May 18, 2023 • 19 mins
All right ladies, Jana is ready to talk all things vaginal with Dr. Karyn Eilber! Jana wants to make sure all your questions are answered and you have all the information to have the best sex of your life.
We discuss periods, menopause, and the power of a good vibrator!
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heeart Radio podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
On today's Whine About It Thursday Therapy, we have Karen
Iliber and she is a BORED certified urologist and she's
got a BORED certification in female pelvic Medicine and reconstructive
surgery and has over twenty years of experience taking care
of women.
Speaker 1 (00:23):
Most intimate needs.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
She's also a professor of urology and I can never
say that word obastrous. She knows as a woman in
gynecology at Cedar Syana Medical Center, so she is full
of knowledge. She also has a book out called A
Woman's Guide to her Pelvic Floor. What the frick fuck
is going on down there?
Speaker 1 (00:46):
I love it.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
Let's get her on. Hey girl, I'm Jana. Hi Karen,
nice to, welcome to wind Down. I was just I
was reading your breakdown. So I've been obviously going to
the gynecologists, you know, whenever or what started?
Speaker 1 (01:01):
What?
Speaker 2 (01:01):
When do you just start? Sixteen seventeen eighteen around that time. Yeah,
I still cannot say the first part of that. Ohb's oh,
oh what obstetrics.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
Obstetrics. I'm like, why is that so hard?
Speaker 3 (01:15):
Obstetrics That's why everybody says obi guyin.
Speaker 1 (01:19):
Yeah obg y N.
Speaker 2 (01:21):
That's like, what is even obstrics obstetrics?
Speaker 4 (01:25):
So obstetrics is actually like delivering babies, and then the
guy ecology Like so the obstetrics is the pregnancy and delivering,
and then the guyn ecology is really just anything vagina.
Speaker 1 (01:36):
Okay, so you do you do that and the urology.
Speaker 3 (01:40):
So I do not deliver babies.
Speaker 4 (01:42):
I'm a urologist and I have subspecialty training in euro gynecology,
so I do like all bladder and vagina surgery, so
like if your bladder is falling, or if you're in continent,
or we take care of a lot of female sexual dysfunction,
So anything in the vaginal area that has nothing to
do with babies, I will take care of.
Speaker 2 (02:00):
What is what female dysfunction? Things are you referring to
when you say that.
Speaker 4 (02:06):
So some women can have pain with intercourse because they
have like to their public muscles are too tight. Some
people actually have nerve disorders. Unfortunately, you can have a
very traumatic vaginal delivery that causes nerve damage, but also
hormonal changes like a perimenopause and menopause or surgical changes,
(02:26):
so there can be a lot of unfortunately causes the
pain and then of course for women.
Speaker 2 (02:32):
So my mom I remember, I'll never forget it because
I went to the doctors with her because she thought
she was pregnant and it was when she was thirty
four years old and she was actually going through menopause,
so she wasn't pregnant and she was Her doctor was like, no,
you're you're in menopause and she's like, I'm thirty four
years old. So since that, yeah, since that moment, I'm like,
(02:55):
oh my god, I have to have kids early because
I'm going to go through menopause at the same time,
because they say that it can be gene. I mean,
obviously I've had kids. I'm now thirty nine, still have
not well I don't know, I'll ask you that, but
you know I've I've had kids. Yeah, I was like
I had my I had my son at thirty five.
But that always like freaked me out, and I'm like,
(03:16):
how how did she get menopause that early? Like is
that is that like is that super rare or like it?
Because I've always wondered that.
Speaker 3 (03:24):
I mean, it's not that common.
Speaker 4 (03:25):
They used to use the term primary Oberian insufficiency or
bear In failure. Now they like to say primary over
and insufficiency, and some people can actually get it back.
I mean, it could be like an illness, it could
be like a lot of stress. But I have known
women who have literally stopped having periods and then you know,
did meditation other things fix any health. Like like let's
(03:48):
hear a thib raiate is off. That might make your
periods stop. But that happens actually in a very small
small percent of women.
Speaker 1 (03:55):
Mm hmm. It's yeah.
Speaker 2 (03:56):
I because it was about it was last winner, I
commpletely skipped my period, and I'm like, that has never happened.
I mean, girl, I am like twenty six days like
on like the mark. The only thing that's changed with
my periods is after I had my second son. It's like,
(04:16):
I'm like, is this normal? How much I bleed? Like
it's it's a lot. Yeah, And I know that's like
massive TMI. But for the girl's thing, the guys, maybe
this is not like you're or if you want to
have some knowledge, share but this one. But yeah, it
was just like I remember going in going like I'm
kind of scared, Like I think I'm losing too much
blood and she's like, well, this is actually very common
(04:37):
after kids and you know you're getting older, periods are
changing and.
Speaker 1 (04:40):
I'm like, whoa.
Speaker 2 (04:42):
But then it was Leah. Last winter, I took a
pregnancy task because I was like, I think I might
be pregnant because I'm like, I missed my period.
Speaker 1 (04:49):
And then I wasn't. So I called my doctor.
Speaker 2 (04:52):
I'm like, it's been like, I mean, I'm on like
day forty I still have not had my Like what
is going on? And she's like, well, you probably missed.
