EP 344: Is Being Addicted To Love Dangerous? (Ft. Vic Mensa)

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Guess what decision we're about to make.

Speaker 2 (00:04):
Horrible decision.

Speaker 3 (00:08):
Hey, guys, welcome to another episode of Horrorable Decisions. I
gotta make it sound like I'm a rapping now since
you know, like, okay, never mind, you know I do
the white boys, I do the singing voice, I do
the Jamaican not Jamaican boys.

Speaker 2 (00:20):
I'm gonna be a rapper today, y'all. Welcome. You already
noticed your girl Mindy.

Speaker 4 (00:24):
B giving white woman the dating of black guys. Wow,
go ahead, whenever people do this with their hands, I
guess so first.

Speaker 3 (00:34):
So that's how I do Fall seven Chapter City blah
blah blah.

Speaker 4 (00:37):
Okay, my name is Weezy. Welcome back to another episode, y'all.
Now you know we actually me. We don't like to
have celebrities over. We've had some decent.

Speaker 1 (00:46):
Love with the rapper we have.

Speaker 2 (00:48):
They've been kind of cool, and I'll be honest y'all.

Speaker 3 (00:50):
Today we are joined by Vic Mensa, who if you
have been listening for seven years, I'll be honest. You
were one of the guests that I used to say
could never come on here because I don't believe anybody
that I would ever fuck or want to shoot my
shot at can come and mix business with pleasure.

Speaker 1 (01:04):
Now he likes getting neiggas. That's why you know it's
had it.

Speaker 3 (01:07):
I'm actually mad he's in here with a jacket because
he's all over the ground with no shirt.

Speaker 2 (01:10):
But y'all, Big Mins is here. But now after meeting you,
you're such a kind soul. I just know we're cool.
We could be cool, you know what I mean?

Speaker 3 (01:19):
And y'all, he is a faithful man. So y'all didn't
know they exist, but we have one today in the building.

Speaker 2 (01:24):
Big thank you for joining us.

Speaker 1 (01:25):
Thank y'all man, So we you know, have you ever
repeet on someone?

Speaker 5 (01:28):
Look, no, I've never done that.

Speaker 1 (01:30):
Really, I'll think just like it didn't call for it
or questions smell.

Speaker 6 (01:36):
I don't want to kick shame nobody, you know what
I'm saying, But I ain't really what I'm on. I
kind of was having a thought about that the other day,
like how you want to invite like good ship into
your life, but you want people to just bee on you.

Speaker 2 (01:51):
So actually i'm finding back scorted on before.

Speaker 3 (01:54):
Right, Yeah, it's probably happening, so it's just well no,
also fun fact to piss actually if you are stuck
like survivor. Right if you're in like an island and
you're there or a forest or a desert, to actually
say you can drink your piss it's actually healthy for you.

Speaker 4 (02:13):
I honestly like, I've never done it, but I feel
like if I did, or when I do, I'll say,
drinking is not gonna be the thing I do.

Speaker 2 (02:22):
Drinking it let me get a splash and you're.

Speaker 3 (02:24):
Stuck on an island. That's why I said, hold on,
I made it. This is a survival chit status here. Okay,
I'm not into it and you're not, but I wanted to, like,
maybe not what drinking pistol?

Speaker 1 (02:36):
No drinking? I thought you are no girl there, like,
oh my god.

Speaker 3 (02:42):
But I wanted to get into this because I had
a conversation with you a couple months ago and you
taught me something. Honestly, I can't believe that there are
still things I'm learning. I'm excited for the horrible decision
we're gonna get into you going through a sex and
love addiction anonymous program, which we're gonna really get it
into because we've had like the Reformed Boy conversation before.

(03:04):
But who you were in your twenties, and who you
are now has changed through meditation, has changed through this program,
has changed through finding yourself has changed through sobriety.

Speaker 1 (03:14):
Why do you feel may find us after they get
a girlfriend?

Speaker 2 (03:19):
Well that she she looked up and found the hill
bigger we just have not. Wait.

Speaker 4 (03:24):
Let's let me ask you that when meeting your girlfriend,
were you completely through your program? Did you feel like
you were ready to be in a committed relationship or
did it volunteer left?

Speaker 6 (03:34):
I met her after the program for sure. You know,
I felt like I'm manifested coming into my life in
a lot of ways.

Speaker 5 (03:41):
You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 6 (03:41):
I was praying about finding that love, you know, something genuine.

Speaker 5 (03:48):
Because everything else is what I've known. You know so much.

Speaker 3 (03:53):
Better now real quick, we have Sierra's prayer. We need
big Minsu's prayer.

Speaker 5 (03:56):
Sierra's so so Sierra's.

Speaker 3 (03:58):
Prayer was manifesting Russ. You manifested a woman that was good.
So I want to know what she looked like. So
I want the prayer.

Speaker 2 (04:04):
So what's the prayer? Can you share it? So for
any men listening who want to manifest a relationship the
way you have after being healed, you could close your
eyes big. Yes, we're doing this. We're doing this.

Speaker 1 (04:15):
Oh, let's all do it again.

Speaker 2 (04:17):
Come on, we're gonna close our eyes to big.

Speaker 3 (04:19):
We need to know what was in the manifestation and
what was in the prayer to get the woman that
you have today.

Speaker 6 (04:24):
Come on, it was simple, man. It was just like,
come on, we It was just like, God, bring me
real love.

Speaker 5 (04:29):
That was it. No, it's not.

Speaker 2 (04:30):
That is not enough for real, real love.

Speaker 3 (04:33):
He's looking for a real live now.

Speaker 4 (04:37):
When she came into your life, when people say that
they meet the person that's for them, they know instantly
to take you a second, How did it happen?

Speaker 6 (04:47):
Yeah, you know the first time we really went out
and I just locked in with her. It's been like
that ever since, you know what I'm saying. So I
guess in that moment, I did.

Speaker 3 (04:54):
Know what was what was different from from like we
always asked like what made her the one or what?

Speaker 2 (05:02):
You know what I mean, like in terms of actually
being committed.

Speaker 5 (05:07):
You know, I often have trouble like.

Speaker 6 (05:11):
Really connecting with women that i'd be with sexually, you
know what I'm saying, Really like on a mental level,
like intellect, taste, you know what I'm saying, pool of reference, literature,
like culture, some ghetto like for it to all be
there was that was really rare and was just different

(05:34):
from the women that I've been messing with, you know
what I'm saying.

Speaker 5 (05:37):
All of that was mainly just like physical shit. You
know what I'm saying.

Speaker 3 (05:42):
Did you wait to find out all of those things
about her before having sex? Because like I think, the
sex is one of those things that can complicate, especially
if it's really good. Sometimes I don't care to really
know much else about a nigga. I ain't even gonna
hold you like this is good. Hopefully you're a great
person as well, but also I don't care.

Speaker 1 (05:58):
If you're not her.

Speaker 2 (06:00):
Was there was there a pause to learn her a
little bit more before being intimate or do you find
did you find like that was your your jesuit the
woman that you also had sex with after that maybe
you didn't care to get to know them more.

Speaker 5 (06:16):
I mean, you know, I'm a nigga, so I'm trying
to guess the show quick.

Speaker 6 (06:23):
But I'm not like pushy though, you know, I'm like
somebody to drop you off, not kiss you, you know
what I mean?

Speaker 5 (06:30):
And just.

Speaker 4 (06:33):
I swear that I feel like had been the most
interested in me. Do that what they don't necessarily make
a move too quick? And I've always thought about it,
like do you remember when I was like, why won't
this dude sucked me last year?

Speaker 2 (06:46):
Well he was celebrated.

Speaker 4 (06:47):
No, he wasn't the Dreamville nigs A different nigga. Oh yeah, yeah,
the one that had met Jamsville. And we were going
on these great dates and I felt like I was connected.

Speaker 3 (06:57):
That's because you saw me.

Speaker 2 (06:58):
I want, no, you do love going on dates.

Speaker 4 (07:01):
By the way, do you know that I didn't know,
uh if you because we've never met, so, but I know,
like there was even.

Speaker 1 (07:09):
A co fuse.

Speaker 4 (07:10):
I think you were gonna do something with me, like
they had sent me an email with you then I know, horrible.

