November 11, 2024 • 48 mins
He’s back! Jana’s ex-husband Mike Caussin joins Jana and Allan for a heart to heart to heart, and nothing is off limits.
Allan lets Mike how he REALLY felt after learning about his past, and we find out if they’ll ever all go on vacation together.
Plus, Jana shares the reason behind the year with a “double Christmas”.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I'm heart Radio podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
All right, So well, I don't even know how to
start this one because this is a the girls aren't here.
I didn't want to subject the girls to this again,
but so what.
Speaker 1 (00:18):
Do you because you guys do what once.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
Week with the girls and I do the wind Down, right,
and then we do adult Education, which is on Wednesdays.
I can't remember. It's always kind of a moving target.
But so there's two episodes a week through the wind
Down umbrella. So one is then I've got adult education education, yes,
(00:41):
and so it's not that the girls didn't want to
come today to today's show, but I feel like, you know,
we've already yeah, and I just you know, I figured
what better way to just have my now husband and
ex husband on wind Down? Make it really full circle,
really fun.
Speaker 3 (01:01):
I've noticed what Mike's got a podcast voice. Yes, Softensy's
voice up for a podcast.
Speaker 1 (01:10):
I have to otherwise it's my voice can be a lot.
It's just learned.
Speaker 2 (01:17):
And we're still learning to just o coachman.
Speaker 4 (01:21):
The mic is fine. My voice travels.
Speaker 1 (01:24):
He's a coach.
Speaker 2 (01:26):
But anyways, it's been about a year since we've had
Mike Cosson on the podcast, so we figured a little
yearly anniversary. Welcome back to wind Down. Thanks for having me,
of course, Alan, you were last minute add for this show.
Would you like to discuss?
Speaker 3 (01:48):
Would I like to discuss? Yes, it's almost like I
don't want to and a fear and it just feels
it feels weird the three of us sitting here does
it not in an awkward way. But I'm almost like, Okay,
if you guys would get copearings and stuff to raise
(02:09):
and discuss, then go ahead, go.
Speaker 4 (02:12):
Ahead and do it. I don't need to. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (02:16):
Almost feels a little bit not awkward, a weird because
we've got a good relationship, right, but almost like ends
up feeding.
Speaker 4 (02:23):
And interestive.
Speaker 2 (02:25):
Well, I don't want you to feel awkward.
Speaker 4 (02:27):
No, no, I just told you I don't feel.
Speaker 2 (02:28):
Oh no, I thought you said it's awkward.
Speaker 3 (02:30):
No, no, I said it's not awkward.
Speaker 2 (02:32):
Oh okay, I.
Speaker 1 (02:33):
Get what he's saying. But that just is a testament
to I think, you know, on his half of things,
why we're able to have the relationship as a three
S company that we do, because there's other people that
wouldn't that would include themselves, maybe in situations that they
don't need to be included. Yeah, right, where it's like
the new partner, the new husband, the new wife is
(02:55):
like helping make decisions that maybe isn't up to them
but kind of like stay in his lane. But also
I embrace you coming into being a part of it too.
So oh, that's just one of the beginning kind of
things with all of this of why we've been able
to have a good relationship.
Speaker 2 (03:13):
Yeah, and I think to bring it back to where
you even when I did bring up the hey, I'm
thinking about having Mike come back on the show. He
kind of wanted to discuss work and we can we
have topics that I think could help people because our
mission was always to help other people through things that
we've gone through, and so sometimes threading that and walking
(03:37):
that line has been challenging and stuff. And I feel like,
and this isn't anything against you, Mike, but and I
don't want to speak for you, so please join in
on this piece of it. But even when I did
bring it up, you're you have more of like that
old school mentality love like boundaries where you're like, why
(04:02):
why do you want them on or have him come on?
Speaker 4 (04:04):
Why do you want. I'm I think it's clear.
Speaker 3 (04:09):
I'm a pretty private person, So I'm like, why do
you want to discuss this stuff on a podcast? I
don't get it. That's what my stance was. Nothing against
Mike at all, but my stance is that's an in house,
private thing that runs between the three of us and
(04:29):
runs well. So one, there's not going to be any
controversy behind it or on this podcast unless something there's
raised that I don't know about, or two is.
Speaker 4 (04:42):
Yeah, that's my thing.
Speaker 3 (04:43):
Like it's a private way in which we do think,
So why why air it?
Speaker 4 (04:48):
That was my first response, and I said I'd come back.
Speaker 3 (04:51):
To you on it, didn't I yeah, because I didn't
even know until last night that Mike was coming on.
Speaker 2 (05:02):
Thank you well again I eliminated. I'm like, Okay, this
is where it's a hard line to walk, right, because
I understand honoring and respecting your stance on it and
also going I think it's then it's the stance that
I take is I have this podcast to help other
(05:23):
people to be able to have conversations, tough conversations at times.
We've had many of those. And then to go, okay,
I think there are conversations about how we have co
parented because we know so many that are struggling in
that area. So, Okay, we don't have the perfect relationship
(05:45):
Mike and I, but it's you know, it's an ongoing
and trying to communicate. Yeah, and so I think we
know we're not meeting in a parking lot, though nothing
against those people that do that. We were almost there
at that point to exchange kids. But you know, I
think there's ways to be able to have conversations. And
that's why I didn't end up saying anything because I'm like,
(06:07):
I don't I'm not going to be like, babe, you
have to come on. So you were free to sit
out if you wanted to. And if you were like, Babe,
absolutely not, then obviously I wouldn't. I would have respected that.
Speaker 3 (06:19):
I think if Mike and I have again to see
each other, they've been said privately, not on the podcast. Yeah, well,
if that can help others navigate situations like this, then yeah,
let's do.
Speaker 4 (06:38):
This is great from the expert of cooperiencing.
Speaker 2 (06:43):
Listen. And that's the thing. It's not all perfect, right,
and there's different I think there's different seasons of co
parenting and relationships. It is hard to co parent with
someone you don't like. You got divorced because of an issue,
so it's then you're forced and co parent with someone
you don't like respect have issues with, and that have
(07:07):
two different sides of anger and resentment and bitterness and
so but then yeah, go ahead communicate, Like it's such
a hard thing for so many to do. So you're
not alone in that alone, nor were having a hard
time with co parenting. No, I know, yeah, but so
(07:34):
but I will say again though, too, you are just
more of a like for example, when you were coming
in you know Mike's and this is just the relationship
that we've cultivated anyways. I mean, there may be should
have been boundary set, but like you're just like walking
in the house, and I think at first, like for Alan,
he's like what you know what I mean, Like it's
like a.
Speaker 1 (07:55):
Which is which I still have my moments of like
hesitation and all that with I mean, with all of this,
whether it's the podcast, whether it's coming to the house,
and even when I Jannel, when I texted you about
maybe doing this, that's my if it was just you,
I'm like, hey, let's freaking do this like, come on, like,
let's talk about these things, let's talk about co parenting whatever. Yeah,
(08:16):
any reservation I have is because of like my respect
for Alan, right, because it's like, this is y'all's house,
this is y'all's marriage. I'm here on the side. I'm like, hey,
if you want to do this, like maybe we could.
Speaker 4 (08:28):
Well.
Speaker 2 (08:28):
You also in the text message you said, hey, what
do you think about this? And also to bring out
like we can do it on Alan yours an Alan show,
so you were very respectful of that too, of course,
and he always this, Yeah, but it's just funny because
it is like the two where I'm kind of sometimes
I feel a little stuck in the middle where Intio
(08:48):
like the boundaries of things like well, uh like let's
just say early on when he would just like walk
in the house.
Speaker 5 (08:56):
Yeah, but that's that's because I'm used to a different
type of corpiiting, right, So right, not to be bad anyone,
but I'm used to I'm used to the.
Speaker 3 (09:13):
Drop the kads off and picked them up style of
Corpi thing. That's that's my experience of it. So when
I used to come swarming in the house up like Okay.
Speaker 1 (09:27):
I'm sitting down and hey, that's what's going on.
Speaker 2 (09:29):
It hang out, and then I'm just like I just
want everyone to get along and be happy, and like
I don't want to be like, hey, I need you
to knock on the I need you to ring the
doorbell because you know it's so it puts then me
in an uncomfortable situation because I just want everyone to
get along. And then I don't want conflict between us,
because then I don't want you to hate him for
like maybe his more stronger, uh or not stronger.
Speaker 3 (09:54):
It's just a different perception of like the way you
guys Corpien is nice. It's nice, but not everyone has
got that. Not everybody's got the luxury. And you you
to be fair to you both. You've you compromise, you
discuss things, you communicate well, and you have your moments
as everyone does. But then the day it's always like
(10:15):
ninety five percent of the time it's healthy. Whereas I
think cole parenting in general, make sure I use that
word in general is five percent healthy and ninety five
percent unhealthy.
Speaker 4 (10:30):
And I believe that.
Speaker 2 (10:32):
Why do you think that is Well.
Speaker 3 (10:34):
There's others a bias in my opinion because of my
experience with co parenting, which is now in a place
where it's a lot better. I just I don't hear
many stories of nice co parenting situations.
Speaker 1 (10:49):
I really don't. You know, what was your biggest like
fear or concern when you guys really start to get
serious and you knew our lives we're gonna blend like
Allen and I did you have like any just off
the top of your head, Man, I'm really worried about this.
Speaker 2 (11:07):
Well, I mean, I'm glad you're not showing up in
the window knocking on the door or knocking on the windows.
Speaker 3 (11:12):
It's a dark day, John, make say the game.
Speaker 2 (11:26):
That was pre Allen, that was very very pre very
early on. Yeah, very pre but that was a wild time.
Speaker 1 (11:37):
That that feels like so long ago.
Speaker 2 (11:39):
But I and that we all have like our crazy
moments obviously, but it's something to be said for It's
really hard when people start dating after divorce because when
it involves kids, because you just kind of start to
spiral and you you like don't have any control over anything,
and so it's it's hard. But in this situation, you
(12:02):
say that.
