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November 22, 2021 32 mins

Join LeAnn as she speaks with her dear friend Darrell about what she’s grateful for and answers questions submitted by listeners like you.

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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Holy Human with Leanne Rhymes is a production of I
Heart Radio. Hey everyone, it is me Lee. Welcome to
this special episode of Holy Human. It is our Thanksgiving special,

(00:20):
our gratitude episode. I am so incredibly grateful for this podcast,
for being able to share in this space with all
of you, for all of you for tuning in, for
sharing your heart and soul with me every episode, and yeah,
just connecting on such a deep, true, honest human level.

(00:43):
And I'm I'm incredibly incredibly grateful for you, so thank
you all for being here. And today I thought that
we would answer some of your questions. You all had
some fantastic questions you sent in, and I thought we could,
we could connect a bit more from you to me
and me to you. So and I also thought I
would have my dear friend Darryl Brown. I know you've

(01:05):
heard me speak of him many times. He's usually the
man behind, behind the a lot of things. Don't bring
it up. That could sound very bad. I could go
in many places with that, but no, he's usually the
man behind me, supporting me, supporting me behind. So we

(01:29):
thought that, uh, well, I thought I told him. He
started asking me these questions and I'm like put the
microphone up to your mouth. I want you to talk. Okay,
here we go right, Oh my god, So he follows direction.
Well number one, UM, and I'm glad that you are here, Daryl,
thank you for joining me today. Well, thank you for
letting me be here. You know, I love you and
um and I love this podcast. I listened to it.

(01:52):
I even record it with you, and I go back
and re listen to it all the time. So I
have gratitude and thanks for that too. Thank you. Well,
we are going to get into some questions now and
hopefully this will serve you in whatever ways needed. And
so Darrell, yes, what are questions today? We have some
questions from some fans and some listeners and podcast subscribers.

(02:17):
And then we have a few a lot of questions.
You have question Jim, Yes, I have no answers by
questions and me to Well. The first one is kind
of interesting is from Kristen and and she asked any
tips on giving yourself compassion when you don't feel deserving
of it. Before we jump to compassion, I think we

(02:41):
have to start with acceptance. That would be where I
would begin, And I know acceptance is such a key
key piece and in healing and in our journey especially.
I mean, I know from my own experience, unless I
can accept everything as it is in this moment, there's
no way to move from this moment forward. So can

(03:02):
you accept the fact that you don't feel worthy? Can
you sit in this moment and bring yourself into the
present moment and accept all that is with full responsibility,
and then from full responsibility you can begin to move
into compassion. Wow, that's that's a great answer. Acceptance then compassion, well,

(03:27):
acceptance and responsibility. So, and the idea of it is
that if you don't have acceptance first and then take
the responsibility. Is that what you're saying, Yes, then at
that point, when you do do those things, you can
give yourself compassion where it's needed. Yeah, I mean I
think then you undo the victim card and you begin

(03:51):
to take responsibility and actually can then begin to shift
your own reality. That's interesting too, because if you don't
do that, then you're just kind of putting a save
on that you're kind of playating your own feelings, and
then you then it fails. And he said, well, why
should I give compassion to myself? It doesn't work? Yes?

(04:14):
Then and then you're still victimized. Then you're still victimized. Right, Wow, great,
some great tips on self compassion. I love it. Okay,
let's see what we also we got here, Grandma Ma, oh,
Grandma Lipstick seven. That in itself is that we need
to ask you how you got that name. But the

(04:36):
question for Grandma Lipsticks seven is how did your anxiety
and depression affect your relationships with loved ones? I can
answer that maybe I don't want you to do. Is
this part of your own responsibility to back to understanding

(04:57):
that I don't know where I want to go with this. Well,
I know my feelings is that we're all connected each other,
and the closer we are, like, how's closest I am,
and Roger so you and some of the other friends
we can name. And it's like that old thing said,
when you feel bad, I feel bad. It's when you
are drowning and we see you drowning all those years

(05:20):
ago and you're telling us you're not drowning. Yeah. Well,
that's probably the hardest time that we would have releasing
ourselves for thinking that we could fix something and trusting
higher power and maybe a little bit of self preservation.