Speaker 1 (07:14):
So I was like, I don't think I was staring
at him, but I feel like I noticed it.

Speaker 4 (07:19):
So to explain, Vick was on a date with his
girl at this restaurant. I was on a date with
the dreadhead I've been dating, and right after we said
hello to each other, he really looks at me like this,
how you know this?

Speaker 2 (07:30):
How you know all? He knows?

Speaker 7 (07:35):
What?

Speaker 2 (07:35):
What about it?

Speaker 5 (07:36):
He looked like a really nice guy.

Speaker 7 (07:39):
Well yeah, right, so he's not like a slick of
pretty Ricky Kodak dread, but yeah he is.

Speaker 4 (07:52):
I love when you said a little ghetto. I love
it elevated nigga that still got a little of it
in him. I love seeing and not saying that locks
mean that by any means, but just I love seeing
a little bit of edge to somebody that does live
their life in a certain way, because we don't put
the two together. And so even when you were talking
just now, I've really found that, like, men are not

(08:12):
making me excited intellectually, I'm starting to feel like I'm
smarter than them. Even when you wrote up literature, like
if you didn't read forty eight Laws of Power, like
do you even read? Like I feel like that's kind
of like the surface level shit that's happening. When they
didn't say they like art, they don't know what the
fuck they're talking about either. No, you know, even if
you just want to explore it and you don't understand,
like just at least experiencing it. It's like it's really

(08:35):
difficult to meet people, not even men, women, people that
are on the same wave as you. When it comes
to like when you're somebody that opens your brain up
to more, because for the most part they're just not there.

Speaker 2 (08:48):
I mean, it's even just the conversation.

Speaker 3 (08:49):
I mean I was a little embarrassed to be like,
I went on the best date of my life at
thirty two years old, and the nigga took me to
the botanical gardens that ain't to teach me about trees.

Speaker 2 (08:58):
I said, well, how you just know what out trees?
Like this nigga, I was in pressed.

Speaker 3 (09:03):
Then after the botanical garden, he took me to Barnes
and Nobles.

Speaker 2 (09:06):
Don't do me. He took me to Barnes and Nobles
and we started going about books.

Speaker 3 (09:11):
And this nigga was really into Greek mythology, and so
you know, I want a self help book.

Speaker 5 (09:15):
I'm like, well, Gz just.

Speaker 2 (09:17):
Released the book let me, and he like, now, let
me tell you about the Greek mythologists.

Speaker 3 (09:23):
Or whatever the art them niggas you know who I'm
talking about, Aristotle them.

Speaker 2 (09:27):
And they're like, oh, like collects the art. I thought
it was like artimist or something.

Speaker 5 (09:34):
He might be one, right, Aristotle.

Speaker 2 (09:36):
See Okay, So.

Speaker 3 (09:39):
Anyways we go and I felt like not only was
it one of my best dates just because he had
everything planned out. We went from an Ethiopian restaurant, took
the botanical gardens to Barnes and Nobles to then ended
it at a fucking bath house with massage.

Speaker 1 (09:53):
Oh he was he said Aristotle.

Speaker 3 (09:57):
Was crazy and we didn't have sex after, which was
crazy because I had given niggas plicity for a lot
less so I felt like, damn, this is fucked up, right,
But I was just like wow.

Speaker 2 (10:09):
I was like, what do you mean?

Speaker 1 (10:13):
You can do all of it?

Speaker 2 (10:14):
You can teach them bitch how to ring and you
still won't.

Speaker 3 (10:17):
Get a.

Speaker 5 (10:19):
Point no.

Speaker 3 (10:22):
But I think that that's where I think dating has
come to be with me as well, Like the not
that I'm gonna safe your sexual because I need you
to have that, dude, but knowing that I can now
go on a date or have a conversation and we
can have things to where I'm learning from you, you're
learning from me. That's now become like a sting, Like
if you can't talk, what week as my key? While

(10:43):
I'm not going on no dates right now because these
niggas can't.

Speaker 6 (10:46):
No fast, I feel like I got to be able
to learn from somebody, you know what I'm saying. And
I just think that that heightens the connection as well,
Like things will be purely physical and it gets played
out so far as for me, you know what I mean,
that's never not gotten old.

Speaker 3 (11:04):
Is this your first time where the relationship is romantic
but also there's a friendship there. I think that's what
has been my issue, is not building a friendship with partners.

Speaker 6 (11:14):
Yeah maybe low key you're like that, I was a
dog gas man my last some of that.

Speaker 2 (11:22):
So we want to hear around we're meeting nowadays, But
is it how you've become reformed?

Speaker 4 (11:27):
Tell us about the time maybe you were on tour
whatever the fuck and you were like, okay, I might
need to slow down, like this is fucking crazy.

Speaker 1 (11:35):
Maybe there was three of them, maybe there was five.

Speaker 2 (11:38):
Five five at once?

Speaker 5 (11:41):
Yeah, what was it?

Speaker 4 (11:45):
So here's where I'm always curious to know when it's five?
Was it something to where you were almost getting exhausted
or you're just in this sea of scurator?

Speaker 2 (11:54):
You're the you were the curator.

Speaker 6 (11:55):
I mean, you know as a curator be an artist
as well, but like it's like you don't get exhausted, just.

Speaker 5 (12:03):
Curate the vibe, I mean, put it together.

Speaker 1 (12:05):
How does it start? You write people over?

Speaker 2 (12:10):
It was a club? Were all of them friends?

Speaker 3 (12:13):
Or you just brought five different women that you saw
in the club, brought them to the table and they
all agreed to go home with you.

Speaker 6 (12:19):
I used to have parties in my crib a lot, Okay,
I lived in La you know, and that was just
a crazy time.

Speaker 5 (12:25):

Speaker 2 (12:26):
L a house parties. I've heard a lot about.

Speaker 6 (12:27):
It necessarily orchestrated, but you know, those things happen.

Speaker 3 (12:34):
I want to know how you get women that don't
know each other to join it? Like what was that conversation?

Speaker 5 (12:40):
Like?

Speaker 2 (12:40):
Was there much cloud? Cloud is crazy?

Speaker 5 (12:47):
Woud It's super crazy? Right?

Speaker 6 (12:48):
The whole vibe is crazy, the whole thing I mean,
you know what I mean. It's like I look back
at that time, at this stage and be like I
just didn't have an understanding of energy, you know what
I mean. I wouldn't take on that energy of so
many strange people at this point. You know, if I
knew what an exchange of energy was, if I knew

(13:11):
how that could help build or destroy.

Speaker 5 (13:14):
You know what I'm saying. In my own life, okay, but.

Speaker 4 (13:16):
Can't you just live in that frivolous moment. Do you
think that when you're having sex like that, it's always
taking on energy? Or can a nigga just fuck buy
bad bitches and like going about their day?

Speaker 1 (13:28):
Do you maybe you think that they can't.

Speaker 6 (13:31):
I think anybody can do whatever makes them happy. You know,
For me, that shit ain't make me happy though, you know,
That's how I ended up in the fucking program.

Speaker 3 (13:40):
Oh but also the men listening are like, nigga, what
you mean? Five women ain't make you happy?

Speaker 6 (13:44):
That's how I ended up in that program, man, you know,
because I just realized that my ceaseless pursuit of meaningless
sex was just another band ad, It was just another drug.
It was always interconnected with alcoholism, with drug addiction. And
I mean felt foul afterwards, you know what I mean.
I didn't feel like I probably felt in some sense

(14:09):
like patriarchally proud, you know what I mean. But I
also felt unclean and I was just trying to mask
emotions with sex. Sex was a moment for me when
I could be in control, I could be powerful, I
could be.

Speaker 5 (14:26):
Validated.

Speaker 6 (14:27):
Validation, I would say, is the main driving force between
all that shit, and this was really about the physical thing,
was really about a pleasure thing as much as it
was about escapism, you know, just from depression.

Speaker 5 (14:41):
And feeding an ego and anything it tanked your depression more,
you know, in my experience.

Speaker 1 (14:47):
Okay, how old were you when you entered the program
and how old are you now?

Speaker 5 (14:50):
I'm thirty now. I was twenty five when I did
that program.

Speaker 1 (14:55):
You did that at twenty five. I feel like, I mean,
who is it thirty eight?

