandmother did back in the day. And then
I don't know what happened. All of a sudden were
traveled quickly about the one who could speak to the dead.
And here I am with you. Now, are you able
to turn it off? Though? No? Never know you say
that like it's a bad thing. You should. It's not
a bad thing. It's not a bad thing. But I
feel bad for you. Sometimes I feel bad for myself
because there's no customer service hours I have. I have

(39:16):
no customer service always in heaven, like they just call
up any time they do, all right, So let me
hear one thing before we let you guys go, what's
like your elevator pitch to get people to watch this show?
And what can they get? What can they expect an
elevator pitch? Oh, what's an elevator? Basically? Even second, if
you had eleven seconds to pitch somebody your company and
your brand or your business or your show, what would

(39:38):
you say? Alright, so I'm a psychic media might have
a pageant queen girlfriend Alexa, Papa Jotas. We have two loud,
crazy Italian families. We live in Cranston, Rhode Island with
that three Bengal cats. And if you think the deat
is scary, just meet my family. Watch nine Central on
Love you guys so much, Thank you so much for
coming on the show. We really appreciate it. Thank you again.

(40:00):
Check out Meet the Frasier's every Monday on E. I mean,
if there shows anything like the interview, it's gonna be entertaining.
She's so sweet. I really like her. She's cute. I
didn't really definitely I saw in the rundown that she was.

(40:24):
I was like, I did not see that she did
not act or presenting herself as a nothing against twenty
one year olds, but us being significantly older than that. Yeah,
it's it was very surprising, agreed she Yeah, she just
really holds herself. Yeah. Yeah, that's that kind of shocked me.
So Mike, does this change your opinion at all? Dude?

(40:47):
Come on, you at has to that one. No one's
brought that up. No, they have, and that's something that
nobody would know. So I give him credit where credits due.
You know, something still felt like fishing when he's like
fishing for like the alcohol piece or you know, partying.

(41:09):
But the biggest thing for me was, yeah he was,
but I'm saying that he made some bad decisions that
they like I felt like he was trying to figure
out if it or like he had a d u I.
He never had a d u I as far as
I knew, um, But so something seemed like fishing. But

(41:31):
still there are enough things where that really interests me,
especially when it came down to, you know, he wasn't
sure if he should be driving or not driving the
fact that he was the passenger. So there are some
things that definitely like how would he know that? That's
such a random and it's not like a or Grandpa passing.
I mean, that's that was a friend of yours that
died in car Accent. That's to this day you've talked

(41:53):
to me about it, no one else. Well, you know
that at least on the podcast, that it's affected you
and still think of him. You can't even listen to
a song, That's true. There's a song I still cannot
listen to to this day because that was like our jam.
But he knows that you're thinking of like that. So sweet. Yeah,
I mean that's that is pretty cool. I will say that. Wait,

(42:15):
you did talk about this in the podcast once. I
talked about ever Last, right, Yeah, I talked about the song,
so yeah, I have talked about yeah, yeah, yeah, I
have talked about him. So maybe he did his research. Mark,
come on, you just I always feel like there's a

(42:36):
logical explanation for these things. Although Eastern at a very
very odd situation with the Long Island Medium, which she
knew something that I had no idea about East and
nobody else knew about Eastern. Yeah you know, um, we
had Theresa Caputa of the Long Island Medium on with
Ryan Seacrest one morning and I was like filling in
as an engineer. You know, at this other studio, and

(42:58):
so there's no way of her knowing that I was
going to be there. But she, um, she was like, oh,
someone in this room had like lost her friend to
a drowning accident, and and I I had lost one
of my close friends like a year earlier. Um, and
it I was I'm totally a skeptic. And so by
the time I came out of that, because she got
a couple of things wrong, but mostly it was pretty accurate,
I was like, Okay, she either it's either the real

(43:20):
deal or she has the best researchers on the face
of the planet. And that's impressive too, you know, because
like either way it's impressive, you know, like like either
they have like c I A levels of researchers and
and their talents are being grossly misused. I'm gonna go
with that it's real and that because I don't want

(43:40):
to believe that someone's that Connie, you know, to do that,
especially when people can really get some healing and some
validation and some love from it. Now, you know, obviously
they're gonna say it, like you said, they're gonna say
a few things wrong. But I think it's the the

