LaRayia Gaston on Embracing Love Without Reason

Activist and filmmaker LaRayia Gaston joins LeAnn to share her inspiring, practical and realistic guidance for bringing kindness, generosity, and love to a world in need.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Holy Human with Leanne Rhymes is a production of I
Heart Radio. Hello, my friends, I am so very happy
to welcome you to today's show because I am tremendously
inspired by the woman you're about to meet, activist, filmmaker

(00:20):
and author, Laria guest Stone. She is here to share
with us her passionate and practical ideas to bringing more kindness, generosity,
and love into this very needy world. And she is
truly someone who walks her talk. I am so pleased
to have her on today's Holy Humane. Thank Thank you

(01:06):
so much for joining me on the Holy Human podcast.
I am honored. I'm really honored to talk with you. Um.
I think I'll probably cry during this podcast because your work,
what you're bringing into this world is so beautiful. And
you know, I I think I I feel like I
already know you through reading your book. Um, and I

(01:27):
think it's just like heart recognizes like heart, and so
I just want to say thank you for the work
you're doing the world. It's it's done. Thank you so
much for having me here. Yeah. Um, look, you've you've
written a book called Love Without Reason The Art of
Giving a Fuck, which I think is just a fantastic title,
and you You've created a nonprofit called lunch on Me

(01:50):
that feeds everyone on skid wrote organic food on the daily.
You know, you you have so much going on if
I feel like you've almost made love your job, like
that's your time job, which I think is so beautiful.
If people are just coming upon you for the first time,
how would you describe what you do to people? Lunch
on Me are nonprofit love without reason. It's radical philanthropy.

(02:13):
It's curated, intentional love. It's love for love's sake. You know,
it's an expression. It's creating a voice in spaces that
I feel don't always have that, and it's really it's
doing the right thing. You know. We serve organic, healthy food.
We've set the bar really high because I kind of

(02:33):
you love in that way. So everything is in a
space that it's given the best of the best to everyone. Yeah,
that's so beautiful. I love that you say you're giving
a voice to those who don't have one or are
unable to use it, because I you know, growing up
with my voice being my my catalyst, you know, as

(02:54):
a as a performer, as a singer. Um, it's been
I think one of my missions in my life has
been to learn how to utilize my voice not just
for singing, but for for other purposes like you know,
this podcast and and giving you know, creating a space
for community and curiosity and and learning, you know, to

(03:16):
be better human beings. So you know, I think that
that voice, it's so important. It's so powerful when we're
able to to learn to utilize our voices for not
only ourselves but for the betterment of others. So I
I really commend you for for that, because that's we
don't realize what a gift that is. It's the most

(03:39):
powerful I think, you know, between especially when it's connected
to our hearts like yours is. Yeah, it's nothing between
know which I love. I mean I've always found that
on stage when I sing, But I think I'm really
starting to learn to utilize that piece of myself. Um,
just in the world. I think that's that's what uh

(04:01):
you know, that's what I see you doing. I see
you this really beautiful living embodiment of of love, not
just the concept of love, but like the the doing
and the being in the world. Like love is a verb.
I mean, you know, I don't know if love can
even be defined. I think that I'm not really sure.

(04:22):
I don't know, you know, I don't know if we've
ever truly defined it, But I would love to hear
what you since you talk about it so much. What love? What?
What that definition is for you? Well? When I think
of love, I think of love without reason, like that's
the driving force of it. Um. I think that love
is the most written about thing of all the universe,
and yet very few hold it. And for me, love

(04:45):
without reason is loving for love's sake and nothing else,
and being not attached to any form of an outcome.
It's an expression. And when I also think of love, um,
I don't think you define it as one thing outside
out of being a verb in action, because it's been
so many different things to so many people. And I
think that we have to look at two things, what

(05:08):
love has been to us and what we want it
to be, And I think that they're very separate, and
not enough people put an emphasis on curating love, because
if you define love for only what it's been to
you and not what you want it to be, I
think it makes it passive. And I don't think love
is passive, and I think it needs to be intentional

(05:30):
and curated and I think that when we move into
that space and we start looking at it as an action,
then we can embody it, we can hold it. I
don't think a lot of people have got to hold it.
Oh wow, that's beautiful, so interesting because what love has
been to you because to so many people we confuse
love with many other things, pain, abuse. Um, I know

(05:53):
that you read after reading your book, I know that
you've experienced that growing up, you know, and and to
be able to shift into what you want love to be.
How that's that's so powerful? Can you talk about a
little bit about what love was to you growing up
and how that shift occurred. Yeah. I think that I
was given a gift because I learned what love was

(06:15):
and what love wasn't at the same time why I
was developing. So I think that that gave me an
option to choose. You know, I think I had seen
the idea of when love is absent, how corrosive it
can be, and when love is present, how infinite it
will be. And because I've seen it at the same time,

(06:36):
and they were both labeled labeled as love because of
who the lessons were coming from, you know, our families.
You know, a lot of times that's the first place
we're learning love. And because I learned such contrasting spaces,
I think very young, five six years old, I understood
clearly what I felt love was, not just by what

(06:56):
it was to me, but what I wanted to mean
and what I wanted to grab take more towards. And
it really was the light, infinite space, not the scarce
space space. And again, when people come from whether it's
any form of abuse or neglect or whatever their experiences,
I think we have to be very clear in knowing

(07:17):
that is not love, that is not you know, it's
it's the absence of love. But you know, sometimes it
comes in the place that we think. So I think
it's very important that we know what love is and
what it isn't. And it starts with even if you
don't have it, define it for yourself and show up
as that first Yeah, because I was gonna say, I
don't think. I don't think all of us get the

(07:38):
opportunity to know what it is. We grow up knowing
what it's not, but we think that we know what
it is. And so when you're saying to know, you
gotta you have to know what that love is. I
don't know if some people even we know where to begin,
you create it for yourself. I think that's why. I
think that's why I say love is curated. You know,
if you're lucky and you're in, you're rare, you get

(08:02):
to experience its entirety, you know. But if you aren't,
that doesn't mean you can't have it. You have to
create opportunities of love for yourself. And that's what I've
been very adamant about is if it's not there, don't
stop there. And you know, when they say be the change,
be that love, like I believe that's what it's referring to.