It's called like a miss period. I'm like, I've never
even heard of that too. I'm like, what is like?
So then we did some blood work, but they didn't
really find anything. So I'm like, is that is that
super common?
Speaker 3 (05:10):
Again?
Speaker 4 (05:10):
I mean, skipping a period here and there is not uncommon,
especially like stress.
Speaker 3 (05:15):
Are you still nursing?
Speaker 1 (05:17):
Oh no, my kids are seven and four?
Speaker 3 (05:19):
Yeah, I mean it can happen, but yeah, missing a
period here and there is not.
Speaker 1 (05:24):
Am I going through menopause?
Speaker 3 (05:27):
Probably not? If they checked everything.
Speaker 2 (05:29):
Okay, because perry is the beginning of menopause, right, Like,
aren't we all in perimenopause? When we hit forty I mean,
statistically speaking, yes probably, but you know, symptoms of perimenopause.
But that's why it's much harder for a four year
old woman to get pregnant than a thirty five year
old woman, you know, because unfortunately we're like on the
downhill five.
Speaker 3 (05:49):
But perimenopause typically.
Speaker 4 (05:51):
People start having symptoms like you know, difficulties, sleeping, hot flashes.
Speaker 3 (05:54):
But the perimenopause can go on for a long time.
So by definition, menopause is when you don't have a
period for twelve consecutive months. So let's say you went
ten months no period, then you had a period. You're
not actually metopausea yet.
Speaker 1 (06:10):
Hmm, okay, got it.
Speaker 2 (06:12):
What for the pelvic area? What is the most what's
the question that women are always kind of embarrassed to
say or ask about.
Speaker 3 (06:26):
Women are really embarrassed to ask that. I mean, like,
is what I look like down there? Normal? And my
normal size? Is my odor normal? You know? There is?
It's these are things that we.
Speaker 4 (06:36):
Don't ever talk about, you know, which is why, like
my colleagues and I wrote this book like a Woman's
Guide to a Pelvic Floor subtitled what the F Is
going on? Down there because we see a lot of
very educated, smart women who just don't know, and it's
because we've never told them about these things. Right, you
have one health class, maybe somewhere in junior high, and
(06:57):
you learn some very basic things than that you were
on your own, figure out what your birth control options were, right?
What is a normal period? What I mean, every time
sex is brought up, it's negative. Either you can get pregnant, right,
or you can get infection. Sex is never like, oh
maybe you uhoul to do it, you know, so you
can enjoy yourself type of thing, right, So I think
(07:18):
that also, I mean, women are embarrassed to ask a
lot of things, you know, just intimate questions like you know,
is it normal that you know, my orgasm isn't as
good as it was before I had babies, And there's.
Speaker 3 (07:29):
All sorts of things.
Speaker 4 (07:30):
So I the reason I can't only answer your question
is probably the question they're the most embarrassed to ask.
Speaker 3 (07:35):
They're not asking sure.
Speaker 2 (07:38):
Yeah, I think I think the one that I always
get really embarrassed sound is like if it was having
weird discharge, like even just like saying that, and then yeah,
it comes with it because it's like certain things, like
I used to have a yeast issue, so I'm like
I always get east infections, and like I didn't realize
it was the soaps that I was sensitive to, the
soaps that I was using that had like the fragrance
(07:59):
in it. So I was like, all right, you know,
then I looked into this, but I didn't I was
embarrassed to ask it. So I was googling, like you know, odor,
all these things, and then I saw this one website
where it was like, you know, do boric acid and
apple something and it had like an actual cleanser. So
I was like, oh, thank god, okay, and so like
(08:21):
I got that, but it was like I was even embarrassed,
and like my doctor, why didn't I trust my doctor
to like ask that and say that, you know.
Speaker 4 (08:29):
It's it's so well because because I think there's a
part of every person that they fear that if they
ask the question, the doctor looks at you like I've
never heard of that before, right, Like you don't really
want to be like a dinner party you're talking to
your girlfriends, you know, yeah, you know, like when you
call for you laugh and you wet your pants and
you're waiting for him to go yeah, and like nobody
says anything, right, you really don't want to be that girl.
Speaker 1 (08:52):
Right, yeah, hmm.
Speaker 2 (08:55):
What is something that in your you know, your studies
and your years of doing what you do. Is there
something that has stumped you that's go, oh wow. I
don't know the answer to that.
Speaker 3 (09:09):
I've been doing it. I'm sure there was along the way.
Speaker 4 (09:11):
I've been doing this for like over twenty years, so
there's not a lot of things that I haven't seen.
There is always something that kind of stumps, but those
are very unusual. But I think that people be surprised
at how few things do stump specialists like me, because
I think general urologists, general kind ofcologists, I think, for
the most part, just aren't necessarily interested in this stuff
(09:35):
that my colleagues and I do, and not because they
don't like taking care of women, but you know, it's
more fun to deliver babies and you know, to take
care of discharge per se or also you have to
have specialized training to take care of women if they
have in continence. But it's so satisfying because I can't
tell you, like how many times I've seen a woman
who she just cries out of relief to know that
(09:57):
she's not the only one who's experiencing these things, right.