Speaker 1 (12:02):
Question again, So what was just when you knew, like
Alan was coming into your life and then things are
getting serious and I was meeting Alan, he was around
the kids. What was your concern with really of just like, Okay,
this is the person I'm going to be with, this
is my person. I eat Alan. Now we have to
blend all of this together, well, Like, was there anything
(12:22):
noticeable that you were worried about.
Speaker 2 (12:24):
I think my own worry was trusting myself that I
was making the right that I wasn't that I didn't
want to mess up again. That's my first when I
think of when I think back to that is I
I almost didn't want you to be like, oh, you know,
you messed up again and you introduced the kids to
someone to somebody else, And that would probably be the
(12:47):
first piece that I would think of, because I didn't
I didn't want to mess up again, and I didn't
want to put the kids through blending and then something happening.
But I would say between, I mean this situation again,
I I don't like I don't I And I think
(13:08):
that's why I'm was blurry maybe with boundaries of certain things,
because I just don't want any like negativity. I just
wanted you everyone to get along, and honestly, what my
biggest thing was is I know how you're you're just
more of a Alan speaking to him, is you're you
(13:29):
are more old school with a lot of things, and
so because of the situations that you've dealt with, it
was hard to go, Okay, well, now we're in such
a great spot. I don't want to have to like
and now I have to like try to manage everybody's
and respecting because I didn't want you to not like him,
(13:50):
and I didn't want him to not like you, And
then I just wanted to be like, can we y'all
just get along?
Speaker 3 (13:53):
And so I think I think when you bring two
reasonable people together always end up in reason. I think
if you've got one person who is an unreasonable person,
which a lot of people are, then you'll always have
some sort of fight, a battle. But I think I'm
at an age now. I think I've always been a
(14:14):
reasonable person, but I'm an age now where okay, I
can see the reason and things and as long as
in Mike is a reasonable person in my opinion from
what I've seen in the past the past two years.
So I think there was a willingness from Mike that
for it to work and there's a willingness for me
to make it work, so therefore there was always going
(14:35):
to be a good balance with it.
Speaker 2 (14:37):
Yeah, and I think I think it was hard too,
because I wanted I wanted you both to like each other.
Where it was like and where he helped me with
is like there can be a level respect or it
doesn't have to be best friends, but there will be
a level of respect, you know, And just like with
you know, whatever relationship you end up with, like she
(15:00):
doesn't need to be my best friend, but there will
always be a level of respect for each other. And
I think you guys have a really nice blend of respect.
You might not understand certain things about each other or
vice versa, but there at least there's a level of
respect and knowing he's the father of you know, our
kids and everything like that.
Speaker 4 (15:18):
He's a good guy.
Speaker 1 (15:20):
We'll keep him around.
Speaker 2 (15:22):
Were you worried about anything?
Speaker 1 (15:25):
The biggest thing was what your point was like. And
that's why I told anybody that would ask me or
close to me, it's like, you know, how do you
like Alan or the newer I'm just like, for the
kid's sake, I hope it works above all. And then
getting to see y'all's relationship, getting to see you know,
(15:45):
how he makes you feel, feeling the energy in the
house and all that kind of stuff. And then just
the path that the three of our relationship has been
able to go is it's depleted any worry that I
ever had really Obviously the number one thing is the kids.
So the fact that they have this stability with you, guys,
(16:06):
is is great.
Speaker 2 (16:19):
What do you think this is for both of you? Guys?
Has been the hardest challenge for you personally co parenting?
Who wants to go first?
Speaker 3 (16:31):
I think it's been a pretty seamless co patenting situation
because I.
Speaker 2 (16:36):
Mean in your personal if you want to talk about
it too, like what.
Speaker 3 (16:40):
You talking about it was co parents and Jolie and Jayson.
So I think it's been seamless one because the kids
are really nice kids and have been raised properly. So
it makes it I have said that to you from
day one, if you running around with a couple of brats,
how they've been like m hm, So again that that's
(17:06):
such an easy, seamless scenario because the kids are so
kind and nice and monoy. And then the respects side
of Mike and Eye's relationship. When I met, I was like, Okay,
it's good that I can work with us.
Speaker 4 (17:26):
What was your question.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
Again, what's been the hardest challenge co parenting?
Speaker 1 (17:30):
All this challenge, I'll say for me at least being
like the biological side of things is I never envisioned
not having my kids every single day, right, Like, I
know my great dad. You guys know my great dad.
Everyone that knows me knows I'm a great dad. That's
one thing I can kind of stand behind for sure.
(17:50):
And so knowing that there's obviously a lot of times
where I'm not there and you're helping them do things
that a father would do you, I'm thankful that it's
you because I like you as a person, I respect you,
you know, I love y'all's relationship. But there's no matter
who you put in your in your shoes as the
(18:13):
biological father, it still is like, man, this sucks like
it is like there's there's no substitute for that. And
so that's the hardest part. No matter how great all
of our relationship is, I just know I'm not with
him every day and that sucks. It is what it is.
Speaker 3 (18:29):
Yeah, there's a gap that someone else is filling. I
think it's tough for any father or mother in that situation.
But going back to it, I think the dynamic between
the three of us is fine and everyone's intentions are
pure absolutely, So going back to the biggest challenge, I
(18:49):
don't I don't think those I don't think there's a
time where I've sat and thought that's just so challenging
that particular part. Apart from makestraw and in the house
without knocking on the door, there's not been a point
where I'm like, I'm struggling with us. Yeah, and if
(19:12):
that is enough forgot about it, then you can remaind me.
Speaker 2 (19:17):
No, I think for me what is challenging is and
I don't know if you've I know you don't listen
to wind down Mike. But it's hard because though we're
so removed, there's still things that come up emotionally and uh,
(19:41):
you know, like something came up for me in therapy
a couple weeks ago, and it's hard to co parent
when those feelings come up, you know, because I want
to just come, you know, get on the phone and
just be like that I hate you, you know this
this is coming up and why is this coming up.
(20:03):
But it's so I think it's like sometimes separating when
you're still some past things like might come up. And
then obviously we have.
Speaker 1 (20:11):
You know, yeah, we still have obstacles that as parenting
as well as we do it together. We still have
obstacles with things and that we work on, will continue
to work on and all of that. But and it
could always be worse.
Speaker 2 (20:28):
What do you find works best for co parenting?
Speaker 1 (20:32):
Kind of to touch on what Alan said, right, like
being reasonable people and so it is it's you're removing
the emotion out of it and giving credit where credits do.
It's like, Okay, are my kids healthy? Yes? Are they safe? Yes?
Are they in a good home? Yes, like no matter
whether your house or my house? Are they fed? Are
they like the essential things? It's like making it elementary
(20:57):
in my mind helps alleviate, like from like ruminating on
the emotional. Just my kids are fine, they're healthy, they're safe,
all those things that are just listed. So focusing on
the important stuff, which is them, I think is the
important thing to do.
Speaker 2 (21:16):
Do we want to talk about feeding? No now because
someone says are the rules the same at both households?
Speaker 4 (21:26):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (21:27):
We know that to a degree. But I know that.
And here's what I'll say. I for a lot of reasons,
I want to find someone and be with somebody and
have that stability and which you know, confident that I have,
(21:49):
which is the story for another day. But you know,
when they're with you, they have that more traditional kind
of family setup of like being able to help each
other words, cook dinner, and take care of the kids
and do all the stuff. And when they're with me,
there are those times where it's like single dad kind
of on his own. I'm putting together to make sure
(22:12):
they get fed, and sometimes it's you know, the organic
chicken nuggets from the freezer or so I just do
the best that I can.
Speaker 3 (22:19):
Right, it's just leading towards of Jimmy Jones satuation.
Speaker 2 (22:26):
Jimmy John's Yeah, well you it's the kids won't eat
his food when they come back from your house. And
then usually he'll make a little comment under his broath,
like Jimmy Johns, but listen, the kids are being fed.
And I defended the Jimmy Johns'm like, hey, Jimmy Johns
is great turkey, it's protein. Yeah, thank you.
Speaker 4 (22:48):
Yeah, I don't have a huge deal with.
Speaker 2 (22:51):
It at that point you were in quite a mid last.
Speaker 4 (22:54):
Couple of weeks is really good chance.
Speaker 2 (22:58):
But I mean to your point, the kids are, you know,
it's fine. I think we're we now that I've learned
more about foods and what's in foods and I've been
just you know, reading things, and Okay, this is really
bad for the kids, getting the kids off of because
it's hard when if they're eating the sugary cereals at
your house and then we're like then they come here
(23:19):
like oh we don't like this, Like what do you
This is good, this doesn't have the dies and this
that and the other. So I think when we had
that conversation, I was like, I understand, but please like
if we can try.
Speaker 1 (23:29):
That's all. That's all it takes, right, And so it's
just a conversation. We're able to have that, And so
I'm more conscious of those little things where, you know.
Speaker 3 (23:38):
I think I think that's a cultural thing as well,
because and it's like, okay, when the kids go to
dad's house, everything's everything's generally more relaxed and to get
more It's the same with Troy when he was younger,
like you'd come to my house and like do you
know what, Okay, we'll just eat out or we'll have
(23:59):
this so well that so I think I think things
are always more lenient with kids when they go to
dad's because moms tend to Moms tend to beat a
little bit more controlling with things, whereas when the kids
go to their dad's's.
Speaker 4 (24:18):
That's what it was always like with me.
Speaker 2 (24:21):
Yeah, I think totally, which is also why the other
day I texted you, Mike about the volleyball stuff, because
when Jolie was talking to her counselor, she had said, Mom,
you're always rushing me. And I'm like, okay, let's talk
about that. You get off the bus at this time,
and then your volleyball's at this time, and then you
had a soccer gam where you've got softball. Because everything,
(24:41):
given our split the seventy thirty, I am the one always.
I'm like, this isn't I don't want to be the
parent that she just thinks is the one rushing her.
