October 13, 2025 • 44 mins
Jana is back from the Paris One Tree Hill convention and ready to recap every magical moment, despite making it through a sleepless flight.
Jana holds nothing back when sharing her thoughts on an article about “narcissistic” wives and loading the dishwasher.
Plus, Jana and Kristen try to figure out if the key to raising children is environment or parenting, and we discuss the rise of the “gray divorce”.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Wine Down with Janet Kramer, an iHeartRadio podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
Ugh, if I fall asleep, it's because how are you
doing and how have you how are you standing? Welcome
back Kramer for your European adventure. I feel like you
were gone a month.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
It was definitely, I mean it was. Jason just asked,
He's like, Mommy, how long was that? And it was
because you know, you gotta you lose a night whying. Yep,
So technically it was let's see, I left Tuesday, So Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
It was six sleeps. That's a lot of sleep. That's
a lot of sleeps. But it was it looked incredible.
Speaker 1 (00:45):
Yeah, so flying there, I just cannot sleep on a plane.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
I hate it. For you, Preston can't either. You can
sleep on a plane. Oh sometimes before we even take off.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
Are you serious?
Speaker 2 (00:58):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (00:58):
And I yeah.
Speaker 2 (00:59):
I think it's because it's the.
Speaker 1 (01:01):
Only wild to me, because you, I know, you are
anxiously like going away from me when you have kids.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
You know, Yeah, it's weird, but I think I also
it's like the only time in life where you just
are there's no other choice to be where you are.
Speaker 1 (01:15):
That is very true.
Speaker 2 (01:16):
And so it's like I call it cloud quiet, and
I just am like, Okay, well here we go. I mean,
there's nothing I can do to change where I'm at.
Speaker 1 (01:23):
That's very true.
Speaker 2 (01:24):
I'm not late for anything, true, I mean there it is. Yeah,
so I just get cozy. No, that's listen, that's that's
a really good point. I might steal that. And I'm
too I'm too afraid to take anything. Oh, granted, I
have the xanax on me. I will always have xanax
on me, But the why are we this? But I
(01:46):
never take it. I don't. I'll have a full panic attack.
It's an emotion.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
Take it.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
It's an emotional support.
Speaker 1 (01:52):
My water bottle. It's like a water and a xanax.
And I'm good, like just to just to no, I
have it.
Speaker 2 (01:57):
That's right.
Speaker 1 (01:58):
But someone had said melatonin, but I've never even taken
melotonin before.
Speaker 2 (02:04):
Yeah, that's tricky. I've learned a lot about melatonin and
cortisol and like our natural levels, and if you mess
with melatonin when you're not supposed to, then it can
be like tricky for your body and like have the
reverse effect. Maybe I don't know. I just also don't
want to be the one that like is just like
drooling and tongue out on a plane because I took
something like I have a friend who's like, oh, I
take this ambient and then I take this amount and
(02:26):
I just get the best nap of my life and
I wake up in Paris and I'm like, how well,
so that's the thing. So okay.
Speaker 1 (02:32):
So the first flight was to JFK and then it
was then JFK to Paris and we had about a
four hour layover in JFK and then to Paris. It
was just so I've never flown Jet Blue, I say,
take the back, I've flown Jet Blue. I've never flown
Jet Blue Mint, so I didn't really had a mint
(02:53):
their first class Oh cute.
Speaker 2 (02:55):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
So it's just it's just like as it's not as
good as like a the other first class, but it's
light on flat so it's still really nice, incredible. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
I didn't know this was the thing.
Speaker 1 (03:09):
It was the most inexpensive option. When I was looking
at the stuff, and I I'm fine to not fly
first class, but when it's past five hours, I'm like,
I really got to have a comfy seat. I would agree,
I just get a little too claustrophobic for that long
of something. So the you know, the plane was great,
(03:31):
All of that was awesome, but it's like everybody is
sleeping around me, and I'm like.
Speaker 2 (03:36):
How do you guys do it?
Speaker 1 (03:38):
I really wanted to like take someone's ear thing on.
Speaker 2 (03:40):
Me, like, so like tell me your thought process right now?
What are you thinking of?
Speaker 1 (03:44):
It's like, you know, I've got my husband's snoring in
the pod next to me, and everyone's just like out
and I'm like watching PS I Love You for the
threieth time.
Speaker 2 (03:52):
Yeah, good and predictable.
Speaker 1 (03:54):
Yeah, because it's like it just wanted like a little
feel good thing. So watching that, having tea and then
of course every time, like right when I land, that's
when I want to fall asleep.
Speaker 2 (04:06):
You and love have that in common. Got oh yeah
since birth. The last fifteen minutes she's out, I'm like,
awesome on like an alligator. Yeah for four hours.
Speaker 1 (04:17):
But yeah, So we get to Paris and I okay,
like I said before, I've never been was so excited
to go and.
Speaker 2 (04:25):
Tell me when you're landing, did you get to see
the Eiffel Tower? No, okay, okay, this is great.
Speaker 1 (04:30):
It was pretty kind of looked like Franklin, to be honest,
it was really green. Yeah yeah, far me. So I
have loves about Paris and I have dislikes about Paris.
Speaker 2 (04:43):
Okay, I'm interested. So you know, I'm just smitten with Paris.
I'm that American girl. Yeah, well so everyone. And when
we're doing the convention, it was like, you know, how
did you find your time here? And I'm like, I
love Paris, but I have two little asterisks. Okay.
Speaker 1 (05:00):
Yeah. So first day we get there, it's kind of
a wash, so tired even like things straight. We walked
around the Louver outdoor walking area, beautiful. Alan had to
do some work stuff, so I just kind of sat
by a little pond and had a croissant and just
(05:20):
started talking to the random people next to me. With
one girl was like reading a book and I'm that
person like you.
Speaker 2 (05:26):
Are, like everyone's nightmare. I know, people sleeping on first class. Hey,
so hi, I was just wondering people reading a book. Hey,
you mean the little bookmark comes in, I'm gonna earmark
this page for you. But I have a quick question.
I know.
Speaker 1 (05:39):
I was like, I don't know why, I just and
it was really nice. I sat there for at least
ten minutes quiet by myself. But then I'm just like
the American girl sitting in a thing with so I
just like look over to the person to my left
and was like, is that a good book?
Speaker 2 (05:54):
Why why leave her alone? They're like, I don't know
because I don't get to read it because I'm talking
to the American and I having a question.
Speaker 1 (06:02):
Meanwhile, I'm having like a predam anger person like that
I need to go. Yeah, and I was I'm like,
should have gone to like an actual bakery, but it
was the first thing that I saw, so when and
you know, she was actually really sweet. She was also visiting,
and so talked to her for a little bit. And
then my girl to my right was like, would you
take a picture of me, uh looking natural?
Speaker 2 (06:24):
And I said, of course, I'm really good at that. Yeah,
that's great.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
So I liked to the photo for her, and then
you know, walked back to the hotel. Stayed at a
beautiful place called Intercontinental LaGrande. It was right across the
street from the Opera whatever house, so that was there,
and then Thursday was our big walking tour. We had
like the most amazing guide ever. His name Mate Martin
(06:50):
and I was like, that's my dad's name. But he
was great. I mean we walked about thirty thousand steps, great,
walked just everywhere. And I'll never forget the moment that
I just like, you look up and you like see
the Eiffel Tower, I will bring out cry and I
got teary eyed. I did.
Speaker 2 (07:06):
I can cry thinking about it. Yeah. I think there's
something special about us waiting this long to see it.
Speaker 1 (07:12):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:13):
She was curvier than I thought. She was just stunning. Yeah,
and I wouldn't look. We were in London, took the
train to Paris, so I didn't and pressing kept going,
it's out the right window and I was like, I
don't make eye contacts like I wanted the moment. And
I was so proud of myself for waiting because we
turned a street corner and there she was. I mean,
it's burned into my brain. Yeah, and it's just magical.
(07:34):
And then like you know, he was saying how the
whole history behind it and when it was being built
and just you know, all of it. So it just
learns so much about that. But we walked around and
just saw everything and it was so magical. Uh, Mona
Lisa was a lot smaller than I thought. I've heard
that about her. Yeah, it was kind of like, okay,
yeah we missed. We actually didn't get to see money.
Speaker 1 (07:55):
Go to the loof.
Speaker 2 (07:56):
Well it was closed by the time we got there.
We had like the best non scheduled day and Harris
of my life. Yeah, and the memories are awesome, but
remember we got there and we're like, we don't get
to see her like next time.
Speaker 1 (08:05):
Yeah. Martin was great though, because it was he really
because I was like, listen, I appreciate museums, I really do,
but can you just show me the highlights like that? Also,
like I could like four hours in the loof you know. Yeah,
So I mean he just kind of really took us
to like this sculpture, but up up and we're like
we're out, Like it's nice.
Speaker 2 (08:24):
It's like when you go to those museums, you know
when people do power points and they just read you
the power points and you're.
Speaker 1 (08:29):
Like I can do that, yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, so
that was magical. I mean that was probably my favorite day,
was just walking the city, I mean from just these
random side streets to where you know, the great artists
lived and I mean it was just like it was
so special, so so special at a great dinner that night.
(08:50):
And then the next day it was a rainy day,
so that was kind of a bummer. We did go
to Versailles and the gardens, but the rain kind of
dampened the parade a bit, quite literally, quite literally. And
then the other two days were the One Tree Hill Convention,
which I just I needed blown away.
Speaker 2 (09:11):
It looked electric from Instagram. I was just following along
blown away. I mean, how many people that were there,
and how excited they were, and how just like kind
they were. Is okay for hug for photo And I'm like, yeah,
of course is in America. We don't even ask you.
Speaker 1 (09:28):
Yeah, but i mean just they were. They were so kind,
so welcoming, just so happy that we were there, and
I'm like, thank you for having us here, you know.
But it was I mean, it was definitely a long day.
Speaker 2 (09:43):
When was the last time you were with your full cast?
Speaker 1 (09:45):
Well, i mean not everyone was there, so like we
were amazing, Like, yeah, but this was a big one.
I mean, we do the One Tree Hill conventions in Wilmington,
but this was definitely more of kind of cast altogether.