Speaker 2 (10:13):
I saw something in one of the questions, but it
was like, like vibrators, I mean, like, is that a
cause for things that you know can be problematic for
the pelvic area.
Speaker 4 (10:24):
They can be problematic, but they're probably more beneficial. So
I actually recently had a case where it was one
of the section vibrators I think was just too strong
and so and you know, the clitterist has this crazy
concentration of nerve endings, and I think it was so
strong that like for weeks afterwards she would have symptoms.
Speaker 3 (10:44):
So that's pretty unusual. But for the most part, especially if.
Speaker 4 (10:48):
You're not sexually active with a partner on a regular basis,
I think it's really good to use a vibrator. So
one of our research projects that we've done has shown
that regular use of a vibrator, whether a woman used
it to orgasm or not, was beneficial for things like
pell of the pain pain with intercourse incontinence because you're
increasing blood flow to the pelvis when you're aroused. So
(11:10):
if you're not sexually active, then it's good to use
a vibrator on a regular basis.
Speaker 1 (11:15):
Oh see something we wouldn't know.
Speaker 3 (11:18):
So when your partners use your rybrary or your bedstand
or your nightstand, you could just say my doctor recommended it.
Speaker 1 (11:25):
We love that.
Speaker 2 (11:25):
I mean it's like that's so sometimes like you know,
the glass of wine and like it was doctor recommends it.
Speaker 1 (11:32):
I know, I know, you know.
Speaker 4 (11:34):
I think that's also when you're asking about what people
are embarrassed about. We just don't really normalize sexuality specifically
for women. So as a urologist, I take care of
men and women, right, and we talk about viagra all
the time and a rectile dysfunction. It's like it's an
everyday conversation, but we don't talk about female sexualist function
(11:55):
because you know, traditionally, if a woman enjoys sex, you
must be something wrong that you must be like some
kind of core or slut or something right. It's not
just because it could be the equivalent of males enjoying it.
And we really have not paid as much attention as
we should to female sexual dysfunction. Right, So women who
have had bad sexual experiences, or they have conditions like
(12:16):
endometriosis that cause pain and they can't enjoy sex and
no one has helped them with the pain. You know,
it can cause a lot of stress in her life
and also in her relationships.
Speaker 2 (12:26):
Yeah, I have a friend that has like a very
like how her I don't know what it is, but
it's how it's shaped. It's like she has so much
pain when she has sex, so like that that caused
a big issue in her marriage because she didn't want
to have sex. She's like, it hurts, like I don't
want to do it. And then it's like, well, obviously
that the husband wants to have sex, you know, so
it's like trying to you know, figure that balance out.
(12:47):
It's like it's it's embarrassing, but it's also like there
are resources to be okay, right or to get better.
Speaker 3 (12:57):
There are.
Speaker 4 (12:58):
But again back to Woldiam about who I think that
most women wouldn't even know off the top of their
head what doctor to call to discuss her female sexual issues.
You know, that's already embarrassing as it is, and you're
you know, you're really kind of being a little open
because you're seeking care because it's causing stress in your
relationship and sexes and everything in a relationship. But having
(13:19):
that level of intimacy I think is necessary, you know
for most couples, but it you know, you think about
seeing like a sex therapist, which is more like you'd
consider like a you know, a psychology or a therapist.
You don't really realize that there are people who deal
with the physical causes of pain with intercourse.
Speaker 3 (13:36):
Mmm mm hmm yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:39):
I Uh.
Speaker 2 (13:40):
I get some hate because I promoted a vibrator on
my page, but I'm like, I'm all about just self love. Like, yes,
I'm very happy in my relationship and we have a
great sex life, but like also, you know, like it's okay.
Speaker 3 (13:51):
Sometimes in the mood for chocolate, sometimes they move for villa,
but they're both.
Speaker 2 (13:57):
Eviden. It's like, I'm like, why are like women hating
on me for posting about something that I'm like, I'm
just trying to like give you all a great code
for something.
Speaker 3 (14:05):
That like men never masturbate right right never ever?
Speaker 1 (14:10):
Nope, they are just perfect little angels.
Speaker 2 (14:13):
But it's like, I'm like that always baffles me that
I'm like, why am I getting hate for something surprising?
Speaker 4 (14:18):
And why why would anybody negatively look upon anybody wanting
to promote another woman for feeling good? See, That's what
I'm talking about like, I don't think any man would
ever discourage another man from masturbating.
Speaker 2 (14:33):
Right, I think the piece that like ties into that
is like, you know, I talk about my faith a
lot in God. I'm like, I think my God's okay
with it, you know. So I'm like, it's so it's
like those ones that just live by and I don't
know the exact like quote or whatever, but I'm like,
for me, I'm just like that's the piece of Christianity
(14:54):
that I'm just like, you know, I think it's okay
to do that. So I'm like I shouldn't be condemned
one way or the other. And you know, better than
I agree with you.
Speaker 4 (15:04):
I didn't realize it was against anyone's religious beliefs, not
to mean.
