November 15, 2021 • 45 mins
Jana talks to Amy Compton, who is “Addicted to Marriage” and is currently on her 4th marriage! Jana learns a surprising lesson about relationships from someone who’s walked down the aisle many times.
We hear about Jana’s experience dating after she knows she’s been “Googled”.
And, Jana ever get married again?? We find out her answer!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Wine down with Janet Kramer and I heard radio podcast.
So apparently I've been walking around with strap for about
a month and a half. I didn't know that was
dangerous to do that. I didn't know you could do that.
I thought it would be debilitating. It has been, okay,
(00:22):
did I not cry? On the plane back from l A.
Actually looked over to me. I was like, I'm in
so much pain. Yeah, I'm sorry, And just why wouldn't
you get checked when if it hurts for that long?
Would you like to see my calendar mark to the
doctor works? Okay, So that's that's what. So that's what
(00:43):
also confuses me. So it's like a mystery. It's a mystery,
like a deep lucy anyways, Um, you can take it.
See him. It's so good. So I I mean, I'm not,
by the way, it's like all Champagne problems. But at
the same time, I had no idea that it's the moral.
(01:05):
The story is, don't wait for your health, get checked
right right. So about like a month and a half ago,
I was complaining to her, I'm like, my my lymph
notes hurt. So I was just chalking it up to
um drainage, allergies, whatever. Fighting off something right. Allergies is
(01:28):
always the great excuse to not go get checked out.
It's just allergies. I'm fine totally. And I'm like, it's
like the allergy season, you know, it's a fall break,
like this is what this is, this is what it is,
this is this is what it is. So um yeah,
went through that and and then they kept getting worse
and um but I just kept popping Advil, like and
(01:49):
I got to like eight milligrams every four hours of Adville,
so like, I probably have an ulcer now, I might
want to watch that. But I was like, but I
just honestly, I just I've I've been like, you know,
a lot going on. And then but then one of
the nights I couldn't sleep. I was like it was
in my ear. So I was laying down and I'm like,
I gotta get this checked. So I go to this
(02:10):
walking clinic and I was telling her how long my
limph nose has been hurting and she's like, oh, that's
very scary. She's like you need to go get an ultrasound.
And I was like, I was like why. She's like, well,
you could have cancer. And I was like I'm sorry,
I'm about to border plane to Ireland, and this is
the information that you're giving me right now, Like can
we start with like strep or like some kind of
(02:33):
can you have other symptoms beyond intense sore throat so
it's not it's okay. So like I've had a sore
throat before, it wasn't a sore throat like it was
like just my glands, but when I would swallow, I'd
feel it like in my lymph nodes. Right, okay, So
but that was it, I mean again, and the big
you fever, I'm like, oh, I don't know. I've been
taking so much advill that I I couldn't tell you
(02:53):
if I probably because your body's aches. Yeah, I was
like probably, so you know. And I'm like and I've
been tired and stuff and so cut too. So she's like,
you know, you should actually go to your doctor. I'm like, well,
I have to board a plane to Ireland, so I
(03:14):
end up. I'm like, I was like, I'll see it.
And how many times did I delaying the doctor when
I was even with you? After I kept you have
to cleave to go, and I was like sure, it's fine,
Like it's sure, it's fine, So anyways, go to Ireland
blah blah blah, and then go to Wilmington's and then
um and then have a few days here, go to
(03:34):
l A. But when I was in l A, I
was just like, I mean it it like it was
so bad where again at the plane, I just started
crying because I didn't but I didn't know if it
was like I'm I guess I'm in a lot of pain,
and like the advil was then not doing anything anymore,
and but also like I think my body was just
like you're at the end of your travel now and
now you're just going to completely shut down. So I
(03:57):
I land and I'm like I have to I have
to somehow get Jason in time to pick him up,
and then I have to get Jolian time for bus stop.
And I'm like, but I have to go to a
walking clinic because I'm like, I don't know what's I'm dying.
I don't know, like what's going on with me. I'm
in a lot of pain. I just and this's why
I emailed the doctor. I was like, can you just
write me a pain prescription medicine for something? And she's
like no, like we can't do that? Why and this
(04:23):
is how why not? She was because you can't just
mask pain with something, and I was like, yes, you can't.
It's called alcohol. You don't do that. I don't, which
is why I didn't drink, for you don't drink when
you have exactly I don't drink because I don't want
to ask anything. So I was like, please, like, just
give me a perton. I'm like, okay, maybe I've got some.
(04:44):
Said give me some like oxy or something like that.
I'm like, I think I got some left over my boobs.
But I was like no, I'll get checked out. And
she's like, we'll see if you have She's like you
might have momo. She's like, you might have something strap.
I'm like, I don't have stripped, Like I haven't strap
since fifth grade, like or I don't mean like this
is like not strap. I know because I know. So
So anyways, I'm thinking of all those things, like how
(05:05):
am I going to go from here to there? So
I text Pamelin and I'm like, hey, can you pick
up Jolie when you pick up Harlow. She's like absolutely,
I got you. Cool. Well, there's an hour wait at
the walking clinic and She's like on my ass about you,
and like these proof it's their fault. Yeah. So I'm like, Katherine,
it's an hour away, and so mind you. I didn't
(05:25):
pack any snacks for Jace while I was there, so
it's now past his dinner time and I've got a
screaming kid. We're at the walk in clinic. I'm in
so much pain. I'm like, just give me drugs, like
it just gives me something. I'm in pain. Um, So
they take my blood, they do a strep test, everything else.
Those are not fun. The strep test, yeah, they're not.
(05:47):
If it's not don't want something that far back in
my throat. Okay, there we go. That was good. That
was That was a softball. It was a softball and
it loved it up and you locked it out of
the park literally. Um So, anyways, I was like, cool, um,
(06:11):
this is happening. Cut to um have strapped right, and
she's like yep, you have strapped blah blah blah. And
then it comes to find out that my blood work
so apparently I also had mono. So I've been walking
around with mono and then I got strapped, So so
you may not have been walking around with strap this
whole time entry and I think the strap maybe probably
(06:32):
just came. I don't know, that's probably my throat the
last time. And she's like, your throat looks fine. Well
it can look fine and still have strap, unfortunately. But
my guesses you've had mono for a month and then
since you were your immunity was your immune system was
like down here and you were traveling, then you got strapped. Yeah,
but as you know, the glory times of strap in
your life are when you're a kid and when you
(06:54):
have kids. I'm not I don't know if they gave
you the strap, but when you have kids, you're gonna
get bet your kids probably need to check your kids, yeah,
I mean maybe, I mean they're still they're still coffin.
It's not I'm not really sure. But the moral of
it was when I got back, I mean I literally
poor Pamelain. When I went to go pick up Jolie,
(07:14):
I was Jason was screaming in the back seat of
the car. I am bawling because I think my body
was just physically just shutting down from all the travel,
all the different Like I was like, She's like, how
can I help you? I was like I don't need
your help, Like I'm fine, I've got it, And she's
like she's just like watching her, like have me drive away.
She was like, I want to help you. I was like,
(07:35):
I don't you know what. I just realized that you're
texted me that said it's an hour weight. Was not
just like letting me know that it was going to
be an hour weight. It was like your way of like,
I need help but afraid to say it. Oh yeah,
I have a hard this time of asking for help.
And I talked to my therapist today about it because
(07:56):
I ended up. I ended up asking for help. Um,
but it's weird that I couldn't ask my friends for
help because I'm just I don't know what it is like.
I'm just like, I don't want to inconvenience. Well, I
think because when you're a mom and you have other moms,
it's hard because you know they have other stuff too,
or they have whatever, but you just gotta ask. I know.
(08:16):
But mom put so much pressure on themselves to always
be ready for everything, to be the perfect super mom
six and if there's ever a gap in that, they
feel like they're not the perfect mom and it's too much.
It can't go on every day, I know. And then
I felt really bad because I when I came in
the house, Julie's like, are you okay? And then I
just again like body just like shut down, and I
(08:37):
was like, Mommy doesn't feel good. And then she she
just gave me the sweetest hug that I'll just like
never forget, how like sweet like and how how much
EmPATH she she had, empathy she had and um, and
then I remember and then I went in the tub
and then I bowled for like another hour and then
that was good. I'm like, I just I think I
think it was just a lot the last month. You
like called me this morning, You're like all right, ready
(08:59):
to go. It's like, oh, I thought we were still
going to be but like, nope, I'm on a max
of Sillon. I'm going to keep on going. I told
my therapist today, I was like she and she agreed
with me, and she's like, you you fight hard and
you break hard, and I was like, yeah, Ireland looked spectacular.
Oh my god, it was a dream. Yeah. We talked
about it last week and it was just like such
(09:19):
a dream, like it was amazing. And I also just
preface for everybody listening. She had lots of COVID tests
during this time, so she wasn't walking around with COVID. Now.
I was wondering about that too, because what people thinking.
I know, it's really dry in l A. So almost
every day you wake up with a sore throat with
your mouth open, like, oh my god, COVID. It's so
it's every tiny little symptom you're so afraid of. But
(09:40):
you had like two or three COVID tests and that
I had a bunch. So I had a bunch to
make sure you don't get hit up with that. Yeah,
well you know, so last week, um, Catherine really got
handed the uh kind of the end of the stick.
