July 7, 2025 • 34 mins
Have you noticed that tanning is back in style?? Hope you’re wearing your sunscreen! We get into all the details of figuring out the UV index, making sure you’re getting enough vitamin D, and the differences in sunscreen philosophy.
We go back to some camp memories and Kristen shares some stories of “this one time at band camp…” and we hear the story of how the ladies officially met!
Plus, Jana opens up about the importance of post-bedtime connection with Allan, and how hard it can be for couples to connect.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heeart Radio podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
You know, when I posted the last episode, I've been
doing I've been posting the episodes now on the in
feeds and uh, just you know, getting more people involved
in the wind Down chat of things. I didn't see
anything negative, but apparently there was something negative.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
Well there was two this week. So the first one
was just like the best conversation ever.
Speaker 2 (00:27):
What was this about?
Speaker 1 (00:29):
These girls? Know, it was about the like toddlers and stuff.
I read every single one of those comments like I
was back having toddlers. Like I enjoyed every second of that,
and I was like, this is so fun. We're all commenting,
and then we go to the next one and it's like.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
Excited for the next one.
Speaker 1 (00:46):
She's like, that's you. Was it bad? I mean, it
wasn't terrible. It's just which I'm not disagreeing with any anything,
anyone saying yeah absolutely, and I just had like, again,
it was just tough because because people feel very strongly,
you know obviously, which wasn't really our conversation on whether
this happened to her or not.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
I wondered if the comments on that were to the
clip and not to people.
Speaker 1 (01:13):
And that's where again. But every that I love that,
though I do, it's hard sometimes because I'm like, oh,
but that's I, you know, like I'm not not supporting her,
you know, and it gets hard. But then I'm like,
I love to hear everyone's opinions, like, yeah, I truly do.
Speaker 2 (01:29):
And I think I didn't recognize anything was off because
when I looked at the comments, I saw you being
like agree, So I didn't really.
Speaker 1 (01:36):
And it was nothing bad. It's just, you know, I
have those moments where I'm like, I mean, I really
really wasn't saying that. I didn't think that this happened
to her or thing, you know, So I just want
to be very clear on that.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
Anyway, Guys, how's everyone, how's everyone doing, what's everyone's updates?
What's going on? It's the four one one.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
With the four one one. Oh my gosh. You know,
it's hot and it's ridiculously hot.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
I don't feel cute right now. I don't know if
I should say the air. I'm not looking for compliments,
but I gotta tell I'm just in a rut. Do
you ever get into one? I don't. I would actually
like to bring this to the panel.
Speaker 1 (02:13):
Brand because.
Speaker 2 (02:16):
Because I don't know, I can't. I feel like enough.
I don't even like the words in a funk, and
I don't like to say I'm in something because I
don't think I'm in something. But man, and then I
really pulled up the period calendar, which I know we
talked about excessively, but there is a correlation to that
for me, and I'm like a solid eight or nine
days out from so I'm like, that doesn't feel like
(02:36):
it could be this. I don't know.
Speaker 1 (02:38):
I'm just how did we all get so off?
Speaker 2 (02:40):
I don't know. I think I think all of our
periods are trying to have like a team meeting behind
our back and come at the same.
Speaker 1 (02:44):
Time they were at the same time. I know, now
we've all just throwing off.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
That's How is your relationship with Preston at the moment?
Speaker 1 (02:56):
I think it's great.
Speaker 2 (02:58):
I feel really it's been together. We're always to like, no,
we're not together, but I mean when he's home, there's
always good intimacy. Like that part because I know sometimes
when I start to feel a little off is because
I mean, I'll even say it. This past week, you know,
the kids are at the beach and Alan and I
are just really focused on I'm trying to learn my script.
(03:18):
You know, we've got Roman and you know, just trying
to like get as much work done as possible because
then we go to the lake for Fourth of July.
And I even said last night to him, I was like,
I feel like we haven't even connected, and then when
we don't connect, I feel off. Yeah, and I could
be a piece at time. So I'm like, can we
do like so today or tonight we're going to try
(03:41):
to have like a date night. We're make it bad
because he's been working late at night. I've been reading
my script late night. So normally when we get together
post bedtime, it's us, but it hasn't been. It's been
maybe that's a piece because I keep falling asleep in
Love's bed like hard you guys, like wake up at
one in the morning, and I'm like and then I
come down.
Speaker 1 (03:59):
And he's all tucked in and I'm like.
Speaker 2 (04:01):
Well, I would love to just have like yeah, So
we've consistently had three nights of no maybe the suspection
time together and this morning he's like, you got him,
like not really, and I was like, I don't really
know why. So then when I went for I did
a meeting downtown, came back, I was like, I know
what it is. I was like, we haven't connected. Yeah,
like we're around each other, Yes, we've been here all day,
(04:24):
We've just been passing.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
I'm like, I just I feel like summers have always
been worse for us, always you and Nick. Yeah, because
it's like we're technically both working from home and it's
just who's here, who's there, who gets to leave the
house to go do so, you know, and it's always
been a stressful. It's a lot less stressful as I've
gotten older, I feel like, but it's still like there's
(04:46):
no time for us.
Speaker 2 (04:47):
I feel like in the summer, guys, and he gets
on a bus at nine tonight. So I'm not sure
how I'm going to fix this.
Speaker 1 (04:54):
She's like, oh no, we figured it out here.
Speaker 2 (04:56):
I think there is something too that I just I'm like,
when I got dressed the last two days, and you
know I love to get dressed. Yeah, I've not been
feeling that. Like today I curled my hair just to like,
I was like, come on, girl, you're in there somewhere,
Like what's going to bring you out? You know?
Speaker 1 (05:09):
Like trying to work out to.
Speaker 2 (05:11):
Do THEAH and I think it's hard too. It's and
when I said that, he's like, well, would you want to,
you know, go go hit some golf balls or because
we like to do something that's fun and adventurous together.
And I'm like, well, it's one hundred and something to
brings out, so like no, but I do want to
hang out with you, so I'm like I don't. However
that looks. I was like, can we just maybe not?
Can I put the script away tonight and can you
(05:32):
you know, not do your analysis stuff late tonight so
that way it's not just ten o'clock the night, like,
and then we're just seeing each other because I'm like,
I'm as even though it's the mundane, like, Okay, what
show do we want to watch? Which we watched? We started,
you know, a new show last week. So I'm like, I,
even though it's simple, I still enjoy that connection piece
with you.
Speaker 1 (05:52):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (05:52):
Same, And it's weird when I don't have it, I
get kind of sad. Yeah, and that's what it is.
It's like it's not and that's where I was That's
why I was asking you And I don't want to
put mine on you. But for me, that's what it
was because it's like it does lower my energy. Yes,
it makes me just like, do I owe you one
hundred and twenty five dollars cope.
Speaker 1 (06:08):
For this fasite. I mean, I'm going to give it
a try.
Speaker 2 (06:12):
Yeah, yeah, give it a yeah. And we've been on
a little bit of a health kick together. I'm always
on one, but now I have a little bit of
a partner in crime. So he's detoxing. He talked to
Nate and we have to do a little dtalk. So
he's soning in with me and he is walking with me.
I love that.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
I know it's handsome, but I.
Speaker 2 (06:29):
Will say though there is I know we always talked
about how it's so great summer. It's it's a lot
of fun, but you do get out of your normal routine.
So it's like normally, where I drop the kids off
of the bus stop at eight twenty five, I would
then do my walk workout. Well, I can't do that
because the hours are different with you know, the kids
and Rumen and I accidentally went to Fine Arts camp.
I don't know if you've seen that in my stories,
but what I saw that, well, I'll make it fast.
(06:51):
Love enrolled in the Fine Arts camp. I was super
excited for her, but she is the youngest youngest, Like
they actually made exceptions for a few of her little friends,
so they're like, they're the only three nine year old there.
When remember like eleven to thirteen, I feel like I
saw some kind of fine arts. It was like it's
like big kids, yeah, and you know, they're like it's
a very vulnerable space, as you know, they're doing acting, singing, dancing,
and so she loves dancing. She doesn't. She sings like
(07:13):
her mom, not like her aunt Janna. And then you know,
acting super fun for her. Its improv teacher. The instructors
are incredible. They're from like Juilliard and they're off of
Broadway and it's awesome. But it's like a very vulnerable
creative space and I can tell it's a little overwhelming,
but she loves it. So I went the first day
and I offered a volunteer the whole day because I
thought that out to just ease it, you know. And
then the second day she was like, you're not leaving right,
(07:35):
And I'm like, what, I'd love to because I didn't
want to go to campg.
Speaker 1 (07:40):
And can I learn the ball chain combo because I'd
love to be able, like I've never got to do that.
Speaker 2 (07:47):
I wasn't, you know, and then improv class. I feel
like I could really nail it.
Speaker 1 (07:51):
Chan like get out of the way. You're like a camper.
Speaker 2 (07:54):
Now do you guys go to campus kids? I mean.