Speaker 2 (15:08):
Yeah, I don't remember because I have like a few
of the people are like, if you're a Christian, like
you shouldn't do that, And I'm like, well, I'm also
having sex before i'm married, so you know what i mean,
Like I'm already screwed.
Speaker 3 (15:19):
So I'm like everything's burned out.
Speaker 2 (15:22):
Yeah, I'm like, I am not a born again I
don't know how Like I'm sorry.
Speaker 1 (15:26):
It's just the one piece.
Speaker 2 (15:27):
I like, I can't, but did you just sit around
with your girls and go, oh my gosh, we have
to just write this book to just normalize what it was.
Speaker 4 (15:34):
It was honestly just years of hearing my patience say
you know, I'm so embarrassed say this, or like I
think it's so funny. I'll literally have just finished a
badgeal exam. They're like, you know, I'm embarrassed to say this.
I'm like, I literally just had my head like right
between your legs. I'm pretty sure, like all walls are down.
You can ask me anything, but you just come to
realize that very basic things women were really stressing out about,
(15:59):
Like you're just charge right, and like if you just
understand some basic things, I think you can probably figure
things out on your own, you probably have a lot
less stress in your life. And also just the women
know that whatever problem you have, there probably is a solution,
even though you're embarrassed to ask about it.
Speaker 1 (16:17):
Right, is it?
Speaker 4 (16:18):
No?
Speaker 2 (16:19):
I think pineapples for the penis, But is there a
food for the vagina that's really good?
Speaker 1 (16:24):
Isn't that it's like pineapple? Isn't that?
Speaker 3 (16:26):
Those are all like myths?
Speaker 4 (16:28):
You know? I mean, I think that probably the only
thing you really could do potentially is if you drank
lots and lots of fluid to delute things out. But
there is nothing that's consistently gonna make things taste better,
except for if you use like a flavored you know,
lubricin or something. But I mean, realistically, like nobody really
tastes good anywhere, Like even if you like suck on
your arm, it doesn't taste good.
Speaker 1 (16:49):
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, not at all.
Speaker 2 (16:53):
But it's so funny though that you say that about
the asking questions, because I'm like, yeah, like even the
other day I was at my Gaino's and when they're
like and scoot down, and I'm like, okay, Like you know.
Speaker 1 (17:03):
It's just like it's I don't know why.
Speaker 4 (17:05):
What we really should say is move down so far
that you feel as embarrassed as possible and you're in
the right posision.
Speaker 1 (17:12):
Yeah, one thousand percent.
Speaker 2 (17:15):
Is there something in the book where you guys, because
it's you and your is it two friends.
Speaker 3 (17:20):
Two of my colleagues?
Speaker 1 (17:21):
Yeah, the two of your colleagues.
Speaker 2 (17:22):
Okay, I love that, And did you guys kind of
have like a piece where like I'm more knowledgeable in
this area or.
Speaker 1 (17:28):
It was just like a real group effort.
Speaker 3 (17:31):
I don't know if it's more.
Speaker 4 (17:32):
I think we're probably equally knowledgeable, but everybody definitely has
their own interests. So like one of my colleagues, she
does transgender surgery, so she wanted to write that chapter.
And you know, I'm very interested in like female sexuals function,
so I wrote that chapter.
Speaker 1 (17:45):
But interested in what and female.
Speaker 3 (17:48):
Fe male sexual function and what is that? So like just.
Speaker 4 (17:52):
How you're like if you have normal sexuality. So female
sexual dysfunction, whether it's because as of lack of desire
or inability, if you're buy to respond normally pain with intercourse.
A female sexual dysfunction is defined as if it is
actually causing distress.
Speaker 3 (18:10):
In your life.
Speaker 4 (18:11):
So let's say that a woman is, you know, seventy five,
she's widowed, she has no desire, but she's not bothered
by it.
Speaker 3 (18:19):
That's not a dysfunction.
Speaker 4 (18:20):
But let's say you're thirty five and you don't understand
you've totally lost your sex drive. It is putting a
lot of stress on you and your partner. That is
definitely a dysfunction.
Speaker 1 (18:30):
Okay, got it. That's so interesting.
Speaker 4 (18:34):
Well, The other interesting thing is, you know, I think
we attribute a lot of things to hormones that have
nothing to do with it, and we don't appreciate what
hormones can do, you know, half the time. So like
when I'm mad at you, it's not necessarily because it's
that time of the month.
Speaker 3 (18:49):
Maybe you're just really being a jerk.
Speaker 1 (18:52):
All right, maybe I'm just actually really angry you have.
Speaker 2 (18:55):
Having said that, though it always does usually land at
the week I hear that, it drives me mad because
and then I hide my period. I used to hide
my period from Max husband so that he can be like, oh,
that's why you.
Speaker 1 (19:09):
Were a raging bright You can't let her know he's
right away? Not a chance.
Speaker 2 (19:15):
Will everyone go get a woman's Guide to her pelvic floor?
What the is going on down there? Thank you so
much for coming on the show.
Speaker 4 (19:22):
I really appreciate it, and I thank you for bringing
attention to these topics that women, as you point out,
are embarrassed to ask about. So, you know, I just
want all women to know that there are people out
there to take care of these issues.
