September 22, 2025 • 40 mins
Would you stay with someone if you found out they cheated in a previous relationship?? Jana spills what happened with someone she dated post-divorce who was dishonest about his cheating past.
Jana and Kristen break down all the recent celebrity break-ups, and Jana shares the inspirational message she sent to someone whose relationship is in the headlines.
Plus, how would Jana feel if her kids call her ex-husband’s girlfriend “mom”??
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Wind down with Janet Kramer an I'm Heeart radio podcast.
All right, just the two of us, Yes, the two
I'll let you take the single. We we can they
get it? I can't. You can more than me. Would
you like me to give a shot just the two
of us? There you go, that'll make it feel good.
(00:23):
We can make it if we try just the two
of us. There it is. That's why some people promoting
the car everybody while cleaning. Yeah, I like to know
where people listen to us. It's so funny. We take
a lot of baths with people, which I think is
really sweet and also like very vulnerable. I love that.
Sometimes I'll listen when I want to listen back on episodes.
(00:48):
I don't do it all the time, but I I
like to listen back. I will critique myself on certain things,
and then I'll text Usten and go, can you take
this out? Really fuss? I shouldn't say it like, because
I again sometimes forget that we're having we're just conversating, conversating,
and then I forget that things can maybe be taken
out of context or which is or we just didn't
(01:10):
think about it until we said it. Yeah, And I
just so yeah. I mean I I don't do that
a lot, but there are times when I'm like, I
don't like how I said that, and I I think
it's good to have reflection of how you say things.
And I'm mindful of that, right because I want to
be better and do better and not just have I
(01:32):
think if people had a mic in front of them
when they're having girls talk, I think that they would
not sign up for that. So but I I like
to I like to listen on a walk. So I
listened to the last episode when I'm when I'm walking,
and I like, I walk with you. Yeah, so, and
sometimes it's it's you know, I like to hear you guys,
(01:54):
your perspective because sometimes when we're doing this, I don't
really get to sit in it right right right as
we're trying to yeah, all right, now we're going to
the next second. I don't know, it's just but yeah,
it's nice to I always like the people that slide
into my dam's Wow. I've had quite a few last week,
but uh, the ones that are say, you know, uh,
(02:18):
listening to the podcast and yes in the car there,
but I haven't gotten the bath one. It's cute to me.
I actually got a FaceTime from Preston. He had landed
in Anaheim, and he was like, I have someone here
that wants to say hi, and I had, and he
does that to me a lot, which is just kind
of please don't do that to me, you know, like
because I feel like I don't have much of a
(02:40):
memory anymore, or I can't remember names as well, like
I just don't feel as buttoned up as I used to.
And this beautiful girl gets on and I do not
remember her name, or I don't even know if she
told me, but she said, I can't believe I'm getting
to talk to you on FaceTime. I just listened to
you girls on wine down on the plane ride here.
And I saw Preston and thought, I think that's Kristen's
how been, which is funny, dynamic because he's the artist
(03:03):
and love. And he was like, byby, she I don't
represent loved it? Represent? No, he did. Actually he was like, baby,
she loves you guys. And she was like, I can't
believe I'm seeing your living room not on Instagram. She
was the cutest, sweetest, most like grateful human and I thought, well,
it's just fun. I think I don't ever see the
numbers of how many people we reach or who we
(03:25):
talk to. And I like it that way because it's
just seems tiny to me, and I like that, and
you just never know. We were thirty thousand feet in
the air with somebody right now, which is kind of crazy.
I had a real sweet girl stop me and at
Whole food sour Day and she said, I love you.
I listened to your podcast. She's like, thank you for
talking about vaccination stuff. And I was like, oh, not
many people were happy about that one, but thank you
(03:48):
for loving it. Yeah, where there's one, there's always another one.
So you know, it was you know, She's like, no,
but I just appreciated you being conflicted with it. And
I said, and he's just like, what's the update? Which
I shared with her and we'll not sure on here,
so you know, fair, It was just it was I
enjoy that people may have differing of opinions and that
(04:12):
still listen and those that come and chill in the
bath with us, that's sweet. We love you in the bath.
I think it's been Is it fair to bring up
that it's been a heavy week? I think avoiding it
being a heavy week feels disingenuous to who we are,
and we record on Tuesdays. Now we don't record Wednesdays
(04:34):
and more Tuesdays. So this is obviously past September tenth. Yeah. Yeah,
So just a really heavy day, and I was trying
to think, like, how do we how do we acknowledge
that the world feels scary without like you don't want
to invoke fear, right, I think that that is tricky
(04:57):
right now, but I did think it was worse sharing.
I talked to a couple of my mom friends this
week that we're panicked, and we're like, you know, I
want a homeschool now, and the world feels crazy, and
you know, it's it's wild. I'm being so careful with
my words, which I also hate to do. I just
(05:18):
think it is wild that we are living history in
real time. And yeah, I saw what I did not
want to see ever in in my life. And you're
not supposed to see, ye are. I was talking to
a doctor amin about this. Actually we are not busy.
I'll h I'm gonna butcher this word. But our brains
(05:40):
and our body are not meant to consume violence in
that way, real violence, that in that way correct watching
it live like we we are not built like that
to be able to And again, I's one of those
things where I'm like, I wish I never saw that.
(06:03):
I don't want it. I don't want to ever see
I don't want to see this, So I don't want
to see any of it. I don't. It's not meant
for our eyes to see. That's right. And I also
appreciate that a lot of us can't see that because
we can't process that, because I think that means that
there's more empathy in the world than there is evil
(06:24):
or whatever. And this is it's like across the board, right,
like it's everything. It's schools, it's assassinations, it's a temptable,
it's everything. It's just there's this like level of homes, yeah, floods.
I mean, we've this. I have to just keep reminding
my friends, we are living in history. There is no
(06:45):
way to navigate this well and be done in excellence.
And so I think if we can take the pressure
off of ourselves. It is not normal and it should
not be normal. And this is not the way, and
it is not normal to witness a thirty one year
old father get assassinated. It is not normal to watch
someone like George Floyd. It is not normal to see
mass shootings. It is not normal. And then to have
(07:06):
to plan birthday parties or to take your kids back
just hear about someone getting murdered in their own home
and their dogs and ever ever did the list unfortunately
goes on yes, and getting murdered, entire groups of people, children,
all the entries. That's the thing. It's like. I had
a lot of people obviously go into my DMS, lost
(07:28):
many followers, money, told me they were unfollowing me. We're
very hateful, but my whole I reposted what you had
posted because it's all not okay, and I'm I've never
spoken politically. I'm never going to speak politically. I will
always lean into my faith. That's it, and I speak
(07:51):
for it's all not okay, that's it. And what's wild
is what I had posted was so down the middle
and in my brain and objectively was an umbrella to
all of it. It was not specific to any person
or any group. Just to say that I think that
the solution that we will find to be the solution
is not one person. It is the collective, and it
(08:13):
is the hope in people. Biblically it says, hope deferred
makes a heart sick, and I just I think it's
just worth if nothing else, and it's listen, we could
be as careful as we want to be and somebody's
still going to be upset. And I'm okay with that
in the way that I just want you to hear
my heart, and my heart is it is not the way,
(08:35):
and we can't expect ourselves to just keep not feeling
when it feels this heavy. And the compassion is I
think our path back to healing. That's my soapbox about it.
Compassionate people, We need you more than ever. Yeah. I
think it Actually had a really lovely conversation because someone
(08:58):
said something back to me and I responded they were
very mean, and I responded back with love and I
just said, I am so sorry that you know you're
hurting it all her like it's all hurtful, and you know,
I wrote back a very loving thing and I just said,
you know, you're totally your choice to done follow me, you know.