So glad Mark was not here last by the way,
(10:01):
oh yeah, it was all about sex. I mean, I
love you, but it would have been made it even
more uncomfortable by the way I heard it. So yeah,
I know what you're talking about. Vodka. I don't know.
But at least he wasn't looking at me, like if
you're like sitting there looking at me, I don't think
I could do that's true, you know, to turn my
camera off, but I didn't think that. I'm sorry I
missed that one are you? Because it was fun, it
(10:23):
was blast and also just hearing Catherine's discomfort was hilarious.
Right I was dying on the plane, I was listening
to it because our therapist listened to it too. We
both actually saw our therapist today as well, and I
was like, Amy, how good was that episode? Like Catherine
was so uncomfortable, I'm still uncomfortable. I tried listening to
on the plane. I got about halfway through and I
was like, I can't do it. I can't listen anymore.
(10:45):
I can't do it. It's too good. Well, so I
figured it would be only fair, um, if the favor
was returned to me, and we have Um, I guess
who was in the waiting room? Who has been married?
How many times? She's on her going on her fifth,
going on her fifth marriage? Um, she's on tilse is
(11:08):
addicted to marriage. So I am just excited to talk
to her because I have no um you just wait,
I've just never I mean, I don't know what that's
like to have a bunch of marriages, you know, I
never no idea. So um, let's take a break and
then bring her on. Hi, Amy, how are you? Hi?
(11:41):
I have to start off by honestly, can I just say,
like I this is everything to me right now. I've
read your book, I listen to your podcast. UM I am.
I'm feel super super blessed to be talking to you
right now. I have been. You've been honestly played a
role in getting through some serious um issues I've had.
(12:06):
Was feeling like I have nobody to talk to. None
of my girlfriends have been through what I've been through.
Nobody can relate to me. They're there for me, they
support me. I have somebody to talk to, but the
relatability factor has really been missing for me. So this
is a big deal. I feel like I have I
(12:27):
feel like I'm talking to someone who you know what
I mean, who has walked down a similar path as me,
and I know, Um you were talking to Claire the
other day because like I said, I listened to this
podcast and I just thought that was such a beautiful
thing that you have someone that can truly relate to you.
And it sounds like you guys just connected on so
(12:49):
many levels and can relate to each other on so
many levels. And so I'm excited that if if something
from good from this show comes for me, putting myself
out there and being vulnerable and being much like you
just said, getting to just talk to you and talk
to another female badass woman who's successful, has her head
on straight, is smart, is an amazing mother. But I'm
(13:13):
not perfect. I do make mistakes and these are you know,
this is where Amy isn't the best, you know what
I mean. I don't make the best decisions for myself
when it comes to relationships, and I just and so
many times, and so it's nice to talk to somebody
who can relate to me and I can relate to
So thank you well for I so appreciate you saying
(13:34):
all that, and thank you and thank you for coming
on too, and yeah, I hear you. I mean it's
it is. It's hard, and I say it with um
and whenever I do talk about it, I mask my
own shame around it with like laughing, you know, like
even the beginning, like oh, we get to pay the
favor back like to me today, like make you know,
because ha ha ha, I've been married and it's like
(13:56):
I think there's like a lot of like I'm not
and I was just telling some one because you know,
like I'm back in the dating world now and it's
like I have to re explain to someone like why
I've made these really poor decisions and what I've learned
from it, and like also like here we go, is
he going to judge me now because of the past
decisions I've made or the trauma or any of those things.
(14:18):
And it's like, but when I do get judged, that's
when the shame comes in. So now I'm trying to
be like, you know what, if he does judge me,
then I want to get to a place where I'm
like and that. But but instead of even getting to
that place, I go. But you know what, I wouldn't
take any even back. I've learned so much about myself
and I'm really freaking proud of myself because I'm here.
And instead of staying in things that were either abusive
(14:40):
or toxic or um just really bad relationships, I've grown
in each one. And again, what would we have wanted
to not be in any of those relationships? Yeah, but
we can at least talk about and hopefully help and
guide other people that have been in those situations. Yeah,
I know there's two sides to it, Like you're saying, like,
one is I've I've carried around the shame with me
(15:02):
for many, many years because my first marriage was at eighteen,
right out of high school. My second one was by
the time I was twenty one, So two of my
four marriages where before I should have ever even been
thinking about it, you know, And like, this is this
is not just a twenty five minute conversation. You know
that our past and what we've been through and why
we've made the decisions we've made. And you know, but
(15:24):
I did. I got married two times before right before
I was twenty one, and then I waited another It's
like eight years till the next one. But it's like,
I feel it's confusing because at times I feel super
shameful and embarrassed, you know, because I feel like some
people are gonna say they don't know me well enough,
then they're going to judge me based off of that
(15:46):
and say that that and assume that defines who I
must be as a whole. And it's just not it's
not just because I've made made mistakes and relationships doesn't
mean I suck at every other aspect of my life,
you know, because I don't um I love super hard.
I'm like, and when I read your book, I'm telling
you I had this huge epiphany that changed me, Janna,
(16:09):
Like you said, Um, I've never heard the term before,
but addicted to love like that, before you said that,
I was always trying to figure out what is wrong
with me? What's wrong with me? Like I am an
amazing partner. I sacrifice and compromise and nurture and love
(16:32):
so hard in my relationships, but none of them seem
to work out ever, you know. But when you said,
you know you're the addicted to love, I was like,
that's what I am. I love being in love. And
that's not even just with a man. That's like my kids.
I have three girls, Like I love my girls hard,
(16:54):
you know, I love my girlfriend's hard, you know, just
in different capacities. And I think one thing I've really learned,
like out of the most recent divorce was how long
was that marriage? For? That one? Was short? Um? My
my second too, Um we're only eight months in about
ten months, you know, I mean. And again I went
(17:16):
into all four of these marriages never wanting to get divorced.
Like it wasn't like hey, I love having a wedding,
or this is fun, or I want to be a
princess or any of that crap. It was like I
really I really thought I was in love, you know.
And and I and like you said, I want to
really embrace being proud of being the kind of woman
(17:39):
that someone can fall for quickly. I've never pressured anyone
to ask me. I've never you know what I mean,
I've never forced anything. It's always been supernatural and we
both just kind of fall into it super fast, you know.
And um, So, I think one thing I've learned recently
is two things I can of a man in in
(18:03):
different capacities, right, so I can have different levels of
love for a man. I used to think that when
I would meet a man and we connect, it that means,
you know, we're exclusive, we're together, and I just dive in.
And I'm a serial monogamist is kind of what I
like to say too. I found that out about myself.
I am a serial monogamist. Like I don't want to
(18:24):
date around, I don't want to sleep around. You know,
I met you, we connect, I'm going for this, like,
let's see where this goes, and it would typically always
end up in a committed relationship and then marriage and
um and I just have learned that it's okay for
me to meet a man and maybe he's just gonna
be love at a different level or a different capacity,
(18:46):
And it doesn't have to be that just because I
like him or its funny or we're having a good
time together or whatever that that means we have to
get married, you know, Let's give it some time and
see what level, what level, and what capacity he really
should be at, Like does he really deserve the kind
of love that you an gives, which is not very common?
And I'm super proud to say that it's not common
(19:09):
the kind of love that I give, And so I'm
really proud of that, and I'm really trying to learn
to embrace the fy That's why I've been married four times.
I love super hard. I love to commit, you know, um,
And I love to say yes when I feel like
it feels right. Have you noticed a common thread in
any of your past marriages, like with the men? Yes? Um?
(19:29):
One is I feel like that I attract men who
are need me as much as they want me. I
think like I feel like they're all and not saying
that I don't that there's nothing wrong with me and
I'm perfect, but you know what I mean. There's there's
a kind of fixing that they all needed or we're
(19:53):
looking for. So they were looking for a certain kind
of love. I was looking for a certain kind of love,
and it was different. I don't need I'm a super
happy person. I'm a healthy person. I'm big into a
healthy lifestyle. Um, you know, I work at a gym,
so I live a very healthy lifestyle. I'm not I
don't have an I want to say, I don't have
an addictive personality. But I did find out through you
(20:15):
that I am addicted to love for sure, and it
just felt good. Again. It just felt good to be
able to kind of um, sort of put a label
on it. I guess, um, you know, because not knowing
was the worst, like thinking something's wrong with me, you know,
And it's like, yeah, addicted to love. I mean, if
I was going to be addicted to anything, I would
want it to be that, to be honest, you know,
(20:37):
out of all the other things in life, it could be.
I'm I'm grateful. That's that's the problem I have. If
you want to as long as it's serving in a
in a healthy you know, in a healthy manner. Because
there's the part of it where it's the unhealthy addiction
to love or your like. For me, it's like I
want it so bad that I've chosen wrong because is
(21:00):
of um, because of my own childhood traumas and my
own needs for having that platonic family and for having
you know. Now obviously that's that's gone. But you know,
I I think there's something to be said about like
the unhealthiness of like of it as well. Yeah, and
(21:21):
I think I agree with you like, um, I think
we have this in common as well. My biological dad
left when I was too um, you know, so I
have I'm sure I have daddy issues, you know. I mean,
I wouldn't say it affects me in my daily life.