Speaker 1 (19:35):
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (19:35):
I appreciate that. Thanks all right, Bye girl, Seeya, Bye,
Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heeart Radio podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
On today's Whine About It Thursday Therapy, we have Karen
Iliber and she is a BORED certified urologist and she's
got a BORED certification in female pelvic Medicine and reconstructive
surgery and has over twenty years of experience taking care
of women.
Speaker 1 (00:23):
Most intimate needs.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
She's also a professor of urology and I can never
say that word obastrous. She knows as a woman in
gynecology at Cedar Syana Medical Center, so she is full
of knowledge. She also has a book out called A
Woman's Guide to her Pelvic Floor. What the frick fuck
is going on down there?
Speaker 1 (00:46):
I love it.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
Let's get her on. Hey girl, I'm Jana. Hi Karen,
nice to, welcome to wind Down. I was just I
was reading your breakdown. So I've been obviously going to
the gynecologists, you know, whenever or what started?
Speaker 1 (01:01):
What?
Speaker 2 (01:01):
When do you just start? Sixteen seventeen eighteen around that time. Yeah,
I still cannot say the first part of that. Ohb's oh,
oh what obstetrics.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
Obstetrics. I'm like, why is that so hard?
Speaker 3 (01:15):
Obstetrics That's why everybody says obi guyin.
Speaker 1 (01:19):
Yeah obg y N.
Speaker 2 (01:21):
That's like, what is even obstrics obstetrics?
Speaker 4 (01:25):
So obstetrics is actually like delivering babies, and then the
guy ecology Like so the obstetrics is the pregnancy and delivering,
and then the guyn ecology is really just anything vagina.
Speaker 1 (01:36):
Okay, so you do you do that and the urology.
Speaker 3 (01:40):
So I do not deliver babies.
Speaker 4 (01:42):
I'm a urologist and I have subspecialty training in euro gynecology,
so I do like all bladder and vagina surgery, so
like if your bladder is falling, or if you're in continent,
or we take care of a lot of female sexual dysfunction,
So anything in the vaginal area that has nothing to
do with babies, I will take care of.
Speaker 2 (02:00):
What is what female dysfunction? Things are you referring to
when you say that.
Speaker 4 (02:06):
So some women can have pain with intercourse because they
have like to their public muscles are too tight. Some
people actually have nerve disorders. Unfortunately, you can have a
very traumatic vaginal delivery that causes nerve damage, but also
hormonal changes like a perimenopause and menopause or surgical changes,
(02:26):
so there can be a lot of unfortunately causes the
pain and then of course for women.
Speaker 2 (02:32):
So my mom I remember, I'll never forget it because
I went to the doctors with her because she thought
she was pregnant and it was when she was thirty
four years old and she was actually going through menopause,
so she wasn't pregnant and she was Her doctor was like, no,
you're you're in menopause and she's like, I'm thirty four
years old. So since that, yeah, since that moment, I'm like,
(02:55):
oh my god, I have to have kids early because
I'm going to go through menopause at the same time,
because they say that it can be gene. I mean,
obviously I've had kids. I'm now thirty nine, still have
not well I don't know, I'll ask you that, but
you know I've I've had kids. Yeah, I was like
I had my I had my son at thirty five.
But that always like freaked me out, and I'm like,
(03:16):
how how did she get menopause that early? Like is
that is that like is that super rare or like it?
Because I've always wondered that.
Speaker 3 (03:24):
I mean, it's not that common.
Speaker 4 (03:25):
They used to use the term primary Oberian insufficiency or
bear In failure. Now they like to say primary over
and insufficiency, and some people can actually get it back.
I mean, it could be like an illness, it could
be like a lot of stress. But I have known
women who have literally stopped having periods and then you know,
did meditation other things fix any health. Like like let's
(03:48):
hear a thib raiate is off. That might make your
periods stop. But that happens actually in a very small
small percent of women.
Speaker 1 (03:55):
Mm hmm. It's yeah.
Speaker 2 (03:56):
I because it was about it was last winner, I
commpletely skipped my period, and I'm like, that has never happened.
I mean, girl, I am like twenty six days like
on like the mark. The only thing that's changed with
my periods is after I had my second son. It's like,
(04:16):
I'm like, is this normal? How much I bleed? Like
it's it's a lot. Yeah, And I know that's like
massive TMI. But for the girl's thing, the guys, maybe
this is not like you're or if you want to
have some knowledge, share but this one. But yeah, it
was just like I remember going in going like I'm
kind of scared, Like I think I'm losing too much
blood and she's like, well, this is actually very common
(04:37):
after kids and you know you're getting older, periods are
changing and.
Speaker 1 (04:40):
I'm like, whoa.
Speaker 2 (04:42):
But then it was Leah. Last winter, I took a
pregnancy task because I was like, I think I might
be pregnant because I'm like, I missed my period.
Speaker 1 (04:49):
And then I wasn't. So I called my doctor.
Speaker 2 (04:52):
I'm like, it's been like, I mean, I'm on like
day forty I still have not had my Like what
is going on? And she's like, well, you probably missed.
It's called like a miss period. I'm like, I've never
even heard of that too. I'm like, what is like?