(44:02):
fact that he did get that so right too. Sure
there may be pieces that may be wrong, and maybe
that's that's the expectation I have because I'm such a skeptic.
It's like, I need you to tell me their name.
If they're talking to you, they can tell you their name,
exactly where they were, how it happened, Like that's where

(44:22):
that's where my skeptical brain goes. But they're just a spirit,
all right, Well, they're still talking to him. That is
a good point. Actually, that actually is a really good point.
If they could say car accident, they can say all
that stuff. They could say their name. Maybe when they
say that they're talking to them. It's more of like

(44:44):
images and in a feeling subjective. Anyways, I enjoyed their interview,
I enjoyed their company. Yeah, they're fun. I'll watch it.
You remind me of He reminds me of Todd Chrisley.
Very just like out there and fun, very unfiltered character.

(45:07):
So word with my grandfather. If any medium ever can
tell me the word that I have with my grandfather,
then I'll buy it blueberry pancakes. It's not the word.
Oh wait, next time we have someone on, we have
to ask them that would have been so good. Mark. Well,
but that's the thing is, I don't even like I
don't even like queuing them up for that. I feel like,

(45:27):
if it's legit, they'll just have it and they'll have
the word. Yeah, but you're I mean, if you can
just say that, there's no way they're gonna be able
to guess the word. How many words are in the dictionary?
That's true, that's true. But because crazy, I'm going to
start I know, we're just gonna start sending. Depending on
how many years we have on this podcast in the future,

(45:47):
every day is a new word. Me and my grandpa,
this was our thing. And there's no no And I
know he would say because he almost when he was
laying on his deathbed and like in convulsions, he kind
of referenced this word. So I know, what's the first
word he would say if you were speaking to me,
my heart? When did you lose him? I was about

(46:08):
twenty and he's my only grandpad that I was really
close with. Had a hard time with that one. Yeah.
Is it a single word. It's a single word. It
is one word. Heart. Oh that's so sweet though, as
a woman would think, what would you think of lego

(46:31):
like that, who do you think of something? Not what
you're saying? Probably um Mark. Do we have any emails?
Selene needs some help? So there's the kind of serious
which makes sense after last week's episode that the emails
are kind of serious this week. She had happen with
my husband for over three years now. He's recovering drug addict.
I found out about his addiction when I was newly

(46:52):
pregnant with our son about two years ago. He's real
laughed a few times, and every time it's completely apologetic
and remorseful. Every time I say I'm done. I'll not
put up with his addiction around our son, and he
doesn't think that he needs rehab, and then it's something
he will stop because he wants our family together. So
we've agreed for me to do random drug tests when
I'm feeling insecure about his sobriety. He's been clean for
almost six months now, but I don't want to continue

(47:14):
to live in constant fear. Every time I ask him
to take a drug test and it comes back clean,
I feel horrible for not trusting him. I live every
day with constant anxiety of finding out he's been using.
Listening to your podcasts every week and hearing how both
of you are working through it gives me the faith
that we too can be happy and work this out.
I love your podcast and love to hear how much
love you have for each other. Such an inspiration, Jenna

(47:38):
just gives me a little snap and Okay, europe Um.
First of all, Sheelene, thank you for sharing. Um. You know,
our our hearts and empathy go out towards you and
your family and what you're dealing with. What I would
have to say, I can understand Jenna can speak more

(47:59):
in this, but I can understand how you how you
would feel, how she would feel like horrible after the
drug test comes back clean and she feels bad for
not trusting him having said that, if he's willing to
do that, you know, Jane again, we'll speak on this.

(48:21):
That's a tangible thing where if he's not grunting and growing,
it's like, oh, you gotta you know, I feel like
a kid. I feel like I'm being control of all
the things that I would say in the past about
You know, what Janna needed is if he's willing to
do that, then use it and and try that maybe
talk about it with him, tell him your fears around it,

(48:41):
but maybe find a way just to to do some
therapy work around it, to discuss it with him, just
a way to look at it differently than you know,
living with that fear and anxiety. But again I can
empathize with every time you're waiting to get that that
test back, probably terrified, absolutely terrified, praying that it's not

(49:04):
going to be positive. So I think again, if he
has a positive attitude about it, I think that's great
because that's something tangible that he can give you, which
is something that is difficult for me to give. Janna Honey,
what we can say, Mark, I was just gonna say,

(49:24):
I think that's true. I think that he probably, I mean,
I don't know him at all, and who knows. It's
just my guess, but maybe he likes it this way.
Maybe he likes being able to give you tangible proof
every couple of weeks that he is staying the course.
Maybe you shouldn't feel guilty because he actually appreciates the
opportunity to prove to you that he's doing right. Mm hmm. Yeah.