Speaker 1 (08:00):
Like church camp, church camp. Not much other than that,
it wasn't really I feel like it wasn't really here
as much of a thing to like be in camps
all the time. I don't think it.
Speaker 2 (08:10):
I don't know that it was for our generation.
Speaker 1 (08:11):
Maybe well. I feel other areas of the country they
go away for like a month for camp or like weeks.
You know, that was very that's very normal, I think,
like more up north and just different areas of the
country where you know, you go away for like weeks
and that was what you did in the summer.
Speaker 2 (08:28):
Here.
Speaker 1 (08:28):
We didn't do that as much. But also it wasn't
as normal for us to just like like I was
just at home while my parents worked, you know, like
I didn't go anywhere. I was just at home fending
for myself.
Speaker 2 (08:38):
I went to Young Life camp, went to that and camp,
and there's your gift. I went to Marching band camp. Yes,
anything you'd like to say for now, I think that's
what do you think it is? I think it's great American.
I was not a flue player. I went to camp.
(08:59):
I don't. I actually don't know how many times I went.
I just remember not enjoying camp and then just being
kind of solo within the experience, like I didn't have
any friends. And it's interesting because when now my kids
have really done camps this year, they did, you know,
the Deer Run camp they've done, they did like a
lot of shine for a week. But I'm very much like,
(09:20):
like one of the camps, you know, one kid was
like mean to Jason. It like broke my heart, right,
and so but then this next one they had a
great one. It was more Christian led and it was
very sweet. But you know, I'm like, did you make
any new friends? Did you have fun? Like? And Joey's
like not really, And I'm like, oh, but what you know?
But they still seem like they had fun. But I
think I'm like portraying my stuff onto them because I'm like, what.
Speaker 1 (09:39):
Kind of camps did you do?
Speaker 2 (09:41):
Just to hang out?
Speaker 1 (09:41):
Camp camp?
Speaker 2 (09:42):
It was like we were at a park all day.
I don't know, I didn't enjoy it, but I don't
really remember it, to be honest.
Speaker 1 (09:48):
So did they have fun? They said they had fun
or they said they didn't.
Speaker 2 (09:52):
No, they said they had fun at Deer Run. Yeah,
they like they enjoyed that one. But Jolie just said
she didn't really make But I don't know, Like she
kept telling me how much fun she had, but that
she didn't really make any friends. What's kind of why
I'm at for Fine art Why I'm kind of that's
kind of why I'm at Fine Arts camp. Because she's
having the time of her life and then we get
in the car and she's like, that was awesome and
(10:12):
she's one of like a million miles an hour. And
then the next day she's like I don't want to
go and I'm like, but it's amazing, like I saw it.
Speaker 1 (10:19):
Well, yeah, that's hard, I mean, because I will absolutely
portray my stuff on my kids. I mean it's hard
not to. But that's interesting, like did she really not
make any friends?
Speaker 2 (10:29):
Or you just want to be a fly on in
those situations?
Speaker 1 (10:33):
Same because I mean, I I don't see Jolie as
someone just playing the whole time by herself.
Speaker 2 (10:38):
No, and she is the sweet child.
Speaker 1 (10:40):
She's so sweet.
Speaker 2 (10:41):
There's this little bench at school and if there is
someone sitting on the bench, it's a it's an I
need a buddy bench. So what the teacher said is
she goes Jolie and like pretty smuch. All the teachers
told me this. She is the most consistent kid to
check the bench to make sure that like someone is
not sitting by themselves, and so it just kind of
it shocks me in a way. But I also think
(11:03):
the other time, because like Jay said, he wasn't liking
the other camp, well, I showed up early to watch
to see to almost make me feel better.
Speaker 1 (11:09):
Yeah, sure, having fun.
Speaker 2 (11:10):
I know that sounds messed up, but like I saw
him like messing around with the boy, I'm like, oh,
he's fine, he's yeah. That's why I just make up
in my brain that like they're sitting by themselves in
a corner, because that's my worst fhere. That's how I felt.
Speaker 1 (11:21):
I would may know that I would make up a
whole story about what happened the entire time in camp,
and it was terrible and memoroluntears like okay, but we
all know that experience.
Speaker 2 (11:30):
That's why we can do that exactly, so we know
how it feels to be a loner, to feel left out.
I feel like your buddy bench genetics have passed on
because I think you're a walking buddy bench friend.
Speaker 1 (11:41):
Well I just.
Speaker 2 (11:42):
Always say, I'm like, you know, you know, let's always
include people, and yeah, you're the most buddy bench friend.
I think I have to be on buddy bench friend.
Speaker 1 (11:50):
That's cute, that's true.
Speaker 2 (11:52):
Would compliment, thanks, friend, I appreciate it. But going to
change of contact info buddy bench in corporate, I'm gonna
change my incorporated from Sophie Dog to Buddy Bench. Do
(12:15):
we have a wine about it? I actually don't.
Speaker 1 (12:18):
I have nothing to whine about. I don't necessarily have
a whine about it. I have like I'm freaking out
about something I like to not that big of a deal,
but like I'm literally went down this rabbit hole last night.
I'm panicking and it's not even that big of a
deal at all. Y'all are like, what are you talking about?
You're gonna be like what, I don't see this in you.
(12:38):
I am literally freaking out right now because of Okay.
Speaker 2 (12:41):
If he will make the softball team.
Speaker 1 (12:43):
I'm no, it's not that good. Good I guess I
don't know if she will, but anyway, no, okay, so
when you start having a teenager, you know that whole gift.
It's like, if you have a teenager, then you know
what the UV is. Have you' all seen this?
Speaker 2 (12:55):
I know about the UV's because of because of Tory
my steps. They always check the UV.
Speaker 1 (13:01):
Yes, and I'm like, what is this?
Speaker 2 (13:02):
Apparently it's a very I thought it was just a
British thing. What is the v UV is about the tanning?
So it's like you what it was? Okay? Like I
just would as a kid, I would be like, it's
sonny out, I'm going to get it exactly like I
didn't know if there wasn't actually a UV thing. So
I was like, wait, tell me more. And so I
just again thought it had to have been a British thing.
It's not.
Speaker 1 (13:22):
No, no, it's it's your major thing. It's a hey,
the UV is high, let's tan okay fine.
Speaker 2 (13:30):
It's like, oh ten is like what am I hearing?
I feel like I'm having a body experience. Felt like
a grandma when he was explaining this, Well, the good
news is U V still means UV.
Speaker 1 (13:41):
I mean, because I don't know what is the thing
that I'm confused about? And I'm like, is that cavy?
Don't get me started on that. We could have a
whole nother podcast on that. No, So the UV thing
so that everyone knows what the UV is, like, it's okay,
we're going to tan Well, this is making me thinking about.
Speaker 2 (14:02):
Is I just I felt so dumb when he was
trying to explain this to me, him and his girlfriend.
I was like, wait, what, how do.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
You know what the UV is?
Speaker 2 (14:09):
It's just an It's like the weather, it's not you
just literally go on so what watch a few weather
you go to daily? And I mean it's because when
he was in time, I was like, yeah, I need
to let him know THEV is like UV MAXUV index
eleven doesn't need to ultra violet rays and we were
trying to avoid.
Speaker 1 (14:26):
That in theory. Now comes my freak out.
Speaker 2 (14:29):
Okay, here we go.
Speaker 1 (14:30):
Okay, is the baby oil out go part of my
freak out? So for me, so did my child the
other day. Anyway, I'm freaking out because they're obsessed with tanning. Emmy,
what has happenings skin Cayden.
Speaker 2 (14:47):
Ramsay has nick skin so tanner.
Speaker 1 (14:50):
Well, what my skin used to be. I used to
be a whole lot tanner. Like my family was very
tan right.
Speaker 2 (14:56):
I feel like, yeah, I feel like you would bronze.
Speaker 1 (14:57):
Yes, I just don't like tan. I don't love to
go out in the sun. So I'm a lot paler now. Well,
Jimmy's yeah, she's got very fair skin. Okay. So they
are obsessed with tanning, right, and I am literally fighting
my thirteen year old to put on sunscreen. She like
will spray it like this, and I'm like that does
not count. Right, So last night I go down this
(15:18):
rabbit hole.
Speaker 2 (15:18):
What SPF are you asking her to put on?
Speaker 1 (15:21):
Well, I mean thirty, which is fine. I mean according
to the rabbit hole I went down, it's fine. It
blocks ninety six percent of it, truly. The other stuff
doesn't even really matter. But they are past hanning stuff too,
it doesn't even matter.
Speaker 2 (15:35):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (15:35):
So all that to say, I will send tiktoks to
Emmy and I'm like, this is why I do this,
This is why because you know whatever. Well, of course,
now my ag algorithm on. It's all these dermatologists and
it's like basically every dermatologist saying melanoma is created from
the sunburns you get when you're a kid. So now
(15:57):
I'm pining.
Speaker 2 (15:59):
I am literally from sunburn.
Speaker 1 (16:02):
Tanning and sunburns, yes, that you get when you're a child.