(05:42):
That's still there and that's someone, aren't you that you'll
rise up and then we're healthy enough to be able
to help if needed. Does that make sense? Yeah? I
mean you can lead a horse to water, but you
can't make them drink. You could bathe them though, So
like in other words, how did how did your anxiety
and depression in your viewpoint now looking back affect your

(06:07):
relationships with your loved ones? To be really honest, it
makes people for me, for my my experience, it's made
all of us get more honest and made me have
to connect with people on a deeper level. And it
also pushed people to connect with me on a deeper level.
I've kind of been one to always rock the boat.

(06:30):
I think that's part of my gift, and that's part
of the gift of what I went through. We all
had to have harder conversations. We all had to grow. Yeah,
we all had to grow, and we grew closer it.
We could have repelled away from it. Yeah, I expected
people to repel. I think I almost tried to make

(06:50):
them just to prove myself right. My my one of
my great therapist, I don't even know if I call
him a therapist. I don't even know what he is,
but he's read always says, do you want to be right?
Or do you want to be well? Do you want
to be right? Do you want to be right? Or
do you want to be well? Like do I want
to unconsciously my subconscious, my subconscious is trying to prove

(07:12):
me right at old times. So do I want to
be right that people are always going to leave me
and I'm too much for people? Or do I want
to be well? And I think I was very fortunate
enough to have people around me that did love me,
like truly loved me in the unconditional sense, and I
have not had that in my life. And so I

(07:34):
got to push every button, try and try to rebel everyone,
and I got a completely different outcome. It took me
a long time to recognize that that outcome was different
still to this date, but very rarely. I mean, it's
it's still there, but it's it's much more rare expected
to still happen. That was a really deep groove for me,

(07:58):
that expectation, and so that groove is still there, but
it's very it's it's not as deep. I like that
you say it was a gift. It's a really beautiful
thing for you to say that, because Rod always talks
about in the systemic way of things, it's like getting
the whole system healthy. So if anything happen, and we've

(08:18):
talked about this with certain people in your lives and
our lives, once you got into the well trained on
the health train, and you chose that chosen well, people
had to get on or stay on the well trained
or that health train as well. If not, you were
leaving the station to it to a to a higher

(08:39):
place or to a better place for yourself. People couldn't
keep their ship and travel long when you're in the
process of embracing errors and moving to a more expanded
version of yourself, right, Yeah, And I think that's one
of the scariest pieces of the journey, and it's also
one of the scariest pieces of relationship within the healing journey,
is that I've felt like I can't go too far,

(09:02):
I can't be too healthy. I mean, this is an
old it's an old belief. It's still it's a belief.
Like I said that, it's a deep groove um because
in the past, when I have changed, people have fallen away,
and so I I've had to understand that my love
for myself is priority, and if that happens, then that
is going back to acceptance. That is I have to

(09:22):
accept that. I don't have to. I mean, I can
fight it and be in pain, but ultimately I have
to accept that and know that my my expansion is
my highest priority. And that's really hard. I think it's
so challenging because we love people so much, or sometimes
it's not love, sometimes it's more of addiction, but it's
there is you know, there is true love in some situations,

(09:46):
and that can't still coexist within the health and the
new journey of the new version of you. That's one
of it's one of the most challenging things still for
me is to think that this is what comes up
for me. My health could destroy but in the unhealth
it's only destroying me. But that also answers Brady's question,
do you know how much you inspire people's own spiritual growth?