So then we did some blood work, but they didn't
really find anything. So I'm like, is that is that
super common?
Speaker 3 (05:10):
Again?
Speaker 4 (05:10):
I mean, skipping a period here and there is not uncommon,
especially like stress.
Speaker 3 (05:15):
Are you still nursing?
Speaker 1 (05:17):
Oh no, my kids are seven and four?
Speaker 3 (05:19):
Yeah, I mean it can happen, but yeah, missing a
period here and there is not.
Speaker 1 (05:24):
Am I going through menopause?
Speaker 3 (05:27):
Probably not? If they checked everything.
Speaker 2 (05:29):
Okay, because perry is the beginning of menopause, right, Like,
aren't we all in perimenopause? When we hit forty I mean,
statistically speaking, yes probably, but you know, symptoms of perimenopause.
But that's why it's much harder for a four year
old woman to get pregnant than a thirty five year
old woman, you know, because unfortunately we're like on the
downhill five.
Speaker 3 (05:49):
But perimenopause typically.
Speaker 4 (05:51):
People start having symptoms like you know, difficulties, sleeping, hot flashes.
Speaker 3 (05:54):
But the perimenopause can go on for a long time.
So by definition, menopause is when you don't have a
period for twelve consecutive months. So let's say you went
ten months no period, then you had a period. You're
not actually metopausea yet.
Speaker 1 (06:10):
Hmm, okay, got it.
Speaker 2 (06:12):
What for the pelvic area? What is the most what's
the question that women are always kind of embarrassed to
say or ask about.
Speaker 3 (06:26):
Women are really embarrassed to ask that. I mean, like,
is what I look like down there? Normal? And my
normal size? Is my odor normal? You know? There is?
It's these are things that we.
Speaker 4 (06:36):
Don't ever talk about, you know, which is why, like
my colleagues and I wrote this book like a Woman's
Guide to a Pelvic Floor subtitled what the F Is
going on? Down there because we see a lot of
very educated, smart women who just don't know, and it's
because we've never told them about these things. Right, you
have one health class, maybe somewhere in junior high, and
(06:57):
you learn some very basic things than that you were
on your own, figure out what your birth control options were, right?
What is a normal period? What I mean, every time
sex is brought up, it's negative. Either you can get pregnant, right,
or you can get infection. Sex is never like, oh
maybe you uhoul to do it, you know, so you
can enjoy yourself type of thing, right, So I think
(07:18):
that also, I mean, women are embarrassed to ask a
lot of things, you know, just intimate questions like you know,
is it normal that you know, my orgasm isn't as
good as it was before I had babies, And there's.
Speaker 3 (07:29):
All sorts of things.
Speaker 4 (07:30):
So I the reason I can't only answer your question
is probably the question they're the most embarrassed to ask.
Speaker 3 (07:35):
They're not asking sure.
Speaker 2 (07:38):
Yeah, I think I think the one that I always
get really embarrassed sound is like if it was having
weird discharge, like even just like saying that, and then yeah,
it comes with it because it's like certain things, like
I used to have a yeast issue, so I'm like
I always get east infections, and like I didn't realize
it was the soaps that I was sensitive to, the
soaps that I was using that had like the fragrance
(07:59):
in it. So I was like, all right, you know,
then I looked into this, but I didn't I was
embarrassed to ask it. So I was googling, like you know, odor,
all these things, and then I saw this one website
where it was like, you know, do boric acid and
apple something and it had like an actual cleanser. So
I was like, oh, thank god, okay, and so like
(08:21):
I got that, but it was like I was even embarrassed,
and like my doctor, why didn't I trust my doctor
to like ask that and say that, you know.
Speaker 4 (08:29):
It's it's so well because because I think there's a
part of every person that they fear that if they
ask the question, the doctor looks at you like I've
never heard of that before, right, Like you don't really
want to be like a dinner party you're talking to
your girlfriends, you know, yeah, you know, like when you
call for you laugh and you wet your pants and
you're waiting for him to go yeah, and like nobody
says anything, right, you really don't want to be that girl.
Speaker 1 (08:52):
Right, yeah, hmm.
Speaker 2 (08:55):
What is something that in your you know, your studies
and your years of doing what you do. Is there
something that has stumped you that's go, oh wow. I
don't know the answer to that.
Speaker 3 (09:09):
I've been doing it. I'm sure there was along the way.
Speaker 4 (09:11):
I've been doing this for like over twenty years, so
there's not a lot of things that I haven't seen.
There is always something that kind of stumps, but those
are very unusual. But I think that people be surprised
at how few things do stump specialists like me, because
I think general urologists, general kind ofcologists, I think, for
the most part, just aren't necessarily interested in this stuff
(09:35):
that my colleagues and I do, and not because they
don't like taking care of women, but you know, it's
more fun to deliver babies and you know, to take
care of discharge per se or also you have to
have specialized training to take care of women if they
have in continence. But it's so satisfying because I can't
tell you, like how many times I've seen a woman
who she just cries out of relief to know that
(09:57):
she's not the only one who's experiencing these things, right.