One sunburn when you are a child, according to all
of these dermatologists on my thing, doubles your chances of melanoma. Okay,
So I am literally a panic mode because do I
want to tell my thirteen year old you can never
go tan with your friends? No, I don't want to
be that mom. I whatever. But I also am literally
(16:26):
I'm just in a panic mode because I don't know.
Speaker 2 (16:27):
What to do. I have. I'm writing notes right now
because I have I have. Well, first of all, I
have no advice to give to you.
Speaker 1 (16:36):
No one else does. Really.
Speaker 2 (16:37):
On here, I have my thoughts of how I was
as a kid.
Speaker 1 (16:42):
Would you like to hear that you have tanned your
entire life with nothing on? First of all, you are
born tan and that doesn't count exactly, So you have
all of the time melanin.
Speaker 2 (16:53):
Oh, she's really goog I told you all, y'all, and
she got a dermatology degree, and.
Speaker 1 (16:58):
You're gonna have people because here, okay, so yes, I forget, okay.
Speaker 2 (17:03):
Time out really fast. Let me just go back because
I'm gonna get a lot of hate on this. I
am well aware that I should have worn sunscreen as
a child. Oh of course, yeah, I am well aware,
and I know my mom put on the copper tone
baby like whatever SPF on me. Having said that my
mother was the generation that used on those for the baboil, right,
I then went to if my mother gave me anything
(17:23):
more than an eight SPF, I would be like, yeah,
the reps. I cannot get a ten with anything less
than you know, eight.
Speaker 1 (17:32):
That's my thirteen years.
Speaker 2 (17:33):
So I mean I would use the bronze whatever that
beach what I don't even know what it was called,
but it was the oil the eight SPF, so I
would use that as my bass layer, and then that
would be it, right because I never burned the only one.
The first time I ever burned was when I filmed
the It was a I can't remember what season it
(17:54):
was of One Tree Hill. We went to Puerto Rico
and Sophia Bush was like, you need to put on
santane lotion. I was like, oh no, I don't burn
I've never burned in my entire life. She's like, this
is a different sun here, like you're going to burn.
I was like, no, no, no, I'm not going to burn.
I burnt so bad that my forehead completely peeled, and
so I was two different colors for the episode. It
was so bad. But then I started wearing sunscreen, probably
(18:19):
in my like thirties. Yeah, I started to because obviously
our skin changes. But I will say this, and I
don't know. I'm obviously not a solar expert. I am
not sure. But hasn't the sun got more damaging? Isn't?
Or no?
Speaker 1 (18:34):
It all It depends on you. That's where I was
going because sunscreen is also this is where I was going.
Speaker 2 (18:40):
I don't use sunscreen on my kids unless it's going
to be for hours outside because I know they don't burn,
and there's so much bad stuff in sunscreen that if
we're not going to be out there for more than
a couple hours, listen, come at me. But I'm just
not putting it on. We haven't been doing that either.
Speaker 1 (18:57):
That's where I'm on.
Speaker 2 (19:00):
The beach for hours and the reflection of all the things,
like I'll put it on his neck, his ears, the baby,
but like the kids, I haven't put on any on
them because I'm like, we're not they're not getting burned.
What's worse the burn.
Speaker 1 (19:14):
Or the And that's that's where I'm struggling, because if
you listen to actual dermatologists, they will say, and many
of them will say, over and over and over, there
is nothing that is proving that the sunscreen is causing cancer.
Because that's a lot of people. Yes, right, Okay, I
have been down all the rabbit holes. I love all
(19:34):
the opinions.
Speaker 2 (19:35):
What does it block the vitamin because it's the kids
need vitamin D no, they which is also so I'm like,
if it's we're out for an hour or two, I'm
not putting sunscreen lissh on you.
Speaker 1 (19:43):
Well, it depends on the hour. I've always been told,
even for my dog, even for my.
Speaker 2 (19:47):
Pediatrician, who is apparently well that's the highest highest. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:51):
So even my pediatrician who would never say don't put sunscreen,
would say in the morning, go out for vitamin D early. Yes,
no sunscreen, are like like or just not during that time.
But now it's kind of like, all right, what's the
two evils? But again, dermatologists are saying there no one
is proven at all that these sunscreens are causing cancer.
(20:12):
I don't know the answer to that, but that is
what these dermatologists I've been listening to true, exactly exactly.
So it's the very similar situation to me, and that
in that regard, I am anal retentive about going every
year to get my moles checked. I get things cut off,
I do all these sames.
Speaker 2 (20:31):
I'm just remembering the time where you're like, you don't
have a mole.
Speaker 1 (20:33):
I know, makes me okay, okay, you don't get to
be cute as She literally was like strip having said
that a dermatologist is going to come into our dms
and say you don't have to. It doesn't. It's not
always moles. I mean, there's way care I check my moles.
(20:56):
I'm very I had a friend who has had melanoma,
who has I am just very crazy about it, right,
and now I'm like, oh my god, she's had sunburns.
All my kids have had sunburns. Well I don't know
if Caten has, but like they've all had sunburns. Right,
So like goldas never does, and you know that these
show up. Melanoma generally shows up.
Speaker 2 (21:16):
Twenty something years later, I lost my Dallas mom to melanoma.
Speaker 1 (21:20):
Yeah, it's terrifying, right, so it is. I'm thinking about
would I rather risk these sunscreens and the toxins in
that when let's just be real, half the other stuff
that we put on our bodies or probably have toxins
in it too, Or do I want to risk the
melanoma from the you know, from the sun.
Speaker 2 (21:37):
Because she burns right my then advice would be like,
if you're going outside, you're under my roof, you're still
wearing suntanlotion. It's this or you don't go out. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:48):
Oh, that was the argument that we had at sound
waves yesterday. Literally, if you argue with me one more
time about suntan lotionian, you will not tam with your
friends for the rest of the summer of scussion. We're
not talking about it anymore. And I bought what she.
Speaker 2 (22:02):
Said, Just don't don't be don't buy fifty and be
a dick about it. I'm kidding, because here's.
Speaker 1 (22:07):
The deal this one. I put fifty on Ramsey. I
mean I usually thirty or fifty. Face stuff is usually
forty or forty six. So I just bought this new
stuff that's like a forty six face for her. I
bought a regular one. I bought a tinted she can choose.
(22:27):
I bought the powder. Have you seen that. There's like
a lot of powder, so you could just reapply easy,
Like I'm gonna try and make her life as easy
as possible. But it is not an option to be
out there tanning without sunscreen. Well I can't have I.
Speaker 2 (22:39):
Learned to you can still, as you know, a kid,
because I would get upset with my mom when she
did offer me something more. You can still get a
tan through some you know, oh for sure sunscreen and
all of that. Yeah, And I do want to go
back to because people are like, you don't put some
tan lission if it is between like a twelve and
two more cool. I'm going to do the areas that
I know he's getting. But he's also in the long sleeves,
(22:59):
you right, I would I just normally am not going
to put it on.
Speaker 1 (23:05):
Well, And there's two schools of thought on that, and
I think that's what took me down the rabbit hole
because I was kind of leaning towards this whole. Well,
I don't know, I don't know how I feel about
sunscreen blah blah. But then I'm like, I have officially
decided I'm more freaked out on this side than i
am on this side, you know what I mean, how
sometimes you just have to there's two evils and picking
two evils. But that's been my I think too.
Speaker 2 (23:27):
Maybe I don't know. Is she a visual where it's like, hey,
I mean look at Teddy Mellencamp. I have sent her,
took her things that show and it's not to like
freak her out, but also like if you don't do this,
like this could lead to this, Like yes, this could
also lead if you have too much studio or I
don't know whatever it is.
Speaker 1 (23:48):
Yeah, and there's so many things. I mean obviously there's.
Speaker 2 (23:51):
But do you remember when we were younger and people
tried to tell us that I know, And that's what's
so hard. It's just like I know because I'm going
I can send her pictures of me. It's my pammy
and she's not gonnt. Well, and when you're young, you're invincible, right,
I mean do we put guys, do they do the
stickers or was that just our generation?
Speaker 1 (24:09):
Oh this Tanning bed?
Speaker 2 (24:11):
Yeah, well I would never I mean the but I
did do it, you know, the thing to be like,
oh did I get a tan Yeah? Of course, I
mean they do.
Speaker 1 (24:20):
They kind of do that sometimes now too. I mean
it's it's like seeing us all over again, you know,
it truly is it's really gained this resurgence of like
I mean, she had my baby oil out and she
did it one day and I was like, She's like, well,
so and so does it. I was like, you will
never do this again.
Speaker 2 (24:36):
It's wild. My neighbor has teenagers and she was like, oh, sorry,
these are in these pool. Chairs are in the pool.
She's like, kids are big on tanning right now.
Speaker 1 (24:46):
And I was like, what is going on? And I
think what freaks me out the most is truly not
understanding that this is not going to show up for
twenty or thirty years, so they can't use their screens
right while they're out there? So is this a pool?
Speaker 2 (24:57):
Like this is where I'm going to go side on this?