(09:21):
And then she wrote back and she's like, thank you
for being so kind, and I'm like, well, of course,
you know, like I had the same She was like
mad at me and I said, I'm just happy you're
having a conversation with me. Yeah, like just talk with me,
because it actually wasn't through the lens of what you're
seeing it. And we're also forgetting how much like media
and social media is just it's so laser focused to
(09:43):
see one way or the other. Like I it's just
so wild, and then we're getting mad at each other
without conversation, like let's just chat. And I actually really
enjoyed my conversation with her a lot. Yeah, I had
a few that were great. Others I just yeah, straight
it blocked and that's fine, you know, but yeah, there's
just I've spent a lot of time just and I
(10:04):
got honestly, I just stopped reading or just looking on
social media because it was just too much and it
was just heavy, but for all of it, like the
literally all status of the world, all of it, and
so I just really leaned into just kids and family
and that's really what it's about. And it's so interesting
the conversations that I was having. I mean, obviously my
(10:26):
kids know nothing about that piece of it, but jolways
been asking just a lot of questions around you know, God,
and we've had some just beautiful conversations, and I'm like
that to me, that's just what I lean into. Yeah,
I actually therapist Amy, different therapists. Amy told me that
once that when we don't know what to do, it's
best to just center in our houses, in our own body,
(10:48):
in our own walls, and that that is more impactful
for the common good than we think or give credit for. Yeah,
I think that's I just realized too. I mean, there's
so much. I mean when I just go on Instagram.
I told Alan the other day, I said, you know,
I wasn't scrolling on Instagram. So I went to us
Weekly and I was like, Jesus, there was like twenty
breakups because that's what happened. I'm like, you, you just
(11:09):
go through the scroll because you know, because they also
weekly will post at least like fifteen stories thank Goodness
a day because there's one you want to pry. They
really just you know, I give him an hour and
they'll be a different news story, thank the Lord, and
so you know. But I was reading it, and honestly,
(11:30):
you know, I was just trying to like catch up
with everything. But yeah, I was. I was so sad
to see some of the breakups. But within that I
always go I get so excited. Like I texted someone
I won't say who it was, but one of the
breakups this this past week, I texted her and I said,
you know, sending you love And I always hate this
(11:52):
sounds will sound so weird, but I'm so excited for
you because I love a next chapter for them, not
to like no no on sale and Amazon, but I
really do. I get so excited for people, and it's
like so sad I'm reading. You know, she's one of them,
is Nina, and you know her fiance they broke up,
(12:14):
and it's just I know the heartbreak. We know the heartbreak.
Everyone knows the heartbreak of breaking up in a relationship.
But I get so excited for people to find their
actual true love and to go for you know, what
they really need and deserve and want. And I don't know,
I just get like, I guess I look at it differently.
(12:34):
I get excited. Is that weird of me? No, Like
I'm sad for them in the moment because I know
the heartache. But then I'm like anybody that's like I'm
so upset because I just broke up with I'm like,
that's so sad, sit in it, cry about it, and
then be so excited that you get to truly live.
You get to fall in love again, you get to
find what yourue like that is, Oh my goodness, falling
(12:55):
in love. It's beautiful, it is fine, and you get
to find the person that that deserves you and you're one.
You know, it's wild. We celebrated ten years last week
and we took a trip and cut it short because
we're just not good at being away from our kids
and the world felt heavy and weird, and and Preston
(13:16):
was like, I like, it's just wild. We were I
actually was talking to him on the way here. He's like,
I feel like that was so quick, And I said,
I know, but there's something really special when we finally
do unplug and it's the last time we had done
that was for your wedding. That gives you any indication,
so over a year ago, And he said, I just
I said, I feel like the time slows down when
we're together and we get to we just travel well
(13:36):
together and we want to do the same things and
it's not structured and we really enjoy it. And he
you know, I had I was married before and and
I think that's always in the back of his brain too,
And I'm like, it's just so wild to me because
that's just I don't remember. Yeah, We've just done so
much life together and it has not been easy. And
(14:00):
he actually asked me a question. He's like, which I thought,
this is cute. You're going to be proud of this
because this isn't typical him. This has evolved, Preston. But
you said, what was your favorite year of our marriage? Ben?
And I said not three or seven? And he goes, Okay,
I didn't ask. He's like, I didn't have such a
difficult as response. Yeah, I know, I knew you'd appreciate,
(14:20):
But I said, I think now, like I like the version.
I like how you're in my corner and I just
can't imagine living life without him. So to all the breakups,
I get it, like you, I thought, for sure. I mean,
it's the saddest I'd ever been. It was the darkest
I'd ever been, and divorce. I thought, it's the only
time in my life I contemplated suicide. It was dark.
I'm not trying to brush over that. It's just the
(14:41):
reality was so deep and dark, and to think that
I could not even know Preston, but not know three
human beings is crazy to me, my baby, So I
feel that for sure, wild wild times. All right, friend,
(15:08):
are you gonna unpin your whine about it? Well, I'm so,
it's yeah, I want to. I kind of want Kat's opinion, though,
because it's gonna be I know Kats so well, I
could be Okay, you want to play Cat, I can
play Cat. I don't ever play Kristen when I'm not here. Okay,
you're gonna play Cat in the movies, Okay, Okay. So
(15:29):
this actually goes along kind of perfectly with what we're
talking about. So I have this has happened to me
like this conversation has been brought to me several times
in the last few weeks, and I'm I really do
want to know you and Kat's opinion on it. So
one of them is in her twenties, and then one
of them is in her forties, divorced and starting over.
The other one has never been married and was just
(15:50):
on a date. I don't envy anybody in the dating scene.
It all overwhelms me and my thoughts. Embearers are with
you in this moment because it's just a lot out there.
All that to say, one both of these gentlemen, two
separate occasions, two separate men on the first date mentioned
(16:11):
that they had cheated in previous relationships, okay, And both
women came to me and were like, well, that's a
red flag okay, And I said, okay, like agreed, that's
not the greatest history, right, But I said, what happens, Like,
(16:33):
would you prefer that he holds that information and withholds
it for dates or months, or would you prefer that
he's just up front so that it's out Like I
kind of felt bad for this guy because I thought,
here he is probably trying to no, you don't know
either of them, Okay, well one of them. We could
be their mom, so cappy that loves me, young man
(16:54):
trying to lead with the honesty. I'm like, well, if
that's my son, I'm just damn proud of him. So
I don't know. I just I said, I'm conflicted, because
I really think there is something really handsome and honorable
about owning the fact that a relationship had ended that way.
Because she said, you know it was your last relationship,
how long was it? You know, why did you guys
break up? And he said he cheated, and she was like,
(17:18):
that's it, I'm done. I can't do that. And I thought, well,
I don't love it, obviously, but then also I just
really deeply appreciate the honesty and the openness. And I said,
I feel like he could feel stuck if he waits
too long. Then that's a thing. So my question to
you and fake cat is do you want to know
the first date? Do you want to know the fifth date?
(17:40):
Do you want to know? Never? Well, I think, okay,
this is this is me speaking Janna. Okay, Jenna, you're live.
So I had a with someone that I was dating
post divorce, was an honest about that piece of cheating.
(18:03):
And I found out later on that he did cheat.
And his response was, well, I didn't want to tell
you because I didn't want you to think I was Mike.
And I said, you not telling me is Mike, So
you wouldn't you would have wanted to know. Absolutely, I
done it though change and become a red flag. But
(18:23):
here's the difference. And I think if Alan would have
told me that he cheated, I don't know if I could.
And this is this is this is so hypocritical of
me to say this one thousand percent because I have
cheated in the past, not in past marriages, but in
my past. That to me is important. I don't know why.
(18:44):
It just makes me feel about it. You important today,
That's just yeah, it's important to me to say that
I've never cheated in a marriage. I've cheated in a
boyfriend girlfriend relationship. Okay, so and I'm not proud of it, right,
not proud of that piece of it. But also like
twenty years ago, twenties life is twenties wild. Yeah, so
(19:09):
noaks us for it still, but also in my twenties
I did a lot of things. So like we're plother pants.
I don't think like for this sweet kid, I will
always say honesty first. If someone doesn't like you because
of your past, that is the biggest red flag to me.
Well and she was cheated on before, right, and she
I get. And that's the thing. Like if it was
now in my forties, if someone if he did say
(19:30):
I cheated in my marriage, that's tough. Yeah, that's tough
for me given the seven years of a cheating affairs
that my ex had so like over and over and
over again. So I have a different band. Wasn't for
you if he doesn't. To me, that's withholding and if asked, like,
(19:51):
I don't think someone okay, I don't think you need
to blurt that out on your first date. Now, if
the person asked be honest, yeah, so I think he
was just a bit of an oversh or this guy.
I wouldn't. It was like, you're in your twenties, dude, like, yeah,
I wouldn't have said it on the first I would't.
I wouldn't. I wouldn't say it on the first date.
This is now, This is like me and Kat talking
because I think this is what she'd say. Okay, I
(20:11):
wouldn't say it on the first date. We should call it.