(08:25):
I think that sometimes we hear these ideas and because
we don't have steps, we get kind of confused. It's
muddled with what that means and how to implement it.
But truly um to be able to experience love, you
decide what it looks like for you and be that.
Because I also think that sets a tone when I
think about the dynamics of my life, the people I love,

(08:46):
the people that are closest to me, I set a tone.
And I decided I wouldn't love to be infinite for us,
and so I decided to be that. And it's been that. Yeah, absolutely,
um yeah. I have a have a song that I
record a long ago called give and it's you know,
it says, if you want to get loved and give it,
you know, if it's like you have to. I love

(09:07):
setting the tone and I love taking that power um
back for ourselves to be able to to set the tone.
I know when I walk into spaces, um, especially on
airplanes because I used to travel all the time. UM,
so there's something that I would do is sit in
my seat and then everyone who walked by, I would
just bless them. I feel like when you bring that

(09:29):
just consciously, it doesn't have to be you don't have
to be telling everybody that you're around, like, oh I'm
blessing you today. You know there you think you're nuts,
but but it's if you just consciously put yourself in
that space, like it's it's amazing what what flows out
of that? What opportunities present themselves in front of you? Uh,

(09:52):
to be able to give that love to someone else.
And I think that people feel it, you know. I
do think love fills up rooms and think that you
can feel it, so that intention energetically a hundred I
believe in that That's how I feel too, Like I'll
go places and I'm like, I hope everyone's good today
or light and they let things go forgive. You can

(10:14):
see it in people, you know absolutely, and I God,
I feel like when you when you've understood pain, when
you truly have understood pain, you just don't want, I
know for myself, like I just don't want to see
people feeling that, Like I just so deeply want people
to be happy. And yeah, I'm going to kind of
jump around here a bit because I just flow out

(10:35):
the conversation. I watched your the trailer for your documentary,
UM forty three days, and the trailer itself, I watched
it three times because I was I was so shook
by it in so many ways. Um because because of
many reasons, but it just touched my heart so deeply
because I think, you know that thought of God, I

(10:55):
don't want to see people in pain, and there's so
many people in pain. Um. But I there are a
few things that just caught my attention. The artistry, the
artistry of these people living on skid row was so incredible,
and you know, I almost wonder their their imagination. It's

(11:16):
like you can take everything else from these people, but
they thought it was so beautiful to see that they
still had their imagination and their freedom of expression. And
I sat there and wondered, I'm like, are they closer
to God than we are? Yes? Yeah, yes, I've seen
God more than any other place. I felt like being
in the street that what that is church for me?

(11:36):
So I didn't see God in church, but I did
see it there. Yeah. Oh my god. That's one of
my favorite things that you said, um in your book
was that used that that giving to people is your church.
And because we we've we've come to I mean I
grew up, you know, Southern Baptist, and the church was
somewhere you went on Sunday. It wasn't life like we

(11:58):
have we we've we grew up thinking or being taught
that it was in a building, or it was in
it for a specific moment, reserved for that. It wasn't life.
And when you start, I mean, I think the biggest
changes that we're going to see is when people start
taking church to the streets, church into everyday life where

(12:18):
you that's your worshiping. Yes, that's what I would say,
is like what I do and what I'm giving that
is my tithing, Like that is how I tie you know,
I am not just doing in church, but of course,
like I love, I was the church for the music.
So but I definitely found the experiences I read biblically,

(12:41):
like the things that felt unearthly angelic I've seen in
the streets, and that's when I started to connect the
dots for me. Wow, talk to me about a little
bit about your documentary and what that experience was like.
Because you were you were really close to your grandmother
after she passed away. This was some Then you threw
your broken heart into was your documentary, and most people

(13:04):
wouldn't even think to go down to skid Row to
even walk around in that area. And here you are,
you know, going to live amongst the people that you serve,
which I think is so beautiful to really truly understand
what their life is like. How did that shift? First
of all, how did that shift your broken heart? And
how did that shift the way that you see life? Well,

(13:27):
I I went to skid Row because when my grandmother
I passed um. I mean I always knew that that
would be the hardest moment of my life for sure,
Like I always knew that like being with her. I
missed her when I was next to her, you know,
I knew that, and so I prayed and I heard
her voice. I heard her. I heard her say go

(13:48):
to skid Row, and I was like, you know what,
what else do I have to lose? You know, I
would do this. And then I was like I had
already wanted to, Like there were a lot of super
natural things that her that just pointed me to that space.
And I was like, you know, what better time my heart?
It was like I've always worked and been so goal
oriented and working that my heart was so broken. I

(14:10):
didn't want to do anything else. Like I was just
like I knew I had time. You know. It was
the first time I felt that where my heart was into.
So I was like, you know, this is the time
to go down there. And when I went there, I
thought like, UM, make use of myself. The day my
grandmother passed away, I was throwing a party on skit
Row and so and so I was already you know,

(14:32):
that had happened right shortly before UM. I heard her
take her last breath and then my party started. So
it was already I was already in that space when
she transitioned, and UM so I was like, Okay, I'm
gonna go there and I'm gonna be of service. Like
I can't. I'm not the type of person I can
sit in my room and be depressed. There's life, you know,
life goes on. So I was like, you know what,

(14:53):
I can go help people and and we'll see. And
so I decided to do it then. And I literally
thought I was go in there to just be of
service and to help everyone else, but they helped me.
So I think it was the first time I realized
like that was the only place that I could that
could have cured um my heart, because I think that
the message my grandmother was sinding me is nothing's ever lost.