Speaker 5 (15:01):
Right?

Speaker 3 (15:02):
That was that was a young time to be able
to like be that self aware.

Speaker 6 (15:08):
I couldn't separate that from drug addiction though, and that
was a separate sex addiction from drug drug addiction.

Speaker 5 (15:14):
I had to.

Speaker 6 (15:15):
I had to be able to view those things as
you know, pieces of same larger entity of being within
myself and be like because the drugs was like go
kill me. You know what kind of drugs the ones.

Speaker 3 (15:30):
That kids, I mean, even the ones that aren't supposed
to kill you or laced now with so much everything.

Speaker 4 (15:37):
The pills is like the crazy thing too, because when
I was growing up, I feel like estasy was like
rave ship. And now when I hear future talk about it,
I'm like what the fuck apen? I thought this is
for white people.

Speaker 6 (15:49):
But that's what it used to be, right, that's what
we thought. It's crossed over, Like, it's for sure crossed over, definitely.

Speaker 1 (15:55):
So what twenty five?

Speaker 4 (15:56):
You had enough self awareness to enroll yourself in a
program like that, But who were other people in your lives?
Was there even maybe a woman that kind of told you,
a woman that you cared about, you know, that you
maybe risked something with and you realize I have.

Speaker 5 (16:11):
To do this, Yeah, definitely.

Speaker 6 (16:13):
I mean I always had a girlfriend too, so there
was a constant process of like cheat then lie lie, Lie, deny,
And I was just such a guilty cloud that followed
me through everything in my life. And it's just this
web of lies. It's terrible to live that way, you
know what I'm saying, And just to acknowledge and realize

(16:35):
I'm hurting people that I love so much because I
can't love myself. So I was I was sitting down
with a woman who is my publicist, and she introduced me,
you know, showed me what the program was. Because every
time we would sit down, it would be more like
a therapy session, and I'd be stressing about how I'm like,

(16:56):
you know, trying to hide this that from my girl,
and she was like, sounds like this is distressing you
a lot.

Speaker 3 (17:04):
That's what I was going to ask, Like, we know
what damage the drugs could have. I understand the depression,
but how is sex and this love addiction essentially like
ruining your life?

Speaker 2 (17:15):
Essentially?

Speaker 6 (17:18):
I think if you don't face your issues, then they
just grow, you know, of their own they grow their
own momentum.

Speaker 5 (17:29):
And like that was helping to just destroy my life.

Speaker 6 (17:35):
Also because I think one thing men don't consider is
the karmic balance of their actions.

Speaker 2 (17:42):
Keep going, please, this is what we want to hear.
Men in the room, men listening. There is a karmic
reaction to your life decision to start.

Speaker 5 (17:50):
It's a real karmic reaction.

Speaker 6 (17:51):
And I never really considered the truth of how damaging
it is to continued a lot someone that loves you.
And it wasn't until I was lied to by someone
that loved that I loved. You know, one of my
guys that turned on me, robbed me, and I'm like, man,
I've never treated you like this. I've always been solid

(18:14):
with you, a hunted with you. And I had to
start thinking about myself and I'm like, oh man, I've
been doing the exact same thing to my woman, you know,
And it's like, cheating is just the way of the world.

Speaker 5 (18:29):
That's what men are taught, that's what we believe. Is
what question is it?

Speaker 6 (18:33):
I don't remember the class, all the movies, you know
what I mean, all the artists, everybody you idolized leaders,
powerful men that have never been characterized by their honesty
and truthfulness with their women. Kings have concubines, rappers got groupies.
Even the most famous ones do it with the best relationships,

(18:54):
the best lives.

Speaker 2 (18:55):
I never thought of that.

Speaker 6 (18:56):
You know, you a kid looking up and you're like, Okay,
that's how I'm supposed to be. This is what it
means to be a man of power.

Speaker 1 (19:02):
I don't know if most men can get like I
don't know.

Speaker 4 (19:06):
Just even you're talking about how you read, like, I
just don't think for real.

Speaker 6 (19:11):
Well, it was a book that really, I ain't gonna lie.
It was a book that started to really change my
mentality on things.

Speaker 5 (19:17):
Was Belle Hooks All about Love.

Speaker 6 (19:20):
It was real, we real cool. All about Love is
an amazing book too, you know. I love Belle Hooks.
In general, but we Real Cool was the one that
contextualized things for me because it gave me historical precedent
to why we as black men act a lot of
the ways that we do.

Speaker 5 (19:36):
Let me, let me.

Speaker 2 (19:38):
Real cool write it down and you note.

Speaker 4 (19:40):
Now my other question is being that you sound like
an anomaly one you guys looking for real? Third and
second second, do you think that I don't know? So
you're making me think about something you're talking about in
terms of a man that has a relationship. What I

(20:03):
feel like the most of us see today and tell
me if I'm wrong. Is the man who may not
have a relationship, but they have multiple women. There may
be noncommittal, maybe even unfulfilled, but they're just living this
fast life. Do you think that your ideology can really
fit for that person because they may not feel like
they're hurting anybody, especially if they're not committed.

Speaker 1 (20:25):
There's so many situations.

Speaker 6 (20:26):
Ideology for myself is one of truth, you know, And
that's what I think that men are not ready to
embrace though. Even if you don't have a girlfriend, you
still finessing your homes mm, so they don't find each other,
you know.

Speaker 2 (20:41):
And write and be like girl let's get on a
phone call.

Speaker 1 (20:45):
I've got on my phone call this ship.

Speaker 2 (20:46):
Yep, we both had. Hey, Barbara, this is sure.

Speaker 1 (20:50):
You know what.

Speaker 3 (20:50):
It's crazy she got Aristotle? Did I just trigger you
the Aristotle?

Speaker 5 (20:55):
My bed.

Speaker 1 (20:56):
No, she's a bad bitch. I see why he was
wucking with her.

Speaker 5 (21:00):
Begga that both of y'all was with.

Speaker 1 (21:02):
Other women, other people, same scenario.

Speaker 2 (21:05):
Yeah, no, no, no, no, no no, not the same.

Speaker 3 (21:07):
But this is how you know had the nerve to
be celibate big Do you know the first question this
bitch asked me on the poone was I just want
to know real?

Speaker 1 (21:15):
Was he fucking you.

Speaker 2 (21:17):
The man and still was cheating?

Speaker 5 (21:19):
He thought he was, He was celibate.

Speaker 6 (21:22):
Eddie was cheating celibately yolevantly.

Speaker 1 (21:25):
If we found out, you probably know him. I hate him.

Speaker 4 (21:29):
But anyway, what we found out was that like he
was just sucking our energy up. He had a project coming,
and she was like, I would feel him like feet
on me, and I think the same. She's like, you know,
like these men fucking need theirro in weird ways and
it's not the sex. And then she made a great
point which was even deeper to me. Imagine having these

(21:50):
beautiful women, boss bitches whatever. That every girl that we
had had some kind of power position, powerful position. She's like,
imagine them begging to fuck you and like wanting you
so bad.

Speaker 5 (22:03):
It was no. These R and B singers are different, though,
I will.

Speaker 2 (22:10):
R and B now look at he went straight to
that nigga.

Speaker 5 (22:13):
Saying, because that's R and behavior.

Speaker 2 (22:16):
Behavior, R and behavior behavior is crazy. So wait, what's
the difference then, because I know you've been around them,
what is the difference between rapid behavior and R and
B behavior R and behavior? I like R and beha.

Speaker 5 (22:28):
I only.

Speaker 3 (22:31):
Have I ever been with I've been with a ship,
not been with an R and B nigga. But it's
because they're a little tiny.

Speaker 5 (22:37):
R and behavior.

Speaker 6 (22:38):
It's like, man, I mean all of their music is
about relationships with women, all of it. So I think
that they have to carry up a lot of antics
from my perspective.

Speaker 5 (22:50):
Okay, not the ship.

Speaker 6 (22:52):
On y'all R and B guys, but it seems like
that's your that you need that creatively. So it's like,
you know they'd be wild and like, I ain't even
gonna tell you the type of story.

Speaker 3 (23:04):
Please share a story you don't have to say a name.
We don't give names here, but what's the story.

Speaker 5 (23:10):
This was reckless. This was like prime R and B behavior.