So that was you know it was. It was nice
and it's it's, uh, you kind of pick up where you,
you know, leave off left off, and Chantella and I
are really really close, so it was nice to just
have like one on one with her and her guy
(10:08):
and so that was that was really really nice. But yeah,
I mean they were just amazing and so wonderful. But yeah,
I mean we started meeting greets at eight am and
we wrapped at seven thirty and it's like two fifteen
minute breaks.
Speaker 2 (10:21):
Wild. Was this Allen's first like real One Tree Hill
event convention? He's just like wow, I wondered, and he
would be taken back mind blown, like how many people?
He's like, baby, you have so many people that like
love you, and like that's right. It was just that's great,
Like it's so weird, you know, it's it's so weird too,
but because it's part of who like, that's what's so
(10:41):
crazy to me. It's like, I it was a real
best friend convention. Confession. I've never even seen an episode
of One Job, so I think it was just because
it was younger than me. But I see it when
we go wind down out on tour and how many
One Tree hillers.
Speaker 1 (10:58):
Come oh yeah.
Speaker 2 (10:59):
I mean, it is a loyal fan base and they're incredible,
but it's such a piece of who you are, but
it's not a piece of who you are that I knew,
so I remember, but I don't like. That's why I
thought this has to be really cool for Allan.
Speaker 1 (11:12):
Yeah, And it was just again like that's why I
always think my one Tree Hillars anywhere we go. It's
like they're so loyal, they're so kind and loving and
they just spill your heart, you know, their hearts to you,
and it's just they're lovely humans. So I am so
just so thankful. I hope you know I can come
(11:32):
I come back. But here's my two asterisks. Okay, too
much smoke. A lot of smoking in Paris. Yeah, they
just have not They're still tried and true. Yeah, it's
like sitting because you know, y'all want to sit outside
in these little cafes and then it's just getting a
big whiff of like yeah, and it's kind of constant.
It's constant. Wed one time, we like move different places,
(11:53):
but it just kept following and I'm all right, and
then you kind of just get used to it. But
it's just a lot of smoke, I would agree, a
lot of smoke.
Speaker 2 (11:59):
I blocked that out.
Speaker 1 (12:00):
And then the food is not great, Shanna, I don't
think the food is that. I think Italian food is better.
We found a really sweet Italian spot though, okay we
did too. That's the sweet spot, I think. Yeah, And
I mean I had facaca every night, yes, and oh
(12:21):
I ate. I mean I had like two croissants to day.
I had, you know, I would walk around with like
a baguette in the street. I had you know, facaca
at night. But I just the French food. I just
when I said, we did go to a proper French
cuisine and I just didn't. I didn't love it as much.
A lot of butter, a lot of you know, lots
(12:43):
of butter, some saucy stuff. I just didn't love. But
there was We did go to this restaurant called Giraffe,
which I've gotta say I was really disappointed in. Is
that like the that's like a really good one to
go to, according to really pretty but they say you
get like the best view of the Eiffel Tower. There's
one seat, like it's a good view of the Eiffel Tower.
Speaker 2 (13:02):
Is it the one that's across the river.
Speaker 1 (13:04):
I think it's by the Trocadera, which is where we
went to go see the Eiffel Tower at night the
very last night, which was magical because I didn't see
So what I wanted to do is I wanted to
see the Eiffel Tower at night my last night. I
don't know. I just wanted to like tie up the
trip with like a bow. And so I hadn't seen
(13:24):
the light show or anything like that. I only seen
it like during the day, and I like legit teared
up again.
Speaker 2 (13:29):
I could literally cry right now. It's so it's magical.
We stayed I cannot wait till I come back. That
had a view of the Eiffel Tower. But the way
that our bed in the hotel room was was you
could see it like at the foot of the bed,
but you couldn't see it if you laid down properly. And
so we flip flopped all our blankets and pillows and
I fell asleep staring like I could cry. I was.
(13:51):
I honestly think there's moments in life where heaven swirls.
Have I told you? I think heavens swirls. It's not
a up or down No, I think that they're swirling heaven,
and I think there's moments where we get to it
makes me emotional, but there's moments where we get to
feel what it will feel like there, and I think
that's when we drive through it, or some nights at
the baseball field. I had one at the baseball field
(14:11):
where I was walking in the car alone, which was
a moment in itself, but I could just hear the
faint sounds and like the smell, and like I just
was like, I think you can walk through it. And
that was one of those times for me. I think
it's just if you have wanted to see Paris. And
it's funny because one of my best friends can't stand Paris.
(14:33):
He travels all the time.
Speaker 1 (14:35):
What does this say?
Speaker 2 (14:35):
He doesn't like about it. I think it's maybe too
typical for him. I think he's out. He's like a
very adventurer guy, but he loves big cities. He loves
Thailand and he goes everywhere. Yeah, but he just say like, oh, Paris,
I can skip And I'm like, so interesting.
Speaker 1 (14:48):
I find it so magical. I could also do without
the traffic though too. Like after the convention, it was
about what would normally take a thirty minute trip there
at night. It took us almost two hours every night,
so like we're starving. Oh yeah, dinner at like nine
o'clock at night, you know what I mean. It was
just like your clock's already off anyway. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
(15:08):
but yeah, I just I find it magical and I
look forward to hopefully being able to come back for
another convention and then maybe trying different restaurants.
Speaker 2 (15:17):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (15:17):
A rich history, I think is also really cool. I
just the architecture fascinating. There's so many things that I
didn't get to do too, Like I really want to
go to Normandy. I want to take a train out there.
You know. I didn't really get to hang out long
at the Shomps Schumps whatever it's called. It's the big
shopping area. It was just raining too much, so I
ended up leaving. But but pretty it was so great.
(15:41):
We did the lock bridge when we were there, so
do you know what happened?
Speaker 2 (15:45):
Yeah? We locked again? You locked again? Yeah, they had
taken it all down. I was like, this is the
bridge and they were all gone, uh huh.
Speaker 1 (15:51):
But we started so our guide Martin, was talking about that,
and I'm like, what if like this poor sweet man
like put a lock of like wife that was like
her dream because she was dying or something, and then
just throw your locks away. It's really wild because we
like actually had two keys and we're like, we're going
to give the kids a key and once they get
(16:12):
to a certain age we want like had this big
thing where it's like when we die, they come back
and they find the lock, like are are making them
go to Paris as like siblings. Wow, I know, but
it's not going to work because it's gone. There is
a new lock bridge though, yes, yeah, but it's but
the locks were getting too heavy apparently.
Speaker 2 (16:33):
I mean, it really is a lot of weight if
you think about it. But I thought, can you just
move them somewhere? Like could you? I know? But that's less.
I don't know. We needed to lock though. It was
like a really meaningful yea and lock. Yeah you could
lock next time. I would like to, yeah, this time, like, yeah,
you got to see a bunch of stuff.
Speaker 1 (16:54):
Yeah, I definitely look. Yeah, I really look forward to
hopefully going back again because I just loved every second
of it.
Speaker 2 (17:01):
I just think there's something too when you're seeing a
new city and you have such a grateful heart. You know,
I think there's something about being hopeless romantic for a city.
I still feel that way about Nashville, even though I'm
in a toxic relationship with it in its traffic. But
when we land, like I try to just always soak
up the fact that, like little thirteen year old me
(17:21):
circuling singles off of cassette tapes, you know, gets to
know country music and music city. That's pretty awesome. So
I think when you can go into any city and
have that, it's just amazing. I feel that way, silly,
feel that way about Chicago. I love Chicago. She's always
been tried and true for me. Just really sweet and
great memories, and that's fun. I like that you have Paris,
(17:44):
You'll always have Paris. That'd be fun to do a
girls trip to Paris. Oh would it ever?
Speaker 1 (17:49):
Would it ever? That would be really fun. Do you
got anything to whine about?
Speaker 2 (18:05):
This is silly, But I know somewhere someone right in
this moment is going, yeah, girl, me too, So I
might just say it. Do it? Why do I wait
till the last minute to get gas? Damn it? Cramer?
I was I get in? Do you know? I literally
get in my car today. It's just been a whirlwind week.
We've traveled twice this week so and we travel this
weekend to Chicago. Actually, one of my very sweet and
(18:31):
most amazing friends is getting married for the first time
in her life. They've been together twenty years. Wow, and
she looks stunning in her dress. And I'm so excited
and it's like gonna be just a really beautiful union.
I'm excited for her. But I got in the car
and driving here uh huh. And I give myself a
(18:52):
great buffer of time to get to you. I like
to just be early here. Whenever my husband or kids
are not involved, I'm usually early, which is a lovely
thing for me. So I was like, okay, I'll just
hop in. I get in and I have nineteen miles
to empty and to get to you is eighteen. Well
that works out. But how do I get gas once
I'm here? And I did what I always hate, which
(19:14):
is just put twenty in en roll I stop like NASCAR.
Speaker 1 (19:18):
Yes, it's like five and out.
Speaker 2 (19:19):
I hate it, but I did. That is why I
now have an electric car, because that's how much I
just like getting gas. Because my jeep Cherokee would be like,
you need gas. It doesn't tell you how many miles,
which is why I ran out of gas that one day.
Oh mine definitely tells me and she's like, are you
paying attention? You're all fifteen. I've just never liked getting
gas ever in my life.
Speaker 1 (19:40):
I really truly like why, I'll despise it. It's it's
time wasted and it doesn't even take that long. No,
but it's like dirty and.
Speaker 2 (19:50):
So first world.
Speaker 1 (19:53):
I just I naturally not having to get gas is
the greatest feeling I know.
Speaker 2 (19:59):
It makes me want to go electric. It's electric. I
come to the dark side. I can't. I can't keep
my phone charge. How would I keep a vehicle charge?
That's the thing.
Speaker 1 (20:08):
One day I didn't get it charged and I got screwed.
Speaker 2 (20:11):
Yeah, because then you're then what.
Speaker 1 (20:13):
But typically I don't drive that much, so it's fine, Okay,
Well that's a good one. So you just did twenty
and out, I mean a pit crew I was, I
was working for NASCAR. You would have been so proud
of me.