But what's funny about that with me, though, that I
think is a little different, is that each of these
(21:41):
four marriages I did end them. Um. I was the
one who wanted to end the marriage eventually. But I
think that I even though a couple of them were short,
there were there's two two that I oh in my
engagement because I've been married four times, plus an engagement
that I broke off. Um, there were three relationships that
(22:02):
I thought socking hard almost. I mean, I woke up
one morning after a couple of years of you know,
going through some emotional abuse and things like that and
sticking through it, is I think I'm actually scared to
abandon somebody like I was. You know. Um, I remember,
(22:24):
like I can replay times in my head when I
was a little girl, like my parents getting divorced. When
I was too my Dad's supposed to come pick me up,
you know what I mean. I had my little backpack
packed and you play it like this little scene out
of a movie, and he never shows up, you know
what I mean, And so you feel that I'm forty
five years old and I still remember that moment when
(22:46):
I was probably about three years old that he just stopped,
you know, wanting to be in my life and just
never showed up literally, And so I I really I
felt like I don't want to do that to somebody,
you know what I mean. I don't want to abandon
somebody who has made a lot of mistakes. But they
say they want to change, but then guess what, The
(23:06):
changes never happened, you know, the change never happens. I hear,
you know, empty promises and you know, and lies that
they won't do this to me again. They won't treat
me like that again. They won't do that again. I
want to change. I want to be a better man.
And so how do you turn your back on someone
who says that they want to be better? You know
(23:27):
that they want to change. You know, I'm not that
kind of a person. So I I never gave up
on somebody until I literally physically almost cannot function anymore.
That's how hard I really try to make it work,
and it just never did for me. Yeah. No, I
(23:48):
mean I hear all of that, Um where are you
at now? Like are you? Are you dating anyone right now?
GINO know? Is um? Yeah the guy that's and you know,
and it'll be nice, um when all the episodes have
aired and I can you know, because um, the show
(24:09):
is great. It's been an amazing UM. I wanted it
to be an opportunity for me to one be vulnerable
like you en right, because it's been something that I've
been so ashamed of for so long, you know. Um.
And so I really thought this came in front of
me a few times and I was like, no, no, no,
I don't I don't think it's I don't think that's
gonna be good for me to do that emotionally. And
(24:30):
then I thought, you know what, Amy like the one
you still don't know what you're calling is you've been
you're a mom, you know you've been a wife, But
what is your calling? And and I really want to
use this platform and this opportunity to do what you've
done for me, right, which is put yourself out there
(24:52):
and make yourself vulnerable. Um. And when I felt so
alone and like I had nobody to relate to, I
was like, there, it's got to be other women out
there that have been through what I've been through that
feel alone, Like I feel alone because even though I
would listen to you and read your book, um, I
don't know you you know what I mean. It wasn't
(25:13):
like I had um a girlfriend sitting next to me
that understood what I was going through. So I just thought,
at least if I can just put myself out there,
let other women know. Look, there's there's a handful of
us out there that have been had a crazy life,
a crazy life. I've lived a lot more than most
women have in relationships and been through a lot, you know,
(25:36):
and I don't want it to be in vain or
wasted time or you know, because yeah, I mean in
this little conversation, just the cliff Notes version is it's
been a lot, super heavy. I mean, I'd love to
(26:02):
connect to off the podcast um because I remember having
this conversation and it's always again now that I'm um,
now that I'm single and dating in the dating world,
and I remember, this is like the worst thing to say,
but like I remember one of the reasons why I
(26:23):
didn't want to get divorced because I was like, who
would honestly want me after now three even though like
in my mind I have been married once, like I
always say, like you can't count the when I was
nineteen stupid went to see Elvis, knew the guy for
two weeks, you know what I mean, Like that's stupid.
And then the other guy I married for a week
(26:43):
walked down the album. Was like, well, this is not
right and I need to end this now, like those
weren't marriages, Like but in the guy that I was
like telling the stories, He's like, well on paper like
it was, and I'm like yeah, but like, yes, fine,
you want to do like on paper, yes, on paper
technically as but like how can you call those marriages? Yeah,
(27:04):
you can't, like and I'm like my last one one percent,
I was married and we fought for seven years and
like it ended and I didn't want it to end.
But you know, one of the reasons why that I
didn't want to end it was because my ex and
anyone else who I read in comments it's like, oh
my god, her third failed marriage. And it's like and
I shamefully take that on as my own. And I'm like, well,
(27:27):
you're right, like who would want me, just like my
ex would say, and my you know, whoever else that
I would that I've dated before, that's like your past,
Like you know, you're are you crazy? I'm like, no,
I haven't. I just made mistakes and I loved and
I you know, I'm like, I'm sick of making apologies
for it. I'm sick of explaining, and I'm I'm like,
I'm tired. Love me now for who I am now,
(27:49):
not for my past, Like I'm sick of like and
I don't want to be like, yeah, technically you're right,
but I'm like, no, I like and in my brain like, fine,
we want to be legal about it, fine, but technically
it's been one Like for me, I have had one
marriage that is a marriage something that I have worked
for and tried, and even if it wasn't, so be it.
Who cares? Like I've learned, I've grown. I'm a different
(28:12):
person than I was when I was nineteen and when
I was seven. Like it's just but but it had
to have them, like funk, I'm gonna have to have
this conversation again where it's like, this is who I
was and I made him you know, I've made mistakes
and like this is what I've learned, And I'm like
and I wait to see if I'm going to be judged.
(28:33):
So I know the last thing either one of us
wants to do is go through what we've been through.
We get right, Okay. So one way to look at that,
and one way I would look at it in the
future personally too, is that this is such a good
way to dodge another bullet. Jana like to tell someone like,
don't you want to you want to meet someone that
(28:55):
loves as hard as you do? Right? I just keep
it man, imagining being of the way that I love.
Keep imagining being loved the way that you love, and
think about that, like I will sit in bed or
if I'm taking a shower or whatever, and I'm like
dreaming about imagining being loved the way I love because
(29:16):
I know I'm damn good at it. I love super
hard and I'm so good to the person that I'm with.
And so if you tell someone that and they judge
you or look down on you or frown on you,
good bye, see you later. Let the door hit you
on the way out. You know, um, you dodged a bullet.
You know, you want someone who's been through something. I
(29:38):
hear you, but the person that's like, and I don't
know if you've done this too, but like for me,
like a big part of my stuff is like I
want to be chosen so and then when someone doesn't,
and I'm like, but let me show you why I'm
so lovable and why I'm so good and how like
how much I can give, and then I get in.
But it's like that's my that's the work that I've done,
you know, with the dating recently, Like okay, yea, you're right.
(29:58):
My friends are always like stop, like you like, don't
you see like how much you're giving versus And it's like, okay, yeah,
because it's like we do. We give a lot and
mostly to see those those red flags instead of like,
but let me prove it to you. Yeah, red flags. Yeah,
so it's Gino. Do we think he's the one. Um,
(30:21):
You're gonna have to have to wait me. I know,
I'm like this. You don't understand. When I was about
to cut when I heard that I was coming on
your podcast, I was like, this is going to be
so hard because I can't, like can't, I can't say
everything I want to say. So if you waited to
tell Gino about your past marriages? Correct? Is that that
(30:43):
how I understand it? Okay? And exactly why what Janna
is saying? Like I just relate to her so much
and I should know better, We should know better, Like
I should be cool with just going Yeah, I mean,
I guess what. I've been married four times. Sorry, I'm
you know, sorry, I'm not sorry, but it is it
is who I am. I love super hard. And you know,
(31:05):
when someone asked me, I say yes, and I go
with it. I go with what my heart's telling me
to do. I don't I don't think. I mean, love
is not up here. It's here for me, you know,
And so I think with my heart and I act
with my heart, and I lead with my heart, and
but I wish I I wish I could have just
said in the beginning, Hey, you know, this is kind
(31:28):
of going somewhere, So I feel like I should be
honest with you because I'm also not a liar. I'm
not I'm not like a dishonest, deceitful person. I'm a
super like, very open person. I'm I'm real and I
don't mind having flaws. But for some reason, that has
always been such a hard thing for me to just
(31:49):
come out and say to anybody. You know, the only
people that have really known up until me doing this
show has been people who are close to me and
who have been my friend. For those you know, because
now what my first marriage was eighteen and then my
last one I was thirty six, thirty maybe thirty eight, um,
(32:12):
but who have known me through those years know that
I've been married that many times. I don't share it
with people. It's not something that I was like, You're
lucky you don't have You're lucky you don't have a
Wikipedia pages. I'm always like Google you always are you
ever tempted when dating to just like not say anything,
But I mean, you don't have a cho choice. That's
the thing. Like I wish I couldn't like this sort
of guy that I went out with him, like you know, like, hey,
(32:35):
can you just like can we just get to know
each other like not online? Just because I'm like, I
don't want that to be the first thing that he's like,
oh wait what you know He's like, that's not me,
that's exactly past. I know that in this first episode
I'm going to get a lot of backlash for not
saying anything. And I did see the trailer where Gino
(32:57):
actually says, you know that was such a blow to him. Um,
you know, but doesn't he know the show is called
Addicted to Marriage Like so like like I'm sorry, like
what do you so? You know? Again? We got we
gotta talk girls, we gotta talk. Know. I am like,
for real, like gonna text, Like we're getting numbers and
(33:18):
we're texting because my girlfriends are I feel like, you like,
we get each other because they're always like especially right now,
like being single, they're like they have fun, have sex
different people. I'm like, I can't do that. Like I'm
like when I find my person, I'm in you know,
and I've I've dated, but like I'm like I'm done
(33:39):
and then like, oh, yeah, this one and I loved,
I haven't loved and I haven't No, I know, but
you all love to love. So it's like you want
to you just want to dive in so quick, which
is fine, but I haven't. I just haven't not. I
haven't just juggled. Like that's the thing. I'm like, I
like a million guys know, sex, especially when sex is
(34:00):
important to you, when having that sexual chemistry with someone
like I'm a super sexual person, like oh honey, like
and I'm sure because you're you're hot. It's like Libra okay,
I'm Sagittarius. Are you okay? Libra? So um, so yeah,
(34:21):
I would end up kind of sleeping with someone probably
sooner than I should, you know. And I'm sorry, but say,
we have our talents, right, our talents, Like I said,
there's things I'm good at, there's things I'm not good at.