Talk to us then, you know, be honest. Lying about
it will get you nowhere. And to me, the lie
is always the red flag. It's never the act itself.
And that is what I tried to beat down in
this my ex's brain about this, and you know, even now,
things that happen, it's like I try to tell the
(20:33):
kids this too. It's never about the act, it's about
the lie. So you lying to me about this, Mommy's
going to be upset because you lied, not because you
didn't brush your teeth. But because you're not honest about it,
that's right. So it's not about the act. To me,
it's about the lie. And I don't think so you
don't want to know? Do I want to know? Yeah?
But not for a first date? Okay I did post divorce? Yeah,
(20:56):
did you cheat on your wife? That was like one
of my first questions, asked I send you on a
first date post divorce? Yeah? Even I got to the point,
I mean just quickly had to Yeah, wasting any time?
That's crazy. And you think Kat would say the same?
I think so I do because I don't think because
because she's friends with me, Oh true? And I think
(21:18):
she has a lot of compassion for people. She wants
to know. Yeah, she's a sharp shooter anyway, It's like
she likes straight forward information. Interesting. I just wondered. It
keeps coming up, and I don't know what I would want.
I feel duped if you don't tell me a little,
(21:40):
but then I feel hesitant if you do tell me.
But I do think I'm kind of like a strong
second chance gal. So I think I could know the
first date. Maybe not the first date. Maybe I did
that and I shut myself on the foot, so oh, no,
oh no, no, because I think here's the deal. I
(22:01):
think this is also an important piece. If you find
out they've cheated on every girlfriend, h that's a red flag.
I think Steve and Sex and the City is a
little one time whoopsie, oh buddy and anybody else, a
one time thing is a you know, but if it's
it is every single girlfriend, yeah, then it's more of
a person Relationshipah. You like with being like it's okay
(22:26):
people cheat, No, that's not okay. Actually okay, and I
should have ran, but it's okay, we're here. Kylie Kelsey
reveals she doesn't want me time as a mom of
four and shares what she actually needs instead. I love
what she was saying. She basically said, approximately thirty minutes,
I'll give it. Thirty minutes into that, I get real bored.
(22:46):
I want them to come back, which I think this
isn't This is so such a good little topic because
I had this moment just yesterday. Alan was like, Hey,
I'm gonna take Roman with me to Whole Foods and
I was like, no, it's fine, Like I'm gonna take
him to the bus and then I'm gonna play with him.
He's like babe, it gives you a break. I'm like,
(23:06):
for what, Like what you know what I mean, Like
I'm in I'm in mom mode from seven in the
morning to seven pm, Like there is no like, yeah,
sure would I like maybe thirty minute break, okay, But
I also, you know, he was gone at preschool today,
Like I want to hang out with him. Yeah you
miss him? Yeah, I miss him? And so I I
love that concept. I think it's nice to have those
(23:27):
thirty minutes breaks, But I also feel like we kind
of get it right now with when Roman naps for
those two hours, Like I get two hours to work
out or you know, do something that I that I
want to do. But also like I just in this
season too. Last night, Julie's like, Mom, can we play Uno?
And it was past your bedtime? But I'm like, yeah, list' muna,
(23:48):
let's do it. Because in about a couple of years,
she's not gonna be want to playing Uno with me. Yeah.
I think that's too. Like the weight of the world
just has given us a different perspective. Yeah, Like last night,
the baseball game went late and we got home and
it was late and we were all just hanging out
and like chatting and like laughing, and I thought, it's
so late. My throat is closing. These kids need to
get to bed. And then I also was just like
they get a data and they haven't seen data, and
(24:09):
so we'll just live in this moment for a minute. Yeah,
maybe that's the gift. I feel like you get your
mom time when they're out out, and I think we
still need Like sometimes I will be like a mom
needs like thirty minutes on a weekend or something. Yeah,
but also thirty minutes is like nothing, So it's like
I'm rather just stay in. It's like clocking out for lunch.
I'm like, forget it. I'd rather just eat a bar
(24:30):
and keep moving. Just keep going, yeah, keep going, Yeah,
because you just get tired, and then it's like, yeah,
gotta come. You got to re enter. It's like any
wants that no re enters. No. Nick Cannon says having
(24:53):
twelve kids was a response to trauma. Admits he was
being careless and frivolous with his process. The Wild and
Out Creator is a father of twelve children from six
different women. He got candid about his unorthodox fatherhood journey
during an appearance on the morning radio show The breakfast club.
He said that welcoming his children the way that he
(25:15):
did was a response to his trauma. It wasn't like
I was acting out. It was more of being careless,
being frivolous with my process because I could do it
because I had the money and because I had the
access to whoever and however I wanted to move. He said. Then,
obviously life happens as well, So it wasn't like, oh,
I'm going to go have twelve kids. It was more about, like, Yo,
I'm gonna just live life and have fun and whatever
(25:37):
happens happens. I can handle it. Being almost forty five now,
I could sit back and Yeah, if I would have
the thought process through, thought, the thought process through a
little bit more, and took time to actually do the
inner work, things might have been a little different in
certain scenarios. I really am glad he said it. Yeah.
I think the ownership is yeah, pretty great with that. Yeah,
(26:00):
And I don't Obviously the past is the past, and
there's twelve probably stunning children in this orbit because of him.
But I was watching it unfold in real time, and
I'm like, what are we doing? Yeah, what are you
up to? Nick? And also I just kept thinking, this
is going to get expensive someday. Well, I like when
he said too, he goes, now you're leaving trauma every
(26:22):
step of the way instead of fixing it from its origin.
And I think that's to be said for a lot
of people in life. Like I went from bad relationship
to bad relationship to bad relationship, you know, over and
over and over again, because I wasn't fixing my own
inner problem. Yes, so I go around casting even post divorce,
you know, with people that I would date, I would
(26:43):
easily just point a finger like, oh here, I'm dating
the same person. Well why am I dating the same person?
You know what? Like what isn't with me that is
not healed? And to really do that work, I think,
is how you can change the trajectory. And like he's saying,
like post divorce, if he would have leaned in instead
of leaned out and among other things out, yeah, yeah,
(27:05):
while and out you know, but it's it. You don't
realize that until until you're literally at the bottom, that's
the thing. Like I did not realize that until, like
I spoke about this in the book, I was staring
at my gun, you know what I mean, Like you
don't realize it until you're at your freaking lowest. Yeah,
that you It's not all the finger pointing, it's actually
(27:26):
get a point back at you. Yeah. I think I
married a version of myself when I married Preston, and
that's been really therapeutic because I I, we were so similar,
but then all of a sudden, like we weren't similar
and I was on a different path. And it took
some catching up on his end. But it is a
really wildly sobering moment when you're like, Okay, yeah, you know,
(27:51):
I I see this pattern. I used to be this pattern.
And it wasn't that I was better then, it was
just that I was trying not to repeat my own history,
but I accidentally married my history instead. So well, and
this is the thing that I think a lot of
times about when people and listen, this is not true
for everybody, but when someone gets divorced and they start
dating right away, which again i'm victim to, I've done it.
(28:13):
You're just you're masking all the stuff you need to
actually work on, and so then you don't work on
the piece until that next relationship breaks up. And so
that's where I always go when I see someone move
right into something, and I always go, there's there's still
so much because of my own course, and I know
(28:36):
that's not for everybody, but there's so much that needs
to be healed and worked through to change why something
didn't work. The ownership piece, Yeah, that's the thing. I'm
just glad he said it, and I'm glad he gets
it because it's also I think what I get. What
gets hard for me is that there's twelve kids that
will just not nearly get the attention that they need
(28:57):
and deserve. Because twelve kids is a lot of kids,
and he has six different moms. This isn't like he
can just have everyone over for dinner, right, Maybe he can.
Maybe that's the situation. I don't know. I just I
at one point was like, there some family system feels good,
you know, some sort of like something for these children. Yeah,
sweet Nick, it's gonna be whiling out an extra to
(29:19):
be able to pay for all those babies. HI love
the podcast and Janna, you recently spoke about meeting Mike's
new girlfriend, so I was hoping you could help me out.
I've been divorced for three years and my ex and
I share fifty to fifty custody of our two kids. Recently,
he introduced me to his new girlfriend, which I was
fine with, but now my kids keep telling me about
all the fun things they do with her, and honestly,
it makes me feel replaced and jealous. I want to
(29:41):
be supportive and not put my kids in the middle,
but I'm struggling with these feelings of jealousy and insecurity.