(15:15):
It's just redirected and replaced. And the love that you
seek here is also all around you. And so I
learned that. Um, I learned that in that moment, that
like love is never lost. So I thought it was
a lost but it was a redirection of energy. Yeah, absolutely,
Oh wow. Um I don't find it. I mean I

(15:36):
don't find it ironic. I think it's beautiful that you
were throwing a party on skid row at the moment
you know, your grandmother passed away. I mean, you know
you have said I see your heart so deeply, and
so it's such a beautiful heart. You know, you said
how much your grandmother like taught you about love, and
then here you are, here, you are just basically living

(15:58):
out everything that she taught you. That my that she passed,
and that's just like, yeah, I definitely it was weird
because I like lost sound like I just remember hearing
her last breath and I just couldn't hear anything and
I just see like hundreds of flowers and balloons like
going and I was just like God hooked in the
space to not be sad. You know, this is like

(16:19):
a celebration, and it was one of those like I
was like, oh, I thought this was the time you
go into the dark place. In my mind, it was
this idea of like, for the first time in my life,
maybe I can be in a dark place, and I couldn't.
I couldn't because it's just so beautiful. Bless bless her
like that is just yeah, bless her first for showing

(16:39):
you what love is, because she is truly an angel
who is you know, paved the way for everything that
you're doing in every life that you're touching. Yeah, you know,
in your documentary there was there was this this man
who said something so profound and I kept rewinding it
back to watch it, and it is, Um, I am

(17:01):
not what you think of me. Seek for me, and indecency,
find me there in my dignity. Speak to me peacefully. Oh,
my soul is involved. And it just breaks my heart
because our souls are involved, like no matter what, no
matter where we are in this world, no matter what

(17:24):
hardship has come to us. Um, we we are. We
might be homeless, but we're not soulless. And God, that
just killed me. And it just reminded me, like you know,
it just reminds me that that could be any of us.
That could be any of us. Gabe, I love. Yeah,

(17:49):
his name is Gabe. Oh my god, I love that
his name is Gabe. My Um. I had a friend
who passed last year from diabetes, very young, and he
didn't know he had it and so he was sick
and all of a sudden passed away. Um. And his
name was Gabe, and so you just reminded me of him.
He's like my little angel and schedrole for sure. I

(18:12):
love him. You have no idea. He's like the most
gifted lyricist I've ever seen, Yeah, I mean, that's what's
so beautiful. I mean, I know I've seen. You know,
I started singing. My dad has tapes me singing when
I was eighteen months old. Like I mean, I could
you couldn't understand the word I was saying, but I was.
When I sang, it was so it was so real

(18:33):
and um, even from that young of an age, and
I as I've grown older, I've recognized how much art was. Um,
it was my my soul's way of you know, of
speaking in this world and places and expressing in places
where I didn't feel like I could express other places

(18:53):
in my life. Like I always joke, you know, if
I could sing my life, everything would be perfect because
that she feels like the most honest expression. Um. Sometimes
when you know you speak, like sometimes it just doesn't
come through. And when I saw the documentary trailer, I
was just blown away because it's it just makes you

(19:13):
realize how much art is used to soothe. It's a
it's a soothing save to life's pain. And and in
the imagination, you know, being so close to God when
we are in that form of creation and imagination and
the fact that that has not the fact that they

(19:34):
go to that so often they're to express is um,
it's just powerful, it is. I definitely think yeah, it's.
I mean, it's it's unearthly like the things I've seen
and experience with them, like just so many street angels,
like it's insane and we call them, let me call

(19:55):
them street angels. It's so good they did come street angels.
Street definitely, Um, yeah, you see that. And I think that,
I mean, even just the most profound lessons. I always
say that God sends us profits to skit role for training,
and I see it, you know, I see it like
the messages, the wisdom, the deep understanding like their understanding

(20:20):
of like life and humanity and how we fall short,
and the grace that they have, like how they're treated
it's and how they still rise above. It's beyond me,
Like it's crazy. It's it's it's something I've seen nowhere else.

(20:42):
And on that powerful note, we're going to take a
very quick pause, but we'll be right back with more
wisdom and insight from Laray Gaston. Welcome back, Loves, and
we were just discussing the incredibly profound intersection between scarcity
and the sacred. It's amazing. I think when we have

(21:02):
things as you look when things are too completely taken
away from you, like where where the soul goes and
where the the freedom that it starts to find? And
it's you know, I always look around all the things
that we have and here we are. You know, all
we're focused on is you know, continuing to have those things,
you know, and make to make sure we don't lose
that because now we have this sense of like you know,

(21:24):
this this sense of safety that um that we continue
to try to to uh to keep that up, and
that's that becomes our that becomes our drive and our hustle.
You know. Yeah, it's liberating. Like I stayed in It's

(21:44):
for forty three days with nothing in it. You know,
there's a yoga mat and a sheet and I'm not
gonna liry Like the simplicity of just having like my
little backpack and nothing else. Now money, nothing, and and
just even the resources I had were dependent on there's generosity.
So even to see that like oh I don't have
water today, but you know in an hour someone will