So I feel like, yeah, like dating is tough because
(34:43):
you almost want to know right away before you waste
so much time connecting with someone like, hey, is you
know the sexual connection going to be there? My hair
stylist the other day goes, girl, you gotta check under
the head before you purchase the car and I was like, men, Tyler, know,
I know I'm that and I'm telling you, like, and
(35:03):
I'm in my forties, I'm older than you, and I
still like, I've tried so many times to say, like, no,
you've got to like switch the order of importance on
a few things. And I don't know. I just my
friend Christen breast Um because I was talking to some much.
Oh it's opposite day. I'm here for this opposite Janna,
(35:25):
and I was like, okay, okay, okay, that's why it's
a day I'm trying. That's so true. Any longer than that, no, girl, Okay, well,
I'm going to get your number. What are you going
to do with the comments? And that's my kind of
last question. And I'm asking um, like on social media,
(35:48):
because I mean, I let it affect me all the time.
I mean, like when I go on those pages, I'm like, man,
know what, listen. I think that one thing that you
and I have to accept is that when we love
super hard and super deep, we're very very sensitive beings
as well, you know, um, and you and I haven't
been you know, haven't in the past found our match
(36:12):
when it comes to you know, loving the way we love,
but we're super sensitive and so when we read that stuff,
it matters, you know. I think I think there's two ways,
two things that we need to remember. One is, these
people don't know us. They don't know us, just like
this show is going to be six episodes. People are
going to see the first look on a triple stack
ice cream cone of my life, right, that's it. That's
(36:36):
all they're going to get these six episodes, when I
have so much more to tell and say. You know
that that this show isn't even going to touch on
or could even start to touch on. So I have
to keep in mind that these people don't know me.
You know, they don't know me. And first of all,
we're probably We're not the kind of people who are
going to leave nasty comments on social media anyway. We're
(36:58):
not negative people. I just like to talk to them,
like all my Reddit fans, I'll give you my number
and let's talk. You know what I mean, like one night,
would I love you? That's the thing. But but we
also the Amys and I of the world, we want
that approval right so badly because we really truly want
to love and we also want to be understood. As
well understood. And if someone if someone says something nasty
(37:22):
about me, I want to know why. Please tell me
how I offended you, because I I love you like
I want to love you and be yeah, yes amen.
And you know what else I hate? I don't like
when people say I don't care what anybody else thinks.
I don't care. I'm like mad love to be that person.
Could you what? How do you not care what anybody
else thinks of you? Like? I get living your truth
(37:44):
and living the way that you see fits best for you,
and you know what I mean, doing what makes you happy,
like I get that, But not caring what other people
think period, I think is a bunch of crop. You
know what I mean? I care, like if I ascended
you where I hurt your feelings or we had community Asian,
I want to fix it for sure, and I was
it does like the comments will hurt and I've already
(38:06):
read some that are super judgy just off of the trailer,
so I can't imagine um, you know, And I can
say I won't read them, but that's not true. I'm human.
I go on like my Reddit page like once a week.
I would say the best thing would be to not
to try and not do that. I just would like
because you're going, but you're never going to be able
to get to those people. It's like it's not yeah,
(38:28):
and that's good too. It's like, hey, we have to
say that, Hey, if we're going to read this stuff,
we have to accept it for what it is and
learn how to brush it off, you know, and understand
that You've got to be as strong and I know
you are because I've I've been following your story. Um,
but you are a strong ass woman to get through
(38:51):
what you've been through. And I'm telling you, ending a relationship,
I think sometimes it's harder than staying in it, you
know what I mean? Ending it is harder than staying
in it sometimes, And that's been my truth, and I
know that it was for you because when you have
babies involved and children involved with this person, you shared
special intimate moments like childbirth and you know, loving these
(39:15):
babies together as as a team, and that's a big deal.
That is a big deal to have a child with
someone and share that experience with another human being who's
your husband and and to one day have to you're
left with no choice but to say I had like
(39:36):
I'm breaking my family up, you know what I mean?
That was like, that was so devast devastating, like death.
It was like I literally spent um a day. I
had to have someone come pick up my daughter. Actually,
I had to have someone can pick up my daughter
when I made that decision in a relationship with you
(39:58):
know where we had kids, and I took a whole
day where for the first time in my life, I
actually felt suicidal for breaking up my family. You know,
I had never felt that way in the marriage like that,
the hurt and the abuse that I had gone through
and all the ship that I've been through, I never
(40:20):
felt that way. I was always like, I know I
can come out of this. My clothes are falling off,
but I know I can. I know I can come
out of this. But when that decision was made and
he moved out, you know, um, I had to allow
myself to grieve, and I grieved so hard that I
almost contemplated, if I don't have my family, what do
(40:42):
I have? You know, if my family isn't intact, And
I was like, you know what. It took me. It
was like twenty four hours, and I missed my daughter
so much that I had to I had to ever
come back, come back home. But you know, um, it
is suffer for sharing that, but also to remember we
still have our family. It just looks different, Yes, it
(41:03):
just looks and they still need us, you know. So
I I didn't know I was going to go deep
into that moment when I was going through it, um,
but I would. Just My point was definitely to say
that it's it's super hard, um to end a marriage,
you know, and so you're you're very very strong in
order to do that and make that decision, Um, that
(41:26):
that takes a lot of strength. And so we can
read these stupid comments and they're like nothing compared to
what we've been through. Really, when it comes down to it, Amy,
you have filled filled me up with, um, a lot
of strength because you're a very strong woman as well.
And I'm going to be rooting for you. Um on
TLC is addicted to marriage, and I'm so excited to
(41:47):
see what happens with you and Gino. And I'm going
to text you on the side and you better tell
me so. Um. But you're the best, Amy, and I'll
talk to you soon, Okay, I'll make sure we can
watcha Oh my god, she's my new best friend. Sorry, Katherine,
you know it's okay. You need someone like her. I do,
(42:07):
because you guys just don't get me. Um fascinating. I
wonder if she ends up with Gina. I mean, hey,
Elizabeth Taylor was married how many times? Five? I think five? Baby? Yeah, Joe,
I mean j Loo. She's like the queen. So it's right.
As long as you don't have more than Jlo, you're
good to go. I think we're tired. I don't know,
(42:31):
it's just that was actually laughing, and like, was that
the shame laughing or that I know that makes me
because like then I was like, oh, I feel bad
because we laugh about it. No, but I mean, you know,
and sometimes you have to something. Yeah, sometimes you just
have to him mark Hi. Liz Taylor was married eight
times to seven men. E oh, seven men? Interesting one woman?
(42:58):
So funny? What about j Lo? I was gonna say,
Larry King also eight times? Let me look up to
you five Jennifer Lopez just three? Yeah. I to think
who's going to get married first? Me? Or that's a
fun game. Do you think I'll get married again? M hm?
(43:18):
You or her? Me? Oh? Yeah, I thought you met
I was like, really, oh no, I definitely like, not
a doubt, already planning my dress. Where are we doing
this wedding? I don't know who the man is, but
we're there. Mark, Will you go to my wedding? When
if I ever get married, I would love to come
to your wedding. I would love to do that. That
(43:39):
would be so fun. It would be my last. But
I have to approve of this guy. Yeah, we're going
to be fighting for maid to honor. Yeah, you will
have to most see ye Mark, he once in. You
ain't get none, not yet. Well, is there any update?
My understanding is we're back to square one? Um, we're
(44:03):
in a square. What number square is to be determined.
We're in a square. And when I have more information,
I will tell you. But I think you will approve
hands down. Okay. Actually, now I got to be careful
here because we don't want to edit. You and I
(44:25):
had a chit chat a couple of weeks ago off air. Yes,
is that guy still in the picture. That's what That's
what That's why I thought, because that's what I was
aware of. Yeah. Yeah, I think what I've realized is like,
if it's not something that if it's not so I
wrote that letter, you know, and I'm like, I'm just
(44:47):
not going to not settle for anything that's not in
that letter. And I started to realize that I didn't
want to have to compromise things that were important to me,
And so I think long distance would have been really
hard as well. Um and yeah, so okay, but there
(45:07):
are still options in play, options in play. Great, fantastic. Well,
I'm looking forward to hearing more about them when the
time is right. Thank you, Mark, And don't worry you
will have the breaking news than but stay on, I'll
tell you afterwards. Okay, okay, great, Bye bye guys, I'll
see you next week.