(49:45):
And he says that he's totally fine with it. It
doesn't she doesn't say anything about his reaction around it.
I hope his reaction is I'm assuming, because she says
she feels horrible for not trusting him when it comes
back clean, I'm assuming that his attitude towards it is
probably pretty decent. So that's the biggest thing. Guess we're

(50:07):
assuming his attitude is positive because she doesn't allude to
it not being that way. So I'm hoping that's the
k And if that's the case, that's why I'm saying
use it as a tool. If it's not the case,
then that's something else to discuss, because I can understand
even more so whytch you have so much for your
anxiety if he's given about it. M it's just so tricky.

(50:30):
And even when you had said that one thing like
you wish you had tangibility. I think that's sometimes where
even I can get some them a little envious of
because that would be something that she can hold onto
at least knowing that he's not And there's no I
can't drug test you or a methan lie to tech test,
but that's not even accurate because it's not as black

(50:51):
and white as drugs and alcohol. So it's it's there's
too much gray area, and with a drug test, it's
you know, here's the thing at the end of the day,
and this is where I can have empathy for her.
It's we don't want to have to do that, Like
I don't want to have to do some of the
boundaries that we do, because it's it's exhausting for us

(51:15):
to have to sit there, and it's like we just
want to trust you, Like why why do we have
to do this, because why can't you just be honest
or or stay in your program? And so I think it,
at least from my experience, it's just it just gets
so frustrating because you're like, we don't want to have
to do it. And I love that you guys are

(51:35):
willing to, you know, let us do these things, but
it just gets so exhausting, and that that disgusting anxiety
that comes up when she waits for it or when
we check balances the stuff a boundary list. It's just
it's that waiting for the next shoe to drop, and
that you know that that's just like such an ugly,
yucky place to live in, but at the same time

(51:57):
you need it for safety. So it's like I don't
I wish I had the right answer, you know, for
for even her too, because I don't I don't know
what I've maybe the balance of doing it like not
obviously not every week or not every day, like maybe
just do it where it's not I don't even the
last thing, I don't even know, because no matter what,

(52:19):
you're still going to have the anxiety. But hopefully over time,
when he starts proving to you that he's being honest
and then he's staying in recovery, that that anxiety won't
be there because you'll be expecting it to be negative
because of how great he's acting and how much he's
been able to change and grow and live in recovery.

(52:39):
So I think, hopefully just just think about it where
it's like, okay, in a year from now and probably
not going to be this heightened because he's gonna it's
will have show negative this entire time, and I can
I can really start to trust him and build put
the building blocks on there and put some stuff in
the relationship bank. Yeah, that's my thoughts. This one is uh,

(53:01):
it's titled Mike's Confidence, but it's really more for Janet's.
From Andrea, she says about last week, I needed this
episode when I heard Mike say you can't truly love
someone until you love yourself has struck a chord with me.
My husband and I have been going through drug addiction
issues that include ongoing lying, justifications, etcetera. We got to
the happiest place in our marriage ever, and then two
weeks later he relapsed. My question is, Janna, how does

(53:22):
it make you feel to see Mike love himself and
be proud of himself. It sounds terrible, but I have
moments where I'm mad that my husband has so much
confidence in himself and pride because I'm just not there yet.
I don't feel that way yet, because it hurts because
of the relapse, because of the doubt. How do you
handle Mike talking about all the good he's being and
well he's doing it, all these things. I don't want

(53:42):
to keep my husband down. I want to be a cheerleader,
but how can I truly do that with so many reservations?
I love you, guys. Thank you for being so vulnerable.
It helps more than I can put into words. She
in my therapy session of a great Yeah. I know
it's such a great topic because I remember, you know,
when everything kind of happened with our the boundary slips

(54:05):
a month or so ago. You know, You're like, I'm
gonna do this and I'm gonna get healthy, and and
I'm like, wow, cool, Like you're doing all these steps
to be healthy, and I'm just kind of sitting here
still angry and still and it's just we want to
be happy for you at the same time, and like,
you just crapped all over my side of the street,
and now I got to pick up your crap on
my side of the street, and I got to pick
up my stuff. So it's just like we just got