(22:06):
come from a church or a nonprofit or whatever and
show up to help. You know, it was. That part
was very liberating, Like I'm not gonna lie. The simplicity
of like not having stuff, not accumulating things, not hoarding
like it was, it was, that was my favorite part
for sure. I mean talk about trusting the universe, I

(22:26):
mean you have to. You're talking like moment to moment,
being in the moment and trusting that what is your
needs will be provided for. I mean we we hear
that all the time, you know, like, oh, you know
the universe will provide for you, Like sure, okay, yeah,
sometimes it's hard to wrap your mind around that. But
when you're in that kind of situation, like your basic needs,

(22:48):
you are moment to moment trusting that those will be
provided for. Yeah. You I think you definitely in those
spaces you kind of have to master faith, right because
there's nothing to grab onto, so you don't have a choice.
You can only hope for the best. And a lot
of times, I mean I definitely can say all my

(23:09):
needs were Matt, and I can say that with all
the time. The universe is definitely answering. Yeah you say, um,
one of the I think this is really powerful. One
of the stories that you tell about you know, you
like you just said you didn't have money when you
were down there, you went with no money and the
panhandling of you know, of asking for money. What was

(23:31):
I would love for you to share that experience because
I think it's so powerful. That experience is the reason
I wrote my book it well, yeah, I was so
that Okay for one, just it helping in a community
that's without resources and those things is one thing. When
you experience their walk and what they have to go through,

(23:54):
it is so eye opening, and not even from the
space of like them, but us, like people in the
house community, you know, like people having so much and
giving so little but deeming themselves good people. And I
it's it's almost like imaginative. I don't know where it
comes from, like where these ideas come from, because I
do believe it is actions. And to be in a

(24:16):
space where I really thought, like in my mind, I
was like I can come up with twenty four dollars,
Like I felt like I was like if someone because
in my head I really thought humans, I'm like, if
we're humble enough to um share our vulnerability and really
ask for a need, if you stoop low enough to
be that humble right where you're just like, you know
what I'm burying what I need that you would think

(24:39):
that humans were so good that we wouldn't allow needs
to go and met for someone that's even walking in humility.
So in my head, I'm like, okay, like I'm just
gonna tell them. And then also I thought about not
just that, I'm like, you know, people have reasons why
they don't give, they have a problem with addiction, all
these things, and I'm like, I'm clearly centered and sound

(25:01):
mind in writing, and I just need help. And the
fact that no one helped me. Literally I saw five
six people in a day. I kept asking everyone told
him what I was doing. I needed twenty four dollars
for tarps. It's going to rain, something I never thought
about because you don't even think about that in Los Angeles.

(25:21):
So the day of course I'm there, it rains, and
and everyone said no, like the level of resistance, like
the blocks I saw on people's hearts, on their humanity,
when I say, I was so shattered. I went through
every range of emotions. I was angry at humanity. I mean,
I understood why people when I'm like when people are
screaming in the street, said I can understand when you

(25:42):
get to the point where you're just like I'm hurting,
I'm without what I'm asking for. You lose like you know,
you'll lose in your laundry, like it's something you would
never even miss. The level of the energy that went
into resisting helping was the part that I was just shot.
I didn't think that people and maybe I'm far removed
because I don't live in that way at all, But

(26:05):
the problem is the majority speaks for what's going on.
So it's like it doesn't matter that I've you know,
I'm the aunt going left. It's like, where's everyone else going?
And I was so hurt because we don't help. I
realized how far removed people are from their hearts, and
that to me is so taxing on our soul. So

(26:26):
it wasn't just you know, just like it wasn't just
that they didn't help me, but it's like, what do
you think that's chip, chip chipping away at for your
own self? Yeah, Well, it's so interesting that you said,
you know, the vulnerability piece and needs, because I don't
know if most of humanity is even in touch with

(26:46):
what their needs are themselves and their own vulnerability and
so to even ask for I mean, I you know,
I talk a lot about mental health because I've dealt
with it my whole life, and um, you know, just
the stigma like an asking for help when we are
in when we are suffering. I mean we're just now

(27:07):
starting to break that down. And so if you really
think about it, like most people aren't in touch with
needs and to see someone else asking, it's almost like
I wonder, I wonder if it's like hits this like
core shame in all of us that we just wall
we just wall ourselves up and they're like, oh no,

(27:27):
I can't. I don't want to look at that. I
don't want to deal with that because I have to
touch on me the places that are hard to touch.
And I mean that's the problem. Nothing should be in
between us and our hearts. Nothing. Yeah, you know, it
shouldn't be accepted. And it's one of those like I
understand it, but I don't accept it, yeah, completely. And

(27:49):
it's like that's where we have to do the inner
work because when I see that the only two people
that helped me were homeless, and so I think the
worst part was like I'm getting upset and I'm like,
go sit down and a corner because I'm like, humans
are really hurting my feelings right now. So I'm in
a space where I'm like, Okay, I gotta I like,
I literally tell myself I have to center myself because
I'm like if I can't respond in a place of love,

(28:10):
like I had to focus because I'm getting a little snappy,
I'm getting a little upset. So I'm like literally put
my little sad looking love without reason box. I have
a little box that I made myself that literally said
love with that reason. I hopefully people don't understand. Like
just to get I put my box down. My head's
down because I'm trying to center myself, and then like
change just drops in my in my box. And when

(28:32):
it happened, like that change was so much bigger than
pocket change. It was a restoration of humanity, the idea
of like someone didn't let me down. And when I look,
it's he looks like a retired war vet. He's scooting
away and he just like puts the change in. He
just just going and I just like start crying. I