Wine down with Janet Kramer and I heard radio podcast.
So apparently I've been walking around with strap for about
a month and a half. I didn't know that was
dangerous to do that. I didn't know you could do that.
I thought it would be debilitating. It has been, okay,
(00:22):
did I not cry? On the plane back from l A.
Actually looked over to me. I was like, I'm in
so much pain. Yeah, I'm sorry, And just why wouldn't
you get checked when if it hurts for that long?
Would you like to see my calendar mark to the
doctor works? Okay, So that's that's what. So that's what
(00:43):
also confuses me. So it's like a mystery. It's a mystery,
like a deep lucy anyways, Um, you can take it.
See him. It's so good. So I I mean, I'm not,
by the way, it's like all Champagne problems. But at
the same time, I had no idea that it's the moral.
(01:05):
The story is, don't wait for your health, get checked
right right. So about like a month and a half ago,
I was complaining to her, I'm like, my my lymph
notes hurt. So I was just chalking it up to
um drainage, allergies, whatever. Fighting off something right. Allergies is
(01:28):
always the great excuse to not go get checked out.
It's just allergies. I'm fine totally. And I'm like, it's
like the allergy season, you know, it's a fall break,
like this is what this is, this is what it is,
this is this is what it is. So um yeah,
went through that and and then they kept getting worse
and um but I just kept popping Advil, like and
(01:49):
I got to like eight milligrams every four hours of Adville,
so like, I probably have an ulcer now, I might
want to watch that. But I was like, but I
just honestly, I just I've I've been like, you know,
a lot going on. And then but then one of
the nights I couldn't sleep. I was like it was
in my ear. So I was laying down and I'm like,
I gotta get this checked. So I go to this
(02:10):
walking clinic and I was telling her how long my
limph nose has been hurting and she's like, oh, that's
very scary. She's like you need to go get an ultrasound.
And I was like, I was like why. She's like, well,
you could have cancer. And I was like I'm sorry,
I'm about to border plane to Ireland, and this is
the information that you're giving me right now, Like can
we start with like strep or like some kind of
(02:33):
can you have other symptoms beyond intense sore throat so
it's not it's okay. So like I've had a sore
throat before, it wasn't a sore throat like it was
like just my glands, but when I would swallow, I'd
feel it like in my lymph nodes. Right, okay, So
but that was it, I mean again, and the big
you fever, I'm like, oh, I don't know. I've been
taking so much advill that I I couldn't tell you
(02:53):
if I probably because your body's aches. Yeah, I was
like probably, so you know. And I'm like and I've
been tired and stuff and so cut too. So she's like,
you know, you should actually go to your doctor. I'm like, well,
I have to board a plane to Ireland, so I
(03:14):
end up. I'm like, I was like, I'll see it.
And how many times did I delaying the doctor when
I was even with you? After I kept you have
to cleave to go, and I was like sure, it's fine,
Like it's sure, it's fine, So anyways, go to Ireland
blah blah blah, and then go to Wilmington's and then
um and then have a few days here, go to
(03:34):
l A. But when I was in l A, I
was just like, I mean it it like it was
so bad where again at the plane, I just started
crying because I didn't but I didn't know if it
was like I'm I guess I'm in a lot of pain,
and like the advil was then not doing anything anymore,
and but also like I think my body was just
like you're at the end of your travel now and
now you're just going to completely shut down. So I
(03:57):
I land and I'm like I have to I have
to somehow get Jason in time to pick him up,
and then I have to get Jolian time for bus stop.
And I'm like, but I have to go to a
walking clinic because I'm like, I don't know what's I'm dying.
I don't know, like what's going on with me. I'm
in a lot of pain. I just and this's why
I emailed the doctor. I was like, can you just
write me a pain prescription medicine for something? And she's
like no, like we can't do that? Why and this
(04:23):
is how why not? She was because you can't just
mask pain with something, and I was like, yes, you can't.
It's called alcohol. You don't do that. I don't, which
is why I didn't drink, for you don't drink when
you have exactly I don't drink because I don't want
to ask anything. So I was like, please, like, just
give me a perton. I'm like, okay, maybe I've got some.
(04:44):
Said give me some like oxy or something like that.
I'm like, I think I got some left over my boobs.
But I was like no, I'll get checked out. And
she's like, we'll see if you have She's like you
might have momo. She's like, you might have something strap.
I'm like, I don't have stripped, Like I haven't strap
since fifth grade, like or I don't mean like this
is like not strap. I know because I know. So
So anyways, I'm thinking of all those things, like how
(05:05):
am I going to go from here to there? So
I text Pamelin and I'm like, hey, can you pick
up Jolie when you pick up Harlow. She's like absolutely,
I got you. Cool. Well, there's an hour wait at
the walking clinic and She's like on my ass about you,
and like these proof it's their fault. Yeah. So I'm like, Katherine,
it's an hour away, and so mind you. I didn't
(05:25):
pack any snacks for Jace while I was there, so
it's now past his dinner time and I've got a
screaming kid. We're at the walk in clinic. I'm in
so much pain. I'm like, just give me drugs, like
it just gives me something. I'm in pain. Um, So
they take my blood, they do a strep test, everything else.
Those are not fun. The strep test, yeah, they're not.
(05:47):
If it's not don't want something that far back in
my throat. Okay, there we go. That was good. That
was That was a softball. It was a softball and
it loved it up and you locked it out of
the park literally. Um So, anyways, I was like, cool, um,
(06:11):
this is happening. Cut to um have strapped right, and
she's like yep, you have strapped blah blah blah. And
then it comes to find out that my blood work
so apparently I also had mono. So I've been walking
around with mono and then I got strapped, So so
you may not have been walking around with strap this
whole time entry and I think the strap maybe probably
(06:32):
just came. I don't know, that's probably my throat the
last time. And she's like, your throat looks fine. Well
it can look fine and still have strap, unfortunately. But
my guesses you've had mono for a month and then
since you were your immunity was your immune system was
like down here and you were traveling, then you got strapped. Yeah,
but as you know, the glory times of strap in
your life are when you're a kid and when you
(06:54):
have kids. I'm not I don't know if they gave
you the strap, but when you have kids, you're gonna
get bet your kids probably need to check your kids, yeah,
I mean maybe, I mean they're still they're still coffin.
It's not I'm not really sure. But the moral of
it was when I got back, I mean I literally
poor Pamelain. When I went to go pick up Jolie,
(07:14):
I was Jason was screaming in the back seat of
the car. I am bawling because I think my body
was just physically just shutting down from all the travel,
all the different Like I was like, She's like, how
can I help you? I was like I don't need
your help, Like I'm fine, I've got it, And she's
like she's just like watching her, like have me drive away.
She was like, I want to help you. I was like,
(07:35):
I don't you know what. I just realized that you're
texted me that said it's an hour weight. Was not
just like letting me know that it was going to
be an hour weight. It was like your way of like,
I need help but afraid to say it. Oh yeah,
I have a hard this time of asking for help.
And I talked to my therapist today about it because
(07:56):
I ended up. I ended up asking for help. Um,
but it's weird that I couldn't ask my friends for
help because I'm just I don't know what it is like.
I'm just like, I don't want to inconvenience. Well, I
think because when you're a mom and you have other moms,
it's hard because you know they have other stuff too,
or they have whatever, but you just gotta ask. I know.
(08:16):
But mom put so much pressure on themselves to always
be ready for everything, to be the perfect super mom
six and if there's ever a gap in that, they
feel like they're not the perfect mom and it's too much.
It can't go on every day, I know. And then
I felt really bad because I when I came in
the house, Julie's like, are you okay? And then I
just again like body just like shut down, and I
(08:37):
was like, Mommy doesn't feel good. And then she she
just gave me the sweetest hug that I'll just like
never forget, how like sweet like and how how much
EmPATH she she had, empathy she had and um, and
then I remember and then I went in the tub
and then I bowled for like another hour and then
that was good. I'm like, I just I think I
think it was just a lot the last month. You
like called me this morning, You're like all right, ready
(08:59):
to go. It's like, oh, I thought we were still
going to be but like, nope, I'm on a max
of Sillon. I'm going to keep on going. I told
my therapist today, I was like she and she agreed
with me, and she's like, you you fight hard and
you break hard, and I was like, yeah, Ireland looked spectacular.
Oh my god, it was a dream. Yeah. We talked
about it last week and it was just like such
(09:19):
a dream, like it was amazing. And I also just
preface for everybody listening. She had lots of COVID tests
during this time, so she wasn't walking around with COVID. Now.
I was wondering about that too, because what people thinking.
I know, it's really dry in l A. So almost
every day you wake up with a sore throat with
your mouth open, like, oh my god, COVID. It's so
it's every tiny little symptom you're so afraid of. But
(09:40):
you had like two or three COVID tests and that
I had a bunch. So I had a bunch to
make sure you don't get hit up with that. Yeah,
well you know, so last week, um, Catherine really got
handed the uh kind of the end of the stick.
So glad Mark was not here last by the way,
(10:01):
oh yeah, it was all about sex. I mean, I
love you, but it would have been made it even
more uncomfortable by the way I heard it. So yeah,
I know what you're talking about. Vodka. I don't know.