It just but it falls mostly on my days, and
so it becomes this like I almost get a little
resentment where it's it becomes frustrating that you're the fun
house where they can go do the video games, not
(25:03):
be rushed. Dad doesn't do the like, and so that's
what I make up and I'm like cool, So those
eight to whatever ten days they get to just have
so much fun. But yet I'm the parent that's rushing
them and taking them here. And it's like, I don't
want to just be labeled that parent.
Speaker 1 (25:18):
I get that, and of course I can see how
it seem that way, and is that way to a
degree for sure. The rushing actually jolly kind of stopped
me in my tracks. One day, this is a couple
of weeks ago, and I was getting emotional like talking
to her because like I was rushing over something. We
(25:38):
had vullet, we had some kind of practice. I was like, guys,
let's go, let's go, let's go, and she's like, I
just need him in. I just need a minute. I
was like, we don't have a minute, let's go. And
when I put them to bed that night, she took
a moment and told me, she's like, Dad, like, I'm
really upset because you're rushing me. I told you I
needed a minute and I just need him in. And
I'm like sitting there just like eyes watering, and I
was like, oh my god. The fact that she was
(26:01):
using her words and telling me this, and I was
just like, you know what, You're right. Next time that
you tell me, hey, I need a minute, I'll stop.
I'll give you a minute and we'll talk about it
and kind of figure it out. But so that feels
like you're the only one that's just like on their ass,
but you're definitely not.
Speaker 4 (26:20):
At all. Can I make a point with that?
Speaker 3 (26:23):
I think that goes back to another generalization where when
it's co pairing thing, I don't think the mum will
ever think the dad is doing it right. Yeah, I'm
being serious, I'm being I think about every cope like
my friends, whoever it is, and it's always okay you
(26:45):
when you go to your dad's.
Speaker 4 (26:47):
There's never any structure you got your dad's does.
Speaker 3 (26:51):
Yeah, And I honestly think there's nothing against you and
Mike's resate relationship with you because you're really organized the person,
and I love that about you. But I think that
again as a generalization of dads will never never ever
do it the right way and the mom's eyes.
Speaker 2 (27:12):
So then, as the wife and ex wife of a
co parent situation, what would you want from your ex
wife or your wife in that situation to.
Speaker 1 (27:22):
Realize that guys do it definitely, but exactly we do
it differently. But it goes back to what I was saying.
The essentials, the elementary things are still taken care of
right like, and you for the most part, our principles
(27:43):
as parents align right like they do like values and
I know I do. Yes, we play like Mario Kard
at my house, and you know, we do some certain
things that you don't do here, and I get that.
But again from a like building a human being and
giving them the right skills as a person, we align
(28:07):
right like manners and respect and being honest and those
kind of things. So it's like, hey, the rest of the stuff, yes, okay,
but that's not going to completely shape their character different
than you want because they're at my house.
Speaker 3 (28:21):
Right yeah, Like no more other situation, No mom wants
to regardless of how healthy the coporent. The situation is,
no mom wants to handle the kids over to the
the dad.
Speaker 4 (28:32):
Yeah no.
Speaker 3 (28:34):
So therefore, and going back to my point, mums will
always have some sort of great or opinion on how
the dads do. And that's just that's just nature, that's
just how it works.
Speaker 1 (28:48):
How did this is kind off topic, but Alan coming
into being with Jana and obviously with our relationship being
what it was and a lot of you know, public
things and negative public things, especially about me and things
that I was guilty of and all of that coming
(29:12):
into it, Like, how were you able to kind of
not predetermining your head? All right, this guy's probably all.
I'm sure there's part of you that you know.
Speaker 3 (29:23):
Yeah, I mean, listen again, it's a really good question.
I thought it might come up. Your past is your past?
Speaker 4 (29:30):
I don't.
Speaker 3 (29:31):
I don't respect the things you did, for sure, Jannah. Okay,
so clear on that. Not anything I would ever do.
So those there's that side of it. But I also
need to recognize for me to pin that on you
and continually think that about you would be unhealthy for
(29:51):
the way the future is. So Okay, you've done these things,
don't respect them. But I think and it would be
different if I didn't think this. I think you're genuinely
a good person and a nice guy, and if I
didn't think that, then the relationship would probably be different.
So that makes it easier not to forget what happened
(30:13):
in the past and not to add any respect to whatsoever.
But it makes it a lot easier knowing that deep
down I think you are a good person.
Speaker 4 (30:22):
That's fair.
Speaker 2 (30:24):
Yeah, I mean we've had that conversation before. You're like,
I don't understan, you don't understand it, Like you're like,
you know, He'll be like, I don't understand how someone
could do that. But I'm also like, but babe, you
got me now, you know.
Speaker 3 (30:36):
So I'm like, we I think I think I've just
been clear and that I don't. I don't understand it,
don't respect it, don't understand it, I don't get it.
Speaker 4 (30:44):
But I don't hold it against them one bit, right,
not at all.
Speaker 1 (30:47):
And I can feel that like I would be able
to tell, like if you did right and that first
meeting you, because you were who you are are. You're
very stoic and so just like I like to think
I have, there's different energy in the room and you
(31:08):
have that, and so that was something I could tell
right away. I was like, okay, and I think there
is something with like both being athletes to a degree,
like cut from the same cloth in a sense kind of.
But I could and I feel that, which I appreciate
because I would absolutely be able to tell if all
(31:31):
of that like carried on you like you've held Yeah, yeah,
for sure.
Speaker 2 (31:38):
It's a good question though.
Speaker 4 (31:39):
That was a good question, really good question.
Speaker 2 (31:43):
I mean, what is your girlfriend going to think of me?
I was an angel, so yeah, But I mean I
have that same fear that.
Speaker 1 (31:56):
Like, I'm gonna want everyone to get along, you know,
and I'm which is going to be out of my
control to a degree, but.
Speaker 2 (32:06):
Like and like I said, I don't. As long as
she is good with the kids and there is not
overstepping of certain things again, it will all be great.
Speaker 1 (32:18):
You know.
Speaker 2 (32:19):
That's where it's.
Speaker 3 (32:21):
He's a reasonable person. Yeah, I mean you're not reasonable.
I will be your voice of reason.
Speaker 2 (32:28):
Well, I feel like we do a good job of
kind of holding each other from jumping off a cliff. Yeah,
we're we're luckily not jumping off at the same time. Yeah,
it's interesting questions. Let's go, let's take a break, and
then we'll come back. Okay, So this is kind of
(32:57):
a how do I say, It's something I've always wanted
to do, But I think when I've brought it up
to you, bebe and not to call you out, but
I'm good. This is the podcast world. You know, yeah,
all to say this, let me frame it this way.
(33:18):
Is there something you would want to achieve or some
kind of not goal, but what you go, man, this
would be really cool if we could get to this
point in co parenting. I have my answer for that,
but I'm curious what y'all says. That's a really sounds like, no,
we're good.
Speaker 1 (33:34):
That's a really really good question. And I've thought about that,
and I've been asked that, and maybe it's a pipe dream.
I don't know, because there does need to be boundaries
and I would never want anyone involved to feel uncomfortable
for any kind of reason. But I think the ultimate
(33:55):
pipe dream is like, you know, some years on the road,
where were this unrealistic but pitch but picturesque family where
it's like we go on a trip together in some
way like I don't like, I know, it's crazy, it's
probably not gonna happen, but in that's that would be
(34:18):
the ultimate where it's like the kids vacation and they're
able to have both sets of parents, everyone gets along.
I don't know, you know you've heard of that happening.
I don't know if that would ever happen, but well.
Speaker 2 (34:31):
Alan's laughing because I have brought that up to him.
He's like, get the fuck interesting.
Speaker 3 (34:37):
Getting Honestly, I think stuff like that just goes back
to bite you in the offs at some point.
Speaker 2 (34:44):
There's your cynicism in which way.
Speaker 3 (34:51):
I think if you're in a situation with your own
vacations together and it just opens up that that's that's
so different from managing a co parenting environment being on vacation,
because that's your that's your time to have your own space.
Speaker 4 (35:09):
You're trying to relax, you're trying to I just, yeah,
I think being in that same.
Speaker 3 (35:19):
Environment for a period and I probless my cynicism, but
I just don't Yeah, I don't see that being healthy.
Speaker 2 (35:28):
I still feel like that's like a little bit more
of like the older school mentality too. With that, like
you like, if you think about your dad and the
Scottish like tough upbringing, maybe.
Speaker 3 (35:44):
Yeah, part of it, I just I just I think
part of the means you leave yourself open to something
happening within that dynamic, which affects the next part of
the co parenting situation. I'm not saying it does. I'm
not saying it does, but being confined in that environment
(36:04):
could be something could happen which affects the next two, three,
four or five six years of the co parents inside
of it, or what to go on a holiday together.
Speaker 1 (36:14):
I might get that to a degree where it's if
it ain't broke, don't fix the type of deal where
if like you you do, you put people in this
fish bone, then it's some thing that we don't expect
to happen and it just causes a rift. And then
so I get that.
Speaker 4 (36:31):
It's great.
Speaker 3 (36:33):
I'm just used to and again old school boundaries. I'm
used to things being separate down the line. Okay, that's that, yeah,
which I get.
Speaker 4 (36:43):
I'm not saying it's right.
Speaker 3 (36:45):
I'm not saying it's right, and I might be stuck
in that year, but I'm just used to that's that,
and that's that. And if that comes together, does it
can create a gray area or some sort of animosity
And for what was the point mm hmm to resk
that again, I'm not seeing it does happen, which you're
a good guy and the person that you bring in
(37:07):
to co parent the kids and be around, hopefully we're
a good person as well. Of the blended family vacation.
Speaker 2 (37:21):
I mean that would really have to be we would
all have to really get along, like I have to,
would have to get along with your missus and stuff
like that. So I mean there's so many layers, Like
I could do all of us right now and go somewhere,
you know, like if we're invited to your beach vacation
that had been so.
Speaker 3 (37:36):
Fun that Adam Sandler moved me that blended one.
Speaker 2 (37:40):
I don't remember it.
Speaker 4 (37:42):
I have Andrew Barrymore.