Speaker 2 (20:24):
I I was just I'm very inspired by the NASCAR roots.
I got really excited. But twenty and out got it
here and I have to fill up later this week.
Mad at myself. I gotta be honest with you. I
had a wine about it right before you started, and
I'm so tired.
Speaker 1 (20:38):
I forgot.
Speaker 2 (20:39):
Oh I needed to come back. I shouldn't use gas
as much. Oh no, that was good.
Speaker 1 (20:42):
No, I mean like I'm glad. I just am like
having said.
Speaker 2 (20:47):
Hey, you know, we forgot to mention kitkats not here.
Oh yeah, dang, yes, and two of us we can
like it. I let you take it them.
Speaker 1 (20:57):
So she's at the beach.
Speaker 2 (20:58):
I know. I'm excited for her break. Yep.
Speaker 1 (21:02):
This We are headed there tomorrow. So how are you doing?
What you're doing? This is wild? Well, you know, I
was going to bring everyone to Paris, but it was
going to be too expensive because yeah, it's fall break time, right,
and not even that, It's just I wanted to do
something with the kiddos or fall break, and we love
going to Florida. So I just figured, Okay, we're going
(21:24):
to come back, enjoy Paris on the front end, do
my work, come back, pit stop, do laundry, grab the
kids and go to the beach. Because just because I'm
tired doesn't mean they need to enjoy their little travel trip.
Speaker 2 (21:38):
I fear for you is that. For me, it was
two or three days after arrival back in the United
States that it really started to get me. Yeah, it's fine.
You're a little bit of a rock star that way though.
It's all good. It's great. Who needs sleep?
Speaker 1 (21:50):
Hey, you know what's on the rise? Grey divorce is
on the rise in relationship experts think this is why.
Speaker 2 (21:56):
Tell us about grey divorce.
Speaker 1 (21:57):
So while you might be familiar with the often rough
friend statistic that fifty percent of marriages, that's depressing, and
in divorce, you may not know when those breakups most
often happen. Turns out great divorces aka splits after age
fifty have more than doubled in recent years. This doesn't
(22:17):
surprise me. Some boomers who married young got divorced in
the seventies and getting divorced again because second marriages tend
to be less stable. If you're divorced once, your norm
about marriage, marriage and the idea that you have to
stay in it till death of this part is already
a little bit weaker. So yeah, I mean, and if
you think about it, Nicole Kimani Keith Aurbin which for
(22:39):
divorce Lori Laughlin and her husband, Yeah, I mean, I
was definitely shocked when I saw that, but also knowing
certain things too, it was like, okay, I could you
know again, knowing every knowing anything about marriage, you can
go okay, because marriage is hard.
Speaker 2 (22:59):
It is hard. It's wild because I was on the
way here today and I was thinking, like, how many
friends I have. I don't even know how much we
even need to go into this, but you tell me.
I just there is like, listen, President and I have
had really really hard times in marriage, really hard times.
(23:19):
And it's interesting to me because there are I'm not excusing,
like Okay, let's go like, this is not a safety issue.
When I say this, I'd say emotional safety is a thing,
but this is not a like physical safety issue. But
how quickly people are too. It's like people expect marriage
(23:42):
to be perfect, and if someone makes a mistake then
it's an automatic out right. And there's something to be
said for the people that I don't think it needs
to be. It's not like it's just something to be
said for going slow and to assessing situations without jumping
(24:03):
to really catastrophic solutions really fast. God's chiming, and and
I started just thinking about how even in the trickiest
marriage times. For me, the most valuable people were the
people that, like I didn't share with a lot of
(24:26):
people when we were hitting a low point, even pressed us. Yeah,
but I remember just the power of someone saying like
I get it, and I'm praying alongside you, like I'm
praying for your marriage. Like I don't know that there's
a lot of that happening as much as there used
to be, just people going, yeah, it's really tough.
Speaker 1 (24:47):
I think.
Speaker 2 (24:49):
You know, my Pammy, my Dallas Mom as I called her.
She was just such a special human and I get
emotional was even thinking about her. But she was the
first one to kind of like pull back the veil
on her. Her and her husband were perfect to me.
It was her third marriage, so she just really took
(25:10):
a minute. But they were so compatible and so best
friendly and just he just adore He still adores her,
you know. Recently we had to talk about just even
trying to date after her has been really hard for him.
And she was the first one to actually just sit
me down and say, yeah, like sometimes it's like yeah,
like we've had issues and I would never have guessed.
(25:31):
I guess I just had this like idea that because
they were magical together, that there must it must always
have been mutually respectful every single second, and like that
they talked and they did all these things, and they
did but out of the hard times, they talked more
out of the hard times than they did the best times, right,
And there was that was absolutely invaluable to me to
(25:54):
see somebody that I really cherished and looked up to
be able to say it's not always easy and we've
had some really hard spots. And I just really appreciated that,
and it made me feel like I'm more likely to
say that to people now too, you know, because we
all post the highlight reel, right, we all do that also,
like I don't want to look through a bunch of
(26:14):
people having bad days, you know, so I kind of
get why we do it. It's also just fair to
be like, yeah, it's hard and it takes like, you know,
we hit ten years and I said it to you
and Kat, like I couldn't. Your three and year seven
were really really tough. Your seven was the one that
I thought, if we make it through, I'm not sure
what would break us after this, you know, but you
(26:35):
can't get to ten without seven. So to your point
with great divorce. I think there's just I just I really,
I know a lot of people in that situation because
they've lost the connection being so busy. And it doesn't
surprise me because I think there's so many people that
(26:55):
married differently than we have. I'm almost done with my sermon,
and I think just the reconnection piece, like that's what
I've always been afraid of. Now, Preston and I won't
be empty nesters until we're about ninety one, because we're
going to start. It's late, but I always want to,
like want to be with him when everybody leaves the nest,
(27:16):
like I want to be excited about dating him again. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (27:19):
I think the thing that a few things with what
you said, which I obviously agree with all of it,
but one of the most valuable things that I've learned,
you know, even recently, is you don't need to make
any decision right now. It's like you can take your
time with things that come up. It's I think, at
least I always kind of like that's it, I'm done.
You know, that's because that's the I don't say it's
(27:42):
the easiest route, because it's definitely not, but to take
your time to really make the best decision. But also, yes,
marriage is hard, and I think that especially when it
comes to like the grade divorces. And this is something
where even for me, like I'm not great divorce, but
I know because I've already been divorced from Mike, and
(28:05):
I'm just gonna say Mike because to me, that's my
only marriage that I had besides Alan, even though again
on paper not blah blah blah, but like that was
a marriage I found out I was okay and I
can do it alone. So it's if Allan and I
were to get to divorced, it's like I think I already.
(28:26):
And this is probably why people when they're in this
gray divorce are okay, because it's like they know they
can They're going to be fine. They most likely have
enough money to be fine, they have their support systems
and their way of living. That it's if the person's
not adding to their life, then why spend the rest
(28:47):
of your life left right not being happy and with
someone and your kids are grown and your kids are grown,
So like I get, I kind of get that piece.
And then also I look at it where it's like
I know I'll be okay.
Speaker 2 (29:00):
That's it. So it's like I told you, I was like,
I don't have to trust Preston. I just can trust myself. Yeah,
I would love to trust Preston right that. You know,
at that point in our marriage, I just knew I
trusted myself, and I knew I have a God that's
always been with me, and I am I'm going to
be okay.
Speaker 1 (29:17):
But I also in that same breath, am not just
going to be like, oh we have one issue of X,
Y or Z, I'm done. Like I'm also of the
mind too where it's let's fight to get let's fight
through years two in whatever to get to ten. You know,
like I want to be there too, because I know
(29:37):
I know that marriage is not easy. I'm not going
to then divorce him to have this perfect human on
the next route. You know, like this next human, if
there was one, would have something too that they would bring.
So it's I think it's especially in this day and age,
when everyone can just like, oh the grass is greener,
It's really not. No, it's still the grass just has
(29:59):
a better Instagram be yeah, yeah, it looks pretty for
right now. But then you open the bag and you go, oh, yeah,
can I get back with.
Speaker 2 (30:08):
Yeah, yeah, I just it's like the you just don't
it doesn't have to be so quick. I remember like
when we were in our thickest I just didn't really
even reach out because I was like, I actually just
know what I know, and no one's going to know
your husband like you know your husband. That's the other thing,
Like there can be opinions if you even wanted to
(30:31):
go get them. But you know, I remember specifically like
you and Sarah Bryce just speaking a lot of life
into like me as a human, but also just marriage
and Preston as a human, you know, and we learned
a lot about each other and our marriage will never
be the same in the best way. Yeah, you know,
tricky but great divorce. I mean it makes me sad.
(30:54):
But also, man, if I am gray and you are
just not doing the dishes, can't hey load, don't stop
loading that dishwasher like you are a psychopaia.
Speaker 1 (31:04):
Speaking of the dishwasher thing, I saw an instagram about
basically this husband. It's like, if your wife complains about
the dishwasher being done wrong, then like your wife's narcissist basically,
And I'm like, yeah, buddy, it's made by a dude.
That doesn't know how to load a dishwasher. He's trying
to make it go viral. We don't buy it. We're
not narcissists. We're just organized and you're welcome. I think
(31:27):
everybody has narcissistic tendencies. Of course we do, right, But
just because a wife says, like, listen, I'm sorry, but
I'm gonna just die on my stake with that one,
because it's really it's not And this is the whole
point in which I would love to just tell this dudent,
it's not about the fucking dishwasher, dude, It's actually not
about how he loads it. Like, yes, it bothers it's
(31:48):
but it's like there's like deeper than that. You know, yes,
you want him to understand why this bothers you that
you put the fore facing up.
Speaker 2 (31:58):
You know, I don't know Kramer, every bit of it,
that dude.
Speaker 1 (32:03):
Jennifer Lopez calls out Craig Melvin for asking about her
divorce from Ben Affleck on the Today Show.
Speaker 2 (32:08):
Uh.
Speaker 1 (32:09):
I mean basically, Craig asked because she's in a movie, which,
by the way, Sophia Bush was telling me in Paris
that this movie is incredible. Oh, exciting. Yeah, like she does.