Speaker 2 (10:13):
I saw something in one of the questions, but it
was like, like vibrators, I mean, like, is that a
cause for things that you know can be problematic for
the pelvic area.
Speaker 4 (10:24):
They can be problematic, but they're probably more beneficial. So
I actually recently had a case where it was one
of the section vibrators I think was just too strong
and so and you know, the clitterist has this crazy
concentration of nerve endings, and I think it was so
strong that like for weeks afterwards she would have symptoms.
Speaker 3 (10:44):
So that's pretty unusual. But for the most part, especially if.
Speaker 4 (10:48):
You're not sexually active with a partner on a regular basis,
I think it's really good to use a vibrator. So
one of our research projects that we've done has shown
that regular use of a vibrator, whether a woman used
it to orgasm or not, was beneficial for things like
pell of the pain pain with intercourse incontinence because you're
increasing blood flow to the pelvis when you're aroused. So
(11:10):
if you're not sexually active, then it's good to use
a vibrator on a regular basis.
Speaker 1 (11:15):
Oh see something we wouldn't know.
Speaker 3 (11:18):
So when your partners use your rybrary or your bedstand
or your nightstand, you could just say my doctor recommended it.
Speaker 1 (11:25):
We love that.
Speaker 2 (11:25):
I mean it's like that's so sometimes like you know,
the glass of wine and like it was doctor recommends it.
Speaker 1 (11:32):
I know, I know, you know.
Speaker 4 (11:34):
I think that's also when you're asking about what people
are embarrassed about. We just don't really normalize sexuality specifically
for women. So as a urologist, I take care of
men and women, right, and we talk about viagra all
the time and a rectile dysfunction. It's like it's an
everyday conversation, but we don't talk about female sexualist function
(11:55):
because you know, traditionally, if a woman enjoys sex, you
must be something wrong that you must be like some
kind of core or slut or something right. It's not
just because it could be the equivalent of males enjoying it.
And we really have not paid as much attention as
we should to female sexual dysfunction. Right, So women who
have had bad sexual experiences, or they have conditions like
(12:16):
endometriosis that cause pain and they can't enjoy sex and
no one has helped them with the pain. You know,
it can cause a lot of stress in her life
and also in her relationships.
Speaker 2 (12:26):
Yeah, I have a friend that has like a very
like how her I don't know what it is, but
it's how it's shaped. It's like she has so much
pain when she has sex, so like that that caused
a big issue in her marriage because she didn't want
to have sex. She's like, it hurts, like I don't
want to do it. And then it's like, well, obviously
that the husband wants to have sex, you know, so
it's like trying to you know, figure that balance out.
(12:47):
It's like it's it's embarrassing, but it's also like there
are resources to be okay, right or to get better.
Speaker 3 (12:57):
There are.
Speaker 4 (12:58):
But again back to Woldiam about who I think that
most women wouldn't even know off the top of their
head what doctor to call to discuss her female sexual issues.
You know, that's already embarrassing as it is, and you're
you know, you're really kind of being a little open
because you're seeking care because it's causing stress in your
relationship and sexes and everything in a relationship. But having
(13:19):
that level of intimacy I think is necessary, you know
for most couples, but it you know, you think about
seeing like a sex therapist, which is more like you'd
consider like a you know, a psychology or a therapist.
You don't really realize that there are people who deal
with the physical causes of pain with intercourse.
Speaker 3 (13:36):
Mmm mm hmm yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:39):
I Uh.
Speaker 2 (13:40):
I get some hate because I promoted a vibrator on
my page, but I'm like, I'm all about just self love. Like, yes,
I'm very happy in my relationship and we have a
great sex life, but like also, you know, like it's okay.
Speaker 3 (13:51):
Sometimes in the mood for chocolate, sometimes they move for villa,
but they're both.
Speaker 2 (13:57):
Eviden. It's like, I'm like, why are like women hating
on me for posting about something that I'm like, I'm
just trying to like give you all a great code
for something.
Speaker 3 (14:05):
That like men never masturbate right right never ever?
Speaker 1 (14:10):
Nope, they are just perfect little angels.
Speaker 2 (14:13):
But it's like, I'm like that always baffles me that
I'm like, why am I getting hate for something surprising?
Speaker 4 (14:18):
And why why would anybody negatively look upon anybody wanting
to promote another woman for feeling good? See, That's what
I'm talking about like, I don't think any man would
ever discourage another man from masturbating.
Speaker 2 (14:33):
Right, I think the piece that like ties into that
is like, you know, I talk about my faith a
lot in God. I'm like, I think my God's okay
with it, you know. So I'm like, it's so it's
like those ones that just live by and I don't
know the exact like quote or whatever, but I'm like,
for me, I'm just like that's the piece of Christianity
(14:54):
that I'm just like, you know, I think it's okay
to do that. So I'm like I shouldn't be condemned
one way or the other. And you know, better than
I agree with you.
Speaker 4 (15:04):
I didn't realize it was against anyone's religious beliefs, not
to mean.
Speaker 2 (15:08):
Yeah, I don't remember because I have like a few
of the people are like, if you're a Christian, like
you shouldn't do that, And I'm like, well, I'm also
having sex before i'm married, so you know what i mean,
Like I'm already screwed.