Speaker 2 (37:46):
And you know, actually I didn't see that. But anyways,
so I think, you know, there's it would just would
have to see. But I have brought that up to
him before because that is also because it's I don't
like missing vacations like that must have been hard for
you to see the beach vacation with him building sand
castles with the kids and of course and it would
be hard for me to see that.
Speaker 1 (38:07):
Now it's hard, but I'm happy at the same time.
But it's weird.
Speaker 2 (38:10):
Well no, but like it's it's hard when you guys
do your family vacation on the beach, but I also
like it's so good for them too, So I think
it's there's a piece of it where it's it's healthy
for the kids to have just their time with you.
But I think there is a world and I'd love
that that was my thing that I was going to say.
I would love for there to be It doesn't have
to be a yearly you know, vacation that we schedule
(38:32):
a lot, but I hope one day we could all
go somewhere together, you know. And so we're not sharing
the same bed, you know, it's just we're all at
the same happened to all be at the same beach,
and you know, but that that's that's again the pipe dream.
And I think at the end of the day, we're
we're our trajectory at least is good with where we're
(38:56):
at right now, you know. And because we have gotten
to the we know a lot of people that or
will only talk through email and or drop off at
Whole Foods and you know whatever. And I think it's
a testament obviously to all three of us. But also
it's not the easiest too at times, especially when things
(39:18):
come up or it's like the holidays and knowing that
we won't have the kids this year before for Christmas
Eve night, and you know, it's just it's it's not
so that brings up well why not? And so that
brings up old things too. But that's just what it is.
And you can either dwell in the past and the
resentment or you can go, Okay, this is a this
(39:40):
is just what it is, and feel the emotion and
then and then move on healthily. Is there one thing, Mike,
that you still have to that is your biggest challenge
with or resentment towards me.
Speaker 1 (39:59):
Towards you? This is a producer question or a listener question,
but you question even better. I can honestly say I
don't have like a like active resentment towards you, like personally,
(40:23):
I really can't think there's things, Yes, there's things that
I do that bother you, there's things that you do
that bother me in align with co parenting maybe, but
I really I really can't say there's something that's because
it just is what it is and it's the whole.
(40:43):
Like I'm not going to give it any kind of
space or energy or my time anymore. Right, this is
like what does that do that doesn't do anything good
for me or for this relationship between you and I,
between the three of us, between all of us with
the kids, like and I'm genuinely happy for you, So
(41:04):
it's hard to be genuinely happy for you and have
resentment towards you. Normal Christmas bothers me.
Speaker 2 (41:10):
I knew it. I knew it. I knew it, and
you know what, your response bothered me even more when
that happened. Let's get into it. Oh, this is a
juicy one guy Christmas double Christmas. No, he's just pissed.
Speaker 1 (41:25):
A double Christmas day Yule Santa Santa, for some reason
now comes twice when you don't have them on Christmas morning,
and you sent.
Speaker 2 (41:38):
Me the nastiest text message about that. Do you remember that?
Speaker 1 (41:41):
I don't remember.
Speaker 2 (41:42):
You can't change christ he remembers because I was like,
I guess I can't change Christmas.
Speaker 4 (41:46):
No.
Speaker 1 (41:46):
That was the one thing that had gotten me the
worst because it felt because it sucks right like again,
I don't want to be without them any day ever,
And so it felt like.
Speaker 2 (41:57):
Were we just pissed that you didn't think of it?
Speaker 1 (41:58):
No, I would have do. It felt like you were
taking Christmas from me.
Speaker 2 (42:01):
Oh you had Christmas.
Speaker 1 (42:03):
Because now it's like it just felt because I didn't
do that like when you had them. I was like, hey,
Christmas and then you come to Dad's that afternoon and
then we celebrate our way. And so when next year
it's like, wait, Santa comes twice? What the what just happened?
So it literally felt like you took my Christmas.
Speaker 4 (42:24):
You had Christmas first? Is that right?
Speaker 2 (42:27):
Did? You had Christmas first? So this was this was
when I flew out to England to see you on
and I flew home Christmas Eve night on twenty twenty one,
twenty two, twenty two.
Speaker 1 (42:39):
That's what I'm saying. You had Christmas first?
Speaker 2 (42:41):
Yeah, I had Christmas first, yeah, yeah, and then the
second Christmas you had Christmas and then I had christ yeah.
And so then then when I flew home from so
basically when I flew home from England, it was Christmas Eve,
and I was really having a hard time not having
the Christmas morning having the kids run down the stairs. Yeah,
and so Sanna was going to come then, so Christmas
Day was going to be Christmas Eve is what I
(43:02):
did last year or sorry two years ago, and you
did not like that.
Speaker 4 (43:08):
It was just two Christmas. Mike has this Christmas Day
and you have your Christmas?
Speaker 2 (43:13):
Are you on my side?
Speaker 1 (43:16):
Listen?
Speaker 3 (43:17):
I am, because if it's different if if different, if
whoever has them on Christmas Day is the one who's
got the biggest power, right because you control Christmas Day.
So I'll be honest, if if if my ex was like, okay,
you've got you've got Troy and Christmas Day, I want
(43:39):
to I want to reenact Christmas Day on the twenty
six of that going crack on, do what you want.
Speaker 1 (43:46):
That's fine, right, But the difference is there's a conversation.
Speaker 2 (43:49):
Why do you think I have to have a conversation
with you about when Christmas is in my house?
Speaker 1 (43:55):
Because it's do you think it was going to confuse
the kid? Here's the thing, It's not about that.
Speaker 2 (44:00):
It's just like anything that I say, this all like.
Speaker 1 (44:03):
Yeah, but it's like everything I've like, if you just come.
Speaker 2 (44:08):
To me, just why do I need your permission?
Speaker 1 (44:11):
It's not it's not about permission. Has nothing to do
because you can do it.
Speaker 2 (44:15):
Welcome to mine now and we're back.
Speaker 1 (44:17):
We're back. It has nothing to do with me giving
you permission because I can't. I can't give you permission
and not tell you to do it. But it's the
respect thing, right, So when it comes to kids like hey,
this is not idea I had tell me, like your
thoughts on it. It's just like I really miss Chris,
miss Christmas morning. I'm not trying to undermine yours. It's
(44:37):
just what do you think? You know what? Again, it's
not about and if if you just come to me
like when do I?
Speaker 2 (44:46):
When?
Speaker 1 (44:46):
Am I ever like give you pushback when you come
to me and talk to me about something.
Speaker 2 (44:51):
Well, the first time I told you about I wanted
I was dating someone.
Speaker 1 (44:55):
Well that was just handled, completely handled.
Speaker 2 (44:58):
I sat you down and brought you to lunch. I
paid for lunch.
Speaker 1 (45:02):
Anyways, No, you, that wasn't a discussion. You were telling you.
Speaker 2 (45:05):
I was telling you I was dating some much.
Speaker 1 (45:06):
You were introducing him to the kids that I was
going to. Yes, yeah, it wasn't a conversation. Is you
just telling okay? Anyways, everything's great. No, again, it's not
about permission. It's just like anything with the kids. I
would love a conversation around it's your house, it's you
can do whatever the hell you want, obviously, but I wouldn't.
It just felt like you were just altering, making this
(45:28):
shift of all of a sudden that it just took
me by surprise. And that's what pissed me off. It
took me by surprise, and it felt like it was
a purposeful thing not to talk to me about because
you just wanted to undermine my Christmas.
Speaker 2 (45:41):
Like I took it personally, right, That's what you made up,
is that I was trying to undermine and it really
had nothing to do so hearing this conversation, I do
apologize that that's what a you made up and then
that's what you thought and felt around that situation. I didn't.
I wasn't trying to do it in a malicious way.
(46:03):
It was more of a the kids are at such
a beautiful fun age that I didn't want to miss
their running down and trickling down, and you tell.
Speaker 1 (46:11):
Me that would have been like, yeah, I totally get that.
Speaker 2 (46:13):
I think though in that space is I'm like, why
do I have to tell you? And I can see
both sides where you're like just the respect thing, okay, fine,
but I'm also likes ye.
Speaker 1 (46:23):
In my mind right I It's like, it's because it's
it's Christmas. You're the day after we had done trigger treating,
you turned on Christmas music. Yeah, like there thirty first.
Your tree was up the next.
Speaker 2 (46:38):
Day, which we need help, by the way, straightening straightened out.
Speaker 1 (46:42):
But that's a real reason I was allowed on today.
They just needed me over here.
Speaker 2 (46:48):
So yeah, well let's have a conversation because this year
is the same year as it was two years ago.
Speaker 1 (46:55):
Well, yeah, it's already been done, So what about What
the hell I say? Now? I know you're gonna do it.
Speaker 2 (47:00):
Not necessarily. I haven't talked to Alan about it because
it's really a conversation between us now and then you know,
when it comes to because we have a child now,
and you know.
Speaker 3 (47:12):
Yeah, I don't want Roman being brought up thinking those
two days of Christmas, double presence every Christmas, right, So
I think that, you know, if I put it back
to a scenario when Troy was younger and my ex
was like, Okay, you've got one Christmas Day and so
(47:33):
therefore on Boxing Day, I'm gonna make it like it's
Christmas Day again.
Speaker 4 (47:40):
Like okay, whatever, it sounds good. He gets two Christmases. Perfect,
he's happy.
Speaker 3 (47:46):
So I don't I don't know how the communication was
exactly and how it said at the time.
Speaker 2 (47:50):
I just didn't say anything. He just found out from
I don't even know how you found out. But It
wasn't like I was trying to hide or I really
don't know. I might even have no idea, but.
Speaker 1 (48:06):
I think I literally like saw your story and.
Speaker 2 (48:08):
Was like, oh right, what right? Because I did say
that at my store. I was like, I think this year,
I'm going to do that way. It wouldn't hurt this
the sting of it wouldn't be as bad. But listen,
I mean I ended up having the flu anyway, So
it was.
Speaker 1 (48:21):
A anyways, moving on this neither hear Nord there?
Speaker 2 (48:24):
Yeah, all right, So that was part one of wind Down. Hey, Mike,
you want to join us for a part two on
adult education.