(10:09):
You kind of just answer that in some ways and
for us it's very natural when you see so when
you love rise up that it inspires you to take
your own inventory of yourself and rise up as well.
It also scaves a ship out of people. Yeah, in
a good way, in a good way always, but sometimes

(10:32):
our egos like I won't be met in that place.
I can be very low, it can be very lonely.
Maybe Brady's questions should have been, do you know how
much you scare the ship out of your spiritual growth? Yes?
I do that, I know. Trust me. I've had a
deer in the headlights for many people Like what, Yeah, no,
I do. I'm aware of it, and I actually I'm

(10:53):
aware of it and I'm not aware of it at
the same time, like it is a piece of my
journey challenging people and also helping people feel into places
where they don't normally feel into. Well, you've been inspired
by others help too, so you just really, I mean
all the books you've read, all the classes, all the
workshops you've done, have is taken that inspiration that those

(11:16):
people's journeys have given to you. You've absorbed it. And
obviously the podcasts and you're sharing these things in other
ways on your music sic and podcast it is supposed
to help pass it off. Yeah. Absolutely, it's now a
conscious choice. Like I said, I'm not aware of the
depths of it sometimes because I'm not living I'm not
in people's lives all the time, but it is a
conscious choice in order to help people expand and through

(11:40):
my own expansion. You know, we're all the teacher and
the student, and so it's not a manipulation of helping
trying to help people's spiritual growth. It is like it's
a legit co creation of sorts of of co um curiosity,
but people could. People have to get out of it
what they can get out of it where they are,

(12:02):
and then later you come back and you get more.
That's like me watching Dirty Dancing when I was six,
and I didn't realize what I was watching until I
got older, and then I realized what I was watching,
or singing a song like blue and not knowing. Yeah,
my Dirty Dancing reference is way funny. You don't know,
you don't know what. You don't know until you know it,

(12:23):
you know it. I want to help people expand and learn,
and it's only through my own journey that I'm able.
I feel like I'm able to do that. I love it.
I think it's great. Okay, this is a really cool

(12:53):
question and it scared me when I just read it. Okay,
Jill mc kervick. Jill asked first she says, I love
everything about you. That's lovely, child. I'll tell you a
few things later. She might love those two, but her
question is, will you ever do a podcast on the

(13:14):
father wound? I haven't done much research on that. Um.
I've done plenty of therapy on it, um, but I
have never really dug into if someone actually has taught
the quote unquote father wound. The mother wound was newer
to me because I always felt like my some of
my mother wounding was daddy issues, daddy wounding. But I

(13:40):
recognize now that a lot of it because of you know,
our attachment to mother, to parental figure, to life. I mean,
mother is life. Our attachment to mother is the most potent.
My beautiful therapist is not a therapist once again, always
says who chooses daddy mommy? So it all leads back

(14:00):
to mommy ultimately, even daddy's choices, even daddy and yes,
his his uh influence, all ultimately leads back to mommy
because mommy chose daddy. I definitely would love to have
that conversation. There's plenty to have there, I just I
haven't done my own research down that path. Would be

(14:21):
a good thing for season three we should look at. Yeah,
for sure. Absolutely. Speaking of seasons on season two, this
is a hard question, Danielle Um, who is your favorite
guest this season? Which is cruel to ask anybody. Yeah,
I can't choose that. That's like, let me ask you
a different thing right now, just off the spur the

(14:42):
top of head. Is there any kind of favorite experience
you had on the podcast this last year that might
rise up for you. Some of the most potent information
that I received was from the Mother Wound, was from
Bethany Webster. There's things I still use. I mean, I
use all of it like it's all in fluenced me
in some way, shape or form. But I think the

(15:02):
Mother Wound is is some that I'm still still researching
and exploring on my own. You know. I still use
things from Ethan cross of you know, the chatter, the
way I speak to myself in my mind, the way
I put myself up with myself talk. I still use
a lot from Dr jeff Brewer um on with anxiety

(15:23):
and my habitual patterns. There's so much, honestly that I have.
Jeffrey marsh affected me as too, and yet Jeffrey on
as well. Yeah, No, Jeffrey's beautiful. Absolutely, Um, I still
talk to them and I love them to death. Leads
back to your acceptance thing, about the acceptance place of

(15:44):
who and where you are at this moment and the
love thing. Adding compassion, Jeffrey brought a lot of compassion
to the show. Yeah, Jeffrey does bring a lot of compassion,
almost to the point where it's painful, Like you don't
even know how to give yourself that much compassion. It's
a thing that I'm still learning for myself. Yeah, every
every single person I've had on has been incredibly inspiring