Speaker 3 (15:19):
So I'm like everything's burned out.
Speaker 2 (15:22):
Yeah, I'm like, I am not a born again I
don't know how Like I'm sorry.
Speaker 1 (15:26):
It's just the one piece.
Speaker 2 (15:27):
I like, I can't, but did you just sit around
with your girls and go, oh my gosh, we have
to just write this book to just normalize what it was.
Speaker 4 (15:34):
It was honestly just years of hearing my patience say
you know, I'm so embarrassed say this, or like I
think it's so funny. I'll literally have just finished a
badgeal exam. They're like, you know, I'm embarrassed to say this.
I'm like, I literally just had my head like right
between your legs. I'm pretty sure, like all walls are down.
You can ask me anything, but you just come to
realize that very basic things women were really stressing out about,
(15:59):
Like you're just charge right, and like if you just
understand some basic things, I think you can probably figure
things out on your own, you probably have a lot
less stress in your life. And also just the women
know that whatever problem you have, there probably is a solution,
even though you're embarrassed to ask about it.
Speaker 1 (16:17):
Right, is it?
Speaker 4 (16:18):
No?
Speaker 2 (16:19):
I think pineapples for the penis, But is there a
food for the vagina that's really good?
Speaker 1 (16:24):
Isn't that it's like pineapple? Isn't that?
Speaker 3 (16:26):
Those are all like myths?
Speaker 4 (16:28):
You know? I mean, I think that probably the only
thing you really could do potentially is if you drank
lots and lots of fluid to delute things out. But
there is nothing that's consistently gonna make things taste better,
except for if you use like a flavored you know,
lubricin or something. But I mean, realistically, like nobody really
tastes good anywhere, Like even if you like suck on
your arm, it doesn't taste good.
Speaker 1 (16:49):
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, not at all.
Speaker 2 (16:53):
But it's so funny though that you say that about
the asking questions, because I'm like, yeah, like even the
other day I was at my Gaino's and when they're
like and scoot down, and I'm like, okay, Like you know.
Speaker 1 (17:03):
It's just like it's I don't know why.
Speaker 4 (17:05):
What we really should say is move down so far
that you feel as embarrassed as possible and you're in
the right posision.
Speaker 1 (17:12):
Yeah, one thousand percent.
Speaker 2 (17:15):
Is there something in the book where you guys, because
it's you and your is it two friends.
Speaker 3 (17:20):
Two of my colleagues?
Speaker 1 (17:21):
Yeah, the two of your colleagues.
Speaker 2 (17:22):
Okay, I love that, And did you guys kind of
have like a piece where like I'm more knowledgeable in
this area or.
Speaker 1 (17:28):
It was just like a real group effort.
Speaker 3 (17:31):
I don't know if it's more.
Speaker 4 (17:32):
I think we're probably equally knowledgeable, but everybody definitely has
their own interests. So like one of my colleagues, she
does transgender surgery, so she wanted to write that chapter.
And you know, I'm very interested in like female sexuals function,
so I wrote that chapter.
Speaker 1 (17:45):
But interested in what and female.
Speaker 3 (17:48):
Fe male sexual function and what is that? So like just.
Speaker 4 (17:52):
How you're like if you have normal sexuality. So female
sexual dysfunction, whether it's because as of lack of desire
or inability, if you're buy to respond normally pain with intercourse.
A female sexual dysfunction is defined as if it is
actually causing distress.
Speaker 3 (18:10):
In your life.
Speaker 4 (18:11):
So let's say that a woman is, you know, seventy five,
she's widowed, she has no desire, but she's not bothered
by it.
Speaker 3 (18:19):
That's not a dysfunction.
Speaker 4 (18:20):
But let's say you're thirty five and you don't understand
you've totally lost your sex drive. It is putting a
lot of stress on you and your partner. That is
definitely a dysfunction.
Speaker 1 (18:30):
Okay, got it. That's so interesting.
Speaker 4 (18:34):
Well, The other interesting thing is, you know, I think
we attribute a lot of things to hormones that have
nothing to do with it, and we don't appreciate what
hormones can do, you know, half the time. So like
when I'm mad at you, it's not necessarily because it's
that time of the month.
Speaker 3 (18:49):
Maybe you're just really being a jerk.
Speaker 1 (18:52):
All right, maybe I'm just actually really angry you have.
Speaker 2 (18:55):
Having said that, though it always does usually land at
the week I hear that, it drives me mad because
and then I hide my period. I used to hide
my period from Max husband so that he can be like, oh,
that's why you.
Speaker 1 (19:09):
Were a raging bright You can't let her know he's
right away? Not a chance.
Speaker 2 (19:15):
Will everyone go get a woman's Guide to her pelvic floor?
What the is going on down there? Thank you so
much for coming on the show.
Speaker 4 (19:22):
I really appreciate it, and I thank you for bringing
attention to these topics that women, as you point out,
are embarrassed to ask about. So, you know, I just
want all women to know that there are people out
there to take care of these issues.
Speaker 1 (19:35):
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (19:35):
I appreciate that. Thanks all right, Bye girl, Seeya, Bye,
Host
Jana Kramer
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