Speaker 2 (23:13):
Oh okay, okay, talk to me.

Speaker 5 (23:16):
Oh man, I was messing with this girl.

Speaker 2 (23:19):
Oh this is your behavior?

Speaker 6 (23:20):
No, okay, no, she was like famous, her friends famous.
Her friend's boyfriend was famous. You know, We're at strip
club and I'm standing right here. I got my thug
with me. Shout out to Loco with the mask. Were
right here. We're chopping it up my girl right here,
you know, probably where you are.

Speaker 5 (23:42):
And then.

Speaker 6 (23:45):
Her friend's boyfriend was like, where you are? So I'm
talking to my friend. We're all so close, but it's
strip club, you know, so we can't really hear them.
I come to find out that later, come to find
out that he was telling her the whole time.

Speaker 5 (24:01):
Well, we're right there, like you look so motherfucking good tonight.

Speaker 2 (24:06):
This was an R and B nigga plane.

Speaker 5 (24:08):
Right there, you know what I mean? Right there. Proximity, Yeah,
that proximity.

Speaker 2 (24:13):
It was kicking game in front of you.

Speaker 5 (24:15):
I didn't know what was going on. I couldn't hear
that nigga whispering her, you know what I mean?

Speaker 6 (24:21):
You know and he's like, man, he's doing He's going
crazy with it to the point where, like, you know,
eventually he kind of blows his cover because they was
in a car with somebody else. He didn't know it
was another person in the car, and he was telling
her like, it's your sexy yes in the back seat.

Speaker 5 (24:37):
It's his girl's birthday too.

Speaker 1 (24:39):
Wait, I missed that.

Speaker 5 (24:41):
I forgot that part. His girl is around, This is
girl's birthday. We're all together, you know, it's like a
double day in understand.

Speaker 6 (24:48):
I mean, there was a group of people you know,
and man and then later.

Speaker 5 (24:55):
This was prime R and behavior.

Speaker 6 (24:57):
This was when I knew these niggas was different and
they was playing by different rules.

Speaker 5 (25:01):
You know.

Speaker 6 (25:01):
What I mean was he had kind of in front
of his move because there was another person in the
car that he didn't know when he last came on
to her. So she's, you know, she's tripping all night.
You know, later on she's like, man, I don't want
to tell her ruin her birthday and all this shit,
this R and behavior. He went and told her friend

(25:26):
before she did and flipped the script said she.

Speaker 2 (25:28):
Came on, I ain't gonna hold you.

Speaker 5 (25:32):
I was like, Yo, these niggas ill though. You gotta
respect that.

Speaker 2 (25:35):
Everybody was like Usher stopped dancing on my bit like that's.

Speaker 5 (25:39):
What because it's different. It's different.

Speaker 6 (25:41):
It's levels to the ship, like you got a talent
that ain't his dick, you gotta respect it like it's
They treat that ship like an art form.

Speaker 4 (25:47):
Like me, ask you what do you think it is about?
As a normal Okay, I'll say two things. Now that
i'm industry, I understand why industry people date because it
almost kind of feel safer. You're dating someone that's your
same pay, you can do the same shit, you know how.

Speaker 2 (26:05):
To move maybe well whatever, I know.

Speaker 4 (26:09):
I'm just saying that's the reason I understand. But when
we're looking at comments on the Shade Room, every single
person says, why the fuck do these rappers pass around
the same bitches?

Speaker 1 (26:20):
Now?

Speaker 4 (26:20):
For you to watch somebody do that with the woman
that you're with, what do you think it is? Is
it because you've had her? Why do you think it
is that people like sharing the same women?

Speaker 1 (26:31):
Because it's not even the men.

Speaker 4 (26:32):
Men are always gonna have vigital on any day, but
women specifically, Why do you think men like sharing the
same girls or wanting the girl.

Speaker 1 (26:39):
I ain't never seen your girl before.

Speaker 3 (26:40):
I just thought she was a body. And I have
an answer to this, but I want to hear yours.

Speaker 5 (26:45):
Well.

Speaker 6 (26:45):
I think it's chasing status cloud, you know, recognition, status symbols.
I think we are predisposed to like few women as objects,
something to be had, you know, maybe owned, or least
and give him back at least a car.

Speaker 5 (27:07):
You release a riari because you want to see you
in a riri, right, So.

Speaker 1 (27:11):
It's just about fucking to me.

Speaker 3 (27:13):
It's not much different than what I feel like when,
which is why it's very hard. And I'll probably never
post my partner at this point. He has to stand
a basement and I'll never bring him out in public.
But well, because when when women see you with a man,
especially if they're fans of no I mean, I'm not
really going to put him in a basement, listen, I'll

(27:34):
make sure to feed him. Well, he can actually have
video games down there. At this point, I don't want
him to leave. But when women see that you're with someone,
especially if they're a fan of bars, men are fans
of each other even though they're in the same industry, right,
so it comes to where, oh if this man dated them,
if I get the same type of bitch, I'm on

(27:55):
that man's caliber. And it's the same thing that women
do with men. Oh he dated this bitch. Oh, so
if I date him too, we the same. And I
think it's more people feeding into their egos to be
able to get the men that they see their competition giving.

Speaker 5 (28:11):
M M.

Speaker 2 (28:12):
That's what I just think of it.

Speaker 3 (28:12):
I think it's just insecurity, and I think they want
what other people have because it don't nobody want you,
don't nobody wants you.

Speaker 2 (28:18):
I think we all still go in wanting people that
other people want.

Speaker 4 (28:23):
I mean, I do think that the that the larger
issue is the competitiveness of it.

Speaker 3 (28:30):
But what's even stranger is it almost.

Speaker 4 (28:32):
Brushes away all the patriarchal like notion that like you
want a girl that no one's had.

Speaker 3 (28:37):
That's why I get so confused. They want a lady
in the street, but a freaking sheeting a hoe. But
y'all date the same bitch over and over. You want
your ass hate, but then you want me to be
a virgin?

Speaker 2 (28:48):
How are we doing? How can I be both at
the same time? Like, you are not gonna say, look
he got the sound drop ready, y'all were not doing the.

Speaker 5 (29:02):
Well.

Speaker 3 (29:02):
I want to get into our vanillaship real quick, because
in terms of the relationships you've had in your past,
there's a word that they're saying should now be brought
into the dictionaire. With cupping season coming up, I wanted
to know if either of you guys were familiar with
slow dumping. Slow dumping is when one partner distances themselves

(29:23):
physically and emotionally from a romantic relationship. Rather than expressing
their desire to end it, they literally will show up
and start being less of who they've been, hoping that
you then are fed up and you choose to do
the breaking. This can also be referred to as fizzling,
and fizzling is when a dater incremently puts less effort
into the relationship until it reaches the point where the

(29:45):
other partner stops it or they both stop communication altogether.

Speaker 5 (29:49):
Fizzling as slow dumping.

Speaker 3 (29:51):
Yes, well, the one fizzling is where it just pretty
much communication just ends up stopping because you're fizzling the
relationship out without express.

Speaker 6 (30:01):
Slowly move, slowly move, Yeah, I'll do that so we
don't go well, to me, that's in that's in uh dating,
but not in when you're in a relationship.

Speaker 3 (30:11):
This specifically is when you're in a relationship instead of
ending it with the person, you.

Speaker 2 (30:18):
A lout or you.

Speaker 3 (30:19):
Slow dump them to where you just start showing up
to be such the wrong partner for them that you're
waiting for them to break it off. And I want
to know if either of you have either done that
at all, whether past relationship or felt like someone slow
fizzled you out or slow dumped you.

Speaker 6 (30:35):
I think I've slow dumped. You've slow dumped for sure.
We don't know that I'm meant to do it intentionally,
but just.

Speaker 1 (30:42):
Okay, being less invested, just.

Speaker 5 (30:43):
Being over it.

Speaker 6 (30:45):
And my mind is started being like mean, you know,
just for no reason about.

Speaker 5 (30:50):
It, you get mean little shit. For sure, I try
to watch that ship. But I realized my homegirls do that.

Speaker 6 (30:57):
I wasn't even conscious of it at that time until
I look back and I'd be like, damn, why was
I acting like that?

Speaker 5 (31:02):
You know? I mean, just be over it and be
just tired.