There's so many things that are I mean, so many
things God willing. You know, She's we're all our kids
are all still there in twenty something year, you know,
and yes, letting them live and have fun too. While
I don't know, there's a balance.
Speaker 1 (25:12):
Well, that's why I'll never tell her that she can't.
And that's why I was like, look, I am all
about you. Y'all love this, I get it, but like,
we just have to be smart. Doing this on your
face is doing nothing, Like none of the spray even
got on there.
Speaker 2 (25:23):
So we just need to be more responsible and protecting
the areas that could maybe cause more issues, like your
chest and.
Speaker 1 (25:31):
Like, well and well, the crmatologist I was watching this
was fascinating. She was like explaining the areas that are
so hard to cut off if you do have a
spot nose earships.
Speaker 2 (25:42):
Do you know the commonplace for which she is back
at your legs?
Speaker 1 (25:45):
Oh, yeah, it's wild. I haven't had Yeah, I've had
I've had them everywhere.
Speaker 2 (25:50):
Yeah, but same, I'm molly. I'm still a little bit
concerned that our friend doesn't have a mole. I don't
know if we can rewind to that. I just think
it's wild. I think that there's no more.
Speaker 1 (25:59):
People has gotten sun spots since. Yeah, but that's not
the same as like a dimension I'm telling this year
in Mexico, which was probably gosh, I don't know, eight
nine years ago I didn't believe her. I was literally
and she was like, my believer. I just don't think
it's fair, it's insane. I did not believe. How do
you not all my kids have moles like all over
(26:21):
their bodies.
Speaker 2 (26:22):
Yeah, yeah, well I don't know if we have moles.
We have freckles so far, but I got little we're
little sore.
Speaker 1 (26:28):
I mean I have Cayden had a mole caught off
when he was two.
Speaker 2 (26:31):
Well, I mean apparently, but yes, almost all people have moles. Moles,
also known as neva, are common skin growths are typically harmless.
It is estimated that ninety to ninety five percent of
people have at least one mole.
Speaker 1 (26:43):
Yes, that's what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (26:44):
I'm going to dig in your I mean, let's start
looking somewhere and every one time out for a skin check.
But I do have like I have a little heart
on my leg.
Speaker 1 (26:52):
Here's a deal.
Speaker 2 (26:53):
It's a birthmark. That's probably, but let me see, I'll determine.
Speaker 1 (26:58):
Because a lot of them look like freckle. Like a
lot of these look like freckles, but they're actually going
to show you about to lift this shirt up. That's
not Yes, it is, though the ones I get cut
off look like freckles. They're really dark freckles.
Speaker 2 (27:09):
Start examining.
Speaker 1 (27:11):
Sorry that I I just and I want all that
to say, send me all your information. If you have
information about how it's more dangerous to have the sunscreen
on them, send it. So I use the EWG app
if that's helpful, I know. But they say they're all bad.
No they're not. There's some there's some EWG approof sunscreens.
I can promise you, though my thirteen year old won't
put those.
Speaker 2 (27:30):
I mean, can you put that in the why now? Yeah?
Thank you? Yes, I mean, listen, I am a huge
advocate for sunscreen. Now with all my milasma and some
spots and stuff, I'm lathering it on constantly and I
and I regret the days that I didn't, but you know.
Speaker 1 (27:44):
I just don't even like to get in the sun.
I'm under an umbrella. I mean, if I'm at the
that's if I'm at the beach, amount an umbrella. I
do my garden check and get my vitamin D.
Speaker 2 (27:54):
And I remember the day though that it was oh yeah,
like getting a tan and like, hey, how's your girlfriend
event Julie, She's you know, laying out there with Harlow
and I'm.
Speaker 1 (28:02):
Like, what are you girls doing?
Speaker 2 (28:02):
Yeah, we're getting a tan now. Granted, you know she's
been sprayed, like you know what I mean, I know,
but the fact that they're not in the pool playing
Marco Polo is like a change.
Speaker 1 (28:11):
Yeah right, I know.
Speaker 2 (28:12):
I'm with you.
Speaker 1 (28:13):
Yeah, yeah, that's my wine about it. I guess u
V who knew it's it literally till one o'clock last night.
Speaker 2 (28:34):
Good afternoon, ladies. Let me start by saying I have
listened to all the podcasts and this new form is
my favorite thing for all our two girls. I have
an adult daughter aged twenty eight, who is in her
second toxic relationship. Oh it's so tough. Prior to this
current boyfriend, she was in a four year relationship where
she was mentally, physically and verbally abused. It took a
huge toll on her in our family, as we could
(28:54):
not legally protect her. She was over eighteen and at
the time she did not want our help. To watch
our child go through something like this, and realizing you
can no longer protect them breaks you a little. Thankfully,
she did get away from that man, and the only
good that came of it was my granddaughter. Now she
is in another awful relationship. This current boyfriend is twice
her age. Thankfully he does not physically hurt her. He
(29:15):
does talk down to her, cheats, and has held her
against her will once though they have already separated twice
for his behavior. I'm trying so hard to work through
this in therapy. But how do we continue to watch
our baby girl be hurt by men? Her and my
granddaughter deserve as someone special that will treat them with
only kindness. Why can she not see that they deserve
(29:37):
better in life? My daughter is not weak. She is
a strong young lady who finally broke through one horrible
man and I pray she finds a strength soon to
break from this one. But I fear she may not help. Please,
I need advice. How do you protect someone that does
not want your protection? And how do we sit back
and watch us again with our child? How do we
(29:57):
get through this as a family listener?
Speaker 1 (30:00):
That's tough.
Speaker 2 (30:02):
I have a thought, go for it one of the
things that I so I resonate a little bit. I
looked at cat at parts of this because it was
how do you protect the people that don't want protecting?
Which I think at one or more points in our
friendship with you, we have felt that, like we knew
(30:23):
this person wasn't good for you, And how do we
speak into that without pushing you away? And I think
one thing I learned quickly was not to excuse the behavior,
but just to reaffirm that I trusted your judgment, like
(30:43):
that if you loved this person, I would love this person.
To reaffirm that you're smart enough. And because I think
people that are in abusive relationships are so often silenced
in so many ways. I watched it a lot growing up,
and they lose this ability to trust themselves, and they
lose this ability to know what they deserve. And so
(31:05):
anybody that can just compound interests speak the life into
them to maybe start to strengthen that piece and make
that a little louder. It's a long game, and so
I don't know that that's good advice, but that's the
one thing that pops into my brain, is just to
re affirm how smart they are, how much they should
(31:27):
trust themselves, because I that gets taken away so quickly. Yeah,
I mean, I think speaking truth to that person, to
your daughter is one of the most important things. Just
reaffirming to her what she deserves and reminding her how
strong she is. And I think that person your daughter
will hopefully you know, also from the words that you're
(31:50):
speaking to her and then realizing that truth and her strength.
And then I would also encourage her to talk to
someone a therapist, because my therapist is how I was
able to start seeing that. It wasn't like, yeah, my
mom could tell me all day long that she didn't
like my ex what she did, you know, but that
really made me not that I drew away from her,
(32:12):
but I didn't. I stop telling her things because I
knew what she would then say to me. Obviously pretty
much same with you girls too, Like I stopped saying
a lot of this stuff because I'm like, oh, they
already hate them, they already think this, and they're just
going to keep saying you know, you don't deserve this.
But a therapist telling you and you discerning stuff with
(32:34):
her is or with a therapist is different because they
really help you find your strength and then realize like, okay,
all right, if I want this, how do I get there?
And they can help you walk that path as opposed
to like you. So I would encourage her to to
go talk to someone and even listen if she's like,
well I can't afford it, maybe that's your thing to be,
Like I would love to gift you. That's what I
(32:56):
was thinking a therapist, and let's do a lunch weekly
in air quote where you do that and we grab
something to eat and it can go under the fall
of lunch and he doesn't even need to know. Yeah,
and it's just something that's that's your way then of
because the end of the day, like you know, once
our kids are out of our house and old, like
you know, Emmy, you hope that she'll put on suntan
(33:16):
lotion when she's out of your house, but she might not.
Speaker 1 (33:19):
Oh, i mean already the UV is rockin. No, I've
already even started with like these like little boyfriends and stuff,
and like, hey, recognize, like you're better than this, You're
worth better than this, because that's one of my biggest
fears because once they're out of the house, I mean,
there's only so much you can do, even when they're young. Really,
I mean it's not you know, forbidding things doesn't really
get you anywhere. So it's oh, it's a struggle, like
(33:43):
please know you're worth now, so you'll know it when
you're older.
Speaker 2 (33:45):
Yeah, speak so much of it, Yeah, that they know.
Speaker 1 (33:49):
I think the therapist though, is such a good point
because you know, you don't really truly always listen to
the people closest to you. And if it's your parent
who you know you have to say this, or young
you know, whatever. But just speaking that love into them.
But getting someone outside, I think would be is super important.