But at least he wasn't looking at me, like if
you're like sitting there looking at me, I don't think
I could do that's true, you know, to turn my
camera off, but I didn't think that. I'm sorry I
missed that one are you? Because it was fun, it
(10:23):
was blast and also just hearing Catherine's discomfort was hilarious.
Right I was dying on the plane, I was listening
to it because our therapist listened to it too. We
both actually saw our therapist today as well, and I
was like, Amy, how good was that episode? Like Catherine
was so uncomfortable, I'm still uncomfortable. I tried listening to
on the plane. I got about halfway through and I
was like, I can't do it. I can't listen anymore.
(10:45):
I can't do it. It's too good. Well, so I
figured it would be only fair, um, if the favor
was returned to me, and we have Um, I guess
who was in the waiting room? Who has been married?
How many times? She's on her going on her fifth,
going on her fifth marriage? Um, she's on tilse is
(11:08):
addicted to marriage. So I am just excited to talk
to her because I have no um you just wait,
I've just never I mean, I don't know what that's
like to have a bunch of marriages, you know, I
never no idea. So um, let's take a break and
then bring her on. Hi, Amy, how are you? Hi?
(11:41):
I have to start off by honestly, can I just say,
like I this is everything to me right now. I've
read your book, I listen to your podcast. UM I am.
I'm feel super super blessed to be talking to you
right now. I have been. You've been honestly played a
role in getting through some serious um issues I've had.
(12:06):
Was feeling like I have nobody to talk to. None
of my girlfriends have been through what I've been through.
Nobody can relate to me. They're there for me, they
support me. I have somebody to talk to, but the
relatability factor has really been missing for me. So this
is a big deal. I feel like I have I
(12:27):
feel like I'm talking to someone who you know what
I mean, who has walked down a similar path as me,
and I know, Um you were talking to Claire the
other day because like I said, I listened to this
podcast and I just thought that was such a beautiful
thing that you have someone that can truly relate to you.
And it sounds like you guys just connected on so
(12:49):
many levels and can relate to each other on so
many levels. And so I'm excited that if if something
from good from this show comes for me, putting myself
out there and being vulnerable and being much like you
just said, getting to just talk to you and talk
to another female badass woman who's successful, has her head
on straight, is smart, is an amazing mother. But I'm
(13:13):
not perfect. I do make mistakes and these are you know,
this is where Amy isn't the best, you know what
I mean. I don't make the best decisions for myself
when it comes to relationships, and I just and so
many times, and so it's nice to talk to somebody
who can relate to me and I can relate to
So thank you well for I so appreciate you saying
(13:34):
all that, and thank you and thank you for coming
on too, and yeah, I hear you. I mean it's
it is. It's hard, and I say it with um
and whenever I do talk about it, I mask my
own shame around it with like laughing, you know, like
even the beginning, like oh, we get to pay the
favor back like to me today, like make you know,
because ha ha ha, I've been married and it's like
(13:56):
I think there's like a lot of like I'm not
and I was just telling some one because you know,
like I'm back in the dating world now and it's
like I have to re explain to someone like why
I've made these really poor decisions and what I've learned
from it, and like also like here we go, is
he going to judge me now because of the past
decisions I've made or the trauma or any of those things.
(14:18):
And it's like, but when I do get judged, that's
when the shame comes in. So now I'm trying to
be like, you know what, if he does judge me,
then I want to get to a place where I'm
like and that. But but instead of even getting to
that place, I go. But you know what, I wouldn't
take any even back. I've learned so much about myself
and I'm really freaking proud of myself because I'm here.
And instead of staying in things that were either abusive
(14:40):
or toxic or um just really bad relationships, I've grown
in each one. And again, what would we have wanted
to not be in any of those relationships? Yeah, but
we can at least talk about and hopefully help and
guide other people that have been in those situations. Yeah,
I know there's two sides to it, Like you're saying, like,
one is I've I've carried around the shame with me
(15:02):
for many, many years because my first marriage was at eighteen,
right out of high school. My second one was by
the time I was twenty one, So two of my
four marriages where before I should have ever even been
thinking about it, you know, And like, this is this
is not just a twenty five minute conversation. You know
that our past and what we've been through and why
we've made the decisions we've made. And you know, but
(15:24):
I did. I got married two times before right before
I was twenty one, and then I waited another It's
like eight years till the next one. But it's like,
I feel it's confusing because at times I feel super
shameful and embarrassed, you know, because I feel like some
people are gonna say they don't know me well enough,
then they're going to judge me based off of that
(15:46):
and say that that and assume that defines who I
must be as a whole. And it's just not it's
not just because I've made made mistakes and relationships doesn't
mean I suck at every other aspect of my life,
you know, because I don't um I love super hard.
I'm like, and when I read your book, I'm telling
you I had this huge epiphany that changed me, Janna,
(16:09):
Like you said, Um, I've never heard the term before,
but addicted to love like that, before you said that,
I was always trying to figure out what is wrong
with me? What's wrong with me? Like I am an
amazing partner. I sacrifice and compromise and nurture and love
(16:32):
so hard in my relationships, but none of them seem
to work out ever, you know. But when you said,
you know you're the addicted to love, I was like,
that's what I am. I love being in love. And
that's not even just with a man. That's like my kids.
I have three girls, Like I love my girls hard,
(16:54):
you know, I love my girlfriend's hard, you know, just
in different capacities. And I think one thing I've really learned,
like out of the most recent divorce was how long
was that marriage? For? That one? Was short? Um? My
my second too, Um we're only eight months in about
ten months, you know, I mean. And again I went
(17:16):
into all four of these marriages never wanting to get divorced.
Like it wasn't like hey, I love having a wedding,
or this is fun, or I want to be a
princess or any of that crap. It was like I
really I really thought I was in love, you know.
And and I and like you said, I want to
really embrace being proud of being the kind of woman
(17:39):
that someone can fall for quickly. I've never pressured anyone
to ask me. I've never you know what I mean,
I've never forced anything. It's always been supernatural and we
both just kind of fall into it super fast, you know.
And um, So, I think one thing I've learned recently
is two things I can of a man in in
(18:03):
different capacities, right, so I can have different levels of
love for a man. I used to think that when
I would meet a man and we connect, it that means,
you know, we're exclusive, we're together, and I just dive in.
And I'm a serial monogamist is kind of what I
like to say too. I found that out about myself.
I am a serial monogamist. Like I don't want to
(18:24):
date around, I don't want to sleep around. You know,
I met you, we connect, I'm going for this, like,
let's see where this goes, and it would typically always
end up in a committed relationship and then marriage and
um and I just have learned that it's okay for
me to meet a man and maybe he's just gonna
be love at a different level or a different capacity,
(18:46):
And it doesn't have to be that just because I
like him or its funny or we're having a good
time together or whatever that that means we have to
get married, you know, Let's give it some time and
see what level, what level, and what capacity he really
should be at, Like does he really deserve the kind
of love that you an gives, which is not very common?
And I'm super proud to say that it's not common
(19:09):
the kind of love that I give, And so I'm
really proud of that, and I'm really trying to learn
to embrace the fy That's why I've been married four times.
I love super hard. I love to commit, you know, um,
And I love to say yes when I feel like
it feels right. Have you noticed a common thread in
any of your past marriages, like with the men? Yes? Um?
(19:29):
One is I feel like that I attract men who
are need me as much as they want me. I
think like I feel like they're all and not saying
that I don't that there's nothing wrong with me and
I'm perfect, but you know what I mean. There's there's
a kind of fixing that they all needed or we're
(19:53):
looking for. So they were looking for a certain kind
of love. I was looking for a certain kind of love,
and it was different. I don't need I'm a super
happy person. I'm a healthy person. I'm big into a
healthy lifestyle. Um, you know, I work at a gym,
so I live a very healthy lifestyle. I'm not I
don't have an I want to say, I don't have
an addictive personality. But I did find out through you
(20:15):
that I am addicted to love for sure, and it
just felt good. Again. It just felt good to be
able to kind of um, sort of put a label
on it. I guess, um, you know, because not knowing
was the worst, like thinking something's wrong with me, you know,
And it's like, yeah, addicted to love. I mean, if
I was going to be addicted to anything, I would
want it to be that, to be honest, you know,
(20:37):
out of all the other things in life, it could be.
I'm I'm grateful. That's that's the problem I have. If
you want to as long as it's serving in a
in a healthy you know, in a healthy manner. Because
there's the part of it where it's the unhealthy addiction
to love or your like. For me, it's like I
want it so bad that I've chosen wrong because is
(21:00):
of um, because of my own childhood traumas and my
own needs for having that platonic family and for having
you know. Now obviously that's that's gone. But you know,
I I think there's something to be said about like
the unhealthiness of like of it as well. Yeah, and
(21:21):
I think I agree with you like, um, I think
we have this in common as well. My biological dad
left when I was too um, you know, so I
have I'm sure I have daddy issues, you know. I mean,
I wouldn't say it affects me in my daily life.