Speaker 3 (31:06):
You know, what would make you be tired and so
over a relationship but you don't end it?

Speaker 2 (31:14):
What would keep you to where you.

Speaker 3 (31:16):
Now are, start starting to behave in a way that's
not yourself instead of just ending that relationship if that
person's making you.

Speaker 5 (31:21):
Feel that way.

Speaker 4 (31:24):
For both of y'all, I guess I mean for me,
I definitely slow dumps because I felt sorry for that
person at the time that I was dating. Okay, I
felt like I kind of had to be around. Also,
dating people that are going through something is really tough.
I think you have to have a lot invested in them.

(31:45):
For example, like depression is just one right, but if
someone's grieving, even like you kind of got to stick
with them throughout. You got to stick with them through
their mean phase. Help issues with someone like sometimes it's
hard you start to resent them. So I had definitely
felt that ship way too deeply, like it was okay,
just too much on me. And then I also felt

(32:06):
like shit because I didn't want to be with them anymore.
But then at the same time, I'm like, now I
gotta fake it just because you said, which I'm sad to.

Speaker 2 (32:13):
You know what I'm sad to.

Speaker 5 (32:16):
No, I did.

Speaker 3 (32:16):
I did want it because before we started, Uh, well
your turn, he said, I am a fizzler.

Speaker 2 (32:24):
He literally was like Oh yeah, I do that ship
all the time.

Speaker 5 (32:27):
Why no, I think.

Speaker 2 (32:31):
When we go somebody, don't we don't want to like
come off like old first, be cold and like some
fucking bitch.

Speaker 5 (32:38):
I'm out of heat. So it's like, let just pull
back a little bit at a.

Speaker 3 (32:41):
Time to hopefully they play off the way they didn't
need to, maybe like inspire conversation.

Speaker 1 (32:49):
More than a relationship.

Speaker 2 (32:50):
Though.

Speaker 4 (32:50):
I do that with like the talking phase, Like if
a nigga does something that gives me the itch, but
I feel like we've been on a few dates, maybe
I feel wrong to cut you off all the way,
or maybe you don't even deserve that much of a conbo.
I will definitely take two days to sex back. Sorry,
podcasting is so hard.

Speaker 2 (33:04):
I hate so much.

Speaker 1 (33:05):
I'm really going through it. Yeah, that's what I'll be doing.

Speaker 6 (33:09):
That's like that mean with that fat nigga with the
dreads and he just kind of disappears.

Speaker 2 (33:15):
Oh my god, exactly what it is?

Speaker 6 (33:19):
I think with my girl, man, when I was acting
like that, it was like I had been going through
something and she was so supportive and so instrumental. He
actually asked me that earlier. She was one of the
people that was like so instrumental in helping me to
get better, and was looking that look past so many
things that I felt so emotionally connected to her even

(33:42):
though I didn't want to be with her no more.
You know, maybe there was a sense of fear of
losing like that support.

Speaker 1 (33:49):
Even though you didn't want to be with her anymore.
I mean, I think that you could stick through it.

Speaker 2 (33:54):
Well, that's what I was actually gonna say.

Speaker 3 (33:56):
I think there's also a narrative though, women, if you
stick with the man through his bullshit, through his cheating,
through his.

Speaker 5 (34:04):
He gonna rock with you.

Speaker 3 (34:05):
He's gonna give you this ring because he didn't drug
you through the mud, and you will realize bit and
you will ride or die Like there's women too.

Speaker 1 (34:11):
That's the only true.

Speaker 6 (34:14):
That that troubles me though, because it's like women will
never let something go for real. And so if you're
now gonna build what's supposed to be a healthy relationship
on all the bones of like your past, same unhealthy relationship,
it's always going to be in the back of her

(34:34):
mind that hurt you always.

Speaker 2 (34:36):
You can forgive, but you can't forget.

Speaker 3 (34:38):
You think that there should be an element of not
forget that shit happened to if you forgave me.

Speaker 6 (34:43):
No, I'm just being real, like, I don't know if
she ever really gonna forgive you everything.

Speaker 1 (34:49):
Let me ask you this.

Speaker 4 (34:50):
You just made me think because at first I didn't
realize you were talking about the same person when dating.

Speaker 1 (34:56):
When you hear women.

Speaker 4 (34:57):
Talking about how they've been cheated on or had some
trun I'm in their last relationship, is it completely a
turn off for you?

Speaker 1 (35:04):
Like, do you feel like, I don't know.

Speaker 5 (35:07):
Say they've been cheated on? Trauma?

Speaker 4 (35:09):
The example, one of my friends, who's actually a good dude,
went on a date with a girl he likes and
on the second date, she started telling him about bad experiences.
He's like, bro, Like she's so dope, Like I just
am not gonna be like dealing with her in the
trauma from her baggage. She's like, I already traveled too
three times a week, you know what I'm saying for work.

Speaker 1 (35:29):
Now she's gonna be thinking I'm going.

Speaker 5 (35:31):
To add more baggage. Yeah.

Speaker 4 (35:33):
I think that a woman can maybe like dumped down
on you too quick or like, does that ever turn
you off?

Speaker 1 (35:38):
The woman's been through some shit.

Speaker 6 (35:40):
I've never thought that that would turn me off, because
I think it would be because and you did through that,
you know, so I've never I've never seen it that way.
And we all got trauma on our own levels and
our own experiences. So I wouldn't hold that against a
person personally, Yeah.

Speaker 5 (35:59):
I don't.

Speaker 3 (36:00):
I don't think I would, but I know I've, like
I said, I'm going to go into dating just differently
now like apparently I got going.

Speaker 4 (36:07):
I think I would from women if they were so angry.
I think when someone's talking like they're still mad. I've
always said on this podcast, when I meet men and
they talk nicely and kindly about their excess, I love
it because I just, to me, that's just a quality
that we don't see.

Speaker 1 (36:22):
People are so ready to shoot on someone.

Speaker 4 (36:23):
Friendships too, you know, like there's friends I don't talk
to anywhere, but I had amazing friendships with them in
that in that moment, And so when you see someone, yeah, you.

Speaker 5 (36:32):
Know that that's a red flag for something, Yeah.

Speaker 1 (36:35):
Because you're scared, like.

Speaker 3 (36:39):
And a lot of people that have that, Like when
you're falling out a lot, or like you're really angry,
I start to wonder, like what am I about to
see in you that you haven't shown me yet, because.

Speaker 4 (36:49):
It might be it's almost too much. And I do
believe that like through getting to know someone, their past
relationships tell you a lot about it. I think, for example,
even though you and I have both been through painful relationships,
I think something I would learn about you, You guys
had such an explorative sexual side to your relationship, right.

(37:13):
I think what that shows me is that like, you're
not not even beyond the non monogamy more than like
you're a pleaser, but you also want to enjoy your
own sexuality with that person. I would know that if
I was dating you, I can't expect you to just
be all about me when your own pleasure is part

(37:34):
of your relationship. Like I think your sexuality with him did.
There's where people will say you let him fuck a
bunch of it's is I actually never looked at it
like that.

Speaker 2 (37:45):
Well, but we did that because I wanted to be
with women.

Speaker 3 (37:47):
I know, and I think you showed that's the same
thing with you though you had a lot of relationships
with women, but you also really like women. So I mean,
I don't know. To me, it's going to be tough
going into dating with the struggle of what that relationship
looked like. Because I was non monogamous, I allowed you
to some and even the word allowed. We allowed each

(38:08):
other to be ourselves, and that still left me betrayed,
cheated on.

Speaker 1 (38:13):
But that's mad pressure for a nigga.

Speaker 4 (38:14):
Imagine if you met a girl like I think and
me and you both are last relationships were like this, right,
I think when niggas meet me and they hear my
ex and I were having mad three stems, like the
fact that last lap birthed so many hoes come to
my house, it's insane, like the bow I was upstairs,
the downstairs, the upstairs, like it was like at one
point it almost was sad that I was fucking so

(38:37):
many girls that a last They always just like anyway,
the point is telling that to another man. They're like,
oh shit, now I've got to keep up with this,
Like they know that this is something that was exciting
for me in my last relationship.

Speaker 1 (38:53):
So am I going to be the nigga that boring?