(16:07):
and an influential in and a piece of my my journey. Hey,
so after two seasons, the first episode goes on fear
and how terrified creating the podcast had made you. Have
things changed? No, are you still as afraid really at times? Yeah,
explained that what is that fear? Well, I mean things
have definitely changed after two seasons. Like, I'm not as

(16:33):
have you expanded or oh I've expanded and evolved. I'm
not as like traumatized before I go into a podcast,
um and apprehensive, but I'm still Yeah, I as actually
noticing this. Last night I had a show, Um in Arizona,

(16:54):
and coming off of a year and a half being
off the road, I was terrified like going back into shows.
And then I started, you know, working on my voice
and feeling really good and like feeling really really free.
And then I had like almost a month off and
then I literally had a full on fucking panic attack

(17:14):
for like three hours yesterday morning. And I think it's
I don't I really don't know what has changed. I
think it's maybe because I'm so I just came out
of having such a deep fear about it that it's
not like solidified the other piece of it for me again.
But the same thing happens with the podcast. We'll go
and we'll do twelve episodes and I'm like by the

(17:36):
last one, I'm like, this is easy. And then we're
off for six, seven, eight weeks and then all of
a sudden, I'm like, oh, ship, we have to start
my next podcast and do I ever remember how to
do this? And like all the things like start to
come back in my head. But no, Well it's human,
but I think it also serves a purpose. Like for me,

(17:57):
my old way of being has been that is an
habitual pattern for me of like that's almost like the
way I pumped myself up in some weird, fucked up way,
Like that's what I can have to go into what
I think is love. It's the way I think I'm
protecting myself. My mother was like that. My mother was

(18:19):
always a warrior. And so before my cognitive years, um,
before I can understand what love is, which by the
time I can understand that, I'm programmed to think it's
something else. I think that worrying is loving myself. So
I think that if I can worry enough about what's

(18:42):
going to happen in the future, I'll protect myself against
judgment and ridicule and whatever else may come at me failure.
So I think that that's love. So I've literally talked
about habitual patterning. I've had to. I'm starting to realize, oh,
that's just a pattern. It's not something that I have

(19:04):
to continue to live with. But it's such a deep
groove again that it takes some time. But I'm aware
that that's a pattern. Like there's nothing that's going to
protect me from anything. That's not protecting me, it's only
hurting me ultimately. So I've yes, So I guess I
have changed, but that patterning is still there. I'm just

(19:25):
handling it a bit different. It kind of started answering
this too, is it has it? Has it been like
we're challenging to be so open and vulnerable when sharing
your stories during this season or the last season. How
challenging is it for you to be open and vulnerable
like this. It's not challenging at all for me to
be open and vulnerable. Actually it feels enlivening, isn't it. Yeah,

(19:47):
it does feel enlivening. I've been really digging into this
for myself around secrecy and why being open and vulnerable
feels so enlivening. And I do think it was, you know,
going back to parents. No, not in blame at all,
but for just awareness. Is that I really I felt
like I had to hide a lot of things for
my parents, like whether or not it was the fact

(20:09):
that we didn't have a lot of money and we wanted,
you know, we wanted to project a certain ideal, or
that there was abuse in the house, or that my
parents weren't happy like whatever it was, I always had
to hide something for them. And so I think it
taught me that I have to have these two worlds.

(20:30):
I mean, even and then of course, like that group
got even deeper when I had to become quote unquotely
in rhymes and I had to have this like side
of me that no one knew, and then I had
to project this other worldly kind of persona onto, you know,
into the world. That would be your hurdle, that that
you had to chump you jumping over. Yeah, I mean,

(20:52):
I think are all of our hurdles is that. I
mean that mine just like multiplied because it was. Yeah,
but all of our hurdles those you know, to actually
like it past the mask. But I think that's why
I enjoy this so much, is that there's no wall, Like,
there's no I do get to be really honest like that.