How do I process this and still show up as
the best mom I can be? First and foremost, love
the honesty. I love the honesty, and I don't know
how y'all do this well. I just don't know how.
I I could never do what you do. Yeah, I
(30:04):
don't think I'm strong enough or something for that. I mean, so,
he's it's not my information to share, and I won't
share why or anything like that, because again it's not
my information to share. But to my knowledge, they're not
(30:25):
together anymore. So, But to go back to this point,
it's not I mean, definitely wasn't easy. This is the
first one that I had sat down with and you
know there's that piece where yeah, I mean again, I've
said this a million times over on this podcast. But
the reason that I stayed so long was because I
(30:46):
didn't want someone else raising my kids, or being around
my kids, or knowing that my kids the way that
I meant to spend all the memories and you know,
as their mom. Obviously, you know, I realized at the
end of the day staying was far more painful than leaving,
which was my catalyst to leaving after the last affair.
(31:10):
And so this part has always has always been something
that I dreaded, right, and so this the first time
actually meeting this someone that was gonna was going to
be spending time with the kids, was so hard. But
I also looked at it in a way where I
(31:31):
knew and especially the major of the kids, like I
know that I'm mom, They know I'm mom, and I
think it's a little bit different fifty to fifty like that,
since I have seventy thirty, I do have them more.
So she wasn't going to be around them as much
as you know, we you know, we we do. But
I think at the end of the day just comes
(31:52):
down to other people loving their kids, and I, you know,
I was even like, hey, you know, when you're back
in town, let's go. You come with me and Jolly
to go shopping. And let's get our nails done and
let's you know, do things together too, where it's where
it's not just her and the kids. And I think
it's important for them to have a relationship with them,
of course, because you want them to feel comfortable in
the home with you know, their dad, and whoever their
(32:15):
dad's spending time with. I also think it's important to
have that shared connection. And you know, obviously we didn't
end up doing that because he's not with her anymore.
But I've always looked at it now as because of
my kid's age, because of the time that I do have,
this is just an added person to love my kids.
(32:35):
But I do have someone that's going through that right now,
and it's so hard for them because she's like how
much they're posting with the kids and doing all these
fun activities, and it's like, yeah, I mean, it's not. Again,
it's not an easy thing. Even when my kids went
to the beach with you know, their dad, it's like,
it's not an easy thing to miss out on memories
that you were meant to have with them. It's just
(32:58):
not And no matter how many years have passed, no
matter how happy I am in my new marriage, and
my family. It's still not a easy thing to say
wave goodbye to your kids and not have them on
every other weekend. It's just not And then to have
them be around somebody else, But you have to just
restructure it and go as long as they are being loved,
(33:18):
They have the love of you, as is the mother always,
and that is where they'll find the most comfort. But
to have somebody that's this bonus bonus person around them
that loves and cares for them, that's all we can
ask for, is to have someone else that loves on them.
And that's a beautiful thing. Question for you can still
be hard, though you can literally hold both, do you?
(33:41):
But I will say this really fast though it's like,
but knowing that I will have to rego through that
process again of meeting someone just is again brings up
the I'll have to I'll have to rego through all
those feelings again and remind myself the truth of no,
they just as long as they love my kids and
they're kind to my kids. It's like, but it is hard,
and then you go back to that place, is this
(34:02):
is not this is not normal, this is not how
it's supposed to be. Do you what are your thoughts
and feelings and maybe even tell me because I don't
know that we've ever talked about this. Actually titles so like,
do your kids call what are your kids call Alan?
It's mostly Alan, but sometimes they call him dad. Does
(34:26):
Mike have a feeling he's up? Mike? I mean, he
spoke about this on the podcast with us three and
he's like, yeah, of course, it's it's hard. And I
don't like that. I don't. I mean, that's sorry you
didn't say I didn't like that. I don't. I don't
know exactly what his quote was, but we did say
it's hard, but he knows that he's he's dad, Like
(34:48):
the kids will be like Dad, Dad, which is referring
to Mike. And then still again it's it's eighty percent
they call him Alan, okay, but I always wonder they
call him sometimes they call him dad, And I think
they're doing it more now calling him dad because of Roman. Sure,
if that makes sense. What if they were to call
(35:08):
someone else mom? Again, I think at their age, I
don't know if they would, but if they did, it
would crush me. Yeah, it's what I just never even
thought about it. Actually in that step mom yes, that
would person that would be a step mom as he is.
But again I think it knowing how little they do
(35:31):
call Alan dad. Yeah, I don't think they would all
someone mom because it's like I'm their mom, you know
what I mean. Yeah, pretty established. Yeah, and it's pretty
established that Alan is Alan is their stepdad. That makes sense. Yeah,
and Dad Dad's dad. Yeah. So interesting. Yeah, it's wild,
Like I just can't even I mean, if anyone called
(35:53):
it anyone else, I would be like, that's incorrect. I'm
just not I'm not made for this. Yeah. But they
also strap it in as a mom though. That's the
thing too, you know, but so to you for my kids,
and I'm they're not going to call you mom, right right.
I see the other side though, too, where it's I know,
it's like you're doing the work, you know. It's like
(36:14):
I've got I've got friends in that that are step moms.
And I think sometimes they call them their name and
sometimes they call them mom and if that is their heart,
because a mom is a caring but it's the definition
of a mom, a caring, nurturing, nurturing, loving person, if
that is what they want to call them. Yes, interesting
(36:39):
because I've called I actually was just thinking this little
self reflective like I've called my Pammy that I lost
my Dallas mom and she was so mom like to me.
And I have never asked my mom how that feels. Yeah, huh,
but yeah, I guess I've never I mean, but again,
it's I mean, I could count on one hand probably
(37:03):
how many times they've actually called him dad. Interesting well,
and it's usually like when they've spent you know, when
we do have the full week, right right? Yeah? Yeah,
and Alan, does Ellen have a feeling either way? No,
because I mean he's stepdad. Yeah, you know, oh he's
in Yeah, so lug and lunchboxes and say we don't
I don't correct it. Again, I think it's a lot
(37:24):
to do with Roman. Yeah, because he's saying it. Yeah, Okay,
I just wondered that never asked. But yeah, that'd be hard,
really hard. Yeah. So and and listen again, I think
for our listener to go back to the listening. Yeah,
I just really got off in tangent. I'm like it
putting myself in your places, and I just don't know
how y'all do. It's not easy, but if but I
(37:46):
would just highlight the fact that your kids are getting
loved one and that you are happier not being in
the marriage with him, and a better version of yourself
and a better version of yourself. You're a happier mom.
And it is hard when they're going off and doing
all these fun things and you just it's like, you
gotta be happy for him. Feel that way about being
(38:09):
married to an artist. You just gotta be happy for him. Yeah. Yeah,
Well on that note, mom, I love you, Mom, kind
of like my mom. You're kidding. Oh, I'm going to
be your stylist. Get ready to buckle up. You're my sister.
You are my sister. Yeah, I need you to be
my stylist. You guys, I'm freaking out. Side note, I
(38:31):
don't have a dress for the premiere and I don't
want to spend two thousand dollars for a stylist to
style the style. We found a dress and they're like,
oh it's too I'm like, I am, we're going to
do this. I need I Yeah, look at you, You're
a dream. This is so fun for me. So you're
going to be my free stylist. I'm in and she
can be mad at me. Stylists do they are wonderful
and honorable and they do really hard work and sometimes too,
(38:51):
I can find you the dress. Yeah, it's just it's
like hard to pay that when you don't get to
keep the dress too, which I don't understand. How big
for another time, I don't understand why don't we get
to keep the clothes that you pay for? You you
pay for their time and their styling. Sure, but what
do you what are they going to do with the clothes?
Return it back to the the Oh what's a person
(39:11):
called the that makes it designer? Designer? Yeah, I guess
I don't know. But it's just like hard for me
because I'm just like you know. But it is the
premiere of my movie. And don't forget to tag your
stylust twenty eight. If you get me a dress, I'll
tag you stylist. You don't have to do that, but
I am pumped to dress you. You're so cute and
(39:32):
fun for babd get ready, Ladison Gents, your debut and
my debut all at once. See, when you buy your
dream car, you can't have the stylist, dae. Sometimes sometimes
it costs has gotta go away. So that is the
balance of what I'm doing what the what you're wearing
in your g wagon so I might be riding to
(39:53):
the premiere in my dream car, in an Amazon do
or in an Amazon outfit. Oh, we're going to handle this,
not just saying that is that is what life is about. Balance,
That's right. I love you, baby. Bye.