Speaker 4 (38:55):
Like I do think you can tell a lot from
how someone kind of moved what they're into.

Speaker 2 (39:00):
But I'm gonna say I was a nun. I'm lying.

Speaker 6 (39:02):
I feel like I never really know you know what
I mean? Like I rarely even get that deep with people.
You know what I'm saying, What do you mean like
to even pick up on red flags? Like I've always
had a girlfriend, you know, I was like a kid.

Speaker 1 (39:19):
What's your son dat?

Speaker 5 (39:20):
I'm a gemini, not as getting into signs.

Speaker 1 (39:22):
What's your birthday?

Speaker 5 (39:23):
June sixth? Okay?

Speaker 6 (39:25):
You know, so I always had a girlfriend since I
was a kid, and but I'd be doing a lot.
I would just be so I would not be invested
enough to even be like acknowledging flags red, yellow, whatever,
Like I'd be like.

Speaker 3 (39:40):
What do you think you were having girlfriends? He said
everything was bad, bitch, companionship especial if you knew you
couldn't be faithful.

Speaker 6 (39:48):
It's probably a motherly thing, man, It's probably psychological, like
some Sigmund Freud ship.

Speaker 2 (39:54):
He's a reader, y'all. He's a singing Freud, right, Yo.

Speaker 1 (39:59):
There's a lot of Freudian shit that I feel like
men say to me when they like when I like,
maybe if I'm rubbing them or massaging them and they
start to like tell me I'm nurturing, I'm like, oh,
because your head is on me, like this is like
some mommy shit it is. It's totally like it's sick. Well,
but here I am be like daddy, oh god.

Speaker 3 (40:22):
Well, I wanted to get into this twelve step program
that you went through, because to do it at twenty
five is crazy, but also getting to the point where
you're like, nah, I have this problem and I would
like to seek help for it. I kind of want
to go down them and at any point I would
love for you to be like this was a hard

(40:44):
step for me, or this step really pushed me to
keep going, Like alcohol Anonymous, the first step is admitting
that you have a problem, right, and so step one
says we admitted that we were powerless over sex and
love addiction and that our lives had become unmanageable. You
talked about how you felt like it was connected to
the to the drugs as well, and why that became unmanageable.

(41:07):
The second one was that you came to believe that
a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
What did that mean specifically? Because to me, when I
read this, there is a lot of God talk and
I'm not very religious.

Speaker 5 (41:22):
So for someone who I was not at all either.

Speaker 3 (41:24):
You're not very okay, So what does what does this
mean when you're not looking at this from a religious standpoint,
because again, when we go down it, the word God
is used often.

Speaker 6 (41:34):
Well, you know what, really the first most significant thing
that I recall from it was the celibacy.

Speaker 5 (41:41):
So you start and your celibate. You know, I'm going
through the program. Now get this.

Speaker 6 (41:45):
So I was celibate for like eight months or something
like that, and this first step whatever second step. I
was not religious at the time, Okay, So I decided
to make my higher power my grandmother. So I got
this that of her on my hand. I was gonna
put give it to Granny because it's basically like unloading

(42:06):
your burdens from yourself and giving them to your higher power.

Speaker 5 (42:10):

Speaker 6 (42:12):
When you're going through everything alone, that shit could be
so isolated and it's so difficult.

Speaker 5 (42:16):
If you can.

Speaker 6 (42:17):
Invite a higher power, whatever that means to you, if
you believe in cosmic divine order, if you can invite
your faith in that into what you're doing. Because my
grammy Granny, seeing me doing anything, I'll do this reminds.

Speaker 5 (42:35):
Me of my poet, let me do it.

Speaker 4 (42:40):
There's an episode of True Life MTV was like addicted
to porn and the dude made the password I love.

Speaker 5 (42:48):
It.

Speaker 6 (42:48):
Just you just made me think about the program though,
because sometimes I would go to the sex Addicts meetings,
Like I went to one of those and I was like, man,
I don't know if I got the same problem these
niggas got, because.

Speaker 5 (43:00):
They was like, you know, my life is in shambles.

Speaker 6 (43:04):
I'm on skid roll and I'm still like jack it
off behind the tent, and I'm like, gang.

Speaker 5 (43:12):
Got the same issue? Gay? Well, I mean I think.

Speaker 3 (43:15):
That that's what we talk about too, in terms of
the hierarchy of things, right, Like, sometimes we don't recognize
anything's an issue because when.

Speaker 2 (43:23):
We look at the other end of the spectrum, that
is crazy.

Speaker 5 (43:26):
Are you masturbating when I was celebrating now?

Speaker 1 (43:29):
Oh wait?

Speaker 5 (43:31):
Oh oh wait?

Speaker 2 (43:32):
Why not? Was that a part of the program, They said.

Speaker 6 (43:35):
You, Well, I was just trying to gain control over
my sexuality, over my body, you know what I mean.
I felt like I had been sober from alcohol or
weed or whatever drugs at different points of time. I
had done that before. Sex was the only area where
I felt very powerless, and I had to really connect

(43:59):
it to my to health. You know what I'm saying,
like I feel like having depression or you know, anxiety,
things like that, which I was deep in the throes
of at that time, is being unable to cope with
the constant urges of your mind towards the morose, the negative,
self destruction, et cetera. You know, to put that in

(44:21):
the context of the program about sex and love addiction,
it was like I didn't feel like I could control
the compulsions to you know, fucking ambitious.

Speaker 1 (44:31):
Like masturbating my But wait, what's your advice?

Speaker 5 (44:35):
Then?

Speaker 6 (44:35):
I just wanted to be in norug. I just wanted
to be like in control of myself. You know, do
you think we all need vices?

Speaker 5 (44:40):
Though?

Speaker 2 (44:41):
When you ask what's your advice?

Speaker 3 (44:42):
Do you feel like, as human beings we all need
something that we know is the program?

Speaker 5 (44:46):
Food?

Speaker 1 (44:46):
I don't know, did you gain weight? Did you get fat?

Speaker 6 (44:49):
WHOA?

Speaker 2 (44:49):
No?

Speaker 5 (44:49):
I was like, yeah, like what did.

Speaker 1 (44:51):
You indulge in?

Speaker 7 (44:52):
That?

Speaker 1 (44:52):
Felt like maybe the gym was in it.

Speaker 5 (44:55):
I don't know. I don't know.

Speaker 1 (44:57):
Spending money. Were you spending a lot of money?

Speaker 5 (44:59):
Did you I spent a lot of bread.

Speaker 6 (45:01):
But you know, the thing about the program is like
it's really more about relationships though, So it was more
about like dependency and attachment and validation. And there were
people in there that weren't having sex at all.

Speaker 5 (45:13):
It was just like, you.

Speaker 6 (45:15):
Know, fully in the throes of like obsession about their
ex wife or what it may be.

Speaker 5 (45:21):
It was really about relationship. That's why I really went.

Speaker 6 (45:25):
You know, but at the time, Vice, I think when
I was celibate, I don't know if I don't think
I was sober at that time.

Speaker 1 (45:34):
You know, it was like I need something I'm not.

Speaker 5 (45:37):
You know. It was like also.

Speaker 6 (45:38):
During that time, you know, trying to keep trying to
keep women off of me in that moment was crazy
because they'd be like, you know, I just got in
the gym for the first time, Like I looked like
a grown man for the first.

Speaker 5 (45:52):
Guy, and you were celibate, super high. I got Chase
coming to my house and I'm telling them, like, you know.

Speaker 1 (46:00):
If I suck your dick, is it still selling?

Speaker 6 (46:02):
I said, I can't do this with you. You know,
I'm celibate for this amount of time. So April, you know,
how do women receive you? She was like, well, what
about April twenty eight. I'm like, if you don't get
the funk out of my house way over here?

Speaker 4 (46:15):
Oh god, this was but he did see. This is
why when you say you're celibate, you don't have a date.

Speaker 1 (46:22):
You just mentioned a date.

Speaker 4 (46:23):
He had object that had to finish for his celibacy, right,
So like that's why I like, I keep saying, like
what is it too? Because abcident and celibacy, celibacy seems
like there's a date there, and so there.

Speaker 3 (46:36):
Wasn't actual date for you. You set a date in
your celibacy journey.