Speaker 2 (34:07):
It's going to be super church camp. But don't underestimate
the power prayer in this too. Now that's grand parents, man,
I mean it's a huge changes lives, sending love your ways.
That is not easy as us all mamas know, watching
our kids can't imagine. All right, bye guys, Bye,
Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heeart Radio podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
You know, when I posted the last episode, I've been
doing I've been posting the episodes now on the in
feeds and uh, just you know, getting more people involved
in the wind Down chat of things. I didn't see
anything negative, but apparently there was something negative.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
Well there was two this week. So the first one
was just like the best conversation ever.
Speaker 2 (00:27):
What was this about?
Speaker 1 (00:29):
These girls? Know, it was about the like toddlers and stuff.
I read every single one of those comments like I
was back having toddlers. Like I enjoyed every second of that,
and I was like, this is so fun. We're all commenting,
and then we go to the next one and it's like.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
Excited for the next one.
Speaker 1 (00:46):
She's like, that's you. Was it bad? I mean, it
wasn't terrible. It's just which I'm not disagreeing with any anything,
anyone saying yeah absolutely, and I just had like, again,
it was just tough because because people feel very strongly,
you know obviously, which wasn't really our conversation on whether
this happened to her or not.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
I wondered if the comments on that were to the
clip and not to people.
Speaker 1 (01:13):
And that's where again. But every that I love that,
though I do, it's hard sometimes because I'm like, oh,
but that's I, you know, like I'm not not supporting her,
you know, and it gets hard. But then I'm like,
I love to hear everyone's opinions, like, yeah, I truly do.
Speaker 2 (01:29):
And I think I didn't recognize anything was off because
when I looked at the comments, I saw you being
like agree, So I didn't really.
Speaker 1 (01:36):
And it was nothing bad. It's just, you know, I
have those moments where I'm like, I mean, I really
really wasn't saying that. I didn't think that this happened
to her or thing, you know, So I just want
to be very clear on that.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
Anyway, Guys, how's everyone, how's everyone doing, what's everyone's updates?
What's going on? It's the four one one.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
With the four one one. Oh my gosh. You know,
it's hot and it's ridiculously hot.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
I don't feel cute right now. I don't know if
I should say the air. I'm not looking for compliments,
but I gotta tell I'm just in a rut. Do
you ever get into one? I don't. I would actually
like to bring this to the panel.
Speaker 1 (02:13):
Brand because.
Speaker 2 (02:16):
Because I don't know, I can't. I feel like enough.
I don't even like the words in a funk, and
I don't like to say I'm in something because I
don't think I'm in something. But man, and then I
really pulled up the period calendar, which I know we
talked about excessively, but there is a correlation to that
for me, and I'm like a solid eight or nine
days out from so I'm like, that doesn't feel like
(02:36):
it could be this. I don't know.
Speaker 1 (02:38):
I'm just how did we all get so off?
Speaker 2 (02:40):
I don't know. I think I think all of our
periods are trying to have like a team meeting behind
our back and come at the same.
Speaker 1 (02:44):
Time they were at the same time. I know, now
we've all just throwing off.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
That's How is your relationship with Preston at the moment?
Speaker 1 (02:56):
I think it's great.
Speaker 2 (02:58):
I feel really it's been together. We're always to like, no,
we're not together, but I mean when he's home, there's
always good intimacy. Like that part because I know sometimes
when I start to feel a little off is because
I mean, I'll even say it. This past week, you know,
the kids are at the beach and Alan and I
are just really focused on I'm trying to learn my script.
(03:18):
You know, we've got Roman and you know, just trying
to like get as much work done as possible because
then we go to the lake for Fourth of July.
And I even said last night to him, I was like,
I feel like we haven't even connected, and then when
we don't connect, I feel off. Yeah, and I could
be a piece at time. So I'm like, can we
do like so today or tonight we're going to try
(03:41):
to have like a date night. We're make it bad
because he's been working late at night. I've been reading
my script late night. So normally when we get together
post bedtime, it's us, but it hasn't been. It's been
maybe that's a piece because I keep falling asleep in
Love's bed like hard you guys, like wake up at
one in the morning, and I'm like and then I
come down.
Speaker 1 (03:59):
And he's all tucked in and I'm like.
Speaker 2 (04:01):
Well, I would love to just have like yeah, So
we've consistently had three nights of no maybe the suspection
time together and this morning he's like, you got him,
like not really, and I was like, I don't really
know why. So then when I went for I did
a meeting downtown, came back, I was like, I know
what it is. I was like, we haven't connected. Yeah,
like we're around each other, Yes, we've been here all day,
(04:24):
We've just been passing.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
I'm like, I just I feel like summers have always
been worse for us, always you and Nick. Yeah, because
it's like we're technically both working from home and it's
just who's here, who's there, who gets to leave the
house to go do so, you know, and it's always
been a stressful. It's a lot less stressful as I've
gotten older, I feel like, but it's still like there's
(04:46):
no time for us.
Speaker 2 (04:47):
I feel like in the summer, guys, and he gets
on a bus at nine tonight. So I'm not sure
how I'm going to fix this.
Speaker 1 (04:54):
She's like, oh no, we figured it out here.
Speaker 2 (04:56):
I think there is something too that I just I'm like,
when I got dressed the last two days, and you
know I love to get dressed. Yeah, I've not been
feeling that. Like today I curled my hair just to like,
I was like, come on, girl, you're in there somewhere,
Like what's going to bring you out? You know?
Speaker 1 (05:09):
Like trying to work out to.
Speaker 2 (05:11):
Do THEAH and I think it's hard too. It's and
when I said that, he's like, well, would you want to,
you know, go go hit some golf balls or because
we like to do something that's fun and adventurous together.
And I'm like, well, it's one hundred and something to
brings out, so like no, but I do want to
hang out with you, so I'm like I don't. However
that looks. I was like, can we just maybe not?
Can I put the script away tonight and can you
(05:32):
you know, not do your analysis stuff late tonight so
that way it's not just ten o'clock the night, like,
and then we're just seeing each other because I'm like,
I'm as even though it's the mundane, like, Okay, what
show do we want to watch? Which we watched? We started,
you know, a new show last week. So I'm like, I,
even though it's simple, I still enjoy that connection piece
with you.
Speaker 1 (05:52):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (05:52):
Same, And it's weird when I don't have it, I
get kind of sad. Yeah, and that's what it is.
It's like it's not and that's where I was That's
why I was asking you And I don't want to
put mine on you. But for me, that's what it
was because it's like it does lower my energy. Yes,
it makes me just like, do I owe you one
hundred and twenty five dollars cope.
Speaker 1 (06:08):
For this fasite. I mean, I'm going to give it
a try.
Speaker 2 (06:12):
Yeah, yeah, give it a yeah. And we've been on
a little bit of a health kick together. I'm always
on one, but now I have a little bit of
a partner in crime. So he's detoxing. He talked to
Nate and we have to do a little dtalk. So
he's soning in with me and he is walking with me.
I love that.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
I know it's handsome, but I.
Speaker 2 (06:29):
Will say though there is I know we always talked
about how it's so great summer. It's it's a lot
of fun, but you do get out of your normal routine.
So it's like normally, where I drop the kids off
of the bus stop at eight twenty five, I would
then do my walk workout. Well, I can't do that
because the hours are different with you know, the kids
and Rumen and I accidentally went to Fine Arts camp.
I don't know if you've seen that in my stories,
but what I saw that, well, I'll make it fast.
(06:51):
Love enrolled in the Fine Arts camp. I was super
excited for her, but she is the youngest youngest, Like
they actually made exceptions for a few of her little friends,
so they're like, they're the only three nine year old there.
When remember like eleven to thirteen, I feel like I
saw some kind of fine arts. It was like it's
like big kids, yeah, and you know, they're like it's
a very vulnerable space, as you know, they're doing acting, singing, dancing,
and so she loves dancing. She doesn't. She sings like
(07:13):
her mom, not like her aunt Janna. And then you know,
acting super fun for her. Its improv teacher. The instructors
are incredible. They're from like Juilliard and they're off of
Broadway and it's awesome. But it's like a very vulnerable
creative space and I can tell it's a little overwhelming,
but she loves it. So I went the first day
and I offered a volunteer the whole day because I
thought that out to just ease it, you know. And
then the second day she was like, you're not leaving right,
(07:35):
And I'm like, what, I'd love to because I didn't
want to go to campg.
Speaker 1 (07:40):
And can I learn the ball chain combo because I'd
love to be able, like I've never got to do that.
Speaker 2 (07:47):
I wasn't, you know, and then improv class. I feel
like I could really nail it.
Speaker 1 (07:51):
Chan like get out of the way. You're like a camper.
Speaker 2 (07:54):
Now do you guys go to campus kids? I mean.
Speaker 1 (08:00):
Like church camp, church camp. Not much other than that,
it wasn't really I feel like it wasn't really here
as much of a thing to like be in camps
all the time. I don't think it.
Speaker 2 (08:10):
I don't know that it was for our generation.