Speaker 1 (48:31):
Let's run it back.
Speaker 2 (48:32):
See you in a few days.
Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I'm heart Radio podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
All right, So well, I don't even know how to
start this one because this is a the girls aren't here.
I didn't want to subject the girls to this again,
but so what.
Speaker 1 (00:18):
Do you because you guys do what once.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
Week with the girls and I do the wind Down, right,
and then we do adult Education, which is on Wednesdays.
I can't remember. It's always kind of a moving target.
But so there's two episodes a week through the wind
Down umbrella. So one is then I've got adult education education, yes,
(00:41):
and so it's not that the girls didn't want to
come today to today's show, but I feel like, you know,
we've already yeah, and I just you know, I figured
what better way to just have my now husband and
ex husband on wind Down? Make it really full circle,
really fun.
Speaker 3 (01:01):
I've noticed what Mike's got a podcast voice. Yes, Softensy's
voice up for a podcast.
Speaker 1 (01:10):
I have to otherwise it's my voice can be a lot.
It's just learned.
Speaker 2 (01:17):
And we're still learning to just o coachman.
Speaker 4 (01:21):
The mic is fine. My voice travels.
Speaker 1 (01:24):
He's a coach.
Speaker 2 (01:26):
But anyways, it's been about a year since we've had
Mike Cosson on the podcast, so we figured a little
yearly anniversary. Welcome back to wind Down. Thanks for having me,
of course, Alan, you were last minute add for this show.
Would you like to discuss?
Speaker 3 (01:48):
Would I like to discuss? Yes, it's almost like I
don't want to and a fear and it just feels
it feels weird the three of us sitting here does
it not in an awkward way. But I'm almost like, Okay,
if you guys would get copearings and stuff to raise
(02:09):
and discuss, then go ahead, go.
Speaker 4 (02:12):
Ahead and do it. I don't need to. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (02:16):
Almost feels a little bit not awkward, a weird because
we've got a good relationship, right, but almost like ends
up feeding.
Speaker 4 (02:23):
And interestive.
Speaker 2 (02:25):
Well, I don't want you to feel awkward.
Speaker 4 (02:27):
No, no, I just told you I don't feel.
Speaker 2 (02:28):
Oh no, I thought you said it's awkward.
Speaker 3 (02:30):
No, no, I said it's not awkward.
Speaker 2 (02:32):
Oh okay, I.
Speaker 1 (02:33):
Get what he's saying. But that just is a testament
to I think, you know, on his half of things,
why we're able to have the relationship as a three
S company that we do, because there's other people that
wouldn't that would include themselves, maybe in situations that they
don't need to be included. Yeah, right, where it's like
the new partner, the new husband, the new wife is
(02:55):
like helping make decisions that maybe isn't up to them
but kind of like stay in his lane. But also
I embrace you coming into being a part of it too.
So oh, that's just one of the beginning kind of
things with all of this of why we've been able
to have a good relationship.
Speaker 2 (03:13):
Yeah, and I think to bring it back to where
you even when I did bring up the hey, I'm
thinking about having Mike come back on the show. He
kind of wanted to discuss work and we can we
have topics that I think could help people because our
mission was always to help other people through things that
we've gone through, and so sometimes threading that and walking
(03:37):
that line has been challenging and stuff. And I feel like,
and this isn't anything against you, Mike, but and I
don't want to speak for you, so please join in
on this piece of it. But even when I did
bring it up, you're you have more of like that
old school mentality love like boundaries where you're like, why
(04:02):
why do you want them on or have him come on?
Speaker 4 (04:04):
Why do you want. I'm I think it's clear.
Speaker 3 (04:09):
I'm a pretty private person, So I'm like, why do
you want to discuss this stuff on a podcast? I
don't get it. That's what my stance was. Nothing against
Mike at all, but my stance is that's an in house,
private thing that runs between the three of us and
(04:29):
runs well. So one, there's not going to be any
controversy behind it or on this podcast unless something there's
raised that I don't know about, or two is.
Speaker 4 (04:42):
Yeah, that's my thing.
Speaker 3 (04:43):
Like it's a private way in which we do think,
So why why air it?
Speaker 4 (04:48):
That was my first response, and I said I'd come back.
Speaker 3 (04:51):
To you on it, didn't I yeah, because I didn't
even know until last night that Mike was coming on.
Speaker 2 (05:02):
Thank you well again I eliminated. I'm like, Okay, this
is where it's a hard line to walk, right, because
I understand honoring and respecting your stance on it and
also going I think it's then it's the stance that
I take is I have this podcast to help other
(05:23):
people to be able to have conversations, tough conversations at times.
We've had many of those. And then to go, okay,
I think there are conversations about how we have co
parented because we know so many that are struggling in
that area. So, Okay, we don't have the perfect relationship
(05:45):
Mike and I, but it's you know, it's an ongoing
and trying to communicate. Yeah, and so I think we
know we're not meeting in a parking lot, though nothing
against those people that do that. We were almost there
at that point to exchange kids. But you know, I
think there's ways to be able to have conversations. And
that's why I didn't end up saying anything because I'm like,
(06:07):
I don't I'm not going to be like, babe, you
have to come on. So you were free to sit
out if you wanted to. And if you were like, Babe,
absolutely not, then obviously I wouldn't. I would have respected that.
Speaker 3 (06:19):
I think if Mike and I have again to see
each other, they've been said privately, not on the podcast. Yeah, well,
if that can help others navigate situations like this, then yeah,
let's do.
Speaker 4 (06:38):
This is great from the expert of cooperiencing.
Speaker 2 (06:43):
Listen. And that's the thing. It's not all perfect, right,
and there's different I think there's different seasons of co
parenting and relationships. It is hard to co parent with
someone you don't like. You got divorced because of an issue,
so it's then you're forced and co parent with someone
you don't like respect have issues with, and that have
(07:07):
two different sides of anger and resentment and bitterness and
so but then yeah, go ahead communicate, Like it's such
a hard thing for so many to do. So you're
not alone in that alone, nor were having a hard
time with co parenting. No, I know, yeah, but so
(07:34):
but I will say again though, too, you are just
more of a like for example, when you were coming
in you know Mike's and this is just the relationship
that we've cultivated anyways. I mean, there may be should
have been boundary set, but like you're just like walking
in the house, and I think at first, like for Alan,
he's like what you know what I mean, Like it's
like a.
Speaker 1 (07:55):
Which is which I still have my moments of like
hesitation and all that with I mean, with all of this,
whether it's the podcast, whether it's coming to the house,
and even when I Jannel, when I texted you about
maybe doing this, that's my if it was just you,
I'm like, hey, let's freaking do this like, come on, like,
let's talk about these things, let's talk about co parenting whatever. Yeah,
(08:16):
any reservation I have is because of like my respect
for Alan, right, because it's like, this is y'all's house,
this is y'all's marriage. I'm here on the side. I'm like, hey,
if you want to do this, like maybe we could.
Speaker 4 (08:28):
Well.
Speaker 2 (08:28):
You also in the text message you said, hey, what
do you think about this? And also to bring out
like we can do it on Alan yours an Alan show,
so you were very respectful of that too, of course,
and he always this, Yeah, but it's just funny because
it is like the two where I'm kind of sometimes
I feel a little stuck in the middle where Intio
(08:48):
like the boundaries of things like well, uh like let's
just say early on when he would just like walk
in the house.
Speaker 5 (08:56):
Yeah, but that's that's because I'm used to a different
type of corpiiting, right, So right, not to be bad anyone,
but I'm used to I'm used to the.
Speaker 3 (09:13):
Drop the kads off and picked them up style of
Corpi thing. That's that's my experience of it. So when
I used to come swarming in the house up like Okay.
Speaker 1 (09:27):
I'm sitting down and hey, that's what's going on.
Speaker 2 (09:29):
It hang out, and then I'm just like I just
want everyone to get along and be happy, and like
I don't want to be like, hey, I need you
to knock on the I need you to ring the
doorbell because you know it's so it puts then me
in an uncomfortable situation because I just want everyone to
get along. And then I don't want conflict between us,
because then I don't want you to hate him for
like maybe his more stronger, uh or not stronger.
Speaker 3 (09:54):
It's just a different perception of like the way you
guys Corpien is nice. It's nice, but not everyone has
got that. Not everybody's got the luxury. And you you
to be fair to you both. You've you compromise, you
discuss things, you communicate well, and you have your moments
as everyone does. But then the day it's always like
(10:15):
ninety five percent of the time it's healthy. Whereas I
think cole parenting in general, make sure I use that
word in general is five percent healthy and ninety five
percent unhealthy.
Speaker 4 (10:30):
And I believe that.
Speaker 2 (10:32):
Why do you think that is Well.
Speaker 3 (10:34):
There's others a bias in my opinion because of my
experience with co parenting, which is now in a place
where it's a lot better. I just I don't hear
many stories of nice co parenting situations.
Speaker 1 (10:49):
I really don't. You know, what was your biggest like
fear or concern when you guys really start to get
serious and you knew our lives we're gonna blend like
Allen and I did you have like any just off
the top of your head, Man, I'm really worried about this.
Speaker 2 (11:07):
Well, I mean, I'm glad you're not showing up in
the window knocking on the door or knocking on the windows.
Speaker 3 (11:12):
It's a dark day, John, make say the game.
Speaker 2 (11:26):
That was pre Allen, that was very very pre very
early on. Yeah, very pre but that was a wild time.
Speaker 1 (11:37):
That that feels like so long ago.
Speaker 2 (11:39):
But I and that we all have like our crazy
moments obviously, but it's something to be said for It's
really hard when people start dating after divorce because when
it involves kids, because you just kind of start to
spiral and you you like don't have any control over anything,
and so it's it's hard. But in this situation, you
(12:02):
say that.
Speaker 1 (12:02):
Question again, So what was just when you knew, like
Alan was coming into your life and then things are
getting serious and I was meeting Alan, he was around
the kids. What was your concern with really of just like, Okay,
this is the person I'm going to be with, this
is my person. I eat Alan. Now we have to
blend all of this together, well, Like, was there anything
(12:22):
noticeable that you were worried about.