(28:53):
can't even move, Like I'm literally like paralyzed. I can't
even move because I can't believe it's street ham. I
can't believe the person that shows up for me is
the person who has nothing. And so my friend that
was fielming, this was we were doing this all when
we were on skin roll. My friend Nima that was filming.
He's like far away, like filming in the cut, and
I'm like telling him. I'm like crying. I'm like, go

(29:15):
get that guy, like you'll get him, because in my head,
I'm like I can't take a change. I don't even care,
like I'm gonna be in the rain, Like I just
can't take this man's money, you know. And so Nema
grabs him and ask him like why did you get
to her? And he's like because I've been there so
many times. It's like I know that. And he like
gives me hug and he goes it's gonna be okay,
and I'm crying. So he just I can't even get

(29:36):
the words out. So he thinks I'm crying because I'm upset,
but I'm crying because I can't believe that he would.
I can't believe his spirit, you know. I'm just like done.
And so I tell him and and it was just
he connected. There was nothing, and there was nothing in
front of his heart. Nothing. You know, what do you
think is stunting us from that growth? What do you

(29:58):
think is the is the thing that is keeping us
from getting in touch with that deeper place in ours?
It's discipline. I think that the problem is anything we
want to master, anything we want to be great at,
comes with a discipline. And I think that we need
to look at love, our vulnerability, our relationships itself. It's
a discipline. You don't magically get there. I think again,

(30:21):
it's all intentional, you know, And I think that we
don't put that same time. If I want to be loving,
if I want to be forgiving, if I want to
be vulnerable, I better have a blue plan for that,
you know, a day to day discipline and action. What
is going on with the racing, just like what's happening.

(30:42):
Maybe they're in agreeance with us. They just want to
be They just want to be a part of our conversation.
So that's I agree. And so I think that it
is a discipline, and I think that that's what's getting
in our way ourselves, because we are not prioritizing those things.
Everything else is important. But but the thing is what
makes that so important? Is the more we grow, the
more we become better. Everyone around us benefits from it.

(31:05):
Every interaction benefits from it. It's like when we grow,
not just for ourselves, but to navigate in a lighter,
more healthy way. You know, the world is benefiting from
that space, that growth, mastering those things. And so I
think that's that's a part of the core issue. We
have to curate things. We have to make it intentional,

(31:28):
all of it. Yeah, I mean, I your yeah, intentions
such a huge piece of that. And I I know
for my own self, my own experience, Like I know
when my heart's closed, you know, And I know what
that feels like, and it's painful. It's painful, and I've
walked around living like that a lot of my life,
you know. And I and then I know in my
heart's open and the freedom and that and the joy

(31:48):
and that and and I You're right about the intention
and the discipline, because something can happen, whatever it may be,
that trigger is and instantly like our hearts closed, and
I can, I mean, I can walk around in that
space for a while without if I'm not intentional and
aware of it, you know, uh, to be able to

(32:08):
you know, I get lost in that space again, basically
it's your It's almost like it's our default setting. Right,
So in us you're unless you're aware, unless you have
practices that are cultive. You're cultivating um to bring us
back into our heart space. There's it's so easy just
to get lost. Yeah, And the more you practice, I

(32:29):
think what happens is like practice habits um. You know
that discipline, it eventually becomes innate. So when once you've
practiced being open more than you have being closed, that
becomes your default setting. But you have to recognize you
have to get there. Yeah, you know you don't. You
gotta get there. You gotta put the miles in, you know.

(32:50):
And so that's important. I think that to be loving,
to be patient, I have to practice patience. To have
deep understanding, I have to seek understand like those are
things that we I do believe we have to do. Yeah,
I am in the morning. I I love a course
in Miracles. I know you you've quoted some of that
in your book, UM, and I think that it's such

(33:13):
a beautiful book. And I pray one of my favorite
prayers in the in the courses, where would you have
me go? What would you have me do what would
you have me say? Into whom? And every morning when
I wake up, it's the first thing that I pray,
and it's it's the to me. It's my way of
putting my mind and my my vessel into the into

(33:34):
being a walking miracle. I you know, I always think
that we always ask for our prayers to be answered,
but we forget to be We forget that we can
be the answer to someone else's prayers. We forget that
we can be used and utilized in that way. You know,
what are what are some of them? That's that's kind
of my way of getting in touch with it in
the morning. First thing, What are what are some of

(33:55):
your ways that you you know, can that you get
connected with it. I mean, I feel like now you're
just like a walking You're like you don't even need
to be connected with that, you just all the time.
But I feel like, you know, maybe other people are like,
you know, how do I how do I continue or
how do I start my day? Or you know, stay
connected to that mindset of giving an openness. Well, I

(34:16):
think it starts well, I think it starts with micro gestures.
And that's kind of like how um I like to
articulate it. For me, it's those acts have to have
have to happen every day. So for me to create
a habit or to make something innate, I have to
do it every day. Doesn't take much time. Um, but

(34:37):
one of the things I like to do. I mean,
it's simple, but it's the curating experiences, curating love, whether
it's putting your phone down with you when you're with
people you love and giving you your undivided attention. It's
getting into a space where we recognize, for one, we
have to be present to even do these things, you
have to be present, you know. And that's Buddhist philosophy.