But what's funny about that with me, though, that I
think is a little different, is that each of these
(21:41):
four marriages I did end them. Um. I was the
one who wanted to end the marriage eventually. But I
think that I even though a couple of them were short,
there were there's two two that I oh in my
engagement because I've been married four times, plus an engagement
that I broke off. Um, there were three relationships that
(22:02):
I thought socking hard almost. I mean, I woke up
one morning after a couple of years of you know,
going through some emotional abuse and things like that and
sticking through it, is I think I'm actually scared to
abandon somebody like I was. You know. Um, I remember,
(22:24):
like I can replay times in my head when I
was a little girl, like my parents getting divorced. When
I was too my Dad's supposed to come pick me up,
you know what I mean. I had my little backpack
packed and you play it like this little scene out
of a movie, and he never shows up, you know
what I mean, And so you feel that I'm forty
five years old and I still remember that moment when
(22:46):
I was probably about three years old that he just stopped,
you know, wanting to be in my life and just
never showed up literally, And so I I really I
felt like I don't want to do that to somebody,
you know what I mean. I don't want to abandon
somebody who has made a lot of mistakes. But they
say they want to change, but then guess what, The
(23:06):
changes never happened, you know, the change never happens. I hear,
you know, empty promises and you know, and lies that
they won't do this to me again. They won't treat
me like that again. They won't do that again. I
want to change. I want to be a better man.
And so how do you turn your back on someone
who says that they want to be better? You know
(23:27):
that they want to change. You know, I'm not that
kind of a person. So I I never gave up
on somebody until I literally physically almost cannot function anymore.
That's how hard I really try to make it work,
and it just never did for me. Yeah. No, I
(23:48):
mean I hear all of that, Um where are you
at now? Like are you? Are you dating anyone right now?
GINO know? Is um? Yeah the guy that's and you know,
and it'll be nice, um when all the episodes have
aired and I can you know, because um, the show
(24:09):
is great. It's been an amazing UM. I wanted it
to be an opportunity for me to one be vulnerable
like you en right, because it's been something that I've
been so ashamed of for so long, you know. Um.
And so I really thought this came in front of
me a few times and I was like, no, no, no,
I don't I don't think it's I don't think that's
gonna be good for me to do that emotionally. And
(24:30):
then I thought, you know what, Amy like the one
you still don't know what you're calling is you've been
you're a mom, you know you've been a wife, But
what is your calling? And and I really want to
use this platform and this opportunity to do what you've
done for me, right, which is put yourself out there
(24:52):
and make yourself vulnerable. Um. And when I felt so
alone and like I had nobody to relate to, I
was like, there, it's got to be other women out
there that have been through what I've been through that
feel alone, Like I feel alone because even though I
would listen to you and read your book, um, I
don't know you you know what I mean. It wasn't
(25:13):
like I had um a girlfriend sitting next to me
that understood what I was going through. So I just thought,
at least if I can just put myself out there,
let other women know. Look, there's there's a handful of
us out there that have been had a crazy life,
a crazy life. I've lived a lot more than most
women have in relationships and been through a lot, you know,
(25:36):
and I don't want it to be in vain or
wasted time or you know, because yeah, I mean in
this little conversation, just the cliff Notes version is it's
been a lot, super heavy. I mean, I'd love to
(26:02):
connect to off the podcast um because I remember having
this conversation and it's always again now that I'm um,
now that I'm single and dating in the dating world,
and I remember, this is like the worst thing to say,
but like I remember one of the reasons why I
(26:23):
didn't want to get divorced because I was like, who
would honestly want me after now three even though like
in my mind I have been married once, like I
always say, like you can't count the when I was
nineteen stupid went to see Elvis, knew the guy for
two weeks, you know what I mean, Like that's stupid.
And then the other guy I married for a week
(26:43):
walked down the album. Was like, well, this is not
right and I need to end this now, like those
weren't marriages, Like but in the guy that I was
like telling the stories, He's like, well on paper like
it was, and I'm like yeah, but like, yes, fine,
you want to do like on paper, yes, on paper
technically as but like how can you call those marriages? Yeah,
(27:04):
you can't, like and I'm like my last one one percent,
I was married and we fought for seven years and
like it ended and I didn't want it to end.
But you know, one of the reasons why that I
didn't want to end it was because my ex and
anyone else who I read in comments it's like, oh
my god, her third failed marriage. And it's like and
I shamefully take that on as my own. And I'm like, well,
(27:27):
you're right, like who would want me, just like my
ex would say, and my you know, whoever else that
I would that I've dated before, that's like your past,
Like you know, you're are you crazy? I'm like, no,
I haven't. I just made mistakes and I loved and
I you know, I'm like, I'm sick of making apologies
for it. I'm sick of explaining, and I'm I'm like,
I'm tired. Love me now for who I am now,
(27:49):
not for my past, Like I'm sick of like and
I don't want to be like, yeah, technically you're right,
but I'm like, no, I like and in my brain like, fine,
we want to be legal about it, fine, but technically
it's been one Like for me, I have had one
marriage that is a marriage something that I have worked
for and tried, and even if it wasn't, so be it.
Who cares? Like I've learned, I've grown. I'm a different
(28:12):
person than I was when I was nineteen and when
I was seven. Like it's just but but it had
to have them, like funk, I'm gonna have to have
this conversation again where it's like, this is who I
was and I made him you know, I've made mistakes
and like this is what I've learned, And I'm like
and I wait to see if I'm going to be judged.
(28:33):
So I know the last thing either one of us
wants to do is go through what we've been through.
We get right, Okay. So one way to look at that,
and one way I would look at it in the
future personally too, is that this is such a good
way to dodge another bullet. Jana like to tell someone like,
don't you want to you want to meet someone that
(28:55):
loves as hard as you do? Right? I just keep
it man, imagining being of the way that I love.
Keep imagining being loved the way that you love, and
think about that, like I will sit in bed or
if I'm taking a shower or whatever, and I'm like
dreaming about imagining being loved the way I love because
(29:16):
I know I'm damn good at it. I love super
hard and I'm so good to the person that I'm with.
And so if you tell someone that and they judge
you or look down on you or frown on you,
good bye, see you later. Let the door hit you
on the way out. You know, um, you dodged a bullet.
You know, you want someone who's been through something. I
(29:38):
hear you, but the person that's like, and I don't
know if you've done this too, but like for me,
like a big part of my stuff is like I
want to be chosen so and then when someone doesn't,
and I'm like, but let me show you why I'm
so lovable and why I'm so good and how like
how much I can give, and then I get in.
But it's like that's my that's the work that I've done,
you know, with the dating recently, Like okay, yea, you're right.
(29:58):
My friends are always like stop, like you like, don't
you see like how much you're giving versus And it's like, okay, yeah,
because it's like we do. We give a lot and
mostly to see those those red flags instead of like,
but let me prove it to you. Yeah, red flags. Yeah,
so it's Gino. Do we think he's the one. Um,
(30:21):
You're gonna have to have to wait me. I know,
I'm like this. You don't understand. When I was about
to cut when I heard that I was coming on
your podcast, I was like, this is going to be
so hard because I can't, like can't, I can't say
everything I want to say. So if you waited to
tell Gino about your past marriages? Correct? Is that that
(30:43):
how I understand it? Okay? And exactly why what Janna
is saying? Like I just relate to her so much
and I should know better, We should know better, Like
I should be cool with just going Yeah, I mean,
I guess what. I've been married four times. Sorry, I'm
you know, sorry, I'm not sorry, but it is it
is who I am. I love super hard. And you know,
(31:05):
when someone asked me, I say yes, and I go
with it. I go with what my heart's telling me
to do. I don't I don't think. I mean, love
is not up here. It's here for me, you know,
And so I think with my heart and I act
with my heart, and I lead with my heart, and
but I wish I I wish I could have just
said in the beginning, Hey, you know, this is kind
(31:28):
of going somewhere, So I feel like I should be
honest with you because I'm also not a liar. I'm
not I'm not like a dishonest, deceitful person. I'm a
super like, very open person. I'm I'm real and I
don't mind having flaws. But for some reason, that has
always been such a hard thing for me to just
(31:49):
come out and say to anybody. You know, the only
people that have really known up until me doing this
show has been people who are close to me and
who have been my friend. For those you know, because
now what my first marriage was eighteen and then my
last one I was thirty six, thirty maybe thirty eight, um,
(32:12):
but who have known me through those years know that
I've been married that many times. I don't share it
with people. It's not something that I was like, You're
lucky you don't have You're lucky you don't have a
Wikipedia pages. I'm always like Google you always are you
ever tempted when dating to just like not say anything,
But I mean, you don't have a cho choice. That's
the thing. Like I wish I couldn't like this sort
of guy that I went out with him, like you know, like, hey,
(32:35):
can you just like can we just get to know
each other like not online? Just because I'm like, I
don't want that to be the first thing that he's like,
oh wait what you know He's like, that's not me,
that's exactly past. I know that in this first episode
I'm going to get a lot of backlash for not
saying anything. And I did see the trailer where Gino
(32:57):
actually says, you know that was such a blow to him. Um,
you know, but doesn't he know the show is called
Addicted to Marriage Like so like like I'm sorry, like
what do you so? You know? Again? We got we
gotta talk girls, we gotta talk. Know. I am like,
for real, like gonna text, Like we're getting numbers and
(33:18):
we're texting because my girlfriends are I feel like, you like,
we get each other because they're always like especially right now,
like being single, they're like they have fun, have sex
different people. I'm like, I can't do that. Like I'm
like when I find my person, I'm in you know,
and I've I've dated, but like I'm like I'm done
(33:39):
and then like, oh, yeah, this one and I loved,
I haven't loved and I haven't No, I know, but
you all love to love. So it's like you want
to you just want to dive in so quick, which
is fine, but I haven't. I just haven't not. I
haven't just juggled. Like that's the thing. I'm like, I
like a million guys know, sex, especially when sex is
(34:00):
important to you, when having that sexual chemistry with someone
like I'm a super sexual person, like oh honey, like
and I'm sure because you're you're hot. It's like Libra okay,
I'm Sagittarius. Are you okay? Libra? So um, so yeah,
(34:21):
I would end up kind of sleeping with someone probably
sooner than I should, you know. And I'm sorry, but say,
we have our talents, right, our talents, Like I said,
there's things I'm good at, there's things I'm not good at.