(21:12):
I created the space for myself to be able to
do that. Yeah, yeah, in spite of how I felt.
So that's how powerful we are. But I know from
my own self, like I know, there's a higher piece
of me that creates these kind of places for me
to come and share my truth. And there's also that

(21:32):
higher piece is also in my subconscious. So like my
subconscious and the ego that we think is all the darker,
shadowy stuff is also the place that holds the greatness
in us that will create the space for me, Like
I created this space almost unconsciously, and not until hindsight
was I able to look back and go, oh, that
was really me creating a space for me to be

(21:54):
able to to be so open and honest. But there's
so much of my shadow, the darker side quote unquote
that is tied into that too. They both come from
the same place, so it is kind of fascinating when
you start to recognize that weakness and strength. They're so
interesting where they're from the same place. City Genesis asked
what is your favorite wellness topic to discuss? Narcissism? And

(22:18):
I'm just kidding, Okay, you me, me, me, what's your
favorite wellness topic to discuss? Actually, I find I find
the subconscious fascinating, like you know, the fact that I
we are like what I just said, Like that the

(22:41):
subconscious is so powerful and it holds our shadow and
it holds our light, like it holds both things. I
find it. I find that truly, truly fascinating. Okay, this
is it's a really simple question with a big answer.
What has been the biggest takeaway for you personally from
all of the guests so far? The fact that I'm

(23:03):
still doing this on three. Season three, We're going into
season three and like I'm still I'm still here and
learning and being I'm willing to be this vulnerable and
I'm really conquering a massive fear for myself and showing
up every time to do so. I actually started doing
ice baths um, which are have multiple fantastic benefits for

(23:27):
the body of reducing inflammation and better sleep and um
elevated mood, like so many different things. So I decided
I wanted to try this, and I know that it
has taken a certain level of clarity and healing for
me to actually be able to consciously choose this torture

(23:49):
is how describe it. It feels like torture UM. And
I'm terrified of I'm terrified of cold, and the level
of terror that the ice bath brought up at me
when I experienced it was so intense. And I've only
done a full submersion ice bath once, but I have
continued to do my limbs, my feet, and my hands

(24:10):
because our feet in our hands are the most sensitive,
and so I'm working up to doing a completely full
submersion again. I would like to, and I started to
enjoy it. That's what I was getting at as I've
actually started to enjoy the whole process of like knowing
that each time I'm doing it, I'm conquering a new

(24:30):
like level of fear, Like I'm peeling back another layer
of the onion. I'm getting closer and closer to my
true self. And I feel like that's kind of what
this podcast has been for me, Like each episode is
this new layer of fear, and it's like a drug.
Like every time I get done with one, I'm usually
high from it for hours. You know, every time I

(24:51):
get done with an ice submersion of my limbs, I'm
high with the ice. Especially no one's doing it with me.
Usually have Darrel here with the podcast asked, like a
cheerleader is going, you can do it, But I have
no one cheering me on in these I spats. And
it's taught me that I am stronger, like the the eye,

(25:13):
the eternal, I is so much stronger than my little
little I my ego wants me to believe. And so
that's why I think what I've taken away from this
podcast is that was kind of this podcast was like
the first layer of the cake of me understanding that

(25:33):
I'm so much more than what I've believed myself to
be beautiful. I love it. Carolyn um, Well, what drives

(25:59):
you to keep a healthy minded body and spirit? Like
all that you've just been talking about, getting the ice past,
doing the podcast, doing these experiences and reading with you,
what drives you A few things? Uh, my past self
and my future self. My past self, because I feel
like I'm gonna if we talk about quantum healing, which

(26:20):
I'm not going to go into the whole thing of
it right now, but if you talk about quantum healing,
like the idea that we only have the present, but
everything is connected through energetics, so we can heal in
this present moment, I can heal the past and the
future and and change the future or shift the future.
So keeping my promise to my past self in order

(26:41):
to be present enough so that my future self thanks me.
It's like, my past self did such a fucking great
job at survival, Like it was so good. She was
so genius, like so brilliant, and so it's almost like, oh,
because my past self helped me survive all this time,
It's like, now, in the present moment, I get to