(34:57):
That's a lot of different things being grounded U. So
being present is one of the first things I do.
I can't be that miracle or curate that love if
I don't even know what's in front of me. And
a lot of times I think my focus has always
been to train my mind. Like Michael jesters are important
because you train your mind to find the opportunities where

(35:18):
you can do good. When I'm at a coffee shop,
I order coffee, whoever is behind me, I'm like, hey,
can you put your order on my tab? I want
to buy you coffee. It doesn't matter who it is,
and I'm just like, you know, it's one of the
things I like to do. And that's such a super quick,
curated love moment because everyone it's it's simple. Everyone likes
to feel loved, nurtured, taking care of scene and that

(35:40):
simple thing. It doesn't matter where you sit financially, if
you have a lot of you have a little someone
doing that for you. It's it's the energy and intention
of someone just wanting to love on you and be kind.
And so those are small things I do. You know,
I keep five dollars in my bag because sometimes I
don't have time to grab food for someone. You know,
it might be street fan that's like, hey can you

(36:00):
grab me? And I'm like, tear take this money, go
get it like or if I have time, I'm like, hey,
come in the store with me and order whatever you want.
But um, I'm very intentional about how I walk this
world and what my interactions can be and always showing
up for people. And of course I'm still learning so
much when it comes to these things. The same things

(36:21):
that I've written about, I've had to implement every day
and learn that those are the things that that become
better and better and easier. But I think it starts small,
and I think it doesn't start with the love we
reserve for our families. They already have that. I'm there's
a whole world around us that could use that same love.
I believe there isn't a place love shouldn't be or

(36:43):
should occupy. And I think that again, those are the
intentions and it's all small acts. I don't think that.
Sometimes we think of this like grand gesture, this big thing,
and I think it's a collection of what we do daily.
I think that's what changes everything, because those are the interactions.
We focus so much on what's next, but what's in
front of us? Is there something I can do for

(37:04):
the person in front? I mean, I think that's also
has to do with developing being attentive. I'm very attentive
to everyone around me, their needs, their wants, ways I
can you know, sometimes when you like how you said,
people don't know what they want. Sometimes we gotta show them.
Everyone wants love, that wants attention, you know, and and
sometimes it's like, you know, it's good. Like Collie Griban

(37:27):
says in Um one of his poems, it's good to
give one asked, it's better to give unasked the understanding,
And I believe in that, you know, that's the attentiveness
that needs to happen, you know, because you're seeking to
have a deeper understanding in a better way to serve
that What what you kind of touched upon this briefly,
But what are some of the biggest misticanceptions when it

(37:49):
comes to giving that you come in contact with. I
think that, well, there's two things, and I talked about
that in the book. I think that when it comes
to giving, we come there's only two places. I think
we pull from um a mindset of abundance or a
mindset of a scarcity. So I think a lot of
times you have one giver who gives because they feel

(38:12):
it's an infinite thing, you know, it's just like an
infinity sign. It's always going to be a cycle. And
then you have a person that believes if they give,
they'll never have enough for themselves. And I think that
you have to think about those things giving, which one
could which one would contribute to our happiness, you know,
and which one is more taxing to the soul. And

(38:34):
I think that starting before people even give, that's I
feel like those are the two mindsets that I hear
from people. And I think that when people come from
the space of scarcity has nothing to do with how
much they have. It has to do with their mindset
about what they have. You know, some of the origins
people I know operate from the place of scarcity, and
some of the poorest people I know, financially poor, operate

(38:57):
from abundance that there will always be for everyone. So
I think that to give, we also have to know
where we're pulling from, because sometimes people give from that scarcity,
and I don't know how holy that is. I don't
know if that's coming from a high energetic place and
if that's even fulfilling or they feel like they're just

(39:18):
they're just it's almost like an ego need. Like you
said earlier, they call themselves good people. So if I'm
gonna call myself a good person, that now it might
have to give every once in a while, and it's important.
I know you touched upon this too, like the energetics
of giving is as important, if not more important, than
they give itself. Yeah, and it's just an expression of freedom.
Like I feel like when we give, it feels if

(39:39):
you get past yourself and that ecospace and all that.
It's so innate to us. Like you see children on
the playground, they don't they don't give or share to
be good. It's literally innate to them, you know. That's
why kids want to play, and it's it's obviously a
completely different interaction than adults have, but if you see it,
it's just it just seems more natural to us to give,

(40:01):
to share, to coexist in harmony. And I think that
that's where we also have to pull from, especially when
it comes to giving. It does feel amazing energetically when
you get past your own self and all your defenses,
because we can articulate every single reason why we don't
want to give. But I think if we just limit down,
does that feel good to you? Like we're inside of you?

(40:22):
Does that feel good? Because there's so much energy that
goes into stopping ourselves from giving when it's like, no,
just give because you can and do it with joy,
you know, And I feel like that's important. There's nothing
too big and too small. I think it's the energy
that's present in it. Find buying someone's coffee, it's with
my whole heart, you know. It's like I'm buying up

(40:44):
the bar. Pick whatever you wanted, the menu, you want
almond milk, you got it. It's just from the it's
just from that space of like I just want to
be good to you. And this is where we're going
to take a quick break for just a minute. But
I promise Morgan this as soon as we return. Welcome
back everyone. Laria and I were just discussing how truly

(41:07):
in our nature it is to be generous. It's so interesting.
I had this huge epiphany the other day about anxiety
for myself and I was like, some of the some
of the greatest anxiety for me is when I recognize
that I am closing myself down and that I am,
like you said, it takes so much energy, so much

(41:28):
energy too to protect ourselves, you know. And and when
that love flows like there's God you're talking, you know,
there there is freedom. That is freedom is to allow
you know, that love to flow outward um effortlessly and
without expectation. I think that expectation pieces such a huge thing. Uh,

(41:52):
an expectation, you know, a lot of us are afraid,
you know, to get taken advantage of and we think
that you know, you're talking about being attentive to people,
and hear so much about like this codependent society. We
can't be codependent, we can't like and I almost feel
like it almost stops us from from being attentive, you know,
all of all of these things you're talking about, Like,

(42:12):
it's just so easy for It's so easy. Yeah, it's
so easy for us to spire. Absolutely, and yeah, I
mean it really is. It just it's become our habit.
It's becomes it is. And like when you when you
brought up anxiety, the first thing I thought was, that's
your soul giving you an alarm for your actions being betrayal.