Speaker 1 (08:11):
Maybe well. I feel other areas of the country they
go away for like a month for camp or like weeks.
You know, that was very that's very normal, I think,
like more up north and just different areas of the
country where you know, you go away for like weeks
and that was what you did in the summer.
Speaker 2 (08:28):
Here.
Speaker 1 (08:28):
We didn't do that as much. But also it wasn't
as normal for us to just like like I was
just at home while my parents worked, you know, like
I didn't go anywhere. I was just at home fending
for myself.
Speaker 2 (08:38):
I went to Young Life camp, went to that and camp,
and there's your gift. I went to Marching band camp. Yes,
anything you'd like to say for now, I think that's
what do you think it is? I think it's great American.
I was not a flue player. I went to camp.
(08:59):
I don't. I actually don't know how many times I went.
I just remember not enjoying camp and then just being
kind of solo within the experience, like I didn't have
any friends. And it's interesting because when now my kids
have really done camps this year, they did, you know,
the Deer Run camp they've done, they did like a
lot of shine for a week. But I'm very much like,
(09:20):
like one of the camps, you know, one kid was
like mean to Jason. It like broke my heart, right,
and so but then this next one they had a
great one. It was more Christian led and it was
very sweet. But you know, I'm like, did you make
any new friends? Did you have fun? Like? And Joey's
like not really, And I'm like, oh, but what you know?
But they still seem like they had fun. But I
think I'm like portraying my stuff onto them because I'm like, what.
Speaker 1 (09:39):
Kind of camps did you do?
Speaker 2 (09:41):
Just to hang out?
Speaker 1 (09:41):
Camp camp?
Speaker 2 (09:42):
It was like we were at a park all day.
I don't know, I didn't enjoy it, but I don't
really remember it, to be honest.
Speaker 1 (09:48):
So did they have fun? They said they had fun
or they said they didn't.
Speaker 2 (09:52):
No, they said they had fun at Deer Run. Yeah,
they like they enjoyed that one. But Jolie just said
she didn't really make But I don't know, Like she
kept telling me how much fun she had, but that
she didn't really make any friends. What's kind of why
I'm at for Fine art Why I'm kind of that's
kind of why I'm at Fine Arts camp. Because she's
having the time of her life and then we get
in the car and she's like, that was awesome and
(10:12):
she's one of like a million miles an hour. And
then the next day she's like I don't want to
go and I'm like, but it's amazing, like I saw it.
Speaker 1 (10:19):
Well, yeah, that's hard, I mean, because I will absolutely
portray my stuff on my kids. I mean it's hard
not to. But that's interesting, like did she really not
make any friends?
Speaker 2 (10:29):
Or you just want to be a fly on in
those situations?
Speaker 1 (10:33):
Same because I mean, I I don't see Jolie as
someone just playing the whole time by herself.
Speaker 2 (10:38):
No, and she is the sweet child.
Speaker 1 (10:40):
She's so sweet.
Speaker 2 (10:41):
There's this little bench at school and if there is
someone sitting on the bench, it's a it's an I
need a buddy bench. So what the teacher said is
she goes Jolie and like pretty smuch. All the teachers
told me this. She is the most consistent kid to
check the bench to make sure that like someone is
not sitting by themselves, and so it just kind of
it shocks me in a way. But I also think
(11:03):
the other time, because like Jay said, he wasn't liking
the other camp, well, I showed up early to watch
to see to almost make me feel better.
Speaker 1 (11:09):
Yeah, sure, having fun.
Speaker 2 (11:10):
I know that sounds messed up, but like I saw
him like messing around with the boy, I'm like, oh,
he's fine, he's yeah. That's why I just make up
in my brain that like they're sitting by themselves in
a corner, because that's my worst fhere. That's how I felt.
Speaker 1 (11:21):
I would may know that I would make up a
whole story about what happened the entire time in camp,
and it was terrible and memoroluntears like okay, but we
all know that experience.
Speaker 2 (11:30):
That's why we can do that exactly, so we know
how it feels to be a loner, to feel left out.
I feel like your buddy bench genetics have passed on
because I think you're a walking buddy bench friend.
Speaker 1 (11:41):
Well I just.
Speaker 2 (11:42):
Always say, I'm like, you know, you know, let's always
include people, and yeah, you're the most buddy bench friend.
I think I have to be on buddy bench friend.
Speaker 1 (11:50):
That's cute, that's true.
Speaker 2 (11:52):
Would compliment, thanks, friend, I appreciate it. But going to
change of contact info buddy bench in corporate, I'm gonna
change my incorporated from Sophie Dog to Buddy Bench. Do
(12:15):
we have a wine about it? I actually don't.
Speaker 1 (12:18):
I have nothing to whine about. I don't necessarily have
a whine about it. I have like I'm freaking out
about something I like to not that big of a deal,
but like I'm literally went down this rabbit hole last night.
I'm panicking and it's not even that big of a
deal at all. Y'all are like, what are you talking about?
You're gonna be like what, I don't see this in you.
(12:38):
I am literally freaking out right now because of Okay.
Speaker 2 (12:41):
If he will make the softball team.
Speaker 1 (12:43):
I'm no, it's not that good. Good I guess I
don't know if she will, but anyway, no, okay, so
when you start having a teenager, you know that whole gift.
It's like, if you have a teenager, then you know
what the UV is. Have you' all seen this?
Speaker 2 (12:55):
I know about the UV's because of because of Tory
my steps. They always check the UV.
Speaker 1 (13:01):
Yes, and I'm like, what is this?
Speaker 2 (13:02):
Apparently it's a very I thought it was just a
British thing. What is the v UV is about the tanning?
So it's like you what it was? Okay? Like I
just would as a kid, I would be like, it's
sonny out, I'm going to get it exactly like I
didn't know if there wasn't actually a UV thing. So
I was like, wait, tell me more. And so I
just again thought it had to have been a British thing.
It's not.
Speaker 1 (13:22):
No, no, it's it's your major thing. It's a hey,
the UV is high, let's tan okay fine.
Speaker 2 (13:30):
It's like, oh ten is like what am I hearing?
I feel like I'm having a body experience. Felt like
a grandma when he was explaining this, Well, the good
news is U V still means UV.
Speaker 1 (13:41):
I mean, because I don't know what is the thing
that I'm confused about? And I'm like, is that cavy?
Don't get me started on that. We could have a
whole nother podcast on that. No, So the UV thing
so that everyone knows what the UV is, like, it's okay,
we're going to tan Well, this is making me thinking about.
Speaker 2 (14:02):
Is I just I felt so dumb when he was
trying to explain this to me, him and his girlfriend.
I was like, wait, what, how do.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
You know what the UV is?
Speaker 2 (14:09):
It's just an It's like the weather, it's not you
just literally go on so what watch a few weather
you go to daily? And I mean it's because when
he was in time, I was like, yeah, I need
to let him know THEV is like UV MAXUV index
eleven doesn't need to ultra violet rays and we were
trying to avoid.
Speaker 1 (14:26):
That in theory. Now comes my freak out.
Speaker 2 (14:29):
Okay, here we go.
Speaker 1 (14:30):
Okay, is the baby oil out go part of my
freak out? So for me, so did my child the
other day. Anyway, I'm freaking out because they're obsessed with tanning. Emmy,
what has happenings skin Cayden.
Speaker 2 (14:47):
Ramsay has nick skin so tanner.
Speaker 1 (14:50):
Well, what my skin used to be. I used to
be a whole lot tanner. Like my family was very
tan right.
Speaker 2 (14:56):
I feel like, yeah, I feel like you would bronze.
Speaker 1 (14:57):
Yes, I just don't like tan. I don't love to
go out in the sun. So I'm a lot paler now. Well,
Jimmy's yeah, she's got very fair skin. Okay. So they
are obsessed with tanning, right, and I am literally fighting
my thirteen year old to put on sunscreen. She like
will spray it like this, and I'm like that does
not count. Right, So last night I go down this
(15:18):
rabbit hole.
Speaker 2 (15:18):
What SPF are you asking her to put on?
Speaker 1 (15:21):
Well, I mean thirty, which is fine. I mean according
to the rabbit hole I went down, it's fine. It
blocks ninety six percent of it, truly. The other stuff
doesn't even really matter. But they are past hanning stuff too,
it doesn't even matter.
Speaker 2 (15:35):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (15:35):
So all that to say, I will send tiktoks to
Emmy and I'm like, this is why I do this,
This is why because you know whatever. Well, of course,
now my ag algorithm on. It's all these dermatologists and
it's like basically every dermatologist saying melanoma is created from
the sunburns you get when you're a kid. So now
(15:57):
I'm pining.
Speaker 2 (15:59):
I am literally from sunburn.
Speaker 1 (16:02):
Tanning and sunburns, yes, that you get when you're a child.
One sunburn when you are a child, according to all
of these dermatologists on my thing, doubles your chances of melanoma. Okay,
So I am literally a panic mode because do I
want to tell my thirteen year old you can never
go tan with your friends? No, I don't want to
be that mom. I whatever. But I also am literally
(16:26):
I'm just in a panic mode because I don't know.