(27:01):
choose a way for us to thrive my own soul expansion.
Here is what keeps me driven. Tamara, who I had on,
who's my sweet vocal coach. I love her so much.
She's so amazing by the way, mind blowing on all
the things that I've learned with that. She was saying
the other day that she thinks that my true assessence

(27:23):
when we talk about like what I was as a
child was like super curious and very open and very
expanded like all children are. But I had this like
real curiosity about me, which I think is coming out
in this podcast. That's what drives me is that curiosity.
And I think that that as I get older, I

(27:46):
thought that curiosity was going to hurt me in some way,
and that was also going back to my mother. That
was also my mother's feelings that I took on. So
I've had as I start to unwind this, my curiosity
has become more and more intense, and I think I'm
getting back to my own true essence and that's that
essence that that curiosity is what drives me. Wow, another

(28:09):
fantastic Is there going to be a chant to Yeah,
there's going to be a chance too. I'm creating chance
for my candles all the time, which is the way
that that the chant record started because I was creating
candles and wanting to chant over the candles, and so
I created a chance for each candle and then created

(28:29):
the chant record. And then now I'm still creating candles,
so I'm still creating chance and we have we probably
have almost a half a record done so far just
from that. So I really just need to finish up
the chant record. Yes, my answer is yes, there will
be a chance to And this is another question from
someone um anonymous, but live events take your your interviews

(28:52):
and your podcasting to a live event and also bring
your chant to a live event too. Is your way
to have some type of gathering of that together. Have
you thought about that? Yes, I actually have thought about
bringing chant doing a chant live experience. Uh. I would love, love,
love to do that. I think that that's I almost

(29:14):
feel like I do at my show already and like
a little bit of a little bit of a teaser. Um,
so I would love to create a whole experience along
those lines where there's a totally different vibe and experience.
I don't even know if people would be sitting in
seats I don't know if people would be laying down
on yoga mats. I have no idea. I would love
to though, create a you can have live podcasts, interviews

(29:38):
with special guests. We're not there yet, No, don't freak
me out to the past. Yes, there's no edit button.
There's there's no filter. What the hell are we going
to do live without a filtering? No? I would I
would love. I would love to do that. Maybe a

(29:58):
Holy Human tour. Maybe there's someth thing with Holy Human
that you can take out and about. It might be interesting.
You guys got it right in and let us let
us know what sparks if you see that feels cool?
Is it twenty four hours? Is it eight hours? Is
it two days? What is it? Is it a retreat?
Is it a retreat? I would love to do that. Yes,

(30:18):
I have dreams of absolutely doing that. That's cool, that's great, Well,
that was wonderful. Anything else you want to share? Obviously
Holy Human? When is that? When's the next season going
to start? Obviously next year? Probably right? Yeah, next season
for Holy Human will be in two And I can't
believe we're saying that's so weird. Yeah, I feel like

(30:41):
one I just got used to saying I just got
just that, reconciling my anger at and then I have
residual anger. So yeah, two, the third season of Holy
Human will be coming to Fruition, Yeah pretty pretty soon,

(31:01):
pretty soon, And I will have new music out soon.
So lots of wonderful things inwo But for now, thank
you all for your questions and thanks for tuning in
and spending this time with us, and I hope you
have a beautiful Thanksgiving and I just hope you feel
my gratitude for each and every one of you, and

(31:22):
I send many blessings to you all. Holy Human with
Me Leanne Rhymes is a production of I Heart Radio.
You'll find Holy Human with Leanne Rhymes on the I

(31:44):
Heart app, Apple podcast, or wherever you get the podcast
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Monster: BTK

Monster: BTK

'Monster: BTK', the newest installment in the 'Monster' franchise, reveals the true story of the Wichita, Kansas serial killer who murdered at least 10 people between 1974 and 1991. Known by the moniker, BTK – Bind Torture Kill, his notoriety was bolstered by the taunting letters he sent to police, and the chilling phone calls he made to media outlets. BTK's identity was finally revealed in 2005 to the shock of his family, his community, and the world. He was the serial killer next door. From Tenderfoot TV & iHeartPodcasts, this is 'Monster: BTK'.

Stuff You Should Know

Stuff You Should Know

If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.

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