(42:37):
I think it's a betrayal and I think that our
souls trying to get our intention. So I definitely think
that that's what that's connected to. I feel like the
less we betray ourselves, a less anxiety will hold. Um.
I also think that when we come from the space
of being taken advantage of, we come from the space
of scarcity. M hmm. That's so. And it's one of

(42:58):
those so what so what if your love isn't used,
does that mean you shouldn't put it somewhere? Should it
just stay inside of you? It's about love being expression
of verbs, and we are full of love and it
needs a place to go. Yes, it's energy, and that's
like when it's not used, it's like I feel like
needs again, that's why you have to be So that's

(43:22):
why I believe, Like like I said, the definition of
love without reason is not being attached to the outcome
to love for love sake and nothing else. Because you
have love and it needs somewhere to go, and you
can only hope. I hope how the things I do that, um,
you know, they will see the light of day or
someone will hold it in the same expression as me.

(43:42):
But that does not take away for me wanting to
show up and give love. And a lot of times
when people don't hold the love that I want to
give them, I hurt for them because I know I
can see the guard between them and their heart. You know.
It's like there's a quote that says, you build wall
so tall you can't even climb them, and that hurts

(44:05):
because I see the pain. I've never met someone who
was guarded, who was just filled with joy. I haven't
seen that, you know. And so sometimes when my love
is rejected or misunderstood, I have pain for them because
I'm holding a gift that they can't even see because
they put so many things in front of their heart,

(44:27):
you know, and so a lot of times we can
have sympathy. It's like the idea that um, I don't
know who said it was someone it was Mariann Williamson
where she said anything that's not of love as a
cry out for love, and so it's like sometimes it's
foreign or one thing I had to learn was when
our love can be viewed as not um as as

(44:51):
not being used or taking advantage. Sometimes it's a foreign
thing and it's a first encounter. Sometimes you don't even
know what to do with it because you've never seen
it before. Absolutely, So it's like just what I've learned
is when I've been foreign to people, giving up robs
me of the joy. Because even with Street fam, you know,

(45:13):
there were people that I met where I was there
first encounter of love, but my consistency broke the barriers.
Leve will break through anything. Leve will break through anything.
But I think that's where the idea of like love
being patient is so important and also coming from the
space when I'm rejected. I kind of like it, like
Loki it's kind of turned into especially on skin Row

(45:36):
and like dealing with my street fan and strangers. I
really like it because I helped them work through those
barriers because I know that the person that gives me
the hardest time is the most loving. Like I have
a guy that's just, oh my god. He he used
to be a nightmare. He used to be such a

(45:57):
nightmare and so mean to me. And I would always
tell him, it's okay, I'll see you tomorrow. I'm trying tomorrow.
And I would constantly do it, and I would just
bother him to the to the point where like now
he can't leave without hugging me, and like and he
won't let go. And he's like this big tough guy
that like cusses war again, another war vet working a
lot of vets and so and older guys. And now

(46:21):
it's like we there's a part of his heart that
just he's reserved for us. And it's so beautiful to
see because but it wouldn't have happened. I wouldn't have
carried out the action of love through patients and consistency.
And I'm just like, it's okay. And again that that
comes with deep understanding that what he's doing. His rejection

(46:44):
wasn't to me. He was rejecting his own self, you know.
And so like when you look at that, then it's like, no,
they can't take advantage of you. They're actually hurting themselves.
And that's what we need to get through. Like when
I saw like those moments, I'm telling you, the hard ones,
the bad apples, like those are the ones that are
the most golden, the most golden, the four agreements basically

(47:06):
like one of them, you know, don't take anything personally
and that's that's it. No, Yeah, I really don't. Like
I just have conversations by myself. I'm just like it's okay,
I'll knock on the heart. I'll nock on the door
of your heart again tomorrow. I'll go this again. Or
even like certain people like my attorney is not She
wasn't the softest person when I met her, and I

(47:28):
was with her yesterday and um, I was just like,
I'm gonna hug you now, and she's just like sitting
there and I just put my arms around her shoulder
and I hold her a little longer like where it
was probably uncomfortable for her, and I just feel her
like melt you know, even though there's like all these cards,
you know, she's been an l A attorney for so
long as all these cards, and I'm just like, I

(47:50):
love that because I know that that love or those
barriers like there's a place for it to go. And
I think that we also have to work with each
other and be kind and patient and understanding that we
are trying to figure it out. And when someone knows
or has a little more experience in something, then you know,
you curate it, you set the tone right. I would

(48:11):
love for you to tell talk to everyone about the
three bees because that's I think so important. Will you
walk me through what those are? Yeah? So um when
writing out like Michael gestures and things that I think
they're very important what we're doing, of course, being mindful,
intentional and generous. Um. The reason that those things are

(48:33):
important to me is, for one, generous because so many people,
like my experience with trying to get twenty four dollars,
people are not generous. And that's something I think that
we all have to work on because if we want
to be good people, or if we even if we
believe in this trend of gratitude, that's an action and
so it's like, you're gonna have to be generous. Like

(48:55):
that is the action of like if I'm going to
be grateful, I have to act gratefully And a lot
of that has to do with like give the and
that's what generosity says. And then just being mindful. I
think the reason that is so important is we think
ourselves out of half the things we won't do before
we even get to a point of action, like you said,