Speaker 2 (16:27):
What to do. I have. I'm writing notes right now
because I have I have. Well, first of all, I
have no advice to give to you.
Speaker 1 (16:36):
No one else does. Really.
Speaker 2 (16:37):
On here, I have my thoughts of how I was
as a kid.
Speaker 1 (16:42):
Would you like to hear that you have tanned your
entire life with nothing on? First of all, you are
born tan and that doesn't count exactly, So you have
all of the time melanin.
Speaker 2 (16:53):
Oh, she's really goog I told you all, y'all, and
she got a dermatology degree, and.
Speaker 1 (16:58):
You're gonna have people because here, okay, so yes, I forget, okay.
Speaker 2 (17:03):
Time out really fast. Let me just go back because
I'm gonna get a lot of hate on this. I
am well aware that I should have worn sunscreen as
a child. Oh of course, yeah, I am well aware,
and I know my mom put on the copper tone
baby like whatever SPF on me. Having said that my
mother was the generation that used on those for the baboil, right,
I then went to if my mother gave me anything
(17:23):
more than an eight SPF, I would be like, yeah,
the reps. I cannot get a ten with anything less
than you know, eight.
Speaker 1 (17:32):
That's my thirteen years.
Speaker 2 (17:33):
So I mean I would use the bronze whatever that
beach what I don't even know what it was called,
but it was the oil the eight SPF, so I
would use that as my bass layer, and then that
would be it, right because I never burned the only one.
The first time I ever burned was when I filmed
the It was a I can't remember what season it
(17:54):
was of One Tree Hill. We went to Puerto Rico
and Sophia Bush was like, you need to put on
santane lotion. I was like, oh no, I don't burn
I've never burned in my entire life. She's like, this
is a different sun here, like you're going to burn.
I was like, no, no, no, I'm not going to burn.
I burnt so bad that my forehead completely peeled, and
so I was two different colors for the episode. It
was so bad. But then I started wearing sunscreen, probably
(18:19):
in my like thirties. Yeah, I started to because obviously
our skin changes. But I will say this, and I
don't know. I'm obviously not a solar expert. I am
not sure. But hasn't the sun got more damaging? Isn't?
Or no?
Speaker 1 (18:34):
It all It depends on you. That's where I was
going because sunscreen is also this is where I was going.
Speaker 2 (18:40):
I don't use sunscreen on my kids unless it's going
to be for hours outside because I know they don't burn,
and there's so much bad stuff in sunscreen that if
we're not going to be out there for more than
a couple hours, listen, come at me. But I'm just
not putting it on. We haven't been doing that either.
Speaker 1 (18:57):
That's where I'm on.
Speaker 2 (19:00):
The beach for hours and the reflection of all the things,
like I'll put it on his neck, his ears, the baby,
but like the kids, I haven't put on any on
them because I'm like, we're not they're not getting burned.
What's worse the burn.
Speaker 1 (19:14):
Or the And that's that's where I'm struggling, because if
you listen to actual dermatologists, they will say, and many
of them will say, over and over and over, there
is nothing that is proving that the sunscreen is causing cancer.
Because that's a lot of people. Yes, right, Okay, I
have been down all the rabbit holes. I love all
(19:34):
the opinions.
Speaker 2 (19:35):
What does it block the vitamin because it's the kids
need vitamin D no, they which is also so I'm like,
if it's we're out for an hour or two, I'm
not putting sunscreen lissh on you.
Speaker 1 (19:43):
Well, it depends on the hour. I've always been told,
even for my dog, even for my.
Speaker 2 (19:47):
Pediatrician, who is apparently well that's the highest highest. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:51):
So even my pediatrician who would never say don't put sunscreen,
would say in the morning, go out for vitamin D early. Yes,
no sunscreen, are like like or just not during that time.
But now it's kind of like, all right, what's the
two evils? But again, dermatologists are saying there no one
is proven at all that these sunscreens are causing cancer.
(20:12):
I don't know the answer to that, but that is
what these dermatologists I've been listening to true, exactly exactly.
So it's the very similar situation to me, and that
in that regard, I am anal retentive about going every
year to get my moles checked. I get things cut off,
I do all these sames.
Speaker 2 (20:31):
I'm just remembering the time where you're like, you don't
have a mole.
Speaker 1 (20:33):
I know, makes me okay, okay, you don't get to
be cute as She literally was like strip having said
that a dermatologist is going to come into our dms
and say you don't have to. It doesn't. It's not
always moles. I mean, there's way care I check my moles.
(20:56):
I'm very I had a friend who has had melanoma,
who has I am just very crazy about it, right,
and now I'm like, oh my god, she's had sunburns.
All my kids have had sunburns. Well I don't know
if Caten has, but like they've all had sunburns. Right,
So like goldas never does, and you know that these
show up. Melanoma generally shows up.
Speaker 2 (21:16):
Twenty something years later, I lost my Dallas mom to melanoma.
Speaker 1 (21:20):
Yeah, it's terrifying, right, so it is. I'm thinking about
would I rather risk these sunscreens and the toxins in
that when let's just be real, half the other stuff
that we put on our bodies or probably have toxins
in it too, Or do I want to risk the
melanoma from the you know, from the sun.
Speaker 2 (21:37):
Because she burns right my then advice would be like,
if you're going outside, you're under my roof, you're still
wearing suntanlotion. It's this or you don't go out. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:48):
Oh, that was the argument that we had at sound
waves yesterday. Literally, if you argue with me one more
time about suntan lotionian, you will not tam with your
friends for the rest of the summer of scussion. We're
not talking about it anymore. And I bought what she.
Speaker 2 (22:02):
Said, Just don't don't be don't buy fifty and be
a dick about it. I'm kidding, because here's.
Speaker 1 (22:07):
The deal this one. I put fifty on Ramsey. I
mean I usually thirty or fifty. Face stuff is usually
forty or forty six. So I just bought this new
stuff that's like a forty six face for her. I
bought a regular one. I bought a tinted she can choose.
(22:27):
I bought the powder. Have you seen that. There's like
a lot of powder, so you could just reapply easy,
Like I'm gonna try and make her life as easy
as possible. But it is not an option to be
out there tanning without sunscreen. Well I can't have I.
Speaker 2 (22:39):
Learned to you can still, as you know, a kid,
because I would get upset with my mom when she
did offer me something more. You can still get a
tan through some you know, oh for sure sunscreen and
all of that. Yeah, And I do want to go
back to because people are like, you don't put some
tan lission if it is between like a twelve and
two more cool. I'm going to do the areas that
I know he's getting. But he's also in the long sleeves,
(22:59):
you right, I would I just normally am not going
to put it on.
Speaker 1 (23:05):
Well, And there's two schools of thought on that, and
I think that's what took me down the rabbit hole
because I was kind of leaning towards this whole. Well,
I don't know, I don't know how I feel about
sunscreen blah blah. But then I'm like, I have officially
decided I'm more freaked out on this side than i
am on this side, you know what I mean, how
sometimes you just have to there's two evils and picking
two evils. But that's been my I think too.
Speaker 2 (23:27):
Maybe I don't know. Is she a visual where it's like, hey,
I mean look at Teddy Mellencamp. I have sent her,
took her things that show and it's not to like
freak her out, but also like if you don't do this,
like this could lead to this, Like yes, this could
also lead if you have too much studio or I
don't know whatever it is.
Speaker 1 (23:48):
Yeah, and there's so many things. I mean obviously there's.
Speaker 2 (23:51):
But do you remember when we were younger and people
tried to tell us that I know, And that's what's
so hard. It's just like I know because I'm going
I can send her pictures of me. It's my pammy
and she's not gonnt. Well, and when you're young, you're invincible, right,
I mean do we put guys, do they do the
stickers or was that just our generation?
Speaker 1 (24:09):
Oh this Tanning bed?
Speaker 2 (24:11):
Yeah, well I would never I mean the but I
did do it, you know, the thing to be like,
oh did I get a tan Yeah? Of course, I
mean they do.
Speaker 1 (24:20):
They kind of do that sometimes now too. I mean
it's it's like seeing us all over again, you know,
it truly is it's really gained this resurgence of like
I mean, she had my baby oil out and she
did it one day and I was like, She's like, well,
so and so does it. I was like, you will
never do this again.
Speaker 2 (24:36):
It's wild. My neighbor has teenagers and she was like, oh, sorry,
these are in these pool. Chairs are in the pool.
She's like, kids are big on tanning right now.
Speaker 1 (24:46):
And I was like, what is going on? And I
think what freaks me out the most is truly not
understanding that this is not going to show up for
twenty or thirty years, so they can't use their screens
right while they're out there? So is this a pool?
Speaker 2 (24:57):
Like this is where I'm going to go side on this?
There's so many things that are I mean, so many
things God willing. You know, She's we're all our kids
are all still there in twenty something year, you know,
and yes, letting them live and have fun too. While
I don't know, there's a balance.