Wind down with Janet Kramer an I'm Heeart radio podcast.
All right, just the two of us, Yes, the two
I'll let you take the single. We we can they
get it? I can't. You can more than me. Would
you like me to give a shot just the two
of us? There you go, that'll make it feel good.
(00:23):
We can make it if we try just the two
of us. There it is. That's why some people promoting
the car everybody while cleaning. Yeah, I like to know
where people listen to us. It's so funny. We take
a lot of baths with people, which I think is
really sweet and also like very vulnerable. I love that.
Sometimes I'll listen when I want to listen back on episodes.
(00:48):
I don't do it all the time, but I I
like to listen back. I will critique myself on certain things,
and then I'll text Usten and go, can you take
this out? Really fuss? I shouldn't say it like, because
I again sometimes forget that we're having we're just conversating, conversating,
and then I forget that things can maybe be taken
out of context or which is or we just didn't
(01:10):
think about it until we said it. Yeah, And I
just so yeah. I mean I I don't do that
a lot, but there are times when I'm like, I
don't like how I said that, and I I think
it's good to have reflection of how you say things.
And I'm mindful of that, right because I want to
be better and do better and not just have I
(01:32):
think if people had a mic in front of them
when they're having girls talk, I think that they would
not sign up for that. So but I I like
to I like to listen on a walk. So I
listened to the last episode when I'm when I'm walking,
and I like, I walk with you. Yeah, so, and
sometimes it's it's you know, I like to hear you guys,
(01:54):
your perspective because sometimes when we're doing this, I don't
really get to sit in it right right right as
we're trying to yeah, all right, now we're going to
the next second. I don't know, it's just but yeah,
it's nice to I always like the people that slide
into my dam's Wow. I've had quite a few last week,
but uh, the ones that are say, you know, uh,
(02:18):
listening to the podcast and yes in the car there,
but I haven't gotten the bath one. It's cute to me.
I actually got a FaceTime from Preston. He had landed
in Anaheim, and he was like, I have someone here
that wants to say hi, and I had, and he
does that to me a lot, which is just kind
of please don't do that to me, you know, like
because I feel like I don't have much of a
(02:40):
memory anymore, or I can't remember names as well, like
I just don't feel as buttoned up as I used to.
And this beautiful girl gets on and I do not
remember her name, or I don't even know if she
told me, but she said, I can't believe I'm getting
to talk to you on FaceTime. I just listened to
you girls on wine down on the plane ride here.
And I saw Preston and thought, I think that's Kristen's
how been, which is funny, dynamic because he's the artist
(03:03):
and love. And he was like, byby, she I don't
represent loved it? Represent? No, he did. Actually he was like, baby,
she loves you guys. And she was like, I can't
believe I'm seeing your living room not on Instagram. She
was the cutest, sweetest, most like grateful human and I thought, well,
it's just fun. I think I don't ever see the
numbers of how many people we reach or who we
(03:25):
talk to. And I like it that way because it's
just seems tiny to me, and I like that, and
you just never know. We were thirty thousand feet in
the air with somebody right now, which is kind of crazy.
I had a real sweet girl stop me and at
Whole food sour Day and she said, I love you.
I listened to your podcast. She's like, thank you for
talking about vaccination stuff. And I was like, oh, not
many people were happy about that one, but thank you
(03:48):
for loving it. Yeah, where there's one, there's always another one.
So you know, it was you know, She's like, no,
but I just appreciated you being conflicted with it. And
I said, and he's just like, what's the update? Which
I shared with her and we'll not sure on here,
so you know, fair, It was just it was I
enjoy that people may have differing of opinions and that
(04:12):
still listen and those that come and chill in the
bath with us, that's sweet. We love you in the bath.
I think it's been Is it fair to bring up
that it's been a heavy week? I think avoiding it
being a heavy week feels disingenuous to who we are,
and we record on Tuesdays. Now we don't record Wednesdays
(04:34):
and more Tuesdays. So this is obviously past September tenth. Yeah. Yeah,
So just a really heavy day, and I was trying
to think, like, how do we how do we acknowledge
that the world feels scary without like you don't want
to invoke fear, right, I think that that is tricky
(04:57):
right now, but I did think it was worse sharing.
I talked to a couple of my mom friends this
week that we're panicked, and we're like, you know, I
want a homeschool now, and the world feels crazy, and
you know, it's it's wild. I'm being so careful with
my words, which I also hate to do. I just
(05:18):
think it is wild that we are living history in
real time. And yeah, I saw what I did not
want to see ever in in my life. And you're
not supposed to see, ye are. I was talking to
a doctor amin about this. Actually we are not busy.
I'll h I'm gonna butcher this word. But our brains
(05:40):
and our body are not meant to consume violence in
that way, real violence, that in that way correct watching
it live like we we are not built like that
to be able to And again, I's one of those
things where I'm like, I wish I never saw that.
(06:03):
I don't want it. I don't want to ever see
I don't want to see this, So I don't want
to see any of it. I don't. It's not meant
for our eyes to see. That's right. And I also
appreciate that a lot of us can't see that because
we can't process that, because I think that means that
there's more empathy in the world than there is evil
(06:24):
or whatever. And this is it's like across the board, right,
like it's everything. It's schools, it's assassinations, it's a temptable,
it's everything. It's just there's this like level of homes, yeah, floods.
I mean, we've this. I have to just keep reminding
my friends, we are living in history. There is no
(06:45):
way to navigate this well and be done in excellence.
And so I think if we can take the pressure
off of ourselves. It is not normal and it should
not be normal. And this is not the way, and
it is not normal to witness a thirty one year
old father get assassinated. It is not normal to watch
someone like George Floyd. It is not normal to see
mass shootings. It is not normal. And then to have
(07:06):
to plan birthday parties or to take your kids back
just hear about someone getting murdered in their own home
and their dogs and ever ever did the list unfortunately
goes on yes, and getting murdered, entire groups of people, children,
all the entries. That's the thing. It's like. I had
a lot of people obviously go into my DMS, lost
(07:28):
many followers, money, told me they were unfollowing me. We're
very hateful, but my whole I reposted what you had
posted because it's all not okay, and I'm I've never
spoken politically. I'm never going to speak politically. I will
always lean into my faith. That's it, and I speak
(07:51):
for it's all not okay, that's it. And what's wild
is what I had posted was so down the middle
and in my brain and objectively was an umbrella to
all of it. It was not specific to any person
or any group. Just to say that I think that
the solution that we will find to be the solution
is not one person. It is the collective, and it
(08:13):
is the hope in people. Biblically it says, hope deferred
makes a heart sick, and I just I think it's
just worth if nothing else, and it's listen, we could
be as careful as we want to be and somebody's
still going to be upset. And I'm okay with that
in the way that I just want you to hear
my heart, and my heart is it is not the way,
(08:35):
and we can't expect ourselves to just keep not feeling
when it feels this heavy. And the compassion is I
think our path back to healing. That's my soapbox about it.
Compassionate people, We need you more than ever. Yeah. I
think it Actually had a really lovely conversation because someone
(08:58):
said something back to me and I responded they were
very mean, and I responded back with love and I
just said, I am so sorry that you know you're
hurting it all her like it's all hurtful, and you know,
I wrote back a very loving thing and I just said,
you know, you're totally your choice to done follow me, you know.
(09:21):
And then she wrote back and she's like, thank you
for being so kind, and I'm like, well, of course,
you know, like I had the same She was like
mad at me and I said, I'm just happy you're
having a conversation with me. Yeah, like just talk with me,
because it actually wasn't through the lens of what you're
seeing it. And we're also forgetting how much like media
and social media is just it's so laser focused to
(09:43):
see one way or the other. Like I it's just
so wild, and then we're getting mad at each other
without conversation, like let's just chat. And I actually really
enjoyed my conversation with her a lot. Yeah, I had
a few that were great. Others I just yeah, straight
it blocked and that's fine, you know, but yeah, there's
just I've spent a lot of time just and I
(10:04):
got honestly, I just stopped reading or just looking on
social media because it was just too much and it
was just heavy, but for all of it, like the
literally all status of the world, all of it, and
so I just really leaned into just kids and family
and that's really what it's about. And it's so interesting
the conversations that I was having. I mean, obviously my
(10:26):
kids know nothing about that piece of it, but jolways
been asking just a lot of questions around you know, God,
and we've had some just beautiful conversations, and I'm like
that to me, that's just what I lean into. Yeah,
I actually therapist Amy, different therapists. Amy told me that
once that when we don't know what to do, it's
best to just center in our houses, in our own body,
(10:48):
in our own walls, and that that is more impactful
for the common good than we think or give credit for. Yeah,
I think that's I just realized too. I mean, there's
so much. I mean when I just go on Instagram.