Speaker 2 (12:24):
I think my own worry was trusting myself that I
was making the right that I wasn't that I didn't
want to mess up again. That's my first when I
think of when I think back to that is I
I almost didn't want you to be like, oh, you know,
you messed up again and you introduced the kids to
someone to somebody else, And that would probably be the
(12:47):
first piece that I would think of, because I didn't
I didn't want to mess up again, and I didn't
want to put the kids through blending and then something happening.
But I would say between, I mean this situation again,
I I don't like I don't I And I think
(13:08):
that's why I'm was blurry maybe with boundaries of certain things,
because I just don't want any like negativity. I just
wanted you everyone to get along, and honestly, what my
biggest thing was is I know how you're you're just
more of a Alan speaking to him, is you're you
(13:29):
are more old school with a lot of things, and
so because of the situations that you've dealt with, it
was hard to go, Okay, well, now we're in such
a great spot. I don't want to have to like
and now I have to like try to manage everybody's
and respecting because I didn't want you to not like him,
(13:50):
and I didn't want him to not like you, And
then I just wanted to be like, can we y'all
just get along?
Speaker 3 (13:53):
And so I think I think when you bring two
reasonable people together always end up in reason. I think
if you've got one person who is an unreasonable person,
which a lot of people are, then you'll always have
some sort of fight, a battle. But I think I'm
at an age now. I think I've always been a
(14:14):
reasonable person, but I'm an age now where okay, I
can see the reason and things and as long as
in Mike is a reasonable person in my opinion from
what I've seen in the past the past two years.
So I think there was a willingness from Mike that
for it to work and there's a willingness for me
to make it work, so therefore there was always going
(14:35):
to be a good balance with it.
Speaker 2 (14:37):
Yeah, and I think I think it was hard too,
because I wanted I wanted you both to like each other.
Where it was like and where he helped me with
is like there can be a level respect or it
doesn't have to be best friends, but there will be
a level of respect, you know, And just like with
you know, whatever relationship you end up with, like she
(15:00):
doesn't need to be my best friend, but there will
always be a level of respect for each other. And
I think you guys have a really nice blend of respect.
You might not understand certain things about each other or
vice versa, but there at least there's a level of
respect and knowing he's the father of you know, our
kids and everything like that.
Speaker 4 (15:18):
He's a good guy.
Speaker 1 (15:20):
We'll keep him around.
Speaker 2 (15:22):
Were you worried about anything?
Speaker 1 (15:25):
The biggest thing was what your point was like. And
that's why I told anybody that would ask me or
close to me, it's like, you know, how do you
like Alan or the newer I'm just like, for the
kid's sake, I hope it works above all. And then
getting to see y'all's relationship, getting to see you know,
(15:45):
how he makes you feel, feeling the energy in the
house and all that kind of stuff. And then just
the path that the three of our relationship has been
able to go is it's depleted any worry that I
ever had really Obviously the number one thing is the kids.
So the fact that they have this stability with you, guys,
(16:06):
is is great.
Speaker 2 (16:19):
What do you think this is for both of you? Guys?
Has been the hardest challenge for you personally co parenting?
Who wants to go first?
Speaker 3 (16:31):
I think it's been a pretty seamless co patenting situation
because I.
Speaker 2 (16:36):
Mean in your personal if you want to talk about
it too, like what.
Speaker 3 (16:40):
You talking about it was co parents and Jolie and Jayson.
So I think it's been seamless one because the kids
are really nice kids and have been raised properly. So
it makes it I have said that to you from
day one, if you running around with a couple of brats,
how they've been like m hm, So again that that's
(17:06):
such an easy, seamless scenario because the kids are so
kind and nice and monoy. And then the respects side
of Mike and Eye's relationship. When I met, I was like, Okay,
it's good that I can work with us.
Speaker 4 (17:26):
What was your question.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
Again, what's been the hardest challenge co parenting?
Speaker 1 (17:30):
All this challenge, I'll say for me at least being
like the biological side of things is I never envisioned
not having my kids every single day, right, Like, I
know my great dad. You guys know my great dad.
Everyone that knows me knows I'm a great dad. That's
one thing I can kind of stand behind for sure.
(17:50):
And so knowing that there's obviously a lot of times
where I'm not there and you're helping them do things
that a father would do you, I'm thankful that it's
you because I like you as a person, I respect you,
you know, I love y'all's relationship. But there's no matter
who you put in your in your shoes as the
(18:13):
biological father, it still is like, man, this sucks like
it is like there's there's no substitute for that. And
so that's the hardest part. No matter how great all
of our relationship is, I just know I'm not with
him every day and that sucks. It is what it is.
Speaker 3 (18:29):
Yeah, there's a gap that someone else is filling. I
think it's tough for any father or mother in that situation.
But going back to it, I think the dynamic between
the three of us is fine and everyone's intentions are
pure absolutely, So going back to the biggest challenge, I
(18:49):
don't I don't think those I don't think there's a
time where I've sat and thought that's just so challenging
that particular part. Apart from makestraw and in the house
without knocking on the door, there's not been a point
where I'm like, I'm struggling with us. Yeah, and if
(19:12):
that is enough forgot about it, then you can remaind me.
Speaker 2 (19:17):
No, I think for me what is challenging is and
I don't know if you've I know you don't listen
to wind down Mike. But it's hard because though we're
so removed, there's still things that come up emotionally and uh,
(19:41):
you know, like something came up for me in therapy
a couple weeks ago, and it's hard to co parent
when those feelings come up, you know, because I want
to just come, you know, get on the phone and
just be like that I hate you, you know this
this is coming up and why is this coming up.
(20:03):
But it's so I think it's like sometimes separating when
you're still some past things like might come up. And
then obviously we have.
Speaker 1 (20:11):
You know, yeah, we still have obstacles that as parenting
as well as we do it together. We still have
obstacles with things and that we work on, will continue
to work on and all of that. But and it
could always be worse.
Speaker 2 (20:28):
What do you find works best for co parenting?
Speaker 1 (20:32):
Kind of to touch on what Alan said, right, like
being reasonable people and so it is it's you're removing
the emotion out of it and giving credit where credits do.
It's like, Okay, are my kids healthy? Yes? Are they safe? Yes?
Are they in a good home? Yes, like no matter
whether your house or my house? Are they fed? Are
they like the essential things? It's like making it elementary
(20:57):
in my mind helps alleviate, like from like ruminating on
the emotional. Just my kids are fine, they're healthy, they're safe,
all those things that are just listed. So focusing on
the important stuff, which is them, I think is the
important thing to do.
Speaker 2 (21:16):
Do we want to talk about feeding? No now because
someone says are the rules the same at both households?
Speaker 4 (21:26):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (21:27):
We know that to a degree. But I know that.
And here's what I'll say. I for a lot of reasons,
I want to find someone and be with somebody and
have that stability and which you know, confident that I have,
(21:49):
which is the story for another day. But you know,
when they're with you, they have that more traditional kind
of family setup of like being able to help each
other words, cook dinner, and take care of the kids
and do all the stuff. And when they're with me,
there are those times where it's like single dad kind
of on his own. I'm putting together to make sure
(22:12):
they get fed, and sometimes it's you know, the organic
chicken nuggets from the freezer or so I just do
the best that I can.
Speaker 3 (22:19):
Right, it's just leading towards of Jimmy Jones satuation.
Speaker 2 (22:26):
Jimmy John's Yeah, well you it's the kids won't eat
his food when they come back from your house. And
then usually he'll make a little comment under his broath,
like Jimmy Johns, but listen, the kids are being fed.
And I defended the Jimmy Johns'm like, hey, Jimmy Johns
is great turkey, it's protein. Yeah, thank you.
Speaker 4 (22:48):
Yeah, I don't have a huge deal with.
Speaker 2 (22:51):
It at that point you were in quite a mid last.
Speaker 4 (22:54):
Couple of weeks is really good chance.
Speaker 2 (22:58):
But I mean to your point, the kids are, you know,
it's fine. I think we're we now that I've learned
more about foods and what's in foods and I've been
just you know, reading things, and Okay, this is really
bad for the kids, getting the kids off of because
it's hard when if they're eating the sugary cereals at
your house and then we're like then they come here
(23:19):
like oh we don't like this, Like what do you
This is good, this doesn't have the dies and this
that and the other. So I think when we had
that conversation, I was like, I understand, but please like
if we can try.
Speaker 1 (23:29):
That's all. That's all it takes, right, And so it's
just a conversation. We're able to have that, And so
I'm more conscious of those little things where, you know.
Speaker 3 (23:38):
I think I think that's a cultural thing as well,
because and it's like, okay, when the kids go to
dad's house, everything's everything's generally more relaxed and to get
more It's the same with Troy when he was younger,
like you'd come to my house and like do you
know what, Okay, we'll just eat out or we'll have
(23:59):
this so well that so I think I think things
are always more lenient with kids when they go to
dad's because moms tend to Moms tend to beat a
little bit more controlling with things, whereas when the kids
go to their dad's's.
Speaker 4 (24:18):
That's what it was always like with me.
Speaker 2 (24:21):
Yeah, I think totally, which is also why the other
day I texted you, Mike about the volleyball stuff, because
when Jolie was talking to her counselor, she had said, Mom,
you're always rushing me. And I'm like, okay, let's talk
about that. You get off the bus at this time,
and then your volleyball's at this time, and then you
had a soccer gam where you've got softball. Because everything,
(24:41):
given our split the seventy thirty, I am the one always.
I'm like, this isn't I don't want to be the
parent that she just thinks is the one rushing her.
It just but it falls mostly on my days, and
so it becomes this like I almost get a little
resentment where it's it becomes frustrating that you're the fun
house where they can go do the video games, not
(25:03):
be rushed. Dad doesn't do the like, and so that's
what I make up and I'm like cool, So those
eight to whatever ten days they get to just have
so much fun. But yet I'm the parent that's rushing
them and taking them here. And it's like, I don't
want to just be labeled that parent.