It's Kisses of a Spider Woman or something or I
probably just completely butchered that. Yeah, kiss of the Spider Woman.
Job good Chad recollection. But she they both they both
(32:33):
produce and she stars in it. But Sophia was like,
she's insane in it, like so good, and I'm like.
Speaker 2 (32:39):
Listen, why does she ag in reverse?
Speaker 1 (32:40):
But I'm also like, I love her, I've loved her
and enough Maine Manhattan wedding planner, like she's even the
marry me with whatever Owen Wilson, Like I love her.
I mean, she's great. It's and I did watch the
Red Carpet with Ben because I was just when I
couldn't sleep. I was kind of and some of the stuff,
(33:01):
and listen, I understood people are going to ask about
her divorce. Obviously Ben's there, and it's it's got to
be so annoying, but she knew it was coming, you know, it's.
Speaker 2 (33:10):
A very public.
Speaker 1 (33:11):
Yeah, But I feel like they both answer have been
answering things great, and they seem mine. But it's like,
I think it's just I get why the interviewers ask,
but also don't like just yea if we get it
they're divorced. Can we have a new new headline? Yeah,
don't ask her.
Speaker 2 (33:29):
It's why there supporting because he's one of the producers,
you know. And it feels like they're such good friends
now that like who cares? Yeah, Like they're so obviously
good friends and have such mutual respect for each other,
or at least they both act like it. No pun intended.
Speaker 1 (33:44):
Yeah, I didn't actually watch it, but I don't know
where she like called it out, but well I like
it when jay Low gets spicy. Yeah, she's like and
this was she said. She goes and yeah, things happen.
You have to keep going. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (33:55):
Yeah, she's like in her fifties nevin on yeap, like
gat in her fifties, getting by the minute.
Speaker 1 (34:01):
So Pediatricians reveals the biggest factor that shapes your child's
future and guess what, it's not parenting.
Speaker 2 (34:07):
Well, well I'll drink to that.
Speaker 1 (34:10):
Says parenting has its greatest impact on a child's behavior
between birth and age seven.
Speaker 2 (34:17):
I'm running out of time with legend.
Speaker 1 (34:19):
Shit, so what I've done?
Speaker 2 (34:22):
Oh no, this is catastrophic.
Speaker 1 (34:26):
According to this doctor, the long term trajectory of a
young person's life is influenced influence far more by the
neighborhoods they grew up and the peers who surround them,
and the genetic hand the delts than by the daily
choices of their parents. That's the reality, says The most
important parenting choice you make is determining the environment in
which your child will grow up. This makes me sad
(34:47):
because some people don't have the ability to give them
certain ways of growing up. So that makes me sad.
Speaker 2 (34:56):
But I think the environment could just even be safe
safety right, but what if? But I mean like just
within your own walls, right, I mean, sure you can
have really magical experiences. We just have this spoiled little
bubble where people like you know, do crazy Instagram over
the top things for their kids no matter what. And
(35:17):
I'm guilty of that at sometimes too.
Speaker 1 (35:18):
But I gotta say I disagree, though, I really do,
because thinking about this and my own childhood, I was
raised in a fine house. I mean it wasn't I
was not the rich house by all means. Like, yeah,
girlfriends that were in Rochester had n way nicer houses.
I mean, but my house is fine. Neighborhood, had a
(35:40):
bunch of friends in the neighborhood, so that was good,
But again, it was what's in the four walls, the coasters, flying,
the instability with the parents, the fighting like that, it
didn't matter what the environments around my house were. I
had a lot of friends around, I even had a
family across the street, but what was inside of it
the house, was what shaped my childhood.
Speaker 2 (36:05):
So maybe that's to her point that if you have
maybe not if you have, Like to me, it's like
if you have the safety of what's inside your four walls,
if you just know your people love you.
Speaker 1 (36:18):
So maybe because I'm taking it as the environment as
like neighborhoods, neighborhoods and all those things, but I don't
think it's the only thing. Yeah, that's interesting though to
even say that parenting, I mean, what and what are
we doing this for? If I could just pop them
in the house in a great neighborhood, then my work
(36:39):
is done. I do think there's a ton of validity
to the people you surround yourself with. I mean, even
even when love gets to be Jolie. Jolie is so
complimentary and so sweet, Like I was just thinking of
like one of their like sweet little interactions in the car,
you know, like she's just so love. You should totally
(36:59):
get an agent, you know, like she just is so
like she's you shrunk, you know, just like, yeah, you
should totally do that.
Speaker 2 (37:04):
You'd rock that. But it does matter that they have
I had just like the best. I didn't think my
friends and my neighborhood really saved me. So I think
it could have been really crazy for me if it
was tumultuous inside and then outside also felt that way.
(37:24):
But I had great teachers, I had awesome friends and
cute little neighborhood adventures and simplified adventures like catching the
crawfish in the creek and the you.
Speaker 1 (37:34):
Know yeah, I mean yeah, and listen, I always go
back to. And my parents were just doing the best
that they could. You know, sure you see that as
you get older, Yeah, you know, we're all just doing
the best weekend exactly. Family situation where my brother in law,
(38:02):
my husband's brother, admitted to us. My husband's brother admitted
to us he killed two pet bunnies and was having
aggressive tendencies where he would smush his daughter's face and
nose to make her cry. She is six months now
and was never seen by a doctor after he admitted this.
(38:26):
They also have a two year old. My question is
how to handle the family holidays with him around. He
hasn't seen a psych and a few family members feel
they aren't taking this seriously enough. It's hard to know
where to set boundaries because we don't know exactly what
caused this, and form my vantage point, I don't think
proper treatment has been sought. He is still living separately
(38:48):
from his wife and two young kids, but has been
putting their two year old to bed. My husband and
I are arguing about this more and more, since he
wants to support his brother and not alienate him. I'm
struggling since we usually all stay under one roof for
the holidays.
Speaker 2 (39:03):
Well, you know me in holidays, it's pretty predictable what
I'm gonna say, get a hotel room, Yeah, I definitely.
Home is such a sacred safe space to me that
there's anything that makes you feel uncomfortable, you do not
have to host that. M So, I, you know, it's interesting.
(39:24):
I don't resonate to the depth of the the activity
of the brother in law, but we have our own
set of you know, family stuff, and I you know,
brothers have this really special bond. I've learned. It's really
insane to me. I've never you know, I just only
(39:45):
have my brother and like, listen, we're bonded for life,
but it's not. We're not as close as we once
were at all, you know, for whatever reason. But Preston's
really close with his like he's just it's a brother
and when he watches movies and there's brothers. You know.
We just watched Black Rabbit.
Speaker 1 (40:06):
I seldom finished it. Sorry, I was too busy watching
PS I Love You and all that.
Speaker 2 (40:11):
Yeah, maybe not right now because there was a scene
actually oh no, yeah, there was a scene that took
me back. It kind of got me by surprise actually,
like I went back to seven year old me. Oh okay, yeah,
and that was really hard. It was weird because I,
you know, like you had talked about waking up at
three am and you thought that you were asked that.
(40:33):
I I mean, it was visceral, like it literally came
over me. It was the weirdest thing, and I thought
I have done enough work around that. But very interesting. Anyways,
I do think there's something too. This to me is
easier to me to boundary because it's about safety.
Speaker 1 (40:54):
But can we just go back to its child abuse
and was having aggressive tendencies where he would smash it
daughter's face and knows to make her cry. Is that
not child abuse?
Speaker 2 (41:03):
Yes, agreed, that's what I'm saying that you don't have.
Speaker 1 (41:05):
This person doesn't have to just like aggressive tendencies like
if you were a physically doing something to harm a child.
You've killed animals, which is a sign of something not right. Correct,
it's a mental like I don't want to misspeak, so,
but I have We've had family members that had did
that during childhood and that doesn't do well as they
(41:25):
get older.
Speaker 2 (41:28):
Yeah, when it's safety and you don't owe anybody a seto,
but it's hard when it's like your husband is you
guys aren't on the same page. And so I oh,
for sure for you on that because that is not
that's and I've been there. Yeah, Like Preston wants everybody
in for the full holiday, and I'm like, there's just
a couple of things here that make me question this
or question that.
Speaker 1 (41:50):
So I would tell him like, and he as as
your husband, he should honor your thoughts and feelings. He
doesn't have to agree with your thoughts around it, but
he should honor your feelings around it. So I would
just take a really firm stance like this doesn't make
me comfortable, and when it comes to him, like you
(42:12):
can boundary however you want to have with that relationship.
If you don't want him close, I mean, I get it,
just talk to somebody else, divert your attention somewhere else,
you know. But I would I would ask to not
stay under the same roof, because yeah, that does put
you in an uncomfortable situation, and your husband should honor that.
Speaker 2 (42:33):
Maybe this is the holiday where you do something off site, yeah,
to alleviate any stress that goes with it. Maybe it's
we're just all meeting at this restaurant instead this year.
But like, let's call it what it is. I think
if you're yes, intentionally hurting, you're a child. That's crazy
to me. Yeah, yeah, and you have dear listeners are
(42:55):
very valid in everything you're thinking and feeling. Yeah, very valid, Bunny.
I don't this is not that's not healthy. It sounds
for fun. Yeah, that's not healthy.
Speaker 1 (43:07):
I mean, like by accident, listen, I've been watching I
don't think it's right for you. I'll to start right there,
but I've been watching the New Charlie Hunting Monster series.
Speaker 2 (43:17):
Oh yeah, definitely not for me.
Speaker 1 (43:19):
Wow, so my mind.
Speaker 2 (43:21):
But do you see how all of these people like
Jeffrey Dahmer, like everybody has calling.
Speaker 1 (43:25):
By the way, we're not calling your brother in law,
Jeffrey Dahmer.
Speaker 2 (43:28):
I'm not not calling him that yet. I'm just saying,
there's if you can do harm to living creatures. Huh
there that doesn't typically something stuff. Yeah right, yeah, yeah,
mm hmmm. And I do I just really fear for
the safety of the children.
Speaker 1 (43:47):
Yes, Oh, dear listener, maybe ask his wife how you
could support her. Maybe maybe change your hatred to him
to how you can support her. Yeah, that's good.