I told Alan the other day, I said, you know,
I wasn't scrolling on Instagram. So I went to us
Weekly and I was like, Jesus, there was like twenty
breakups because that's what happened. I'm like, you, you just
(11:09):
go through the scroll because you know, because they also
weekly will post at least like fifteen stories thank Goodness
a day because there's one you want to pry. They
really just you know, I give him an hour and
they'll be a different news story, thank the Lord, and
so you know. But I was reading it, and honestly,
(11:30):
you know, I was just trying to like catch up
with everything. But yeah, I was. I was so sad
to see some of the breakups. But within that I
always go I get so excited. Like I texted someone
I won't say who it was, but one of the
breakups this this past week, I texted her and I said,
you know, sending you love And I always hate this
(11:52):
sounds will sound so weird, but I'm so excited for
you because I love a next chapter for them, not
to like no no on sale and Amazon, but I
really do. I get so excited for people, and it's
like so sad I'm reading. You know, she's one of them,
is Nina, and you know her fiance they broke up,
(12:14):
and it's just I know the heartbreak. We know the heartbreak.
Everyone knows the heartbreak of breaking up in a relationship.
But I get so excited for people to find their
actual true love and to go for you know, what
they really need and deserve and want. And I don't know,
I just get like, I guess I look at it differently.
(12:34):
I get excited. Is that weird of me? No, Like
I'm sad for them in the moment because I know
the heartache. But then I'm like anybody that's like I'm
so upset because I just broke up with I'm like,
that's so sad, sit in it, cry about it, and
then be so excited that you get to truly live.
You get to fall in love again, you get to
find what yourue like that is, Oh my goodness, falling
(12:55):
in love. It's beautiful, it is fine, and you get
to find the person that that deserves you and you're one.
You know, it's wild. We celebrated ten years last week
and we took a trip and cut it short because
we're just not good at being away from our kids
and the world felt heavy and weird, and and Preston
(13:16):
was like, I like, it's just wild. We were I
actually was talking to him on the way here. He's like,
I feel like that was so quick, And I said,
I know, but there's something really special when we finally
do unplug and it's the last time we had done
that was for your wedding. That gives you any indication,
so over a year ago, And he said, I just
I said, I feel like the time slows down when
we're together and we get to we just travel well
(13:36):
together and we want to do the same things and
it's not structured and we really enjoy it. And he
you know, I had I was married before and and
I think that's always in the back of his brain too,
And I'm like, it's just so wild to me because
that's just I don't remember. Yeah, We've just done so
much life together and it has not been easy. And
(14:00):
he actually asked me a question. He's like, which I thought,
this is cute. You're going to be proud of this
because this isn't typical him. This has evolved, Preston. But
you said, what was your favorite year of our marriage? Ben?
And I said not three or seven? And he goes, Okay,
I didn't ask. He's like, I didn't have such a
difficult as response. Yeah, I know, I knew you'd appreciate,
(14:20):
But I said, I think now, like I like the version.
I like how you're in my corner and I just
can't imagine living life without him. So to all the breakups,
I get it, like you, I thought, for sure. I mean,
it's the saddest I'd ever been. It was the darkest
I'd ever been, and divorce. I thought, it's the only
time in my life I contemplated suicide. It was dark.
I'm not trying to brush over that. It's just the
(14:41):
reality was so deep and dark, and to think that
I could not even know Preston, but not know three
human beings is crazy to me, my baby, So I
feel that for sure, wild wild times. All right, friend,
(15:08):
are you gonna unpin your whine about it? Well, I'm so,
it's yeah, I want to. I kind of want Kat's opinion, though,
because it's gonna be I know Kats so well, I
could be Okay, you want to play Cat, I can
play Cat. I don't ever play Kristen when I'm not here. Okay,
you're gonna play Cat in the movies, Okay, Okay. So
(15:29):
this actually goes along kind of perfectly with what we're
talking about. So I have this has happened to me
like this conversation has been brought to me several times
in the last few weeks, and I'm I really do
want to know you and Kat's opinion on it. So
one of them is in her twenties, and then one
of them is in her forties, divorced and starting over.
The other one has never been married and was just
(15:50):
on a date. I don't envy anybody in the dating scene.
It all overwhelms me and my thoughts. Embearers are with
you in this moment because it's just a lot out there.
All that to say, one both of these gentlemen, two
separate occasions, two separate men on the first date mentioned
(16:11):
that they had cheated in previous relationships, okay, And both
women came to me and were like, well, that's a
red flag okay, And I said, okay, like agreed, that's
not the greatest history, right, But I said, what happens, Like,
(16:33):
would you prefer that he holds that information and withholds
it for dates or months, or would you prefer that
he's just up front so that it's out Like I
kind of felt bad for this guy because I thought,
here he is probably trying to no, you don't know
either of them, Okay, well one of them. We could
be their mom, so cappy that loves me, young man
(16:54):
trying to lead with the honesty. I'm like, well, if
that's my son, I'm just damn proud of him. So
I don't know. I just I said, I'm conflicted, because
I really think there is something really handsome and honorable
about owning the fact that a relationship had ended that way.
Because she said, you know it was your last relationship,
how long was it? You know, why did you guys
break up? And he said he cheated, and she was like,
(17:18):
that's it, I'm done. I can't do that. And I thought, well,
I don't love it, obviously, but then also I just
really deeply appreciate the honesty and the openness. And I said,
I feel like he could feel stuck if he waits
too long. Then that's a thing. So my question to
you and fake cat is do you want to know
the first date? Do you want to know the fifth date?
(17:40):
Do you want to know? Never? Well, I think, okay,
this is this is me speaking Janna. Okay, Jenna, you're live.
So I had a with someone that I was dating
post divorce, was an honest about that piece of cheating.
(18:03):
And I found out later on that he did cheat.
And his response was, well, I didn't want to tell
you because I didn't want you to think I was Mike.
And I said, you not telling me is Mike, So
you wouldn't you would have wanted to know. Absolutely, I
done it though change and become a red flag. But
(18:23):
here's the difference. And I think if Alan would have
told me that he cheated, I don't know if I could.
And this is this is this is so hypocritical of
me to say this one thousand percent because I have
cheated in the past, not in past marriages, but in
my past. That to me is important. I don't know why.
(18:44):
It just makes me feel about it. You important today,
That's just yeah, it's important to me to say that
I've never cheated in a marriage. I've cheated in a
boyfriend girlfriend relationship. Okay, so and I'm not proud of it, right,
not proud of that piece of it. But also like
twenty years ago, twenties life is twenties wild. Yeah, so
(19:09):
noaks us for it still, but also in my twenties
I did a lot of things. So like we're plother pants.
I don't think like for this sweet kid, I will
always say honesty first. If someone doesn't like you because
of your past, that is the biggest red flag to me.
Well and she was cheated on before, right, and she
I get. And that's the thing. Like if it was
now in my forties, if someone if he did say
(19:30):
I cheated in my marriage, that's tough. Yeah, that's tough
for me given the seven years of a cheating affairs
that my ex had so like over and over and
over again. So I have a different band. Wasn't for
you if he doesn't. To me, that's withholding and if asked, like,
(19:51):
I don't think someone okay, I don't think you need
to blurt that out on your first date. Now, if
the person asked be honest, yeah, so I think he
was just a bit of an oversh or this guy.
I wouldn't. It was like, you're in your twenties, dude, like, yeah,
I wouldn't have said it on the first I would't.
I wouldn't. I wouldn't say it on the first date.
This is now, This is like me and Kat talking
because I think this is what she'd say. Okay, I
(20:11):
wouldn't say it on the first date. We should call it.
Talk to us then, you know, be honest. Lying about
it will get you nowhere. And to me, the lie
is always the red flag. It's never the act itself.