(54:28):
we get dumped on twice, and we've got extra crap
to clear out. And you know, I remember talking to
my therapist Amy being like I want to be happy
for him, but I'm like I'm also looking at him
being like, oh, you're so healed, and just being real
just nasty because I was hurt, and I was like,

(54:49):
how do you get to be happy when you keep
hurting me and people? You know, we talked about comments earlier,
and I'm like, yeah, you know why I've been disrespectful
because you've given me no reason to trust you. You
keep breaking it. How can I like, you know, and
so it's like I go in that tailspin, but I'm like,
but you get to be cool and healthy. And that's
when my therapist finally sat me down and she's like,
you have to stop focusing on him and his recovery

(55:12):
and what he has to do for himself, like and
what y'all's relationship. She's like, this is a this is
your therapy session. We need to talk about you and
how you are going to get healthy and what you
need to be due to be healthier and better and
happier and lighter and more free. But it is hard
to sometimes see, especially when you guys kind of puff
out your chest and you're like I'm this great, new, shining,

(55:34):
very like shiny version and I'm like, oh, buddy, like
we've seen that version twenty times and try to like
come out of different shells, you know, where it just
becomes we get we get um sick of seeing than
the new shiny version that you keep saying is going
to be there, and then it's never there, so then
we don't respect that version, and then we start to

(55:56):
become better and it's just becomes that cycle. But that
where it's like my therapist too, is like over time,
just continue to watch and see if they consistently stay
that person. But then also asked them to help you,
like lean in you know, what is something that they
learned that you can help them lean into their recovery
and your recovery as well. Yeah, no, no, for sure,

(56:22):
I have um a few things. First of all, I
can totally understand how that would be frustrating, infuriating at times,
um and painful to see that. I think for our
particular situation. The difference and you can attest this or not.

(56:47):
The way I feel about it now is I think
I've actually talked less about the changes I'm making than
I have in the past. Sure where in the past
I like which maybe why I believe it more because
I'm seeing it as opposed to you saying what I'm
what you're doing. You're not telling me what you're doing.

(57:07):
You're doing it right, I'm not. Yeah, And any time
I reference something like you know i've been talking about
that book I'm reading a lot just because mentioned the books.
I know you've really liked that a lot. I will,
I'll get to that, um. But it's it's not out
of it's out of something that we're talking about right
to give an example. So I really feel like that's

(57:31):
been a big difference for for both of us right
now is I feel myself just doing things and not
looking to you to validate you to validate it or
to acknowledge it. I'm not looking to you to be like, oh, wow,
you really have been waking up at six six in
the morning every day doing your work. You really have

(57:52):
been going to morement you know when you're doing it
for you, not for me, not for me to pat
you on the back. That's what I'm saying. I haven't
even did that because I'm actually not doing it for you,
which is a first for me. And so I get
why in the past a lot of times you would
when you're in a bad place, and I'll be saying

(58:14):
things would book that you would have ordered from Amazon
that you don't actually open up. So I'm like, what
is that book gonna do? What about the bucks that
you think the stack of books on my nightstay and
be like, honey, see all these books that I bought
open but haven't read. Um anyways, But now, but yeah,

(58:39):
my point is again, now it's it's different than before
because I think both of us can acknowledge that um.
Having said that, part of the thing too is it
might come across as us talking about it more because
you or Andrea might be asking questions of for your safety,
of what are you doing different? What do you you

(59:01):
know what I mean, we're especially early on not now
you're not doing that, but for the first month it
was you're trying to grab onto something, You're trying to
get something tangible, so you're asking a lot of questions.
We're having a lot more discussions and talks about what
it's going to look like. Well, yeah, because that's and
that's something where I think men women we get in
that struggle where if you've been hurt countless times, it's like,

(59:22):
what do you have to hold on too? When you've
taken I won't do this again, I went do this
or this, it's like what Okay, You're just like frantically
searching for what to hold onto to see if you're
actually going to do it or not, and that this
is it's just time. Yeah, ultimately it is. There's nothing
you can say, but that's what we're thinking. We want

(59:43):
you to say something. Literally, nothing you can It's hard
because you keep asking and we're saying the same thing
over and over again. You're asking the same thing over
and over again, like we're going to give you a
different response, waiting to hear that magical word, but we
want that so badly to give us hope. It's a
crazy speaking of crazy cycle. So Janna mentioned this book

(01:00:05):
that I'm reading, No this crazy cycle. There's this book
I'm reading right now called Love and Respect by this author,
Emerson Egeris. I think you said you see his last saying,
it's again I'm not a big reader. I'm becoming one
because I'm doing it more. The first ten pages of
this book, I was just like already shaking my head.