Speaker 2 (43:59):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (44:00):
Anyways, gotta go back off to the beach.
Speaker 2 (44:05):
Unbelievable. Bye Carmen san Diego. Bye,
Wine Down with Janet Kramer, an iHeartRadio podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
Ugh, if I fall asleep, it's because how are you
doing and how have you how are you standing? Welcome
back Kramer for your European adventure. I feel like you
were gone a month.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
It was definitely, I mean it was. Jason just asked,
He's like, Mommy, how long was that? And it was
because you know, you gotta you lose a night whying. Yep,
So technically it was let's see, I left Tuesday, So Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
It was six sleeps. That's a lot of sleep. That's
a lot of sleeps. But it was it looked incredible.
Speaker 1 (00:45):
Yeah, so flying there, I just cannot sleep on a plane.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
I hate it. For you, Preston can't either. You can
sleep on a plane. Oh sometimes before we even take off.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
Are you serious?
Speaker 2 (00:58):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (00:58):
And I yeah.
Speaker 2 (00:59):
I think it's because it's the.
Speaker 1 (01:01):
Only wild to me, because you, I know, you are
anxiously like going away from me when you have kids.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
You know, Yeah, it's weird, but I think I also
it's like the only time in life where you just
are there's no other choice to be where you are.
Speaker 1 (01:15):
That is very true.
Speaker 2 (01:16):
And so it's like I call it cloud quiet, and
I just am like, Okay, well here we go. I mean,
there's nothing I can do to change where I'm at.
Speaker 1 (01:23):
That's very true.
Speaker 2 (01:24):
I'm not late for anything, true, I mean there it is. Yeah,
so I just get cozy. No, that's listen, that's that's
a really good point. I might steal that. And I'm
too I'm too afraid to take anything. Oh, granted, I
have the xanax on me. I will always have xanax
on me, But the why are we this? But I
(01:46):
never take it. I don't. I'll have a full panic attack.
It's an emotion.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
Take it.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
It's an emotional support.
Speaker 1 (01:52):
My water bottle. It's like a water and a xanax.
And I'm good, like just to just to no, I
have it.
Speaker 2 (01:57):
That's right.
Speaker 1 (01:58):
But someone had said melatonin, but I've never even taken
melotonin before.
Speaker 2 (02:04):
Yeah, that's tricky. I've learned a lot about melatonin and
cortisol and like our natural levels, and if you mess
with melatonin when you're not supposed to, then it can
be like tricky for your body and like have the
reverse effect. Maybe I don't know. I just also don't
want to be the one that like is just like
drooling and tongue out on a plane because I took
something like I have a friend who's like, oh, I
take this ambient and then I take this amount and
(02:26):
I just get the best nap of my life and
I wake up in Paris and I'm like, how well,
so that's the thing. So okay.
Speaker 1 (02:32):
So the first flight was to JFK and then it
was then JFK to Paris and we had about a
four hour layover in JFK and then to Paris. It
was just so I've never flown Jet Blue, I say,
take the back, I've flown Jet Blue. I've never flown
Jet Blue Mint, so I didn't really had a mint
(02:53):
their first class Oh cute.
Speaker 2 (02:55):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
So it's just it's just like as it's not as
good as like a the other first class, but it's
light on flat so it's still really nice, incredible. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
I didn't know this was the thing.
Speaker 1 (03:09):
It was the most inexpensive option. When I was looking
at the stuff, and I I'm fine to not fly
first class, but when it's past five hours, I'm like,
I really got to have a comfy seat. I would agree,
I just get a little too claustrophobic for that long
of something. So the you know, the plane was great,
(03:31):
All of that was awesome, but it's like everybody is
sleeping around me, and I'm like.
Speaker 2 (03:36):
How do you guys do it?
Speaker 1 (03:38):
I really wanted to like take someone's ear thing on.
Speaker 2 (03:40):
Me, like, so like tell me your thought process right now?
What are you thinking of?
Speaker 1 (03:44):
It's like, you know, I've got my husband's snoring in
the pod next to me, and everyone's just like out
and I'm like watching PS I Love You for the
threieth time.
Speaker 2 (03:52):
Yeah, good and predictable.
Speaker 1 (03:54):
Yeah, because it's like it just wanted like a little
feel good thing. So watching that, having tea and then
of course every time, like right when I land, that's
when I want to fall asleep.
Speaker 2 (04:06):
You and love have that in common. Got oh yeah
since birth. The last fifteen minutes she's out, I'm like,
awesome on like an alligator. Yeah for four hours.
Speaker 1 (04:17):
But yeah, So we get to Paris and I okay,
like I said before, I've never been was so excited
to go and.
Speaker 2 (04:25):
Tell me when you're landing, did you get to see
the Eiffel Tower? No, okay, okay, this is great.
Speaker 1 (04:30):
It was pretty kind of looked like Franklin, to be honest,
it was really green. Yeah yeah, far me. So I
have loves about Paris and I have dislikes about Paris.
Speaker 2 (04:43):
Okay, I'm interested. So you know, I'm just smitten with Paris.
I'm that American girl. Yeah, well so everyone. And when
we're doing the convention, it was like, you know, how
did you find your time here? And I'm like, I
love Paris, but I have two little asterisks. Okay.
Speaker 1 (05:00):
Yeah. So first day we get there, it's kind of
a wash, so tired even like things straight. We walked
around the Louver outdoor walking area, beautiful. Alan had to
do some work stuff, so I just kind of sat
by a little pond and had a croissant and just
(05:20):
started talking to the random people next to me. With
one girl was like reading a book and I'm that
person like you.
Speaker 2 (05:26):
Are, like everyone's nightmare. I know, people sleeping on first class. Hey,
so hi, I was just wondering people reading a book. Hey,
you mean the little bookmark comes in, I'm gonna earmark
this page for you. But I have a quick question.
I know.
Speaker 1 (05:39):
I was like, I don't know why, I just and
it was really nice. I sat there for at least
ten minutes quiet by myself. But then I'm just like
the American girl sitting in a thing with so I
just like look over to the person to my left
and was like, is that a good book?
Speaker 2 (05:54):
Why why leave her alone? They're like, I don't know
because I don't get to read it because I'm talking
to the American and I having a question.
Speaker 1 (06:02):
Meanwhile, I'm having like a predam anger person like that
I need to go. Yeah, and I was I'm like,
should have gone to like an actual bakery, but it
was the first thing that I saw, so when and
you know, she was actually really sweet. She was also visiting,
and so talked to her for a little bit. And
then my girl to my right was like, would you
take a picture of me, uh looking natural?
Speaker 2 (06:24):
And I said, of course, I'm really good at that. Yeah,
that's great.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
So I liked to the photo for her, and then
you know, walked back to the hotel. Stayed at a
beautiful place called Intercontinental LaGrande. It was right across the
street from the Opera whatever house, so that was there,
and then Thursday was our big walking tour. We had
like the most amazing guide ever. His name Mate Martin
(06:50):
and I was like, that's my dad's name. But he
was great. I mean we walked about thirty thousand steps, great,
walked just everywhere. And I'll never forget the moment that
I just like, you look up and you like see
the Eiffel Tower, I will bring out cry and I
got teary eyed. I did.
Speaker 2 (07:06):
I can cry thinking about it. Yeah. I think there's
something special about us waiting this long to see it.
Speaker 1 (07:12):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:13):
She was curvier than I thought. She was just stunning. Yeah,
and I wouldn't look. We were in London, took the
train to Paris, so I didn't and pressing kept going,
it's out the right window and I was like, I
don't make eye contacts like I wanted the moment. And
I was so proud of myself for waiting because we
turned a street corner and there she was. I mean,
it's burned into my brain. Yeah, and it's just magical.
(07:34):
And then like you know, he was saying how the
whole history behind it and when it was being built
and just you know, all of it. So it just
learns so much about that. But we walked around and
just saw everything and it was so magical. Uh, Mona
Lisa was a lot smaller than I thought. I've heard
that about her. Yeah, it was kind of like, okay,
yeah we missed. We actually didn't get to see money.
Speaker 1 (07:55):
Go to the loof.
Speaker 2 (07:56):
Well it was closed by the time we got there.
We had like the best non scheduled day and Harris
of my life. Yeah, and the memories are awesome, but
remember we got there and we're like, we don't get
to see her like next time.
Speaker 1 (08:05):
Yeah. Martin was great though, because it was he really
because I was like, listen, I appreciate museums, I really do,
but can you just show me the highlights like that? Also,
like I could like four hours in the loof you know. Yeah,
So I mean he just kind of really took us
to like this sculpture, but up up and we're like
we're out, Like it's nice.
Speaker 2 (08:24):
It's like when you go to those museums, you know
when people do power points and they just read you
the power points and you're.
Speaker 1 (08:29):
Like I can do that, yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, so
that was magical. I mean that was probably my favorite day,
was just walking the city, I mean from just these
random side streets to where you know, the great artists
lived and I mean it was just like it was
so special, so so special at a great dinner that night.
(08:50):
And then the next day it was a rainy day,
so that was kind of a bummer. We did go
to Versailles and the gardens, but the rain kind of
dampened the parade a bit, quite literally, quite literally. And
then the other two days were the One Tree Hill Convention,
which I just I needed blown away.
Speaker 2 (09:11):
It looked electric from Instagram. I was just following along
blown away. I mean, how many people that were there,
and how excited they were, and how just like kind
they were. Is okay for hug for photo And I'm like, yeah,
of course is in America. We don't even ask you.
Speaker 1 (09:28):
Yeah, but i mean just they were. They were so kind,
so welcoming, just so happy that we were there, and
I'm like, thank you for having us here, you know.
But it was I mean, it was definitely a long day.
Speaker 2 (09:43):
When was the last time you were with your full cast?
Speaker 1 (09:45):
Well, i mean not everyone was there, so like we
were amazing, Like, yeah, but this was a big one.
I mean, we do the One Tree Hill conventions in Wilmington,
but this was definitely more of kind of cast altogether.