And that is what I tried to beat down in
this my ex's brain about this, and you know, even now,
things that happen, it's like I try to tell the
(20:33):
kids this too. It's never about the act, it's about
the lie. So you lying to me about this, Mommy's
going to be upset because you lied, not because you
didn't brush your teeth. But because you're not honest about it,
that's right. So it's not about the act. To me,
it's about the lie. And I don't think so you
don't want to know? Do I want to know? Yeah?
But not for a first date? Okay I did post divorce? Yeah,
(20:56):
did you cheat on your wife? That was like one
of my first questions, asked I send you on a
first date post divorce? Yeah? Even I got to the point,
I mean just quickly had to Yeah, wasting any time?
That's crazy. And you think Kat would say the same?
I think so I do because I don't think because
because she's friends with me, Oh true? And I think
(21:18):
she has a lot of compassion for people. She wants
to know. Yeah, she's a sharp shooter anyway, It's like
she likes straight forward information. Interesting. I just wondered. It
keeps coming up, and I don't know what I would want.
I feel duped if you don't tell me a little,
(21:40):
but then I feel hesitant if you do tell me.
But I do think I'm kind of like a strong
second chance gal. So I think I could know the
first date. Maybe not the first date. Maybe I did
that and I shut myself on the foot, so oh, no,
oh no, no, because I think here's the deal. I
(22:01):
think this is also an important piece. If you find
out they've cheated on every girlfriend, h that's a red flag.
I think Steve and Sex and the City is a
little one time whoopsie, oh buddy and anybody else, a
one time thing is a you know, but if it's
it is every single girlfriend, yeah, then it's more of
a person Relationshipah. You like with being like it's okay
(22:26):
people cheat, No, that's not okay. Actually okay, and I
should have ran, but it's okay, we're here. Kylie Kelsey
reveals she doesn't want me time as a mom of
four and shares what she actually needs instead. I love
what she was saying. She basically said, approximately thirty minutes,
I'll give it. Thirty minutes into that, I get real bored.
(22:46):
I want them to come back, which I think this
isn't This is so such a good little topic because
I had this moment just yesterday. Alan was like, Hey,
I'm gonna take Roman with me to Whole Foods and
I was like, no, it's fine, Like I'm gonna take
him to the bus and then I'm gonna play with him.
He's like babe, it gives you a break. I'm like,
(23:06):
for what, Like what you know what I mean, Like
I'm in I'm in mom mode from seven in the
morning to seven pm, Like there is no like, yeah,
sure would I like maybe thirty minute break, okay, But
I also, you know, he was gone at preschool today,
Like I want to hang out with him. Yeah you
miss him? Yeah, I miss him? And so I I
love that concept. I think it's nice to have those
(23:27):
thirty minutes breaks, But I also feel like we kind
of get it right now with when Roman naps for
those two hours, Like I get two hours to work
out or you know, do something that I that I
want to do. But also like I just in this
season too. Last night, Julie's like, Mom, can we play Uno?
And it was past your bedtime? But I'm like, yeah, list' muna,
(23:48):
let's do it. Because in about a couple of years,
she's not gonna be want to playing Uno with me. Yeah.
I think that's too. Like the weight of the world
just has given us a different perspective. Yeah, Like last night,
the baseball game went late and we got home and
it was late and we were all just hanging out
and like chatting and like laughing, and I thought, it's
so late. My throat is closing. These kids need to
get to bed. And then I also was just like
they get a data and they haven't seen data, and
(24:09):
so we'll just live in this moment for a minute. Yeah,
maybe that's the gift. I feel like you get your
mom time when they're out out, and I think we
still need Like sometimes I will be like a mom
needs like thirty minutes on a weekend or something. Yeah,
but also thirty minutes is like nothing, So it's like
I'm rather just stay in. It's like clocking out for lunch.
I'm like, forget it. I'd rather just eat a bar
(24:30):
and keep moving. Just keep going, yeah, keep going, Yeah,
because you just get tired, and then it's like, yeah,
gotta come. You got to re enter. It's like any
wants that no re enters. No. Nick Cannon says having
(24:53):
twelve kids was a response to trauma. Admits he was
being careless and frivolous with his process. The Wild and
Out Creator is a father of twelve children from six
different women. He got candid about his unorthodox fatherhood journey
during an appearance on the morning radio show The breakfast club.
He said that welcoming his children the way that he
(25:15):
did was a response to his trauma. It wasn't like
I was acting out. It was more of being careless,
being frivolous with my process because I could do it
because I had the money and because I had the
access to whoever and however I wanted to move. He said. Then,
obviously life happens as well, So it wasn't like, oh,
I'm going to go have twelve kids. It was more about, like, Yo,
I'm gonna just live life and have fun and whatever
(25:37):
happens happens. I can handle it. Being almost forty five now,
I could sit back and Yeah, if I would have
the thought process through, thought, the thought process through a
little bit more, and took time to actually do the
inner work, things might have been a little different in
certain scenarios. I really am glad he said it. Yeah.
I think the ownership is yeah, pretty great with that. Yeah,
(26:00):
And I don't Obviously the past is the past, and
there's twelve probably stunning children in this orbit because of him.
But I was watching it unfold in real time, and
I'm like, what are we doing? Yeah, what are you
up to? Nick? And also I just kept thinking, this
is going to get expensive someday. Well, I like when
he said too, he goes, now you're leaving trauma every
(26:22):
step of the way instead of fixing it from its origin.
And I think that's to be said for a lot
of people in life. Like I went from bad relationship
to bad relationship to bad relationship, you know, over and
over and over again, because I wasn't fixing my own
inner problem. Yes, so I go around casting even post divorce,
you know, with people that I would date, I would
(26:43):
easily just point a finger like, oh here, I'm dating
the same person. Well why am I dating the same person?
You know what? Like what isn't with me that is
not healed? And to really do that work, I think,
is how you can change the trajectory. And like he's saying,
like post divorce, if he would have leaned in instead
of leaned out and among other things out, yeah, yeah,
(27:05):
while and out you know, but it's it. You don't
realize that until until you're literally at the bottom, that's
the thing. Like I did not realize that until, like
I spoke about this in the book, I was staring
at my gun, you know what I mean, Like you
don't realize it until you're at your freaking lowest. Yeah,
that you It's not all the finger pointing, it's actually
(27:26):
get a point back at you. Yeah. I think I
married a version of myself when I married Preston, and
that's been really therapeutic because I I, we were so similar,
but then all of a sudden, like we weren't similar
and I was on a different path. And it took
some catching up on his end. But it is a
really wildly sobering moment when you're like, Okay, yeah, you know,
(27:51):
I I see this pattern. I used to be this pattern.
And it wasn't that I was better then, it was
just that I was trying not to repeat my own history,
but I accidentally married my history instead. So well, and
this is the thing that I think a lot of
times about when people and listen, this is not true
for everybody, but when someone gets divorced and they start
dating right away, which again i'm victim to, I've done it.
(28:13):
You're just you're masking all the stuff you need to
actually work on, and so then you don't work on
the piece until that next relationship breaks up. And so
that's where I always go when I see someone move
right into something, and I always go, there's there's still
so much because of my own course, and I know
(28:36):
that's not for everybody, but there's so much that needs
to be healed and worked through to change why something
didn't work. The ownership piece, Yeah, that's the thing. I'm
just glad he said it, and I'm glad he gets
it because it's also I think what I get. What
gets hard for me is that there's twelve kids that
will just not nearly get the attention that they need
(28:57):
and deserve. Because twelve kids is a lot of kids,
and he has six different moms. This isn't like he
can just have everyone over for dinner, right, Maybe he can.
Maybe that's the situation. I don't know. I just I
at one point was like, there some family system feels good,
you know, some sort of like something for these children. Yeah,
sweet Nick, it's gonna be whiling out an extra to
(29:19):
be able to pay for all those babies. HI love
the podcast and Janna, you recently spoke about meeting Mike's
new girlfriend, so I was hoping you could help me out.
I've been divorced for three years and my ex and
I share fifty to fifty custody of our two kids. Recently,
he introduced me to his new girlfriend, which I was
fine with, but now my kids keep telling me about
all the fun things they do with her, and honestly,
it makes me feel replaced and jealous. I want to
(29:41):
be supportive and not put my kids in the middle,
but I'm struggling with these feelings of jealousy and insecurity.
How do I process this and still show up as
the best mom I can be? First and foremost, love
the honesty. I love the honesty, and I don't know
how y'all do this well. I just don't know how.