(49:17):
like when we talked about the spiral, like the the
idea of the spiral, it's like, before we even get
a chance to do something, even if it's being vulnerable,
what do we do Half the time we don't call right,
It's like, hey, call first, it's gonna be you gotta,
you gotta, You've got to When that that first feeling
comes in of like I want to be vulnerable, I
want to give, it's like you need to act on

(49:39):
it right. Then to impulsive, completely impulsive, don't completely the
opposite of everything everyone else has told you. Yes, you
have to be impulsive when it comes to that, because
those are your your actions, your feelings in your heart,
you know. And so that mindfulness is important because we
do have to train our minds to come from that
space of infinite abundance um not scarcity. So there's a

(50:04):
lot of reframing that has to happen mentally. That's why
being mindful is important, because we have to be aware
of what we tell ourselves, you know, the stories we
tell ourselves. And I think that once we take a
moment to say like, Okay, I'm gonna be present, I'm
not going to talk myself out of things. I'm gonna
do it. When I think about that with microL gestures,

(50:24):
for me, a lot of people don't know how to
talk to people, especially strangers. So that mindfulness of get
out of your own head and get into the world
and just silence that and be present and allow you know,
yeah and yeah, and observe, like, observe what's in front
of you, what's happening, listen, training with the energy as well.

(50:46):
And then the reason being intentional is important is know
why you're doing what you're doing, the root of it,
where is it coming from the root. And for me,
I'm very detached to a reason. I mean that's why I,
like I said, I believe in love without reason is
because it's this feels right. I don't have to have

(51:07):
a motive like it feels right, energetically, spiritually, heart work.
It feels right. And that's why I think that intention
of I have love to give, and I'm going to
give it. I don't think that it needs to be
any further than that. Not who you are to me,
Not you know I should No, no, no, This is

(51:28):
the right thing to do. It feels right, and my
intention is to share love. And I can only hope
that's why you have to be detached to the outcome.
I can only hope you'll meet me halfway. I love that. Yes,
so beautiful. I can talk love with you all day.
I write so much about it, you know, it's it's

(51:48):
just it's it's what I want to put into the
world too. I think, you know, when when I think
about what anchors me and my my mission in this
world is to to bring more love, you know, and
too into people's hearts, you know. I I'm so blessed
that with my gift I can I can go into
those places where most people don't, you know, they don't

(52:10):
touch that. And it's I love that about music. It's
so beautiful too, you know, to be blessed with that
gift and you know. I love that. You said you
went to church for the music, so you must have
you must have some love for music. I always ask,
I might ask my my guests. Um, it's do something
called the Holy five, which is basically, you know, maybe

(52:31):
it's five songs on your playlist right now. Maybe it's
five songs that you, you know, grew up listening to,
Like what are what would be your Holy five? And
why oh my God? So well? The first song I
think of is Bill Withers. Um, He's one of my
favorite song ladies, Bill Weathers, Can we pretend? I don't
know that song? I'm gonna have to listen to that

(52:54):
as soon as we get off, so you listen to
it today. Okay, I'm gonna do that, Bill Weathers, Can
we pretend? Because I love Sundays and that's like my
Sunday shower. You know Vinyl like Hellove, the Pain is
Gone and Gone. That song just really makes me feel

(53:23):
about like just soundtrack to life. Um. I love when
I'm in my emotions Chris Stapleton Sometimes I cry, yes, cry,

(53:45):
I love that song. I just voice is so stunning.
His voice is crazy, his voice is crazy. I love him. Um,
I love Miles davis version of Summertime Oh Yeah, and

(54:10):
jazz is my favorite genre of music, so I definitely
I grew up listening to like Duke Ellington Miles Davis um,
so I just anything Miles. But for me, Summertime it's
my favorite song, especially because I also loved slave literature,
so that song definitely makes me think of that time.
Luther Vandel's Never Too Much because I just feel like

(54:32):
that's my happy song. I feel like every time I
hear that when it comes to love, I feel like
it's so vulnerable. It sounds on how you feel. And
then I would say a song it's not by him

(54:52):
because Jeff Buckley wrote but um Kenny Lattimore's version of
Everybody Here Wants, Oh Wow, thank you. I'll just chill

(55:13):
once again. Song I don't Know, Oh my god, no, no, no,
I have so many songs like you don't understand. Music
is like my other love. We're trading playlist after this.
Yes is so good. Please listen to those songs, okay
and tell me how you felt. Okay, I will. I
so have enjoyed speaking with you. Thank Oh my god,

(55:33):
I loved it. You're amazing. I would love to come
volunteer with what you're doing because it just has so
moved me, and yeah, I would love to get involved,
So come to Vegan Burgers with us. I'm down, absolutely
so nice to meet you. Thank you so much for
being on here. Thank you so much for having me.
We'll talk soon for sure. Thank you. And that wraps

(55:57):
up this episode of Holy Human. I hope you enjoyed
listening to this conversation as much as we enjoyed having it,
and I'd love to hear from you too, so just
hit me up in the comments wherever you're listening, and
please fore free to afford this to anyone you think
would benefit from Mary Bye. On the next episode of

(56:19):
Holy Human, you'll meet the man dedicated to helping you
heal your trauma and live your true purpose, the very
inspiring Maston Kip, a man recognized as a thought leader
for the next generation. I know you guys are going
to really love this episode, so tune in until then.
I wish you all love. Holy Human with Me. Leanne

(56:39):
Rhymes is a production of I Heart Radio. You'll find
Holy Human with Leanne Rhymes on the I Heart app
Apple podcast or wherever you get the podcast That Matter
most to you,