Speaker 6 (46:39):
I don't even know if that if that was a
real date or if that was like sebtrary and I
just told her that the goal was to get through
this program. Okay, okay, okay, So you're supposed to, like
when you do it, you're actually supposed to stop seeing.

Speaker 5 (46:56):
Like women in general. I don't even think you're supposed
to like kick it.

Speaker 6 (46:59):
With your female friends or your male friends, vice versa
when you start doing a program. It was a whole thing, honestly,
because it was like I had just met a woman
that like I was super into, you know, and she
was flying, super smart, she resonated with me on a
lot of those levels in the same you know, vein
of professional ship or whatever. And so then I had

(47:25):
to cut my contact with her though, you know, and
I'm thinking it was only supposed to be for a month.
So I'm thinking, man, I'm gonna come back. She's still
gonna be there. You know, she didn't disappear for real.

Speaker 4 (47:36):
I was hurt you for coming back, and I was hurt,
but taking the time for yourself and like actually coming back.

Speaker 6 (47:43):
I was glad I did ultimately, you know, because there
was a moment. It was like in that celibacy and
just that moment of self reflection. I was in a
hotel room one time in New York. Actually I just
like broke down in the hotel. I felt, you know,
that I was perceiving that this woman was starting to

(48:04):
love me or something, and I just felt so unlovable,
you know.

Speaker 5 (48:08):
I felt like just guilty and terribly about myself. So
I broke down.

Speaker 6 (48:16):
I'm like crying all crazy and feeling like I can't
be loved, you know.

Speaker 5 (48:20):
I go and tell my sponsor.

Speaker 6 (48:21):
And he's like, these is old British students, but you
have to stop seeing this woman immediately, So I told
her that, but I was so salty though when I
came back and she was gone, I was hurt. But
it was like, ultimately I had to sacrifice in order
to learn the skills and the tools with which I

(48:42):
can be a better man. I could be a more
integrated person, of more integrity.

Speaker 2 (48:46):
And that was step four.

Speaker 3 (48:47):
Step four is you made a searching and fearless moral
inventory of yourself, and you just explained what that was.

Speaker 2 (48:55):
I skipt up.

Speaker 5 (48:56):
The inventory was a different thing.

Speaker 1 (48:58):
What do you mean?

Speaker 5 (49:00):
It was like, what.

Speaker 2 (49:05):
Did you have to create a list of how bad you?

Speaker 5 (49:07):
This is the inventory I think it is. It's not
two inventories.

Speaker 2 (49:10):
No, no, this is the only inventory you really noticed.

Speaker 5 (49:14):
This is step This is step step was crazy.

Speaker 6 (49:17):
It was like, you have to make a list of
all the sexual experiences you've ever had, data from childhood,
not just when you had sex, but any type of
sexual experience if you can remember the person's name, name, Uh,
what did basic details of the situation are and also

(49:38):
the motivation behind it.

Speaker 2 (49:40):
So so right after doing that, though, and I want
to get into you actually calling these people because there's
another step.

Speaker 3 (49:46):
So after this step, you make the inventory. You then
admit to the God and to yourself and to another
human being of the exact nature of the wrongs that
you did to these people. Then it says you humbly
ask God to remove your shortcomings. But after you made.

Speaker 4 (50:01):
That up for a second, yes, why are you admitting
that you did something wrong by fucking somebody?

Speaker 1 (50:05):
Can we talk about that?

Speaker 2 (50:06):
Well, maybe it's the treatment of that person not oh,
or was it the fucking of them as well?

Speaker 6 (50:11):
In the inventory? I just remember I was sitting at
a diner in la and I was there for about
sixteen hours.

Speaker 2 (50:21):
You know how many millions do you order?

Speaker 6 (50:23):
Sitting there straight sixteen I was trying to rack my
brain for every you know, woman on tour in Berlin,
you know, girl at music festival something, you know what
I mean, Like I.

Speaker 1 (50:34):
Have guys from fire truck my phone, and.

Speaker 5 (50:37):
The motivations for all that shit.

Speaker 6 (50:38):
Man, it was like, that's when I realized that it
wasn't about sex, you know, I realized it was just
about validation.

Speaker 5 (50:44):
It was about seeking control, seeking power. And by the
time I.

Speaker 6 (50:48):
Got you know, one hundred and fifty something, I got
to like my girlfriend something I was That's when it
just hit me.

Speaker 5 (50:56):
That's when I really that's when I broke down and.

Speaker 1 (50:59):
I was like, is there were more after her?

Speaker 6 (51:03):
Well a lot of those were while I was with her,
you know, And it was just like to have to
look so blatantly at like the plane I put these
people through, these women that I loved, to look so
clearly at the and to see that it was like
just for my own insecurity. It was all my own insecurities.

(51:26):
That's the part that hit different, you know. And then
I quit after a couple of steps later. Wait, so eight,
I got to make it?

Speaker 3 (51:35):
So the list is the making Yeah, so step eight
so you didn't make it a twelve eight is made
a list of the persons we get harmed and become
willing to make amends with them.

Speaker 5 (51:45):
All that was the whole purpose. That was why I
wanted to do it.

Speaker 4 (51:47):
So once I got ye, this isn't for celebrity but
ho hoes, Like I guess it is, But like I
feel like when I've heard about love, addiction and stuff.
I've listened to some podcasts and it's always these people
that are like in a small town that go crazy.
But I really be thinking, like, could you make a list?
Could I make it like I have of all the names.

Speaker 3 (52:10):
And even when you make the list on air, I
had to help you because you forgot something.

Speaker 2 (52:12):
I mean, I get like, yeah, well, you're allowed to
forget people.

Speaker 5 (52:16):
I'm sure. I'm sure I forgot.

Speaker 2 (52:19):
The list.

Speaker 5 (52:20):
I'd be forgetting ship all the time. I'd be having
an ax niggas like.

Speaker 3 (52:23):
That's not where you're supposed to laugh, Britney render forgot
hers at thirty five.

Speaker 2 (52:26):
Ye, no, that's what I'm saying. I'm if I don't
have to know all of them and I can still make.

Speaker 5 (52:30):
A list, How on earth could I remember everything was
about it? Oh?

Speaker 3 (52:35):
I okay, how on a Well, I'm not gonna lie
when you said one fifty I knew you were forgetting names.

Speaker 2 (52:42):
I have you painned it way more than one fishy.

Speaker 1 (52:43):
Ain't gonna lie when you said one fifty. Thing to say.

Speaker 3 (52:45):
Like I said multiple, That word has five in a night, buddy,
But you.

Speaker 1 (52:52):
Know, like for the average wait, let me let me
watch my words. Okay.

Speaker 4 (52:58):
The hoes that I know, these are not I batties,
the women, These are not the I G batties with
crazy access. These are just regular hoes in the city.
They about foty niggas by a thirty. Now add in
some money, adding a dick, and add in clout there's
no way you're.

Speaker 2 (53:18):
Like, I just can't.

Speaker 1 (53:19):
These are bitches that shout out to my friends. I
ain't saying a dance like.

Speaker 4 (53:24):
I really think men could fuck on average, I think
and be okay with their lives.

Speaker 1 (53:30):
Probably five different women a week.

Speaker 2 (53:31):
Oh they could fuck. Yeah, I'm just.

Speaker 4 (53:33):
Saying like for for regular, like I really believe you
could do one every other day, Like I really do.

Speaker 3 (53:38):
I've seen well with that mindset then, and I don't
think you are irens fucking dumber And I need to
ask a man their body count? But is that something
that would steer you away from a man if he
had said he had been.

Speaker 4 (53:51):
Through this many women? I think I want a datah,
I want a niggay. Do you and your girl be
sharing host stories?

Speaker 1 (53:56):
I love that.

Speaker 3 (53:57):
Oh they're not really a thousand, but I'll take a
nigga five hundred plus disease free.

Speaker 4 (54:01):
Five hundred is a lot, but I'm going up to
fifty two. Do you and your girls share stories in
a fun way?

Speaker 5 (54:08):
Like?

Speaker 4 (54:08):
Have you been able to make your stories like this
thing of like I've healed.

Speaker 1 (54:13):
Oh my god, there's crazy story.

Speaker 2 (54:16):
You don't talk about it. I love doing that ship.
I want to know. I want to know the type
of rock star a person was.