I I could never do what you do. Yeah, I
(30:04):
don't think I'm strong enough or something for that. I mean, so,
he's it's not my information to share, and I won't
share why or anything like that, because again it's not
my information to share. But to my knowledge, they're not
(30:25):
together anymore. So, But to go back to this point,
it's not I mean, definitely wasn't easy. This is the
first one that I had sat down with and you
know there's that piece where yeah, I mean again, I've
said this a million times over on this podcast. But
the reason that I stayed so long was because I
(30:46):
didn't want someone else raising my kids, or being around
my kids, or knowing that my kids the way that
I meant to spend all the memories and you know,
as their mom. Obviously, you know, I realized at the
end of the day staying was far more painful than leaving,
which was my catalyst to leaving after the last affair.
(31:10):
And so this part has always has always been something
that I dreaded, right, and so this the first time
actually meeting this someone that was gonna was going to
be spending time with the kids, was so hard. But
I also looked at it in a way where I
(31:31):
knew and especially the major of the kids, like I
know that I'm mom, They know I'm mom, and I
think it's a little bit different fifty to fifty like that,
since I have seventy thirty, I do have them more.
So she wasn't going to be around them as much
as you know, we you know, we we do. But
I think at the end of the day just comes
(31:52):
down to other people loving their kids, and I, you know,
I was even like, hey, you know, when you're back
in town, let's go. You come with me and Jolly
to go shopping. And let's get our nails done and
let's you know, do things together too, where it's where
it's not just her and the kids. And I think
it's important for them to have a relationship with them,
of course, because you want them to feel comfortable in
the home with you know, their dad, and whoever their
(32:15):
dad's spending time with. I also think it's important to
have that shared connection. And you know, obviously we didn't
end up doing that because he's not with her anymore.
But I've always looked at it now as because of
my kid's age, because of the time that I do have,
this is just an added person to love my kids.
(32:35):
But I do have someone that's going through that right now,
and it's so hard for them because she's like how
much they're posting with the kids and doing all these
fun activities, and it's like, yeah, I mean, it's not. Again,
it's not an easy thing. Even when my kids went
to the beach with you know, their dad, it's like,
it's not an easy thing to miss out on memories
that you were meant to have with them. It's just
(32:58):
not And no matter how many years have passed, no
matter how happy I am in my new marriage, and
my family. It's still not a easy thing to say
wave goodbye to your kids and not have them on
every other weekend. It's just not And then to have
them be around somebody else, But you have to just
restructure it and go as long as they are being loved,
(33:18):
They have the love of you, as is the mother always,
and that is where they'll find the most comfort. But
to have somebody that's this bonus bonus person around them
that loves and cares for them, that's all we can
ask for, is to have someone else that loves on them.
And that's a beautiful thing. Question for you can still
be hard, though you can literally hold both, do you?
(33:41):
But I will say this really fast though it's like,
but knowing that I will have to rego through that
process again of meeting someone just is again brings up
the I'll have to I'll have to rego through all
those feelings again and remind myself the truth of no,
they just as long as they love my kids and
they're kind to my kids. It's like, but it is hard,
and then you go back to that place, is this
(34:02):
is not this is not normal, this is not how
it's supposed to be. Do you what are your thoughts
and feelings and maybe even tell me because I don't
know that we've ever talked about this. Actually titles so like,
do your kids call what are your kids call Alan?
It's mostly Alan, but sometimes they call him dad. Does
(34:26):
Mike have a feeling he's up? Mike? I mean, he
spoke about this on the podcast with us three and
he's like, yeah, of course, it's it's hard. And I
don't like that. I don't. I mean, that's sorry you
didn't say I didn't like that. I don't. I don't
know exactly what his quote was, but we did say
it's hard, but he knows that he's he's dad, Like
(34:48):
the kids will be like Dad, Dad, which is referring
to Mike. And then still again it's it's eighty percent
they call him Alan, okay, but I always wonder they
call him sometimes they call him dad, And I think
they're doing it more now calling him dad because of Roman. Sure,
if that makes sense. What if they were to call
(35:08):
someone else mom? Again, I think at their age, I
don't know if they would, but if they did, it
would crush me. Yeah, it's what I just never even
thought about it. Actually in that step mom yes, that
would person that would be a step mom as he is.
But again I think it knowing how little they do
(35:31):
call Alan dad. Yeah, I don't think they would all
someone mom because it's like I'm their mom, you know
what I mean. Yeah, pretty established. Yeah, and it's pretty
established that Alan is Alan is their stepdad. That makes sense. Yeah,
and Dad Dad's dad. Yeah. So interesting. Yeah, it's wild,
Like I just can't even I mean, if anyone called
(35:53):
it anyone else, I would be like, that's incorrect. I'm
just not I'm not made for this. Yeah. But they
also strap it in as a mom though. That's the
thing too, you know, but so to you for my kids,
and I'm they're not going to call you mom, right right.
I see the other side though, too, where it's I know,
it's like you're doing the work, you know. It's like
(36:14):
I've got I've got friends in that that are step moms.
And I think sometimes they call them their name and
sometimes they call them mom and if that is their heart,
because a mom is a caring but it's the definition
of a mom, a caring, nurturing, nurturing, loving person, if
that is what they want to call them. Yes, interesting
(36:39):
because I've called I actually was just thinking this little
self reflective like I've called my Pammy that I lost
my Dallas mom and she was so mom like to me.
And I have never asked my mom how that feels. Yeah, huh,
but yeah, I guess I've never I mean, but again,
it's I mean, I could count on one hand probably
(37:03):
how many times they've actually called him dad. Interesting well,
and it's usually like when they've spent you know, when
we do have the full week, right right? Yeah? Yeah,
and Alan, does Ellen have a feeling either way? No,
because I mean he's stepdad. Yeah, you know, oh he's
in Yeah, so lug and lunchboxes and say we don't
I don't correct it. Again, I think it's a lot
(37:24):
to do with Roman. Yeah, because he's saying it. Yeah, Okay,
I just wondered that never asked. But yeah, that'd be hard,
really hard. Yeah. So and and listen again, I think
for our listener to go back to the listening. Yeah,
I just really got off in tangent. I'm like it
putting myself in your places, and I just don't know
how y'all do. It's not easy, but if but I
(37:46):
would just highlight the fact that your kids are getting
loved one and that you are happier not being in
the marriage with him, and a better version of yourself
and a better version of yourself. You're a happier mom.
And it is hard when they're going off and doing
all these fun things and you just it's like, you
gotta be happy for him. Feel that way about being
(38:09):
married to an artist. You just gotta be happy for him. Yeah. Yeah,
Well on that note, mom, I love you, Mom, kind
of like my mom. You're kidding. Oh, I'm going to
be your stylist. Get ready to buckle up. You're my sister.
You are my sister. Yeah, I need you to be
my stylist. You guys, I'm freaking out. Side note, I
(38:31):
don't have a dress for the premiere and I don't
want to spend two thousand dollars for a stylist to
style the style. We found a dress and they're like,
oh it's too I'm like, I am, we're going to
do this. I need I Yeah, look at you, You're
a dream. This is so fun for me. So you're
going to be my free stylist. I'm in and she
can be mad at me. Stylists do they are wonderful
and honorable and they do really hard work and sometimes too,
(38:51):
I can find you the dress. Yeah, it's just it's
like hard to pay that when you don't get to
keep the dress too, which I don't understand. How big
for another time, I don't understand why don't we get
to keep the clothes that you pay for? You you
pay for their time and their styling. Sure, but what
do you what are they going to do with the clothes?
Return it back to the the Oh what's a person
(39:11):
called the that makes it designer? Designer? Yeah, I guess
I don't know. But it's just like hard for me
because I'm just like you know. But it is the
premiere of my movie. And don't forget to tag your
stylust twenty eight. If you get me a dress, I'll
tag you stylist. You don't have to do that, but
I am pumped to dress you. You're so cute and
(39:32):
fun for babd get ready, Ladison Gents, your debut and
my debut all at once. See, when you buy your
dream car, you can't have the stylist, dae. Sometimes sometimes
it costs has gotta go away. So that is the
balance of what I'm doing what the what you're wearing
in your g wagon so I might be riding to
(39:53):
the premiere in my dream car, in an Amazon do
or in an Amazon outfit. Oh, we're going to handle this,
not just saying that is that is what life is about. Balance,
That's right. I love you, baby. Bye.
Host
Jana Kramer
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