So that was you know it was. It was nice
and it's it's, uh, you kind of pick up where you,
you know, leave off left off, and Chantella and I
are really really close, so it was nice to just
have like one on one with her and her guy
(10:08):
and so that was that was really really nice. But yeah,
I mean they were just amazing and so wonderful. But yeah,
I mean we started meeting greets at eight am and
we wrapped at seven thirty and it's like two fifteen
minute breaks.
Speaker 2 (10:21):
Wild. Was this Allen's first like real One Tree Hill
event convention? He's just like wow, I wondered, and he
would be taken back mind blown, like how many people?
He's like, baby, you have so many people that like
love you, and like that's right. It was just that's great,
Like it's so weird, you know, it's it's so weird too,
but because it's part of who like, that's what's so
(10:41):
crazy to me. It's like, I it was a real
best friend convention. Confession. I've never even seen an episode
of One Job, so I think it was just because
it was younger than me. But I see it when
we go wind down out on tour and how many
One Tree hillers.
Speaker 1 (10:58):
Come oh yeah.
Speaker 2 (10:59):
I mean, it is a loyal fan base and they're incredible,
but it's such a piece of who you are, but
it's not a piece of who you are that I knew,
so I remember, but I don't like. That's why I
thought this has to be really cool for Allan.
Speaker 1 (11:12):
Yeah, And it was just again like that's why I
always think my one Tree Hillars anywhere we go. It's
like they're so loyal, they're so kind and loving and
they just spill your heart, you know, their hearts to you,
and it's just they're lovely humans. So I am so
just so thankful. I hope you know I can come
(11:32):
I come back. But here's my two asterisks. Okay, too
much smoke. A lot of smoking in Paris. Yeah, they
just have not They're still tried and true. Yeah, it's
like sitting because you know, y'all want to sit outside
in these little cafes and then it's just getting a
big whiff of like yeah, and it's kind of constant.
It's constant. Wed one time, we like move different places,
(11:53):
but it just kept following and I'm all right, and
then you kind of just get used to it. But
it's just a lot of smoke, I would agree, a
lot of smoke.
Speaker 2 (11:59):
I blocked that out.
Speaker 1 (12:00):
And then the food is not great, Shanna, I don't
think the food is that. I think Italian food is better.
We found a really sweet Italian spot though, okay we
did too. That's the sweet spot, I think. Yeah, And
I mean I had facaca every night, yes, and oh
(12:21):
I ate. I mean I had like two croissants to day.
I had, you know, I would walk around with like
a baguette in the street. I had you know, facaca
at night. But I just the French food. I just
when I said, we did go to a proper French
cuisine and I just didn't. I didn't love it as much.
A lot of butter, a lot of you know, lots
(12:43):
of butter, some saucy stuff. I just didn't love. But
there was We did go to this restaurant called Giraffe,
which I've gotta say I was really disappointed in. Is
that like the that's like a really good one to
go to, according to really pretty but they say you
get like the best view of the Eiffel Tower. There's
one seat, like it's a good view of the Eiffel Tower.
Speaker 2 (13:02):
Is it the one that's across the river.
Speaker 1 (13:04):
I think it's by the Trocadera, which is where we
went to go see the Eiffel Tower at night the
very last night, which was magical because I didn't see
So what I wanted to do is I wanted to
see the Eiffel Tower at night my last night. I
don't know. I just wanted to like tie up the
trip with like a bow. And so I hadn't seen
(13:24):
the light show or anything like that. I only seen
it like during the day, and I like legit teared
up again.
Speaker 2 (13:29):
I could literally cry right now. It's so it's magical.
We stayed I cannot wait till I come back. That
had a view of the Eiffel Tower. But the way
that our bed in the hotel room was was you
could see it like at the foot of the bed,
but you couldn't see it if you laid down properly. And
so we flip flopped all our blankets and pillows and
I fell asleep staring like I could cry. I was.
(13:51):
I honestly think there's moments in life where heaven swirls.
Have I told you? I think heavens swirls. It's not
a up or down No, I think that they're swirling heaven,
and I think there's moments where we get to it
makes me emotional, but there's moments where we get to
feel what it will feel like there, and I think
that's when we drive through it, or some nights at
the baseball field. I had one at the baseball field
(14:11):
where I was walking in the car alone, which was
a moment in itself, but I could just hear the
faint sounds and like the smell, and like I just
was like, I think you can walk through it. And
that was one of those times for me. I think
it's just if you have wanted to see Paris. And
it's funny because one of my best friends can't stand Paris.
(14:33):
He travels all the time.
Speaker 1 (14:35):
What does this say?
Speaker 2 (14:35):
He doesn't like about it. I think it's maybe too
typical for him. I think he's out. He's like a
very adventurer guy, but he loves big cities. He loves
Thailand and he goes everywhere. Yeah, but he just say like, oh, Paris,
I can skip And I'm like, so interesting.
Speaker 1 (14:48):
I find it so magical. I could also do without
the traffic though too. Like after the convention, it was
about what would normally take a thirty minute trip there
at night. It took us almost two hours every night,
so like we're starving. Oh yeah, dinner at like nine
o'clock at night, you know what I mean. It was
just like your clock's already off anyway. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
(15:08):
but yeah, I just I find it magical and I
look forward to hopefully being able to come back for
another convention and then maybe trying different restaurants.
Speaker 2 (15:17):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (15:17):
A rich history, I think is also really cool. I
just the architecture fascinating. There's so many things that I
didn't get to do too, Like I really want to
go to Normandy. I want to take a train out there.
You know. I didn't really get to hang out long
at the Shomps Schumps whatever it's called. It's the big
shopping area. It was just raining too much, so I
ended up leaving. But but pretty it was so great.
(15:41):
We did the lock bridge when we were there, so
do you know what happened?
Speaker 2 (15:45):
Yeah? We locked again? You locked again? Yeah, they had
taken it all down. I was like, this is the
bridge and they were all gone, uh huh.
Speaker 1 (15:51):
But we started so our guide Martin, was talking about that,
and I'm like, what if like this poor sweet man
like put a lock of like wife that was like
her dream because she was dying or something, and then
just throw your locks away. It's really wild because we
like actually had two keys and we're like, we're going
to give the kids a key and once they get
(16:12):
to a certain age we want like had this big
thing where it's like when we die, they come back
and they find the lock, like are are making them
go to Paris as like siblings. Wow, I know, but
it's not going to work because it's gone. There is
a new lock bridge though, yes, yeah, but it's but
the locks were getting too heavy apparently.
Speaker 2 (16:33):
I mean, it really is a lot of weight if
you think about it. But I thought, can you just
move them somewhere? Like could you? I know? But that's less.
I don't know. We needed to lock though. It was
like a really meaningful yea and lock. Yeah you could
lock next time. I would like to, yeah, this time, like, yeah,
you got to see a bunch of stuff.
Speaker 1 (16:54):
Yeah, I definitely look. Yeah, I really look forward to
hopefully going back again because I just loved every second
of it.
Speaker 2 (17:01):
I just think there's something too when you're seeing a
new city and you have such a grateful heart. You know,
I think there's something about being hopeless romantic for a city.
I still feel that way about Nashville, even though I'm
in a toxic relationship with it in its traffic. But
when we land, like I try to just always soak
up the fact that, like little thirteen year old me
(17:21):
circuling singles off of cassette tapes, you know, gets to
know country music and music city. That's pretty awesome. So
I think when you can go into any city and
have that, it's just amazing. I feel that way, silly,
feel that way about Chicago. I love Chicago. She's always
been tried and true for me. Just really sweet and
great memories, and that's fun. I like that you have Paris,
(17:44):
You'll always have Paris. That'd be fun to do a
girls trip to Paris. Oh would it ever?
Speaker 1 (17:49):
Would it ever? That would be really fun. Do you
got anything to whine about?
Speaker 2 (18:05):
This is silly, But I know somewhere someone right in
this moment is going, yeah, girl, me too, So I
might just say it. Do it? Why do I wait
till the last minute to get gas? Damn it? Cramer?
I was I get in? Do you know? I literally
get in my car today. It's just been a whirlwind week.
We've traveled twice this week so and we travel this
weekend to Chicago. Actually, one of my very sweet and
(18:31):
most amazing friends is getting married for the first time
in her life. They've been together twenty years. Wow, and
she looks stunning in her dress. And I'm so excited
and it's like gonna be just a really beautiful union.
I'm excited for her. But I got in the car
and driving here uh huh. And I give myself a
(18:52):
great buffer of time to get to you. I like
to just be early here. Whenever my husband or kids
are not involved, I'm usually early, which is a lovely
thing for me. So I was like, okay, I'll just
hop in. I get in and I have nineteen miles
to empty and to get to you is eighteen. Well
that works out. But how do I get gas once
I'm here? And I did what I always hate, which
(19:14):
is just put twenty in en roll I stop like NASCAR.
Speaker 1 (19:18):
Yes, it's like five and out.
Speaker 2 (19:19):
I hate it, but I did. That is why I
now have an electric car, because that's how much I
just like getting gas. Because my jeep Cherokee would be like,
you need gas. It doesn't tell you how many miles,
which is why I ran out of gas that one day.
Oh mine definitely tells me and she's like, are you
paying attention? You're all fifteen. I've just never liked getting
gas ever in my life.
Speaker 1 (19:40):
I really truly like why, I'll despise it. It's it's
time wasted and it doesn't even take that long. No,
but it's like dirty and.
Speaker 2 (19:50):
So first world.
Speaker 1 (19:53):
I just I naturally not having to get gas is
the greatest feeling I know.
Speaker 2 (19:59):
It makes me want to go electric. It's electric. I
come to the dark side. I can't. I can't keep
my phone charge. How would I keep a vehicle charge?
That's the thing.
Speaker 1 (20:08):
One day I didn't get it charged and I got screwed.
Speaker 2 (20:11):
Yeah, because then you're then what.
Speaker 1 (20:13):
But typically I don't drive that much, so it's fine, Okay,
Well that's a good one. So you just did twenty
and out, I mean a pit crew I was, I
was working for NASCAR. You would have been so proud
of me.
Speaker 2 (20:24):
I I was just I'm very inspired by the NASCAR roots.
I got really excited. But twenty and out got it
here and I have to fill up later this week.
Mad at myself. I gotta be honest with you. I
had a wine about it right before you started, and
I'm so tired.