(01:00:27):
Given some of those like church like like you know,
some of those like hand in the air, Like that's
how I felt because it was just like telling our
story of just like our interaction between husband and wife.
And he talks about this crazy cycle, that that relationships,
that marriages get on and everything. The ultimate underlying the

(01:00:47):
point of the book is love and respect. It's when
it comes down to it. What he's what he's preaching
is that women ultimately just want to feel loved at
the end of the day. That is their most important thing.
That what they need, they need that attention. They need love,
they need to feel chosen, they need that stuff. And
for men, our biggest thing across the board, more so

(01:01:11):
than not, is actually we have the need to feel respected.
And I never really thought about it before, but I
was like, only, like, that is it? You know? When
he has some pulls in there. He referenced the Bible
a lot, and it's just fascinating. I think one of them.
He he asked a group of I don't know, a
thousand men or something, would you rather be in a

(01:01:31):
marriage that your wife loves you and doesn't respect you,
or that respects you and doesn't love you. And it's
like eighty one percent of men said they would rather
be in a loveless marriage as long as their wife
respected them. And that means more to men in this
guy's theory then love does. And there's obviously outsiders who
will disagree, and that doesn't impact him as much as love.

(01:01:53):
But again, that's what he preaches. It's about unconditionally respecting
your husband and unconditionally loving your wife. And he uses
the analogy of kind of like what came first, the
chicken or the egg, So the wife wants to be like, well,
I'll love you if you are, I'll respect you if
you you know, freaking love me. And the husband's like, well,
i'll love you if you respect me. And that's what

(01:02:14):
he calls a crazy cycle, because you're just waiting for
the other person to do it, and so it's unconditionally thinking,
in this moment, how can I love my wife in
this moment? How can I respect my husband? It's an
unbelievable book. Highly recommend it even for all you nonreaders
like me out there, Go get it. I love it,
Mark Eastern. Do you guys agree with that? The love

(01:02:37):
and respect thing is interesting? That's gotten me thinking here.
I'm not sure. I don't know. I don't know the
respect is that important to me, or maybe I am
respected and I don't so I don't crave it. I
don't know. I'm very I'm very baffled by this one.
I know my wife loves me, does my wife respect me?
And do I care? I don't know how to answer that.

(01:02:57):
What what you just said, Mark, I love because he
kind of reference references that and he says, men, that
is what we say. We if they ask, if someone
asks us, does your wife love you? We're like, yeah,
of course, she does. And then he will also ask,
but does your wife respect you? And to your exact point,
you're like, I don't know if she necessarily does. And

(01:03:21):
to your personal opinion, do you really care? Two women?
He asked the same question. You know, does your husband
respect you? Yeah, of course he respects me. But does
your husband love you? No? I don't really think he
loves me, and so so you even saying that was
kind of sparks my my. This guy's kind of belief

(01:03:41):
behind it is because we just feel, Yeah, of course
our wife loves us, they're married to us. We that's
enough for us. Again, I'm speaking in general terms, not everyone,
but from his theory, that's enough for men to have
enough love. This woman is willing to spend the rest
of her life with me, that's love. But women, it's

(01:04:03):
almost men and women have different definitions of love if
you really drill down essentially, and he just separates them
between love and respect. I do find myself seeking, like, um,
showing off a little bit from my wife, trying to
get like, hey, I got a bonus at work and
on that sort of thing, like make her all proud

(01:04:26):
of me or something. And I'm not sure what that
is if that ties into that somehow, I think it does.
You're yearning for that. It's that. That's why like Words
of Affirmation is like my top love languages language, because
I feel respected when Janna validates me on something or
says hey, I'm really proud of you for doing this,

(01:04:48):
that means more to me than her saying I love you.
She says I'm proud of you or I respect you,
I'm like whole, WHOA hold the phone, let's go like,
come your maybe I love you. Know that. Honestly it
makes me. It causes me to want to lean in
even more and give her more love, just like me

(01:05:09):
giving her more love probably encourages her to respect me more. So.
It's just again, this book is fascinating. I think it's
extremely powerful. In my opinion, I like it. Yeah, all right,
we'll stay tuned for next weekends.