Speaker 1 (25:12):
Well, that's why I'll never tell her that she can't.
And that's why I was like, look, I am all
about you. Y'all love this, I get it, but like,
we just have to be smart. Doing this on your
face is doing nothing, Like none of the spray even
got on there.
Speaker 2 (25:23):
So we just need to be more responsible and protecting
the areas that could maybe cause more issues, like your
chest and.
Speaker 1 (25:31):
Like, well and well, the crmatologist I was watching this
was fascinating. She was like explaining the areas that are
so hard to cut off if you do have a
spot nose earships.
Speaker 2 (25:42):
Do you know the commonplace for which she is back
at your legs?
Speaker 1 (25:45):
Oh, yeah, it's wild. I haven't had Yeah, I've had
I've had them everywhere.
Speaker 2 (25:50):
Yeah, but same, I'm molly. I'm still a little bit
concerned that our friend doesn't have a mole. I don't
know if we can rewind to that. I just think
it's wild. I think that there's no more.
Speaker 1 (25:59):
People has gotten sun spots since. Yeah, but that's not
the same as like a dimension I'm telling this year
in Mexico, which was probably gosh, I don't know, eight
nine years ago I didn't believe her. I was literally
and she was like, my believer. I just don't think
it's fair, it's insane. I did not believe. How do
you not all my kids have moles like all over
(26:21):
their bodies.
Speaker 2 (26:22):
Yeah, yeah, well I don't know if we have moles.
We have freckles so far, but I got little we're
little sore.
Speaker 1 (26:28):
I mean I have Cayden had a mole caught off
when he was two.
Speaker 2 (26:31):
Well, I mean apparently, but yes, almost all people have moles. Moles,
also known as neva, are common skin growths are typically harmless.
It is estimated that ninety to ninety five percent of
people have at least one mole.
Speaker 1 (26:43):
Yes, that's what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (26:44):
I'm going to dig in your I mean, let's start
looking somewhere and every one time out for a skin check.
But I do have like I have a little heart
on my leg.
Speaker 1 (26:52):
Here's a deal.
Speaker 2 (26:53):
It's a birthmark. That's probably, but let me see, I'll determine.
Speaker 1 (26:58):
Because a lot of them look like freckle. Like a
lot of these look like freckles, but they're actually going
to show you about to lift this shirt up. That's
not Yes, it is, though the ones I get cut
off look like freckles. They're really dark freckles.
Speaker 2 (27:09):
Start examining.
Speaker 1 (27:11):
Sorry that I I just and I want all that
to say, send me all your information. If you have
information about how it's more dangerous to have the sunscreen
on them, send it. So I use the EWG app
if that's helpful, I know. But they say they're all bad.
No they're not. There's some there's some EWG approof sunscreens.
I can promise you, though my thirteen year old won't
put those.
Speaker 2 (27:30):
I mean, can you put that in the why now? Yeah?
Thank you? Yes, I mean, listen, I am a huge
advocate for sunscreen. Now with all my milasma and some
spots and stuff, I'm lathering it on constantly and I
and I regret the days that I didn't, but you know.
Speaker 1 (27:44):
I just don't even like to get in the sun.
I'm under an umbrella. I mean, if I'm at the
that's if I'm at the beach, amount an umbrella. I
do my garden check and get my vitamin D.
Speaker 2 (27:54):
And I remember the day though that it was oh yeah,
like getting a tan and like, hey, how's your girlfriend
event Julie, She's you know, laying out there with Harlow
and I'm.
Speaker 1 (28:02):
Like, what are you girls doing?
Speaker 2 (28:02):
Yeah, we're getting a tan now. Granted, you know she's
been sprayed, like you know what I mean, I know,
but the fact that they're not in the pool playing
Marco Polo is like a change.
Speaker 1 (28:11):
Yeah right, I know.
Speaker 2 (28:12):
I'm with you.
Speaker 1 (28:13):
Yeah, yeah, that's my wine about it. I guess u
V who knew it's it literally till one o'clock last night.
Speaker 2 (28:34):
Good afternoon, ladies. Let me start by saying I have
listened to all the podcasts and this new form is
my favorite thing for all our two girls. I have
an adult daughter aged twenty eight, who is in her
second toxic relationship. Oh it's so tough. Prior to this
current boyfriend, she was in a four year relationship where
she was mentally, physically and verbally abused. It took a
huge toll on her in our family, as we could
(28:54):
not legally protect her. She was over eighteen and at
the time she did not want our help. To watch
our child go through something like this, and realizing you
can no longer protect them breaks you a little. Thankfully,
she did get away from that man, and the only
good that came of it was my granddaughter. Now she
is in another awful relationship. This current boyfriend is twice
her age. Thankfully he does not physically hurt her. He
(29:15):
does talk down to her, cheats, and has held her
against her will once though they have already separated twice
for his behavior. I'm trying so hard to work through
this in therapy. But how do we continue to watch
our baby girl be hurt by men? Her and my
granddaughter deserve as someone special that will treat them with
only kindness. Why can she not see that they deserve
(29:37):
better in life? My daughter is not weak. She is
a strong young lady who finally broke through one horrible
man and I pray she finds a strength soon to
break from this one. But I fear she may not help. Please,
I need advice. How do you protect someone that does
not want your protection? And how do we sit back
and watch us again with our child? How do we
(29:57):
get through this as a family listener?
Speaker 1 (30:00):
That's tough.
Speaker 2 (30:02):
I have a thought, go for it one of the
things that I so I resonate a little bit. I
looked at cat at parts of this because it was
how do you protect the people that don't want protecting?
Which I think at one or more points in our
friendship with you, we have felt that, like we knew
(30:23):
this person wasn't good for you, And how do we
speak into that without pushing you away? And I think
one thing I learned quickly was not to excuse the behavior,
but just to reaffirm that I trusted your judgment, like
(30:43):
that if you loved this person, I would love this person.
To reaffirm that you're smart enough. And because I think
people that are in abusive relationships are so often silenced
in so many ways. I watched it a lot growing up,
and they lose this ability to trust themselves, and they
lose this ability to know what they deserve. And so
(31:05):
anybody that can just compound interests speak the life into
them to maybe start to strengthen that piece and make
that a little louder. It's a long game, and so
I don't know that that's good advice, but that's the
one thing that pops into my brain, is just to
re affirm how smart they are, how much they should
(31:27):
trust themselves, because I that gets taken away so quickly. Yeah,
I mean, I think speaking truth to that person, to
your daughter is one of the most important things. Just
reaffirming to her what she deserves and reminding her how
strong she is. And I think that person your daughter
will hopefully you know, also from the words that you're
(31:50):
speaking to her and then realizing that truth and her strength.
And then I would also encourage her to talk to
someone a therapist, because my therapist is how I was
able to start seeing that. It wasn't like, yeah, my
mom could tell me all day long that she didn't
like my ex what she did, you know, but that
really made me not that I drew away from her,
(32:12):
but I didn't. I stop telling her things because I
knew what she would then say to me. Obviously pretty
much same with you girls too, Like I stopped saying
a lot of this stuff because I'm like, oh, they
already hate them, they already think this, and they're just
going to keep saying you know, you don't deserve this.
But a therapist telling you and you discerning stuff with
(32:34):
her is or with a therapist is different because they
really help you find your strength and then realize like, okay,
all right, if I want this, how do I get there?
And they can help you walk that path as opposed
to like you. So I would encourage her to to
go talk to someone and even listen if she's like,
well I can't afford it, maybe that's your thing to be,
Like I would love to gift you. That's what I
(32:56):
was thinking a therapist, and let's do a lunch weekly
in air quote where you do that and we grab
something to eat and it can go under the fall
of lunch and he doesn't even need to know. Yeah,
and it's just something that's that's your way then of
because the end of the day, like you know, once
our kids are out of our house and old, like
you know, Emmy, you hope that she'll put on suntan
(33:16):
lotion when she's out of your house, but she might not.
Speaker 1 (33:19):
Oh, i mean already the UV is rockin. No, I've
already even started with like these like little boyfriends and stuff,
and like, hey, recognize, like you're better than this, You're
worth better than this, because that's one of my biggest
fears because once they're out of the house, I mean,
there's only so much you can do, even when they're young. Really,
I mean it's not you know, forbidding things doesn't really
get you anywhere. So it's oh, it's a struggle, like
(33:43):
please know you're worth now, so you'll know it when
you're older.
Speaker 2 (33:45):
Yeah, speak so much of it, Yeah, that they know.
Speaker 1 (33:49):
I think the therapist though, is such a good point
because you know, you don't really truly always listen to
the people closest to you. And if it's your parent
who you know you have to say this, or young
you know, whatever. But just speaking that love into them.
But getting someone outside, I think would be is super important.
Speaker 2 (34:07):
It's going to be super church camp. But don't underestimate
the power prayer in this too. Now that's grand parents, man,
I mean it's a huge changes lives, sending love your ways.
That is not easy as us all mamas know, watching
our kids can't imagine. All right, bye guys, Bye,
Host
Jana Kramer
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