Speaker 1 (20:38):
I forgot.
Speaker 2 (20:39):
Oh I needed to come back. I shouldn't use gas
as much. Oh no, that was good.
Speaker 1 (20:42):
No, I mean like I'm glad. I just am like
having said.
Speaker 2 (20:47):
Hey, you know, we forgot to mention kitkats not here.
Oh yeah, dang, yes, and two of us we can
like it. I let you take it them.
Speaker 1 (20:57):
So she's at the beach.
Speaker 2 (20:58):
I know. I'm excited for her break. Yep.
Speaker 1 (21:02):
This We are headed there tomorrow. So how are you doing?
What you're doing? This is wild? Well, you know, I
was going to bring everyone to Paris, but it was
going to be too expensive because yeah, it's fall break time, right,
and not even that, It's just I wanted to do
something with the kiddos or fall break, and we love
going to Florida. So I just figured, Okay, we're going
(21:24):
to come back, enjoy Paris on the front end, do
my work, come back, pit stop, do laundry, grab the
kids and go to the beach. Because just because I'm
tired doesn't mean they need to enjoy their little travel trip.
Speaker 2 (21:38):
I fear for you is that. For me, it was
two or three days after arrival back in the United
States that it really started to get me. Yeah, it's fine.
You're a little bit of a rock star that way though.
It's all good. It's great. Who needs sleep?
Speaker 1 (21:50):
Hey, you know what's on the rise? Grey divorce is
on the rise in relationship experts think this is why.
Speaker 2 (21:56):
Tell us about grey divorce.
Speaker 1 (21:57):
So while you might be familiar with the often rough
friend statistic that fifty percent of marriages, that's depressing, and
in divorce, you may not know when those breakups most
often happen. Turns out great divorces aka splits after age
fifty have more than doubled in recent years. This doesn't
(22:17):
surprise me. Some boomers who married young got divorced in
the seventies and getting divorced again because second marriages tend
to be less stable. If you're divorced once, your norm
about marriage, marriage and the idea that you have to
stay in it till death of this part is already
a little bit weaker. So yeah, I mean, and if
you think about it, Nicole Kimani Keith Aurbin which for
(22:39):
divorce Lori Laughlin and her husband, Yeah, I mean, I
was definitely shocked when I saw that, but also knowing
certain things too, it was like, okay, I could you
know again, knowing every knowing anything about marriage, you can
go okay, because marriage is hard.
Speaker 2 (22:59):
It is hard. It's wild because I was on the
way here today and I was thinking, like, how many
friends I have. I don't even know how much we
even need to go into this, but you tell me.
I just there is like, listen, President and I have
had really really hard times in marriage, really hard times.
(23:19):
And it's interesting to me because there are I'm not excusing,
like Okay, let's go like, this is not a safety issue.
When I say this, I'd say emotional safety is a thing,
but this is not a like physical safety issue. But
how quickly people are too. It's like people expect marriage
(23:42):
to be perfect, and if someone makes a mistake then
it's an automatic out right. And there's something to be
said for the people that I don't think it needs
to be. It's not like it's just something to be
said for going slow and to assessing situations without jumping
(24:03):
to really catastrophic solutions really fast. God's chiming, and and
I started just thinking about how even in the trickiest
marriage times. For me, the most valuable people were the
people that, like I didn't share with a lot of
(24:26):
people when we were hitting a low point, even pressed us. Yeah,
but I remember just the power of someone saying like
I get it, and I'm praying alongside you, like I'm
praying for your marriage. Like I don't know that there's
a lot of that happening as much as there used
to be, just people going, yeah, it's really tough.
Speaker 1 (24:47):
I think.
Speaker 2 (24:49):
You know, my Pammy, my Dallas Mom as I called her.
She was just such a special human and I get
emotional was even thinking about her. But she was the
first one to kind of like pull back the veil
on her. Her and her husband were perfect to me.
It was her third marriage, so she just really took
(25:10):
a minute. But they were so compatible and so best
friendly and just he just adore He still adores her,
you know. Recently we had to talk about just even
trying to date after her has been really hard for him.
And she was the first one to actually just sit
me down and say, yeah, like sometimes it's like yeah,
like we've had issues and I would never have guessed.
(25:31):
I guess I just had this like idea that because
they were magical together, that there must it must always
have been mutually respectful every single second, and like that
they talked and they did all these things, and they
did but out of the hard times, they talked more
out of the hard times than they did the best times, right,
And there was that was absolutely invaluable to me to
(25:54):
see somebody that I really cherished and looked up to
be able to say it's not always easy and we've
had some really hard spots. And I just really appreciated that,
and it made me feel like I'm more likely to
say that to people now too, you know, because we
all post the highlight reel, right, we all do that also,
like I don't want to look through a bunch of
(26:14):
people having bad days, you know, so I kind of
get why we do it. It's also just fair to
be like, yeah, it's hard and it takes like, you know,
we hit ten years and I said it to you
and Kat, like I couldn't. Your three and year seven
were really really tough. Your seven was the one that
I thought, if we make it through, I'm not sure
what would break us after this, you know, but you
(26:35):
can't get to ten without seven. So to your point
with great divorce. I think there's just I just I really,
I know a lot of people in that situation because
they've lost the connection being so busy. And it doesn't
surprise me because I think there's so many people that
(26:55):
married differently than we have. I'm almost done with my sermon,
and I think just the reconnection piece, like that's what
I've always been afraid of. Now, Preston and I won't
be empty nesters until we're about ninety one, because we're
going to start. It's late, but I always want to,
like want to be with him when everybody leaves the nest,
(27:16):
like I want to be excited about dating him again. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (27:19):
I think the thing that a few things with what
you said, which I obviously agree with all of it,
but one of the most valuable things that I've learned,
you know, even recently, is you don't need to make
any decision right now. It's like you can take your
time with things that come up. It's I think, at
least I always kind of like that's it, I'm done.
You know, that's because that's the I don't say it's
(27:42):
the easiest route, because it's definitely not, but to take
your time to really make the best decision. But also, yes,
marriage is hard, and I think that especially when it
comes to like the grade divorces. And this is something
where even for me, like I'm not great divorce, but
I know because I've already been divorced from Mike, and
(28:05):
I'm just gonna say Mike because to me, that's my
only marriage that I had besides Alan, even though again
on paper not blah blah blah, but like that was
a marriage I found out I was okay and I
can do it alone. So it's if Allan and I
were to get to divorced, it's like I think I already.
(28:26):
And this is probably why people when they're in this
gray divorce are okay, because it's like they know they
can They're going to be fine. They most likely have
enough money to be fine, they have their support systems
and their way of living. That it's if the person's
not adding to their life, then why spend the rest
(28:47):
of your life left right not being happy and with
someone and your kids are grown and your kids are grown,
So like I get, I kind of get that piece.
And then also I look at it where it's like
I know I'll be okay.
Speaker 2 (29:00):
That's it. So it's like I told you, I was like,
I don't have to trust Preston. I just can trust myself. Yeah,
I would love to trust Preston right that. You know,
at that point in our marriage, I just knew I
trusted myself, and I knew I have a God that's
always been with me, and I am I'm going to
be okay.
Speaker 1 (29:17):
But I also in that same breath, am not just
going to be like, oh we have one issue of X,
Y or Z, I'm done. Like I'm also of the
mind too where it's let's fight to get let's fight
through years two in whatever to get to ten. You know,
like I want to be there too, because I know
(29:37):
I know that marriage is not easy. I'm not going
to then divorce him to have this perfect human on
the next route. You know, like this next human, if
there was one, would have something too that they would bring.
So it's I think it's especially in this day and age,
when everyone can just like, oh the grass is greener,
It's really not. No, it's still the grass just has
(29:59):
a better Instagram be yeah, yeah, it looks pretty for
right now. But then you open the bag and you go, oh, yeah,
can I get back with.
Speaker 2 (30:08):
Yeah, yeah, I just it's like the you just don't
it doesn't have to be so quick. I remember like
when we were in our thickest I just didn't really
even reach out because I was like, I actually just
know what I know, and no one's going to know
your husband like you know your husband. That's the other thing,
Like there can be opinions if you even wanted to
(30:31):
go get them. But you know, I remember specifically like
you and Sarah Bryce just speaking a lot of life
into like me as a human, but also just marriage
and Preston as a human, you know, and we learned
a lot about each other and our marriage will never
be the same in the best way. Yeah, you know,
tricky but great divorce. I mean it makes me sad.
(30:54):
But also, man, if I am gray and you are
just not doing the dishes, can't hey load, don't stop
loading that dishwasher like you are a psychopaia.
Speaker 1 (31:04):
Speaking of the dishwasher thing, I saw an instagram about
basically this husband. It's like, if your wife complains about
the dishwasher being done wrong, then like your wife's narcissist basically,
And I'm like, yeah, buddy, it's made by a dude.
That doesn't know how to load a dishwasher. He's trying
to make it go viral. We don't buy it. We're
not narcissists. We're just organized and you're welcome. I think
(31:27):
everybody has narcissistic tendencies. Of course we do, right, But
just because a wife says, like, listen, I'm sorry, but
I'm gonna just die on my stake with that one,
because it's really it's not And this is the whole
point in which I would love to just tell this dudent,
it's not about the fucking dishwasher, dude, It's actually not
about how he loads it. Like, yes, it bothers it's
(31:48):
but it's like there's like deeper than that. You know, yes,
you want him to understand why this bothers you that
you put the fore facing up.
Speaker 2 (31:58):
You know, I don't know Kramer, every bit of it,
that dude.
Speaker 1 (32:03):
Jennifer Lopez calls out Craig Melvin for asking about her
divorce from Ben Affleck on the Today Show.
Speaker 2 (32:08):
Uh.
Speaker 1 (32:09):
I mean basically, Craig asked because she's in a movie, which,
by the way, Sophia Bush was telling me in Paris
that this movie is incredible. Oh, exciting. Yeah, like she does.
It's Kisses of a Spider Woman or something or I
probably just completely butchered that. Yeah, kiss of the Spider Woman.
Job good Chad recollection. But she they both they both
(32:33):
produce and she stars in it. But Sophia was like,
she's insane in it, like so good, and I'm like.