Speaker 1 (25:18):
I get that, and of course I can see how
it seem that way, and is that way to a
degree for sure. The rushing actually jolly kind of stopped
me in my tracks. One day, this is a couple
of weeks ago, and I was getting emotional like talking
to her because like I was rushing over something. We
(25:38):
had vullet, we had some kind of practice. I was like, guys,
let's go, let's go, let's go, and she's like, I
just need him in. I just need a minute. I
was like, we don't have a minute, let's go. And
when I put them to bed that night, she took
a moment and told me, she's like, Dad, like, I'm
really upset because you're rushing me. I told you I
needed a minute and I just need him in. And
I'm like sitting there just like eyes watering, and I
was like, oh my god. The fact that she was
(26:01):
using her words and telling me this, and I was
just like, you know what, You're right. Next time that
you tell me, hey, I need a minute, I'll stop.
I'll give you a minute and we'll talk about it
and kind of figure it out. But so that feels
like you're the only one that's just like on their ass,
but you're definitely not.
Speaker 4 (26:20):
At all. Can I make a point with that?
Speaker 3 (26:23):
I think that goes back to another generalization where when
it's co pairing thing, I don't think the mum will
ever think the dad is doing it right. Yeah, I'm
being serious, I'm being I think about every cope like
my friends, whoever it is, and it's always okay you
(26:45):
when you go to your dad's.
Speaker 4 (26:47):
There's never any structure you got your dad's does.
Speaker 3 (26:51):
Yeah, And I honestly think there's nothing against you and
Mike's resate relationship with you because you're really organized the person,
and I love that about you. But I think that
again as a generalization of dads will never never ever
do it the right way and the mom's eyes.
Speaker 2 (27:12):
So then, as the wife and ex wife of a
co parent situation, what would you want from your ex
wife or your wife in that situation to.
Speaker 1 (27:22):
Realize that guys do it definitely, but exactly we do
it differently. But it goes back to what I was saying.
The essentials, the elementary things are still taken care of
right like, and you for the most part, our principles
(27:43):
as parents align right like they do like values and
I know I do. Yes, we play like Mario Kard
at my house, and you know, we do some certain
things that you don't do here, and I get that.
But again from a like building a human being and
giving them the right skills as a person, we align
(28:07):
right like manners and respect and being honest and those
kind of things. So it's like, hey, the rest of the stuff, yes, okay,
but that's not going to completely shape their character different
than you want because they're at my house.
Speaker 3 (28:21):
Right yeah, Like no more other situation, No mom wants
to regardless of how healthy the coporent. The situation is,
no mom wants to handle the kids over to the
the dad.
Speaker 4 (28:32):
Yeah no.
Speaker 3 (28:34):
So therefore, and going back to my point, mums will
always have some sort of great or opinion on how
the dads do. And that's just that's just nature, that's
just how it works.
Speaker 1 (28:48):
How did this is kind off topic, but Alan coming
into being with Jana and obviously with our relationship being
what it was and a lot of you know, public
things and negative public things, especially about me and things
that I was guilty of and all of that coming
(29:12):
into it, Like, how were you able to kind of
not predetermining your head? All right, this guy's probably all.
I'm sure there's part of you that you know.
Speaker 3 (29:23):
Yeah, I mean, listen again, it's a really good question.
I thought it might come up. Your past is your past?
Speaker 4 (29:30):
I don't.
Speaker 3 (29:31):
I don't respect the things you did, for sure, Jannah. Okay,
so clear on that. Not anything I would ever do.
So those there's that side of it. But I also
need to recognize for me to pin that on you
and continually think that about you would be unhealthy for
(29:51):
the way the future is. So Okay, you've done these things,
don't respect them. But I think and it would be
different if I didn't think this. I think you're genuinely
a good person and a nice guy, and if I
didn't think that, then the relationship would probably be different.
So that makes it easier not to forget what happened
(30:13):
in the past and not to add any respect to whatsoever.
But it makes it a lot easier knowing that deep
down I think you are a good person.
Speaker 4 (30:22):
That's fair.
Speaker 2 (30:24):
Yeah, I mean we've had that conversation before. You're like,
I don't understan, you don't understand it, Like you're like,
you know, He'll be like, I don't understand how someone
could do that. But I'm also like, but babe, you
got me now, you know.
Speaker 3 (30:36):
So I'm like, we I think I think I've just
been clear and that I don't. I don't understand it,
don't respect it, don't understand it, I don't get it.
Speaker 4 (30:44):
But I don't hold it against them one bit, right,
not at all.
Speaker 1 (30:47):
And I can feel that like I would be able
to tell, like if you did right and that first
meeting you, because you were who you are are. You're
very stoic and so just like I like to think
I have, there's different energy in the room and you
(31:08):
have that, and so that was something I could tell
right away. I was like, okay, and I think there
is something with like both being athletes to a degree,
like cut from the same cloth in a sense kind of.
But I could and I feel that, which I appreciate
because I would absolutely be able to tell if all
(31:31):
of that like carried on you like you've held Yeah, yeah,
for sure.
Speaker 2 (31:38):
It's a good question though.
Speaker 4 (31:39):
That was a good question, really good question.
Speaker 2 (31:43):
I mean, what is your girlfriend going to think of me?
I was an angel, so yeah, But I mean I
have that same fear that.
Speaker 1 (31:56):
Like, I'm gonna want everyone to get along, you know,
and I'm which is going to be out of my
control to a degree, but.
Speaker 2 (32:06):
Like and like I said, I don't. As long as
she is good with the kids and there is not
overstepping of certain things again, it will all be great.
Speaker 1 (32:18):
You know.
Speaker 2 (32:19):
That's where it's.
Speaker 3 (32:21):
He's a reasonable person. Yeah, I mean you're not reasonable.
I will be your voice of reason.
Speaker 2 (32:28):
Well, I feel like we do a good job of
kind of holding each other from jumping off a cliff. Yeah,
we're we're luckily not jumping off at the same time. Yeah,
it's interesting questions. Let's go, let's take a break, and
then we'll come back. Okay, So this is kind of
(32:57):
a how do I say, It's something I've always wanted
to do, But I think when I've brought it up
to you, bebe and not to call you out, but
I'm good. This is the podcast world. You know, yeah,
all to say this, let me frame it this way.
(33:18):
Is there something you would want to achieve or some
kind of not goal, but what you go, man, this
would be really cool if we could get to this
point in co parenting. I have my answer for that,
but I'm curious what y'all says. That's a really sounds like, no,
we're good.
Speaker 1 (33:34):
That's a really really good question. And I've thought about that,
and I've been asked that, and maybe it's a pipe dream.
I don't know, because there does need to be boundaries
and I would never want anyone involved to feel uncomfortable
for any kind of reason. But I think the ultimate
(33:55):
pipe dream is like, you know, some years on the road,
where were this unrealistic but pitch but picturesque family where
it's like we go on a trip together in some
way like I don't like, I know, it's crazy, it's
probably not gonna happen, but in that's that would be
(34:18):
the ultimate where it's like the kids vacation and they're
able to have both sets of parents, everyone gets along.
I don't know, you know you've heard of that happening.
I don't know if that would ever happen, but well.
Speaker 2 (34:31):
Alan's laughing because I have brought that up to him.
He's like, get the fuck interesting.
Speaker 3 (34:37):
Getting Honestly, I think stuff like that just goes back
to bite you in the offs at some point.
Speaker 2 (34:44):
There's your cynicism in which way.
Speaker 3 (34:51):
I think if you're in a situation with your own
vacations together and it just opens up that that's that's
so different from managing a co parenting environment being on vacation,
because that's your that's your time to have your own space.
Speaker 4 (35:09):
You're trying to relax, you're trying to I just, yeah,
I think being in that same.
Speaker 3 (35:19):
Environment for a period and I probless my cynicism, but
I just don't Yeah, I don't see that being healthy.
Speaker 2 (35:28):
I still feel like that's like a little bit more
of like the older school mentality too. With that, like
you like, if you think about your dad and the
Scottish like tough upbringing, maybe.
Speaker 3 (35:44):
Yeah, part of it, I just I just I think
part of the means you leave yourself open to something
happening within that dynamic, which affects the next part of
the co parenting situation. I'm not saying it does. I'm
not saying it does, but being confined in that environment
(36:04):
could be something could happen which affects the next two, three,
four or five six years of the co parents inside
of it, or what to go on a holiday together.
Speaker 1 (36:14):
I might get that to a degree where it's if
it ain't broke, don't fix the type of deal where
if like you you do, you put people in this
fish bone, then it's some thing that we don't expect
to happen and it just causes a rift. And then
so I get that.
Speaker 4 (36:31):
It's great.
Speaker 3 (36:33):
I'm just used to and again old school boundaries. I'm
used to things being separate down the line. Okay, that's that, yeah,
which I get.
Speaker 4 (36:43):
I'm not saying it's right.
Speaker 3 (36:45):
I'm not saying it's right, and I might be stuck
in that year, but I'm just used to that's that,
and that's that. And if that comes together, does it
can create a gray area or some sort of animosity
And for what was the point mm hmm to resk
that again, I'm not seeing it does happen, which you're
a good guy and the person that you bring in
(37:07):
to co parent the kids and be around, hopefully we're
a good person as well. Of the blended family vacation.
Speaker 2 (37:21):
I mean that would really have to be we would
all have to really get along, like I have to,
would have to get along with your missus and stuff
like that. So I mean there's so many layers, Like
I could do all of us right now and go somewhere,
you know, like if we're invited to your beach vacation
that had been so.
Speaker 3 (37:36):
Fun that Adam Sandler moved me that blended one.
Speaker 2 (37:40):
I don't remember it.
Speaker 4 (37:42):
I have Andrew Barrymore.
Speaker 2 (37:46):
And you know, actually I didn't see that. But anyways,
so I think, you know, there's it would just would
have to see. But I have brought that up to
him before because that is also because it's I don't
like missing vacations like that must have been hard for
you to see the beach vacation with him building sand
castles with the kids and of course and it would
be hard for me to see that.