So I feel like, yeah, like dating is tough because
(34:43):
you almost want to know right away before you waste
so much time connecting with someone like, hey, is you
know the sexual connection going to be there? My hair
stylist the other day goes, girl, you gotta check under
the head before you purchase the car and I was like, men, Tyler, know,
I know I'm that and I'm telling you, like, and
(35:03):
I'm in my forties, I'm older than you, and I
still like, I've tried so many times to say, like, no,
you've got to like switch the order of importance on
a few things. And I don't know. I just my
friend Christen breast Um because I was talking to some much.
Oh it's opposite day. I'm here for this opposite Janna,
(35:25):
and I was like, okay, okay, okay, that's why it's
a day I'm trying. That's so true. Any longer than that, no, girl, Okay, well,
I'm going to get your number. What are you going
to do with the comments? And that's my kind of
last question. And I'm asking um, like on social media,
(35:48):
because I mean, I let it affect me all the time.
I mean, like when I go on those pages, I'm like, man,
know what, listen. I think that one thing that you
and I have to accept is that when we love
super hard and super deep, we're very very sensitive beings
as well, you know, um, and you and I haven't
been you know, haven't in the past found our match
(36:12):
when it comes to you know, loving the way we love,
but we're super sensitive and so when we read that stuff,
it matters, you know. I think I think there's two ways,
two things that we need to remember. One is, these
people don't know us. They don't know us, just like
this show is going to be six episodes. People are
going to see the first look on a triple stack
ice cream cone of my life, right, that's it. That's
(36:36):
all they're going to get these six episodes, when I
have so much more to tell and say. You know
that that this show isn't even going to touch on
or could even start to touch on. So I have
to keep in mind that these people don't know me.
You know, they don't know me. And first of all,
we're probably We're not the kind of people who are
going to leave nasty comments on social media anyway. We're
(36:58):
not negative people. I just like to talk to them,
like all my Reddit fans, I'll give you my number
and let's talk. You know what I mean, like one night,
would I love you? That's the thing. But but we
also the Amys and I of the world, we want
that approval right so badly because we really truly want
to love and we also want to be understood. As
well understood. And if someone if someone says something nasty
(37:22):
about me, I want to know why. Please tell me
how I offended you, because I I love you like
I want to love you and be yeah, yes amen.
And you know what else I hate? I don't like
when people say I don't care what anybody else thinks.
I don't care. I'm like mad love to be that person.
Could you what? How do you not care what anybody
else thinks of you? Like? I get living your truth
(37:44):
and living the way that you see fits best for you,
and you know what I mean, doing what makes you happy,
like I get that, But not caring what other people
think period, I think is a bunch of crop. You
know what I mean? I care, like if I ascended
you where I hurt your feelings or we had community Asian,
I want to fix it for sure, and I was
it does like the comments will hurt and I've already
(38:06):
read some that are super judgy just off of the trailer,
so I can't imagine um, you know, And I can
say I won't read them, but that's not true. I'm human.
I go on like my Reddit page like once a week.
I would say the best thing would be to not
to try and not do that. I just would like
because you're going, but you're never going to be able
to get to those people. It's like it's not yeah,
(38:28):
and that's good too. It's like, hey, we have to
say that, Hey, if we're going to read this stuff,
we have to accept it for what it is and
learn how to brush it off, you know, and understand
that You've got to be as strong and I know
you are because I've I've been following your story. Um,
but you are a strong ass woman to get through
(38:51):
what you've been through. And I'm telling you, ending a relationship,
I think sometimes it's harder than staying in it, you
know what I mean? Ending it is harder than staying
in it sometimes, And that's been my truth, and I
know that it was for you because when you have
babies involved and children involved with this person, you shared
special intimate moments like childbirth and you know, loving these
(39:15):
babies together as as a team, and that's a big deal.
That is a big deal to have a child with
someone and share that experience with another human being who's
your husband and and to one day have to you're
left with no choice but to say I had like
(39:36):
I'm breaking my family up, you know what I mean?
That was like, that was so devast devastating, like death.
It was like I literally spent um a day. I
had to have someone come pick up my daughter. Actually,
I had to have someone can pick up my daughter
when I made that decision in a relationship with you
(39:58):
know where we had kids, and I took a whole
day where for the first time in my life, I
actually felt suicidal for breaking up my family. You know,
I had never felt that way in the marriage like that,
the hurt and the abuse that I had gone through
and all the ship that I've been through, I never
(40:20):
felt that way. I was always like, I know I
can come out of this. My clothes are falling off,
but I know I can. I know I can come
out of this. But when that decision was made and
he moved out, you know, um, I had to allow
myself to grieve, and I grieved so hard that I
almost contemplated, if I don't have my family, what do
(40:42):
I have? You know, if my family isn't intact, And
I was like, you know what. It took me. It
was like twenty four hours, and I missed my daughter
so much that I had to I had to ever
come back, come back home. But you know, um, it
is suffer for sharing that, but also to remember we
still have our family. It just looks different, Yes, it
(41:03):
just looks and they still need us, you know. So
I I didn't know I was going to go deep
into that moment when I was going through it, um,
but I would. Just My point was definitely to say
that it's it's super hard, um to end a marriage,
you know, and so you're you're very very strong in
order to do that and make that decision, Um, that
(41:26):
that takes a lot of strength. And so we can
read these stupid comments and they're like nothing compared to
what we've been through. Really, when it comes down to it, Amy,
you have filled filled me up with, um, a lot
of strength because you're a very strong woman as well.
And I'm going to be rooting for you. Um on
TLC is addicted to marriage, and I'm so excited to
(41:47):
see what happens with you and Gino. And I'm going
to text you on the side and you better tell
me so. Um. But you're the best, Amy, and I'll
talk to you soon, Okay, I'll make sure we can
watcha Oh my god, she's my new best friend. Sorry, Katherine,
you know it's okay. You need someone like her. I do,
(42:07):
because you guys just don't get me. Um fascinating. I
wonder if she ends up with Gina. I mean, hey,
Elizabeth Taylor was married how many times? Five? I think five? Baby? Yeah, Joe,
I mean j Loo. She's like the queen. So it's right.
As long as you don't have more than Jlo, you're
good to go. I think we're tired. I don't know,
(42:31):
it's just that was actually laughing, and like, was that
the shame laughing or that I know that makes me
because like then I was like, oh, I feel bad
because we laugh about it. No, but I mean, you know,
and sometimes you have to something. Yeah, sometimes you just
have to him mark Hi. Liz Taylor was married eight
times to seven men. E oh, seven men? Interesting one woman?
(42:58):
So funny? What about j Lo? I was gonna say,
Larry King also eight times? Let me look up to
you five Jennifer Lopez just three? Yeah. I to think
who's going to get married first? Me? Or that's a
fun game. Do you think I'll get married again? M hm?
(43:18):
You or her? Me? Oh? Yeah, I thought you met
I was like, really, oh no, I definitely like, not
a doubt, already planning my dress. Where are we doing
this wedding? I don't know who the man is, but
we're there. Mark, Will you go to my wedding? When
if I ever get married, I would love to come
to your wedding. I would love to do that. That
(43:39):
would be so fun. It would be my last. But
I have to approve of this guy. Yeah, we're going
to be fighting for maid to honor. Yeah, you will
have to most see ye Mark, he once in. You
ain't get none, not yet. Well, is there any update?
My understanding is we're back to square one? Um, we're
(44:03):
in a square. What number square is to be determined.
We're in a square. And when I have more information,
I will tell you. But I think you will approve
hands down. Okay. Actually, now I got to be careful
here because we don't want to edit. You and I
(44:25):
had a chit chat a couple of weeks ago off air. Yes,
is that guy still in the picture. That's what That's
what That's why I thought, because that's what I was
aware of. Yeah. Yeah, I think what I've realized is like,
if it's not something that if it's not so I
wrote that letter, you know, and I'm like, I'm just
(44:47):
not going to not settle for anything that's not in
that letter. And I started to realize that I didn't
want to have to compromise things that were important to me,
And so I think long distance would have been really
hard as well. Um and yeah, so okay, but there
(45:07):
are still options in play, options in play. Great, fantastic. Well,
I'm looking forward to hearing more about them when the
time is right. Thank you, Mark, And don't worry you
will have the breaking news than but stay on, I'll
tell you afterwards. Okay, okay, great, Bye bye guys, I'll
see you next week.
Host
Jana Kramer
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