Speaker 5 (54:23):
I don't know what.

Speaker 2 (54:24):
You don't want to well, you don't want to know
what she did?

Speaker 5 (54:27):
No chance, no no, no no no.

Speaker 1 (54:31):
It looks like a very nice girl. But when you
see a baddie like that, it's like, So.

Speaker 3 (54:35):
With stopping this program, then at step eight you have
four more to go. What did then your self journey
look like and preparing yourself to be a better partner
with the next person or whoever you got with after
your celibacy journey, after the healing. What what were those
conversations by yourself without the program?

Speaker 6 (54:55):
You don't think it took time to really sink in.
I definitely hit a you know, but I stayed out
of relationships so I could, so.

Speaker 5 (55:07):
I cannot lie, right. Yeah. The biggest thing for me
was always the lion. You know.

Speaker 6 (55:13):
It was never that I have no judgment for people
for sex that when you asked about that, I don't
think sex is something you have to apologize to God for,
you know. I think maybe in that step I would
have interpreted that as like apologizing to God or admitting
to God that like I knew I made bad decisions,

(55:34):
because most of those were bad decisions, you know what
I mean, those were horrible decisions, very explicitly by the name.
That was the definition of horrible. That's why I would
have been admitting to God. But you know, after that, yeah,
I just kept kept doing my same thing. But it
was like something had changed in me and I couldn't

(55:55):
pretend that I didn't know why I was doing this anymore.

Speaker 5 (55:58):
So it just took away a lot of the flippant like.

Speaker 6 (56:05):
Senseless sex, or at least the ability to pretend with
myself like this was good for me, like this was
a good look, this was a good move because I
had already done this inventory of myself and realized that, man,
I was tearing myself apart with this shit, and this
shit was about shit I need to go deal with.

Speaker 5 (56:24):
This was about emotional issues. This was not about these women.

Speaker 6 (56:27):
So let me figure out how I can address myself
and grow stronger in these places of weakness. So I
don't feel like I need to go hit a girl
off Instagram to be validated. Is there another way I
can gain validation.

Speaker 4 (56:41):
Man, No, I just it's a life I need. Don't
think that, like, I don't know, it's weird. Listening to
you talk makes me feel good, like I could maybe
meet a man that is younger and.

Speaker 1 (56:56):
Yeah, yeah, aware of but I just don't see.

Speaker 2 (56:58):
I mean, but I think i'm me either. And I
was just with a fifty year old action like that,
acting like he was twenty one, lying. But I don't
think I acknowledged it until when you said in the
very beginning that honor and honesty is not something that
got a man praised as much as it did the
conquering and the power and how many women he had.

Speaker 1 (57:19):
This is fucking game of thrones.

Speaker 2 (57:20):
And I didn't think.

Speaker 3 (57:21):
I didn't think I more, I didn't think I even
looked at it like that. And so when you could
see here and realize that those people and I mean,
I'll be honest, maybe this is the thing that I'm
going through right now in the self inventory of when
I look back at.

Speaker 2 (57:35):
The bodies that I have no praise, this is it.

Speaker 1 (57:38):
It didn't make Meigga say that Queen, knock it out.
This is too much. This is medieval shit.

Speaker 2 (57:43):
I don't want no King not being you know an
I was one of those.

Speaker 5 (57:50):
Couldn't you tell a really nice guy.

Speaker 2 (57:53):
Does he hit you with the grand minsing?

Speaker 1 (57:55):
He was definitely you know, I don't like it, but
I definitely.

Speaker 3 (58:01):
So he just doesn't tell you, girl, I get greetings
love type shit readings love.

Speaker 1 (58:05):
He definitely talks about the spiritual plane run.

Speaker 5 (58:08):
I could peep that whole shit.

Speaker 1 (58:10):
Why do you think we were read a fucking being rush?

Speaker 3 (58:12):
Did the way that you spoke to women or like,
as in a general like, if there became a greater
deal of respect for them through you knowing how much
you harmed them, did the way you speak to them
change at all?

Speaker 2 (58:24):
Did the way you showed up with them change?

Speaker 6 (58:27):
I definitely try to watch the way I speak to women,
you know, I mean and just like be respectful and
appreciate women. At the same time, though a lot of
time when I was dealing with mad women, it was
like I really didn't care though, you know, so I
was not emotionally invested in these women would become very

(58:48):
emotionally invested in me, and maybe I could be guilty
if it wouldn't be love bombing, I would just be
myself and I'll talk to them like I talked to
you all.

Speaker 5 (59:00):
I would talk about Jazz, I would talk about.

Speaker 6 (59:02):
X Y, bringing mom, bringing on my motorcycle or something,
you know, and they'd be like straight in love.

Speaker 3 (59:09):
But I'm like, we just had this conversation. All you
got to do is hold a conversation.

Speaker 4 (59:15):
I realized my best advice I ever got is the
dude in the studio with Alex literally said to me,
I'm going to tell you something so you aren't hurt anymore.

Speaker 1 (59:23):
The last dude I dated was doing all the ship
for me.

Speaker 4 (59:25):
I couldn't understand why he was picking me up while
we were cudding, while we're going to these nice restaurants.
He was like, it's not you. This is how he
dates people, and this is how he does it alone.
He's laying up with you when he's done because he
wants to cuddle. He's having breakfast with you because he
wants company.

Speaker 5 (59:37):
I wasn't doing all that though. I was never. I
wasn't dating.

Speaker 2 (59:42):
I'm not just talking to them on the motorcycle, and
they liked me.

Speaker 5 (59:45):
I never. I never dated a lot of people for
though I ain't gonna lie.

Speaker 2 (59:49):
I just told one hundred and fifty buss that now dating,
I wasn't dating.

Speaker 6 (59:55):
I've had a few girlfriends in my life, like you know,
easily fit on one and other than that you.

Speaker 2 (01:00:02):
Have sex more than once.

Speaker 1 (01:00:03):
It's dating.

Speaker 6 (01:00:04):
Yep, He's like, I don't think so.

Speaker 3 (01:00:10):
Tell people where to find you. If you've got something
new pop give us.

Speaker 4 (01:00:15):
If you got any music a lot that I would
say speaks to the man that you've talked about today,
I think would be really dope, like just about whether
it be women treating him right, love bombing, or any
of like.

Speaker 1 (01:00:27):
This kind of stuff. I think it'd be really cool
to listen to it.

Speaker 6 (01:00:29):
I like just I would send people to my new album, Victor,
that's out now and you can find me at vict
Messa everywhere.

Speaker 4 (01:00:36):
Can't sign the Damns because he has a girlfriend unless
you guys, well you are their plans to open it.

Speaker 5 (01:00:42):
Up as as.

Speaker 2 (01:00:47):
He's like, no, Pindor's box.

Speaker 1 (01:00:49):
That's let's get all right, get him out of here.

Speaker 2 (01:00:50):
We have y'all.

Speaker 3 (01:00:52):
Make sure you guys get Victor. And I'm sorry I
always have to tell everyone here we go. One of
my favorite was the autobiography. That album is what introduced
me to you and was absolutely phenomenal and he talks
about home Records and a whole bunch of other cool
stuff on that album as well, So y'all make sure
you guys stream it, purchase it, do what you gotta do.
Follow him at vic mensa. And even though he has

(01:01:13):
a girlfriend, he's also really good to look at because
he came with a jacket today. He don't wear as
much clothes on his Instagram, So make sure you follow
him at vicpncer. And again, make sure you guys support
us by going over to our patreon that's patreon dot com,
back Slash Horrible Decisions, and we also on tour pus
us host. Most of it sold out on the East Coast,
y'all because y'all fuck with us, But go ahead and

(01:01:34):
get your tickets on the East Coast if there's any
left in your city, and if not, we will post
the flyer of when we are there in the cities.
And for people that cannot make it, they normally sell
their tickets off in the comments, so there's still is
a chance they already miss the international dates. Yespect us too.

Speaker 2 (01:01:49):
Yeah, we're on international tour anyways, guys.

Speaker 3 (01:01:52):
Thank y'all for tuning in to yet another episode of
Horrible Decisions.

Speaker 1 (01:01:56):
Bye Nice,

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}EP 344: Is Being Addicted To Love Dangerous? (Ft. Vic Mensa)