Speaker 1 (38:07):
Now it's hard, but I'm happy at the same time.
But it's weird.
Speaker 2 (38:10):
Well no, but like it's it's hard when you guys
do your family vacation on the beach, but I also
like it's so good for them too, So I think
it's there's a piece of it where it's it's healthy
for the kids to have just their time with you.
But I think there is a world and I'd love
that that was my thing that I was going to say.
I would love for there to be It doesn't have
to be a yearly you know, vacation that we schedule
(38:32):
a lot, but I hope one day we could all
go somewhere together, you know. And so we're not sharing
the same bed, you know, it's just we're all at
the same happened to all be at the same beach,
and you know, but that that's that's again the pipe dream.
And I think at the end of the day, we're
we're our trajectory at least is good with where we're
(38:56):
at right now, you know. And because we have gotten
to the we know a lot of people that or
will only talk through email and or drop off at
Whole Foods and you know whatever. And I think it's
a testament obviously to all three of us. But also
it's not the easiest too at times, especially when things
(39:18):
come up or it's like the holidays and knowing that
we won't have the kids this year before for Christmas
Eve night, and you know, it's just it's it's not
so that brings up well why not? And so that
brings up old things too. But that's just what it is.
And you can either dwell in the past and the
resentment or you can go, Okay, this is a this
(39:40):
is just what it is, and feel the emotion and
then and then move on healthily. Is there one thing, Mike,
that you still have to that is your biggest challenge
with or resentment towards me.
Speaker 1 (39:59):
Towards you? This is a producer question or a listener question,
but you question even better. I can honestly say I
don't have like a like active resentment towards you, like personally,
(40:23):
I really can't think there's things, Yes, there's things that
I do that bother you, there's things that you do
that bother me in align with co parenting maybe, but
I really I really can't say there's something that's because
it just is what it is and it's the whole.
(40:43):
Like I'm not going to give it any kind of
space or energy or my time anymore. Right, this is
like what does that do that doesn't do anything good
for me or for this relationship between you and I,
between the three of us, between all of us with
the kids, like and I'm genuinely happy for you, So
(41:04):
it's hard to be genuinely happy for you and have
resentment towards you. Normal Christmas bothers me.
Speaker 2 (41:10):
I knew it. I knew it. I knew it, and
you know what, your response bothered me even more when
that happened. Let's get into it. Oh, this is a
juicy one guy Christmas double Christmas. No, he's just pissed.
Speaker 1 (41:25):
A double Christmas day Yule Santa Santa, for some reason
now comes twice when you don't have them on Christmas morning,
and you sent.
Speaker 2 (41:38):
Me the nastiest text message about that. Do you remember that?
Speaker 1 (41:41):
I don't remember.
Speaker 2 (41:42):
You can't change christ he remembers because I was like,
I guess I can't change Christmas.
Speaker 4 (41:46):
No.
Speaker 1 (41:46):
That was the one thing that had gotten me the
worst because it felt because it sucks right like again,
I don't want to be without them any day ever,
And so it felt like.
Speaker 2 (41:57):
Were we just pissed that you didn't think of it?
Speaker 1 (41:58):
No, I would have do. It felt like you were
taking Christmas from me.
Speaker 2 (42:01):
Oh you had Christmas.
Speaker 1 (42:03):
Because now it's like it just felt because I didn't
do that like when you had them. I was like, hey,
Christmas and then you come to Dad's that afternoon and
then we celebrate our way. And so when next year
it's like, wait, Santa comes twice? What the what just happened?
So it literally felt like you took my Christmas.
Speaker 4 (42:24):
You had Christmas first? Is that right?
Speaker 2 (42:27):
Did? You had Christmas first? So this was this was
when I flew out to England to see you on
and I flew home Christmas Eve night on twenty twenty one,
twenty two, twenty two.
Speaker 1 (42:39):
That's what I'm saying. You had Christmas first?
Speaker 2 (42:41):
Yeah, I had Christmas first, yeah, yeah, and then the
second Christmas you had Christmas and then I had christ yeah.
And so then then when I flew home from so
basically when I flew home from England, it was Christmas Eve,
and I was really having a hard time not having
the Christmas morning having the kids run down the stairs. Yeah,
and so Sanna was going to come then, so Christmas
Day was going to be Christmas Eve is what I
(43:02):
did last year or sorry two years ago, and you
did not like that.
Speaker 4 (43:08):
It was just two Christmas. Mike has this Christmas Day
and you have your Christmas?
Speaker 2 (43:13):
Are you on my side?
Speaker 1 (43:16):
Listen?
Speaker 3 (43:17):
I am, because if it's different if if different, if
whoever has them on Christmas Day is the one who's
got the biggest power, right because you control Christmas Day.
So I'll be honest, if if if my ex was like, okay,
you've got you've got Troy and Christmas Day, I want
(43:39):
to I want to reenact Christmas Day on the twenty
six of that going crack on, do what you want.
Speaker 1 (43:46):
That's fine, right, But the difference is there's a conversation.
Speaker 2 (43:49):
Why do you think I have to have a conversation
with you about when Christmas is in my house?
Speaker 1 (43:55):
Because it's do you think it was going to confuse
the kid? Here's the thing, It's not about that.
Speaker 2 (44:00):
It's just like anything that I say, this all like.
Speaker 1 (44:03):
Yeah, but it's like everything I've like, if you just come.
Speaker 2 (44:08):
To me, just why do I need your permission?
Speaker 1 (44:11):
It's not it's not about permission. Has nothing to do
because you can do it.
Speaker 2 (44:15):
Welcome to mine now and we're back.
Speaker 1 (44:17):
We're back. It has nothing to do with me giving
you permission because I can't. I can't give you permission
and not tell you to do it. But it's the
respect thing, right, So when it comes to kids like hey,
this is not idea I had tell me, like your
thoughts on it. It's just like I really miss Chris,
miss Christmas morning. I'm not trying to undermine yours. It's
(44:37):
just what do you think? You know what? Again, it's
not about and if if you just come to me
like when do I?
Speaker 2 (44:46):
When?
Speaker 1 (44:46):
Am I ever like give you pushback when you come
to me and talk to me about something.
Speaker 2 (44:51):
Well, the first time I told you about I wanted
I was dating someone.
Speaker 1 (44:55):
Well that was just handled, completely handled.
Speaker 2 (44:58):
I sat you down and brought you to lunch. I
paid for lunch.
Speaker 1 (45:02):
Anyways, No, you, that wasn't a discussion. You were telling you.
Speaker 2 (45:05):
I was telling you I was dating some much.
Speaker 1 (45:06):
You were introducing him to the kids that I was
going to. Yes, yeah, it wasn't a conversation. Is you
just telling okay? Anyways, everything's great. No, again, it's not
about permission. It's just like anything with the kids. I
would love a conversation around it's your house, it's you
can do whatever the hell you want, obviously, but I wouldn't.
It just felt like you were just altering, making this
(45:28):
shift of all of a sudden that it just took
me by surprise. And that's what pissed me off. It
took me by surprise, and it felt like it was
a purposeful thing not to talk to me about because
you just wanted to undermine my Christmas.
Speaker 2 (45:41):
Like I took it personally, right, That's what you made up,
is that I was trying to undermine and it really
had nothing to do so hearing this conversation, I do
apologize that that's what a you made up and then
that's what you thought and felt around that situation. I didn't.
I wasn't trying to do it in a malicious way.
(46:03):
It was more of a the kids are at such
a beautiful fun age that I didn't want to miss
their running down and trickling down, and you tell.
Speaker 1 (46:11):
Me that would have been like, yeah, I totally get that.
Speaker 2 (46:13):
I think though in that space is I'm like, why
do I have to tell you? And I can see
both sides where you're like just the respect thing, okay, fine,
but I'm also likes ye.
Speaker 1 (46:23):
In my mind right I It's like, it's because it's
it's Christmas. You're the day after we had done trigger treating,
you turned on Christmas music. Yeah, like there thirty first.
Your tree was up the next.
Speaker 2 (46:38):
Day, which we need help, by the way, straightening straightened out.
Speaker 1 (46:42):
But that's a real reason I was allowed on today.
They just needed me over here.
Speaker 2 (46:48):
So yeah, well let's have a conversation because this year
is the same year as it was two years ago.
Speaker 1 (46:55):
Well, yeah, it's already been done, So what about What
the hell I say? Now? I know you're gonna do it.
Speaker 2 (47:00):
Not necessarily. I haven't talked to Alan about it because
it's really a conversation between us now and then you know,
when it comes to because we have a child now,
and you know.
Speaker 3 (47:12):
Yeah, I don't want Roman being brought up thinking those
two days of Christmas, double presence every Christmas, right, So
I think that, you know, if I put it back
to a scenario when Troy was younger and my ex
was like, Okay, you've got one Christmas Day and so
(47:33):
therefore on Boxing Day, I'm gonna make it like it's
Christmas Day again.
Speaker 4 (47:40):
Like okay, whatever, it sounds good. He gets two Christmases. Perfect,
he's happy.
Speaker 3 (47:46):
So I don't I don't know how the communication was
exactly and how it said at the time.
Speaker 2 (47:50):
I just didn't say anything. He just found out from
I don't even know how you found out. But It
wasn't like I was trying to hide or I really
don't know. I might even have no idea, but.
Speaker 1 (48:06):
I think I literally like saw your story and.
Speaker 2 (48:08):
Was like, oh right, what right? Because I did say
that at my store. I was like, I think this year,
I'm going to do that way. It wouldn't hurt this
the sting of it wouldn't be as bad. But listen,
I mean I ended up having the flu anyway, So
it was.
Speaker 1 (48:21):
A anyways, moving on this neither hear Nord there?
Speaker 2 (48:24):
Yeah, all right, So that was part one of wind Down. Hey, Mike,
you want to join us for a part two on
adult education.
Speaker 1 (48:31):
Let's run it back.
Speaker 2 (48:32):
See you in a few days.
Host
Jana Kramer
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