Speaker 2 (32:39):
Listen, why does she ag in reverse?
Speaker 1 (32:40):
But I'm also like, I love her, I've loved her
and enough Maine Manhattan wedding planner, like she's even the
marry me with whatever Owen Wilson, Like I love her.
I mean, she's great. It's and I did watch the
Red Carpet with Ben because I was just when I
couldn't sleep. I was kind of and some of the stuff,
(33:01):
and listen, I understood people are going to ask about
her divorce. Obviously Ben's there, and it's it's got to
be so annoying, but she knew it was coming, you know, it's.
Speaker 2 (33:10):
A very public.
Speaker 1 (33:11):
Yeah, But I feel like they both answer have been
answering things great, and they seem mine. But it's like,
I think it's just I get why the interviewers ask,
but also don't like just yea if we get it
they're divorced. Can we have a new new headline? Yeah,
don't ask her.
Speaker 2 (33:29):
It's why there supporting because he's one of the producers,
you know. And it feels like they're such good friends
now that like who cares? Yeah, Like they're so obviously
good friends and have such mutual respect for each other,
or at least they both act like it. No pun intended.
Speaker 1 (33:44):
Yeah, I didn't actually watch it, but I don't know
where she like called it out, but well I like
it when jay Low gets spicy. Yeah, she's like and
this was she said. She goes and yeah, things happen.
You have to keep going. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (33:55):
Yeah, she's like in her fifties nevin on yeap, like
gat in her fifties, getting by the minute.
Speaker 1 (34:01):
So Pediatricians reveals the biggest factor that shapes your child's
future and guess what, it's not parenting.
Speaker 2 (34:07):
Well, well I'll drink to that.
Speaker 1 (34:10):
Says parenting has its greatest impact on a child's behavior
between birth and age seven.
Speaker 2 (34:17):
I'm running out of time with legend.
Speaker 1 (34:19):
Shit, so what I've done?
Speaker 2 (34:22):
Oh no, this is catastrophic.
Speaker 1 (34:26):
According to this doctor, the long term trajectory of a
young person's life is influenced influence far more by the
neighborhoods they grew up and the peers who surround them,
and the genetic hand the delts than by the daily
choices of their parents. That's the reality, says The most
important parenting choice you make is determining the environment in
which your child will grow up. This makes me sad
(34:47):
because some people don't have the ability to give them
certain ways of growing up. So that makes me sad.
Speaker 2 (34:56):
But I think the environment could just even be safe
safety right, but what if? But I mean like just
within your own walls, right, I mean, sure you can
have really magical experiences. We just have this spoiled little
bubble where people like you know, do crazy Instagram over
the top things for their kids no matter what. And
(35:17):
I'm guilty of that at sometimes too.
Speaker 1 (35:18):
But I gotta say I disagree, though, I really do,
because thinking about this and my own childhood, I was
raised in a fine house. I mean it wasn't I
was not the rich house by all means. Like, yeah,
girlfriends that were in Rochester had n way nicer houses.
I mean, but my house is fine. Neighborhood, had a
(35:40):
bunch of friends in the neighborhood, so that was good,
But again, it was what's in the four walls, the coasters, flying,
the instability with the parents, the fighting like that, it
didn't matter what the environments around my house were. I
had a lot of friends around, I even had a
family across the street, but what was inside of it
the house, was what shaped my childhood.
Speaker 2 (36:05):
So maybe that's to her point that if you have
maybe not if you have, Like to me, it's like
if you have the safety of what's inside your four walls,
if you just know your people love you.
Speaker 1 (36:18):
So maybe because I'm taking it as the environment as
like neighborhoods, neighborhoods and all those things, but I don't
think it's the only thing. Yeah, that's interesting though to
even say that parenting, I mean, what and what are
we doing this for? If I could just pop them
in the house in a great neighborhood, then my work
(36:39):
is done. I do think there's a ton of validity
to the people you surround yourself with. I mean, even
even when love gets to be Jolie. Jolie is so
complimentary and so sweet, Like I was just thinking of
like one of their like sweet little interactions in the car,
you know, like she's just so love. You should totally
(36:59):
get an agent, you know, like she just is so
like she's you shrunk, you know, just like, yeah, you
should totally do that.
Speaker 2 (37:04):
You'd rock that. But it does matter that they have
I had just like the best. I didn't think my
friends and my neighborhood really saved me. So I think
it could have been really crazy for me if it
was tumultuous inside and then outside also felt that way.
(37:24):
But I had great teachers, I had awesome friends and
cute little neighborhood adventures and simplified adventures like catching the
crawfish in the creek and the you.
Speaker 1 (37:34):
Know yeah, I mean yeah, and listen, I always go
back to. And my parents were just doing the best
that they could. You know, sure you see that as
you get older, Yeah, you know, we're all just doing
the best weekend exactly. Family situation where my brother in law,
(38:02):
my husband's brother, admitted to us. My husband's brother admitted
to us he killed two pet bunnies and was having
aggressive tendencies where he would smush his daughter's face and
nose to make her cry. She is six months now
and was never seen by a doctor after he admitted this.
(38:26):
They also have a two year old. My question is
how to handle the family holidays with him around. He
hasn't seen a psych and a few family members feel
they aren't taking this seriously enough. It's hard to know
where to set boundaries because we don't know exactly what
caused this, and form my vantage point, I don't think
proper treatment has been sought. He is still living separately
(38:48):
from his wife and two young kids, but has been
putting their two year old to bed. My husband and
I are arguing about this more and more, since he
wants to support his brother and not alienate him. I'm
struggling since we usually all stay under one roof for
the holidays.
Speaker 2 (39:03):
Well, you know me in holidays, it's pretty predictable what
I'm gonna say, get a hotel room, Yeah, I definitely.
Home is such a sacred safe space to me that
there's anything that makes you feel uncomfortable, you do not
have to host that. M So, I, you know, it's interesting.
(39:24):
I don't resonate to the depth of the the activity
of the brother in law, but we have our own
set of you know, family stuff, and I you know,
brothers have this really special bond. I've learned. It's really
insane to me. I've never you know, I just only
(39:45):
have my brother and like, listen, we're bonded for life,
but it's not. We're not as close as we once
were at all, you know, for whatever reason. But Preston's
really close with his like he's just it's a brother
and when he watches movies and there's brothers. You know.
We just watched Black Rabbit.
Speaker 1 (40:06):
I seldom finished it. Sorry, I was too busy watching
PS I Love You and all that.
Speaker 2 (40:11):
Yeah, maybe not right now because there was a scene
actually oh no, yeah, there was a scene that took
me back. It kind of got me by surprise actually,
like I went back to seven year old me. Oh okay, yeah,
and that was really hard. It was weird because I,
you know, like you had talked about waking up at
three am and you thought that you were asked that.
(40:33):
I I mean, it was visceral, like it literally came
over me. It was the weirdest thing, and I thought
I have done enough work around that. But very interesting. Anyways,
I do think there's something too. This to me is
easier to me to boundary because it's about safety.
Speaker 1 (40:54):
But can we just go back to its child abuse
and was having aggressive tendencies where he would smash it
daughter's face and knows to make her cry. Is that
not child abuse?
Speaker 2 (41:03):
Yes, agreed, that's what I'm saying that you don't have.
Speaker 1 (41:05):
This person doesn't have to just like aggressive tendencies like
if you were a physically doing something to harm a child.
You've killed animals, which is a sign of something not right. Correct,
it's a mental like I don't want to misspeak, so,
but I have We've had family members that had did
that during childhood and that doesn't do well as they
(41:25):
get older.
Speaker 2 (41:28):
Yeah, when it's safety and you don't owe anybody a seto,
but it's hard when it's like your husband is you
guys aren't on the same page. And so I oh,
for sure for you on that because that is not
that's and I've been there. Yeah, Like Preston wants everybody
in for the full holiday, and I'm like, there's just
a couple of things here that make me question this
or question that.
Speaker 1 (41:50):
So I would tell him like, and he as as
your husband, he should honor your thoughts and feelings. He
doesn't have to agree with your thoughts around it, but
he should honor your feelings around it. So I would
just take a really firm stance like this doesn't make
me comfortable, and when it comes to him, like you
(42:12):
can boundary however you want to have with that relationship.
If you don't want him close, I mean, I get it,
just talk to somebody else, divert your attention somewhere else,
you know. But I would I would ask to not
stay under the same roof, because yeah, that does put
you in an uncomfortable situation, and your husband should honor that.
Speaker 2 (42:33):
Maybe this is the holiday where you do something off site, yeah,
to alleviate any stress that goes with it. Maybe it's
we're just all meeting at this restaurant instead this year.
But like, let's call it what it is. I think
if you're yes, intentionally hurting, you're a child. That's crazy
to me. Yeah, yeah, and you have dear listeners are
(42:55):
very valid in everything you're thinking and feeling. Yeah, very valid, Bunny.
I don't this is not that's not healthy. It sounds
for fun. Yeah, that's not healthy.
Speaker 1 (43:07):
I mean, like by accident, listen, I've been watching I
don't think it's right for you. I'll to start right there,
but I've been watching the New Charlie Hunting Monster series.
Speaker 2 (43:17):
Oh yeah, definitely not for me.
Speaker 1 (43:19):
Wow, so my mind.
Speaker 2 (43:21):
But do you see how all of these people like
Jeffrey Dahmer, like everybody has calling.
Speaker 1 (43:25):
By the way, we're not calling your brother in law,
Jeffrey Dahmer.
Speaker 2 (43:28):
I'm not not calling him that yet. I'm just saying,
there's if you can do harm to living creatures. Huh
there that doesn't typically something stuff. Yeah right, yeah, yeah,
mm hmmm. And I do I just really fear for
the safety of the children.
Speaker 1 (43:47):
Yes, Oh, dear listener, maybe ask his wife how you
could support her. Maybe maybe change your hatred to him
to how you can support her. Yeah, that's good.
Speaker 2 (43:59):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (44:00):
Anyways, gotta go back off to the beach.
Speaker 2 (44:05):
Unbelievable. Bye Carmen san Diego. Bye,
Host
Jana Kramer
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